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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now.

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Speaker 2: Reading helps with resilience, particularly for those kids who are

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Speaker 2: most at risk.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's fascinating.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Hello, this is docor Justin Colson, the founder of Happy

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Speaker 2: Families dot com dot you, and I'm here with Kylie,

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Speaker 2: wife and mum to our six kids and Happy Families

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Speaker 2: podcast partner.

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Speaker 3: Kylie. I've got a question for you.

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Speaker 2: When you think about our six children and their naming process, did.

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Speaker 3: You name pretty much all of them? I sure I

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Speaker 3: did so.

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Speaker 2: I mean I vaguely remember with one or two of

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Speaker 2: the kids I had some name preferences. And usually what

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Speaker 2: happened in those cases was that you humored me, You let.

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Speaker 3: Me believe whatever I wanted to believe.

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Speaker 2: And then at the end of the labor as I

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Speaker 2: was a blubbering mess, cry and telling you how amazing

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Speaker 2: you were and how much I love this new baby,

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Speaker 2: you would look at me and tell me her name

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Speaker 2: is going to be, and then you would share the name.

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Speaker 3: That's about how it worked, right.

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Speaker 4: Well, I worked out very quickly that when I was

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Speaker 4: in that space, you pretty much would give me anything

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Speaker 4: I wanted.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's kind of how it worked, right, But.

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Speaker 2: There are a couple of kids that it didn't work

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Speaker 2: that way. Like it took a while to come up

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Speaker 2: with some names.

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Speaker 4: All of them were named by the time they were born,

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Speaker 4: except for number six.

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Speaker 3: Except for Emily. Yeah, yeah, yea, yes, she.

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Speaker 4: Was kneeling nine days old before we came to a consensus.

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Speaker 4: But the only reason that happened was because it was

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Speaker 4: the very first time that you put your foot down

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Speaker 4: and said I actually want to have a part of this.

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Speaker 2: Well that was I'm stumbling and stammering because I want

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Speaker 2: to say this with sensitivity and gentleness, but the name

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Speaker 2: that you chose for the baby was one that I

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Speaker 2: just couldn't go with.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I should share the name.

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Speaker 4: I think that I could make a lot of money

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Speaker 4: selling this name. It's beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Well, okay, you might as well say it.

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Speaker 4: I wanted to call her Ruby.

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Speaker 2: Ruby Red, Ruby Red, And I mean for any Ruby

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Speaker 2: Red who are listening, or any parents who named their

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Speaker 2: children Ruby Red, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't live

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Speaker 2: with a child that was called Ruby Red.

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Speaker 3: I just names just so.

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Speaker 4: Ruby was my great grandmother's name.

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Speaker 3: Right, So I mean it's meaningful, and red.

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Speaker 4: Is actually my favorite color. Yeah, and so I just

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Speaker 4: I thought it was a little bit edgy, and I

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Speaker 4: loved the fact that she was going to be called

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Speaker 4: my favorite favorite right.

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Speaker 2: And you couldn't stand the name that I had. I

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Speaker 2: couldn't know, which was olive joy.

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Speaker 4: I can't stand eating them, let alone the color.

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Speaker 2: So obviously we were at an impasse, and eventually, nine

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Speaker 2: days down the track, we came up with the name

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Speaker 2: Emily Eden, which we have been really excited about and

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Speaker 2: happy about for well, let's.

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Speaker 4: Just say, even after a month of having her called

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Speaker 4: Emily Eden, you asked me if you could change her

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Speaker 4: name by deep hole.

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Speaker 2: Well, the reason that I raised this and again, I

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Speaker 2: mean a couple of months ago we did a podcast

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Speaker 2: episode talk about some of the biggest Bogan names based

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Speaker 2: on a news report at one of the better known

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Speaker 2: news establishments in Australia. I don't know that we were

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Speaker 2: sensitive enough and gentle enough. I mean, names really are personal,

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Speaker 2: and as you explain why you like the name Ruby Red,

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Speaker 2: I actually have a lot of sympathy, recognition, understanding empathy

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Speaker 2: for why you might want to call a child a

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Speaker 2: particular name. There's a professional baby namer in the United States, though,

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Speaker 2: who is.

