1 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,800 Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with Dr Justin Coulson. 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,320 Speaker 1: We are lukin Susie and this is the podcast for 3 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,600 Speaker 1: time poor parents who just want answers now. 4 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:16,759 Speaker 2: And today we have a question from Hannah. Yeah, we're 5 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 2: going to address and it's all in this area of parenting. 6 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Colson from Happy families dot com, that are 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:23,080 Speaker 2: you joining us? 8 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 1: We got the question doctor Justin, and we just went 9 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: we're not a. 10 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 2: Quip, no way, We'll let you head throw you. 11 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: Under the bus. So let's have a look at this question. 12 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 2: The question from Hannah is about how to talk to 13 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 2: our kids about the big current issues. And there's there's 14 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 2: loads in this area, whether it's about the plever side, 15 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 2: whether it's about shootings overseas, massive disasters and tragedies that 16 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 2: are striking our world all the time. How do we 17 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 2: as parents or do we as parents address these issues 18 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 2: with our children? 19 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:53,200 Speaker 3: Wow? 20 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,520 Speaker 4: Okay, so we won't talk about any specific issue because 21 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 4: you've just thrown a lot of issues in. Yeah, and 22 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 4: obviously a lot of people have some fairly strong opinions 23 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 4: about these issues too. So the general response that I 24 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:10,559 Speaker 4: give parents is what are your kids asking the question for? 25 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 4: You know, if you're bringing it up, that's fine. You 26 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 4: can bring it up because you want to educate your 27 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,200 Speaker 4: kids about what's gone on overseas or what's happening here 28 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 4: in this country in relation to marriage and relationships and 29 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 4: those kinds of things. 30 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,760 Speaker 2: Presumably, if you're bringing it up, you know how to 31 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 2: address it with you. 32 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 4: That's what I would assume. So with Hannah's question, she's saying, 33 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 4: how do you respond? Yeah, And my response to that is, 34 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 4: if they're bringing it up, they've got one of two motives. 35 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 4: They're either concerned or they're curious. Now, normally younger kids 36 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 4: are concerned, but not necessarily that curious. 37 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 3: For example, let's look. 38 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 4: At, you know, that horrific shooting that happened recently in 39 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 4: the United States. Kids are going to bring that up, 40 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 4: particularly if they're younger, because they're concerned about their own safety, 41 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 4: about the safety their family and loved ones, and what 42 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 4: happens if I'm at school or I'm at a concert 43 00:01:58,080 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 4: and something awful like that happens. 44 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 3: They don't need us to give them all the answers. 45 00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 4: They just need us to understand, to empathize, to show love, 46 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 4: to show compassion, consideration. That's where we give them a hug, 47 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 4: and we say when we hear things like that, it's 48 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 4: really scary, isn't it. But as they get older, they 49 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 4: tend to be less concerned because they recognize that it's 50 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 4: on the news, so it must be unusual. And you know, 51 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 4: the news is all about creating outrage and creating fear 52 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 4: because that keeps people watching it, right, that's all the 53 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 4: news is really for outrage and fear, And so they 54 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 4: might not enunciate that well, but they know that that's 55 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 4: what the news is for, to let us know crazy 56 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 4: stuff that's happened, so we can be worried. But they 57 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:39,360 Speaker 4: might be curious instead. And young kids don't tend to 58 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 4: be as curious. They might say why, and then that's 59 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 4: about it. 60 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 2: We have a wire. 61 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 4: But once they get to about the age of and 62 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,919 Speaker 4: let's face it, most kids under about the age of 63 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,520 Speaker 4: ten don't care about the news anyway. 64 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,880 Speaker 3: Under the age of fourteen for crying out loud and 65 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 3: they don't even care. 66 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:54,519 Speaker 4: So that means that if they are coming to you, 67 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 4: they're probably concerned, not curious. Once they get curious, that's 68 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 4: where we start to engage in conversations with them. And 69 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 4: it's pretty simple you say, well, what have you heard? 70 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 4: And how do you feel about that? And what would 71 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 4: you like to know? And then you answer their questions 72 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 4: to the extent that they're curious. Now, whether that's to 73 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 4: do with the plebiscite, you might say, well, what have 74 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 4: you heard, how do you feel about it? What do 75 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 4: you think you know? And what do you think we 76 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 4: should do about it? You know, and you can have 77 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 4: that conversation, whether it's in relation to a tsunami or 78 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:27,639 Speaker 4: a volcano or a shooting or a whatever. You get 79 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 4: to say, well, what have you heard, what do you know, 80 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 4: what do you think? And what can I tell you. 81 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 1: It's interesting because I came across a conversation with my 82 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: six year old that related to marriage that just spontaneously 83 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: popped up that made me think that he hasn't necessarily 84 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: heard anything, but the way he spoke, I went like, 85 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: it's right in the center and if he was at 86 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: school and in the midst of someone said something like 87 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: I almost felt like I maybe needed to equip him 88 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 1: with some knowledge that