Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 2: on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is ask
Speaker 2: Kunk Cut where we answer You're deep, You're dark, and
Speaker 2: you're burning questions and I.
Speaker 3: Am so broken. You're so broken. I'm more broken than
Speaker 3: I've ever been. So I'm more broken this week than
Speaker 3: last week.
Speaker 1: There's only a few more days left. Were dancing with
Speaker 1: the Stars.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'm allowed to say about but
Speaker 3: you just said it.
Speaker 2: I didn't sign an nda.
Speaker 3: I'm sitting here in the hot water Fuck, I'm a wattle.
Speaker 3: I'm sitting here. I'm sitting on a piece of wattles.
Speaker 3: I'm waddling. I do wattle. Actually, my natural path said
Speaker 3: it would be good for me. So for the last
Speaker 3: couple of months, you guys know, I've been doing Dancing
Speaker 3: with the Stars. But I'm at my tether, Like I'm
Speaker 3: at my wits end. My body is screaming out for her.
Speaker 3: It's like it is sing. So I have to walk
Speaker 3: around everywhere now with the hot water bottle basically tape
Speaker 3: to me. I drive in the car with it on
Speaker 3: my groin and I wish that was for a different reason,
Speaker 3: but it's absolutely not. I strap it to my back
Speaker 3: at every moment I can. Every part of my body
Speaker 3: is like screaming on fire.
Speaker 2: You only have a couple of days. You're gonna make
Speaker 2: it to the end. You're gonna be amazing.
Speaker 3: Tell you what if this, If this comes and I
Speaker 3: make it to the end of Dancing with the Stars.
Speaker 3: If I make it to the end and I'm there
Speaker 3: and you guys don't vote for me, so what are
Speaker 3: you gonna do?
Speaker 2: I'm quitting the podcast, Britty's I'm gonna take back all
Speaker 2: those puppies I promised you and never gave you.
Speaker 3: I'm quitting. I've left that much blood, sweat and tears. Literally,
Speaker 3: there's blood on Craig, my dance partner. Craig leaves with
Speaker 3: blood on his shirt. That's because you use a mental car.
Speaker 3: What do you? Oh? Yeah, true, my groin is on
Speaker 3: his shirt. I will that's true.
Speaker 2: I also just want to like remind you that Dancing
Speaker 2: with the Stars isn't also like a separate thing to
Speaker 2: the podcast, so that you can't quit the podcast because
Speaker 2: people don't vote for.
Speaker 3: You and they're two different entity.
Speaker 2: But I'm glad that you've like it's taken over every
Speaker 2: facet of your life.
Speaker 3: Laura, I am blackmailing our life is So we.
Speaker 2: Were just talking about this. I mean, obviously you've come
Speaker 2: here for us to answer your questions. We'll get to that, guys,
Speaker 2: don't worry, it's coming. But we were just talking about this.
Speaker 2: So Britz started doing a new thing which we're going
Speaker 2: to create a compilation.
Speaker 3: For you complaining yet hang on, I'm still complaining.
Speaker 2: This complains so recently. I don't know whether you've noticed it.
Speaker 2: And that's because Kish does an incredible job of editing
Speaker 2: out like every single one of these opens.
Speaker 4: That puts me in a position that makes me uncomfortable
Speaker 4: because I do my absolute best. Sometimes I isolate audio.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I use AI to try and reduce them.
Speaker 3: I don't know where this is going, but I don't
Speaker 3: like it.
Speaker 2: So yesterday I get a message from Keisha and she says,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but we need to have an intervention.
Speaker 3: So so hang on, let me get this straight. We
Speaker 3: have a group chat. You left the group chat to
Speaker 3: talk about.
Speaker 4: She said, I don't know what to do. I'm at
Speaker 4: breaking point. I don't know how to make this. I've
Speaker 4: brought it up. I've shown her examples. I don't know
Speaker 4: how to get.
Speaker 3: Rid of it. The snort has to go. I didn't
Speaker 3: listen to the examples. I saw that. I saw the
Speaker 3: voice came through, and I was like, I'm not changing
Speaker 3: who I am, and I deleted it. We've noticed recently
Speaker 3: they're Brittany's.
Speaker 1: We love your laugh, it's.
Speaker 2: Amazing, but you're you're snorting is something that everybody has
Speaker 2: a person we feel personally victimized by it.
Speaker 3: What I will say is in my defense, yes, my laugh.
Speaker 3: What I will say is in my defense I will
Speaker 3: What I will say is I am aware that my
Speaker 3: laugh has evolved why. I can't be sure how. I
Speaker 3: don't know. I don't know where it's come from, but
Speaker 3: I know the snort has entered my life. It seems
Speaker 3: to be on an upwards trajectory. I know one used
Speaker 3: to sneak in every now and then.
Speaker 4: To be honest, they actually used to come from Laura
Speaker 4: More and yours have disappeared.
Speaker 3: You're no longer in the recording. I want everyone that
Speaker 3: me just doing that hurt my really strong what though, like,
Speaker 3: We're gonna let you guys into a real insight. We
Speaker 3: obviously edit the podcast, which try and keep it as
Speaker 3: natural as possible, right, but we edit things. If one
Speaker 3: of us does something like snorts too much, we will
Speaker 3: edit that. What I want to say is what you
Speaker 3: guys aren't aware of. And I hate that this is
Speaker 3: throwing each other on the bus. Welcome to Welcome to
Speaker 3: the Pug. We love each other, but this is the
Speaker 3: slay episode.
Speaker 4: Okay, sorry for getting out of the group chat and
Speaker 4: directly contacting Laura, But I'm.
Speaker 3: Sorry for throwing you under the basket. Yeah, when I'm
Speaker 3: throwing you under the bus, Laura for six years. What
Speaker 3: you don't know is our very own Laura Burne snorts.
Speaker 3: I reckon one hundred times an episode because she has
Speaker 3: breathing problems like a little pug. You're like a little
Speaker 3: French bulldog. They can't breathe properly, and we edit it
Speaker 3: out to make you sound better. So now you're coming
Speaker 3: from but you don't even know you do it because
Speaker 3: it's so natural for you.
Speaker 2: I do it in conversation, but I stop, so it's
Speaker 2: an easy edit. Keisha, how often do I snort and record?
Speaker 4: Though it has reduced significant this is what I'm concerned about,
Speaker 4: which this is.
Speaker 3: Like a group meeting.
Speaker 4: Yes, what places, And BRIT's trajectory is increasing. Yours is
Speaker 4: decre so much that I hardly even notice it anymore.
Speaker 4: And I used to have a problem with the mouth sounds.
Speaker 4: Everyone knows I'm a bit sensitive to the the snorting
Speaker 4: has taken on a level where like the wavelength of it.
Speaker 4: When I can when I'm coming through the audio and
Speaker 4: I can see it coming up, I almost brace myself
Speaker 4: because I'm like, it's coming.
Speaker 3: The high personally, the high purble, because if you listen
Speaker 3: with headphones in, it's an assault on the years. And
Speaker 3: I love your laugh. I am so supportive of your laugh.
Speaker 4: I am sorry that I've gone behind your back to
Speaker 4: try and rectify this, but the snort has got to go.
Speaker 3: This is it.
Speaker 2: Maybe this is the episode that we do insert the
Speaker 2: compilation here just so everyone can hear.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, just mean she came and.
Speaker 3: Sees me doing you know on the Simpsons, that dog
Speaker 3: that does the squinty eyes when you looks. That's what
Speaker 3: I'm doing. Is I'm Homer going back into the bush.
Speaker 2: Now it is time for vibes and unsubscribed so that
Speaker 2: we can get into.
Speaker 3: We're just pretending that attacks. Well, I've done one unsubscribed,
Speaker 3: my unsubscribers.
Speaker 1: Your snort, Well, let's put.
Speaker 3: It out to the people. Let's put a pole on.
Speaker 3: Actually don't. That'll make it worse. Put on. Let's move on.
