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Speaker 1: Gooday. This is doctor Justin Coulson, the author of six.

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Speaker 2: Books about raising happy families and the founder of happy

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Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. Here with Kylie, my wife,

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Speaker 2: podcast co host and mum to our six daughters, we

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Speaker 2: are sharing with you podcast conversations that matter.

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Speaker 1: We think that this one is going to be really important.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 3: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 3: once answers mew.

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Speaker 1: Margin means that there's room around the.

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Speaker 2: Edges for you to do the stuff that lights you up,

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Speaker 2: that's playful, that's fun, that brings you joy.

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Speaker 3: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 3: and dad.

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Speaker 1: What's your favorite game in the car?

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Speaker 3: I don't have a favorite game in the car.

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Speaker 1: I like to eat in the car. Is that why

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Speaker 1: there's always crumbs everything?

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Speaker 3: I like to sing?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, singing is good.

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Speaker 2: Singing is fun. Singing is playful. What about I spy though?

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Speaker 2: Surely like I spy?

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Speaker 3: Don't get me started with I spy.

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Speaker 1: You don't like to play though, do you?

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Speaker 3: It doesn't come very naturally to me, if that's what

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Speaker 3: you're asking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So this is something that I've discovered as I

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Speaker 2: watch parents actually, so we should introduce ourselves.

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Speaker 1: For those who are new to the podcast, I'm justin French.

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Speaker 2: I've written six books about raising happy families, and you are.

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Speaker 3: I'm Kylie. I missus happy family.

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Speaker 1: Who doesn't like to play games.

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Speaker 3: Oh you're hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Actually you do like playing games, but I do.

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Speaker 3: I love playing Quirkle and I love playing Blockers. They're

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Speaker 3: all bright colors. I love.

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Speaker 1: The competitive You like to destroy our children self esteem.

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Speaker 3: And demolishing so bad.

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Speaker 2: So today we're talking about playful households because something that

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Speaker 2: I've noticed about parents is that we don't often look

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Speaker 2: like we're having fun when we're with our kids. When

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Speaker 2: you watch parents in the shopping and it's probably unfair

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Speaker 2: because shops.

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Speaker 1: Kids hate shops.

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Speaker 3: I don't know any parent who loves taking their kids

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Speaker 3: to the shops.

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Speaker 2: I don't know any child who likes going to the shops.

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Speaker 2: And that's that's the kind of the reason that was unfair.

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Speaker 2: But even at the park, a lot of parents look bored.

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Speaker 2: They don't want to be with their kids, and I reckon,

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Speaker 2: we need to talk about how to have fun, how

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Speaker 2: to have a more playful family environment.

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Speaker 3: Well that all sounds really you know dandy, but the

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Speaker 3: reality is life's hard. I just think about the person

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Speaker 3: who comes home, whether it's mum or dad or both.

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Speaker 3: You've been at work all day and you get home

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Speaker 3: and you just want to have a few minutes of downtime.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and with COVID you don't even get that because

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Speaker 2: coming home means leaving the study and walking into the

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Speaker 2: living room. There's no time to decompress like it's on.

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Speaker 3: And then every single person, whether it be your spouse

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Speaker 3: or your partner or your children, everybody wants a piece

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Speaker 3: of you. And you just want to decompress after the

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Speaker 3: day that you've had, and you know, compartmentalize everything, and

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Speaker 3: you don't get that. And so how are you supposed

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Speaker 3: to be playful with all of that?

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Speaker 2: I was going to say, it is hard to be

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Speaker 2: playful because not only have you got to try to

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Speaker 2: find the ability to smile and joke around and have

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Speaker 2: a nice time with people, but you're also juggling this

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Speaker 2: really significant issue of the cooking needs to be done,

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Speaker 2: the cleaning needs to be done, and everything needs to

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Speaker 2: be ready for tomorrow, and there's loads of washing to

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Speaker 2: put on or take out of the dryer. So there's

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Speaker 2: a lot going on, and yet we know that kids

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Speaker 2: who have high quality playtime with their parents are more resilient,

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Speaker 2: they learn better boundaries, they have a higher level of

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Speaker 2: connectedness and relatedness. Being playful at home is one of

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Speaker 2: the easiest things that we can do to build connection.

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Speaker 2: Fill the relationship bucket full of water, that gorgeous stuff

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Speaker 2: that makes everyone feel so good about life.

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Speaker 1: And I reckon, as hard as it is, and we

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Speaker 1: should acknowledge.

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Speaker 2: That as you have, it's really important for parents to

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Speaker 2: get reminders regularly to be playful. So I reckon, we

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Speaker 2: should have a conversation about how we can be more playful.

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Speaker 2: And there's three things that I think we need.

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Speaker 3: Number One, margin, Oh really, what's margin?

