WEBVTT - REAR IN YOUR VIEW OF 2023! 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.760 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:06.520 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:07.560 past and present. 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:11.400 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:13.319 recorded on Drug Wallamata Land. 0:00:23.200 --> 0:00:25.320 Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:27.280 on card I am produce a key Shart. I hope 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:30.800 you've all had such an unreal Christmas. You've been able 0:00:30.840 --> 0:00:32.720 to spend some really special time with the people that 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:36.680 you love the most, and hopefully all things across, you've 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:38.920 gotten some time to reach out to those batteries and 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:40.680 have a bit of a relax. I know it's not 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:42.519 possible for a lot of people at this time of. 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:45.199 The year because it's seemingly the busiest time of the 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:48.920 year for everybody, but today's episode is my favorite of 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:51.600 the year. I absolutely love doing the Rearing your Views 0:00:51.640 --> 0:00:54.360 because it gives us the opportunity to go back and 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:57.160 listen to some of the best moments from the year. 0:00:57.280 --> 0:00:59.320 And for this one, Laura britt and I sat down 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:01.600 and we looked at every episode that we've created for 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:02.240 this year. 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:04.680 And to be honest, it was just for me. 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:07.360 I really I genuinely looked at the list and I 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:11.080 was like, Wow, how do we pull this up? Like 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:13.560 it was a real pinch me moment of how did 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:16.600 some of this come about? Like, Yeah, I truly cannot 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:18.800 believe some of the incredible people that we have been 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:22.039 able to share some moments with this year on the podcast. 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:24.240 So there's gonna be a lot of laughs, there's gonna 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:27.400 be some more insightful moments, perhaps some valuable lessons. 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:29.920 There's a couple of us gun cuts peppered into this 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:31.760 Rear in your View. And if you've looked at the 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:32.959 episode title and you're. 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:35.840 Like, that's a weird thing to call the last episode 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:38.520 of the year, what's that about? Lacks a bit of context. 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:40.720 I'll give you the context. It was back in twenty 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:41.200 twenty one. 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:42.039 I think it was. 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:44.440 Britt I'm not one hundred percent sure actually, but one 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:47.400 of the girls went to say year in Review, and 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:50.160 what accidentally came out was rear in your View. So 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:51.560 we had a bit of a laugh about it, and 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.000 we're rolling with it, and that is now forever on 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:56.840 what our last episode of the year where we highlight 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:57.880 the year will be called. 0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:00.240 I really really hope you enjoy one. 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:02.720 I'm looking at the list of people that we have 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:05.840 included some of the guests from this year's best moments, 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:07.440 or some of what we deem to be some of 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:08.400 our favorite moments. 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:09.520 Seems to be a. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.480 Bit of a British and Irish theme for a lot 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:13.960 of the guests. There's going to be quite a lot 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:16.600 of British accents in this rearing of view. 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:18.239 That wasn't deliberate. 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:20.720 It's just the way that things have worked out, and 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:22.640 I think some of the conversations that we had this 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:25.720 year have I don't know how you feel about it, 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:27.840 but for me, I definitely have felt like I have 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:30.800 learned so much about myself from the wonderful people that 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:32.960 have joined the podcast, and I hope you feel similarly 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:36.400 for each of these little segments of the episodes, if 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.440 you really enjoy it, or perhaps you missed it throughout 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:41.640 the year where you just missed the week or you 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:45.160 missed the conversation. In the show notes of the episode. 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:46.320 I will link every single one of. 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.000 The whole episodes for you to go back and listen 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:50.639 through if you would like. So, if you scroll down 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:52.760 into the show notes, each of the segments will be 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:56.320 hopefully quite clearly labeled and you can tap on that 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:57.320 and have a listen. 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:58.240 Throughout the summer period. 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:02.480 Our first guests for the year in review, Sorry the 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.720 Rearing of You of twenty twenty three is the phenomenal 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:08.920 Matthew Hussey. Now, Matthew would have to be I would 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:11.480 say he would be the number one dating coach in 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:13.680 the world. He's definitely what I would consider to be 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:15.280 the number one dating coach in the world. And I 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.240 think it's because his advice has always been very relatable 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:21.200 and it's been quite insightful, but not in a like 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.880 super introspective or you have to really get deep with someone. 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:29.200 It's been very actionable advice is what I think has 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:32.240 come out of Matthew Hussey. And this particular moment when 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:35.160 he joined Britain Laura, I thought was a moment where 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:37.440 I could see the inner workings of his brain. Like 0:03:37.560 --> 0:03:40.160 you've realized with some of your advice falls a bit short. 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:44.400 I'm always obsessed about the nuance of things, like when 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:47.240 is that true? When is it not true? For example, 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:50.160 when someone says, watch you know this is good advice. 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:55.080 Right when you're dating someone, watch what they do, not 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:59.080 what they say. That's good advice that will save you 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.960 from a lot of bad situations in life. If someone 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:04.920 keeps telling you they love you, I care so much 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.840 about you. I always want the best for you. But 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:12.920 everything they do is damaging to you, and they're inconsistent, 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:16.760 and they treat you poorly, and they disrespect you, and 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:20.520 they cheat on you, they lie, well, their words really 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:22.839 cease to matter at that point. Their behavior is telling 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:25.800 you everything you need to know about the person. But 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:29.320 what would happen with me is I because I've worked 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:33.200 with so many people now over fifteen years, I would 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:35.920 always hear something that would stop me in my tracks 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:38.320 and make me go, oh, hang on, I feel like 0:04:38.360 --> 0:04:39.920 I need to go back to the drawing board on this. 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.520 And an example for that piece of advice, which is 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:47.160 good advice, is when someone would say to me, but Matt, 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:52.280 I'm with this person and they literally treat me like 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:56.400 I'm their girlfriend. They take me to meet their family, 0:04:56.720 --> 0:04:59.800 like we've gone on these amazing trips together. He's big 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:02.839 these gestures, and he spends all this time with me, 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:05.560 We speak for hours on the phone, and yet he 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:09.120 tells me he just doesn't know if he wants a relationship. 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:13.400 And so many people have experienced that. 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:17.200 Yeah, So if you apply watch what they do, not 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:19.520 what they say to that scenario, you're going to get 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.400 yourself in a lot of trouble because what they're doing 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.880 is showing you all the right things through their behavior, 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:29.800 but what they're telling you is that they don't want 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:33.120 a relationship. Well, that to me is nuance. You add 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:36.560 a layer of complexity there where you say, oh, well, actually, 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:40.400 what appears to be true empirically is that you should 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:42.359 follow the rule of watch what they do, not what 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:49.599 they say, unless what they say to you is inconvenient 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:53.479 for them to say and wouldn't help them in any way. So, 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:57.120 if I'm a guy and I want to continue to 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:01.240 have this intimacy and this connection and regular sex and 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:03.560 all of the things that come from doing that with 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:07.480 a person, I don't want to tell you I don't 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:10.920 want a relationship because it might hurt what I'm getting. 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:15.240 You might decide, Oh, if that's true, then I'm out. 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:20.120 So I'm risking the things that I'm enjoying by admitting this. 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.159 And if you imagine, for a guy like that, he 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:25.560 feels like he has to say it, or he should 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:28.640 say it, or he wants to to keep your arm's length, 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:32.360 but it doesn't help his cause. And if something doesn't 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:34.760 help someone's cause, but they say it anyway, you can 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:38.000 believe that thing. Then it's almost like the rule inverts, 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:40.839 because now it's like the small print at the end 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:44.880 of a pharmaceutical ad. A pharmaceutical ad is this whole 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:48.280 commercial where the whole time they're like showing people bouncing 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:51.479 in a field who you know, were struggling with back problems, 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:54.200 but now they're having a great time, and look how 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:56.599 great their relationship is, and look how great life is. 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:59.599 And it's changed their life taking this backpill or whatever 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.280 it is. And then at the end of the commercial, 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:06.200 very very quickly, it races through the fact that this 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:09.159 pill is going to make you suicidal. You might vomit, 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:12.440 you might have diarrhea, you might it might ruin your 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:13.360 light like it. 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:19.560 Might die, but you could be run around in a field. 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:23.280 And here's the thing. Those are the things that they 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:25.920 have to say. They wouldn't say it if they had 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:29.440 a choice, but they have to say those things. So 0:07:29.760 --> 0:07:32.760 you don't necessarily know if any of the nonsense marketing 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:35.640 was true, but you know the other things are true 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:38.560 because they wouldn't say them unless they had to. So 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:41.960 when someone's telling you something that doesn't help them to 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:45.640 tell you, that's usually the part that's true, even if 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:47.640 their actions are giving you lots of hope. 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:51.600 Next hap in our Year in Review is arguably the 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:54.400 funniest person I have ever gotten to meet. And I 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:57.560 don't say that dramatically, truly, when we met Joanne McNally, 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:00.480 she's the Irish comedian that also has the pot my 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.320 therapist ghosted me the day that we met her, she 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:05.840 came into the studio, we recorded the episode with her, 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.280 and then later that night we went to her comedy 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.080 show at the Nmore Theater in Sydney. And when I 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:14.120 got home and for the entire next day, the lower 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:17.240 parts of my jaw felt like they had gone to 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:20.320 the gym for a workout, like I had doms from 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:23.960 laughing so hard at Joanne. You know those people you 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:28.320 think they're so hilarious, It must be just that funny 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:30.760 when they're in character or they're doing their comedy bit. 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:33.880 Joan's not like that. She is truly the funniest person 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:36.439 I've ever spoken to. It just in her regular conversation. 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.559 She's just a laugh and a half and I particularly 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:42.319 loved this story that she told them the podcast. 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:44.920 The podcast I Do, I do a podcast with Vog Williams, 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:50.440 and Vogue is like femininity personified, like just very together. 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:53.760 Everything's like color coordinator, who she fails, her echoes well, 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:54.640 her hates keeper. 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:55.040 Doors shit like that. 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:55.840 She's perfect. 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:58.360 She is perfection and she looks like Sandy Crawford and 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:00.520 she's three kids and not a single stitch, very proud 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:02.160 of that, and like when we get drunk together, she's 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:04.280 I'm like, I can't watch your birth videos again, Vogue, 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.480 And she was showing me the birth videos and the 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:10.000 child just like slips out like share like it's coming 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.080 out through the ground, like you know when somebody comes 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:13.559 out through the ground of. 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:16.200 A theot they made fully clothed, teething. 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:19.360 And everything like yeah, yeah, yeah, the guccy track suits 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:22.000 and stuff. But so that was kind of the basis 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:23.440 of the podcast because I was the opposite of that. 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.760 But anyway, Vogue, like what we were saying earlier, like 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:27.920 trying to get content for the pod, Vogue was like, 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:30.920 come in, come in, because she was having some postnatal 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:32.800 She wasn't actually having a post natal issue, but she 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:35.679 was doing some Vogue would collab with fucking hand grenades, 0:09:35.760 --> 0:09:37.520 like she's big for the collabs. So she was like, 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.120 I'm going, I'm doing a collab with a kegel chair. 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:42.920 And I was like, what, She's like a kegel chair 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.199 and I thought it was some like ring light thing, 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:44.600 but it's not. 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:45.080 It's fair. 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.520 You know, if you've got kids, how's your pelvic floor? 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:49.160 Oh look, it's not as good as it used to be. 