WEBVTT - Who's your favourite... Mum or Dad?

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<v Speaker 1>You'll have to excuse my nasalliness. What's happened just to

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<v Speaker 1>have been sick earlier this week? At first I had

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<v Speaker 1>like tap nose, and then yesterday I was okay, I

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<v Speaker 1>had a surf and stuff great, and I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I still a little bit. I woke up this morning.

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<v Speaker 1>My fuck, I'm so stuffy. So I've been like zer tech,

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<v Speaker 1>tell fast, I'm hopped.

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<v Speaker 2>Up, man, nothing's working nah nah.

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<v Speaker 1>And like usually i'd use vix. Didn't have any victs

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<v Speaker 1>been using their like the child's at the Yuki Bear one.

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<v Speaker 2>What's that?

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<v Speaker 1>It's kind of like a softer version of vix. Im

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<v Speaker 1>hav any vics in the house.

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<v Speaker 2>I could always do that, but it's use what's here?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Anyways, what I would do is I'd usually put

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<v Speaker 1>like a little bit on the inside of my nose

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<v Speaker 1>to try and clear it's a bit Bernie. And what

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<v Speaker 1>I did was I didn't realize I had a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit extra on the end of my fingernail, and I

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<v Speaker 1>did a little sniffle and a goop of that Yuki

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<v Speaker 1>Bear stuff went straight up into my brain. And have

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<v Speaker 1>you seen that meme of the cat? And they're like

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<v Speaker 1>I was like that just rapid fires. Rapid fires, easy

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<v Speaker 1>straight to my brain. And afterwards, because I had sneezed

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<v Speaker 1>so much, the inside of my nose has inflated and

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<v Speaker 1>just shut It's fine.

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<v Speaker 2>I thought you're going to tell me that it like

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<v Speaker 2>clead you up, so now you're just doing rails of

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<v Speaker 2>this year.

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<v Speaker 1>Give me. I didn't see it on the end of

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<v Speaker 1>my finger, and it literally hit the back of my

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<v Speaker 1>head quick as anything, and I was like and before

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<v Speaker 1>I actually did that sneaze thing, I was like, oh no,

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<v Speaker 1>this is not going to be good. It's like when

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<v Speaker 1>you've got an itchy inner ear and you're like, how

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<v Speaker 1>do I scratch it?

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<v Speaker 2>And you're like, oh, she's coughing up fur balls And anyway,

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<v Speaker 2>you sound quite cute.

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<v Speaker 1>I seemed like a cute little boy. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>give you a kettle after.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to two doing dads. I'm Maddie J. And

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<v Speaker 2>I'm ashsh It's a nicer version of ash Well.

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<v Speaker 1>You were like, you got this like sexy husk, and

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<v Speaker 1>I ended up with this nasally little annoying kid. Oh

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<v Speaker 1>can you please wipe my nose? You're like, hey, ladies,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Maddy J.

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<v Speaker 2>If you need any toilet breaks. Mate, just let me

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<v Speaker 2>know and I'll take you upstairs.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>This is a podcast all about parenting.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.

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<v Speaker 2>And as always, zero advice will be given.

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<v Speaker 1>Well we don't know. We always say that and then somehow.

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<v Speaker 2>We offer a peppering of sun.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not advised. It's just like what we've done in

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<v Speaker 1>that situation. So but if you are here for advice.

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<v Speaker 2>No no, no, no, no no no no. We're drinking something

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit different today.

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<v Speaker 1>Ash we are because you're doing dry July.

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<v Speaker 2>Well I'm doing I'm doing a version of version and

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<v Speaker 2>I'll explain why a little bit later, but yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>will be doing the tail end of the month will

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<v Speaker 2>be a dry July for me. So yeah, I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>going to do it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a sprinkling of July.

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<v Speaker 2>Four weeks is a long time.

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<v Speaker 1>It is a long time too.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm very much a believer in moderation.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, I think that's.

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<v Speaker 2>So three weeks is better than none. Yeah, so it's

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<v Speaker 2>two weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>And of course, because you're going on your honeymoon, I

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<v Speaker 1>will I will have a dry honey You.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't want to get into that, so I'll go into

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<v Speaker 2>the honeymoon in a second, but for now, we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to have a better beer, zero alcohol.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm gonna have one, cheers, cheers.

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<v Speaker 2>That tastes like a normal beer.

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<v Speaker 1>It does. Actually, it's hard for me the moment to

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<v Speaker 1>taste because I can't smell anything. But that's all right,

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<v Speaker 1>it's pretty good. I don't know how it's refreshing.

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<v Speaker 2>Actually, how the fuck do they make beer with no alcohol?

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<v Speaker 1>It is they just right on the side of it

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<v Speaker 1>that there's no for cebo. But yeah, it's actually it

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<v Speaker 1>tastes like I love. How have you noticed on the

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<v Speaker 1>top of the cant says morning for it.

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<v Speaker 2>Whoever's doing the copywriting it better beer, give him a raise?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, thank you, better be for having us.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, I will be well by the time his

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<v Speaker 2>podcast comes out, Ash.

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<v Speaker 1>I will be Island life baby.

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<v Speaker 2>And Fiji a coconut in hands.

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<v Speaker 1>And you're taking the kids too?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes? Yes? Is that stupid? Probably?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, waste take me instead.

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry. At the airport, Laura is just.

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<v Speaker 1>Like he's gonna sit on my lap. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Look, I got the guilts about taking them with us,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I just know, and I.

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<v Speaker 1>Say this, they're at an age now where they'll have

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of fun.

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<v Speaker 2>They'll have a lot of fun, and dude, Mali is pumped.

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<v Speaker 2>We've got this, you know. Four nights, three nights were

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<v Speaker 2>Candy down to Fiji and she goes to daycare. Daycare

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<v Speaker 2>was great and they do like hello and goodbye, different languages.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I get up and she's like dad, bulla

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, oh, well, that's bloody your door.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like, don't be one of those white people

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<v Speaker 1>in a different country trying to say the language. Embarrassing.

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<v Speaker 1>That's like April does that. I went to Fiji with

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<v Speaker 1>April's mum and she was like bulla. When I went

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<v Speaker 1>to Japan and I was like, I'm not here long

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<v Speaker 1>enough to try, so I was like, get.

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<v Speaker 2>A, hey, are you one of those people who still

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<v Speaker 2>speaks in like slang when you're overseas?

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<v Speaker 1>So no worries, mate, Yeah, I'll see your savo the

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<v Speaker 1>sava and they're like sob me. But anyway, So in

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<v Speaker 1>trudge of you going on your honeymoon and congratulations, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean you got married November November, and now I mean

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<v Speaker 1>that's what happens when you have children.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you for reminding me. We did things a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit backwards. We were going to get married before Lola

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<v Speaker 2>came out, but then COVID came and we thought, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>what should we do. Well, my sister pregnant again and then.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll just get sucking again.

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<v Speaker 2>We even thought like do we even have it? It's

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<v Speaker 2>not It's one of those honeymoons. I guess can we

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<v Speaker 2>help you? April Hi.

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<v Speaker 1>Getting your hand done? Go and saw that regrowth out?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, isn't she darling?

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<v Speaker 1>That puts up with me?

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry, babe, did not want to be on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>By Maddie Jay. She was like, oh my god, Maddie

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<v Speaker 1>Jay's in my house. Anyway. You were getting back to

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<v Speaker 1>that you did things backwards, But the Australian public begs

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<v Speaker 1>to differ because, as we all know, you all found

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<v Speaker 1>love on our screens. It was just a commitment ring

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<v Speaker 1>at that point, which that's why I don't watch The

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<v Speaker 1>Bachelor anymore. I want to see for weddings.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm getting ask I thought your nasal just went.

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<v Speaker 1>Just went. This guy needs to sound sexy. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you did things backwards, and you're gonna leave me for

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<v Speaker 1>a whole week. For a week, it's a holiday away

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<v Speaker 1>from me. I think that's really what I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>miss you.

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<v Speaker 2>I missed it, will I will it's this will be

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<v Speaker 2>the longest that we've been apart since we started recording

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<v Speaker 2>the podcast together, about eleven weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we could do one online.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll have a week off. When I come back, I'll

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<v Speaker 2>give you an update on how the honeymoon when. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sure it'll be a fucking disaster.

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<v Speaker 1>And we won't miss it. We're not missing an episode.

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<v Speaker 1>So just so you just heard then Maddie said we're

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<v Speaker 1>going to have a week off. We are going to

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<v Speaker 1>have a week off technically, but we're going to get

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<v Speaker 1>an episode out the day it's due back. Not that

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<v Speaker 1>people really care that we're having a week off, thank god.

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<v Speaker 2>I was saying it like people right now are hyperventilating

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<v Speaker 2>at home, but where will they be? No one gives

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<v Speaker 2>a shit, They're like, what whoever?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sure what are we going to work out too?

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<v Speaker 2>Now?

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know music? Like a normal person.

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<v Speaker 2>Who was that blokey messaged you about doing his PB.

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<v Speaker 1>What did he say? His last name was Awkward? So

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<v Speaker 1>Andrew Awkward Andrew.

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<v Speaker 2>And we're not making this up.

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<v Speaker 1>No, we're not making this up. And thank you for

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<v Speaker 1>the message. I know I didn't respond, but I did

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<v Speaker 1>screenshot it send it to Matthew. Apparently he's set a

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<v Speaker 1>Strava record. It must be in his local area. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know, listening to our podcast how that work.

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<v Speaker 2>I do not understand how that's possible. Surely you what

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<v Speaker 2>do you run with a game? What was your playlist?

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<v Speaker 1>Hans Zimmer?

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<v Speaker 2>Hans Zimmer, So Andrew, if you're listening, give.

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<v Speaker 1>Us a break straight to Hans Zimmer? What was the

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<v Speaker 1>Pirates of the Caribbean medley? Get it done?

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<v Speaker 2>We listened to it last week.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like a crack.

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<v Speaker 2>I looked over and you're just whipping up glow sticks.

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<v Speaker 1>Were I was just like, do you know what, matt

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<v Speaker 1>you want to get to me? Emails done? I've never

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<v Speaker 1>seen so much smoke off a keyboard.

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<v Speaker 2>I do have to be honest, though, Ash and I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to bring the mood down here fuck at all.

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<v Speaker 2>It's been a tough week for me, a bit, a

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<v Speaker 2>bit of a hard week. Would appreciate it if you

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<v Speaker 2>did not roll your eyes as I open enough and

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<v Speaker 2>be vulnerable to you on the podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>That's very inappropriate of me. You consider it I would say, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>what's up, mate, what what's happened?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm glad you asked, Thank you very much.

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<v Speaker 1>It's okay.

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<v Speaker 2>My kids hate me?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, we already you that shambles of a birthday party.

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<v Speaker 1>You through them, and I don't blame them. No, what's

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<v Speaker 1>why do your kids hate you, Matthew? That's the look.

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<v Speaker 1>They don't hate you, No, they do. I do, like, literally,

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<v Speaker 1>do they not what?

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<v Speaker 2>They don't want to? Fucking bar of me?

