Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on caut I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and this is
Speaker 1: our down and dirty, our quick, saucy, sexy, little Thursday episode.
Speaker 2: There we answer your deep, dark and burning questions, sometimes
Speaker 2: questionable questions.
Speaker 1: That was pretty punny on my behalf mate.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure you've pulled that pun out about four
Speaker 2: hundred times in the past two years, so I'm glad
Speaker 2: that you're still rolling.
Speaker 1: With it hand on heart. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: said that. I'm pretty sure I've never said questionable question.
Speaker 2: I think you might have just forgotten all this break
Speaker 2: and this beautiful Atlantic sun. For guys, we have a
Speaker 2: great episode for you today. The way the ask on
Speaker 2: cut works is that you write in your questions, your dilemmas,
Speaker 2: your life queries, and Britta and I do our best
Speaker 2: to answer them, even though we literally don't even know
Speaker 2: what we're doing in our own personal lives, we try
Speaker 2: and help you solve your problems.
Speaker 1: I love that you just gave an explanation of what
Speaker 1: ask UNCUTT is. The way that it works is you
Speaker 1: ask a question and we answer it. What's been going
Speaker 1: on with you?
Speaker 2: Absolutely nothing. Lockdown continues. However, there was something that I
Speaker 2: wanted to bring up with you. You posted something on
Speaker 2: your stories. The highlight of my week now is talking
Speaker 2: Britney Stories. But you posted something on your stories, and
Speaker 2: that is that Jordan is really into end zync and
Speaker 2: I feel like you've kind of added him to the
Speaker 2: world as being like a closet door. I've absolutely completely
Speaker 2: outed him, much to his dismay.
Speaker 1: He was a bit He was like, Brie, why did
Speaker 1: you do that?
Speaker 2: At the start?
Speaker 1: Now he just thinks it's funny. People think I'm cool.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, you blew my cover. People think I'm cool.
Speaker 1: I'm like theybe No one thought you were cool.
Speaker 2: You have tennis sock marks up to your shins. Don't worry.
Speaker 2: The tan lines determine that you're not cool.
Speaker 1: He loves end zync and I don't know what it
Speaker 1: is if it's something that he listened to when he
Speaker 1: was a teenager. But his favorite song at the moment
Speaker 1: is bye Bye Bye you know, maybe bye Bye Bye,
Speaker 1: Bye bye bye that one. He loves that, but he
Speaker 1: won't just listen to it once. He'll put Enzi on
Speaker 1: repeat for like three hours. He gets through the whole
Speaker 1: album and then he moves on. Does Matt have some
Speaker 1: sort of closet nerdy behavior that he would be mortified
Speaker 1: if you added him on?
Speaker 2: See? The problem is that Matt lives his nerdy behavior
Speaker 2: publicly on social media. I mean, he fucking makes TikTok videos,
Speaker 2: like he makes me learn really lame dances and then
Speaker 2: post them on social media. I don't think Matt has
Speaker 2: any closet dorky behavior really, like, I mean he's pretty
Speaker 2: Matt's pretty like palatable. I would say he's a pretty
Speaker 2: like generally palatable as a person. If your partner has
Speaker 2: some sort of closet dorky behavior that they would be
Speaker 2: mortified if the rest of the world found out about that,
Speaker 2: they haven't told their friends. Maybe you haven't even told
Speaker 2: your friends because you're like low key embarrassed by it.
Speaker 2: I want to hear what the dorky shit that your
Speaker 2: partner does behind closed doors. The skeletons are coming out
Speaker 2: of the closet.
Speaker 1: I'm actually gonna ask Jordan this as well, what he
Speaker 1: thinks my closet nerdy behavior is. Because I think I'm
Speaker 1: pretty cool. I don't think i'm a bit of a Nordburger.
Speaker 1: But I can guarantee you and there's a lot of
Speaker 1: things that I would do. So I'm going to get
Speaker 1: back to you and i'll bring that next week as well.
Speaker 2: See, I don't think I have anything nerdy that I do,
Speaker 2: but I think I just have things that are gross.
Speaker 2: Like I second that you do the toilet paper roll.