Speaker 3: I'm going to try my best not to snort. I'm upset.
Speaker 3: I said about a lot of things in my life
Speaker 3: right now. We love you, we love every time about you.
Speaker 3: We don't we do, I love most things. We'll put
Speaker 3: me back in the group chat. Then, all right, vibes down, subscribes.
Speaker 3: At least we're so in sync. We've got the same
Speaker 3: vibe this.
Speaker 2: Week we do okay, So I'll just say my own
Speaker 2: subscriber is to snort, and then it feels like we've
Speaker 2: got something different.
Speaker 3: Well, my unsubscribes equally your sort. Go and get surgery.
Speaker 1: I know I do. I've spoken about this before, though.
Speaker 2: I can't go and get surgery now because people will
Speaker 2: think I'm just getting like a rhiner plasty, and they'll
Speaker 2: think I'm doing it for that reason.
Speaker 3: You've got a two in Actually you can do a
Speaker 3: three and one. I have a time's in the laber
Speaker 3: hair transplant new sinus three and one, I reckon, there's
Speaker 3: someone in Turkey that would do that.
Speaker 4: You know, you can get the side of surgery without
Speaker 4: altering the appearance.
Speaker 3: Why would you go Laura would come out looking like
Speaker 3: halle Berry should be like a different person. She'd be like,
Speaker 3: while we're there, I didn't change my skin color. At
Speaker 3: the same time, it just meant you come out like
Speaker 3: looking like a different person.
Speaker 2: You're like, just trim here here, let's fix her here
Speaker 2: and also sign me up for those melotonin injections saying
Speaker 2: if you're gonna go under all right, look, let's get
Speaker 2: serious vibes and unsubscribes. Brittan I do have the same vibe.
Speaker 2: And it's because it's rare these days that I get
Speaker 2: sucked into a TV show or a documentary or anything
Speaker 2: and I'm able to watch every single episode in one sitting.
Speaker 2: But that is how incredibly interesting this doc or is
Speaker 2: that we're about to recommend. It's on Disney Plus, it's
Speaker 2: Devil in the Family. The Fall of Ruby Frankie. Now,
Speaker 2: so many of you will know the influencer Ruby Frankie.
Speaker 2: She had their Channel eight passengers on YouTube, who was
Speaker 2: convicted of child abuse in the US.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and We've also spoken about her few times over
Speaker 3: the last year or two as her case progress was
Speaker 3: spoken about her daughter, Shari, so you may have heard
Speaker 3: us talk about it on the podcast before.
Speaker 2: The reason why I found this so interesting is because
Speaker 2: we knew a lot about the basic facts around the story,
Speaker 2: the facts around the case, the opinions of the children
Speaker 2: who have come out publicly to speak about it, Shari
Speaker 2: and Chad namely. But there was so much in this documentary.
Speaker 2: It's three episodes, I know about fifty minutes each, and
Speaker 2: it is fascinating to me. The father sits down and
Speaker 2: he does quite a lengthy interview around his involvement, around.
Speaker 1: How he was complicit, what he did and didn't know.
Speaker 2: I think it really raises so many questions around the
Speaker 2: legalities and responsibilities that need to be put into place
Speaker 2: to better safeguard children from family vlogging situations.
Speaker 3: I had really mixed feelings about the father's version. I
Speaker 3: completely believe him that he knew nothing about it, but
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean I think it's okay, because I think
Speaker 3: what he did was so wrong, and I understand that
Speaker 3: he was and you'll have to formulate your own opinion.
Speaker 3: I understand that he was brainwashed to an extent, but
Speaker 3: he still made some pretty interesting decisions to abandon his family.
Speaker 3: His reasoning for it to him was justified at the time,
Speaker 3: but for me it wasn't enough. I think he really
Speaker 3: let his family down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's so many facets. So Kevin Frankie is the husband.
Speaker 2: Jodie Hildebrandt was Ruby's business partner. She's also serving up
Speaker 2: to thirty years imprisonment for child abuse. Because they were
Speaker 2: very entwined, and it also centers around the Later Day
Speaker 2: Saints and the Mormon community of which they are all
Speaker 2: members of. I found it truly, truly fascinating, and I
Speaker 2: also was enraged watching Kevin Frankie because I felt as
Speaker 2: a father he was able to completely absolve himself with
Speaker 2: the responsibilities. But to me, he was the weakest version
Speaker 2: of a man, the weakest version of a father figure,
Speaker 2: of someone who should have been there to take care
Speaker 2: of their family and to protect them.
Speaker 1: He cared so much.
Speaker 2: About his faith but also about this family unit at
Speaker 2: the cost of the absolute expense of their children.
Speaker 3: Would you go as far as saying that you think
Speaker 3: he enabled the abuse one hundred percent? And also, what
Speaker 3: I don't like is.
Speaker 2: He's come out and spoken about how quite confronting some
Speaker 2: of the behind the scenes footage is because you've got
Speaker 2: to remember, like Ruby Frankie had filmed thousands and thousands
Speaker 2: of hours of herself and her children, and so this
Speaker 2: is all unseen footage that didn't make it, so the
Speaker 2: takes that didn't make it to her YouTube channel, and
Speaker 2: there's moments where she grabbed her child by the mouth
Speaker 2: to shut her child up. There's moments where she's screaming
Speaker 2: at the kids from the other room. And I read
Speaker 2: a statement from Kevin Frankie and he said, you know,
Speaker 2: this is the reality of vlogging out of people who
Speaker 2: share their children online. And I was like, you know
Speaker 2: what it might be for some families, but they're abusive families.
Speaker 2: And the fact that you think that this is so
Speaker 2: normal just shows that this was systemic throughout the whole
Speaker 2: time of your relationship, and it was only when you
Speaker 2: removed yourself from the household that the abuse escalated.
Speaker 3: But she was always abusive.
Speaker 4: That's the thing that I've been very interested in with
Speaker 4: seeing this play out across media now now that she's
Speaker 4: been convicted and stuff, I feel like people are equating
Speaker 4: vlogging with child abuse, and it's so important to distinguish
Speaker 4: the difference because there are going to be versions of
Speaker 4: both of those things.
Speaker 3: That do coexist.
Speaker 4: But a lot of the time those things are not
Speaker 4: going to totalists. You know, most child abuses don't vlog it.
Speaker 4: They don't have the evidence, they don't have it on film.
Speaker 4: And most vlogging families are.
Speaker 3: Not abusing their children. They might be exploiting them in
Speaker 3: some way, but there is a difference. You know. It
Speaker 3: does highlight so many different interesting aspects this documentary that
Speaker 3: we've seen before, but also one of the big things
Speaker 3: for me was just seeing the level of coercive control
Speaker 3: that Ruby had towards her husband, Like it was quite
Speaker 3: the role reversal in that sense to what we're used to.
Speaker 3: Was he quite a weak and pathetic man, and I
Speaker 3: hate saying that. That is how he comes across the
Speaker 3: whole show. He even says it himself at the end
Speaker 3: of the final questions, you know, or like, she's in
Speaker 3: prison for thirty years for child abuse, she did these
Speaker 3: horrific things to your son, She brainwashed you, she wouldn't
Speaker 3: let you see your kids free, all of these things.
Speaker 3: Do you love her? And he's like, yeah, I do, I.
Speaker 1: Always will, I'll always love her.
Speaker 3: That's his final statement, and I was just like, eh, yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 3: look like I said.
Speaker 2: I mean, there is so no matter how much you
Speaker 2: know about this story fascinating, there is so much more
Speaker 2: in this STOCKO definitely give it a watch. It's on
Speaker 2: Disney Plas. I highly recommend it. Honestly could not stop watching.
Speaker 4: My vibe for the week is seemingly much more what's
Speaker 4: the word I'm after? Flippant?
Speaker 3: After that deep.
Speaker 1: Unpacked, we can the light and shade.
