WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - HELP! My bestie is being a shitty friend 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:23.920 Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:25.880 Oh this is us Guncut. 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:28.480 I love when you do that. 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:30.000 You get a mixed up every week. 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:32.479 There are so many little idiosyncrasies I love about you 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:33.440 and getting more. 0:00:33.600 --> 0:00:36.160 Can I make the same mistake every single week? Yeah? 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:41.400 Great, that's good sleep deprivation Brittany or stupidity in two portions, 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:42.240 like a dose of each. 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:43.239 How are you. 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:45.600 Feeling this morning? Six thirty am we got out to record. 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:47.280 You're feeling good, You're feeling viby. 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:48.159 Everyone. 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:51.040 Brittany's back at doing a normal job as she's working 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:54.040 some crazy hour shift hours, which means that our records 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:57.360 are now taking place extremely fucking early in the morning. 0:00:57.680 --> 0:00:59.640 You might remember back at the beginning when we started 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.160 the podc we used to record at midnight and super 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:03.080 early in the mornings. 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:06.120 They am we were whenever We're wild like that. Guys. 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:07.960 Look that was when I was also breastfeeding and I 0:01:08.000 --> 0:01:10.720 was on this crazy sleep pattern routine anyway, so sleep 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:14.000 meant nothing. But now I get a solid, normal eight 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:17.680 hours sleep a night, and I'm not enjoying this early 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:21.319 morning bull. I know that we are normally a podcast 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:23.240 that kind of We're here to bring the lulls, guys, 0:01:23.360 --> 0:01:25.560 and that is I mean, that's what you guys expect 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:28.320 from us. But I think, considering everything that's happening in 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:30.319 the world, it doesn't feel right to just jump on 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:33.360 here and start talking about dick picks and everything else 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:35.839 that we normally would. We just really want to acknowledge 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:38.520 that this is a very very hard time for the 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:41.920 whole world and especially people who have suffered any sort 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:46.080 of racial injustice or racism. And we absolutely recognize our privilege, 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:49.640 we recognize the fortunate circumstances that we were born into, 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:53.640 and throw whatever support we can behind those who are suffering, 0:01:53.920 --> 0:01:57.040 and also to say that we're learning to be better. 0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:58.920 But I guess the thing is, and Will Smith actually 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:00.720 said a quote he really brought to lie. He's just 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:04.480 saying that this event isn't a new event. What happened 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:07.280 to George Floyd has been happening for a very long time. 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:09.120 It's just that it has never been filmed and it 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:11.960 hasn't been shown around the world like it has now. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:15.840 So what Will Smith said is racism isn't getting worse, 0:02:16.160 --> 0:02:19.800 it's getting filmed. Such a small, powerful statement, and it 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:21.120 is true it's just that we're in a day and 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:24.280 age now where everything's calln on camera, and this horrific 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:26.280 event has been shown around the world and has literally 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.600 stopped the world in its tracks. It has led us 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:32.840 to this blackout Tuesday, where on Instagram and social media's 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.639 everyone is just putting up their black square in solidarity. 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:37.760 There's also been a lot of people saying as well 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:41.280 that it seems perfunctory or it seems like tokenistic to 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:43.840 just post a black square. And guys, Britta and I, 0:02:43.880 --> 0:02:45.840 we both posted the blackout Tuesday. 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:47.840 We both posted the black square. 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.240 With the intention of it being a sign, a very 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:53.200 public sign that we stand in solidarity. However, there has 0:02:53.240 --> 0:02:56.000 been this conversation that sort of came off the back 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:59.720 of that yesterday, which is one maybe that is tokenism 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:03.720 to is that black square actually doing anything to enact change? 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:06.600 And I agree, I don't think it is doing anything 0:03:06.639 --> 0:03:08.840 to enact change. I don't think that that black square 0:03:08.919 --> 0:03:12.040 in and of itself is is going to change any 0:03:12.040 --> 0:03:14.839 policy or procedure that's currently in place. But I do 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:17.079 think that it comes with good intention and that these 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.840 people trying to show what side of the fight they 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:22.799 stand on. It starts a conversation, and I hope that 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:25.359 that means that people are talking to their family members, 0:03:25.400 --> 0:03:28.480 they're talking to their kids, they're talking to their grandparents, 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.200 and they're trying to change the views and actually help 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.400 educate the people who they love and their families, because 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:37.120 I think that that's where it starts. That's where the 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:39.160 next generation is going to come out of this and 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:42.480 be more aware, and more inclusive and more loving. 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:43.760 I do totally agree. 