Speaker 1: This episode of the WOODLFE discusses issues such as self harm,
Speaker 1: domestic and family violence, suicide, and eating disorders that may
Speaker 1: be difficult for some listeners. If you need support, please
Speaker 1: call Lifeline on thirteen eleven fourteen. If you're in an
Speaker 1: emergency or at immediate risk of harm to yourself or others,
Speaker 1: please contact Emergency Services on Triple zero. For support services
Speaker 1: outside of Australia, please visit checkpoint org dot com slash global.
Speaker 1: If you decide today's episode is not for you, that's okay.
Speaker 1: There are plenty more episodes of the Woodline for you
Speaker 1: to enjoy.
Speaker 2: What a couple of weeks it has been fate haven't
Speaker 2: touched the ground, or at least that's how it feels.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, I am launching am on You supplement brand
Speaker 2: twenty eight go and pur launch events with the whole
Speaker 2: family in Sydney, and a bunch of other things happening
Speaker 2: with my Jim the Woodshed. It's been a crazy few
Speaker 2: weeks to put to be back, I can't wait to
Speaker 2: speak to this person, someone that I've always always admired,
Speaker 2: but in particular in recent times, just been completely drawn
Speaker 2: and compelled by their story and honesty and vulnerability and openness,
Speaker 2: and that is former number four tennis player in the world,
Speaker 2: Elena Dokicch.
Speaker 3: We're going to hear from her, hear her.
Speaker 2: Story how she now uses that story to empower and
Speaker 2: inspire others. Then we're going to talk about kids, which,
Speaker 2: now kids in general is the topic very close to
Speaker 2: my heart, but this one in particular about how to
Speaker 2: get your kids moving as a parent, either get moving
Speaker 2: with them or get them moving and be a good
Speaker 2: role model.
Speaker 3: That's all coming up in a very exciting episode.
Speaker 4: Of The Woodlife.
Speaker 2: Okay, we are joined in the studio today by Sporting Royalty,
Speaker 2: and I don't use that term lightly. We just had
Speaker 2: a bit of a we just got a bit off
Speaker 2: cuff because we decided not to wear our headphones because
Speaker 2: Joleana's hair looks absolutely spectacular.
Speaker 3: And why would we put that at risk? Mine? Not
Speaker 3: so much.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Woodlife, Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2: Elna Dockitch joins us in.
Speaker 3: The studio today.
Speaker 2: Why do you think the media is so infatuated with you?
Speaker 2: Did it all start as a tennis player with your dad?
Speaker 2: Do you think is that where it all sort of
Speaker 2: kicked off?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know where to start after that great introduction,
Speaker 5: but thank you, no, thank you. Look, I burst onto
Speaker 5: the scene very early on as a fifteen year old,
Speaker 5: so dating itself, even just as a fifteen year old
Speaker 5: girl and tennis player coming through and getting through in
Speaker 5: Grand slams already and having big wins is massive and
Speaker 5: in any in any sport, and we have that today
Speaker 5: as well. We've got incredible young stars coming through. So
Speaker 5: that always comes with a lot of media attention in itself,
Speaker 5: whether you want it or not.
Speaker 2: Why when someone is a sports person, I think we
Speaker 2: have a different attitude to or a different expectation to
Speaker 2: how much they should be able to handle it.
Speaker 5: Kind of do go and say, look, it does come
Speaker 5: with the territory.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you used to tell yourself that that was
Speaker 3: your attitude.
Speaker 5: Well, I think you're kind of almost thrown into it
Speaker 5: and you're yeah, and especially sports that are global like
Speaker 5: tennis is. But at the same time, that's why it's
Speaker 5: important to have that protection for players and to be
Speaker 5: able to get help or to be able to teach
Speaker 5: them certain things or how to handle certain things. And
Speaker 5: that's where a lot of the team around you management
Speaker 5: and so on plays a crucial part.
Speaker 3: And do you think you did have that or didn't
Speaker 3: have that?
Speaker 5: Well, I think it was very different times as well
Speaker 5: when I grew up. I think my story is very
Speaker 5: different to a lot, even though abuse in itself happens
Speaker 5: a lot in sport, not just from parents, but from
Speaker 5: cultures as well, and we're hearing more and more stories
Speaker 5: about it today because of incredibly courageous and vulnerable women
Speaker 5: that have especially women, because it happens a lot more
Speaker 5: to girls, and we have been able to hear about
Speaker 5: those stories. And Simon Bars and the US gymnastics team
Speaker 5: is just one that comes to that uncovered decades of
Speaker 5: just horrendous abuse and control and how everything happened.
