WEBVTT - What To Do With A Vibe Vampire 🧛

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<v Speaker 1>On Flex and Frooms. Flex and Frooms. This is the

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms catch Up podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you identify as a vibe terrorist? Do you know

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<v Speaker 2>what that means? If you aren't one, you must know one,

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<v Speaker 2>and if you don't know one, you are one. That

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<v Speaker 2>applies for most things. If you aren't the pretty friend,

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<v Speaker 2>then you know one, But if you don't know one,

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<v Speaker 2>then you are one.

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<v Speaker 1>Something like that.

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<v Speaker 2>Say that we've got a question from an anonymous listener

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<v Speaker 2>via the Flex and Frooms DMS. If you have questions,

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<v Speaker 2>queries and need for advice, Flex and Frooms on Instagram

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<v Speaker 2>is the best place to catch us. And if it

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<v Speaker 2>so grabs the attention of producing Mikayla, we might just

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<v Speaker 2>discuss it. What do you do with a friend that's

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<v Speaker 2>a vibe terrorist? Listen to this, Hey, gorgeous girlies, I

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<v Speaker 2>was listening to your latest episode and it hit me

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<v Speaker 2>that the vibe terrorists and energy vampire often intersect. I

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<v Speaker 2>have an ex friend who was a textbook energy vampire,

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<v Speaker 2>very push and pull, bringing you in when she needed

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<v Speaker 2>you and dropping you when she didn't. She was also

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<v Speaker 2>a wildcard to go out with. Sometimes she would bring

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<v Speaker 2>the vibe, doing the chit chat giggles and keeping the

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<v Speaker 2>energy up. But she was also very capable of wrecking

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<v Speaker 2>the vibe. She'd start making backhanded comment going up to

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<v Speaker 2>have a little bitch sash about someone in the group,

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<v Speaker 2>egging on too much drinking, or hooking up with someone

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<v Speaker 2>she shouldn't have. She was capable of ending the night

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<v Speaker 2>like that, with everyone left feeling awkward about it the

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<v Speaker 2>next day. I'm wondering if you had a similar experience

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<v Speaker 2>going out on the town with an energy vampire, or

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<v Speaker 2>perhaps this was just a toxic friend. That is real

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<v Speaker 2>the bit that really got me and I want to

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<v Speaker 2>read it.

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<v Speaker 3>Zero in babe, like we're in a lawyer class. You'd

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<v Speaker 3>be good at doing law flex.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what they said when I was younger.

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<v Speaker 3>But the law wouldn't be good at you.

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<v Speaker 1>You're too foody. Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Queer coded this here very push and pull, bringing you

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<v Speaker 2>in when she needed you and dropping you when she didn't.

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<v Speaker 2>I was chatting to a friend of mine about how

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<v Speaker 2>I viewed friendships right and back in the day. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know, three years ago. I used to be very

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<v Speaker 2>lase fair in the sense that I knew that I

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<v Speaker 2>had really really close friends, but I wouldn't be very

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<v Speaker 2>discerning about how close I let people get to me

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<v Speaker 2>to establish a friendship. It wasn't very reciprocal. If someone

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<v Speaker 2>latched onto me, I would allow them to latch a binnacle.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, what do you know about binnacle's babe. The

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<v Speaker 2>turtles don't like them? The turtles don't like Yeah, they do,

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<v Speaker 2>and then mister fisherman has got to pull them out

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<v Speaker 2>and then take the barnacles off and then throw the

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<v Speaker 2>turtles back in.

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<v Speaker 1>They hate that.

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<v Speaker 2>What I was noticing is that because I was so

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<v Speaker 2>indifferent about when people would come and go, I wasn't

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<v Speaker 2>aware where they were coming to extract and then leaving,

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<v Speaker 2>dumping from me and then leaving, And then I would

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<v Speaker 2>end up feeling I would have so much whiplash with

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<v Speaker 2>certain relationships and not know why before I was just

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<v Speaker 2>a bit of like a punching bag and didn't realize.

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<v Speaker 2>But the interesting thing about this energy vampire and this

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<v Speaker 2>Vibe terrorist, and I hate to put it back on

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<v Speaker 2>the people, but that behavior is is learned and it's

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<v Speaker 2>encouraged through silence and indifference. So like the Vibe terrorist

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<v Speaker 2>continues to terrorize the Vibe because nobody thinks it's their

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<v Speaker 2>responsibility is check them, and it's not if you don't

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<v Speaker 2>want it to be. But if you choose to keep

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<v Speaker 2>somebody around you, there comes a point where you have

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<v Speaker 2>to realize, am I a vibe terrorist enabler?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes? Agreed? Do you know? Agreed?

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<v Speaker 3>You know some people assume too much responsibility and then

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<v Speaker 3>feel jaded or feel used, like you kind of cultivated

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<v Speaker 3>this situation. I know you did it from a place

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<v Speaker 3>of good intent, but now this person doesn't realize how

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<v Speaker 3>much you're doing for them.

