Speaker 1: Ash, what are your thoughts on a thirty day intimacy challenge?
Speaker 2: I'm listening us.
Speaker 1: Well, not we could, but well maybe your wife, who the.
Speaker 2: Hell could last thirty days? More like thirty seconds?
Speaker 1: Hey, well you know Steph kles Smith I do. You're
Speaker 1: a big fan of her work. She is one of
Speaker 1: the co founders of one of this country's most successful
Speaker 1: fitness apps. It's called Kick or Keep It Cleaner. She's
Speaker 1: got over one point five million followers. Have also got
Speaker 1: kick pod as well, which is hugely successful. Her and
Speaker 1: her husband, Josh, they recently made the commitment to each
Speaker 1: other and it turns out Ash it did their relationship
Speaker 1: some good.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: Who'd a thought that three days of intimacy would help
Speaker 3: her relationship? Yes, Steph and Josh have been together since
Speaker 3: they were teenagers, so you've got to find creative ways
Speaker 3: to keep the spice alive, especially when you have a
Speaker 3: three year old.
Speaker 1: Harvey ended the world during the height of COVID lockdown.
Speaker 1: What a time to be conceived.
Speaker 2: Yeah, baby, COVID baby. She also has a love for
Speaker 2: jet ski, so let's lock in and find out why
Speaker 2: that is.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mom.
Speaker 1: I'm Maddie Jay, I'm.
Speaker 4: Ash's Steph Clesmith, mamma of Harvey.
Speaker 2: Very very very thank you.
Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting.
Speaker 2: It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 1: Now, Steph, we don't give advice. You never have, we
Speaker 1: never will. But if you feel like you want to
Speaker 1: give any advice whatsoever, absolutely you're allowed to.
Speaker 2: Do whatever you lie. But we give that warning at
Speaker 2: the start so of people.
Speaker 3: But that didn't work, then we can be like, well,
Speaker 3: it's not real advice.
Speaker 1: Occasionally we'll give some medical advice. Yeah, but for legal reasons.
Speaker 2: We're not doctors.
Speaker 1: We're not doctors yet.
Speaker 5: Okay, are you working on that?
Speaker 1: Steph? We're going to go back to the very beginning
Speaker 1: of time, back to when you were a lot younger. Okay,
Speaker 1: what was a young Steph? Claire Smith Like, I feel
Speaker 1: like you were the kind of person that would be
Speaker 1: like ducks of the school.
Speaker 2: Why did you take the words out of my mouth?
Speaker 2: And I haven't heard the word ducks at a while.
Speaker 2: I might throw that out there.
Speaker 1: Never got a detention, always got an A plus.
Speaker 2: Is that the right picture?
Speaker 4: On Paine?
Speaker 5: Over to the opposite, Yes, yes, like I definitely. I
Speaker 5: think in the subjects that I enjoyed, I got along
Speaker 5: with my teacher and I got good grades.
Speaker 4: But I was not academic.
Speaker 1: What were those subjects that you liked, like.
Speaker 5: Food, take, like studio art that, But no, I definitely
Speaker 5: had detentions, more so in primary.
Speaker 4: School a lot of them.
Speaker 5: I was Actually I was very easily distracted, so I
Speaker 5: loved drawing, and if I didn't really love a subject,
Speaker 5: I just kind of added to this thing that I
Speaker 5: called jodd of drawings, which became like little booklets of
Speaker 5: random creatures.
Speaker 2: Do you still have made?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Actually, wow, that's pretty awesome. You're a doodler.
Speaker 4: I'm a doodler. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Language, and so detentions were usually just because of that,
Speaker 5: and it was kind of a repeat offense.
Speaker 2: Seemed like a really bad thing to do.
Speaker 3: It's like like you were just drawing a little bit
Speaker 3: and they're like detention.
Speaker 2: Was it a strict school that you went to.
Speaker 4: No, it wasn't.
Speaker 5: And to be fair, you hung out with the vice
Speaker 5: principal and everyone loved him, so maybe I don't know,
Speaker 5: maybe I did it on purpose.
Speaker 4: He was a nice guy.
Speaker 5: But also there was one that I definitely I do
Speaker 5: regret it wasn't a very nice thing, although he was
Speaker 5: a bit of a bully himself. So you know, we're
Speaker 5: playing four square, and I think I called what's four square?
Speaker 2: Hamble?
Speaker 4: Wait?
Speaker 2: What hamble? The one that yeah square handle a king queen?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, two squirrel four square? Depending on how many
Speaker 4: feel like.
Speaker 2: A back in primary school, Wow, I didn't. I'll send
Speaker 2: you a how to later.
Speaker 5: I missed this and he annoyed me, and I think
Speaker 5: I called him a buck tooth, and then.
Speaker 2: I go to, wow, that's a fancive.
Speaker 4: I was probably seven, but I definitely got your.
Speaker 2: Mouth shamed in straight up.
Speaker 1: So when you got that detention, would you be more
Speaker 1: afraid of telling your mom or your dad? Like who
Speaker 1: was more strict?
Speaker 4: My mom?
Speaker 5: Only just because I feel like my dad was a
Speaker 5: bit of a rebel growing up, and so through my
Speaker 5: teens as well, like I started drinking before I should have.
Speaker 5: I would skip on classes and stuff, And I feel
Speaker 5: like my mom she was the youngest of quite a
Speaker 5: lot of siblings, and she was a bit of a goodie.
Speaker 4: I don't want to call it well.
Speaker 5: She was good at shoe shoes, like very very would
Speaker 5: have been teacher's pet kind of person, and I didn't
Speaker 5: really gel with her until I got a bit older.
Speaker 5: Always got along with her, love my mom to bits,
Speaker 5: very grateful for our relationship, but yeah, I didn't really
Speaker 5: see myself in her until now I'm a mom and
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh my god, you were the best mum
Speaker 5: that I could have asked for, and I want to
Speaker 5: be everything like you. But my dad, growing up, I
Speaker 5: knew that he was a bit of a rebel and
Speaker 5: like just kind of did things his own way, so
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have I feel like he would.
Speaker 4: Have understood things like that.
Speaker 5: But he was the one I was a little bit
Speaker 5: more scared of, Like if I was in trouble at home,
Speaker 5: I'd run away from him. From him, Yeah, but his
Speaker 5: mom just had the disappointing kind of yeah wow.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: No, definitely not like a across the bord a plus
Speaker 5: student ducks of the school.
Speaker 4: No, I was like sports captain.
Speaker 2: That's pretty good.
Speaker 1: But that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2: Did they have to vote you in or you just.
Speaker 5: Like in primary school they did and then in high
Speaker 5: school I kind of remember how that worked.
Speaker 1: So why do you think he didn't gel with your mom?
Speaker 1: Is it just like you just didn't click before.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it was just like, well like we did,
Speaker 4: we got along.
Speaker 5: It was never that kind of mum and daughter relationship
Speaker 5: where we were like screaming each other anything. I don't
Speaker 5: think I ever raised my voice at it, But I
Speaker 5: just I feel like when she'd find things out, or
Speaker 5: like if i'd I don't know, skip school for a
Speaker 5: boy or something like that, just didn't really feel like
Speaker 5: she understood.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, okay, likes just way more sensible. It was like,
Speaker 3: why would you do something so irresponsible? What were you
Speaker 3: skipping school for?
Speaker 2: Josh?
Speaker 1: No, not yet for anyone who doesn't know is your husband?
Speaker 4: He is my husband. I was funny story about that.
