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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, when the kids blow it, you can be kind

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Speaker 2: and compassionate and let them know how hard it is.

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Speaker 2: But ultimately, if they've made a mistake, they need to

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Speaker 2: fix it.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: Hello.

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Speaker 2: We are doctor Justin Coulson and Kylie Coulson. I've got

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Speaker 2: a PhD in psychology and I've written six books about

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Speaker 2: Happy Families. And Kylie my wife, mum to our six daughters,

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Speaker 2: married Tommy for We're about to celebrate an anniversary in

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Speaker 2: a couple of weeks. Twenty three years Best, twenty three

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Speaker 2: years more. Thank you Annie. That's great.

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Speaker 4: Hey.

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Speaker 2: We love getting your ratings and reviews via whatever app

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Speaker 2: you're listening to the podcast on. We received one from

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Speaker 2: APJ five star review.

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Speaker 4: Real and Practical Advice. Doctor Justin and Kylie share their

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Speaker 4: experiences in the parenting whirlwind and provide helpful, practical and

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Speaker 4: real advice that you can use and everyday situations. They

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Speaker 4: tackle the tougher times of parenting in a kind, understanding way.

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Speaker 4: I love that I can share the podcast tips with

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Speaker 4: my hubby so we can be on the same page.

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Speaker 3: I love that I do too.

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Speaker 4: Since discovering the podcast about six months ago, we have

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Speaker 4: seen a happier, calmer home with our kids. I love that.

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Speaker 4: I especially love that I'll Do Better Tomorrow podcasts, as

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Speaker 4: it helps me reflect on our week as well as

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Speaker 4: a family. Inevitably, there is always something we can do

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Speaker 4: better at, and then the following week we can see

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Speaker 4: that we've done better. Thanks so much for the review, APJ.

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Speaker 4: We love Fridays as well, and so today.

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Speaker 2: I'll do it tomorrow tomorrow. So for those of you

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Speaker 2: who and you who have not heard I'll Do Better

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Speaker 2: Tomorrow and don't understand why APJ gave us a five

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Speaker 2: star review for I'll Do Better Tomorrow. Basically, Fridays or

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Speaker 2: a day where we look back on the week that's

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Speaker 2: been and try to tease a part the stuff that

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Speaker 2: we've learned, the insights that we've had so that we

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Speaker 2: can be better at parents tomorrow. Sometimes we'll celebrate our successes.

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Speaker 2: Other times we're going to acknowledge that we blow it

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Speaker 2: because we do not make any claims to perfection in parenting.

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Speaker 2: And I reckon, I reckon that this is one of

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Speaker 2: our favorite episodes each week as well, because that review

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Speaker 2: helps us to set an intention, it helps us to

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Speaker 2: be better parents.

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Speaker 4: Well, who's going to go first today?

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Speaker 2: I think you should.

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Speaker 4: Well, I had a first this week in the parenting world.

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Speaker 2: We did well.

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Speaker 3: We did our family did.

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Speaker 4: We have never in the twenty two years we've been parents,

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Speaker 4: we have never had to call an ambulance.

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Speaker 2: Which is a good thing. Is a good thing, although

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Speaker 2: there's probably a few times when we could have, but

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Speaker 2: we just decided not to. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So today, this is why I'm going to actually share

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Speaker 4: this experience because it was a really big learning experience

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Speaker 4: for me as a mum.

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Speaker 3: I look at ambulance and.

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Speaker 4: Paramedics and all of that as being that they deal

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Speaker 4: with the life threatening stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you do not dial triple O unless your life

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Speaker 2: is in the balance. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And so I've had lots of experiences with our children

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Speaker 4: where I've been a little bit out of my comfort zone.

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Speaker 4: There is no thought in my mind that I should

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Speaker 4: call an ambulance. But this weekend we had one of

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Speaker 4: our children who had a gastrobarg It was not nice

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Speaker 4: and I'll spare you all the details, but we got

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Speaker 4: to a point where we were just really out of

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Speaker 4: our depths, and after a number of episodes, realized that

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Speaker 4: we probably needed some help.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so so just a little bit of context, because

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Speaker 2: I think we need to color this in just a

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Speaker 2: little more. This particular child was very, very very sick,

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Speaker 2: woke up in the middle of the night and fainted

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Speaker 2: and was out cold.

