WEBVTT - Miserable, Magical Menopause 0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:06.479 Welcome back to my new podcast series, Rage Against the Menopause. 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:10.560 Episode two has something for everyone, really, not only women, 0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:15.240 but those with male partners and kids. Also, because perimenopause 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:18.759 and menopause radiates to everyone around you. If you like 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:21.919 me and at times really struggling with the symptoms, some days, 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:25.079 chances are your support network is looking for ways to 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:28.200 help and also trying to understand what's going on with 0:00:28.240 --> 0:00:34.559 their matriarch. Miserable Magical Menopause features author Alison Daddo. You 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.919 may remember her as the eighties Aussie supermodel married to 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:41.800 actor Cameron Daddo, but she's also a hugely successful author 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:46.199 of the bestseller Queen Menopause, Finding Your Majesty in the Mayhem, 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:50.040 which touches on the impact of menopause on her marriage 0:00:50.120 --> 0:00:53.320 and her family unit. It's really helped me and my 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:58.880 husband and teenage daughter. I think you'll find it useful also, Alis, 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:00.360 in congratulation on. 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:02.560 Your book, thank you so much, Thank you. 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:07.520 And can I say the title it's just an absolute triumph. 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:11.119 It's absolutely the title is brilliant. How did you come 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:11.640 up with it? 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:16.320 You know it jumped out at me at the very 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:19.800 beginning because as I was writing the book sort of 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:22.320 towards the end, I just I was just like, I 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:26.280 just want women to feel at the end of their 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:29.160 menopause or as they're going through it, that they feel 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:32.440 like a queen, that they can somehow find the queen, 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:35.840 and then that they don't feel like some broken, horrible, 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:37.959 washed up old lady at the end of it. I 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:41.280 want them to feel so good about themselves. And there 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:45.720 is so much mayhem, as we all know often with 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:49.120 ferrymenopause and menopause. Not everyone, of course, but it certainly 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:54.840 was to me. And I had that title Queen Menopause 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:56.960 for a while and then I actually changed it because 0:01:57.000 --> 0:02:00.520 I mentioned it to my family and my daughter went, so, 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:04.920 you're saying that you're Queen Menopause. I was like, oh, crap, no, no, no, no, 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:06.840 now I'm not Queen Menopause. I was like, oh, I 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:10.360 can't have this going to haunt me that people are 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:14.000 thinking that I've claimed myself as the queen. I was like, no, 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:16.280 I want everyone to feel like they are, and so 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:21.120 I changed it. I think I had miserable magical menopause 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:25.040 or something like that, but the publishing company went, nah, 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:27.480 it's got to be queen menopause. So I'm glad they 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:28.600 talked me back into it. 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.680 Oh no, it's brilliant. Don't you love the honesty of 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.960 a daughter. They can't write to the chase. 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:37.680 That's so true. 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:41.120 The thing with it, Allison, I've got to say, it's 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:45.440 it's for me. It's been the most amazing self help book, 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:48.399 and I've bought it for so many of my girlfriends 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:52.919 in their fifties as well. It honestly, it feels like 0:02:53.240 --> 0:02:58.040 your words right through your chapters, they're so profound, like 0:02:58.120 --> 0:03:01.000 they struck such a chord with me and my girlfriends. 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:04.119 It really it feels like a beautiful, warm hug from 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:09.680 your best friend. There's so many passages in there where 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:14.960 I have been able to get solace. So it's it 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:18.240 has helped me so so much, And I think what 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:22.919 I've gained most of all from your words is that, hey, 0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:26.600 you're not alone and you're not going crazy, that you 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:28.840 are inverted commas normal. 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:32.840 Well, it became sort of multi layer. The more I wrote, 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:36.800 the more I sort of realized, you know, what was 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:39.600 sort of happening for me as well as how the 0:03:39.600 --> 0:03:44.880 book kept evolving. But the original thought around it all 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:48.720 was I felt so alone. I felt like I was 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:52.000 on my own and didn't know what anyone else was feeling. 