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<v Speaker 1>Be done nothing, dude.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm delivering the goods. The issue is Laura is now

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<v Speaker 2>back in the picture after.

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<v Speaker 1>From exile Island.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, she's back in the picture. And the kids

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<v Speaker 2>are like, that's.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, we have her. Mom.

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<v Speaker 2>You're you're a better parent than he is because Laura was.

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<v Speaker 2>We talked about the fact that she was away a

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<v Speaker 2>lot in training blah blah blah blah, and so I

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<v Speaker 2>was just, you know, as default. I became the favorite parent. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>for the very first.

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<v Speaker 1>Time, one parent, favorite parent. It's like if you do

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<v Speaker 1>a one horse race, yes you won that race.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I was like the Stephen parenting.

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<v Speaker 1>No no wrong analogy, because that means there would have

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<v Speaker 1>been people falling down in front of you, but that's

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<v Speaker 1>not the right analogy is similar that guy in the

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<v Speaker 1>Sydney Olympics who swam the race on his own.

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<v Speaker 2>Eric the Eel.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yes, you're our Eric the Eel. It was slow,

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<v Speaker 1>but you got there in the end.

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<v Speaker 2>So Laura is back in the mix. They just I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know what it's saying with Oscar, but just like

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<v Speaker 2>everything I'm talking having breakfast, if I make the toast,

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<v Speaker 2>both of them are like, we don't want Tom to

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<v Speaker 2>make butter head so much. Do you guys fight?

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<v Speaker 1>We're like brothers. Yeah, we're talking about I was talking

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<v Speaker 1>about this the other day where it's like I don't

0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.480
<v Speaker 1>discipline him, really, we just bicker. So like I was

0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.559
<v Speaker 1>laying on his bed and he's like, that's my bed

0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.079
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, no, it's not. Technically I own

0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:25.280
<v Speaker 1>this is I own this bed, you get to sleep

0:11:25.280 --> 0:11:27.839
<v Speaker 1>on it. It's like, no, Todd the ration Now he

0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:31.640
<v Speaker 1>doesn't understand the sarcasm. He's like he's like, no, it's

0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.280
<v Speaker 1>my bed, and I'm like it's mine, and Mummy's like,

0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:39.280
<v Speaker 1>like Daddy's stopping so mean antagonizing him. So I whispered

0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:47.240
<v Speaker 1>to him, this is my fucking bed. He ran after Mum,

0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:50.840
<v Speaker 1>being like he said it really quietly, and I was like, no,

0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:53.880
<v Speaker 1>I didn't. Then he comes back and I'm like, you're

0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:54.760
<v Speaker 1>a dobbin on me.

0:11:54.880 --> 0:12:00.920
<v Speaker 2>Now, this is like I imagine you guys are like

0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:02.120
<v Speaker 2>step brothers the movie.

0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:03.319
<v Speaker 1>We hug it out a lot.

0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.760
<v Speaker 2>We're like Oscar walks past and you're just rubbing your bullsack.

0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:12.720
<v Speaker 1>B Yeah, it's a bit like that. But yeah, my

0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.680
<v Speaker 1>kids they're just off here because Mom's back.

0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:20.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, even eat, even brushing their hair. Like if they

0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:22.680
<v Speaker 2>see me with a brush in hand and we have

0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.719
<v Speaker 2>like a pink brush, it's like I'm coming at them

0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:28.600
<v Speaker 2>with a fucking ice pick, Like, ma, No.

0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:31.400
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't know how to do it properly. It hurts,

0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:32.200
<v Speaker 1>really hurts.

0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:34.480
<v Speaker 2>You feeling, and dude, I can I brush it better

0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:37.440
<v Speaker 2>than Laura. Laura's there ripping hairs out, and I'm so gentle.

0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:38.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm delicate.

0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:40.720
<v Speaker 1>You should do the start counting and I can't how

0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:42.800
<v Speaker 1>many times to one hundred and one.

0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:44.440
<v Speaker 2>I try everything. They don't want to buy it. But

0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:47.000
<v Speaker 2>the only time it's kind of working in my favor

0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:50.080
<v Speaker 2>is in the middle of the night. Lola will occasionally

0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.720
<v Speaker 2>wake up still and she'll be crying and she'll just

0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:56.960
<v Speaker 2>go like mum. I'd say, hey, I'd go and.

0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:58.720
<v Speaker 1>Get her, but the fuck out of bed.

0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.000
<v Speaker 2>And I've gone in there before. This is at like

0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.320
<v Speaker 2>two in the morning, and she's like, she's screaming and

0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:07.240
<v Speaker 2>she wants to cuddle. And then she stops and she

0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.840
<v Speaker 2>looks at me like squinting because it's still very dark.

0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:12.719
<v Speaker 1>And she's like, not you just see you walking in

0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:13.440
<v Speaker 1>there with a wig on.

0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:19.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, just give me some affection anything I need.

0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:22.079
<v Speaker 1>It's like those videos where their dad's feeding the kid

0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:24.240
<v Speaker 1>a bottle and they've got the iPad with the mum's

0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:27.600
<v Speaker 1>picture on it. You walk into the room with an

0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:30.080
<v Speaker 1>iPad strapped to your face. This has got Laura's days

0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:30.320
<v Speaker 1>on it.

0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:33.520
<v Speaker 2>That's what I need to do, because it's cutting.

0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.079
<v Speaker 1>Me real deep. The dynamics change.

0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.360
<v Speaker 2>At the start, I was like, ah, lol, like you're

0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:41.480
<v Speaker 2>the favorite. And now it's four days in and I can't.

0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:42.640
<v Speaker 2>I can't even touch my kids.

0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:44.320
<v Speaker 1>It's like they're trying to oust you.

0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:45.720
<v Speaker 2>They're trying to get me out of the front.

0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:49.360
<v Speaker 1>Dynamics change, mate, get with it. You need to start

0:13:49.440 --> 0:13:51.000
<v Speaker 1>favoring the dog much more.

0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.240
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't want him anymore. He's got three legs.

0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.400
<v Speaker 1>See the poor thing, poor he's got one more leg

0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:57.080
<v Speaker 1>than each of your.

0:13:57.000 --> 0:14:00.320
<v Speaker 2>Children over and I'm like, anyone love me? And yeah,

0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:02.920
<v Speaker 2>like please can we just have a cut. I'm now

0:14:02.960 --> 0:14:03.400
<v Speaker 2>bust out.

0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:05.960
<v Speaker 1>He's just sitting there with a big erect.

0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:08.880
<v Speaker 2>For anyone who doesn't know my dog, he's got an

0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:12.120
<v Speaker 2>erection problem and he's got three legs. That's what That's

0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:13.959
<v Speaker 2>what I've left with, a three legged dog with a

0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:15.120
<v Speaker 2>fucking erection problem.

0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.599
<v Speaker 1>He's always got a start on your dog. What's the

0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.240
<v Speaker 1>deal with that? Well, he's he's like I see on

0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:22.840
<v Speaker 1>the other dogs with four legs.

0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:27.040
<v Speaker 2>Anyway. So that's what I'm dealing with at the moment.

0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:28.240
<v Speaker 2>A Debbie Downer.

0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:30.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but I'll be fine.

0:14:30.400 --> 0:14:30.840
<v Speaker 2>I'll be fine.

0:14:31.080 --> 0:14:33.480
<v Speaker 1>I know you'll be okay, and the dymonaum will change again.

0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:37.400
<v Speaker 1>It'll change when when I don't know, mate, I'm not

0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 1>an expert.

0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:38.560
<v Speaker 2>I can tell me.

0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:40.440
<v Speaker 1>I'll come up with it. I'll let you know when

0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.760
<v Speaker 1>I'll have a chat with Marley and say, look, we

0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:47.400
<v Speaker 1>all know your dad's a loser. We get it cut

0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:48.160
<v Speaker 1>in some slack.

0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.640
<v Speaker 2>Do you ever to try and win over Macy or Oscar?

0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:54.840
<v Speaker 2>Do you ever try and like sneak in some chocolate

0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:55.760
<v Speaker 2>or treats.

0:14:56.120 --> 0:15:00.800
<v Speaker 1>That's April's that's what April does. So yesterday afternoon, Oscar

0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:05.120
<v Speaker 1>was being a shithead. They're turns, kids are turns. Okay,

0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:09.240
<v Speaker 1>I think we've established and he was being a turd

0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:11.680
<v Speaker 1>to Masie, being a turd to me, and Mummy's in

0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.880
<v Speaker 1>the fridge secretly eating chocolate. Oscar, here's the chocolate wrapping

0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:19.800
<v Speaker 1>like it's a dog whistle. He's like, what have you got?

0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:22.240
<v Speaker 2>Something's happening.

0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.320
<v Speaker 1>He runs to the kitchen and I'm like, don't give

0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.400
<v Speaker 1>him any chocolate. He's been a little ship. How can

0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:33.040
<v Speaker 1>I get through? And she was like I'm not. I'm not.

0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, show your hands, and he's like open your mouth,

0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:39.560
<v Speaker 1>a bit of chocolate in his mouth. I'm like what.

0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:44.240
<v Speaker 1>So she's like here, it's okay, okay, daddy's been mean

0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:48.120
<v Speaker 1>to you and I'm not. I'm trying to protect Macy and.

0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:52.040
<v Speaker 2>I thought you would be the like this secret chocolate.

0:15:52.680 --> 0:16:02.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no, if I'm drunk, I'm drunk. And I'll

0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:05.200
<v Speaker 1>also do the thing where it's like if I come home,

0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:08.160
<v Speaker 1>like if I've been out or whatever, or and I've

0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:09.560
<v Speaker 1>had a couple of beers. I come home and have

0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:11.840
<v Speaker 1>a shower and I was still awake, and he's in

0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.240
<v Speaker 1>our bed, like having a cuddle with mom and you know,

0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:18.480
<v Speaker 1>watching his watching iPad or whatever they're doing, having a

0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:21.800
<v Speaker 1>sleepover party. I'll be like, go and give me a cuddle,

0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:23.920
<v Speaker 1>and like he'll get to sleep in the bed all

0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:28.760
<v Speaker 1>night with us because I'm like, but yeah, look, I'm

0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:33.680
<v Speaker 1>not the one sneaking. We've spoken about April putting chocolate.

0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:34.960
<v Speaker 2>In his lunch taking the daycare.

0:16:35.000 --> 0:16:37.520
<v Speaker 1>I who's these two and she's just and I found

0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:39.040
<v Speaker 1>out that she gives him chocolate every night.

0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, you, what's your health? And would the kids

0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:43.640
<v Speaker 2>get treats with you?

0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:47.880
<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm drunk every night, so every night with me

0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:50.400
<v Speaker 1>if Oscar's on fire, like the other day, took him

0:16:50.440 --> 0:16:52.080
<v Speaker 1>down to the shops, We did the big Shop. He

0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:53.800
<v Speaker 1>was a good boy the whole time, had a play

0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:58.920
<v Speaker 1>in the park, ate some lunch top behavior. Kinder surprise.

