Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms Flex and Fromes. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Frooms catch Up podcast.
Speaker 2: Have you ever mustered up the courage to, you know,
Speaker 2: go up to someone in public, shoot your shop, maybe
Speaker 2: give them a number, tell you you're hands them. It
Speaker 2: takes a certain amount of courage to do that, and
Speaker 2: I would argue that if you've done that in the past,
Speaker 2: you've been egged on by a friend or wants to
Speaker 2: see you fail, or wants a fun story to reflect
Speaker 2: on tomorrow. But imagine this. I saw it on TikTok.
Speaker 2: This girl's at a train station. She gives her number
Speaker 2: to this guy. He looks hands and they don't really
Speaker 2: have an interaction or anything like that. It's just she's
Speaker 2: clocked him, you know. It's it's a moving space. He
Speaker 2: could get on the next train, I could. We might
Speaker 2: never meet again. I'm just gonna do what I do best.
Speaker 2: And she said that he took it pretty well, like
Speaker 2: he got the number, he was like gracious about it,
Speaker 2: and that was it. She's obviously awaiting his text message
Speaker 2: because you know, she doesn't have his number, and that's
Speaker 2: how these things should go. If he's really keen, he
Speaker 2: will message you, and then you will know what's on.
Speaker 2: So when he does message her, this is what he
Speaker 2: ends up saying. And I need you to let me
Speaker 2: know if you think that there's anything wrong with the
Speaker 2: way that he's phrased this message off. It's perfectly appropriate
Speaker 2: for the scenario. He says, Hey, waving hand emoji, you
Speaker 2: gave me your number on the train an hour ago.
Speaker 2: Smiley blushing face. It's super bold. You must be from somewhere, great,
Speaker 2: smiley face. I really appreciate your message and your kindness
Speaker 2: from the very beginning, and you seem very nice yourself.
Speaker 2: You made my night. Unfortunately, I love someone very much.
Speaker 2: From the bottom of my heart. I hope you spend
Speaker 2: the most lovely evening and a wonderful stay in Paris.
Speaker 1: Love is in the air. Sincerely, yours, Tan guy. Cool, Okay,
Speaker 1: after Dome.
Speaker 3: How do you feel about that look? I can see
Speaker 3: it on your paper. It's very long. I was wondering
Speaker 3: you guys barely know each other. This is an essay. However,
Speaker 3: I think that's kind of a lovely message.
Speaker 1: Stay.
Speaker 3: I like it. I think it's lovely.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: What I was originally going to say when you told
Speaker 3: me about this segment was that if someone gives you
Speaker 3: a number and you're either like not interested, or you
Speaker 3: can't be with them, or you can't like explore it.
Speaker 3: You just should never message them. Oh okay, but I
Speaker 3: kind of like, given his circumstances, I think that's lovely.
Speaker 2: Well, yes, you would be in I would say, a
Speaker 2: pretty vocal majority. But there's also a really vocal minority
Speaker 2: who feels as though the red flags are jumping up
Speaker 2: in this text. Here is where the message is great,
Speaker 2: you gave me your number an hour ago, where you
Speaker 2: know we're expressing some context. Here it's super bold, you
Speaker 2: must be great. We're complimenting, we're acknowledging the bravery and
Speaker 2: the courage.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate your.
Speaker 2: Kindness, you made my night. These are all great things.
Speaker 2: Now here's where it gets a bit confusing. When he's
Speaker 2: gone to say I can't be with you, and he's
Speaker 2: provided the reason he said this, unfortunately, comma, I love
Speaker 2: someone very much from the bottom of my heart. That
Speaker 2: unfortunately is a bit concerning because perhaps to you the
Speaker 2: person is not his partner. You'd be like, okay, whatever,
Speaker 2: that's but his partner are you unfortunately in love with me?
Speaker 1: Second red flag, Sincerely yours oh, sincerely yours.
Speaker 3: Damn.
Speaker 2: We do love semantics because words mean things, and I
Speaker 2: feel as though we like to hide behind the ambiguity
Speaker 2: of language and the ambiguity of intention versus impact, to
Speaker 2: not be held accountable for what we say and how
Speaker 2: we say it. This man could have easily just said
Speaker 2: I love someone very much from the bottom of my
Speaker 2: heart and so FYI, or simply hey, you gave me
Speaker 2: a number one ago. You're super bold, like you're amazing,
Speaker 2: I have a girlfriend, but like, good luck.
Speaker 1: On your search.
