Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: Oh this is us Guncut.
Speaker 3: I love when you do that.
Speaker 2: You get a mixed up every week.
Speaker 3: There are so many little idiosyncrasies I love about you
Speaker 3: and getting more.
Speaker 2: Can I make the same mistake every single week? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Great, that's good sleep deprivation Brittany or stupidity in two portions,
Speaker 3: like a dose of each.
Speaker 2: How are you.
Speaker 3: Feeling this morning? Six thirty am we got out to record.
Speaker 3: You're feeling good, You're feeling viby.
Speaker 2: Everyone.
Speaker 3: Brittany's back at doing a normal job as she's working
Speaker 3: some crazy hour shift hours, which means that our records
Speaker 3: are now taking place extremely fucking early in the morning.
Speaker 3: You might remember back at the beginning when we started
Speaker 3: the podc we used to record at midnight and super
Speaker 3: early in the mornings.
Speaker 2: They am we were whenever We're wild like that. Guys.
Speaker 3: Look that was when I was also breastfeeding and I
Speaker 3: was on this crazy sleep pattern routine anyway, so sleep
Speaker 3: meant nothing. But now I get a solid, normal eight
Speaker 3: hours sleep a night, and I'm not enjoying this early
Speaker 3: morning bull. I know that we are normally a podcast
Speaker 3: that kind of We're here to bring the lulls, guys,
Speaker 3: and that is I mean, that's what you guys expect
Speaker 3: from us. But I think, considering everything that's happening in
Speaker 3: the world, it doesn't feel right to just jump on
Speaker 3: here and start talking about dick picks and everything else
Speaker 3: that we normally would. We just really want to acknowledge
Speaker 3: that this is a very very hard time for the
Speaker 3: whole world and especially people who have suffered any sort
Speaker 3: of racial injustice or racism. And we absolutely recognize our privilege,
Speaker 3: we recognize the fortunate circumstances that we were born into,
Speaker 3: and throw whatever support we can behind those who are suffering,
Speaker 3: and also to say that we're learning to be better.
Speaker 3: But I guess the thing is, and Will Smith actually
Speaker 3: said a quote he really brought to lie. He's just
Speaker 3: saying that this event isn't a new event. What happened
Speaker 3: to George Floyd has been happening for a very long time.
Speaker 3: It's just that it has never been filmed and it
Speaker 3: hasn't been shown around the world like it has now.
Speaker 3: So what Will Smith said is racism isn't getting worse,
Speaker 3: it's getting filmed. Such a small, powerful statement, and it
Speaker 3: is true it's just that we're in a day and
Speaker 3: age now where everything's calln on camera, and this horrific
Speaker 3: event has been shown around the world and has literally
Speaker 3: stopped the world in its tracks. It has led us
Speaker 3: to this blackout Tuesday, where on Instagram and social media's
Speaker 3: everyone is just putting up their black square in solidarity.
Speaker 3: There's also been a lot of people saying as well
Speaker 3: that it seems perfunctory or it seems like tokenistic to
Speaker 3: just post a black square. And guys, Britta and I,
Speaker 3: we both posted the blackout Tuesday.
Speaker 2: We both posted the black square.
Speaker 1: With the intention of it being a sign, a very
Speaker 1: public sign that we stand in solidarity. However, there has
Speaker 1: been this conversation that sort of came off the back
Speaker 1: of that yesterday, which is one maybe that is tokenism
Speaker 1: to is that black square actually doing anything to enact change?
Speaker 3: And I agree, I don't think it is doing anything
Speaker 3: to enact change. I don't think that that black square
Speaker 3: in and of itself is is going to change any
Speaker 3: policy or procedure that's currently in place. But I do
Speaker 3: think that it comes with good intention and that these
Speaker 3: people trying to show what side of the fight they
Speaker 3: stand on. It starts a conversation, and I hope that
Speaker 3: that means that people are talking to their family members,
Speaker 3: they're talking to their kids, they're talking to their grandparents,
Speaker 3: and they're trying to change the views and actually help
Speaker 3: educate the people who they love and their families, because
Speaker 3: I think that that's where it starts. That's where the
Speaker 3: next generation is going to come out of this and
Speaker 3: be more aware, and more inclusive and more loving.
Speaker 2: I do totally agree.
Speaker 3: I do think that the changes need to start at home,
Speaker 3: because you're not born with racism. It's something that you
Speaker 3: learn and that you're taught, which means it's coming from
Speaker 3: environments and people that you're around. So once we start
Speaker 3: to change our home and the people around us, I
Speaker 3: think that that's going to resonate into the community, I think,
Speaker 3: to the next generation, and passing that on to the
Speaker 3: next generation. I think that's where it comes from. So
Speaker 3: we now as a generation, can finally put.
Speaker 2: A stop to this.
Speaker 1: We wanted to bring you this episode still, but we
Speaker 1: do acknowledge that it feels really weird to be talking
Speaker 1: about anything else right now, so we just wanted to
Speaker 1: say as well, we're going to stick some links in
Speaker 1: the description of this episode for petitions that would really
Speaker 1: love you to go and sign to throw your support
Speaker 1: behind it. But in saying that, now, let's get into
Speaker 1: the episode, Brittany, before.
