Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany.
Speaker 1: You're in a Russia. Start there, Laura, microphone wasn't even
Speaker 1: in front of me yet. I was like, I was like, good,
Speaker 1: give me a second.
Speaker 2: I have to get out of here. I'm gonna go
Speaker 2: get my kids from daycare soon. Oh I'd hate to
Speaker 2: keep you well, I think that, Yeah, they'd probably hate
Speaker 2: that as well. Anyway, this is us gun cut. I
Speaker 2: know that how down and dirty, spiny, little sexy, saucy
Speaker 2: number where we do our absolute best to answer all
Speaker 2: your deep, dark and burning questions.
Speaker 1: We've got some crackers today. But before we get into that,
Speaker 1: you know we always talk about something going on in
Speaker 1: the world.
Speaker 2: Well, actually, no, no, no, What I want to talk about
Speaker 2: first before we get into that is what you just
Speaker 2: said five minutes ago?
Speaker 1: Oh God, what should I just say? I've said so
Speaker 1: many questionable things in the last five minutes.
Speaker 2: I was asking Britt how her dating life is going,
Speaker 2: where it's at? You know, what's been happening you Have.
Speaker 1: You gotten off the lounge Brittain in last week?
Speaker 2: Have you gone on a date? Because you know that
Speaker 2: I live my single life vicariously through Britt. And then
Speaker 2: I said, she doesn't want to date, she just needs
Speaker 2: a friends with benefits?
Speaker 1: I said, I I said, how do people This was
Speaker 1: actually it. I said, question, how do people find like
Speaker 1: a good solid friends with benefits, Like.
Speaker 2: A good, solid, long hard friendship. Friends with benefits are
Speaker 2: too far?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because like I mean, there's a multitude of friends
Speaker 1: with benefits that you can have. But I was like,
Speaker 1: where do these people get because I've got friends that
Speaker 1: have had like long term, solid, respectable, loving friends with benefits,
Speaker 1: like they really have a connection.
Speaker 2: Okay, But it's always it's always tricky because someone usually
Speaker 2: catches the feels.
Speaker 1: Well, I can't even get to the point to cash
Speaker 1: the feelings.
Speaker 2: Like where do somebody you find the person and then
Speaker 2: lay down the groundwork at the start and say you
Speaker 2: know that I like you, I respect you. You're never
Speaker 2: going to be the person that I end up marrying
Speaker 2: or being with us the rest of my life, but
Speaker 2: I want to be with you for the rest of now.
Speaker 1: Until you're done. It's a genuine question I did.
Speaker 2: If anybody else has the answers, please slide into the
Speaker 2: DMS because yeah, look Britney searching or do.
Speaker 1: You know where it came from? So we get so
Speaker 1: many questions come in that are related to friends with
Speaker 1: benefits and the problems that they've had and how long
Speaker 1: they've been friends with benefits for, And I'm like, holy smokes,
Speaker 1: where are all these people getting these long term, amazing
Speaker 1: friends with benefits? Like one girl wrote in a Friends
Speaker 1: with Benefits was like her friends with benefits. She'll come
Speaker 1: over and he's runner a bar, he's made a dinner,
Speaker 1: he gives it back massages like it's extreme. It is
Speaker 1: like a beautiful relationship without the strings attached.
Speaker 2: Okay, But then my question is is there a possibility
Speaker 2: in that situation that he's just more invested than she is,
Speaker 2: Like he probably hasn't been able to verbalize that he
Speaker 2: has feelings, so he just treats her amazingly hoping that
Speaker 2: she's gonna one day turn around and be like, hey,
Speaker 2: I have feelings too.
Speaker 1: Just'll never know.
Speaker 2: We will never know the answer to that. I like
Speaker 2: just going back on my memories of my friends with benefits.
Speaker 2: The best friends with benefits I ever had is a
Speaker 2: guy who I dated many years ago. To say name,
Speaker 2: I was not gonna say, okay, okay. Firstly, he's no,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to leave clues because people will figure
Speaker 2: it out.
Speaker 1: Leave clues.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, bendyar. He was on the Bachelor, but not
Speaker 2: on my season.
Speaker 1: What you haven't ever told me this?
Speaker 2: Yes, I have I dated a guy who was on
Speaker 2: the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Obviously he wasn't a Bachelor, he
Speaker 2: was on the Bachelorette.
Speaker 1: I am genuinely trying to I've obviously blocked that out
Speaker 1: from trauma.
Speaker 2: That was obviously not mad and a season.
Speaker 1: You have to give us another hint.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm not giving you a fucking season, Brittany, and
Speaker 2: I used to call him my Wednesday night guy because
Speaker 2: I would on a Wednesday night. It wasn't it was
Speaker 2: never a weekend relationship. It was never good enough to
Speaker 2: be a Friday night or a Saturday night. We both
Speaker 2: just knew on a Wednesday we'd go and get sushi,
Speaker 2: we'd have some great sex. We had a great time.
Speaker 2: I would have a sleepover, I'd get up in the morning,
Speaker 2: I'd go to work, and things were great. I am
Speaker 2: sugar to the core for like six months.
Speaker 1: Okay, just tell me this. Who was his bachelorette?
Speaker 2: That is the same as the season. Anyway, let's get
Speaker 2: into the next thing. When I wanted to start an end,
Speaker 2: we don't.
Speaker 1: Just this is like the sex with the leg thing.
Speaker 1: You don't just drop these bombs and then scurry off.
Speaker 2: Look, it was it was Oh god. I think I
Speaker 2: actually started to get a bit of feelings after because
Speaker 2: it was a long time. It was like six months.
Speaker 2: I think I actually started to get feelings. But in retrospect,
Speaker 2: I didn't get feelings. I just had nothing else going
Speaker 2: on in my life.
Speaker 1: Fake phantom feelings. I call them fff yeah, but phonetically,
Speaker 1: phonetically it's fff yeah ff yeah.
Speaker 2: So I didn't really like him when I actually unpacked it.