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Speaker 3: Charging real dollars to name babies for people. Her name

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Speaker 3: is Taylor Humphrey.

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Speaker 2: She's got a TikTok account and she is a professional

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Speaker 2: baby namer. Minimum fee to get your baby named two

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Speaker 2: thousand dollars. Would you pay two thousand dollars to not

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Speaker 2: go through the grief that we went through for nine

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Speaker 2: days as we argued over names.

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Speaker 4: This is really intriguing. I would actually like to be

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Speaker 4: a fly on the wall and see how this process works, because,

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Speaker 4: like you said, naming a child is such a personal thing,

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Speaker 4: even though it was pretty tricky. Number six. I remember

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Speaker 4: when the health nurse rang on day five to ask

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Speaker 4: how everything was going. We were settling in, and did

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Speaker 4: we have a name for baby yet? And I looked

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Speaker 4: across at her door. I was in her bedroom changing

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Speaker 4: her nappy at the time, and I looked across and

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Speaker 4: a friend of mine had brought me this gorgeous little

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Speaker 4: house tag that said number six on it, and it

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Speaker 4: was hanging on her door, and I kind of went

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Speaker 4: numbers of.

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Speaker 1: The six.

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Speaker 4: She had no idea what to say. I just it

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Speaker 4: was such a tricky one for us. I think part

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Speaker 4: of the reason was we'd already named five children. They

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Speaker 4: each have a middle neighbor girls of my girl's names.

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Speaker 4: But I think the other thing that was really tricky

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Speaker 4: this time around was was we kind of knew she

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Speaker 4: was our last, and there was just something so important

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Speaker 4: about that process for us.

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Speaker 2: I think that there's a market here though, like this,

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Speaker 2: this baby namer, she's made two hundred grand last year naming.

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Speaker 3: She's done a hundred baby names, two hundred thousand dollars

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Speaker 3: in a year.

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Speaker 2: To be a professional baby namemer, so understand the process.

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Speaker 2: She'll charge a minimum fee if it's just going to

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Speaker 2: be a phone call, but then she might go and

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Speaker 2: do genealogical investigation and find some family names and puts

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Speaker 2: this list together, bringing up all of the old family

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Speaker 2: names that have been carried through the generations. Recently, she

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Speaker 2: chose the baby name Parks Parks Parks for a couple

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Speaker 2: who had their first kiss in a town called Parker,

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Speaker 2: and I think it's kind of creative. She also advised

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Speaker 2: an anxious mother who was considering changing her young daughter's

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Speaker 2: name Eler Isla Isler because it kept being mispronounced, and

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Speaker 2: she was paid for telling the mom to stick with

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Speaker 2: the Scottish name two grand to keep the name she

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Speaker 2: didn't even know anyway, she said, I think you should

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Speaker 2: keep it. That only two thousand dollars pay the invoice,

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Speaker 2: Thanks very much. I think it's fascinating the way that

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Speaker 2: people do this. Her topics. For one mum recently who

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Speaker 2: was having a third child and she needed a name

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Speaker 2: that would go with Emmett and Miller.

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Speaker 3: Her other two kid's Emmett and Miller. What am I

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Speaker 3: going to do?

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Speaker 2: And so she said Grady Wilson, Whale and or Fletcher.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not quite sure that I get it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how she can charge two grand plus

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Speaker 2: up to thirteen thousand dollars if she's going to do

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Speaker 2: the genealogical investigations like.

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Speaker 3: This is big money. But obviously people are willing to

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Speaker 3: pay so they don't have to go through the pain.

