1 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:10,280 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome. This is the Happy Family's Podcast. Actually 2 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: it's not anymore. It stop the music. We're going all 3 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: over again. This is now the Positivity Podcast. I've made 4 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: some changes to my website. I've made a few changes 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: to the way this podcast is going to be running, 6 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 1: and in a few weeks you'll start to notice those changes. 7 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: But let me start that intro again. Hello and welcome. 8 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,960 Speaker 1: This is the Positivity Podcast. My name's doctor Justin Calson, 9 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,520 Speaker 1: and this podcast is the podcast that's dedicated to making 10 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: your life, your work, and your family happier. Today we're 11 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: going to stick with the parenting theme because that's what 12 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 1: you're so used to when you listen to this podcast, 13 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 1: and in fact, the next couple of weeks, I'll continue 14 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: with the parenting content, but I'm going to start missing 15 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 1: up mixing things up a little bit after that. Today 16 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 1: talking about one of the most controversial parenting issues that 17 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: I know of. It's the issue of pocket money. And 18 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: why do I say it's controversial, Well, there's just so 19 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 1: many opinions about it, whether or not kids should even 20 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: be getting it, if they're getting it, how much they 21 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,639 Speaker 1: should be getting, whether it should be tied to chores 22 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:09,399 Speaker 1: or academic success. And I'll tell you some parents devise 23 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 1: some pretty elaborate schemes for dishing out the pocket money. 24 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 1: I should know. I've got one, and I'm going to 25 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,479 Speaker 1: tell you a little bit about that in today's podcast. 26 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:21,640 Speaker 1: Also in today's podcast, ask doctor justin looking at a 27 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 1: mum who's toddler is keeping her up all night, how 28 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,199 Speaker 1: do you get your kids to sleep in their own bed. 29 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,119 Speaker 1: I'm going to answer that question for you shortly as well. 30 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: And I've got a parenting hack that I think you're 31 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 1: going to love. If you've ever been in that situation 32 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: where you give the kids the phone for a few 33 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 1: minutes because I don't know how you need to take 34 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: a shower, because there's been days since you've had a chance, 35 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: Because life gets like that sometimes, And while they've got 36 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 1: the phone, they've done done things on it. They've done 37 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 1: things on it that have caused problems. Well, if you're 38 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 1: an iPhone user with young kids that get to play 39 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: on your phone every so often, I have a solution 40 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: for you that I think you are going to love. 41 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: That's all coming up on today's podcast. We're talking pocket money. 42 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 2: Right after this, your conference is about to start. It's 43 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 2: five minutes to go. People are inside taking their chance. 44 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,640 Speaker 2: I wonder what's going to happen next. Perhaps you're worried 45 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 2: about the guest speakers. What will they say? Will it 46 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 2: be appropriate, relevance and up to date? Will it be 47 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 2: evidence based? Will theay stick to time? Is a game 48 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 2: to be boring? You want to be sure the information 49 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,280 Speaker 2: at your conference will tick all your boxes and give 50 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 2: everyone the stuff they want to learn. You want people 51 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 2: to come to you at the end of the day 52 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,520 Speaker 2: and say, Wow, thanks for organizing today. I took so 53 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 2: much away from your conference. Dr Justin Coilson can help. 54 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 2: He provides keynote speeches from thirty minutes to an hour 55 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,799 Speaker 2: and a half, workshops from ninety minutes to half days, 56 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 2: and even day long seminars. 57 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:44,920 Speaker 1: He speaks to school. 58 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 2: Kids, professional educators, principles and teachers who are working day 59 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,519 Speaker 2: to day in the classroom, right through to other professionals 60 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 2: like lawyers and bankers who are parents. Because we all 61 00:02:54,919 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 2: want happier families, happier classrooms, and happier workplaces. So what's 62 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 2: your next conference about? If you'd like to learn more 63 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,679 Speaker 2: about getting a speaker who will help your audience learn, 64 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 2: laugh and leave with practical tools. They'll empower them to 65 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 2: be happier, more productive, and better parents, teachers, people, And 66 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 2: if you'd like the credit for having chosen that speaker, 67 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 2: visit Justinkilson dot com for more information about booking doctor 68 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 2: Justin Kilson as a speaker at your next conference Justinkilson 69 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:24,920 Speaker 2: dot com. 70 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: People tend to learn their money management skills from mum 71 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: and dad. So what are we teaching our children about money? 72 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: And what does the way we do pocket money teach 73 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: them specifically about money and about our attitude to it. Well, 74 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: there are so many questions to ask when it comes 75 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: to pocket money. How old should the kids be before 76 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: they get it, how much should they get? Should it 77 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: be tied to doing chores or do they just receive 78 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: it drafters? Do we get to tell them what they're 79 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: going to spend their pocket money on? What about when 80 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 1: they get older? Do we stop giving them pocket money 81 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: because they've got to go and get a job. Once 82 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 1: they've got a job, do we have any say at 83 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 1: all in what they're doing with their money? And when 84 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: does pocket money stop? Generally, so many opinions, so many questions. 