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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: once answers.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 1: I always look forward to the weekend. I always look

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Speaker 1: forward to Friday because I'll be better tomorrow. But I'm

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Speaker 1: especially excited about today, missus Happy Families. Do you know

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Speaker 1: why I have no idea? Because today's a very special

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Speaker 1: day in our house. You're looking at me blankly. A

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Speaker 1: special day, Friday, the eighteenth of October.

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Speaker 2: Oh, oh my goodness. We have two babies birthdays today.

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Speaker 1: Your birthed them, both of them Moses Day, and you've

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Speaker 1: completely forgotten.

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Speaker 2: I'm not looking at the calendar.

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Speaker 3: It's Friday.

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Speaker 1: It's the have you given me a hard time? Our

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Speaker 1: two kids, they're twins three years.

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Speaker 2: Apart, three years apart. Best way to have twins ever.

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Speaker 1: When we had our first we really really hoped that

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Speaker 1: she would be a twin well before we had well

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Speaker 1: be in this. When we had her, it was I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad there was only one. And then three years

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Speaker 1: later to the day.

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Speaker 2: And eighteen minutes apart, on the eighteenth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, amazing, we had our second baby girl. So today,

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Speaker 1: happy birthday is Chanelle and Abby.

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Speaker 2: Let's just say our three year old did not think

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Speaker 2: it was the best birthday present ever.

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Speaker 1: No, she was not please that she got a sister

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Speaker 1: for a birthday at all. For those of you who

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Speaker 1: areknew to the podcast work, and we're so glad to

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Speaker 1: have you along every Friday, Kylie and I, I guess

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Speaker 1: it's kind of like news. Remember when you're in grade

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Speaker 1: one grade to stand up at front of the class

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Speaker 1: and share news. Well, today it's not really news. All

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Speaker 1: do about it tomorrow, which is a phrase that encapsulates

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Speaker 1: this idea that as parents would want to be intentional.

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Speaker 1: We love our kids, we want to do a great job,

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Speaker 1: but gee, it's hard to get it right. And so

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Speaker 1: every Friday we get a little bit introspective. We gaze

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Speaker 1: at our navels Kylie, and we try to interrogate did

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Speaker 1: we do it right? Did we do it wrong? What

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Speaker 1: can we do better tomorrow to make our families happier?

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Speaker 1: Just before we talk about our older better tomorrow's stories.

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Speaker 1: I'm really excited for mine, by the way, But just

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Speaker 1: before we do that, our easy to use system, super

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Speaker 1: simple system at happy families dot com dot U, let's

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Speaker 1: you talk to us about whatever it is that you

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Speaker 1: wanted to share at any time, by the kick of

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Speaker 1: a button. You literally go to Happy Families dot com

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Speaker 1: dot you scroll down to the click here talk to

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Speaker 1: us button and share what's on your mind, and we

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Speaker 1: receive this wonderful voice message from one of our listeners

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Speaker 1: in Canadia.

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Speaker 2: Canadia.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's Canada, but because we're in Australia, I just

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Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like they're our cousins, and I

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Speaker 1: like the idea of Canadia.

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Speaker 2: Canada.

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Speaker 1: Have listen. This is in relation to a podcast episode

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Speaker 1: from a couple of weeks back.

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Speaker 3: Hi, doctor justin. My name is Lisa. I've been catching

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Speaker 3: up on some of your summer podcasts summer here in Canada.

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Speaker 3: I just listened to number ten twenty seven phrases you

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Speaker 3: should say to your children, and I've got a really

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Speaker 3: great one for you. I heard my friends say this

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Speaker 3: about eight years ago, and I've been saying it ever since.

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Speaker 3: She said it to her husband. Because lots of adults

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Speaker 3: do not know this lesson. The phrase is a compliment

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Speaker 3: to one is not an insult to the other. I've

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Speaker 3: been using this so often with my children that they've

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Speaker 3: internalized it and they can be happy for someone else.

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Speaker 3: They know that it's not always all about them. They're

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Speaker 3: happy to be happy for their siblings. And now the

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Speaker 3: only time they ever really need to say it anymore

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Speaker 3: is when there's a gramma around and the grandma will

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Speaker 3: say something like, yes, excellent, Tommy, you won the race.

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Speaker 3: You worked for months. Congratulations. But girls, I'm sure you

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Speaker 3: would be just as fast as you rant. No, Grandma,

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Speaker 3: it's not about them right now. It's about Tommy. They

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Speaker 3: can be happy for Tommy. Thanks justin.

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Speaker 1: Go out reactions.