Speaker 5: I actually my mum found mms texts mms.
Speaker 4: In my phone bill, which she still look after unless
Speaker 4: I went over.
Speaker 1: Was it like thirty cents mms?
Speaker 5: They were to Josh And this is when we were younger.
Speaker 4: So yeah, that was a funny moment. Josh's number, this.
Speaker 2: Is Josh's what instead of Josh's did your mom?
Speaker 1: Did your mom have to call the number to find
Speaker 1: out who?
Speaker 5: Well, she just knew and she we weren't dating, so
Speaker 5: she was a bit like what's going on?
Speaker 1: So how old were you then?
Speaker 4: I think I was like sixteen.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you know what those mmss would have been about.
Speaker 1: If you weren't dating then did it take a while
Speaker 1: for Josh to caught you or vice versa?
Speaker 5: Well, so when we met, I was twelve, and so
Speaker 5: I think I was just like too young to go.
Speaker 4: There's three years older than me.
Speaker 3: So you've only since you were twelve, so it'd been fifteen.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's a long time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, eighteen years. Yeah my age.
Speaker 3: Now either one of us were like, oh, we'll work
Speaker 3: that out after you've le message.
Speaker 1: Was eighteen years.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you're like thirty.
Speaker 4: But no, we started dating when I was eighteen.
Speaker 2: That is just so he's like that long.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean there was a lot of like flirting
Speaker 5: along the way.
Speaker 4: People went surprised when it happened.
Speaker 3: Were their boyfriends in between? Yah, Okay, it wasn't like
Speaker 3: it was like, no, they's a notebook and he was
Speaker 3: like waiting in the rain six years.
Speaker 1: So when was the moment that the penny dropped?
Speaker 2: Then?
Speaker 5: For you and Josh, it was basically the first time
Speaker 5: we were both away together because we both have property
Speaker 5: up on the Morro River, and that's where we spent
Speaker 5: a lot of the time because our families did up there,
Speaker 5: and it was basically the long weekend up there that
Speaker 5: we were both single.
Speaker 4: It was the first time we spin.
Speaker 2: In the bottle. There's definitely spin the bottle that weekend.
Speaker 1: Did he make the move or did you make the move?
Speaker 4: I can't remember.
Speaker 5: I think it was just that we were both very
Speaker 5: much aware that something was going to happen that weekend.
Speaker 4: I remember going on the jet ski.
Speaker 1: Actually there's no better afrodisiac ski.
Speaker 3: No, sorry, listener, it's just a technical listening.
Speaker 1: Ash is getting a little bit.
Speaker 2: You said, jet ski. I was like, I'm in, I'm
Speaker 2: in for the ride.
Speaker 5: And it was just, you know, in the way that
Speaker 5: we were hovering each other that it was like it's
Speaker 5: on tonight.
Speaker 4: It is on.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: It certainly was for anyone who has a crush out
Speaker 1: there not sure how to like make come in my house,
Speaker 1: got a jet ski.
Speaker 3: The way he held me on that jet ski, that
Speaker 3: is that is very good.
Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna have to finish this up now.
Speaker 1: And do you remember when you're getting a little bit older,
Speaker 1: let's say, you know, around your early twenties, did you
Speaker 1: and Josh discuss openly the thought of having kids and
Speaker 1: what that plan looked like earlier on?
Speaker 4: I think, I mean, we were really lucky.
Speaker 5: We traveled a lot together and had all of those
Speaker 5: kind of experiences in our life really early, which was
Speaker 5: really nice. So I think soon after that we were
Speaker 5: both talking back getting married and like getting engaged and
Speaker 5: what engaged at them, and then yeah, kids was something
Speaker 5: I wanted from a pretty young age, but because I
Speaker 5: was full time modeling.
Speaker 4: I was like, well, I'll just wait till I'm a
Speaker 4: bit older.
Speaker 5: And then Kick my Business happened, and it just felt
Speaker 5: like the right time when it did.
Speaker 3: With Harvey, how long were you dating before he dropped
Speaker 3: in there?
Speaker 2: And actually two part question and how did he do it?
Speaker 5: So two thousand and eighteen we were engaged and we
Speaker 5: started dating in two thousand eleven or twelve, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Seven years see my mask work. Then well, thank you,
Speaker 3: I'm learning.
Speaker 4: And it was such a lovely surprise.
Speaker 5: We'd actually just launched the app, the Kick app, and
Speaker 5: it was a really big moment and we were really
Speaker 5: it was just it was awesome. It went to the
Speaker 5: top of the Apple charts on the night of launch,
Speaker 5: and we went out to celebrate. And when I say we,
Speaker 5: my business partner Laura Henshaw and Josh and her partner
Speaker 5: Dom We all went out for dinner and they got us,
Speaker 5: well they got me this, Well, no, they got us.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: It was for Laura and I this like voucher to
Speaker 5: go away and spend the weekend away. And it was
Speaker 5: supposed to just be celebrating and like we're getting the
Speaker 5: chopper there.
Speaker 4: It was very very bougie.
Speaker 5: And then the weekend came around and it was the
Speaker 5: worst weather ever, like really windy, really rainy, and so
Speaker 5: the chopper got canceled. But what I didn't know was
Speaker 5: it was all a set up, and they both totally
Speaker 5: knew about it, and all of our friends and family
Speaker 5: were up the river waiting for me.
Speaker 4: Basically, so Josh said, change of plans.
Speaker 5: The chopper is now picking you up from the farm
Speaker 5: and then it's going to take you to the place
Speaker 5: because the weather. So Dalton's driving to the river and
Speaker 5: he's never been there before and he was driving like
Speaker 5: an idiot. But we were just so excited in the back.
Speaker 5: I was like, this is gonna be the best thing ever.
Speaker 5: I was totally distracted. And then we pull up and
Speaker 5: I get out of the car and I see joh
Speaker 5: and he wasn't meant to be there, like we were
Speaker 5: just meant to be getting the chopper there, and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, why is he Every time you say the chopper,
Speaker 3: I could just see it.
Speaker 4: And I just it's fine. And so he was standing
Speaker 4: out there and I was like, what's Josh doing here?
Speaker 5: And then all of a sudden, Dol just drives off
Speaker 5: on me and it's a pretty long driveway, and.
Speaker 2: You're like, motherfucker, he just left me.
Speaker 5: I think I started to put two and two together then,
Speaker 5: and then you just have this awkward like like do
Speaker 5: we walk or run towards each other?
Speaker 2: Like would be.
Speaker 1: Nice if hit a jet ski.
Speaker 2: Is by the good.
Speaker 5: And I didn't know, but yeah, our family and friends
Speaker 5: were like in the house apparently.
Speaker 4: Like peeking out of the watch.
Speaker 5: And then we went back to the house after it happened,
Speaker 5: and I said yes, and first of all our family
Speaker 5: came out and that was a lovely surprise, but then yeah,
Speaker 5: all our friend like closest friends and one of mine
Speaker 5: who's like assisted of me, he flew over from New.
Speaker 4: Zealand to be there. For it, and it was just
Speaker 4: the best weekend ever.
Speaker 5: Like that night we had a movie and popcorn on
Speaker 5: the deck like outside, and he's very good.
Speaker 2: He is very good. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah,
Speaker 2: if you're listening and haven't done it yet, Josh.
Speaker 5: Miller nice because it was where we met, where we
Speaker 5: first kissed.
Speaker 1: Full circle.
Speaker 2: Was the Jetski still there? Forget part of the family.
