WEBVTT - Is This Text 💬 A Red Flag 🚩?

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms Flex and Fromes. This is the Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Frooms catch Up podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Have you ever mustered up the courage to, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>go up to someone in public, shoot your shop, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>give them a number, tell you you're hands them. It

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<v Speaker 2>takes a certain amount of courage to do that, and

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<v Speaker 2>I would argue that if you've done that in the past,

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<v Speaker 2>you've been egged on by a friend or wants to

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<v Speaker 2>see you fail, or wants a fun story to reflect

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<v Speaker 2>on tomorrow. But imagine this. I saw it on TikTok.

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<v Speaker 2>This girl's at a train station. She gives her number

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<v Speaker 2>to this guy. He looks hands and they don't really

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<v Speaker 2>have an interaction or anything like that. It's just she's

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<v Speaker 2>clocked him, you know. It's it's a moving space. He

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<v Speaker 2>could get on the next train, I could. We might

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<v Speaker 2>never meet again. I'm just gonna do what I do best.

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<v Speaker 2>And she said that he took it pretty well, like

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<v Speaker 2>he got the number, he was like gracious about it,

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<v Speaker 2>and that was it. She's obviously awaiting his text message

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<v Speaker 2>because you know, she doesn't have his number, and that's

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<v Speaker 2>how these things should go. If he's really keen, he

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<v Speaker 2>will message you, and then you will know what's on.

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<v Speaker 2>So when he does message her, this is what he

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<v Speaker 2>ends up saying. And I need you to let me

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<v Speaker 2>know if you think that there's anything wrong with the

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<v Speaker 2>way that he's phrased this message off. It's perfectly appropriate

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<v Speaker 2>for the scenario. He says, Hey, waving hand emoji, you

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<v Speaker 2>gave me your number on the train an hour ago.

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<v Speaker 2>Smiley blushing face. It's super bold. You must be from somewhere, great,

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<v Speaker 2>smiley face. I really appreciate your message and your kindness

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<v Speaker 2>from the very beginning, and you seem very nice yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>You made my night. Unfortunately, I love someone very much.

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<v Speaker 2>From the bottom of my heart. I hope you spend

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<v Speaker 2>the most lovely evening and a wonderful stay in Paris.

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<v Speaker 1>Love is in the air. Sincerely, yours, Tan guy. Cool, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>after Dome.

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<v Speaker 3>How do you feel about that look? I can see

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<v Speaker 3>it on your paper. It's very long. I was wondering

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<v Speaker 3>you guys barely know each other. This is an essay. However,

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<v Speaker 3>I think that's kind of a lovely message.

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<v Speaker 1>Stay.

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<v Speaker 3>I like it. I think it's lovely.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>What I was originally going to say when you told

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<v Speaker 3>me about this segment was that if someone gives you

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<v Speaker 3>a number and you're either like not interested, or you

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<v Speaker 3>can't be with them, or you can't like explore it.

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<v Speaker 3>You just should never message them. Oh okay, but I

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<v Speaker 3>kind of like, given his circumstances, I think that's lovely.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, yes, you would be in I would say, a

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<v Speaker 2>pretty vocal majority. But there's also a really vocal minority

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<v Speaker 2>who feels as though the red flags are jumping up

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<v Speaker 2>in this text. Here is where the message is great,

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<v Speaker 2>you gave me your number an hour ago, where you

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<v Speaker 2>know we're expressing some context. Here it's super bold, you

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<v Speaker 2>must be great. We're complimenting, we're acknowledging the bravery and

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<v Speaker 2>the courage.

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<v Speaker 1>I really appreciate your.

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<v Speaker 2>Kindness, you made my night. These are all great things.

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<v Speaker 2>Now here's where it gets a bit confusing. When he's

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<v Speaker 2>gone to say I can't be with you, and he's

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<v Speaker 2>provided the reason he said this, unfortunately, comma, I love

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<v Speaker 2>someone very much from the bottom of my heart. That

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<v Speaker 2>unfortunately is a bit concerning because perhaps to you the

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<v Speaker 2>person is not his partner. You'd be like, okay, whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>that's but his partner are you unfortunately in love with me?

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<v Speaker 1>Second red flag, Sincerely yours oh, sincerely yours.

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<v Speaker 3>Damn.

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<v Speaker 2>We do love semantics because words mean things, and I

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<v Speaker 2>feel as though we like to hide behind the ambiguity

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<v Speaker 2>of language and the ambiguity of intention versus impact, to

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<v Speaker 2>not be held accountable for what we say and how

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<v Speaker 2>we say it. This man could have easily just said

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<v Speaker 2>I love someone very much from the bottom of my

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<v Speaker 2>heart and so FYI, or simply hey, you gave me

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<v Speaker 2>a number one ago. You're super bold, like you're amazing,

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<v Speaker 2>I have a girlfriend, but like, good luck.

