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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 3: Now, we actually fill our day with something, and usually

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Speaker 3: it's social media. But because we're filling those spaces with something,

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Speaker 3: we feel like we've got lots going on.

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Speaker 1: We feel like we have no time.

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Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 2: and dad.

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Speaker 1: Hello, this is.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Justin Coulson. Welcome to Monday. I'm the official Monday welcomer.

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Speaker 3: I've just anointed myself as such. Welcome to the week.

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Speaker 1: I'm here with Kylie.

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Speaker 3: I don't know where that came from. Mum do our

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Speaker 3: six kids? And we're in our house, Kylie. We've actually

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Speaker 3: we've got the keys. We moved in on Saturday.

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Speaker 1: There are a few boxes everywhere.

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Speaker 2: Fuck, I think I've done a pretty good job. We

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Speaker 2: wanted to get rid of most of the boxes before

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Speaker 2: the truck left.

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Speaker 3: So you're an organizational genius. I don't know how you've

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Speaker 3: done what you've done, but I'm grateful. And we're sleeping

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Speaker 3: in our own bed again.

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Speaker 1: I mean.

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Speaker 3: Oh, and I think that today's topic is kind of

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Speaker 3: pertinent and appropriate. Exactly, not exactly, because we've moved into

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Speaker 3: a place, but because with so much going on, it

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Speaker 3: can feel like it's hard to have space.

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Speaker 1: And we've had a few people email us over the.

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Speaker 3: Last little while via podcasts podcasts with an ss at

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Speaker 3: Happy Families dot com dot au and say, how do

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Speaker 3: you create more time in your life? Like, I'm so busy,

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Speaker 3: there's so much going on with the kids, I'm over it.

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Speaker 3: A whole lot of people saying I'm time poor and

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Speaker 3: I need more time. What family time preservation ideas have

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Speaker 3: you got to help us to find more time in

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Speaker 3: our day. I thought, what a great conversation, because everyone

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Speaker 3: it's the it's the word that everyone says when you say, hey, hey,

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Speaker 3: going busy.

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Speaker 1: I'm so busy. I've got so.

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Speaker 3: Much going on and it's not a good way to live,

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Speaker 3: Like it feels horrible to be in that constant rat race,

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Speaker 3: that constant push to get more done in less and

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Speaker 3: less time. So let's dive in, Kylie. I thought it

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Speaker 3: would be fun. I have no idea what you've written

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Speaker 3: down in your diary, But I thought in the cover,

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Speaker 3: it's not like in his exam, Kylie's just reached across

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Speaker 3: the table and put a hand across our answers. I

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Speaker 3: don't know what your answers are, but I thought we

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Speaker 3: would share three things each to help us to find

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Speaker 3: more time in our day. Three things to help us

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Speaker 3: to find more time. Would you like to go first?

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Speaker 1: Or should I?

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Speaker 2: Well, I'll go first.

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Speaker 1: Cool?

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Speaker 2: You love topping off my list anyway?

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Speaker 1: Oh don't you like that?

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Speaker 3: Just because I've got the I'm not going to flex

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Speaker 3: And never mind, I'm going to flex about my PhD

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Speaker 3: in psychology. That's fine because you've got the runs on

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Speaker 3: the board. In terms of running the family with six kids?

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Speaker 1: What do you reckon? What's the way to find more

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Speaker 1: time in your day?

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Speaker 2: I think the reality is that over the years, I have,

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Speaker 2: you know, been like most mums and felt like the

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Speaker 2: to do list is just so exhausting, lee long and

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Speaker 2: never achievable, right, just so many things that have to

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Speaker 2: be done in any given day.

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Speaker 3: But not just that, but even when you get it done,

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Speaker 3: it's got to be done again. Like the laundry is

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Speaker 3: the classic example that stuff just it multiplies and populates

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Speaker 3: in the laundry basket.

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Speaker 1: There's always more to do, you know.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I would actually have a friend come over just

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Speaker 2: as I finished my cleaning, to have somebody witness for

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Speaker 2: the brief second where everything really is in a place.

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Speaker 2: Can you just check all of the bedrooms so you

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Speaker 2: know that I actually did clean today, because without fail,

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Speaker 2: the hurricane of children walking the door and it's a

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Speaker 2: blur and everything's undone in seconds.

