1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:02,760 Speaker 1: Hello there, it's Amantha. 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:06,280 Speaker 2: I'm currently on a break, so I've handpicked a bunch 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 2: of my favorite episodes from the last year to share 4 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:09,720 Speaker 2: with you. 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: Okay, on with today's best of. 6 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 2: Episode, what's your relationship like with failure? I mean, I 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,479 Speaker 2: know lots of people talk about being good with it 8 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 2: and seeing it as an opportunity to learn. 9 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,439 Speaker 1: From you know, etc. Etc. 10 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:30,360 Speaker 2: But really, if we're being honest, failure kind of sucks 11 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,720 Speaker 2: and most people are not that great at dealing with it. 12 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 2: So today's show is a bit more personal than the 13 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 2: average How I Work episode, and I want to share 14 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 2: some of my failures with you. But there's a reason 15 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 2: why I want to do this, and I also have 16 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 2: a personal challenge for you. My name is doctor Ramantha Imba. 17 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 2: I'm an organizational psychologist and the founder of behavioral science 18 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 2: consultancy invent Him. 19 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: And this is How I Work, a show about how 20 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,839 Speaker 1: to help you do your best work. 21 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 2: A few years ago, my team at invent Him completed 22 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,559 Speaker 2: a strength Finder assessment. I expected my report to tell 23 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:18,040 Speaker 2: me that my top strength was something like time optimization, 24 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 2: as a similar test had revealed many years ago, or 25 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,319 Speaker 2: creativity or some other skill that I utilize every day, 26 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 2: but no. Apparently, my number one strength was competitiveness. 27 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: Although this would come as. 28 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:35,480 Speaker 2: No surprise to anyone that's played Settlers of Katan against me. 29 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,320 Speaker 2: My first memories of being competitive are from primary school. 30 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 2: But in addition to being competitive, I was also a perfectionist. 31 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 2: If an essay came back with an aid, I would 32 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 2: feel disappointed that the plus was missing, and if I 33 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 2: wasn't the first to finish a maths quiz, I would 34 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 2: question my numerical ability, and if I didn't top the 35 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 2: class in all academic assignments, I would feel like a failure. 36 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 2: In primary school, Bonnie Smart was my arch nemesis, and 37 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 2: she lived up. 38 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 1: To her name. 39 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,359 Speaker 2: I felt like we were the only two people who 40 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 2: existed in our class, and whenever she beat me, I 41 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 2: felt devastated. And while the mix of perfectionism and competitiveness 42 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 2: can be a winning combination for career progression, not to 43 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 2: mention getting good grades at school, it's not great for 44 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 2: dealing with failure and setbacks. Growing up, I prided myself 45 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 2: on winning and being successful. Failure was not part of 46 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:36,080 Speaker 2: my self identity. I was used to succeeding at anything 47 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 2: that I put my mind to which of course means 48 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 2: that when failure does arrive, it hits you hard. My 49 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:48,399 Speaker 2: natural inclination was to hide my failures. My failures embarrassed 50 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 2: me because I thought they meant I was a lesser person, 51 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 2: Like if people knew about my failures, surely their positive 52 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 2: impressions of me would be destroyed. 53 00:02:58,720 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 1: Through the work that I do. 54 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,079 Speaker 2: It behavioral science, consultancy, invent him, I see so many 55 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 2: people struggle with failure, wanting to hide it, punish it, 56 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,760 Speaker 2: deny it, and no good can come of this. The 57 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 2: best way to learn is to fail. And when we 58 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 2: start to talk about our failures openly rather than repress them, 59 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:23,080 Speaker 2: we actually increase our resilience. So Harvard's psychology professor Daniel 60 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 2: Wegner coined the term ironic mental processes. Through a series 61 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:31,079 Speaker 2: of experiments, he found that when people try to suppress 62 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: certain thoughts and emotion, they actually resurface more intensely than before. So, 63 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,839 Speaker 2: for example, psychology professor Jennifer Borten and her colleagues found 64 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 2: that when we ignore doubts about ourselves, self esteem declines 65 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 