Speaker 2: This man has spent more than half of the message
Speaker 2: validating this woman and where he's referenced the reasons that
Speaker 2: they can't be together.
Speaker 1: It's unfortunate.
Speaker 2: Are you saying, don't let your current girl and get
Speaker 2: in the way of finding your wife? Are you trying
Speaker 2: to cut things off with the girlfriend now? Unfortunately I
Speaker 2: love someone from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 1: Are you paint? Okay?
Speaker 3: No? No? If he said unfortunately I have a girlfriend,
Speaker 3: I'd get the knives out. But unfortunately, I love someone
Speaker 3: very much from the water of my heart. If I
Speaker 3: was the girlfriend and I read that, I'd be like.
Speaker 2: Oh why unfortunately, oh, unfortunately for the person that's a
Speaker 2: weird phrase. Unfortunately for you, I love someone, he's saying.
Speaker 2: Is he also saying that like there is no girlfriend,
Speaker 2: But he's just saying, unfortunately, I'm in an unrequited love situation.
Speaker 2: I can't really like show up, you know, like I'm
Speaker 2: just not in a place right now.
Speaker 1: I love the ending.
Speaker 3: I hope you spend the most lovely evening and a
Speaker 3: wonderful stay in Paris.
Speaker 1: Lovers in their stunning sincerely yours.
Speaker 3: It's giving mixed messaging hugely.
Speaker 2: Because listen to me, I don't know if you've ever
Speaker 2: been a desperate person in lust like crush, unrequited love,
Speaker 2: whatever it is.
Speaker 1: But there is so.
Speaker 2: Much in this message to take and run with, so much,
Speaker 2: so much to start fantasizing about, so much to start
Speaker 2: building on. Because realistically, if I in a daze of
Speaker 2: a rose tinted glass, a rose tinted shade, all I'm
Speaker 2: seeing is that you're in love with me and which
Speaker 2: need to get rid of your girlfriend.
Speaker 1: It let's work together.
Speaker 2: King.
Speaker 3: The thing he got me when he said you made
Speaker 3: my night, that was a bit red hot to me.
Speaker 1: This just sounds like this has never happened to him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And he's absolutely beside himself.
Speaker 2: And you've only given it an hour, an hour, one
Speaker 2: hour of extreme happiness.
Speaker 3: Micky, have you ever given someone your number unsolicited?
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Oh really have you?
Speaker 3: Yeah, It's happened like both ways for me.
Speaker 1: I've received an unsolicited number, I've received a number.
Speaker 2: I've done an unprovoked gone up to someone and tuned them.
Speaker 2: But that's different.
Speaker 3: And why is that different?
Speaker 2: Because I'm built, I'm staying that, I'm engaging in the conversation,
Speaker 2: I'm chatting, I'm la la la la la, and then
Speaker 2: I'm like, what's your number? I'm not like passing a
Speaker 2: number leaving.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: I like that you run away, But I think it's cute.
Speaker 2: But a few things came to mind when I read this,
Speaker 2: because I often when I speak to my guy friends
Speaker 2: and I draw parallels between my guy friends and my girlfriends.
Speaker 2: This kind of like text editing or going to the
Speaker 2: brain trust and saying like, does this sound appropriate? It's
Speaker 2: a very well in my circles, the girls do that
Speaker 2: quite a bit. The guys, however, kind of go on
Speaker 2: a rampage and then circle back when things fall apart
Speaker 2: and say, hey, can you help me dissect these text
Speaker 2: messages and let me know where it went wrong. Right right,
Speaker 2: So there's a difference in that. So I can imagine
Speaker 2: receiving this screenshot from a guy friend and being like, babes,
Speaker 2: what are you thinking?
Speaker 1: Like you're not keen.
Speaker 2: I had this one guy friend. Uh, he's pissy, So
Speaker 2: do with that information what you will. TikTok often dislikes
Speaker 2: pissy's men because they're like, oh, they do all the
Speaker 2: right things, they say, are the right things. They're really sweet,
Speaker 2: but they're for the streets. They've got a lot of
Speaker 2: love for everyone, and when you receive that love, you
Speaker 2: think it's just you. You're one of many. He was
Speaker 2: a great example of this. I would hang out with
Speaker 2: him so frequently and hear all these conversations he would
Speaker 2: have about the next favorite girl, yeah, or even so
Speaker 2: it wouldn't even be the next favorite girl. Some girl
Speaker 2: would just show him interest and he'd be like, oh, look,
Speaker 2: I'll see this through like it's a bit of fun.
