Speaker 1: You'll have to excuse my nasalliness. What's happened just to
Speaker 1: have been sick earlier this week? At first I had
Speaker 1: like tap nose, and then yesterday I was okay, I
Speaker 1: had a surf and stuff great, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I still a little bit. I woke up this morning.
Speaker 1: My fuck, I'm so stuffy. So I've been like zer tech,
Speaker 1: tell fast, I'm hopped.
Speaker 2: Up, man, nothing's working nah nah.
Speaker 1: And like usually i'd use vix. Didn't have any victs
Speaker 1: been using their like the child's at the Yuki Bear one.
Speaker 2: What's that?
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a softer version of vix. Im
Speaker 1: hav any vics in the house.
Speaker 2: I could always do that, but it's use what's here?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Anyways, what I would do is I'd usually put
Speaker 1: like a little bit on the inside of my nose
Speaker 1: to try and clear it's a bit Bernie. And what
Speaker 1: I did was I didn't realize I had a little
Speaker 1: bit extra on the end of my fingernail, and I
Speaker 1: did a little sniffle and a goop of that Yuki
Speaker 1: Bear stuff went straight up into my brain. And have
Speaker 1: you seen that meme of the cat? And they're like
Speaker 1: I was like that just rapid fires. Rapid fires, easy
Speaker 1: straight to my brain. And afterwards, because I had sneezed
Speaker 1: so much, the inside of my nose has inflated and
Speaker 1: just shut It's fine.
Speaker 2: I thought you're going to tell me that it like
Speaker 2: clead you up, so now you're just doing rails of
Speaker 2: this year.
Speaker 1: Give me. I didn't see it on the end of
Speaker 1: my finger, and it literally hit the back of my
Speaker 1: head quick as anything, and I was like and before
Speaker 1: I actually did that sneaze thing, I was like, oh no,
Speaker 1: this is not going to be good. It's like when
Speaker 1: you've got an itchy inner ear and you're like, how
Speaker 1: do I scratch it?
Speaker 2: And you're like, oh, she's coughing up fur balls And anyway,
Speaker 2: you sound quite cute.
Speaker 1: I seemed like a cute little boy. I want to
Speaker 1: give you a kettle after.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to two doing dads. I'm Maddie J. And
Speaker 2: I'm ashsh It's a nicer version of ash Well.
Speaker 1: You were like, you got this like sexy husk, and
Speaker 1: I ended up with this nasally little annoying kid. Oh
Speaker 1: can you please wipe my nose? You're like, hey, ladies,
Speaker 1: I'm Maddy J.
Speaker 2: If you need any toilet breaks. Mate, just let me
Speaker 2: know and I'll take you upstairs.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: This is a podcast all about parenting.
Speaker 1: It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.
Speaker 2: And as always, zero advice will be given.
Speaker 1: Well we don't know. We always say that and then somehow.
Speaker 2: We offer a peppering of sun.
Speaker 1: It's not advised. It's just like what we've done in
Speaker 1: that situation. So but if you are here for advice.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, no no no no. We're drinking something
Speaker 2: a little bit different today.
Speaker 1: Ash we are because you're doing dry July.
Speaker 2: Well I'm doing I'm doing a version of version and
Speaker 2: I'll explain why a little bit later, but yeah, I
Speaker 2: will be doing the tail end of the month will
Speaker 2: be a dry July for me. So yeah, I'm not
Speaker 2: going to do it.
Speaker 1: It's a sprinkling of July.
Speaker 2: Four weeks is a long time.
Speaker 1: It is a long time too.
Speaker 2: And I'm very much a believer in moderation.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I think that's.
Speaker 2: So three weeks is better than none. Yeah, so it's
Speaker 2: two weeks.
Speaker 1: And of course, because you're going on your honeymoon, I
Speaker 1: will I will have a dry honey You.
Speaker 2: Don't want to get into that, so I'll go into
Speaker 2: the honeymoon in a second, but for now, we're going
Speaker 2: to have a better beer, zero alcohol.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm gonna have one, cheers, cheers.
Speaker 2: That tastes like a normal beer.
Speaker 1: It does. Actually, it's hard for me the moment to
Speaker 1: taste because I can't smell anything. But that's all right,
Speaker 1: it's pretty good. I don't know how it's refreshing.
Speaker 2: Actually, how the fuck do they make beer with no alcohol?
Speaker 1: It is they just right on the side of it
Speaker 1: that there's no for cebo. But yeah, it's actually it
Speaker 1: tastes like I love. How have you noticed on the
Speaker 1: top of the cant says morning for it.
Speaker 2: Whoever's doing the copywriting it better beer, give him a raise?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thank you, better be for having us.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I will be well by the time his
Speaker 2: podcast comes out, Ash.
Speaker 1: I will be Island life baby.
Speaker 2: And Fiji a coconut in hands.
Speaker 1: And you're taking the kids too?
Speaker 2: Yes? Yes? Is that stupid? Probably?
Speaker 1: Yeah, waste take me instead.
Speaker 2: Sorry. At the airport, Laura is just.
Speaker 1: Like he's gonna sit on my lap. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Look, I got the guilts about taking them with us,
Speaker 2: Like I just know, and I.
Speaker 1: Say this, they're at an age now where they'll have
Speaker 1: a lot of fun.
Speaker 2: They'll have a lot of fun, and dude, Mali is pumped.
Speaker 2: We've got this, you know. Four nights, three nights were
Speaker 2: Candy down to Fiji and she goes to daycare. Daycare
Speaker 2: was great and they do like hello and goodbye, different languages.
Speaker 2: And then I get up and she's like dad, bulla
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, well, that's bloody your door.
Speaker 1: It was like, don't be one of those white people
Speaker 1: in a different country trying to say the language. Embarrassing.
Speaker 1: That's like April does that. I went to Fiji with
Speaker 1: April's mum and she was like bulla. When I went
Speaker 1: to Japan and I was like, I'm not here long
Speaker 1: enough to try, so I was like, get.
Speaker 2: A, hey, are you one of those people who still
Speaker 2: speaks in like slang when you're overseas?
Speaker 1: So no worries, mate, Yeah, I'll see your savo the
Speaker 1: sava and they're like sob me. But anyway, So in
Speaker 1: trudge of you going on your honeymoon and congratulations, I
Speaker 1: mean you got married November November, and now I mean
Speaker 1: that's what happens when you have children.
Speaker 2: Thank you for reminding me. We did things a little
Speaker 2: bit backwards. We were going to get married before Lola
Speaker 2: came out, but then COVID came and we thought, hey,
Speaker 2: what should we do. Well, my sister pregnant again and then.
Speaker 1: We'll just get sucking again.
Speaker 2: We even thought like do we even have it? It's
Speaker 2: not It's one of those honeymoons. I guess can we
Speaker 2: help you? April Hi.
Speaker 1: Getting your hand done? Go and saw that regrowth out?