Speaker 1: What were the questions then that you and Josh would
Speaker 1: ask in order to figure out that it was the
Speaker 1: right time to have a family.
Speaker 5: So from there it was a couple of years until
Speaker 5: we had Harvey. But to be honest, we always kind
Speaker 5: of imagined we go on our honeymoon and we'd start
Speaker 5: trying then and then.
Speaker 2: That soon yeah straight up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Well, our honeymoon wasn't straight after.
Speaker 5: It was going to be because we got married in
Speaker 5: November twenty nineteen. Our honeymoon was supposed to be the
Speaker 5: holidays in Australia in Europe, but then COVID hit in
Speaker 5: like March, so we went into lockdown and didn't have that,
Speaker 5: and so I think the timing was just Okay, there's
Speaker 5: a couple of things happening with Kick, we'll get through that,
Speaker 5: and obviously it's COVID, so who knows when we're going
Speaker 5: to get to Italy. But we both really wanted a family,
Speaker 5: so we're like Italy or no, Italy will still try. Wow, okay,
Speaker 5: and fortunately for us it didn't take long.
Speaker 1: So yeah, as two men, we're quite if you're not
Speaker 1: aware ash myself, but we're very lucky and that when
Speaker 1: it comes time to having a family. Well for me anyway,
Speaker 1: the big question Mike, and what makes me nervous is
Speaker 1: what happens as soon as baby is born. Like, we
Speaker 1: don't have to worry too much about pregnant practice.
Speaker 2: Just to practice leading into it. That's all we've got
Speaker 2: to worry about.
Speaker 1: Getting some nice visuals. Sorry, what's it like for yourself?
Speaker 1: I know you mentioned before that you've got your fitness app.
Speaker 1: You know you're a model, so you're in a profession.
Speaker 1: Were two professions that are like very dependent.
Speaker 4: On how ability and how I look?
Speaker 1: Yes, So then what's it like for you to process?
Speaker 1: What impact will pregnancy have on me?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I think I went into it probably naively, thinking like
Speaker 5: it'll be fine, Everything's going to be fine, and fortunately
Speaker 5: I was. I felt really healthy throughout my pregnancy, so
Speaker 5: there was still a lot that I could do.
Speaker 4: My routine didn't have to change too much.
Speaker 5: Again, it was COVID lockdown so for my entire pregnancy,
Speaker 5: so I didn't have my usual lifestyle where I was
Speaker 5: like flying up to Sydney or Queensland all the time
Speaker 5: for different shoots or going overseas for different things.
Speaker 4: It was in my house the whole time. So in
Speaker 4: that regard, it was okay with my body.
Speaker 5: I think I'm just really fortunate in the timing that
Speaker 5: it happened for me. Like if I was pregnant in
Speaker 5: my early twenties, when I was the most insecure about
Speaker 5: my body, I would have probably.
Speaker 4: Really stressed about what's going to happen too.
Speaker 5: How am I going to get it back or whatever.
Speaker 5: But the bounce back culture, it makes me so mad,
Speaker 5: especially with all the work that we do with Kick
Speaker 5: and everything I've done personally in the work with myself.
Speaker 5: As soon as I was pregnant and I started to
Speaker 5: look into, you know, safe ways to exercise, I started
Speaker 5: to see and get targeted with all of these ads
Speaker 5: for postpartum and like get bouncing back and everything, and
Speaker 5: I got so angry because I know plenty of women
Speaker 5: who have unfortunately had really hard pregnancies where they had
Speaker 5: to stop exercise altogether or eat really differently, or even
Speaker 5: if they could move their entire pregnancy, they still you know,
Speaker 5: gained weight as you do, their body changed.
Speaker 4: And then there's the postpartum period.
Speaker 5: Which are moosted to be supposed to be the most
Speaker 5: delicate on yourself and like really ease back into it.
Speaker 4: But women are pressure to like.
Speaker 2: Bounce back quick like we did before.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I've never heard of it being referred to
Speaker 3: as bounce back culture.
Speaker 1: Yes, I remember, like as a kid, my mum used
Speaker 1: to always get Who weekly magazines and it was always going.
Speaker 1: It was just always on, like the kitchen jay. Well
Speaker 1: you know, you'd have breakfast and you flick through. And
Speaker 1: I remember being younger and it was so celebrated that
Speaker 1: if someone bunce back as quickly as everyone was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like what are achievement? This is great?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah exactly.
Speaker 5: And it's just it's different for everyone, and a lot
Speaker 5: of women never bounce back, and that's just the thing.
Speaker 5: So I think for me, it's what got me really
Speaker 5: really passionate about being able to connect with that part
Speaker 5: of our community and making sure that everything that we
Speaker 5: did from kickside was to just nurture and like educate
Speaker 5: them on that period. And it's all well and good
Speaker 5: that you want to get back to moving your body,
Speaker 5: but you just it's so dangerous to jump back into
Speaker 5: things just for aesthetic reasons as well. Yeah, because, as
Speaker 5: I said, some people never go back to what they
Speaker 5: had before, and that's totally okay, but if you're not
Speaker 5: in that mindset, that could be really hard.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my wife is one of those people that, after
Speaker 3: two kids, wanted to get back moving pretty much immediately
Speaker 3: for our own mental health as well. It wasn't just
Speaker 3: for the not bounce back culture, which was like I
Speaker 3: want to feel like me again. And I can imagine
Speaker 3: there's a lot of people out there that go So
Speaker 3: you go through nine months, have been told okay, we'll
Speaker 3: look for your health, you need to maybe not move,
Speaker 3: and then you have a traumatic birth or you've got
Speaker 3: a difficult baby. Then all of a sudden, two three
Speaker 3: years go past. You can imagine losing motivation, like I'll
Speaker 3: lose motivation after a week.
Speaker 2: I'm not doing exactly.
Speaker 3: I can't imagine two years of a woman who's given
Speaker 3: birth gone through so much trauma and then been expected
Speaker 3: to be like, well, you need to find that motivation
Speaker 3: again and put that pressure put on them on top
Speaker 3: of everything else.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine.
Speaker 5: Yeah it is, and I think that's why. I mean,
Speaker 5: for me anyway, it was taking baby steps. I did
Speaker 5: have the added pressure of like knowing that eventually I'm
Speaker 5: going to have to shoot workouts again, so I need
Speaker 5: to build my strength up.
Speaker 4: But to your point, it was also a mental thing
Speaker 4: for me.
Speaker 5: I enjoy moving my body and I enjoy having that
Speaker 5: time for myself, and I'm a pretty cranky person if
Speaker 5: I don't. It's not a daily thing for me, Like
Speaker 5: I don't have to do a workout every day, and
Speaker 5: my routine certainly looks very different now being a mum
Speaker 5: to what it did before. But I've come to accept
Speaker 5: that because I do what I can, and you know,
Speaker 5: my workouts might be fifteen minutes now, yeah I haven't.
Speaker 3: That's totally you find yourself squeezing it in where you can,
Speaker 3: I suppose, yeah, but it's.
Speaker 5: Still I think for me, it's like I'm still doing
Speaker 5: something for me even if it's fifteen minutes.
Speaker 4: So it's like, oh, I don't have forty, so I'm
Speaker 4: not going to do anything at all.
Speaker 3: That's exactly my Yeah, you just eat the nail on
Speaker 3: the head with me straight away.
Speaker 2: I'll be like, oh, I've got twenty minutes workouts.