Speaker 3: We do, thank you so much to everyone that writes
Speaker 3: seem to ask Gunkart. There are literally thousands of you,
Speaker 3: and I can't get enough of your questions. Having said that,
Speaker 3: I also can't get to answering every single one onto
Speaker 3: every one of you. Now, would you've been leaving our
Speaker 3: listeners on scene? No, some of them aren't even on scene. Guys,
Speaker 3: I'm not kidding. There is no way even if I
Speaker 3: didn't have a job, there's that many of you writing in.
Speaker 3: There's no way that I can respond to every single one,
Speaker 3: which is amazing because it means there are so many
Speaker 3: of you that are a part of this community. But
Speaker 3: I do want you to know that even if I
Speaker 3: haven't gotten to your question, I have one one hundred
Speaker 3: percent Reddit There is not one that I.
Speaker 2: Do not read. I want you to know that. Also.
Speaker 1: Also, guys, if you do send in a question to
Speaker 1: ask on cut and you're happy for us to share
Speaker 1: it anonymously, maybe even write that in the description and
Speaker 1: say we can also throw that up on the Facebook group,
Speaker 1: and the Facebook group has thousands of other women who
Speaker 1: have some great advice as well. And yeah, it's really
Speaker 1: amazing to see that community where everyone's chipping in and
Speaker 1: helping each other out. So if you're quite happy for
Speaker 1: us to share your question, then let us know, because
Speaker 1: don't worry you will stay anonymous.
Speaker 2: You will and trust me I can't. I can assure you.
Speaker 3: You all have problems, So don't be embarrassed that you
Speaker 3: think your problem's bad, because I have a thousand other
Speaker 3: problems that I've just read that are.
Speaker 2: Equally is bad.
Speaker 3: So don't think yours is too much, don't think it's
Speaker 3: too gross, don't think it's too off limits, because I
Speaker 3: assure you it's not. It's really supporting and comforting to
Speaker 3: know that you know you're not alone in the.
Speaker 2: Adversities that you're facing.
Speaker 1: And we also are so greatly appreciative that you trust
Speaker 1: us with our advice, and we're here to give you your
Speaker 1: three therapy sessions. So bring the first question at me, Brittany.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're jumping.
Speaker 3: Into a friendship question, A shitty shitty friendship question. Mate,
Speaker 3: M eight mate, how do I tell my best friend
Speaker 3: of six years that they're kind of being a shit friend.
Speaker 3: I love her to bits, but after recently forgetting my
Speaker 3: birthday and not even acknowledging it when I saw her,
Speaker 3: has made me question a lot of.
Speaker 2: Things about our friendship.
Speaker 3: We see each other weekly, but only ever at her
Speaker 3: house because it's convenient for her, and she often forgets
Speaker 3: to pay me back for dinners because she's strapped for cash.
Speaker 3: But then the next minute I see that she's bought
Speaker 3: a new phone or a new birthday.
Speaker 2: Present for a colleague.
Speaker 3: I'm just starting to feel used, and I'm afraid that
Speaker 3: calling her out on it will change our relationship forever.
Speaker 3: Do I say something or do I hold onto the
Speaker 3: relationship and just let these things slide.
Speaker 2: I can't help the.
Speaker 3: Thought that if this was a guy that I was dating,
Speaker 3: he'd be long gone by.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: That's a good last sentence, though, isn't it, matey, Because
Speaker 3: it's true?
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that you do need to hold
Speaker 1: your friends to the same standard. I think there is
Speaker 1: times in life where your friends are busy and like
Speaker 1: you need to afford them the flexibility. Maybe you aren't
Speaker 1: their number one priority, and that's okay, and that friendships
Speaker 1: go through these dynamics and these ebbs and flows. But
Speaker 1: for her to forget your birthday, to not acknowledge it,
Speaker 1: it seems like she's being really selfish in some of
Speaker 1: her behavior, which is obviously making you feel like you're
Speaker 1: not a priority because you're not a priority to her.
Speaker 1: Like her action shows that, I think you just have
Speaker 1: the conversation. I think you need to say, like, there's
Speaker 1: a few things here that have made me really upset recently,
Speaker 1: and I feel like you've forgotten about me.
Speaker 3: It's a tricky one, isn't it, Because we have said
Speaker 3: in past episodes with this sort of thing, we've touched
Speaker 3: on it, and stead you have to as an adult,
Speaker 3: there comes a time where your friendships will change. Now
Speaker 3: we don't say change in terms of negatively in that
Speaker 3: you need to let that slide. We say change in
Speaker 3: terms of people are not going to have as much
Speaker 3: free time for you because they have a partner, more
Speaker 3: hectic works, edual kids different. Yeah, like people have different
Speaker 3: life stresses as you get older, so a you need
Speaker 3: to take that into consideration.
