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Speaker 1: Get a I'm Lola Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter

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Speaker 1: and professional overshare us. This podcast is all about celebrating

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Speaker 1: failure because I believe it's a chance for us to learn,

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Speaker 1: grow and face our blind spots. Each week I'll interview

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Speaker 1: a different guest about their highs as well as their lows,

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Speaker 1: all in a bid to inspire us to fearlessly fail.

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Speaker 1: Hello Gangles. Today on the pod we have the incredible

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Speaker 1: Errandeering Now. Erin was the co founder of Triangle. She

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Speaker 1: has also written a book called Hanging by a Thread.

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Speaker 1: This episode talks about all the success that she.

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Speaker 2: Built at a really really young.

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Speaker 1: Age, but she really opens up about huge amounts of

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Speaker 1: success don't equal happiness. Trigger warning as well. Here Baron

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Speaker 1: talks about eating disorders. But there is so much stuff

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Speaker 1: in here that if you have a career dream or

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Speaker 1: any kind of dream, that I think you'll get something

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Speaker 1: from this chat. Of course, we had to talk about

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Speaker 1: the Kendall Jenner effect as well, so I hope that

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Speaker 1: you love this chat. Aaron, You're a legend for jumping

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Speaker 1: on the pod to you the listener. Erin's book is

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Speaker 1: officially available all over Australia.

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Speaker 2: Hanging by a Thread. Thanks Saren erin Daring. Welcome to

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Speaker 2: the pod mate. I have Demolish I'm holding. That's amazing.

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Speaker 2: I've never seen more notes in a book in.

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Speaker 1: Highlight, I reckon I had, I got this taking me

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Speaker 1: about two days.

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Speaker 2: I've just like Inhales, Well, it is meant to be

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Speaker 2: an easy read, which is nice.

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Speaker 3: It's like I wanted to write like a summer beach

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Speaker 3: read and like it kind of is that like a

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Speaker 3: bit of a you just like page Turner, but not

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Speaker 3: in a just in an easy way.

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk about the book first because

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Speaker 1: I loved it.

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Speaker 2: Hanging on by Hanging by a Thread.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's available now in the show notes to the listener,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to have links to bite it straight away.

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Speaker 2: But it's your first book. What was the process? Like,

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Speaker 2: how long did it ta get it right? How did

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Speaker 2: it come about? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: So I never kind of thought I would write a

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Speaker 3: book about I used to like writing when I was younger,

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Speaker 3: but I never and I'm I was only thirty eight

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Speaker 3: at the time, so writing a memoif felt really silly.

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Speaker 2: I was like, wow, no, no, I love it. And

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Speaker 2: then it was actually the first person to plant the

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Speaker 2: seed was Hugh Van Kilenberg, who I recorded a podcast

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Speaker 2: with very early on, and he said to me after

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Speaker 2: that podcast, Aaron, you've got to write a book. You've

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Speaker 2: got to write a book.

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Speaker 3: And it just kind of circled around for a few years.

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Speaker 3: I just didn't really I wasn't really ready. I was

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Speaker 3: actually the story was still unfolding.

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Speaker 2: Really.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: That time a lot.

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Speaker 3: And then last year I got a book deal. I

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Speaker 3: assumed that I would get a ghost writer.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, you can tell yeah, I assume that I would.

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Speaker 3: And then my publisher said no, no, no, no, no, no no,

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Speaker 3: you I know, you can write your writing this And

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Speaker 3: so I wrote it and it was really cathartic.

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Speaker 2: It was really it was a really I'm I'm.

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Speaker 3: Very honest, very open. It's something that's that's it's not

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Speaker 3: a conscious thing.

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Speaker 2: It just happens. It's like no filter, yeah, no filter.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And so writing the book in that way was very freeing,

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Speaker 3: and it made it very easy to write because I.

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Speaker 2: Was just like, I was just writing everything that came

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Speaker 2: into my head.

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Speaker 1: And you've kind of written chronologically as well, where it

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Speaker 1: makes it like be on this adventure with you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I know, like my dad.

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Speaker 3: Has only just read it. He took a really long

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Speaker 3: time to read. I think he was just waiting for

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Speaker 3: the right time. And he's just like, darg, how did

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Speaker 3: you remember everything?

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Speaker 2: It's like your memory.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I know, I just sat there and just

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Speaker 3: all these I mean, there's so many stories that aren't

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Speaker 3: even in the book. And guess there was so much

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Speaker 3: that happened during the Triangle Times. But it was, it

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Speaker 3: was it was fun remembering them all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it really was. And how long did it take?

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Speaker 1: It?

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Speaker 2: Not long? Really.

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Speaker 3: I had got As signed the book deal in October

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty two, and I had a deadline, like and

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Speaker 3: I'm a procrastinator, so I had a deadline for the

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Speaker 3: end of jan and I didn't start writing really until

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Speaker 3: sort of mid December.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, okay, And I.

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Speaker 3: Just did it in really really focused chunks. I did

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Speaker 3: two weeks and I wrote about half the book in

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Speaker 3: two weeks. I just like locked myself away. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: loved it. I did like twelve hour day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why I light writing that way.

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Speaker 3: I like, yeah, I like got the flowers and the candle, yeah,

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Speaker 3: soft music and the temperature, you know, like.

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Speaker 2: I felt really I felt really.

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Speaker 1: Like it's a thing you've got to create, like a

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Speaker 1: writer's retreat.

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Speaker 2: Yes, exactly.

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Speaker 3: So I wrote the first chunk and then I had

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Speaker 3: a couple of weeks off because it was sort of

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Speaker 3: a lot and it was a bit exhausted and.

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Speaker 2: Had a bit of just you know, a bit of

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Speaker 2: a break.

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Speaker 3: And then I did the last sort of twenty thirty

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Speaker 3: thousand words in four days.

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Speaker 2: No, because I had to hand the book in.

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Speaker 3: So I took myself to an Airbnb and yeah, this

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Speaker 3: is the way to do it.

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Speaker 2: And I just said to my husband.

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Speaker 3: Or you know, I just was like, just you got

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Speaker 3: the kiddos, and I did, you know, twelve fourteen hours

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Speaker 3: and I just sat there and I just wrote and

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Speaker 3: I wrote and I wrote and I finished it. So

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Speaker 3: it was a really short process. But a memoir, I feel,

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Speaker 3: can be because it's not you don't have to really

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Speaker 3: worry too much about any continuity because it's there because

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Speaker 3: it's your story.

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Speaker 1: Yes. So I was I'm so glad you didn't get

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Speaker 1: a ghost writer because I started reading it and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, I feelt we were just having a chat. Yes,

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Speaker 1: And it's so good that your tone and voice was

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Speaker 1: totally and that's thanks to you writing it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, And it would have just not worked otherwise,

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Speaker 3: it would have just been Yeah, I'm like really proud

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Speaker 3: of it that I wrote it.

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Speaker 2: I still can't believe that I actually wrote it. It's

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Speaker 2: just bizarre.

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Speaker 1: Oh you did so good, well done. I want another one, pabe, I.

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Speaker 2: Know, I know.

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Speaker 3: I don't even know what the next one will be on.

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Speaker 3: I know there'll be another one, just because I love

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Speaker 3: the process so much. Yeah, we're just working out which

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Speaker 3: way to go on it because you can't write another memoir.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, you never know though I could.