Speaker 2: And so for those that don't know with your story,
Speaker 2: only if you comfortable, I've got what what happened to you.
Speaker 5: Look, I'm an open book. I think everyone that follows
Speaker 5: me knows that started with my book Unbreakable six years ago.
Speaker 5: Fearless is now a second part. We'll get to that,
Speaker 5: But look, I'm someone I wasn't born in Australia. I
Speaker 5: was born in water On, Yugoslavia, a region that's now
Speaker 5: country Croatia. I grew up in poverty, didn't have very much.
Speaker 5: My father was very motivated by me playing tennis that
Speaker 5: it was a way out. When I was eight the
Speaker 5: war erupted, had to move into neighboring Serbia, and then
Speaker 5: three years later at the age of eleven, to Australia,
Speaker 5: so we were refugees twice, lived in really difficult conditions,
Speaker 5: barely had anything to we didn't have heating in winter.
Speaker 5: I remember standing at the Red Cross in Line as
Speaker 5: an eight year old at four am to just try
Speaker 5: and get some bread. So I think that kind of
Speaker 5: was a big part of my childhood. But I loved tennis,
Speaker 5: and I had this big passion for tennis, and I
Speaker 5: had a bit of a natural talent as well. But
Speaker 5: my father was extremely abusive from the very first day
Speaker 5: that I started playing, which was from the age of six,
Speaker 5: not just emotionally and psychologically, but physically as well, which
Speaker 5: got worse and worse as the years went on, and
Speaker 5: by the time I was fourteen fifteen, I was pretty
Speaker 5: much kicked and punched on was daily. I was hit
Speaker 5: with a leather belt until I bled.
Speaker 3: I was based on your performance on the court.
Speaker 5: Yes, and sometimes I would even win matches and I
Speaker 5: would still get beaten. So it was really almost pretty
Speaker 5: much like a loose little scenario for me, and every
Speaker 5: single day it was kind of a battle to either
Speaker 5: have a good practice session or win a match. And
Speaker 5: it was basically, am I going to survive another day?
Speaker 5: Because he was getting worse as I was getting older,
Speaker 5: because he was also an alcoholic as well. But I
Speaker 5: had one of my worst beatings when I was about
Speaker 5: seventeen eighteen, and I was kicked and punched in a
Speaker 5: head until I fell unconscious. That was a catalyst for
Speaker 5: me to escape a little bit later at the age
Speaker 5: of nineteen. But also what really hurt for me, I
Speaker 5: even sometimes say worse than the abuse, and people look
Speaker 5: at me and arabit shockmen. I say that, but I
Speaker 5: genuinely mean that is the fact that his outbursts really
Speaker 5: shattered my reputation with my fans, with the tennis community,
Speaker 5: and with everyone.
Speaker 3: Around separated you.
Speaker 5: It was it was.
Speaker 3: The double act.
Speaker 2: Not that that was your plan or what you wanted,
Speaker 2: but that's how the media always bundled it.
Speaker 3: I mean, I remember it even that was twenty odd years.
Speaker 5: Ago, and I talk about that openly in both of
Speaker 5: my books and the effect that had on me, and
Speaker 5: I left at nineteen, for example, and actually.
Speaker 3: You completely lose your passion for tennis.
Speaker 5: No, actually I didn't.
Speaker 3: It's interesting and I asked that now because you comment tennis.
Speaker 5: I actually loved tennis, and I've always said it's not
Speaker 5: Tennis is not kind of to blame, really, although it
Speaker 5: would have been understandable if I didn't have the love
Speaker 5: for the game.
Speaker 4: Really, if you.
Speaker 2: Walked away forever and never wanted to see another record
Speaker 2: or ball, I don't think anyone would.
Speaker 5: But it's been the opposite. And I've always said from
Speaker 5: that age of six, I don't think I would have
Speaker 5: also been able to go through the amount of abuse
Speaker 5: that I went through if I didn't love tennis, because
Speaker 5: I genuinely wanted to play, and I genuinely felt like,
Speaker 5: even from a very young age, that was my passion
Speaker 5: and it was meant for me. You know, I loved competing,
Speaker 5: and yeah, I kind of always felt like that was
Speaker 5: my calling, and that's why I think I endured a
Speaker 5: lot of the things that I did. But look, I
Speaker 5: left at nineteen, but it came with a lot of consequences,
Speaker 5: not just with the media and my reputation which had
Speaker 5: a big impact on me, but with my father as well.