Speaker 2: I mean, I do. He's a great guy. I like
Speaker 2: him as a person, but they didn't actually have romantic
Speaker 2: feelings for him, but the romantic feelings started to come
Speaker 2: when I started to realize he didn't have romantic feelings
Speaker 2: for me either, so I was like, well, why don't
Speaker 2: you like me? Like what's wrong with me?
Speaker 1: And that is so standard.
Speaker 2: And then it went to a bit.
Speaker 1: As soon as they don't like you, you want to
Speaker 1: be with them, not you. I mean, like everyone, we
Speaker 1: always want what we can't have.
Speaker 2: And then the other thing that then happened was my
Speaker 2: car broke down at his house and he lived quite
Speaker 2: a fair way away, so then I just left my
Speaker 2: car there for ages and couldn't be bothered to go
Speaker 2: and get it because it was broken down, and it
Speaker 2: stayed there for like a month, and eventually I went
Speaker 2: and picked my car up, and then I hadn't seen
Speaker 2: him for a month, and then we both just agreed
Speaker 2: it was kind of done.
Speaker 1: Is he in Sydney now?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Do you run into him?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: I genuinely don't think we've had this conversation because I
Speaker 1: am I'm really shook and I cannot, for the life
Speaker 1: of me think of who it could be. And I
Speaker 1: don't know how I feel about the fact that you've
Speaker 1: obviously made a conscious decision to keep this from me,
Speaker 1: even though you just assume you've told me in the past.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I've told your Jimmy before. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: not Jimmy. I'm pretty sure I match with him on
Speaker 2: Tinder once and we both did. Okay, all right, let's
Speaker 2: get into what the actual conversation is about. We want
Speaker 2: to talk to you about another woman who's been on Tinder.
Speaker 2: She was very creative. There is a woman in UK now,
Speaker 2: her name is Fanny Blom. She's nineteen years old, and it's.
Speaker 1: Her name, really, Fanny, Fanny Blom. I love that it's
Speaker 1: going to be a dating story and the name's Fanny.
Speaker 1: That's very mature of me.
Speaker 2: That is really fucking a mature of me. But that's okay,
Speaker 2: I'm here for it. So Fanny Blom was on Tinder
Speaker 2: and she decided that she would invite all of her
Speaker 2: Tinder matches, five Tinder matches, out to the same nightclub
Speaker 2: at the same time.
Speaker 1: For the purpose of online speed dating.
Speaker 2: Yes, she created her own mini speed dating. But what
Speaker 2: she did is she told them all that it was
Speaker 2: her birthday and that she was going to be there
Speaker 2: with a group of friends. So then when they arrived,
Speaker 2: they didn't think it was weird that she was spending
Speaker 2: time with other people, so she rocked up to the
Speaker 2: nightclub with a fucking balloon and a party hat.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even her birthday. This is brilliant.
Speaker 2: It wasn't her birthday. So she says. This is what
Speaker 2: Fanny had to say about the whole thing. It was
Speaker 2: easy for them to find me because I had a
Speaker 2: birthday hat on, and it was easy to get free
Speaker 2: drinks with a birthday had on. Two this.
Speaker 1: Yes, Fanny, live your best life.
Speaker 2: I think in total there was only five of them
Speaker 2: who showed up because I had literally invited so many
Speaker 2: different tin matches. I couldn't be sure because then I
Speaker 2: had to go back and find their tin pictures to
Speaker 2: try and figure out who was who. But I met
Speaker 2: five really nice guys that night. One of them was
Speaker 2: really attractive, and I think we're going to go out
Speaker 2: on a second date. None of them knew that they
Speaker 2: were there on a multiple date situation.
Speaker 1: I have so many questions. Okay, this is what I
Speaker 1: do think about. Put yourself in that position, not when
Speaker 1: you've invited every single online dating map toward dinner, but
Speaker 1: if I've gone to a party, if I've gone to
Speaker 1: someone's birthday and I don't know anyone else there, which
Speaker 1: is what's going to happen with these guys they've turned up.
Speaker 1: Don't you start to talk to people and say, hey,
Speaker 1: how do you know Fanny?
Speaker 2: Well she literally said this. Throughout the night, Fanny would
Speaker 2: excuse herself from the group so that she could go
Speaker 2: and flick through Tinder messages so that she could liaise
Speaker 2: with other dates who had shown up at the nightclub.
Speaker 2: So we think she kind of said, like, it's not
Speaker 2: a date, it's not a one on one. I think
Speaker 2: she was like, Hey, I'm at this club with some
Speaker 2: friends for my birthday. Come to the club. So she
Speaker 2: made it sound a lot more casual, but really she
Speaker 2: was there by herself, just going on multiple Tinder dates.
Speaker 1: She's a time efficient woman.
Speaker 2: And she said, I don't think anyone realized and this
Speaker 2: is what I think we need to do for you.
Speaker 2: Let's set up a speed dating situation at the Royal Hotel.
Speaker 1: Just bey, just say, just tell everybody that's my birthday.
Speaker 2: Give me your hinge, give me your.
Speaker 1: Actually, speaking of that, I downloaded a different dating app because.
Speaker 2: Now she's on every single one. Well, you're like not funny.
Speaker 1: Too soon, It's always too soon. Yep. I'm just really
Speaker 1: getting out there, spreading my wings.
Speaker 2: But on many dating apps are there? And are you
Speaker 2: on in all?
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm not on every single one. I'm now on three.
Speaker 2: Okay. I feel like if you're on three that you're
Speaker 2: covering all bases of anyone who is single in this area.
Speaker 1: Well, I always thought that there'd be different people on
Speaker 1: different apps, that's what. Well, no, they sort of are.
Speaker 1: So I ran out of one, so.
Speaker 2: So I went on.