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Speaker 3: And in fairness to parents that don't have six kids

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Speaker 3: like us, it happens with one. Yes, Like sometimes all

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Speaker 3: the kids will be away except for one and she'll

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Speaker 3: walk in the door and we'll be like, ah, well,

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Speaker 3: there goes the tidends, there goes the order that we established.

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Speaker 2: But what I've learned over all of these years is

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Speaker 2: that we actually put a huge amount of pressure on

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Speaker 2: ourselves to do a whole heap of stuff that probably

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Speaker 2: doesn't need to be done in the timeframes that we

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Speaker 2: think that they need to be done. Yes, when we've

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Speaker 2: got little children at home, wanting to have our house

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Speaker 2: spotless during the daytime, when they're awake and they're moving

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Speaker 2: around and they're playing, is going to drive you insane.

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Speaker 2: You're going to constantly feel like you're picking up after

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Speaker 2: them every minute of the day.

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Speaker 1: Years ago, you are. Years ago.

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Speaker 3: There was a meme on social media that had some

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Speaker 3: I basically said, trying to keep the house tidy when

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Speaker 3: you have toddlers is try to like brush your teeth

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Speaker 3: while you're chewing on oreos.

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Speaker 1: Yes, do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: And I spent so many years in that rat race

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Speaker 2: of doing the same thing over and over again and

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Speaker 2: getting more and more frustrated by it before I realized

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Speaker 2: with baby number six, everything slowed down with baby number

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Speaker 2: six that I could just let her enjoy the day

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Speaker 2: and then at the end of it just pack it

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Speaker 2: all away.

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Speaker 3: Can I just jump in on that issue of bee

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Speaker 3: number six? This is a little bit facetious of me

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Speaker 3: to say, but we've gotten better as parents as we've

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Speaker 3: had more kids. Like, if you want to be a

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Speaker 3: really great parent, just keep populating, because you get to practice,

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Speaker 3: you get better at it. But your first point really

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Speaker 3: is put the list together and then don't do it all.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 2: No, so, okay, all right, that was I guess, just

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Speaker 2: a little bit of a preamble.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, all right, we've got to get through six

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Speaker 3: of these so at time, poor parents and all that

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Speaker 3: sort of thing.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So the three things that I think have made

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Speaker 2: the biggest difference.

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Speaker 3: Trying to take more time in people's day by getting

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Speaker 3: them to listen to the podcast long A nice one.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: The three things that I think have made the biggest

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Speaker 2: difference to me and allowing me to find more time

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Speaker 2: in my day because the reality is we all get

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Speaker 2: the same amount of time. Sure right, working out when

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Speaker 2: you are most productive and maximizing those hours to do

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Speaker 2: the things that need to be done.

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Speaker 3: Question, Yes, what if you're most productive in the mornings,

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Speaker 3: but the house is tidy in the morning, and there's

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Speaker 3: nothing really to do in the morning other than get

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Speaker 3: the kids out the door, Like.

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Speaker 2: It's there is a lot of things to do that

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Speaker 2: don't include tiding.

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Speaker 1: Okay, your fee.

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Speaker 3: So for me, yeah, because we're not just talking about

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Speaker 3: getting the household chores done.

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Speaker 1: Here where actually creating.

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Speaker 2: As a mum. I've got a jillion other things that

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Speaker 2: need to be done, errands that need to be run,

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Speaker 2: you know, things like that. And so just working out

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Speaker 2: what is the most productive part of your day and

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Speaker 2: utilizing those times doing the things that are most important,

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Speaker 2: because what often happens is our productive time gets spent

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Speaker 2: on a whole heap of things that aren't important, and

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Speaker 2: by the time we actually have the capacity or make

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Speaker 2: the time to do the things that are important. We've

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Speaker 2: run out of steam. So then the next thing that

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Speaker 2: I have come to realize has been really helpful for

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Speaker 2: me personally is sitting down at the beginning of each

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Speaker 2: week and working out what tasks need to be done.

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Speaker 2: I've got to take my daughter to the optometrist. I've

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Speaker 2: got to return some library books. I need to do

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Speaker 2: the grocery shopping. You know, all of my big rocks.