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:02.680
<v Speaker 1>There you go, big fella kind of surprise. After I've

0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:04.399
<v Speaker 1>given him the kind of surprise, he's a ship for

0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:07.080
<v Speaker 1>the rest of the day, but for the start earned

0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:11.040
<v Speaker 1>that kind of surprise. Will earn situation. But like he's

0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:13.920
<v Speaker 1>just at that age where he's just like testing the

0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:18.080
<v Speaker 1>boundaries all the time, especially when it's like sharing things.

0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:20.480
<v Speaker 1>Just doesn't know how to share, right. He's got like

0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:22.480
<v Speaker 1>this little sister, and we're going through this thing. And

0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:24.840
<v Speaker 1>I was another kid's party because I didn't want to

0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:28.400
<v Speaker 1>go to your ship party. I did.

0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:32.320
<v Speaker 2>I did look at Instagram and and I saw you there.

0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:35.080
<v Speaker 2>Found out just going down a fucking slide, a kid

0:17:35.200 --> 0:17:36.359
<v Speaker 2>slide with a beer in hand.

0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:37.520
<v Speaker 1>Didn't spill a drop.

0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:39.800
<v Speaker 2>No, you didn't, You didn't. Glad you were having fun.

0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:40.600
<v Speaker 2>I was.

0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:43.119
<v Speaker 1>Do you know that party was actually organized as an

0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:46.480
<v Speaker 1>appropriate time out from its actual date the day before the.

0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:47.360
<v Speaker 2>Four days out? Sure?

0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So we're talking because a lot of those families

0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.359
<v Speaker 1>are because it's the mother's group. Shout out to the

0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:56.719
<v Speaker 1>mother's group, a bunch of pisshead. All the kids are

0:17:56.720 --> 0:17:58.520
<v Speaker 1>a similar age, all the kids that were in a

0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.399
<v Speaker 1>week of each other. And then also the younger the

0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:03.440
<v Speaker 1>siblings are similar to we just all got together and

0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:05.639
<v Speaker 1>we're like, let's have a fucking orgy. So the youngest

0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:07.160
<v Speaker 1>are all similar ages as well.

0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:11.480
<v Speaker 2>And for anyone who's not familiar, that's four years old roughly.

0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:13.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, four years old they are, and then the youngest

0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:15.520
<v Speaker 1>are all like between one and a half and two.

0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:19.280
<v Speaker 1>We're talking about how you know, the eldest could be

0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:21.879
<v Speaker 1>just doing something and the youngest picks up a toy

0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:24.800
<v Speaker 1>on the other side of the room that is one

0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:28.240
<v Speaker 1>of the toys of the elder kid. Anyway, So Oscar

0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:31.720
<v Speaker 1>will be watching TV, watching his favorite show whatever could

0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:35.880
<v Speaker 1>be anything, in a trance, watching Sea Beast, and then

0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:38.720
<v Speaker 1>you've got Macy at the other end of the living space.

0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.119
<v Speaker 2>It was just a sweetheart. Can we just say, oh, gorgeous?

0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:45.280
<v Speaker 2>Not to take away from Oscar. He's also a great kid.

0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:51.040
<v Speaker 1>But she's a sweet soul. She's kind of like my grandmother.

0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:53.359
<v Speaker 1>Everyone always says, oh, she's like a little Olive. She is.

0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've not met Olive, but.

0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:57.960
<v Speaker 1>Just like a little grandmother. Yeah, she's great. So she's

0:18:58.000 --> 0:18:59.520
<v Speaker 1>on the other end of the living room and she's

0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:03.720
<v Speaker 1>picked up on Oscar's toys. Oscar's just like, hang on

0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:07.480
<v Speaker 1>a minute, and he's taken off like an air marshal

0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:11.040
<v Speaker 1>across the room, storm over, tackle it out of the

0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:14.120
<v Speaker 1>ground like that sort of stuff, and like to get

0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:17.240
<v Speaker 1>the toy offer and I'm like that my yeah, and

0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:20.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, mate, she's just gonna play with it, like

0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:23.160
<v Speaker 1>we're trying to do try and get their phone time around.

0:19:23.280 --> 0:19:25.040
<v Speaker 1>How long she gets to play with it before he

0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:25.920
<v Speaker 1>gets to play with it?

0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:26.680
<v Speaker 2>Does he get that?

0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:29.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, he gets it, but he's like it's never

0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:30.440
<v Speaker 1>good enough.

0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:32.119
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's the hardest thing.

0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:33.080
<v Speaker 1>You weren't even playing with it.

0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.520
<v Speaker 2>And there's always like we very much we have that

0:19:35.640 --> 0:19:38.879
<v Speaker 2>model of like sharings caring and it's come from daycare

0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:42.840
<v Speaker 2>as well. Yeah, but so similar scenario where if Lola

0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:46.520
<v Speaker 2>touches anything and the kids very much have like shared toys,

0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:49.480
<v Speaker 2>it's not as if like stuff is Marley's and I

0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:52.920
<v Speaker 2>can't forget who's who's Lola touches anything, may will race

0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:55.320
<v Speaker 2>over pride out of her hands and be like sharing

0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:55.840
<v Speaker 2>is caring.

0:19:56.680 --> 0:19:59.840
<v Speaker 1>So she just completely turned the whole phrase around.

0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:02.640
<v Speaker 2>To be she's like she's got ship, doesn't She like, yeah,

0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:04.920
<v Speaker 2>but you weren't playing with it. She's playing with it.

0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:07.280
<v Speaker 2>You have to, you know, trying to try to explain

0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:08.920
<v Speaker 2>it to a four year old and it's just not

0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:12.639
<v Speaker 2>sinking in. It's not but fuck me, that's the biggest

0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:15.840
<v Speaker 2>tantrums we're having right now even for some on good

0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:22.840
<v Speaker 2>on God, for some unknown reason, for some unknown reason,

0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:28.200
<v Speaker 2>get it out, Jesus go for some unknown reason.

0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:29.760
<v Speaker 1>There we go. He's back.

0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:30.320
<v Speaker 2>He's back on.

0:20:30.400 --> 0:20:32.680
<v Speaker 1>Tracking one non alcoholic beer.

0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:37.480
<v Speaker 2>Whenever we leave for daycre in the morning, kids want

0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:40.080
<v Speaker 2>to have some little like trinket, like a little like

0:20:40.160 --> 0:20:41.280
<v Speaker 2>bluey doll or like there's a.

0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:42.879
<v Speaker 1>Little get him in the car, or to get it,

0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:44.880
<v Speaker 1>you know. It's like they want to take this ship.

0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:47.399
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, guys, it's time to go, and they're like

0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:50.320
<v Speaker 2>then they start like panicking what should I get.

0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:52.800
<v Speaker 1>It's like we're trying to find your keys, your wallet,

0:20:52.840 --> 0:20:56.320
<v Speaker 1>you throw They're like like when's the months of truck.

0:20:57.840 --> 0:20:59.000
<v Speaker 1>I can't get on with my day.

0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:02.840
<v Speaker 2>And it such a nightmare because no matter what Marley grabs,

0:21:02.920 --> 0:21:04.919
<v Speaker 2>she's like okay, Dad, I'm ready to go, And then

0:21:04.960 --> 0:21:08.880
<v Speaker 2>Lola will grab absolutely anything in the Marmy's like that's

0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:09.720
<v Speaker 2>the one that I want.

0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:13.200
<v Speaker 1>I was trying to see that toy in six months. Yeah.

0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:18.320
<v Speaker 1>It's so painful and they get so petty. I caught

0:21:18.359 --> 0:21:22.840
<v Speaker 1>Oscar hiding not his toys, but hiding his sister's toys

0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:27.800
<v Speaker 1>as like I'll get you back. Situation really petty and

0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:29.920
<v Speaker 1>actually reminded me of something and I know where he

0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:34.280
<v Speaker 1>gets it from, like my father, like son my father likes.

0:21:34.280 --> 0:21:37.440
<v Speaker 1>So we're back a petty story for me, Matthew, if.

0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:38.879
<v Speaker 2>You will please entertain me.

0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:42.359
<v Speaker 1>I'm all is a couple of years ago, pre kids.

0:21:42.680 --> 0:21:46.560
<v Speaker 1>This is April and I took a lovely It was

0:21:46.680 --> 0:21:48.920
<v Speaker 1>actually when we found out we're pregnant. But we'll get

0:21:48.920 --> 0:21:52.920
<v Speaker 1>to that another time. We're in Europe, nice little trip

0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:55.600
<v Speaker 1>in Europe. We're coming home. It was the last flight

0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:59.480
<v Speaker 1>home and there was a girl sitting in front of

0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:01.399
<v Speaker 1>me who for the whole you know, that flight's like

0:22:01.440 --> 0:22:05.000
<v Speaker 1>fourteen hours. She got on the plane. She was just

0:22:05.080 --> 0:22:07.760
<v Speaker 1>an asshole. Like she was just such an asshole to

0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:12.800
<v Speaker 1>all of the flight attendants, so like impatient, like the

0:22:12.920 --> 0:22:14.159
<v Speaker 1>whole bit. Whatever.

0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:16.800
<v Speaker 2>So the whole flight was like this, and I sorry,

0:22:16.800 --> 0:22:19.120
<v Speaker 2>she's sitting in front of you, just directly in front

0:22:19.119 --> 0:22:20.520
<v Speaker 2>of me, the seat in front of you, but I

0:22:20.600 --> 0:22:23.400
<v Speaker 2>could here see everything and how fucking rude.

0:22:23.440 --> 0:22:25.920
<v Speaker 1>She was only a young girl too, like she wanted

0:22:25.960 --> 0:22:29.240
<v Speaker 1>to get to the destination first. She wanted to be

0:22:29.440 --> 0:22:32.119
<v Speaker 1>there first. That's what it was like. We're all in

0:22:32.200 --> 0:22:35.679
<v Speaker 1>this together, and I'm like, fourteen hours of me listening

0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:39.800
<v Speaker 1>to this, I was like, this person sucks. Anyway. So

0:22:39.880 --> 0:22:42.840
<v Speaker 1>then we land. The plane lands, and before we even

0:22:42.880 --> 0:22:47.040
<v Speaker 1>stopped moving, she stood up. Right before we've even stopped moving,

0:22:47.760 --> 0:22:49.639
<v Speaker 1>She's getting her bags out of the things. I'm like,

0:22:49.760 --> 0:22:52.080
<v Speaker 1>this person is unbelievable.

0:22:52.520 --> 0:22:53.560
<v Speaker 2>Chill, relax.

0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:56.240
<v Speaker 1>Anyway, they're saying to her, sit back down. So she

0:22:56.359 --> 0:22:58.479
<v Speaker 1>sits back down with her bags and everything she's got

0:22:58.600 --> 0:23:01.000
<v Speaker 1>ready to go. The seat eat belt sign turns off.

0:23:01.400 --> 0:23:03.440
<v Speaker 1>She gets up and everyone in front of her gets

0:23:03.520 --> 0:23:05.800
<v Speaker 1>up to the people in front are all old people.

0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:10.960
<v Speaker 1>She's barging these old people out over to get to

0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:13.440
<v Speaker 1>the front so she can get off this eddie haddle.