Speaker 2: Yeah, isn't she darling?
Speaker 1: That puts up with me?
Speaker 2: Sorry, babe, did not want to be on the podcast.
Speaker 1: By Maddie Jay. She was like, oh my god, Maddie
Speaker 1: Jay's in my house. Anyway. You were getting back to
Speaker 1: that you did things backwards, But the Australian public begs
Speaker 1: to differ because, as we all know, you all found
Speaker 1: love on our screens. It was just a commitment ring
Speaker 1: at that point, which that's why I don't watch The
Speaker 1: Bachelor anymore. I want to see for weddings.
Speaker 2: I'm getting ask I thought your nasal just went.
Speaker 1: Just went. This guy needs to sound sexy. So yeah,
Speaker 1: you did things backwards, and you're gonna leave me for
Speaker 1: a whole week. For a week, it's a holiday away
Speaker 1: from me. I think that's really what I'm going to
Speaker 1: miss you.
Speaker 2: I missed it, will I will it's this will be
Speaker 2: the longest that we've been apart since we started recording
Speaker 2: the podcast together, about eleven weeks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we could do one online.
Speaker 2: We'll have a week off. When I come back, I'll
Speaker 2: give you an update on how the honeymoon when. I'm
Speaker 2: sure it'll be a fucking disaster.
Speaker 1: And we won't miss it. We're not missing an episode.
Speaker 1: So just so you just heard then Maddie said we're
Speaker 1: going to have a week off. We are going to
Speaker 1: have a week off technically, but we're going to get
Speaker 1: an episode out the day it's due back. Not that
Speaker 1: people really care that we're having a week off, thank god.
Speaker 2: I was saying it like people right now are hyperventilating
Speaker 2: at home, but where will they be? No one gives
Speaker 2: a shit, They're like, what whoever?
Speaker 1: I'm sure what are we going to work out too?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: I don't know music? Like a normal person.
Speaker 2: Who was that blokey messaged you about doing his PB.
Speaker 1: What did he say? His last name was Awkward? So
Speaker 1: Andrew Awkward Andrew.
Speaker 2: And we're not making this up.
Speaker 1: No, we're not making this up. And thank you for
Speaker 1: the message. I know I didn't respond, but I did
Speaker 1: screenshot it send it to Matthew. Apparently he's set a
Speaker 1: Strava record. It must be in his local area. I
Speaker 1: don't know, listening to our podcast how that work.
Speaker 2: I do not understand how that's possible. Surely you what
Speaker 2: do you run with a game? What was your playlist?
Speaker 1: Hans Zimmer?
Speaker 2: Hans Zimmer, So Andrew, if you're listening, give.
Speaker 1: Us a break straight to Hans Zimmer? What was the
Speaker 1: Pirates of the Caribbean medley? Get it done?
Speaker 2: We listened to it last week.
Speaker 1: It's like a crack.
Speaker 2: I looked over and you're just whipping up glow sticks.
Speaker 1: Were I was just like, do you know what, matt
Speaker 1: you want to get to me? Emails done? I've never
Speaker 1: seen so much smoke off a keyboard.
Speaker 2: I do have to be honest, though, Ash and I
Speaker 2: don't want to bring the mood down here fuck at all.
Speaker 2: It's been a tough week for me, a bit, a
Speaker 2: bit of a hard week. Would appreciate it if you
Speaker 2: did not roll your eyes as I open enough and
Speaker 2: be vulnerable to you on the podcast.
Speaker 1: That's very inappropriate of me. You consider it I would say, yeah,
Speaker 1: what's up, mate, what what's happened?
Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad you asked, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: It's okay.
Speaker 2: My kids hate me?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we already you that shambles of a birthday party.
Speaker 1: You through them, and I don't blame them. No, what's
Speaker 1: why do your kids hate you, Matthew? That's the look.
Speaker 1: They don't hate you, No, they do. I do, like, literally,
Speaker 1: do they not what?
Speaker 2: They don't want to? Fucking bar of me?
Speaker 1: Be done nothing, dude.
Speaker 2: I'm delivering the goods. The issue is Laura is now
Speaker 2: back in the picture after.
Speaker 1: From exile Island.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, she's back in the picture. And the kids
Speaker 2: are like, that's.
Speaker 1: Right, we have her. Mom.
Speaker 2: You're you're a better parent than he is because Laura was.
Speaker 2: We talked about the fact that she was away a
Speaker 2: lot in training blah blah blah blah, and so I
Speaker 2: was just, you know, as default. I became the favorite parent. Yeah,
Speaker 2: for the very first.
Speaker 1: Time, one parent, favorite parent. It's like if you do
Speaker 1: a one horse race, yes you won that race.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like the Stephen parenting.
Speaker 1: No no wrong analogy, because that means there would have
Speaker 1: been people falling down in front of you, but that's
Speaker 1: not the right analogy is similar that guy in the
Speaker 1: Sydney Olympics who swam the race on his own.
Speaker 2: Eric the Eel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, you're our Eric the Eel. It was slow,
Speaker 1: but you got there in the end.
Speaker 2: So Laura is back in the mix. They just I
Speaker 2: don't know what it's saying with Oscar, but just like
Speaker 2: everything I'm talking having breakfast, if I make the toast,
Speaker 2: both of them are like, we don't want Tom to
Speaker 2: make butter head so much. Do you guys fight?
Speaker 1: We're like brothers. Yeah, we're talking about I was talking
Speaker 1: about this the other day where it's like I don't
Speaker 1: discipline him, really, we just bicker. So like I was
Speaker 1: laying on his bed and he's like, that's my bed
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, it's not. Technically I own
Speaker 1: this is I own this bed, you get to sleep
Speaker 1: on it. It's like, no, Todd the ration Now he
Speaker 1: doesn't understand the sarcasm. He's like he's like, no, it's
Speaker 1: my bed, and I'm like it's mine, and Mummy's like,
Speaker 1: like Daddy's stopping so mean antagonizing him. So I whispered
Speaker 1: to him, this is my fucking bed. He ran after Mum,
Speaker 1: being like he said it really quietly, and I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I didn't. Then he comes back and I'm like, you're
Speaker 1: a dobbin on me.
Speaker 2: Now, this is like I imagine you guys are like
Speaker 2: step brothers the movie.
Speaker 1: We hug it out a lot.
Speaker 2: We're like Oscar walks past and you're just rubbing your bullsack.
Speaker 1: B Yeah, it's a bit like that. But yeah, my
Speaker 1: kids they're just off here because Mom's back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, even eat, even brushing their hair. Like if they
Speaker 2: see me with a brush in hand and we have
Speaker 2: like a pink brush, it's like I'm coming at them
Speaker 2: with a fucking ice pick, Like, ma, No.
Speaker 1: It doesn't know how to do it properly. It hurts,
Speaker 1: really hurts.