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Speaker 2: What are the things that need to be ach this week?

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Speaker 2: And then once I have my weekly task lists, assigning

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Speaker 2: just a couple of them each day. What I found

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Speaker 2: I was often doing was making this big long list

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Speaker 2: and then trying to fit it all into one day,

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Speaker 2: because I found that my most productive day of the

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Speaker 2: week is actually Monday.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I wake up and i feel energized. It's a brand

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Speaker 2: new week, and I'm raring to go, and then I

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Speaker 2: burn myself out for the rest of the week because

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Speaker 2: I've gone one hundred miles an hour on day one.

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Speaker 2: So if I just work out what my tasks are

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Speaker 2: for the entire week and then break it up into small,

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Speaker 2: bite sized chunks, then that productive time that I have

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Speaker 2: assigned each day can easily achieve those goals, okay. And

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Speaker 2: then the last thing, I need to keep myself accountable.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and how do you do that?

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Speaker 3: Like, you know sometimes because if I try to keep

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Speaker 3: you accountable, you get really cranky at me.

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Speaker 2: Of course, because I'm an adult and I'm completely capable

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Speaker 2: of keeping myself accountable. So I find myself sitting on

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Speaker 2: my phone and I'm like, hang on a sec, what

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Speaker 2: else do I need to be doing? And I just

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Speaker 2: asked myself the question. It's really simple.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: So those three things again in summary to take our

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Speaker 3: message for your three ideas to find more time find

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Speaker 3: more space in your day.

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Speaker 2: Work out what is your most productive point of the day.

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Speaker 2: You might have a couple of times through the day, sure,

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Speaker 2: but work out what they are and utilize them. Second, second,

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Speaker 2: make a weekly task LISK and then break up those

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Speaker 2: tasks into bite sized chunks throughout the week so you're

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Speaker 2: not trying to do everything in one hit. Third, and third,

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Speaker 2: keep yourself accountable.

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Speaker 3: After the break, a couple of ideas from the doctor

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Speaker 3: about how to find more time in your day. Just

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Speaker 3: when you think you've got this parenting gig nailed, your

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Speaker 3: child hits some new milestone that leaves you figuratively banging

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Speaker 3: your head against the wall. You wonder, where's the instruction manual?

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Speaker 3: Your Growth Guide is that instruction manual? A webinar outlining

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Speaker 3: basic milestones, so you know where your child's at, where

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Speaker 3: they're going, and what you can expect. Get insights, reassurance

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Speaker 3: and support from me. Your Growth Guide available online at

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Speaker 3: happy families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for a time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers. Now I'm interested doctor

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Speaker 2: justin how do I find more time in my day?

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Speaker 1: So there are three things that I'm going to suggest.

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Speaker 3: Number one, margin, margin, margin, margin, It's my favorite word

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Speaker 3: when it comes to time and time management. You know,

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Speaker 3: when you're writing an essay and down this, when you're

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Speaker 3: writing a shopping this doesn't matter. There's a margin, there's

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Speaker 3: a border, there's space around the stuff that has to

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Speaker 3: be done.

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Speaker 1: Because that's common.

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Speaker 2: You're just going to start to use fancy words for

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Speaker 2: the things that I've already said.

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Speaker 3: There's a bit of overlap between what you're talking about

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Speaker 3: what I'm talking about, but a bit of margin. So

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Speaker 3: when you need to go somewhere create some margin in

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Speaker 3: case the traffic's bad, so that your blood pressure doesn't

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Speaker 3: rise and you're any he doesn't go a little bit

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Speaker 3: chaotic and bonkers. If you've got to be there at

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Speaker 3: eight fifteen and it's a fifteen minute drive, don't leave

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Speaker 3: it eight o'clock. Leave at seven forty eight. Give yourself

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Speaker 3: the margin, and that way you can enjoy the drive,

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Speaker 3: you can enjoy the conversation with the kids.

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Speaker 1: Whatever.

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Speaker 3: If the kids have got to be out of bed

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Speaker 3: at seven, get them up at six forty five, not

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Speaker 3: to be cruel and nasty, but because you can get

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Speaker 3: them up much more happily, much more gently, much.

