1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,319 Speaker 2: Now, there's been a few weeks in a row where 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 2: I've just been like, no, not today, I don't want 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 2: a parent, I don't want to adult, I don't want to 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 2: do anything today. 7 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom 8 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: and Dad. 9 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:23,920 Speaker 2: So last week I had the opportunity to do some 10 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 2: awesome stuff. I haven't done it properly for a long time, 11 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 2: but last week it felt so good. Three talks corporate events, 12 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,199 Speaker 2: in fact, all three of them in Brisbane. One of 13 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 2: them was to a bunch of tradees, a bunch of 14 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 2: men who were involved in some group to help them 15 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 2: to be better business owners. But there's a whole lot 16 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:43,880 Speaker 2: of personal development stuff in there as well. 17 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 3: I believe all their names we can so and that's. 18 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 2: What I was going to say. I jumped onto Facebook. 19 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 2: For those of you who missed it, I think this 20 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,520 Speaker 2: is kind of funny, but I accidentally made a typo 21 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 2: on Facebook. I was so pleased. I was so proud 22 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 2: of the fact that I was standing in front of 23 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 2: a room of men We're talking about father who and 24 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 2: it was a meaningful conversation. I took a selfie in 25 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 2: front of all the guys and I said, a privilege 26 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,959 Speaker 2: to talk to a room full of ken about fatherhood, 27 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,479 Speaker 2: and oh man, Facebook just went nuts. But everyone started 28 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 2: talking about, well, when can we do the next convention, 29 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 2: and it'd be great to have a conversation and it 30 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 2: was a lot of fun. But one thing that really 31 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 2: struck me, and it's something that I've been struggling with 32 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 2: as well, is just how tired everyone says that they are, 33 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,319 Speaker 2: especially when it comes to parenting, like having kids in 34 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 2: twenty twenty two is a tiring, tiring thing. And it 35 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 2: made me go back to the webinar I did a 36 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 2: couple of weeks ago. We did a big free webinar. 37 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 2: There was a couple of thousand people that were there. 38 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,040 Speaker 2: The webinar was called Burnt Out, and I thought we 39 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 2: should talk about that webinar today because it seems really appropriate. 40 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 4: Well, well, I didn't get to participate in the conversations 41 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 4: you and I had following it were quite alarming when 42 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 4: you think about just how much parents are struggling right now. 43 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,440 Speaker 2: Let me ask you some questions, and if you listen 44 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 2: to the podcast and you can play along with a 45 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 2: pen and paper. Grab a pen and paper, and let's 46 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 2: just let's just have a look at the answers to 47 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 2: these questions. So you're scoring these questions on a scale 48 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:12,360 Speaker 2: from zero to six, where zero is never, one is 49 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 2: a few times a year, two is once a month 50 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 2: or less. Three is a few times a month, four 51 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 2: once a week, five a few times a week, six 52 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 2: every day. Okay, so increasing severity. Zero not severe at all, 53 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 2: six like this is happening all the time. You ready? Okay, Okay, 54 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 2: Now we haven't prepared this. You don't know what's coming, 55 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 2: but you're going to do this out loud, and we're 56 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 2: going to see how burned out you are as a parent. 57 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:39,120 Speaker 2: This is known as the Parental Burnout Assessment. You can 58 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 2: find it online. I feel completely run down by my 59 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 2: role as a parent. What would you score yourself? Remember 60 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,359 Speaker 2: that it's not intensity as in, oh my goodness, yes 61 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 2: I am, but rather how often do I feel completely 62 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 2: run down by my role as a parent? 63 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 3: I'd say probably a two. 64 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon I would as well. I kind of 65 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 2: feel like it's not an every day thing, but oh 66 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 2: lately I feel like I'd actually say maybe once a 67 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,800 Speaker 2: week like there's been a few weeks in a row 68 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 2: where I've just been like, no, not today. I don't 69 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 2: want a parent. I don't want an adult. I don't want 70 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 2: to do anything today. Number Two, When I get up 71 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,519 Speaker 2: in the morning and have to face another day with 72 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 2: my children, I feel exhausted before I've even started. 