Speaker 2: You feeling, and dude, I can I brush it better
Speaker 2: than Laura. Laura's there ripping hairs out, and I'm so gentle.
Speaker 2: I'm delicate.
Speaker 1: You should do the start counting and I can't how
Speaker 1: many times to one hundred and one.
Speaker 2: I try everything. They don't want to buy it. But
Speaker 2: the only time it's kind of working in my favor
Speaker 2: is in the middle of the night. Lola will occasionally
Speaker 2: wake up still and she'll be crying and she'll just
Speaker 2: go like mum. I'd say, hey, I'd go and.
Speaker 1: Get her, but the fuck out of bed.
Speaker 2: And I've gone in there before. This is at like
Speaker 2: two in the morning, and she's like, she's screaming and
Speaker 2: she wants to cuddle. And then she stops and she
Speaker 2: looks at me like squinting because it's still very dark.
Speaker 1: And she's like, not you just see you walking in
Speaker 1: there with a wig on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just give me some affection anything I need.
Speaker 1: It's like those videos where their dad's feeding the kid
Speaker 1: a bottle and they've got the iPad with the mum's
Speaker 1: picture on it. You walk into the room with an
Speaker 1: iPad strapped to your face. This has got Laura's days
Speaker 1: on it.
Speaker 2: That's what I need to do, because it's cutting.
Speaker 1: Me real deep. The dynamics change.
Speaker 2: At the start, I was like, ah, lol, like you're
Speaker 2: the favorite. And now it's four days in and I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't even touch my kids.
Speaker 1: It's like they're trying to oust you.
Speaker 2: They're trying to get me out of the front.
Speaker 1: Dynamics change, mate, get with it. You need to start
Speaker 1: favoring the dog much more.
Speaker 2: No, I don't want him anymore. He's got three legs.
Speaker 1: See the poor thing, poor he's got one more leg
Speaker 1: than each of your.
Speaker 2: Children over and I'm like, anyone love me? And yeah,
Speaker 2: like please can we just have a cut. I'm now
Speaker 2: bust out.
Speaker 1: He's just sitting there with a big erect.
Speaker 2: For anyone who doesn't know my dog, he's got an
Speaker 2: erection problem and he's got three legs. That's what That's
Speaker 2: what I've left with, a three legged dog with a
Speaker 2: fucking erection problem.
Speaker 1: He's always got a start on your dog. What's the
Speaker 1: deal with that? Well, he's he's like I see on
Speaker 1: the other dogs with four legs.
Speaker 2: Anyway. So that's what I'm dealing with at the moment.
Speaker 2: A Debbie Downer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'll be fine.
Speaker 2: I'll be fine.
Speaker 1: I know you'll be okay, and the dymonaum will change again.
Speaker 1: It'll change when when I don't know, mate, I'm not
Speaker 1: an expert.
Speaker 2: I can tell me.
Speaker 1: I'll come up with it. I'll let you know when
Speaker 1: I'll have a chat with Marley and say, look, we
Speaker 1: all know your dad's a loser. We get it cut
Speaker 1: in some slack.
Speaker 2: Do you ever to try and win over Macy or Oscar?
Speaker 2: Do you ever try and like sneak in some chocolate
Speaker 2: or treats.
Speaker 1: That's April's that's what April does. So yesterday afternoon, Oscar
Speaker 1: was being a shithead. They're turns, kids are turns. Okay,
Speaker 1: I think we've established and he was being a turd
Speaker 1: to Masie, being a turd to me, and Mummy's in
Speaker 1: the fridge secretly eating chocolate. Oscar, here's the chocolate wrapping
Speaker 1: like it's a dog whistle. He's like, what have you got?
Speaker 2: Something's happening.
Speaker 1: He runs to the kitchen and I'm like, don't give
Speaker 1: him any chocolate. He's been a little ship. How can
Speaker 1: I get through? And she was like I'm not. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm like, show your hands, and he's like open your mouth,
Speaker 1: a bit of chocolate in his mouth. I'm like what.
Speaker 1: So she's like here, it's okay, okay, daddy's been mean
Speaker 1: to you and I'm not. I'm trying to protect Macy and.
Speaker 2: I thought you would be the like this secret chocolate.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, if I'm drunk, I'm drunk. And I'll
Speaker 1: also do the thing where it's like if I come home,
Speaker 1: like if I've been out or whatever, or and I've
Speaker 1: had a couple of beers. I come home and have
Speaker 1: a shower and I was still awake, and he's in
Speaker 1: our bed, like having a cuddle with mom and you know,
Speaker 1: watching his watching iPad or whatever they're doing, having a
Speaker 1: sleepover party. I'll be like, go and give me a cuddle,
Speaker 1: and like he'll get to sleep in the bed all
Speaker 1: night with us because I'm like, but yeah, look, I'm
Speaker 1: not the one sneaking. We've spoken about April putting chocolate.
Speaker 2: In his lunch taking the daycare.
Speaker 1: I who's these two and she's just and I found
Speaker 1: out that she gives him chocolate every night.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you, what's your health? And would the kids
Speaker 2: get treats with you?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm drunk every night, so every night with me
Speaker 1: if Oscar's on fire, like the other day, took him
Speaker 1: down to the shops, We did the big Shop. He
Speaker 1: was a good boy the whole time, had a play
Speaker 1: in the park, ate some lunch top behavior. Kinder surprise.
Speaker 1: There you go, big fella kind of surprise. After I've
Speaker 1: given him the kind of surprise, he's a ship for
Speaker 1: the rest of the day, but for the start earned
Speaker 1: that kind of surprise. Will earn situation. But like he's
Speaker 1: just at that age where he's just like testing the
Speaker 1: boundaries all the time, especially when it's like sharing things.
Speaker 1: Just doesn't know how to share, right. He's got like
Speaker 1: this little sister, and we're going through this thing. And
Speaker 1: I was another kid's party because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: go to your ship party. I did.
Speaker 2: I did look at Instagram and and I saw you there.
Speaker 2: Found out just going down a fucking slide, a kid
Speaker 2: slide with a beer in hand.
Speaker 1: Didn't spill a drop.
Speaker 2: No, you didn't, You didn't. Glad you were having fun.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: Do you know that party was actually organized as an
Speaker 1: appropriate time out from its actual date the day before the.
Speaker 2: Four days out? Sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So we're talking because a lot of those families
Speaker 1: are because it's the mother's group. Shout out to the
Speaker 1: mother's group, a bunch of pisshead. All the kids are
Speaker 1: a similar age, all the kids that were in a
Speaker 1: week of each other. And then also the younger the
Speaker 1: siblings are similar to we just all got together and
Speaker 1: we're like, let's have a fucking orgy. So the youngest
Speaker 1: are all similar ages as well.
Speaker 2: And for anyone who's not familiar, that's four years old roughly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, four years old they are, and then the youngest
Speaker 1: are all like between one and a half and two.