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:46.200 I do think that the changes need to start at home, 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:49.680 because you're not born with racism. It's something that you 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:51.920 learn and that you're taught, which means it's coming from 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:54.680 environments and people that you're around. So once we start 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:57.160 to change our home and the people around us, I 0:03:57.200 --> 0:04:00.440 think that that's going to resonate into the community, I think, 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:02.320 to the next generation, and passing that on to the 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:04.440 next generation. I think that's where it comes from. So 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:08.200 we now as a generation, can finally put. 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:08.640 A stop to this. 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:11.200 We wanted to bring you this episode still, but we 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:13.839 do acknowledge that it feels really weird to be talking 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:16.560 about anything else right now, so we just wanted to 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:18.160 say as well, we're going to stick some links in 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.360 the description of this episode for petitions that would really 0:04:21.400 --> 0:04:23.240 love you to go and sign to throw your support 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:26.360 behind it. But in saying that, now, let's get into 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:28.599 the episode, Brittany, before. 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:30.760 We do, thank you so much to everyone that writes 0:04:30.760 --> 0:04:33.800 seem to ask Gunkart. There are literally thousands of you, 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.880 and I can't get enough of your questions. Having said that, 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:40.080 I also can't get to answering every single one onto 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:41.840 every one of you. Now, would you've been leaving our 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:45.640 listeners on scene? No, some of them aren't even on scene. Guys, 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.760 I'm not kidding. There is no way even if I 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:49.680 didn't have a job, there's that many of you writing in. 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:51.479 There's no way that I can respond to every single one, 0:04:51.480 --> 0:04:53.760 which is amazing because it means there are so many 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:56.039 of you that are a part of this community. But 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.000 I do want you to know that even if I 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:00.400 haven't gotten to your question, I have one one hundred 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:02.520 percent Reddit There is not one that I. 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:05.320 Do not read. I want you to know that. Also. 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:07.960 Also, guys, if you do send in a question to 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:09.839 ask on cut and you're happy for us to share 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:13.159 it anonymously, maybe even write that in the description and 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:15.280 say we can also throw that up on the Facebook group, 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:18.240 and the Facebook group has thousands of other women who 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:21.240 have some great advice as well. And yeah, it's really 0:05:21.279 --> 0:05:23.880 amazing to see that community where everyone's chipping in and 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:25.800 helping each other out. So if you're quite happy for 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:28.719 us to share your question, then let us know, because 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:30.320 don't worry you will stay anonymous. 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:33.400 You will and trust me I can't. I can assure you. 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:36.279 You all have problems, So don't be embarrassed that you 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:38.880 think your problem's bad, because I have a thousand other 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:40.440 problems that I've just read that are. 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:41.120 Equally is bad. 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:43.400 So don't think yours is too much, don't think it's 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:47.000 too gross, don't think it's too off limits, because I 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.200 assure you it's not. It's really supporting and comforting to 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:52.400 know that you know you're not alone in the. 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:53.719 Adversities that you're facing. 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:57.120 And we also are so greatly appreciative that you trust 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:00.520 us with our advice, and we're here to give you your 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:04.279 three therapy sessions. So bring the first question at me, Brittany. 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:05.600 Okay, we're jumping. 0:06:05.279 --> 0:06:09.880 Into a friendship question, A shitty shitty friendship question. Mate, 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:14.479 M eight mate, how do I tell my best friend 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:17.200 of six years that they're kind of being a shit friend. 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:19.839 I love her to bits, but after recently forgetting my 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:22.400 birthday and not even acknowledging it when I saw her, 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:24.120 has made me question a lot of. 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:25.080 Things about our friendship. 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:27.840 We see each other weekly, but only ever at her 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.320 house because it's convenient for her, and she often forgets 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.520 to pay me back for dinners because she's strapped for cash. 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:35.520 But then the next minute I see that she's bought 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:37.600 a new phone or a new birthday. 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:38.080 Present for a colleague. 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:40.440 I'm just starting to feel used, and I'm afraid that 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:43.160 calling her out on it will change our relationship forever. 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.000 Do I say something or do I hold onto the 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:48.120 relationship and just let these things slide. 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:49.640 I can't help the. 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:52.680 Thought that if this was a guy that I was dating, 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:54.240 he'd be long gone by. 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:54.520 Now. 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:59.040 That's a good last sentence, though, isn't it, matey, Because 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:00.320 it's true? 