73 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 3: That's probably a three. 74 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 2: Okay, So I can't blame the kids for this. I'm 75 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 2: going to say six. I'm exhausted every day, but that's 76 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 2: on me, right, It's my exercise, it's too much works. 77 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 2: The fact that I get up at four thirty, that's 78 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 2: that's my fault. So in terms of the kids, I 79 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 2: have to say that's probably zero. Never I don't think 80 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:34,679 Speaker 2: that I feel that way about the kids. The next one, 81 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 2: I'm so tied up by my role as a parent 82 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 2: that sleeping doesn't seem like it's enough. 83 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 3: Probably one. 84 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 2: Number four, I have zero energy for looking after my children. 85 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 2: When do you feel like that? How often? 86 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 3: Probably once a month? That would be a two. 87 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:55,160 Speaker 2: Okay, jot it down those four answers. What's your total there? Eight? Okay? 88 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 2: So that's eight out of a possible twenty four, which 89 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 2: is a kind of it's nice and it's where you 90 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 2: want it to be. Keep track of that number eight. 91 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 2: We're going to add to that in just a sec. 92 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 2: But we call that parental exhaustion. That's what we call 93 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 2: the parental exhaustion scale as part of the parental burnout Assessment. 94 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 2: I know there's a lot of words here. Let's go 95 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 2: on with number five. I don't feel like I'm the 96 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 2: good mum or dad I used to be to my children. 97 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 2: How often do you feel like that? 98 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 3: Probably A four? 99 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,559 Speaker 2: Wow? Really you feel like you used to be better? 100 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 2: See I feel the other way. I know that I'm 101 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,720 Speaker 2: not getting it perfectly right, but I feel like I'm 102 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 2: getting it right better than I've ever gotten it in 103 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 2: my life. 104 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 4: The thing that I struggle with these surveys is the 105 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 4: wording isn't necessarily how I would put it. 106 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 2: Well, that's because they're psychometro if you put together and 107 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:42,279 Speaker 2: it just really my mind just down the number. Okay, 108 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 2: so it's so funny? Is sound cranky about it? The 109 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 2: next one? I tell myself, I'm no longer the parent 110 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 2: that I used to be. 111 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 3: Oh probably zero? 112 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 2: Okay, good write it down at number seven. I'm ashamed 113 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 2: of the parent I've become. Zero okay, super I'm not 114 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 2: myself anymore when I'm interacting with my children. 115 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:01,559 Speaker 3: Zero. 116 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 2: Okay. So what we're talking about here, and there's one 117 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 2: more here, I feel like I've lost my direction as 118 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 2: a mum or dad zero okay. What we're talking about 119 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:13,720 Speaker 2: here is a contrast of previous parental identity. In other words, 120 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 2: we're saying, over time, the burnout has got me so 121 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 2: uptight and so messed up that I'm not where I 122 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,159 Speaker 2: used to be. I've gone backwards. And what you're saying 123 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 2: with your responses there is you're actually getting better as 124 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 2: a mum. You don't feel like you're not who you 125 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,479 Speaker 2: used to be because over time you've gotten better at that. 126 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,919 Speaker 4: No, I guess if I went back to that first 127 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 4: question because you said used to and I was probably 128 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 4: just thinking more along the lines of today, I'm not doing. 129 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 2: Great, gotcha? Okay, so you have a lower score again, I. 130 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 4: Would definitely have a lower score, or now that I 131 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 4: kind of got the idea, Yeah. 132 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,039 Speaker 2: Now we're out of forty eight. What was your addition 133 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 2: on top of the initial eight? 134 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 3: It was four, So I'm up to twelve. 135 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 2: Okay, so you're up to twelve, No problem, let's go 136 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 2: through the last few. Now, I can't take being a 137 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 2: parent anymore. How often do you agree? How much do 138 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 2: you agree? Never a few times a year, or less 139 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 2: once a month, or less a few times a month, 140 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 2: once a week, a few times a week, or every. 