Speaker 2: We all saw that on Matt's Instagram. No, Matt added
Speaker 2: me on the Batch uncut episode that we did, which
Speaker 2: is that I like to wash my feet in the
Speaker 2: sink or like, if I'm really lazy and I can't
Speaker 2: be bothered to bend up, I pretty much just pick
Speaker 2: up everything with my toes like I can pick up
Speaker 2: but there is not many things in this world that
Speaker 2: I cannot pick up with my feet. Something else that's
Speaker 2: happened in my life which is definitely going to be
Speaker 2: an overshare. But I know that other mums out there
Speaker 2: might be mildly interested in hearing this. I currently, I
Speaker 2: mean really uncomfortable amount of pain. I have just gotten
Speaker 2: my very first period after having Lawla, and I know
Speaker 2: that some people are gonna be like, wow, that's too
Speaker 2: much inform thanks for that, don't care. Do you know
Speaker 2: what I haven't had a period for like a year,
Speaker 2: and that's just crazy to me. And this one is
Speaker 2: like shark week. There is so much of it and I, oh, wow,
Speaker 2: there is so much Eve, I'm back there again.
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to say congratulations at this
Speaker 1: point in time. I feel like that's like a big
Speaker 1: moment for you, your periods come back. Also, No, you're
Speaker 1: just happy I'm not pregnant. Well, the next thing I
Speaker 1: was going to say is you need to be super
Speaker 1: careful now, because we all know that madd only has
Speaker 1: to look at you and you feel pregnant. But I
Speaker 1: think that you and I are in sync because I
Speaker 1: currently have really bad period pain too, So not that
Speaker 1: anyone needs to know that, but when we obviously talk
Speaker 1: so much that we're sinking from across.
Speaker 2: The world, do you know that apparently being in sync
Speaker 2: is not a thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 2: Scientifically. I know that a lot of girls who spend
Speaker 2: time with their friends often will think that their periods
Speaker 2: have syncd up together. But apparently that's not a thing.
Speaker 2: Apparently it can not happen. It's just a coincidence of timing,
Speaker 2: and because of different ovulation cycles and flows, there's often
Speaker 2: like a period where several days will overlap, and it
Speaker 2: gives people the impression that their periods have syncd up.
Speaker 1: Well, of course it is. I mean you get your
Speaker 1: period for a week every month, like there's always going
Speaker 1: to be some sort of lapover, and I mean you
Speaker 1: could be on your seventh day when someone else was
Speaker 1: on their first day and you're like, woo, I sink.
Speaker 2: But I think that there's been this common misconception. I mean,
Speaker 2: my whole upbringing, my whole pubescent life, I thought that
Speaker 2: that was a thing. I thought that that was actually
Speaker 2: a legitimate thing that happens. And I'm sure there's so
Speaker 2: many women out there who still think that, you know,
Speaker 2: their periods sync up with some sort of voodoo female witchcraft,
Speaker 2: that the more time you spend around a female or
Speaker 2: another friend, that that's what happens with your periods. But yeah, anyway,
Speaker 2: come here for some myth busters and some mass gun cut.
Speaker 2: That's where we're at all, right, Well, speaking of, let's
Speaker 2: get into the question question number one.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number one, Hey, guys, I have a tricky one.
Speaker 1: My best friend is also my housemate, and up until
Speaker 1: quite recently we have lived really well together. A few
Speaker 1: months ago she got her first proper boyfriend, and it's
Speaker 1: been a bit of a struggle ever since. It's not
Speaker 1: that I hate him, He's all right. I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't love him, but he hasn't necessarily done anything wrong
Speaker 1: by me or her. It's just that he always seemed
Speaker 1: to be there all the time. I'm talking Last week
Speaker 1: he spent five nights yere. It's not unusual for him
Speaker 1: to be spending five and six nights a week. He
Speaker 1: still lives at home with his family, so I understand
Speaker 1: why they want to spend their time here because his
Speaker 1: family aren't in the next room and feeling like they're
Speaker 1: on top of them. On top of this, I feel
Speaker 1: as though I'm paying bills for a living space that
Speaker 1: he's free loading off. There are three people living here,
Speaker 1: but two people are splitting bills. What can I do
Speaker 1: or say? I don't want her to think I'm a bitch,
Speaker 1: and I'm genuinely happy she's found someone to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship. But how do I navigate this?
Speaker 2: I think this is something that so many people have experienced.