Speaker 1: We're talking about how you know, the eldest could be
Speaker 1: just doing something and the youngest picks up a toy
Speaker 1: on the other side of the room that is one
Speaker 1: of the toys of the elder kid. Anyway, So Oscar
Speaker 1: will be watching TV, watching his favorite show whatever could
Speaker 1: be anything, in a trance, watching Sea Beast, and then
Speaker 1: you've got Macy at the other end of the living space.
Speaker 2: It was just a sweetheart. Can we just say, oh, gorgeous?
Speaker 2: Not to take away from Oscar. He's also a great kid.
Speaker 1: But she's a sweet soul. She's kind of like my grandmother.
Speaker 1: Everyone always says, oh, she's like a little Olive. She is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've not met Olive, but.
Speaker 1: Just like a little grandmother. Yeah, she's great. So she's
Speaker 1: on the other end of the living room and she's
Speaker 1: picked up on Oscar's toys. Oscar's just like, hang on
Speaker 1: a minute, and he's taken off like an air marshal
Speaker 1: across the room, storm over, tackle it out of the
Speaker 1: ground like that sort of stuff, and like to get
Speaker 1: the toy offer and I'm like that my yeah, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, mate, she's just gonna play with it, like
Speaker 1: we're trying to do try and get their phone time around.
Speaker 1: How long she gets to play with it before he
Speaker 1: gets to play with it?
Speaker 2: Does he get that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he gets it, but he's like it's never
Speaker 1: good enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the hardest thing.
Speaker 1: You weren't even playing with it.
Speaker 2: And there's always like we very much we have that
Speaker 2: model of like sharings caring and it's come from daycare
Speaker 2: as well. Yeah, but so similar scenario where if Lola
Speaker 2: touches anything and the kids very much have like shared toys,
Speaker 2: it's not as if like stuff is Marley's and I
Speaker 2: can't forget who's who's Lola touches anything, may will race
Speaker 2: over pride out of her hands and be like sharing
Speaker 2: is caring.
Speaker 1: So she just completely turned the whole phrase around.
Speaker 2: To be she's like she's got ship, doesn't She like, yeah,
Speaker 2: but you weren't playing with it. She's playing with it.
Speaker 2: You have to, you know, trying to try to explain
Speaker 2: it to a four year old and it's just not
Speaker 2: sinking in. It's not but fuck me, that's the biggest
Speaker 2: tantrums we're having right now even for some on good
Speaker 2: on God, for some unknown reason, for some unknown reason,
Speaker 2: get it out, Jesus go for some unknown reason.
Speaker 1: There we go. He's back.
Speaker 2: He's back on.
Speaker 1: Tracking one non alcoholic beer.
Speaker 2: Whenever we leave for daycre in the morning, kids want
Speaker 2: to have some little like trinket, like a little like
Speaker 2: bluey doll or like there's a.
Speaker 1: Little get him in the car, or to get it,
Speaker 1: you know. It's like they want to take this ship.
Speaker 2: I'm like, guys, it's time to go, and they're like
Speaker 2: then they start like panicking what should I get.
Speaker 1: It's like we're trying to find your keys, your wallet,
Speaker 1: you throw They're like like when's the months of truck.
Speaker 1: I can't get on with my day.
Speaker 2: And it such a nightmare because no matter what Marley grabs,
Speaker 2: she's like okay, Dad, I'm ready to go, And then
Speaker 2: Lola will grab absolutely anything in the Marmy's like that's
Speaker 2: the one that I want.
Speaker 1: I was trying to see that toy in six months. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's so painful and they get so petty. I caught
Speaker 1: Oscar hiding not his toys, but hiding his sister's toys
Speaker 1: as like I'll get you back. Situation really petty and
Speaker 1: actually reminded me of something and I know where he
Speaker 1: gets it from, like my father, like son my father likes.
Speaker 1: So we're back a petty story for me, Matthew, if.
Speaker 2: You will please entertain me.
Speaker 1: I'm all is a couple of years ago, pre kids.
Speaker 1: This is April and I took a lovely It was
Speaker 1: actually when we found out we're pregnant. But we'll get
Speaker 1: to that another time. We're in Europe, nice little trip
Speaker 1: in Europe. We're coming home. It was the last flight
Speaker 1: home and there was a girl sitting in front of
Speaker 1: me who for the whole you know, that flight's like
Speaker 1: fourteen hours. She got on the plane. She was just
Speaker 1: an asshole. Like she was just such an asshole to
Speaker 1: all of the flight attendants, so like impatient, like the
Speaker 1: whole bit. Whatever.
Speaker 2: So the whole flight was like this, and I sorry,
Speaker 2: she's sitting in front of you, just directly in front
Speaker 2: of me, the seat in front of you, but I
Speaker 2: could here see everything and how fucking rude.
Speaker 1: She was only a young girl too, like she wanted
Speaker 1: to get to the destination first. She wanted to be
Speaker 1: there first. That's what it was like. We're all in
Speaker 1: this together, and I'm like, fourteen hours of me listening
Speaker 1: to this, I was like, this person sucks. Anyway. So
Speaker 1: then we land. The plane lands, and before we even
Speaker 1: stopped moving, she stood up. Right before we've even stopped moving,
Speaker 1: She's getting her bags out of the things. I'm like,
Speaker 1: this person is unbelievable.
Speaker 2: Chill, relax.
Speaker 1: Anyway, they're saying to her, sit back down. So she
Speaker 1: sits back down with her bags and everything she's got
Speaker 1: ready to go. The seat eat belt sign turns off.
Speaker 1: She gets up and everyone in front of her gets
Speaker 1: up to the people in front are all old people.
Speaker 1: She's barging these old people out over to get to
Speaker 1: the front so she can get off this eddie haddle.
Speaker 1: Emirates fly come. Remember what it was like, literally like
Speaker 1: barging these people. And I was like furious watching this. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Then people start to exit and then I've got my
Speaker 1: stuff down and I look over and she's left her
Speaker 1: iPad on the seat.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, what do you do? What a dilemma? What
Speaker 2: a dilemma. What do I do?
Speaker 1: Do I give this back or do I give it
Speaker 1: to the detech? What do I do here? I've picked
Speaker 1: it up on the way out, I've walked forward about
Speaker 1: thirty rows and slipped it into a seat pocket around seat. Anyway,
Speaker 1: we're getting off the plane and she's standing on the
Speaker 1: outside of the plane because she's realized.
Speaker 2: What she's she can't get back on.
Speaker 1: But she can't get back illegal to go back on.
Speaker 1: But also she sent the flight attendant back to her seat.
Speaker 1: It's not there, no more iPad. Wow. Wow, I mean
Speaker 1: that has to be you, son of a bitch. One
Speaker 1: of the greatest moments of my life.
Speaker 2: Do you worry at all about karma?
Speaker 1: Fuck carma?