maybe people are set about this 89 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: topic like not to even necessarily talk about. Because he 90 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: was talking he knows sort of mummy and daddy, and 91 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: that's really all he knows, and at sicks that's probably 92 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: he can't grasp much more. But I really struggled with 93 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: the should I equip him because if I don't, surely 94 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: in some way somebody else is going to. This is 95 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: too big an issue for it to be completely avoided 96 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: in school yard conversation. But I don't know, like where 97 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,839 Speaker 1: should I take that or should I just ignore it. 98 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,600 Speaker 2: I've had the same thing with our eight year old 99 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,240 Speaker 2: when it comes to America and north career at the moment, 100 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 2: and his thoughts about how much do. 101 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 1: I Yeah, so let's just say they haven't heard anything. 102 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 1: They're not necessarily curious, but it's such a big conversational 103 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 1: topic you have to assume that maybe they can't avoid it. 104 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 3: And they're the topics that are unavoidable. 105 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 4: So when it comes to when it comes to relationships, 106 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 4: marriage and everything related to that, and I've got to 107 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 4: be really clear, I won't be drawn on my opinion 108 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 4: on this. I just think it's too important and people 109 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,479 Speaker 4: need to make up their own minds about It's not 110 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 4: my job to influence people, but when it comes to 111 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 4: this particular topic, they go to hear stuff, they're going 112 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 4: to hear it at school, They're going to hear it 113 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 4: from friends, They're going to see it in the media, 114 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 4: they go to see banners in people's yards and on 115 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 4: people's shop fronts for both arguments, and that may prompt 116 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 4: curiosity even in younger kids. In that case, I think 117 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 4: we tell them the facts to the extent that they're curious. 118 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 4: Remembering again that when it comes to issues of procreation 119 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,200 Speaker 4: and intimacy, we probably don't plan on having any of 120 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,800 Speaker 4: those kinds of conversations until they're at least eight, and 121 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 4: when we start to talk about more complex family relationships 122 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 4: and so on, we would expect that would happen later 123 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,599 Speaker 4: than eight as well, So we want to bear that 124 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 4: in mind. But ultimately, if they're asking the question, we 125 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 4: need to be responsive to that, and at that point 126 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 4: we have the opportunity to engage with them about what 127 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 4: they think about it, and also share our values with them, 128 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 4: because as parents it's our job to share our values 129 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 4: when it comes to something like North Korea. I mean, 130 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:56,479 Speaker 4: if I've got a child who says to me, and 131 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 4: one of my kids did say this the other day, dad, 132 00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 4: do you think that there could really be a war, 133 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 4: and she's quite young, she was. You know, she's one 134 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 4: of my younger kids, and I didn't think i'd ever 135 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 4: hear something like that from her. And I said, what 136 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 4: makes you worry about and she said, it sounds like 137 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 4: the guy that runs North Korea is really scary and 138 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 4: just absolutely horrible. 139 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 3: We should just blow him up. 140 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 4: And I said, wow, you've really taken an interest in 141 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 4: international relations. Maybe we can explore some ideas together. And 142 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 4: so we had a chat about what the media is 143 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 4: telling us and how we really have no idea what's 144 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 4: going on, and then we talked about what we can 145 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 4: do to make. 146 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,520 Speaker 3: Our lives secure and predictable, given. 147 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 4: That that is so far out of our opportunity to 148 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 4: have any influence over. 149 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: It's quite funny because our kids, as young as they are, 150 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 1: never escaped Donald Trump being president. Like they were coming 151 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: to us with political analysis of this man who's running 152 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,039 Speaker 1: America and it was just came from YouTube, and it 153 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,840 Speaker 1: came from all the school. Yeah, and there's lots of 154 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: different areas just because information is so readily available, Like 155 00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 1: in the old when I was growing up, you had 156 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: to read it in a newspaper or watch it on 157 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 1: the six o'clock news. So we never we never get 158 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 1: caught up on all of the stuff. But with all 159 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 1: of the information so accessible, it's a very interesting world 160 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: to navigate as apparently. 161 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 2: But I love the simplicity of that that when our 162 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 2: children come to us, we just need to determine are 163 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 2: they curious or concerned? That's a simple first question to answer. 164 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 3: I think so and they neither. 165 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,480 Speaker 4: Give them some empathy or ask them what they know, 166 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 4: how they feel and what you can help them with. 167 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 2: From Happy families dot com dot are you the man 168 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 2: with some wisdom and answers when it comes to parenting, 169 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Coilson, Thank you for your time. 170 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 3: Thanks guys. 171 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 2: To find resources answering a lot more questions, you can 172 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 2: find those at the website Happy families dot com dot au. 173 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 2: Or if you're interested in having doctor Justin Colson speak 174 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 2: at your community, group, organization, or event, you can find 175 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:56,320 Speaker 2: out more about that at Justinculson dot com.