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Speaker 2: And I guess if they get a bad name because

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Speaker 2: oh it wasn't our fault, it was the baby namer.

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Speaker 3: Look, there's always deep all right. I guess there must.

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Speaker 2: Be anyway we should get on with the podcast. And

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Speaker 2: talk about what we're talking about today. After the break,

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Speaker 2: we're going to come back and chat about two doctor's

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Speaker 2: desk studies. As you know, every month we love to

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Speaker 2: dive into what science is telling us about how to

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Speaker 2: be better parents, what the latest parenting science is. And

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Speaker 2: there's a couple of studies that have come out recently

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Speaker 2: that highlight how we can help our children to be

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Speaker 2: more resilient. And I'll give you some hints around this.

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Speaker 2: One of the studies has to do with the power

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Speaker 2: of reminiscence, and the other has to do with the

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Speaker 2: power of reading for resilience. Your daughter just walked by,

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Speaker 2: eyes glued to her phone, expression unreadable.

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Speaker 3: You ask her to put it down, but she balks.

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Speaker 2: You know it's not good for her, but you're not

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Speaker 2: sure why or how to support better choices. In the

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Speaker 2: webinar pixel perfect I joined with psychologists and Team tech

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Speaker 2: expert Jocelyn Brewer to discuss how to set screen boundaries

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Speaker 2: that work for you and your daughter. Check out pixel

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Speaker 2: perfect now on the Happy Family's webshop.

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Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast with a time

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Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers. Now, I'm really curious

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Speaker 4: how reading and remembrance can help build resilience.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So the first study we're going to talk about

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Speaker 2: for our Doctor's Desk episode today comes from the University

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Speaker 2: of South Australia some researchers there. Well, actually, let's get

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Speaker 2: the context right. First of all, in Australia, there are

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Speaker 2: a lot of children who are at risk.

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Speaker 3: In fact, it's the same ride around the world.

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Speaker 2: In twenty twenty one, so this is a COVID year,

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Speaker 2: Nearly three one hundred thousand kids aged zero to seventeen

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Speaker 2: had one or more child protection notifications, one hundred and

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Speaker 2: five thousand of them with the subject of an investigation,

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Speaker 2: and about fifty thousand, that's one thousand Australian children every

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Speaker 2: week with the subject of substantiated abuse or neglect. In

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Speaker 2: other words, we know that there is maltreatment going on here.

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Speaker 2: We know that there is something damaging and wrong happening.

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Speaker 2: These children are experiencing genuine adverse childhood experiences through the

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Speaker 2: literally through the fault of their parents who are being

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Speaker 2: liblectible or abusive, and so the researchers were trying to

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Speaker 2: work out what can we do in terms of resilience

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Speaker 2: with these kids. So sixty five thousand children completed the

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Speaker 2: Early Australian Development Sensus some years ago at five to

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Speaker 2: six years of age when they were studying primary school.

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Speaker 2: And the research has found three four hundred of these

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Speaker 2: kids that were high risk they'd experienced maltreatment. And what

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Speaker 2: they found was that boys are developmentally behind the girls,

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Speaker 2: particularly if they've been to abuse or neglect. Now we've

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Speaker 2: always known that boys are behind when it comes to

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Speaker 2: academics and neurological development. This is not a new thing,

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Speaker 2: but it's particularly the case if they've been exposed to.

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Speaker 3: Abuse or neglect.

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Speaker 2: And these University of South Australia researchers basically said, well,

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Speaker 2: what can we discover when it comes to resilience, protective factors,

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Speaker 2: the kinds of factors that will help these kids.

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Speaker 3: To do well in life.

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Speaker 2: And in a nutshell, what they found was that there's

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Speaker 2: a handful of things that can predict resilience. Number One,

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Speaker 2: the older you are when these adverse experiences occur, the

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Speaker 2: less likely it is that they'll have significant impact. So

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Speaker 2: obviously younger kids have more negative impacts from those maltreatment,

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Speaker 2: abuse and neglect scenarios.