141 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 3: Day, probably a one a few times a year, which 142 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 3: just kissed you. 143 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd probably go all, I'm right there with you. 144 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 2: You're not human if you say never. The next one, 145 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 2: I don't enjoy being with my children. You're going to 146 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 2: say the same thing, aren't you, every now and again 147 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 2: you're like, yeah, I don't want to be with you 148 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 2: right now? Yeah, okay, So again I don't think you 149 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 2: can be human and not have at least a one there. 150 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 2: Next one, I can't stand my role as mother or 151 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 2: father anymore. 152 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 3: That would be a zero. 153 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 2: Okay, let's jop that one down. And those three are 154 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 2: our third factor, and that has to do with that 155 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:35,479 Speaker 2: parental identity and enjoyment of the role. So you've only 156 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 2: you've got a very low addition to your score. Now 157 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 2: and the last couple of questions we've got, I do 158 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 2: what I'm supposed to do for my children, but nothing more. 159 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 2: How much do you agree? 160 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 3: That would be zero? 161 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,600 Speaker 2: The next one, I'm no longer able to show my 162 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:52,359 Speaker 2: children how much I love them. Zero And outside of 163 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 2: the usual routines like lifts in the car and bedtime 164 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 2: and meals, I'm no longer able to make an effort 165 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 2: for my children. 166 00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:58,119 Speaker 3: Zero. 167 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 2: Okay, So overall, we've got fifteen questions that are worth 168 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 2: six points each. We can have a total score of ninety. 169 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 2: What's your total score there? 170 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 3: Fourteen quick maths. 171 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 2: Fourteen out of ninety. You know what that says? Says 172 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 2: You're not very burned out at all when it comes 173 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 2: to me. 174 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 3: So I should have more energy than I have that It's. 175 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 2: Exactly what it says. My school would have been about 176 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 2: the same as yours. I feel as though, in spite 177 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 2: of all the pressure, the fact that we've got so 178 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 2: many kids running a business, and all of the current 179 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 2: economic dramas that are engulfing everyone on the planet and 180 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 2: especially in Australia, I feel like my school would be 181 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 2: around about the same as yours. Here's what the average 182 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 2: is when we look at the data from around the world. 183 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 2: Mums on average score twenty seven point five. So you're 184 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 2: well below average. You're kicking goals. Missus Happy Families and 185 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 2: dads normally score about twenty point three four. So that's 186 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 2: a big deal because that means mums are more burned 187 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 2: out than dads because there's so much more in the trenches, 188 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 2: right dads. Dads don't carry that cognitive load, they don't 189 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,480 Speaker 2: get as burnt out around family stuff. But check this out. 190 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 2: In a two parent family versus a single parent family 191 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 2: versus a blended family, have listened to the averages. For 192 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 2: a two parent family, the average is twenty five point 193 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 2: two seven. For a single parent family, the average is 194 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 2: twenty eight point eight seven, and for a blended family 195 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,840 Speaker 2: where a couple of families have come together posted separation 196 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 2: and divorce, thirty point four four. In other words, you 197 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 2: more likely be burnt out when you're single than being 198 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 2: in a two parent family, But you're even more likely 199 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 2: to be burnt out if you're in a blended family 200 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 2: where you've got everybody kind of trying to do the 201 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 2: juggle and mixing on family with another. Yeah. 202 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 4: Well, everybody in a relationship recognizes the challenges you have 203 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 4: when you come together from two totally different backgrounds, but 204 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 4: there's this romantic love there that kind of forges you 205 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 4: together to work through it. 206 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 3: But you bring you. 207 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 4: Bring two families together. Yeah that we're not just talking 208 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 4: about two people now who love each other. 