Speaker 1: On Flex and Firms Flex and Firmes. This is the
Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms catch up podcast. Hello Loveline. It will
Speaker 1: come a time in your life when you need to
Speaker 1: learn how to reject somebody politely. How do you reject
Speaker 1: someone that you appreciate, that you care for, that you respect,
Speaker 1: that you're just not interested in. Be it in a job,
Speaker 1: in a relationship, in a friendship. We all need to
Speaker 1: do it. It's an important skill to learn. We had
Speaker 1: a listener, DMUs Nicky, please play the tape.
Speaker 2: Hey, lovely ladies. I've been going on some first dates
Speaker 2: and I'm in need of a polite, but upfront way
Speaker 2: to decline a second date. I know that the easy
Speaker 2: way out is to say I'm really busy at the
Speaker 2: moment or something like that, but I feel like this
Speaker 2: can have the effect of blurring the lines. I know
Speaker 2: that I appreciate and often need someone to be honest
Speaker 2: with me in order to not get the wrong idea.
Speaker 2: So I'd like a way to do that myself.
Speaker 1: Right, folks, I'll kick it off with my personal thoughts.
Speaker 1: I think you need to be very clear because the
Speaker 1: busy thing. I don't mind that, because I think you
Speaker 1: have to like judge, is this person like easily offended,
Speaker 1: they already have a low self esteem. You can usually
Speaker 1: probably gather out on the first date. If they do,
Speaker 1: I'd say spare their feelings. But if there's someone who
Speaker 1: you think as well, goes on a lot of dates
Speaker 1: and can maybe copy it, I would say, hey, no,
Speaker 1: what guys, I don't know, like because we always say
Speaker 1: FLEXI is it better to be honest and hurt someone's
Speaker 1: feelings or just spare them? Like? Do people actually care
Speaker 1: for honesty? What is a good way? Mikita be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just not interested.
Speaker 3: I think it's good to be upfront, but I can't
Speaker 3: say I've ever done it. Yeah, so I think that's
Speaker 3: my Like, I think it would be nice to be like, hey,
Speaker 3: I really appreciate your time the other night, But I
Speaker 3: think this isn't really I'm not really interested.
Speaker 1: No, no, maybe okay, if I do someone right now,
Speaker 1: I'd be like it was really Oh it all sounds
Speaker 1: so pr HR vibes.
Speaker 4: Say, because it is PRHR, you're trying to find a
Speaker 4: way to like contextualize something that's just a vibe, Like
Speaker 4: you didn't vibe it, that's what it really is. But
Speaker 4: it doesn't sound fair because for the most part, we
Speaker 4: say vibes aren't real, and you need to give someone
Speaker 4: a good reason, and there is no good reason, and
Speaker 4: all the reasons that are good aren't fair to share
Speaker 4: in order to tractive as I thought you were. The
Speaker 4: conversation wasn't bumping like I thought it would. This was
Speaker 4: just an ego boost. And I don't actually want to
Speaker 4: go on a second day. I didn't want to go
Speaker 4: on the first one, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 4: these people aren't necessary and I we have to really
Speaker 4: interrogate a whole thing of like I want to tell
Speaker 4: the truth, but I don't want to be mean. You've
Speaker 4: clocked yourself. You don't want to tell the truth, then,
Speaker 4: like you already clocked. So if you don't want to
Speaker 4: be mean, then spare people, because like Fremi said, it's
Speaker 4: like it's really hard to bounce back, and you don't
Speaker 4: know if you're the straw that broke the camel back
Speaker 4: in this instance, or you're the thing this person needed
Speaker 4: to hear. But I am I do question how much
Speaker 4: responsibility we give ourselves in these moments, like do you
Speaker 4: really need to be the one to tell this person
Speaker 4: that they're not a good conversationalist, I don't think.
Speaker 1: So what about if their breath smelt again?