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Speaker 3: We were about five minutes.

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Speaker 2: For a good five minutes, we could not wake her up,

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Speaker 2: but eventually we did get he woken up, and it

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Speaker 2: wasn't that she was asleep, she had passed out because

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Speaker 2: of her illness. But we got her back to bed

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Speaker 2: and got everything cleaned up and all the drama associated

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Speaker 2: with that. And then early in the morning, once again,

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Speaker 2: she passed out for somewhere between five and ten minutes,

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Speaker 2: just absolutely gone. Couldn't wake her up, with watersh and color. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like looked like she was dying. But once again we

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Speaker 2: knew that she she just had a barg and we're like, well, well,

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Speaker 2: we could take her to the hospital, but let's just

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Speaker 2: get her back into bed and get arresting. She's got

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Speaker 2: a pole, she's breathing, Everything's going to be fine.

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Speaker 4: You know, when you have those kind of bugs you

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Speaker 4: kind of have, you know, a pretty massive episode, and

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Speaker 4: you seem to kind of pass through it, and so

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Speaker 4: it passes through your And so in my mind, having

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Speaker 4: been that person, she actually has this from me.

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Speaker 3: This is my gene.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because you used to faint when you were a kid,

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Speaker 2: you don't.

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Speaker 3: You know, It's funny.

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Speaker 4: We've got six children, she's the only one who's fainted.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And then and then about like an hour later,

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Speaker 2: it happened again. So she'd had three, or maybe maybe

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Speaker 2: it was in four fainting spells, each of them at

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Speaker 2: least five minutes.

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Speaker 4: And and so so I tried to ring the out

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Speaker 4: of hours doctor, but he didn't get back to me.

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Speaker 4: Was right on kind of, I guess change over shifts,

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Speaker 4: and so I didn't actually hear back from him. And

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Speaker 4: so when it happened the fourth time, I just went,

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Speaker 4: I really need to talk to someone.

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Speaker 2: So again you're hassling me saying we got to put

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Speaker 2: her in the car, we got to get to the doctors.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, we actually, because it's one of the

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Speaker 2: bigger kids, I couldn't really get her to the car.

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Speaker 2: And even if I did, she was probably going to

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Speaker 2: pass out in the car. Because every time she stood up,

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Speaker 2: this is what was happening.

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Speaker 4: So I called the doctor's surgery. When they finally opened

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Speaker 4: their doors, explained what was going on, and they just said,

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Speaker 4: call an ambulance. And I said, look, she's fine, she's

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Speaker 4: not going to die.

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Speaker 2: I just got a bug.

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Speaker 4: She DIDs fainting, but I just don't feel comfortable moving her,

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Speaker 4: and they just they were adamant that I needed to

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Speaker 4: call an ambulance. So I called the ambulance and I

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Speaker 4: even when they picked up, I just said, look, I

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Speaker 4: don't know if I've rung the right number.

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Speaker 2: And I didn't want you to call triple. I was like,

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Speaker 2: surely there's like an ambulance phone number that we can

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Speaker 2: call for the you know, non life threatening emergencies. But

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Speaker 2: we called True and.

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Speaker 4: So I rang, and the lady on the other end

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Speaker 4: she was so wonderful. She asked me all of the

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Speaker 4: triage questions, and she just made me feel so at

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Speaker 4: ease that number one I had done the right thing,

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Speaker 4: that I wasn't that parent who was overreacting to the situation,

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Speaker 4: and that somebody would be there to help me soon.

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Speaker 4: Well I didn't realize soon meant three minutes.

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Speaker 2: Later yeah, in no time, were.

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Speaker 3: There in an instant.