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<v Speaker 1>On your search.

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<v Speaker 2>This man has spent more than half of the message

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<v Speaker 2>validating this woman and where he's referenced the reasons that

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<v Speaker 2>they can't be together.

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<v Speaker 1>It's unfortunate.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you saying, don't let your current girl and get

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<v Speaker 2>in the way of finding your wife? Are you trying

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<v Speaker 2>to cut things off with the girlfriend now? Unfortunately I

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<v Speaker 2>love someone from the bottom of my heart.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you paint? Okay?

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<v Speaker 3>No? No? If he said unfortunately I have a girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 3>I'd get the knives out. But unfortunately, I love someone

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<v Speaker 3>very much from the water of my heart. If I

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<v Speaker 3>was the girlfriend and I read that, I'd be like.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh why unfortunately, oh, unfortunately for the person that's a

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<v Speaker 2>weird phrase. Unfortunately for you, I love someone, he's saying.

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<v Speaker 2>Is he also saying that like there is no girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 2>But he's just saying, unfortunately, I'm in an unrequited love situation.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't really like show up, you know, like I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just not in a place right now.

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<v Speaker 1>I love the ending.

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<v Speaker 3>I hope you spend the most lovely evening and a

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<v Speaker 3>wonderful stay in Paris.

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<v Speaker 1>Lovers in their stunning sincerely yours.

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<v Speaker 3>It's giving mixed messaging hugely.

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<v Speaker 2>Because listen to me, I don't know if you've ever

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<v Speaker 2>been a desperate person in lust like crush, unrequited love,

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<v Speaker 2>whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 1>But there is so.

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<v Speaker 2>Much in this message to take and run with, so much,

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<v Speaker 2>so much to start fantasizing about, so much to start

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<v Speaker 2>building on. Because realistically, if I in a daze of

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<v Speaker 2>a rose tinted glass, a rose tinted shade, all I'm

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<v Speaker 2>seeing is that you're in love with me and which

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<v Speaker 2>need to get rid of your girlfriend.

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<v Speaker 1>It let's work together.

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<v Speaker 2>King.

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<v Speaker 3>The thing he got me when he said you made

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<v Speaker 3>my night, that was a bit red hot to me.

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<v Speaker 1>This just sounds like this has never happened to him.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, And he's absolutely beside himself.

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<v Speaker 2>And you've only given it an hour, an hour, one

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<v Speaker 2>hour of extreme happiness.

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<v Speaker 3>Micky, have you ever given someone your number unsolicited?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think so. Oh really have you?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, It's happened like both ways for me.

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<v Speaker 1>I've received an unsolicited number, I've received a number.

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<v Speaker 2>I've done an unprovoked gone up to someone and tuned them.

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<v Speaker 2>But that's different.

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<v Speaker 3>And why is that different?

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<v Speaker 2>Because I'm built, I'm staying that, I'm engaging in the conversation,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm chatting, I'm la la la la la, and then

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, what's your number? I'm not like passing a

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<v Speaker 2>number leaving.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>I like that you run away, But I think it's cute.

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<v Speaker 2>But a few things came to mind when I read this,

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<v Speaker 2>because I often when I speak to my guy friends

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<v Speaker 2>and I draw parallels between my guy friends and my girlfriends.

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<v Speaker 2>This kind of like text editing or going to the

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<v Speaker 2>brain trust and saying like, does this sound appropriate? It's

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<v Speaker 2>a very well in my circles, the girls do that

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<v Speaker 2>quite a bit. The guys, however, kind of go on

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<v Speaker 2>a rampage and then circle back when things fall apart

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<v Speaker 2>and say, hey, can you help me dissect these text

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<v Speaker 2>messages and let me know where it went wrong. Right right,

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<v Speaker 2>So there's a difference in that. So I can imagine

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<v Speaker 2>receiving this screenshot from a guy friend and being like, babes,

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<v Speaker 2>what are you thinking?

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<v Speaker 1>Like you're not keen.

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<v Speaker 2>I had this one guy friend. Uh, he's pissy, So

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<v Speaker 2>do with that information what you will. TikTok often dislikes

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<v Speaker 2>pissy's men because they're like, oh, they do all the

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<v Speaker 2>right things, they say, are the right things. They're really sweet,

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<v Speaker 2>but they're for the streets. They've got a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>love for everyone, and when you receive that love, you

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<v Speaker 2>think it's just you. You're one of many. He was

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<v Speaker 2>a great example of this. I would hang out with

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<v Speaker 2>him so frequently and hear all these conversations he would

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<v Speaker 2>have about the next favorite girl, yeah, or even so

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<v Speaker 2>it wouldn't even be the next favorite girl. Some girl

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<v Speaker 2>would just show him interest and he'd be like, oh, look,

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<v Speaker 2>I'll see this through like it's a bit of fun.