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Speaker 1: You totally could, because this is what's so cool about you,

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Speaker 1: and there's so many areas can go today. You're kind

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Speaker 1: of like master of all these different things like mum life, success, life,

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Speaker 1: business life, entrepreneur like that. It's so exciting to kind

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Speaker 1: of like unpick all the different things. So look, you know,

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Speaker 1: I think he could have made part two, three, four, five,

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Speaker 1: go for go. So and I know you've told this

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Speaker 1: story in mazillion times, but obviously Triangle is like you

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Speaker 1: created incredible beautiful beasts. Yes, and I have to hear

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Speaker 1: that Date to Beach story because I have had that

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Speaker 1: moment where you're like, oh shit, I've got a beach shade.

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Speaker 1: Oh I can't wear my cotton on kinis anymore.

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Speaker 2: So ugly? I can't.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, the faithful faith because I wasn't a bikini girl,

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Speaker 3: which is the this is the ironic thing. I was

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Speaker 3: really marketing to myself with Triangle because I was trying

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Speaker 3: to win over me because I just didn't really care.

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Speaker 3: I was like so into fashion but not into swimwear

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Speaker 3: because I just was like nothing, there was nothing cool

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Speaker 3: out there, and I wasn't going to spend good, hard

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Speaker 3: earned money on a bikini when I could buy a

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Speaker 3: dress or a skirt. So I met my you know,

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Speaker 3: future business partner, future fiance, just out and he was

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Speaker 3: ten years older than me.

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Speaker 2: He'd already done the business thing. He was like, I

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Speaker 2: was in awe of this guy, like, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, just he'd played AFL, he was a fashion designer.

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Speaker 3: I honestly had actually dreamed him off like he like

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Speaker 3: I'd manifested this person because I didn't actually think he existed,

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Speaker 3: and I wish I'd written it down somewhere, but I

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Speaker 3: must have just told girlfriends that I was like, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to end up with a guy that's really, like

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Speaker 3: really tall, dark.

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Speaker 2: Brown hair, like dark and handsome, and.

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Speaker 3: He'll have played AFL but he'll be a fashion designer,

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Speaker 3: I swear to God.

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Speaker 2: And then I met Craig and I was like, that's weird. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, I still remember that label?

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Speaker 1: Was it Saint Lennie Lennie I worked on Greville Street time,

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Speaker 1: and so when I was reading this part, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, this reminds me of my working at

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Speaker 1: STEVIEE days.

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Speaker 2: I went to a little shop down there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like that's Groom Street was happening right

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Speaker 3: at that time, and so it makes sense.

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Speaker 2: So you've you've manifested this dream manifested this dream guy.

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Speaker 3: And then so basically anything he wanted to do, I

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Speaker 3: was like, okay, cool yea. So he was like, let's

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Speaker 3: have my second date and let's go to the beach,

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Speaker 3: and I'm just trying to play it cool, like Nori's

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Speaker 3: just internally.

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Speaker 2: Going, oh my god a lot.

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Speaker 3: I'm twenty seven years old, so I'm a baby. Yeah yeah,

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Speaker 3: and he's thirty seven. And I went around that morning

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Speaker 3: of the date to try and find a bikini because

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Speaker 3: I was like, I've got to find something cool. And

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Speaker 3: I went Shadston Shopping Center in Melbourne and I ran around.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't find anything. It was just nothing that does.

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Speaker 3: So I had got to Zimmerman one hundred and fifty

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Speaker 3: five dollars for a bikini that was okay but a

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Speaker 3: bit too flowery for me, but it was like all right.

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Speaker 3: And then I got down to the beach and I

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Speaker 3: proceeded to tell him the story and I just was

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Speaker 3: a fun story and he is just like straight away going, well,

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Speaker 3: that's that's we should get market and I was like,

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Speaker 3: there is we should make the ketis.

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Speaker 2: Having no idea what it was like to have a business.

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Speaker 3: I'd always worked in small business like before that, so

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Speaker 3: I knew what it was like, but I hadn't even

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Speaker 3: had those.

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Speaker 2: Aspirations for myself yet. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I thought I would just sort of I'm like, that'll

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Speaker 3: happen maybe like in.

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Speaker 2: Five years or something. But he decided, you know, asked

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Speaker 2: me if I wanted to do it.

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Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, let's let's do it, and we

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Speaker 3: just pushed forward with with Triangle from that moment on.

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Speaker 2: So like our romantic relationship was never that.

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Speaker 1: Only it was always intertwined.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, with the business from like the get.

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Speaker 1: Go and then what made you guys go? If it

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Speaker 1: we're going to go to Hong Kong, We're going to

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Speaker 1: give this a red hot crack, like you'd sold your possessions.

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Speaker 2: You're like, let's just yeah, I've always been that like

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Speaker 2: act now, think later. Person. That's a great thing. It's great,

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Speaker 2: it's great.

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Speaker 3: It's not as good now when you have four children,

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Speaker 3: you're like, why not? And that's their But back then,

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Speaker 3: obviously no, you know, I was just like the ceiling

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Speaker 3: in Australia in fashion I felt was quite low anyway.

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Speaker 3: I hadn't studied, I wasn't a designer. I was more

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Speaker 3: in marketing. I was like, I can't really move. It's

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Speaker 3: going to tell me a while to get anywhere.

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Speaker 2: It stuck.

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Speaker 3: So when you know, and he had he'd been bankrupt

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Speaker 3: from Saint Lenny's, so he was sort of just like

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Speaker 3: hated that. He was a lot of everyone knew who

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Speaker 3: he was and it wasn't in a great way, and

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Speaker 3: he was just like, I want to start fresh. And

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Speaker 3: I was like, well, I'm happy to go along because

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Speaker 3: that's really exciting. So we just decided to move to

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Speaker 3: Hong Kong to start the business there.

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Speaker 2: It just was closer to the supply chain.

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Speaker 3: It felt just more exciting, and it just was like

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Speaker 3: fresh start, fresh start.

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Speaker 2: So we did. We just started. We didn't have much

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Speaker 2: to say, but we sold everything and we just and

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Speaker 2: you lived very lean, right, oh my god, so lean.

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Speaker 3: We actually found a really beautiful apartment in the sense

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Speaker 3: of for Hong Kong terms. It was this open plan

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Speaker 3: in central Hong Kong. It was pretty cheap, and we

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Speaker 3: just parked ourselves there and just worked.

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Speaker 2: And we didn't have any money.

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Speaker 3: You know, we ran out of money, and we were

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Speaker 3: just really trying to do everything to make some money

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Speaker 3: to get the first production run in for Triangle. Because

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Speaker 3: we were so we had to deviate a few times

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Speaker 3: and like Craig worked for someone else for.

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Speaker 2: A while and end up borrowing money, right up borrowing money.

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Speaker 3: We borrowed twenty five grand because there was no I

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Speaker 3: couldn't work, I didn't have a visa, there was no

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Speaker 3: other way we were going to be able to make

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Speaker 3: enough money quickly enough to start the business and get

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Speaker 3: it going. So we brought a little bit of money

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Speaker 3: to start it, and and the rest is kind of

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Speaker 3: history in that sense, because we were really fortunate.

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Speaker 1: I like, and this is where and I know you're

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Speaker 1: going to be like lolla, you're just like jumping around here,

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Speaker 1: but I have to ask, like, I'm like, how does

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Speaker 1: it go? Like, so you're you're in Hong Kong, you're

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Speaker 1: doing the whole lean business, doing as both of you

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Speaker 1: doing as many jobs as humanly possible to your costs down.

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't initially like in that little apartment. Initially

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Speaker 1: that's where you guys like ye had your sample all everything,

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Speaker 1: all there everything, and it would like work from your bed.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it was like there was there was only

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Speaker 2: one desk and one chair, so like I had nowhere

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Speaker 2: else do work. I had to work from my bed.