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Speaker 4: And when I talked to the guy at the other end,

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Speaker 4: which is why I wanted to share this today, I

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Speaker 4: just said, you know, I've had six children, and I

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Speaker 4: have been lots of scary situations, but I have never

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Speaker 4: in a million years thought to ring an ambulance because

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Speaker 4: I see you guys as being the ones who, you know,

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Speaker 4: come to help those people who are literally out there last,

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Speaker 4: you know, on their last legs. And I said, I

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Speaker 4: would hate to think that I'm taking you away from

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Speaker 4: someone else that really really needs your help. And he

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Speaker 4: just said to me, he said, you one hundred percent

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Speaker 4: did the right thing. First of all, they had marked

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Speaker 4: our daughter as a category to which means not life

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Speaker 4: threatening but instant immediate action required. And so when he

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Speaker 4: talked me through the process, he just said to me,

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Speaker 4: and this is the advice I want to share with

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Speaker 4: everybody today, that if you find yourself in a position

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Speaker 4: where you are not comfortable, literally if it takes you

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Speaker 4: out of your comfort zone, then you call them because

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Speaker 4: you actually go through the triage questions on the phone.

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Speaker 4: So if at any time you call an ambulance and

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Speaker 4: they're actually not needed, they'll work through that process with

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Speaker 4: you on the phone, and they'll give you the information

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Speaker 4: you need, or they'll pass you on to your medical center,

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Speaker 4: or otherwise an ambulance will arrive. And so it was

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Speaker 4: a really big learning experience for me as a mum,

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Speaker 4: first of all, to recognize that there is actually support

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Speaker 4: there to help me in those times when I do

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Speaker 4: feel an out of quicksis. I think as mums, we

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Speaker 4: often feel parents in general, we feel like we've got

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Speaker 4: to have all the answers and we just don't. And

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Speaker 4: so I was so grateful for the compassion and support

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Speaker 4: of the ambulance community who came to our aid on

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Speaker 4: Saturday for not a life threatening situation, but one that

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Speaker 4: was really quite scary for our family.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, really important insight, not the way recommending that everyone

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Speaker 2: suddenly start calling me Ambo please start for everything, but

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Speaker 2: just the fact that they've got a system in place

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Speaker 2: so that they can work out how badly that ambulance

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Speaker 2: needs to get to you, or if you should just

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Speaker 2: pop down to the local hospital or the local doctor

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Speaker 2: or whatever it is. The Other thing that really struck

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Speaker 2: me about that story is, you know, I'm the dad

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Speaker 2: that says I don't worry. You'll be right. And I've

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Speaker 2: said that so many times to the kids over there's

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Speaker 2: probably four or five instances that I can think of

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Speaker 2: or I've been like, you'll be right, and they haven't been.

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Speaker 2: And I think that it's a really important reminder for

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Speaker 2: dads to recognize that when someone says that they're crook,

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Speaker 2: just because you're not feeling crooked like they are, doesn't

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Speaker 2: mean that they're not sick and that they don't need help.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 4: The other thing that really stood out to me was

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Speaker 4: they ended up taking her to the hospital because she

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Speaker 4: was so badly dehydrated and needed to have a drip.

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Speaker 4: And the difference between when she left our home and

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Speaker 4: when we were able to be with her in the

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Speaker 4: hospital was chalk and cheese. She just came to life

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Speaker 4: after that bag of saleine.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing what a little bit of drugs will do

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Speaker 2: for you.

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Speaker 4: And the funny thing is, though, as a mum, I

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Speaker 4: would have kept her at home and I would have

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Speaker 4: nursed her and she would have finally got back to,

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Speaker 4: you know, the right state, but it would have taken

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Speaker 4: me days to get her there. And yet having the

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Speaker 4: right treatment meant that she was able to kind of

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Speaker 4: jump back up and feel much better very quickly.

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Speaker 2: Well, I've got an i'll do better tomorrow that I'm

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Speaker 2: going to share in just a.

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Speaker 1: Sec Happy Families Podcast For.

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Speaker 4: A happier family, Try a Happy Families membership, because a

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Speaker 4: happy family doesn't just happen.

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Speaker 2: Details at happy families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for a time

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Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers now. And today we

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Speaker 4: are sharing our parenting insights from this week just gone, justin.