Speaker 2: But the things like you always go.
Speaker 3: Into her house, her never paying you back for anything
Speaker 3: that you pay for, that's different. And I think that
Speaker 3: can be a simple conversation. It doesn't even have to
Speaker 3: be a big one. You can be like, babes, I
Speaker 3: just I don't have the energy to come to you today,
Speaker 3: or I've got a meeting. You could say this, I
Speaker 3: have a meeting or something close by shortly after it
Speaker 3: would it make a lot of sense for you to
Speaker 3: come to me this time like something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or even like call a spade's babe. You can
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I've come out to you the last
Speaker 1: three times. It's your turn, yeah, or it's your turn.
Speaker 1: I kind of think you don't want to be too soft,
Speaker 1: because then that can just be seen as like like
Speaker 1: it's not an inconvenience to you, or that you're not upset.
Speaker 1: I think if you've gotten to the point where your
Speaker 1: wits ends with it and you're actually considering whether or
Speaker 1: not you want to keep this person in your life,
Speaker 1: which is why you've written into us, then I think
Speaker 1: that it's come to a point where you need to
Speaker 1: have some level of conversation, which because I think if
Speaker 1: you go in hard and you like really lay it on,
Speaker 1: it's probably going to make her feel really defensive, and
Speaker 1: that in itself may not get you the outcome that
Speaker 1: you want.
Speaker 3: Also, the money one's a big one as well. I'm
Speaker 3: always the person if i'm out I'll be like, I'll
Speaker 3: get it. I'll get it, like I'm big on that,
Speaker 3: and that's totally fine. But if it's more something where
Speaker 3: she's like, hey, can you get this now? I don't
Speaker 3: have money on me and she's never paying you back,
Speaker 3: you can ask for that. You can say, hey, send
Speaker 3: you a message with your bank details. It's not a
Speaker 3: bad thing, like hey, can you shoot me across that cash?
Speaker 3: I'm a bit short this week too, because you're entitled
Speaker 3: to that. Hey, it's your money. I get the confrontation
Speaker 3: can be hard, especially when money is involved, but it's
Speaker 3: not like you're asking for anything that is not actually
Speaker 3: owed to you. So don't be scared to say, hey,
Speaker 3: i'm a bit strapped this week too, can you swim
Speaker 3: me that cash?
Speaker 2: Anything like that.
Speaker 3: And like Laura said, if you are feeling really really
Speaker 3: down about the whole friendship, you have that chat and
Speaker 3: you decide whether she's going to add anything to your life,
Speaker 3: because it gets to a point where if someone is
Speaker 3: not adding anything to your life, they're not bringing new
Speaker 3: feels they're not bringing you good vibes, good energy, laughs,
Speaker 3: they're not giving you good advice, they're not giving you
Speaker 3: their time.
Speaker 2: If it doesn't spark joy or money, don't have it.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's because we have old friends and we feel
Speaker 3: like that's just a part of our life now, but
Speaker 3: that's not necessarily true. The last thing I want to
Speaker 3: add to this in regards to friendships is that sometimes
Speaker 3: we hold our friends up to a really high esteem
Speaker 3: and we have higher expectations of them because of the
Speaker 3: type of friendship that we want to have with them,
Speaker 3: But their actions are also a reflection of what type
Speaker 3: of friendship they want to have with us. And so
Speaker 3: if she's showing you time and time again that you're
Speaker 3: not a priority for her, then then and as hurtful
Speaker 3: as that is, it's maybe not a personal thing, but
Speaker 3: I think that she may be showing you where you
Speaker 3: lay in her list of priorities and what sort of
Speaker 3: relationship she wants from you, And it's not always even
Speaker 3: so I think that you know it is worth having conversation.
Speaker 3: I don't think it needs to be accusatree. I don't
Speaker 3: think it needs to be angry. I just think it
Speaker 3: can come from a place where you sort of say
Speaker 3: that you miss her and that you know expect more,
Speaker 3: especially the birthday thing, like forgetting your birthday. I think
Speaker 3: that that's something that you can definitely like bring light to,
Speaker 3: but know that you may not get the outcome that
Speaker 3: you want because it is possible that she doesn't have
Speaker 3: the same intensity for your friendship as what you do.
Speaker 3: And that doesn't make her a shit person entirely. Yes,
Speaker 3: it makes her a ship friend to you. It's hurtful,
Speaker 3: but it's fuck it. It's part of life.
Speaker 1: It's the same as like having a guy that's not
Speaker 1: as committed to you or as committed to the relationship.
Speaker 2: It's the exact same thing.
Speaker 3: I think that our romantic relationships and our platonic relationships
Speaker 3: can kind of be navigated in very similar ways. Another
Speaker 3: thing you could do if you really just don't want
Speaker 3: to jump into the confrontation straight away, and I have
Speaker 3: done this before, it's just to pull back a little bit.
Speaker 3: Don't ignore them and don't go off grid, but just
Speaker 3: get on with your life for a bit. Don't send
Speaker 3: the message every day, I don't call them, but just
Speaker 3: get on.