209 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 2: And you also bring your exit and you bring the 210 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 2: double lots of in laws, and I mean there's a 211 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 2: lot there. Check this out children with additional needs. If 212 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 2: you're in a family where there's children with additional needs, 213 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,000 Speaker 2: that average goes up to thirty four point three. If 214 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 2: you've got additional needs, the average goes up that much. 215 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 2: If you don't have kids with additional needs at twenty 216 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 2: four and kids under five, the average is twenty eight 217 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,199 Speaker 2: points seventy five. Kids over five, it drops down to 218 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 2: twenty two. If you're in a single parent or a 219 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 2: blended family and you're a mum and you've got kids 220 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 2: with additional needs that are under five, scores are off 221 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 2: the charts. 222 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 3: Now. 223 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 2: The reason I wanted to go through that, and I 224 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 2: know it's a bit laborious. If anybody is listening and 225 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 2: kind of going, oh, I'm not hanging on to this gear. 226 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 2: We've got seventy percent of the population that are scoring 227 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,719 Speaker 2: in category one, which is whether they have two or 228 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 2: three of the symptoms a few times a year, so 229 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 2: that would be your score. That would be my score. 230 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 2: That would be most of the population. They're kind of 231 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 2: hanging in there. Okay, seventy percent. But category two, three, four, 232 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 2: and five, where it's happening once a month or less, 233 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 2: a few times each month, a few times each week 234 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 2: or every day, that takes up the other thirty percent 235 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 2: of the parent popular where we've got a full eleven 236 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 2: percent having this experience of burned out burnout a few 237 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,679 Speaker 2: times each week or every day. Big numbers. When you 238 00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 2: think about how many people are parents, really really massive. 239 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,680 Speaker 2: It's kind of like I imagine that it was going to 240 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 2: be awesome and it's not. And I'm falling apart. When 241 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 2: I ask parents to jump into the chat Kylie and 242 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 2: tell me what their scores were, I was overwhelmed with 243 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:29,440 Speaker 2: scores fifty and above. In fact, many scores were seventy 244 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 2: and above. 245 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 3: Wow. 246 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 2: So what I'm hearing when people jump onto a free 247 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 2: webinar about being burned out and they start answering questions 248 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 2: and a question there like that, is that these scores 249 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 2: are off the charts. If you're scoring, if you've just 250 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 2: done that little survey yourself and you're scoring above fifty, 251 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 2: legitimately you need to go and get some help, have 252 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 2: a talk to your doctor, have a talk to a psychologist, 253 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,839 Speaker 2: have a talk to a social worker, have a talk 254 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,720 Speaker 2: to your mum, have a talk to your neighbor, talk 255 00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 2: to someone, because you really do need help. Those scores 256 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 2: are terrifying, and if you're scoring in the seventies, that 257 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 2: signifies that you need more than a little bit of help, 258 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,079 Speaker 2: and it's so important that you're able to get hold 259 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 2: of that help. 260 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 3: Obviously, we've got children who are much older. 261 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:18,680 Speaker 4: Now, we've kind of almost successfully got three children to Adam, 262 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 4: that's right. Yeah, And so in the early days of parenting, 263 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 4: I distinctly remember being in that place just so hard 264 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,679 Speaker 4: and feeling like I was failing every day because there 265 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 4: was so many big emotions within myself, within my kids, 266 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 4: and just my perception and my I guess romanticized notion 267 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 4: of what mothering would look like and what a happy 268 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 4: family would look like. We're completely obliterated most days of 269 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:54,560 Speaker 4: the week, and I guess being able to go through 270 00:11:54,559 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 4: this and score where I have, I hope sends a 271 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:05,199 Speaker 4: message of hope that as our children grow, our ability 272 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 4: to see the joy and find purpose and meaning and 273 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 4: the things that we're doing becomes easier, but it doesn't 274 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 4: happen without intention. 