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:52.440 Box jumps particularly bad. But you're doing box jumps means 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:55.360 you're at a sloor anymore for that reason. 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:57.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've used to keep chair, have you, Yeah, 0:09:57.880 --> 0:09:58.360 just for fun. 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:01.120 Yeah, I watched your try. I'd say if you turned 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:02.559 it on right, you get great crack out of it. 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:05.400 It is supposed to also help with your orgasms. 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:08.839 Well no, I didn't came on the chair, thank god, 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:10.839 it would be reading embrassing. But anyway, so folks like, 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:12.560 come in, I'm doing this club with this kegel chair, 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:14.920 and it just kind of bauses your vagina back after 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:16.320 you've had a kid by the ski because you're pelvic 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:18.599 floor kind of collapses or whatever. And I didn't even know. 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:20.600 I don't, like, I'm not aware. I have no kids 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:24.040 and I went in a first seat. I shaved, waxed 0:10:24.200 --> 0:10:26.680 and was came in like with alopecia from the eyebris 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:29.360 down because I assumed that we were getting bussed like 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:33.560 internally folks get comment sit on the bage chair because 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:34.920 it'll be good for the podcast. And I was like, 0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:37.120 I think you sounding it like a pogo ste I 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:38.760 thought it would be like a cattle prod and put 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:40.040 it in like bosi back. 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:41.160 So this is what I did. 0:10:41.240 --> 0:10:44.080 We went to Bali and I had that done internally 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:47.200 in Bali. That's a holiday. I went to a day spot. 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:50.559 I kind of enjoyed it, but anyway, I imagine you're getting. 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:52.920 Your lobby a gently massage by electrical brad. What's not 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:53.200 to like? 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:54.079 It was relaxing. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:54.720 I can't. 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:56.719 I'm I have a very I don't know what you say, 0:10:56.760 --> 0:11:00.079 low level or high level of erotticism, like I I 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.000 can't even getting a head massage in the in the 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:04.360 hair draskers embarrasses me. Do you know when they go 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:07.160 real slow and you're like this is this you get 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:10.440 turned on? No, it just makes me really embarrassed. I'm like, 0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:12.760 how do you not think this is erratic? I going 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:16.400 to the Headdres said to get that hit. It's so barsya, 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:19.120 some fourteen year old girl massage in her head. 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:22.400 You're like, oh my god, keep going with you chip. 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:23.640 So anyway, I. 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.280 Go in and as like I say, I waxed everything 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:27.040 I was prepared to have. 0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:28.120 I thought ID be in a gown. 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:31.120 But anyway, go in and Vogue sitting there head to 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:33.600 toe and white on this chair. She looks like Mariah Carey, 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:35.439 like there's like a wind machine in the back of 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.760 her hair and she's just sitting there going and I 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:40.520 was like, oh, you're fully clothed. So it was totally 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:41.920 different to what I thought it was. It was just 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:43.320 sitting like a chair like this, but it's a huge 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:47.160 olkin like buzzas anyway, folks like, well, I'm getting buzzed. 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:50.040 You do the pelvic floor test. So I sat Maria 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:52.920 was that she's a post nital physiotherapist. She's like sitting 0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:55.400 the thing so that in the thing and so it gauges. 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:57.839 You're a pelvic floor like a heartbeat, so like you 0:11:58.000 --> 0:11:59.440 clench and it like goes. 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:00.360 Up and down. 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:02.600 And so I was on the sea thing she was 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.160 like and clenched, and so I was clenching and she's like, 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:08.240 I said clenched and I was like, yeah, clenching and 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:10.480 she you could see her like the flat lined, completely 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:13.000 flat lined, no response at all. So then she was 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:14.760 like seeing what the thing clugged in. She was like, 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.040 oh wow, you have no public work. And she said 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:20.240 to me, when did you give birth? When did you 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.840 give birth? Allow, I've never given birth, I said, my 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:25.439 vagina is very much at the taking phase. She hasn't 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:29.319 pushed anything out, and she's like you, So then I 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:32.440 am now patient in a post natal physios herapist clinic, 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:35.040 and Vogue bounced out fact after three kids she never 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:36.880 went back and they were like, there's an issue here. 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.960 Turns out I'm misaligned and my pelvis is on the 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:41.760 ground or my usual as up in my eyeballs, I 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:43.520 don't know. Anyway, then I had I had to have 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:46.000 a post natal physio herapist. I never had a child. 0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:48.640 This is the original story. 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:49.800 Is going to say it because I used to whip 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:51.440 myself when I laughed as a child. But I think 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:56.040 it's all connected. Yes, absolutely, yeah, But if you're having 0:12:56.040 --> 0:12:58.320 some sort of like uterus prolapse, you don't even know. 0:12:58.360 --> 0:12:59.720 You're like, what is that ball. I do not even 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:01.000 have a I never lapsed. 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:04.440 How do how does that translate in the bedroom? Like 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:06.480 sex wives, do you have those moments where they're like 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:06.959 I'm coming. 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.240 You're like, what it's in now? 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:11.400 Just the wall still bring god? 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.160 Well, I don't know she flatlined on the key, or 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:16.719 it would be more that they'd be like, is it 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:17.360 it not me? 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:19.199 I'd be like I can feel that. Yeah, that's good. 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:20.360 They're like, I don't know. 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:24.760 Yes, they want to put those, you know, in a 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:26.640 bowling alley when you're ship of bowling. They put those 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:28.640 inflatable things on the sides. They were like, to have 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:30.640 any of them for your insights because I can't feel 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:34.200 the pane here. It's not about size, it's about grip. 0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:36.200 So anyway, so now I have to do key. And 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.040 then I spoke about it before because obviously I just 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:40.080 kind of thought was funny. 0:13:40.440 --> 0:13:47.960 And then these women were mastering going so brave. I 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:49.760 was like, shit, I just thought it was a funny story. 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:50.880 Didn't realize like a peal. 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:53.559 Of becaushes, there's nothing more patronizing there when people tell 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:55.800 you how brave a just for like showing up, in 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.559 for being you showing up in the world existing and 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.160 people like you're so brave that you're so brave. 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:03.080 You're like, I'm just wearing a fucking bikini. The beach 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:04.920 bag fringe is brave. You know. 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:06.720 When you turn out with no makeup on. That's what 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:07.120 gets me. 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:08.679 When you decide to go I'm gonna make up free, 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:11.960 I'm feeling myself and people like so brave pray for you, 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.520 and you're like, oh. 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:16.120 Like okanack, it just kind of doesn't mean outing anymore. 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:18.880 Oh. Joanne just has me laughing so much that I 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:20.720 feel like I would have abs if I listened to 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:23.160 her for hours a day. But she also mentioned in 0:14:23.160 --> 0:14:26.520 there that she hosts the podcast with Vogue Williams. Now Vogue, 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.080 I'm really sorry but Vague didn't make the rear in 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:31.000 Your View for twenty twenty three, but I did love 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.200 that episode with her. I will link it in the 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:35.400 show notes because we're also lucky enough to have Vogue 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:38.080 on the podcast this year, and that was truly another laugh. 0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:39.960 We kind of got to know the inner workings of 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:43.640 their friendship, how they started the podcast, and how Vogue 0:14:43.760 --> 0:14:46.680 goes about working with her husband, Spencer, who you might 0:14:46.720 --> 0:14:49.840 know from Maiden Chelsea. Coming up next in the rear 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:51.400 in your View, I keep from going to say a 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:54.160 year in review. Let's just use them interchangeably for the 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.720 rest of this episode is Sarah Wilson. 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:57.880 Sarah Wilson is. 0:14:57.800 --> 0:15:01.600 Originally known for different things. She was a journalist, she 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.560 also did a lot of TV stuff in Australia, and 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:09.520 she's really known for her eye quit sugar movement. Growing up, 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.880 I thought that the eye quit sugar thing was a 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:14.240 kind of along the lines of like a diet book. 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:17.080 I thought it was really about weight loss. But it 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:18.880 was in this conversation that we had with Sarah that 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.320 I learned that she actually got into the reducing sugar 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:25.960 intake movement because she has Hashimoto's disease, which is an 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:29.840 autoimmune condition, and so the sugar in her diet was 0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:33.360 quite inflammatory for her body. And that's kind of how 0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:35.800 it all came about. And Sarah was just such an 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:39.440 interesting person to speak to. There were so many different 0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:41.640 parts that we could have pulled from this episode to 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:44.840 be the highlight couple of minutes. You know, Sarah is 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.480 the type of person who worked out how much money 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:49.600 she would need for the rest of her life, kind 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.080 of stored it away and gave every other bit of 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:55.640 her wealth to charity, which is just phenomenal. She travels 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.120 the world, She's got like two suitcases of belonging. She's 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:00.680 just a really interesting person. Lives quite a p noumadic 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:03.880 style of life. But in this part of the chat, 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.200 we were talking to Sarah about why she dates younger 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.240 men or what she kind of sees the value in 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:10.440 younger men and why. 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:11.840 I've read something. 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:13.840 About you in the Sidney Morning Herald and it was 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:17.240 very intriguing to me. Now, it's intriguing because my partner's 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.680 five years younger than me. My ex is seven years 0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:25.960 younger than me. I date down, Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Typically, yeah, 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:27.840 I date down in age range. I don't know if 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:30.120 it was always intentional, that just sort of fulfilled that way. 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:33.240 But you have said that you sort of lean towards 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.280 dating down, which is funny because they're the people that 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:38.960 don't show up as well. The men are probably not 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.760 emotionally mature enough, yet they're the men you seem to 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:44.520 be leaning to. Why is that is that because you 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:47.040 have trouble finding somebody that is willing to meet you 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:48.720 on your level, that is your age. 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.640 Well, what I would say is, in fact, men my 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:56.480 age are worse than the younger ones. They're actually more scared. 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:59.120 So they've picked up the behaviors of the younger generation 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:01.160 from the dating app and we've all done it right. 0:17:01.200 --> 0:17:03.120 Women are doing it as well. It's also it's the 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:06.840 vibe and the technology actually enables it. But I find 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:11.480 that men my age are even more confused, more scared 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:14.880 than men in their thirties. My father has a good 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:17.560 theory on this. He reckons that you know, when guys 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:20.280 have got testosterone in their system right, gives them this 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:24.159 bravado and you know, over the years it also starts 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:26.960 to dial down and they lose their mojo. And also 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:30.320 older men have had more knockbacks, they don't have as 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.240 much confidence, whereas the young guys they've just got that 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:35.600 sort of that rawness you know, where they'll give it 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:38.600 a go. The other thing, I mean, I'm really going 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:41.520 into the weeds here. The other thing is is that 0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:45.320 I think younger guys who are not wanting to commit, 0:17:45.840 --> 0:17:48.679 they're faced with a generation of women who are getting 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:51.520 married younger. Like my generation, we didn't get married. My 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.960 friends did not get married. You know, I'm sort of 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.639 a child. I was in my early twenties in the 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:00.760 early nineties, and that was full austerity. There wasn't a 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:02.760 lot of money, there was a recession. It was all 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:07.240 about feminism. It was the grunge period. We didn't wear makeup, 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:10.720 we wore secondhand clothes, we didn't wear bras, we wore 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:11.480 flat shoes. 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:13.240 It was all that kind of thing. Right. 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.640 What that's sort of done is created a certain sort 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:21.159 of mindset. What's happening now I find is with the 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:21.960 younger guys. 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:23.560 The younger guys they had. 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:26.080 Mothers like me. Right, I date guys who have mothers 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:30.040 the same age as now, and literally so they've been 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:32.959 brought up by feminists and feminist teachers, and then they 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:35.720 get to their sort of late twenties in early thirties, 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:38.400 and the women are a different type of women. They're 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:40.720 wanting to get married, like you know, that's actually been 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:41.960 shown statistically. 