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:54.720 No one was talking to me about menopause or had 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:59.120 ever talked to me about menopause. I just thought, this 0:03:59.280 --> 0:04:02.560 is insane and like, there's no way I could be 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:06.280 the only one experience in this, the fact that half 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:11.400 the population are women. So I just really wanted to 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:14.120 sort of give. And the more I spoke to people 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:17.840 and spoke to people postmenopause as well, I thought, we 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:21.960 need to find a way after everything that women go 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:26.080 through physically with their gynological system, and you know, it's 0:04:26.160 --> 0:04:30.120 like enough, like hang on a minute. You know, we've 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:33.040 gone that we've dealt with as you would know from 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:36.000 what you're saying, We've dealt with the painful periods for 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:41.240 so many years, the pcos, the endometriosis, you know, women 0:04:41.360 --> 0:04:44.120 got women going through labor and you know, tearing up 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:47.240 peraneums and like just so much. And I thought, and 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.679 this is what happens when we get into this stage 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:52.880 our life, that this is this is how it ends. 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:56.040 I'm like, this is not okay. And the fact that 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:59.039 so many women were keeping silent about it because we're 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:02.480 kind of trained too, And I thought, and the more 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:05.560 I found out about women leaving the workforce because of it, 0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:10.120 relationships breaking down. You know, that the way we view 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:14.760 ourselves as a woman feeling so ugly and broken and 0:05:14.920 --> 0:05:17.240 gross because we've put on all this weight and our 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:20.680 skins change. And I thought, this is not the way 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:23.839 we can finish this our cycle like this, This is 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:27.159 not okay. So I really wanted to find is there 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:30.760 any silver lining in this? Is there anything that we 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:33.640 can sort of catch a hold up that's going to 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:38.040 actually feel like, okay, we might not look forward to menopause, 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.120 maybe you know, hopefully we could get there eventually, but 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:44.520 we can sort of, you know, look at it in 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:48.120 a way that it's simply going to change us and 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:50.920 hopefully change us for the better. 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:56.360 In some ways, I find it so so confusing really 0:05:56.480 --> 0:06:01.520 sort of going into perimenopause and menopause, because on one regard, 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:04.920 you're feeling, you know, I feel when I turned fifty, 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:10.400 I felt this great sense of self and self assurance 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:14.080 that I hadn't sort of felt before, like, you know, 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:18.240 comfortable in my own skin and probably more confident that 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:21.760 I've than I've ever been. And yet on the other hand, 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:24.800 it was like a jackal Hyde situation for me. And 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:26.840 then on the other hand, I was starting to go 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:32.400 through this horrible perimenopausal situation which gives you, as a 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:35.760 media presenter self, you know, imposter syndrome. 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:39.800 Oh look, I mean I think it was so I 0:06:39.839 --> 0:06:45.040 just found the whole experience really confronting. It was confronting 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:50.360 the fact that by how my body had changed so dramatically, 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:53.680 the mate gain was was quite a lot for me. 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:58.640 How I just had no ability at some days to 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:01.120 get out of bed. But yeah, I know what you're 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.520 talking about, because but I feel like those physical changes 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:09.000 almost forced me into that place of you know what, 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:13.120 You're still alive, you're not broken, you don't have cancer, 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:17.240 You've got a great life for your kids and your husband. 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:19.920 What are you going to focus on? Like, you can't 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:22.600 just focus on the fact that you've got fat sighs 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:27.400 and cellulate to your ankles anymore like that. There's so 0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:31.040 much more to life than that. And it's stripped away 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:34.280 a lot of that sort of self reflection in the 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:37.280 mirror type thing and made me just go so much 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:41.120 more internalized to go, Okay, look, what is it that 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:43.480 you want them? Is what it's going to make you 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:47.360 feel good, not like look good, but feel good about 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.680 who you are. So it really flipped that for me, 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:54.240 and I get caught in all the like the reflection 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:57.080 in the mirror, going oh boy, okay, I still look 0:07:57.200 --> 0:08:01.240 like I'm carrying a baby at six months. Okay, I 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.640 still get asked that. I got asked at first the 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:07.160 other day, Yeah, by this, by this man. He goes, oh, 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:10.840 when did you do? And I was like, I'm fifty. 