Speaker 1: Usually I'll go to the bathroom.
Speaker 2: How did you.
Speaker 1: Plan it then?
Speaker 2: As well?
Speaker 1: I know, I look at Laura running a small business.
Speaker 1: You don't have the luxury of having like an extended
Speaker 1: period of time going into having a baby. How did
Speaker 1: you plan that knowing what the impact would be running
Speaker 1: a small business?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I think again with the timing with.
Speaker 5: I think where Kick was at and where the team
Speaker 5: was at and what we were working on, and also
Speaker 5: COVID being in Melbourne.
Speaker 4: Particularly, we just felt like it was forever.
Speaker 5: Like it was exhausting how many press conferences we'd get
Speaker 5: excited about and then just feel really let down. And
Speaker 5: so everyone was just kind of like this could be
Speaker 5: years or it could be next week, like who knows.
Speaker 2: Every day it was about the numbers, I remember, yes.
Speaker 5: And so I think we just came to a point
Speaker 5: where we were like, this is something we really really want,
Speaker 5: and who knows what's going to happen with the world,
Speaker 5: so we can't just keep putting it off for the
Speaker 5: unknown and we'll work it out.
Speaker 1: So does that mean it was only Josh in the
Speaker 1: room then?
Speaker 2: For the.
Speaker 1: Obviously for the conception, thank you.
Speaker 2: It was only him because of lockdown.
Speaker 1: For the birth, Oh, for.
Speaker 5: The birth, no, actually really really well it was just Josh.
Speaker 5: But luckily they let me have a close friend of
Speaker 5: mine who ended up taking photos of the birth, which
Speaker 5: I'm so glad I pushed for because it was like
Speaker 5: some of the photos I just I think it's crazy
Speaker 5: to be able to look back at. But yeah, she
Speaker 5: almost wasn't because it was very very in the scans, Like,
Speaker 5: we were really lucky where we went. It was probably
Speaker 5: the only place that I knew of in our area
Speaker 5: that actually allowed the partner to go in for the scans.
Speaker 5: And I couldn't have imagine doing that, like thirteen week scan,
Speaker 5: the scariest one really without him. So very grateful that
Speaker 5: he could be there for that, because yeah, I heard
Speaker 5: some other stories of people going into birth alone and
Speaker 5: labor alone and.
Speaker 3: Oh it must be so so tough, Like, yeah, it
Speaker 3: was such a strange.
Speaker 4: Is it such a strange?
Speaker 1: When Marley was born, I was like, it wants to
Speaker 1: come in I was like, my mum was there?
Speaker 2: She forgot to ask Laura.
Speaker 1: Yeah it was I was like, did I not mention
Speaker 1: my Mum's coming into the room and aw, she lives
Speaker 1: with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wish I had forgot to mention as well.
Speaker 2: She still doesn't know.
Speaker 1: It's all good. So then what was the conversation like
Speaker 1: with Josh because when I look at you guys, now,
Speaker 1: you guys have a really amazing setup in terms of
Speaker 1: equal share parenting. Was that always the case? Did you
Speaker 1: guys go into parenthood being like this is how the dynamic.
Speaker 2: Is going to work?
Speaker 5: Yeah, So we definitely had a conversation about it, probably
Speaker 5: a lot of conversations about it. But we both were
Speaker 5: in another business that we exited soon after Harvey's birth,
Speaker 5: but that we had planned to exit as well. So
Speaker 5: we knew that Josh was going to have a lot
Speaker 5: more time up his sleeve because outside of that he
Speaker 5: kind of just did content creation at that point. Prior
Speaker 5: to that, he was a project manager for his stad
Speaker 5: shop fitting company, and he left that because he just
Speaker 5: had He's so creative and just felt like it wasn't
Speaker 5: suiting him.
Speaker 4: So that business was great, but we were ready to leave.
Speaker 5: And then Kick was just kind of on the upwards
Speaker 5: and I had no interest in stepping back, Like I
Speaker 5: definitely wanted to take my time with Harvey and to
Speaker 5: just see how that felt. Because I was a bit
Speaker 5: of a guinea pig lawa on my business partner. I
Speaker 5: hadn't had a kid, We didn't really know what that.
Speaker 4: Was going to happen, and so she I mean, it
Speaker 4: was brilliant.
Speaker 5: I think being able to work with your best friend
Speaker 5: and for her to allow me to have that time
Speaker 5: and for us to be patient with that was really great.
Speaker 5: And justin of communicated over the years and if I
Speaker 5: needed to come back for more time or yeah, whenever
Speaker 5: I needed something really easy to talk to about.
Speaker 3: How long did you have off with Harvey before you
Speaker 3: and Josh had that conversation where it's like, Okay, well
Speaker 3: I need to get back to it because it's your
Speaker 3: your you know, Harvey's your baby, but also kicks you
Speaker 3: baby as well.
Speaker 2: How long?
Speaker 5: It was always the plan, so like we knew I
Speaker 5: was going to be going back, but it was more
Speaker 5: so I kept saying to him, like, if you you know,
Speaker 5: start to be a stay at home dad and it
Speaker 5: just doesn't fulfill you or it doesn't like feel good.
Speaker 5: You have to just talk to me, because we have
Speaker 5: other options, like we can do at the different things
Speaker 5: and you can get back into something else.
Speaker 4: Like I really encourage that in him.
Speaker 5: But it was something he really wanted to do and
Speaker 5: he really enjoyed it, and he's had there's been times
Speaker 5: where it's been really challenging for him. And also because
Speaker 5: a lot of his friends they've only just kind of
Speaker 5: started having kids now, so a lot of his friends
Speaker 5: were kind of still in that lifestyle of not having kids.
Speaker 2: Which makes it really hard.
Speaker 3: It's really really nice, wouldn't understand as well, And like
Speaker 3: I still have friends that don't have kids now, and
Speaker 3: it's like they're like, hey, come serve And I was like,
Speaker 3: I've got.
Speaker 2: To watch Macie. Just put the and they're like, can't
Speaker 2: you watch yourself?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Brochus like too.
Speaker 5: And I think it was also even just some of
Speaker 5: the comments, like if he'd had a really hard day
Speaker 5: with Harvey, he might say that he was tired or something,
Speaker 5: and his friend who hadn't had a kid yet might
Speaker 5: be like, oh, mate, like.
Speaker 4: You got it easy or whatever. Yeah, Okay, you just
Speaker 4: don't get it.
Speaker 5: But The other thing is is like which I think
Speaker 5: there needs to be more of, like the communities of dads,
Speaker 5: because I know that it is happening more where there
Speaker 5: is a lot more balance with the dynamic at home
Speaker 5: and who's staying at home. But if I was staying
Speaker 5: at home, like I connected with other mums and there
Speaker 5: was like mum.
Speaker 4: Communities very easily for me to.
Speaker 5: Make and whether it was like through the council or
Speaker 5: just for people, I knew there was other moms I
Speaker 5: knew that weren't working in the day that.
Speaker 4: I could go for coffee or catch up with the
Speaker 4: park with.
Speaker 5: For Josh, that didn't exist existing, so it was pretty isolating.
Speaker 2: I think for him was his network then of support.
Speaker 5: Honestly, some of my friends, like my girlfriends and me,
Speaker 5: I mean, like his friends were great. But yeah, as
Speaker 5: I said, they've only kind of just started having kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they wouldn't have understood a complexity at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3: I mean I was really lucky we had a really
Speaker 3: good mother's group which the dads were all like real
Speaker 3: supportive and we're still with them now.