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, that.
Speaker 1: Was ages ago, man, But honestly, I think she needed
Speaker 1: to worry. I was her karma. It was an iPad
Speaker 1: pro beautiful thing. Could easily be one of my kids
Speaker 1: iPads now, But no, it's someone else's who luckily gets
Speaker 1: to sit in that seat. Forty rows up and then
Speaker 1: a flight out of Sydney gets a brand new iPad.
Speaker 2: I would put money on the fact that you put
Speaker 2: it on airplane mode and it's currently upstairs right now
Speaker 2: in the.
Speaker 1: Fuster. Anyway, that is my petty story, And now I
Speaker 1: know want my kids are the way they are.
Speaker 2: And that's why you have to be nice to people.
Speaker 1: The swift hand of justice was dealt almost immediately. Also
Speaker 1: to add to that, they were also teaching the sharing
Speaker 1: thing at kindy the other day, which was really good
Speaker 1: because I would The story was that one of the
Speaker 1: kids had a scooter and it's always nice to share,
Speaker 1: which is such a great lesson for them. It's obviously
Speaker 1: not working in our house. One of the comments from
Speaker 1: the one of the kids was, it's okay, me and
Speaker 1: my sister have a scooter, but we can always buy
Speaker 1: another one, just like sound logically, but also like not
Speaker 1: everyone could buy another scooter. Little Timmy privilege.
Speaker 2: A rolex.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like, it's okay, my daddy's got to
Speaker 1: be fuck you, Timmy, tell me tell me loud. Very
Speaker 1: catchy that she and I would say. The guy who's
Speaker 1: singing that got such a comedic voice.
Speaker 2: You could be I don't know if they've locked in
Speaker 2: all the contestants. Mask singer. That's a fucking hard mask
Speaker 2: mask singer. Would you give it a karaoke?
Speaker 1: Karaoke? I actually did karaoke once one of my mid
Speaker 1: twenty birthdays. I feel like you're in the city, very good.
Speaker 1: I did Beyonce put a ring on. It got kicked
Speaker 1: out because afterwards I mic dropped and you break the mic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: off it get stronger, mics get better. Let a guy live,
Speaker 1: Let me get over bro. Anyway, we do have lies.
Speaker 2: We have some lies we have and like.
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk before we get into the lies.
Speaker 1: Like parents lie, I've worked out that I do a
Speaker 1: lot of tricking.
Speaker 2: It's weird at the moment because obviously, like three out
Speaker 2: the week, I'm thinking about what I'm doing, and you know,
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, that could be funny for the podcast.
Speaker 2: I realize I lie every single day every time. It's
Speaker 2: just it's really scary, Like do I ever tell my
Speaker 2: kids the truth?
Speaker 1: Probably? Not?
Speaker 2: Like everything is everything.
Speaker 1: It's like it's like dinner's yummy, fucking lie, Daddy loves you.
Speaker 2: What have you got? What's your life?
Speaker 1: My first one is that I've realized that I can lie,
Speaker 1: slash trick Macy into doing just about anything. So she
Speaker 1: was the other day. I was out on the balcony
Speaker 1: hanging out the laundry like a good dad slash husband,
Speaker 1: and Macy's out there with me. It's nice, sons out.
Speaker 1: I've walked back inside She refused to come inside, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, what have I got over here?
Speaker 1: What's this? What have I got over here? Clearly had nothing,
Speaker 1: like what's this? What's this? Eventually coaxed her inside shut
Speaker 1: the door. I was like, yeah, then I worked out
Speaker 1: that I do that all the time, dude, I did it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She was walking up the stairs and I was like,
Speaker 1: stay stay downstairs. Oh what's this? Started like rummaging around
Speaker 1: on something. What's this? What's this? It's just like earth
Speaker 1: perk up like a dog, and she's like, mosy is
Speaker 1: over and I'm like expecting me to have something. I'm like, eh, gotcha,
Speaker 1: that was my life.
Speaker 2: That's I've just realized that's what I do as well.
Speaker 1: I do it all day.
Speaker 2: I go as far as to say, oh I've got
Speaker 2: a present.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or I've got a tree's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what you want to see?
Speaker 1: What this is?
Speaker 2: It's pretty special and Lula's like, nah, I can see it.
Speaker 2: She fights it at first, like she's a bit resistant.
Speaker 1: She's like, but what if this time he actually does?
Speaker 2: And then I kind of see her like gas lighting.
Speaker 2: Her shoulders turn and she like squints and she looks
Speaker 2: she's looking inquisitive. And then she comes over and she's like,
Speaker 2: what is it? And I'm like, it's your dinner. Now
Speaker 2: we eat it, and she's broccoli y.
Speaker 1: Got me again.
Speaker 2: But that's what you have to do.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you have to do that. Otherwise I don't
Speaker 1: do anything. So that's why we've got this segment so
Speaker 1: we can find out a new way to lie.
Speaker 2: Do you know just another line that I might throw
Speaker 2: in there real quick one if I may. We don't
Speaker 2: have a bath at the house. The kids have a shower,
Speaker 2: and they hate going in the shower, like the first
Speaker 2: couple of seconds or just like to get into the
Speaker 2: shower is an absolute ball ake. And what I say
Speaker 2: now to get them into our say, I just can't
Speaker 2: tell is the water too cold or too hot? Can
Speaker 2: you just put your hand in there and test the
Speaker 2: water for me? And then you push them in and
Speaker 2: they put their hand and they're like, you know, it's okay.
Speaker 2: Then I'm like, shut the door. Happens every night there.
Speaker 2: I'm like, can anyone you couldn't just test that water
Speaker 2: for me for a second.
Speaker 1: Daddy doesn't know how to do it, but you can
Speaker 1: do it really really well.
Speaker 2: So always awkward when the hot water is not working
Speaker 2: and winter and.
Speaker 1: But lies from the parents, from our lovely listeners who
Speaker 1: also love to lie to their children's.
Speaker 2: I don't know, ash, if we've told this lie before.
Speaker 2: We don't know if you ice cream related lines. I
Speaker 2: feel like ice creams are something that a lot of
Speaker 2: parents have to deal with. If we've said this one before,
Speaker 2: I apologize. This lie is when the ice cream truck
Speaker 2: has the music blaring, it actually means that the ice
Speaker 2: creams have run our gone.
Speaker 1: That's a classic. That's that's one of those ones. And
Speaker 1: I always refer back to the Circle of Life. Yes,
Speaker 1: one of those ones that's been passed down from generation.
Speaker 1: We slightly tweaked it because we're down here at the
Speaker 1: Beach car Park and mister Whippi, who must be ruining parents'
Speaker 1: lives on a daily basis, but that's part of his
Speaker 1: marketing campaign's ruined parents. So he's turned up and obviously
Speaker 1: the lie that we've told Oscar, which is that exact lie,
Speaker 1: doesn't really factor in if there's people lined up and
Speaker 1: actually physically getting ice cream.