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:14.080 Three, are you cool? How did you respond? 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:17.640 I just said, well, it was the weirdest thing about 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:19.720 it was I was sort of under the water, kind 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:21.720 of like up to stop of my chest, and I 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.000 think he was actually flirting with me, which. 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:26.800 I have not had a man human. 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:32.280 It's been a long time back between anyone's learned. Because 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:33.920 he said, I said, oh, do you come here often? 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:36.960 And I was like, oh, yeah, Cepy, is this your 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:40.520 favorite beat? And I'm like, I think something happening here 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:43.960 that's weird. And then I kind of I stood up 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:46.200 to go in and he looked and he goes, oh, oh, 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.240 when do you do? And I said, oh, fat, and 0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:51.040 he goes, that's okay, i'n't fat too. 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:54.160 Oh No, what an unusual encounter. 0:08:55.640 --> 0:08:57.440 I was like, And then Cam was on the beach 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:59.400 and he came up to me ears, hey, honey. I 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:04.000 was like, Hi, my husband, Hello, thank you for saving me. 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:08.439 Oh no, I love that. There's a chapter in the book, 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:13.439 Allison where you do touch on partners and how hormonal 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:17.040 change impacts them and how they can help support you, 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:20.400 which is really refreshing. There's a lot of books around 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:25.040 that don't touch on that subject. Obviously, you've got a 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:28.480 long marriage, You've been together a very long time. I 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:32.400 would say you are soul mates. How has his support 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:35.760 played a role in this time of life for you? 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:39.240 Yeah, Look, there's been a lot of changes in our relationship, 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:44.480 you know, due to menopause, and I think Cam's had 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.640 to be well why not? I think I know Cam 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:53.280 has had to be really patient and really understanding, and 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:57.280 you know, there are times that it's been really frustrating 0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:00.640 for him. And I've had this sort of ben explain 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:05.920 more about what I'm feeling and have my own patience 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:10.760 with his frustration. But he's been once, you know, and 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:12.840 I mentioned this in the book, Once we sort of 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:18.360 really understood more about about perimenopause, and many metopause and 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:20.520 the changes I was going through that it had nothing 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:23.440 to actually do with him. It was the hormonal changes 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:25.880 in my body that was making me hot and frustrated 0:10:25.880 --> 0:10:29.280 and angry and sad. It was like, Okay, now we 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:32.840 can be on the same team. And that was where 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:34.920 it was really challenging. So I felt like I was 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:38.960 fighting him about going to understand, and he was he 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:41.440 couldn't understand what was going on because I didn't understand 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:44.560 what was going on. So there was arguments about that, 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:47.000 and he was trying to fix me the whole time 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:50.280 because he wanted me to feel better. So once we 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:55.000 sort of understood really what was going on chemically, hormonally, emotionally, 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.880 it was like, oh, now we get it, and now 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:00.920 we can sort of look at it together and see 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:04.360 how we can both support me going through it. 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:08.120 It was a light bulb moment. And that's why books 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:12.040 like yours are so pivotal. As we start talking and 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:16.480 opening the conversation, let's talk about menopause. I just you know, 0:11:16.920 --> 0:11:19.880 there's so many books on conception and pregnancy that we 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.880 touched on earlier, but you know, the conversation it's not 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:27.160 out there open enough. Women. You know, we need to 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:31.479 have a raw, frank discussion as women as a society, 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:36.720 also as men supporting their wives and partners. It can't 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.200 be a dirty word any longer. The more we talk 0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:42.400 about it, the more we educate ourselves and better outcomes, 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:43.000 don't you think. 