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Speaker 1: And Amanda jam Nation Double a Chattery. The podcast drops today.

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Speaker 1: This is your side hustle where you're for forensic psychologist

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Speaker 1: slash friend and in a McGregor, which comes first?

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Speaker 2: Friend or a forensic psychology friend comes first?

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Speaker 3: But the fact I find her so interesting she's such

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Speaker 3: sort of interesting worldview is because of the work she does,

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Speaker 3: I think. But often on the podcast we talk the

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Speaker 3: wholiday of general staff. But this one today is so interesting.

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Speaker 3: As we're head into Christmas, we thought it'd be a

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Speaker 3: great time to look at this. Why are so many

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Speaker 3: people going no contact with their parents? Oprah talks about it.

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Speaker 3: Mel Robbins talks about it. The trend of no contact,

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Speaker 3: it's all over social media. What happens here is that

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Speaker 3: this is framed often as a form of self preservation.

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Speaker 3: Adult children separating from their parents. It's not rebellion. It's

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Speaker 3: adults children's adult children saying I'm putting up my boundaries

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Speaker 3: because as a parent you are toxic for me. And

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Speaker 3: there's lots of articles the moment about my parents are narcissists.

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Speaker 3: Therefore my behavior is this, how do I separate from them?

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Speaker 3: The word narcissist gets thrown around a.

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Speaker 2: Lot doesn't know.

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of stuff here though, that younger generations

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Speaker 3: are prioritizing, prioritizing their mental health well than any other

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Speaker 3: generation has. And they're saying that means I don't want

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Speaker 3: to be around you, and parents are bewildered saying I

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Speaker 3: was doing my best. Mel Robbins, she's one of the

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Speaker 3: top podcasters in the world. She's written the book let them.

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Speaker 3: She's saying what seems to be for my generation, say

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Speaker 3: the most sensible thing. Here's her take on it.

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Speaker 4: Your parents, they've likely not gone to therapy or do

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Speaker 4: they want to. The issues that you see in their

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Speaker 4: marriage that you wish you could change or make better,

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Speaker 4: they've been there forever. They're not changing. They are who

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Speaker 4: they are, They have the relationship they have. It's not

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Speaker 4: your responsibility to do anything about it. And something that's

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Speaker 4: helped me develop a level of acceptance and love with

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Speaker 4: my folks is just saying to myself, they give me

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Speaker 4: everything they can based on their life experience.

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Speaker 2: That's pretty good. Wouldn't you do the best I could?

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Speaker 3: That's what that generation thinks. But a whole lot of

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Speaker 3: all I'm seeing it over TikTok, a whole lot of

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Speaker 3: articles have been written with people answering back saying, why

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Speaker 3: should I have to put up with my parents' lack

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Speaker 3: of understanding of me? Why should I have to put

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Speaker 3: up with all the damage my parents have done to

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Speaker 3: me emotionally. I don't want to have to do that.

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Speaker 3: So mel got attacked for saying that, interesting, isn't it.

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Speaker 3: So these adult children are saying, excuse me, you don't

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Speaker 3: know my family. Here's a classic example of one of those.

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Speaker 5: I would not wish being an adult child a strange

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Speaker 5: from your parent on my worst enemy. And if you

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Speaker 5: talk to any adult children who are a strange from

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Speaker 5: their parents or a parent, they will most likely tell

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Speaker 5: you that it was death by a thousand cuts when

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Speaker 5: you look at our parents and say, we know that

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Speaker 5: you didn't have the tools, We know that you did

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Speaker 5: your best. But now we're at a point where I

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Speaker 5: never got taught certain things, and I'm having to go

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Speaker 5: out and find the answers and find the resources and

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Speaker 5: change and become a better person.

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Speaker 6: And all that we want.

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Speaker 5: Is for that a strange parent to do the same thing,

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Speaker 5: but they refuse.

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Speaker 3: So this is the first generation of kids who've really

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Speaker 3: learned about their own emotions and they are irritated that

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Speaker 3: their parents aren't meeting them halfway.

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Speaker 1: Generation next we get sandwiched by so we had brutal

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Speaker 1: parents when we were young, and now our kids hate us.

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Speaker 2: Do you see what's happening?

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Speaker 3: This is the thing and I think it used to

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Speaker 3: be well, and maybe it still is in Australia. America

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Speaker 3: maybe is more polarized with this stuff. But you'd sit

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Speaker 3: around the Christmas table, for example, and you'd be irritated

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Speaker 3: things that trigger you whatever, But that's Christmas, that's families.