Speaker 3: Don't worry. It's a mattress.
Speaker 4: So the reason I've been thinking that I should vibe
Speaker 4: this on the podcast is because often in our Facebook group,
Speaker 4: so the Life on Cut discussion.
Speaker 3: Group, and I'm talking like probably.
Speaker 4: Three to four times a week minimum, people are putting
Speaker 4: questions in there, being like, hey, who has this mattress?
Speaker 3: Do you recommend it?
Speaker 4: Blah blah blah, And often it's a question between like
Speaker 4: this one versus this one. And I obviously can't compare
Speaker 4: it because I haven't had multiple but I purchased the
Speaker 4: Koala Lux mattress on the boxing day sales, so I
Speaker 4: did get at thirty percent off, which was a nice
Speaker 4: little little treat for myself. And I am so deeply
Speaker 4: obsessed with it that my brother and sister in law
Speaker 4: spent one night on this mattress when they came to
Speaker 4: stay in our house.
Speaker 3: And they and they've moved in. They have now ordered
Speaker 3: their own, like or that's all it took for them.
Speaker 2: So I mean that if there's ever been a review,
Speaker 2: that's it right there.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I really really love this mattress. I realized
Speaker 4: that my mattress for someone who's as obsessed with sleep
Speaker 4: is what I am. My mattress was terrible before this.
Speaker 4: So this is their top of the range one, so
Speaker 4: it's the most expensive one. The Queen retails for two
Speaker 4: thy three hundred and ninety. They do have sales quite regularly,
Speaker 4: so you maybe get on sale wait for one of those.
Speaker 4: I think it's amazing. It comes in a box. I'm
Speaker 4: not really a mattress a box mattress person, until.
Speaker 3: Now I am completely converted. I have had their mattress.
Speaker 3: I bought it probably three years ago, and I won't
Speaker 3: go back. I really really love it. And everybody always
Speaker 3: talks about how comfy my bed is too, because I
Speaker 3: have people in multiple times a week. You know that's
Speaker 3: a joke. She was left in your bed a little
Speaker 3: All three people that have ever slept in my pitness.
Speaker 4: In terms of like softness, that is the other question
Speaker 4: that people tend to ask in Facebook group.
Speaker 3: I think it's probably.
Speaker 4: Medium to soft range of memory foam styles. So if
Speaker 4: you like a firm one, I'm sure that they've got
Speaker 4: versions that you can kind of make it more firm.
Speaker 4: But I think it's yeah, it's really good. The Koala
Speaker 4: Lux mattress is my vibe for the week. I've been
Speaker 4: sleeping like a queen.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 2: Question number one My question is how do you find
Speaker 2: your identity after becoming a mum. My youngest is twelve
Speaker 2: weeks old and my oldest is only two right now,
Speaker 2: and my life is just consumed with being a mum.
Speaker 2: I feel a bit lost, and I find myself missing
Speaker 2: who I was before. I avoid mirrors when I can,
Speaker 2: because I don't recognize the person looking back at me.
Speaker 2: I want to be the best role model for my girls,
Speaker 2: and I'm worried if I can't find myself again, I
Speaker 2: won't be able to do this for them. During the
Speaker 2: labor of my second child. This is viewbritt During the
Speaker 2: labor of my second child, I was listening to some
Speaker 2: random episodes of the podcast to take my mind off.
Speaker 1: The con actions.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize I still had my headphones on when
Speaker 2: I started to push and my daughter was born to
Speaker 2: the sound of Britney's laugh. Oh my god, that's your
Speaker 2: problem right there. That's where it's all stemmed from.
Speaker 3: I think that's where it started. On what laugh that laugh?
Speaker 3: Will snort laugh?
Speaker 2: Probably that laugh because we've met at the snort laugh
Speaker 2: out as we've established.
Speaker 3: Do you think did that means if a baby's actually
Speaker 3: do you know what? Fuck it? That's good laugh? Yeah.
Speaker 2: That kids, it's like getting shut on by a bird like.
Speaker 3: A cooko ra. Yeah. We could liken it to that.
Speaker 3: That's gonna be good luck, I think for your child. Congratulations.
Speaker 3: That's really tough, because this one's definitely probably more for you. Laura.
Speaker 3: I'm not a mum and I've never been through it,
Speaker 3: and I know there's so many different aspects of postpartum
Speaker 3: depression and trying to find who you are again and
Speaker 3: your life completely changes. I've seen that through so many people.
Speaker 3: I've seen that through Laura my family. You know, I've
Speaker 3: got so many nieces and if you have so many friends,
Speaker 3: but I personally haven't experienced it.
Speaker 2: Firstly, I think it's really important to acknowledge that so
Speaker 2: many mums feel like this, Like there are so many
Speaker 2: women who go through motherhood and you have two under two,
Speaker 2: you have a three month old baby, you are in
Speaker 2: the trenches. I mean, they also call it the fourth
Speaker 2: trimester when you have a when you have a newborn
Speaker 2: baby and you go through those first three months. I
Speaker 2: don't think we talk about the fourth trimester enough because
Speaker 2: there's almost this expectation that once the baby's out, you're
Speaker 2: going to be able to get back to the way
Speaker 2: that you were, And I don't know if you ever
Speaker 2: really get back to the way that you were. You're
Speaker 2: a new version of yourself. But that new version doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be a worse version by any means.
Speaker 3: It's evolution, it is.
Speaker 2: But it's not just it's not just the big changes,
Speaker 2: and sometimes like they're the things that we talk about,
Speaker 2: like you know that sleep is hard, that managing your
Speaker 2: time is hard, that your touch dad and you always have,
Speaker 2: you know, a baby, you're a person to tend to
Speaker 2: the responsibilities are high, but it's also the small things
Speaker 2: as well. It's the getting up in the morning and
Speaker 2: not feeling like any of your clothes are right on
Speaker 2: you because you can't wear the clothes that you used
Speaker 2: to wear before you're pregnant, and you don't necessarily want
Speaker 2: to wear your maternity clothes because you're not pregnant anymore.
Speaker 2: It is a shift that takes over every part of
Speaker 2: your life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I remember us having that conversation, Laura. I
Speaker 3: remember back like first pregnancy, Marley, where your whole life changed,
Speaker 3: And I remember sitting down and you saying, this sounds silly,
Speaker 3: but I don't know who I am and what to
Speaker 3: wear now. I don't know what fits me. I don't
Speaker 3: know what looks right. Even though my old coats fit me,
Speaker 3: they don't feel right. Yeah, you just didn't know. And
Speaker 3: it wasn't an identity crisis as such, but I guess
Speaker 3: it was a mini one because you are trying to
Speaker 3: figure out this next chapter that you haven't ever put
Speaker 3: a foot in before. Like it's such a new experience
Speaker 3: for everyone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and when you've had two under two, like, you've
Speaker 2: probably been off work for quite some time and so like,
Speaker 2: the things that were normal from your day to day
Speaker 2: are just not normal anymore. I still look back on
Speaker 2: photos of me after Maley and Laula were born, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, what am I wearing?
Speaker 3: Like? But it was it was the only thing that
Speaker 3: kind of felt like it fit.
Speaker 2: Me, fit me right then. But I don't know, I
Speaker 2: just I look back on those and I don't recognize
Speaker 2: I mean not everything about that period was bad. I
Speaker 2: don't want anyone to think of this as like a
Speaker 2: motherhood slamming conversation.
Speaker 3: And there were way worse things than what Laura had
Speaker 3: to wear. But yeah, when I.
Speaker 2: Look at that and I'm like, what the fuck was
Speaker 2: going on? Like that was okay, that was an interesting
Speaker 2: time in the evolution of Laura Burns.
Speaker 3: Okay, it was fashion choices.
Speaker 2: But I and the reason why I'm focusing on the clothes,
Speaker 2: and I know that clothes makes up the smallest part
Speaker 2: of it, but it's like the reason why I'm saying
Speaker 2: that is because it really does affect everything from the
Speaker 2: top down. I would say, right now, your three months postpartum,
Speaker 2: give yourself so much grace.