0:23:13.480 --> 0:23:16.440
<v Speaker 1>Emirates fly come. Remember what it was like, literally like

0:23:16.560 --> 0:23:22.320
<v Speaker 1>barging these people. And I was like furious watching this. Anyway,

0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:24.879
<v Speaker 1>Then people start to exit and then I've got my

0:23:24.960 --> 0:23:27.560
<v Speaker 1>stuff down and I look over and she's left her

0:23:27.640 --> 0:23:30.800
<v Speaker 1>iPad on the seat.

0:23:30.880 --> 0:23:33.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh gosh, what do you do? What a dilemma? What

0:23:33.119 --> 0:23:34.320
<v Speaker 2>a dilemma. What do I do?

0:23:34.600 --> 0:23:38.000
<v Speaker 1>Do I give this back or do I give it

0:23:38.040 --> 0:23:40.160
<v Speaker 1>to the detech? What do I do here? I've picked

0:23:40.160 --> 0:23:42.480
<v Speaker 1>it up on the way out, I've walked forward about

0:23:42.600 --> 0:23:50.960
<v Speaker 1>thirty rows and slipped it into a seat pocket around seat. Anyway,

0:23:51.560 --> 0:23:54.879
<v Speaker 1>we're getting off the plane and she's standing on the

0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:57.520
<v Speaker 1>outside of the plane because she's realized.

0:23:57.040 --> 0:23:58.920
<v Speaker 2>What she's she can't get back on.

0:23:59.040 --> 0:24:01.040
<v Speaker 1>But she can't get back illegal to go back on.

0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.960
<v Speaker 1>But also she sent the flight attendant back to her seat.

0:24:05.040 --> 0:24:09.840
<v Speaker 1>It's not there, no more iPad. Wow. Wow, I mean

0:24:10.119 --> 0:24:14.640
<v Speaker 1>that has to be you, son of a bitch. One

0:24:14.720 --> 0:24:16.920
<v Speaker 1>of the greatest moments of my life.

0:24:18.760 --> 0:24:20.679
<v Speaker 2>Do you worry at all about karma?

0:24:21.880 --> 0:24:22.440
<v Speaker 1>Fuck carma?

0:24:22.480 --> 0:24:24.119
<v Speaker 2>Okay, okay, that.

0:24:24.240 --> 0:24:28.440
<v Speaker 1>Was ages ago, man, But honestly, I think she needed

0:24:28.480 --> 0:24:31.880
<v Speaker 1>to worry. I was her karma. It was an iPad

0:24:32.080 --> 0:24:35.640
<v Speaker 1>pro beautiful thing. Could easily be one of my kids

0:24:35.720 --> 0:24:40.120
<v Speaker 1>iPads now, But no, it's someone else's who luckily gets

0:24:40.200 --> 0:24:42.560
<v Speaker 1>to sit in that seat. Forty rows up and then

0:24:42.600 --> 0:24:45.720
<v Speaker 1>a flight out of Sydney gets a brand new iPad.

0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:47.840
<v Speaker 2>I would put money on the fact that you put

0:24:47.880 --> 0:24:50.359
<v Speaker 2>it on airplane mode and it's currently upstairs right now

0:24:50.400 --> 0:24:50.600
<v Speaker 2>in the.

0:24:53.280 --> 0:24:59.800
<v Speaker 1>Fuster. Anyway, that is my petty story, And now I

0:24:59.880 --> 0:25:01.200
<v Speaker 1>know want my kids are the way they are.

0:25:01.320 --> 0:25:03.639
<v Speaker 2>And that's why you have to be nice to people.

0:25:06.040 --> 0:25:17.240
<v Speaker 1>The swift hand of justice was dealt almost immediately. Also

0:25:17.400 --> 0:25:20.359
<v Speaker 1>to add to that, they were also teaching the sharing

0:25:20.440 --> 0:25:22.640
<v Speaker 1>thing at kindy the other day, which was really good

0:25:22.640 --> 0:25:24.879
<v Speaker 1>because I would The story was that one of the

0:25:25.000 --> 0:25:27.840
<v Speaker 1>kids had a scooter and it's always nice to share,

0:25:27.880 --> 0:25:30.000
<v Speaker 1>which is such a great lesson for them. It's obviously

0:25:30.080 --> 0:25:32.239
<v Speaker 1>not working in our house. One of the comments from

0:25:32.320 --> 0:25:34.200
<v Speaker 1>the one of the kids was, it's okay, me and

0:25:34.320 --> 0:25:36.280
<v Speaker 1>my sister have a scooter, but we can always buy

0:25:36.359 --> 0:25:43.720
<v Speaker 1>another one, just like sound logically, but also like not

0:25:43.880 --> 0:25:47.760
<v Speaker 1>everyone could buy another scooter. Little Timmy privilege.

0:25:50.160 --> 0:25:50.600
<v Speaker 2>A rolex.

0:25:50.720 --> 0:25:53.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was like, it's okay, my daddy's got to

0:25:53.040 --> 0:26:08.439
<v Speaker 1>be fuck you, Timmy, tell me tell me loud. Very

0:26:08.520 --> 0:26:11.280
<v Speaker 1>catchy that she and I would say. The guy who's

0:26:11.280 --> 0:26:13.879
<v Speaker 1>singing that got such a comedic voice.

0:26:14.200 --> 0:26:16.320
<v Speaker 2>You could be I don't know if they've locked in

0:26:16.440 --> 0:26:19.800
<v Speaker 2>all the contestants. Mask singer. That's a fucking hard mask

0:26:20.840 --> 0:26:23.960
<v Speaker 2>mask singer. Would you give it a karaoke?

0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:28.159
<v Speaker 1>Karaoke? I actually did karaoke once one of my mid

0:26:28.240 --> 0:26:31.680
<v Speaker 1>twenty birthdays. I feel like you're in the city, very good.

0:26:31.680 --> 0:26:35.160
<v Speaker 1>I did Beyonce put a ring on. It got kicked

0:26:35.160 --> 0:26:38.440
<v Speaker 1>out because afterwards I mic dropped and you break the mic. Yeah,

0:26:38.840 --> 0:26:44.560
<v Speaker 1>off it get stronger, mics get better. Let a guy live,

0:26:45.080 --> 0:26:48.960
<v Speaker 1>Let me get over bro. Anyway, we do have lies.

0:26:49.040 --> 0:26:50.960
<v Speaker 2>We have some lies we have and like.

0:26:51.080 --> 0:26:53.439
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to talk before we get into the lies.

0:26:53.680 --> 0:26:56.399
<v Speaker 1>Like parents lie, I've worked out that I do a

0:26:56.480 --> 0:26:57.119
<v Speaker 1>lot of tricking.

0:26:57.560 --> 0:27:00.320
<v Speaker 2>It's weird at the moment because obviously, like three out

0:27:00.359 --> 0:27:02.680
<v Speaker 2>the week, I'm thinking about what I'm doing, and you know,

0:27:02.840 --> 0:27:04.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, well, that could be funny for the podcast.

0:27:05.040 --> 0:27:10.000
<v Speaker 2>I realize I lie every single day every time. It's

0:27:10.160 --> 0:27:12.879
<v Speaker 2>just it's really scary, Like do I ever tell my

0:27:12.960 --> 0:27:13.520
<v Speaker 2>kids the truth?

0:27:13.640 --> 0:27:14.119
<v Speaker 1>Probably? Not?

0:27:14.560 --> 0:27:16.240
<v Speaker 2>Like everything is everything.

0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:22.399
<v Speaker 1>It's like it's like dinner's yummy, fucking lie, Daddy loves you.

0:27:24.920 --> 0:27:26.000
<v Speaker 2>What have you got? What's your life?

0:27:26.119 --> 0:27:28.280
<v Speaker 1>My first one is that I've realized that I can lie,

0:27:28.520 --> 0:27:32.399
<v Speaker 1>slash trick Macy into doing just about anything. So she

0:27:32.560 --> 0:27:34.199
<v Speaker 1>was the other day. I was out on the balcony

0:27:34.280 --> 0:27:37.600
<v Speaker 1>hanging out the laundry like a good dad slash husband,

0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:40.920
<v Speaker 1>and Macy's out there with me. It's nice, sons out.

0:27:41.200 --> 0:27:45.639
<v Speaker 1>I've walked back inside She refused to come inside, and

0:27:45.800 --> 0:27:48.840
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh, yeah, what have I got over here?

0:27:49.119 --> 0:27:52.200
<v Speaker 1>What's this? What have I got over here? Clearly had nothing,

0:27:52.680 --> 0:27:55.760
<v Speaker 1>like what's this? What's this? Eventually coaxed her inside shut

0:27:55.800 --> 0:27:57.879
<v Speaker 1>the door. I was like, yeah, then I worked out

0:27:57.920 --> 0:28:00.600
<v Speaker 1>that I do that all the time, dude, I did it. Yeah.

0:28:00.720 --> 0:28:02.080
<v Speaker 1>She was walking up the stairs and I was like,

0:28:02.240 --> 0:28:05.280
<v Speaker 1>stay stay downstairs. Oh what's this? Started like rummaging around

0:28:05.320 --> 0:28:08.960
<v Speaker 1>on something. What's this? What's this? It's just like earth

0:28:09.040 --> 0:28:12.600
<v Speaker 1>perk up like a dog, and she's like, mosy is

0:28:12.640 --> 0:28:15.439
<v Speaker 1>over and I'm like expecting me to have something. I'm like, eh, gotcha,

0:28:15.880 --> 0:28:17.880
<v Speaker 1>that was my life.

0:28:18.080 --> 0:28:20.160
<v Speaker 2>That's I've just realized that's what I do as well.

0:28:20.200 --> 0:28:20.960
<v Speaker 1>I do it all day.

0:28:21.280 --> 0:28:24.159
<v Speaker 2>I go as far as to say, oh I've got

0:28:24.200 --> 0:28:24.960
<v Speaker 2>a present.

0:28:25.280 --> 0:28:27.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, or I've got a tree's.

0:28:27.320 --> 0:28:28.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what you want to see?

0:28:28.440 --> 0:28:28.840
<v Speaker 1>What this is?

0:28:28.920 --> 0:28:31.920
<v Speaker 2>It's pretty special and Lula's like, nah, I can see it.

0:28:32.000 --> 0:28:34.040
<v Speaker 2>She fights it at first, like she's a bit resistant.

0:28:34.080 --> 0:28:36.040
<v Speaker 1>She's like, but what if this time he actually does?

0:28:36.080 --> 0:28:37.920
<v Speaker 2>And then I kind of see her like gas lighting.

0:28:38.000 --> 0:28:40.800
<v Speaker 2>Her shoulders turn and she like squints and she looks

0:28:40.840 --> 0:28:43.160
<v Speaker 2>she's looking inquisitive. And then she comes over and she's like,

0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:45.680
<v Speaker 2>what is it? And I'm like, it's your dinner. Now

0:28:45.800 --> 0:28:47.400
<v Speaker 2>we eat it, and she's broccoli y.

0:28:48.960 --> 0:28:49.600
<v Speaker 1>Got me again.