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Speaker 2: More like you're getting them up at six forty five

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Speaker 2: and you know, chucking them out and come on, come on,

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Speaker 2: come on, you're waking them up. It's nice and gentle,

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Speaker 2: and they've got fifteen minutes to just kind of, you know,

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Speaker 2: slowly move into the day. Yeah, create such a difference.

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Speaker 3: Creating some margin makes all the difference in the world.

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Speaker 3: So that's my first idea, and that simply comes down

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Speaker 3: to making a commitment to do things sooner than you

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Speaker 3: need to. When I was a university student, that's actually

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Speaker 3: where I learned the value of margin. When assignments were

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Speaker 3: handed out, we get a due day. This is due on,

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Speaker 3: but I don't know March the fifteenth. And my goal

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Speaker 3: was always to finish the assignment two weeks early, unless,

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Speaker 3: of course, they gave it to us with less than

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Speaker 3: two weeks to do, in which case it was.

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Speaker 1: Get it done now.

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Speaker 3: The reason that I would do that is because it

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Speaker 3: gave me time to do the thinking, do the work,

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Speaker 3: and then sit on it for a week, and then

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Speaker 3: review it after a week and consider how I could

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Speaker 3: do it better, and then still have a week before

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Speaker 3: it had to be submitted. It just took the pressure off,

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Speaker 3: and it also made allowance for when stuff popped up

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Speaker 3: that I wasn't expecting.

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Speaker 1: I had the margin so that the stress levels didn't

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Speaker 1: have to go through the roof.

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Speaker 3: So Number one, create margin by getting up early, by

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Speaker 3: leaving early, by doing all those things. And that might

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Speaker 3: mean you have to go to bed earlier, it might

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Speaker 3: mean a little bit of planning, but it ties in

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Speaker 3: with the second idea that I have, And the second

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Speaker 3: idea is kind of ironic, and that is that we

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Speaker 3: should literally do less. Yeah, there's this story that I've

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Speaker 3: told for years about the time that I tried to

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Speaker 3: do the washing in the washing machine when you were

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Speaker 3: pregnant or we just had a baby, or something like that.

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Speaker 3: And here I am trying to be noble and trying

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Speaker 3: to be helpful, and I've grabbed all the darks, and

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Speaker 3: I mean I saw it did whites and darks and

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Speaker 3: pinks because we always used to do pink loads with

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Speaker 3: all these baby girls. But I sawted it out and

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Speaker 3: threw all the darks into the load. But when I

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Speaker 3: pulled the darks out of the load, they were dirty

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Speaker 3: than they had been when they'd gone in. And while

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Speaker 3: you saw me looking through the Harvey Norman catalog to

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Speaker 3: find a new washing machine and asked me what was

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Speaker 3: going on? I explained, and you described to me that

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Speaker 3: I put two and a half loads worth of washing

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Speaker 3: me into one load, and when you put too much

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Speaker 3: in you get lousy results. Now, I know some people

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Speaker 3: are saying, how am I supposed to remove stuff from

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Speaker 3: my life?

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Speaker 1: And it is really, really, really challenging. But you talked

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Speaker 1: about making a list. Here's what I'm going to recommend.

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Speaker 3: Instead of saying what should I do today or what

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Speaker 3: do I need to do today? Ask yourself what should

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Speaker 3: I remove from my day. We put the list together

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Speaker 3: and say what can I take out of today? What

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Speaker 3: doesn't need to be done? And it's not because I'm

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Speaker 3: going to put it off to tomorrow and make tomorrow chaotic.

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Speaker 3: It's what stuff actually isn't that important? What stuff can

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Speaker 3: I check out?

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Speaker 2: Well? For clean freaks like I was and still am.

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Speaker 2: You know, the need to vacuum my floor every day

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Speaker 2: is pretty high on my list. Yeah, but when I'm

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Speaker 2: feeling time poor, it's definitely one of the things that

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Speaker 2: I can let go of. It's not going to be

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Speaker 2: the end of the world if my carpet doesn't get

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Speaker 2: vacuumed for one day or two or three sometimes, and so.