Speaker 2: So I can imagine like him, like.
Speaker 3: I know, when I have one day with the kids,
Speaker 3: like which I have like with Macy twice a week.
Speaker 2: It's just our day.
Speaker 3: It's like you're looking for someone kids, yeah, to be
Speaker 3: like let's.
Speaker 1: Hang out, because you know, just being in the presence
Speaker 1: of another parent, it makes such a difference.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, because you could be like they're sort of
Speaker 2: the kids are sort of entertaining themselves. You can be like,
Speaker 2: you know, like someone watching. But yeah, it's like so true.
Speaker 4: He actually recently, probably six months ago, met a dad
Speaker 4: at the part.
Speaker 2: And he took his jet ski down.
Speaker 4: And I'm so happy that James his name.
Speaker 2: Is shouted out to James. James.
Speaker 5: Ja gave Josh's number because his kid Mac just got
Speaker 5: along with Harvey so well, and he was like, we've
Speaker 5: just moved to the area. He doesn't really have any
Speaker 5: other friends, and I've never seen him get along so
Speaker 5: quickly with another kid. So that's really nice because now
Speaker 5: we know that Harvey's got a friend near us, and
Speaker 5: then we really get along with his parents, which is
Speaker 5: great because there is also some parents that like Harvey's
Speaker 5: really friends with, maybe someone at daycare or like through
Speaker 5: something else, and I just don't jeel well with the parents.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's always awkward asking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Look, I avoid new friends good.
Speaker 5: Enough time with my actual close friends that I know,
Speaker 5: making new ones that don't necessarily We.
Speaker 3: Told that story about remember April that someone moved into
Speaker 3: our old complex and this guy approached my wife in
Speaker 3: the park in the complex because the kids were getting
Speaker 3: on and was like asking for my wife's number and stuff.
Speaker 2: And then she was like she got home, she was like,
Speaker 2: what do we do? I was like, ignore him. So
Speaker 2: we ignored him.
Speaker 1: It's hard making friends as an adult, it is. It's hard.
Speaker 1: It's like dating all over again. You're going to make
Speaker 1: sure the kids get along, that you get along.
Speaker 2: If you got jet skis bro.
Speaker 3: Stay at home dad? Did you take to it like
Speaker 3: duck toward I know you said he had some troubles.
Speaker 3: But those who we spoke about who don't have kids
Speaker 3: don't understand how it's a full day's work. You might
Speaker 3: think that's easy, it's just a kid, But it's like
Speaker 3: having like I said, it's like having a drunk person
Speaker 3: all the time. They're incoherent, they're moody, they can barely walk,
Speaker 3: they never want to eat.
Speaker 2: I can imagine.
Speaker 1: So do you remember do you remember the parts early
Speaker 1: on that were the hardest when it came to parenting.
Speaker 5: Early on, I think sleep deprivation sucked, like that turned
Speaker 5: me into the worst person, the worst version of myself.
Speaker 1: What period was the hardest?
Speaker 5: Do you think I reckon between like three months and
Speaker 5: like five months where they're not just like newborns anymore.
Speaker 5: They can like sleep in the daylight, They're a lot
Speaker 5: more aware, aware of everything, and harder to get down
Speaker 5: and kind of waking up through the night still, And
Speaker 5: I think the adrenaline and magic of the newborn days
Speaker 5: is kind of.
Speaker 4: What by that point. So I remember that phase being
Speaker 4: really hard.
Speaker 5: But the best thing is is because Josh wasn't working
Speaker 5: in that period really hard nights, because I was feeding
Speaker 5: a lot, like really hard nights, he could tap in
Speaker 5: if he ever needed settling without a feed, Josh could
Speaker 5: tap in. And I know for people who like work
Speaker 5: a full time job, being the person getting up with
Speaker 5: your partner, that's not always going to work out, because
Speaker 5: at least one of your needs to refresh the next day.
Speaker 1: When I hear parents talk about the fact that, well,
Speaker 1: if I'm up ub up as well, I'm like, no.
Speaker 2: Bad plain.
Speaker 3: And I did that early on with my first but
Speaker 3: then learned for my second yeah, where I slept in
Speaker 3: the lounger in for six months.
Speaker 2: It was the.
Speaker 5: Best see And I think you just got to find
Speaker 5: what works for you, because I had friends who did that,
Speaker 5: who literally slept in separate rooms with their part from
Speaker 5: it was the first year, just because then at least
Speaker 5: in the morning for the really early morning wake, you know,
Speaker 5: the partner who had a really good sleep was kind
Speaker 5: of up and could take them and they could get
Speaker 5: a couple more hours or something.
Speaker 4: You do. You have to find what works.
Speaker 5: But I think on some of the really tough nights,
Speaker 5: it was nice to know that he was there and
Speaker 5: then even throughout the next day, Like if I was
Speaker 5: absolutely from the night before, he was there to support
Speaker 5: me the next day, and I just yeah, that support
Speaker 5: was everything. So I think by the time I was
Speaker 5: going back to work and I did a gradual I
Speaker 5: was online a lot at the start, like I started
Speaker 5: recording the pop for the podcast and stuff. I think
Speaker 5: two months.
Speaker 4: Wow, I just I loved that. So I was doing that.
Speaker 5: We shot for workouts and stuff probably five months postpartum,
Speaker 5: and then we had events pretty early on because we
Speaker 5: launched Kickbump, which is our pre and post natal offering.
Speaker 4: When Harvey was like two weeks old, so I was there.
Speaker 1: So there was elements of the idea, but that's the
Speaker 1: reality of running a small.
Speaker 5: Business and a lot of pr and stuff. That all
Speaker 5: happened really early. And it was probably around the five
Speaker 5: or six month mark where I started going back into
Speaker 5: the actual office for like a day or two and
Speaker 5: then online for another day. Started with three days, eventually
Speaker 5: worked up to four, and then eventually went back to
Speaker 5: full time.
Speaker 1: And what made it easier than coming out of that
Speaker 1: five month phase with sleep? Was it just that you
Speaker 1: adjusted an acclimatized environment or do you guys get help.
Speaker 5: In We did end up doing some sleep training, which
Speaker 5: is it's really funny because I'm thinking, like, you know,
Speaker 5: when it's time, if we are so fortunate to have another,
Speaker 5: like what I would want to do second time around?
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you do differently?
Speaker 4: I think like.
Speaker 5: There was just some stuff that didn't like feel right
Speaker 5: to my gut with the sleep training that you just
Speaker 5: hit it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was traumatized by the first visit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like can you remember.
Speaker 2: What it was?
Speaker 4: Just letting him cry really killed me.
Speaker 5: And like, you know, the person who which I won't
Speaker 5: talk about, but you know, they would kind of be like,
Speaker 5: you'll the cries when they're like kind of putting it
Speaker 5: on versus like when they're actually hysterical. But it just
Speaker 5: felt wrong to wait for him to get hysterical. INTER mean,
Speaker 5: so I think I would do a kind of in
Speaker 5: between approach, which some of my friends did do, which
Speaker 5: was that they would go back in not necessarily pick
Speaker 5: them back up and like fully resettled, but like I'm
Speaker 5: here and then kind of walk out again, but like
Speaker 5: just keep going back and reassuring. I think we'd probably
Speaker 5: find something like that, because that's probably the one thing
Speaker 5: that I was a bit like, I don't know if
Speaker 5: I enjoyed that. The annoying thing is is it did
Speaker 5: work in a ways, and like he was a pretty
Speaker 5: independent sleeper. I could put him down awake and he
Speaker 5: would go to sleep, and that was really good.