85 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: Let me share with you what research says, and then 86 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,360 Speaker 1: I'll tell you a bit about what we do in 87 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 1: my family when it comes to pocket money, because it 88 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: seems to be working very very well for us. Research 89 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 1: from the Journal of Economic Psychology says that most parents 90 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 1: are quite happy to go with pocket money, but there's 91 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 1: a lot of contention and a lot of disagreement over 92 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,599 Speaker 1: whether or not kids should have to do chores to 93 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: get the pocket money. Seems that parents are pretty well 94 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 1: split down the middle on that one. Parents are also 95 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:36,839 Speaker 1: quite split about whether or not performance in school exams 96 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,919 Speaker 1: and on school projects should be financially rewarded. Some say yes, 97 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:44,000 Speaker 1: I say no. And also whether or not teenagers should 98 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: be encouraged to contribute to the house through paying board 99 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 1: or through other kinds of contributions, even if they're older 100 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 1: and they're working. What parents do agree on is that 101 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 1: kids need to learn about money, and it's up to 102 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: us to make sure that we talk about it. I 103 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 1: should also mention this. This was the other thing that 104 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 1: I found really interesting. There's a fairly even split among 105 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,840 Speaker 1: parents who who think that Some parents think that it's 106 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:13,840 Speaker 1: okay to with whole pocket money as a punishment, and 107 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: some parents think that it's okay for kids to make 108 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: entire with their own decisions when it comes to their money. 109 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: Other parents think, well, no, no, no, I need to have 110 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 1: a say in it, so let's talk about it. How 111 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 1: it all works out in terms of what kids are 112 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,799 Speaker 1: able to do, data tells us pretty clearly that before 113 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: the age of six, kids have no idea what to 114 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 1: do with money. Between six and nine, they start to 115 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: get a little bit of a clue, but they're usually 116 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,160 Speaker 1: pretty spend happy and around about by the age of twelve, 117 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: they're finally getting their heads around having a savings plan 118 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 1: and having a bank account. And why is that. Well, 119 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,479 Speaker 1: the research tells us that kids struggle with the issue 120 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: of temptation. Basically, there's very little capacity for delayed gratification. 121 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 1: If they see something they want, they go and get it. 122 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 1: They don't really get that if you spend what you've 123 00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,640 Speaker 1: got right now, then you're not going to have very 124 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 1: good spending opportunities in the fire. They just think that 125 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,039 Speaker 1: the money's going to keep on coming. It grows on 126 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 1: a tree in the backyard, don't you know that. And 127 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: it seems as though the biggest changes in children saving 128 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: behavior occur somewhere around about the age of nine, and 129 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: by the time they're twelve they seem to really have 130 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,960 Speaker 1: a good handle on it. So what are we trying 131 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,120 Speaker 1: to do with pocket money? This is probably the most 132 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 1: important question that we can ask If we want to 133 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: get this right, it's going to have an impact on 134 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: how much we give out and what the children learn 135 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: about it. If we adhere to what we typically consider 136 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: the Protestant work ethic, our kids are going to have 137 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 1: to work hard for their money. They're going to earn it, 138 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: they're going to learn it, they're going to learn it. 139 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: There's no free rides. But there are other ideas about 140 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: pocket money as well. One of my friends doesn't give 141 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,120 Speaker 1: his children pocket money at all. His idea as well, 142 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: if you need money, I'll give it to you. He's 143 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,159 Speaker 1: pretty relaxed about it. He simply says what's at for 144 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 1: and if it seems reasonable and he's got the cash, 145 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 1: he's happy to hand it over. Now, I'm not sure 146 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 1: that this teaches children to value money particularly well, but 147 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 1: he's got a master of economics and he's doing fine financially, 148 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: and I'm sure it's probably going to work out okay 149 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: for him. My idea is a little bit different Before 150 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: I tell you about those ideas, though, let me tell 151 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 1: you what research says about how most parents view pocket money. 