Speaker 1: Like you do.
Speaker 2: You're in the trenches and you do crawl out of
Speaker 2: the trenches like you do. One day you wake up
Speaker 2: and you'll be like, oh my god, I had time
Speaker 2: to like wipe my ass without my child screaming at
Speaker 2: me today, And then I was able to go for
Speaker 2: a walk and I went to pilates. And I think
Speaker 2: it's when you're able to start doing things for yourself
Speaker 2: and also having some moments of time that are on
Speaker 2: your own, you start to gain a little bit of
Speaker 2: sense of yourself again.
Speaker 1: And it's also really important.
Speaker 2: That you have support in order for that to happen,
Speaker 2: because what can sometimes happen is that even though you
Speaker 2: might go and have your shower or go and do
Speaker 2: the things that you feel like you're doing for yourself,
Speaker 2: you might be on high alert still for when your
Speaker 2: baby's crying or for if there's a problem. Whereas like
Speaker 2: what I found worked really well for me is like
Speaker 2: in the mornings, Matt wants he'd had his shower and
Speaker 2: he was already I would give him Lola Andmali, and
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I'm having my shower, Do not interrupt me.
Speaker 1: Do he come to me?
Speaker 3: Do not? I don't, I do not solve the problems
Speaker 3: for an hour, Like that's my shower for an hour.
Speaker 2: There's water, no like shower, get ready, Like have an
Speaker 2: hour to yourself, like if your baby's fed, Like you
Speaker 2: can take that time. And it might not be feasible
Speaker 2: in the morning because maybe your partner's got to go
Speaker 2: to work, whatever that looks like. But there absolutely has
Speaker 2: to be time carved out in the day where you
Speaker 2: are able to have solo time so that you can
Speaker 2: sit and have a coffee, or you can call a
Speaker 2: girlfriend or do whatever it is that you want to do.
Speaker 3: That's undistracted time. Oh, she literally says here at the end,
Speaker 3: thank you for bringing so much joy and laughter to
Speaker 3: this world. I've only had one night out since becoming
Speaker 3: a mum, and that was to your live show in Melbourne.
Speaker 2: See that's two years. No wonder, you don't have a
Speaker 2: sense of who the hell you are. You're not anyone
Speaker 2: right now except a mom, except a mum, and like
Speaker 2: it's I mean, I'm so glad that you spent that
Speaker 2: night coming to hang out with us. But like, when
Speaker 2: you have two kids under two, I understand that there
Speaker 2: is a big priority, but you are also still a priority,
Speaker 2: and your partner is also still a priority. You have
Speaker 2: to be able to give each other time to have
Speaker 2: moments in life which are about you as a person
Speaker 2: separate to being a parent. And maybe that means getting
Speaker 2: a babysitter. If that's not able because it's too expensive,
Speaker 2: maybe a friend can come and help. Or maybe it
Speaker 2: just means your partner steps up to the plate takes
Speaker 2: care of the kids so that you can go out
Speaker 2: with your girlfriends for dinner once a month. You know,
Speaker 2: that's not a big expectation.
Speaker 3: You've got to cut yourself some slack. And realistically you're saying,
Speaker 3: you know, I feel like I'm just a mum right now,
Speaker 3: but that's because you also are. You have a three
Speaker 3: month old. At the end of the day, you are
Speaker 3: keeping a small, helpless being alive, like that is your
Speaker 3: job right now as well. So you are going to
Speaker 3: feel like that is all in COmON because it is
Speaker 3: all encompassing. But you do need to be able to
Speaker 3: put that little bit of balance in. I don't know
Speaker 3: if you can do it once a week, once a month,
Speaker 3: but definitely more than one night in two years. That's
Speaker 3: something that you need to prioritize. And I understand it's
Speaker 3: not for everyone to be able to go out once
Speaker 3: a week, in your household, with your children, with your partner,
Speaker 3: whatever it is. But there's got to be something else
Speaker 3: you carve out at some stage.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it doesn't have to be like it doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be a night out. That's not what we're suggesting.
Speaker 2: Maybe it could be pilates. It could be going for
Speaker 2: a swim like whatever that looks like for you. Maybe
Speaker 2: you go and you do a pilates class. I don't
Speaker 2: know why I keep saying polarates, but whatever, it could
Speaker 2: be that with a girlfriend, you know, and that's the
Speaker 2: person that you hang out with. But there has to
Speaker 2: be something else in your life that is beyond just
Speaker 2: being a mum for you to feel like you have
Speaker 2: a sense of identity, because it's very fulfilling. We love
Speaker 2: being mum's kids are amazing all of that stuff, but
Speaker 2: it is not the only thing that you will put
Speaker 2: on this earth to do after birthing children.
Speaker 4: It's just not.
Speaker 2: So I think, give yourself some grace and have some
Speaker 2: big compass with your partner around how you're feeling so
Speaker 2: that they can better support you and they can better
Speaker 2: carry the load, so that you can actually prioritize yourself
Speaker 2: a little bit.
Speaker 3: All right question number two. My ex and I broke
Speaker 3: up in October. Recently we've been reconnecting for a bit
Speaker 3: of company in casual fun. Last weekend, I popped over
Speaker 3: to his place for just like a super chill lunch hangout, which, of.
Speaker 1: Course I don't know why that was funny.
Speaker 3: I know, because like, you know, you're gonna fuck. It's
Speaker 3: just a super chill light hangout. Is your exit lunchtime.
Speaker 3: You're having a lunch break. You're not going over to
Speaker 3: have a ham sandwich. But maybe they did, and then
Speaker 3: they fuck for sure? Well they did. That's the end
Speaker 3: spoil on, okay, which of course eventually led to some
Speaker 3: steamy playtime. It was one of those really hot days,
Speaker 3: so we decided to have a shower session. Things got
Speaker 3: hot and steamy, and as he started touching me in
Speaker 3: all the right places with his hand, things started to
Speaker 3: heat up and I said, oh, fuck me. I don't
Speaker 3: know why that was imperative to the conversation and why
Speaker 3: I had to say it, like I was there. I
Speaker 3: like it though, okay, he replied, the cautious babe. When
Speaker 3: I turned back, I was hit with a shock that
Speaker 3: I'll never forget. His finger was covered in a thick
Speaker 3: smear of diarrhea. Oh it was it was my first
Speaker 3: time experiencing such an unsexy disaster.
Speaker 1: Then, God, you're in the shower.
Speaker 3: Needless to say, I was mortified. We quickly washed it off,
Speaker 3: agreeing that we just can't come back from this one. Ah,
Speaker 3: that's so brutal. You just shit yourself. And he says,
Speaker 3: we can't come back from this. Now it's become a
Speaker 3: bit of a core memory and I can't shake it.
Speaker 3: Here is my diarrhea, I mean, my dilemma. Should I
Speaker 3: put the brakes on our casual escapades or mite a
Speaker 3: second round with a strategic bathroom break this time help
Speaker 3: us with a clean slate. I am so confused what
Speaker 3: this question is? Wait? Can she live again?
Speaker 4: I would just like to point out that I did
Speaker 4: not put this question after unhit.
Speaker 3: Brittany chose solely to put this one in. It was
Speaker 3: a little too hectic.
Speaker 2: Wait, you dated someone for it. It broke a prolong
Speaker 2: period of time.
Speaker 3: It broke up.
Speaker 2: They broke up, you know, hangs and bangs accidentally shut
Speaker 2: on him, and now.
Speaker 3: She wants to know if she needs to leave it.
Speaker 3: He put his finger in there.
Speaker 1: Oh, he's stuck his finger in your arm.
Speaker 3: No, we don't know that his hands were down there.
Speaker 3: She she just says, my hands are down there, and
Speaker 3: then she got diarrhea.