Speaker 2: I also think that maybe I did this with Matt
Speaker 2: a little bit like when Matt and I first started
Speaker 2: dating Matt basically just moved into my apartment. We spent
Speaker 2: every single day together. The thing that was different with us, though,
Speaker 2: is that he had his own apartments, so we could
Speaker 2: also divide the time up, like we could spend three
Speaker 2: days at my house and four days at his house,
Speaker 2: and so no one person, no one flatmate, was feeling
Speaker 2: the full brunt of our new relationship.
Speaker 1: Obviously.
Speaker 2: The thing it's different here is that your friend doesn't
Speaker 2: want to go and stay at his house because he
Speaker 2: lives with his parents and they don't get the same
Speaker 2: level of privacy. So I think, and Brittan, I wait, Brittain.
Speaker 2: I talked about this, and Britt's initial response was go
Speaker 2: for the passive aggressive joke, and I was like, do
Speaker 2: not do this. I think you just bring it up
Speaker 2: as a really honest conversation and be like, I'm so
Speaker 2: happy that you met someone. You know, I know that
Speaker 2: James or Fred or whatever his name is is staying
Speaker 2: here loads and I'm totally okay with that. Like, I
Speaker 2: don't want you to think that I'm bringing up this
Speaker 2: conversation because I don't want him here. However, I just
Speaker 2: wanted to say that, you know, there's three bodies in
Speaker 2: their space now, and there's three of us using the
Speaker 2: electricity and the gas and the water and everything else,
Speaker 2: And so I kind of feel like he should contribute
Speaker 2: a little bit if he's going to be staying here
Speaker 2: five six times a week. And then see what she says.
Speaker 2: You know, she may get defensive about it. She may
Speaker 2: think that that's an unfair and unreasonable, in which case
Speaker 2: I think you can then maybe put forward a little
Speaker 2: bit more of a case as to why, especially if
Speaker 2: you can tell that your gas bills or your electricity
Speaker 2: bills have gone up, if you say, look, it's only
Speaker 2: fifty bucks a week. I'd just love it if he
Speaker 2: would contribute. And also not just because the bills are
Speaker 2: going up, but because I'm actually sharing my space with
Speaker 2: someone else in this house, which when we first moved
Speaker 2: in together kind of was the deal. I think that
Speaker 2: most people would be well receiving of that. I think
Speaker 2: it would say a lot and speak volumes of your
Speaker 2: friend's attitude if she was to be resistant and angry
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I Laura's right. I originally went for the oh,
Speaker 1: maybe just make the comment next time he comes over,
Speaker 1: You're like, whoa you move in this place, you've been
Speaker 1: here a lot lately. But Laura apparently said I couldn't
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 2: So it was like, it was like, just make a
Speaker 2: joke out of it, and I was like, passive aggression
Speaker 2: is never a good solution. But it was like, I
Speaker 2: don't like conflict. I'm like, that creates more conflict. This
Speaker 2: is terrible, fucking advine.
Speaker 1: But I would have made the joke in a really
Speaker 1: cute way, Like would have been a cute joke. You
Speaker 1: wouldn't hate me, cause it's a really tough one. But
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people are in this situation.
Speaker 1: I wonder if they've even clocked it yet. They're probably
Speaker 1: still in a love bubble, and probably he has not
Speaker 1: even registered on their mind because they're just excited to
Speaker 1: see each other. They're just hanging out, and I don't
Speaker 1: reckon they would have taken it into consideration yet. So
Speaker 1: I do think you have the conversation. I was just thinking.
Speaker 1: The reason I say I wonder if they've clocked that
Speaker 1: is this sort of happened, not with the flatmate thing,
Speaker 1: but when I met Jordan. He, as you guys know,
Speaker 1: basically just moved into my house and he was there
Speaker 1: every day for about three months before he started to
Speaker 1: get ready to go overseas, and it was full time leaving.
Speaker 1: It was like two people were sharing an apartment, but
Speaker 1: I was paying for everything. And then one day after
Speaker 1: about almost three months, he came home and he had
Speaker 1: a wad of cash and I was like, what's that
Speaker 1: And he's like, I just realized that I have literally
Speaker 1: been living here and you've been paying the rent and
Speaker 1: the bills, and it's like two people. He's like. So
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm so sorry. I hadn't even thought about it,
Speaker 1: and here's some money. And I didn't take it from him,
Speaker 1: but I was like wow, because I had clocked it.