Speaker 2: Just do your work.
Speaker 3: See your friends, do you make your plans, go out
Speaker 3: to your dinners, and maybe in a few weeks she'll
Speaker 3: reach back out and she'll realize that, oh, you're not
Speaker 3: making all the effort. Now I need to do something.
Speaker 3: I need to meet you halfway, or you'll never hear
Speaker 3: from her again. The way, it's a pretty clear message. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think that's a wrap on that one.
Speaker 2: All right. Question number two short, sharp and jazzy.
Speaker 3: Hi ladies, I would like to ask your opinion on
Speaker 3: how much sex is normal for a couple in a
Speaker 3: long term relationship.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm out of this one like none.
Speaker 3: Now that there's actually more much sex you need to
Speaker 3: have to make a child and then you probably don't
Speaker 3: have to have sex again.
Speaker 2: There's my answer. I need to finish the question. We
Speaker 2: both just tapped out.
Speaker 3: I've been with my boyfriend for five years and we
Speaker 3: only get it on about once every three weeks to
Speaker 3: a month. When we do, it's awesome, but we just
Speaker 3: can't seem to keep the momentum going. I know you
Speaker 3: shouldn't compare your relationship to others, but I just want
Speaker 3: to know if this is normal, is once a month normal,
Speaker 3: or if it's not, what the hell do we do
Speaker 3: to make it more regular, righty, then maybe I can
Speaker 3: answer this much.
Speaker 2: Do you like thank you? She won't thank you? Thank you.
Speaker 2: You're welcome, dear listener, you are welcome. This one's on
Speaker 2: you for the long term, is okay.
Speaker 1: So look, I think five years like you've lost your
Speaker 1: honeymoon period, You've lost your little sparkle. The jazzy's kind
Speaker 1: of gone, and sex does become something that you need
Speaker 1: to prioritize.
Speaker 3: In your relationship. And I know I make jokes about
Speaker 3: the fact that sometimes it's lacking in mind, but considering
Speaker 3: we have a one year old kid, we're doing all right,
Speaker 3: Like we're doing pretty last year, We're doing pretty good. Guys,
Speaker 3: I exaggerate the problem, but I think that, you know,
Speaker 3: it becomes something that if you're tired, if you've got
Speaker 3: too much work on easier just to snuggle on the
Speaker 3: couch becomes something that can feel like a bit of
Speaker 3: a chore until you're doing it, and then you're like.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's right, I like this, So I think, yeah,
Speaker 2: like this.
Speaker 1: So I think that there is a part of this,
Speaker 1: And maybe some people are gonna hate me for saying this,
Speaker 1: but I think there's a part of this that comes
Speaker 1: into being a little bit lazy and not prioritizing sex
Speaker 1: is like a really important part of the relationship. I
Speaker 1: think that you sometimes you have to schedule it. Sometimes
Speaker 1: you have to put it into a diary, not literally
Speaker 1: that make make a plan. All right, Thursday night, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna we're gonna cook dinner. I'm gonna turn the TV off,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to seduce my partner and take him
Speaker 1: to bed.
Speaker 2: If you how is that mentally imaged group?
Speaker 3: Because I'm in your house too, I can see I
Speaker 3: can see every brae.
Speaker 2: Literally sitting on my bed right now.
Speaker 3: That's how I'm recording this. So she's like, don't touch anything.
Speaker 2: I'm going to squat for the rest of it. My
Speaker 2: butt is off your bed now.
Speaker 1: No, But I think I think that, you know, it
Speaker 1: becomes very easy to get into our patent behavior and
Speaker 1: our patent routine. And if at the end of the
Speaker 1: day you're having you're cooking dinner, you're sitting on the couch,
Speaker 1: you're watching Netflix, and then you're like, oh, it's too
Speaker 1: late again, I'm too tired, let's just go to bed,
Speaker 1: then that's on you. You didn't really put any effort
Speaker 1: in to try and like have sex to keep that
Speaker 1: romance alived, you know, And I think you do have
Speaker 1: to try things that are a bit different from time
Speaker 1: to time. If you want more sex in your relationship,
Speaker 1: you've got to be the person that brings that change.
Speaker 1: You've got to seduce your partner.
Speaker 2: A little bit. More effort precedes action.
Speaker 3: So I think if you start but putting in a
Speaker 3: bit more effort with it, maybe he's gonna get a
Speaker 3: little bit more action, or you're gonna.
Speaker 2: Get a little bit more action. Hey I am.
Speaker 3: I think guarantee you you're not even gonna have to
Speaker 3: seduce him. You're probably gonna be like, hey, babe, do
Speaker 3: you want it? And he's like, yep, no, no, no, I
Speaker 3: have to work for it. He's gonna be like, yes, girl,
Speaker 3: let's get in the bedroom. Let's do this horizontal dance
Speaker 3: of love.