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Speaker 2: That's a really tough lesson for the little kids to learn.

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Speaker 1: It's a really tough lesson for a lot of adults. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but Lisa, I love this. If you've got some advice,

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Speaker 1: if you've got some great lines, great things that parents

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Speaker 1: should be doing with their kids to do better tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: let us not just go to happy families dot com,

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Speaker 1: dot a. You just scroll down to where it says

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Speaker 1: podcasts and click on the button start talking. It's literally

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Speaker 1: that simple, the super simple system to stay in touch

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Speaker 1: with us and let us know what's on your mind

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Speaker 1: from a parenting perspective. Okay, Kylie, speaking of what's on

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Speaker 1: your mind, how have you done this week? How can

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Speaker 1: we do better tomorrow? Based on the week that was

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Speaker 1: well except for.

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Speaker 2: The fact that I had my first stack on my bike.

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Speaker 1: All we need to talk about this, we do, we

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Speaker 1: do need to talk. So this is what happens again.

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Speaker 1: If you knew to the podcast, we do get a

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Speaker 1: bit derailed now on. Then you've got a new bike

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Speaker 1: because you've decided that you want to get fit and healthy.

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Speaker 1: You're going to do a triathlon next year. Am I

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Speaker 1: had to announce that you're doing a triathlon next year?

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Speaker 2: Sure you can announce that.

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Speaker 1: So you've decided you want to ride with me. I

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Speaker 1: ride really fast, So we've got you a bike that

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Speaker 1: has a pedal assist function so that you can keep up.

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Speaker 1: And you're doing incredibly In fact, you're riding faster than me,

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Speaker 1: which is a bit hard for me to take. But

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Speaker 1: you fell off the bike. You fell off the bike just.

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Speaker 2: As a nice b bunch of experienced riders road right

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Speaker 2: past me.

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Speaker 1: The great irony is the night before we were out

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Speaker 1: with friends. We've gone to a wonderful little Vietnamese restaurant

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Speaker 1: at the top of bedroom and while we were having dinner,

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Speaker 1: cycling came up and I talked about the dead parrot.

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Speaker 1: So for the uninitiated. The dead parrot is what cyclists

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Speaker 1: call it. When you know, if a parrot is sitting

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Speaker 1: on the perch and it dies, it just kind of

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Speaker 1: it just falls off. And when you're riding a road bike,

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Speaker 1: you clipped into the pedals right like your shoes have

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Speaker 1: got cleats on the bottom, and you click your cleats

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Speaker 1: into the pedals, and to take your feet off the pedal,

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Speaker 1: you have to fully clip. Yeah, you've got on clip.

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Speaker 1: You've got to click your like Dorothy and the Wizard

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Speaker 1: of Ollus. You've got to click your heels outwards and

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Speaker 1: the pedal will release the cleat and then you can

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Speaker 1: put your foot on the ground. And so I was

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Speaker 1: talking about how inexperienced cyclist will often forget too unclipped.

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Speaker 1: They'll stop at the lights and they'll forget to unclip

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Speaker 1: from the pedal and they'll do the dead parrot.

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Speaker 2: So can I just say that in all the times

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Speaker 2: that I have ridden with cleats, I have never had

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Speaker 2: this problem.

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Speaker 1: And you have written with cleats over the years I have,

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Speaker 1: but your brand new back.

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Speaker 2: To side and I am brand new back and I

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Speaker 2: feel like you just just created I don't know, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, but we were riding. I was coming up

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Speaker 2: to the lights and I slowed down faster than I expected, Like,

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Speaker 2: I stopped faster than I expected, and I almost went

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Speaker 2: over at that point, but I managed to save myself.

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Speaker 2: But then I got a flat tire about ten or

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Speaker 2: fifteen k's further into the ride, and I did uncleat Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but I unclipped my right leg instead of my left

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Speaker 2: leg when the road was obviously leaning to the left.

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Speaker 1: So there's a camper, as you would expect in Australia

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Speaker 1: when we drive on the left, there as a canber.

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Speaker 1: You're on the left and the camper goes off to

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Speaker 1: the left hand side, which means that that angle you

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Speaker 1: really need one clip your left foot because you're going

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Speaker 1: to fall that direction. That's the low side. But you

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Speaker 1: unclipped your right.

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Speaker 2: Foot right and I couldn't reach the ground obviously what's

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Speaker 2: left and the bruising.

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Speaker 1: The brewer like you laid on the ground and laughed

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Speaker 1: your head off, and then a bunch of cyclists walk

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Speaker 1: past a road pass very worried about you.

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Speaker 2: We said, no, no, Kyle is fine.