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, it's like I'm leaving in a
Speaker 1: proper relationship. But he got there on his own. So
Speaker 1: I wonder if this couple maybe they just haven't had
Speaker 1: enough time to think about that and they're in the
Speaker 1: love bubble. I think the way you have the conversation
Speaker 1: with your friend is I wouldn't have a proper sit
Speaker 1: down like it's a really big deal. I would do
Speaker 1: it like it's a really throw away conversation, like you're
Speaker 1: making dinner, you're putting groceries away and you're just like, hey,
Speaker 1: I was just thinking Bobby's been here so much lately,
Speaker 1: and you guys gonna move in properly together, or if
Speaker 1: he's gonna be here more often, should we look at
Speaker 1: splitting bills. I would just say it really casually like
Speaker 1: that so that she doesn't feel because she will feel
Speaker 1: one hundred percent, she'll probably feel a bit mortified. She'll
Speaker 1: be like, I'm so sorry, like I feel like you've
Speaker 1: been sitting on this for a long time, because that's
Speaker 1: what I would feel like if my flatmate brought it
Speaker 1: up to me really heavily, like let's sit down and talk,
Speaker 1: I would be like, Fuck, this is so awkward.
Speaker 2: And you don't want to feel attacked. That's the thing, right.
Speaker 2: I think it's the way that the conversation is delivered,
Speaker 2: because if it's delivered in a way which is just like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, I've been thinking about this, and I hope
Speaker 2: that this doesn't upset you. I'm happy for him to
Speaker 2: be here. But I think that that's going to be
Speaker 2: so much better received than if you make a huge
Speaker 2: deal about this and make it seem like it's something
Speaker 2: that's really upset you, because obviously it hasn't you want
Speaker 2: your I want your friend to be happy. You also,
Speaker 2: when you live with the housemate, have to understand that
Speaker 2: people get into relationships and you're gonna have that person
Speaker 2: at your house and it's just what happens. It's part
Speaker 2: of living in a sharehouse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent, like people are gonna have relationships.
Speaker 1: It just sucks that he lives with his family so
Speaker 1: they don't have the option of going anywhere else. I
Speaker 1: would just try and have the really casual conversation, make
Speaker 1: sure she knows that it's not bothering you and they're
Speaker 1: allowed to do what they want. But if the three
Speaker 1: people living there, it makes sense for three people to
Speaker 1: split the bills and slide that back into our DMS
Speaker 1: and tell us how the conversation goes, because I would
Speaker 1: love to know how it's received and how you end
Speaker 1: up delivering it. The last thing I want to say
Speaker 1: on this before BRIT's like, mic' drop and I'm like.
Speaker 2: One more thing.
Speaker 1: We always do that We're like in addition.
Speaker 2: It's such a simple thing. But I think the fact
Speaker 2: that because he lives with his parents and he's not
Speaker 2: paying rent anywhere else, it's not like he's doubling up.
Speaker 2: It's not like you're asking for a huge amount of money.
Speaker 2: You're just asking for a small contribution. And if he's
Speaker 2: literally living out a home now, because he can come
Speaker 2: and freeload at your house, I think saying fifty bucks
Speaker 2: a week to go towards the electricity or just to
Speaker 2: go towards the general space that another human body in
Speaker 2: a house takes up is a really, really understandable ask.
Speaker 2: And I don't think you're being a bitch by doing that.
Speaker 2: Just ask in a nice way. Boom now, question number two.
Speaker 1: I know, Laura that you've been in this situation, which
Speaker 1: is why I wanted to ask this question because I
Speaker 1: want your experience. My ex boyfriend's mum actually, when I
Speaker 1: said that, almost every question we've ever had, I feel
Speaker 1: like you've been in that situation. My ex boyfriend's mum
Speaker 1: keeps texting me. We broke up over eighteen months ago
Speaker 1: and he now has a new girlfriend. I get that
Speaker 1: it's nice to keep things on a really nice level
Speaker 1: and be amicable with each other. I just think it's
Speaker 1: a bit inappropriate considering the amount of time we've been
Speaker 1: apart and the fact he has a new partner. Should
Speaker 1: I tell her to stop. Do I ghost her? What
Speaker 1: do I do with this situation?
Speaker 2: Okay? When you said that this is a conversation that
Speaker 2: I could relate to her, I'm just really glad that
Speaker 2: you didn't take it to like anal or something else, like,
Speaker 2: all right, what are we end for?
Speaker 1: It's a pinky to stinky?