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Speaker 3: And so we were just we were just every day

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Speaker 3: and it was quite at the start. It was tricky

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Speaker 3: for me before we launched because I was I didn't

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Speaker 3: know what I was bringing to the brand and the

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Speaker 3: business yet, because my strength was all marketing, sales, customer care,

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Speaker 3: all like product related stuff. So I was just kind

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Speaker 3: of sitting there mainly just sort of trying on samples

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Speaker 3: and we were just deciding what we wanted to do

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Speaker 3: first for product and helping kind of I guess, you know,

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Speaker 3: like A knew fashion, but I didn't know swimwear, and

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Speaker 3: so it was sort of.

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Speaker 2: Just like uncharted territory. Yeah, so on so much so.

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Speaker 3: And then when we went to market eventually, which was

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Speaker 3: jan twenty thirteen, that was when it was like, Okay, cool,

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Speaker 3: now I can really sink my teeth into that.

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Speaker 1: And your whole mantra I love, which is that is

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Speaker 1: it the underpromise over deliver.

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Speaker 3: Underpromise over deliver, And that was so good and so

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Speaker 3: easy to do when you're a startup and you're getting

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Speaker 3: like one sale a week because you can treat that

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Speaker 3: one customer like they are the other customer because they are,

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Speaker 3: you know, And that was really like, I love that.

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Speaker 3: I'd worked in retail from eighteen years old. Yeah, so

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Speaker 3: I knew how the customer operated. I knew the psychology.

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Speaker 3: I knew what impressed them, I knew what they didn't like.

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Speaker 3: I knew what it would take to get loyalty and

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Speaker 3: what it would take to get them to want to buy.

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Speaker 2: From you know.

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Speaker 3: I knew.

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Speaker 1: But that's great skill set, it was, and it was actually, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a difference, makes such a difference every element of

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Speaker 1: like any customer business.

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Speaker 3: Relate anything anything consumer, any consumer brand, like you have

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Speaker 3: to treat them with the utmost respect at all times.

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Speaker 3: And it's like it has to come above the monetary

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Speaker 3: part of it has to come above.

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Speaker 2: Everything else because the end.

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Speaker 3: Of the day without them, like you know, you've got

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Speaker 3: nothing and you got no one, And especially in today's

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Speaker 3: landscape where it's so saturated and they're like triangle, we

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Speaker 3: were so lucky. There was like no one there was

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Speaker 3: there weren't that many good swimmer brands. Now there'd be hundreds.

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Speaker 1: Well you have a copycat few copycat situation. It was

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Speaker 1: eve when I was reading it, and you're like Victoria's Secret,

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Speaker 1: and I was like.

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Speaker 2: They were the worst too, and they were known for that.

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Speaker 3: They did everyone. They were like Asian provocateur. They used

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Speaker 3: to just rip off like mercilessly, like so bad everyone.

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Speaker 2: They were the worst.

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Speaker 1: And did your lawyers come back and be like this

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Speaker 1: will be a million dollars to even fight it, And

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Speaker 1: there was no chance that we would win because they

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Speaker 1: can cover their tracks.

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Speaker 2: And they're like such a conglomerate. It's mild. So I

333
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Speaker 2: have to go from that to like the.

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Speaker 1: Moment because you you built such like the Triangle Girl

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Speaker 1: like this kind of like whole movement and you got

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Speaker 1: like the incredible Kendle Jenna and your method for making

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Speaker 1: that happen is absolutely genius.

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Speaker 2: Can you please share that story?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I just feel like Kendall would just

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Speaker 3: hate me because this it went viral on TikTok.

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Speaker 2: Because people's over a million views, four millionaires.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, holy Mac know, I'm like cut to she must

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Speaker 2: be like this errand she is so fucking annoyed.

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Speaker 3: No, I bet you guys, I reckon, we will and

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Speaker 3: I'll be like I'm really sorry.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, I was young, you were young. It's okay, like

348
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Speaker 2: tricks you. But anyway, So the story is we were I mean,

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Speaker 2: we were trying.

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Speaker 3: It's like it wasn't just this one idea that we

351
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Speaker 3: like backed in with Kendall. We were trying so many weird,

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Speaker 3: random marketing strategies to.

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Speaker 1: Get guerrilla marketing, and yeah, like.

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Speaker 3: We were just like what about that this could work?

355
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Speaker 3: And like most of them didn't. But at the time,

356
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Speaker 3: we were gifting and we were like probably the first

357
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Speaker 3: brand that I knew to gift without any you know,

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Speaker 3: obligation to post or share or anything.

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Speaker 2: So we were gifting a.

360
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Speaker 3: Lot, and it had kind of been so successful for

361
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Speaker 3: us that I when I was gifting, I'd find a

362
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Speaker 3: girl that I would like, and then I would say

363
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Speaker 3: to her, hey, do.

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Speaker 2: You have a couple of friends that would want a

365
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Speaker 2: bikini as well?

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Speaker 3: And they would be like, oh my god, yes, and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, what about like pick three or four of

368
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Speaker 3: like your best friends. So then they would all get

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Speaker 3: together pick their bikinis. And I didn't know who any

370
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Speaker 3: of them were. It didn't matter. It was just that

371
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Speaker 3: real word of mouth excitement but ed with your mate, yeah, And.

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Speaker 2: So that was working. We were already doing that.

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Speaker 3: So when we went after Kendall, we basically just applied

374
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,840
Speaker 3: the same logic to all of Kendall's friends and then

375
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,760
Speaker 3: left Kendall out. And to be honest, like as much

376
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 3: as it was a great marketing idea and it was

377
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,040
Speaker 3: like really clever, it also was kind of just because

378
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Speaker 3: we couldn't even reach it.

379
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Speaker 2: Really.

380
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Speaker 3: I mean, I don't remember, but it's highly possible I

381
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,960
Speaker 3: did send her like a message or a comment or anything,

382
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,360
Speaker 3: but it would have never have been said no, no,

383
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,320
Speaker 3: So really, even though we did fomo and bait her,

384
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 3: it was kind of not really the like it was

385
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Speaker 3: like there.

386
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 2: Was a good nation teacher.

387
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 3: I wasn't trying to be mean and anyway, So we

388
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,720
Speaker 3: gifted all of her friends and there was like Bella

389
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,080
Speaker 3: had did and Hailey Baldwin at the time, and then

390
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Speaker 3: a bunch of other girls, and.

391
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Speaker 2: We just gifted.

392
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Speaker 3: We were already gifting Hailey and Bella. They were already

393
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,960
Speaker 3: triangle girls. Bella used to always send us in photos

394
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,800
Speaker 3: that were way too sexy because she was like so

395
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,040
Speaker 3: sexy at sixteen already like always like really quicked up

396
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,439
Speaker 3: all it was like, yeah, warm, and it was like

397
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:06,439
Speaker 3: we were like, oh, why she lifting u bikinis up

398
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,280
Speaker 3: so high because we were like she was ahead of

399
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 3: the cursive, so she was like so sexy and like,

400
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,080
Speaker 3: so they were already girls that were gifting. So we

401
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,960
Speaker 3: just then like widened the pool to go to a

402
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,480
Speaker 3: few of their other friends and then just kind of

403
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 3: I think we perhaps even gifted them a few times

404
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,840
Speaker 3: and sort of we were like just going really hard

405
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Speaker 3: on like taking care of them and then leaving Kendall out.