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Speaker 3: What have you got to share with us today?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, your mine's not nearly as dramatic as yours, but

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Speaker 2: I think that it's a really great parenting tip or

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Speaker 2: a really important insight. With six kids, we've replaced a

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Speaker 2: lot of stuff. You know, children lose things.

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Speaker 3: School hats, got lunch boxes, jumpers, jump bags.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know what else we've replaced, but

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Speaker 2: over the years we've replaced sitch stuff, and as the

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Speaker 2: children are getting older, I've kind of just thought, no,

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Speaker 2: I'm done with that. And so recently our thirteen year

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Speaker 2: old lost her swimming bag. So we've got the kids

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Speaker 2: in swimming squad because we want them to be swimming

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Speaker 2: well because we've got a pool and we lived, you know,

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Speaker 2: we attend the beach regularly. And she lost a swimming bag,

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Speaker 2: was flippers, it was goggles, that was a snorkly thing

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Speaker 2: that they have to have, the pool boy, big boy.

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Speaker 3: It was all in there, and she said, what that

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Speaker 3: was brand new set.

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Speaker 4: So I had brought her a brand new set during

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Speaker 4: the day that she was then going to be swimming,

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Speaker 4: so there had been nothing had been marked, and I

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Speaker 4: didn't realize that she was planning on leaving the swimming

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Speaker 4: bag with the rest of her squad's stuff.

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Speaker 3: They do every day.

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Speaker 2: You're not going to take the bag home, You're just

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Speaker 2: going to leave it because that's what teenagers do.

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Speaker 3: Right without any name on it. Somebody has said you beauty.

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Speaker 2: So she's lost it and she needed to have it replaced,

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Speaker 2: and it was two hundred bucks worth and I just

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Speaker 2: said to her, I'm not.

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Speaker 4: Paying that's going to hurt.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So she took me to the swimming shop and

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Speaker 2: we bought all of the gear and it cost I

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Speaker 2: think it was one hundred and ninety odd dollars or

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Speaker 2: something like that, and I said, well, how are you

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Speaker 2: going to pay this back, kiddo? And she said, well,

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Speaker 2: you already owe me for some chores, and we worked

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Speaker 2: out while I owed her and there was a bit

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Speaker 2: of money there and she said, and I've got that job.

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Speaker 2: So she's a bit entrepreneurial. She's pretty on finding unique

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Speaker 2: well not even unique, just any way to earn money.

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Speaker 2: And one of our neighbors is selling their house. They've

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Speaker 2: moved out, and so she mows the lawn. She's negotiated

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Speaker 2: a fifty dollars a week fee for mowing the lawn.

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Speaker 2: Who pays that And within a very very short time

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Speaker 2: she's going to have this thing paid off. And it's

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Speaker 2: not even bothered her. She's like, yeah, that's cool. I'll

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Speaker 2: pay for it and I can go without some money

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Speaker 2: for a few weeks so I can get this done.

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Speaker 2: But she's looking after the new swimming gear a whole

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Speaker 2: lot better. The first thing she did was say, Mum,

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Speaker 2: can you please put my name on all of this,

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to go through this again?

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Speaker 3: And I just thought, and she's not leaving it. It

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Speaker 3: swims quite any worry either.

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Speaker 2: No, she's bringing it home. Yeah, so I mean it's

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Speaker 2: only just happened, but she brings it home after every recession, now,

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Speaker 2: and I thought, this is we've got to stop protecting

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Speaker 2: our kids from the consequences of their choices. If they

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Speaker 2: do something and there's a consequence to it, I'm not

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Speaker 2: going to impose a consequence. But it's not my responsibility

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Speaker 2: for a thirteen Now, if it was a six year old,

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Speaker 2: I'd be a lot more charitable, a lot more compassionate.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to make my six year old going

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Speaker 2: mo the neighbors lord to try and pay back stuff

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Speaker 2: that they've lost. But by the time they get to thirteen,

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Speaker 2: I just think, no, you can. You can earn the

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Speaker 2: money back. And wouldn't you know it, A couple of

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Speaker 2: days later, our seventeen year old lost her retainer. So,

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know how much money we've spent on

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Speaker 2: dental stuff over the years, and this particular child didn't

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Speaker 2: want braces. She wanted that new invisible bracer thing called

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Speaker 2: in visial line I think it is. And she lost

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Speaker 2: her retainers. She's almost at the end of the process.