Speaker 4: But the funny thing is is I did all.
Speaker 5: That because I read all this stuff about like if
Speaker 5: you rock them to sleep, or they two attached to
Speaker 5: you at night, or you co sleep or anything like that,
Speaker 5: they'll be co sleeping with you when they're todder and forever.
Speaker 5: He's now a toddler, and with me, I can't put
Speaker 5: him down, like I have to be in his bed.
Speaker 2: You get in with him.
Speaker 4: If i'm also I'm alone, he'll enough in my bed.
Speaker 1: Do you have to I always thank the grace of
Speaker 1: God that my children aren't the ones that require me
Speaker 1: to be in bed with them. Do you have to
Speaker 1: like literally going to be there touching him to him
Speaker 1: full asleep?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Well now at the moment in the phase that
Speaker 4: we're in, and I'm.
Speaker 2: So sorry in a lot lately.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got some friends are the same that like
Speaker 3: got a what I think, what's five in this till
Speaker 3: they going through another phase like that. And I think
Speaker 3: we definitely had a little phase like that too, but
Speaker 3: not at three and I feel four hour.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's like it is what he hasn't always
Speaker 5: been like that, And I think the frustrating part is
Speaker 5: very different to me too, to Josh. So like Josh
Speaker 5: can go through bedtime and he'll go down and he'll
Speaker 5: say good.
Speaker 4: Night, data love.
Speaker 5: You can walk out and I watched the monitor and
Speaker 5: I'm like you because you know, and then he'll also
Speaker 5: sleep through whereas nights that I've put him down. Yeah,
Speaker 5: he pushed bedtime so much like you'll find everything else
Speaker 5: to do to stay awake, which I think also it
Speaker 5: plays with my heartstrings because he's got Josh a lot
Speaker 5: more than he has me, and so I think it
Speaker 5: is a little bit like I've got you, I don't
Speaker 5: want you to go spend more time with me, So
Speaker 5: that kills me.
Speaker 4: A little bit.
Speaker 5: But you know, bedtime will take a really really long
Speaker 5: time eventually when I've talked him into going to bed,
Speaker 5: which at the moment it's not happening, which is killing me.
Speaker 5: The other night, I was home alone and it got
Speaker 5: to past eight o'clock and I ended up just putting.
Speaker 4: Him in my bed because I was like, yeah, to eat,
Speaker 4: and I actually need.
Speaker 5: To get.
Speaker 2: Resistance.
Speaker 3: What does your what does are you really routine with him?
Speaker 3: Like your bedtime routine? Is it the same every time I.
Speaker 5: Try to This is Josh's point to me, because he's
Speaker 5: this pretty like clockwork.
Speaker 4: But I think he's also like he's worked out some
Speaker 4: tricks that if he feels.
Speaker 5: That Harvey's about to get distracted or like push away
Speaker 5: or something, He'll just like start telling me a story
Speaker 5: and like just butt in and just talk grab a
Speaker 5: Harvey and like get him distructed.
Speaker 4: But for me, it's like it's pretty set like this.
Speaker 5: The order is all the same, you know, the amount
Speaker 5: of books might be different where he wants to read
Speaker 5: his book.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I try in my head, it's me
Speaker 4: picking my battles.
Speaker 5: Yeah, with like him losing it, but it's probably me
Speaker 5: being a little bit.
Speaker 3: Especially if you're you've Josh's got a majority of time
Speaker 3: obviously with him, and then you're coming home from from
Speaker 3: your busy date. You want, like you said, you want
Speaker 3: to extend that time with them. You might be like,
Speaker 3: why don't we do three books? Yeah, it's but this
Speaker 3: isn't for you, this is me.
Speaker 5: And then it gets to like, know, he gets into
Speaker 5: bed and it's I want to take him one's truck bed, No,
Speaker 5: not taking him on instructed.
Speaker 4: And then I'm starting to be like, oh my god, I.
Speaker 2: Need to eat.
Speaker 5: I'm really stimulated right now. So yeah, it's really tough
Speaker 5: at the moment bedtimes. And I think it's just funny
Speaker 5: because I reflect back on like all this independent sleep
Speaker 5: stuff that we did when he was so young, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, kids are just going to do.
Speaker 4: What they wanted.
Speaker 5: Yeah, some of them are going to need more attachment
Speaker 5: at than others, and that's it is what it is.
Speaker 4: They're small for only a short period of their lives.
Speaker 3: And over that time where you're back at work full time,
Speaker 3: let's call it. What about the relationship between you and Josh.
Speaker 3: How how did that differ? Was there any significant impacts
Speaker 3: that you thought?
Speaker 5: I think for us, it was just that our lives
Speaker 5: were wildly different. I mean, COVID was one shift in
Speaker 5: our lifestyle, but then having a kid and the business
Speaker 5: kind of going up a level and needing me a
Speaker 5: lot more full time meant that, Yeah, a lot of
Speaker 5: this kind of like spontaneous exciting opportunities and stuff that
Speaker 5: we used to kind of go with weren't really happening,
Speaker 5: and so that was kind of hard. And I think
Speaker 5: for him he was also his whole life had fully, fully,
Speaker 5: fully changed into full time dad mode and not really
Speaker 5: necessarily getting to be creative or working with different people.
Speaker 4: His battery is charged off of other people. So like
Speaker 4: if we used to.
Speaker 5: Run events or whatever, him being there and like hosting
Speaker 5: it and like getting people there, that's just what fied
Speaker 5: him up doing.
Speaker 4: None of that really shifted him.
Speaker 5: But we've always kind of been like he just wants
Speaker 5: more time with me, and like it's he's just the best,
Speaker 5: but he just wants to spend more time with me
Speaker 5: and missed me and misses me. And for me, it's
Speaker 5: like I work with people all day and I get
Speaker 5: really exhausted at work and then I'll come home and
Speaker 5: if I have the time with Harvey, I pour everything
Speaker 5: into that and then I'm drained.
Speaker 3: It's hard to fill everyone's cup as well, including your own.
Speaker 4: Including your own.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I hate to pry into your personal life,
Speaker 1: but I have wanted to ask you a question about
Speaker 1: one aspect of your personal life. And it's something that
Speaker 1: Laura and I try to take inspiration from. We didn't
Speaker 1: do it that well. You're thirty days of intimacy.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah, actually yeah a good shout.
Speaker 1: How did that come about and how has it changed
Speaker 1: you after you did the experiment?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so, so the experiment was thirty days of intimacy
Speaker 5: and for me, like our libidos are different, Josh, this
Speaker 5: is a lot higher than mine, and I think it
Speaker 5: was for us it was just making sure that we
Speaker 5: made time for each other and like connected like that,
Speaker 5: because it just wasn't happening as much, and it didn't
Speaker 5: mean like sex all the way. It was just like
Speaker 5: even just being affectionate with one another. We're kind of
Speaker 5: just roommates on most days.
Speaker 4: So it was really good for that. There was it
Speaker 4: was really hard, like for me as well.
Speaker 1: I was last two days a lot two days, what ages.
Speaker 5: It was hard, But I think that actually the best
Speaker 5: part about it was when you know you're going to
Speaker 5: have sex with someone on the best part about it,
Speaker 5: but it's just the way you treat each other just
Speaker 5: in the day in general.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 5: If you know you're going to have sex with them,
Speaker 5: you don't want to be picking a fight over who
Speaker 5: didn't do.