Speaker 1: But it's funny, isn't it, Because at the beginning of
Speaker 1: a relationship, like you do put in effort for sex,
Speaker 1: you're like, you like kind of you know, you get
Speaker 1: dressed nice, you have a little bit like dirty flirty.
Speaker 2: You take your Bridget Jones on dieself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're quite happy to turn off whatever you're
Speaker 1: watching on Netflix, like you prioritize sex because you want
Speaker 1: it now, It's like, you know you can have it
Speaker 1: whenever you want to, so it's therefore no longer such
Speaker 1: a priority. But I think that the responsibility falls on
Speaker 1: you and also on your partner. But I think if
Speaker 1: you want, if you're the one that wants to see
Speaker 1: the change, then you need to take some responsibility in
Speaker 1: the relationship to make that change happen and reprioritize that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think the word a really great word you might
Speaker 3: be looking for, Laura is complacency.
Speaker 2: Come complacent. Thank you. Yeah, and I agree Laura. No,
Speaker 2: I'm not in a.
Speaker 3: Long term relationship, news flash. But I have been in
Speaker 3: a long term relationship before, and it is definitely the
Speaker 3: point where when Laura said you have to schedule it,
Speaker 3: don't literally put in your diary and be like, oh,
Speaker 3: seven o'clock, got to go have sex. But but ah,
Speaker 3: look at the dam I can see Laura crossing that
Speaker 3: out of a diary right now. Shit, maybe it'll really
Speaker 3: jazz things up and doing on Friday in your mind,
Speaker 3: just be like, I'm going to really bring my eight
Speaker 3: game tonight. I'm going to surprise him, I'm gonna wear
Speaker 3: my sex oundings. I'm gonna walk out with note with
Speaker 3: nothing on except your undies.
Speaker 2: Who whoa, whoa come down.
Speaker 3: But no, it's more just about in your head making
Speaker 3: the effort, because it does get to a point after
Speaker 3: what five years, seven years, ten years, where you don't
Speaker 3: want it every single day. But I think there's this also,
Speaker 3: this aspect that when you're not having it, you forget
Speaker 3: that you actually enjoy it. So it's once you've started again,
Speaker 3: like you said Laura, you're like, oh, that's right, Like
Speaker 3: I actually really like joining this shake.
Speaker 2: Off the co webs and they're like, oh that's right.
Speaker 2: I remember this. So I old a friend.
Speaker 3: I do want to end this by saying, I don't
Speaker 3: think you're having enough sex personally once every month to
Speaker 3: five weeks.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's enough. I don't think your partner
Speaker 2: would think that's enough. Do you know what.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna jump in on Brett because you're saying
Speaker 1: is this enough, and you are sending us this question,
Speaker 1: that's your answer.
Speaker 2: It's not enough. It's clearly not enough for you because you.
Speaker 3: Are worried that it's a problem and you're thinking about
Speaker 3: it Obviously, there are some people where sex once a
Speaker 3: month is totally fine with them and they're very happy
Speaker 3: in their relationship, and neither of them are wanting it
Speaker 3: more because they are less sexual beings. I totally understand
Speaker 3: that that type of personality exists, but I know that
Speaker 3: for myself, like, I'm not that and so if I
Speaker 3: get to a point where I'm not having sex, I'm
Speaker 3: only having sex once a month, it's because I'm being lazy.
Speaker 2: I just was like, oh, well, do it tomorrow. We'll
Speaker 2: do it tomorrow, little tomorrow, and then they go straight week.
Speaker 3: I agree that is a really, really good point. There
Speaker 3: are some couples that that is totally fine because that's
Speaker 3: what you're happy with. It's what you both want is
Speaker 3: but you wrote in and you questioned it, and you're
Speaker 3: obviously thinking about it, So yeah, I think that you
Speaker 3: guys as a couple can work on that, alrighty number
Speaker 3: three and number three bear with me.
Speaker 2: It's a big one.
Speaker 3: This question is that's what she said. No, that's what
Speaker 3: he said. Oh sorry, she was too tired and went
Speaker 3: to bed. This question is regarding how nosy I am
Speaker 3: with my boyfriend. We've been together for a little under
Speaker 3: a year, and it's great. We've just moved in together.
Speaker 3: We communicate well. He's loving and caring, supportive. There's absolutely
Speaker 3: zero reason for me to distrust him in any way.
Speaker 3: I trust him one hundred percent. However, I have always
Speaker 3: been curious about who he messages. The problem is, anytime
Speaker 3: he's messaging people, I have this urge to see who
Speaker 3: it is. I don't really care about it, and I
Speaker 3: don't care what they're saying more who he's talking to.
Speaker 3: He also never talks about what his friends are up to,
Speaker 3: whereas I usually mentioned parts of conversations I've had with
Speaker 3: my friends. So I think there is this part of
Speaker 3: the reason. So I think this is part of the
Speaker 3: reason that I want to know because I don't actually
Speaker 3: ever know what he's doing. He recently called me out
Speaker 3: for looking over his shoulder while responding to a message,
Speaker 3: and he said that I was nosy. I quickly defended
Speaker 3: myself and said that I indeed was not nosy. He
Speaker 3: mentioned that he's picked up on it a few times
Speaker 3: and he thinks I have a really bad habit. I
Speaker 3: convinced him that I am not nosy and I just
Speaker 3: take an interest in his life. But then I walked
Speaker 3: away and thought, I think he's right.