0:28:50.240 --> 0:28:51.640
<v Speaker 2>But that's what you have to do.

0:28:52.720 --> 0:28:56.000
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, you have to do that. Otherwise I don't

0:28:56.000 --> 0:28:58.280
<v Speaker 1>do anything. So that's why we've got this segment so

0:28:58.360 --> 0:29:00.840
<v Speaker 1>we can find out a new way to lie.

0:29:01.080 --> 0:29:03.080
<v Speaker 2>Do you know just another line that I might throw

0:29:03.120 --> 0:29:05.600
<v Speaker 2>in there real quick one if I may. We don't

0:29:05.640 --> 0:29:07.520
<v Speaker 2>have a bath at the house. The kids have a shower,

0:29:08.800 --> 0:29:10.680
<v Speaker 2>and they hate going in the shower, like the first

0:29:10.760 --> 0:29:12.680
<v Speaker 2>couple of seconds or just like to get into the

0:29:12.720 --> 0:29:15.800
<v Speaker 2>shower is an absolute ball ake. And what I say

0:29:15.920 --> 0:29:18.680
<v Speaker 2>now to get them into our say, I just can't

0:29:18.720 --> 0:29:20.760
<v Speaker 2>tell is the water too cold or too hot? Can

0:29:20.800 --> 0:29:22.600
<v Speaker 2>you just put your hand in there and test the

0:29:22.680 --> 0:29:25.240
<v Speaker 2>water for me? And then you push them in and

0:29:25.800 --> 0:29:27.400
<v Speaker 2>they put their hand and they're like, you know, it's okay.

0:29:27.440 --> 0:29:33.239
<v Speaker 2>Then I'm like, shut the door. Happens every night there.

0:29:33.240 --> 0:29:36.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, can anyone you couldn't just test that water

0:29:36.400 --> 0:29:37.120
<v Speaker 2>for me for a second.

0:29:38.480 --> 0:29:40.120
<v Speaker 1>Daddy doesn't know how to do it, but you can

0:29:40.200 --> 0:29:41.280
<v Speaker 1>do it really really well.

0:29:42.200 --> 0:29:44.560
<v Speaker 2>So always awkward when the hot water is not working

0:29:44.640 --> 0:29:45.640
<v Speaker 2>and winter and.

0:29:49.600 --> 0:29:53.200
<v Speaker 1>But lies from the parents, from our lovely listeners who

0:29:53.400 --> 0:29:56.120
<v Speaker 1>also love to lie to their children's.

0:29:55.800 --> 0:29:59.280
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, ash, if we've told this lie before.

0:29:59.880 --> 0:30:02.000
<v Speaker 2>We don't know if you ice cream related lines. I

0:30:02.080 --> 0:30:04.040
<v Speaker 2>feel like ice creams are something that a lot of

0:30:04.240 --> 0:30:06.920
<v Speaker 2>parents have to deal with. If we've said this one before,

0:30:07.000 --> 0:30:12.320
<v Speaker 2>I apologize. This lie is when the ice cream truck

0:30:12.440 --> 0:30:16.240
<v Speaker 2>has the music blaring, it actually means that the ice

0:30:16.320 --> 0:30:17.760
<v Speaker 2>creams have run our gone.

0:30:18.680 --> 0:30:22.000
<v Speaker 1>That's a classic. That's that's one of those ones. And

0:30:22.320 --> 0:30:24.720
<v Speaker 1>I always refer back to the Circle of Life. Yes,

0:30:24.920 --> 0:30:27.280
<v Speaker 1>one of those ones that's been passed down from generation.

0:30:28.400 --> 0:30:32.400
<v Speaker 1>We slightly tweaked it because we're down here at the

0:30:32.480 --> 0:30:38.840
<v Speaker 1>Beach car Park and mister Whippi, who must be ruining parents'

0:30:38.880 --> 0:30:42.360
<v Speaker 1>lives on a daily basis, but that's part of his

0:30:42.520 --> 0:30:49.840
<v Speaker 1>marketing campaign's ruined parents. So he's turned up and obviously

0:30:49.960 --> 0:30:53.200
<v Speaker 1>the lie that we've told Oscar, which is that exact lie,

0:30:54.480 --> 0:30:59.000
<v Speaker 1>doesn't really factor in if there's people lined up and

0:30:59.520 --> 0:31:01.560
<v Speaker 1>actually physically getting ice cream.

0:31:01.720 --> 0:31:04.080
<v Speaker 2>So what we've very confusing for the kids.

0:31:04.120 --> 0:31:05.960
<v Speaker 1>What we've done is we've we've tweaked the lie a

0:31:06.040 --> 0:31:09.400
<v Speaker 1>little bit to say, oh, it's only big boy ice

0:31:09.480 --> 0:31:11.600
<v Speaker 1>creams now, there's none for like little boys.

0:31:11.720 --> 0:31:15.400
<v Speaker 2>The spicy ice cream, spicy ice just lies are being molded.

0:31:16.360 --> 0:31:18.880
<v Speaker 1>It was just like, oh, yeah, look, there's only the

0:31:18.920 --> 0:31:21.480
<v Speaker 1>big boys can get ice cream when the sound's going

0:31:21.600 --> 0:31:24.520
<v Speaker 1>now because they're out of the little boy ice cream

0:31:24.960 --> 0:31:25.840
<v Speaker 1>and seem to work.

0:31:26.280 --> 0:31:28.840
<v Speaker 2>One thing that we haven't really delved into is at

0:31:28.880 --> 0:31:31.040
<v Speaker 2>what point do you start to like come clean on

0:31:31.120 --> 0:31:35.560
<v Speaker 2>the lies and say everything I told you from the

0:31:35.640 --> 0:31:38.360
<v Speaker 2>age of two to six is not true.

0:31:38.320 --> 0:31:43.080
<v Speaker 1>Absolute lie. I don't know. I had a sister. I

0:31:43.600 --> 0:31:46.160
<v Speaker 1>had a sister that kept alive from me for sixteen years.

0:31:46.840 --> 0:31:49.960
<v Speaker 1>What's that once she left the door open on my

0:31:50.120 --> 0:31:52.040
<v Speaker 1>side of the car and Dad reverse and ripped the

0:31:52.080 --> 0:31:52.520
<v Speaker 1>door off.

0:31:52.680 --> 0:31:54.040
<v Speaker 2>I know, I think we've told that story.

0:31:54.280 --> 0:31:57.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And sixteen years later, eventually it came out that

0:31:57.640 --> 0:32:00.480
<v Speaker 1>she opened the door and just blamed me.

0:32:00.720 --> 0:32:02.840
<v Speaker 2>When I see my mom next, I'll be like, yeah,

0:32:02.840 --> 0:32:04.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna ask what do you want to come clean

0:32:04.840 --> 0:32:05.160
<v Speaker 2>with now?

0:32:05.760 --> 0:32:07.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Muma, probably remember that time you walked in. I

0:32:07.920 --> 0:32:10.480
<v Speaker 1>was jerking your dad off. That was not your dad,

0:32:10.920 --> 0:32:16.080
<v Speaker 1>that's not your real dad. Have you noticed that you're

0:32:16.160 --> 0:32:21.240
<v Speaker 1>much taller than him. That dad, Sorry kidding, I love

0:32:21.280 --> 0:32:23.160
<v Speaker 1>you guy, short king. What do you got?

0:32:23.240 --> 0:32:23.840
<v Speaker 2>What else you got?

0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:27.160
<v Speaker 1>I've got one that is from a d M that

0:32:27.280 --> 0:32:30.640
<v Speaker 1>we received. I forgot what his name is? Tom? Fuck?

0:32:30.720 --> 0:32:33.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't know who cares? Sorry?

0:32:34.400 --> 0:32:35.720
<v Speaker 2>Can you like our listeners?

0:32:35.800 --> 0:32:37.400
<v Speaker 1>Just? I love them? I do?

0:32:38.360 --> 0:32:42.560
<v Speaker 2>What's his name? Who fucking cares? Not Tom? Right now

0:32:42.800 --> 0:32:46.600
<v Speaker 2>is like I hope fingers on the podcast and.

0:32:47.240 --> 0:32:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Hey, babe, listen shut out of Tom cares about you, speaker.

0:32:54.680 --> 0:32:57.160
<v Speaker 1>I think it was Tom. I don't know. Again, I

0:32:57.200 --> 0:33:00.400
<v Speaker 1>didn't respond because the damn is really just I'm not

0:33:00.520 --> 0:33:03.000
<v Speaker 1>good with that stuff. I'm a much better talker than

0:33:03.040 --> 0:33:03.440
<v Speaker 1>a typer.

0:33:04.040 --> 0:33:05.920
<v Speaker 2>I like that good cover up anyway.

0:33:09.080 --> 0:33:11.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so it comes from Tom, and the lie is

0:33:11.840 --> 0:33:14.720
<v Speaker 1>a really clever one. I thought. So we do lie

0:33:14.960 --> 0:33:17.080
<v Speaker 1>to our kids about how things are broken. This is

0:33:17.120 --> 0:33:19.760
<v Speaker 1>a little bit different. When he's done so, before his

0:33:19.960 --> 0:33:22.720
<v Speaker 1>kids can get hold of the iPad or the iPhone

0:33:22.760 --> 0:33:25.960
<v Speaker 1>to watch YouTube and or Netflix or whatever it is

0:33:26.040 --> 0:33:29.480
<v Speaker 1>that's on there, he flicks it really quickly to aeroplane mode,

0:33:30.680 --> 0:33:35.240
<v Speaker 1>and because it doesn't load it automatically, is already broken.

0:33:35.360 --> 0:33:36.680
<v Speaker 1>It's a visual lie.

0:33:37.600 --> 0:33:39.959
<v Speaker 2>I have an issue with this lie, if I can

0:33:40.360 --> 0:33:41.880
<v Speaker 2>pull it apart for one second.

0:33:41.680 --> 0:33:44.080
<v Speaker 1>Ash, absolutely not. We're going to move on from this segment.

0:33:44.880 --> 0:33:47.760
<v Speaker 2>Don't you reckon though that. It's almost like I would

0:33:47.920 --> 0:33:50.000
<v Speaker 2>rather the kids be on the iPad. The iPad, but

0:33:50.040 --> 0:33:50.400
<v Speaker 2>he might.

0:33:50.280 --> 0:33:52.240
<v Speaker 1>Be trying to get a bed. We don't know the circumstance.

0:33:52.320 --> 0:33:56.480
<v Speaker 2>Okay, okay, we'll give Tom. Let's call him the benefit

0:33:56.520 --> 0:33:56.680
<v Speaker 2>of that.

0:33:56.840 --> 0:34:02.960
<v Speaker 1>Tom's is the Facebook guy. Yeah, yeah, I thought it

0:34:03.040 --> 0:34:05.320
<v Speaker 1>was really good because it's kind of like when I

0:34:05.400 --> 0:34:08.279
<v Speaker 1>put the sign in front of the claw machine.

0:34:08.000 --> 0:34:08.719
<v Speaker 2>The broken sign.

0:34:08.880 --> 0:34:12.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was like I had a backup evidence of

0:34:12.680 --> 0:34:16.040
<v Speaker 1>the lie. He's like, look, can't you see it's not working?