152 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 1: My friend's a bit unique. There are two other ways 153 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: of looking at pocket money and kids. The first is this, 154 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: there are the parents who try to shield their children 155 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:24,160 Speaker 1: from any economic worries and responsibilities. These are the parents 156 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: who don't even talk about finances in front of the kids. 157 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: They don't talk about the big purchases. They decide it 158 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: or behind closed doors. And this approach kind of goes 159 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: along with that idea that economic matters. I have grown ups, 160 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: and children should be free of all those kinds of 161 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 1: worries because they're only young once. And we call these 162 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: parents regulators or protectors. Then there's a second group of 163 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: parents who are really looking into how pocket money can 164 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 1: educate their children. They're the ones who act on the 165 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: assumption that children need to be trained to become economically 166 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: independent in the future, and they think that it's really 167 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 1: important that their kids learn how to budget and how 168 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: to say and how to delay gratification, how to learn 169 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: that if you spend the money now, there's not going 170 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: to be any for later. So they'll often encourage their 171 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 1: children to earn their own money so that they can 172 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 1: learn the value of money while they're young. And researchers 173 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:15,200 Speaker 1: call these kinds of parents educators. Well, it's probably no 174 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: surprise that in my family we tend to favor the 175 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 1: educating paradigm a little more, although I wouldn't say that 176 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 1: I'm a strict educator when it comes to money. And 177 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: I'll explain why. Well, first of all, pocket money in 178 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: our house is not related to chores. Now, I know 179 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 1: some people are saying, all right, that's it. I'm ready 180 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 1: to switch off. If the kids think that they're in 181 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,719 Speaker 1: for a free ride, they can forget it. But in 182 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: my family, we focus on financial literacy and understanding. Now 183 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: that's a little bit unusual for educators. They usually link 184 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: pocket money to chores to teach that you get what 185 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 1: you work for. It's that Protestant work ethic thing. But 186 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 1: in our home, not related to chores. You just get 187 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 1: a certain amount of pocket money each week, and we 188 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: want you to learn about how to use that. Well, 189 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 1: does that make sense. The second thing that we do 190 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,719 Speaker 1: is we set a budget with each child, so when 191 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 1: they get their pocket money, they've got to actually work 192 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 1: out what they're going to do with it. And what 193 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: this does is it provides self efficacy. It makes the 194 00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: kids feel like they can actually control to some extent 195 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: what's going to happen with their money. So our budget 196 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: for the kids goes like this. You get your pocket 197 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 1: money and you save fifty percent, you donate ten percent 198 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 1: through a charitable donations or tithing, and you can spend 199 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: the other forty percent. The third thing that we do 200 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 1: is we set goals with the children, and this helps 201 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:37,199 Speaker 1: to control It helps them to delay gratification and sets 202 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: them up to control their own destiny. So Kylie has 203 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 1: Kylie's my wife. Kylie has an exercise book, and when 204 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: she does pocket money each week with the kids, she 205 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 1: sits down with them and opens up the exercise book 206 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: and his how it looks. So there's an opening balance 207 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 1: that shows where the kids were when we started the 208 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,800 Speaker 1: pocket money. This is where you're up to right now 209 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,560 Speaker 1: in the bank. So we put that into the budget 210 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: and then she adds up what income is going to 211 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,840 Speaker 1: be saved over the next So each term's usually ten weeks. 212 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: If a child's getting five dollars a week, fifty percent 213 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:08,160 Speaker 1: of that is savings, so that's another two dollars fifty 214 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: a week that has to be saved. That means that 215 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 1: they're guaranteed across that ten weeks to save twenty five dollars. 216 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 1: Then she says to them, how much more can you 217 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,319 Speaker 1: save on top of that twenty five dollars? And the 218 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: kids are expected to set a goal that means that 219 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: they have to be careful with their spendings. Maybe they 220 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: actually need to save some of their spendings each week 221 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 1: as well over the next ten weeks so that they 222 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 1: can get the goal. Maybe they'll say, I'm going to 223 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 1: get forty dollars, which means they've got to find another 224 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 1: fifteen dollars on top of their absolutely guaranteed put away savings. 225 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 1: And something that's really tangible for the kids is we 226 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,959 Speaker 1: get them to cross off each dollar as they save it. 227 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: So let's say the goal is forty dollars. We write 228 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 1: down the numbers one to forty in the exercise book, 229 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 1: and as each dollar is banked, the kids cross them off, 230 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,839 Speaker 1: and so they can actually see themselves getting closer. It 231 00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 1: works a treat. The fourth thing that we do is 232 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,239 Speaker 1: we offer incentives, and this is to boost save motives. 