Speaker 2: Oh mate, I think we covered that off in the
Speaker 2: last season. Let's like fucking stop with that one. Now.
Speaker 2: Daily Mail really had a field day on that article.
Speaker 2: I have been in this situation, guys, and it is weird.
Speaker 2: Just ghost, no change, Lauras, So you do not? I
Speaker 2: mean I did a fade away. I did a slow fade.
Speaker 2: I didn't ghost. Okay. So I'll give you a quick
Speaker 2: like summation of what happened to me. I became really
Speaker 2: really close with my ex's mum, so close I would
Speaker 2: stay obviously, whenever we went and visited her. She lived
Speaker 2: in different state. We would stay at her house. Her
Speaker 2: and I would talk on the phone quite often. She
Speaker 2: had just started dating again, she'd just gotten back into
Speaker 2: online dating, and she didn't really have that relationship with
Speaker 2: her children to be able to talk about it. So
Speaker 2: she would call me and we would talk about online
Speaker 2: dating and the wild world of having boyfriends and meeting
Speaker 2: men and how cooked it is. The irony of all
Speaker 2: of this is that she was experiencing how hard dating
Speaker 2: can be and how problematic some men can be, and
Speaker 2: yet I was dating her son who was cheating on
Speaker 2: me and being a real pos The relationship ended terribly,
Speaker 2: and it did a lot of damage to my self esteem.
Speaker 2: It did a lot of damage to me in general
Speaker 2: to like what I thought I deserved in a relationship.
Speaker 2: I felt completely unlovable and I was really attached to her,
Speaker 2: and I was really attached to his family. But it
Speaker 2: was unhealthy for me to hear from her, and it
Speaker 2: was really really counterproductive to me actually getting over the relationship,
Speaker 2: because even though I had managed to set boundaries with
Speaker 2: him and I was no longer speaking to him, I
Speaker 2: hadn't set boundaries with her, and every time she called
Speaker 2: me or would text me, it would make me think
Speaker 2: of him, so I was put back into that situation.
Speaker 2: So eventually I did get to the point where I
Speaker 2: had to say to her, I'm so sorry, I love you,
Speaker 2: and I love our friendship. But unfortunately, because of the situation,
Speaker 2: because of the relationship, I had with your son. I
Speaker 2: don't think it's appropriate for us to continue to talk
Speaker 2: all the time. It's not I can't get over this
Speaker 2: if we are staying in contact. I think considering that you,
Speaker 2: I think it's inappropriate, considering that you're not wanting to
Speaker 2: put effort in your relationship with his mum. I do
Speaker 2: think that there comes a point where you're allowed to
Speaker 2: step away from it and maybe, like brit said, do
Speaker 2: the soft fade right back to one in every two
Speaker 2: or three texts and then make it every four and
Speaker 2: five texts and kind of slowly remove yourself from the situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, everything you said, I mean, you just said that perfectly.
Speaker 1: I personally, this happened to me many many, many moons ago.
Speaker 1: It's just not sustainable. You can't get on with your
Speaker 1: life and hold on to essentially your past relationship. It's
Speaker 1: obviously a big part of your past relationship and one
Speaker 1: that you want to start in your chapter. I think
Speaker 1: it's okay to maintain a friendship or some sort of
Speaker 1: relationship at a lower level with these sort of people,
Speaker 1: so special people in your exo's life. Maybe it was
Speaker 1: a sister of your partner, or maybe it was the mother,
Speaker 1: or maybe it was a friend, but I think that
Speaker 1: that has to happen very sporadically. So every now and
Speaker 1: again a check out that's just like how are you?
Speaker 1: Just want to check what's going on? You know, a
Speaker 1: little catch up, but you're not hearing about her son
Speaker 1: in this case, you're not hearing any details that are
Speaker 1: gonna draw you back. It's just a check in. I
Speaker 1: recommend a slow fade. Like Laura said, I was just like,
Speaker 1: maybe when you write back, it's not as engaging, so
Speaker 1: you're not giving her anything back. So you answer her question,
Speaker 1: but you're not saying, how are you? What have you
Speaker 1: been up to? You know, how's Chris? All of this stuff,
Speaker 1: So just like answer her questions, move on. The thing
Speaker 1: with the relationship breakups, especially when they're long term, you
Speaker 1: break up sometimes if you're close with a family, you're
Speaker 1: breaking up with a whole family, Like if you've been
Speaker 1: a part of someone's life. I remember I was with
Speaker 1: my ex for eight years. My parents were beside themselves
Speaker 1: when we broke up because she was like, oh, he
Speaker 1: was like a mum was like he was like a
Speaker 1: son to us for eight years. We love him. We're
Speaker 1: gonna really miss him, And it's a situation that affects
Speaker 1: a lot of people, and some people, if you're closer,
Speaker 1: find it harder. So there is that that sort of
Speaker 1: level of respect that you do have to remember that
Speaker 1: it's hard for a lot of people involved.
