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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the.

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Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers Now.

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Speaker 1: It's that time of the week. Every Friday. On the

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Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast, Kylie and I talk about what's going

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Speaker 1: well and what's not in our family. We call I'll

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Speaker 1: do Better Tomorrow. The idea is that we want to

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Speaker 1: be intentional parents. We want to reflect on where we're

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Speaker 1: nailing it and where we're failing it. Kylie, this week,

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Speaker 1: I don't really want to confess this, but I've got

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Speaker 1: a complete fail as a parent, got it really really wrong.

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Speaker 1: Not sure what you're going to share, although I can

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Speaker 1: think of a failure that you might share. Not that

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Speaker 1: I'm twenty fingers or anything. But before we dive into

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Speaker 1: I'll do Better Tomorrow, it has been a tough week.

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Speaker 1: Every time I go on and give a talk, somebody says, hey,

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Speaker 1: how's that homeschooling thing going? Like, you guys are so crazy.

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Speaker 1: You're homeschooling your two youngest kids. What were you thinking?

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Speaker 1: Is it working? We right? Okay? So, and the first

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Speaker 1: thing I said to the well, Kylie is doing an

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Speaker 1: incredible job because I'm off doing seminars and that kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff. But I just thought I would check in

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Speaker 1: on behalf of everybody who has asked how home school

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Speaker 1: is going? What would your thirty second summary of that be.

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Speaker 2: I'm so glad you're asking me this today and not

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Speaker 2: a few days ago when I was end up having

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Speaker 2: absolute melts out.

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Speaker 1: But it wasn't going well.

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Speaker 2: Homeschooling is hard. It's hard. The only saving grace that

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Speaker 2: I have right now is the acknowledgment that I know,

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Speaker 2: at the very core of my being that we've made

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Speaker 2: the right decision for our kids. But trying to find

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Speaker 2: the balance, I don't even know if balance is the

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Speaker 2: right word. Just trying to find a rhythm. Rhythm would

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Speaker 2: be better because it changes all the time. Right, trying

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Speaker 2: to find our rhythm has been really, really tricky, and.

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Speaker 1: No doubt it will continue to be. But how good

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Speaker 1: does it feel to know that we're doing the right thing,

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Speaker 1: even though it's really hard?

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Speaker 2: Like I said, that's the saving grace at this point,

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Speaker 2: you know that you're heading in the right direction, then

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Speaker 2: you can actually deal with the hard.

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Speaker 1: I've got to say, though, I really want the kids

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Speaker 1: to go back to school soon, Like I don't know

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Speaker 1: that I want to do this for the whole time.

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Speaker 2: You are hilarious. When are you home?

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you saying that, all right, let's do

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Speaker 1: older better tomorrow before this devolves into something that it shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: Older Better tomorrow means you know I'm going to go first.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to I'm just going to confess. Anyone who's

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Speaker 1: listened to this podcast for a long time knows that

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Speaker 1: one of the recurring themes on our conversation is we

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Speaker 1: don't get holidays right very often.

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Speaker 2: I feel like you just get mileage out of this

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Speaker 2: now you put it out there on no and I

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Speaker 2: feel like you just manifested every holiday for Christmas.

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Speaker 1: We decided that we were going to be really on

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Speaker 1: the ball with this and we committed to as a

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Speaker 1: family having a family get away every month, especially since

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Speaker 1: my travel schedule is so big. We know that we

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Speaker 1: need high quality time together and the best way to

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Speaker 1: do that is to get away from the house, not

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Speaker 1: worry about all the chores and the dramas. And we

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Speaker 1: found a whole bunch of low cost and no cost

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Speaker 1: options so that we can spend time with family and

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Speaker 1: friends or stay lovely cheap places for a weekend, just

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Speaker 1: so that we can get that high quality family time.

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Speaker 1: In last weekend, we were supposed to be in Angowrie.

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Speaker 1: For those of you who are unfamiliar with the territory,

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Speaker 1: and gowy yamber I Luca is south about five hours

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Speaker 1: south of where we are on the would you call

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Speaker 1: the mid north coast of New South Wales.

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Speaker 2: Where did we end up?