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:42.959 They're getting married. 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:45.960 And you know, we've had a period of incredible opulence 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.560 in Australia in the West, right, And so that creates 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:52.840 a very different dynamic with women. Women's rights and body 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:56.679 shape and role in society shifts with the economics of 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:57.040 the time. 0:18:57.359 --> 0:18:58.520 And you'll see over. 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:01.760 Here in Europe where they're actually going through the beginnings 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.280 of a recession. You know, the cost of living crisis 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:08.440 is really affecting. And fashion has changed women addressing differently, 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:10.199 and that's happened throughout histor If you think of the 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:14.760 flapper era in the nineteen twenties and thirties, War and 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:18.119 the Depression, women's bodies were straight up and down, women 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:21.560 were in the workforce, You had the Suffragette movement, women 0:19:21.600 --> 0:19:23.800 got the vote, Women are out there getting all these 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:25.760 kinds of rights anyway, So there's a bit of a 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:28.399 background there. So yeah, I find that men who are 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:30.159 not wanting to get married, they're wanting to focus on 0:19:30.200 --> 0:19:33.800 their career. They're quite creative and ambitious and all that 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:36.560 kind of thing. They're going, well, who do I date? 0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:38.960 Older women fit the bill because we're not going to 0:19:39.000 --> 0:19:41.119 demand anything of them. We're literally going to be in 0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:44.240 the present, having a great time, not wanting to ring 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:46.720 on our finger, and not wanting to get pregnant anytime soon. 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:52.160 So I think I actually find more engagement, genuine engagement, 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:54.960 like old school engagement where they're actually interested in me 0:19:55.480 --> 0:19:58.639 as a person. Among the younger men which is great, 0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:02.080 you know when they turn. 0:20:01.240 --> 0:20:02.600 That's exactly right, Sarah. 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:04.919 Something you wrote about in one of your recent newsletters 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:07.000 kind of to do with this topic. It was titled 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:10.480 I'm a spinster, I spin well, And in that piece 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:12.680 you wrote it something that really intrigued me, and you 0:20:12.760 --> 0:20:15.680 basically said that the term spinster and I guess we 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:18.280 could use cougar, like there are all of these terms 0:20:18.280 --> 0:20:20.639 for women who date younger men and who are open 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.520 about their dating life and that it's exciting and that 0:20:23.600 --> 0:20:27.360 they're passionate lovers and things like that. It's not equivalent 0:20:27.400 --> 0:20:30.280 to the term bachelor. You know, we seem to kind 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:33.280 of have this view of the way that we use 0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:36.520 the word spinster that is negatively geared. 0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:37.520 Have you experienced that. 0:20:38.560 --> 0:20:39.600 Yes, and no. 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:42.400 I think it's more that women take that on ourselves. 0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:43.480 We perceive it. 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:46.359 And I've got a real mindset that I've had for 0:20:46.359 --> 0:20:47.680 a very long time where the. 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:49.080 Mind goes, the energy flows. 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:51.439 So if you focus on that for yourself, that's what 0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:54.440 you'll get back from everyone. You'll get that perception back. 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:58.280 So in many ways I've operated almost oblivious to the 0:20:58.320 --> 0:21:00.840 fact that I'm meant to get marriedorried and I'm meant 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:02.960 to be doing all of these things, and I've just 0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:04.560 got on with things and every now and then I go, 0:21:04.640 --> 0:21:06.639 oh god, yeah, that's right. I missed that memo. 0:21:06.840 --> 0:21:07.040 You know. 0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:10.560 So the spinster thing is interesting, though, isn't it, Because 0:21:10.920 --> 0:21:13.919 this term started out along I think it was in 0:21:13.960 --> 0:21:17.920 the sixteen hundreds to describe women who were really good 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:20.520 at spinning, and because they could spin, it meant that 0:21:20.520 --> 0:21:22.800 they actually had a skill set that was valuable and 0:21:22.800 --> 0:21:24.560 they had their own income. 0:21:24.880 --> 0:21:26.720 What do you mean by spinning? Is that like a 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:27.840 material thing. 0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:29.680 Spinning wool thread? Wait? 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:30.640 Talking a long time ago. 0:21:31.000 --> 0:21:33.080 Yeah, I just pictured people who were really good on 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:35.919 the dance floor, like sitting around and I was like, okay, 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:38.840 he's just young enough, Sarah. 0:21:38.320 --> 0:21:41.840 So see that jumper you're wearing back in the older way. 0:21:43.320 --> 0:21:46.160 So yeah, see women who could spin thread, right, whether 0:21:46.200 --> 0:21:47.120 it was silk. 0:21:46.800 --> 0:21:48.879 Cool wool, it was a spinning wheel. 0:21:48.960 --> 0:21:50.679 Anyone who was really good at spinning, it meant you 0:21:50.720 --> 0:21:53.639 had your own income, right, You were financially independent, so 0:21:53.720 --> 0:21:56.240 you could come into a dynamic, you know, with something 0:21:56.240 --> 0:21:58.960 to offer, and that was seen as a really good thing. 0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:01.600 So these women that went often had careers, so to 0:22:01.640 --> 0:22:05.760 speak sygnemata spinning wheel. We're seen as a desirable entity. 0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:10.120 So you were considered a spinster. Unfortunately, now obviously that's 0:22:10.119 --> 0:22:14.119 taken on a derogative connotation. But yeah, I think the 0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:17.359 world is shifting. We are in an incredible time of 0:22:17.400 --> 0:22:21.040 flux for all kinds of things, including gender roles, including 0:22:21.480 --> 0:22:23.560 like look what AI is doing to I mean, I'm 0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:26.920 sure many of your listeners think about this, like we're 0:22:26.960 --> 0:22:29.119 hearing about it. How's it going to affect all of 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:33.520 our jobs? Everything's up for grabs, and so we are 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:36.200 in a great dynamic time to redefine all of these 0:22:36.200 --> 0:22:39.280 things for ourselves. And in fact, I like the idea 0:22:39.280 --> 0:22:41.879 of slippy, Like while everyone's been distracted by all of 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:46.320 these rules and ideas and fears, I basically just kind 0:22:46.320 --> 0:22:48.280 of put on my backpack and piss on off to 0:22:48.359 --> 0:22:49.840 Paris or whatever and get on. 0:22:49.760 --> 0:22:51.000 With my own thing, you know. 0:22:51.240 --> 0:22:54.959 Like it's a really good time to not be stuck 0:22:55.080 --> 0:22:58.399 in those roles, these stereotypes and constricted laneways. 0:23:00.480 --> 0:23:02.760 Now, this next part of our rear in your view 0:23:03.160 --> 0:23:06.119 is from a conversation that Laura and Britt had with 0:23:06.200 --> 0:23:08.600 Hugh Van Kyleenberg. Now hu Van Kyleenberg is the man 0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:11.159 from the Resilience Project. He also is one of the 0:23:11.160 --> 0:23:13.879 co hosts of The Imperfect podcast, and a part of 0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:17.600 their podcast is that they have these things called vulnerability cards, 0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:21.359 and the cards you used to inspire somewhat deep conversation, 0:23:21.480 --> 0:23:24.800 you know, parts where we share about ourselves that perhaps 0:23:24.880 --> 0:23:27.960 we haven't shared before. And this particular question that he 0:23:28.040 --> 0:23:31.000 posed to Laura, I think it really struck a chord 0:23:31.040 --> 0:23:32.879 with so many people because I think it's something that 0:23:32.920 --> 0:23:35.919 so many of us can relate to, almost not in 0:23:35.960 --> 0:23:38.840 a good way. It's something that we feel deep within ourselves, 0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:42.000 but perhaps we weren't brave enough to say it out loud. 0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:44.639 Okay, here's one for you, Laura. Ch I. This is 0:23:44.720 --> 0:23:46.639 again there's a full on question to answer, So I 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:50.080 hope you don't mind. Even what are you ashamed of? 0:23:51.440 --> 0:23:52.320 It's a light one to finish. 0:23:52.960 --> 0:23:54.840 I had to look through some of these questions, so 0:23:54.920 --> 0:23:56.960 I had to look through some of the options. So 0:23:57.000 --> 0:23:59.200 I've had time to kind of process this and think 0:23:59.200 --> 0:24:01.760 about what I would say and really feel that shame. Yeah, 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:06.000 and really sit in my shame. No, Look, this will 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:09.960 probably make me cry, but there's something that I so 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:11.160 my grandfather passed away. 0:24:11.680 --> 0:24:14.240 You are you can't ready about your grand I honestly. 0:24:13.920 --> 0:24:16.800 Can't really struggle with it. Yeah, So a couple of 0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:19.280 years ago, my papa passed away. And my papa was 0:24:19.400 --> 0:24:22.640 very much my father figure all throughout my life, and 0:24:23.359 --> 0:24:25.600 he and my grandma had been married for you know, 0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:30.320 sixty something years. And my nana has very bad dementia. 0:24:30.400 --> 0:24:34.240 She was put into a home shortly afterwards. And I think, 0:24:34.320 --> 0:24:36.439 like for me, we'd go down and see them. They 0:24:36.440 --> 0:24:38.239 live in Woollongong. We'd see them all the time. We 0:24:38.240 --> 0:24:43.040 were really in contact and really a part of their life. 0:24:43.080 --> 0:24:45.359 That as my NaN's dementia has gotten worse and worse 0:24:45.840 --> 0:24:49.240 and I've had kids and COVID happened, I found that 0:24:49.280 --> 0:24:51.800 I'd go down and see her less and less. And 0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:53.399 I think for a really long time, I said of 0:24:53.440 --> 0:24:56.439 said to myself, she has dementia. She doesn't remember me 0:24:56.480 --> 0:25:00.479 coming anyway, she doesn't remember when I visited. And I 0:25:00.560 --> 0:25:03.480 was watching You Can't Ask That, that show that's on 0:25:03.560 --> 0:25:07.359 Tvaby and they did an amazing episode on dementia, and 0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:09.119 there was one thing that one of the women. They 0:25:09.160 --> 0:25:11.960 interviewed all these people at different stages of dementia, and 0:25:12.000 --> 0:25:15.679 she said, you know, it doesn't matter how advanced it is, 0:25:16.000 --> 0:25:18.359 you still have these moments of clarity. You still have 0:25:18.480 --> 0:25:21.600 these moments where you might remember your old life or 0:25:21.640 --> 0:25:24.399 you might remember. And I for me, it was this 0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:26.720 real moment where I was like, wow, you know, I 0:25:26.760 --> 0:25:29.600 think sometimes with the elderly, we can kind of go oh, 0:25:29.800 --> 0:25:33.160 they don't remember, or like it's easier, it's out of sight, 0:25:33.200 --> 0:25:33.680 out of mind. 0:25:33.720 --> 0:25:34.520 I'm too busy. 0:25:34.640 --> 0:25:36.600 And it's not that I don't see my nan as much, 0:25:36.640 --> 0:25:38.199 like it's not they don't see her at all. I 0:25:38.320 --> 0:25:40.600 just don't see her anywhere near as much. And then 0:25:40.600 --> 0:25:43.200 I think like, wow, I've just wasted three years where 0:25:43.440 --> 0:25:45.760 I needed to put in more effort and that I 0:25:45.800 --> 0:25:46.880 feel really. 0:25:46.600 --> 0:25:49.040 As shaped of Yeah, but how beautiful that you've had 0:25:49.040 --> 0:25:50.480 that realization now before. 0:25:50.240 --> 0:25:50.760 It's too late. 0:25:50.840 --> 0:25:53.320 Yeah, And it's not too late, that totally and now. 0:25:53.400 --> 0:25:54.960 And that was a huge toning point for me. I 0:25:55.040 --> 0:25:57.160 call her all the time, I take the girls down 0:25:57.160 --> 0:26:00.159 as much as I can, and she doesn't remember. But 0:26:00.200 --> 0:26:02.439 the thing that I've realized is that my girls, you know, 0:26:02.560 --> 0:26:05.520 Marley now gets to see her great grandma. She knows 0:26:05.560 --> 0:26:08.720 who her great Grandma is and that's really special, beautiful. 0:26:08.960 --> 0:26:10.800 Yeah, thank you for sharing that. 0:26:12.440 --> 0:26:15.200 Yeah, I really really loved that part. From that episode, 0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:18.320 I felt like, I don't know about you, but I 0:26:18.400 --> 0:26:22.879 definitely had the reminder to spend more time with the 0:26:22.880 --> 0:26:26.280 people who are truly, truly important in my life coming 0:26:26.359 --> 0:26:29.119 up next in our rear in your view. It is 0:26:29.200 --> 0:26:31.800 no secret to say that this is my favorite person. 0:26:31.920 --> 0:26:34.359 This is my celebrity crush. It is also the person 0:26:34.400 --> 0:26:36.160 that I was like at the start of the year. 0:26:36.760 --> 0:26:39.240 If we could manage to get him on the podcast, 0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:43.120 life goal would be ticked off. It is Stephen Bartlett 0:26:43.119 --> 0:26:46.560 from the Diary of a CEO. He's also a prolific businessman. 0:26:46.920 --> 0:26:48.720 He's so young to have. 0:26:48.640 --> 0:26:51.280 This much knowledge and also this much wealth, like he's 0:26:51.280 --> 0:26:53.960 done really really well for himself. And the reason that 0:26:54.000 --> 0:26:56.360 I love Stephen Bartlett so deeply is because I feel 0:26:56.400 --> 0:26:58.600 like I have learnt so much from his podcast and 0:26:58.640 --> 0:27:00.960 from what he has to say. Find him a very 0:27:00.960 --> 0:27:05.200 insightful person. And so when we reached out to basically 0:27:05.280 --> 0:27:07.000 to Stephen's team, I would say, because there's a lot 0:27:07.000 --> 0:27:10.639 of them, I wasn't expecting a yes in reply. I 0:27:10.720 --> 0:27:14.400 was actually not really expecting the reply whatsoever. So when 0:27:14.400 --> 0:27:16.400 it came back that Stephen was really keen to join 0:27:16.480 --> 0:27:20.760 us on the podcast, I was beyond surprised, and not 0:27:20.840 --> 0:27:24.320 just because he's such a huge person in the podcasting world. 0:27:24.359 --> 0:27:26.840 It's also because he doesn't really do very many podcasts. 0:27:26.880 --> 0:27:27.359 He doesn't. 0:27:27.480 --> 0:27:29.679 I mean, he obviously has his own podcast where he 0:27:29.720 --> 0:27:33.000 interviews people, but he doesn't go on very many podcasts 0:27:33.040 --> 0:27:35.520 at all. So this was like a double surprise and 0:27:35.560 --> 0:27:39.200 I was so thrilled. We ended up recording this podcast 0:27:39.359 --> 0:27:41.119 at I think it was like eleven PM at night. 0:27:41.119 --> 0:27:43.040 It might have even been later, but frankly, it would 0:27:43.160 --> 0:27:45.399 not have mattered at what time of the night I 0:27:45.400 --> 0:27:48.000 would have gotten up to chat to Stephen Bartlett, and 0:27:48.040 --> 0:27:50.560 he was even better in person than what I could 0:27:50.560 --> 0:27:53.639 have imagined. In your book you wrote, and I'm quoting 0:27:53.680 --> 0:27:57.760 this in business, sports, and academia, and individual's personal philosophies 0:27:57.800 --> 0:28:01.040 are the single biggest predictors of how they behave now 0:28:01.080 --> 0:28:04.080 and in the future. If you know someone's philosophy or beliefs, 0:28:04.080 --> 0:28:07.320 so you can accurately forecast how they'll behave in any situation. 0:28:08.600 --> 0:28:11.120 From this, I'm really interested in what some of your 0:28:11.160 --> 0:28:13.879 philosophies are and like how in the business world you 0:28:14.000 --> 0:28:18.560 have created values that have led to consistent behavior within yourself. 0:28:19.359 --> 0:28:22.480 I mean, I've got so many important personal philosophies. I 0:28:22.520 --> 0:28:25.960 would say that the most important one, as I believe 0:28:26.000 --> 0:28:31.479 it now, is to sweat the small stuff. I genuinely believe, like, 0:28:31.520 --> 0:28:33.440 if people think the podcast that we've done is big 0:28:33.680 --> 0:28:36.040 this month, I think we'll do about thirty five million downloads. 0:28:36.119 --> 0:28:38.480 Not perform a good podcast host. And I said this 0:28:38.520 --> 0:28:40.520 on LinkedIn the other day, it's not because we have 0:28:40.560 --> 0:28:43.280 the most talented team in the world. Because when Jack joined, 0:28:43.320 --> 0:28:45.160 he was the first employee. He'd never done this before. 0:28:45.200 --> 0:28:47.600 He was a freelance felance of that recorded stuff. But 0:28:47.600 --> 0:28:50.280 he wasn't it never made a show before. The thing 0:28:50.680 --> 0:28:53.280 is and the thing where I go, that's our big 0:28:53.360 --> 0:28:56.440 philosophical advantage of everybody. And this is the same in 0:28:56.480 --> 0:28:58.920 my businesses or anything that I get involved in, is 0:28:59.080 --> 0:29:02.440 we absolutely care more about the small stuff than everybody else. 0:29:03.160 --> 0:29:05.840 And that's an interesting right, So, like, that's an interesting 0:29:05.840 --> 0:29:08.239 thing because you go, like the table I'm sad at 0:29:08.320 --> 0:29:11.000 narrow is the table I record the podcast act underneath 0:29:11.000 --> 0:29:14.040 this table which you can't see. There's a track pad, 0:29:14.120 --> 0:29:16.520 an Apple track pad glued to the underside of the table. 0:29:16.800 --> 0:29:18.360 And when I'm doing the podcast, if the guess there 0:29:18.400 --> 0:29:20.840 is something interesting, I just click it. You can't even 0:29:20.880 --> 0:29:23.400 see my hands. I click it with my fingerpun using 0:29:23.440 --> 0:29:25.880 AI to my team, and that becomes one of the 0:29:25.920 --> 0:29:28.840 titles and thumbnails. We take ninety of those titles and 0:29:28.840 --> 0:29:31.360 thumbs nails, so ninety clicks that I did under the table. 0:29:31.560 --> 0:29:33.680 We run them as ads on Facebook before the episode 0:29:33.680 --> 0:29:35.880 comes out for seven days to find out which title 0:29:35.920 --> 0:29:37.960 and topic is the most important to lead. I could 0:29:38.000 --> 0:29:41.200 tell you a million things we do. They are tiny things, 0:29:41.840 --> 0:29:45.000 small small things, the temperature of the room, knowing that 0:29:45.000 --> 0:29:47.600 when Israel Ada Sana got here, the song double Up 0:29:47.600 --> 0:29:49.720 by Nipsey Hustle is the song that makes him emotional 0:29:49.760 --> 0:29:51.840 and makes him open up. I could tell you a 0:29:51.880 --> 0:29:54.240 million of these tiny things that we do, and it's 0:29:54.320 --> 0:29:56.760 all of these little things that have added up but 0:29:56.840 --> 0:29:58.440 no one sees. So people look in and when they 0:29:58.440 --> 0:30:00.600 do their sort of dissection of dire of a Sea, 0:30:00.640 --> 0:30:02.600 and I watch these on TikTok, They're like, he's a 0:30:02.600 --> 0:30:04.480 good host. The trailers are great. I'm like, no, no, no, 0:30:04.480 --> 0:30:07.920 no, no no. It's all the stuff you can't see. And 0:30:07.960 --> 0:30:09.280 that's and I can see it in the graph. I 0:30:09.280 --> 0:30:11.680 can see the graph is changing because of these small tweaks. 