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:46.400 Absolutely? And as you said, we're talking about infertility. Now 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:50.160 we're talking about endometriosis. We're talking about you know, IBF, 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:54.559 and likee, it's something that's just it just happens, and 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.559 this is the same this is the same thing. It is, 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:00.640 it will happen. It's going to happen to every woman, 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:04.880 and whether they get symptoms or not, but it does 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.960 need to be normalized. And I was, I was to 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:10.800 see there was an article in the City Morning Herald 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:14.440 written by a woman saying women need to shut up 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.880 about menopause work. That was the title of the article. 0:12:17.920 --> 0:12:21.719 And I was like, no, no, there's been too much 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:24.160 talk about it already. And I'm like, are you kidding me? 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:30.200 We've just started, we just started already. That kind of 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:33.480 that influence is coming to sort of shut women's voices down. 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:35.800 I was like, no, no, no, no, no, hang on, let 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:39.760 us speak, let us understand, let us talk with each other, 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:43.000 let us talk with our bosses and have some understanding 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.520 around the workplace and how it affects his air. And 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:48.640 you know, I was so disappointed to read that. 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:53.480 Yeah, that's a common theme minopause and the workplace and 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:57.640 the devastating impacts that it has. I do shift work. 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.600 I get up at three in the morning, but I 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:02.760 have and it's not ideal as a radio presenter, but 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:07.280 these moments where the brain fog and I've had oh 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:10.520 my god, Allison, where I've been on a spiel on 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:13.480 air and then I just completely forget what I was 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:17.080 talking about. Yeah, completely forget, and luckily my co hosts 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:18.480 can pick up and we have a bit of a 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:22.040 joke about it. But I was telling a girlfriend actually 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.280 the other day, I said, it's so humiliating, and she goes, 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:26.640 why is it? And I said, well, you know, I've 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:29.599 been in radio over thirty years. I'm meant talking is 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:31.320 my living. I'm meant to be good at it. And 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:35.280 she said, yeah, but why don't you take advantage of 0:13:35.280 --> 0:13:38.840 the situation and admit that, hey, I've actually got brain fog? 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:41.640 And I said, because that would make me feel like 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.640 I wasn't good at my job, and she said, you're crazy. 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:47.040 You've got this powerful position to be able to spread 0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:50.800 the message you're doing this podcast, like, just admit brain fuging, 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:53.400 you know. I thought she's absolutely right. It starts with 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:56.959 us in opening the conversation and being raw and being 0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:59.280 honest and just telling it how it is. 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:04.360 And I understand that there is unfortunately, there is that 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:06.920 you know, and again it's referencing that article. You know. 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:09.360 What she did say, which I do agree with in 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:13.120 this sense, is that women have worked so hard as 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.160 you have. You've worked thirty years to get to the 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.880 place that you're at, and that you know, for some 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:21.680 women it's like I've worked that hard and I don't 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:26.640 want another reason for my male boss or male coworkers 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:29.680 to think, oh, she can't do her job. So I'm 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:32.120 not going to mention anything about metaphors. I'm just going 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.400 to stuff it down, deal with it, walk out of 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:36.680 the room moment when I'm having a hot flush, and 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.720 I just and even that alone just breaks my heart 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:43.600 that you can't just be open about that without sort 0:14:43.600 --> 0:14:46.800 of some repercussions. But I understand that some women feel 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:51.600 like they cannot say anything about it because they've they've 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:53.480 fought so hard to be in the position that they're 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:57.240 at that they have, and you know that I would 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:00.840 love to see that change. I was talking to a 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:04.840 female surgeon and she was saying, can you imagine as 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:10.280 I'm going in there in surgery and I am covered 0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:14.280 head to toe, mask, hat, everything, gloves and I get 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:19.200 a hot flash. I just thought, holy crap, holy crap, 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:23.760 like horrible, sweat that out. Yeah, keep going like you 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:26.320 can't walk out of no git an operating room at 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:30.480 that point. You know, there's so many places where it's the. 