406
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 3: And we'd found girls that weren't even really on socials

407
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,359
Speaker 3: that were in her friendship group. So we were just

408
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,479
Speaker 3: like really, and we were just thinking, well, if they

409
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,679
Speaker 3: all get together at a pool or because they were.

410
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 2: Like you that's all they did.

411
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,359
Speaker 3: That was sixteen, you know, they were young girls. We

412
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,840
Speaker 3: were like, Kendall's just going to be like, what is

413
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,320
Speaker 3: going on here? Why am I not getting any they

414
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 3: and probably thinking they probably just can't reach me because

415
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,480
Speaker 3: I'm like already super famous. So she got my email

416
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,679
Speaker 3: address from one of her friends, and one morning I

417
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 3: woke up to an email from her saying, Hey, like,

418
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,160
Speaker 3: all my friends have these triangle bikinis and they're awesome.

419
00:17:58,240 --> 00:17:58,800
Speaker 2: Can I get some?

420
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:04,399
Speaker 3: And we were just like it was so unexpected as

421
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:07,000
Speaker 3: much as what we wanted. It was one of those

422
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:10,200
Speaker 3: like moments, Yeah, it's one of those we just threw

423
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:12,320
Speaker 3: it at the wall like yeah, whatever, we'll see one day,

424
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,080
Speaker 3: maybe I doubt it, you know kind of thing.

425
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:16,400
Speaker 2: And so of course we sent her the whole collection.

426
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 3: And then you know that that really did kicks us

427
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 3: into the States.

428
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaker 2: We already were in there, thah, because of the strategies.

429
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,360
Speaker 3: That we were doing that were more sort of grounded

430
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,600
Speaker 3: and a bit more sort of consistent and a bit

431
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,840
Speaker 3: more free flowing. That was just the one that was,

432
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,960
Speaker 3: you know, because she was the hot kind of Jenner Kardashian,

433
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:36,720
Speaker 3: like the young and up and comer.

434
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,160
Speaker 2: And she was the most like a Triangle girl, Yeah, totally.

435
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:44,280
Speaker 2: She was like athletic, athletic fit were like paddle boarding, Yeah, trible,

436
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 2: like they were, you know, And she tweeted right to

437
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Speaker 2: like five.

438
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,680
Speaker 3: Million Twitter followers and then that just everyone just turned

439
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,320
Speaker 3: her attention to Triangle from that from kind of that point.

440
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,680
Speaker 3: And that was in June twenty thirteen, so only six

441
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:01,199
Speaker 3: months after we launched, So it was so like, you know,

442
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,440
Speaker 3: that was a long six months of like you know,

443
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,680
Speaker 3: but at the same time, people do that for years,

444
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:07,960
Speaker 3: so we were very fortunate.

445
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,159
Speaker 1: How exciting though, So there's so this is what was

446
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 1: so cool about reading you book.

447
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 2: There were so many wins, right And there were moments.

448
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:18,440
Speaker 1: Where like the chapter where it was like private jets

449
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 1: Monaco super like yachts and and I was like, what

450
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,919
Speaker 1: this doesn't feel like real life?

451
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 2: No, I didn't at all.

452
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,679
Speaker 1: And then to get your take on where you were

453
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:34,360
Speaker 1: feeling mentally was so fascinating because I think like on

454
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 1: the outside, you would have looked to everybody back home

455
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,679
Speaker 1: like you were living not even the dream life, but

456
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 1: like such a surreal yeah, like something so far away

457
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:45,400
Speaker 1: from reality.

458
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I've never even been.

459
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,639
Speaker 1: To Monaco, like private I don't even think I've.

460
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 2: Seen a private jet, like you know what I mean.

461
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,320
Speaker 1: Like it just feels so separate, like living like that

462
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,639
Speaker 1: superstar a lista kind of life. But then to be

463
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 1: feeling not happy and not can it? Can you share

464
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 1: a little bit about like being so spid we're easeling

465
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:10,160
Speaker 1: at one stage, like two hundred thousand dollars us bikini

466
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 1: a day day is wild?

467
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 3: A day wild? Yeah, yeah, it was. It was you know,

468
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 3: I'd always wanted to be successful. I'd always wanted to

469
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 3: have some level of wealth. I think when you're young,

470
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 3: you don't really know what that means. You probably just

471
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,800
Speaker 3: think you want like a fairly nice car, like a Berbot,

472
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 3: you're in a nice house. Yeah, that was it, and

473
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 3: then to have what happened so quickly was like the

474
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 3: biggest shock to the system because you or I assumed,

475
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,239
Speaker 3: you know, naively, because I'm still young, that the more

476
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 3: money you have, the happier you are.

477
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 2: It was like a default, you know, It's like that's

478
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 2: all the way it works.

479
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's just how the system is just like the

480
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 3: more money, the more like a later.

481
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,760
Speaker 2: It's just it's just wasn't happening, you know.

482
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 3: It was the more money we had, the more confused

483
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 3: and the more I had this lack of identity around

484
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 3: it because the business out grew me very quickly, as

485
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 3: you know in hindsight. Obviously, at the time that was

486
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:11,919
Speaker 3: so mortifying because I couldn't understand why I wasn't just

487
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,960
Speaker 3: automatically leveling up, not realizing that of course you're not

488
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 3: going to able to level up just naturally when your

489
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 3: business suddenly is doing two thousand pairs of bikinis a day.

490
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,920
Speaker 3: That's a huge, huge business. But at the same time

491
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 3: it was on paper because of what we were doing,

492
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,159
Speaker 3: but it still was largely just Craig and I with

493
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:31,120
Speaker 3: a small supply chain supply chain team in Hong Kong.

494
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,439
Speaker 3: So it was just really unique in terms of we

495
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 3: were making so much money. We had never had money.

496
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,400
Speaker 3: I didn't we didn't know how to handle money. We'd

497
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 3: never really it was like we were like whoa.

498
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,880
Speaker 2: But also like who what do we do here?

499
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,119
Speaker 3: And so of course we moved to Monaco and or Superyar,

500
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 3: bought supercars and five jets, and we tried all of that.

501
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,199
Speaker 3: And of course that was initially and then you set

502
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,399
Speaker 3: settled down after that because you're like, we don't this

503
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 3: is you know, we don't need all these things.

504
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 2: But that was all kind of happening.

505
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,119
Speaker 3: And and at the same time, I was doing nothing

506
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 3: to develop any tools to manage mentally, I wasn't leveling

507
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 3: up in a business sense.

508
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: I didn't know how. I didn't.

509
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,360
Speaker 3: We'd outgrown every single person I'd ever known in terms

510
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 3: of business. So the people in Melbourne that I knew

511
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 3: that the most successful people, we were doing like twenty

512
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 3: times what they were doing. Yeah, So I had I

513
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 3: feel I had no one, no mentor no even person

514
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 3: just to model my behavior on.

515
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 2: And you're still so young.

516
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,919
Speaker 1: So like if you think about like that time period

517
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,120
Speaker 1: of your life, like that's when you're figuring out who

518
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 1: you are ye your value system, Yeah, what's important to you?

519
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 1: Like I've heard you mention a lot, like you're missing connection,

520
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: oh so much.

521
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 2: Because we were very isolated.

522
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,400
Speaker 3: We didn't make any friends in Hong Kong, we didn't

523
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 3: make any friends in Monaco. You know, we would just

524
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 3: work and travel for work and then work and then

525
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 3: you know, and it was so isolated.

526
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,919
Speaker 2: And Craig really liked that.