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Speaker 1: Unfortunately, unfortunately, when I booked and Gowy the weekend was clear. Somehow,

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Speaker 1: somehow I let a booking slip through the cracks after

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Speaker 1: we'd already booked the holiday, And when I checked the

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Speaker 1: calendar four or five days before we were supposed to

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Speaker 1: leave for Angwie, I discovered that I had to speak

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Speaker 1: in Gladstone. So I rang you and said, I've made

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Speaker 1: a terrible mistake. I'm supposed to be in Gladston. Book

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Speaker 1: We've got Angery booked and you said see you later

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Speaker 1: and I said no, no, no, you were.

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Speaker 2: On our holidays line I will.

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Speaker 1: I said, there's a family holiday. What if I can

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Speaker 1: try and convince the people on a Goowy that we've

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Speaker 1: actually paid for a place to stay. What if I

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Speaker 1: can convince them to let us push that back for

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Speaker 1: a couple of months and we'll book that in down

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Speaker 1: the track.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'll let you take it. But I was actually

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Speaker 2: the one who you're saying this. I was the one

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Speaker 2: who suggested.

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Speaker 1: We booked it. We've changed the day I booked Gladstone.

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Speaker 1: The idea. I just have to be really clear about this, okay.

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Speaker 1: The idea of a family weekend is that we leave

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Speaker 1: on Friday morning, and we have most of Friday, all

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Speaker 1: of Saturday and most of Sunday, and then we come home.

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Speaker 1: But once we made the change in booking, you pointed

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Speaker 1: out that, oh, there's a couple of things that I

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Speaker 1: do need to do on Friday, and I said, well,

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Speaker 1: that's important, but don't forget. We've also got to vote

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Speaker 1: for the council elections on Saturday.

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Speaker 2: And it didn't exist.

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Speaker 1: It didn't exist. I was a month early, and so

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Speaker 1: we decided that we'd leave on Saturday morning, nice and early.

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Speaker 1: That Saturday morning nice and early turned out being like

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Speaker 1: ten o'clock, eleven o'clock something like that. Gladstone's five hours

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Speaker 1: north of where we live. We didn't arrive in Gladston

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Speaker 1: until like five or six o'clock on Saturday night for

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Speaker 1: our weekend away. It was just terrible and then. I mean,

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Speaker 1: the kids just wanted to go and play in the

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Speaker 1: pool at the hotel, but the pool was the size

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Speaker 1: of a bath tub. And I woke up on well,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't even spend time with the family on Saturday

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Speaker 1: night anyway, because I had to prepare all of my

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Speaker 1: remarks for the following day. And I mean it just

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Speaker 1: it completely blew up, totally got it wrong, absolutely disaster.

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Speaker 1: Gave my talk on Sunday, got in the car and said,

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Speaker 1: all right, kids, let's drive home. So we spent five

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Speaker 1: hours in the car driving home, got home just in

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Speaker 1: time to cook dinner, and we blew it. We blew

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Speaker 1: it again. I'll do better tomorrow. I've already double checked.

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Speaker 1: I promise you our March family get away number one.

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Speaker 1: It's a freebie. Somebody very close to us, very generously

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Speaker 1: has said that we can use a unit of theirs

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Speaker 1: down at Kira. They're not going to be using it

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Speaker 1: that particular weekend, so we're getting a freebie. There's no

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Speaker 1: double bookings, and I'm flying in from Melbourne and meeting

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Speaker 1: you there so that we can. It just makes transport easier.

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Speaker 1: And I was going to be away the night before anyway,

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Speaker 1: so I'll do better tomorrow. I've already done it. We're clear,

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Speaker 1: it's happening. It's up to you to get there. I'll

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Speaker 1: already be their job done. But oh, oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: how hard is it to just put together a family weekend? Well, look,

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Speaker 1: it did.

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Speaker 2: Not go as planned, and you have made it sound

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Speaker 2: like it was an awful weekend.

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Speaker 1: It was eleven hours in the car with the kids

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Speaker 1: and no family time.

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Speaker 2: I actually was biing away at how well the kids

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Speaker 2: did in the car.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing what scrums will do. No, I know, I

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Speaker 1: was seizing. They were actually really good. We had some

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Speaker 1: fun conversations.