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Speaker 1: She's laughing. We changed the tire, but the bruising. For

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Speaker 1: the last it's been about a week now, it's been

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Speaker 1: six days. And the bruising, I've never seen any bruising

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Speaker 1: like it.

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Speaker 2: In my life. It's pretty good.

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Speaker 1: It's terrifying, like awful anyway, So you've had your first

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Speaker 1: bike crash. Fortunately no real harm done, just some nasty bruising.

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Speaker 1: What's it going to do with a little bit of tomorrow?

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Speaker 2: Well, I was just about to say. Apart from that,

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Speaker 2: we've been working really hard to nut out a structure

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Speaker 2: that's going to work for me because I have felt

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Speaker 2: like I'm just drowned, rowning in everything that we're striving

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Speaker 2: for at the moment. Well, I'm not doing it perfectly.

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Speaker 2: There has been some massive shifts and I'm feeling a

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Speaker 2: lot calmer in my home space as I try to

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Speaker 2: navigate all of the things that need to be done.

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Speaker 2: And that's a huge win for me.

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Speaker 1: Something that we've talked about off on the podcast. You

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Speaker 1: and I've had many personal conversations about it is that structure.

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Speaker 1: You get the importance of structure, and for those who

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Speaker 1: are sort of new issue here, structure is the foundation

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Speaker 1: of building competence. Competence is a basic psychological need if

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Speaker 1: we want to do well in life, we need to

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Speaker 1: feel like we are effective. We need to feel like

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Speaker 1: we can do stuff and to feel competent. We need

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Speaker 1: effective structures because structures provide the systems and the frameworks

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Speaker 1: the tools to be competent. So we've sat down over

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Speaker 1: the last couple of weeks and really zoned in on

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Speaker 1: what your structure needs to be so that you can

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Speaker 1: feel effective, because you haven't been feeling effective. You've been overwhelmed,

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Speaker 1: massively overwhelmed for a couple of months now. And what

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Speaker 1: I'm really hearing you say is we're not quite there,

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Speaker 1: but the structure is starting to build a sense of competence.

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Speaker 1: You're starting to make progress.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, it's feeling good. I'm exercising. I haven't been

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Speaker 2: able to do that for a long time. I'm able

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Speaker 2: to spend just a bit more time with myself in

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Speaker 2: the mornings, which is working really well. Obviously, having a

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Speaker 2: driver back in the house.

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Speaker 1: If we've got the daughter who's come home from overseas,

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Speaker 1: which is light and bload a little bit, has meant that.

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Speaker 2: She's doing the running around for me, which has definitely

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Speaker 2: made a huge impact in my day to day runnings.

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Speaker 1: So is that you take home message, get some structure

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Speaker 1: and that could be.

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Speaker 2: One of my take home messages. You actually overrode my

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Speaker 2: whole thing. I wasn't planning on telling the bike story.

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Speaker 2: I actually do have an old bed.

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Speaker 1: You weren't planning on it, but you did. Don't blame me.

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Speaker 1: Miss is Happy Families.

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Speaker 2: But in homeschool this term, we've been talking specifically about

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Speaker 2: what it is to be a good friend right, and

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Speaker 2: Emily has struggled with a little bit because she feels

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Speaker 2: like she is a really good friend. And for the

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Speaker 2: most part, I love watching the way she interacts with

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Speaker 2: her friends. She's really thoughtful, she's quick to apologize, and

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Speaker 2: she loves just loves connecting with people. So when I

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Speaker 2: sat down with her this week to look at our lesson,

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Speaker 2: which was setting some goals on how I can improve

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Speaker 2: being a good friend, she looked at me and she said,

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Speaker 2: I'm a good friend. I don't have anything I need

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Speaker 2: to be better with. And so I sat with her

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Speaker 2: and I talked about a few ins to says that

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Speaker 2: she might have been able to work on, and I said,

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Speaker 2: think about times when you've struggled with your friends. What's

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Speaker 2: happened in those moments? Can I tell you? She gave

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Speaker 2: me six beautiful things that she could work on. I

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Speaker 2: was so impressed. These are all hers. I want to

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Speaker 2: share them with you. I'm going to become a better

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Speaker 2: friend by listening to my friend's ideas more, by being

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Speaker 2: quick to say sorry, by sharing my toys freely, by

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Speaker 2: focusing on them when we are together instead of my screen,

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Speaker 2: by staying in touch with my friends even when I

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Speaker 2: don't see them very often, and by being generous with

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Speaker 2: no expectations in return. This is my ten year old beautiful,

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Speaker 2: isn't it? And I just I'm blown away because in

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Speaker 2: the moment, all she could think about was all of

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Speaker 2: the good things that she does. And it's not about

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Speaker 2: tearing her down, but it's an opportunity for each of

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Speaker 2: us to think about how we can do things better.