0:34:16.360 --> 0:34:18.760
<v Speaker 1>How stupid are you? It's not working?

0:34:19.800 --> 0:34:21.760
<v Speaker 2>I would never not want my kids on the iPad?

0:34:22.640 --> 0:34:23.200
<v Speaker 2>Is sacred.

0:34:23.480 --> 0:34:26.279
<v Speaker 1>The best parent. I always say that, you know, like

0:34:26.480 --> 0:34:27.759
<v Speaker 1>you meet people and I was like, oh, you know,

0:34:27.920 --> 0:34:30.760
<v Speaker 1>what were you brought up on? But in that generation,

0:34:31.080 --> 0:34:34.960
<v Speaker 1>what were you brought up on? They're like Coco Mellen, YouTube, YouTube,

0:34:35.040 --> 0:34:36.760
<v Speaker 1>kids reels.

0:34:36.640 --> 0:34:42.400
<v Speaker 2>Instagram's, Marley's just I'll be watching TikTok and she's like

0:34:42.480 --> 0:34:44.279
<v Speaker 2>what's that? And I'm like, oh too soon.

0:34:44.440 --> 0:34:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Daddy's like I want what daddy's got Sometimes I catch him,

0:34:50.000 --> 0:34:52.759
<v Speaker 1>he's on shorts and he's usually watching a sad video

0:34:52.840 --> 0:34:54.960
<v Speaker 1>of some sad kid who doesn't get to play with

0:34:55.000 --> 0:34:57.040
<v Speaker 1>the toy and some other kid. It's pretty harmless stuff.

0:34:57.040 --> 0:34:59.640
<v Speaker 1>But every now and then something something comes up and

0:34:59.680 --> 0:35:05.839
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, oh, that's for daddy's follow But yeah, it's

0:35:06.680 --> 0:35:09.440
<v Speaker 1>the best parent. It's bringing my kids up. Which is

0:35:09.480 --> 0:35:11.399
<v Speaker 1>sad to say people are going to it's not. It's

0:35:11.400 --> 0:35:14.800
<v Speaker 1>not people are to afraid to admit it. Just admit it.

0:35:15.239 --> 0:35:17.759
<v Speaker 1>Everyone's There's no one out there that were before they

0:35:17.840 --> 0:35:20.239
<v Speaker 1>had kids that said I'm not going to let my

0:35:20.360 --> 0:35:22.239
<v Speaker 1>kids have the iPad. I'm not going to do that.

0:35:22.480 --> 0:35:29.520
<v Speaker 1>Who's had to go with the gypsies, travelers, those bastards

0:35:30.440 --> 0:35:33.680
<v Speaker 1>making us all look bad. I'm a good parent. I

0:35:33.800 --> 0:35:35.200
<v Speaker 1>swear to God, I'm a good parent.

0:35:35.760 --> 0:35:36.400
<v Speaker 2>Let's move on.

0:35:36.600 --> 0:35:39.960
<v Speaker 1>Let's move on from question and let's go into question.

0:35:40.560 --> 0:35:41.960
<v Speaker 1>And you've got the questions.

0:35:42.320 --> 0:35:45.759
<v Speaker 2>Question number one ash for your first child, how did

0:35:45.840 --> 0:35:48.040
<v Speaker 2>your partner tell you that they were pregnant and how

0:35:48.120 --> 0:35:48.800
<v Speaker 2>did you react.

0:35:49.440 --> 0:35:52.040
<v Speaker 1>I'll go with the back end of that question. First, disappointed.

0:35:54.440 --> 0:35:56.600
<v Speaker 1>We were actually in Europe when we found out.

0:35:56.520 --> 0:35:58.480
<v Speaker 2>Do we need to say, just in case there are

0:35:58.560 --> 0:36:01.240
<v Speaker 2>only people who are listening for the very we're joking.

0:36:01.480 --> 0:36:04.320
<v Speaker 2>We love our kids. We do love our kids. We

0:36:04.360 --> 0:36:06.279
<v Speaker 2>will just say that just so you're aware in case

0:36:06.320 --> 0:36:09.319
<v Speaker 2>you're thinking, do these guys really hate the kids? No, Well,

0:36:09.440 --> 0:36:11.560
<v Speaker 2>like depends on the day and the time.

0:36:11.760 --> 0:36:13.719
<v Speaker 1>I think that covers us. I think we're covered. We

0:36:14.000 --> 0:36:17.560
<v Speaker 1>love them, We're covered. Continued, We're covered, were covered. Okay,

0:36:17.640 --> 0:36:22.800
<v Speaker 1>now that those listeners are gone. So when we we

0:36:22.840 --> 0:36:26.920
<v Speaker 1>were in Europe actually when we found out that we

0:36:27.080 --> 0:36:32.279
<v Speaker 1>were pregnant, and it was kind of like April's late,

0:36:32.760 --> 0:36:35.600
<v Speaker 1>and it was like, were you trying? We weren't actively

0:36:35.680 --> 0:36:36.200
<v Speaker 1>not trying.

0:36:37.440 --> 0:36:41.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah that makes sense, sure, yeah, and it happens. It happened.

0:36:41.320 --> 0:36:43.600
<v Speaker 1>It happens, It happens, and it happened. And we were

0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:48.200
<v Speaker 1>in Croatia when we actually confirmed it, and it was like, great,

0:36:48.360 --> 0:36:50.720
<v Speaker 1>this is great. But also we're going to Disneyland tomorrow.

0:36:51.360 --> 0:36:54.080
<v Speaker 1>When we go to France, we go to Paris, so fuck.

0:36:54.120 --> 0:36:56.320
<v Speaker 1>We didn't get to go on anything. You can't go

0:36:56.600 --> 0:36:59.400
<v Speaker 1>on anything, and I wasn't allowed to go because it

0:36:59.560 --> 0:37:02.000
<v Speaker 1>was like you can't go, but can't go. So we

0:37:02.160 --> 0:37:04.800
<v Speaker 1>made this packed we've got this packed together now that

0:37:04.920 --> 0:37:09.160
<v Speaker 1>when Oscar is of age to go to Europe or

0:37:09.239 --> 0:37:12.280
<v Speaker 1>go to Disneyland, he has to hold all the bags

0:37:13.320 --> 0:37:15.440
<v Speaker 1>and stand in line on our behalf, and then when

0:37:15.480 --> 0:37:16.480
<v Speaker 1>he gets to the front of the ne it's like

0:37:16.800 --> 0:37:21.200
<v Speaker 1>you out me and April straight in. Sucker, suck on

0:37:21.360 --> 0:37:23.280
<v Speaker 1>that teach you to be conceived?

0:37:25.080 --> 0:37:28.440
<v Speaker 2>Did it suck? The fact that in Europe? Yeah, having

0:37:28.520 --> 0:37:31.560
<v Speaker 2>like a hot girl European summer, you can't drink. That

0:37:31.680 --> 0:37:32.680
<v Speaker 2>was a bit of a doubt.

0:37:32.880 --> 0:37:35.720
<v Speaker 1>I was on a massive drinker. Anyway, I still drink,

0:37:36.560 --> 0:37:39.560
<v Speaker 1>there's no doubt about that. I'm not pregnant. But yeah,

0:37:39.640 --> 0:37:40.319
<v Speaker 1>look it was Do.

0:37:40.320 --> 0:37:42.720
<v Speaker 2>You remember the moment Obviously she kind of I'm assuming

0:37:42.760 --> 0:37:44.920
<v Speaker 2>she would have been in the bathroom peeing on the

0:37:44.960 --> 0:37:48.200
<v Speaker 2>stick came out. Do you remember how you reacted?

0:37:48.560 --> 0:37:51.800
<v Speaker 1>No, it was like literally, like so early in the morning.

0:37:52.239 --> 0:37:56.120
<v Speaker 1>I was definitely asleep when she told me when she rude,

0:37:56.160 --> 0:37:59.239
<v Speaker 1>wake you up. Yeah, it's not important or anything. Yeah,

0:38:00.360 --> 0:38:03.960
<v Speaker 1>but at the end, I mean that was that was Oscar.

0:38:05.719 --> 0:38:10.120
<v Speaker 1>What about you? Well, you're hanging there like ask me,

0:38:10.440 --> 0:38:13.399
<v Speaker 1>ask me, and that's all time.

0:38:15.000 --> 0:38:17.800
<v Speaker 2>It was a similar scenario where we weren't really trying,

0:38:18.120 --> 0:38:21.640
<v Speaker 2>but we weren't not trying. I guess the catalyst for

0:38:21.800 --> 0:38:24.920
<v Speaker 2>Laura taking the pregnancy test was the fact that I

0:38:25.080 --> 0:38:27.640
<v Speaker 2>made this very delicious salmon dinner.

0:38:28.360 --> 0:38:28.880
<v Speaker 1>It's very nice.

0:38:28.920 --> 0:38:31.280
<v Speaker 2>Could have been a breakfast dinner, not important.

0:38:31.160 --> 0:38:33.359
<v Speaker 1>And Laura was like, I think the breakfast dinner.

0:38:34.160 --> 0:38:36.920
<v Speaker 2>Maybe it was like a salmon scrambled egg type start.

0:38:37.040 --> 0:38:38.280
<v Speaker 1>Maybe it was smoked.

0:38:38.920 --> 0:38:42.000
<v Speaker 2>I can't remember. No, I'm not important, not important, but

0:38:42.080 --> 0:38:44.239
<v Speaker 2>it was salmon, and it was very good salmon. I

0:38:44.320 --> 0:38:47.279
<v Speaker 2>bought the good stuff, very expensive, and Laura was like,

0:38:47.320 --> 0:38:49.840
<v Speaker 2>I think this is off this is not the salmon's

0:38:49.880 --> 0:38:54.719
<v Speaker 2>no good. I was like, what very offended? Yeah, I've

0:38:54.760 --> 0:38:56.839
<v Speaker 2>put blood, sweat and tears into this dish and you're

0:38:56.840 --> 0:38:59.600
<v Speaker 2>fucking not enjoying it. And I was like, maybe you're

0:38:59.640 --> 0:39:02.120
<v Speaker 2>pregnant as a bit of a joke. And then went

0:39:02.160 --> 0:39:04.200
<v Speaker 2>to the farm, sat down the road piste on the stick,

0:39:04.239 --> 0:39:07.520
<v Speaker 2>and I think she just said I'm pregnant, and I

0:39:07.640 --> 0:39:09.239
<v Speaker 2>was like, no, ship there it is.

0:39:09.480 --> 0:39:12.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't but it wasn't you when you pee on

0:39:12.360 --> 0:39:16.080
<v Speaker 1>the stick, No, I don't know when I haven't.

0:39:17.360 --> 0:39:17.560
<v Speaker 2>Stick.

0:39:17.680 --> 0:39:19.919
<v Speaker 1>No, they dip it in now is how I don't

0:39:19.920 --> 0:39:22.200
<v Speaker 1>even know how does it even work? Hang on, is he?