233 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:06,080 Speaker 1: I typically argue strongly against incentives but there's a couple 234 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,720 Speaker 1: of exceptions. One of them is reading. If your kids 235 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: are reading a book, you can offer them incentive and say, 236 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: when you finish that book, I'm happy to buy you 237 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,960 Speaker 1: another book. And the second one is savings. Why would 238 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,959 Speaker 1: I say, if you save money, I'll give you more money. Well, 239 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,319 Speaker 1: it gives them more of what they're already doing. It's 240 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: a bit different to saying if you do this, I'll 241 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: buy you on ice cream. The two are really unrelated. 242 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: But if my children are saving money, I can give 243 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: them more money. You can't say if you've overla and 244 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 1: I'll give you another lawn demo. That's not going to 245 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: be particularly motivating for them. Incentive for saving, though, is 246 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: more opportunity to save, a more opportunity to learn about money, 247 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: and the kids get pretty excited about it. If a 248 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 1: goal is reached by the date, what we do for 249 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: the incentive is we give a ten percent incentive. So 250 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: if I had to get that forty dollars by the 251 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: end of the term and they get there, we say, 252 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: guess what, you get a bonus four dollars because you 253 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: reached your goal. Pretty simple. Now I know that it 254 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: might sound a bit complex when you think it through, 255 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: but if you grab a pen and paper and write 256 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: it down, it's really quite simple. The kids love it, 257 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: and I've got to tell you my kids are amazing 258 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 1: little savers. They love crossing off the numbers in the book, 259 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,479 Speaker 1: they love setting the goal, they love getting the bonuses, 260 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:16,199 Speaker 1: and each week on Pocket Money Day, they get excited 261 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: about sitting down with Kylie and going through it all 262 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,679 Speaker 1: and putting it all into their bank accounts. They actually 263 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: don't like spending it because they love seeing their bank 264 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: balance go up, and it's even more exciting when they 265 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,559 Speaker 1: start getting interest as well. Now is this the best 266 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:31,760 Speaker 1: way or is it the right way? Well, I probably 267 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: wouldn't say that. In fact, that's probably being a little 268 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: bit over the top. But it's something that works really 269 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 1: well for us, and align's really well with what psychological 270 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 1: and some economical research tells us about children and money 271 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 1: and savings and motivation. So I'd love to hear from you. 272 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: Go to Justin Coulson dot com, slash podcast slash five 273 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 1: that's like the number five, and tell me what age 274 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 1: do you think is the right age for pocket money 275 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 1: and how much do you think is okay for kids 276 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,839 Speaker 1: at various ages. I'm really interested in your answers. Leave 277 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: your answer at happy families dot com. No it's not 278 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: Happy Families. I got excited there. Leave your answer it. 279 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:12,439 Speaker 1: Leave your answer at Justincilson dot com, slash podcast, slash 280 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 1: five and I'll be right back in a second with 281 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: a parenting hack and and ask doctor Justin what do 282 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: I do when my child will not sleep in his 283 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 1: or her own bed all night long? 284 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 2: We all love our children that sometimes they can make 285 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,439 Speaker 2: live challenging, and we're all searching for the right answers. 286 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 2: In the end, all we want is happy children and 287 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 2: happy families. Doctor Justin Colson is one of Australie's most 288 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,679 Speaker 2: respected parenting voices. He's seminars of equipped and empowered thousands 289 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 2: of parents to make their families happier. But sometimes getting 290 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 2: to a parenting seminar can be tough. There's work and 291 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,679 Speaker 2: other commitments. Then there's the issue of the children and babysitters. 292 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,719 Speaker 2: Now you can watch one of doctor Justin's seminars from 293 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 2: the comfort of your own home and at a time 294 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 2: that works for you in this seminar video available online 295 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,199 Speaker 2: now you're invited. This it in on one of doctor 296 00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 2: Justin's parenting seminars as he takes you from confusion to clarity. 297 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:09,719 Speaker 2: Combining parenting research with heartfelt stories, you'll discover the three 298 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 2: essential keys to raising a resilient child and creating a 299 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 2: happy family. You'll learn how to build a strong connection 300 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 2: with your children, how to really understand them, and how 301 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 2: to get discipline rights. What your child needs from you. 302 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 2: A seminar from doctor Justinkilson at Justinkilson dot com. Download 303 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,240 Speaker 2: this ninety minute seminar now, or purchase the DVD at 304 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 2: Justin Kilson dot teks. 305 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: Dear doctor Justin, or ask doctor Justin. We have a 306 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: twenty three almost twenty four month old boy, writes BM. 307 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 1: We cuddle him to sleep and he goes into his 308 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: own bed around eight pm. Anywhere from ten o'clock in 309 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: the night until one o'clock in the morning. He'll wake 310 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,480 Speaker 1: up and we then bring him into our bed. Mostly 311 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: this works. However, he has a habit of playing with 312 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: my wife's here. Often it hurts her and keeps her awake. 