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<v Speaker 1>I had.

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<v Speaker 2>There's this one core memory of he had just moved

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<v Speaker 2>to a new city and this girl had been like

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<v Speaker 2>a fan of him on Instagram. Because he's like a

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<v Speaker 2>creative but like in a niche way. So she's been

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<v Speaker 2>a fan of him and then she like DMed him

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<v Speaker 2>and was like, oh my god, like let's hang out.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was like, what do you feel?

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<v Speaker 2>And he was like, not really attracted to her, not

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<v Speaker 2>really my type, don't really have anything common.

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<v Speaker 1>But we've set a date. This is my worst I

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<v Speaker 1>hate this.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, cool, why did you set a day? He's like, Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really flattered, Like that's so kind of nice and

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<v Speaker 2>like it could be fun. And to me, like, I

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<v Speaker 2>can't imagine receiving a text message from someone I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>interested in, not attracted to, and like could not see

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<v Speaker 2>any kind of genuine interest from my end or even

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<v Speaker 2>superficial interest and still see it through.

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<v Speaker 3>It's the whole like practice, practice, practice, yeah, exactly, And

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<v Speaker 3>if you're not looking for anything, everything is fun exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm like, okay, good, Like you said a date,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm thinking, like it's gonna be like casual drink,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, at a bar, go leave, maybe I have

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<v Speaker 2>a one night said, I don't know. I said, what's

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<v Speaker 2>the date. He's like, well, I've invited her over. I

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<v Speaker 2>went to the farmer's market. I'm cooking her this pie

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<v Speaker 2>from scratch heavy. I've like just finished his new ceramics class,

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<v Speaker 2>so like, I made these new incense holders, I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to gift her one because I was already making one.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, Okay, this is all very sweet,

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<v Speaker 2>and I know you because you're a sweet, sweet sweet man,

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<v Speaker 2>but is it necessary for someone you are not interested in?

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<v Speaker 2>And we didn't really resolve our different opinions, but the

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<v Speaker 2>point that he ended up making was he's one half

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<v Speaker 2>of this interaction and he wants to have a good experience.

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<v Speaker 2>He likes the way it feels when someone responds to him. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>he likes the way it feels to be in the

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<v Speaker 2>presence of someone who's attracted to him, who thinks he's

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<v Speaker 2>charming and slurty and funny and light. And so he's

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<v Speaker 2>doing what he can on his end to facilitate the

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<v Speaker 2>best case scenario outcome for his portion of that experience.

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<v Speaker 2>And so he's like, it doesn't like, it shouldn't matter

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<v Speaker 2>that I don't want what she wants because we don't

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<v Speaker 2>have established anything. But if this is the first and

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<v Speaker 2>last time that I ever interact with her, I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>trying to waste my night and have a subpar meal

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to eat because I feel like I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to give the wrong impression. If I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to cook a pie, I want to cook a pie.

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<v Speaker 2>And if I mood yeah, and if I feel thoughtful

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<v Speaker 2>enough that I'm already making something and this could be

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<v Speaker 2>a nice gesture because I know that it will help

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<v Speaker 2>her respond to me more positively, then why wouldn't I

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<v Speaker 2>do that? And in a lot of ways you can

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<v Speaker 2>come across as quite manipulative, but that is the basis

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<v Speaker 2>of manipulation, to use the tools that you have, the words,

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<v Speaker 2>the actions, in the context to create a scenario that

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<v Speaker 2>works in line with your agenda. So you can positively manipulate,

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<v Speaker 2>negatively manipulate. It just depends on who you have in

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<v Speaker 2>mind when you're doing that. And he just had himself

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<v Speaker 2>in mind. He was like, I want to have a

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<v Speaker 2>good night and a good time. And so when I

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<v Speaker 2>see your messages like this, I'm like, I could so

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<v Speaker 2>imagine you would send a message like this, not realize

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<v Speaker 2>the traps you've left, the bait you have left to

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<v Speaker 2>give someone the impression that if you wanted, if you could,

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<v Speaker 2>you would.

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<v Speaker 3>What's just keeping a little option there for when the GA.

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<v Speaker 1>You know what I mean, You know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 1>Everybody on nice, everybody on nice.

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<v Speaker 2>But what I just found most interesting about this interaction is,

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<v Speaker 2>like with all things, any every single thing in the

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<v Speaker 2>entire world, people have these like wildly opposing ideas of

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<v Speaker 2>what is actually happening. And the only way you get

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<v Speaker 2>to the bottom of what is actually happening is if

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<v Speaker 2>you see clarity awful from the person.

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<v Speaker 1>It never gets easier.

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<v Speaker 3>I've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast

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<v Speaker 3>for more.

0:10:38.400 --> 0:10:41.480
<v Speaker 1>Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.