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Speaker 4: When you think about little children, so much of what

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Speaker 4: goes on in the world they don't understand, right, And

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Speaker 4: yet you're suggesting the data is suggesting that the younger

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Speaker 4: they are, when they experience these things that they can't

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Speaker 4: actually underst stand, yeah, the bigger than the impact.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I don't know that I've got a really great

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Speaker 2: explanation for this. This is not an area that I've

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Speaker 2: studied in depth. But I have a hypothesis, and that

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Speaker 2: is that because our mind is such a great storyteller,

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Speaker 2: it's so great at coming up with a narrative explanation

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Speaker 2: for things. When we're younger, we don't have that same

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Speaker 2: storytelling capability, and so things that happen to us feel random,

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Speaker 2: which make us feel increasingly vulnerable and at risk, and

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Speaker 2: so therefore the world feels increasingly unpredictable and unsafe. Whereas

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Speaker 2: as you get older, when these horrible things happen, they're

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Speaker 2: still horrible, they're still adverse, and they still can be traumatizing.

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Speaker 2: But when you've got the capacity to make up a

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Speaker 2: story about it and to highlight or understand the predictable

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Speaker 2: or unpredictable nature of it and why you may adapt

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Speaker 2: better to it, I think that's part of the reason interesting.

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Speaker 2: So further on, though, the research is found that not

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Speaker 2: only being older, not only was that a predictor of resilience,

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Speaker 2: not having an emotional condition is obviously going to be

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Speaker 2: much better for you. And the other thing that's better

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Speaker 2: for you is being read to at home. In other words,

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Speaker 2: reading helps with resilience, particularly for those kids who are

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Speaker 2: most at risk. And I think that's fascinating when you

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Speaker 2: consider just the simple fact that somebody is sitting with you,

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Speaker 2: or maybe you're sitting in their lap, and they're turning

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Speaker 2: pages of a book and reading to you, and it

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Speaker 2: makes you more resilient. I think that's an astonishing and

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Speaker 2: simple intervention that can make so much difference.

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Speaker 4: And when you think of these kids that are in

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Speaker 4: high risk situations, the likelihood that somebody is doing that.

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Speaker 3: Very very low, very low. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So the take home message from this particular study,

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Speaker 2: I mean, most of the people who are listening to

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Speaker 2: this podcast are probably raising children who are not at

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Speaker 2: risk of maltreatment, abuse, neglect, but you may know somebody

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Speaker 2: who is, or maybe you just want to give your

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Speaker 2: children as much of a protective factor as you can.

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Speaker 2: And while this study has been done with kids who

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Speaker 2: are risk. We know that time together, connection, physical touch, reading,

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Speaker 2: We know that these things actually boost resilience, they boost

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Speaker 2: well being, and they can make a difference.

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Speaker 3: So that's studying number one from the doctor's desk.

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Speaker 2: The second one we're going to have to go through

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Speaker 2: fairly quickly because our time is getting away from us.

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Speaker 2: But some researchers in New Zealand, Kylie In at the

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Speaker 2: University of Otago, did another fascinating study, this one about reminiscence.

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Speaker 2: They did this study and basically they found that toddler's

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Speaker 2: whose mothers received special coaching in talking about their memories,

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Speaker 2: those toddlers grew into teenagers who experience better well being.

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Speaker 3: That's intriguing.