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Speaker 3: Long as they aren't rodents and pests, so long as

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Speaker 3: you can appropriate rat baits or whatever, you can actually

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Speaker 3: like how many Saturdays over the years have we sacrificed.

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Speaker 1: To the god of clean service surfaces?

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Speaker 2: Too many?

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Speaker 3: And it's just not fair the kids us that there

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Speaker 3: are other things that matter more than having a clean

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Speaker 3: kitchen bench.

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Speaker 1: By the way, I love a clean kitchen bench.

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Speaker 3: But on a Saturday morning, when we've promised that we're

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Speaker 3: going to take the kids for a walk or a

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Speaker 3: ride or a surf or this or that.

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Speaker 1: The kitchen can wait until eleven thirty.

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Speaker 3: So that's kind of what I'm saying, what should I

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Speaker 3: remove rather than what should I do today? Because we've

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Speaker 3: already got big lists. The third idea is going to

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Speaker 3: hurt a little bit. It's going to make some people uncomfortable,

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Speaker 3: you and even me included. And that is so there's

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Speaker 3: a researcher I can't remember her name. I think it

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Speaker 3: was a bridget shoot. She came up with this concept

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Speaker 3: of time confetti. Time confetti is basically these tiny little

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Speaker 3: chunks of time two minutes here, five minutes there, eight

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Speaker 3: minutes over here, and we lose that time that time

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Speaker 3: confetti to non productive multitasking or to sitting on social media.

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Speaker 1: So you're sitting, I don't know, at the.

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Speaker 3: Checkout and waiting to get through, and you're going to

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Speaker 3: be there for four and a half minutes before it's

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Speaker 3: your turn, because the lady in front's got a really

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Speaker 3: big trolley, and so what do you do.

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Speaker 1: You pull out the phone.

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Speaker 3: You start browsing social media because something important is going

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Speaker 3: to have happened on Facebook in the last twenty minutes

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Speaker 3: while you've been shopping.

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Speaker 1: And you just have to be able to read it.

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Speaker 3: That is an opportunity lost, especially when we do it

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Speaker 3: in the kitchen and when we do it in the

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Speaker 3: living room, we do it when the kids are around.

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Speaker 1: We actually fill our day.

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Speaker 3: We fill those spaces with something, and usually it's social media.

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Speaker 3: But because we're filling those spaces with something, we feel

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Speaker 3: like we've got lots going on. We feel like we

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Speaker 3: have no time. Instead of pulling up the phone and

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Speaker 3: staring at it, sit there and do nothing, stand in

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Speaker 3: line and do nothing, connect with somebody and take the

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Speaker 3: opportunity to recognize that we don't have to use every

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Speaker 3: single minute productively all the time. We have a productivity

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Speaker 3: fetish and it's unhelpful and unhealthy for us. By just

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Speaker 3: being we can actually give ourselves the sense that we

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Speaker 3: have more time.

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Speaker 1: And they're my big three.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think they're awesome, and I think you know,

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Speaker 2: like you said at the beginning, this is a really

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Speaker 2: kind of wonderful reminder for us, especially going into this

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Speaker 2: new phase of life. We're in a house now, and

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Speaker 2: it's great because I've seen so many things kind of

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Speaker 2: creep into our day to day happenings because we haven't

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Speaker 2: had the structure, stability, and routine. Yeah, so I'm really

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Speaker 2: looking forward to seeing how these will help us not

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Speaker 2: feel so time PU okay for it.

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Speaker 3: So my big three take home message just to summarize,

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Speaker 3: create margin by making more space, waking up early, or

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Speaker 3: just creating more space. Don't fill in the spaces. Allow

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Speaker 3: the time confetti to give you a sense of time

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Speaker 3: affluence because oh, I've got three minutes right now where

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Speaker 3: there's nothing to do except be with myself.

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Speaker 2: Your eyes, take three deep breaths.

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Speaker 3: Or connect with the people around me. And finally, instead

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Speaker 3: of saying what do I need to do? Ask what

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Speaker 3: can I remove from my list?

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Speaker 1: Hell?

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Speaker 2: Love it.

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Speaker 3: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 3: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and if

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Speaker 3: you'd like Mauren fol about making your family happier, please

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Speaker 3: visit us at Happy families dot com dot au