Speaker 2: I think he must have put his fingers in her backside,
Speaker 2: because I don't think that someone just unless you've had
Speaker 2: something going on with you.
Speaker 3: You got to check that out if you just accidentally,
Speaker 3: because if he's put no, because if he's put his
Speaker 3: finger up there and it's coming out with Pooh, that's
Speaker 3: something you have to accept could happen if you are
Speaker 3: not prepared for it. That's a home. That's where it belongs.
Speaker 3: That's my point. That belongs there more than a finger do.
Speaker 3: That's why I think she'said exactly. That's why I think
Speaker 3: it's been an accident, because that's an expectation. If you're
Speaker 3: going to go willy nilly, no pun intended, if you're
Speaker 3: gonna go willy nilly and put a finger off the
Speaker 3: butthole without it being prepped or talked about, then you've
Speaker 3: got to expect something to be on there. The Pooh
Speaker 3: lives in the but hole.
Speaker 2: I think it's fine. I think you can just laugh
Speaker 2: it off and be like that was awkward. You don't
Speaker 2: even have to you don't even have to talk about
Speaker 2: it again. But him saying like, we can't come back
Speaker 2: from this, because.
Speaker 3: They both said that.
Speaker 2: I think you can come back from it. It's your
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend, it's fine. If it was just a hangs
Speaker 2: and bangs guy that you did not care about, I
Speaker 2: would not come back from it.
Speaker 3: I think you can come back. But I absolutely think
Speaker 3: you can come back from it.
Speaker 2: I think it's not whatever you were in the shower,
Speaker 2: you were right there near the soap washhand.
Speaker 3: No, if it's a one night you just met the guy,
Speaker 3: you shit on him, I wouldn't have gone back. I
Speaker 3: think you'd leave that one if it was if you're
Speaker 3: on tinder block delete Yeah.
Speaker 2: But like this match, this is a guy that you've
Speaker 2: dated for a considerable amount of time by the sounds
Speaker 2: of things, and now you're like quite happily having hangs
Speaker 2: and bangs and you're in the shower, and you know what,
Speaker 2: if he can't take you at your worst, he doesn't
Speaker 2: deserve you at your best.
Speaker 3: It depends. I just it depends. I just had so
Speaker 3: many mental images going through what this situation could look
Speaker 3: back in the shower, Like imagine the diary just pouring
Speaker 3: out or down the shower. But I don't think it
Speaker 3: was that. I take it there, Brittany, because that's where
Speaker 3: we are. I'm a visual person, so I needed to
Speaker 3: play this scene out. I don't like the fact that
Speaker 3: I think this is so funny. I know, I don't
Speaker 3: like the fact I just picture him looking like this,
Speaker 3: holding his finger up, being like, we can't come back
Speaker 3: from this, And I think that's cooked. You can come
Speaker 3: back from it. It's a bit of poop. Tell him
Speaker 3: to man up. Yeah, he wants to have sex with you.
Speaker 3: A little accident in the shower is fine.
Speaker 2: But if you did just totally accidentally shot yourself, like
Speaker 2: and you had no idea that you did it, I
Speaker 2: really think you should probably get that checked out because
Speaker 2: that doesn't sound normal, Like that's not like but you
Speaker 2: also know you no one like but you know if
Speaker 2: you've you know, like, no one okay, man, but you
Speaker 2: know you do a shot, you know, like you've at
Speaker 2: some point discover you don't have someone be like, hold on,
Speaker 2: look at what's here unless you have like a lack
Speaker 2: of sense or feeling and that's something that you know
Speaker 2: you experience or deal with.
Speaker 3: I don't think we have to tell she's got a
Speaker 3: health problem. Some people do just poop. Some people have this, No,
Speaker 3: I'm being serious, some people do have loose bowels, and
Speaker 3: if you're in the shower and it slipped out, you're
Speaker 3: not going to feel it as much, right because people
Speaker 3: when they shot and I'm not saying people I have
Speaker 3: not shouted on record, but well please you don't.
Speaker 1: You also don't need that caveat everyone's shouted.
Speaker 3: No, they haven't. That is such a blanket statement. Everyone
Speaker 3: has not shot it. But my point is people do.
Speaker 3: The reason you know you've done it is because usually
Speaker 3: you have pants on and you feel it. But if
Speaker 3: she has accidentally done that in the shower, she's not
Speaker 3: going to have known because there's water and it's loose
Speaker 3: and it's coming out. So I just think, at the
Speaker 3: end of the day, hang on, just stop this. Why
Speaker 3: fucking your ex anyway, you've shot on him, he's your ex.
Speaker 3: Let's move on. I don't think you actually need to
Speaker 3: go back there. Technically you can. It shouldn't be an issue.
Speaker 3: But I'm just going to take this as a sign
Speaker 3: from the universe. He's an ex's in the past. Let's
Speaker 3: move forward and hopefully not shit on anywhere even in
Speaker 3: the universe. Is like, this is shit, stop taking it.
Speaker 3: The universe is like, what do I need to do
Speaker 3: to stop this from happening? I know you can shit
Speaker 3: on him, like I think, let's move on.
Speaker 1: Interesting question.
Speaker 2: I would just like to end it with I do
Speaker 2: think you can come back from this. I don't think
Speaker 2: that it's a big deal. Everybody goes to the toilet.
Speaker 2: If he's that weird out by it and wigged out
Speaker 2: by it, then that says a lot more about him.
Speaker 3: It's but also it is easy to say that if
Speaker 3: I was getting hot and steamy and I actually pooed
Speaker 3: on someone's hand, I would also be mortified, but I
Speaker 3: would I would laugh it off. I would just be
Speaker 3: like wow, like that's gonna go down in history. Crazy,
Speaker 3: so crazy, Oh my god, could you believe that that
Speaker 3: just happened? Okay, question number three? Please, let's move on.
Speaker 3: Question number three. I am a female, married and deem
Speaker 3: in my late twenties. I've always enjoyed sex, but as
Speaker 3: I've gotten older, my sex drive has declined. This has
Speaker 3: become a point of tension in my marriage, as my
Speaker 3: husband has always maintained his sex drive. In an effort
Speaker 3: to reconnect with my body and bring some excitement back
Speaker 3: into our sex life, I recently bought my first vibrator.
Speaker 3: While exploring, I made an embarrassing discovery. I've never actually
Speaker 3: orgasms from my husband or most past partners. I've always
Speaker 3: wondered if I even could orgasm. However, I did experience
Speaker 3: it once with a previous partner, which has made this
Speaker 3: realization even more confusing. Now I've learned that I can
Speaker 3: do it myself, and I don't quite know how to
Speaker 3: process that. I loved my husband deeply, and I know
Speaker 3: this revelation will really hurt him. I don't want him
Speaker 3: to feel inadequate, but I also want to be honest
Speaker 3: so that we can improve our intimacy together. How do
Speaker 3: I approach the conversation? That is a very tricky discovery.
Speaker 3: It's a great discovery. Yeah, I'm really fuck I am
Speaker 3: very please.
Speaker 1: Here's lots of time on your own.
Speaker 2: No, but it's a tricky discovery when you assumed that
Speaker 2: you were having orgasms or reaching like some sort of
Speaker 2: peak with your partner, to then discover, oh, actually, like
Speaker 2: that's not and potentially it's why you don't have the
Speaker 2: same sex drive, and that's kind of declined because you're
Speaker 2: not actually sexually satisfied. And I mean, like, there's probably
Speaker 2: a few ways that you can navigate this, But if
Speaker 2: this was me, I would not tell my partner.
Speaker 1: That he's never made me orgasm.
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's going to be like the
Speaker 2: right way of attacking the situation to start with, especially
Speaker 2: when he thinks he has. But I would maybe have
Speaker 2: a conversation and say, hey, I recently bought a vibrator
Speaker 2: and I have done X Y and it's really really
Speaker 2: great and it feels really amazing. Is there a way
Speaker 2: that we can try and replicate that or bring it
Speaker 2: into the bedroom, you know, when we're having sex.