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Speaker 1: Ten is a magic age.

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Speaker 2: And I just I'm so proud of her. One of

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Speaker 2: the things that I love. She is so good at

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Speaker 2: saying sorry. And when I told her that, she looked

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Speaker 2: at me and she said, but I could be quicker,

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Speaker 2: couldn't I like? It was just it was this a noo.

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Speaker 1: They're trying to create a people pleasing apologist. But what

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Speaker 1: an important what an important skill to have. So many

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Speaker 1: people have no idea how to apologize, or when they

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Speaker 1: do apologize, they say, well, I'm sorry, but if you

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Speaker 1: hadn't done that, I wouldn't have done this. So I'm apologizing,

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Speaker 1: but I'm really blaming the victim.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'll do better tomorrow. Is this process of

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Speaker 2: actually assessing where we're at and looking at our lives

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Speaker 2: and recognizing the good and the areas that we need

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Speaker 2: to improve in, and then what we actually want to

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Speaker 2: focus on creates change.

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Speaker 1: And let me add, when we have these conversations with

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Speaker 1: our kids, that's where the learning happens. That's where the

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Speaker 1: insights are. It's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: What's your old do beout it tomorrow?

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Speaker 1: Well, missus Happy Families, I'm so glad you asked it,

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Speaker 1: but I'm going to have to be very very brief

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Speaker 1: because missus Happy Families, you took up all the time

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Speaker 1: with your bike crashing stories and homeschool stories, and so

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Speaker 1: you know what, that was great. I'm glad you did.

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Speaker 1: Let me do my old better tomorrow in sixty seconds

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Speaker 1: or less. I've been home for the last few weeks,

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Speaker 1: except for the last couple of days where I've been

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Speaker 1: traveling a bit again, but with me being home, I've

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Speaker 1: had the opportunity to spend more time with our children,

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Speaker 1: and specifically bedtimes. I've been able to lay on the

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Speaker 1: bed and couple the kids as they go to sleep.

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Speaker 1: I've been able to tuck them in and have that

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Speaker 1: bedtime routine with them. I've been able to sing songs

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Speaker 1: to them at bedtime like I used to when they

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Speaker 1: were all younger. And especially I've had time with our youngest,

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Speaker 1: with Emily ten years old, and it has been the

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Speaker 1: highlight of my parenting week, my parenting life. I just

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Speaker 1: I'm cherishing it, maybe in a way that I never

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Speaker 1: have before. This is our last baby girl, she's ten.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how many more nights we get to

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Speaker 1: lay on the bed and snuggle her as she goes

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Speaker 1: to sleep. I mean, kids start to grow out of

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Speaker 1: it around about ten, eleven, twelve, certainly thirteen fourteen, and

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Speaker 1: it is just heaven my old better tomorrow is that

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Speaker 1: the simple things matter. And I've said it for years.

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Speaker 1: Kids spell love t im. Just like dollars of the

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Speaker 1: currency of our economy, connection is the currency of our relationships.

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Speaker 1: And I just love bedtime snuggles. If there's anything that

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Speaker 1: any parent can do better. I think that it's making

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Speaker 1: sure those simple bedtime routines and wake up hug routines

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Speaker 1: are there because they're beautiful. They're the best.

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Speaker 2: Bedtime snuggles are my favorite.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, So we hope that this is giving you

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Speaker 1: some inspo for how you can do better tomorrow. The

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Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast is produce by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media.

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Speaker 1: We really appreciate the work that he does. Have a

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Speaker 1: wonderful weekend. If you would like more information about what

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Speaker 1: we're doing at Happy Families, check out our autism course.

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Speaker 1: It's on sale now. The early bird special finishes real soon.

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Speaker 1: If you have a child who is autistic, you will

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Speaker 1: find this course will blow your mind. I've teamed up

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Speaker 1: with doctor Joey from Nordle Psychology. She is autistic and

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Speaker 1: she works with autistic kids day in and day out

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Speaker 1: helping them. The course is available right now, and if

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Speaker 1: you're on the NDS you can probably even get some

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Speaker 1: NDIS support for that course as well. Everything you need

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Speaker 1: to know is at Happyfamilies dot com dot a U

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Speaker 1: or check it out on our socials. Doctor Justin Courson's

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Speaker 1: Happy Families on Facebook and Instagram