0:30:11.760 --> 0:30:15.080 So my personal philosophy asn't related to success is I'm 0:30:15.120 --> 0:30:17.720 absolutely obsessed with the smallest things. The thing with the 0:30:17.760 --> 0:30:20.600 small stuff is things that are easy to do, like 0:30:20.640 --> 0:30:23.200 saving one pounds of brushing your teeth, are also therefore 0:30:23.240 --> 0:30:25.320 easy not to do. So most people don't do them. 0:30:25.400 --> 0:30:28.200 They don't think they're important. I think they're really important. 0:30:28.320 --> 0:30:30.640 And it's not just that. The other thing about doing 0:30:30.640 --> 0:30:34.080 the small stuff is it's easier to find one hundred 0:30:34.480 --> 0:30:37.120 tiny things than it is to find one big thing. 0:30:37.960 --> 0:30:40.720 Like I can't reinvent the will with podcasting. I'm not 0:30:40.720 --> 0:30:43.240 going to find a new YouTube or Spotify, am I. 0:30:43.240 --> 0:30:45.720 I can find that it's very easy for a team 0:30:45.840 --> 0:30:48.320 and for me to find one hundred small things, and 0:30:48.360 --> 0:30:51.000 that equals one hundred percent gain. It actually is more 0:30:51.040 --> 0:30:53.160 when things compound. It's much more than one hundred percent 0:30:53.200 --> 0:30:57.320 if you're thinking about compounding returns. And also the science 0:30:57.360 --> 0:30:59.840 has shown and I've sat here with Sir David Brailsford, 0:30:59.840 --> 0:31:02.320 who became the head of the English cycling team. He 0:31:02.400 --> 0:31:04.040 went into that team when they were down and out 0:31:04.040 --> 0:31:06.080 and winning nothing, and he turned it around to make 0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:08.080 them the most successful team in the world. And he 0:31:08.160 --> 0:31:10.600 had the same philosophy. He went and found out, can 0:31:10.640 --> 0:31:12.560 I make the water bottles a little bit bigger? Can 0:31:12.600 --> 0:31:14.480 I make the pillows in the hotels a little bit softer? 0:31:14.880 --> 0:31:17.760 And it wasn't just the accumulation of many, many one 0:31:17.800 --> 0:31:21.280 percent gains. He said to me, The most important thing 0:31:21.320 --> 0:31:24.200 from a psychological perspective, when you find small gains or 0:31:24.200 --> 0:31:27.479 any gains, is it makes your team feel like you're moving, 0:31:27.840 --> 0:31:30.160 like you have a sense of progress. And he goes, 0:31:30.160 --> 0:31:32.560 when I went into that English cycling team, we found 0:31:32.600 --> 0:31:35.240 all of these small little ways to improve, and suddenly 0:31:35.280 --> 0:31:38.640 this depressed team quote unquote, we felt like we were 0:31:38.680 --> 0:31:42.200 going somewhere. So from a psychological perspective, you see our 0:31:42.240 --> 0:31:44.200 team here when we find a one percent game, the 0:31:44.240 --> 0:31:46.440 phrase one percent is the most popular phrase used in 0:31:46.480 --> 0:31:49.800 our team. We have a head of experimentation, full time job, 0:31:50.120 --> 0:31:52.640 a full time data scientist on the podcast again full 0:31:52.640 --> 0:31:55.000 time job we've got from like you, and we have 0:31:55.040 --> 0:31:57.400 a channel in our called the one percent Chat where 0:31:57.400 --> 0:32:00.360 we're all looking for one percent games and we find 0:32:00.360 --> 0:32:03.719 what it's like a celebration, you know. And just to 0:32:03.720 --> 0:32:07.080 conclude their Harvard Business Review, when it interviewed people in 0:32:07.200 --> 0:32:09.960 work and asked them when their most enjoyable day in 0:32:10.040 --> 0:32:12.520 work was, then they looked at those days, and people 0:32:12.600 --> 0:32:15.800 had pointed at days when they had a sense of progress. 0:32:16.040 --> 0:32:19.160 So from a psychological perspective, it made people motivated. From 0:32:19.160 --> 0:32:21.320 a business perspective, it adds up to change the game. 0:32:21.440 --> 0:32:23.280 And I think all those small things equal a really 0:32:23.320 --> 0:32:26.600 really big thing. That's my big personal philosophy, and that 0:32:26.680 --> 0:32:29.200 for anyone that's like just starting in a podcast, it 0:32:29.280 --> 0:32:32.120 is the best news I could possibly give you. Because 0:32:32.120 --> 0:32:34.720 you don't need to make some amazing higher We didn't. 0:32:34.960 --> 0:32:37.360 You don't need to be super famous. I remember my 0:32:37.360 --> 0:32:39.280 manager walking in one day and said he had anxiety 0:32:39.480 --> 0:32:41.520 because no one wanted to come on the podcast and 0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:43.479 we needed to put it out this week. And I'm going, 0:32:43.520 --> 0:32:44.960 have you got any friends you can call? Steve? So 0:32:44.960 --> 0:32:46.400 I called this guy called Dad, who was a mate 0:32:46.400 --> 0:32:49.160 of mine. That is episode like seven, No one was 0:32:49.160 --> 0:32:52.520 interested When you have seven thousand subscribers on YouTube, like, 0:32:52.520 --> 0:32:54.560 no one's interested in it? Wanted to come on, but 0:32:55.120 --> 0:32:57.960 the thing and if you thok the last ninety days, 0:32:58.120 --> 0:33:00.719 we've had a million more subscribers in the last ninety days. 0:33:00.880 --> 0:33:03.240 So the laws of compounding say, goes really slow, and 0:33:03.280 --> 0:33:05.280 asked did and then it went like the Burj Khalifa, 0:33:05.840 --> 0:33:09.240 And honestly the thing went at which means it's accessible 0:33:09.240 --> 0:33:11.920 to everybody. Is look at what you're doing every day 0:33:12.160 --> 0:33:15.120 and find a way to make it one percent better. 0:33:15.480 --> 0:33:17.320 Isn't that easy to do? One percent? 0:33:18.040 --> 0:33:20.800 Coming up necked and avery're in your view is the 0:33:21.080 --> 0:33:24.840 thing that divided us more than anything. It is the 0:33:24.880 --> 0:33:27.680 biggest controversy that Life on Card has ever faced. It 0:33:27.760 --> 0:33:31.640 caused more arguments than we've ever had, and I still 0:33:31.840 --> 0:33:34.880 don't think that we're in agreeance. We still have very, 0:33:35.240 --> 0:33:39.960 very different and heated opinions about the shrine. 0:33:40.840 --> 0:33:43.400 I never hang anything in my house. I got some 0:33:43.520 --> 0:33:46.200 art recently and I loved it. I moved my house around, 0:33:46.200 --> 0:33:48.360 I moved to my furniture around, and now there are 0:33:48.360 --> 0:33:50.920 these big walls that were like really barren. So I 0:33:50.960 --> 0:33:52.880 was like, I need to hang some art on there. 0:33:53.520 --> 0:33:58.000 And so I got all romantic and I. 0:33:56.840 --> 0:33:58.840 Produced the She's laughing because she. 0:33:58.880 --> 0:34:05.560 Knows on line, ordered three frames of photos to be 0:34:05.640 --> 0:34:07.560 delivered to my house because I'm too lazy and don't 0:34:07.600 --> 0:34:10.120 have time to go do it. Of Ben and I 0:34:10.160 --> 0:34:12.960 when we did that really funny on the spare of 0:34:13.000 --> 0:34:15.440 the moment professional photo shoot at the Louver in Paris. 0:34:15.560 --> 0:34:17.440 If you don't know that story, guys, we were at 0:34:17.440 --> 0:34:19.960 the Louver in Paris and this Rando photographer asked to 0:34:19.960 --> 0:34:20.560 come and shoot us. 0:34:20.560 --> 0:34:22.319 We thought it was a scam. We said yes for 0:34:22.440 --> 0:34:25.040 a laugh, and we ended up getting these really beautiful 0:34:25.040 --> 0:34:27.319 photos from it. So I ordered three of them and 0:34:27.360 --> 0:34:29.839 printed them out decent. 0:34:29.560 --> 0:34:32.239 Size, and I put all three of them on this 0:34:32.360 --> 0:34:34.960 one wall in my laundroom, really next to each other. 0:34:35.160 --> 0:34:36.520 I thought it was really good, and I was so 0:34:36.560 --> 0:34:38.000 proud of the fact that I did it on my own. 0:34:38.040 --> 0:34:40.000 I hung it, I measured it. I was just really 0:34:40.000 --> 0:34:42.120 feeling myself. The pictures are great, and I'm in love. 0:34:42.440 --> 0:34:44.360 This is going into my suck is. I thought it 0:34:44.360 --> 0:34:47.120 was really nice. I've never been in love and put 0:34:47.120 --> 0:34:48.880 a picture up of me and my partner in my 0:34:48.920 --> 0:34:52.080 existence first time. All my friends do it, everyone else 0:34:52.120 --> 0:34:52.800 does it anyway? 0:34:53.040 --> 0:34:53.640 Do I do that? 0:34:53.680 --> 0:34:54.359 Do people put off? 0:34:54.520 --> 0:34:54.719 Yes? 0:34:54.800 --> 0:34:55.920 I go in to my friend's. 0:34:55.640 --> 0:34:59.719 House and there's like giant nude photoshoots of them. Anyway, really, yeah, 0:35:00.040 --> 0:35:02.319 so produce Akisha and my other friend Kim. Yes I'm 0:35:02.400 --> 0:35:05.680 naming shaming you, Kim. They both they both come into 0:35:05.680 --> 0:35:09.239 my house and just start tearing strips off me for 0:35:09.320 --> 0:35:12.640 the fact that I put photos up of myself and 0:35:12.719 --> 0:35:14.680 my partner in the lound room. First of all, they 0:35:14.719 --> 0:35:18.160 were like, okay, it other looks like someone's died. Someone's died, 0:35:18.200 --> 0:35:21.120 and this is a shrine or it looks like a 0:35:21.120 --> 0:35:24.960 wedding shoot. And apparently you're not allowed to put photos 0:35:25.000 --> 0:35:27.080 up of yourself and your partner unless you're married. Now, 0:35:27.760 --> 0:35:29.960 I disagree people. 0:35:30.000 --> 0:35:31.239 I think that is bullshit. 0:35:31.320 --> 0:35:33.880 I'm calling bullshit. Why do I have to be married 0:35:33.880 --> 0:35:35.759 to put photos up of me and my lover? 0:35:36.080 --> 0:35:38.640 I don't think it's that Like, I mean, I have 0:35:38.719 --> 0:35:40.920 a couple of little photos of Matt and Eyed. We 0:35:41.080 --> 0:35:42.879 got this like little pack and there was a few 0:35:42.920 --> 0:35:44.760 photos of us and like a. 0:35:44.360 --> 0:35:45.120 Once you put on the wall. 0:35:45.160 --> 0:35:47.719 They're like hard picture frames that you put on like 0:35:47.760 --> 0:35:48.760 a little side table. 0:35:48.800 --> 0:35:50.400 So there's a couple of those of Matt nite. 0:35:50.560 --> 0:35:52.799 I think it's more the fact because your lounge room 0:35:52.840 --> 0:35:54.759 is the first room you walk into when you enter 0:35:54.800 --> 0:35:55.200 your house. 0:35:55.280 --> 0:35:56.759 I don't have a west wing, in an east wing. 0:35:56.760 --> 0:35:58.760 I've got a tiny apartment totally. 0:35:58.760 --> 0:36:00.680 You walk in and there's a loud So maybe it 0:36:00.719 --> 0:36:03.600 looks like a shrine because it's three big photos together. 0:36:03.680 --> 0:36:06.720 But can I just in your defense, because your partner 0:36:06.760 --> 0:36:08.799 and you're doing long distance, you don't see them every day, 0:36:09.120 --> 0:36:11.279 so it's nice to have like a daily shrine to 0:36:11.360 --> 0:36:12.120 sit and look at. 0:36:12.400 --> 0:36:14.399 Also, I sort of did it because he's coming here 0:36:14.400 --> 0:36:16.279 in two weeks to visit, and I want him to 0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.719 be like, oh cute, like I mean something to her, 0:36:18.760 --> 0:36:20.120 she's done something, or you think. 0:36:19.960 --> 0:36:21.279 He's gonna see it and be like, babe, why have 0:36:21.320 --> 0:36:22.120 you got a shrine? 0:36:22.960 --> 0:36:25.560 Because because I showed him and he thought it was 0:36:25.560 --> 0:36:27.960 really cute. And at the end of the day, fuck you, 0:36:28.000 --> 0:36:32.560 produce a key and Kim, I will shrine the shit. 0:36:32.400 --> 0:36:33.040 Out of Mirus. 0:36:34.120 --> 0:36:35.879 So are you trying to say, because so I've got 0:36:35.880 --> 0:36:37.279 these three photos right and nothing else on. 0:36:37.280 --> 0:36:38.320 The wall very defensive? 0:36:38.600 --> 0:36:41.680 Are your extremely Are you trying to say you and 0:36:41.719 --> 0:36:44.279 the audience? Are you trying to say that if I 0:36:44.360 --> 0:36:47.920 had a few different photos surrounding it. It would be okay, yeah, 0:36:47.960 --> 0:36:49.480 whack some photos of Delilah up there. 0:36:49.520 --> 0:36:54.480 I would personally Julilah. I had some photos a sherry, 0:36:55.080 --> 0:36:56.000 mix it up a little. 0:36:56.040 --> 0:36:57.560 Why does that change the fact. 0:36:57.719 --> 0:36:58.000 Why? 0:36:58.160 --> 0:36:59.680 It just makes it a little less weird. 0:37:00.080 --> 0:37:01.959 And I don't know why. I don't know it's weird. 0:37:02.160 --> 0:37:03.799 I don't know the psychology behind it. 0:37:03.800 --> 0:37:06.600 Okay, it's the general feelings within. 0:37:06.400 --> 0:37:10.320 My body, deep internalized trauma. Here, I'm thinking in security. 0:37:10.360 --> 0:37:12.319 Why don't you have photos of me on your wall? 0:37:12.640 --> 0:37:16.080 I see you more than anyone in my entire life exactly. 0:37:16.160 --> 0:37:17.680 That's why I think I would make the wall. 0:37:17.760 --> 0:37:19.920 I don't need you plaster on my wall because I 0:37:19.960 --> 0:37:21.120 see you every day. 0:37:21.360 --> 0:37:23.399 If I'm not seeing you, I'm speaking to you. 0:37:23.680 --> 0:37:26.440 If I'm not speaking, we're dming simultaneously at the same 0:37:26.440 --> 0:37:27.400 time as we're dexting. 0:37:27.880 --> 0:37:30.799 Ben, I see you like a couple of times a year, 0:37:31.560 --> 0:37:33.680 and he is my love. Look, I have a key 0:37:33.719 --> 0:37:38.640 to your house. I think I'm just print. 0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:39.200 Some photos of myself and your friends and put them 0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:40.879 on the wall, just to eaven it out. 0:37:41.960 --> 0:37:42.240 Wall. 0:37:42.880 --> 0:37:44.640 Okay, Well, the pole said that it was okay. 0:37:44.719 --> 0:37:46.960 More people had said that it's fine, but I mean, 0:37:46.960 --> 0:37:49.000 if you want to update the pole, Kisha and do 0:37:49.120 --> 0:37:51.960 sub poles until you've got the result you want, which 0:37:51.960 --> 0:37:53.759 is that it's creepy, you do that. 0:37:53.800 --> 0:37:59.080 Like selective bias or something like that, going until I 0:37:59.080 --> 0:37:59.720 get the results. 0:37:59.760 --> 0:38:01.720 I wi confirmation bias. 0:38:02.239 --> 0:38:05.000 I actually got a few dms personally and they were 0:38:05.040 --> 0:38:05.680 all positive. 0:38:05.719 --> 0:38:06.640 They're all like stuff. 0:38:06.680 --> 0:38:09.360 Everyone hels, Brittany, you do you you put his bigger 0:38:09.360 --> 0:38:10.839 picture up of your Ben want? 0:38:10.880 --> 0:38:14.000 I was like, yes, Queen, that's fu se me else 0:38:14.120 --> 0:38:15.000 because I know they're. 0:38:14.880 --> 0:38:17.160 Really messaging me this because you also have photos of 0:38:17.160 --> 0:38:18.399 you and your partner on your wall. 0:38:18.480 --> 0:38:24.040 It does look a semi shriny, but it's candles and 0:38:24.080 --> 0:38:26.799 flowers underneath. You know what Ben's coming, guys, He's coming 0:38:26.800 --> 0:38:29.440 in only two weeks now. I'm very excited. But I 0:38:29.520 --> 0:38:30.120 will see what. 0:38:30.080 --> 0:38:31.720 He thinks when he gets here, and if he thinks 0:38:31.719 --> 0:38:34.160 it's weird, I'll add a couple of photos. 0:38:34.719 --> 0:38:34.919 Well. 0:38:34.960 --> 0:38:36.680 I think the number one question to start with, and 0:38:36.760 --> 0:38:41.040 it's a question on everyone's lips is the shrine the shrine? 0:38:41.480 --> 0:38:42.040 You saw it? 0:38:42.120 --> 0:38:46.120 Finally in real life? Is it as bad as everyone? 0:38:46.320 --> 0:38:48.719 Laura produced a Keisha, don't punder me in there. I 0:38:48.719 --> 0:38:51.160 had not seen the shrine. I was only being told 0:38:51.239 --> 0:38:54.200 secondhand about the shrine. I also saw it for the 0:38:54.239 --> 0:38:55.520 first time when Ben saw it. 0:38:55.600 --> 0:38:58.360 To be fair, it is a little bit weird because 0:38:58.960 --> 0:39:02.120 a shrine is meant to feel dead people, and I 0:39:02.200 --> 0:39:02.880 know it's. 0:39:02.719 --> 0:39:05.000 Not a shrine. They've told me it's a shrine. I 0:39:05.000 --> 0:39:07.040 don't think it's a shrine. Okay, guys, don't fight. 0:39:07.080 --> 0:39:09.200 I don't like I'm meant to be meant to be 0:39:09.239 --> 0:39:12.399 a display of our love, which is fine, which is great. 0:39:12.400 --> 0:39:15.719 It's cute, but it's kind of like arranged like a 0:39:15.920 --> 0:39:16.840 deceased or something. 0:39:16.920 --> 0:39:19.319 It's like candles around on the floor. There's a few, 0:39:19.560 --> 0:39:19.839 a few. 0:39:20.320 --> 0:39:23.280 It's like roses, white roses and all that kind of stuff. 0:39:24.680 --> 0:39:28.239 All about it is three photos. That's it in my 0:39:28.280 --> 0:39:28.840 whole house. 0:39:28.840 --> 0:39:30.520 I think we need to add some more photos to 0:39:30.719 --> 0:39:32.880 kind of take the shininess out. 0:39:32.719 --> 0:39:35.520 Of it, as in photos not of you, photos of 0:39:35.600 --> 0:39:38.239 other things, like with me being on the wall. 0:39:38.280 --> 0:39:39.719 But that makes it more shriny. 0:39:40.360 --> 0:39:43.000 No, I think it's just it's just a Paris photo shoot. 0:39:43.320 --> 0:39:46.200 I think we have some lovely pictures together. I think 0:39:46.239 --> 0:39:48.719 we need to add some more so it's a little 0:39:48.719 --> 0:39:50.240 bit of diversity. 0:39:50.000 --> 0:39:53.320 Okay, right now, it's more like a homage to Paris, although. 0:39:53.160 --> 0:39:56.120 Then I do want to kind of very romantic for me, 0:39:56.200 --> 0:39:58.319 by the way, Yeah, you did a really great job. 0:39:58.400 --> 0:40:00.040 You guys both are like models. But I do I 0:40:00.040 --> 0:40:02.000 think that if Britt was to add more photos to 0:40:02.040 --> 0:40:05.879 the wall from different parts of yours, it's that makes 0:40:05.920 --> 0:40:08.600 it real shrining. Right now, it's just like a nice tribute, 0:40:08.600 --> 0:40:12.560 but we're we're heading really deep into shrine territory. 0:40:13.200 --> 0:40:14.759 I just want to make a tribute to my love. 0:40:15.680 --> 0:40:18.080 This is a tribute showed out to Ben. 0:40:19.800 --> 0:40:22.319 And an update on the shrine. Britt still has it 0:40:22.719 --> 0:40:26.040 hanging up in her Lund room. It's still there, very proudly. 0:40:26.520 --> 0:40:30.920 Way too high, it's too small. It still looks really awkward. 0:40:31.480 --> 0:40:33.279 But she's proud of it, and I'm kind of proud 0:40:33.320 --> 0:40:36.400 of her for sticking to her guns. I'm actually somewhat impressed, 0:40:36.480 --> 0:40:38.919 and I respect the fact she hasn't taken it down 0:40:38.960 --> 0:40:42.759 because of the public backlash that she faced from these photos. 0:40:43.320 --> 0:40:45.640 Coming up next in Our Rearing of You is the 0:40:45.680 --> 0:40:49.319 phenomenal Elizabeth Day. Now. Elizabeth Day is an author. She's 0:40:49.360 --> 0:40:52.000 also a podcaster, she has a podcast It's all about 0:40:52.040 --> 0:40:54.399 failure and what you can learn from failures in your 0:40:54.400 --> 0:40:57.720 life and over the course of life. I'm cut. Laura 0:40:57.760 --> 0:41:01.440 and britt have had many, many, many conversations about infertility. 0:41:02.000 --> 0:41:04.200 They've had a lot of conversations about being child free 0:41:04.200 --> 0:41:08.239 by choice and that journey to motherhood being more complex 0:41:08.320 --> 0:41:10.319 than what I think a lot of us expected it 0:41:10.360 --> 0:41:14.280 to be. But Elizabeth Day was I think the first 0:41:14.320 --> 0:41:17.480 person that we've ever spoken to who has come to 0:41:17.600 --> 0:41:20.680 peace with the fact that they were child free, but 0:41:20.719 --> 0:41:24.680 not by choice. Elizabeth went through a really tumultuous fertility journey. 0:41:24.760 --> 0:41:28.560 She had suffered many miscarriages, and this moment was where 0:41:28.600 --> 0:41:32.080 Elizabeth articulated where else she has found purpose in her 0:41:32.120 --> 0:41:36.040 life because she expected that she kind of wouldn't have 0:41:36.080 --> 0:41:38.719 that amount of purpose for anything other than being a mother. 0:41:39.680 --> 0:41:41.879 I can only imagine that that must be a very 0:41:41.920 --> 0:41:45.120 difficult process to go through the acceptance phase of that. 0:41:45.800 --> 0:41:47.759 What was those years of your life like or how 0:41:47.760 --> 0:41:49.360 did that When did you come to the decision that 0:41:49.400 --> 0:41:52.080 you were like, it's not going to happen for me. Yeah, 0:41:52.600 --> 0:41:55.920 very recently, and also to that at the beginning of 0:41:55.960 --> 0:41:59.600 this year, I'm now, as you know, married to a 0:41:59.640 --> 0:42:04.440 wander person, and we found out that I was pregnant naturally, 0:42:04.600 --> 0:42:07.880 completely out of the blue, just after my forty first birthday, 0:42:08.480 --> 0:42:11.080 and very sadly, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. And then 0:42:11.120 --> 0:42:13.239 I got pregnant again and that one ended in miscarriage. 0:42:13.239 --> 0:42:18.520 And throughout it all, I was also undergoing various interventions, 0:42:18.600 --> 0:42:23.520 surgical interventions and like trying new treatments, and we decided 0:42:23.520 --> 0:42:26.040 to have a sort of cutting edge fertility treatment at 0:42:26.080 --> 0:42:29.480 the beginning of this year, and I'd put a lot 0:42:29.520 --> 0:42:32.520 of hope into that, and it was one of those 0:42:32.560 --> 0:42:35.120 situations where it felt like the universe was sending you 0:42:35.239 --> 0:42:37.920 signs saying it was all going to work. It was 0:42:38.040 --> 0:42:43.200 so weird, and it didn't, and that was also one 0:42:43.280 --> 0:42:46.800 of the lowest points. But this time I had someone 0:42:46.840 --> 0:42:49.760 by my side and it felt like we were sharing 0:42:49.800 --> 0:42:54.279 it and walking through our pain together, and that was 0:42:54.480 --> 0:42:58.680 actually part of my realization. I feel so lucky to 0:42:58.840 --> 0:43:01.799 have the relationship and the love that I have with 0:43:01.960 --> 0:43:05.759 my partner, and many people don't have that, and many 0:43:05.760 --> 0:43:08.560 people who don't have that will experience a quality of 0:43:08.640 --> 0:43:12.759 love with their children that is incredibly special. But I 0:43:12.880 --> 0:43:15.360 realized that so many people don't experience that kind of 0:43:15.440 --> 0:43:18.160 love and I already have that and that could be enough. 