Speaker 1: I would love for you to be able to be
Speaker 1: included in that. I don't know is that offensive?
Speaker 3: Is that going to make him turn around and be like,
Speaker 3: what are you mean?
Speaker 2: I think that there's a way that you can include
Speaker 2: the vibrator into your relationship so that maybe you can
Speaker 2: get an oh, but he can be the one facilitating it.
Speaker 3: I don't know how I feel about it, because I
Speaker 3: do think you need to move forward with honesty and
Speaker 3: I'm really thinking through this. I don't think the conversation
Speaker 3: necessarily has to be you've never made me orgasm.
Speaker 1: No, I think that that's too too harsh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the conversation can be different, But I
Speaker 3: think I don't know how you'd navigate this without telling
Speaker 3: him the truth in a way. Now, firstly, ten to
Speaker 3: fifteen percent of women, so we're told with the internet,
Speaker 3: actually don't or can't orgasm, So not every single woman can. Now,
Speaker 3: we have had some sex ologiers before that have disputed that.
Speaker 3: There are people that say that they don't believe those
Speaker 3: facts that everybody can learn to orgasm. So I'm not sure,
Speaker 3: but we are led to believe that there are some women,
Speaker 3: and I know women in my own life that have
Speaker 3: never had an orgasm, Like I know people in the
Speaker 3: medical professional that have done all the research they can,
Speaker 3: have tried everything, and they just can't. So there are
Speaker 3: some people that can't. It sounds like you thought maybe
Speaker 3: you were one of those people, and then you've made
Speaker 3: this discovery. Well I hang on, maybe it just takes
Speaker 3: something a little bit different for me to get there.
Speaker 3: And I think that that's an amazing discovery because your
Speaker 3: whole life is going to change now. But I don't
Speaker 3: see why that can't be a conversation you can have
Speaker 3: with your partner where you've said, hey, sex has always
Speaker 3: been amazing with you. But I think I have had
Speaker 3: a realization where I don't think I have reached my
Speaker 3: full capacity with intimacy because I did have this moment.
Speaker 3: But I think that, like it's instead of saying, hey,
Speaker 3: I've never had an orgasm, it's like I felt something
Speaker 3: I haven't quite felt before. Can we discover that? Can
Speaker 3: we play with this a little bit? Because if you've
Speaker 3: never introduced that stimulation before into your sex life as
Speaker 3: a couple or alone, you won't to know. So that's
Speaker 3: not necessarily a reflection on your husband's performance, your performance,
Speaker 3: or anything else. It's just a difference with your body
Speaker 3: and what your body needs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also on that it's been I mean, it's
Speaker 2: well documented that a lot of people who have volvers
Speaker 2: can't orgasm or climax from penetrative sex.
Speaker 3: Right, Like those people can't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, most people can't.
Speaker 2: And there are a lot of women out there who
Speaker 2: aren't able to come unless they're using vibrators. Like, I
Speaker 2: don't think that this is an unusual thing, but I
Speaker 2: don't think it should be stigmatized that that is the
Speaker 2: way that you're able to reach climax, Like you shouldn't
Speaker 2: be penalized or punished because your partner's ego is going
Speaker 2: to be hurt.
Speaker 1: I think there has to be a.
Speaker 2: Way to be able to incorporate it into your sex
Speaker 2: life so that you're able to reach the same level
Speaker 2: of climax. And I don't think it should be I mean,
Speaker 2: it's tricky because I know that we are saying it
Speaker 2: shouldn't be seen as something that should be like ego hurt,
Speaker 2: but that doesn't necessarily mean that that's how it's going
Speaker 2: to play out when you have the conversation. So I
Speaker 2: do think be careful around making sure that it's an
Speaker 2: inclusive conversation around like how you can both get more
Speaker 2: enjoyment out of.
Speaker 1: Your sex together.
Speaker 2: But I don't think you're alone in discovering that you
Speaker 2: have a better climax when you do it to yourself
Speaker 2: with a vibrator than what you do with a partner,
Speaker 2: because like you also control everything, you know exactly where
Speaker 2: and what to do as you're in the midst of it,
Speaker 2: whereas like your partner's not a mind reader and doesn't
Speaker 2: have that same sort of ability or understanding.
Speaker 3: A man could be the best fucker in the world
Speaker 3: and you could like he could win a competition that's like, hey,
Speaker 3: I'm the best lover. You could still introduce a vibrator
Speaker 3: on top of that and it will be better. Like
Speaker 3: it doesn't have to be an ego hit. And it's
Speaker 3: just that saying you don't know until you know, And
Speaker 3: that's what's happened for you. You haven't known until you've known.
Speaker 3: Now you know, and he needs to know that you
Speaker 3: know that you don't know till you know.
Speaker 2: There's an article from a sexologist named Tracy Cox right,
Speaker 2: and she's said that there are lots of women who
Speaker 2: wouldn't have orgasms all if it wasn't for the humble vibrator.
Speaker 2: And it's more about finding ways that can bring you
Speaker 2: to climax, rather than expecting that your partner is the
Speaker 2: only person or only thing that would be able to
Speaker 2: do that. So like teaching them or teaching yourself another
Speaker 2: way is something that absolutely should be normalized. It's just
Speaker 2: approaching the conversation in the right way.
Speaker 3: I always think about it in reverse too, like if
Speaker 3: my partner came to me and said, hey, I tried
Speaker 3: this sex tweet. Oh my god, sex feels ten times better.
Speaker 3: I'd be excited by that. I'd be like, awesome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you wouldn't say sex fells ten times better.
Speaker 2: I think you'd say it felt really intense.
Speaker 3: But that's what I mean. If if my partner came
Speaker 3: to me and said this increases my feeling, that wouldn't
Speaker 3: offend me. I'd be like, how cool that we found
Speaker 3: something that makes you feel better. Like, and I understand
Speaker 3: egos are different for men and women or whatever, but
Speaker 3: I just think that's should way. When you approach it
Speaker 3: that way, it shouldn't be But I think it's the
Speaker 3: way you say it. It's the way you bring it
Speaker 3: to him. And if you've never used it before, you
Speaker 3: haven't known. Now you have new information and new education.
Speaker 3: You can incorporate that to your life. But definitely do
Speaker 3: not mean out on orgasms and better sex for your
Speaker 3: partner because you're too worried about what he's going to think.
Speaker 3: Because you're going to be married for another forty fifty
Speaker 3: six years. You need to live your best life, all right.
Speaker 1: Last question.
Speaker 2: Last year, I went on a UNI exchange and in
Speaker 2: the last few weeks there I met a British guy
Speaker 2: who I genuinely believe.
Speaker 1: Could be my person.
Speaker 2: Since then, we have kept in contact and I have
Speaker 2: met him in Bali and again back in the UK
Speaker 2: for a few weeks later in the year. My dilemma
Speaker 2: now is that I have agreed to go on a
Speaker 2: cruise with my friend in April for contacts with this friend.
Speaker 2: She has been my best friend for a few years,
Speaker 2: but because of some things that happened last year, she
Speaker 2: now lives with my ex boyfriend of four years that's random,
Speaker 2: and a few other people who don't run in my
Speaker 2: circles anymore. This has made our relationship a little bit
Speaker 2: challenging recently, and this cruise with her entire family could
Speaker 2: really be a make or break situation for us. However,
Speaker 2: I have just found out that this is the only
Speaker 2: time in the entire year, because he studies medicine and
Speaker 2: gets little holidays, that my British boy would be a
Speaker 2: were to come out to visit me for a few weeks.
Speaker 2: Having this cruise smack bang in the middle of these
Speaker 2: weeks means that the trip wouldn't be worth the money
Speaker 2: for him if I'm only going to be there for
Speaker 2: half the time.
Speaker 1: So my question is how terrible of a friend am I?