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Speaker 3: Now this generation is saying, I'm not putting up with that,

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Speaker 3: but there is long term damage and I need to

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Speaker 3: discusses this beautifully long term damage in family estrangement that

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Speaker 3: will impact you for a long time, so be careful

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Speaker 3: about that. The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot.

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Speaker 3: Parents were narcissists is used a lot, and to Anita says,

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Speaker 3: there is a technical term for this, a medical term.

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Speaker 3: That's not what these people are referring to. This woman

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Speaker 3: has got a whole list of themselves. Here is a

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Speaker 3: they paint themselves as the victim. They'll twist your healing

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Speaker 3: into an active betrayal, etc. She says, they will rewrite

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Speaker 3: the past. Suddenly everything that's happened in the past was

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Speaker 3: beautiful and wonderful except you. And Anita had an interesting

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Speaker 3: spin on the fact is that we all do that.

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Speaker 6: We all rewrite the history of our family. I have

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Speaker 6: rewritten the story of my childhood. My kids have rewritten

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Speaker 6: the story of my parenting. We all do that. Traditionally,

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Speaker 6: there's three rules that we have in the world in dynamics,

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Speaker 6: and one is like being a victim or being a villain,

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Speaker 6: or being a hero. And when we rewrite this story,

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Speaker 6: we often place ourselves as the hero or as the

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Speaker 6: victim in a situation. We rarely say I was the oursehoul,

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Speaker 6: I was the villain in this.

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Speaker 3: So everyone's retreat to their corners. And unless you have

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Speaker 3: a conversation and reach out into the middle and say

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Speaker 3: I will listen to you, you won't get past this.

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Speaker 3: But this is a very dangerous and they're calling it

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Speaker 3: a trend. But as Anita said, this trend will have

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Speaker 3: long term implications for family, and it.

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Speaker 2: Might be over something that's really minor.

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Speaker 1: We're not talking about abusive We're just talking about you

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Speaker 1: to pick you up from sport.

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Speaker 3: Or about abusive parents. This isn't about any of that.

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Speaker 3: This is about parents who have given you emotional baggage

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Speaker 3: and whose parents haven't.

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Speaker 2: And I look at you as a mother. You are

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Speaker 2: a fantastic mother.

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Speaker 7: I always feel that your boys, you'd always been very supportive,

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Speaker 7: and you know, because you wanted to have You know,

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Speaker 7: you look like you weren't going to have kids, and

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Speaker 7: for years I knew you were and you were childless,

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Speaker 7: and then when you did have children, you.

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Speaker 1: Really gave it a red hot go me. On the

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Speaker 1: other hand, you know, when my eldest was born, I.

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Speaker 2: Was twenty four years of age. You know, I was

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Speaker 2: twenty four. I was a kid. Both come and get

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Speaker 2: a car registered these days years, all of a sudden,

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Speaker 2: you've got a kid, and you do the best you can.

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Speaker 2: But also, but if I could go.

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Speaker 1: Back in time to be I'd probably say, Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is how I would handle raising my son. And my

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Speaker 1: son is wonderful, gorgeous, lovely, and I'm a very proud

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Speaker 1: of my kids. And I'm proud of the relationship that

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Speaker 1: I have with my children. But it's different in the

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Speaker 1: relationship that I have my dad, my dad, you know

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Speaker 1: who I love dearly.

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Speaker 2: But it was just a different generation.

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Speaker 1: But I don't hold my mum and dad responsible for

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Speaker 1: anything that's happened in my life.

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Speaker 2: You've got to give up blaming your parents sort of us.

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Speaker 1: Unless they put you in a dungeon and molested you,

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Speaker 1: then yes bad. But if they just you know, didn't

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Speaker 1: give you the supportive words. If you're over fifty and

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Speaker 1: you're still blaming your.

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Speaker 2: Parents, interesting, isn't it. You should go and see someone.

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Speaker 3: Well, this is what's happening. They are seeing people, they're

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Speaker 3: seeing therapists, they're seeing they're seeking help for their own

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Speaker 3: mental health and saying it's not healthy for me to

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Speaker 3: be around you. It's a very interesting time and as

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Speaker 3: we go into Christmas, I have a listened to this

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Speaker 3: podcast because gives everyone tools for how to walk into

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Speaker 3: that room and be kind as you got to swear.

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Speaker 2: As well, because she's a forensic psychologist, you can do that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what your excuse is. Double a chattery.

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Speaker 1: It drops today. Get it from wherever you get all

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Speaker 1: your good podcasts from