0:43:19.000 --> 0:43:22.879 And I'm now at peace and have let go of 0:43:22.920 --> 0:43:26.280 the trying to have a baby. And I never thought 0:43:26.280 --> 0:43:28.360 I would be at this point. And it has taken 0:43:28.440 --> 0:43:31.160 me many months. Actually, I had dinner with a friend 0:43:31.239 --> 0:43:34.160 last night. She's like, it's taken you nine months, and 0:43:34.239 --> 0:43:36.279 I was like, oh, that's so true, because this whole 0:43:36.280 --> 0:43:39.440 thing happened in January. And yes, I constantly felt like 0:43:39.480 --> 0:43:42.680 a failure. And I actually think a lot of the 0:43:42.719 --> 0:43:47.280 medical language seems designed to make women, specifically women, feel 0:43:47.320 --> 0:43:51.120 like failures. And obviously, I know on one level it's 0:43:51.160 --> 0:43:54.360 not my failure, but it felt like my body wasn't 0:43:54.360 --> 0:43:57.480 doing what so many other women could do and what 0:43:57.800 --> 0:44:01.719 so much of historical society affected me to do. And 0:44:01.880 --> 0:44:03.640 all the time that I was going through all of 0:44:03.680 --> 0:44:08.359 these various procedures, I was told, overwhelmingly by male consultants 0:44:08.960 --> 0:44:11.120 that I was failing to respond to the drugs. I'm 0:44:11.160 --> 0:44:11.920 sure you heard that. 0:44:13.120 --> 0:44:18.600 It's unsuccessful, that just the technology, Yeah, exactly, like my 0:44:18.680 --> 0:44:21.080 friend was told she had an incompetent cervix. 0:44:21.560 --> 0:44:24.320 Another person I know was told she had an inhospitable womb. 0:44:24.640 --> 0:44:27.640 But this is all language that is just accepted. It 0:44:27.760 --> 0:44:31.080 is quite it's used quite frequently. And one of the 0:44:31.080 --> 0:44:33.600 things that I have been passionate about in terms of 0:44:33.640 --> 0:44:37.000 having these sort of conversations is attacking that language because 0:44:37.040 --> 0:44:41.040 I internalized it so much for so long that it 0:44:41.120 --> 0:44:46.920 was really difficult to separate my feeling about myself and 0:44:46.960 --> 0:44:48.840 the baby I was trying to create, and so it 0:44:48.880 --> 0:44:53.640 felt really sad a lot of the time. And having 0:44:53.680 --> 0:44:56.520 conversations about it and writing about it made me feel 0:44:56.520 --> 0:45:01.279 better because that loneliness that we've discovered. The antidote to 0:45:01.320 --> 0:45:04.200 that was understanding that other people had these stories too, 0:45:04.760 --> 0:45:08.160 and for a long time, particularly women, but also men, 0:45:08.239 --> 0:45:11.799 felt a misplaced sense of stigma about fertility issues and 0:45:11.840 --> 0:45:14.560 didn't feel able to share. And I'm so glad that 0:45:14.600 --> 0:45:18.720 those conversations are opening up because I feel less alone 0:45:19.000 --> 0:45:21.359 as a result, and I feel more validated, and now 0:45:21.400 --> 0:45:23.480 I really understand being on the other side of it. 0:45:24.200 --> 0:45:29.520 My life has tremendous purpose, even if being a biological 0:45:29.560 --> 0:45:32.480 mother isn't going to be part of it. Not only 0:45:32.520 --> 0:45:34.880 are there other ways that we can parent, and I 0:45:34.880 --> 0:45:37.799 don't necessarily just mean having other children in my life. 0:45:37.840 --> 0:45:41.319 I mean in the way that we podcast or the 0:45:41.360 --> 0:45:44.480 way that we create that in some sort of way 0:45:44.600 --> 0:45:48.320 is an act of mothering or parenting or sharing or connecting. 0:45:48.840 --> 0:45:51.080 And I just want anyone who is listening to this 0:45:51.480 --> 0:45:53.640 who might be in the grip of a fertility journey 0:45:53.719 --> 0:45:55.960 right now and might not be able to see light 0:45:56.000 --> 0:45:58.400 on the other side. I never thought I would feel 0:45:58.960 --> 0:46:01.200 as at peace as I know I do. And I 0:46:01.320 --> 0:46:05.600 promise you that it is possible and that you will 0:46:05.640 --> 0:46:08.120 know when the time is right for you. 0:46:09.160 --> 0:46:12.319 I truly, truly loved that episode. Elizabeth spoke about all 0:46:12.320 --> 0:46:14.640 things to do with failure. She also spoke about this 0:46:14.680 --> 0:46:18.520 thing called fertility privilege that caused quite an uproar around 0:46:18.560 --> 0:46:21.320 the world. Really, there were many, many, many articles written 0:46:21.360 --> 0:46:24.279 about it, and when I first heard the words, I 0:46:24.320 --> 0:46:28.120 was a bit like fertility privilege, like that, it's an 0:46:28.200 --> 0:46:31.880 interesting termed phrase. But in that episode she explained what 0:46:31.920 --> 0:46:33.359 she meant by it, and I thought it was a 0:46:33.480 --> 0:46:37.000 very very insightful position to have on something and something 0:46:37.000 --> 0:46:39.400 that I feel better that I'm aware of for anyone 0:46:39.400 --> 0:46:43.680 around me who may be struggling with their fertility. Coming 0:46:43.760 --> 0:46:46.640 up next, in our Year in Review is one of 0:46:46.680 --> 0:46:50.080 the deepest and most weird rabbit holes that Laura has 0:46:50.120 --> 0:46:54.000 ever embarked upon. I don't know where this one came from, 0:46:54.080 --> 0:46:56.320 if I'm honest, but I remember sitting in the studio 0:46:56.960 --> 0:47:00.200 and I had actual tears of laughter rolling down my face. 0:47:00.080 --> 0:47:04.520 Because it was just it was so random. 0:47:05.640 --> 0:47:08.799 I went down a rabbit hole, a rabbit hole that 0:47:08.920 --> 0:47:11.440 satisfied me in ways I never thought it would. And 0:47:11.480 --> 0:47:13.319 now I know something I never thought I would know. 0:47:13.800 --> 0:47:16.000 But I really encourage everyone to go and google it. 0:47:16.040 --> 0:47:19.799 What was said rabbit hole? Have you ever googled what 0:47:19.840 --> 0:47:21.279 a pigeon's nest looks like? 0:47:21.520 --> 0:47:22.480 A pigeon? Actually? 0:47:22.640 --> 0:47:25.479 Yeah, every second Saturday I google that, Laura, Why would 0:47:25.520 --> 0:47:27.279 I have googled what a pigeon's nest is? 0:47:27.360 --> 0:47:27.520 No? 0:47:27.800 --> 0:47:30.680 Okay, everybody in a car, wherever you are listening, and 0:47:30.719 --> 0:47:32.080 maybe you're on a bus, maybe' on in a taxi, 0:47:32.080 --> 0:47:34.560 who knows, maybe you're walking hot go walk, Just stop 0:47:34.680 --> 0:47:37.120 and just google pigeon nest. 0:47:37.360 --> 0:47:39.200 Because pigeons are particularly poor at. 0:47:39.080 --> 0:47:42.439 Building nests, and the level of effort that they put 0:47:42.480 --> 0:47:45.520 into taking care of their home and raising their little 0:47:45.600 --> 0:47:47.480 egg child is truly hilarious. 0:47:47.560 --> 0:47:49.640 I thought you were going to tell me something other 0:47:49.680 --> 0:47:52.279 than that. I thought pigeon nest was like a euphinism 0:47:52.360 --> 0:47:54.400 for something naughty or sexy, or I thought you were 0:47:54.400 --> 0:47:56.960 gonna like think you were googling an innocent pigeoness, but 0:47:57.120 --> 0:47:58.560 then pow, it's something else. 0:47:58.640 --> 0:47:59.919 But no, it's actually just a nest. 0:48:00.080 --> 0:48:01.640 It's a real nest. Can I just show you. I 0:48:01.640 --> 0:48:03.160 need to show you some examples of what a pigeon 0:48:03.160 --> 0:48:06.720 nest looks like. They'll just lay an egg anywhere. They'll 0:48:06.760 --> 0:48:09.560 go and get one single fucking stick and lay it 0:48:09.600 --> 0:48:11.840 next to their egg, and they'll be like, job done. 0:48:12.160 --> 0:48:14.080 Look at this shit. It's so funny. 0:48:14.120 --> 0:48:16.000 If you are feeling like you're having if you've ever 0:48:16.040 --> 0:48:18.920 felt bad at your job, if you've ever questioned or 0:48:18.960 --> 0:48:21.360 had like imposter syndrome, I thought, maybe I'm not equipped 0:48:21.360 --> 0:48:24.360 for this google pigeon nest and it will make you. 0:48:24.520 --> 0:48:26.640 Look at that one. The pigeon put a stick in an. 0:48:26.600 --> 0:48:27.279 Egg on a bed. 0:48:27.600 --> 0:48:29.919 Look at this pigeon. It laid an egg under a car. 0:48:31.680 --> 0:48:32.800 It's so funny. 0:48:33.160 --> 0:48:36.800 I can't see it. Can you see the egg under 0:48:36.800 --> 0:48:37.280 a wheel? 0:48:37.800 --> 0:48:42.880 I mean that's dangerous, My Grandma Rest in peace. 0:48:42.920 --> 0:48:44.480 She's no longer with us. 0:48:44.840 --> 0:48:47.600 My grandma spent her whole life racing pigeons. She's a 0:48:47.600 --> 0:48:50.400 pigeon racer. So I grew up with pigeons in a 0:48:50.520 --> 0:48:52.919 pigeon cage. I would be the pigeon lady. I'd walk 0:48:52.960 --> 0:48:55.000 into her pigeon and cage and you'd have to close it, 0:48:55.040 --> 0:48:57.520 and they were like, I'm not exaggerating. There were fifty 0:48:57.560 --> 0:49:02.040 pigeons in living together in this huge, huge pigeon cage. 0:49:02.320 --> 0:49:04.319 I shouldn't say that was an avery. And you'd walk 0:49:04.360 --> 0:49:06.279 in and I'd be that pigeon lady. I feel like 0:49:06.320 --> 0:49:09.200 I was, you knowing pet Detective Jim Carrey in that 0:49:09.239 --> 0:49:10.359 scene where he walks into his. 0:49:11.280 --> 0:49:13.440 They're called homing pigeons. I used to have a home 0:49:13.440 --> 0:49:14.600 in pigeon when I was a kid. This is all 0:49:14.640 --> 0:49:15.279 getting weird now. 0:49:16.520 --> 0:49:22.319 Wait sorry, racing pigeons and she would literally, I guess 0:49:22.320 --> 0:49:24.600 they're homing pigeons on roy though, like you would send 0:49:24.600 --> 0:49:26.880 them out and they'd have to go and do a 0:49:26.960 --> 0:49:28.600 job and then they'd have to come back, and it 0:49:28.640 --> 0:49:29.239 was a race and. 0:49:29.239 --> 0:49:30.920 It was hectic. I thought it was the coolest thing, 0:49:30.920 --> 0:49:33.160 but they all laid eggs like that, So I didn't 0:49:33.200 --> 0:49:34.840 know if that was an actual nest or if that 0:49:34.920 --> 0:49:37.680 was just a racing pigeon avery nest, because. 0:49:37.480 --> 0:49:39.960 The pigeons are so fast to get the job done. 0:49:40.960 --> 0:49:43.120 Leave the eggs anyway. Anyway, just go and do it. 0:49:43.120 --> 0:49:43.840 It's so good. 0:49:44.160 --> 0:49:47.200 It's so enjoyable to sometimes get down like a hole 0:49:47.280 --> 0:49:49.520 in the internet and you're like, oh, here we are here, 0:49:49.560 --> 0:49:51.520 we are looking at pictures of pigeon eggs, and it 0:49:51.560 --> 0:49:52.360 was really satisfying. 0:49:52.400 --> 0:49:54.400 I'm just wondering how many listeners we just lost that 0:49:54.480 --> 0:49:55.480 and you too, like hung home. 0:49:56.760 --> 0:49:59.080 I think if anything, if anything, people are going to 0:49:59.120 --> 0:50:00.399 be like, wow, I didn't know that, and I'm glad 0:50:00.400 --> 0:50:00.560 I do. 0:50:00.760 --> 0:50:02.520 There you go. That'll be the thing that you'll bring 0:50:02.520 --> 0:50:03.600 to the party on Saturday night. 0:50:03.640 --> 0:50:03.759 Now. 0:50:03.800 --> 0:50:05.920 I don't think no, no, I don't think it will be. 0:50:06.080 --> 0:50:08.120 But I may or may. 0:50:08.040 --> 0:50:10.960 Not google it tonight when I'm on the lounge and 0:50:11.000 --> 0:50:13.399 I'm relaxed, I might go down the rabbit hole. 0:50:13.600 --> 0:50:15.600 Yeah, we're gonna put photos on our social media, So 0:50:15.600 --> 0:50:16.880 if you can't be bothered, just go and have a 0:50:16.880 --> 0:50:17.239 look there. 0:50:17.360 --> 0:50:19.520 What actually brought you to the point where you wanted 0:50:19.520 --> 0:50:20.680 to know what pigeons nests look like. 0:50:21.840 --> 0:50:23.520 Things have been tough in life lately. 0:50:25.200 --> 0:50:28.200 But now, honestly, I don't know what happened. I read 0:50:28.200 --> 0:50:30.920 somewhere that pigeons were particularly bad at making nests. I 0:50:31.000 --> 0:50:32.719 read that and I was like, well, I wonder how bad? 0:50:32.760 --> 0:50:35.440 And then I found myself googling it and fuck it was. 0:50:35.600 --> 0:50:37.080 It was a really enjoyable little ride there. 0:50:37.400 --> 0:50:39.560 Okay, oh, the pigeons. 0:50:39.560 --> 0:50:41.799 When someone think of the pigeons, now, I know that 0:50:41.840 --> 0:50:44.040 what I'm going to say next is going to ruffle 0:50:44.080 --> 0:50:46.640 some feathers, but I still don't like them. 0:50:46.640 --> 0:50:47.120 I'm sorry. 0:50:47.160 --> 0:50:47.640 If you're a. 0:50:47.600 --> 0:50:51.040 Pigeon enthusiast, or if you have a lot of deep 0:50:51.160 --> 0:50:54.400 love for pigeons, I still consider them to be the 0:50:54.480 --> 0:50:57.560 rats of the sky. They're in the way everywhere, They're just. 0:50:57.719 --> 0:51:01.000 They're just annoying. Anyway, we need to. 0:51:00.960 --> 0:51:03.560 Stop talking about pigeons, So I wonder if the pigeons 0:51:03.560 --> 0:51:06.360 will continue into twenty twenty four. Coming up next to 0:51:06.440 --> 0:51:09.319 our year in review is the wonderful Trinny woodle Now. 0:51:09.360 --> 0:51:12.880 Triny is the powerhouse behind Trinny London, the makeup and 0:51:12.920 --> 0:51:16.240 the skincare brand that is her business, and she also 0:51:16.320 --> 0:51:18.479 might be known because I think it was around about 0:51:18.480 --> 0:51:20.680 two decades ago she had a television show in the 0:51:20.760 --> 0:51:23.600 UK where she was known for styling people and doing 0:51:23.640 --> 0:51:26.600 these makeovers. And now she does a lot of that 0:51:26.680 --> 0:51:28.880 work on social media, so you might see her doing 0:51:28.960 --> 0:51:32.160 outfits or doing different fashion based things on social media. 0:51:32.280 --> 0:51:35.480 She's an author, she is also a podcaster, and she 0:51:36.160 --> 0:51:39.000 is one of the women that I think really bucks 0:51:39.120 --> 0:51:42.640 the trend of this thing that we see amongst so 0:51:42.800 --> 0:51:45.000 much of our media. And I was actually a little 0:51:45.040 --> 0:51:49.600 bit shocked by her response to this, because I realized 0:51:49.840 --> 0:51:52.000 while the girls were having this conversation with her that 0:51:52.080 --> 0:51:52.920 she was actually. 0:51:52.600 --> 0:51:56.319 A little bit offended the mention at the beginning, the 0:51:56.320 --> 0:51:58.359 currency of the aging woman, the reason why we were 0:51:58.360 --> 0:52:00.840 speaking about this. There's been a lot of articles that 0:52:00.840 --> 0:52:02.400 have come out in Australia over the past year, and 0:52:02.440 --> 0:52:07.279 I think that it's come more into conversation, this recognition 0:52:07.440 --> 0:52:10.360 that as women get older, they seem to be less valuable. 0:52:10.400 --> 0:52:12.399 And I say that in terms of media, in terms 0:52:12.440 --> 0:52:17.239 of career opportunities, there's an invisibility that can happen. How 0:52:17.239 --> 0:52:19.520 have you experienced this in terms of well, what do 0:52:19.640 --> 0:52:22.400 you see because your career has only gotten more powerful, 0:52:22.560 --> 0:52:25.319 more amazing, and you have shined brighter as the years 0:52:25.320 --> 0:52:27.919 have progressed. But I would say that that doesn't seem 0:52:27.960 --> 0:52:29.839 to be the general take for most women or how 0:52:29.840 --> 0:52:31.840 they feel about themselves as they've aged. 0:52:32.120 --> 0:52:35.399 This is challenging because I've for the last thirty years 0:52:35.480 --> 0:52:37.600 work for myself all right, and I think when you 0:52:37.680 --> 0:52:41.239 work in a career for somebody else it can be 0:52:41.280 --> 0:52:45.440 more challenging. But there is also that sense of a 0:52:45.520 --> 0:52:48.760 glass ceiling, or you just imagine there is no ceiling. 0:52:49.160 --> 0:52:52.880 So through my life, I have never seen a fucking ceiling, okay, 0:52:52.920 --> 0:52:56.520 And I think it's not so much that sense of defeatism. 0:52:56.600 --> 0:52:58.879 It's not. But there's a lot of people who are 0:52:58.880 --> 0:53:00.840 in a situation where sealing to put on top of 0:53:00.880 --> 0:53:02.600 them and they have to really break through. And there 0:53:02.600 --> 0:53:06.960 are many champions out there on equal pay, on women's 0:53:07.040 --> 0:53:12.560 rights in the workplace, But there's also something about making 0:53:12.600 --> 0:53:17.920 your world less possible or making your world limitless. And 0:53:18.000 --> 0:53:21.120 for me, I've definitely had times when I felt it's 0:53:21.160 --> 0:53:24.120 not going to happen and sort of do vetherapy, but 0:53:24.880 --> 0:53:28.399 I've felt a disappointment in myself. I've never felt it's 0:53:28.440 --> 0:53:31.759 an outside force. I felt I haven't lived up to 0:53:31.840 --> 0:53:35.879 my potential, so I put the onus on me more 0:53:35.920 --> 0:53:39.840 than on the outside world. And I don't know. Everyone 0:53:39.920 --> 0:53:43.640 is different and everyone have a different circum situation. But 0:53:43.880 --> 0:53:47.480 I think that this is my best decade yet. I 0:53:47.520 --> 0:53:51.000 feel that emphatically. I mean I feel I know myself, 0:53:51.280 --> 0:53:54.680 I have self belief, I have self worth, I know 0:53:54.719 --> 0:53:56.839 who I am, I know what my faults are. Most 0:53:56.840 --> 0:54:00.279 of the time, I learn new ones every day. I 0:54:00.320 --> 0:54:02.520 think I have a gross mindset, not a fixed mindset, 0:54:02.960 --> 0:54:06.200 on fifty percent of my life. I think that what 0:54:06.320 --> 0:54:09.719 I found offensive is the word the aging woman. I 0:54:09.719 --> 0:54:14.960 found that really offensive because I feel ageless. You know, people, 0:54:15.040 --> 0:54:18.240 in every interview that I've had in Sydney, sitting down, 0:54:18.400 --> 0:54:20.799 there is that question, how does it feel that you're 0:54:20.840 --> 0:54:23.759 going to turn sixty next year? Every single interfere, like 0:54:23.800 --> 0:54:26.480 in the last when I was in New York too, 0:54:26.760 --> 0:54:31.680 and I'm like, I literally feel, what do I want 0:54:31.719 --> 0:54:35.279 to do for a birthday? That's literally all I feel. 0:54:35.320 --> 0:54:39.759 I feel no sense of I've never put an attachment 0:54:40.160 --> 0:54:43.240 to my ability with age ever. 0:54:43.800 --> 0:54:46.439 But that's the thing, right, all those questions, it all 0:54:46.520 --> 0:54:49.480 comes from the social structures around us that tells us 0:54:49.520 --> 0:54:52.040 that we're supposed to care. I mean, even at thirty seven, 0:54:52.200 --> 0:54:54.120 there's things that tell you that you're supposed to care. 0:54:54.160 --> 0:54:56.120 You have kids, you're supposed to care. I remember when 0:54:56.120 --> 0:54:59.000 I first had my children and I had this innate 0:54:59.080 --> 0:55:01.719 fear that my career was over, that I would not 0:55:01.760 --> 0:55:03.879 be able to continue in the same way that I had. 0:55:03.960 --> 0:55:07.120 And it's because, I mean, there are so many pioneering 0:55:07.160 --> 0:55:08.600 women who have shown that there. 0:55:08.480 --> 0:55:09.320 Are different parts. 0:55:09.320 --> 0:55:11.520 But at the same time, I think you still hit 0:55:11.520 --> 0:55:14.160 these milestones and you're up against what society tells you 0:55:14.280 --> 0:55:18.360 is capable. And I appreciate your perspective on whether you 0:55:18.440 --> 0:55:20.799 put the limitations on yourself or whether you can see 0:55:20.800 --> 0:55:23.040 that as limitless. But I think that that is a 0:55:23.040 --> 0:55:25.680 really amazing mindset that not everyone has. Hence why the 0:55:25.760 --> 0:55:26.359 questions come. 0:55:26.440 --> 0:55:26.640 Yeah. 0:55:26.960 --> 0:55:29.920 Another thing I love, and it's also ironic when it's 0:55:29.920 --> 0:55:34.319 written by female journalists, is that there's a look at her, 0:55:34.600 --> 0:55:36.840 how can she have a beauty brand? She does botox, 0:55:37.239 --> 0:55:40.080 all right, which is what I'll get, And I'll go, Yeah, 0:55:40.520 --> 0:55:42.879 I fucking do botox. I've done since I was thirty five. 0:55:43.239 --> 0:55:45.719 I didn't realize and it was, you know, stopping lines. 0:55:45.760 --> 0:55:47.440 It was because I did, Telly, and I have a 0:55:47.560 --> 0:55:49.520 very moving forehead and it's stopped my forehead moving and 0:55:49.560 --> 0:55:52.160 I was so relieved. But it's then meant I didn't 0:55:52.200 --> 0:55:54.719 get lines at my forehead. But I think that there 0:55:54.760 --> 0:55:58.480 are also other women who say, you know, in a way, 0:55:58.520 --> 0:56:00.600 they're sort of saying, why do you fight? Why didn't 0:56:00.600 --> 0:56:04.520 you age gracefully? And I fucking challenge that. And the 0:56:04.560 --> 0:56:07.960 reason I challenge it is I want to wake up. 0:56:08.320 --> 0:56:10.640 I want to look in the mirror and either I'll 0:56:10.640 --> 0:56:13.520 feel that already or I'll do something to make myself 0:56:13.520 --> 0:56:16.880 feel that where I have the energy to do anything 0:56:16.920 --> 0:56:19.359 I want to do today. All right. So I got 0:56:19.400 --> 0:56:21.320 up this morning. We had a long day. We started 0:56:21.320 --> 0:56:23.200 at five thirty, we ended at ten o'clock at night. 0:56:23.200 --> 0:56:24.719 I got to bed eleven. It was a long day 0:56:24.920 --> 0:56:26.600 for a twenty year old and for a six year old, 0:56:26.640 --> 0:56:28.719 all right. And then I got up this morning and 0:56:28.760 --> 0:56:31.160 I thought, do I go and work out at five 0:56:31.280 --> 0:56:34.200 thirty six? Do I really do that? But I thought, 0:56:34.520 --> 0:56:36.560 I want to look after my body, so looks after me. 0:56:36.760 --> 0:56:38.360 I want to feel full of energy. I want to 0:56:38.360 --> 0:56:40.239 come today and do the podcast and give you my 0:56:40.320 --> 0:56:44.680 best and I want to breathe every day. So that 0:56:44.800 --> 0:56:48.439 whole sense of that it's a vanity matrix, It isn't 0:56:48.480 --> 0:56:51.680 a vanity matrix. It's that we want to feel empowered 0:56:51.719 --> 0:56:54.720 and fantastic about who we are as people, and whatever 0:56:54.760 --> 0:56:58.600 it takes, whatever it takes, we have to stop judging, 0:56:59.160 --> 0:57:02.920 and we have to of women judging each other of 0:57:03.280 --> 0:57:05.440 you know, it can only be this past, like why 0:57:05.440 --> 0:57:07.400 don't you let your hair go green? Actually because I 0:57:07.400 --> 0:57:08.880 don't like my gray hair, because it will look like 0:57:08.880 --> 0:57:09.880 the end of a foxtail. 