WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - Three is a crowd, your ex's mum and monoga-mish 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:23.640 Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.400 on caut I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and this is 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:30.360 our down and dirty, our quick, saucy, sexy, little Thursday episode. 0:00:30.480 --> 0:00:34.520 There we answer your deep, dark and burning questions, sometimes 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:35.760 questionable questions. 0:00:35.960 --> 0:00:37.720 That was pretty punny on my behalf mate. 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:40.279 I'm pretty sure you've pulled that pun out about four 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:42.520 hundred times in the past two years, so I'm glad 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:43.640 that you're still rolling. 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:45.120 With it hand on heart. I don't think I've ever 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:47.480 said that. I'm pretty sure I've never said questionable question. 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:50.440 I think you might have just forgotten all this break 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:53.880 and this beautiful Atlantic sun. For guys, we have a 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:56.280 great episode for you today. The way the ask on 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:59.960 cut works is that you write in your questions, your dilemmas, 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:02.400 your life queries, and Britta and I do our best 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:05.039 to answer them, even though we literally don't even know 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:07.240 what we're doing in our own personal lives, we try 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:08.839 and help you solve your problems. 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:11.480 I love that you just gave an explanation of what 0:01:11.600 --> 0:01:14.160 ask UNCUTT is. The way that it works is you 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:18.960 ask a question and we answer it. What's been going 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:19.360 on with you? 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:23.679 Absolutely nothing. Lockdown continues. However, there was something that I 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:25.960 wanted to bring up with you. You posted something on 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:28.880 your stories. The highlight of my week now is talking 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:31.920 Britney Stories. But you posted something on your stories, and 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:35.520 that is that Jordan is really into end zync and 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:37.760 I feel like you've kind of added him to the 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:41.200 world as being like a closet door. I've absolutely completely 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:42.640 outed him, much to his dismay. 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:44.400 He was a bit He was like, Brie, why did 0:01:44.440 --> 0:01:44.760 you do that? 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:45.240 At the start? 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:47.280 Now he just thinks it's funny. People think I'm cool. 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:49.480 He's like, yeah, you blew my cover. People think I'm cool. 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:51.200 I'm like theybe No one thought you were cool. 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:54.280 You have tennis sock marks up to your shins. Don't worry. 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:56.320 The tan lines determine that you're not cool. 0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:59.640 He loves end zync and I don't know what it 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:01.560 is if it's something that he listened to when he 0:02:01.600 --> 0:02:03.840 was a teenager. But his favorite song at the moment 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:06.440 is bye Bye Bye you know, maybe bye Bye Bye, 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:09.280 Bye bye bye that one. He loves that, but he 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:11.960 won't just listen to it once. He'll put Enzi on 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:14.280 repeat for like three hours. He gets through the whole 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.760 album and then he moves on. Does Matt have some 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:21.840 sort of closet nerdy behavior that he would be mortified 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:23.080 if you added him on? 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:25.560 See? The problem is that Matt lives his nerdy behavior 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:28.560 publicly on social media. I mean, he fucking makes TikTok videos, 0:02:28.800 --> 0:02:32.639 like he makes me learn really lame dances and then 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:35.679 post them on social media. I don't think Matt has 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:40.160 any closet dorky behavior really, like, I mean he's pretty 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:44.680 Matt's pretty like palatable. I would say he's a pretty 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:48.359 like generally palatable as a person. If your partner has 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.280 some sort of closet dorky behavior that they would be 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:53.520 mortified if the rest of the world found out about that, 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.000 they haven't told their friends. Maybe you haven't even told 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.320 your friends because you're like low key embarrassed by it. 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.160 I want to hear what the dorky shit that your 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:04.080 partner does behind closed doors. The skeletons are coming out 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:04.640 of the closet. 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:07.240 I'm actually gonna ask Jordan this as well, what he 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:10.280 thinks my closet nerdy behavior is. Because I think I'm 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:12.480 pretty cool. I don't think i'm a bit of a Nordburger. 