Speaker 5: Once you leave, it doesn't end. People think you leave
Speaker 5: maybe an abusive relationship or you know, a domestic violent
Speaker 5: situation with family, and that it just ends. It doesn't.
Speaker 5: You're you know, it turns into a very different battle
Speaker 5: where you are like scared constantly every single day and
Speaker 5: looking over your shoulder. And my father will show up
Speaker 5: in tournaments. I'd hire around the clock security for months
Speaker 5: and months at a time. And for me, it came
Speaker 5: with financial consequences as well. Okay, I gave everything away
Speaker 5: to my father just because I wanted I thought he
Speaker 5: would make things easier. I wanted peace. I didn't care
Speaker 5: about the money, so I gave away millions. Obviously it
Speaker 5: didn't matter to him. He always wanted kind of more
Speaker 5: and more and more, and he was a control thing
Speaker 5: as well. And yeah, for me came with consequences where
Speaker 5: by the time I hit or turned twenty two in
Speaker 5: two thousand and five, I almost committed suicide. I didn't
Speaker 5: know it at the time, but I was battling anxiety
Speaker 5: depression and PTSD. I was very traumatized, and at the
Speaker 5: same time, yeah, I tried to continue to be on
Speaker 5: the tour. But yeah, again it was really really hard
Speaker 5: for me because I couldn't separate myself or my image
Speaker 5: or who I was from my father. And even though
Speaker 5: people didn't actually notice that I left time at nineteen
Speaker 5: and I never had an outburst myself, I never you know,
Speaker 5: I always just went about my business and played tennis,
Speaker 5: and I was still never separated from the things that
Speaker 5: he was doing. I was never looked at as a
Speaker 5: tennis player. Again, pretty much up until I write Unbreakable
Speaker 5: and told my story. And yeah, that was.
Speaker 2: Something really empowering and therapeutic about airing or telling everybody,
Speaker 2: getting it off your chest.
Speaker 5: Well, I didn't, to be honest with you, I didn't
Speaker 5: know that that would happen.
Speaker 2: No, that was a deliberate That was a nice consequence
Speaker 2: to come out of writing this book.
Speaker 5: Yes, so even if it was, you know, I would
Speaker 5: have gone, Okay, this is very therapeutic for me. I'm
Speaker 5: going to write a book. But I actually didn't know.
Speaker 5: That's the thing. I was actually very fearful going into
Speaker 5: writing Unbreakable.
Speaker 3: I can imagine that.
Speaker 5: Because I said to my publisher and my ghost writer,
Speaker 5: I said, look, if I'm going to do this and
Speaker 5: write my book. I'm going to tell my whole story.
Speaker 5: I'm going to be.
Speaker 3: If I really tell the truth, don't.
Speaker 5: Hold anything back. And I say at the end of Unbreakable, actually,
Speaker 5: if my story helps one person, for me, it's mission accomplished.
Speaker 5: That's what I wanted. I just thought. I said to
Speaker 5: my ghostwriter Jest, she had so much passion for actually
Speaker 5: telling my story and writing it. I said, look, if
Speaker 5: this helps one person and prevent and you must have.
Speaker 3: Had thousands of paper reach yet, yeah.
Speaker 5: Tens of absolutely, But I said, if this prevents one
Speaker 5: kid going through what I went through, it's all worth it.
Speaker 5: That's what I want to do it for. And I
Speaker 5: wanted to actually raise awareness of how much that happens,
Speaker 5: but not just in sport, but outside of sport antennis
Speaker 5: as a society in general. Because I grew up I
Speaker 5: grew up in Eastern Europe, that kind of thing is normal.
Speaker 5: Abuse is normal, especially towards women and girls, and that
Speaker 5: kind of control. So yeah, that was the reason I
Speaker 5: kind of went into it. But it was cathartic while
Speaker 5: we were actually doing it for about thirteen fourteen months,
Speaker 5: but at the same time it was very draining, but
Speaker 5: the day that Unbreakable came out, and I said it
Speaker 5: every single days since is the best day of my life.
Speaker 5: And I didn't know would do that, no idea. And
Speaker 5: why I say that is because vulnerability turned into me
Speaker 5: finding my voice and having this also incredible. I think
Speaker 5: courage and finding myself who I am as a person,
Speaker 5: but not living in darkness and in silence anymore, and
Speaker 5: finding my voice and finding who I am because when
Speaker 5: you live you know under someone's basically rule as a kid,
Speaker 5: but also when you live with mental health struggles, when
Speaker 5: you live with trauma, when you've been a part of
Speaker 5: it for fifteen twenty years as a family unit, that
Speaker 5: doesn't go away.