0:57:10.719 --> 0:57:13.520 I just absolutely loved getting to meet Triny Woodle. She's 0:57:13.600 --> 0:57:15.799 one of those people that she'll walk into a room 0:57:16.480 --> 0:57:20.520 and command attention, but not in an arrogant way, not 0:57:20.640 --> 0:57:22.960 in a like, not in a way that makes you 0:57:23.040 --> 0:57:25.480 think she's wanting the attention. She's just one of those 0:57:25.520 --> 0:57:28.200 people that walks into a room and you feel that 0:57:28.240 --> 0:57:30.320 there's the presence of someone there. I don't know if 0:57:30.360 --> 0:57:34.120 I'm explaining that properly, but she has that aura about her. 0:57:34.240 --> 0:57:36.320 She came into the studio with an entourage of like 0:57:36.360 --> 0:57:38.440 eight people, and they were all great. It was so 0:57:38.600 --> 0:57:40.720 nice to hang out with her and her team and 0:57:40.840 --> 0:57:44.440 learn from her. And Trinny spoke on this episode about 0:57:44.440 --> 0:57:47.640 something that she doesn't talk about very publicly. She has 0:57:47.760 --> 0:57:50.520 mentioned it before, but she doesn't talk about it much, 0:57:50.560 --> 0:57:52.680 and I think she must have felt quite comfortable with 0:57:52.760 --> 0:57:55.960 Laura and Britt to discuss this. Treating battled with a 0:57:56.000 --> 0:57:59.760 drug addiction when she was in her twenties, and the 0:58:00.080 --> 0:58:04.280 also of her life shifted hugely because of her ability 0:58:04.560 --> 0:58:07.560 to become sober, and that was a particularly interesting part 0:58:07.560 --> 0:58:09.080 of the episode. If you want to go back and 0:58:09.120 --> 0:58:11.720 listen through to it, I really really highly recommend it. 0:58:12.800 --> 0:58:14.840 Coming up next in our rear in your view is 0:58:14.960 --> 0:58:17.800 something that we speak about. I guess the topic we 0:58:17.840 --> 0:58:19.640 talk about a lot on Life on Cut. It's got 0:58:19.680 --> 0:58:23.240 to do with this either milestone anxiety or milestone disappointment. 0:58:24.160 --> 0:58:25.280 It's the idea. 0:58:25.080 --> 0:58:27.480 That you might not be at a certain part of 0:58:27.520 --> 0:58:30.440 your life as what you expected to be, or maybe 0:58:30.480 --> 0:58:32.680 you are there and it doesn't feel how you thought 0:58:32.680 --> 0:58:34.880 it was going to feel. We talk about it a 0:58:34.880 --> 0:58:37.400 lot at times, like what we're experiencing right now, you 0:58:37.440 --> 0:58:40.320 know that, like kind of Christmas New Year periods, they're 0:58:40.320 --> 0:58:43.040 these self evaluation times. And I think we also do 0:58:43.080 --> 0:58:46.080 it a lot on birthdays, and I kind of wish 0:58:46.200 --> 0:58:49.240 that I had had the vocabulary to talk about it, 0:58:49.280 --> 0:58:51.240 because now listening back to this, I think it was 0:58:51.280 --> 0:58:56.080 the moment that Laura and I realized what the words 0:58:56.120 --> 0:58:59.320 were for what I was experiencing, and it was a 0:58:59.320 --> 0:59:01.640 little bit of one of those figure out moments for me. 0:59:03.080 --> 0:59:07.440 And last year, although like birthdays can be such amazing, exciting, 0:59:07.680 --> 0:59:10.720 beautiful celebrations of like making another year around the sun, 0:59:11.160 --> 0:59:13.920 you spoke about something kind of like a milestone. Disappointment 0:59:13.960 --> 0:59:16.680 is what you coined it at this idea that during 0:59:16.760 --> 0:59:18.920 birthdays it's a period for you where you are not 0:59:18.960 --> 0:59:21.040 as happy or you're not as excited, and it kind 0:59:21.040 --> 0:59:22.800 of brings up the things that you don't have in 0:59:22.840 --> 0:59:25.560 life more so the celebration of the things that you do. 0:59:25.960 --> 0:59:28.000 How do you feel about it on this big three 0:59:28.040 --> 0:59:28.400 to zero? 0:59:28.760 --> 0:59:30.800 Yeah, so this is my thirtiest, So this is a 0:59:30.840 --> 0:59:34.600 particular milestone. And I think since we had that conversation, 0:59:34.960 --> 0:59:37.040 I really sat and thought about it a bit, and 0:59:37.040 --> 0:59:38.840 I got a lot of messages from beautiful people that 0:59:38.880 --> 0:59:41.959 listen to the podcast being like, I feel exactly the same. 0:59:42.000 --> 0:59:46.000 This is so normal, and we spoke about how when 0:59:46.160 --> 0:59:48.440 your birthday rolls around, it it's kind of like that 0:59:48.640 --> 0:59:53.000 reminder of you're another year older, similar to New Year's, 0:59:53.040 --> 0:59:55.520 you know, like what have you done in this last year? 0:59:55.560 --> 0:59:58.320 What have you accomplished? What have you achieved? And then 0:59:58.360 --> 1:00:00.840 the flip side of it is what are you missing 1:00:00.920 --> 1:00:03.280 from your life that you really want? And so last 1:00:03.360 --> 1:00:06.120 year I really spoke about the fact that I had 1:00:06.440 --> 1:00:09.960 and I do think that I've had some unusually negative 1:00:09.960 --> 1:00:12.560 things happen on my birthday, like I've been made redundant, 1:00:13.080 --> 1:00:16.600 I've lost family members, like I've had some kind of actual, 1:00:16.840 --> 1:00:21.400 very life shitty things happen. But it just didn't ever 1:00:21.480 --> 1:00:23.919 seem to live up to the expectation. I would see 1:00:23.960 --> 1:00:26.640 other people in my life that were like, it's birthday 1:00:26.800 --> 1:00:31.080 week and they were so excited, and I felt almost 1:00:31.080 --> 1:00:33.520 the polar opposite. I actually had this immense sense of 1:00:33.560 --> 1:00:37.840 anxiety of like, oh God, everyone's gonna be giving me 1:00:37.880 --> 1:00:40.720 all of this attention, and I just feel as though 1:00:40.760 --> 1:00:42.640 I maybe am not measuring it, Like I just had 1:00:42.640 --> 1:00:45.720 this weird internal guttural like awkwardness about it. 1:00:45.880 --> 1:00:48.800 Did you feel as though that amplified year on you like, 1:00:48.840 --> 1:00:51.400 as you get older that that feeling became more because 1:00:51.440 --> 1:00:53.160 it's almost like, and I know when we talk about 1:00:53.200 --> 1:00:54.880 the things that you don't have in life, whether it's 1:00:55.400 --> 1:00:57.720 that you haven't got the career, or you don't have 1:00:57.760 --> 1:01:00.520 the relationship, or your life just hasn't met them mind milestones, 1:01:00.600 --> 1:01:03.720 the arbitrary milestones that we set for ourselves. Did you 1:01:03.760 --> 1:01:06.960 find that with each passing year that feeling got worse 1:01:07.160 --> 1:01:09.920 or was it just kind of this overarching birthdays fucking 1:01:09.960 --> 1:01:10.920 suck feeling. 1:01:11.360 --> 1:01:14.320 I think it did. I think it wasn't linear, like 1:01:14.360 --> 1:01:15.880 it wasn't like each year. 1:01:15.760 --> 1:01:17.200 It got worse and worse and worse. 1:01:17.600 --> 1:01:19.400 But I think the massive part of it was that, 1:01:19.600 --> 1:01:21.880 you know, I grew up in the kind of environment 1:01:21.920 --> 1:01:24.920 where if someone had said to me, oh, you'd be 1:01:25.000 --> 1:01:28.960 getting to thirty, you wouldn't be married, you wouldn't have 1:01:28.960 --> 1:01:31.240 had a family, which is what I thought I would have, 1:01:31.600 --> 1:01:33.320 you know, as a teenager, you're like, oh, that's what 1:01:33.360 --> 1:01:36.439 I expect to have in my future. And I think 1:01:36.440 --> 1:01:38.680 it just became a little bit more like, well, the 1:01:38.760 --> 1:01:41.680 years are going by, like plan A was here and 1:01:41.800 --> 1:01:43.880 my life was leaps and miles away. 1:01:43.920 --> 1:01:47.160 Ye right now, Yeah, but I. 1:01:47.040 --> 1:01:51.760 Also acknowledge that Plan F has been the fucking best, 1:01:51.880 --> 1:01:53.280 you know, and so I guess it was just this 1:01:53.360 --> 1:01:55.720 weighing up of like what I expected my life would 1:01:55.720 --> 1:01:58.520 be like at a certain time and what actually was 1:01:58.640 --> 1:01:59.560 like at a certain time. 1:02:00.040 --> 1:02:02.480 We had an interesting conversation the car on the ride 1:02:02.520 --> 1:02:04.400 over here, and you said that this birthday has felt 1:02:04.400 --> 1:02:06.880 significantly different though, that you felt like you've gone into 1:02:06.920 --> 1:02:11.200 your thirty of feeling happier. But also I think you 1:02:11.520 --> 1:02:14.320 recognize like the cliche of why you feel happier this year. 1:02:14.840 --> 1:02:18.240 Yeah, I hate to admit because I don't think it's 1:02:18.320 --> 1:02:22.080 very self empowerment. I don't think it's very feminist to 1:02:22.160 --> 1:02:24.480 be like, yeah, this birthday felt really different because I 1:02:24.560 --> 1:02:27.520 woke up with someone that I really care about. My 1:02:28.120 --> 1:02:32.480 lovely boyfriend made me feel so special over the weekend. 1:02:32.560 --> 1:02:34.720 We went for a beautiful dinner last night, he spoiled 1:02:34.760 --> 1:02:36.560 me with gifts, and then like he stayed over at 1:02:36.600 --> 1:02:38.840 my house last night. I wonder if I would have 1:02:38.920 --> 1:02:42.440 felt the same about turning thirty had he not been 1:02:42.480 --> 1:02:44.919 a part of my life, and had he not made 1:02:44.960 --> 1:02:47.720 me feel so special, Because I think it really goes 1:02:47.720 --> 1:02:50.320 back to the fact that like I weigh up what 1:02:50.440 --> 1:02:53.400 I do and don't have on birthdays, and like I 1:02:53.440 --> 1:02:56.920 think if I had been turning thirty and still single, 1:02:57.200 --> 1:02:59.360 I maybe would have been like the years ago, no 1:02:59.600 --> 1:03:02.560 urinete f decade now and like you haven't found someone. 1:03:02.680 --> 1:03:04.720 And so I feel as though a lot of people 1:03:04.800 --> 1:03:08.720 that would have done that would have felt really lonely 1:03:08.800 --> 1:03:11.280 and like they weren't living up to what they wanted 1:03:11.320 --> 1:03:12.160 out of their life. 1:03:12.560 --> 1:03:13.920 Cause you to make me cry, I know, I don't 1:03:13.920 --> 1:03:14.920 know why I'm getting emotional. 1:03:15.080 --> 1:03:17.400 I think it's because I kind of feel a bit 1:03:17.440 --> 1:03:21.480 guilty for being like, you know, you should love yourself 1:03:21.560 --> 1:03:23.200 enough and you should be proud enough of what you've 1:03:23.200 --> 1:03:25.200 done that you don't need a boyfriend to feel good 1:03:25.240 --> 1:03:25.800 about yourself. 1:03:25.800 --> 1:03:27.880 But the truth is, it really does make me feel 1:03:27.880 --> 1:03:28.680 better about myself. 1:03:28.720 --> 1:03:30.960 So like maybe that's a bit of a fault, but 1:03:31.640 --> 1:03:33.680 the truth, it's not a fault. Like and I don't know. 1:03:33.880 --> 1:03:35.760 I mean, we talk about relationships all the time. It's 1:03:35.760 --> 1:03:38.200 this double edged sword. Right on one hand, we want 1:03:38.240 --> 1:03:41.200 to talk about being single in a way of if 1:03:41.240 --> 1:03:43.240 you can reach a place where you feel empowered by 1:03:43.240 --> 1:03:46.360 being single and you feel independent and like you have 1:03:46.880 --> 1:03:49.040 control over the life you live and control over your 1:03:49.080 --> 1:03:51.560 own happiness, all those things. You know, being single is 1:03:51.560 --> 1:03:53.480 way better than being in a relationship that it's an 1:03:53.600 --> 1:03:55.560 unhappy or unhealthy relationship. 1:03:55.800 --> 1:03:57.160 But just going back to something. 1:03:56.920 --> 1:03:59.520 That you said, this idea that it's like almost anti feminist, 1:04:00.160 --> 1:04:04.000 is okay to acknowledge the fact that some people feel 1:04:04.040 --> 1:04:06.360 lonely and they are looking to be in relationships and 1:04:06.400 --> 1:04:09.480 it's something that they fundamentally want in their life. Because 1:04:09.640 --> 1:04:11.400 you know, when we talk about relationships all the time, 1:04:11.440 --> 1:04:14.080 we often preach and Britain I have both done this, 1:04:14.160 --> 1:04:15.880 like we preach that you know, you have to get 1:04:15.880 --> 1:04:18.040 to a place where you're okay with being single, where 1:04:18.160 --> 1:04:20.160 you know it's great to be independent, it's great to 1:04:20.280 --> 1:04:22.439 know and to value all the things that you bring 1:04:22.480 --> 1:04:25.440 before being in a relationship yourself. But I do think 1:04:25.480 --> 1:04:29.280 that socially we put so much importance on relationships. We 1:04:29.480 --> 1:04:33.520 have placed relationships as a almost like an indicator of success. 1:04:33.920 --> 1:04:36.640 There is what success have you had in your work life? 1:04:36.640 --> 1:04:38.160 And there is what success have you had in your 1:04:38.160 --> 1:04:42.240 personal life? And hugely that personal life is romantic relationships. 1:04:42.280 --> 1:04:44.920 And I think secondary to that is our friendships. And 1:04:44.960 --> 1:04:47.880 I wish that dynamic would change, But I think birthdays 1:04:48.240 --> 1:04:51.720 and New Years particularly are these real milestone moments that 1:04:51.760 --> 1:04:54.880 can make people feel incredibly lonely when they don't have 1:04:55.000 --> 1:04:57.200 the thing that they want. And I want to reiterate 1:04:57.240 --> 1:04:59.840 the conversation we had on last year's episode. It's so 1:05:00.040 --> 1:05:02.440 okay if you do feel lonely in those moments, and 1:05:02.440 --> 1:05:04.880 you're not a failure for wanting to have something that 1:05:04.920 --> 1:05:07.800 you don't have. And I guess it's just this nice 1:05:07.840 --> 1:05:10.720 reminder that life is not static. Just because you're you're 1:05:10.800 --> 1:05:12.480 not where you thought you would be this year doesn't 1:05:12.480 --> 1:05:14.480 mean that you won't be there next year. And just 1:05:14.640 --> 1:05:17.680 riding that wave now the reason that this was one 1:05:17.680 --> 1:05:21.200 of my favorite parts of the year, And it could 1:05:21.200 --> 1:05:22.840 be a little bit selfish to be saying that, but 1:05:22.880 --> 1:05:25.520 it's actually because I learned so much from what Laura 1:05:25.560 --> 1:05:28.880 had to say in that moment I had been feeling. 1:05:29.840 --> 1:05:32.680 I think it's guilt. I think i'd felt bad for 1:05:32.760 --> 1:05:37.600 the fact that I had wanted a loving relationship so 1:05:37.760 --> 1:05:40.960 deeply in my life, and that I wasn't able to 1:05:41.080 --> 1:05:44.400 kind of articulate the fact that I felt a little 1:05:44.400 --> 1:05:47.800 bit ashamed for desiring that so much, you know, because 1:05:47.800 --> 1:05:51.160 I think we speak so much about being self assured, 1:05:51.200 --> 1:05:56.240 independent women, and I felt like that went against the grain. 1:05:56.360 --> 1:05:59.080 But from what Laura said in that moment, it actually 1:05:59.120 --> 1:06:02.720 made me realize that it's absolutely okay to deeply desire 1:06:02.800 --> 1:06:05.040 love in your life and to not want to be 1:06:05.120 --> 1:06:07.480 by yourself and to have that romantic connection. 1:06:07.640 --> 1:06:09.240 It's okay to crave that. 1:06:10.280 --> 1:06:12.760 Maybe this is something that you felt in your life, 1:06:12.840 --> 1:06:15.360 and perhaps you're single right now when you're really really 1:06:15.400 --> 1:06:17.920 desiring that deep love, and I don't want you to 1:06:17.920 --> 1:06:19.479 feel bad for that. I don't want you to feel 1:06:19.480 --> 1:06:22.520 as though you're incomplete for wanting that in your life. 1:06:23.080 --> 1:06:26.880 Coming up next in our rearing of you is I 1:06:27.040 --> 1:06:30.760 would go to say the wildest ask gun cut we 1:06:30.880 --> 1:06:34.640 have ever received. My heart still goes out to this person. 1:06:34.680 --> 1:06:37.240 I think about you all the time. We would absolutely 1:06:37.320 --> 1:06:40.200 love an aftermath, but this is the ask gun cut 1:06:40.320 --> 1:06:42.640 about the threesome that ended in a pregnancy. 1:06:43.800 --> 1:06:46.800 Okay, I'm an absolute loss. My fiance and I have 1:06:46.880 --> 1:06:50.000 been together for six years. We have an amazing relationship, 1:06:50.040 --> 1:06:52.360 and shortly after we got engaged, we decided to make 1:06:52.400 --> 1:06:55.880 our secret fantasy a reality. After deciding that I didn't 1:06:55.880 --> 1:06:58.160 want to die wondering. I asked my fiance if he 1:06:58.160 --> 1:07:00.440 would be willing to have a threesome one of the 1:07:00.480 --> 1:07:03.240 experience for us both before we get married. We're both 1:07:03.320 --> 1:07:05.520 quite open and trusting with each other and wanted to 1:07:05.560 --> 1:07:09.760 experience just this one thing one time. We both agreed 1:07:09.760 --> 1:07:11.720 to doing this, and I ended up asking a friend 1:07:11.720 --> 1:07:14.280 of mine if she would be willing. We all agreed, 1:07:14.360 --> 1:07:17.120 and after a lot of great communication, we worked out 1:07:17.160 --> 1:07:19.160 what we were okay with and how it would all 1:07:19.200 --> 1:07:23.919 go down slash who would go down here. I felt 1:07:23.960 --> 1:07:26.280 comfortable and secure about doing this with a friend that 1:07:26.320 --> 1:07:29.920 I had asked because we're not super close, but we 1:07:30.000 --> 1:07:31.640 have known each other for a long time. 1:07:32.040 --> 1:07:33.760 I didn't really want to do this with a friend 1:07:33.800 --> 1:07:35.760 that would be around a lot. I didn't want them 1:07:35.800 --> 1:07:36.800 to be super close to me. 1:07:37.080 --> 1:07:39.680 She was very respectful about boundaries and made sure I 1:07:39.760 --> 1:07:41.680 was happy with everything. When it came to do and 1:07:41.720 --> 1:07:44.520 the deed, my fiance and I were both super stoked 1:07:44.520 --> 1:07:46.800 we did this, and we said we felt closer than ever. 1:07:47.120 --> 1:07:47.360 Now. 1:07:47.520 --> 1:07:49.080 There's a lot in this, so I'm going to fast 1:07:49.120 --> 1:07:51.880 forward basically the next little while. 1:07:51.920 --> 1:07:52.680 We didn't talk to. 1:07:52.640 --> 1:07:55.360 That girl We messaged her twice just to keep contact, 1:07:55.400 --> 1:07:58.720 but she's not a close friend. Last week she called 1:07:58.760 --> 1:08:01.560 and dropped an absolute bomb shell on us. She called 1:08:01.560 --> 1:08:03.200 me when I was at work and told me that 1:08:03.280 --> 1:08:09.120 she was pregnant. I don't even have word craig bragante, 1:08:09.360 --> 1:08:12.600 and that my fiance is a father. I called my 1:08:12.640 --> 1:08:15.480 fiance straight away. He said, oh my god, I actually 1:08:15.480 --> 1:08:17.479 think the condom did break, but I was too drunk 1:08:17.479 --> 1:08:19.840 to remember or to even think about talking about it. 1:08:20.400 --> 1:08:23.120 She's decided to keep the baby. Holy shit, I know, 1:08:23.200 --> 1:08:25.439 she said. I feel really blindsided. I have no idea 1:08:25.439 --> 1:08:27.439 what to do. How do I even process this. My 1:08:27.520 --> 1:08:30.040 fiance and I do want kids together one day, but 1:08:30.120 --> 1:08:31.960 the idea of him having a baby with another woman 1:08:32.040 --> 1:08:34.880 makes me feel sick. He's so upset and confused about 1:08:34.880 --> 1:08:36.800 what to do or how to feel. How do we 1:08:36.800 --> 1:08:39.880 explain this to friends and family? How do we know 1:08:39.920 --> 1:08:42.680 if this can even work? I feel so overwhelmed. I 1:08:42.880 --> 1:08:46.439 don't know if I can stay in this relationship and 1:08:46.479 --> 1:08:49.560 move over it. But there's nothing wrong with our relationship 1:08:49.760 --> 1:08:50.439 except this. 1:08:52.560 --> 1:08:57.080 Oh okay, let's attack it from the top down. You 1:08:58.000 --> 1:09:01.439 can't do anything if she wants to keep this baby. 1:09:01.960 --> 1:09:07.040 That is absolutely one hundred percent her decision, and unfortunately, 1:09:07.280 --> 1:09:08.880 it means that if you want to stay in a 1:09:08.920 --> 1:09:13.800 relationship with your husband, your fiance, that this baby and 1:09:14.320 --> 1:09:17.760 it's mum, your friend, is going to be in your 1:09:17.840 --> 1:09:20.760 life forever, forever, and that's going to be something that 1:09:20.800 --> 1:09:23.400 you're going to have to make like you're gonna have 1:09:23.400 --> 1:09:25.040 to go to some therapy and you're going to have 1:09:25.080 --> 1:09:27.439 to come to terms with if it's something that you 1:09:27.479 --> 1:09:29.200 are able to do. 1:09:29.920 --> 1:09:30.200 Now. 1:09:30.280 --> 1:09:33.599 I think realistically, I'm trying to put myself in your position, 1:09:33.640 --> 1:09:37.880 which is just I can't even I cannot even imagine 1:09:37.880 --> 1:09:40.719 what it is that you're going through. But I guess 1:09:41.280 --> 1:09:45.479 what I would try and compartmentalize is that this was 1:09:45.479 --> 1:09:49.240 a decision that you guys both made together mutually as 1:09:49.280 --> 1:09:51.519 a couple, that you wanted to do, and you didn't 1:09:51.560 --> 1:09:55.120 have any regrets after doing it. Obviously, you don't want 1:09:55.120 --> 1:09:57.600 to have a baby. That's not something that was on 1:09:57.680 --> 1:10:00.160 the cards or it wasn't a plan. But I don't 1:10:00.160 --> 1:10:02.280 think it has to come at the sacrifice of your 1:10:02.320 --> 1:10:05.440 relationship because he didn't go out and cheat on you. 1:10:05.439 --> 1:10:09.600 You mutually had this experience together and now the byproduct 1:10:09.640 --> 1:10:11.880 of that is that he's going to be the father 1:10:12.000 --> 1:10:15.280 or the DNA contributor to a baby. I think together 1:10:15.439 --> 1:10:17.759 the two of you have to make the decisions around 1:10:17.800 --> 1:10:19.479 one obviously if you're going to stay together, but to 1:10:20.439 --> 1:10:23.280 what sort of father, What sort of contribution does he 1:10:23.320 --> 1:10:26.200 want to make into that child's life. And that can 1:10:26.320 --> 1:10:30.280 be being a proactive dad, that can be not anything 1:10:30.320 --> 1:10:31.840 if he doesn't want to be. I'm not saying that 1:10:31.840 --> 1:10:33.719 that is the great option or that is the most 1:10:33.720 --> 1:10:36.880 moral option, but that is also an option. He can 1:10:36.920 --> 1:10:39.479 financially contribute to the child's life, but he doesn't have 1:10:39.560 --> 1:10:42.720 to be a proactive part of the child's life. And 1:10:42.800 --> 1:10:44.839 how do you explain it to friends and family? 