2: and anxiety rises. So Wegner argued that we need to 66 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 2: stop suppressing negative thoughts and emotions and instead express them, 67 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 2: and ironically doing so should increase resilience and self belief, 68 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 2: which is where a failure resume comes into place. So 69 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 2: I wrote my very first failure resume part of an 70 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 2: experiment in twenty twenty, but now as we head towards 71 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 2: the finish line of twenty twenty one, I've revisited it 72 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 2: and I'm sharing a new version with trepidation once more. 73 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 2: So I challenged myself to be more raw, more open, 74 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 2: and pick some even more devastating and recent failures. So 75 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 2: here are some big ones from the last few years, 76 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:30,680 Speaker 2: and I'd love to see yours if your game. Failure 77 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 2: Number one linking my achievements to my self worth nineteen 78 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 2: eighty four when I was about seven years old to 79 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,520 Speaker 2: the present. Now, you don't have to be a psychologist 80 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 2: to recognize that I had a serious case of achievement 81 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 2: derived self worth. This is not a prophe psychological term, 82 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 2: but it sounds like it could be. Whenever I would 83 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,599 Speaker 2: accomplish something new, I felt and still feel, the strong 84 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 2: urge to tell other people and lots of other. 85 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 1: People about what I've just done. 86 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 2: And I tell them not to brand but because I 87 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 2: believe it will make them like me more. And as 88 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,119 Speaker 2: someone who cares too much about what other people think, 89 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,480 Speaker 2: I really want people to like me as much as possible, 90 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,600 Speaker 2: and obviously saying this out loud, I can see how 91 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 2: flawed this reasoning is, but I still do it. So 92 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,599 Speaker 2: here's what I learned from failure number one. A couple 93 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,479 Speaker 2: of years ago, I read a Seth godinblog that said 94 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,280 Speaker 2: confidence is a choice, not a symptom, and it dawned 95 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,919 Speaker 2: on me that I didn't need to achieve certain things 96 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 2: to feel confident and worthwhile, especially in my life. 97 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:32,799 Speaker 1: And while I'm. 98 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 2: Making progress on this failure, it's been slow. It's hard 99 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 2: to change something that's been hard wired for decades. But 100 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 2: here is some evidence of change. I went for a 101 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 2: walk with a close friend a couple of weeks ago 102 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 2: and he asked me how I was doing. I said, relieve, 103 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 2: because I just submitted the first draft of my book 104 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,920 Speaker 2: to my publisher, all seventy two thousand words. 105 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: His response was, what book? 106 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,160 Speaker 2: So I had completely failed, not consciously to mention that 107 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,120 Speaker 2: I'd been offered a book deal with Penguin. 108 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,599 Speaker 1: Six months prior. 109 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 2: Heay wit. Although sharing this win feels like I might 110 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 2: have missed the point of this learning. Okay, failure number 111 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 2: two not having the courage to leave my marriage sooner 112 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 2: twenty nineteen. On August twenty five, twenty nineteen, I left 113 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 2: my partner of thirteen years. No big event had precipitated 114 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 2: the decision. There were no affairs, no abuse, nothing especially newsworthy. 115 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 2: It was just a gradual realization that were not particularly 116 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 2: compatible as human beings. The most devastating part of this 117 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 2: decision has becoming a single mother and now only seeing 118 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 2: my daughter half of that time. 119 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 1: So while to my friends. 120 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,719 Speaker 2: And family the decision seemed sudden, it was a decision 121 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 2: that was used in the making, but fear kept me 122 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: in a suboptimal relationship for years past its dudate, and 123 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 2: two years on, I can say with certainty that I'm 124 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 2: far happier on this side of the fence. So what 125 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,160 Speaker 2: I learned is that being scared to do something that 126 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 2: feels really big is not a good enough reason to 127 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 2: not do it. The scariest and hardest decisions can often 128 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 2: be the most rewarding. And while I stayed for longer 129 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 2: than I should have because of my daughter