Speaker 3: So you need to.
Speaker 5: Completely rediscover yourself, find your strength, find your courage, find
Speaker 5: your voice, and also find a way on how to heal.
Speaker 5: And I genuinely believe that the way that we find
Speaker 5: or the way to healing is to tell us stories
Speaker 5: and also survivors to share our stories to help others.
Speaker 5: Because I'll give you an example. I always had role
Speaker 5: models growing up. So my role models in tennis, my
Speaker 5: heroes were Steffi Graffamsellis, and I wanted to play like them,
Speaker 5: and I did. I was very competitive and aggressive, but
Speaker 5: also wanted to carry myself like them. I really liked
Speaker 5: how professional they were. And so that's kind of what
Speaker 5: the whole point of why we want to be role
Speaker 5: models and we want to inspire others. Right. So, but
Speaker 5: when I kind of grew up and went through all
Speaker 5: of the other things outside of sport, I didn't really
Speaker 5: have role models, you know sometimes for as those are parents,
Speaker 5: I didn't have that to look up to. So I
Speaker 5: didn't have anyone I could resonate with, maybe someone that's
Speaker 5: been through abuse or domestic violence or mental health struggles.
Speaker 5: So for me, it was like, maybe I can be
Speaker 5: that for someone, for that one person out there, because
Speaker 5: so many of us live in silence and have actually
Speaker 5: died in silence due to mental health and abuse and
Speaker 5: domestic violence, which is don't talk about it. But since
Speaker 5: amazing people have come out and told their stories, like
Speaker 5: Grace Tame, who didn't just come out and changed them,
Speaker 5: but she changed the law, like I said, Simon Bars
Speaker 5: and the use gymnastics tem so many people that have
Speaker 5: come at me to movement. Let's not forget how that
Speaker 5: started as well. So a lot has changed and we
Speaker 5: all of a sudden have so much more awareness, and
Speaker 5: we're starting these conversations that we wouldn't have if a
Speaker 5: few people and a few of us weren't vulnerable. And
Speaker 5: very often I think also in sport and you said
Speaker 5: it a little bit when we started this, athletes are
Speaker 5: looked at these amazing human beings that can't do no wrong, right,
Speaker 5: so almost like this perfection thing and silence is golden,
Speaker 5: but it is so wrong because actually vulnerability is strength
Speaker 5: and courage not a weakness. It takes guts to be
Speaker 5: vulnerable and to come out and share your story. But
Speaker 5: also shattering this myth that we have to be perfect
Speaker 5: somehow as athletes or even as human beings has put
Speaker 5: all this unnecessary pressure and unattainable standards and actually now
Speaker 5: listening to survivor stories, we are getting so much more
Speaker 5: out of it and actually making a change and creating
Speaker 5: a difference.
Speaker 3: What's your relationship with social media now? Do you use
Speaker 3: it a lot? Do you know? How do you deal
Speaker 3: with the good, the bad, the ugly? How do you
Speaker 3: deal with it?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 5: I try and use social media for something with a positive.
Speaker 5: I want to do it to create a community where yeah,
Speaker 5: I can try and still put out inspirational posts or
Speaker 5: even things that I do, like work and stuff that
Speaker 5: people actually like to see. A lot of the time,
Speaker 5: you'd be surprised when I sometimes I feel like I'm
Speaker 5: posting too much about my work and they go, no, no,
Speaker 5: we'll love to see that behind the scenes, and you
Speaker 5: forget sometimes because for us it's normal, right. But I
Speaker 5: try and actually do it for something good. That's what
Speaker 5: I always when. That was always my goal going into it.
Speaker 5: Does it come with downsides and trolling, absolutely, and I
Speaker 5: think we've all been there. It's just a matter of
Speaker 5: I think how you deal with it. Of Course I
Speaker 5: use the block button, but I've been very open in
Speaker 5: the trolling that I've received, the body shaming that I've
Speaker 5: had to face as well, even making fun of mental health.
Speaker 5: And I've done it the last couple of years. I
Speaker 5: especially did it this year at the Strain Open. We're
Speaker 5: actually exposed the messages and how vile they were, and
Speaker 5: I think that was important because I think it's important
Speaker 5: to show people and be very transparent on what's out
Speaker 5: there and what social media is like. It's just a
Speaker 5: no one kind of again, we come to fear of
Speaker 5: society if you talk about it, and a lot.
Speaker 3: Of people don't realize the severity of it exactly.