0:39:22.320 --> 0:39:27.000
<v Speaker 1>Let me just clarify the dipping it in. They're dipping

0:39:27.040 --> 0:39:29.600
<v Speaker 1>it into the toilet bowl, not dipping it into their vagina.

0:39:30.160 --> 0:39:34.680
<v Speaker 1>Let's just clear that, right. I just had this image

0:39:34.760 --> 0:39:37.279
<v Speaker 1>or something like let me shut out there.

0:39:39.080 --> 0:39:41.759
<v Speaker 2>I thought they had to like just pisce all over it.

0:39:41.800 --> 0:39:42.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

0:39:42.280 --> 0:39:44.680
<v Speaker 2>I hope to do the dip makes a lot of

0:39:44.719 --> 0:39:46.719
<v Speaker 2>sense if it's a dip, don't like, but it doesn't

0:39:46.719 --> 0:39:48.799
<v Speaker 2>really feel real at that point. I feel like, though

0:39:48.840 --> 0:39:50.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if it's the same for you, Ash,

0:39:50.080 --> 0:39:53.760
<v Speaker 2>it's been ingrained into my mind that you don't celebrate

0:39:53.800 --> 0:39:55.400
<v Speaker 2>anything before twelve weeks.

0:39:55.920 --> 0:39:57.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, a little bit. I felt like when I when

0:39:58.000 --> 0:40:00.680
<v Speaker 1>I saw the stick and the when I saw like

0:40:00.760 --> 0:40:04.200
<v Speaker 1>from the doctors, when April went and got checked if

0:40:04.239 --> 0:40:07.040
<v Speaker 1>she was pregnant, like through a doctor. My reaction to

0:40:07.120 --> 0:40:09.279
<v Speaker 1>that it's like, yeah, like a piece of paper, like, oh,

0:40:09.440 --> 0:40:11.880
<v Speaker 1>obviously it's great. And I was almost like, what's the

0:40:11.960 --> 0:40:13.200
<v Speaker 1>reaction I'm supposed to have?

0:40:13.600 --> 0:40:15.920
<v Speaker 2>Yes, Yeah, you're like, I don't want to. I don't

0:40:15.960 --> 0:40:18.680
<v Speaker 2>want to celebrate it because also there's so much sick

0:40:18.760 --> 0:40:21.200
<v Speaker 2>and yeah, we're so so early days. But I think

0:40:21.239 --> 0:40:23.000
<v Speaker 2>the moment for me where I was like, holy shit

0:40:23.160 --> 0:40:25.360
<v Speaker 2>really hit home to be like I'm about to be

0:40:25.400 --> 0:40:28.440
<v Speaker 2>a fucking dad was the ultrasound where you hear the

0:40:28.520 --> 0:40:31.080
<v Speaker 2>heartbeat the very first time and you're kind of still

0:40:31.080 --> 0:40:32.800
<v Speaker 2>seeing a bit of a blob on the screen like

0:40:32.880 --> 0:40:35.359
<v Speaker 2>it's you can make out the shape of the head.

0:40:35.400 --> 0:40:36.919
<v Speaker 2>But then when you hear the heartbeat and they play

0:40:37.000 --> 0:40:38.640
<v Speaker 2>it out loud, like.

0:40:40.760 --> 0:40:45.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and it made me see sick. And it was

0:40:45.560 --> 0:40:47.360
<v Speaker 1>so funny because every time we went and did the

0:40:47.440 --> 0:40:49.640
<v Speaker 1>ultrasound and I'd be like, I'll be sitting in the

0:40:49.680 --> 0:40:51.640
<v Speaker 1>seat like grabbing hold of the being.

0:40:51.560 --> 0:40:55.600
<v Speaker 2>Like taking your nausea tablets. Yeah.

0:40:55.719 --> 0:40:58.680
<v Speaker 1>Literally, So it was like it was I mean, the

0:40:58.719 --> 0:41:02.160
<v Speaker 1>realization of like, holy shit, have a kid was kind

0:41:02.239 --> 0:41:04.960
<v Speaker 1>of overtaken by the fact that it was kind of

0:41:05.000 --> 0:41:08.279
<v Speaker 1>like I cad sea legs when I came out of there,

0:41:08.320 --> 0:41:11.880
<v Speaker 1>and they were like, okay, I mean that probably contributed

0:41:11.920 --> 0:41:14.120
<v Speaker 1>to the meat passing out in the delivery suite, but

0:41:14.719 --> 0:41:17.719
<v Speaker 1>we'll get to that another day. But I know what

0:41:17.800 --> 0:41:18.040
<v Speaker 1>you mean.

0:41:19.000 --> 0:41:23.240
<v Speaker 2>Oh good good. April's like, Ash, why are you vomiting?

0:41:23.480 --> 0:41:26.160
<v Speaker 1>Why you She's like, why are you so squamy. I one,

0:41:26.360 --> 0:41:29.200
<v Speaker 1>like they wanted to just squirted some gel on me

0:41:29.320 --> 0:41:32.480
<v Speaker 1>and rubbing around on my fucking tummy like we're just

0:41:32.560 --> 0:41:36.600
<v Speaker 1>going to take an internal ultrasound. It's like, oh, really

0:41:36.640 --> 0:41:37.800
<v Speaker 1>going to shove that thing up me.

0:41:39.000 --> 0:41:40.319
<v Speaker 2>Let's go with question number two.

0:41:40.640 --> 0:41:43.200
<v Speaker 1>So the next question is like, how do you maintain

0:41:43.880 --> 0:41:48.320
<v Speaker 1>the relationship between obviously mom and dad after having kids?

0:41:49.200 --> 0:41:52.279
<v Speaker 1>You don't really, I mean you like you do who

0:41:52.400 --> 0:41:53.279
<v Speaker 1>we're talking about? Who is she?

0:41:54.480 --> 0:41:58.560
<v Speaker 2>The track? It's obviously a huge change, and the relationship

0:41:58.640 --> 0:42:00.680
<v Speaker 2>side of things is kind of like an non priority.

0:42:00.719 --> 0:42:02.640
<v Speaker 2>It gets pushed way down the way.

0:42:02.640 --> 0:42:04.480
<v Speaker 1>I was saying before. It's like having a roommate but

0:42:04.520 --> 0:42:05.440
<v Speaker 1>you've got kids together.

0:42:05.640 --> 0:42:07.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, a little bit, yeah, totally totally.

0:42:08.200 --> 0:42:10.920
<v Speaker 1>Like these are your jobs at the time, These are

0:42:10.960 --> 0:42:12.960
<v Speaker 1>my jobs at time to keep the household going. But

0:42:13.040 --> 0:42:15.799
<v Speaker 1>that's not a relationship. That's kind of like, yes, it's

0:42:15.840 --> 0:42:16.680
<v Speaker 1>like your coworkers.

0:42:16.840 --> 0:42:19.359
<v Speaker 2>So we've only kind of like we kind of came

0:42:19.440 --> 0:42:21.719
<v Speaker 2>out of that period when Lola was I guess like

0:42:22.000 --> 0:42:24.040
<v Speaker 2>one and a half and she was coming good with

0:42:24.120 --> 0:42:26.680
<v Speaker 2>a really tough time with Lola, And it was only

0:42:26.760 --> 0:42:28.480
<v Speaker 2>when we were kind of getting ahead above water that

0:42:28.560 --> 0:42:29.120
<v Speaker 2>will like.

0:42:29.200 --> 0:42:34.120
<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's right, we're in a relationship. Yeah. Up until

0:42:34.160 --> 0:42:38.640
<v Speaker 1>that point, you've been like project managers literally, yeah.

0:42:38.520 --> 0:42:39.680
<v Speaker 2>Like divving up the jobs.

0:42:39.760 --> 0:42:39.880
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:42:40.120 --> 0:42:42.759
<v Speaker 2>It's it's that routine of your wake up, you get

0:42:42.800 --> 0:42:45.760
<v Speaker 2>the kids ready, and then you go to work. That's stress.

0:42:45.800 --> 0:42:48.960
<v Speaker 2>When you come home kids from daycare, kids are screaming

0:42:49.040 --> 0:42:50.719
<v Speaker 2>like toddlers are hard work. We all know that. We

0:42:50.800 --> 0:42:52.719
<v Speaker 2>harp on about it NonStop. Yeah. We got to the

0:42:52.760 --> 0:42:54.279
<v Speaker 2>point where Laura and I are like, we haven't had

0:42:54.320 --> 0:42:56.200
<v Speaker 2>like a date night a year.

0:42:56.239 --> 0:42:59.160
<v Speaker 1>And you plan. The thing is you plan. You're like, okay,

0:42:59.280 --> 0:43:01.000
<v Speaker 1>so tonight, after the kids go to bed, we're going

0:43:01.040 --> 0:43:03.080
<v Speaker 1>to watch a movie together, get a nice dinner, and

0:43:03.120 --> 0:43:04.920
<v Speaker 1>then when they go to bed, you're like, ah, fuck it.

0:43:06.200 --> 0:43:08.480
<v Speaker 1>There are so go to bed facing opposite ways on

0:43:08.560 --> 0:43:08.839
<v Speaker 1>a bed.

0:43:09.040 --> 0:43:11.919
<v Speaker 2>There are so many times where in the morning where

0:43:11.960 --> 0:43:14.840
<v Speaker 2>you have really good intention yeah, and you're like you

0:43:14.960 --> 0:43:17.600
<v Speaker 2>have like a kiss and you're like like, hey, you know,

0:43:17.680 --> 0:43:18.359
<v Speaker 2>it's been a while.

0:43:18.600 --> 0:43:21.200
<v Speaker 1>Later on, later on we're going to get freaky and

0:43:21.239 --> 0:43:24.279
<v Speaker 1>you're like, or even we're gonna have dinner alone and

0:43:24.320 --> 0:43:27.000
<v Speaker 1>you're like oh. Then you get to the way to

0:43:27.080 --> 0:43:30.520
<v Speaker 1>not talk to you to day You're just like, so

0:43:30.680 --> 0:43:31.480
<v Speaker 1>what are we talking about now?

0:43:31.960 --> 0:43:33.960
<v Speaker 2>Come nine o'clock You're like, I just want to sit

0:43:34.040 --> 0:43:35.160
<v Speaker 2>on the couch in silence.

0:43:35.280 --> 0:43:37.239
<v Speaker 1>And if you're not that's the thing, if you if

0:43:37.280 --> 0:43:40.160
<v Speaker 1>the kids aren't there, you're just sitting there talking about

0:43:40.200 --> 0:43:41.120
<v Speaker 1>the kids? Do we.

0:43:42.680 --> 0:43:44.680
<v Speaker 2>Laud will bring up photos of the kids and like,

0:43:44.840 --> 0:43:45.600
<v Speaker 2>isn't she cute?