313 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: We've tried putting him back into his own bed, but 314 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: he wakes up almost immediately and gets distressed. BM says, 315 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: we refuse to follow the cry at out method to 316 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,240 Speaker 1: get him to stay in his own bed. Are you 317 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 1: able to offer some advice point us in the right 318 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:13,040 Speaker 1: direction on how to get him to settle on his 319 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,120 Speaker 1: own and stay in his bed all night. Well, here's 320 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 1: what I can tell you BM. First off, by the 321 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: age of two, our toddlers usually need between eleven and 322 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 1: twelve hours of sleep every night. They'll usually go to 323 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: bed between seven and eight pm ish, and they'll usually 324 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,480 Speaker 1: wake up somewhere between six and seven o'clock in the morning. Obviously, 325 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 1: that's going to vary from family to family. Additionally, children 326 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,920 Speaker 1: between the ages of two and three will still pretty 327 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 1: much do best if they can have a daytime nap 328 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: of something, maybe around ninety minutes a day or thereabouts. 329 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: And it's also quite normal in our culture at least 330 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: for children around two years of age to be in 331 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: their own bedroom and in their own bed. As BM 332 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 1: has identified, little ones can be pretty hard to go 333 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: sleep with, especially once they're toddlers. They tend to move 334 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: a lot. You've got to be a really funny shape 335 00:15:58,880 --> 00:15:59,880 Speaker 1: if you want to be able to sleep in the 336 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: with a toddler and get a proper night's sleep. And 337 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,680 Speaker 1: most of us are not that crazy bizarre shape. They 338 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,640 Speaker 1: sleep sideways and upside down and around the wrong way, 339 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: and it's very, very hard work. Ultimately, nobody does well 340 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 1: when everybody's tired and asleep. So there's three options. The 341 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 1: way I see it, experts have three different approaches. The 342 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: first is the hard line approach. This is the hard line, 343 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 1: no coddling approach. Parents put their child in the bed, 344 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,400 Speaker 1: they close the door, and they don't open it again 345 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 1: until the morning. If the child's distressed, parents just let 346 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: them cry it out. And they do this in the 347 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 1: mistaken belief that he's going to self soothe. The reality 348 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 1: is that he's going to be stressed, he's going to 349 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,360 Speaker 1: cry until he's too exhausted to cry anymore. He's going 350 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: to learn that the world is hard and cruel, and 351 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: no one's going to be there to help. And there's 352 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: even some significant questions about whether or not babies and 353 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: young children can genuinely self soothe in these situations. Anyway, 354 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 1: I don't like it. I think it's horrible. I think 355 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: it's absolutely unfair. In fact, it really does border on abuse, 356 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,400 Speaker 1: even become abusive in some ways. And I'm really glad 357 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 1: that BHM has said, I don't do that. The second 358 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:11,119 Speaker 1: approach is the I love you, but you're not coming 359 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: out approach. This is where we are trying to encourage 360 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 1: independence in our children. We're doing it gently but firmly. 361 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,880 Speaker 1: Parents are sort of being told in this situation by 362 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 1: the experts who favor this approach, to respond briefly but 363 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: firmly to their child, explain the expectations, and then tell 364 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 1: them to stay in bed and go to sleep. So 365 00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:33,200 Speaker 1: what the idea here is is that we're discouraging anything 366 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,879 Speaker 1: that could be interpreted by the child as a positive reinforcement. 367 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,680 Speaker 1: Once we've laid down the law, we lay in our 368 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 1: bed and we suffer in silence, or we stand by 369 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,359 Speaker 1: the door and we hold it closed while our little 370 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: one fights in whales and ultimately succumbs to this helpless exhaustion. 371 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 1: Quite honestly, I know that it sounds like it's a 372 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 1: little bit different, but I think that it's just as 373 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 1: bad as the hard line crying it out. It's just 374 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,920 Speaker 1: that we're trying to do it gently rather than stick 375 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,439 Speaker 1: in their bed, walking out and calling it quits. I 376 00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 1: think that it's staggering appalling that a range of experts 377 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,479 Speaker 1: ignore the various evidence that suggests that both of these 378 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: approaches are unhealthy, and that there are so many what 379 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 1: would you call them sleep trainers or baby sleep doctors 380 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 1: that are out there that are saying that either of 381 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:17,000 Speaker 1: these things are appropriate. Unless you're a mum who is 382 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: dealing with post natal depression, you're not sleeping and your 383 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,120 Speaker 1: life is literally falling apart. I think that these approaches 384 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: are just terribly damaging for our kids, and we need 385 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 1: to avoid them. There is a third approach. It's a 386 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 1: much more gentle approach, and it's the approach that I 387 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,439 Speaker 1: favor strongly. Here's how it goes. We need to be 388 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 1: highly responsive to our children's problems and do whatever we 389 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:43,280 Speaker 1: can