527
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 3: He's very introverted, so he has you know, three best

528
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 3: friends he has he had me, and he was very content.

529
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:06,879
Speaker 3: On hand was I'm not super extroverted, but I definitely

530
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 3: need people around me more so, I need to connect

531
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:09,879
Speaker 3: with people.

532
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 2: I need to talk to people.

533
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 3: I need to you know, like I love human behavior,

534
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 3: and so for me, not even like the fact that

535
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 3: I didn't have that was also very detrimental to the

536
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 3: business for me because I lost touch with what people

537
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,680
Speaker 3: were wanting, how people were evolving. I wasn't seeing that

538
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 3: at all because I was just insular and it was

539
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 3: really and then, you know, to top it all off,

540
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 3: I couldn't even tell anyone that I was struggling mentally

541
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 3: with all of this, because no one wants to hear

542
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,160
Speaker 3: about the multi millionaire who sat. You know, even when

543
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 3: I wrote this book, I was, you know, my publisher,

544
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 3: even though she knew the story and loved it and

545
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 3: was not thinking this at all, she was like, We've

546
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 3: got to be mindful that you don't come across like

547
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 3: the poor rich girl. And I'm like, well, that's why

548
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,879
Speaker 3: I never told anyone that I was struggling because I

549
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 3: just knew that people would be like, cool eron, I

550
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 3: really want to hear about your problems from Monaco while

551
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 3: you're sitting there on a super hot like come on.

552
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:03,880
Speaker 3: So I internalized every feeling that I had, the feelings

553
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 3: of imposter syndrome within the business, the feelings of why

554
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 3: is money not automatically making me happy? And then of course,

555
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 3: you know the struggles I was having with Craig because

556
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,479
Speaker 3: we were so very, very different, and that was becoming

557
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 3: more and more apparent every day, using a lot of

558
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 3: internal strain on our relationship. And so I was just

559
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 3: internalizing all of these things, which when you're twenty eight,

560
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 3: twenty nine years old, internalizing all these things, it's going

561
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 3: to come out in really toxic ways.

562
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,160
Speaker 1: And it was it was like you, has anyone told

563
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 1: you that this all happened to you in your Satin return?

564
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah it was. It was twenty seven to thirty

565
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 2: three act.

566
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 3: I got out at the end of my satur return

567
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 3: and I was like, that is.

568
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: So, yeah, you had you had a why return my

569
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 1: friend return wild? Yeah, so if you if you're comfy sharing,

570
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 1: obviously like and the reason why I asked this is

571
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 1: I've got a history of eating disorders as well. And

572
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,480
Speaker 1: I remember, for me, if I felt trapped, and you

573
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: wrote the word trapped a couple of times, and for me,

574
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,280
Speaker 1: if I was like, I feel trapped and I feel suffocated,

575
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 1: and I feel like I can't control anything, so I'm

576
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 1: going to control this one. That was the one thing

577
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 1: I've got in my life.

578
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:11,360
Speaker 2: That was exactly it.

579
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, it was like, to be honest, it was

580
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,480
Speaker 3: the only thing that brought me comfort. Yeah, you know,

581
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,479
Speaker 3: and that's so awful because how dangerous is that?

582
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:20,199
Speaker 2: But it really was.

583
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 3: It was the only thing that I had control over

584
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 3: in a life that was spiraling out of control for whatever,

585
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 3: you know, whether it was because the thing is, it

586
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:29,680
Speaker 3: didn't matter that it was spiraling out of control because

587
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 3: we're making so much money. It was still spiraling out

588
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 3: of control, and therefore I needed to control it in

589
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 3: other ways, which was you know, disordered eating eating disorder.

590
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,880
Speaker 3: It would go you know, as you know, it's never

591
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 3: it's like it would go between a few of them.

592
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'd be like I'm feeling quite good and I'm okay,

593
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: and then you'd just like have a relapse and be like, no,

594
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 3: I'm this is owning me now, so that you know,

595
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:53,919
Speaker 3: that was a big one, you know, excessive spending was

596
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 3: it was a big one. And that was a really

597
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 3: tricky one too, because we had the money. And for

598
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,400
Speaker 3: me though, it was just like are you to buy

599
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 3: fashion for joy? And then I would just start buying

600
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:06,360
Speaker 3: fashion for avoid and trying to feel something, so I'd

601
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 3: be like buying, buying, buying, and then like not even

602
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 3: like opening anything because I was like, the HiT's gone.

603
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,240
Speaker 1: It's like all these forms of addiction though as well

604
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,959
Speaker 1: with in the eating disorder world as well, like it's

605
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 1: an addiction to feeling and looking a certain way so

606
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 1: that you've got this weird false sense of confidence. It's

607
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 1: such an interesting basis. I love that you're into human

608
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 1: behavior because I'm sure you see, like looking back and

609
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: doing all this mental health work, you're like, oh, Shi.

610
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 2: Does it make sense?

611
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 3: I did all these things like that is actually very obvious.

612
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 2: How did I you know?

613
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: But when you're in it, oh my god, and you're

614
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 1: so young, like that's the age group as well, where

615
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, I need some kind of especially as well.

616
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: It sounded like there was quite a lot of uncertainties

617
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 1: even though there was so much success and stuff and

618
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,160
Speaker 1: becoming a mama bear as well, and then I imagine

619
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 1: that would have been really tricky with the eating this all.

620
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:02,959
Speaker 2: It's so tricky. It was I stopped.

621
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 3: I was baalimic until I fell pregnant with Oscar, and

622
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 3: then I just stopped and I was taking laxatives and

623
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 3: both I stopped immediately, and so that I was like yeay,

624
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 3: and then it just turned into being very like really

625
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 3: quite angry. I mean I lost weight from the time

626
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 3: I was pregnant with Oscar to the end I was

627
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 3: I weighed less and I had a baby in my

628
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 3: tubby and I still weighed less, so I was like

629
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 3: five kilos lighter.

630
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I went, I actually.

631
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,119
Speaker 3: Got more unhealthy because even though I stopped, because I

632
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 3: stopped the you know, like cold turkey, stopped those toxic behaviors. Yeah,

633
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 3: I had to manage my food so like and that

634
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 3: was it was the control part of it too, because

635
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 3: I'm about to become a mum where traveling non stop,

636
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 3: I'm with a partner who I'm not really in love

637
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 3: with anymore, and I'm about.

638
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:47,440
Speaker 2: To have a baby with him.

639
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 3: So the control side of it, like I was walking,

640
00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 3: you know, twenty k's a day.

641
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 2: I was eating their bare minimum, you know.

642
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 3: And when I look back on it, and I do

643
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,199
Speaker 3: write about it in the book, you know, I Oscar

644
00:27:58,320 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 3: was really sick when he was born, and I just

645
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 3: know that that's.

646
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 2: Why that it was.

647
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 3: And it's just one of those things where you just

648
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,399
Speaker 3: look back and think, I really was so unwell to

649
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,439
Speaker 3: not be able to discern what I was doing.

650
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: But reading reading that part of the book, I was like, oh,

651
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 1: like you had no sort of it felt like other

652
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 1: than Craig, there wasn't a massive support networks for you,

653
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: and the business wasn't slowing down. You weren't slowing down

654
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: as part of the business that you're just like, right,

655
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,680
Speaker 1: I can do it all, like I can be which

656
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 1: credit to you, Like in a sense, like you did

657
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 1: the absolute best in the scenario that you had, and

658
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 1: like the do you know the hardest fit for me

659
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: to read in the book And I'm not a mum

660
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: at all, but the night you decided that you'd stop

661
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 1: feeding breastfeeding Oscar would have been so I'm just like

662
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 1: I read it and I was like, that would have

663
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 1: been harring because you just had you knew that it

664
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: was time, but like you know, he's probably the love

665
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: of your life at this stage, like my.