0:43:46.160 --> 0:43:50.120
<v Speaker 1>It was like, let's go wake I've got this really

0:43:50.280 --> 0:43:53.840
<v Speaker 1>devious plan actually that when my kids, because you know

0:43:53.920 --> 0:43:57.919
<v Speaker 1>how when you talk to older parents of older kids

0:43:57.960 --> 0:44:00.560
<v Speaker 1>that they've got teenagers, like Larry MD we spoke to

0:44:01.280 --> 0:44:03.719
<v Speaker 1>when you and they're like, yeah, they don't sleep. Then

0:44:03.719 --> 0:44:05.640
<v Speaker 1>when they get to teenage years, you can't get them

0:44:05.680 --> 0:44:08.279
<v Speaker 1>out of bed. I've got this very very good plan

0:44:08.480 --> 0:44:10.640
<v Speaker 1>set out. I've written it down on my phone. It's

0:44:10.680 --> 0:44:12.840
<v Speaker 1>in the cloud so that when I do get to

0:44:13.000 --> 0:44:16.279
<v Speaker 1>the iPhone fifty at that point, I'm just gonna wake

0:44:16.400 --> 0:44:19.800
<v Speaker 1>my children up at all hours of the night and

0:44:20.000 --> 0:44:22.640
<v Speaker 1>be like, how does it feel? How does it feel?

0:44:23.120 --> 0:44:25.640
<v Speaker 1>How does it feel like? Just turn the light on,

0:44:26.160 --> 0:44:29.640
<v Speaker 1>scream at them. It's gonna be a good one, try

0:44:29.680 --> 0:44:32.680
<v Speaker 1>and rock them back to sleep, but really aggressively. I

0:44:32.800 --> 0:44:34.439
<v Speaker 1>just want to get in the back for what they've

0:44:34.520 --> 0:44:34.960
<v Speaker 1>done to me.

0:44:35.400 --> 0:44:38.719
<v Speaker 2>They deserve every fucking second of that pain that.

0:44:38.920 --> 0:44:43.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna shit myself and like clean it, clean it now.

0:44:44.320 --> 0:44:47.799
<v Speaker 1>If they grow up right and they have they meet

0:44:47.880 --> 0:44:49.560
<v Speaker 1>a great girl or a great guy, whatever it is,

0:44:49.600 --> 0:44:51.480
<v Speaker 1>they're like, Mom, Dad, come over for dinner. I want

0:44:51.480 --> 0:44:54.160
<v Speaker 1>you to meet this person. As soon as they've cooked

0:44:54.160 --> 0:44:56.000
<v Speaker 1>whatever it is they've cooked, I'm gonna be like, I

0:44:56.040 --> 0:44:58.279
<v Speaker 1>don't want it. I don't like broccoli, you pretty, and

0:44:58.360 --> 0:44:59.600
<v Speaker 1>then just throw it on the floor.

0:45:00.080 --> 0:45:02.400
<v Speaker 2>Much describe what is going to be like when you

0:45:02.520 --> 0:45:03.120
<v Speaker 2>have dementia.

0:45:03.160 --> 0:45:05.080
<v Speaker 1>It is like sixty yeah, but I'm going to do

0:45:05.120 --> 0:45:09.840
<v Speaker 1>it at like forty fifty. It's going to be very deliberate.

0:45:10.320 --> 0:45:12.880
<v Speaker 1>It's going to be very much like I'm not hungry,

0:45:13.160 --> 0:45:16.000
<v Speaker 1>and like, Dad, you're meeting my girlfriend for the first time.

0:45:16.120 --> 0:45:18.560
<v Speaker 1>I've cooked you your favorite meal. It's not my favorite. Hell,

0:45:18.640 --> 0:45:19.640
<v Speaker 1>do you know what my favorite is?

0:45:19.680 --> 0:45:23.160
<v Speaker 2>Cut it in a squat, sitting in the corner of

0:45:23.200 --> 0:45:25.160
<v Speaker 2>the room behind the couch, shitting yourself.

0:45:25.239 --> 0:45:27.719
<v Speaker 1>Just poop and be like can I clean there's up

0:45:28.800 --> 0:45:31.440
<v Speaker 1>up dune poopo, or just like go to the bathroom,

0:45:31.520 --> 0:45:38.760
<v Speaker 1>be like I need a wife. Bosca absolutely torture my children.

0:45:39.719 --> 0:45:42.320
<v Speaker 2>What a great episode. And on that note, so I

0:45:42.400 --> 0:45:45.239
<v Speaker 2>do want to say one quick thing Ash before we go.

0:45:45.600 --> 0:45:48.080
<v Speaker 2>I know you absolutely hate it when I talk about running.

0:45:48.160 --> 0:45:49.680
<v Speaker 2>I am going to talk about running.

0:45:49.520 --> 0:45:51.239
<v Speaker 1>Real Yeah, I know what you're going to talk about

0:45:51.239 --> 0:45:52.440
<v Speaker 1>it and I've said that I'm going to do it.

0:45:52.520 --> 0:45:55.840
<v Speaker 2>Also, so there is anyone in Sydney, New South Wales,

0:45:55.920 --> 0:45:57.920
<v Speaker 2>there is a ten or of five kits of Sydney

0:45:58.000 --> 0:46:01.400
<v Speaker 2>Harbor run. It's on the twenty third of July. All

0:46:01.440 --> 0:46:04.680
<v Speaker 2>money raise goes to the Australian Cancer Research Foundation. They

0:46:04.719 --> 0:46:09.080
<v Speaker 2>do fucking awesome work, agreed supporting life saving research. It's

0:46:09.120 --> 0:46:11.680
<v Speaker 2>so important. So this year they're trying to raise I

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:14.120
<v Speaker 2>think it's about ninety k from the event. So I'm

0:46:14.120 --> 0:46:16.520
<v Speaker 2>going to run out doing the ten k. I'm going

0:46:16.560 --> 0:46:18.359
<v Speaker 2>to try and get some money together and it all

0:46:18.440 --> 0:46:20.759
<v Speaker 2>goes to cancer research. Bloody great and.

0:46:20.960 --> 0:46:23.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do it too. As of now, excuse me,

0:46:24.080 --> 0:46:26.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to jump in. I'm not racing, but I'm

0:46:26.160 --> 0:46:30.520
<v Speaker 1>all for donations of money. Is to prevent people from dying,

0:46:30.600 --> 0:46:31.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm all about that.

0:46:31.320 --> 0:46:32.120
<v Speaker 2>Who the fuck?

0:46:33.480 --> 0:46:37.319
<v Speaker 1>So I think that Matthew, what we should do as

0:46:37.360 --> 0:46:40.359
<v Speaker 1>a podcast duo? Yes, and I know you're going to win,

0:46:40.760 --> 0:46:42.719
<v Speaker 1>beat me by a country mile, so we're not going

0:46:42.800 --> 0:46:45.160
<v Speaker 1>to do that. We're just going to raise as much

0:46:45.239 --> 0:46:45.920
<v Speaker 1>money as we can.

0:46:46.040 --> 0:46:47.520
<v Speaker 2>Love it bloody great.

0:46:47.719 --> 0:46:50.520
<v Speaker 1>And if I do somehow beat you, what's on there?

0:46:50.600 --> 0:46:51.520
<v Speaker 1>You have to match it?

0:46:52.360 --> 0:46:52.600
<v Speaker 2>Great?

0:46:53.200 --> 0:46:56.560
<v Speaker 1>Okay, perfect? And after this episode, I'm gonna get trained.

0:46:58.080 --> 0:47:00.480
<v Speaker 1>It's never going to happen, but we look where supporting

0:47:00.520 --> 0:47:00.839
<v Speaker 1>the cause.

0:47:01.200 --> 0:47:03.600
<v Speaker 2>Good cause, great run get involved. Twenty third of July

0:47:04.280 --> 0:47:07.360
<v Speaker 2>and I think, gosh, we got to get out of

0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:10.439
<v Speaker 2>here because we are interviewing I have very special guest.

0:47:10.680 --> 0:47:13.160
<v Speaker 1>Yes, if you're a cricket fan, you're gonna love this.

0:47:13.239 --> 0:47:15.680
<v Speaker 1>You're gonna love this. He's also a dad. Of course,

0:47:16.120 --> 0:47:16.960
<v Speaker 1>we're very excited.

0:47:17.000 --> 0:47:17.840
<v Speaker 2>Do we say who it is?

0:47:18.520 --> 0:47:19.160
<v Speaker 1>No? Second?

0:47:19.280 --> 0:47:19.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Okay, cool.

0:47:20.040 --> 0:47:22.600
<v Speaker 1>Now they probably would have had the episode by now.

0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:24.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, of course, who knows what?

0:47:24.560 --> 0:47:26.040
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't make any sense.

0:47:26.640 --> 0:47:27.640
<v Speaker 2>If you're confused, right now?

0:47:27.719 --> 0:47:30.000
<v Speaker 1>So are we Wait? But we've got a guess that's

0:47:30.040 --> 0:47:32.160
<v Speaker 1>going to be a three doting dads will be back,

0:47:32.760 --> 0:47:35.799
<v Speaker 1>which is very exciting. And then of course we will

0:47:35.840 --> 0:47:37.760
<v Speaker 1>also be back. Even though you're going to be in Fiji.

0:47:37.960 --> 0:47:38.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, after the honeymoon.

0:47:39.080 --> 0:47:41.080
<v Speaker 1>How does that work? I tell you how it works.

0:47:41.120 --> 0:47:43.120
<v Speaker 1>We record it before he leaves exactly.

0:47:44.000 --> 0:47:47.040
<v Speaker 2>You know the drill review. Subscribe, follow us on Two

0:47:47.080 --> 0:47:48.080
<v Speaker 2>Doting Dads.

0:47:47.920 --> 0:47:50.320
<v Speaker 1>And tell a friend. If each of you tell a

0:47:50.400 --> 0:47:53.440
<v Speaker 1>friend or a stranger, because stranger is a friend you

0:47:53.480 --> 0:47:54.799
<v Speaker 1>haven't met yet, that's great.

0:47:54.920 --> 0:47:57.560
<v Speaker 2>There was one person who their comment on Apple podcast

0:47:57.760 --> 0:48:01.160
<v Speaker 2>was I'm here to support Ash's unemployed. That's what's at stake.

0:48:01.320 --> 0:48:03.759
<v Speaker 2>Love that, that's what's at stake. Even if you don't

0:48:03.840 --> 0:48:06.360
<v Speaker 2>like listening because you don't find it entertaining, do it

0:48:06.440 --> 0:48:08.240
<v Speaker 2>to support an individual.

0:48:08.760 --> 0:48:11.480
<v Speaker 1>Just think about this. I ate butter chicken out of

0:48:11.520 --> 0:48:14.319
<v Speaker 1>the bin when I was employed. Imagine what I'm willing

0:48:14.400 --> 0:48:14.960
<v Speaker 1>to do now.

0:48:17.280 --> 0:48:18.120
<v Speaker 2>Thanks on that.

0:48:18.440 --> 0:48:19.719
<v Speaker 1>Thank you guys, Bye bye.

0:48:27.080 --> 0:48:30.680
<v Speaker 2>Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

0:48:30.719 --> 0:48:34.400
<v Speaker 2>throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

0:48:34.680 --> 0:48:37.160
<v Speaker 1>We pay our respects to their elders past and present

0:48:37.239 --> 0:48:40.320
<v Speaker 1>and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight islander

0:48:40.360 --> 0:48:43.960
<v Speaker 1>people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land