to accommodate them and help them feel loved. So 390 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:44,879 Speaker 1: if your child comes to you in the middle of 391 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 1: the night, you help him. But the way that your 392 00:18:48,119 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 1: help is also really important. Because gentle parents are not 393 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 1: about having no limits, they're not about indulging their kids. 394 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 1: They're just about working with their kids in loving, kind 395 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: ways until they find a good solution. So, as I've 396 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,160 Speaker 1: with a range of clients, most agree that co sleeping 397 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 1: with a toddler doesn't work. I've already explained why that 398 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:09,080 Speaker 1: doesn't work. So here's what I recommend. First off, be 399 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,159 Speaker 1: kind and be responsive anytime your child wants to be 400 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,280 Speaker 1: close to you, rather than sleeping together in your bed, 401 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 1: have a chat ahead of time before they come to 402 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: you in the middle of the night, and agree ahead 403 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,120 Speaker 1: of time with your toddler that one of you will 404 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:30,320 Speaker 1: take him or her back to bed whenever they get 405 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 1: distressed in the night, and then just lay in bed 406 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: with your little one, or lay on the carpet beside 407 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 1: the bed as he goes back to sleep. I often 408 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,439 Speaker 1: have taken my pillow with me when I've done this, 409 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 1: and I'll lay on the floor with my head on 410 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 1: my pillow on my arm, reaching up onto the bed, 411 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: patting my child back off to sleep, and once they 412 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,679 Speaker 1: settle back to sleep, stay there until they're in a 413 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 1: deep sleep before you go back to your own bed. Now, 414 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,920 Speaker 1: sometimes they're going to notice that you're gone, and I'll 415 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,159 Speaker 1: come back in and you may have some interrupted nights, 416 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 1: maybe for a week or two, maybe even for up 417 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 1: to a month or two. It's unusual that it would 418 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,600 Speaker 1: go that long, but sometimes it can. I just think 419 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: that's part of parenting, and that's part of the inconvenience 420 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,640 Speaker 1: of parenting. If you really want to love your kids 421 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 1: like crazy, this is what I think works best, even 422 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 1: if it is a bit inconvenient. He's only little, but 423 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,800 Speaker 1: even at this age, you can have conversations about his 424 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 1: feelings and you can explain what you want him to do. 425 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,399 Speaker 1: But make sure that you keep the pressure low. I 426 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,880 Speaker 1: think this is another thing that parents get wrong a lot. 427 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 1: We start to get really controlling, really high pressured, and 428 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: all of a sudden, the kids start to get anxious 429 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,439 Speaker 1: about sleep. I wouldn't even make a big deal of it. 430 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: I just mentioned how you seem to be having a 431 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: really hard time sleeping last night. Have a chat about it, 432 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 1: and then say I'll do whatever I can to make 433 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,840 Speaker 1: you feel safe. Always, always, always avoid bribes and star 434 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 1: charts and rewards, because, except in some really unusual cases, 435 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:56,399 Speaker 1: these often exacerbate the problem because it shines extra light 436 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 1: on the problem and it makes your little one feel 437 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: like he's being punished if you can't succeed because he 438 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: can't get the rewards. He can't get the stars, he 439 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,199 Speaker 1: can't get the goodies, and clearly he can't do that 440 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 1: right now, so he's going to feel like he's a failure. 441 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 1: You feel anxious, feel horrible, and you might also consider 442 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: some options like a soft light, a gentle music soundtrack 443 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,199 Speaker 1: on repeat, or maybe even a favorite toy to go 444 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,439 Speaker 1: to sleep with as well. I mean, look, there's no 445 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: question at all that having toddlers who don't sleep, it's exhausting, 446 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 1: it's inconvenient, and honestly, it's just plain annoying. We all 447 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,360 Speaker 1: know that everybody needs their sleep, We need it for sanity. 448 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: The reality is, though, that this is probably going to 449 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,399 Speaker 1: be a fairly brief window of time. It's unusual that 450 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,399 Speaker 1: kids go through this for a long long time. It 451 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,479 Speaker 1: does happen from time to time, but it's unusual. And 452 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 1: in another handful of all two quick years, your son 453 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 1: isn't going to want to be anywhere near your bed, 454 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,119 Speaker 1: and those really precious late night cuddles and comfort are 455 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 1: going to be nothing more than just a memory of 456 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,080 Speaker 1: a childhood that passed way too fast. So we're looking 457 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,959 Speaker 1: really here for a patient and gentle approach. It can 458 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,880 Speaker 1: help him feel secure and ultimately help him sleep well. 459 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: So that's my ask doctor justin for this week. If 460 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,919 Speaker 1: you have any questions you'd like to ask about parenting 461 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 1: or just about being happy in life. Justinculson dot com 462 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: slash questions. You can either let me a voicemail message 463 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 1: or email me with your question. That's justinculson dot com 464 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 1: slash questions. Okay, up next? How to let your kids 465 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 1: play with your iPhones safely at those times when you 466 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,159 Speaker 1: really need to keep them busy for a few minutes 467 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,480 Speaker 1: so you can get something done and not feel bad 468 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: or guilty or have any major dramas. 