Speaker 2: And I think as well, like it is important for
Speaker 2: us to say that this is situational, and it does
Speaker 2: also depend on the reallyflationship. If you have children with
Speaker 2: that person you've split up, or that was your mother
Speaker 2: in law, or there's a more in depth connection between you,
Speaker 2: then obviously you're going to keep that person in your life,
Speaker 2: you know, Like I mean, I totally understand. For example,
Speaker 2: if Matt and I split up, I'm keeping his mom.
Speaker 2: She's mine. He can't even have her anymore. So I
Speaker 2: do think it's dependent on what your relationship is and
Speaker 2: how progress it is, and whether there is children involved.
Speaker 2: There's so many more factors in this that are really important.
Speaker 2: But if you think it's not appropriate, then that's your agency,
Speaker 2: that's your choice, and you're allowed to start to put
Speaker 2: some distance into that relationship. Otherwise, what are you gonna
Speaker 2: do just collect mother in laws and father in laws
Speaker 2: and like you know, parents of all your exes and time.
Speaker 2: You don't have time to maintain friendships and relationships with
Speaker 2: people just because it's the nice thing to do, unless
Speaker 2: it's something that you really want to do.
Speaker 1: Boom question three.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm going to hit you with this one. Girls,
Speaker 2: I feel scared and sick asking this question, and I'm
Speaker 2: typing this in my work bathroom. So I've been engaged
Speaker 2: my partner for six months and we're planning on getting
Speaker 2: married in early twenty twenty three. Though I've started to
Speaker 2: develop a little crush on a work colleague who I
Speaker 2: don't see every day but may see maybe once a
Speaker 2: week at work gatherings. It's led me to question my
Speaker 2: values about monogamy and monogamous relationships. It's made me wonder
Speaker 2: if I really want the same dick for life. I've
Speaker 2: been looking into what's called monogamish relationships, where you essentially
Speaker 2: have a monogamous partner that maybe occasionally go out or
Speaker 2: at least have the option to go out and have
Speaker 2: other sexual encounters. How do I work through this? How
Speaker 2: would I even begin to bring this up with my
Speaker 2: partner without it sounding like I just want an ethical
Speaker 2: way to cheat on him? How do I bring up
Speaker 2: polyamory or other relationship alternatives with him. How do I
Speaker 2: bring up an open relationship? Nothing is missing from our relationship.
Speaker 2: I'm just questioning the idea of monogamy as a concept.
Speaker 1: Yikes, helping you, yikes. I mean, I love the way.
Speaker 1: I love the way that she said. How do I
Speaker 1: bring it up without making it sound like I just
Speaker 1: want an ethical way to cheat? It sort of is
Speaker 1: an ethical way to cheat. I mean, that's essentially what
Speaker 1: it is, isn't it. You're saying to him, I love you,
Speaker 1: but I want to be with other people. But I
Speaker 1: want you to be okay with that. And the thing is,
Speaker 1: I know people that have had these relationships. I know
Speaker 1: people that have done it just once and decided they
Speaker 1: don't want to do it anymore. And it works for
Speaker 1: a lot of people. It also really, really really doesn't
Speaker 1: work for a lot of people too. I think the
Speaker 1: only thing you can do is have a conversation with
Speaker 1: your partner. You need to be really honest, and you
Speaker 1: should know your partner better than anyone in terms of
Speaker 1: if they would be remotely open to the idea. I
Speaker 1: actually asked Jordan this the other day, not because I
Speaker 1: wanted it, but It was a question that came up
Speaker 1: with a group of people. Before I even said it,
Speaker 1: I knew his answer, and his answer straight away was
Speaker 1: if you need to ask me that, don't be with
Speaker 1: me because he's just blanket no. He's very monogamous. He
Speaker 1: thinks two people should be together forever. Cheating is like
Speaker 1: an absolutely no one, it's the end of the world.