Speaker 1: I was like a better download another one, And there've
Speaker 1: been different people so far. So And the thing is,
Speaker 1: when if you guys are online dating, you'll know if
Speaker 1: you're not. I'm going to tell you when you when
Speaker 1: you join up to a dating app, when you're a
Speaker 1: new profile or a new customer, a new whatever. I
Speaker 1: think the algorithm shows you to more people and it
Speaker 1: puts you out there more. So when you're new, it
Speaker 1: goes bonkers, right. You get you get love hearts and
Speaker 1: compliments left front and center. And I say compliments because
Speaker 1: that's a new thing online. Now you can send a compliment,
Speaker 1: which is I haven't seen that before until I downloaded it.
Speaker 1: This weekend.
Speaker 2: And also we all know how uncomfortable compliments make you.
Speaker 1: I'm an awkward person anyway. But I have been getting
Speaker 1: compliments Laura, which is this is pretty shocking. I've been
Speaker 1: getting a lot of compliments that are about the podcast,
Speaker 1: so coming from male listeners that are writing things like
Speaker 1: I also love love or you yeah, but like, no,
Speaker 1: my point's not about that. My point's like, are there
Speaker 1: male do we genuinely have a bunch of male thirty
Speaker 1: year old listeners in the eastern beaches of Sydney or
Speaker 1: do you think that they're sitting at home with their
Speaker 1: flatmates that are women that are like, oh I know
Speaker 1: that podcast say this? So do you think these people
Speaker 1: are genuine listeners, these men or do you reckon?
Speaker 2: I mean, considering all the things we talk about, period
Speaker 2: chatam going down on your girlfriend, I would I would
Speaker 2: think no, no, it's coming from the FLA. And also,
Speaker 2: not only do I think this subjectively, but because I
Speaker 2: can actually see the data and see how many men
Speaker 2: and women listen to this podcast. Two percent of our
Speaker 2: listeners and men they're all on bubble that none of
Speaker 2: those are real listeners. But let's get in though, answering
Speaker 2: your questions. Guys, you have sent in some crackers. We
Speaker 2: have picked three for today's episode. There is one in
Speaker 2: particular that I read it and I had feelings, and
Speaker 2: then I felt something else, and then it was a
Speaker 2: lot going on.
Speaker 1: But I were they phantom fake feelingsf No phantom feelings FPF.
Speaker 2: They were real feelings. And I think that we need
Speaker 2: to talk about this. But from not from the perspective
Speaker 2: of the question that's been asked here we go. Just
Speaker 2: made that really confusing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, let's hear it.
Speaker 2: I went on a date with a guy and things
Speaker 2: ended up getting a little bit steamy in the car park.
Speaker 2: All was going good. We ended up going down on
Speaker 2: each other. However, he ejaculated pretty early on. He also
Speaker 2: wasn't good at pleasuring me. Now, my big problem is
Speaker 2: that his penis is small. Should I continue talking to
Speaker 2: him even though I know that I won't be satisfied
Speaker 2: in the bedroom or should I just overlook the fact
Speaker 2: that he couldn't make me orgasm that time as he
Speaker 2: has a small penis. Thanks in advance for your help.
Speaker 2: Additional note, he is a really sweet, caring guy and
Speaker 2: has the personality of what I am looking for.
Speaker 1: So did they have sex in the car, or because
Speaker 1: it makes it sound like she just said they just
Speaker 1: went down on each other, I.
Speaker 2: Think they had sex. Oh well, I think they tried
Speaker 2: to have sex and he prematurely ejaculated.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, so the question is.
Speaker 2: But also I think she was turned off by the
Speaker 2: size of his penis, So maybe she didn't even really
Speaker 2: give it a crack. She's just assuming that she won't
Speaker 2: be sexually satisfied because she doesn't find his penis to
Speaker 2: the aesthetic that she likes.
Speaker 1: Okay, so my first initial thought is, look, let's give
Speaker 1: the guy the benefit of the doubt. You don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of room to move in a car. In
Speaker 1: the back of the car you use, you cannot use
Speaker 1: your tricks, you cannot do your usual maneuvers that you
Speaker 1: might do whether you had an adequate amount of space
Speaker 1: and time.
Speaker 2: It's like, sexually a terrible place to have sex.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not like the movies movies made with Magala. Great.
Speaker 1: I think you need to give this guy the benefit
Speaker 1: of the doubt. There is no way of knowing by
Speaker 1: the size of his penis what he is actually like
Speaker 1: in the bedroom. I am a pretty big advocate of
Speaker 1: size does not equate to pleasure. If this guy has
Speaker 1: all these other things going for him and he's amazing
Speaker 1: and you think he's awesome, that's going for it. Give
Speaker 1: it another well. But if, for whatever reason inside you
Speaker 1: feel turned off by something, then it is hard to
Speaker 1: recover from that. And that could be that could be anything,
Speaker 1: anything could turn you off about some of the way
Speaker 1: they treat the waiter, whatever. If there's something inside that
Speaker 1: doesn't feel right, I think it's hard to get over that.
Speaker 1: But if you are just basing this on the fact
Speaker 1: that he prematurely ejaculated, I mean, girl, first of all,
Speaker 1: let's take that as a compliment. You're obviously smoking hot,
Speaker 1: he got very excited. There's only one way to take that,
Speaker 1: and that is like, well, you know my job's done.
Speaker 1: Look how hold I am, I'm spicy, I am fire.
Speaker 1: Take that. I think you need to give an he'll
Speaker 1: sip turned on. I think you need to give him
Speaker 1: another WORL What do you reckon?
Speaker 2: I had a lot of feelings about this, and I
Speaker 2: think I kind of want to go down a different
Speaker 2: path firstly, and then come back. I agree with everything
Speaker 2: you've said. I do think that if you're turned off
Speaker 2: by something. You can't force yourself or will yourself to
Speaker 2: have that sexual chemist connection. Will yourself or willy yourself.
Speaker 2: It's not there, okay. But my thing is, And what
Speaker 2: I really wanted to unpack with this question is I
Speaker 2: think that society has told us that it's okay to
Speaker 2: judge men on their penis size, Like society has told
Speaker 2: us that only men with big penises can make us satisfied.
