1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,319 Speaker 1: All this week It's No Bullying Week around the nation 2 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 1: Bullying No Way Week eleven to fifteenth of August. And 3 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,919 Speaker 1: it matters, we need it why well. On a national scale, 4 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,639 Speaker 1: fifty nine percent of Australian students that's two point three 5 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 1: million students nationally have been on the receiving end of 6 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: bullying in the last year, with twenty percent experiencing a weekly. 7 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: Thirty percent of Australian fifteen year olds were bullied at 8 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:33,080 Speaker 1: least a few times a month, compared to the OECD 9 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: average of twenty three percent. Ah, the numbers just get 10 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: worse and worse and worse. Australian ranks number two globally 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 1: for school bullying. Only Latvia reports higher levels among twenty 12 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 1: four OECD countries, according to the twenty twenty two piece 13 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 1: of data released by the Australian Council for Educational Research. Today, 14 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: on the Happy Families podcast, we talk about three things 15 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: that you can do if your child is being bullied. 16 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 1: They are not the things you used to hearing, believe me. 17 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: And then we're going to talk about three things that 18 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: you can do to prevent your child from bullying. Stay 19 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:08,399 Speaker 1: with us, Hello, Welcome to the Happy Famili's podcast Real 20 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 1: Parenting Solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. 21 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: All this week we're going to be focused on bullying 22 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 1: because it's no Bullying Week, bullying no way right across 23 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,240 Speaker 1: the country. Ye, We're going to kick off today's conversation 24 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,440 Speaker 1: by getting straight into it and having a look at 25 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 1: three things that I've been thinking about to do if 26 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:29,679 Speaker 1: your child is being bullied. I'll share them with you 27 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: and then you add your reactions. So the first thing 28 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: that I want to suggest is that all too often 29 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 1: I still hear parents say when my child is being bullied, 30 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: and this is what my dad used to teach me 31 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: if you ever get picked on, if you ever get bullied, 32 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: you just turn around and punch and right in the nose, 33 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 1: fight back or tough enough. It's the stand up to bullies, 34 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 1: tough en up narrative. And my suggestion today is that 35 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: this is the worst advice ever, telling kids to stand 36 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 1: up to bullies. I'll fight back. And the reason for 37 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: that is I see it as victim blaming. I think 38 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: that it gnare's power dynamics and it can clearly inevitably 39 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: I think escalate dangerous situations are there's stories where people 40 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: fight back. Yeah, all the time, and we kind of 41 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: get excited when somebody does that, But I just don't 42 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 1: think it's healthy. Instead, our job is to validate our 43 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 1: children's experience and focus on the system. Focus on finding 44 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 1: solutions within the school system. So work with the school, 45 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: work with the head of year, the head of house, 46 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: the deputy principle, the well being leader, whoever it is 47 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: that you can change the culture rather than asking your 48 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: vulnerable child to fix failures within the system. 49 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 2: But I also think the bully wants a response, So 50 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 2: as soon as you give them a response, then you're 51 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 2: fueling the fire. You've actually given the fuel, the very 52 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 2: fuel that they want. 53 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 1: It's kind of like social media on steroids bullying anything 54 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: that creates hostility or gets a crowd. The bully gets 55 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: status from saying, look at how tough I am, Look 56 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 1: what I've done. There's just something about it that is endemic. 57 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: It continues no matter how many conversations we have about it. 58 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: Here's my second one. I think that we need to 59 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,639 Speaker 1: stop framing a bullying sorry as a learning opportunity or 60 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: a character building experience or a resilience thing. Some people 61 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,680 Speaker 1: think that if you can deal with the bully, that 62 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,079 Speaker 1: that must mean that you're resilient, And what I think 63 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 1: it does, I'm not a big fan of I think 64 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:25,119 Speaker 1: that we've got too much conversation about trauma in our 65 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 1: world today. But one thing that I do know is 66 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: that bullying is a traumatic experience. And when you say 67 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: just be resilient, it minimizes what I would call genuine trauma. 68 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: And again, it keeps on shifting responsibility for the bullying 69 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: onto the victim. I don't think it's your kid's job 70 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: to bounce back from an unfair abusive situation. It just 71 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: doesn't seem right. Rather, we're supposed to be creating an 72 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,960 Speaker 1: environment where abuse doesn't exist and our children have the 73 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: unconditional support that they need. 74 00:03:56,080 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 2: You talk about the idea that we talk too much 75 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 2: about trauma when we understand that trauma isn't what happened 76 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 2: to us, it's our ability to process. 