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<v Speaker 2>Because you're like, it's like they ruin the vibe. You're

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<v Speaker 2>apologizing behind them, you're cleaning up after them, or you're

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<v Speaker 2>you're setting the group chat text and she's, Oh, don't worry,

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<v Speaker 2>she just had a bad day, like a la la la.

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<v Speaker 2>And then when the vibe terrorist checks in, God a

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<v Speaker 2>bit anxiety. Nah, babe, you were good, you were good.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not worth it in this instance, right, if you

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<v Speaker 2>have to ask, then you know the answer.

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<v Speaker 1>Right.

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<v Speaker 2>So the last question here was have you had a

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<v Speaker 2>similar experience going out in the town with an energy

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<v Speaker 2>write vampire. Perhaps it's just a toxic friend, probably both,

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<v Speaker 2>But I think most people are capable of rehabilitation, but

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<v Speaker 2>it doesn't happen on its own. People kind of need

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<v Speaker 2>a wake up call to know that rehabilitation is required

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<v Speaker 2>because you can normalize and neutralize your.

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<v Speaker 1>Behavior like that.

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<v Speaker 2>You're like, well, am I really a terrorist? Because you

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<v Speaker 2>guys never say anything? Am I really that big of

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<v Speaker 2>a problem. You were laughing just before. It was funny beforehand,

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<v Speaker 2>and you're like, ye, I.

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<v Speaker 3>Was definitely previously a vibe Houdini. M So I would

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<v Speaker 3>like kind of bring a vibe when I was somewhere,

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<v Speaker 3>but also play on my phone a lot. Oh, I

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<v Speaker 3>love like once I was at Icebergs with a friend

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<v Speaker 3>and this like idea for a story series is on Instagram.

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<v Speaker 3>Years ago, I used to do like series where I'd

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<v Speaker 3>like real One's no, Yeah, Real One's no exactly, and

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<v Speaker 3>I get so distracted.

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<v Speaker 1>I have to be like sorry, I actually have.

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<v Speaker 3>To like be alone for an hour an hour with

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<v Speaker 3>all this content and this concept, and I would like

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<v Speaker 3>remove myself early on in the nights on nights out,

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<v Speaker 3>because I wouldn't be drinking or I'd be really tired.

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<v Speaker 3>I have to do my routine. So I've been the Houdini.

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<v Speaker 3>And because when you're there and then when you go,

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<v Speaker 3>it pulls some of the vibe out. Yeah, it does,

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<v Speaker 3>because there's nothing like people who are just strapped in.

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<v Speaker 1>They're with you from woe to go.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, they're just happy to be there and they'll go

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<v Speaker 3>home with you at night. If you're like me and

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<v Speaker 3>you're a Houdini or you were a reforming Houdini, just

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<v Speaker 3>stay out the whole night and see if you get

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<v Speaker 3>past See.

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<v Speaker 1>I disagree.

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<v Speaker 2>Really, I feel like enjoyable things don't need to be

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<v Speaker 2>arduous sometimes, like so much of going out that process

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<v Speaker 2>is a performance that you really have to try hard

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<v Speaker 2>to figure out which bit is genuine, Like who do

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<v Speaker 2>I actually want to speak to? Am I just suddenly

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<v Speaker 2>like taking up this role of being a comedian because

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<v Speaker 2>people needed to laugh? Do I really want to do rounds?

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<v Speaker 2>Can I just buy my own drink? Am I comfortable

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<v Speaker 2>that the night has shifted to girls' night to like,

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<v Speaker 2>let's find a route? All these things you don't really

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<v Speaker 2>clock until something uncomfortable happens and you're like, hm, how.

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<v Speaker 1>Do I actually feel about that?

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<v Speaker 2>And I guess a lot of us don't really feel

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<v Speaker 2>like we have permission to pick and choose, because you

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<v Speaker 2>can't really pick and choose how the night goes.

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<v Speaker 1>You just play your position.

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<v Speaker 2>But one thing that really exhausted me was having to

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<v Speaker 2>like stick it out okay, and then being like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>my goodness, like I don't know what to how to

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<v Speaker 2>make it fun, and I'm bringing down the energy because

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what I want and I can't really

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<v Speaker 2>be a willing participant. So sometimes it's nice like give

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<v Speaker 2>you one hundred and ten and then do what you

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<v Speaker 2>need to do to maintain that one hundred and ten.

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<v Speaker 1>So for me, I like, who deniing?

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<v Speaker 2>Because I know if I go and come back, I

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<v Speaker 2>still have maintained agency. Sometimes I'm like, you got to

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<v Speaker 2>be the person who's like in for the long haul,

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<v Speaker 2>bring people up, bring people up. But if you don't

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<v Speaker 2>know your role, then you start jumping and confusing everybody else.

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<v Speaker 3>I know, just acnrmal be regular, be real.

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<v Speaker 2>Even you've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast.

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