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:14.200 But I can guarantee you and there's a lot of 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:15.560 things that I would do. So I'm going to get 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:17.160 back to you and i'll bring that next week as well. 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.320 See, I don't think I have anything nerdy that I do, 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:21.359 but I think I just have things that are gross. 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:25.760 Like I second that you do the toilet paper roll. 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:28.400 We all saw that on Matt's Instagram. No, Matt added 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:30.840 me on the Batch uncut episode that we did, which 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:32.320 is that I like to wash my feet in the 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:34.720 sink or like, if I'm really lazy and I can't 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:36.600 be bothered to bend up, I pretty much just pick 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.120 up everything with my toes like I can pick up 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:41.120 but there is not many things in this world that 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:43.480 I cannot pick up with my feet. Something else that's 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:45.160 happened in my life which is definitely going to be 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.000 an overshare. But I know that other mums out there 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:50.920 might be mildly interested in hearing this. I currently, I 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:55.280 mean really uncomfortable amount of pain. I have just gotten 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:58.160 my very first period after having Lawla, and I know 0:03:58.240 --> 0:03:59.520 that some people are gonna be like, wow, that's too 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:02.360 much inform thanks for that, don't care. Do you know 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:04.040 what I haven't had a period for like a year, 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:06.600 and that's just crazy to me. And this one is 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:10.480 like shark week. There is so much of it and I, oh, wow, 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:12.280 there is so much Eve, I'm back there again. 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:14.360 I feel like I need to say congratulations at this 0:04:14.400 --> 0:04:16.000 point in time. I feel like that's like a big 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:18.599 moment for you, your periods come back. Also, No, you're 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:21.159 just happy I'm not pregnant. Well, the next thing I 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:22.480 was going to say is you need to be super 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.520 careful now, because we all know that madd only has 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:26.440 to look at you and you feel pregnant. But I 0:04:26.480 --> 0:04:28.880 think that you and I are in sync because I 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:31.280 currently have really bad period pain too, So not that 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:33.320 anyone needs to know that, but when we obviously talk 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:35.159 so much that we're sinking from across. 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:36.960 The world, do you know that apparently being in sync 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:37.839 is not a thing. 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:38.440 Yeah, it's not. 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:41.680 Scientifically. I know that a lot of girls who spend 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.360 time with their friends often will think that their periods 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:47.320 have syncd up together. But apparently that's not a thing. 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:50.280 Apparently it can not happen. It's just a coincidence of timing, 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:53.920 and because of different ovulation cycles and flows, there's often 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:56.320 like a period where several days will overlap, and it 0:04:56.360 --> 0:04:59.040 gives people the impression that their periods have syncd up. 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:00.680 Well, of course it is. I mean you get your 0:05:00.720 --> 0:05:03.080 period for a week every month, like there's always going 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.039 to be some sort of lapover, and I mean you 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:06.680 could be on your seventh day when someone else was 0:05:06.720 --> 0:05:08.520 on their first day and you're like, woo, I sink. 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:11.160 But I think that there's been this common misconception. I mean, 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:15.440 my whole upbringing, my whole pubescent life, I thought that 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:17.240 that was a thing. I thought that that was actually 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:19.479 a legitimate thing that happens. And I'm sure there's so 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:21.400 many women out there who still think that, you know, 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.800 their periods sync up with some sort of voodoo female witchcraft, 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:26.680 that the more time you spend around a female or 0:05:26.720 --> 0:05:30.200 another friend, that that's what happens with your periods. But yeah, anyway, 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:33.200 come here for some myth busters and some mass gun cut. 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.800 That's where we're at all, right, Well, speaking of, let's 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:37.640 get into the question question number one. 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.560 Okay, question number one, Hey, guys, I have a tricky one. 