Speaker 1: But I have other friends that are very, very open
Speaker 1: to it, and the woman's brought it up and the
Speaker 1: guy's been like, hell, yeah, let's give that a go.
Speaker 1: It's completely individual and completely dependent on your situation. So
Speaker 1: I think maybe if you don't know how he's going
Speaker 1: to react, you could bring it up like maybe someone
Speaker 1: at work. You could tell him that someone at work
Speaker 1: has started having an open relationship and just gauge his response.
Speaker 1: That's always an option.
Speaker 2: Yeah. See, I agree with everything you said, except at
Speaker 2: the very start. I don't think that it is at
Speaker 2: all an ethical way of cheating. I think that cheating
Speaker 2: is cheating, and the reason why cheating is so hurtful
Speaker 2: is because it's deceptive, and it's full of lies, and
Speaker 2: it's full of hurt and it's the lying that is
Speaker 2: loaded into cheating that I think is actually the most painful,
Speaker 2: whereas with this conversation comes the level of openness. So
Speaker 2: I don't think that this is necessarily an ethical way
Speaker 2: of cheating because the lying has been taken away from it.
Speaker 2: Is he going to react positively to this conversation? Who
Speaker 2: fucking knows? Like, we can't give you the answer to
Speaker 2: that question. I know that if I brought up that
Speaker 2: question with Matt, he would not be positive about it,
Speaker 2: Whereas I have definitely dated other guys in the past
Speaker 2: who have said to me very early on in our
Speaker 2: dating that they had questions and they weren't sure around monogamy.
Speaker 2: You know, one of the hurdles that you might face
Speaker 2: with broaching this conversation with your partner is the fact
Speaker 2: that you're already engaged. So for starters, I think you
Speaker 2: have to have this conversation before you get married. But
Speaker 2: you've already made this commitment by getting engaged. So maybe
Speaker 2: your partner has an idea of what your core values are.
Speaker 2: And I think that you know it's very important when
Speaker 2: you're engaged and when you are going to get married,
Speaker 2: that your core values align. And I would say that
Speaker 2: marriage is probably more lens itself to this idea of
Speaker 2: monogamy and maybe that's what your partner believes in, hence
Speaker 2: why he wanted to get married to in the first place. However,
Speaker 2: I know that for a lot of people, relationships shift,
Speaker 2: relationships change. I was actually reading a article written by
Speaker 2: someone named tober Lee who's from the UK, and she
Speaker 2: has an open relationship with her husband. Now, a lot
Speaker 2: of people don't understand it, but it works for them.
Speaker 2: And I would love to get somebody on this podcast.
Speaker 2: If you're listening to this and you're like, hey, I'm
Speaker 2: in an open relationship and it's healthy and it's great
Speaker 2: and it works for us, we would love to hear
Speaker 2: from you and do a whole episode around polyamory and
Speaker 2: open relationships. Because neither brit or myself have experienced an
Speaker 2: open relationship, I personally think I am too jealous. I
Speaker 2: don't think I would be able to enjoy it because
Speaker 2: I would be wondering where and who and what my
Speaker 2: partner was doing. That's not to say that those sorts
Speaker 2: of relationships don't work for some people. If this is
Speaker 2: genuinely something that you are really thinking about, that it's
Speaker 2: eating you up inside that you don't think you're going
Speaker 2: to be able to be faithful to your partner because
Speaker 2: this overwhelming urge to be with other people keeps on
Speaker 2: creeping into your thoughts and maybe even into your actions.
Speaker 2: Then I do think you have to sit down and
Speaker 2: have a conversation about what does a relationship long term
Speaker 2: look like to your partner, what does monogamy mean to you,
Speaker 2: and is it something that you can commit to for
Speaker 2: the rest of your life, Because if you don't do that,
Speaker 2: you're only going to get yourself into a situation in
Speaker 2: five years, ten years, six months, whatever it is, timeframe
Speaker 2: where your core beliefs don't match up. I asked a
Speaker 2: bunch of the guys over here this quest the other
Speaker 2: day because I was curious about it, and the general
Speaker 2: response from all these guys was they would rather their
Speaker 2: partner come and speak to them and voice their thoughts
Speaker 2: and what they want, what they're thinking, and just gauge
Speaker 2: the opinion of them. So they would want their partner
Speaker 2: to come and be honest because they would want to
Speaker 2: know what they're thinking, they'd want to know why, and
Speaker 2: then they'd want to talk about it rather than have
Speaker 2: those thoughts and not feel like they could go and
Speaker 2: have the conversation and one of them actually said, I
Speaker 2: would hate for my partner to think they can't come
Speaker 2: and talk to me about something. And I know, for me,
Speaker 2: whilst I think that if my partner came to me
Speaker 2: and said they want to open a relationship, I wouldn't
Speaker 2: want to open a relationship, but I know I would
Speaker 2: not be mad that they asked me.