275 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 2: That's what I was going to say. It only gets 276 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 2: easier if you practice it, if you literally sit down 277 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 2: and say, all right, what do I need to do? 278 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,040 Speaker 2: How do I do this better? Where did I fall 279 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: this week? How can I pick myself up and do 280 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 2: better with that next week? So I want to actually 281 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 2: put in a shameless plug. We don't do a lot 282 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 2: of plugs on the podcast for the stuff that we 283 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 2: do elsewhere, but if you have listened to what we've 284 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 2: been talking about and thought, yeah, I am a bit 285 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 2: of a hot mess. My scores are a little bit 286 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 2: too high. I want to just take the next two 287 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 2: or three minutes and talk about the upcoming Happy Family's 288 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 2: Hot Mess Summit, because this thing is going to be amazing. 289 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 2: It's happening this weekend, a full day of some of 290 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,680 Speaker 2: the best experts in the world talking about some of 291 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 2: the best content in the world to help your family 292 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 2: to not be so burned out and to help you 293 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 2: to thrive. Can I tell you a little bit about 294 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,319 Speaker 2: who's going to be here, Kylie. 295 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:05,440 Speaker 3: You have got one of the best lineups I've seen 296 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,199 Speaker 3: in a long time. 297 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 2: So I'm going to start with the celebrity superstar power. 298 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 2: First off, we've got Amanda Keller, who has been a 299 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 2: breakfast host and TV host and is one of the 300 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 2: most powerful women in Australian media today. Amanda Keller has 301 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 2: two boys who have just left home in the last 302 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 2: couple of years, and our conversation is going to be 303 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 2: all about her IVF story, the years and years that 304 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 2: took for her to get kids, and then the challenge 305 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,320 Speaker 2: of raising them when she wanted them so much but 306 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 2: they drove her up the wall. She's the kind of 307 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 2: person who makes you cry every time you hear her 308 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 2: talk about parenting. So we've got her and Jessica Rowe, 309 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 2: who is a self confessed crap housewife. Her Instagram is 310 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 2: full of her giving the kids baked beans and eggs 311 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 2: on toast for dinner and burning the sausages because she 312 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 2: just she's not interested in being an awesome housewife. And 313 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 2: we're going to talk about her anxiety, her depression, her 314 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 2: mental health diagnoses, and how you can still thrive and 315 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:05,719 Speaker 2: flourish and be happy and have mental health challenges as 316 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 2: well as dealing with the issues that come with raising 317 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,079 Speaker 2: A couple of teenage girls were going to talk as 318 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:14,320 Speaker 2: well with Amy Taylor Cabaz, who was an ABC journalist. 319 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 2: She's now the author of Mumma Rising and talks about Matressens, 320 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 2: which was something that you loved about her book when 321 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 2: we talked about in book Club when we did our 322 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 2: book reviews a few months ago. 323 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 4: Yeah. I just love this idea that as mothers we 324 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,520 Speaker 4: kind of get thrown in the deep end when we 325 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 4: feel pregnant and we have children, and we think that 326 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 4: we should have it all together from day one, and 327 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 4: the reality is Matrescedens is this wonderful gift. It's like 328 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 4: Adolas I was recognizing, it's a stage of life that 329 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 4: we actually grow through. 330 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 2: We're going to talk with Ian Kerner. 331 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: So. 332 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,400 Speaker 2: Ian Kerner has written a couple of not safe for 333 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 2: work books, a couple of books that you probably don't 334 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 2: want the kids to pick up and do their a 335 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 2: little bit older. One of them is called so tell 336 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 2: Me About the Last Time You had sex, and the 337 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 2: other one is called She Comes First. He is one 338 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 2: of the world world's leading sex therapists, and he's going 339 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 2: to talk to me about what you can do if 340 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 2: your love life is a bit of hot mess, if 341 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 2: your intimacy, your time with your spouse or partner isn't 342 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 2: quite where you would like it to be. Who else 343 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 2: we've got in here. We've got a Gotman trained relationship specialist, 344 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 2: Trish panau Web. She's going to talk about what John 345 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 2: Gotman's work can do to help us to create stronger 346 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 2: relationships with our partners. So we've got sex and relationships 347 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 2: for the grown ups, and a whole lot of parenting. 348 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 2: My mentor, Professor h. Wallace Goddard, while he's going to 349 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 2: join us to talk about discipline and getting limits right. 