Speaker 2: And a man with a big penis is what every
Speaker 2: woman wants, you know. And we have been consciously and
Speaker 2: subconsciously conditioned to think that a big penis is better
Speaker 2: and a small penis is not worth your time. If
Speaker 2: a man was to talk about a woman's revolver and
Speaker 2: vagina in the way that we talk about men's penises,
Speaker 2: we would be fucking outraged. If a guy was to say, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to date that girl because her labbier
Speaker 2: was so long, or her labbya was uneven, or she'd
Speaker 2: had two kids so like her vagina was looser, we
Speaker 2: would be disgusted and repulsed at him in arm. We
Speaker 2: would be furious, you know. But I think that there
Speaker 2: is for some reason it's more acceptable for women to
Speaker 2: criticize the size of men's penises, and because so much
Speaker 2: of a man's manhood is literally tied to their penis,
Speaker 2: it's such an emasculating conversation. But also what you said, Britt,
Speaker 2: and I fully wholeheartedly agree with you, penis size is
Speaker 2: not synonymous with pleasure. I have dated guys with huge
Speaker 2: penises and they were terrible in bed, And I have
Speaker 2: dated guys with very small penises and they were very
Speaker 2: good in bed. And it's because sometimes the guys with
Speaker 2: the small penises have had to work harder. They do
Speaker 2: have to, that's it, and they've got more tricks and
Speaker 2: more things up there asleep, you're upside.
Speaker 1: Down, you're inside out, you're hanging from the ceiling. But
Speaker 1: I mean that, you know.
Speaker 2: I just think like, if you're going to write someone
Speaker 2: off from a sexual experience that you had in a
Speaker 2: car that probably didn't go to plan by the sounds
Speaker 2: of things you've been out on a day, maybe you'd
Speaker 2: had a few drinks as well, there's lots of limiting
Speaker 2: factors in this situation that would make me think he
Speaker 2: hasn't performed to his best regardless of penis size.
Speaker 1: Well, I just think that exactly that, Laura, But maybe
Speaker 1: you just don't like him that much, because if you
Speaker 1: were that infatuated, and I guess it's early stages, so
Speaker 1: if you were lusting that much, I don't think that
Speaker 1: would matter to you that much. This is what I think.
Speaker 1: So I think maybe there's more going on if you
Speaker 1: can be like, yeah, you know it's not for me,
Speaker 1: and maybe it's not for you, and that's cool as well.
Speaker 1: But I think, definitely give this guy another. Go go
Speaker 1: on another really nice date because you said he's great,
Speaker 1: you said there's so nice and love. Go on another
Speaker 1: and don't go into the date thinking about it and
Speaker 1: worrying about it and wondering about it. Just go and
Speaker 1: have a really nice time, have a nice se in it,
Speaker 1: have some wines, and then if you feel that way
Speaker 1: inclined and you want to sleep together at the end.
Speaker 2: Of the day, do it. Experience it for what it is.
Speaker 1: And then after that, I think you can make another
Speaker 1: decision where you want to keep seeing someone. But I
Speaker 1: just just don't purely make it on the size of
Speaker 1: their penis.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I like what you said there about like
Speaker 2: not putting so many expectations on it, like regardless of
Speaker 2: whether you end up together or you don't end up together.
Speaker 2: Like it's two early days to make those sort of assessments, truly, Like,
Speaker 2: it's way too early in a relationship. And if you
Speaker 2: do feel inclined to give it another go, then go
Speaker 2: for it. But I think this kind of goes for everybody,
Speaker 2: and I've been guilty of this in the past as well.
Speaker 2: It's okay to have a preference. It's okay to have
Speaker 2: a particular penis that you think is aesthetically pleasing. You know,
Speaker 2: we've all seen penises where we've been like, that is
Speaker 2: a beautiful penis, and then we've seen penis where we're like,
Speaker 2: that's just not the it's not my jam, it's not
Speaker 2: what I would normally like. But I think completely judging
Speaker 2: someone as being a potential partner off their penis is
Speaker 2: pretty like one dimensional way of looking at a person.
Speaker 2: And I think like their penis size and what their
Speaker 2: penis looks like in totality is not who that person is,
Speaker 2: and it's not what they can provide you sexually. I think, like,
Speaker 2: as we all know, people have got mouths and hands
Speaker 2: and all these other parts of their body that they
Speaker 2: can do wonderful things.
Speaker 1: With Yeah, it's such a small part of what matters.
Speaker 1: I don't mean small.
Speaker 2: Part that was fun for choice of a better word,
Speaker 2: Now I was a.
Speaker 1: Slip of a tongue. Obviously, it is a small part,
Speaker 1: but it's it is such a small part of what
Speaker 1: matters in a relationship. And i'd let me tell you,
Speaker 1: if someone that has dated all walks of life, it
Speaker 1: is really the bottom of the list for what you
Speaker 1: look for in a partner. That's what I think.
Speaker 2: All right, let's get into question number two.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number two. My work friend is an absolutely
Speaker 1: terrible parker. The other day she scraped one of our
Speaker 1: colleagues cars when she was pulling out of the car park.
Speaker 1: I saw her do this, she saw me see her
Speaker 1: do this.
Speaker 2: Convoluted. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She messaged me later on and said, please don't say anything.
Speaker 1: I know you saw what I accidentally did. Now there's
Speaker 1: been a big all office email go out to every person,
Speaker 1: and the person's who car was is absolutely livid and
Speaker 1: devastated that this has happened, and no one left a no,
Speaker 1: No one's owning up to it. Obviously, should I tell
Speaker 1: her or do I just stay out of it? And
Speaker 1: pretend I saw nothing. I have a level of guilt.
Speaker 2: This is tricky. Oh, I don't know how to answer this.
Speaker 2: All I know how to that doesn't come to my podcast.