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:43.720 My best friend is also my housemate, and up until 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:46.680 quite recently we have lived really well together. A few 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.520 months ago she got her first proper boyfriend, and it's 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:51.640 been a bit of a struggle ever since. It's not 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:53.440 that I hate him, He's all right. I mean, I 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:56.320 don't love him, but he hasn't necessarily done anything wrong 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.400 by me or her. It's just that he always seemed 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:02.839 to be there all the time. I'm talking Last week 0:06:02.880 --> 0:06:05.160 he spent five nights yere. It's not unusual for him 0:06:05.200 --> 0:06:07.279 to be spending five and six nights a week. He 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.720 still lives at home with his family, so I understand 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:11.839 why they want to spend their time here because his 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:13.960 family aren't in the next room and feeling like they're 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:16.560 on top of them. On top of this, I feel 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:19.279 as though I'm paying bills for a living space that 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.280 he's free loading off. There are three people living here, 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:24.840 but two people are splitting bills. What can I do 0:06:24.960 --> 0:06:27.080 or say? I don't want her to think I'm a bitch, 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.080 and I'm genuinely happy she's found someone to be in 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:31.160 a relationship. But how do I navigate this? 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.920 I think this is something that so many people have experienced. 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.479 I also think that maybe I did this with Matt 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:39.200 a little bit like when Matt and I first started 0:06:39.240 --> 0:06:41.880 dating Matt basically just moved into my apartment. We spent 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:45.400 every single day together. The thing that was different with us, though, 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:47.920 is that he had his own apartments, so we could 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:50.720 also divide the time up, like we could spend three 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:52.800 days at my house and four days at his house, 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:56.800 and so no one person, no one flatmate, was feeling 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.120 the full brunt of our new relationship. 0:06:59.279 --> 0:06:59.679 Obviously. 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:02.239 The thing it's different here is that your friend doesn't 0:07:02.240 --> 0:07:03.880 want to go and stay at his house because he 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:06.160 lives with his parents and they don't get the same 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:10.480 level of privacy. So I think, and Brittan, I wait, Brittain. 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:13.680 I talked about this, and Britt's initial response was go 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:15.680 for the passive aggressive joke, and I was like, do 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:18.880 not do this. I think you just bring it up 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:21.240 as a really honest conversation and be like, I'm so 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:23.680 happy that you met someone. You know, I know that 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.720 James or Fred or whatever his name is is staying 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:28.800 here loads and I'm totally okay with that. Like, I 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:30.240 don't want you to think that I'm bringing up this 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:33.320 conversation because I don't want him here. However, I just 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:35.640 wanted to say that, you know, there's three bodies in 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:37.720 their space now, and there's three of us using the 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:40.800 electricity and the gas and the water and everything else, 0:07:40.880 --> 0:07:43.440 And so I kind of feel like he should contribute 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:45.000 a little bit if he's going to be staying here 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.400 five six times a week. And then see what she says. 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:49.560 You know, she may get defensive about it. She may 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:52.960 think that that's an unfair and unreasonable, in which case 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:55.200 I think you can then maybe put forward a little 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.240 bit more of a case as to why, especially if 0:07:57.320 --> 0:07:59.280 you can tell that your gas bills or your electricity 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:01.360 bills have gone up, if you say, look, it's only 0:08:01.360 --> 0:08:03.200 fifty bucks a week. I'd just love it if he 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:06.520 would contribute. And also not just because the bills are 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.120 going up, but because I'm actually sharing my space with 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:12.560 someone else in this house, which when we first moved 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:15.240 in together kind of was the deal. I think that 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.320 most people would be well receiving of that. I think 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:20.480 it would say a lot and speak volumes of your 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:23.600 friend's attitude if she was to be resistant and angry 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:24.080 about it. 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:28.200 Yeah, I Laura's right. I originally went for the oh, 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:30.120 maybe just make the comment next time he comes over, 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:32.160 You're like, whoa you move in this place, you've been 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:34.440 here a lot lately. But Laura apparently said I couldn't 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:34.680 do that. 0:08:34.760 --> 0:08:37.480 So it was like, it was like, just make a 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:39.640 joke out of it, and I was like, passive aggression 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:41.720 is never a good solution. But it was like, I 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:45.880 don't like conflict. I'm like, that creates more conflict. This 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:47.480 is terrible, fucking advine. 