Speaker 2: This swashure or what happens. Depends what you're into.
Speaker 5: Well we didn't because I you know, I'm not into
Speaker 5: doing it if I'm annoyed of his stuff. And so
Speaker 5: it was kind of good because yeah, you were a
Speaker 5: little bit more affection even outside of the action it's itself,
Speaker 5: and that was a really nice habit to build.
Speaker 4: So after the thirty days, did we even continue every day?
Speaker 5: Absolutely not like it dropped back down to maybe like
Speaker 5: once or twice a week pretty quickly, but it just
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 4: It just felt really good to do and it was
Speaker 4: a nice remid did.
Speaker 3: You feel like on those like because obviously let's just
Speaker 3: put sex up here for a moment, but did you
Speaker 3: feel after those thirty days that you connected better on
Speaker 3: all of these other levels?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I think so, and just like having more time like
Speaker 5: that together. It didn't have to be sex, but just intimately.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally yeah. Yeah. Did you see it even? Did
Speaker 2: you see it as a chore?
Speaker 1: Were You're like, oh, fuck, it's like I did, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because for us it was like for one of a
Speaker 1: better analogy, It's like that load of washing that you
Speaker 1: know you have to put on at the end of
Speaker 1: the day.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh fuck, I've got to like I've.
Speaker 3: Got to do the washing, or like when you put
Speaker 3: it on too late and you realize, fuck, I better
Speaker 3: hang it hour.
Speaker 6: It's king to stink. Take that, do you know what
Speaker 6: I mean?
Speaker 4: But do you feel like that in the beginning?
Speaker 5: But I think like even just in general, not within
Speaker 5: that challenge, there's days where I can't be bothered and.
Speaker 4: Then we do it and I'm like why do we
Speaker 4: do them?
Speaker 2: All?
Speaker 5: So you definitely like you've worked that out pretty quickly
Speaker 5: in the challenge is like it felt like that at
Speaker 5: the start, but then as soon as you got into
Speaker 5: the habit of it, you knew how good it felt afterwards.
Speaker 1: But it's so easier and to get into that routine
Speaker 1: of just not being intimate, like well, Laura and I
Speaker 1: will have just like a split second pet good night,
Speaker 1: and then we've rolled to separate end of the bed
Speaker 1: and then that's it. And then you did that the
Speaker 1: first night, second night, and you're like, oh shit, it's
Speaker 1: been a month, and.
Speaker 2: We do get like we do.
Speaker 3: It's actually we're probably really insightful for our listeners because
Speaker 3: we do get listeners saying, hey, what do you do
Speaker 3: in that roommate phase because everyone goes through it, absolutely
Speaker 3: everyone with kids go through it because you are so exhausted,
Speaker 3: And we talked about filling carps because you could go
Speaker 3: to like families that both parents work, like April and
Speaker 3: I both kids go to daycare. You're all tired.
Speaker 2: When you get home. And it's like, like you said, it's.
Speaker 3: The non critical part, really yeah, and like it it's
Speaker 3: so easy to get stuck in it.
Speaker 2: So I mean thirty days of you're building a habit, right, Yeah, and.
Speaker 5: It's a look that's not for everyone. But I think
Speaker 5: even I think just being okay with scheduling it in
Speaker 5: in a way, like not putting it in the calendar,
Speaker 5: but just knowing, like my.
Speaker 2: Wife could put it in the calendar.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 5: When he got to the eighth when he was having
Speaker 5: a napper day, it was like, Okay, Saturday's midday, that's
Speaker 5: our time because we the best day for it.
Speaker 4: That's on because it was the weekend, so I wasn't
Speaker 4: going to be stressed from work or like tired from work,
Speaker 4: and it could be in the.
Speaker 5: Day, which is great. We're not exhausted, and he was
Speaker 5: going to be a sleep so I haven't.
Speaker 2: Had a big dinner either. I don't know.
Speaker 4: I think that that's okay, Like, yes, our sex lives
Speaker 4: looked different when we wouldn't have to think about things
Speaker 4: like that. Yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 3: That's still I think scheduling it in as parents is
Speaker 3: pretty legit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to, like we go to the other day,
Speaker 1: we're talking about it on an episode, and like it's
Speaker 1: nice for it to be spontaneous, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: the reality is like, yeah, it's like Friday, Saturday, night.
Speaker 2: It's a kind of like Sunday.
Speaker 1: Everyone's too worried about work on Monday.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a Sunday research. We can't do it today exactly.
Speaker 1: I do have to say congratulations for what you and
Speaker 1: Laura have achieved with Kick. It's unbelievable, unbelievable and I
Speaker 1: can't even begin to imagine how busy you must be.
Speaker 1: Does that play a big role in deciding whether or
Speaker 1: not you'll have a second Yeah, I.
Speaker 5: So recently I've been able to have a bit more
Speaker 5: flexibility in my role. There was some stuff that I
Speaker 5: was kind of holding my role that wasn't necessarily my
Speaker 5: skill sets or not that they couldn't do them, but
Speaker 5: it just didn't need to be me. And there was
Speaker 5: some it meant that I couldn't create as much content
Speaker 5: as I wanted for the brand, or like network as
Speaker 5: much as I wanted for the brand, all this stuff
Speaker 5: where I really do a lot of value and so
Speaker 5: we worked through that and the team are in a
Speaker 5: fantastic place at the moment.
Speaker 4: They're working so well together, which is awesome.
Speaker 5: It's meaning that I do have a little bit more
Speaker 5: flexibility now, so I am spending a little bit more
Speaker 5: time with Harvey and at.
Speaker 4: Home and yeah, we definitely want a second.
Speaker 5: And I think, wow, yeah, it's definitely I've worked out
Speaker 5: now how now that I've done it once and I
Speaker 5: can see it with one, I know the step to
Speaker 5: have two is very different. But I think by the
Speaker 5: time that would happen happy before anyway at least, so
Speaker 5: I feel like it's just it's been a nice right.
Speaker 3: Three of us, and you're fine with the set with
Speaker 3: your second us we've had two.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like job.
Speaker 3: Experience, right, You've had the job experience and then you
Speaker 3: like get a new job, but you've done that's exactly
Speaker 3: the same job just about and you're like, I found
Speaker 3: that you're way more relaxed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3: And you know what the you know, when you have
Speaker 3: your first kid and they're so little now you look
Speaker 3: out for the signs, it's like, what the fuck? What
Speaker 3: the fuck is that? And then now with the second kid,
Speaker 3: you like, there it is. You just know.
Speaker 4: Well, I think that's the thing is that the hardest
Speaker 4: parts for me weren't in like losing myself or losing
Speaker 4: my life that I had before or whatever.
Speaker 5: It was more just being anxious that I was doing
Speaker 5: the right thing, or that I was reading the right
Speaker 5: way or like so, I think because I will feel
Speaker 5: a little bit more comfortable going into it second time around,
Speaker 5: I'm hoping it will feel yeah, damn good because I
Speaker 5: love being a moment. So it's my favorite hat that
Speaker 5: I wear, hands down.
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's awesome. And Harvey he's three now. Yes,
Speaker 3: I believe he is doing some time at day care. Yeah,
Speaker 3: how was that transition? Probably mainly for yourself, of course,
Speaker 3: but for Josh spending every day with him and then
Speaker 3: having to go, well, he go, I want you to.
Speaker 2: Interact with kids your age as well. How was that transition?