Speaker 5: Some of the messages that I done like it.
Speaker 3: It's horrendously Yeah, some.
Speaker 5: Of the messages that I got, and people, other commentators
Speaker 5: and other people that are in a public life people
Speaker 5: have read and go, oh my god, I can't believe
Speaker 5: someone can even write that. And I'm looking at and going, oh, well,
Speaker 5: this is normal.
Speaker 3: I've received this.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then you realize, oh my god, it's not normal.
Speaker 2: So how did you deal with the body charming your lanning,
Speaker 2: because I think that might be something that really resonates
Speaker 2: with our wood life audio.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So for me, the big thing is, look, I've been
Speaker 5: everything from you know, size two and four when I
Speaker 5: was an athlete, to a size ten due to having
Speaker 5: an actual eating disorder, which I open up about in Feelers,
Speaker 5: which came again due to my mental health and I
Speaker 5: didn't even know I had it for a very long time.
Speaker 5: So but regardless of that, I am a big believer
Speaker 5: in not judging people and just being kind. And I
Speaker 5: am just a big advocate of being incredibly kind to
Speaker 5: one another. I think sometimes I feel like we've lost
Speaker 5: a little bit of that, especially through social media.
Speaker 3: It sounds so simple, it sounds like, of course we
Speaker 3: should all be like that, but we're not.
Speaker 5: No, especially I think social media at a little bit
Speaker 5: because it's.
Speaker 3: So high behind your keyboard exactly to.
Speaker 5: Just write something on a keyboard to someone you don't know,
Speaker 5: and then it's taken a turn where people are just vile.
Speaker 3: So what have you when you've called someone out? What
Speaker 3: have you done?
Speaker 2: Give you an example of where you've called because I
Speaker 2: love that you've done that, because these people don't they
Speaker 2: don't think. I mean, I think some people are just
Speaker 2: complete assholes. I think other people do it without a
Speaker 2: lot of thought. Yeah, I've you're a real person and
Speaker 2: impact this might be having on you. And imagine if
Speaker 2: they said that to someone that they know or care about,
Speaker 2: how horrendous that would be.
Speaker 3: You know, Like, what do you do when you call
Speaker 3: someone out?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: So I've called it out for body shaming, not just
Speaker 5: for me but for others, because I really genuinely believe
Speaker 5: that that shouldn't be a measure. So I really think,
Speaker 5: you know, I've done a lot of things since even
Speaker 5: retiring from tennis to twenty nine, which is quite early
Speaker 5: for an athlete because of injuries forty. So I worked
Speaker 5: for quite a few years to reinvent myself and you
Speaker 5: know what's next. And I did struggle after tennis because
Speaker 5: I felt like that was my whole identity. So to
Speaker 5: then be able to go and you know, have two
Speaker 5: best selling books, be a commentator and an analyst, to
Speaker 5: be a speaker, and then you kind of get judged
Speaker 5: on your size and your measurements, and for some comments
Speaker 5: to even say, oh, look, she's a great commentator, but
Speaker 5: I can't listen to her knowing that she's a size eighteen,
Speaker 5: so I think that says that all. Yeah, so I
Speaker 5: felt like, oh my god, where's the kindness gone? So
Speaker 5: that's why I've called it out. I did it this year,
Speaker 5: and I really felt like this year people started to
Speaker 5: really go, Okay, enough is enough to just in general
Speaker 5: troll people, not just based on body size, just in general,
Speaker 5: because I've had people that are size zero and that
Speaker 5: struggle also maybe with inorexia and Bilima. Thank you for
Speaker 5: doing this. It's not just for people that are size eighteen,
Speaker 5: but it's for everyone in general exactly. And I've actually
Speaker 5: answered back to some people going, look, they weren't so bad,
Speaker 5: but they were a little bit abusive, And I said, look,
Speaker 5: do you realize what you've just written? What if you
Speaker 5: got a message like that, or your sister or your
Speaker 5: mom or your daughter for example. Do you think I've
Speaker 5: had a couple where they go, oh my god, I
Speaker 5: am sorry, I was, you know, I apologize. And then
Speaker 5: you have some others that are just like you know,
Speaker 5: and you just you know. And I don't get into
Speaker 5: it too much, but I think it's important to talk
Speaker 5: about it openly and publicly because I think with social media,
Speaker 5: a lot of people say, oh, don't worry about it,
Speaker 5: just block, which is an easy thing to do. Yes,
Speaker 5: but some even say maybe, like it kind of comes
Speaker 5: with the territory on social media, like well not really.