role, modeling 130 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,320 Speaker 2: a substandard relationship to your child or children is not 131 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 2: helpful role modeling, all right. Failure number three wearing a 132 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 2: mask to work twenty nineteen to twenty twenty one. So, 133 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 2: following on from the aforementioned failure, perhaps if you've been 134 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 2: through a similar situation, you'll know that the first couple 135 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,200 Speaker 2: of years out of a marriage can be pretty rough, 136 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 2: and you know with everything that there is to navigate 137 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 2: and separate. My default setting is to be open with 138 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 2: my team, but during this time I felt the need 139 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 2: to hide my stress from my workmates and keep it 140 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 2: to myself. I didn't want to be a burden or 141 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 2: bring the mood down. In some instances, this credit a 142 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 2: necessary distance between me and my teammates, and there were 143 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,640 Speaker 2: many days where it was beyond exhausting to maintain an 144 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 2: I'm totally okay, I fasad when I really wasn't. So 145 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 2: what I learned from this looking back, I question the 146 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 2: cost of not being truly real about what I was 147 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 2: experiencing outside of work. I felt really protective of my 148 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 2: team and I didn't want to dump my stress on them. 149 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: But going to the other extreme, where I tried to. 150 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 2: Make light of what were some really heavy things I 151 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 2: was going through, probably wasn't super healthy either, so I'd 152 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 2: like to think that in the future I would and 153 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 2: could drop the mask and just show up one hundred 154 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 2: percent as me, And by doing so, I suspect that 155 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 2: my own mental health and my relationships with my team 156 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 2: would be all the better for it. And I should 157 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 2: add that seeking support from a brilliant clinical psychologist was 158 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 2: critical for me in making it through this time. I 159 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 2: saw him weekly during the hardest times, and I still 160 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:51,680 Speaker 2: see him once a fortnight. Okay, the next failure I 161 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,960 Speaker 2: want to share concealing my miscarriage from my Inventium team 162 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 2: Back in twenty thirteen, so, when I was eighteen years old, 163 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 2: I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome or PEACOS for short. 164 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 2: PEACOS is one of the leading courses of infertility, so 165 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:10,960 Speaker 2: I never assumed that I'd be able to have children, 166 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 2: even though I was sure that I wanted to have 167 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 2: one during this lifetime. So when I fell pregnant very 168 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 2: easily in early twenty thirteen, I was beside myself with joy, 169 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 2: and in the nine weeks that my body spent growing 170 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 2: a little person, I spent hundreds of hours imagining the 171 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 2: life that this yet to be born human would have. 172 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 2: When we went for a scan at nine weeks, the 173 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 2: obstetrician told us that the feeders had stopped growing several 174 00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 2: weeks ago. Two days later, I went in for a 175 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,359 Speaker 2: DNC to have this little person removed. 176 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:41,680 Speaker 1: From my body. 177 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 2: The grief hit me like a landslide, but because no 178 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 2: one at work knew I was even pregnant, I went 179 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,679 Speaker 2: straight back into the office as if nothing had happened. 180 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 2: What I learned from this is that hiding something as 181 00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 2: life shattering as a miscarriage helps no one. I've since 182 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 2: talked openly about it with my team on various occasions, 183 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: and hope that doing so normal as is the experience, 184 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 2: so that we no longer have to feel shame about 185 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 2: miscarriages and hired our grief to people who we spend 186 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 2: so much time with. The last failure that I want 187 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 2: to share is putting unrealistic expectations on myself in my 188 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 2: role as a mum twenty fourteen to present. In February 189 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 2: twenty fourteen, my daughter Frankie came into the world. 190 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: My life and priorities shifted. 