Speaker 5: Josh did the first drop off, which was actually okay
Speaker 5: because he was excited, but then the next drop off
Speaker 5: was like hell and yeah because he knew.
Speaker 4: So Josh found that really really hard. Like I remember
Speaker 4: him like sobbing in the car and he just called
Speaker 4: me and.
Speaker 2: I was like, Wow, this is really hard.
Speaker 5: And I found it hard to because I wanted to
Speaker 5: be there for it, but I just couldn't with work.
Speaker 5: So I actually didn't do drop off for probably four
Speaker 5: or five months of him being there, and then I
Speaker 5: got to do it, So I was lucky he had
Speaker 5: a bit of practice, but it was very different.
Speaker 3: Did you do it strategically so that it was like
Speaker 3: it was it was like same.
Speaker 2: With your routine. It's Josh dropping every time.
Speaker 5: May yes, but also with the time that I leave
Speaker 5: for work, it's just yeah, okay, it would have been
Speaker 5: just I mean, I could have definitely drop him off earlier,
Speaker 5: but it just worked for us that way, and I
Speaker 5: never finished in time to pick him up, and so
Speaker 5: when I was able to drop him off, it was
Speaker 5: really hard because then I experienced that whole drop off
Speaker 5: and yeah, he's only just got to a period now
Speaker 5: with me.
Speaker 4: I've dropped him off more often now.
Speaker 5: On Thursdays is my day where I drop him off,
Speaker 5: and he's used to it now, so it's finally good.
Speaker 4: But for a long time, oh yeah.
Speaker 3: Fuck, I hate that, and we all go we all
Speaker 3: go through those days. Like we've spoken about a day
Speaker 3: where I got back in the car to look back
Speaker 3: and Oscar was looking through the.
Speaker 2: Fence and I was like, I remember I went back
Speaker 2: and got him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I spent the day, Are you idiot?
Speaker 2: He tricks me?
Speaker 4: Funny.
Speaker 5: We went to Fiji recently, which was amazing, and everyone
Speaker 5: was talking about how the daycarees, that the hotels are amazing, and.
Speaker 4: Like it's just so good for kids.
Speaker 5: But we dropped him off while I dropped him off,
Speaker 5: and that was the worst drop off ever, Like he
Speaker 5: was hysterical And the only reason I walked away was
Speaker 5: because there was another kid there that he met the
Speaker 5: first night. He was a bit older, and he was
Speaker 5: such a sweet kid. He obviously was like an older
Speaker 5: brother or something or wanted to be, and he took
Speaker 5: Harvey under his wing. And I was, I reckon the
Speaker 5: second I leave, he's going to be okay. But I
Speaker 5: was actually had a spa appointment, which Josh was also
Speaker 5: meant to join me out, but he wasn't feeling well.
Speaker 5: We both gotstra on that trip, we all three of
Speaker 5: us actually, and I called him and I was like,
Speaker 5: I just don't feel right and he was like I'm
Speaker 5: already putting my clothes.
Speaker 4: On, Like I don't feel right either. Wow, And so
Speaker 4: I got into the spar appment.
Speaker 5: Josh got there probably ten minutes after I'd dropped him off,
Speaker 5: and he was.
Speaker 4: Still way long.
Speaker 5: Breaks my heart, but yeah, So then what made it
Speaker 5: hard is we moved hotels and tried the daycare thing again,
Speaker 5: and he was just like, no, not happening.
Speaker 4: And you know what, I get it.
Speaker 5: It's a hard age I think three because he's highly
Speaker 5: aware that he has no idea.
Speaker 4: Who these people are.
Speaker 5: And you've never been in this environment before, so why
Speaker 5: am I here alone?
Speaker 4: Whereas like the older kids were like yeah, fun, like.
Speaker 2: There's a playground, it's good to be away from you.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Babies were just like, oh, someone passed me around.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So yeah, it was it was tough normal daycare. Now
Speaker 4: we're in a good place.
Speaker 2: That's good. It is tough for any parent, Like we
Speaker 2: joke about it all the time.
Speaker 3: How it's it's such a swift drop off now, but
Speaker 3: you have those days still.
Speaker 4: Yeah, where they said that don't want to go?
Speaker 2: Yeah, breaks your heart sometimes.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask with the kickapp, I mean
Speaker 1: myself and Ash we've not used it before. Needs a
Speaker 1: transformation your words, not mine. If anyone did want to
Speaker 1: try out the kick app, how can they do that?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 4: So, actually we have a free month code for your listeners.
Speaker 2: Wow, next time you see me, I'm going to be
Speaker 2: jack guys us.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's plenty and even in our events, a lot
Speaker 5: of people bring their partners and stuff like that, and
Speaker 5: they get into it, especially with home workouts. I feel like, look,
Speaker 5: it's not targeted towards men, but like it's not like.
Speaker 4: Specialized for women.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know you could definitely get a lot out
Speaker 5: of the workouts.
Speaker 2: Why at me? All right? Sell it to me?
Speaker 5: I think the code's dads and it'll get anyone listening
Speaker 5: a whole month.
Speaker 4: Free to check it out.
Speaker 5: But you just have to go to our website, which
Speaker 5: can go in the show notes and you just pop
Speaker 5: in that code and sign up to the monthly and
Speaker 5: you'll get that month. But there's everything from programs to
Speaker 5: on demand classes and recipes and meditations, so hopefully you'll.
Speaker 1: Find something there you like, Wow, the new improved at Wicks.
Speaker 2: I can't wait.
Speaker 3: You're not going to be able to recognize me no time.
Speaker 3: I probably do one day and I'll.
Speaker 2: Be like, O.
Speaker 1: Steph. One last question before you go, because I know
Speaker 1: you have to get to the airport. You have a
Speaker 1: flight to catch, So just quickly, when Harvey is grown
Speaker 1: up and he's no longer living with you, is there
Speaker 1: anything that you would want him to remember about the
Speaker 1: house that he grew up in, Just that.
Speaker 4: It was filled with love and fun.
Speaker 5: I think is my I think I'm really fortunate that
Speaker 5: I have a lot of fond memories from my childhood
Speaker 5: and I'm really close with my parents now, I'm really
Speaker 5: close with my brother, and I love being able to reflect,
Speaker 5: like anytime people are talking about anything nostalgic, like anything
Speaker 5: child like, let me chat about me. So I just
Speaker 5: I hope that yeah, he lights up what he thinks
Speaker 5: of memories at home with the both of us, and
Speaker 5: that we can keep the bond that we have right
Speaker 5: now because I'm utterly obsessed with him.
Speaker 2: I love it. That's very nice.
Speaker 1: Keep doing such a great job.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us too, and good.
Speaker 1: Luck for when it is time for number two.
Speaker 3: Yes, good luck with the logistics of that. Let me
Speaker 3: sell it to you, so thanks, thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 2: Ash.
Speaker 1: We always joking about getting.
Speaker 2: Jet skis, but I still stand by that.
Speaker 1: I think we need to definitely get those jet skis.
Speaker 2: Let's just get one and I can hold onto your tired.
Speaker 1: Body and that note, we've got to get out of here.
Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this episode, any episode from Two Doting Dads,
Speaker 1: please subscribe, leave a review.
Speaker 2: A number of Stars. We greatly appreciate it.
Speaker 3: Well. Join us on socials either Instagram or the Facebook.
Speaker 2: We have a group on there. It's Two Doting Dads.
Speaker 2: Join the conversation.
Speaker 1: We'll see you next time.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 3: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land