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Speaker 2: Margin means that there's room around the edges for you

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Speaker 2: to do the stuff that lights you up, that's playful,

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Speaker 2: that's fun, that brings you joy.

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Speaker 1: So we need margin margin. What's your point?

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Speaker 2: I feel like you're kind of digging the knife in

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Speaker 2: a passive aggressive way and trying.

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Speaker 1: To injure me here.

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Speaker 3: What's maybe? What are you saying, I'm sure everyone else

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Speaker 3: will work it out. What are you saying, come on,

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Speaker 3: I don't think we have a lot of margin in

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Speaker 3: our lives.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so six Kids Business podcast blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 1: But we can still have a sense of time affluence,

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Speaker 1: can't we.

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Speaker 3: Sure if you follow me while you have a conversation

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Speaker 3: as I clean the house and the washing.

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Speaker 2: Help with that thing you So the first thing is margin,

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Speaker 2: and I reckon we need to be really intentional about that,

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Speaker 2: which is the second thing. Margin requires intention. So if

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Speaker 2: we're going to be playful with our kids, we have

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Speaker 2: to be intentional about not just being playful, but intentional

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Speaker 2: about creating the margin so that we've got the headspace

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Speaker 2: to play without being stressed and saying, oh, for goodness, sex,

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Speaker 2: we haven't got time for this.

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Speaker 1: Got a bit.

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Speaker 3: So I'm going to ask you a question then, around

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Speaker 3: that intention. Did you feel very playful when the roof

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Speaker 3: fell in?

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Speaker 2: Well, there are times to be playful, and there are

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Speaker 2: times to pick up the damage that's caused by a

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Speaker 2: bath that has overflowed into the TV room downstairs and

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Speaker 2: cause the selling.

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Speaker 3: Life is hard and whether it's the ceiling caving in,

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Speaker 3: there is stuff going on all the time, and his

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Speaker 3: parents it can be really really hard to find the

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Speaker 3: right mindset.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so two things about that though.

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Speaker 2: First of all, people's roofs don't fall in every day,

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Speaker 2: even metaphorically. And secondly, we have started laughing about it

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Speaker 2: now that we're a few days down the track and

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Speaker 2: we've realized that it's only going to cost a couple

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Speaker 2: of thousand dollars and not the jillion dollars that we

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Speaker 2: thought it was going to be. Even though that's a

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Speaker 2: horrible thing to have to go through, we're at the

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Speaker 2: point now where we can geel about it and it's funny.

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Speaker 2: The third thing we need if we're going to have

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Speaker 2: a playful household is margin, intention, and mindset. We've actually

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Speaker 2: got to have the mindset that life is fun, that

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Speaker 2: life is to be enjoyed, and that our family relationships

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Speaker 2: can be playful and enjoyable. Now. I don't think that

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Speaker 2: sarcasm is playful. I think sarcasm is usually rude and unkind.

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Speaker 2: But we can be playful in our relationships with the

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Speaker 2: right margin, the right mindset, and the right intention.

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Speaker 1: Let's talk about what that looks like in practice. Right

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Speaker 1: after the break, it's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The Do's and don'ts

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Speaker 4: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 4: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at happyfamilies

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Speaker 4: dot com dot a u slash shop.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now. And today we

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Speaker 3: are talking about what a playful household looks like. And

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Speaker 3: I've been thinking about this and thinking about our Mother's

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Speaker 3: Day disaster, and I'm wondering whether or not you could

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Speaker 3: have actually invited everybody down so they could have had

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Speaker 3: a water fight. That would have been playful, that would have.

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Speaker 2: Been breathtakingly playful. I wish that I'd done that. See

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Speaker 2: now I'm feeling bad for being a big grump and saying,

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Speaker 2: Mother's I ruined because somebody's flooded the bathroom and the

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Speaker 2: rest of the house.

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Speaker 3: Hindsight is a wonderful thing, is it not.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 2: But it's also a great opportunity to learn to be better.

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Speaker 2: So next time we do flood the house, we'll have

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Speaker 2: a lot of fight. Okay, that's my promise to you.

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Speaker 2: I'll replay something to you you ready, Oh hi.

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Speaker 5: There and welcome to Minnesota. Salads that aren't really salads.

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Speaker 5: Today's ingredients for snicker salad. That's right in Minnesota, Snickers

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Speaker 5: and apples can make a salad. I never said it

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Speaker 5: was healthy. If you want to make the salad extra

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Speaker 5: Minnesotan use honeycrisp apples, which were developed at the University

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Speaker 5: of Minnesota in nineteen sixty makes one package of vanilla

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Speaker 5: pudding into one cup of buttermilk. Quis Chop eight apples.

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Speaker 1: Add your chopped apples to the pudding.