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:02.120 Yeah, And I think that you do need to hold 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.520 your friends to the same standard. I think there is 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:06.960 times in life where your friends are busy and like 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:09.920 you need to afford them the flexibility. Maybe you aren't 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:13.320 their number one priority, and that's okay, and that friendships 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:16.160 go through these dynamics and these ebbs and flows. But 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:19.800 for her to forget your birthday, to not acknowledge it, 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:21.560 it seems like she's being really selfish in some of 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:24.120 her behavior, which is obviously making you feel like you're 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:26.880 not a priority because you're not a priority to her. 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:29.840 Like her action shows that, I think you just have 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:32.240 the conversation. I think you need to say, like, there's 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:34.680 a few things here that have made me really upset recently, 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:37.160 and I feel like you've forgotten about me. 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:40.040 It's a tricky one, isn't it, Because we have said 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:42.800 in past episodes with this sort of thing, we've touched 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.600 on it, and stead you have to as an adult, 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:48.680 there comes a time where your friendships will change. Now 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:52.200 we don't say change in terms of negatively in that 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:54.360 you need to let that slide. We say change in 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:56.080 terms of people are not going to have as much 0:07:56.080 --> 0:07:58.960 free time for you because they have a partner, more 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:03.760 hectic works, edual kids different. Yeah, like people have different 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.040 life stresses as you get older, so a you need 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:07.320 to take that into consideration. 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:09.800 But the things like you always go. 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.720 Into her house, her never paying you back for anything 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:15.680 that you pay for, that's different. And I think that 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.920 can be a simple conversation. It doesn't even have to 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:20.040 be a big one. You can be like, babes, I 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:21.800 just I don't have the energy to come to you today, 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.040 or I've got a meeting. You could say this, I 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:27.560 have a meeting or something close by shortly after it 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:28.880 would it make a lot of sense for you to 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.080 come to me this time like something like that. 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:33.080 Yeah, or even like call a spade's babe. You can 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:34.840 be like, hey, I've come out to you the last 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:39.040 three times. It's your turn, yeah, or it's your turn. 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:42.000 I kind of think you don't want to be too soft, 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:44.920 because then that can just be seen as like like 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.400 it's not an inconvenience to you, or that you're not upset. 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.079 I think if you've gotten to the point where your 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.880 wits ends with it and you're actually considering whether or 0:08:51.920 --> 0:08:53.640 not you want to keep this person in your life, 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:56.760 which is why you've written into us, then I think 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:58.480 that it's come to a point where you need to 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:01.280 have some level of conversation, which because I think if 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:04.320 you go in hard and you like really lay it on, 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:07.400 it's probably going to make her feel really defensive, and 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.000 that in itself may not get you the outcome that 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:10.440 you want. 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.280 Also, the money one's a big one as well. I'm 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.040 always the person if i'm out I'll be like, I'll 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:16.920 get it. I'll get it, like I'm big on that, 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:20.440 and that's totally fine. But if it's more something where 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:22.080 she's like, hey, can you get this now? I don't 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.199 have money on me and she's never paying you back, 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:26.319 you can ask for that. You can say, hey, send 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.440 you a message with your bank details. It's not a 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:30.960 bad thing, like hey, can you shoot me across that cash? 0:09:31.000 --> 0:09:34.000 I'm a bit short this week too, because you're entitled 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:36.119 to that. Hey, it's your money. I get the confrontation 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:38.880 can be hard, especially when money is involved, but it's 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.240 not like you're asking for anything that is not actually 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.000 owed to you. So don't be scared to say, hey, 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:45.559 i'm a bit strapped this week too, can you swim 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:47.000 me that cash? 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:47.800 Anything like that. 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:51.160 And like Laura said, if you are feeling really really 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:53.719 down about the whole friendship, you have that chat and 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:56.160 you decide whether she's going to add anything to your life, 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:57.839 because it gets to a point where if someone is 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:00.200 not adding anything to your life, they're not bringing new 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:04.280 feels they're not bringing you good vibes, good energy, laughs, 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.480 they're not giving you good advice, they're not giving you 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:07.199 their time. 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.760 If it doesn't spark joy or money, don't have it. 