Speaker 2: I don't know how to answer your fucking question.
Speaker 1: But this is a tricky one.
Speaker 2: No. I think this is super tricky because at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, like, it's not your responsibility to
Speaker 2: make your friend and do what's morally and ethically right,
Speaker 2: but you have been dragged into this. You have been
Speaker 2: like like you're an accomplice to her crime basically, like literally,
Speaker 2: not even basically like literally you're an accomplice to her
Speaker 2: crime because you've seen it. But but yeah, you've seen
Speaker 2: it go down, and then you're not being honest. I
Speaker 2: think it's worth going and speaking to your friend who
Speaker 2: hit the car, who knows that you saw them hit
Speaker 2: the car, and say this has gotten out of hand,
Speaker 2: like this is actually blown up until a much bigger
Speaker 2: thing than what you or I thought it was going
Speaker 2: to be. I feel like you've put me in an
Speaker 2: incredibly uncomfortable position, and I really think that you need
Speaker 2: to take ownership for this. That's where I think you
Speaker 2: should start. I wouldn't be going and just like telling
Speaker 2: the other person. And because my issue is and this
Speaker 2: is kind of how I approach a lot of stuff
Speaker 2: in life. And maybe it's not maybe it's not the
Speaker 2: best way all the time, but it works for me.
Speaker 2: I don't like to get involved in drama and in
Speaker 2: things unless I don't have a choice, and unless it
Speaker 2: is absolutely necessary. I don't really like making my life
Speaker 2: more dramatic or stressful than what it needs to be.
Speaker 2: And that whole situation seems very, very stressful. You're going
Speaker 2: to create a lot of conflict in the workplace. Not
Speaker 2: you're not creating it, it's not your fault, but you're
Speaker 2: going to be pulled down into it. And I think
Speaker 2: that So if you're okay with that, then sure, go
Speaker 2: and be the bigger person, go and tell everyone, and
Speaker 2: be that person who's taking the right and moral high ground.
Speaker 2: But I don't know if I would have the confidence
Speaker 2: to do that.
Speaker 1: Okay, So, Laura, if you saw if you guys left
Speaker 1: the office today and you saw produce Akisha accidentally hit
Speaker 1: my car, scrape it, and then she drove off and
Speaker 1: you saw it, what would you do? Would you tell
Speaker 1: me or would you go to her? Or picture it
Speaker 1: like that?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I would have done. I would
Speaker 2: have straight away when someone said, hey, you need to
Speaker 2: keep this secret, I would have said, it's not Keeping
Speaker 2: your secret is not my responsibility. And I think that
Speaker 2: that's where you've gone wrong by almost saying yes, I
Speaker 2: will keep this secret and then going a couple of
Speaker 2: weeks and waiting for it to get out of hand.
Speaker 2: That's why the situation has exploded, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 2: so I guess maybe this is like, this is my
Speaker 2: advice for the future. If somebody tells you that you
Speaker 2: need to keep a secret that makes you uncomfortable, say no,
Speaker 2: because they don't have a right to make you keep
Speaker 2: a secret. And I really hate it when people say, oh,
Speaker 2: i'll tell you this, but you can't tell anyone, and
Speaker 2: then they tell you something and keeping that secret completely
Speaker 2: goes against your morals or against how you feel about something.
Speaker 1: So I think that, yeah, you like, just don't tell me.
Speaker 2: Don't fucking tell me, Like, it's actually unfair to expect
Speaker 2: someone to keep a secret that fundamentally glows against your
Speaker 2: own personal morals. So I just think in this situation,
Speaker 2: you have to figure out what you think what you
Speaker 2: think is morally right, and also what you can live with.
Speaker 2: And I think every single person in this situation will
Speaker 2: probably behave differently. There'll be so many people who will say, no,
Speaker 2: go tell her, and there will also be people who say, oh, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't want to get involved.
Speaker 1: I yeah, I agree with everything said. I would probably
Speaker 1: be just because of my conscious I wouldn't go run
Speaker 1: to her and tell her, but I would go to
Speaker 1: the person that hit the car and I would just say,
Speaker 1: I really think you need to tell her. Like, think
Speaker 1: of if this was you, how shitty this is that
Speaker 1: you have to front up all this money that you
Speaker 1: might not have because someone didn't have the guts to
Speaker 1: leave you a note. And I think what you could
Speaker 1: do in this situation and what you could tell her
Speaker 1: she could do. Maybe she feels bad now, like too,
Speaker 1: I can't comford now it's been weeks, you know, or
Speaker 1: I've been a week. I've lied about it. I can't
Speaker 1: come forward now. Maybe you can go down the route
Speaker 1: where you encourage her to just say, look, I'm so
Speaker 1: embarrassed by what I did. But I didn't have insurance
Speaker 1: at the time and I panicked. But I've gone and
Speaker 1: got insurance now, And if you are happy to this
Speaker 1: is so illegal, but if you're happy to like pretend
Speaker 1: this is but if you're happy to pretend this has
Speaker 1: happens now, like I would love to do that. Maybe
Speaker 1: you can say that because it is hard when when
Speaker 1: you haven't come forward with something.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Also, if you're from Goo, please don't leave a
Speaker 2: one star review.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, not that I've ever done that, but
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to like get this poor girl to
Speaker 1: admit to something and get her out of a tricky situation.
Speaker 2: I agree with what you're saying as well, Britt, Like
Speaker 2: I think, because it's gone on for so long and
Speaker 2: it's turned into such a bigger situation, it's humiliating to
Speaker 2: admit that you did the wrong thing. Like, not only
Speaker 2: is it embarrassing because you had the accident, but it's
Speaker 2: humiliating to say, hey, I'm sorry that I didn't come forward.