Speaker 2: Now you've got it with celebrity, you're in the public eye,
Speaker 2: why doesn't it Yeah?
Speaker 5: But I'm like, well, you know what, No people said, Oh,
Speaker 5: maybe it's expected when you're a public person, But why
Speaker 5: is it expected? Because what we're public, you know, figures,
Speaker 5: so you can do whatever you want. You can insult
Speaker 5: us or abuse us. Not really because actually you wouldn't
Speaker 5: do it in real life. You would be surprised with
Speaker 5: even I've even had some journalists go, look, my daughter
Speaker 5: is fourteen and she saw that and she saw you,
Speaker 5: you know, talk about trolling and that, and it really
Speaker 5: you know, she really looks up to you, and what
Speaker 5: an age I know, and it just really like like
Speaker 5: it really touches you your heart, and not just because
Speaker 5: I go through it and then to see helps someone,
Speaker 5: but when you hear that, it's like, oh my god,
Speaker 5: I'm actually doing something good with this, So let's continue.
Speaker 5: And that's why I think it's important and not to
Speaker 5: I think it's I think the age of just shoving
Speaker 5: everything under the rug when it comes to domestic violence
Speaker 5: or abuse, or sexual abuse, trolling, you know, social media abuse.
Speaker 5: I think it's over. It needs to be called out
Speaker 5: and we need to do the right things and go, look,
Speaker 5: we need more kindness and less judgment in this world
Speaker 5: because otherwise, if we keep going, what are we going
Speaker 5: to have in twenty thirty forty years time.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and what you must have a lot of people
Speaker 2: that look up to you that are in really difficult situations,
Speaker 2: perhaps in an abusive situation themselves. I'm sure there's not
Speaker 2: just one answer, but there is there something that you
Speaker 2: would to our listeners out there that are perhaps in
Speaker 2: that situation themselves. Is there a piece of advice that
Speaker 2: you give them if you are in an abusive situation
Speaker 2: or relationship.
Speaker 5: I think it's hard to tell anyone to do because
Speaker 5: every situation is very unique. So it's also very different
Speaker 5: if you're a ten year old or if you're a
Speaker 5: twenty five year old, because as a kid, of course,
Speaker 5: you've got a lot less options and you can't just leave,
Speaker 5: and you're small and you don't know any better. Yes,
Speaker 5: so that's very hard to tell someone directly what to do.
Speaker 5: The one thing that I would say, you know to
Speaker 5: be wle is just what domestic violence and family violence does.
Speaker 5: It kills your self worth and your belief and any hope.
Speaker 5: And it did that to me as well, So I
Speaker 5: had to find that again.
Speaker 2: How long was the gap between when you were sort
Speaker 2: of retired and then at your lowest to when those
Speaker 2: shackles came off.
Speaker 5: It takes time years, exactly ten years, I would say,
Speaker 5: And I think it's important to know that the process
Speaker 5: is not linear.
Speaker 3: And it is up and down, and you will have
Speaker 3: and now we're done and it's.
Speaker 5: Behind now, and you will have bad days. But also
Speaker 5: I think it's important to know, you know, you're self worth,
Speaker 5: not to allow anyone to put you down, and that
Speaker 5: you can get out of those situations, and that you
Speaker 5: can start over again, and that you don't deserve to
Speaker 5: go through abuse. No one does. So I felt like
Speaker 5: it was all my fault. I'm to blame. I mean,
Speaker 5: here I am. You know, I made the semi finals
Speaker 5: at Wimbeddon at seventeen and my father didn't allow me
Speaker 5: to come back home because it was not good enough.
Speaker 5: I slept on the grounds at Wimbedon. So how do
Speaker 5: you go? You know, to yourself, I'm actually good enough
Speaker 5: as a person when someone does that. So that's why
Speaker 5: I go, you know, just believe in yourself and you're
Speaker 5: self worth, not allowing anyone to take that away from you,
Speaker 5: and that even I think courage is a big one.
Speaker 5: I've always gone into everything with courage and bravery, no
Speaker 5: matter what happens.
Speaker 3: So that's the name of your book. Fearless.
Speaker 5: Yes, not because I have no fear, but it's actually
Speaker 5: the opposite I do. But your courage.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5: I've always even as a player, you know, I've you'd
Speaker 5: have a big point and I'd go for it, and
Speaker 5: I'd trust my self and sometimes it works out. Sometimes no,
Speaker 5: but and that's okay. But I was like, okay, I'm
Speaker 5: not going to allow or let my opponent dictate that
Speaker 5: I will. In life, I did the same. I think
Speaker 5: if you yeah, I think you have to believe in
Speaker 5: yourself to be able to get through the tough times
Speaker 5: and the dark times. And that's what I always did.