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:12.880 Sometimes it's because we have old friends and we feel 0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:14.800 like that's just a part of our life now, but 0:10:14.960 --> 0:10:17.280 that's not necessarily true. The last thing I want to 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.960 add to this in regards to friendships is that sometimes 0:10:19.960 --> 0:10:22.199 we hold our friends up to a really high esteem 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:24.680 and we have higher expectations of them because of the 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:26.840 type of friendship that we want to have with them, 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:30.000 But their actions are also a reflection of what type 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:32.080 of friendship they want to have with us. And so 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:34.360 if she's showing you time and time again that you're 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:37.840 not a priority for her, then then and as hurtful 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.720 as that is, it's maybe not a personal thing, but 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:42.640 I think that she may be showing you where you 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:44.960 lay in her list of priorities and what sort of 0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:47.959 relationship she wants from you, And it's not always even 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:51.480 so I think that you know it is worth having conversation. 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:54.280 I don't think it needs to be accusatree. I don't 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:56.360 think it needs to be angry. I just think it 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.520 can come from a place where you sort of say 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:00.760 that you miss her and that you know expect more, 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:03.520 especially the birthday thing, like forgetting your birthday. I think 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:06.960 that that's something that you can definitely like bring light to, 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:09.280 but know that you may not get the outcome that 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:12.720 you want because it is possible that she doesn't have 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:15.320 the same intensity for your friendship as what you do. 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:18.320 And that doesn't make her a shit person entirely. Yes, 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:21.040 it makes her a ship friend to you. It's hurtful, 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:22.800 but it's fuck it. It's part of life. 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:25.240 It's the same as like having a guy that's not 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.079 as committed to you or as committed to the relationship. 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:29.160 It's the exact same thing. 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:32.239 I think that our romantic relationships and our platonic relationships 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:35.040 can kind of be navigated in very similar ways. Another 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:36.960 thing you could do if you really just don't want 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:39.240 to jump into the confrontation straight away, and I have 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:42.000 done this before, it's just to pull back a little bit. 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.640 Don't ignore them and don't go off grid, but just 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:46.120 get on with your life for a bit. Don't send 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:47.559 the message every day, I don't call them, but just 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:47.840 get on. 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:48.600 Just do your work. 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:50.760 See your friends, do you make your plans, go out 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.080 to your dinners, and maybe in a few weeks she'll 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:56.000 reach back out and she'll realize that, oh, you're not 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:57.720 making all the effort. Now I need to do something. 0:11:57.760 --> 0:11:59.200 I need to meet you halfway, or you'll never hear 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:02.200 from her again. The way, it's a pretty clear message. Yeah, 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:04.040 I think that's a wrap on that one. 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.880 All right. Question number two short, sharp and jazzy. 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:12.400 Hi ladies, I would like to ask your opinion on 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.920 how much sex is normal for a couple in a 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:15.920 long term relationship. 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.240 Well, I'm out of this one like none. 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:21.400 Now that there's actually more much sex you need to 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:23.520 have to make a child and then you probably don't 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:24.400 have to have sex again. 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:26.960 There's my answer. I need to finish the question. We 0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:28.160 both just tapped out. 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.560 I've been with my boyfriend for five years and we 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.360 only get it on about once every three weeks to 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.440 a month. When we do, it's awesome, but we just 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:39.960 can't seem to keep the momentum going. I know you 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.560 shouldn't compare your relationship to others, but I just want 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:45.520 to know if this is normal, is once a month normal, 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:48.600 or if it's not, what the hell do we do 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:52.480 to make it more regular, righty, then maybe I can 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:53.079 answer this much. 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.479 Do you like thank you? She won't thank you? Thank you. 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:59.160 You're welcome, dear listener, you are welcome. This one's on 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:01.040 you for the long term, is okay. 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:03.760 So look, I think five years like you've lost your 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:07.480 honeymoon period, You've lost your little sparkle. The jazzy's kind 0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:10.720 of gone, and sex does become something that you need 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:12.000 to prioritize. 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:13.680 In your relationship. And I know I make jokes about 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.160 the fact that sometimes it's lacking in mind, but considering 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:19.640 we have a one year old kid, we're doing all right, 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:23.160 Like we're doing pretty last year, We're doing pretty good. Guys, 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:26.600 I exaggerate the problem, but I think that, you know, 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:29.320 it becomes something that if you're tired, if you've got 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:31.840 too much work on easier just to snuggle on the 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:35.080 couch becomes something that can feel like a bit of 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:37.280 a chore until you're doing it, and then you're like. 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:42.040 Oh, that's right, I like this, So I think, yeah, 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:43.199 like this. 