Speaker 2: That was wrong of me. Like that would take such
Speaker 2: a big person to not only admit fault for having
Speaker 2: an accident, but to actually admit fault that they didn't
Speaker 2: share it. You know that they were trying to be
Speaker 2: deceitful at the start, and the onus isn't on you
Speaker 2: as the person who saw it happen. The onus is
Speaker 2: on the person who ranged into the car, the person
Speaker 2: who was parking. But it's completely up to you and
Speaker 2: if you do decide that you want to tell that person,
Speaker 2: if you do decide that you want to share the
Speaker 2: information that you know, you're not a bad person for
Speaker 2: doing that and it is not your fault that somebody
Speaker 2: else decided to act badly and to keep it a secret.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I have had someone hit my car in
Speaker 1: the past and not leaving. I've had people leave noe brilliant.
Speaker 1: I've had people that have hit it and run and
Speaker 1: it's it's so upsetting because it's like now I have
Speaker 1: to front up all this money all this time, always
Speaker 1: have to get it fixed because someone just didn't have
Speaker 1: the gut stowing it's right. So it's it is a
Speaker 1: shitty situation and I'm sorry you're in it, but like
Speaker 1: hopefully it resolves itself.
Speaker 2: And I'm not sure if we were any help at all,
Speaker 2: but we'll keep on driving.
Speaker 1: No, it's just an interesting one, isn't there. It's more
Speaker 1: about a discussion that one. It's a very deep moral discussion.
Speaker 2: Well, because there is a right and wrong, but at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, the person who's written the
Speaker 2: question in is not in the right all the wrong,
Speaker 2: like they hadn't done anything wrong. Yeah, that's the big thing,
Speaker 2: all right. Okay, the last question here is about the ick,
Speaker 2: and I fucking love the ick. Well, I don't love
Speaker 2: it when we don't love the ear, but I do
Speaker 2: love conversations around it, all right. I have heard you
Speaker 2: guys mentioned the ick or the sudden ick towards a
Speaker 2: partner on the podcast before. It's a feeling that I
Speaker 2: was not familiar with. Until six months ago. I was
Speaker 2: happily in a relationship with my boyfriend for a whole year.
Speaker 2: We lived together. I guess you would say that we
Speaker 2: were relatively normal. We had a healthy sex life. We'd
Speaker 2: have sex a few times a week spontaneously. You know,
Speaker 2: you get me. We were in a really good place.
Speaker 2: Please do not think I am a shallow person, and
Speaker 2: I do not mean to sound shallow or rude, But
Speaker 2: for some reason, in the past six months, I've just
Speaker 2: had the serious ick towards my boyfriend. Nothing has changed,
Speaker 2: he has done nothing wrong. I just cannot bring myself
Speaker 2: to have sex with him. When he would try and
Speaker 2: have sex with me. I just don't want to do it.
Speaker 2: I no longer feel the need, the attraction, or the drive.
Speaker 2: I expressed my feelings towards him, and he was understanding. However,
Speaker 2: it got to a point where we were having sex
Speaker 2: maybe once every couple of weeks. I still don't enjoy it.
Speaker 2: We are now one point five years into our relationship
Speaker 2: and I still have this immense feeling of the ick.
Speaker 2: What do I do? Does this mean that I don't
Speaker 2: want him as my boyfriend? Pretty Much in every other
Speaker 2: facet of my life, he is perfect. He gets along
Speaker 2: with my family. I have three brothers and he gets
Speaker 2: along with all of them. They're all great friends. He's attractive,
Speaker 2: he has a big friendship group. He's a trade and
Speaker 2: he's local to my area. I think he and he's
Speaker 2: local anyway, very important. He lives locally, so it's all
Speaker 2: working out. Basically, she's gotten the ick, and she's had
Speaker 2: the ick for what sounds like a year because she
Speaker 2: was dating him for six months. Everything was fine and
Speaker 2: then bem got the eck.
Speaker 1: Yep, you, I'm diagnosing you. You definitely have a case
Speaker 1: of the eck.
Speaker 2: You have chronic ick, girlfriend, Yeah, and the ick.
Speaker 1: Is a tricky one. I don't know many people that
Speaker 1: recover from the ick successfully. Could you do it for sure?
Speaker 1: Could it just be a phase? Yes? But is that
Speaker 1: But is that common?
Speaker 2: Not so much.
Speaker 1: Usually the ick is a pretty big switch in the
Speaker 1: way you feel internally generally speaking, Usually there's something that
Speaker 1: has started it, like there is something that ignites that
Speaker 1: feeling in you. I don't know what it is for you.
Speaker 1: It's hard to say. Does this mean he's not the
Speaker 1: one for you? For me personally, I want to have
Speaker 1: an attraction. I think that if you can't think about
Speaker 1: kissing your partner or touching them or being romantic with them,
Speaker 1: that's a really big thing for me. I'm definitely a
Speaker 1: physical touch person. So I think if you if there
Speaker 1: is something that is like repulsing you in your relationship,
Speaker 1: that's a pretty big red flag. And you did say
Speaker 1: it's hard. There's so many other great things he gets
Speaker 1: along with my family and my brothers. That's brilliant. But
Speaker 1: unfortunately that's not reason enough to stay in a relationship
Speaker 1: because you'll meet someone else as well if it comes
Speaker 1: to that point that is friends with your family. But
Speaker 1: you need to get to the bottom of what is
Speaker 1: causing your ick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to say I don't normally get on
Speaker 2: this podcast and answer these questions with the answer I
Speaker 2: don't think you guys should be together anymore. That's a
Speaker 2: very very rare answer, I think, if anything, Britain, I
Speaker 2: usually avoid giving the answer of breakup because you want to.