1:10:45.200 --> 1:10:47.160 You tell him, I think you have to tell the truth. 1:10:47.200 --> 1:10:50.040 I think you be honest. I think you genuinely be honest. 1:10:50.080 --> 1:10:52.160 And I think the reason why you genuinely be honest, 1:10:52.320 --> 1:10:55.599 especially with people in your closest knit circle, is because 1:10:55.720 --> 1:10:57.600 the assumption is going to be that he cheated on you, 1:10:57.840 --> 1:10:59.479 And if you love your partner and you want to 1:10:59.479 --> 1:11:01.720 protect your I think you carry a bit of that 1:11:01.760 --> 1:11:06.799 weight together because he didn't betray you. Fucking hell wow. 1:11:07.120 --> 1:11:09.760 I mean, but I don't want to skim over this. 1:11:10.120 --> 1:11:11.800 I don't know if I would be able to survive 1:11:11.840 --> 1:11:12.800 this in my relationship. 1:11:12.960 --> 1:11:14.720 No, and this is the thing that I think I 1:11:14.760 --> 1:11:16.280 want to the angle I want to go down. 1:11:16.800 --> 1:11:18.720 I we need to cover it all. But I have 1:11:18.800 --> 1:11:20.280 thought about this for the last couple of days. I 1:11:20.280 --> 1:11:21.040 spoke to Beat about it. 1:11:21.080 --> 1:11:22.760 I've been really trying to get my head around what 1:11:22.800 --> 1:11:25.160 I would do in this situation. And I guess it's 1:11:25.200 --> 1:11:27.040 one of those things you don't know unless you're in it. 1:11:27.200 --> 1:11:28.880 I mean, she ends it with I don't know if 1:11:28.880 --> 1:11:33.479 I can accept this situation. Unfortunately, if you can't accept it, 1:11:33.800 --> 1:11:36.800 Whilst that's not fair, you don't have another option. You 1:11:36.840 --> 1:11:38.920 can't stay in a relationship if you're not going to 1:11:38.960 --> 1:11:41.680 accept it, because it is forever. I'm also making an 1:11:41.720 --> 1:11:45.240 assumption here that your partner is got and you if 1:11:45.240 --> 1:11:47.519 you stay in the relationship, because you will become a 1:11:47.560 --> 1:11:51.360 step mum. But your partner, I assuming he's going to 1:11:51.400 --> 1:11:53.000 do the right thing because you know it was a 1:11:53.040 --> 1:11:53.720 situation you. 1:11:53.720 --> 1:11:55.719 All willingly went into and it is a friend. 1:11:55.760 --> 1:11:58.080 I can't imagine a man in that situation being like, no, 1:11:58.160 --> 1:12:00.559 you're on your own making that as some that he's 1:12:00.600 --> 1:12:03.880 going to be involved in some capacity financially and physically. 1:12:04.240 --> 1:12:06.040 Do you think though, that that is the wrong thing. 1:12:06.080 --> 1:12:08.759 I always find this an interesting debate because I don't 1:12:08.880 --> 1:12:11.639 think this might caught me into a bit of hot 1:12:11.680 --> 1:12:15.680 water in may. I do think that you financially need 1:12:15.720 --> 1:12:19.040 to contribute, so if you have unprotected sex with someone. Firstly, 1:12:19.120 --> 1:12:20.960 I mean, it's terrible that the condom broke and he 1:12:21.000 --> 1:12:22.320 did not have a conversation with her. 1:12:22.360 --> 1:12:23.840 He didn't think about her, he was too drunk. 1:12:23.840 --> 1:12:26.879 Like that's a whole that is a really massive issue 1:12:27.280 --> 1:12:31.320 that we can't just skim over. Like morally, this is 1:12:31.360 --> 1:12:34.519 a situation he created by his irresponsibility, and he had 1:12:34.560 --> 1:12:36.920 sex in a way that she therefore did not consent to. 1:12:37.280 --> 1:12:39.360 And now she's pregnant, and this poor woman is having 1:12:39.400 --> 1:12:42.120 a baby that she didn't necessarily want to have, but 1:12:42.280 --> 1:12:44.360 is keeping it and that's you know, like that's her 1:12:44.439 --> 1:12:47.320 decision to do so. But I guess when it comes 1:12:47.360 --> 1:12:51.640 to the expectation that he has or that people have 1:12:51.720 --> 1:12:54.080 on him to be a proactive part in this child's life, 1:12:54.360 --> 1:12:57.240 I think financially and legally he has to be. But 1:12:57.320 --> 1:13:01.599 I don't think that a man has to be a 1:13:01.760 --> 1:13:05.320 father figure in a child's life that he didn't also 1:13:05.520 --> 1:13:06.720 agree to wanting to have. 1:13:06.920 --> 1:13:10.080 Does that make sense? Yeah, I mean I disagree. 1:13:10.160 --> 1:13:12.040 I think it's unfair, but I don't think that there's 1:13:12.080 --> 1:13:13.960 an expectation to toplay that part. 1:13:14.479 --> 1:13:18.000 I think it's a responsibility that you need to take 1:13:18.040 --> 1:13:18.839 in some capacity. 1:13:18.880 --> 1:13:19.800 Of course, you don't have to. 1:13:20.040 --> 1:13:22.200 If I was that child and I grew up knowing 1:13:22.240 --> 1:13:24.640 that my dad was my mum's friend literally down the 1:13:24.720 --> 1:13:26.679 road and he didn't fucking care about me. He threw 1:13:26.720 --> 1:13:28.759 me some money, sometimes it's going to have an impact. 1:13:28.800 --> 1:13:30.280 So I think it kind of sound to him it's 1:13:30.320 --> 1:13:33.800 a moral obligation. Obligation is probably the wrong word. It's 1:13:33.840 --> 1:13:37.200 a moral responsibility. You are not obligated if you don't 1:13:37.200 --> 1:13:39.320 want to. No human in the world obviously is. But 1:13:39.840 --> 1:13:42.880 I think it shows a lot if he isn't involved 1:13:42.920 --> 1:13:44.800 in his child's life. I don't think that in this 1:13:44.840 --> 1:13:46.720 situation money is enough personally. 1:13:46.439 --> 1:13:48.599 Especially when it was his fault. Yeah, and we don't 1:13:48.600 --> 1:13:49.639 say fault right, Well. 1:13:49.520 --> 1:13:51.479 It was he's caught, the condom broke and he was 1:13:51.520 --> 1:13:53.439 too drunk to actually acknowledge it or talk about it. 1:13:53.439 --> 1:13:56.120 That's his fault coming back to you because this is 1:13:56.160 --> 1:13:56.719 about you. 1:13:57.200 --> 1:13:59.720 I feel so sorry for you. But if you think 1:13:59.720 --> 1:14:01.320 that there is a way you can get through this, 1:14:01.320 --> 1:14:02.400 which I think you should. 1:14:02.160 --> 1:14:05.000 Probably try, if he's the love of your life and 1:14:05.040 --> 1:14:07.320 you are going to have kids one day together, if 1:14:07.360 --> 1:14:08.120 you really think. 1:14:08.000 --> 1:14:09.639 You can move through it, then you need to all 1:14:09.680 --> 1:14:10.280 talk together. 1:14:10.360 --> 1:14:12.679 You need to sit down with this friend, go through 1:14:12.720 --> 1:14:15.559 what's going to look like, what are the expectations, Are 1:14:15.600 --> 1:14:17.680 there boundaries? Then you need to have a conversation with 1:14:17.760 --> 1:14:20.400 your partner what do you want in this in terms 1:14:20.439 --> 1:14:22.360 of being a father? What do you want from me? 1:14:22.439 --> 1:14:23.680 Do you still want to have your own kids with 1:14:23.720 --> 1:14:26.120 me in that situation? There are so many. 1:14:26.040 --> 1:14:27.760 Aspects of this that you need to nut out the 1:14:28.040 --> 1:14:29.200 holy fuck. 1:14:29.439 --> 1:14:29.639 Yeah. 1:14:29.720 --> 1:14:31.320 I mean, look, think I agree with you on some 1:14:31.360 --> 1:14:33.439 parts and I disagree with you on others. I definitely 1:14:33.439 --> 1:14:35.360 think the three of you need to sit down and 1:14:35.439 --> 1:14:39.800 have a very open conversation around expectations, around how you 1:14:39.920 --> 1:14:41.360 feel this is going to play out. 1:14:41.439 --> 1:14:44.439 I think you and your heartner need time to grieve. 1:14:44.520 --> 1:14:47.599 You need time to grieve this idea of the family 1:14:47.720 --> 1:14:50.000 unit that you were going to have. That's not to 1:14:50.040 --> 1:14:52.160 say that your family unit still won't exist. And it 1:14:52.200 --> 1:14:54.360 doesn't mean yes he will either. You know, your friend 1:14:54.360 --> 1:14:56.599 has his baby and he wants to be a part 1:14:56.600 --> 1:14:59.320 of it. There will be co parenting. That doesn't mean 1:14:59.439 --> 1:15:02.920 that that really relationship becomes his nucleart family or relationship. 1:15:02.960 --> 1:15:04.840 He will still go on to have a family with you. 1:15:05.200 --> 1:15:07.519 It just means that he will co parent and your 1:15:07.600 --> 1:15:10.640 kids will have a half brother or sister, which is 1:15:10.680 --> 1:15:12.760 going to be a weird thing to overcome. But you 1:15:12.760 --> 1:15:15.840 know what, in time, even weird situations become less weird, 1:15:15.880 --> 1:15:19.080 like they become normal. You guys will grow past it. 1:15:19.320 --> 1:15:23.479 Time really does. And it's the dumbest and lamest saying, 1:15:23.960 --> 1:15:27.000 but it is true. Time heals all, and in time 1:15:27.320 --> 1:15:29.439 you can get over so many things that you think 1:15:29.439 --> 1:15:30.559 you're not able to get over. 1:15:31.040 --> 1:15:32.200 But I think in. 1:15:32.120 --> 1:15:36.520 This instance, I would be really having conversations around expectations 1:15:36.560 --> 1:15:39.280 because you never know, your friend may not have the 1:15:39.360 --> 1:15:41.840 expectation that she wants him to be a proactive part 1:15:41.840 --> 1:15:44.080 of this child's life. She may want him to be 1:15:44.160 --> 1:15:46.720 a proactive part. She may want him to be, you know, 1:15:46.840 --> 1:15:49.760 a dad who contributes financially. Like I think having those 1:15:49.760 --> 1:15:52.240 conversations he might want to be proactive, like you just 1:15:52.320 --> 1:15:56.000 don't know what everybody is feeling, what everybody is thinking, 1:15:56.080 --> 1:15:58.320 and what the expectation is to show up to being 1:15:58.400 --> 1:16:01.679 a parent in this situation. And I think the choice 1:16:01.720 --> 1:16:05.479 to have the baby is entirely her choice, but how 1:16:05.520 --> 1:16:08.720 that baby is parented is not entirely her choice. And 1:16:08.760 --> 1:16:11.200 so that's something that the three of you can come 1:16:11.240 --> 1:16:14.599 to a decision on together. But I do think it 1:16:14.720 --> 1:16:17.200 is something you could work through. But you're going to 1:16:17.280 --> 1:16:19.280 have to be super open minded, and you're going to 1:16:19.320 --> 1:16:21.680 have to really communicate with the people around you who 1:16:21.760 --> 1:16:25.080 you love and respect and who are important to you, 1:16:25.560 --> 1:16:29.479 because ultimately you have to protect your partner as well 1:16:29.520 --> 1:16:31.880 as yourself and your relationship. And it's going to be 1:16:31.960 --> 1:16:34.960 the weird, big elephant in the room. But also, like, 1:16:35.000 --> 1:16:36.920 fuck it, you had a threesome. It's not like you didn't, 1:16:36.920 --> 1:16:38.680 no one cheated, no one did anything wrong. You had 1:16:38.720 --> 1:16:43.400 a consensual threesome. And I can only imagine how challenging 1:16:43.400 --> 1:16:44.559 this period of life is. 1:16:44.600 --> 1:16:47.200 But I genuinely think you can get through this. 1:16:47.280 --> 1:16:48.760 If this is the person that you've been with for 1:16:48.840 --> 1:16:50.599 six years, you know, I just think you can. 1:16:50.720 --> 1:16:51.680 Yeah, you can work through it. 1:16:51.840 --> 1:16:53.720 Yeah, I think that's the most important thing as well 1:16:53.760 --> 1:16:56.000 that I agree with is when it comes out, you 1:16:56.000 --> 1:16:58.200 do need to tell the truth because otherwise it paints 1:16:58.320 --> 1:17:00.320 well two people in a really bad life, is the 1:17:00.400 --> 1:17:02.640 Cheaterah and her as a friend that also, you know, 1:17:02.720 --> 1:17:04.040 quote unquote fucked your partner. 1:17:04.160 --> 1:17:05.760 So yeah, but also when I say you have to 1:17:05.800 --> 1:17:08.760 tell the truth, you don't owe anyone anything. You don't 1:17:08.800 --> 1:17:11.240 have to over explain it, you don't have to just 1:17:11.320 --> 1:17:13.960 it you had a threesome, Like, you didn't break any laws, 1:17:14.000 --> 1:17:15.200 You did whatever the fuck you wanted to. 1:17:15.240 --> 1:17:16.559 You're three consenting adults. 1:17:16.680 --> 1:17:19.680 Yes, your parents might find it a bit challenging to understand. 1:17:20.280 --> 1:17:22.439 But you know what, like at the end of the day, 1:17:22.680 --> 1:17:25.240 people around you will come round to these sorts of 1:17:25.240 --> 1:17:28.360 things and I think, yeah, it's reopen as at all. No, 1:17:28.400 --> 1:17:30.240 but some people will and there will be like some 1:17:30.280 --> 1:17:32.280 guilt and shame attached to it, which they shouldn't be. 1:17:32.439 --> 1:17:35.200 Yeah, totally, I'm just saying I think that part isn't 1:17:35.280 --> 1:17:37.719 no brainer for me, is the truth telling, because otherwise 1:17:37.720 --> 1:17:40.400 two people are painted as totally as really bad people 1:17:40.439 --> 1:17:42.760 that weren't. So unfortunately, it's a pill that you might 1:17:42.800 --> 1:17:44.880 have to swallow for a hot second. But in this 1:17:44.960 --> 1:17:46.880 day and age, I mean, everyone's talking about this kind 1:17:46.880 --> 1:17:48.840 of stuff now. It will hit different now to what 1:17:48.880 --> 1:17:52.080 it would have twenty years ago. It is an unbelievable situation. 1:17:52.120 --> 1:17:54.040 I think this is possibly the most challenging ask on 1:17:54.080 --> 1:17:55.960 Cup we've ever had. But I really do want to 1:17:56.000 --> 1:17:59.800 reiterate that the big thing here, and I think the 1:18:00.400 --> 1:18:03.320 part of the responsibility falls on the fact that your 1:18:03.360 --> 1:18:06.200 partner his condom broke and he did not communicate that. 1:18:06.600 --> 1:18:09.800 It is such a like I don't even have words 1:18:09.840 --> 1:18:12.559 for how much of a betrayal that is. And the 1:18:12.640 --> 1:18:15.080 fact that he didn't he was too drunk, it didn't 1:18:15.120 --> 1:18:17.360 occur to him that he should have had that communication 1:18:17.920 --> 1:18:20.400 means that all of those discussions that you guys had 1:18:20.439 --> 1:18:24.160 pre having that threesome, all of the conversations around your boundaries, 1:18:24.240 --> 1:18:26.360 around the way in which you were going to engage 1:18:26.400 --> 1:18:28.599 the respect for each other, all of that went out 1:18:28.600 --> 1:18:31.200 the window. And that really changes the basis of which 1:18:31.240 --> 1:18:33.800 the boundaries were set in terms of what was going 1:18:33.880 --> 1:18:37.160 to be okay and not okay in this threesome. I 1:18:37.200 --> 1:18:40.600 would love you to write in what happens and that 1:18:40.720 --> 1:18:42.280 might not be something you want to do, but this 1:18:42.400 --> 1:18:44.720 as an aftermath, I would love to know if you 1:18:44.760 --> 1:18:46.720 can get to a point where you're okay with it 1:18:46.800 --> 1:18:48.599 and you stay in the relationship and you guys move. 1:18:48.479 --> 1:18:51.200 Forward, or if you think you can't yeh oh oh, 1:18:51.240 --> 1:18:51.519 my god. 1:18:51.520 --> 1:18:53.639 The aftermath of this, and I think like the very 1:18:53.680 --> 1:18:57.439 last thing is go and have some therapy together, like 1:18:57.600 --> 1:19:00.639 you and your couple, the three of you, to talk 1:19:00.720 --> 1:19:03.920 through the complexities of this situation. I think, like, don't 1:19:03.960 --> 1:19:07.720 underestimate the importance of that process. And lastly, take it 1:19:07.800 --> 1:19:09.720 day by day because this is such a big and 1:19:09.840 --> 1:19:12.559 overwhelming decision that you need to make, and it feels 1:19:12.760 --> 1:19:16.160 so huge. But like I said, time kind of heals things. 1:19:16.200 --> 1:19:18.400 And as you take one step and then one day 1:19:18.479 --> 1:19:21.160 and you start working through what this looks like over 1:19:21.200 --> 1:19:23.479 the next nine months or however long she has that 1:19:23.520 --> 1:19:26.920 she's pregnant, it may seem like it is not so 1:19:27.040 --> 1:19:29.800 insurmountable when you start to break it down into smaller days. 1:19:29.800 --> 1:19:31.559 It's not to say that it's not going to be hard, 1:19:31.600 --> 1:19:33.680 but like it may feel more manageable. 1:19:34.200 --> 1:19:36.680 Yeah, far up now, Like. 1:19:36.640 --> 1:19:38.760 I just I still to this day, I listen back 1:19:38.760 --> 1:19:40.479 through that, and I'm like, I do not know what 1:19:40.520 --> 1:19:43.240 I would do. I have so much sympathy for the 1:19:43.280 --> 1:19:45.680 person experiencing that. But coming up next in our year 1:19:45.720 --> 1:19:47.720 in review, it is the last segment for us to 1:19:47.760 --> 1:19:51.360 get through. And the reason we included this in this 1:19:51.439 --> 1:19:55.240 year's highlights is because we would get I mean, probably 1:19:55.280 --> 1:19:58.519 about one hundred ask Gunclock questions to the podcast every week, 1:19:59.360 --> 1:20:02.360 and this this particular question seems to come in in 1:20:02.400 --> 1:20:05.280 different variations, but like very similar kind. 1:20:05.160 --> 1:20:07.320 Of feeling behind the question. 1:20:08.160 --> 1:20:12.360 It's about being single and feeling as though everyone around 1:20:12.400 --> 1:20:15.800 you is getting into a relationship, everyone around you is 1:20:15.840 --> 1:20:18.760 progressing into those different chapters of life, and you feel 1:20:18.800 --> 1:20:21.640 as though you're a little bit left behind. What I 1:20:21.680 --> 1:20:24.759 loved about this was what brit had to say about 1:20:25.280 --> 1:20:27.720 finding love a little bit later than what maybe you 1:20:27.840 --> 1:20:30.439 expected to and how different that love can look. 1:20:31.320 --> 1:20:33.960 I'm starting to feel really down about my lack of 1:20:34.040 --> 1:20:36.400 love life. I feel like all my friends are getting 1:20:36.400 --> 1:20:39.080 engaged or married and I'm the only one that's left single. 1:20:39.479 --> 1:20:41.439 I'm nearly thirty, and I've come out of a toxic 1:20:41.479 --> 1:20:44.479 relationship three years ago where my partner was having an affair. 1:20:45.040 --> 1:20:47.719 He moved on straight away. I've been on dating apps 1:20:47.720 --> 1:20:50.160 and I'm not sure if it's my city or what's 1:20:50.200 --> 1:20:52.519 going on, but I'm telling you it's the bottom of 1:20:52.560 --> 1:20:54.360 the barrel, and I don't want to waste my time 1:20:54.400 --> 1:20:56.840 with any of these people so far. I want to 1:20:56.840 --> 1:20:59.519 find someone with similar values or a similar lifestyle that 1:20:59.600 --> 1:21:03.040 align with mine. I'm very independent and I am fine alone, 1:21:03.120 --> 1:21:04.880 but I have reached a stage where I want someone 1:21:04.920 --> 1:21:07.760 to share my life with. I honestly feel like I'm 1:21:07.760 --> 1:21:09.559 going to have to wait for people to start getting 1:21:09.560 --> 1:21:11.720 divorced at this rate, or I'm going to have to 1:21:11.800 --> 1:21:14.880 literally move cities just to find someone. I'm starting to 1:21:14.920 --> 1:21:17.240 avoid going out or catching up with friends is it 1:21:17.240 --> 1:21:19.600 always feels like I'm the only one that's alone and 1:21:19.640 --> 1:21:22.120 not with a partner. When I do go, I end 1:21:22.200 --> 1:21:25.240 up feeling really sad and alone. I've been throwing myself 1:21:25.240 --> 1:21:27.360 into work too much, so I don't have time to 1:21:27.400 --> 1:21:30.320 feel sad because it's really starting to affect my confidence, 1:21:30.320 --> 1:21:33.400 and he's making me feel like there's something inherently wrong 1:21:33.479 --> 1:21:33.760 with me. 1:21:34.280 --> 1:21:35.280 I want kids. 1:21:35.000 --> 1:21:37.640 Someday, and I don't want to wait too late. I 1:21:37.680 --> 1:21:39.479 know there are options to do it solo, but I 1:21:39.520 --> 1:21:41.400 was raised by a solo parent, and I. 1:21:41.320 --> 1:21:43.240 Don't want that to be my life. 1:21:44.200 --> 1:21:46.840 I feel like this is so like you've gone into 1:21:46.840 --> 1:21:49.960 a spiral, Like there's so many parts of this that 1:21:50.000 --> 1:21:52.559 you're not just focusing on the you know, wanting to 1:21:52.680 --> 1:21:55.639 date and like meeting someone new, and you know that 1:21:55.680 --> 1:21:59.240 sort of initial stages. You're so far down the track 1:21:59.280 --> 1:22:01.920 of where you're future is going to be that there's 1:22:01.960 --> 1:22:04.400 too many things loaded into what dating means for you, 1:22:04.560 --> 1:22:07.000 and so like you're probably never going to be able 1:22:07.040 --> 1:22:08.600 to And I hate when people like just enjoy the 1:22:08.680 --> 1:22:11.120 dating phase, which is so easy to say when you're 1:22:11.120 --> 1:22:13.800 in a relationship and you have kids and you're in 1:22:13.840 --> 1:22:16.320 the place where the person who is wanting that is 1:22:16.360 --> 1:22:17.920 trying to get to you know, it's so easy to 1:22:17.920 --> 1:22:20.439 give advice from on top of the hill. But at 1:22:20.439 --> 1:22:23.360 the same time, I do also think that if you're 1:22:23.479 --> 1:22:26.519 so focused on everything that's in the future, then it 1:22:26.640 --> 1:22:28.320 makes what you have to do in the day to 1:22:28.400 --> 1:22:31.440 day seem so heavy and so shit and so unenjoyable. 