77 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, how we respond to this. 78 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 2: It's all about processing and response to events in our lives. 79 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:17,040 Speaker 2: I actually can see how so many of the life 80 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 2: experiences that our children go through, and even us as 81 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,359 Speaker 2: adults go through, become traumatic because we actually have not 82 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 2: learnt the skills to be able to process challenging and 83 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,839 Speaker 2: difficult experiences in our lives, and when we're unable to 84 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,599 Speaker 2: process it, that becomes traumatic to us because we can't 85 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 2: move forward, we're stuck. 86 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: This is true, However, I think the main point that 87 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 1: I'm making here is that the bullying shouldn't be happening. 88 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: I want perfect world solutions here, right, and the bullying 89 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,720 Speaker 1: shouldn't be happening, so we shouldn't have to process it 90 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 1: because it shouldn't be happening. My interest is how do 91 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,679 Speaker 1: we get rid of the abuse and telling the kids 92 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: that they need to bounce back, they need to be resilient, 93 00:04:55,680 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: they need to learn from this works against them now 94 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: once it's happened. Yes, processing is important, and dealing with 95 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 1: the trauma and healing from the horrible experience matters. We've 96 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: got to be careful not to make too big of 97 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 1: a deal about that and just guide our children gently 98 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,839 Speaker 1: through it. But fundamentally, if bullying is occurring, I would 99 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: argue that almost always it's a result of inadequate structures 100 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:25,160 Speaker 1: within the system to help kids be safe from inappropriate 101 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: interactions with their peers. 102 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:30,039 Speaker 2: I love that you said that, because I am watching 103 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 2: what's happening for our eleven year old daughter who's homeschooled. 104 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 2: We've had experiences in the school system and the challenges 105 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 2: that she has in relationships within the school system have 106 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 2: been profound. And now that she's at home, we found 107 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:50,799 Speaker 2: this beautiful homeschooling group and these kids literally from dawn 108 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:55,159 Speaker 2: till dusk can't get enough time together. They can't get 109 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 2: enough time together, and there has not been a single 110 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 2: altercation between them in over twelve months. 111 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: Yep, yep. So when the system works, when you're in 112 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: a need supportive environment where you feel confident, you feel 113 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 1: like you have a sense of control, and you feel 114 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 1: like your relationships are good, you just don't get bullying. 115 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 2: I don't think I can like articulate this enough. Watching 116 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:21,719 Speaker 2: our daughter have these positive experiences within peer relationships is 117 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 2: mind blowing to me because in the school system, well 118 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,480 Speaker 2: it's so hard to get that. 119 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, we've had several kids who have been absolutely bullied. 120 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,600 Speaker 1: I won't go further, but we've had several kids who 121 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 1: have been bullied because the quite often, not always, but 122 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: quite often, the school environment simply can't support needs the 123 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: same way that you can in a smaller environment. Let's 124 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:45,039 Speaker 1: move on to the third one, because time is going 125 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 1: to get away from us. I think that we've really 126 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: got a challenge the punishment focus within schools when somebody 127 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,839 Speaker 1: is being a bully, when somebody has been bullying, most 128 00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:00,480 Speaker 1: anti bullying programs fail, and I talk about this at 129 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 1: the National Center Against Bullying Conference about six or seven 130 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: years ago. Now, most anti bullying programs fail because they 131 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 1: rely on consequences and zero tolerance policies that don't address 132 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: the root cause. And so essentially, when there is a 133 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: kid who's being a bully, then all the adults in 134 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: the school start to bully the bully. And I'm using 135 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: that term a little bit loosely, but fundamentally, what we're 136 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: doing to kids is we're saying you did the wrong thing, 137 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: and now we're going to make you pay a price. 138 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: We're going to introduce a systemic, ongoing regime where we 139 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 1: make you feel a consequence because of what you're doing, 140 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: and it doesn't make things better. The idea that we're 141 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: going to discipline the bully, if we can get beyond 142 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 1: that and stop doing too but rather start working with 143 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: we're going to get better outcomes. And so many parents 144 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: demand when their child is being bullied that the school 145 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: do something, and when they say do something, they mean 146 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 1: I want you to hurt the kid that hurt my kid, 147 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: which doesn't lead to better outcomes at just perpetuates problems 148 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,120 Speaker 1: within the system. 