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:49.000 But I would have made the joke in a really 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:50.679 cute way, Like would have been a cute joke. You 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:52.480 wouldn't hate me, cause it's a really tough one. But 0:08:52.520 --> 0:08:54.199 I think a lot of people are in this situation. 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:58.520 I wonder if they've even clocked it yet. They're probably 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:00.400 still in a love bubble, and probably he has not 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:02.800 even registered on their mind because they're just excited to 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:05.040 see each other. They're just hanging out, and I don't 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:07.040 reckon they would have taken it into consideration yet. So 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:10.000 I do think you have the conversation. I was just thinking. 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:12.400 The reason I say I wonder if they've clocked that 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:15.160 is this sort of happened, not with the flatmate thing, 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:18.080 but when I met Jordan. He, as you guys know, 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:20.199 basically just moved into my house and he was there 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:22.800 every day for about three months before he started to 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:25.480 get ready to go overseas, and it was full time leaving. 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:27.360 It was like two people were sharing an apartment, but 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:30.719 I was paying for everything. And then one day after 0:09:30.800 --> 0:09:33.320 about almost three months, he came home and he had 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:35.840 a wad of cash and I was like, what's that 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:38.840 And he's like, I just realized that I have literally 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.440 been living here and you've been paying the rent and 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:43.440 the bills, and it's like two people. He's like. So 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:45.920 he's like, I'm so sorry. I hadn't even thought about it, 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:47.600 and here's some money. And I didn't take it from him, 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:49.560 but I was like wow, because I had clocked it. 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:50.839 I was like, wow, it's like I'm leaving in a 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.840 proper relationship. But he got there on his own. So 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:57.319 I wonder if this couple maybe they just haven't had 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:58.880 enough time to think about that and they're in the 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.720 love bubble. I think the way you have the conversation 0:10:01.840 --> 0:10:06.000 with your friend is I wouldn't have a proper sit 0:10:06.040 --> 0:10:08.679 down like it's a really big deal. I would do 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:10.800 it like it's a really throw away conversation, like you're 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.720 making dinner, you're putting groceries away and you're just like, hey, 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.160 I was just thinking Bobby's been here so much lately, 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:18.720 and you guys gonna move in properly together, or if 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:20.440 he's gonna be here more often, should we look at 0:10:20.440 --> 0:10:23.560 splitting bills. I would just say it really casually like 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:26.120 that so that she doesn't feel because she will feel 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:28.640 one hundred percent, she'll probably feel a bit mortified. She'll 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:30.760 be like, I'm so sorry, like I feel like you've 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:32.480 been sitting on this for a long time, because that's 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:34.480 what I would feel like if my flatmate brought it 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.360 up to me really heavily, like let's sit down and talk, 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:39.440 I would be like, Fuck, this is so awkward. 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:41.240 And you don't want to feel attacked. That's the thing, right. 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:43.439 I think it's the way that the conversation is delivered, 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.800 because if it's delivered in a way which is just like, oh, 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:47.680 you know, I've been thinking about this, and I hope 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:49.760 that this doesn't upset you. I'm happy for him to 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:51.920 be here. But I think that that's going to be 0:10:51.960 --> 0:10:54.280 so much better received than if you make a huge 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:56.680 deal about this and make it seem like it's something 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:59.680 that's really upset you, because obviously it hasn't you want 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:01.400 your I want your friend to be happy. You also, 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:04.599 when you live with the housemate, have to understand that 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:06.920 people get into relationships and you're gonna have that person 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:08.960 at your house and it's just what happens. It's part 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:10.160 of living in a sharehouse. 0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:13.160 Yeah, one hundred percent, like people are gonna have relationships. 