1:22:31.800 --> 1:22:34.519 And the reality is is that dating is a numbers game. 1:22:34.800 --> 1:22:37.400 Dating is something that you know, the more dates you 1:22:37.400 --> 1:22:39.400 go on, the more people that you meet. The more 1:22:39.400 --> 1:22:42.040 that you trudge through the shit of life and weighe 1:22:42.080 --> 1:22:45.320 through the people who are unsuitable, the more likely it 1:22:45.400 --> 1:22:47.800 is that you're able to find someone who is someone 1:22:47.800 --> 1:22:49.720 who will be a great match for you. But it 1:22:49.760 --> 1:22:51.360 does come down to you. And I think it's great 1:22:51.360 --> 1:22:52.599 that you say, you know, you don't want to waste 1:22:52.640 --> 1:22:53.639 your time on these people. 1:22:53.960 --> 1:22:56.160 That's a great thing. You still have to go on 1:22:56.200 --> 1:22:57.360 the date. You still have to. 1:22:57.280 --> 1:23:00.520 Try and meet people, because if you think that everybody 1:23:00.640 --> 1:23:02.800 is the same and you're not going to put yourself 1:23:02.800 --> 1:23:04.760 out there now because you can't be bothered, or because 1:23:04.800 --> 1:23:06.559 you think it's a waste of time, you're not going 1:23:06.640 --> 1:23:09.439 to meet anyone by doing that approach or by having 1:23:09.520 --> 1:23:10.000 that approach. 1:23:10.120 --> 1:23:12.360 I feel like I literally could have written this question. 1:23:12.520 --> 1:23:16.439 Every single thing you wrote down, besides the solo parent 1:23:16.560 --> 1:23:18.920 like being in a single parent family. I feel like 1:23:19.000 --> 1:23:21.439 I have said, or I've written, or I have felt 1:23:21.439 --> 1:23:23.840 at some point in my life the only person that's single. 1:23:24.000 --> 1:23:26.120 The fact that you feel like thirty years old, the 1:23:26.120 --> 1:23:27.439 fact that you want kids but you don't know if 1:23:27.439 --> 1:23:30.360 it's going to happen, You're sick of dating, you're fine alone, 1:23:30.400 --> 1:23:31.799 but you want to share your life with someone. 1:23:32.040 --> 1:23:33.400 You're not alone in that feeling. 1:23:33.520 --> 1:23:35.640 In fact, I'm going to say most people feel that 1:23:35.800 --> 1:23:38.760 at some point in their life. And just remember a 1:23:38.800 --> 1:23:41.040 lot of people can still feel alone in a relationship 1:23:41.080 --> 1:23:43.799 as well. This is what I said to produce Akisha. 1:23:43.880 --> 1:23:45.960 Actually not long ago, so produce a Kisha went through this. 1:23:46.120 --> 1:23:48.920 Keisha had just turned thirty, so exactly the same age. 1:23:48.960 --> 1:23:51.639 And we know that she's with toblerone now and she's 1:23:51.680 --> 1:23:54.160 in this great relationship, but that hasn't been that long. 1:23:54.160 --> 1:23:55.519 I guess seven months, I think. 1:23:55.680 --> 1:23:58.720 But we had this conversation just before she met Tobleron 1:23:58.760 --> 1:24:00.680 and she said exactly the same thing. She said, I 1:24:00.760 --> 1:24:03.960 just feel like I'm so sick of dating and I 1:24:04.200 --> 1:24:06.200 feel like at age thirty, I should have had my 1:24:06.240 --> 1:24:08.120 life together and I want to be in that relationship 1:24:08.160 --> 1:24:09.799 and I don't want to meet these people anymore. 1:24:09.800 --> 1:24:12.439 And I've had enough and everyone's shit like, and she. 1:24:12.439 --> 1:24:14.880 Got into this really low point and I said to her, 1:24:15.040 --> 1:24:17.920 I said, just think of my life as you know it. 1:24:18.360 --> 1:24:20.840 I went on the Bachelor at age thirty to give 1:24:20.920 --> 1:24:23.840 Kisha and to give you guys context, like thinking how 1:24:24.000 --> 1:24:26.559 long ago that was. And I was your this girl's 1:24:26.560 --> 1:24:28.360 age right now, She's like, I'm nearly thirty. I feel 1:24:28.360 --> 1:24:31.920 like life's over. My life changed dramatically at age thirty, 1:24:31.960 --> 1:24:34.960 and it took a completely different turn. I feel like 1:24:35.040 --> 1:24:36.600 I've met the love of my life now. And I 1:24:36.720 --> 1:24:39.400 met him when I was in this exact position. I 1:24:39.520 --> 1:24:41.559 did not want to date anymore. I was so sick 1:24:41.560 --> 1:24:43.360 of meeting people and telling my story. I was so 1:24:43.400 --> 1:24:46.080 sick of going out. And I met him at thirty 1:24:46.120 --> 1:24:49.240 five years old. So think of how much time you've got. 1:24:49.360 --> 1:24:51.360 People put a lot of weight on a number on 1:24:51.439 --> 1:24:54.280 the age of thirty, like society expects us to have 1:24:54.320 --> 1:24:57.200 done all these things by thirty, by forty, so almost 1:24:57.240 --> 1:24:58.839 like we rounded up to these decades. 1:24:59.200 --> 1:25:00.960 You don't have to have done anything. 1:25:00.960 --> 1:25:02.479 And I know you want to feel like you're sharing 1:25:02.520 --> 1:25:04.719 with life with someone, but I think it's more important 1:25:04.720 --> 1:25:06.320 to share it with the right person and to wait. 1:25:06.439 --> 1:25:08.839 But exactly what you said, Laura, it's. 1:25:08.720 --> 1:25:12.120 Not, unfortunately, gonna walk in your door and fall on 1:25:12.160 --> 1:25:12.559 your lap. 1:25:12.640 --> 1:25:14.800 Like it's not just going to I mean, maybe it does. 1:25:14.920 --> 1:25:15.960 You might be one in a million. 1:25:16.000 --> 1:25:18.800 Maybe somehow, like some sort of sitcom orm com, it 1:25:18.880 --> 1:25:20.960 happens but chances are you're going to have to keep 1:25:21.000 --> 1:25:23.719 putting in the effort. You definitely don't need to waste 1:25:23.720 --> 1:25:26.360 your time with somebody, but you need to waste enough 1:25:26.400 --> 1:25:28.800 time to know whether you're going to waste your time 1:25:28.920 --> 1:25:29.839 or not in the future. 1:25:30.040 --> 1:25:32.640 Yeah, And also, I mean this whole idea of you 1:25:32.680 --> 1:25:34.680 wrote here, I honestly feel like I'm gonna have to 1:25:34.720 --> 1:25:37.320 wait for people to start getting divorced. Fair there is 1:25:37.479 --> 1:25:40.160 definitely a second wave that comes, but total that's not 1:25:40.200 --> 1:25:42.479 coming yet. Just you know, in terms of age and 1:25:42.520 --> 1:25:44.479 where you're at, you don't have to wait for people 1:25:44.479 --> 1:25:46.800 to start getting divorced if you're only twenty nine. And 1:25:46.880 --> 1:25:49.360 I know that that, Like we said, it doesn't have 1:25:49.439 --> 1:25:51.000 to be an age thing. And I don't want anyone 1:25:51.040 --> 1:25:53.839 to think that we're like, oh, you're so young, because 1:25:53.920 --> 1:25:56.240 that's an infuriating thing to be told when you want 1:25:56.240 --> 1:25:58.080 to be in a relationship and you want to settle 1:25:58.120 --> 1:26:02.400 down and all those things. Same time, waiting and having 1:26:02.400 --> 1:26:05.400 in your head that potentially the next wave of men 1:26:05.880 --> 1:26:08.000 is where you're gonna find the person for you is 1:26:08.040 --> 1:26:10.760 definitely not goit. But the other part was you said, 1:26:10.800 --> 1:26:13.320 I'm starting to avoid going out or catching up with friends, 1:26:13.640 --> 1:26:15.719 as it always feels like I'm the only one alone 1:26:15.760 --> 1:26:19.240 and not with a partner. That's so shit, and I 1:26:19.240 --> 1:26:21.080 hate that you're doing that to yourself. I hate that 1:26:21.120 --> 1:26:24.799 you are avoiding your friendship circles because seeing other people 1:26:24.800 --> 1:26:27.559 in relationships is a reminder to you that you're not 1:26:27.640 --> 1:26:30.519 in one, and therefore you are isolating yourself even more. 1:26:30.920 --> 1:26:33.000 I really think, like, don't do that. And the reason 1:26:33.040 --> 1:26:34.760 why I say this is because all that's going to 1:26:34.840 --> 1:26:37.920 do is compound and impact you. And you think that 1:26:37.960 --> 1:26:40.240 you're avoiding the fact that you don't have to see 1:26:40.240 --> 1:26:41.920 your friends in a relationship. You know it's not bringing 1:26:41.920 --> 1:26:43.840 this up for you, but all you're doing is closing 1:26:43.840 --> 1:26:46.720 your circle off. You're making your friendship group smaller, You're 1:26:46.720 --> 1:26:49.320 making your connections smaller, which also in turn makes it 1:26:49.360 --> 1:26:51.960 harder for you to meet people because often it's through 1:26:51.960 --> 1:26:54.120 our friends and through our friends connections where we can 1:26:54.160 --> 1:26:56.719 actually meet someone. You know, you might go to a party, 1:26:56.800 --> 1:26:58.320 or you might go to an event, or you might 1:26:58.360 --> 1:27:01.880 go out for lunch or something and your friend's friend 1:27:02.000 --> 1:27:04.000 might bring someone and that could be how you meet. 1:27:04.479 --> 1:27:07.280 But also in saying that, it is also okay to 1:27:07.640 --> 1:27:11.240 organize things with your girlfriends and not have their partners there. 1:27:11.280 --> 1:27:13.680 If there's moments where you feel like you need to 1:27:13.760 --> 1:27:15.960 just have your friends around you and not have it 1:27:16.040 --> 1:27:18.680 kind of in your face that everyone's in a relationship 1:27:18.760 --> 1:27:21.639 except for you, then organize things that are just with 1:27:21.720 --> 1:27:24.160 your closest friends that aren't with their partners as well. 1:27:24.200 --> 1:27:27.160 And I think that that's totally acceptable. But don't remove 1:27:27.200 --> 1:27:31.000 yourself from your friendship groups because you think that it's 1:27:31.000 --> 1:27:33.720 this reminder that you're alone. And I really think with 1:27:33.800 --> 1:27:36.559 this question, there were so many parts. Like I said 1:27:36.560 --> 1:27:39.120 at the beginning, there were so many bits that have 1:27:39.240 --> 1:27:41.479 made you feel hurt, and I think you have to 1:27:41.520 --> 1:27:43.320 break it down. You have to break it down to 1:27:43.360 --> 1:27:45.280 the dating. Then you have to break it down to like, 1:27:45.320 --> 1:27:47.439 you know, hanging out with your friends. And then you 1:27:47.520 --> 1:27:51.240 have to try and not think about this idea of like, well, 1:27:51.360 --> 1:27:53.759 maybe I'll be a solo parent in the future, because 1:27:54.000 --> 1:27:56.120 that's not going to happen, Like that's not something that 1:27:56.160 --> 1:27:58.519 you have to be thinking about now. And all that's 1:27:58.560 --> 1:28:02.400 doing is compounding and creating more anxiety and more fear 1:28:02.560 --> 1:28:04.640 around where it is right now for you, and that 1:28:04.800 --> 1:28:06.680 is that you're in the dating game, and sometimes it 1:28:06.680 --> 1:28:07.599 can be fucking rough. 1:28:07.760 --> 1:28:08.080 Yeah. 1:28:08.160 --> 1:28:09.840 The few other things that I want to break down 1:28:09.840 --> 1:28:11.760 in this question as well, because there are so many 1:28:11.760 --> 1:28:15.799 parts to it. One is something that I have noticed 1:28:16.240 --> 1:28:19.439 is it does move faster the older you get, so 1:28:19.479 --> 1:28:22.479 like when you meet the right person, the same time 1:28:22.680 --> 1:28:25.000 frames don't apply. And that's with all of my friends, 1:28:25.000 --> 1:28:27.040 everyone in my life, it's been exactly the same, right 1:28:27.080 --> 1:28:27.719 all of my friends. 1:28:27.720 --> 1:28:29.760 I've got family members that have met people later in life. 1:28:29.760 --> 1:28:32.120 It happens quickly because you're more sure of who you are, 1:28:32.520 --> 1:28:34.320 where you are in life and what you want. And 1:28:34.439 --> 1:28:37.840 generally speaking, the person you've met is probably the samesh 1:28:37.880 --> 1:28:40.360 age and the same part of life, and they're the 1:28:40.360 --> 1:28:42.080 same they know what they want as well, So things 1:28:42.120 --> 1:28:45.360 definitely happen quicker. So I don't want you to think that, like, oh, 1:28:45.400 --> 1:28:47.400 what if I don't meet someone till thirty four, then 1:28:47.400 --> 1:28:49.479 we have to do three or four years of dating. 1:28:49.520 --> 1:28:51.240 Then we have to You don't know, it could happen 1:28:51.280 --> 1:28:51.679 in a year. 1:28:51.720 --> 1:28:53.840 You could be so obsessed with your partner and fell 1:28:53.880 --> 1:28:55.720 pregnant and get married and get engaged in the love 1:28:55.720 --> 1:28:56.160 of your life. 1:28:56.240 --> 1:28:58.160 You don't know the other part. 1:28:58.080 --> 1:29:01.559 Is you said, maybe I need to move cities, and 1:29:01.600 --> 1:29:04.200 this one I think a lot of people automatically put 1:29:04.200 --> 1:29:07.440 their guard up and say, oh my god, it's so drastic, 1:29:07.479 --> 1:29:09.600 like you don't have to do that. But what I 1:29:09.640 --> 1:29:11.640 want to say is that is actually a thing, and 1:29:11.680 --> 1:29:15.120 that is actually an option. Depending on where you live. Now, 1:29:15.120 --> 1:29:17.320 you're not going to consider this, or maybe you will. 1:29:17.640 --> 1:29:21.200 But if you have no family and no friends anywhere 1:29:21.200 --> 1:29:23.200 else in the world, like if your world is located 1:29:23.240 --> 1:29:25.200 to the city or in you're probably not going to 1:29:25.200 --> 1:29:26.960 want to move anywhere because you're going to feel just 1:29:27.000 --> 1:29:29.880 as alone. Maybe you're that person that does thrive in 1:29:29.880 --> 1:29:32.240 an environment where they meet new people and they have 1:29:32.280 --> 1:29:36.559 no connections. But moving cities to find people is a 1:29:36.600 --> 1:29:38.320 real thing, and it's a thing people have to do, 1:29:38.400 --> 1:29:40.720 especially if you're from a really small place. If you 1:29:40.800 --> 1:29:43.280 spent all your life there, if it's where you grew up, 1:29:43.640 --> 1:29:47.040 chances are you do know everyone and you don't want 1:29:47.160 --> 1:29:49.599 to have a relationship with any of those people. There 1:29:49.640 --> 1:29:52.280 are definitely certain cities that people go to to settle down, 1:29:52.360 --> 1:29:54.640 Like people move to these cities when it's time to 1:29:54.640 --> 1:29:56.439 have kids and have their married life. 1:29:56.600 --> 1:29:57.599 That is all accurate. 1:29:57.680 --> 1:29:59.760 I don't know where you are from, but if you 1:30:00.479 --> 1:30:03.760 that chances are really really slim that new people are 1:30:03.760 --> 1:30:05.640 constantly coming into your town and you're not going to 1:30:05.640 --> 1:30:08.000 meet anyone, it could be something that you actually consider. 1:30:08.200 --> 1:30:09.160 I'm very pro that. 1:30:09.240 --> 1:30:11.040 I don't know how you feel about that, Laura, but 1:30:11.600 --> 1:30:13.920 you've got to make sure you're going to be moving 1:30:13.960 --> 1:30:17.000 somewhere that you are comfortable with and you're not giving 1:30:17.080 --> 1:30:20.320 up your entire life just for the reason of finding 1:30:20.479 --> 1:30:22.479 a partner. It still has to have more around it, 1:30:22.560 --> 1:30:26.160 like opportunities for jobs, excitement. Maybe you do have family 1:30:26.240 --> 1:30:27.519 and friends there something new. 1:30:27.800 --> 1:30:28.960 But I'm not against that. 1:30:29.439 --> 1:30:31.479 I'm not against it, but I mean it's hard to 1:30:31.560 --> 1:30:34.439 kind of make that judgment call without knowing where you're from, because, 1:30:34.479 --> 1:30:39.679 like I would say that people feel the same as you. 1:30:39.640 --> 1:30:41.240 Feel regardless of where they are. 1:30:41.320 --> 1:30:42.920 There are people who are in Sydney who feel like this, 1:30:42.920 --> 1:30:44.640 there are people who are in Melbourne that feel like this. 1:30:44.880 --> 1:30:46.760 There's people who are in far North Queensland who feel 1:30:46.800 --> 1:30:49.840 like this. Like I do think that it doesn't necessarily 1:30:49.880 --> 1:30:52.240 just change dependent on the area that you're in, and 1:30:52.280 --> 1:30:54.559 you might have just as little luck dating being in 1:30:54.680 --> 1:30:57.519 a major city or wherever wherever it is that you 1:30:57.680 --> 1:30:59.560 end up. So I think it's hard to kind of 1:30:59.560 --> 1:31:02.160 make that assessment without actually knowing where you're based and 1:31:02.240 --> 1:31:06.360 how regional and tiny the population of this town is. 1:31:06.640 --> 1:31:10.160 Which if you are in a totally rural area and 1:31:10.240 --> 1:31:12.040 you live out on a farm and you barely ever 1:31:12.040 --> 1:31:15.160 meet anyone, then yeah, absolutely that is relevant. But I 1:31:15.200 --> 1:31:18.040 think it's the exasperation with dating that so many of 1:31:18.080 --> 1:31:20.479 us can feel regardless of where you're at, and feeling 1:31:20.560 --> 1:31:21.120 like that there. 1:31:21.040 --> 1:31:23.400 Are no good people and that no one aligns with you. 1:31:23.439 --> 1:31:25.760 And it's easy to feel like that after you've been 1:31:25.800 --> 1:31:29.479 on ten dud dates or twenty dud dates or whatever 1:31:29.520 --> 1:31:30.240 the number is. 1:31:30.640 --> 1:31:32.880 Sometimes it's less than that. Sometimes it's five dud dates in. 1:31:32.880 --> 1:31:34.800 A row, where, like you know, you're like, fuck, who 1:31:34.840 --> 1:31:37.000 are these people and where are they coming from? But 1:31:37.040 --> 1:31:40.120 I really do think it's a numbers game, and it's 1:31:40.160 --> 1:31:42.320 a numbers game, but it's also a numbers game in 1:31:42.360 --> 1:31:45.200 a way where you're not getting attached to a person 1:31:45.280 --> 1:31:46.960 before you go on a date with them, so when 1:31:46.960 --> 1:31:49.519 they do turn out to be someone who's not someone 1:31:49.560 --> 1:31:52.040 who's aligned with you, it doesn't feel as much as 1:31:52.080 --> 1:31:54.040 a big deal because you haven't worked it up into 1:31:54.080 --> 1:31:56.760 your mind as to who this person could or should be. 1:31:57.200 --> 1:31:59.080 You're just like, Okay, I know that they're not right 1:31:59.120 --> 1:32:01.360 for me, and then you start the dating process again. 1:32:01.880 --> 1:32:03.720 I really want to acknowledge the fact, and I know 1:32:03.760 --> 1:32:06.000 we kind of already said it, but it's so easy 1:32:06.040 --> 1:32:08.559 to say this, and I think give yourself a little 1:32:08.560 --> 1:32:11.439 bit of grace and a little bit of kindness, because 1:32:11.840 --> 1:32:15.280 everybody who is dating, who wants to be in a relationship, 1:32:15.560 --> 1:32:18.040 who has been single for a longer period of time, 1:32:18.200 --> 1:32:20.600 feels like this. You are not alone in feeling like this, 1:32:21.040 --> 1:32:23.639 but the fact that your friends are in relationships probably 1:32:23.680 --> 1:32:26.840 amplifies those feelings of loneliness. It's a shit place to 1:32:26.840 --> 1:32:28.720 be and when you want something that you don't have yet, 1:32:28.760 --> 1:32:30.439 but it is truly a matter of time. 1:32:31.120 --> 1:32:34.200 Well, my friends, that is it for the twenty twenty 1:32:34.240 --> 1:32:36.599 three rear in your view. I hope you had such 1:32:36.600 --> 1:32:39.719 a good time going through those segments with me. I 1:32:39.760 --> 1:32:42.320 absolutely love putting this episode together because I get to 1:32:42.320 --> 1:32:45.080 go back and kind of relive the best bits. As 1:32:45.080 --> 1:32:47.080 I said at the start, the links for every single 1:32:47.120 --> 1:32:49.240 one of these episodes will be in the show notes 1:32:49.280 --> 1:32:50.880 if you want to go back and listen through to. 1:32:50.840 --> 1:32:51.479 The whole thing. 1:32:51.760 --> 1:32:53.920 Oh, I've just realized, actually this is not our last 1:32:53.960 --> 1:32:56.959 episode of the year. We have got a bonus accidentally 1:32:57.080 --> 1:33:00.439 unfiltered of your holiday So like Christmas, New Year's themed 1:33:00.479 --> 1:33:04.800 accidentally unfiltered embarrassing stories, it's an absolute. 1:33:04.400 --> 1:33:06.479 Laugh and a half. It'll be coming out. 1:33:06.560 --> 1:33:08.439 I wish I could give you the exact day, but 1:33:08.560 --> 1:33:11.240 we are no less chaotic than what we were in 1:33:11.280 --> 1:33:13.559 twenty twenty two, so it will be in the next 1:33:13.600 --> 1:33:15.360 couple of days for you, and then over the course 1:33:15.360 --> 1:33:17.640 of the summer, we are going to be dropping some 1:33:17.680 --> 1:33:21.040 of the wonderful conversations that we had with our incredible 1:33:21.080 --> 1:33:23.600 guests at the live shows that we did in October, 1:33:23.840 --> 1:33:26.519 so that will be brand new content, never heard it before, 1:33:26.560 --> 1:33:29.519 and it will be dropping into your podcast libraries and 1:33:29.560 --> 1:33:30.439 we will be back. 1:33:31.360 --> 1:33:34.120 I think it's the week of January twenty two. 1:33:34.680 --> 1:33:36.720 I'm not one hundred percent short, but we will be 1:33:36.760 --> 1:33:39.599 posting it all over our socials, so you can follow 1:33:39.640 --> 1:33:42.400 us along on Instagram at Lifehung Up Podcast, same thing 1:33:42.720 --> 1:33:47.040 for TikTok. We also have the Life Uncut discussion group, 1:33:47.080 --> 1:33:48.960 which is where all the chit chat goes down. So 1:33:49.000 --> 1:33:51.640 if you have a dilemma that you want people's opinions on, 1:33:51.720 --> 1:33:54.479 if you want some recommendations, if you just want to 1:33:54.479 --> 1:33:56.320 have a bit of event, we'll ask a question about 1:33:56.400 --> 1:33:58.960 dating or your relationship or whatever it might be. If 1:33:59.000 --> 1:34:01.479 you want a group of friends, join the Facebook group. 1:34:01.840 --> 1:34:03.880 And I think that's it. I think that's the admin. 1:34:04.479 --> 1:34:06.479 Because Delilah has just walked into the room. 1:34:06.640 --> 1:34:09.600 She's wanting some pets. So I'll go and spend the 1:34:09.640 --> 1:34:12.720 rest of my Christmas New Year break hanging out with. 1:34:12.720 --> 1:34:13.799 Her, going for some swims. 1:34:13.800 --> 1:34:15.599 I hope you're able to have a really, really wonderful 1:34:15.600 --> 1:34:18.200 New Year's and we'll catch you back in twenty twenty four. 1:34:19.080 --> 1:34:20.599 You know the drill, Tell you mum, tell your dad, 1:34:20.600 --> 1:34:22.160 tell your dog, take your friends, and share the love 1:34:22.240 --> 1:34:24.800 because we love love