WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - Therapy Thursdays 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:25.160 We both just wanted to do the intro. No, it's 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:28.280 all yours you guy, No, you please? All right, Hey, guys, 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:32.440 welcome to life uncut, Ask gun Cut. I'm Brittany and 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:35.839 I'm Laura, and this is our short, sharp and jazzy 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:39.239 little episode where we answer all of the questions that 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:41.240 you have been sending. Actually that's a lie. We answer 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:44.000 three of them, by all of them. We don't answer 0:00:44.040 --> 0:00:46.040 all of them. We go through them and we pick 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:48.640 out three. So britt has picked out three doozies. But 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:51.000 thank you to every single person who has written in 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:54.080 a question for ask Guncut, and also to everyone who's 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:56.520 been sending in their accidentally unfiltered. We love it. 0:00:56.840 --> 0:00:59.680 Did you notice we had a lot of messages this 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:02.440 week in the dams end emails that were a little 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:05.200 bit different. We had a lot of appreciation messages. It 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:07.400 was strange like they all came at once, so a 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:10.039 lot of people saying, hey, literally just want to say 0:01:10.120 --> 0:01:10.560 thank you. 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:12.800 This might have been off the back of our last episode, 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:15.800 which is all about like for your deep seated childhood trauma, 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:20.160 which we really brought to this. How it bubbled up, 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:22.080 didn't it? So I'm very glad that nobody listened to 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:24.760 that episode, and then in retrospect was like, ah, my 0:01:24.800 --> 0:01:26.840 life is duck and I hate those girls we're talking 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:27.200 about it. 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:29.920 No, we had a really great response, So we're glad 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:32.160 that a lot of you really got something from that episode. 0:01:32.200 --> 0:01:34.240 Because I actually really got something from that. 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:36.360 I learn a lot. I also love that everyone has 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:38.280 been if you haven't listened to the last episode we're 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.280 talking about, we're talking about the episode it's all about 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:43.240 attachment theory and attachment styles and how we bond to 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:46.479 our partners and how we communicate with them. And we 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:49.560 have had so many people write in because of it. 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:52.200 But also then we've had a load of people sharing 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.200 their results from the attachment test that you can do 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.400 as well, which is so nice that people have felt 0:01:56.880 --> 0:02:01.639 brave enough and vulnerable enough to share. It's a big thing. Well, 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:03.440 I wouldn't got my lashes done. 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:08.000 And the lash lady was like, Okay, I love your podcasts, 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:10.680 like I proper love it. And I was like amazing, 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:13.240 and she's like, my favorite episode was Love Languages. This 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:15.679 is just a few days ago. My favorite episode was 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:18.320 Love Languages. And I said, do you know what so strange? 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:20.280 It was unexpected, but that was one of our most 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:23.360 popular episodes. Everybody really really loved it. And she said, yeah, 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.000 I went home and made my husband do the quiz. 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.240 And she goes, no, wonder we have fights. We didn't 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:29.240 know anything about each other. 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:31.800 She's like, so now we've learned about each other's attack. 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:34.760 And she was actually saying it's changed. She says, changed 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:37.200 their relationship, and I was so toughed. I was like, 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:39.880 I just love that because I think it's easy for 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:41.919 you and I to forget that so many people actually 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:44.920 losen Oh my god, the amount of people who have 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:46.560 come up and been like, I listen to your podcast. 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.600 I'm like, I swear way too much and I talk 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:51.320 about way too many inappropriate things about my personal life 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:54.000 and share it with the whole of Australia and whoever 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:57.320 else listens to it from other countries too. I have 0:02:57.320 --> 0:03:00.239 a funny story to tell you where it's not just 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:04.040 what happened just then, was it fit? So we just 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:06.399 went to plug. We just went to plug the road 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:09.440 caster in which like, if you've been listening into the studio, okay, 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.000 if you guys have been listening to this podcast for 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:12.520 a while, you would know that we have a really 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:15.200 high tech studio which is actually just right next to 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:18.200 my bed. So we're sitting on this little tiny table 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.639 next to the bed and Britt goes to plug the 0:03:21.320 --> 0:03:25.200 podcast machine thinging in and there's this like contraption on 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:27.560 charge next to my bed that I don't want to 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:31.240 say anything. She just like moves very far away from it, 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.720 doesn't want to touch it, and plugs it into the 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:35.960 opposite plug. And I was like, what are you doing. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:37.640 She's like, I don't even want to know what that is. 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:38.760 I'm not gonna ask this. 0:03:38.920 --> 0:03:42.640 It looks exactly like this high like a high tech vibrator, 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:43.480 That's what it looks. 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:45.960 And I was like, oh my god, she's forgot to 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:47.560 put it away, and now I have to like pretend 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:49.920 I haven't seen it. So I bought a micro current 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:52.760 facial thing the other day online. I don't know too 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:54.440 much time in isolation. I was like, I need to 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:57.200 do something to my face. Bought a micro current facial 0:03:57.280 --> 0:03:59.480 that's what that is. I'm I'm all for it. I 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:01.200 just didn't want to have to touch it to move it 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:04.120 out of the way. That was my problem. This is 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:05.000 so I. 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.400 Mean, I hope you guys find this funny because I 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.400 was washing myself. You may or may not have seen 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:16.400 or heard that I'm single and I'm on Bumble and 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.080 Brittany's face is currently on a whole lot of bus 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:20.960 stops all over Sydney as well. 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:22.680 If you're not from Sydney, you might not know this, 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:26.880 but BRIT's currently the face of Bubble. You go get 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:30.320 more single than being the pinup girl for it. Literally 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:31.839 dead rest in peace of me. 0:04:32.120 --> 0:04:34.320 So I'm on all the bus stops and I put 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.800 a video up on my Instagram that was I thought 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:39.360 it was really great, and you know, I was taking 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:41.160 a piece a little bit, the Bumble sign comes up 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:44.520 and whatever. I put that on my Instagram and I'm 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:46.719 in a group family chat. Everyone's in it. We're and 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.320 it always goes nuts. Everyone who was always talking and 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:52.080 my mom and dad are like, well, my whole family is. 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:54.440 But mum and dad are like really really supportive of it. 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.560 Anything I do on Instagram and they always, you know, 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:58.839 if I put it like a post up where I'm 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:00.440 like you could get a discount on the they always 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:02.200 swipe up and like they do all the stuff, they 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:04.760 click all the buttons and like no, they're supporting me 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:08.080 driving the engagement. And I'd be like Mom, Mom and 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.359 Dad because I don't tell them if I'm signing on 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:12.920 with a brand or I just don't. I don't feel 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:14.920 them in So when they see it, they're really interested 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:17.560 and they're your biggest cheerleaders. But they're like what she 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:19.359 doing now, Like I'll go and have a get these 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:24.719 products whatever. So in my caption on my video on Instagram, 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:26.400 I made a joke about Mom and Dad. I was like, 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.080 Mom and Dad always told me to put myself out there. 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.080 I hope this is what they mean, like, aka, my 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:33.280 face is on a bus stop. I go into the 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:35.760 group chat and I'm like, hey, guys, I was like, 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:37.840 Mom and Dad, go check out my latest post, like 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:39.919 you know as in So I just wanted them to 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.359 go and have a look and have a little laugh. Anyway, 0:05:42.440 --> 0:05:46.159 the group chat's going and then Mom writes back, Oh, 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:50.120 they're asking a lot of questions and I was like what, 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.760 and she's like, oh, they want a birthday as well, 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:56.479 and everyone just like there's six people in the group 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:58.920 chat chatting, and then all of a sudden, Mom has 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:00.960 no idea what she's doing. All of a sudden, she's 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:03.520 legitimately signed up on Bumble. She's got a profile and Bubble. 