Speaker 5: I always went into with coach. When I left home
Speaker 5: at two o'clock in the morning and escaped, I went,
Speaker 5: you know, I want to use the effort here, but
Speaker 5: I went, you know, I'm just going to do it
Speaker 5: whatever happens. Did I risk maybe, you know, not being
Speaker 5: here and something happening, maybe, But I you know, I
Speaker 5: fought for what I believed in, which was freedom and
Speaker 5: myself and the right to live a good life, for
Speaker 5: a normal life, or at least to give myself the
Speaker 5: chance for that. And that's what I think. You know,
Speaker 5: Unbreakable is my story, but feel less six years later,
Speaker 5: it's I wanted. I didn't want to just be victim
Speaker 5: to survivor. I wanted victim survive a thriver. That's why
Speaker 5: I say fearless, finding the power thrive and how to
Speaker 5: do it through healing and through finding some of those
Speaker 5: core values and what actually makes you happy. And I
Speaker 5: think the biggest takeaway we are often if you've gone
Speaker 5: through trauma, is often that we blame ourselves and that
Speaker 5: we're defined by it. So I think it's very important
Speaker 5: not to be defined by it and feel like you're
Speaker 5: defeated by it or that it cements who you are.
Speaker 5: I think it's important to be able to accept it
Speaker 5: and leave it in the past. Not everyone's path is
Speaker 5: easy and the same life's tough. But to be able
Speaker 5: to not be defined and defeated by its very very important,
Speaker 5: and then go, I can do this, I can get
Speaker 5: past that that's not who I am, that's what happened
Speaker 5: to me will shape me as a stronger person. But
Speaker 5: then I'm actually going to go and I'm going to
Speaker 5: thrive here. I'm not just going to survive it. I'm
Speaker 5: actually going to go and find, you know, myself and
Speaker 5: what I'm good at and what I want to do,
Speaker 5: what my passion in life is. That's what I've that's
Speaker 5: the way I've done it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's the key. You've done it. There
Speaker 3: are so many.
Speaker 2: Self help books and experts out there that you know,
Speaker 2: their resume reads beautifully, but they haven't been where you've been.
Speaker 2: You are a very inspiring person, very and I think
Speaker 2: our listeners will absolutely agree that.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 5: I think our stories in general are our power to
Speaker 5: be honest with you. And I think not being silent
Speaker 5: is a power and finding your voice because everything I
Speaker 5: kind of say, everything that's bad, thrives in silence. So
Speaker 5: if you look at abuse, any kind of abuse, domestic
Speaker 5: white sexual abuse, if you look at even mental health
Speaker 5: and not talking about it, there's so many things that
Speaker 5: actually thrive in silence. And that's where I find, you know,
Speaker 5: people like Grace staems so inspirational because breaking through that
Speaker 5: and not being silent, that's our power. So actually having
Speaker 5: these conversations and actually talking about it and our experiences
Speaker 5: is our biggest strength. That's how you actually can go okay,
Speaker 5: that's how we can change something. And we talked about
Speaker 5: the media earlier, but it's interesting because Unbreakable came out,
Speaker 5: so many journalists and so many of the media have
Speaker 5: talked to me and apologized to me, which I'm really
Speaker 5: grateful for.
Speaker 3: But I was like, ah, because in the problem, Yeah,
Speaker 3: because my father was.
Speaker 5: A joke and a punchline and a headline, and no
Speaker 5: one thought for a second, well, there's two underage kids
Speaker 5: going home with this person. My brother was easy younger
Speaker 5: than me.
Speaker 3: The media did make a bit of a mockery of it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Well the media was a bit different because a
Speaker 5: lot of them did do interviews with my y, so
Speaker 5: they actually understand it, and they still didn't do anything
Speaker 5: of it. Yeah, they saw him dry.
Speaker 3: I did wonder that.
Speaker 2: I was thinking there must have been a lot of
Speaker 2: people behind the scenes who were going to hang on
Speaker 2: a second, there's really something that right here, but no
Speaker 2: one was really doing it.
Speaker 5: But I was really that was you know, I always
Speaker 5: say like, they didn't have to do that. They did.