Speaker 1: That's just the person that I am, because I'm very
Speaker 1: open with people being able to voice their opinions and
Speaker 1: have thoughts. And just because you've thought about having sex
Speaker 1: with someone else in a relationship doesn't mean you actually
Speaker 1: want to or doesn't mean you're going to go and
Speaker 1: do it. But I can guarantee you no person is
Speaker 1: going to go through their whole life and not think
Speaker 1: about being with someone else at one point. Whether it's
Speaker 1: a fantasy, a dream, a day dream, it's always going
Speaker 1: to happen. It's always going to cross your mind at
Speaker 1: some point. Maybe it's an actor that you see that's
Speaker 1: really hot, You're like, wonder what he'd be like in
Speaker 1: the sack. It's just normal. We're humans. It's absolutely normal.
Speaker 1: And I think the most important thing you can do
Speaker 1: is be in a relationship where you feel like you
Speaker 1: can voice your opinion.
Speaker 2: It all comes down to how you have this conversation.
Speaker 2: It all comes down to what it is that you
Speaker 2: say when you sit down and explain this to your partner.
Speaker 2: If you sit down with your partner and you say, Hey,
Speaker 2: there's this really hot guy at work and sometimes I
Speaker 2: think that it maybe I want to have sex with him?
Speaker 2: Can we have an open relationship? Probably not going to
Speaker 2: go down very well, that's going to go down like
Speaker 2: a sack of shit on a hot day. But if
Speaker 2: you sat down and you were like, we're going to
Speaker 2: get married soon, and obviously that is a lifelong commitment
Speaker 2: that we're making to each other, But I really want
Speaker 2: to get your ideas on what does like this long
Speaker 2: term relationship that we're committing to look like for you?
Speaker 2: Have you ever thought about an open relationship? Have you
Speaker 2: ever even considered or had an urge to be with
Speaker 2: other people and maybe roach it in a softer, more
Speaker 2: open manner. There are people who have, you know, really
Speaker 2: great relationships, but may also go Okay, you're not allowed
Speaker 2: to have sex with other people from work, but we're
Speaker 2: going to go to a sex club and watch other
Speaker 2: people have sex. There's other ways of being able to
Speaker 2: spice up your sex life or inviting other people in
Speaker 2: that isn't necessarily as intrusive as having an open or
Speaker 2: polyamorous relationship. There's lots of little steps, and there's lots
Speaker 2: of other things that maybe will satiate that desire for
Speaker 2: you without you having to have a full blown open relationship.
Speaker 2: I think that this is a lot of small conversation
Speaker 2: that's probably going to happen over a period of time.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have the conversation one hundred percent
Speaker 1: is only going to eat you from the inside out.
Speaker 1: You're going to be thinking about this and wondering what
Speaker 1: if for a very very long time. So, like I
Speaker 1: think I said it earlier when I started to answer
Speaker 1: this question, if you do want to broach this really
Speaker 1: cautiously and not go to them and say, look, you know,
Speaker 1: i've been thinking about this, I think you could literally
Speaker 1: say it like someone from work or someone you know
Speaker 1: is in an open relationship, and just just have the
Speaker 1: conversation and see what he says. If he's like that's
Speaker 1: fucking he'll probably be like that's fucking cooked. I would
Speaker 1: never do that, Or maybe he'll be like, not a
Speaker 1: lucky guy. You don't know, but it's just a conversation
Speaker 1: about the idea of it, so not necessarily what he
Speaker 1: thinks about you, guys having the relationship that's open, but
Speaker 1: what he thinks about open relationships as a whole.
Speaker 2: All right, guys, that is it from us with Ask Uncut.
Speaker 2: If you have a question for us for next week,
Speaker 2: slide on into our DMS at Life Uncut podcast, or
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Speaker 2: that we haven't answered, and you want the advice of
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