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:11.880 She doesn't know what it is, and she's actually Suan 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:15.360 and I were dying. She's she's got a whole profile Bumble. 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.680 She put aging, but she left the brackets open, so 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:20.640 Dad was in there, going, Nicki's matching, swiping away with 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.600 like twenty one year olds, like this is the best 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:24.480 thing ever. 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.279 We were dying, and mom starts losing it. She's like, 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:29.599 I had no idea what I was doing. I just 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:31.919 thought I was seeing what you were doing. And she 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:33.039 ends up with a profile Bumble. 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:35.599 She got a photo on there, and the imagine that 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:39.360 your mom is like slightly technologically challenged and that she 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.840 probably doesn't know how to delete the profile that she has. No, 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:44.960 she doesn't. She's got a wildly active profile of Bumble. 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:47.200 When we told her, she was just in hysterics and 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:49.120 Dad She's like, oh my god, I don't know what 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.360 I've done, and Dad's in They're going, sure, Nikki, she's 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.000 pretending she doesn't know what she's done. She's gone on 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:54.760 a day twenty one year olds. It's like, I'm just 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:58.120 gonna go out with the girls tonight. But if those 0:06:58.160 --> 0:06:59.000 of you that don't know. 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:01.640 My parents have been happ we married for forty three 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:04.000 years now, so it's a bit of a joke. 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:05.880 But that's why it's funny that mum's on Bumble. But 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:08.920 then once we've all died of laughter, she's like, no, seriously, 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:10.559 how do I delete it? She's like, I can't delete 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:12.720 the profile. Just let it leave it there. She can 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.679 veto everyone for you. Now, she's just set your age 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:17.720 bracket to as wide and as far as it goes, 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:20.119 she can be matching guys in Port mcory left run Centers. 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:22.000 I was like, Mom, I appreciate your support, but you 0:07:22.080 --> 0:07:23.560 do not need to sign up to Bumble for me. 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:26.480 We need to get this episode dialed, guys and in 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:29.360 the can because Bachelor is going to start very very 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:31.680 soon and we also need to watch that. So we 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.000 have got three questions which we're going to answer for 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:36.880 today's episode. Britt has chosen every single one of them. 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:39.640 I'm excited. Britt hit me with the number one question, 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.360 right ya. This is it not heavily sex questions, Laura. 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:43.520 I'm just going to tell you this because I know 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.320 you love the sex ones, but these are all just 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:46.239 a little bit different. 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:49.920 And I why do you I feel like accused right now? 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:52.680 Well because sometimes I read sometimes I told Laura of 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:54.119 the questions and she goes, where's the sex? 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:59.000 Once living vicariously through you all like you literally say 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:03.000 that is not dirty enough? Okay, all right, all right, 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:06.320 Well so the g rated questions, it is half of 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:08.480 our listeners. Just check out right now. Now. They're good. 0:08:08.480 --> 0:08:09.240 They're good. They're good. 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.680 So my boyfriend of four years has befriended a girl 0:08:12.720 --> 0:08:15.240 on Instagram who lives in Canada. 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:17.200 Now, this happened a little while ago. 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.560 I'm not sure how they started this online friendship, but 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:22.080 they started chatting a little bit and they just became friends. 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:25.000 He's brought it up a couple of times, talking about 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:28.280 what this girl said or you know, oh she said this, 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:31.000 she's doing this. So it's not like he's hiding it. 0:08:31.400 --> 0:08:32.920 But when he brings it up, I see him to 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:35.600 go straight to jealousy and suspicion, and I just don't 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.720 engage as much in what he's saying. Then he'll stop 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:41.679 talking and say what's wrong? Why are you going quiet? 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:43.720 And make it like it's a big issue. But I 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.120 never want to be that girl who says you can't 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:48.680 talk to this person, you can't talk to whoever you want, Like, 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:52.120 I don't want to be the controlling girlfriend. However, I've 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:54.680 recently found out that he talks to her quite a lot. 