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.120 It just sucks that he lives with his family so 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.160 they don't have the option of going anywhere else. I 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.439 would just try and have the really casual conversation, make 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:22.760 sure she knows that it's not bothering you and they're 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:24.360 allowed to do what they want. But if the three 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:26.559 people living there, it makes sense for three people to 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:29.840 split the bills and slide that back into our DMS 0:11:29.920 --> 0:11:32.199 and tell us how the conversation goes, because I would 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:34.160 love to know how it's received and how you end 0:11:34.200 --> 0:11:36.040 up delivering it. The last thing I want to say 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:38.319 on this before BRIT's like, mic' drop and I'm like. 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:39.040 One more thing. 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.160 We always do that We're like in addition. 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:45.400 It's such a simple thing. But I think the fact 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:47.360 that because he lives with his parents and he's not 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:50.320 paying rent anywhere else, it's not like he's doubling up. 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:52.559 It's not like you're asking for a huge amount of money. 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.240 You're just asking for a small contribution. And if he's 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:58.200 literally living out a home now, because he can come 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:00.960 and freeload at your house, I think saying fifty bucks 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:03.680 a week to go towards the electricity or just to 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.880 go towards the general space that another human body in 0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:10.560 a house takes up is a really, really understandable ask. 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.480 And I don't think you're being a bitch by doing that. 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.079 Just ask in a nice way. Boom now, question number two. 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:18.520 I know, Laura that you've been in this situation, which 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:21.160 is why I wanted to ask this question because I 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:25.360 want your experience. My ex boyfriend's mum actually, when I 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:28.160 said that, almost every question we've ever had, I feel 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:33.480 like you've been in that situation. My ex boyfriend's mum 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.520 keeps texting me. We broke up over eighteen months ago 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:38.840 and he now has a new girlfriend. I get that 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:40.880 it's nice to keep things on a really nice level 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.160 and be amicable with each other. I just think it's 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:45.880 a bit inappropriate considering the amount of time we've been 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:48.920 apart and the fact he has a new partner. Should 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.440 I tell her to stop. Do I ghost her? What 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:53.119 do I do with this situation? 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.320 Okay? When you said that this is a conversation that 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:57.000 I could relate to her, I'm just really glad that 0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:59.199 you didn't take it to like anal or something else, like, 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:01.280 all right, what are we end for? 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:02.880 It's a pinky to stinky? 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:04.719 Oh mate, I think we covered that off in the 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:07.040 last season. Let's like fucking stop with that one. Now. 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:09.840 Daily Mail really had a field day on that article. 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:13.400 I have been in this situation, guys, and it is weird. 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:18.680 Just ghost, no change, Lauras, So you do not? I 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:20.760 mean I did a fade away. I did a slow fade. 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:23.240 I didn't ghost. Okay. So I'll give you a quick 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:25.760 like summation of what happened to me. I became really 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:28.280 really close with my ex's mum, so close I would 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:31.000 stay obviously, whenever we went and visited her. She lived 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.280 in different state. We would stay at her house. Her 0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.440 and I would talk on the phone quite often. She 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:38.000 had just started dating again, she'd just gotten back into 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.920 online dating, and she didn't really have that relationship with 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:43.200 her children to be able to talk about it. So 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:45.240 she would call me and we would talk about online 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:49.760 dating and the wild world of having boyfriends and meeting 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:52.080 men and how cooked it is. The irony of all 0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:55.240 of this is that she was experiencing how hard dating 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:58.560 can be and how problematic some men can be, and 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:00.960 yet I was dating her son who was cheating on 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:04.640 me and being a real pos The relationship ended terribly, 0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:07.720 and it did a lot of damage to my self esteem. 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.480 It did a lot of damage to me in general 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:12.800 to like what I thought I deserved in a relationship. 