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:46.880 So I think that there is a part of this, 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:48.680 And maybe some people are gonna hate me for saying this, 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.240 but I think there's a part of this that comes 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.600 into being a little bit lazy and not prioritizing sex 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.160 is like a really important part of the relationship. I 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:58.920 think that you sometimes you have to schedule it. Sometimes 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:01.360 you have to put it into a diary, not literally 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:05.240 that make make a plan. All right, Thursday night, I'm 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:07.760 gonna we're gonna cook dinner. I'm gonna turn the TV off, 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:09.679 and I'm going to seduce my partner and take him 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:10.000 to bed. 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:14.800 If you how is that mentally imaged group? 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.400 Because I'm in your house too, I can see I 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:19.200 can see every brae. 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:20.800 Literally sitting on my bed right now. 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:24.280 That's how I'm recording this. So she's like, don't touch anything. 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:26.320 I'm going to squat for the rest of it. My 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:27.520 butt is off your bed now. 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:30.600 No, But I think I think that, you know, it 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.120 becomes very easy to get into our patent behavior and 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:34.800 our patent routine. And if at the end of the 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:37.240 day you're having you're cooking dinner, you're sitting on the couch, 0:14:37.280 --> 0:14:39.400 you're watching Netflix, and then you're like, oh, it's too 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:41.520 late again, I'm too tired, let's just go to bed, 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:43.960 then that's on you. You didn't really put any effort 0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.520 in to try and like have sex to keep that 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.280 romance alived, you know, And I think you do have 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:50.920 to try things that are a bit different from time 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:52.800 to time. If you want more sex in your relationship, 0:14:52.920 --> 0:14:55.200 you've got to be the person that brings that change. 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:56.440 You've got to seduce your partner. 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:58.560 A little bit. More effort precedes action. 0:14:58.800 --> 0:15:00.920 So I think if you start but putting in a 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:03.400 bit more effort with it, maybe he's gonna get a 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.200 little bit more action, or you're gonna. 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:06.720 Get a little bit more action. Hey I am. 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.560 I think guarantee you you're not even gonna have to 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:10.320 seduce him. You're probably gonna be like, hey, babe, do 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:12.840 you want it? And he's like, yep, no, no, no, I 0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:15.520 have to work for it. He's gonna be like, yes, girl, 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:18.720 let's get in the bedroom. Let's do this horizontal dance 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:19.120 of love. 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:20.960 But it's funny, isn't it, Because at the beginning of 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.360 a relationship, like you do put in effort for sex, 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:25.680 you're like, you like kind of you know, you get 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:29.360 dressed nice, you have a little bit like dirty flirty. 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:30.800 You take your Bridget Jones on dieself. 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:32.840 Yeah, and you're quite happy to turn off whatever you're 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:35.920 watching on Netflix, like you prioritize sex because you want 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:37.840 it now, It's like, you know you can have it 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.760 whenever you want to, so it's therefore no longer such 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:44.320 a priority. But I think that the responsibility falls on 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:46.440 you and also on your partner. But I think if 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:47.960 you want, if you're the one that wants to see 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:50.160 the change, then you need to take some responsibility in 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:54.200 the relationship to make that change happen and reprioritize that. 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:54.960 Yeah. 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.160 I think the word a really great word you might 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:59.280 be looking for, Laura is complacency. 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:04.160 Come complacent. Thank you. Yeah, and I agree Laura. No, 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:04.960 I'm not in a. 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:08.080 Long term relationship, news flash. But I have been in 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.840 a long term relationship before, and it is definitely the 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:13.000 point where when Laura said you have to schedule it, 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:14.600 don't literally put in your diary and be like, oh, 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:18.120 seven o'clock, got to go have sex. But but ah, 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:20.600 look at the dam I can see Laura crossing that 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.240 out of a diary right now. Shit, maybe it'll really 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:26.760 jazz things up and doing on Friday in your mind, 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:29.000 just be like, I'm going to really bring my eight 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:31.040 game tonight. I'm going to surprise him, I'm gonna wear 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:32.960 my sex oundings. I'm gonna walk out with note with 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:34.720 nothing on except your undies. 0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:36.160 Who whoa, whoa come down. 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:38.960 But no, it's more just about in your head making 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:40.960 the effort, because it does get to a point after 0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:44.040 what five years, seven years, ten years, where you don't 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.800 want it every single day. But I think there's this also, 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:49.240 this aspect that when you're not having it, you forget 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:52.040 that you actually enjoy it. So it's once you've started again, 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:55.040 like you said Laura, you're like, oh, that's right, Like 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:57.440 I actually really like joining this shake. 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.000