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:56.600 They did a twenty questions thing to get to know 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:58.880 each other, lots of banter, and they now have each 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:03.280 other snapchat and in his best friend's list with a nickname. 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:05.880 I haven't seen any mention of my name all my 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:08.520 existence in their text, even though he has assured me 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.040 that she definitely knows of me. So I guess I 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:13.200 just have to trust him on that. I don't know 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:15.599 why it bothers me so much. He's very faithful and 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:17.880 I know for sure he'd never cheat, but he has 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.120 a history of not realizing. He's been a tad too 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:22.960 flirty with girls. But this flirting was like two to 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:26.160 three years ago. Am I overreacting? Can I say anything? 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:28.200 Or should I just trust him and let him do 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:33.040 whatever he wants to do even though it makes me uncomfortable? 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:37.040 I think it is easy to answer. 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:39.480 I think it's easy too, and not because like we're 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:41.640 gonna say that you should be the controlling girlfriend, but 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.000 anything that makes you feel uncomfortable that's your intuition telling 0:09:45.040 --> 0:09:48.319 you that something is wrong and it is odd. I'm 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:50.719 gonna say it, it's a bit bloody weird that your 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.440 boyfriend of four years has become penpalas with some hot 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:57.040 Chicken Canada. So if that makes you uncomfortable, which it 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:00.840 would make me uncomfortable, I think that you are absolutely 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:05.200 allowed to ask questions around how did they connect, Why 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:07.080 does he feel the need and want to talk to 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:10.079 her so often? Why do they have this close relationship 0:10:10.080 --> 0:10:12.520 when they haven't met and there needs to be some 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:13.440 transparency there. 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:17.200 I really agree with this. It's this is not a 0:10:17.240 --> 0:10:19.520 matter of being a controlling girlfriend at all. This does 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:21.400 not make you controlling. I just want to say that. 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:25.880 To start with, it is very I mean, Laurie is 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.560 the word odd. I think that's a tame word. When 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.120 there's smoke, there's fire, baby, That's all I'm gonna say. 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:35.079 Yeah, he's you've been with for four years. There, it 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.320 shouldn't be a need for him to strike up a 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:41.160 friendship with a hot chickenline that he's not met, that 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:43.800 he probably isn't gonna met meet. There's in another country 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:44.360 that he. 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:46.440 Feels the need to do like a twenty question things 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:49.240 with to to really uncover who they are as a person. 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:53.200 Like I just think it's all very unnecessary. And if 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:55.840 it makes you feel so uncomfortable and you're inner committed 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:59.839 relationship where your happiness should be a priority, then he 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:02.079 shouldn't be defensive when you bring up that this makes 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:02.880 you uncomfortable. 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.440 I think the other thing that I thought of in 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:08.600 this is I was trying to think, Okay, what if 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:10.920 my partner was making friends with someone and wanting to 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:11.559 chat to someone. 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:13.080 I think that's okay. 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:16.600 When it's like he comes home and he's like, hey, 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:18.319 this new chick started at work. We're all gonna grab 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:19.480 a drinks or whatever. 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:20.200 She's really cool. 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:23.680 Sometimes I changed exchanged messages, but like sort of still 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.280 work related. Like it's so fine to meet new people 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:27.600 and want to get to know new people when they're 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:30.280 into your life organically like that. This just seems like 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:33.280 he's gone and sought out something. So I'm just wondering 0:11:33.440 --> 0:11:37.319 if he's missing something. He feels like he's missing something. 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.080 I wonder if he's trying to make you feel guilty 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.800 when you question him about it, and that's that's not cool, 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:45.880 because after four years in a committed relationship, you are 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:50.120 completely entitled to say that, Hey, you constantly talking to 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.679 another girl that I don't know makes me feel uncomfortable. 