Speaker 4: Like I think in this instance people do other people
Speaker 4: at disservice where they think they are sparing them. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and so like you become you become the villain that
Speaker 4: you're afraid of being by not just taking the l
Speaker 4: with this small thing, so like you can't really have
Speaker 4: it all, Like I want to be polite, but I
Speaker 4: don't want to be mean, but I want to tell
Speaker 4: the truth, but I want to have their feelings. But babes,
Speaker 4: why do you think we've gotten to a point where
Speaker 4: people are soft ghosting or lying because it's taking the.
Speaker 1: L main take the loss? Oh I think me the
Speaker 1: L train New York or oh okay, Nikki, what do
Speaker 1: you think of that? Uh?
Speaker 3: I actually received a really good rejection text once, But
Speaker 3: it was like I was, we've been army and iring
Speaker 3: and planning a date, and like we weren't. We just
Speaker 3: kept missing each other and I think, like we've been
Speaker 3: texting for like I reckon like two three weeks and
Speaker 3: it got to a point and I was just like
Speaker 3: I need to go on this date or like we're
Speaker 3: canning this and I was like, hey, like, if you're
Speaker 3: free this weekend, i'd love to catch up, let me know.
Speaker 3: And then I waited. I waited, and he sends to
Speaker 3: me text and he goes, hey, Mkayla, I've got to
Speaker 3: be honest with you right now. I've just started seeing
Speaker 3: my friend and things are going really well and I'm
Speaker 3: just not in a place to date.
Speaker 4: But that's not a rejection text. That's a valid explanation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm honest, but I think I was struck
Speaker 3: by the honesty. Like I remember just being like this
Speaker 3: man owes me nothing. But ever since then, like we
Speaker 3: still follow each other on Instagram, like he likes, like,
Speaker 3: we're very like, it's cute. We've got a very amicable
Speaker 3: internet relationship.
Speaker 4: Don't you think where that differs from this is in
Speaker 4: this instance, like she's gonna go through the rigamarole of
Speaker 4: just going on first dates to suss it out and
Speaker 4: not really wanted to go on a second for no
Speaker 4: good reason, Like that's a good reason not to see
Speaker 4: you again. But the I don't know if a reason.
Speaker 4: Good reasons are I'm already with someone, or I'm going
Speaker 4: to see someone, or those feel good, those feels fair
Speaker 4: and safe. But if you don't have that under the belt,
Speaker 4: it's like, give me a chance.
Speaker 1: Just lie then and say you've got that. That's what
Speaker 1: I would do. I'd say, oh, sorry, I've actually been
Speaker 1: seeing someone that's getting like a bit more serious.
Speaker 4: No, because you're setting yourself up, because it's like, I
Speaker 4: feel like, don't lie yourself into a storyline or a narrative,
Speaker 4: because like now you're not seeing someone else, you don't
Speaker 4: have someone light up, You too are dried up, and
Speaker 4: they'll see you on.
Speaker 3: But if.
Speaker 4: But if it's just like if you really just felt
Speaker 4: like there wasn't a vibe, just be like, hey, thank
Speaker 4: you for the day. It was really I had a
Speaker 4: really good time. But to be honest, I don't know
Speaker 4: what's going on with me right now. Thought I was ready,
Speaker 4: don't really feel like I am. Best of luck to
Speaker 4: you and phrase in a way that you feel is polite,
Speaker 4: but it takes the onus off you having to like
Speaker 4: maintain if they happen to see you get in an
Speaker 4: app oh, I guess she's ready right now. If they
Speaker 4: spin back, just don't accept the match again. Okay, that's
Speaker 4: really nice. Yeah what you just said.
Speaker 1: I'll be and paste use damn, because I.
Speaker 4: Feel that's what it is a lot of the time too.
Speaker 4: It's like I thought I was ready for this. I
Speaker 4: don't think I am, and I don't want to do
Speaker 4: test and learn with your feelings.
Speaker 1: Yeah, damn.
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