Speaker 5: That was lovely, and we've gone, Okay, that's a realization
Speaker 5: that's what happened. We can't do that again, and that's
Speaker 5: what we get to the point of. Did sharing my
Speaker 5: story change a bit of that and that realization going okay,
Speaker 5: we need to really, you know, if something like this
Speaker 5: happens again, we will treat it differently, and I definitely
Speaker 5: think we would. We've come a long ways, so yeah,
Speaker 5: I think that that's kind of the point of it all.
Speaker 5: But yeah, we can do so much together, but especially
Speaker 5: by you know, even I think the media and everyone
Speaker 5: like even podcasts like this and talking to you to
Speaker 5: give people that have been through things a safe space
Speaker 5: to talk about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is why I wanted to speak today. I
Speaker 2: literally just knew if you shared some of your you've
Speaker 2: scratched the surface. I'm sure people are going to go
Speaker 2: to body you incredible best selling books. But I can't
Speaker 2: thank you enough for coming on the wood Life. Hopefully
Speaker 2: I'll see you around Australia. Open and thanks so much
Speaker 2: for joining, Thank you for having me. Okay, so I wow,
Speaker 2: Blaine has just left the studio. I I'm being blown away.
Speaker 2: What an incredible person, what an incredible woman. We'll come
Speaker 2: back after a little break and we will talk about
Speaker 2: how to get.
Speaker 3: Your kids moving because it's so important.
Speaker 2: All right, kids fitness, staying on track with your fitness
Speaker 2: goals while getting your kids moving. Now, sometimes they can
Speaker 2: be in isolation. Sometimes they can work beautifully together. It's
Speaker 2: wonderful when they can work together. And there's a couple
Speaker 2: of reasons for that. One, it's efficient. You kill two
Speaker 2: birds with one stone. Two you are being a brilliant
Speaker 2: role model. Kids are sponges. They will notice everything we do,
Speaker 2: or in some cases, everything we don't do, and model
Speaker 2: that behavior more than we know. The three most important
Speaker 2: words when it comes to kids and fitness, and I
Speaker 2: shouldn't say fitness because it's really kids in activity. Make
Speaker 2: it fun and guess what, if it's fun for them,
Speaker 2: it'll be fun for you too. So you should never
Speaker 2: forget that. You've got to find what works for your kids.
Speaker 2: You've got to find what works for your family. But
Speaker 2: it's genuinely challenging to get our movement in as adults,
Speaker 2: to get our kids moving when there's iPads and screens
Speaker 2: and school isn't doing as much activity as perhaps in
Speaker 2: the past. You know, pe once maybe twice a week.
Speaker 2: So anything that you can do to encourage your kids
Speaker 2: to get moving, I mean, there's nothing more beautiful when
Speaker 2: they find something that clicks with them and they go
Speaker 2: and do that activity for four or five hours without
Speaker 2: even thinking about it. It might be you know, playing
Speaker 2: at the beach or going exploring, or playing in the
Speaker 2: water because they love swimming, or whatever it might be.
Speaker 2: But when they have that moment and then you go,
Speaker 2: oh my god, my little girl have been in the
Speaker 2: pool together for three hours and I'm having to drag
Speaker 2: them out basically kicking and screaming with wrinkley fingers, and
Speaker 2: they've just loved every second of it. That's a real
Speaker 2: breakthrough moment as a parent. And then when you can
Speaker 2: join them, well that's just the icing on the cake.
Speaker 2: So summer is here, God, it feels. We're saying that
Speaker 2: it's important to start thinking about how are you going
Speaker 2: to keep your kids active over the school holidays? How
Speaker 2: are you going to keep yourself active with your kids
Speaker 2: over the school holidays? What can you help them do?
Speaker 2: What can you do together as a family, Have a
Speaker 2: bit of a plan, think outside the box, try different things,
Speaker 2: don't take yourself too seriously, really have.
Speaker 3: Fun with it and have the best active, fun summer ever.
Speaker 4: There you go.
Speaker 2: Well, if you have any questions about today's episode, we'd
Speaker 2: love to hear from you. If you have any other
Speaker 2: guests that you'd like us to speak to, or topics
Speaker 2: that you like us to cover, as always as a
Speaker 2: link in the show notes.
Speaker 3: We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 2: If you've got any ideas to get your kids active
Speaker 2: that you'd like to share that we can share with
Speaker 2: our listeners, or perhaps any specific questions about getting your
Speaker 2: kids active, or fussy eaters with kids, or whatever it
Speaker 2: might be. I'm here to help, not as a kid's expert,
Speaker 2: but as a parent who's really passionate about this stuff.
Speaker 3: And I'd love to hear from you until next week.
Speaker 3: I'll see you then, h m h