Speaker 2: So what we've very confusing for the kids.
Speaker 1: What we've done is we've we've tweaked the lie a
Speaker 1: little bit to say, oh, it's only big boy ice
Speaker 1: creams now, there's none for like little boys.
Speaker 2: The spicy ice cream, spicy ice just lies are being molded.
Speaker 1: It was just like, oh, yeah, look, there's only the
Speaker 1: big boys can get ice cream when the sound's going
Speaker 1: now because they're out of the little boy ice cream
Speaker 1: and seem to work.
Speaker 2: One thing that we haven't really delved into is at
Speaker 2: what point do you start to like come clean on
Speaker 2: the lies and say everything I told you from the
Speaker 2: age of two to six is not true.
Speaker 1: Absolute lie. I don't know. I had a sister. I
Speaker 1: had a sister that kept alive from me for sixteen years.
Speaker 1: What's that once she left the door open on my
Speaker 1: side of the car and Dad reverse and ripped the
Speaker 1: door off.
Speaker 2: I know, I think we've told that story.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And sixteen years later, eventually it came out that
Speaker 1: she opened the door and just blamed me.
Speaker 2: When I see my mom next, I'll be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna ask what do you want to come clean
Speaker 2: with now?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Muma, probably remember that time you walked in. I
Speaker 1: was jerking your dad off. That was not your dad,
Speaker 1: that's not your real dad. Have you noticed that you're
Speaker 1: much taller than him. That dad, Sorry kidding, I love
Speaker 1: you guy, short king. What do you got?
Speaker 2: What else you got?
Speaker 1: I've got one that is from a d M that
Speaker 1: we received. I forgot what his name is? Tom? Fuck?
Speaker 1: I don't know who cares? Sorry?
Speaker 2: Can you like our listeners?
Speaker 1: Just? I love them? I do?
Speaker 2: What's his name? Who fucking cares? Not Tom? Right now
Speaker 2: is like I hope fingers on the podcast and.
Speaker 1: Hey, babe, listen shut out of Tom cares about you, speaker.
Speaker 1: I think it was Tom. I don't know. Again, I
Speaker 1: didn't respond because the damn is really just I'm not
Speaker 1: good with that stuff. I'm a much better talker than
Speaker 1: a typer.
Speaker 2: I like that good cover up anyway.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it comes from Tom, and the lie is
Speaker 1: a really clever one. I thought. So we do lie
Speaker 1: to our kids about how things are broken. This is
Speaker 1: a little bit different. When he's done so, before his
Speaker 1: kids can get hold of the iPad or the iPhone
Speaker 1: to watch YouTube and or Netflix or whatever it is
Speaker 1: that's on there, he flicks it really quickly to aeroplane mode,
Speaker 1: and because it doesn't load it automatically, is already broken.
Speaker 1: It's a visual lie.
Speaker 2: I have an issue with this lie, if I can
Speaker 2: pull it apart for one second.
Speaker 1: Ash, absolutely not. We're going to move on from this segment.
Speaker 2: Don't you reckon though that. It's almost like I would
Speaker 2: rather the kids be on the iPad. The iPad, but
Speaker 2: he might.
Speaker 1: Be trying to get a bed. We don't know the circumstance.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, we'll give Tom. Let's call him the benefit
Speaker 2: of that.
Speaker 1: Tom's is the Facebook guy. Yeah, yeah, I thought it
Speaker 1: was really good because it's kind of like when I
Speaker 1: put the sign in front of the claw machine.
Speaker 2: The broken sign.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like I had a backup evidence of
Speaker 1: the lie. He's like, look, can't you see it's not working?
Speaker 1: How stupid are you? It's not working?
Speaker 2: I would never not want my kids on the iPad?
Speaker 2: Is sacred.
Speaker 1: The best parent. I always say that, you know, like
Speaker 1: you meet people and I was like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: what were you brought up on? But in that generation,
Speaker 1: what were you brought up on? They're like Coco Mellen, YouTube, YouTube,
Speaker 1: kids reels.
Speaker 2: Instagram's, Marley's just I'll be watching TikTok and she's like
Speaker 2: what's that? And I'm like, oh too soon.
Speaker 1: Daddy's like I want what daddy's got Sometimes I catch him,
Speaker 1: he's on shorts and he's usually watching a sad video
Speaker 1: of some sad kid who doesn't get to play with
Speaker 1: the toy and some other kid. It's pretty harmless stuff.
Speaker 1: But every now and then something something comes up and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's for daddy's follow But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: the best parent. It's bringing my kids up. Which is
Speaker 1: sad to say people are going to it's not. It's
Speaker 1: not people are to afraid to admit it. Just admit it.
Speaker 1: Everyone's There's no one out there that were before they
Speaker 1: had kids that said I'm not going to let my
Speaker 1: kids have the iPad. I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 1: Who's had to go with the gypsies, travelers, those bastards
Speaker 1: making us all look bad. I'm a good parent. I
Speaker 1: swear to God, I'm a good parent.
Speaker 2: Let's move on.
Speaker 1: Let's move on from question and let's go into question.
Speaker 1: And you've got the questions.
Speaker 2: Question number one ash for your first child, how did
Speaker 2: your partner tell you that they were pregnant and how
Speaker 2: did you react.
Speaker 1: I'll go with the back end of that question. First, disappointed.
Speaker 1: We were actually in Europe when we found out.
Speaker 2: Do we need to say, just in case there are
Speaker 2: only people who are listening for the very we're joking.
Speaker 2: We love our kids. We do love our kids. We
Speaker 2: will just say that just so you're aware in case
Speaker 2: you're thinking, do these guys really hate the kids? No, Well,
Speaker 2: like depends on the day and the time.
Speaker 1: I think that covers us. I think we're covered. We
Speaker 1: love them, We're covered. Continued, We're covered, were covered. Okay,
Speaker 1: now that those listeners are gone. So when we we
Speaker 1: were in Europe actually when we found out that we
Speaker 1: were pregnant, and it was kind of like April's late,
Speaker 1: and it was like, were you trying? We weren't actively
Speaker 1: not trying.
Speaker 2: Yeah that makes sense, sure, yeah, and it happens. It happened.
Speaker 1: It happens, It happens, and it happened. And we were
Speaker 1: in Croatia when we actually confirmed it, and it was like, great,
Speaker 1: this is great. But also we're going to Disneyland tomorrow.
Speaker 1: When we go to France, we go to Paris, so fuck.
Speaker 1: We didn't get to go on anything. You can't go
Speaker 1: on anything, and I wasn't allowed to go because it
Speaker 1: was like you can't go, but can't go. So we
Speaker 1: made this packed we've got this packed together now that
Speaker 1: when Oscar is of age to go to Europe or
Speaker 1: go to Disneyland, he has to hold all the bags
Speaker 1: and stand in line on our behalf, and then when
Speaker 1: he gets to the front of the ne it's like
Speaker 1: you out me and April straight in. Sucker, suck on
Speaker 1: that teach you to be conceived?