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Speaker 4: We've talked about this before on the podcast, this idea

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Speaker 4: of helping our children understand where they came from, you know,

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Speaker 4: sharing their family memories with them and stories about you know,

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Speaker 4: people in their past, their grandparents asked growing up. But

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Speaker 4: this obviously is kind of taking it to a whole

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Speaker 4: other level because you're acknowledging that they're actually being trained

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Speaker 4: in a certain way, in a certain style of sharing memories.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the do you know scale is what you're talking

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Speaker 2: about Professor Marshall Duke from Emory University is the one

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Speaker 2: who came up with this idea that if you teach

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Speaker 2: children where they're from by just teaching them about you

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Speaker 2: your life. Look at the photos of where you grew up,

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Speaker 2: how parents met, what went on at the child's birth,

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Speaker 2: what school you went to. All those kinds of things

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Speaker 2: they help kids to be more resilient. This University of

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Speaker 2: a Tago research basically found that these fifteen year olds

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Speaker 2: told more coherent stories about turning points in their lives

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Speaker 2: if their mums had been taught these conversational techniques fourteen

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Speaker 2: years earlier when they were one. And the conversational technique

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Speaker 2: is really simple. You sit down with you a little one,

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Speaker 2: and you reminisce about the stuff that's just happened. We

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Speaker 2: were down at the park and we were throwing the

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Speaker 2: styropham plane and it did big loops, and do you

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Speaker 2: remember the ducks on the water, and do you remember

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Speaker 2: the way it was windy in the plane went along

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Speaker 2: way like It's literally just about what we would call

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Speaker 2: active and constructive conversations, active in that we're talking about

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Speaker 2: it and constructing, we're building it into something more and

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Speaker 2: more and more, reminiscence is a protective factor for resilience.

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Speaker 4: I wonder if our eight year old actually has done

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Speaker 4: a bit of research herself, because just yesterday we were

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Speaker 4: sitting in the car and she says, do you remember

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Speaker 4: when we were at the park that day, Mum? And

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Speaker 4: she told me all of these things that happened at

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Speaker 4: the park and I can't, for the life of me

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Speaker 4: remember it, but it was so clear to her.

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Speaker 2: I just think this is such an important thing to

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Speaker 2: highlight because as a parent listening to the podcast, a

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Speaker 2: time poor parent who wants answers, now, this is something

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Speaker 2: that is an answer for building resilience, and it's so simple.

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Speaker 2: In fact, two answers today. Number one, read to your

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Speaker 2: kids and number two reminisce with them. This is kind

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Speaker 2: of the power of the grateful things conversations that you

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Speaker 2: have around the dinner table at night. What were you

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Speaker 2: grateful for today, what stood out to you, what was

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Speaker 2: wonderful about today. Let's share those stories, let's re enact

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Speaker 2: those stories, Let's.

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Speaker 3: Relive those stories.

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Speaker 2: Because it helps kids to feel connected, understood, and it

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Speaker 2: gives them that narrative art for their lives.

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Speaker 3: One of the researchers.

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Speaker 2: The lead researcher, who's a clinical psychologist sur name is

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Speaker 2: doctor Claire Mitchell says that there's a whole lot of

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Speaker 2: data that shows this wellbeing drop during adolescence and I

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Speaker 2: talk about this all the time in my live presentations.

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Speaker 2: I show the data that highlights that from the age

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Speaker 2: of eight through to eighteen, resilience just it's on this

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Speaker 2: downward slope and it keeps on dropping all the way

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Speaker 2: through into adulthood.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's awful to watch.

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Speaker 2: And only about one in four of our kids maintains

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Speaker 2: a good or high level of resilience right through to

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Speaker 2: the end of year twelve.

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Speaker 3: One in four, three and four are.

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Speaker 2: Not maintaining that high level of resilience. And so if

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Speaker 2: this is the case, having conversations like this can make

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Speaker 2: such a difference resilience reminiscence. Reading the three hours for

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Speaker 2: today's podcast. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin

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Speaker 2: Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer.

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Speaker 2: We really hope that today's podcast has been helpful for you.

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Speaker 2: The Doctor's Desk will return again next month. In the meantime,

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Speaker 2: if you'd like more info about making your family happier.

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Speaker 3: Please visit us at our

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Speaker 2: Facebook page, doctor Justin Corson's Happy Families or happy families

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Speaker 2: dot com dot au