Speaker 1: Be on both sides. You want to present two sides
Speaker 1: of e yeah, and.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be responsible for a perfectly healthy
Speaker 2: couple breaking up like that's not We love love, we
Speaker 2: love love. We're not here for the breakups. We're here
Speaker 2: for the makeups, okay, But you cannot be in a
Speaker 2: relationship where for an entire year, an entire year, the
Speaker 2: thought of being sexually intimate with your partner discuss you
Speaker 2: and you force yourself to do it anyway, Repeat that
Speaker 2: for me, like nobody. I mean, they are definitely going
Speaker 2: to be time where you're not feeling it, where you
Speaker 2: kind of you know, you know that when you actually
Speaker 2: get into doing it, you're going to enjoy it, But
Speaker 2: you can't be bothered because you're tired whatever. Plenty of
Speaker 2: those moments are going to happen throughout relationships, but a
Speaker 2: consistent feeling of repulsion towards being intimate with your partner
Speaker 2: for an entire year is not healthy. And I'm not
Speaker 2: going to sit here and say that that's something that
Speaker 2: you should keep on working at or keep trying to resolve,
Speaker 2: because it sounds like you have been working at it
Speaker 2: and you have tried to resolve it. The other part
Speaker 2: of this, and I think, is something that we often,
Speaker 2: especially when we're dating someone who on paper, they're everything
Speaker 2: that we're supposed to want. It's okay to not be
Speaker 2: with someone who ticks every single box. It's okay to
Speaker 2: walk away from a relationship where you think, fuck, they're perfect,
Speaker 2: but I just wish I felt differently, do you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? It's okay because sometimes there is a reasons,
Speaker 2: or there's something that we can't tangibly put into words,
Speaker 2: or we can't grasp that there's one specific reason why
Speaker 2: we feel the way that we feel. But if you
Speaker 2: have this overwhelming feeling that you're relateationship isn't right. You've
Speaker 2: felt that for over a year, Nothing that you do,
Speaker 2: I think is going to change that, and you can't
Speaker 2: just then go.
Speaker 1: And grasp its straws and tiny little reasons to hold
Speaker 1: on to for why the relationship could work. So like
Speaker 1: you know, the family thing, and if the time comes
Speaker 1: and you meet someone else, I'm sure they're going to
Speaker 1: get along with your family too. What the most important
Speaker 1: thing is is what's happening with you two privately at
Speaker 1: home inside and I don't mean inside the home, inside
Speaker 1: of you, how you feel about your partner.
Speaker 2: And it's so.
Speaker 1: Normal to like being long term relationships and you want
Speaker 1: to have sex less. That's normal because you know, you
Speaker 1: get tired, you get busy, you get used to each other.
Speaker 1: That all consuming sexual chemistry that sometimes happens at the
Speaker 1: start of the relationship. It's normal for that to taper.
Speaker 1: But what's not normal is to have a level of
Speaker 1: repulsion and revulsion totally for your partner.
Speaker 2: And I think also with the ick like something that
Speaker 2: I mean, Britt and I have done a lot of
Speaker 2: research into the eck, more so than what any normal
Speaker 2: person should ever do into a dating phenomena, right, But
Speaker 2: the ick is something that is very much based on
Speaker 2: our intuition. It's based on our intern a feelings, and
Speaker 2: sometimes those feelings are very guttural and you can't necessarily
Speaker 2: pinpoint why, but your intuition is essentially your internal warning
Speaker 2: system telling you that there's something about the situation that
Speaker 2: you don't like. And I'm not saying that in any
Speaker 2: way that there's something wrong with him as a person,
Speaker 2: but that internal warning system could just be this isn't
Speaker 2: the person for you, you know, like maybe they do
Speaker 2: something which makes you feel like, maybe he doesn't have
Speaker 2: great personal hygiene. Maybe there's something about the way he
Speaker 2: lives his life that on a very day to day level,
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, it's like yuck. You know there's something
Speaker 2: else there, but you just can't quite put it into
Speaker 2: words or figure out what that is. There's so many
Speaker 2: reasons why the ick happens, but when it does happen,
Speaker 2: it is possible to get over it, but not if
Speaker 2: it's made a place in your relationship for over a year.
Speaker 2: Like if it is stuck around and you have had
Speaker 2: the ick for longer, then you didn't. I think that's
Speaker 2: when you really need to unpack why you staying.
Speaker 1: Can you get over the year and move past it? Yes,
Speaker 1: you can, you one hundred percent can if it hasn't
Speaker 1: gone on for too long, and if you can pinpoint
Speaker 1: what it is, and then if you can have an
Speaker 1: open discussion about it and move forward. Like Lauridas said,
Speaker 1: maybe it's a hygiene thing sometimes. And when it happened
Speaker 1: to me, I didn't have a reason. I couldn't pinpoint it.
Speaker 1: It was just a whole feeling that I got and
Speaker 1: I didn't know why, and for that reason, I was
Speaker 1: never going to get past it. But some people can.
Speaker 1: But generally speaking, psychologists say that if you have been
Speaker 1: experiencing the eck for quite a significant amount of time,
Speaker 1: then it is probably better that you break up, because
Speaker 1: that is not something healthy to have in a relationship.
Speaker 2: There is a relationship psychologist named Haavez who says this,
Speaker 2: and I found this quote really interesting on the eck,
Speaker 2: and she said, the eck is a gut reaction and
Speaker 2: you should always trust your gut. You can know you
Speaker 2: want to have a relationship. You can know that you
Speaker 2: like their qualities, but you can also accept that you
Speaker 2: just don't feel that way about them. It depends on
Speaker 2: whether the behaviors that I rate you or that you
Speaker 2: feel disgusted by undegotiable, and whether they can change in
Speaker 2: them so like, for example, whether you can get over
Speaker 2: the fact that you're discussed whenever you try to have
Speaker 2: sex with them, it's better to accept sooner rather than
Speaker 2: later that the relationship will not work in order to
Speaker 2: move on. And I think that that kind of sums
Speaker 2: it all up. Like, if sex and being sexually compatible
Speaker 2: with your partner is important to you, it's important to
Speaker 2: so many people. If it's something that's really important to you,
Speaker 2: and having sex is something great sex where you feel
Speaker 2: connected and loved and into it and passionate and all
Speaker 2: of those things that you feel when you have good
Speaker 2: sex with someone who you are deeply in love with
Speaker 2: and don't have the dick for. If that's important to you,
Speaker 2: then I think that that is your answer. If it's
Speaker 2: not important to you and sex is not something that
Speaker 2: you care about and you're quite happy to park it
Speaker 2: and not have sex, then I think, yeah, sure, there's
Speaker 2: plenty of ways that you can work on this relationship.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, well, having said that, Laura,
Speaker 1: before you go on in a year, no, but having
Speaker 1: said that, it has to also not be important for
Speaker 1: your partner. It just can't be important. It can't not
Speaker 1: just be important for you, And you're like, well, it's
Speaker 1: not important for me, so I'll get through it. If
Speaker 1: your partner if it's really important to them and they
Speaker 1: want to be having sex all the time and they
Speaker 1: want to be passionately kissing you, and you can't bring
Speaker 1: yourself to do it, then it's also not going to work.