666
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 2: Real crutch as well.

667
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 3: That because and as I speak about in the book,

668
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 3: the speeding was my skate.

669
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 2: So when I remember.

670
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 3: Lying there and being like I have nothing to escape

671
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 3: with now, like he's going to become more independent and

672
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 3: I can't run away from this.

673
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 2: Terrible situation that I put myself into where I don't

674
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 2: want to be in. It was awful. That actually was.

675
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 2: I remember it so clearly.

676
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 3: It's one of those memories that like it just literally

677
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 3: floods your brain.

678
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, you wrote it beautifully, you wrote it, and it

679
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,160
Speaker 1: was so As I was reading it was so visceral,

680
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I ever made a movie.

681
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: That scene is like going to be the same scene.

682
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 2: Because it's like, oh my god, my life is going

683
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 2: back to it. Yeah, it was terrible.

684
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: So how do you then find the courage to be like, nah,

685
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,720
Speaker 1: like one, I'm out and to I need help or

686
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 1: I need to find like build the support that I need.

687
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 2: Like how do you find that courage?

688
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 3: It builds, you know, and I'm like I would love

689
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 3: to say, you know, like, oh I was so courageous,

690
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 3: but I didn't feel courageous because it had been years

691
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 3: of me knowing I needed to do something, you know.

692
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 2: Yes, wasn't like I just kind of woke up and

693
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 2: went I need.

694
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 3: It was like me just sitting there every day with

695
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 3: these hateful thoughts towards everything around me, including myself and

696
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 3: except for my children, thank god, and just thinking, you know,

697
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 3: at some point, going this is not sustainable, you know.

698
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 3: And the first step was Craig and I separating. That

699
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 3: was kind of the first step. You are an eight

700
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 3: months yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, awesome, And I

701
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 3: naively thought that that would make me feel a lot

702
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 3: better and so that so that was the first thing

703
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 3: to happen that was big. That initially I felt kind

704
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 3: of good, and then everything kind of came back and

705
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, I still feel the same person inside, that.

706
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 2: Terrible gnawing feeling of.

707
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 3: You know, like nothing's changed essentially, because nothing had change internally,

708
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 3: it was just the external that had change. So then

709
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 3: I had Ollie and I actually took the business over initially,

710
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: which was pretty dumb, but I was pretty I was.

711
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 2: Running on a lot of adrenaline. I had a newborn,

712
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 2: so I was.

713
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, I'm going to take off a try and

714
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 3: I could do it all and then couldn't do it all.

715
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 3: And that was when I decided to exit Triangle, thinking

716
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 3: that would afford me the freedom that I'd been searching

717
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 3: for for the.

718
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 2: Last three years.

719
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 3: Probably really, you know, it was pretty early on in

720
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 3: Triangle that I realized I wasn't enjoying it. And that

721
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 3: didn't happen when I exited Triangle, and so I sat

722
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 3: with that for another three or four months of going, well,

723
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 3: freedom will just turn up at the door. I will

724
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 3: magically wake up one day and feel good. And I

725
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 3: got worse after that, so, you know, as much without

726
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 3: having Craig, without having the business, without having those things

727
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 3: that I depended on, even though I wasn't happy, I

728
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 3: had nothing but my thoughts, like nothing but the chaotic,

729
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 3: you know, daily just my lot, which was nothing. I

730
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 3: didn't do anything. I woke up, we had nanny's, they

731
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 3: took the kids. I don't even I can't even. I

732
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 3: don't even know what I did for three or four months.

733
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 3: I don't actually remember.

734
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 2: Really.

735
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: I think I read like your connections were like whoever

736
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 1: was at the coffee shop?

737
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 3: Ye?

738
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 1: And then you'd go like maybe a bit of shopping shopping,

739
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,479
Speaker 1: and you'd get to know the people that worked at

740
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: your favorite.

741
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 2: I had like a little path of what I.

742
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 3: Did, but it brought me zero joy because firstly, you're

743
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 3: doing these things on repeat. So like it's nice to

744
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 3: go buy a designer handbag once in a blue moon,

745
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 3: to do that every day is actually really not really

746
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 3: boring because like it's not.

747
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 2: Like shine it really does. So I'm kind of like, oh,

748
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 2: go buy another thing, you know.

749
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 3: And so I did that for a few months and

750
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 3: then eventually, you know, it was probably when well, actually

751
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 3: it was it was leading up, so it was twenty eighteen.

752
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 3: So I moved back to Australia in twenty eighteen September,

753
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 3: and so I was in Monaco without any real reason

754
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 3: to be other than because it was just by default

755
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 3: where we lived for that year. Then Craig and I

756
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 3: decided to kind of get back together in the business

757
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 3: sense more so because that was just our relationship, and

758
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 3: then maybe I guess romantically, but not really because there's

759
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 3: no romance anyway. And so we went to Hong Kong

760
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 3: together as a family. Yeah, And that was when my

761
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 3: body started to completely shut down on me because I up.

762
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 2: Until then, everything was fine.

763
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 3: Mentally, I was like in total disarray, but physically it

764
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 3: was all. It was okay, there was nothing bad going on.

765
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 3: When we got to Hong Kong, my body started to

766
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 3: completely completely shut down. I had full blown panic attacks

767
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 3: anxiety at nighttime.

768
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 2: I thought I was dying.

769
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 3: I never believe, you know, I was one of those

770
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 3: people that just didn't really couldn't.

771
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 2: I'd been anxious, but I'd never had anxiety at Oh

772
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 2: my god. I was like. I went into Craig. He

773
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 2: was in another bedroom, and I like woke him up.

774
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, I think I was like and he was

775
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 3: like going back to beady, having panicking about something, and

776
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 3: I was like I.

777
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,440
Speaker 2: Was, but like, and you're wide awake and the sunlight starts.

778
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 3: A streaming and you're just still like this with your

779
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 3: eyes wide open, just going, oh my god, I've not

780
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 3: slept a wink. I can't even close my eyes like that.

781
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 3: It happened every night. I couldn't eat.

782
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 2: And I'm someone that you know, with the history of

783
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 2: eating disorders. I know what it feels like.

784
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 3: I know how to pretend to not be hungry, but

785
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 3: you know, I could not put food into my body.

786
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 3: It was like rejecting everything, like I couldn't. I was

787
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 3: trying to, Like I remember sitting in the little kitchen

788
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 3: and we had some food. I remember there were like

789
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 3: nuts and some ice cream, and I was like trying

790
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 3: to have like and I.

791
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,720
Speaker 2: Just couldn't even like put it in. It just wouldn't.

792
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,439
Speaker 2: It just couldn't even swallow it, Like I.

793
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: Was just your whole body was just like whole body

794
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,840
Speaker 1: was like we we are not doing this, We are

795
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 1: not doing this.

796
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 3: And so I, you know, lost a good five kilos

797
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 3: in like the space of a week because I just

798
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 3: couldn't eat my like cortisole would have been through the roof.

799
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 3: And I just it was like the choice was being

800
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 3: made for me. And I was just so unwell. And

801
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 3: I sat on the floor in Hong Kong that like

802
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 3: one night and I just said to Craig, I have

803
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 3: to go back to Australia tomorrow.

804
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 2: I have to go tomorrow. I'm like, something is very fair.