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Speaker 2: We had some great conversations, play some great games with them.

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Speaker 1: And you slept a lot in the.

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Speaker 2: So maybe they were on their screens and I wasn't

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Speaker 2: with you know what.

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Speaker 1: I actually had about an hour and a half conversation

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Speaker 1: with one of our kids while you were asleep, and

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Speaker 1: it was just a delight. It was so nice to

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Speaker 1: have her attention and for her to have mine. There

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Speaker 1: were some positives to come out of it, but ultimately

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Speaker 1: it was terrible. It was It was just not what

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Speaker 1: it was supposed to be. And I feel like I

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Speaker 1: let the family down. All right, that's my old about

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Speaker 1: it tomorrow, let's talk about yours. Did you have a win?

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Speaker 1: You know I didn't. You're you're going to tell the

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Speaker 1: story that I was hoping. You're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: what happened when we got home, aren't you. Yes, thank

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Speaker 1: you for the preliauge. Yes, okay, so you always looks

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Speaker 1: so good when we do old a better tomorrow and

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Speaker 1: today it's the facade is coming crashing down. Actually it's

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Speaker 1: not a facade. But didn't go well, did it? It

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Speaker 1: did not? It did not.

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Speaker 2: We left one of our teenagers behind and she had

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Speaker 2: a lot of homework to catch up on.

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Speaker 1: She had promised she'd do all of a schoolwork chores

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Speaker 1: that she needed to do, swore that the house would

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Speaker 1: be perfect when we got home, and.

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Speaker 2: She had some work that she needed to accomplish as well.

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Speaker 2: And she said to me, I'm going to stay home mum,

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Speaker 2: if that's okay. I really need to get this stuff done.

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Speaker 2: I'm feeling a bit stressed with school. And she said,

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Speaker 2: once I've done that, is it all right? Fine? By

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Speaker 2: a handful of friends over at about three o'clock in

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Speaker 2: the afternoon, we'll have dinner and watch a movie and

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Speaker 2: just spend some time together and you know, hanging out.

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Speaker 2: And in the process of that, she also said, I'm

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Speaker 2: guessing that you probably won't be comfortable if they stay over.

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Speaker 2: And the reality is she's a great kid. I don't

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Speaker 2: really know her friends very well, but I wasn't overly

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Speaker 2: concerned about them having a sleepover. I was just a

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Speaker 2: little bit uncertain because I don't know their parents, and

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Speaker 2: I didn't have the capacity to be in touch with

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Speaker 2: them to just check in and see that they were

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Speaker 2: okay with it. And so I just said to her,

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Speaker 2: not this time, can we We'll just keep it hang

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Speaker 2: out with your friends, and then they can go home.

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Speaker 2: She said, yes, that's all fine. Well that's not exactly

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Speaker 2: what ended up happening. We were driving home Sunday afternoon,

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Speaker 2: I happened to be on Socials and she posted a

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Speaker 2: picture of her and her friends with their newly dyed

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Speaker 2: black hair earlier that morning. So in this scheme of things,

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Speaker 2: I actually I was a little bit frustrated. Number one,

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Speaker 2: that we've died out here because we haven't had that conversation.

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Speaker 1: And when you say were you mean she yes, yes, she.

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Speaker 2: Hadn't had that conversation with me, and secondly, knowing that

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Speaker 2: she had people stay over. I still wasn't overly worried

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Speaker 2: about that either, because she's a really good kid, and

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Speaker 2: I know that, I absolutely know that they weren't getting

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Speaker 2: up to mischief. What I was concerned about was that

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Speaker 2: she hadn't talked to me about it, and that she

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Speaker 2: had obviously gone against a conversation that we'd already had.

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Speaker 2: And so as I sat in the car for that

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Speaker 2: five and a half hours, I was stewing on it

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Speaker 2: and stewing on it, and was just waiting to unleash

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Speaker 2: my wrath when I walked in the door, and you did,

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Speaker 2: and I did, Yeah, I did.

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Speaker 1: And I kind of missed it because I came inside

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Speaker 1: and I was straight into the kitchen. We've got to

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Speaker 1: get dinner organized. We've just been driving for a long time.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's hungry. I didn't even see it happen, but I

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Speaker 1: felt the ramifications all night.