Speaker 2: I one hundred percent agree.
Speaker 1: It's because it's so common in y and sometimes you
Speaker 1: just can't put your finger on why, and that's why
Speaker 1: it's so intriguing.
Speaker 2: There is a great thread if you're part of the
Speaker 2: Facebook group. Well, if you're not, go and join Life
Speaker 2: Uncut discussion group. But if you are part of the
Speaker 2: Facebook group, go and search for the ick in the
Speaker 2: discussion group. There is an awesome thread from a couple
Speaker 2: of weeks back. Now I won't tell you why, but
Speaker 2: I was doing my research on the ick because we
Speaker 2: have a very special little project coming out someday soon,
Speaker 2: and I put my feelers out there and so many
Speaker 2: of you. There was hundreds and hundreds of women and
Speaker 2: men who wrote on that thread saying the different things
Speaker 2: that had given them the ick in their relationships. Some
Speaker 2: of them are fucking hilarious and some of them are
Speaker 2: absolutely humiliating. So it's the full spectrum.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing. It doesn't even have to be
Speaker 1: a huge thing. I remember once. Okay, I can give
Speaker 1: you one example of something that set the ick off
Speaker 1: for me in a relationship a very very long time ago.
Speaker 1: He farted. That was all it was. He was a
Speaker 1: constant farter. It wasn't just one off, like he had
Speaker 1: a gas problem.
Speaker 2: He would never be able to date Maddy Jay. I'm
Speaker 2: so glad he wasn't your bad.
Speaker 1: I mean, I hope you're glad for more reasons than that, Laura.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine if we had been on the same
Speaker 2: season and we were competing for the same guy.
Speaker 1: I reckon we would still be friends.
Speaker 2: But who would have been into our wedding? I met
Speaker 2: up with your husband?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're so cool. I reckon we would
Speaker 1: have been friends because we're actually both not that competitive
Speaker 1: in that sense.
Speaker 2: But you're lazy, You happy to pick someone else Manny Jay,
Speaker 2: We've got each other.
Speaker 1: But no, I think that for this it was like
Speaker 1: he kept farting. He had really bad gas, but it
Speaker 1: was constant, and it was the smell. It wasn't a
Speaker 1: normal art. The smell was so bad. And I remember
Speaker 1: one day he just did it to the point where
Speaker 1: we were in a king single bed that was I
Speaker 1: remember it. We were saying, so we didn't even have
Speaker 1: a double bed, so I couldn't even roll bed. And
Speaker 1: that was it. The set that is set it off.
Speaker 1: And then I just couldn't even touch him. I couldn't
Speaker 1: look in the same and I was like, this is over.
Speaker 1: I'm like I cannot pick and like, I know you
Speaker 1: guys are rut there thinking now probably like I can't
Speaker 1: let you break up with one over that. I didn't
Speaker 1: break up over that, but that was the start of
Speaker 1: the ick. And then once you feel the ick, everything
Speaker 1: else that they do gives you the ick. And that's
Speaker 1: why the ick is such a dangerous thing because it's
Speaker 1: not usually one thing. It starts as one thing, and
Speaker 1: it's snowballs down the hill like a big giant snowball
Speaker 1: in the middle of winter.
Speaker 2: Like a big ikey snowball.
Speaker 1: He's anyway, and that's it. Guys, keep you questions coming
Speaker 1: in for Ask gun Cart.
Speaker 2: If you guys have a question for next week's Ask
Speaker 2: on Cart or for the one that we do on
Speaker 2: the radio, just keep its slightly more PG or G
Speaker 2: rated for radio. For little ears you can write in
Speaker 2: just slide into our DMS at Life on Cut Podcasts
Speaker 2: to Instagram. Just write ask on Cut at the top,
Speaker 2: send us your juicy, saucy, sexy question and you will
Speaker 2: go in the mix for next week.
Speaker 1: It's the saying with your accidentally unfiltered and your confessionals
Speaker 1: or anything else that has happened to you that you
Speaker 1: think we should know about.
Speaker 2: And if you haven't had enough of us by listening
Speaker 2: to Tuesday's episode and this episode this week, we do
Speaker 2: all also have another entirely different podcasts. It is called Hooked, Hitched,
Speaker 2: and hung Up, and every Wednesday we're dropping you episodes
Speaker 2: on that where we are revisiting some of the spiciest,
Speaker 2: most wild, outrageous love relationships of the past.
Speaker 1: Celebrity relationships too, just those relationships that captured you over
Speaker 1: the time and you're not really sure we're we're down,
Speaker 1: but you want to know that's what this is.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, it's kind of celebrity relationships, but it's
Speaker 2: kind of not celebrity because it's people like Bill Clinton
Speaker 2: and Monica Lewinsky who were like very famous but not
Speaker 2: really celebrities. Infamous instant, that's the word I was looking for.
Speaker 2: Great glad that I had to hear, but anyway, guys,
Speaker 2: that is it from us and you know the drinkles.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell you mum, to your dad, tea dog, Telly,
Speaker 1: friends and share the love because why did you hesitate?
Speaker 1: Then together
Speaker 2: They are both on Builker Burking