149 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 2: We talk regularly about the idea that when our kids 150 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 2: are acting out and giving us the worst of what 151 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 2: they have to offer, it's the time where we actually 152 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 2: need to lean in, step up, and you know, get 153 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,160 Speaker 2: close and intimate with them to understand the root cause 154 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 2: of what's going on. These kids their kids, their kids, 155 00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 2: and they are struggling with whatever's going on in their world, 156 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 2: and it doesn't it's really hard when your child is 157 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,239 Speaker 2: on the tail end of their bad behavior, Like that's hard, 158 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,959 Speaker 2: it's really hard, but recognizing and knowing that somebody needs 159 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:37,439 Speaker 2: to step up and actually help this child understand what 160 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 2: it is that's actually the root cause, because right now 161 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 2: they're acting out in anger, and we understand and know 162 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,560 Speaker 2: that anger is, you know, kind of just masking everything 163 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,680 Speaker 2: else that goes underneath. 164 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: It's that secondary emotion. After the break, we're going to 165 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,839 Speaker 1: talk about what we can do within the system to 166 00:08:53,960 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 1: prevent your child from being a bully. Okay, Kylie, Three 167 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: things that we can do to prevent our children from 168 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,559 Speaker 1: being a bully. The first one that I want to 169 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,440 Speaker 1: highlight is this, I think we've got to stop rewarding 170 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: dominance in disguise. What do I mean by that? A 171 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: lot of parents inadvertently encourage bullying by celebrating what I'm 172 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,079 Speaker 1: going to put it in scare quotes leadership or confidence 173 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: or competitiveness, but they don't examine whether or not that 174 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: leadership or that competitiveness or that confidence involves putting others down. 175 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: And so quite often we're saying, oh, my child is 176 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 1: so strong and my child is winning, but it actually 177 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: reinforces this zero some worldview where somebody has to lose 178 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,559 Speaker 1: so that our child can succeed. The more the environment 179 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 1: is competitive rather than collaborative and cooperative, the more that 180 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:47,440 Speaker 1: our children are asserting themselves at the expense of others, 181 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 1: they might look like leaders, they might look like they're winning, 182 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 1: it might look like they're being competitive, but for those 183 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,560 Speaker 1: who are on the receiving end, it just feels like bullying. 184 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:57,560 Speaker 2: Number two. 185 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 1: The second thing that will prevent kids from bullying, I 186 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: think is just examining our own power dynamics. I hate 187 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:06,000 Speaker 1: to say this, but kids who bully. There is an 188 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: association between bullying behavior and children bulling behavior at high 189 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 1: authoritarian parenting parenting that it emphasizes control and obedience parents 190 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 1: who honestly are just too tired. There was a recent 191 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: Wall Street Journal article that talked about how parenting is 192 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 1: going through a pendulum swing of mammoth proportions right now. 193 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: Gentle parenting has been the fad for the last half 194 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,559 Speaker 1: a dozen years or so. It's been the crazy it's 195 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:33,480 Speaker 1: been everywhere, But the Wall Street Journal recently reported on 196 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: something called Goodbye gentle parenting, Hello, f around and find out. 197 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,319 Speaker 1: Fuss around and find out, we'll call it. In other words, 198 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: we're moving away from gentle parenting and moving back to 199 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 1: hardcore parenting. In a week or two, we're going to 200 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,560 Speaker 1: do a podcast episode about why that parenting approach is 201 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:50,960 Speaker 1: a problem. But one thing that I will highlight right 202 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:54,760 Speaker 1: now is that when you have a fuss around and 203 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: find out approach to parenting, a consequence based, punishment based 204 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 1: approach to parenting, you're using your size advantage to make 205 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,319 Speaker 1: your child comply, and you're modeling precisely the kind of 206 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 1: behavior that you're claiming to oppose. When you say that 207 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 1: you don't like bullying. Autonomy, supportive or need Supportive parenting 208 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: involves collaborative engagement with your child, and that is going 209 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 1: to prevent bullying more than any number of lectures about 210 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: being kind and lucky. Last, the third one is that 211 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:24,319 Speaker 1: we need to This is kind of a funny one 212 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: and it might not make sense initially, but hear me out. 213 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 1: I think we need to ditch the quote unquote treat 214 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 1: others the way you want to be treated platitude. And 215 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 1: the reason for that is that a lot of kids 216 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:37,880 Speaker 1: who bully have internalized the harsh treatment that they've received previously, 217 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 1: or they've internalized the idea that harsh treatment is normal. 