350 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 2: We've also got doctor Shafali. So how could I forget? 351 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 3: I was about to say. 352 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 2: Oprah's parenting expert. She's going to talk you know what. 353 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 2: Everything she talks about is going to be great. I'm 354 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 2: not going to go there and somebody else that. A 355 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 2: number of people have jumped online and said, I can't 356 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 2: believe you've got Chelsea Pottinger. Chelsea Pottinger is great. This 357 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 2: is a lady who had it all, went into a 358 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,240 Speaker 2: massive state of depression following the birth of her daughter, 359 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 2: and has pulled herself out of it and inspires people 360 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 2: around the globe. She's one of one of the world's 361 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 2: most sought art the keynote speakers, and she's going to 362 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 2: spend time telling her story but also sharing ideas about 363 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 2: how we can be less of a hot mess because 364 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 2: she was the ultimate. She was institutionalized, completely and utterly suicidal. 365 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 2: She was institutionalized and was in hospital for a long 366 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 2: time before she was able to pull herself out of 367 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 2: it with a lot of help and get her life 368 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 2: back on track. And now she's one of the like 369 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 2: she's literally one of the world's leading keynote speakers. Hot 370 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 2: Mess Summit, well, you can't forget Michael Liam Duclef Hunt 371 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 2: Gather Parent, the author of one of my favorite parenting 372 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 2: books this year. Don't agree with it all, but my goodness, 373 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 2: it was such an inspiring and brilliant parenting book, and 374 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 2: she's joining us for the summer as well. So I 375 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 2: mean the quality of the presenters, the content that we're 376 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 2: going to cover. If you haven't grabbed your ticket, it's 377 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 2: on sale right now at Happy Families dot com dot au. 378 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 2: It's only one hundred and ninety nine bucks. We've kept 379 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 2: the price low instead of the two forty nine that 380 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 2: it should be. But the sale ends really soon. The 381 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 2: Hot Mess Summit is this weekend, and forgive us for 382 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 2: using the podcast to just go on and on about it, 383 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 2: but my goodness, we never do this on the podcast, 384 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 2: and this is such a good sun Plus, I'm I'm 385 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,080 Speaker 2: gonna kick it off and I'm going to finish it 386 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,159 Speaker 2: with a Q and A that night. So I've got 387 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,359 Speaker 2: a presentation first thing in the morning on Saturday, and 388 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 2: then that night, I'm sorry, I'll I'll be home for 389 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 2: dinner because the Hot Mess Summit will continue through the 390 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,640 Speaker 2: night while I do a Q and A and answer 391 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 2: people's questions about how they can be less of a 392 00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 2: hot mess based on everything that we're talking about during 393 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:20,679 Speaker 2: the day. Massive value like massive value under two hundred bucks. 394 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,720 Speaker 2: All the details are at Happy Families dot com dot a. 395 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,120 Speaker 4: You well, I know that you have a really hard 396 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,199 Speaker 4: time when we sit on the screen all day, but 397 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,679 Speaker 4: I think that you'll have a hard time getting me 398 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 4: away from the screen comes Saturday. 399 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 2: It's going to be really good. Oh and the other 400 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 2: thing is if you can't make it, you can still 401 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 2: buy it and we'll send you the replays. You can 402 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,160 Speaker 2: watch every single video at your leisure at a time 403 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 2: that suits you so that you can get full value 404 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,639 Speaker 2: even watch it with your spouse or partner. The Happy 405 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 2: Family is Hot Mess Summit. It's this Saturday. All the 406 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 2: details are at happy families dot com dot you. Thanks 407 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,000 Speaker 2: for allowing us to indulge a little bit and share 408 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,879 Speaker 2: that I'm only doing it because I really think that 409 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 2: the value is there to make a difference, especially especially 410 00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 2: if you're scoring high on that parental burnout assessment. The 411 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,400 Speaker 2: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rubant for Bridge Media. 412 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer and for more information 413 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 2: about all the stuff we talked about today, please visit 414 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,640 Speaker 2: us on our Facebook page, Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families, 415 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 2: or at happy families dot com dot au.