Speaker 1: On Flex and Frooms. Flex and Frooms. This is the
Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms catch Up podcast.
Speaker 2: Do you identify as a vibe terrorist? Do you know
Speaker 2: what that means? If you aren't one, you must know one,
Speaker 2: and if you don't know one, you are one. That
Speaker 2: applies for most things. If you aren't the pretty friend,
Speaker 2: then you know one, But if you don't know one,
Speaker 2: then you are one.
Speaker 1: Something like that.
Speaker 2: Say that we've got a question from an anonymous listener
Speaker 2: via the Flex and Frooms DMS. If you have questions,
Speaker 2: queries and need for advice, Flex and Frooms on Instagram
Speaker 2: is the best place to catch us. And if it
Speaker 2: so grabs the attention of producing Mikayla, we might just
Speaker 2: discuss it. What do you do with a friend that's
Speaker 2: a vibe terrorist? Listen to this, Hey, gorgeous girlies, I
Speaker 2: was listening to your latest episode and it hit me
Speaker 2: that the vibe terrorists and energy vampire often intersect. I
Speaker 2: have an ex friend who was a textbook energy vampire,
Speaker 2: very push and pull, bringing you in when she needed
Speaker 2: you and dropping you when she didn't. She was also
Speaker 2: a wildcard to go out with. Sometimes she would bring
Speaker 2: the vibe, doing the chit chat giggles and keeping the
Speaker 2: energy up. But she was also very capable of wrecking
Speaker 2: the vibe. She'd start making backhanded comment going up to
Speaker 2: have a little bitch sash about someone in the group,
Speaker 2: egging on too much drinking, or hooking up with someone
Speaker 2: she shouldn't have. She was capable of ending the night
Speaker 2: like that, with everyone left feeling awkward about it the
Speaker 2: next day. I'm wondering if you had a similar experience
Speaker 2: going out on the town with an energy vampire, or
Speaker 2: perhaps this was just a toxic friend. That is real
Speaker 2: the bit that really got me and I want to
Speaker 2: read it.
Speaker 3: Zero in babe, like we're in a lawyer class. You'd
Speaker 3: be good at doing law flex.
Speaker 1: That's what they said when I was younger.
Speaker 3: But the law wouldn't be good at you.
Speaker 1: You're too foody. Thank you.
Speaker 2: Queer coded this here very push and pull, bringing you
Speaker 2: in when she needed you and dropping you when she didn't.
Speaker 2: I was chatting to a friend of mine about how
Speaker 2: I viewed friendships right and back in the day. I
Speaker 2: don't know, three years ago. I used to be very
Speaker 2: lase fair in the sense that I knew that I
Speaker 2: had really really close friends, but I wouldn't be very
Speaker 2: discerning about how close I let people get to me
Speaker 2: to establish a friendship. It wasn't very reciprocal. If someone
Speaker 2: latched onto me, I would allow them to latch a binnacle.
Speaker 2: You know, what do you know about binnacle's babe. The
Speaker 2: turtles don't like them? The turtles don't like Yeah, they do,
Speaker 2: and then mister fisherman has got to pull them out
Speaker 2: and then take the barnacles off and then throw the
Speaker 2: turtles back in.
Speaker 1: They hate that.
Speaker 2: What I was noticing is that because I was so
Speaker 2: indifferent about when people would come and go, I wasn't
Speaker 2: aware where they were coming to extract and then leaving,
Speaker 2: dumping from me and then leaving, And then I would
Speaker 2: end up feeling I would have so much whiplash with
Speaker 2: certain relationships and not know why before I was just
Speaker 2: a bit of like a punching bag and didn't realize.
Speaker 2: But the interesting thing about this energy vampire and this
Speaker 2: Vibe terrorist, and I hate to put it back on
Speaker 2: the people, but that behavior is is learned and it's
Speaker 2: encouraged through silence and indifference. So like the Vibe terrorist
Speaker 2: continues to terrorize the Vibe because nobody thinks it's their
Speaker 2: responsibility is check them, and it's not if you don't
Speaker 2: want it to be. But if you choose to keep
Speaker 2: somebody around you, there comes a point where you have
Speaker 2: to realize, am I a vibe terrorist enabler?
Speaker 1: Yes? Agreed? Do you know? Agreed?
Speaker 3: You know some people assume too much responsibility and then
Speaker 3: feel jaded or feel used, like you kind of cultivated
Speaker 3: this situation. I know you did it from a place
Speaker 3: of good intent, but now this person doesn't realize how
Speaker 3: much you're doing for them.