Speaker 1: I had.
Speaker 2: There's this one core memory of he had just moved
Speaker 2: to a new city and this girl had been like
Speaker 2: a fan of him on Instagram. Because he's like a
Speaker 2: creative but like in a niche way. So she's been
Speaker 2: a fan of him and then she like DMed him
Speaker 2: and was like, oh my god, like let's hang out.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what do you feel?
Speaker 2: And he was like, not really attracted to her, not
Speaker 2: really my type, don't really have anything common.
Speaker 1: But we've set a date. This is my worst I
Speaker 1: hate this.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, why did you set a day? He's like, Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm really flattered, Like that's so kind of nice and
Speaker 2: like it could be fun. And to me, like, I
Speaker 2: can't imagine receiving a text message from someone I'm not
Speaker 2: interested in, not attracted to, and like could not see
Speaker 2: any kind of genuine interest from my end or even
Speaker 2: superficial interest and still see it through.
Speaker 3: It's the whole like practice, practice, practice, yeah, exactly, And
Speaker 3: if you're not looking for anything, everything is fun exactly.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, okay, good, Like you said a date,
Speaker 2: and I'm thinking, like it's gonna be like casual drink,
Speaker 2: you know, at a bar, go leave, maybe I have
Speaker 2: a one night said, I don't know. I said, what's
Speaker 2: the date. He's like, well, I've invited her over. I
Speaker 2: went to the farmer's market. I'm cooking her this pie
Speaker 2: from scratch heavy. I've like just finished his new ceramics class,
Speaker 2: so like, I made these new incense holders, I'm going
Speaker 2: to gift her one because I was already making one.
Speaker 2: And I was like, Okay, this is all very sweet,
Speaker 2: and I know you because you're a sweet, sweet sweet man,
Speaker 2: but is it necessary for someone you are not interested in?
Speaker 2: And we didn't really resolve our different opinions, but the
Speaker 2: point that he ended up making was he's one half
Speaker 2: of this interaction and he wants to have a good experience.
Speaker 2: He likes the way it feels when someone responds to him. Well,
Speaker 2: he likes the way it feels to be in the
Speaker 2: presence of someone who's attracted to him, who thinks he's
Speaker 2: charming and slurty and funny and light. And so he's
Speaker 2: doing what he can on his end to facilitate the
Speaker 2: best case scenario outcome for his portion of that experience.
Speaker 2: And so he's like, it doesn't like, it shouldn't matter
Speaker 2: that I don't want what she wants because we don't
Speaker 2: have established anything. But if this is the first and
Speaker 2: last time that I ever interact with her, I'm not
Speaker 2: trying to waste my night and have a subpar meal
Speaker 2: I don't want to eat because I feel like I
Speaker 2: don't want to give the wrong impression. If I'm going
Speaker 2: to cook a pie, I want to cook a pie.
Speaker 2: And if I mood yeah, and if I feel thoughtful
Speaker 2: enough that I'm already making something and this could be
Speaker 2: a nice gesture because I know that it will help
Speaker 2: her respond to me more positively, then why wouldn't I
Speaker 2: do that? And in a lot of ways you can
Speaker 2: come across as quite manipulative, but that is the basis
Speaker 2: of manipulation, to use the tools that you have, the words,
Speaker 2: the actions, in the context to create a scenario that
Speaker 2: works in line with your agenda. So you can positively manipulate,
Speaker 2: negatively manipulate. It just depends on who you have in
Speaker 2: mind when you're doing that. And he just had himself
Speaker 2: in mind. He was like, I want to have a
Speaker 2: good night and a good time. And so when I
Speaker 2: see your messages like this, I'm like, I could so
Speaker 2: imagine you would send a message like this, not realize
Speaker 2: the traps you've left, the bait you have left to
Speaker 2: give someone the impression that if you wanted, if you could,
Speaker 2: you would.
Speaker 3: What's just keeping a little option there for when the GA.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Everybody on nice, everybody on nice.
Speaker 2: But what I just found most interesting about this interaction is,
Speaker 2: like with all things, any every single thing in the
Speaker 2: entire world, people have these like wildly opposing ideas of
Speaker 2: what is actually happening. And the only way you get
Speaker 2: to the bottom of what is actually happening is if
Speaker 2: you see clarity awful from the person.
Speaker 1: It never gets easier.
Speaker 3: I've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast
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