191 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 2: Enormously as most of my energy pre Frankie had been 192 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 2: poured into my work. A couple of years into this 193 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 2: new role, I became more aware of the expectations I 194 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,320 Speaker 2: placed on myself as a mother. Because I was a 195 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 2: working mum, I felt an edder to overcompensate. Whenever I 196 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 2: was with Frankie. The unwritten rule I had was to 197 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 2: be one hundred percent present and interacting with her one 198 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 2: hundred percent of the time. It was exhausting, and I 199 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 2: was constantly falling short of this expectation and beating myself 200 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 2: up about it. If I took my daughter to a 201 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,319 Speaker 2: cafe for breakfast and I spent a couple of minutes 202 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 2: having a quick read of the weekend paper, I would 203 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 2: immediately tell myself off and redirect my full attention back 204 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 2: to Frankie. I identified with being an overachiever in my 205 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:19,199 Speaker 2: working life, and naturally, this expectation had transferred itself to motherhood. 206 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 2: I always felt like I could be doing a better job, 207 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 2: paying more attention, coming up with more stimulating activities, and 208 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 2: baking better cakes. No just kidding, I don't really bake. 209 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: And when I did. 210 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 2: Direct my attention somewhere other than Frankie, such as inter 211 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 2: reading the weekend paper, I would feel guilty for the 212 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,239 Speaker 2: pleasure that this gave me, because surely the most pleasurable 213 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 2: activity when you are a parent is spending quality time 214 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:47,079 Speaker 2: with your children all the time. It took me another 215 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 2: few years, in a conversation with my therapist to realize. 216 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 1: That this behavior was not normal. 217 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:57,040 Speaker 2: In Schema therapy, I score high on unrelenting standards. This 218 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 2: is to find as the underlying belief that one must 219 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,439 Speaker 2: strive to meet very high internalized standards of behavior and performance, 220 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:08,560 Speaker 2: usually to avoid criticism. Easy to diagnose, harder to change. 221 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 2: So here's what I learned. I know that I can 222 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 2: have ridiculously high standards for my work, but I was 223 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 2: completely unaware that these standards were also imposing themselves on 224 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 2: my role as a mum. So over the years, and 225 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 2: at least on some days, I've slowly started to relax 226 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 2: the expectations I have of myself as a mother. I 227 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,800 Speaker 2: now sometimes allow myself to just do my own thing, 228 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,959 Speaker 2: well Frankie does hers and as I talk to you 229 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 2: about this, So, I worry that this may make me 230 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,439 Speaker 2: sound like a bad mother. I worry that maybe I'll 231 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 2: be judged by other mothers who are one hundred percent 232 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 2: present for their children, one hundred percent of the time 233 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 2: because they exist, don't they And I find it really 234 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 2: hard to balance my overwhelming need to be the best 235 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 2: mum in the world with also being kind to myself, 236 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 2: which doesn't come naturally. 237 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: It is a constant battle, but one. 238 00:12:56,920 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 2: In which I think I'm making progress slowly, and in 239 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:05,040 Speaker 2: spite of all this, surprise, surprise, Frankie is still thriving. 240 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 2: So that's my failure resume. And here is my challenge 241 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 2: for you. Set aside, say thirty minutes this week to 242 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 2: write your failure resume, think hard over the last few 243 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 2: years would have been your biggest failures it worked maybe 244 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 2: in your non work life as well. And then I 245 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 2: challenge you to share it with a few people close 246 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 2: to you. Maybe you might even want to share it 247 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 2: via your socials like I'll be doing with mine, which 248 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,200 Speaker 2: is scary, I know. And if you do decide to 249 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,199 Speaker 2: share it, make sure you tag me in the post 250 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,680 Speaker 2: because I'd love to read it and I hope you 251 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 2: find this process helpful. You can find me on the socials, 252 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 2: on LinkedIn Atamantha Imba and on Instagram Atamantha I and 253 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 2: on Twitter at Amantha How I Work is produced by 254 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 2: Inventium with production support from Dead Set Studios, and thank 255 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,559 Speaker 2: you Martin Nimber who does the audio mix and makes 256 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,199 Speaker 2: everything sound better than it would have otherwise. 257 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.