Speaker 2: And or will this ruin my friendship if I prioritize
Speaker 2: seeing the potential love of my life over this cruise
Speaker 2: with my best friend. Also a little bit more context.
Speaker 2: She was so excited when I told her I was
Speaker 2: going to come on the cruise and has not been
Speaker 2: overly supportive of this British man I've been obsessing over.
Speaker 2: So I really feel like me doing this would be
Speaker 2: taken very personally, and I'm worried that we potentially won't
Speaker 2: fully come back from it. But it also feels like
Speaker 2: if I can take the opportunity to see him, then
Speaker 2: I should.
Speaker 1: No one has a mirror ball.
Speaker 3: I have two very different opinions. It's hard because, like you,
Speaker 3: I did it. Yes, no, I didn't do it. You
Speaker 3: didn't cancel something on me? But yes, no, but Ben
Speaker 3: did it? So okay, hear me out straight up. Is
Speaker 3: this going to jeopardize your friendship? Probably? Yeah, And you've
Speaker 3: said that we don't know that. You've said that.
Speaker 2: Yes, you have written that she was so excited, she's
Speaker 2: already got to be in a bonnet about the guy
Speaker 2: she is.
Speaker 1: It's going to change your friendship.
Speaker 3: The only thing here.
Speaker 1: Is hope with your ex. Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 3: The only thing is here? Why the fuck is she
Speaker 3: with your egg? No, but it would be different. There's
Speaker 3: a few variables. It'd be different for me if this
Speaker 3: was a holiday that they were going on as two
Speaker 3: friends and she bailed. Her whole family is going Did
Speaker 3: I hear that right? Like she's on a trip with her.
Speaker 1: Family, yes, and she's invited her friend to come.
Speaker 3: Yep. So she's like, Hey, I'm on this trip with
Speaker 3: my family. Do you want to come? And you're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: you know what, got nothing else to do? Sure? Now
Speaker 3: you do have something else to do. Which it's tricky
Speaker 3: because you're only leaving her where she started. She never
Speaker 3: started the trip with you. She was on a family trip.
Speaker 3: You're going to come. You're not so there that I
Speaker 3: don't think she will see it like that. She won't,
Speaker 3: but let hear me out. This is why it's slightly
Speaker 3: different for me. If you had a trip just with her,
Speaker 3: you two, then I would say you absolutely cannot cancel.
Speaker 3: But you're talking to somebody who is marrying the person
Speaker 3: that she took a risk on, a guy she met
Speaker 3: for three days and I took a risk, so my
Speaker 3: my train of thought is not normal. And you guys
Speaker 3: might remember if you passed your mind back, my train
Speaker 3: of thought is not normal.
Speaker 1: It's true.
Speaker 3: Take that as a quote. But if you cast your
Speaker 3: guys mind back a couple of years. In the first
Speaker 3: year that Ben and I were together, there was a
Speaker 3: moment that we did talk about in the podcast, but
Speaker 3: if you missed it, which highly likely did, Ben had
Speaker 3: like a friend's wedding that he was invited to, and
Speaker 3: it was the one time in six months that he
Speaker 3: and I could see each other because of our holidays,
Speaker 3: and so we were still in the early stages of
Speaker 3: getting to know each other. We were in a relationship,
Speaker 3: but like you didn't know you're going to marry each
Speaker 3: other yet, yeah, And he ended up making a really
Speaker 3: difficult decision to see me instead. It was a really
Speaker 3: tough decision because he's like, this is my friend's wedding,
Speaker 3: but he's like he inside was like there is something
Speaker 3: about this girl. Okay me, but he's like the saying
Speaker 3: about this girl. And this is the way he explained
Speaker 3: it to his friend. He said, I think if I
Speaker 3: don't go and see this girl, it could be a
Speaker 3: really bad decision. He's like, I really think that she's
Speaker 3: going to be a part of my future. And he
Speaker 3: had a really sit down conversation and said, like, she's
Speaker 3: really important to me, and if I don't see her now,
Speaker 3: the relationship won't work because I won't see her for
Speaker 3: like a year. And I didn't want him to say that.
Speaker 3: I left it completely in his court, and I actually
Speaker 3: felt really guilty. But he's still really great friends with
Speaker 3: that person, and he and I are getting married. And
Speaker 3: I know that's not a normal example, but it's the
Speaker 3: first thing I thought about. When you're saying I really
Speaker 3: like this guy that I've met and we might not
Speaker 3: see each other. It's super tricky, but I think we
Speaker 3: can't answer it because we don't know how you feel
Speaker 3: and we don't know what this guy means to you.
Speaker 3: But how important is your friendship because she's gonna be
Speaker 3: if she's gonna be upset and it is going to
Speaker 3: cancel your friendship, that's a different question. Ben had the
Speaker 3: conversation with his friend and they understood and they moved forward,
Speaker 3: but she might not.
Speaker 2: I know, this is such a hard one because, like Britt,
Speaker 2: you are the exception. What you guys have experienced. Is
Speaker 2: not standard, you know. And I think the other part
Speaker 2: of this to keep in mind is you said that
Speaker 2: this is the only time in a year.
Speaker 1: I think it was that you'd be able to see him.
Speaker 2: Are you going to be able to sustain a year
Speaker 2: of long distance with only two weeks together. I just
Speaker 2: think that there's some big conversations to have with him first,
Speaker 2: because you've obviously been to Bally to see him, You've
Speaker 2: gone to the UK to see him, like you are
Speaker 2: making effort and you guys are keeping in contact and
Speaker 2: everything else, like you will know what is happening. But
Speaker 2: I think that there should be some big conversations around
Speaker 2: like are you in a relationship together?
Speaker 3: Like are you actually exclusive? Is that what's happening again?
Speaker 3: Do you just have a crush?
Speaker 2: Because the difference for you, Britt is like you guys
Speaker 2: were exclusive at least at that point in time and obsessed,
Speaker 2: You had a close relationship, you were a boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 2: You'd already made that commitment to each other. I don't know,
Speaker 2: and it doesn't to me, doesn't sound like that's the
Speaker 2: case here. It sounds like it's two people who are
Speaker 2: infatuated with each other and you've you know, you've still
Speaker 2: got your own things going on in your lives, but
Speaker 2: you haven't really had those big conversations yet. So the
Speaker 2: question is, potentially have those conversations with him. Is he
Speaker 2: serious about the relationship being a relationship, about closing the relationship,
Speaker 2: about looking to what the future looks like, what is
Speaker 2: a bit of a plan there? And if that's the case,
Speaker 2: then maybe here's someone that you are okay with risking
Speaker 2: a friendship on. But it does sound like you want
Speaker 2: us to tell you that it's okay to go and
Speaker 2: do this. The thing is is you can do whatever
Speaker 2: you want to, but you will have the fallout from
Speaker 2: your friendship. If it sounds like your friend is going
Speaker 2: to take that really personally.
Speaker 3: He needs to one hundred You need to be together. Yeah,
Speaker 3: this shouldn't eve even Aye, Sorry I just made that assumption.
Speaker 3: This shouldn't even be a conversation if you're not together.
Speaker 2: I don't think they are. I think that they're still.
Speaker 2: I mean, who knows. But it's like, this is the
Speaker 2: boy that I'm obsessed with, But she hasn't actually said
Speaker 2: that this is her partner, this is what she's in
Speaker 2: a relationship with.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is my genuine response. And there is zero
Speaker 3: reason that this can't happen. I think he comes to
Speaker 3: see you. You both go on the cruise together. They're
Speaker 3: with their family, you're with your friend. He's there seeing
Speaker 3: something else.
Speaker 1: No, that's weird. You can't invite it.
Speaker 3: Weird. Also the cruise ship. Sorry, this girl and her
Speaker 3: family don't own the cruise ship.
Speaker 1: It's not that though.
Speaker 2: It's about inviting your friend to come and have a
Speaker 2: holiday with you, and then they've brought their new boyfriend.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna spend time with you.