805
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 3: And at the time I kind of even thought maybe

806
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 3: it was something different. I just didn't even realize that

807
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 3: my body was just catching up, you know, like everything

808
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 3: that was going on, and he was he was really supportive.

809
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 3: He just was like, yeah, go, you know, like go

810
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 3: and do your thing. And I booked that night. I

811
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 3: booked like Cafe Pacific flights the next morning, took the

812
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 3: boys message my mom the next morning to be like

813
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 3: I'm coming to and you know, they.

814
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,720
Speaker 2: Would have known something was wrong for a while.

815
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure everyone could feel that I vacated the

816
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 3: room maybe a year or two before, and I just

817
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,839
Speaker 3: booked a flight and I just came home and I

818
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 3: had a suitcase, you know, from Hong Kong. I didn't

819
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 3: have my apartment in Monaco. Was like, you know, I

820
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 3: was like, not go back to Monaca. I was just

821
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 3: going to Australia. And I never went back, you know,

822
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 3: I like I was in I got back home. I

823
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 3: took a few weeks of sort of still trying to

824
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 3: be like, im, okay, maybe maybe just coming home is enough,

825
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 3: you know.

826
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 2: I was still, yeah, maybe coming home be enough and

827
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 2: I'll just feel good.

828
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 3: And then I kind of was at home, going okay

829
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 3: now because I'm back in my place, I have my

830
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 3: family around me, I have my friends here. I could

831
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,439
Speaker 3: really feel what was going on and they see you too, yeah,

832
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, I'm not even here like

833
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 3: I don't.

834
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 2: I just was like I'm so flighty.

835
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 3: It was like out of It was like I had

836
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,399
Speaker 3: an out of body experience. For four months after that,

837
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 3: I would just like get up, I would go and

838
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 3: like go for a walk. I was just like, couldn't

839
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,600
Speaker 3: land thoughts. I was just like nowhere. It took me

840
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 3: so long to ground my body, like because I because

841
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,880
Speaker 3: my body, because I'd abandoned my sense of self and

842
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 3: my spirit. It just abandoned me and so I was

843
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 3: like two people. It was like I fell for months, like.

844
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 2: Just not do you remember a turning point.

845
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 1: Do you remember a moment of just like, oh no,

846
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 1: I can, like you know when you you know, when

847
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,919
Speaker 1: you've just come out of the other side or something,

848
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 1: and you're.

849
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,359
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it took it was it was it took

850
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 3: a while because what happened is when we got back

851
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 3: to Melbourne and then I told Craig, which was the

852
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,760
Speaker 3: genuine truth, that I was only going for the summer,

853
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 3: and then it was quite apparently I.

854
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:12,280
Speaker 2: Was probably going to stay.

855
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 3: So that started becoming a really horrific back and forth

856
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 3: of him accusing me of stealing the children and I'll

857
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:20,800
Speaker 3: get you arrested.

858
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 2: And which is fair enough.

859
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 3: He was hurting he was without his kids, thinking, oh

860
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 3: my god, I've lost them. So he took them in

861
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 3: end of January back to Monaco for like four or

862
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 3: five months. So then I was traveling back to my

863
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 3: old life in Monaco and staying in my old apartment

864
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 3: where I lived with Craig, and like tapping back into

865
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 3: the Monaco life and then trying to come back home

866
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 3: and do the work that I was doing. So that

867
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 3: was like a very disjointed few months anyway. So I

868
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,799
Speaker 3: was making progress emotionally and mentally and trying to put

869
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 3: boundaries in place and trying to ground myself whilst literally

870
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 3: returning to the place so to.

871
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: Feel like a backward step then a fall step back step, oh.

872
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so that kind of you need for that

873
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:02,479
Speaker 3: whole year, and I just knew I had to keep

874
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 3: kind of progressing. So it was kind of like a

875
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 3: two sets forward, one step back, two sex forward, one

876
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 3: set back. And it wasn't until I felt pregnant with Beatrice,

877
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 3: with Zach, who I met really early on after moving back,

878
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 3: which was so fortunate in hindsight. It wasn't until then

879
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 3: that I was able to really clearly set a boundary

880
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 3: that I want to live in Melbourne, because even up

881
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 3: until then, I was like part living in Sydney.

882
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 2: I was still kind of trying to.

883
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 3: Convince that to maybe move back to Monico, Like yeah,

884
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:29,840
Speaker 3: you know, I was still didn't not.

885
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 2: You know, this is very complicated hard.

886
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,360
Speaker 1: With kiddos when you're fan beines and you were everyone

887
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: to be connected and happy and relationship.

888
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,720
Speaker 3: Oh my yeah, that whole year, there was no real

889
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,279
Speaker 3: kind of you know, it was just a lot just

890
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 3: happened slowly, and I would the only times that I

891
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 3: would be like, oh wow, was a lot of it

892
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 3: was with Craig, to be honest, because there was a

893
00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 3: lot of boundary setting that had to happen and that

894
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 3: was so obviously able to be done. Therefore then I

895
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 3: was able to roll that out in the rest of

896
00:38:58,719 --> 00:38:59,240
Speaker 3: my life.

897
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. So those were the kinds of things.

898
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: So you would say Boundaries was like a real turning point,

899
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 1: a real life is a game change.

900
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 2: Oh my god. It was like, oh I can just

901
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 2: not ye like I can just not pick up the.

902
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 3: Phone, or I could not engage in like a text war,

903
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 3: or I can respectfully say I'm not you know.

904
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 2: And they were found you know, because Craig.

905
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 3: It was because we when we settled, you know, I

906
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 3: sold my share to him for the business and I exited.

907
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:30,640
Speaker 3: He defaulted, so we I didn't get any any money,

908
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 3: so I didn't So that was happening as well all

909
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 3: of the year after I moved back, So he, you know,

910
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 3: it was like this this constant disagreement and issues between us,

911
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,359
Speaker 3: and you know, and he was really blindsided, I think

912
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 3: because he was very happy with the life that he'd

913
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 3: set up, and he because I had never verbalized him

914
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 3: that I wasn't, he was kind of like what, yeah,

915
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 3: how which would hurt really yeah? And he, you know,

916
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:57,279
Speaker 3: he had a we had a broken heart from me

917
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,120
Speaker 3: leaving and then me taking the children. So I I

918
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 3: was really now because I've done a lot of work,

919
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,799
Speaker 3: I'm able to really have empathy for that, because.

920
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it would have been awful.

921
00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 3: He would have just been there going on and he's

922
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 3: still he's still in wantago. He was there, and it

923
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 3: would have been really hard to kind of be like, well,

924
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:14,680
Speaker 3: I set this.

925
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 2: Up for all of us and you've just left.

926
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: And I was tough, But I love how open you're

927
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: being about like, hey, it wasn't like a switch flicked.

928
00:40:23,719 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 2: And everything was like, oh, I discovered a great therapist.

929
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: And boob like you know, like I love that you're

930
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 1: being honest that it was a journey and.

931
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:33,240
Speaker 3: So much hard work, and you know what, the first

932
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 3: year for me was really shitty, Like it sucked. It

933
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 3: wasn't like a great healing Like you know, you kind

934
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 3: of go into healing and you immediately decline because you're

935
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 3: dealing with the things that you've ignored.

936
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 2: And I had so much that I'd ignored that that

937
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,959
Speaker 2: was really tough. It was a really, really tough.

938
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,959
Speaker 3: It was like it's like when you go to start

939
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 3: working out and you've never exercised before and your muscles

940
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 3: are so sore and you're just looking at people that

941
00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 3: work out every day, thinking I'm never going to get

942
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 3: to that, and if you persist, you get to that.