469 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,920 Speaker 3: Toilet training it's a milestone that parents. 470 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:39,239 Speaker 1: Look forward to. 471 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:43,200 Speaker 3: What is the best way to toilet train our children successfully? 472 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,160 Speaker 3: Doctor Justin Coulson has written a no Mess, no Fuss 473 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 3: ebook to help call toilet training easiest one two weeks. 474 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 3: Written for busy parents, you'll whizz through a clear over 475 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 3: view of toilet training without getting bogged in too much detail. 476 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 3: At just over twenty pages, earbook can be digested in 477 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 3: under thirty minutes. You'll find straight shooting answers about toilet 478 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 3: training based on scientific research, like how to know when 479 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,880 Speaker 3: your child is ready to toilet train? Myths and conspiracy 480 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 3: theories about toilet training, and the most popular toilet training 481 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,919 Speaker 3: approaches and what science. 482 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: Says about them. 483 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,040 Speaker 3: Some toilet training guides take longer to read than it 484 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,720 Speaker 3: should take to toilet train a child. This is the 485 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 3: fast flowing alternative to get your kids going at the 486 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 3: right time, in the right ways and the right way 487 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,959 Speaker 3: toilet training easy as one two WI available at major 488 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:40,120 Speaker 3: online booksellers now or at Justin Coulson dot com. 489 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 1: This is a parenting hack for parents who use the 490 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 1: iPhone or the iPad, although I'm sure that some other devices, 491 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 1: the Android devices have got something similar. I don't know 492 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,880 Speaker 1: if you know this or not, but your iPhone has 493 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: a setting that allows you to lock your child onto 494 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 1: a screen so that they can't hit the home button 495 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 1: to get out of it and go into all of 496 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,199 Speaker 1: your other apps. They can't even turn the volume up, 497 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,399 Speaker 1: which is fantastic if you're in a surgery or the 498 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,720 Speaker 1: shops and you need them to keep the noise down. Now, 499 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 1: before I tell you about the hack, I'm not an 500 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,720 Speaker 1: advocate of handing the phone over to the kids to 501 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:11,120 Speaker 1: keep them busy, but there are times, like when you're 502 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 1: in a doctor's surgery waiting room, where it's just really 503 00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:18,240 Speaker 1: nice to be able to give the kids the iPhone 504 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,119 Speaker 1: or the iPad and it works out. As a quick, 505 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 1: cheap little babysitter. Maybe you just haven't been able to 506 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,639 Speaker 1: have a nap for four days and your exhausted, or 507 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: you've got to have a shower because you haven't had 508 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 1: one of them for four days either, or something like that. 509 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: So if this has happened to you, you've given them 510 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 1: the hand, given them the iPhone, You've handed it over 511 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,199 Speaker 1: and they've gone through your phone book and they've called 512 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,040 Speaker 1: the boss ten times, or you know that time where 513 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,200 Speaker 1: you handle them the iPhone and they turn the volume 514 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 1: all the way up in the middle of a church 515 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 1: meeting or something like that. This is what we can use. 516 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,600 Speaker 1: It's called guided access. What you do is you go 517 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: into your iPhone settings, click on General and then click 518 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:59,239 Speaker 1: on accessibility. So into your settings General and Accessibility. If 519 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 1: you scroll down, you'll see something called guided access. It'll 520 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 1: be under the learning section in your accessibility component of 521 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: the phone. And switch the switch to on. Once you've 522 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,239 Speaker 1: slid the lever to on, you create a password and 523 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,880 Speaker 1: that's all you've got to create the password once. That's it. 524 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 1: So i'll go through that again. Go to iPhone settings, 525 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: click on General, click on accessibility, scroll down until you 526 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 1: see guided access under the learning section, switch it to on, 527 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:30,399 Speaker 1: create a password. You're done. Then when you want your 528 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,119 Speaker 1: child to use the phone, you go to the screen 529 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,400 Speaker 1: that you're happy for them to use and you triple 530 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,719 Speaker 1: click the button, the home button. It'll ask you to 531 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 1: circle on your screen any areas that you want to disable, 532 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: and then you just use your finger to circle whatever 533 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,879 Speaker 1: you want to disable. You don't have to circle anything, 534 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,119 Speaker 1: by the way, or you can select some parts of 535 00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 1: the screen. Then you press the start icon in the 536 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,600 Speaker 1: top right of the screen and everything is disabled, including 537 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,360 Speaker 1: the home button. It's amazing. And then if you want 538 00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,560 Speaker 1: to exit parent mode, you just trip click your home 539 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:04,400 Speaker 1: button again, type in your password, and that's it. Okay, 540 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,199 Speaker 1: I'm going to be back in just a sec with 541 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: an announcement about a few changes that are going on 542 00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: here with The Happy Family's podcast. 