Speaker 3: Yes, you will, you have Well, that would be that,
Speaker 3: That would be what I would do if one hundred percent,
Speaker 3: I would say, hey, can we come on the cruise.
Speaker 3: She's got her family, she's got her whole group. There's
Speaker 3: zero reason you can't also say, hey, do you know
Speaker 3: what this could be really cool? You can get to
Speaker 3: know a guy that's important to me. You're important to me.
Speaker 3: There's ways to spin this. I ways to spin this.
Speaker 2: I do not think that that will be well received.
Speaker 3: FI gross cross. Hang on, is it a neutist orgie cruise?
Speaker 3: You know those like sex cruises, pie cruissm No, I.
Speaker 2: Think it's probably just a carnival and they're just gonna
Speaker 2: go and have a nice little times Peanuts. It's probably
Speaker 2: a Disney cruise, Okay, I don't know. I don't think
Speaker 2: that you can take the boy that you barely see,
Speaker 2: because you guys are just gonna want to have sex
Speaker 2: twenty four hours a day. Like you're not gonna want
Speaker 2: to hang out with your friend's mum. So like, I
Speaker 2: don't think that that's gonna be a fair holiday for
Speaker 2: everyone because your friend is going to get very jealous
Speaker 2: that you've brought this person who you want to see
Speaker 2: more than her.
Speaker 3: Like that's going to create a weird dynamic. I don't know.
Speaker 3: It goes two ways because if you were I don't
Speaker 3: want to say if you're a real friend, but if
Speaker 3: you had a really close friendship close enough to go away,
Speaker 3: you can have that conversation where you're like, hey, hey,
Speaker 3: this is what's happening. I really like this guy. It's
Speaker 3: the only time he can come on holiday, do you reckon?
Speaker 3: He can come on the cruise. Like, it's not like
Speaker 3: you're sleeping in a bed with her, she's with her family.
Speaker 3: You can definitely all hang out. You're adults, you're not kids.
Speaker 3: You cannot be in a situation where as grown women
Speaker 3: you are jealous that your friend wants to bring her
Speaker 3: partner to your family holiday.
Speaker 2: That's why trying to tell me, honestly, that if Ben
Speaker 2: came over, if he was coming here for three weeks
Speaker 2: or two weeks or whatever, and we were going away
Speaker 2: on a holiday with my family and you were like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm going to bring Ben on the cruise with you,
Speaker 2: that you would still prioritize time with me and my family.
Speaker 3: You'd hang out all day long. You would.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, where's You'd be like into the reception
Speaker 2: is bad down and the drudges, but of course you
Speaker 2: still have.
Speaker 3: She's still gonna have her moments with her family. You're
Speaker 3: not gonna you don't want to hang out with your friends,
Speaker 3: parents and brothers and sisters for a fucking crew whole cruise.
Speaker 3: It's different. It's not you're not going to a really
Speaker 3: romantic airbnb where it's secluded on a private beach and
Speaker 3: it's just a family. It's a cruise with thousands of people,
Speaker 3: thousands of restaurants, entertainment like these thousands I don't know,
Speaker 3: but you know what I mean. These cruise ships are humongous.
Speaker 3: They're absolutely insane. There's water parks on them. I don't
Speaker 3: think it's the biggest deal to meet in the middle
Speaker 3: and say, like, I really want you to also call opportunity.
Speaker 3: You can all still hang, but you will have to
Speaker 3: make the effort to hang out with her on the crew.
Speaker 2: The reason is, let me give you one more spanner
Speaker 2: as to why that won't work, because the reason why
Speaker 2: she's invited her is because she's probably got a room,
Speaker 2: so they will share a bed together.
Speaker 3: We don't know that with speculation, but I speculation.
Speaker 2: Cruises sell out very quickly and it's very okay cruise
Speaker 2: they do, they do. But it's also like she's probably
Speaker 2: invited her because she's got a spare, like she's got
Speaker 2: the double bed and it's a twin room.
Speaker 3: She's invited it because she doesn't want to be on
Speaker 3: a holiday with a family. No, but there's space for her.
Speaker 2: I doubt that she said, hey, come on this cruise
Speaker 2: and completely book yourself your own bedroom, because if it
Speaker 2: was that was the case, and I'd be like, sure,
Speaker 2: it's different, she's booked entirely or her own room. What
Speaker 2: I'm reducing from what she said, is that she's been
Speaker 2: invited because it probably makes sense from a numbers perspective
Speaker 2: for her to have a friend there. I don't know
Speaker 2: the only way to answer this is that you have
Speaker 2: to make a decision around what's more important, and if
Speaker 2: it's taking a punt on this relationship or it's your friendship,
Speaker 2: one of them is going to be affected by the
Speaker 2: decision that you make.
Speaker 1: And so if you are at a point.
Speaker 2: Where you're like, okay, I'm okay with the friendship being
Speaker 2: damaged and potentially never coming back from this, then that's
Speaker 2: the decision to make. But I think be careful because
Speaker 2: I think often relationships are not the exception that you
Speaker 2: think they are, and so you could throw away a
Speaker 2: really important friendship for someone who might not be ready
Speaker 2: to make the commitments that you are if you haven't
Speaker 2: had those conversations first.
Speaker 3: If you think that this could be your person and
Speaker 3: you guys are together, then I think it's a different
Speaker 3: conversation because at some point you do have to prioritize yourself.
Speaker 3: You weren't going on the cruise just with your friend.
Speaker 3: She was already going with her family. You were invited
Speaker 3: as an extra to make it a bit more fun.
Speaker 3: That to me is different. But unless I know how
Speaker 3: important this person is to you, And again, I'm not
Speaker 3: normal because that's how I met the love of my life,
Speaker 3: like my husband. Is this situation that you're explaining you
Speaker 3: met someone from a different country, you've become infatuated, and
Speaker 3: you're falling in love, and you're trying to make it work,
Speaker 3: and trying to make it work as someone that's done
Speaker 3: it for two and a half years now, is fucking
Speaker 3: so hard. And I will never now that I've lived it,
Speaker 3: I will never tell someone again, oh, you've only known
Speaker 3: them for four days, that you don't know they mean nothing. Sure,
Speaker 3: you've only known them for four days, you don't know them,
Speaker 3: but it doesn't mean they don't mean anything to you
Speaker 3: and that you don't want to make something work. But
Speaker 3: if you truly think that this could be your penguin
Speaker 3: and you're trying so hard to make it work, and
Speaker 3: it really is the only time of the entire year
Speaker 3: you can possibly spend any time together, then I would
Speaker 3: have a sit down with my friend. I wouldn't tell her.
Speaker 3: I would have the conversation, Hey, this is the predicament
Speaker 3: I've found myself in I really value our friendship. I
Speaker 3: think this could be my person though, like I've just
Speaker 3: never felt anything like this. I'm really trying to find
Speaker 3: a way to make both work. Like how would you
Speaker 3: feel if I did that? And if she really said
Speaker 3: to you like I wouldn't forgive you, then that's something
Speaker 3: that you need to decide on your own. But I
Speaker 3: wouldn't go to her and just say, hey, I'm doing this,
Speaker 3: I'm not coming anymore. But after math this one, please
Speaker 3: please let us know what happens in this, because it's
Speaker 3: really true.
Speaker 2: The only other thing to add to it is, I
Speaker 2: know you've said this is the only three weeks that
Speaker 2: he can come over here, but is there not the
Speaker 2: possibility for you to go back over there to spend
Speaker 2: time with him, and maybe he can pay for those flights.
Speaker 2: If it's about you, guys, being together, then it shouldn't
Speaker 2: be whether he travels here or you travel there. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I think you absolutely should only be doing this, so
Speaker 2: making these sacrifices for someone who's.
Speaker 1: Committed to you.
Speaker 2: But tell us what happened, Yes, tell us in the aftermaths,
Speaker 2: and that's it from us, guys. If you have a
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