943
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,719
Speaker 3: It's exactly the same as a healing journey as a

944
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:05,760
Speaker 3: self development journey.

945
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 2: The start feels like.

946
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 3: You're never going to make progress, that you're never going

947
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 3: to get through this, You're never going to be someone

948
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,480
Speaker 3: that feels gratitude, You're never going to be someone that

949
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:16,040
Speaker 3: you know has this abundant mentality. And then if you

950
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:18,520
Speaker 3: persist through that first six months year, however long it

951
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 3: is of really crap, crap stuff, you actually kind of

952
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 3: got my god, you know one day it's like for me,

953
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 3: it was just you react to something differently and you're like,

954
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 3: oh my god, I reacted to that totally.

955
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 2: You're like, I am evolving.

956
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 1: But you've got to sit in that discomfort so long.

957
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 2: And you don't want to. You're like, can I just

958
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 2: go back to the toxic stuff that I used to do?

959
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 2: And then you know enough to know that you.

960
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 1: Can't, and you're like the limbo would you say that?

961
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 1: That is kind of the goal of this book is

962
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 1: to like highlight that it is okay to like feel

963
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,760
Speaker 1: the fields and feel shitty and like move through stuff

964
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 1: and empower other women to be like, hey, it doesn't

965
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: need to look normal and it doesn't quote unquote normally

966
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 1: you know, Yeah, it can feel crap when you're in it,

967
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 1: and it can feel crap when it looks really good.

968
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 2: Is it to kind of like is your.

969
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 1: Goal to kind of like pull down the veil a

970
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 1: bit and be like, this is the truth of the matter, yeah,

971
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,240
Speaker 1: and inspire other women to just kind of like really

972
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: like use their own compass to like it feels like

973
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 1: that's what you've done, and you're acknowledging that you ignored

974
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 1: it for you a couple of years, you know.

975
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 2: Which is what a lot of women don't.

976
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, is that kind of the goal, Because I felt

977
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 1: like the goal of it was to be like inspire

978
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 1: other people to kind of one chase a dream because

979
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 1: that's the way you've lived and it's definitely served you well,

980
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 1: and it's so inspiring to live that way, but too

981
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,880
Speaker 1: like know when it's time to one get help and

982
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:47,319
Speaker 1: to like if that dream changes for you, which it did,

983
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 1: you know, to honor that as well.

984
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 2: Exactly. That's one hundred percent.

985
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 3: It's also like when things are going well in your life,

986
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,759
Speaker 3: there are things that aren't going well. When when there

987
00:42:57,760 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 3: are big things that aren't going well, there are things

988
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 3: that are all going well, it's not like one of

989
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,840
Speaker 3: the other. And that's my whole story is that like

990
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 3: Triangle was and it wasn't like we were making all

991
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 3: this money and we had.

992
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 2: These things and I was miserable the whole time. Like

993
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,839
Speaker 2: it was. There was there were many times where I

994
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 2: was like this is awesome.

995
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you do talk about it I was like,

996
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:18,359
Speaker 1: that sounds pretty good. Yeah.

997
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 2: It was like like when.

998
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 3: You're on a and you're yeah, and you're like in

999
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 3: Capri and because when you're on the boats, you're like

1000
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 3: the top tier of everyone knows who you are, go

1001
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 3: into the restaurants and you get the best bookings because

1002
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 3: they're just like it's like celebrities, it is, yeah, and

1003
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 3: so you use that like and like the captain calls

1004
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:37,799
Speaker 3: into the restaurant and he's like, I'm on you know,

1005
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 3: like a boat was called the a Prane and we've

1006
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 3: got the six and you get a table wherever, and

1007
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 3: so like that is that is cool, Like I'm.

1008
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 2: On board with that. That's fun.

1009
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,840
Speaker 3: But like that was interlaces with me being really really really.

1010
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 2: Depressed, and it's not constant, you know, yeah, it's a movie.

1011
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,800
Speaker 2: It wasn't putting facade on of happiness.

1012
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 3: There were times when I was really happy, and I

1013
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 3: think that that's something that people don't talk about enough

1014
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 3: in this space. It's like, you know when you hear

1015
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:12,280
Speaker 3: about like comedians, and I feel like it's often comedians

1016
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 3: because I think they're the polarizing of like happy happy, happy,

1017
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 3: making everyone laugh, but they're miserable there are times when

1018
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 3: they're actually happy, happy, happy, They're not just putting on

1019
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 3: a facade of happy the long time. And I think

1020
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 3: we always feel like we have to pick one lane

1021
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 3: all the other And like that's what I wanted to share,

1022
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 3: that they're happening at the same time always and that

1023
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 3: it's just like everyone if you just lean into what

1024
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:36,720
Speaker 3: you and like, I love it. One of my people

1025
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 3: that are in my support team just always says to me,

1026
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 3: now and I love it.

1027
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 2: And it's like bit of my mantra.

1028
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 3: He's like, when you feel that something isn't right for you,

1029
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: a decision Like for me, I had my boobs putting.

1030
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 3: I had implants put in two years ago. I had

1031
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 3: them taken out a year later. And I started seeing

1032
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,359
Speaker 3: him when they were still in and I was like,

1033
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,320
Speaker 3: I think I might want to get them out, and

1034
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 3: he just said, just keep having that conversation with yourself

1035
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 3: about it. No pressure, have that conversation because you know,

1036
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,799
Speaker 3: because when you like it's like you know you want

1037
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 3: them out. But like for me, it was like, you know,

1038
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 3: the ego, the money, the confidence, the sexiness of this,

1039
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 3: that all these different silly things, but like my spirit,

1040
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 3: my soul, new Yeah, to get them out. So it's like,

1041
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 3: have this conversation like that with yourself with no judgment,

1042
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 3: no pressure.

1043
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 2: Just keep talking to yourself about it and you'll get

1044
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 2: to where you want.

1045
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: To go with it, like a form of processing essentially exactly.

1046
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 3: But I was just like, it's so beautiful to think

1047
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 3: of it like that, and like that's kind of what

1048
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 3: was happening with me. I was just like constantly thinking

1049
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 3: of like and only when it got to a point

1050
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 3: where it was like smacking me on the head.

1051
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 2: Where I was like, Okay, I gotta do something.

1052
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 1: Oh my godness, I feel like I'm your mate. I

1053
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 1: could talk to you all day long.

1054
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,319
Speaker 2: Do you know that? That's like flown. We've done.

1055
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 1: We've done a full Like really, I feel like, oh

1056
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:47,879
Speaker 1: my god, did that feel like minutes ten?

1057
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 2: I could talk to you all day long.

1058
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 1: You honestly absolutely nailed that, And I am really honored

1059
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: to have you on this pod and absolutely demolished your

1060
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:00,040
Speaker 1: book Like literally, it's.

1061
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 2: It looks like it's had a good life. It's had

1062
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:03,959
Speaker 2: a good life.

1063
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:05,439
Speaker 1: Thank you so much hopping on the pod.

1064
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 2: You're wonderful.

1065
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 1: That's a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly failing as always.

1066
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 2: Thank you to our guests and let's continue the conversation

1067
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:19,400
Speaker 2: on Instagram.

1068
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 1: I'm at Yumo will be this potty. My Words of

1069
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 1: podcast is available on all streaming thoughts. I love it,

1070
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 1: give you good subscribe, rape and comment.

1071
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 2: Of course, spread the love