543 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,119 Speaker 4: Are you pulling your hair out because your child won't listen, 544 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,160 Speaker 4: won't do what your request? Do you find yourself shouting 545 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,400 Speaker 4: at the children because you just don't know what else 546 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 4: to do. Do you have a child who is aggressive 547 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:26,439 Speaker 4: or hurting you or his or her siblings, or are 548 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,439 Speaker 4: you dealing with a child that is back chatting or disrespectful. 549 00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 4: Are you finding parenting more challenging than you ever thought possible? 550 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 4: Doctor Justin Coulson provides one on one parenting coaching via 551 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 4: Skype or phone and can help you with parenting coaching. 552 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 4: You'll receive personalized individual guidance design specifically for your family's 553 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:50,639 Speaker 4: unique circumstances. Find solutions to the parenting problems that are 554 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,479 Speaker 4: driving you crazy, effective discipline strategies where you can stop 555 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 4: being the drill sergeant, a better relationship with your children, 556 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,840 Speaker 4: and a happier home wherever every one looks forward to 557 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,080 Speaker 4: being together. For more details and a coaching package that 558 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:08,360 Speaker 4: will suit you, visit Justincolson dot com Forward slash Coaching 559 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:09,720 Speaker 4: Welcome back. 560 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,840 Speaker 1: Well, you may have noticed that the podcast has changed. 561 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,640 Speaker 1: The ads have changed. I'm no longer using Happy Families 562 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: dot com dot au, my website's been rebranded, and there's 563 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,200 Speaker 1: been some fairly significant changes all the way around. I'm 564 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 1: still going to be sharing lots of information about making 565 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 1: families happy. That is what I do, That's what I've 566 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,960 Speaker 1: built my brand around and built my business around. But 567 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to be calling the podcast the Positivity Podcast 568 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: from now on, and I'm going to be focusing on 569 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 1: how positive psychology tells us that we as individuals can 570 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 1: be happier. I've got another couple of podcasts next week 571 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,760 Speaker 1: and the week after, all about parenting. I'm really excited 572 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,919 Speaker 1: to share them with you, and that's why I've decided 573 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: to continue that content for a little while, and then 574 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,359 Speaker 1: there's going to be just a slight shift. I think 575 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 1: that you'll still love the podcast. You're still going to 576 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,720 Speaker 1: find it inspirational and helpful and whatever else it is 577 00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 1: that you enjoy about it. Hopefully you'll still get that, 578 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 1: but we're going to shift from happy families to positivity, 579 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: and I think that you're going to find that it's 580 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 1: going to still be equally applicable, but not entirely about families. 581 00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: It's going to be about you as well. I'm also 582 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 1: going to be telling you about some other exciting announcements 583 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:18,440 Speaker 1: in the coming weeks in terms of programs that I'm 584 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,120 Speaker 1: organizing to have online for you, and other great products 585 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,640 Speaker 1: that I'm about to be launching that I think you're 586 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,159 Speaker 1: going to love hearing about. But that's pretty much it 587 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 1: for this week. I hope it's been a terrifically useful 588 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 1: podcast for you. If you've got any questions that you'd 589 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,320 Speaker 1: like me to answer, go to Justin Coulson dot com 590 00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,400 Speaker 1: slash questions and I'll do my best to answer you 591 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 1: in an upcoming podcast. You can leave a voice message 592 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: there or you can send me an email. And if 593 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 1: you have enjoyed this podcast this episode, you can find 594 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 1: the outline and the resource links in the show notes 595 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,520 Speaker 1: at Justincilson dot com slash podcast slash five as in 596 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,520 Speaker 1: the number five. Also, can I ask you this If 597 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 1: the podcast is helpful, I'd be so grateful if you'd 598 00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,680 Speaker 1: tell people about it. The easiest way to do that 599 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,920 Speaker 1: is just go to Justincaurson dot com slash podcast slash five. 600 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 1: You'll find a prepopulated Twitter or Facebook post that you 601 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 1: can share with your friends and followers to get the 602 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,840 Speaker 1: word out about the podcast. And I'd be even more 603 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 1: grateful if you do what a handful of people have 604 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,880 Speaker 1: done now and rate the podcast on iTunes. As soon 605 00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,800 Speaker 1: as you rate that podcast on iTunes, it increases the 606 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 1: likelihood that people will discover the podcast. The ratings basically 607 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: boost the visibility of the podcast. Other people get to 608 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: find out that it's there, and therefore they get to 609 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: find out how I can help to make their family 610 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 1: or their individual lives or workplaces happier. And of course 611 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,400 Speaker 1: you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes as well. 612 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 1: So that's it for this week. I'll have another podcast 613 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,320 Speaker 1: ready to go for you next week. Until then, remember 614 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 1: you don't have to be the best parent in the world. 615 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 1: You just have to be the best parent in your 616 00:29:45,160 --> 00:30:01,120 Speaker 1: children's world.