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Speaker 5: Lots of recipes say to take the skins off, but

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Speaker 5: I say leave them on, because where else are we

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Speaker 5: getting fiber in our diet. Chop your snickers? How many

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Speaker 5: snickers you ask? Measure that with your heart fold in

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Speaker 5: at least one top of cool, but if you have

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Speaker 5: two many apples, you'll need two tops. And there you

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Speaker 5: have it, Snickers salad. And yes, I also use milky

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Speaker 5: way because I think it tastes like a coramel apple.

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Speaker 5: When it's all done, it does.

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Speaker 1: Sound like fun. A Snicker's salad.

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Speaker 3: That sounds like I've got Cinderella in.

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Speaker 1: My kitchen, so better? How playful? Right? How much fun?

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Speaker 1: You know what?

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Speaker 2: I really loved on Instagram in the last week or so,

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Speaker 2: maybe the last two weeks. Hamish Blake, He's got this

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Speaker 2: tradition and it's brilliant. It's not as crazy, scary horrible

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Speaker 2: as a Minnesota salad that snickers and apples with extra

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Speaker 2: fiber if you leave the skin on.

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Speaker 1: What is going on there?

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Speaker 2: But Hamish Blake made a commitment to one of his

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Speaker 2: kids that every single year he would bake that child

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Speaker 2: whatever cake he wanted.

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Speaker 3: He clearly doesn't have six children, No he doesn't, and

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Speaker 3: he has two, but he promised that he would bake

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Speaker 3: the cake for the birthday every single year, whatever cake

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Speaker 3: the kid wants.

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Speaker 2: And this year the cake took Hamish. He created this

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Speaker 2: pokemon thing that opens and closes. It does so manually,

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Speaker 2: and it's in a bowl of jelly, and there's cake,

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Speaker 2: and there's there's just stuff everywhere. He was up until

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Speaker 2: one am. He started at seven pm, finished at one am,

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Speaker 2: consumed a surprising him ount of alcohol while he was

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Speaker 2: doing it to get through the night.

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Speaker 1: I think, but I just thought, here's this guy.

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Speaker 2: Now obviously he's a comedian and everyone in Australia knows

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Speaker 2: Hamish Blake is he's one of our most loved comedians

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Speaker 2: and he's also clearly a really devoted that and if

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Speaker 2: you follow on Instagram you'd see that. But we talk

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Speaker 2: about playfulness, and if you go through those three things

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Speaker 2: that I was talking about, margin, Hamish Blake has created

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Speaker 2: the margin that he needs to bake the cake every

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Speaker 2: single year, no matter what it takes. Intention He's really

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Speaker 2: intentional about being playful. And third, he's got a mindset

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Speaker 2: that says, I'm here for my kids and I want

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Speaker 2: their lives to be joy and fun. Now that that

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Speaker 2: takes the cake, can I say.

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Speaker 3: That You're so bad? So bad?

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Speaker 2: But what I love about that story is that all

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Speaker 2: of us can do our own version of that in

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Speaker 2: our homest and have to involve ovens and icing mixture

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Speaker 2: and Pokemon or anything like that.

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Speaker 3: But I'd like to see you take that one on.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to bake a cake this weekend. Okay, let's see.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's going to be fancy. It's going

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Speaker 1: to come straight out of a packet.

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Speaker 2: But I'll bake a cake just to prove that I can,

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Speaker 2: and then I'm going to eat it in front of you.

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Speaker 1: Oh is that right to.

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Speaker 2: Prove that I can baker cake, I might share some

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Speaker 2: of it with you. So let's talk about some ways

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Speaker 2: that we can be playful in our homes.

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Speaker 1: What do you reckon? Well, look, you've set me up to.

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Speaker 3: Be the unplayful person in our family.

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Speaker 2: Well, okay, let me ask you a question, then prove

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Speaker 2: me wrong. When was the last time that you played

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Speaker 2: any kind of wrestling game with the kids.

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Speaker 3: I'm not going to wrestle with the kids. Do you

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Speaker 3: know how much I'm spending with my exercise physiologist to

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Speaker 3: get my neck and shoulders or.

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Speaker 1: Back to normal.

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Speaker 3: Okay, they told me I had a cheeseboard for a back.

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Speaker 1: I rest my case a cheeseboard for a bit.

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Speaker 3: I'm supposed to have cheese spine, but I have a

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Speaker 3: cheeseboard spine. Who says that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. So, but you're not playful because you

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Speaker 1: don't wrestle the kids, right, No, that's not true. Okay,

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Speaker 1: tell me when you play with the kids.