Speaker 2: I am nosy.
Speaker 3: How can I stop this bad habit, especially when he's
Speaker 3: done nothing wrong to make me believe he's distrustful. I
Speaker 3: love that she's come to terms with that she is nosy,
Speaker 3: but she won't tell him. Baby, you just need to
Speaker 3: get better at stalking. Just don't do it while he's looking. No,
Speaker 3: we take his phone, go through it in private. That's
Speaker 3: definitely the way. Do not advocate stalking. That's definitely the
Speaker 3: way to fix your relationship. Makes for a really solid foundation.
Speaker 3: Just going through your partner's phone. Laura's done it a
Speaker 3: few times. Yeah, yeah, no, well look I have him
Speaker 3: pasted relationships like absolutely absolutely don't recommend it.
Speaker 2: It is a terrible, terrible pace to be.
Speaker 1: I think if you get to a point in your
Speaker 1: relationship where you feel like you have to go through
Speaker 1: your partner's phone, then there is such a lack of
Speaker 1: trust there that is reason enough that you should want
Speaker 1: to live. Like I think, if you get to a
Speaker 1: point where you need to go through their phone, like
Speaker 1: that's it.
Speaker 2: That's end of day's stuff. With this.
Speaker 1: I mean, it doesn't sound like he's actually deserving of this.
Speaker 1: Level of inquisition. Girlfriend, practice some fucking self control. But
Speaker 1: I get that there comes there's some sort of insecurity there,
Speaker 1: there's something in you that's making you feel like you
Speaker 1: need to do this. But I think the fact that
Speaker 1: you're aware of it now, the fact that you are
Speaker 1: conscious of this bad behavior that you have, you need
Speaker 1: to consciously kind of rewrite that patent behavior.
Speaker 2: I get a few thoughts here.
Speaker 3: Number one is if there is no trust in a
Speaker 3: relationship at all, you don't have a relationship. There's no
Speaker 3: basis to the relationship. Trust is your foundation, It is
Speaker 3: your cement, it is your concrete. If that's not there,
Speaker 3: then you really need to reassess what you're doing. But
Speaker 3: I think that that is there in this relationship. I
Speaker 3: don't think this is a trust thing. I think from
Speaker 3: what you have said, he's just not communicating enough with you.
Speaker 2: You don't know what he's doing in his life.
Speaker 3: You just said, he doesn't tell you what he does
Speaker 3: in the day, and he doesn't tell you about his
Speaker 3: friend's conversations and what they've said. So I think you
Speaker 3: just need to tell him, ask him, hey, babe, what
Speaker 3: did you do today?
Speaker 2: But what did you talk about?
Speaker 3: What did you guys get up to like just have
Speaker 3: more of a convo and you might feel more content
Speaker 3: with what he's done and who's texting. Or you could
Speaker 3: even just say, hey, babe, who are you texting over there?
Speaker 2: I just ask him yeah.
Speaker 1: And also, I think if he's going to call you
Speaker 1: up for being nosy and like you do, feel okay,
Speaker 1: maybe I am being nosy, but you know that there's
Speaker 1: a reason, Like Britz said, the reason why you're feeling
Speaker 1: that way is because you think that there's a lack
Speaker 1: of conversation and a lack of openness. I think it's
Speaker 1: okay to go back and say to him, be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I've realized I am a bit nosy. But
Speaker 1: I also think it comes from the fact that you
Speaker 1: don't kind of share things with me, and I'm not
Speaker 1: used to that, Like I'm used to people being really
Speaker 1: open with who they're hanging out with and what they're doing.
Speaker 1: And maybe just say to him, like, I would love
Speaker 1: it if you would speak to me about these things
Speaker 1: a little bit more, because it would make me feel
Speaker 1: more reassured. Even though I know you're not doing anything wrong,
Speaker 1: I just you know, I need that reassurance. I need
Speaker 1: to feel like I'm included in your life, and I
Speaker 1: think wording it that way makes it seem like you're
Speaker 1: not being a psycho, which you're not being a psycho.
Speaker 1: It's just we have different levels of insecurity and relationships,
Speaker 1: and like, let's be real. Even if your partner hasn't
Speaker 1: done something wrong and has never cheated and is never
Speaker 1: going to cheat, people at times do have bad behavior
Speaker 1: and it has happened in the past, and maybe it's
Speaker 1: happened to you in the past, and so maybe there
Speaker 1: is a reason deep down that you kind of have
Speaker 1: this little bit of insecurity that you're like, oh, something
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right here.
Speaker 2: I just I want to be more included in his life.
Speaker 3: It is super normal for your reaction to which is
Speaker 3: to be defense. Even say no, I'm not and I'm
Speaker 3: absolutely not nosy, you know, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I trust you. What are you talking about?