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Speaker 2: She lost the retainers. They're four hundred bucks to replace,

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Speaker 2: and I just said to her, you're up for some cash.

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Speaker 4: She protested a little bit more than a thirteen year old.

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Speaker 2: Well, I can't pay that. I'm like, you've got a

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Speaker 2: job and you can do chores around the house. In fact,

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Speaker 2: she looked at me when we had to pay for

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Speaker 2: it because she didn't have the cash, and I said, well,

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Speaker 2: I'll pay for it, but I need a payment plan.

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Speaker 2: We've got to get this paid off really fast. And

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Speaker 2: she's like, can I pay it off with chaws? And

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Speaker 2: I actually said to her, because she's seventeen, I said, no,

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Speaker 2: this is cash. You owe me the cash. And she

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, but I'll tell you what she's already.

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Speaker 2: It's only been twenty four hours, but she is looking

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Speaker 2: after those retainers like she has never looked after them before.

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Speaker 2: Bit of personal responsibility, bit of accountability, bit of ownership.

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Speaker 2: That's my old do better tomorrow. That's my insight for

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Speaker 2: the week. When the kids blow it, you can be

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Speaker 2: kind and compassionate and let them know how hard it is,

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Speaker 2: but ultimately, if they've made a mistake, they need to

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Speaker 2: fix it.

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Speaker 4: Well, hopefully we won't have any more of those blondes

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Speaker 4: in the next few weeks, because it's been an expensive process.

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Speaker 2: Even if we do, I don't care, I'll pay for it.

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Speaker 2: Is that too hard? Most I don't think that's too hard.

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Speaker 2: I think that's totally reasonable.

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Speaker 4: In defense of these two kids, that's been a really

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Speaker 4: big learning curve very quickly. Usually it's a hat for

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Speaker 4: fifteen dollars or a jumper for forty. It needs have

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Speaker 4: been really they're really but.

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Speaker 2: The bottom line, but you know, it's not inflicted by dad.

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Speaker 2: This is just the consequence of you losing stuff. You

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Speaker 2: need to repay it, you need to come up with it,

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Speaker 2: and they're going to be better because of it. I

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Speaker 2: don't We've been warm, we've been kind, we've been understanding,

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Speaker 2: and I think that.

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Speaker 4: That's a really really important part of the process is compassion.

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Speaker 4: They're not going to have four hundred dollars to just

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Speaker 4: hand it over, and so working out a payment plan

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Speaker 4: that the two of you are comfortable with to achieve

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Speaker 4: the outcome that you want.

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Speaker 2: MACS runs. Hey, we really hope that you've enjoyed our

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Speaker 2: Old Do Better Tomorrow today and that the podcast is

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Speaker 2: making a difference in your life. If it is, we'd

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Speaker 2: be so grateful if you'd leave a rating and review

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Speaker 2: wherever it is that you listen to your podcasts. It's

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Speaker 2: so simple. You just click on the podcast, then click

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Speaker 2: on the five stars and then it gives you an

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Speaker 2: option to see whether you'd like to write anything. We

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Speaker 2: love those ratings and reviews. They help other people to

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Speaker 2: find out about the podcast and make their families happier.

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Speaker 2: As always, we appreciate our executive producer, Craig Bruce, and

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Speaker 2: the producer of the podcast is just a rule On

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Speaker 2: from Bridge Media. If you would like more information about

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Speaker 2: how your family can be happier, we provide ongoing day

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Speaker 2: to day, week to week, months to month family happiness

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Speaker 2: helps through our Happy Families membership. You can get all

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Speaker 2: of the information at happy families dot com, dot a

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Speaker 2: yuke

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Speaker 1: A