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Speaker 3: Well, we put the music on really loud in the

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Speaker 3: mornings when you're off gallivanting around the country side, I

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Speaker 3: don't know, surfing or whatever else you do at that

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Speaker 3: early hour of the morning. We put the music up

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Speaker 3: really loud, and we dance. You should see Emily's moves awsome.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so, but do you dance or do you just

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Speaker 1: send the musicals also dance?

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Speaker 3: Where do you think they got their moves from?

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Speaker 1: Not one of us can dance?

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Speaker 2: All right, Well that kind of takes care of my

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Speaker 2: first three things that I had on my list.

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Speaker 1: Music, dancing, and singing. They're great ways for us to

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Speaker 1: play with our kids.

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Speaker 3: I rest my case.

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Speaker 1: Okay, what else have you got on your list for

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Speaker 1: how we can be more playful?

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Speaker 3: Look, I think one of the most favorite things that

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Speaker 3: I love doing is when we break the rules.

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Speaker 1: Oh, tell me more about that.

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Speaker 3: Well, we have certain rules. The kids go to bed

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Speaker 3: at seven thirty, We don't watch a TV.

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Speaker 2: After If they do not, it makes us sound so perfect.

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Speaker 2: When was the last time our kids went to bed?

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Speaker 1: At side, I'd say, our kids. I'm just saying, you

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Speaker 1: have rules I've got.

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Speaker 3: And seven thirty might be a time frame that some

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Speaker 3: people put their children to bed, or you might you

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Speaker 3: might have a rule that you eat a maine meal

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Speaker 3: before you have dessert, yes, Or you might have a

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Speaker 3: rule that you don't watch TV on school nights.

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Speaker 1: Uh, huh.

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Speaker 3: Anything like, we've all got rules.

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Speaker 1: And you're seeing you can be more playful if you

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Speaker 1: break the rules.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, How cool is it when your kids come

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Speaker 3: home from school and you go, you know what, We're

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Speaker 3: going to have a movie night tonight. And I know

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Speaker 3: we usually eat at the dinner table, but we're going

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Speaker 3: to have dinner in front of the TV.

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Speaker 2: I'm still going to argue that a movie not's the

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Speaker 2: best way to be playful, but I take your point.

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Speaker 2: It's great to do that. One of my favorite ways

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Speaker 2: to be playful is we play this game with the kids.

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Speaker 2: I know you hate it because it destroys your beautifully

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Speaker 2: made bed every time we play this game called push

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Speaker 2: that off the Bed. It started when our eldest was

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Speaker 2: our only child and she was only a couple of

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Speaker 2: years old and she started trying to push me off

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Speaker 2: the bed one day and that turned into a game,

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Speaker 2: and it's been going for twenty years. And I usually

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Speaker 2: get injured. I need to go and see a messoge

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Speaker 2: so to hire a practor of the bed takes an

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Speaker 2: absolute hammering as well. But we pushed that off the

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Speaker 2: bed and then once I'm off the bed, the kids

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Speaker 2: jump on and I've got to get all of them

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Speaker 2: off the bed at the same time, which is getting increasingly.

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Speaker 1: Difficult, the older and bigger that they get.

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Speaker 2: But playfulness goofing off the intention, the mindset and having

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Speaker 2: the margin for it. These are some ideas that maybe

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Speaker 2: will help your family to be a little more playful tonight.

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Speaker 3: Well I think we can be really playful tonight if

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Speaker 3: you organized dinner.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'll tell you what donuts for dinner.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, done, will break the rules and we'll sing

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Speaker 2: really loud while we're eating them. We really hope you've

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Speaker 2: enjoyed the podcast. We have so much fun playing around

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Speaker 2: with these ideas and sharing them with you. We will

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Speaker 2: not be talking about Minnesota salads ever.

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Speaker 1: Again. Snickers and apple should never be combined in the

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Speaker 1: same recipe.

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Speaker 3: Think that sounds really good, of course you do, just

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Speaker 3: not with donuts.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not going to make that for your cake

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Speaker 2: this weekend. That's a guarantee. Thanks so much for listening Tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: A Q and A from one of our listeners via

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Speaker 2: podcasts at Happy Families dot com dot U. Michelle wants

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Speaker 2: to know about how to help her eight year old

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Speaker 2: with some body image issues and I can't wait for

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Speaker 2: Wednesday Maggie Dent talking about raising boys. It's going to

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Speaker 2: be a conversation that I'm really really looking forward to.

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Speaker 2: Maggie's a superstar when it comes to talking about boys,

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Speaker 2: and that's.

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Speaker 1: Coming up then.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. And if

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Speaker 2: you want more info about how to make your family happier,

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Speaker 2: we have to do is jump onto Facebook doctor Justin

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Speaker 2: Colson's Happy Families or visit our website where you can

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Speaker 2: get all the info you need Happy families dot com

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Speaker 2: dot au