Speaker 3: But I can tell you there is so much power
Speaker 3: in an apology and in admitting that you're wrong. There
Speaker 3: is so much power in going to him and saying
Speaker 3: I get it. I went away and thought about it.
Speaker 3: I probably have been a bit nosy and it's not
Speaker 3: cool that I look over your shoulder and then like
Speaker 3: Laura said, going to the conversation, but I guess I
Speaker 3: just feel like I don't really know what you're doing,
Speaker 3: and I'm curious and I hope that we can talk
Speaker 3: more about it. But you know, I understand that I'm
Speaker 3: wrong when I'm doing and I won't do it anymore
Speaker 3: as long as you sort of what.
Speaker 2: You've been up to.
Speaker 3: Boy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I guess, like just on that doesn't Just
Speaker 1: to further elaborate what Britz said, like, one thing that
Speaker 1: we do preach on this podcast is that there is
Speaker 1: power in vulnerability. There's power in accepting that you know,
Speaker 1: maybe you haven't done the right thing, because just like
Speaker 1: Britt said, it does open that conversation up and allow
Speaker 1: you to have or to express how you're feeling a
Speaker 1: little bit more, which will make you inevitably be closer
Speaker 1: to your boyfriend and feel closer to him as well.
Speaker 1: I think just the last thing I want to say
Speaker 1: on this as well is that this is very very
Speaker 1: normal behavior. And I think that there are going to
Speaker 1: be so many people who listen to this who go,
Speaker 1: oh God, I do the same thing, because let's be real, like,
Speaker 1: there have been so many times where me and past relationships,
Speaker 1: even sometimes with Matt, where I've just been like, oh,
Speaker 1: who you texted? And not because I don't trust them,
Speaker 1: not because they've ever done anything wrong.
Speaker 2: You knows. Yeah, I'm nosy.
Speaker 3: There's no curiosity there, and I don't know where it
Speaker 3: comes from. It doesn't come from me feeling like he's
Speaker 3: going to do the wrong thing. But I guess Matt is.
Speaker 1: Someone who's super open, and he does tell me about
Speaker 1: his friends. He does tell me about what he's doing.
Speaker 1: So when he's just like all day texting someone, I'm like, mate,
Speaker 1: what's going on over here?
Speaker 3: Those thum has been MEREVN pretty far? Yeah, what friends
Speaker 3: do you have that you're texting right now? Because I'm here, pow,
Speaker 3: let me go. So I get it, Like, I understand
Speaker 3: that this is something that I think a lot of
Speaker 3: people deal with in relationships. I don't think you're alone,
Speaker 3: but I do think by being vulnerable, by being open,
Speaker 3: it just allows for a free flowing conversation which may
Speaker 3: end in your favor. His hands down going to appreciate it,
Speaker 3: and it's going to put him in a position where
Speaker 3: he thinks, oh, maybe she feels bad because maybe I'm
Speaker 3: not sary enough, like it's just going to put you
Speaker 3: both in a really, really great place. And that's that's
Speaker 3: all I have to say. Really, thank you, thank you
Speaker 3: for that. Thank you your wise, wise winteressd in Brittany.
Speaker 3: This is why we pay you the bean bucks. Hey,
Speaker 3: did you see that last night, Laura? The ads for
Speaker 3: Bachelor and Paradise started again.
Speaker 2: No, I didn't.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be on soon, guys, we're gonna know if
Speaker 3: Brittany has a boyfriend.
Speaker 2: Guys has a boyfriend.
Speaker 3: I want you to know that, I literally know as
Speaker 3: much as you do about it. But the ads started
Speaker 3: again last night, which makes me feel my spidy senses
Speaker 3: tell me it's coming.
Speaker 1: I like that You're like, I know as much as
Speaker 1: you do about it, and I thought that you were
Speaker 1: referring to the fact as to whether you have a boyfriend. Like, guys,
Speaker 1: I have no fucking clue how this ends either.
Speaker 2: You know how this show is. I don't know what happens.
Speaker 2: Who knows what's happening? Nah, But that's exciting.
Speaker 3: It is exciting that it's finally happened and I can
Speaker 3: live my life again. This has been the most drawn
Speaker 3: out ever possibility, like the most drawn out process for
Speaker 3: a show that there ever has been.
Speaker 2: Like, how long ago did you feel miss?
Speaker 3: I'm not to say that, Oh, it's been a long time.
Speaker 3: I think I think it was nineteen eighty seven.
Speaker 2: Back in my day. You know what I did this week?
Speaker 3: Just to tell me, just to eclipse the really exciting
Speaker 3: story that you have about how Bachelor in Paradise is
Speaker 3: going to start soon.
Speaker 2: I am showered.
Speaker 3: No, I haven't showed today, but I took Buster to
Speaker 3: get his anal glands expressed.
Speaker 2: That was fun.
Speaker 3: He didn't tell me about that. That was the highlight I
Speaker 3: go for old busty Bush. Oh mate, he wasn't too impressed.