Speaker 2: Did it suck? The fact that in Europe? Yeah, having
Speaker 2: like a hot girl European summer, you can't drink. That
Speaker 2: was a bit of a doubt.
Speaker 1: I was on a massive drinker. Anyway, I still drink,
Speaker 1: there's no doubt about that. I'm not pregnant. But yeah,
Speaker 1: look it was Do.
Speaker 2: You remember the moment Obviously she kind of I'm assuming
Speaker 2: she would have been in the bathroom peeing on the
Speaker 2: stick came out. Do you remember how you reacted?
Speaker 1: No, it was like literally, like so early in the morning.
Speaker 1: I was definitely asleep when she told me when she rude,
Speaker 1: wake you up. Yeah, it's not important or anything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but at the end, I mean that was that was Oscar.
Speaker 1: What about you? Well, you're hanging there like ask me,
Speaker 1: ask me, and that's all time.
Speaker 2: It was a similar scenario where we weren't really trying,
Speaker 2: but we weren't not trying. I guess the catalyst for
Speaker 2: Laura taking the pregnancy test was the fact that I
Speaker 2: made this very delicious salmon dinner.
Speaker 1: It's very nice.
Speaker 2: Could have been a breakfast dinner, not important.
Speaker 1: And Laura was like, I think the breakfast dinner.
Speaker 2: Maybe it was like a salmon scrambled egg type start.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was smoked.
Speaker 2: I can't remember. No, I'm not important, not important, but
Speaker 2: it was salmon, and it was very good salmon. I
Speaker 2: bought the good stuff, very expensive, and Laura was like,
Speaker 2: I think this is off this is not the salmon's
Speaker 2: no good. I was like, what very offended? Yeah, I've
Speaker 2: put blood, sweat and tears into this dish and you're
Speaker 2: fucking not enjoying it. And I was like, maybe you're
Speaker 2: pregnant as a bit of a joke. And then went
Speaker 2: to the farm, sat down the road piste on the stick,
Speaker 2: and I think she just said I'm pregnant, and I
Speaker 2: was like, no, ship there it is.
Speaker 1: I don't but it wasn't you when you pee on
Speaker 1: the stick, No, I don't know when I haven't.
Speaker 2: Stick.
Speaker 1: No, they dip it in now is how I don't
Speaker 1: even know how does it even work? Hang on, is he?
Speaker 1: Let me just clarify the dipping it in. They're dipping
Speaker 1: it into the toilet bowl, not dipping it into their vagina.
Speaker 1: Let's just clear that, right. I just had this image
Speaker 1: or something like let me shut out there.
Speaker 2: I thought they had to like just pisce all over it.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I hope to do the dip makes a lot of
Speaker 2: sense if it's a dip, don't like, but it doesn't
Speaker 2: really feel real at that point. I feel like, though
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's the same for you, Ash,
Speaker 2: it's been ingrained into my mind that you don't celebrate
Speaker 2: anything before twelve weeks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a little bit. I felt like when I when
Speaker 1: I saw the stick and the when I saw like
Speaker 1: from the doctors, when April went and got checked if
Speaker 1: she was pregnant, like through a doctor. My reaction to
Speaker 1: that it's like, yeah, like a piece of paper, like, oh,
Speaker 1: obviously it's great. And I was almost like, what's the
Speaker 1: reaction I'm supposed to have?
Speaker 2: Yes, Yeah, you're like, I don't want to. I don't
Speaker 2: want to celebrate it because also there's so much sick
Speaker 2: and yeah, we're so so early days. But I think
Speaker 2: the moment for me where I was like, holy shit
Speaker 2: really hit home to be like I'm about to be
Speaker 2: a fucking dad was the ultrasound where you hear the
Speaker 2: heartbeat the very first time and you're kind of still
Speaker 2: seeing a bit of a blob on the screen like
Speaker 2: it's you can make out the shape of the head.
Speaker 2: But then when you hear the heartbeat and they play
Speaker 2: it out loud, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it made me see sick. And it was
Speaker 1: so funny because every time we went and did the
Speaker 1: ultrasound and I'd be like, I'll be sitting in the
Speaker 1: seat like grabbing hold of the being.
Speaker 2: Like taking your nausea tablets. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Literally, So it was like it was I mean, the
Speaker 1: realization of like, holy shit, have a kid was kind
Speaker 1: of overtaken by the fact that it was kind of
Speaker 1: like I cad sea legs when I came out of there,
Speaker 1: and they were like, okay, I mean that probably contributed
Speaker 1: to the meat passing out in the delivery suite, but
Speaker 1: we'll get to that another day. But I know what
Speaker 1: you mean.
Speaker 2: Oh good good. April's like, Ash, why are you vomiting?
Speaker 1: Why you She's like, why are you so squamy. I one,
Speaker 1: like they wanted to just squirted some gel on me
Speaker 1: and rubbing around on my fucking tummy like we're just
Speaker 1: going to take an internal ultrasound. It's like, oh, really
Speaker 1: going to shove that thing up me.
Speaker 2: Let's go with question number two.
Speaker 1: So the next question is like, how do you maintain
Speaker 1: the relationship between obviously mom and dad after having kids?
Speaker 1: You don't really, I mean you like you do who
Speaker 1: we're talking about? Who is she?
Speaker 2: The track? It's obviously a huge change, and the relationship
Speaker 2: side of things is kind of like an non priority.
Speaker 2: It gets pushed way down the way.
Speaker 1: I was saying before. It's like having a roommate but
Speaker 1: you've got kids together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little bit, yeah, totally totally.
Speaker 1: Like these are your jobs at the time, These are
Speaker 1: my jobs at time to keep the household going. But
Speaker 1: that's not a relationship. That's kind of like, yes, it's
Speaker 1: like your coworkers.
Speaker 2: So we've only kind of like we kind of came
Speaker 2: out of that period when Lola was I guess like
Speaker 2: one and a half and she was coming good with
Speaker 2: a really tough time with Lola, And it was only
Speaker 2: when we were kind of getting ahead above water that
Speaker 2: will like.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's right, we're in a relationship. Yeah. Up until
Speaker 1: that point, you've been like project managers literally, yeah.
Speaker 2: Like divving up the jobs.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's it's that routine of your wake up, you get
Speaker 2: the kids ready, and then you go to work. That's stress.
Speaker 2: When you come home kids from daycare, kids are screaming
Speaker 2: like toddlers are hard work. We all know that. We
Speaker 2: harp on about it NonStop. Yeah. We got to the
Speaker 2: point where Laura and I are like, we haven't had
Speaker 2: like a date night a year.