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Speaker 2: You know when you hear what's coming out your mouth

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Speaker 2: and your brain is literally screaming, just shut up. It

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Speaker 2: was one of those moments, and I knew that everything

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Speaker 2: that was coming out of my mouth was just hurting

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Speaker 2: our relationship. It wasn't what needed to be said in

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Speaker 2: the moment, But I just I just unleashed. I couldn't.

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Speaker 2: I just I could not let the moment pass without

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Speaker 2: her knowing every thought that I might have had.

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Speaker 1: Couldn't hit the brakes. I couldn't hit I couldn't hit

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Speaker 1: the brakes.

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Speaker 2: And I came into you after I had had my tirade,

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Speaker 2: and I just said, just so you know, this is

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Speaker 2: never going to happen again. She is never going to

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Speaker 2: be left home again. And if she asks for anything,

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Speaker 2: the answer is no, We're not doing this. I'm just

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Speaker 2: I'm over it. She's completely obliterated my trust. We're done.

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Speaker 1: Had that work out?

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Speaker 2: Well, Like you said, the night was pretty bad, and

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Speaker 2: the next morning was even worse.

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Speaker 1: I went into her room and I said, I said

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Speaker 1: to her, it sounds like your mum have had a

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Speaker 1: pretty time.

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Speaker 2: Well. I noticed that you were completely absent.

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Speaker 1: I was cooking, I was cooking dinner, I was being

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Speaker 1: a good house husband. I was unpacking the car from

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Speaker 1: our amazing week, completely ruined, and she didn't want to

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Speaker 1: really talk to me. And I just said, no matter

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Speaker 1: how many times you dye your hair black, no matter

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Speaker 1: how many friends you have sleeping over. Even though we

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Speaker 1: don't know, I love you. I love you no matter what,

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Speaker 1: Even if you don't do all the chores that you

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Speaker 1: said you do, I still love you. I'm disappointed it

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Speaker 1: has been a bit of a failure of a weekend,

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Speaker 1: but I still love you. This is not bigger than

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Speaker 1: how I feel about you. And she didn't want to

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Speaker 1: talk to me the next morning, though she was up

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Speaker 1: for a hug. She was definitely up for a hug.

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Speaker 1: But here's my question for you. This is called I'll

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Speaker 1: do better tomorrow. What would you do differently now that

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Speaker 1: you've had some time to reflect and confess. So here's

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Speaker 1: the thing to all Australia and the world.

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Speaker 2: I know all the answers, but if it happens.

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Speaker 1: It can I know exactly? No? No, no, no, no, that's

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Speaker 1: not it. Okay, parenting expert time, I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: really quick. Number one. Number one, high emotions equals low intelligence.

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Speaker 1: Don't have the conversation when you're cranky. Okay, I'll do

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Speaker 1: better tomorrow. Don't have the conversation when you're cranky. Number two.

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Speaker 1: When you come in, whatever energy you've brought to it,

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Speaker 1: your children will match it. If not escalate. It never

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Speaker 1: goes down. So start soft, start low. If you come

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Speaker 1: in with high energy, which you did, you'll be met

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Speaker 1: with high energy. That's just how it works out. Here's

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Speaker 1: my big question for you. If we're going to do

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Speaker 1: better tomorrow. We are going away again every month as

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Speaker 1: a family for family holidays. Now, these are meant to

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Speaker 1: be family holidays, right, so really our daughters should be

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Speaker 1: with us. But if she would, I say, hey, do

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Speaker 1: you reckon? I can stay home again and prove to

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Speaker 1: you that I can do it right. What's your reaction. No,

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Speaker 1: that's not the right reaction. That's not the right reaction.

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Speaker 2: Never again.

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Speaker 1: If you want to have responsible kids, you've got to

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Speaker 1: give them responsibility. If they fall short, we don't take

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Speaker 1: responsibility away. We give them responsibility.