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.360 That is so okay to say. I'm just trying to 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:57.520 imagine if Matt was to ever do that, Like if 0:11:57.559 --> 0:12:00.160 Matt just came home one day and was like, hey, 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.640 I'm now twenty four to seven texting some other chick, 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:07.480 like my spidy senses will be off the freaking radar. 0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:10.440 Oh my god, I'd be like, okay, well give me 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:12.760 your phone. I'm not saying that going through someone's phone 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:14.760 is a good idea. I think it's a terrible idea, 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:16.079 And you never want to get to a point where 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:18.600 you feel so insecure in a relationship that you feel 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:21.880 like that's your only option, because it's almost like a 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:24.080 drug going through someone's phone. You do it once and 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:25.600 you think that's going to be it, but then you 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:27.760 realize how easy it is, and then you'll continue to 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:31.720 do it because you'll keep tabs on that person. I question, though, 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:34.600 how did you know or how do you know that 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:37.520 he hasn't really spoken about you in his messages unless 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:41.160 you have already read them, or has he yeah, or 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:44.520 has he just said I speak about you. Yeah that's 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:45.040 not enough. 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.840 Like he's like, yeah, she knows about you, but but 0:12:47.920 --> 0:12:51.360 this girl's never seen it. My other like huge red 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:53.960 flag and we all know that I know everything about 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:56.200 red flag. She's like, this one is the color brouge 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:57.679 and this is what's wrong with her. 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:01.960 This is plum plumb red. No, this one is okay. 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:04.960 So you're talking on Instagram or Whatsapple, whatever you're talking on, 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:11.120 it's always an alarm bell when you take a chat 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:15.160 to a whole nother platform like Snapchat, it's unnecessary because 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:18.280 you're already talking in other platforms. Snapchat is renowned for 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:23.360 people being sneaky, for people sending inappropriate photos, for sexting, 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.000 like and I'm not saying that's all it is, because 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.920 it's not. But when you're already talking on these other platforms, 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:29.679 why do you need to take it to this third 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.760 platform that's sort of renowned for disappearing texts? 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:34.920 Like it's a bit of an alarm for me. Oh yeah, 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:36.760 one hundred percent. I reckon that you've now that I 0:13:36.760 --> 0:13:39.880 feel like we've got this one in the bag. This question. Honestly, 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.520 you are not abnormal for this making you feel uncomfortable. 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:47.080 It would make any any check feel uncomfortable, and you 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:49.080 can say you know that you completely trust him and 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:50.880 that you know he would never cheat on you. However, 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:54.559 emotionally cheating is the same thing. So whether it's physical 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.720 cheating or it's you know, him getting his emotional connection 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:01.920 and fixed from somebody else, and then they're both signs 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:06.240 of being unfaithful. And I think that this really warrants 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:09.520 a very open conversation about how uncomfortable it makes you feel, 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:13.560 a level of transparency and if he respects you, which 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:16.000 I'm assuming after four years of being in a relationship 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:19.160 he should, and he prioritizes your relationship, he'll have no 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:22.080 issue with being open and communicating exactly what's going on. 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:25.040 He'll have no issue with showing you the messages if 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.880 that makes you feel better, because you're not accusing him 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.680 of anything, you're just explaining how uncomfortable it makes you feel, 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:34.680 and your happiness, your security and that relationship should absolutely 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:35.320 be priority. 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:38.320 I would also maybe just ask him, be really open 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:41.760 with him and ask what he's getting from that that 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:43.560 he's not getting from you, Like why he feels the 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:46.080 need to strike up this conversation, because maybe that's a 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.600 conversation worth having. Maybe he feels and I'm just throwing. 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:50.000 This out there, guys. 0:14:50.360 --> 0:14:52.320 Maybe he's like, Okay, I just don't feel like I 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:55.200 was getting enough attention from you. I remember when I 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.440 was in my relationship of a lot of eight years, 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:00.720 the first one probably four or five, and we were 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:02.440 so tight and strong and like I knew he would 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.720 never cheat, but this happened, and he had struck up 0:15:04.760 --> 0:15:06.920 a conversation with a girl online. 