218 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: I'm never endingly astounded at the casual brutality with which 219 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,960 Speaker 1: children treat one another. And they really do think that 220 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 1: it's normal to mock each other, to punch each other, 221 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,960 Speaker 1: to shove each other, to call one another names, to 222 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 1: throw slurs at one another. Because they think that it's normal. Therefore, 223 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,040 Speaker 1: they think that it's okay to treat other people that way. 224 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: It's not. We need to help kids to develop empathy 225 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: by asking questions like how do you think that person felt? 226 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,480 Speaker 1: And how would it have felt if somebody did that 227 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,360 Speaker 1: to you, and if they say I'm fine with it, 228 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 1: then that's where we go back to it. Well, based 229 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: on the look on their face, I'm reading their responses 230 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 1: different to yours. We've got to get past the superficiality 231 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 1: of kindness and get into authentic connection. So they are 232 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: I three ways for preventing kids from bullying. 233 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,200 Speaker 2: If I was going to add anything else to your list, 234 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 2: I think it would be getting children outside of their 235 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 2: own comfort zones and getting them helping in the community, 236 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 2: helping other people who are less fortunate than them, who 237 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:40,599 Speaker 2: don't have the same you know, lifestyle that they experience, 238 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 2: to recognize just the goodness that's in their lives and 239 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:48,680 Speaker 2: the joy, the absolute joy that comes from helping somebody else. 240 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 1: I love how I give all the fancy psychology answers 241 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,080 Speaker 1: and then you step in and say something beautiful like that. 242 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know of any psychological research 243 00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:59,200 Speaker 1: around this, But what I really do believe is that 244 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: the best way to help children to be better kids 245 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: is to get them involved in service and helping others. 246 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,719 Speaker 1: They get out of their own head they get out 247 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:12,400 Speaker 1: of their own head space, They ceased to have that entitled, 248 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: privileged approach to life. They just recognize how lucky they are, 249 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 1: how good their life is, and they want to treat 250 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: people better. Such a great response. 251 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,439 Speaker 2: We did a really simple experiment with our kids when 252 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 2: they were much younger. We went and visited an elderly 253 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 2: couple one night and we sang them some songs and 254 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 2: she had an experience with them. And our eldest daughter 255 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 2: at the time was just about to turn fourteen, and 256 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 2: she had a bit of anks, She had a bit 257 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:40,200 Speaker 2: of you know, pushback, and she watched as this grumpy 258 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 2: old man and he was He was a real grumpy 259 00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:47,719 Speaker 2: old man, just sit in his chair and sob as 260 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 2: we spent that time with him, and something in her 261 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 2: shifted and she said to me when we got home, 262 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 2: she said, Mum, I think I want to go and 263 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 2: spend more time with Betty and Arthur. From then on, 264 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 2: every week she would catch the bus home from school 265 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 2: to their house and play Chicken Scratch. I still don't 266 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,200 Speaker 2: even know what the game. 267 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,439 Speaker 1: I'm sort of a game, yeah. 268 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,559 Speaker 2: Card game, but she played it with them every week 269 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 2: and it was the best time of her week. Like 270 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 2: she absolutely loved it. Looked forward to it and the 271 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 2: difference it made in that elderly couple's life was just profound. 272 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: Tomorrow on the Happy Families Podcast, we talk about how 273 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 1: to have a conversation with kids regarding terminally ill parents. 274 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,720 Speaker 1: It's a really tough one. And then later in the 275 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 1: week we get back to bullying no Way with a 276 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: couple of really important conversations with people who know more 277 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 1: about bullying than pretty much anyone on the planet. That's 278 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,880 Speaker 1: all happening this week on the Happy Families podcast. Make 279 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: sure you stay with us and join us again. The 280 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. 281 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: Mim Hammond's provides admin research and additional support, and if 282 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:48,640 Speaker 1: you'd like morefo about making your family happier, we'd love 283 00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,640 Speaker 1: for you to check out Happy Families dot com dot 284 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: au for more resources.