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Speaker 2: Again. That's a complete opposite of what I wanted to

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Speaker 2: do and what I want to do. Yeah, I'm still

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Speaker 2: actually sitting in this place. It's still hard. I'm still

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Speaker 2: frustrated by it, and the reality is I want to

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Speaker 2: take it all away. I don't want to give her

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Speaker 2: any responsibility or any privilege because I feel like she's

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Speaker 2: just completely been disrespectful, being untrustworthy, and therefore she doesn't

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Speaker 2: deserve it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So let's just talk about what happened the next day.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about when emotions were calm, emotions were low,

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Speaker 1: and intelligence has returned, you drop her off at school.

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Speaker 1: Things are still a bit icee. How did it go

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Speaker 1: Monday afternoon once you've picked her up from school and

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Speaker 1: she's had the day to figure things out?

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Speaker 2: Well, I actually figured she must have had a conversation

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Speaker 2: with you, because she got in the car a completely

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Speaker 2: different kid.

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Speaker 1: Didn't have a conversation with me, but I did hug

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Speaker 1: her and tell her that I loved to no matter what,

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Speaker 1: which has to have made some progress, right, It has

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Speaker 1: to have moved the needle.

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Speaker 2: The very first thing that she said when she sat

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Speaker 2: down in the car was Mum, I'm really sorry I

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Speaker 2: messed up on the weekend.

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Speaker 1: Contrition feels good, doesn't it? Yes, yes it does.

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Speaker 2: And I still was a little bit unsure as to why,

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Speaker 2: because my radar was out thinking what does she want?

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Speaker 2: She's saying sorry because she wants something, and I said,

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Speaker 2: what are you actually sorry for? She said? As I

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Speaker 2: shared the weekends events with my friends, she said, it

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Speaker 2: was almost like she had her out of body experience

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Speaker 2: where she heard what she was saying and she didn't

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Speaker 2: like what she heard. She really felt like she was

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Speaker 2: coming across as some spoiled little brat because she recognizes

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Speaker 2: a nose the good life that she lives, she recogniz

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Speaker 2: and she knows that for the most part.

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Speaker 1: We trust her. We give her opportunities, We give her

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Speaker 1: the chance to live the life that matters to her.

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Speaker 2: And comparative to the life that I grew up with

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Speaker 2: and the restrictions that were in place, I feel like

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Speaker 2: she gets so much freedom.

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Speaker 1: And it was.

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Speaker 2: Really blown away that she thought that she couldn't ask

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Speaker 2: us for those simple things because she didn't want us

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Speaker 2: to say no. But as she continued talking, it was

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Speaker 2: what I needed her to do on Sunday when we

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Speaker 2: got home. But because my energy was so high, I

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Speaker 2: didn't give her the room to be able to express

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Speaker 2: that contrition and sorrow for what she'd done, because she

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Speaker 2: recognized knew she'd done the wrong thing. But when we

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Speaker 2: come in and we accuse our kids, they're pridekicks.

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Speaker 1: In put some straight on the defense here.

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Speaker 2: They are not going to admit anything. And that's exactly

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Speaker 2: what happened. So my i' will do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: This is so good? Is that I need to come

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Speaker 1: in softer?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, having if I had come home, and in spite

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Speaker 2: of the fact how I was feeling, I probably should

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Speaker 2: have just not dealt with it when we walked.

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Speaker 1: In the door. We always feel like we have to

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Speaker 1: do it now.

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Speaker 2: But I was just so angry, and anger obviously doesn't heal.

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Speaker 1: It hurts. Yeah, And the angry you are, the more

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Speaker 1: right you are, until you're no longer angry, and then

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Speaker 1: you realize how wrong you were when you're angry, feeling

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Speaker 1: you were right. Yeah. Hey, I'm so glad you shared that.

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Speaker 1: We've had a bit of We've actually had some good

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Speaker 1: stuff happening this week as well, but some challenges. Some

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Speaker 1: challenges every family has them. The Happy Families podcast is

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Speaker 1: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig rus is

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Speaker 1: our executive producer. We hope that you've taken a lot

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Speaker 1: from our mistakes and that they will help you to

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Speaker 1: do better tomorrow in your family. More information about making

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Speaker 1: your family happier is available online at Happy families dot

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Speaker 1: com dot you. You can also check out all of

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Speaker 1: the socials we're on pretty much every one of them.

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Speaker 1: Hope you have a great wakand