0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:11.440 He never actually met her, but they were talking a lot. 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:12.960 And then I didn't really know about it. 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:14.800 I found out they were talking a lot, and I 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:17.280 straight up said, like, what on earth is you don't 0:15:17.280 --> 0:15:19.080 just go and talk to another girl after four or 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:19.920 five years, Like what. 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:20.280 Are you doing? 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:22.640 And he said it was just an innocent friendship and 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:24.840 he'd stopped. Then I found out a few weeks later 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:27.000 he didn't stop. He was still talking to her, and 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:29.760 I got really really mad. I was like, this doesn't 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:31.600 fucking fly, Like I let it go at the start, 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:35.240 but now it feels like you're sneaking around. And he 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:38.160 was really really open, and he said he was quite upset, 0:15:38.200 --> 0:15:40.920 and he said, I don't I think if I'm being honest. 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:43.200 She was giving me attention and I didn't feel like 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:45.360 I was getting it from you anymore. He's like, you're 0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:48.240 so busy at work, spark was dropping, you know, four 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:49.920 or five years. It was just a bit monotonous. And 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.480 he was really honest. And then I had a look 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:54.400 at how I was and I thought, Okay, I probably 0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:56.360 have been ignoring you a little bit and not giving 0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:57.040 you enough attention. 0:15:57.120 --> 0:15:59.840 So there's something in that as well. Maybe have a 0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:02.600 lot get how you are with him at the moment, 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.000 how you guys relationship is maybe he is just looking 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:07.800 for someone to like stroke his ego. I totally agree 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:09.120 with what you just said, Britt, but I'm going to 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:10.920 just kind of like add to it a little bit 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:13.600 as well, Like, there is no blame placed on you 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:15.760 if somebody cheats or if somebody does the wrong thing, 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:18.760 or somebody behaves in a way that is like outside 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.640 of what you are happy and healthy with in your relationship. 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.000 That is not a reflection of you at all. That 0:16:24.040 --> 0:16:26.680 it's not a reflection that you're you're guilty of not 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:30.480 providing enough. He is responsible for communicating that something's lacking. 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:34.280 Absolutely, and but we totally met halfway. He was like, 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:37.680 I'm I said, I get that I've done that, but 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:39.200 that is not an excuse for what you've done. And 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.760 he said, I absolutely agree. Yeah, shouldn't have done it 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.960 wrong thing. I'm just trying to say, one, I'm reflecting 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:46.520 on my behavior. That's why I think I did it. 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:48.880 So we It was a very adult conversation and we 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.160 got there in the end, and no one was to blame. 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.200 It was just that we should have bloody communicated. That's 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:55.960 pretty much what we saying at the end of every 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.200 question that comes up is that communication is key. Like 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:01.720 that's what's going to sell everything in a relationship, being open, 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:05.679 being honest, speaking about it vulnerably, and explaining how it 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:08.240 makes you feel, and then giving him the opportunity to 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:09.400 explain that back as well. 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:12.720 Yeah, all right. Question number two, Okay, this one's a 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:15.080 weird one. Well, I think it's weird. I want to 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:16.080 know what you think of it. 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:17.479 Okay. 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:20.000 Two of my close friends have already had kids and 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.680 have used my favorite names that I had prepared for 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:25.720 my children for the future. 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:25.199 I have. 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:29.040 Tried to think of other names, but I just can't. 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:32.160 I just love these names too damn much. I told 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:34.080 them at the time that I just loved the names 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:35.879 that they'd called their kids, So they probably wouldn't be 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:38.400 surprised if I did call my kids that name. 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:42.639 Now, they'd be pretty surprised. What I want to know 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.439