Speaker 1: And you plan. The thing is you plan. You're like, okay,
Speaker 1: so tonight, after the kids go to bed, we're going
Speaker 1: to watch a movie together, get a nice dinner, and
Speaker 1: then when they go to bed, you're like, ah, fuck it.
Speaker 1: There are so go to bed facing opposite ways on
Speaker 1: a bed.
Speaker 2: There are so many times where in the morning where
Speaker 2: you have really good intention yeah, and you're like you
Speaker 2: have like a kiss and you're like like, hey, you know,
Speaker 2: it's been a while.
Speaker 1: Later on, later on we're going to get freaky and
Speaker 1: you're like, or even we're gonna have dinner alone and
Speaker 1: you're like oh. Then you get to the way to
Speaker 1: not talk to you to day You're just like, so
Speaker 1: what are we talking about now?
Speaker 2: Come nine o'clock You're like, I just want to sit
Speaker 2: on the couch in silence.
Speaker 1: And if you're not that's the thing, if you if
Speaker 1: the kids aren't there, you're just sitting there talking about
Speaker 1: the kids? Do we.
Speaker 2: Laud will bring up photos of the kids and like,
Speaker 2: isn't she cute?
Speaker 1: It was like, let's go wake I've got this really
Speaker 1: devious plan actually that when my kids, because you know
Speaker 1: how when you talk to older parents of older kids
Speaker 1: that they've got teenagers, like Larry MD we spoke to
Speaker 1: when you and they're like, yeah, they don't sleep. Then
Speaker 1: when they get to teenage years, you can't get them
Speaker 1: out of bed. I've got this very very good plan
Speaker 1: set out. I've written it down on my phone. It's
Speaker 1: in the cloud so that when I do get to
Speaker 1: the iPhone fifty at that point, I'm just gonna wake
Speaker 1: my children up at all hours of the night and
Speaker 1: be like, how does it feel? How does it feel?
Speaker 1: How does it feel like? Just turn the light on,
Speaker 1: scream at them. It's gonna be a good one, try
Speaker 1: and rock them back to sleep, but really aggressively. I
Speaker 1: just want to get in the back for what they've
Speaker 1: done to me.
Speaker 2: They deserve every fucking second of that pain that.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna shit myself and like clean it, clean it now.
Speaker 1: If they grow up right and they have they meet
Speaker 1: a great girl or a great guy, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: they're like, Mom, Dad, come over for dinner. I want
Speaker 1: you to meet this person. As soon as they've cooked
Speaker 1: whatever it is they've cooked, I'm gonna be like, I
Speaker 1: don't want it. I don't like broccoli, you pretty, and
Speaker 1: then just throw it on the floor.
Speaker 2: Much describe what is going to be like when you
Speaker 2: have dementia.
Speaker 1: It is like sixty yeah, but I'm going to do
Speaker 1: it at like forty fifty. It's going to be very deliberate.
Speaker 1: It's going to be very much like I'm not hungry,
Speaker 1: and like, Dad, you're meeting my girlfriend for the first time.
Speaker 1: I've cooked you your favorite meal. It's not my favorite. Hell,
Speaker 1: do you know what my favorite is?
Speaker 2: Cut it in a squat, sitting in the corner of
Speaker 2: the room behind the couch, shitting yourself.
Speaker 1: Just poop and be like can I clean there's up
Speaker 1: up dune poopo, or just like go to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: be like I need a wife. Bosca absolutely torture my children.
Speaker 2: What a great episode. And on that note, so I
Speaker 2: do want to say one quick thing Ash before we go.
Speaker 2: I know you absolutely hate it when I talk about running.
Speaker 2: I am going to talk about running.
Speaker 1: Real Yeah, I know what you're going to talk about
Speaker 1: it and I've said that I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2: Also, so there is anyone in Sydney, New South Wales,
Speaker 2: there is a ten or of five kits of Sydney
Speaker 2: Harbor run. It's on the twenty third of July. All
Speaker 2: money raise goes to the Australian Cancer Research Foundation. They
Speaker 2: do fucking awesome work, agreed supporting life saving research. It's
Speaker 2: so important. So this year they're trying to raise I
Speaker 2: think it's about ninety k from the event. So I'm
Speaker 2: going to run out doing the ten k. I'm going
Speaker 2: to try and get some money together and it all
Speaker 2: goes to cancer research. Bloody great and.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it too. As of now, excuse me,
Speaker 1: I'm going to jump in. I'm not racing, but I'm
Speaker 1: all for donations of money. Is to prevent people from dying,
Speaker 1: I'm all about that.
Speaker 2: Who the fuck?
Speaker 1: So I think that Matthew, what we should do as
Speaker 1: a podcast duo? Yes, and I know you're going to win,
Speaker 1: beat me by a country mile, so we're not going
Speaker 1: to do that. We're just going to raise as much
Speaker 1: money as we can.
Speaker 2: Love it bloody great.
Speaker 1: And if I do somehow beat you, what's on there?
Speaker 1: You have to match it?
Speaker 2: Great?
Speaker 1: Okay, perfect? And after this episode, I'm gonna get trained.
Speaker 1: It's never going to happen, but we look where supporting
Speaker 1: the cause.
Speaker 2: Good cause, great run get involved. Twenty third of July
Speaker 2: and I think, gosh, we got to get out of
Speaker 2: here because we are interviewing I have very special guest.
Speaker 1: Yes, if you're a cricket fan, you're gonna love this.
Speaker 1: You're gonna love this. He's also a dad. Of course,
Speaker 1: we're very excited.
Speaker 2: Do we say who it is?
Speaker 1: No? Second?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, cool.
Speaker 1: Now they probably would have had the episode by now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, who knows what?
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2: If you're confused, right now?
Speaker 1: So are we Wait? But we've got a guess that's
Speaker 1: going to be a three doting dads will be back,
Speaker 1: which is very exciting. And then of course we will
Speaker 1: also be back. Even though you're going to be in Fiji.
Speaker 2: Yeah, after the honeymoon.
Speaker 1: How does that work? I tell you how it works.
Speaker 1: We record it before he leaves exactly.
Speaker 2: You know the drill review. Subscribe, follow us on Two
Speaker 2: Doting Dads.
Speaker 1: And tell a friend. If each of you tell a
Speaker 1: friend or a stranger, because stranger is a friend you
Speaker 1: haven't met yet, that's great.
Speaker 2: There was one person who their comment on Apple podcast
Speaker 2: was I'm here to support Ash's unemployed. That's what's at stake.
Speaker 2: Love that, that's what's at stake. Even if you don't
Speaker 2: like listening because you don't find it entertaining, do it
Speaker 2: to support an individual.
Speaker 1: Just think about this. I ate butter chicken out of
Speaker 1: the bin when I was employed. Imagine what I'm willing
Speaker 1: to do now.
Speaker 2: Thanks on that.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys, Bye bye.
Speaker 2: Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight islander
Speaker 1: people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land