Speaker 3: Neither was I when he got his juices all over
Speaker 3: the back of my car on the way home.
Speaker 2: So what I feel like?
Speaker 3: I have never heard of expressing anal glands and a
Speaker 3: dog before, and then in the last probably four months,
Speaker 3: it's everywhere.
Speaker 2: Is it a fad?
Speaker 3: Because all my friends are expressing their dog's anal glands
Speaker 3: and I don't know what's happening. No, I don't think
Speaker 3: that it's trendy. I don't think that that's what it is.
Speaker 3: And I don't know how Okay, I'm gonna firstly, apologize.
Speaker 3: I'm really sorry that we've just taken this to that place.
Speaker 2: That's what we do, but here we are.
Speaker 3: No, It's like, maybe i'll remove this part of the podcast.
Speaker 3: I really don't think we need to talk about this.
Speaker 3: But basically, their glans get their glans pot full of
Speaker 3: like this, really she's smelling oil, and then you have
Speaker 3: to take them to the vet and the vets release
Speaker 3: the oil and it's like releasing the hell gates. I
Speaker 3: used to want to be a vet. Thank God, it's
Speaker 3: not horrible. It is the worst thing. It's just horrible.
Speaker 3: I don't even have words to describe the level of awful.
Speaker 3: He's back now, back to business man.
Speaker 2: We're back in town. I have another interesting update. I
Speaker 2: have an update.
Speaker 3: You know, a few weeks ago, if if you've been
Speaker 3: listening a long time listener, a few weeks ago, we
Speaker 3: spoke about this girl and boy that went on their
Speaker 3: first date and she had an allergic reaction, anaphlectic fit
Speaker 3: to the peanut butter sandwich.
Speaker 2: He took her to the hospital. He put on TikTok.
Speaker 2: It was trending, it was huge, it was on the news.
Speaker 3: He was in the hospital with her until five am
Speaker 3: all because they just shared their first kiss with the
Speaker 3: peanut butter sandwich.
Speaker 2: Would you believe Laura, we just read that in the news.
Speaker 3: She wrote in She's like, oh my god, I'm peanut
Speaker 3: butter Girl and I'm a listener.
Speaker 2: I love your fondut ah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So she emailed us and she's like, I'm actually a
Speaker 3: listener and I was just listened to your sorre. I
Speaker 3: couldn't believe you were talking about peanut butter girl. That's
Speaker 3: me anyway, And I was like, Okay, babe, glad you're alive.
Speaker 2: But what I really need to know is did you
Speaker 2: go on the second date? What happened? Are you in love? There? Dating?
Speaker 3: Because the idea was he was like putting on TikTok.
Speaker 3: If this trends and gets two hundred thousand likes, I'm
Speaker 3: taking this girl on a real date. It went way
Speaker 3: over two hundred thousand likes. It was trending, and this
Speaker 3: guy did not take her on a second date.
Speaker 2: What the mind blown? What a jekay? What?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 2: Did she want to go on a second date and
Speaker 2: he just ghosted her?
Speaker 3: Apparently he got TikTok fame out of giving the check
Speaker 3: an anaplactic reaction and died. He took her to hospital,
Speaker 3: put it on TikTok, got the numbers, and then didn't.
Speaker 2: Make didn't follow through mate.
Speaker 3: And that is the reason why we have this podcast, guys,
Speaker 3: this day woke ladies.
Speaker 2: There are some real assholes out there.
Speaker 3: This is why we have trust issues, because that's why
Speaker 3: the other girl's going through a boyfriend's phone.
Speaker 2: I tell you, I'm looking at all lads up.
Speaker 3: I can't even Oh my god, that makes me so mad,
Speaker 3: I know. And they're gonna tell me that they were
Speaker 3: like going on dates and they were super in love
Speaker 3: and just the cutest couple ever.
Speaker 2: Now, Britt, do you know what this should like?
Speaker 3: This should like make you feel better every time that
Speaker 3: you're like, what the fuck is wrong with men? This
Speaker 3: should make you be like, ah, happens to everyone. Safety
Speaker 3: in numbers. Why do you think I started the podcast?
Speaker 2: It was all to make me feel better. Guys.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much to every single person who's written
Speaker 3: in a question for Ask Uncut. We know this episode
Speaker 3: wasn't like the normal lulls that we're able to bring you,
Speaker 3: and we hope that you got something from this quick,
Speaker 3: down and dirty little episode. And we'll be back next
Speaker 3: week for a Tuesday for a nice chunky discussion, chunky
Speaker 3: sexy discussion that's being discussion.
Speaker 2: Okay, you need to have sex. It's scheduled for Friday.
Speaker 2: Don't worry, guys.
Speaker 3: Guys, he subscribed five stars and leave a review for us,
Speaker 3: please if you're feeling generous, because we love it and
Speaker 3: that's what helps us grow every single week, and that
Speaker 3: is how we stay in your ears, shed aloud, because
Speaker 3: we love, love