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:16.720 I felt completely unlovable and I was really attached to her, 0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:19.520 and I was really attached to his family. But it 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:22.360 was unhealthy for me to hear from her, and it 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:26.520 was really really counterproductive to me actually getting over the relationship, 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.280 because even though I had managed to set boundaries with 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:31.880 him and I was no longer speaking to him, I 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.960 hadn't set boundaries with her, and every time she called 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:37.600 me or would text me, it would make me think 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:39.800 of him, so I was put back into that situation. 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.320 So eventually I did get to the point where I 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:45.400 had to say to her, I'm so sorry, I love you, 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:49.280 and I love our friendship. But unfortunately, because of the situation, 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.520 because of the relationship, I had with your son. I 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.680 don't think it's appropriate for us to continue to talk 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:56.960 all the time. It's not I can't get over this 0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:59.920 if we are staying in contact. I think considering that you, 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.360 I think it's inappropriate, considering that you're not wanting to 0:15:02.360 --> 0:15:05.960 put effort in your relationship with his mum. I do 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:07.880 think that there comes a point where you're allowed to 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:10.280 step away from it and maybe, like brit said, do 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:13.520 the soft fade right back to one in every two 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.120 or three texts and then make it every four and 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:19.680 five texts and kind of slowly remove yourself from the situation. 0:15:20.000 --> 0:15:22.600 Yeah, everything you said, I mean, you just said that perfectly. 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.680 I personally, this happened to me many many, many moons ago. 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:29.800 It's just not sustainable. You can't get on with your 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:34.160 life and hold on to essentially your past relationship. It's 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.440 obviously a big part of your past relationship and one 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:38.640 that you want to start in your chapter. I think 0:15:38.680 --> 0:15:42.120 it's okay to maintain a friendship or some sort of 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:45.440 relationship at a lower level with these sort of people, 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:48.440 so special people in your exo's life. Maybe it was 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.680 a sister of your partner, or maybe it was the mother, 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:53.920 or maybe it was a friend, but I think that 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:57.240 that has to happen very sporadically. So every now and 0:15:57.360 --> 0:15:59.600 again a check out that's just like how are you? 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:01.520 Just want to check what's going on? You know, a 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:04.360 little catch up, but you're not hearing about her son 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:06.800 in this case, you're not hearing any details that are 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:08.880 gonna draw you back. It's just a check in. I 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.240 recommend a slow fade. Like Laura said, I was just like, 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.600 maybe when you write back, it's not as engaging, so 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:17.400 you're not giving her anything back. So you answer her question, 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:18.920 but you're not saying, how are you? What have you 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.440 been up to? You know, how's Chris? All of this stuff, 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:24.240 So just like answer her questions, move on. The thing 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:28.160 with the relationship breakups, especially when they're long term, you 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:30.960 break up sometimes if you're close with a family, you're 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:33.040 breaking up with a whole family, Like if you've been 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:34.920 a part of someone's life. I remember I was with 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:38.440 my ex for eight years. My parents were beside themselves 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:40.160 when we broke up because she was like, oh, he 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:41.480 was like a mum was like he was like a 0:16:41.480 --> 0:16:43.680 son to us for eight years. We love him. We're 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:46.320 gonna really miss him, And it's a situation that affects 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.280 a lot of people, and some people, if you're closer, 0:16:48.360 --> 0:16:50.440 find it harder. So there is that that sort of 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:52.560 level of respect that you do have to remember that 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:54.200 it's hard for a lot of people involved. 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:56.480 And I think as well, like it is important for 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.960 us to say that this is situational, and it does 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:01.480 also depend on the reallyflationship. If you have children with 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:03.720 that person you've split up, or that was your mother 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:07.119 in law, or there's a more in depth connection between you, 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:09.680 then obviously you're going to keep that person in your life, 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:12.240 you know, Like I mean, I totally understand. For example, 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.520 if Matt and I split up, I'm keeping his mom. 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:17.719