Speaker 2: Because you're like, it's like they ruin the vibe. You're
Speaker 2: apologizing behind them, you're cleaning up after them, or you're
Speaker 2: you're setting the group chat text and she's, Oh, don't worry,
Speaker 2: she just had a bad day, like a la la la.
Speaker 2: And then when the vibe terrorist checks in, God a
Speaker 2: bit anxiety. Nah, babe, you were good, you were good.
Speaker 2: It's not worth it in this instance, right, if you
Speaker 2: have to ask, then you know the answer.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So the last question here was have you had a
Speaker 2: similar experience going out in the town with an energy
Speaker 2: write vampire. Perhaps it's just a toxic friend, probably both,
Speaker 2: But I think most people are capable of rehabilitation, but
Speaker 2: it doesn't happen on its own. People kind of need
Speaker 2: a wake up call to know that rehabilitation is required
Speaker 2: because you can normalize and neutralize your.
Speaker 1: Behavior like that.
Speaker 2: You're like, well, am I really a terrorist? Because you
Speaker 2: guys never say anything? Am I really that big of
Speaker 2: a problem. You were laughing just before. It was funny beforehand,
Speaker 2: and you're like, ye, I.
Speaker 3: Was definitely previously a vibe Houdini. M So I would
Speaker 3: like kind of bring a vibe when I was somewhere,
Speaker 3: but also play on my phone a lot. Oh, I
Speaker 3: love like once I was at Icebergs with a friend
Speaker 3: and this like idea for a story series is on Instagram.
Speaker 3: Years ago, I used to do like series where I'd
Speaker 3: like real One's no, Yeah, Real One's no exactly, and
Speaker 3: I get so distracted.
Speaker 1: I have to be like sorry, I actually have.
Speaker 3: To like be alone for an hour an hour with
Speaker 3: all this content and this concept, and I would like
Speaker 3: remove myself early on in the nights on nights out,
Speaker 3: because I wouldn't be drinking or I'd be really tired.
Speaker 3: I have to do my routine. So I've been the Houdini.
Speaker 3: And because when you're there and then when you go,
Speaker 3: it pulls some of the vibe out. Yeah, it does,
Speaker 3: because there's nothing like people who are just strapped in.
Speaker 1: They're with you from woe to go.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're just happy to be there and they'll go
Speaker 3: home with you at night. If you're like me and
Speaker 3: you're a Houdini or you were a reforming Houdini, just
Speaker 3: stay out the whole night and see if you get
Speaker 3: past See.
Speaker 1: I disagree.
Speaker 2: Really, I feel like enjoyable things don't need to be
Speaker 2: arduous sometimes, like so much of going out that process
Speaker 2: is a performance that you really have to try hard
Speaker 2: to figure out which bit is genuine, Like who do
Speaker 2: I actually want to speak to? Am I just suddenly
Speaker 2: like taking up this role of being a comedian because
Speaker 2: people needed to laugh? Do I really want to do rounds?
Speaker 2: Can I just buy my own drink? Am I comfortable
Speaker 2: that the night has shifted to girls' night to like,
Speaker 2: let's find a route? All these things you don't really
Speaker 2: clock until something uncomfortable happens and you're like, hm, how.
Speaker 1: Do I actually feel about that?
Speaker 2: And I guess a lot of us don't really feel
Speaker 2: like we have permission to pick and choose, because you
Speaker 2: can't really pick and choose how the night goes.
Speaker 1: You just play your position.
Speaker 2: But one thing that really exhausted me was having to
Speaker 2: like stick it out okay, and then being like, oh
Speaker 2: my goodness, like I don't know what to how to
Speaker 2: make it fun, and I'm bringing down the energy because
Speaker 2: I don't know what I want and I can't really
Speaker 2: be a willing participant. So sometimes it's nice like give
Speaker 2: you one hundred and ten and then do what you
Speaker 2: need to do to maintain that one hundred and ten.
Speaker 1: So for me, I like, who deniing?
Speaker 2: Because I know if I go and come back, I
Speaker 2: still have maintained agency. Sometimes I'm like, you got to
Speaker 2: be the person who's like in for the long haul,
Speaker 2: bring people up, bring people up. But if you don't
Speaker 2: know your role, then you start jumping and confusing everybody else.
Speaker 3: I know, just acnrmal be regular, be real.
Speaker 2: Even you've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast.
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