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:34.760 Challenge can I touch on a subject with my experience 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:37.000 that's really sort of hit me for six And I 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:40.000 know you do mention it in the book as well, 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.880 And that is the impact on your sex life. The 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:47.440 one thing that I really wasn't prepared for is the 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:51.200 lack of sex drive. And honestly, Allison, it's like someone's 0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:56.120 just turned the tap off, and I fear that for 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:58.400 my poor husband. I feel like it's never going to 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.880 come back. It's honestly has been like that, like a 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:05.160 dramatic change, and that's really hit me for six. 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:05.680 Yeah. 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:10.840 Absolutely absolutely. But you know there was also the impacts 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:14.560 were there was so much. Not only was the you know, 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:18.840 hormonally that was happening, but because I wasn't sleeping. I mean, 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.880 you know, lack of sleep is always going to impact 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:26.560 your sex drive usually I shouldn't say always, but that 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:29.880 you know, being absolutely exhausted is never going to make 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:33.000 you feel like you want to jump into bed. You 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.360 know you're emotional, like or I was really emotional. That's 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:38.200 never going to make me want to feel that way. 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:41.360 I was in mourning because of what was going on 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:44.720 with my body and what was my intility now was 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:48.160 like gone. So there was all of that, and those 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:52.320 hot flushes was just like at night those nights plates were. 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.520 Just was that really bad for you? Yeah? 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:57.200 And I didn't you know, to have another body besides 0:16:57.240 --> 0:17:00.000 you was like, oh god. So it was you know, 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:02.200 going to another bed to sort of sleep with the 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:05.399 covers off and the fan on and thegnifting down to 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:09.560 zero and yes, to get some peace that way. So 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.880 all of those things, you know, are going to impact 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:15.840 the sex drive anyway. Let alone the fact that estrogen 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:19.840 and progesterones dropped and you know that lovey dovey feeling 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:23.280 has chemically been reduced as well. 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:27.120 I really think this has been probably one of, if 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:30.399 not the most challenging sort of periods of my life. 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:34.520 Even then, when you know, we went through five years 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:38.000 of infertility and treatment and finally getting our daughter that 0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:42.000 that obviously was a difficult time, and when she was three, 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:43.640 I was diagnosed with cancer. 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:44.240 Oh wow. 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:48.960 But I find this is really exhausting because I think 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.879 as a woman in your fifties, I have two elderly 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:56.760 parents in their eighties, so you're stepping up to support them. 0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:01.000 It's like all these outside not pressure is probably isn't 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:05.000 the right word to describe it, but these other influences 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:07.800 in your life, and now I'm grappling with not feeling 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:10.640 myself and not being on top of everything. 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:14.680 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it was because it's similar thing. 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:18.080 You know, my two parents are in their late eighties, 0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:23.679 so dealing with their health issues with the kids, and 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:26.720 then you know, that's that's enough on its own, but yeah, 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:33.359 adds like that whole other extra challenge of trying to 0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:35.560 deal with what your body's going through and not really 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:38.040 knowing as well. That's what I found. I'm like, I 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:40.080 don't know, I don't know when it's going to stop. No, 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:41.720 when that's tomorrow. 0:18:41.920 --> 0:18:44.960 They don't know how far. That's really frustrating, Like it's 0:18:45.040 --> 0:18:47.880 not okay. So at the end of the twelve months, 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:53.040 this it's just like such a great area. Everyone is different, 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:55.159 isn't it Like if you knew that you had a 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:58.480 finish line, you could cross the days off. 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:02.359 Yeah. Yeah, that's and that's part of the problem in 0:19:02.400 --> 0:19:05.119 the sense of going to you know, and I really 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:08.960 really recommend women to go to their GPS, find a 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:11.720 good GP to A is going to understand you hormonally 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:15.200 and give you some help, or your natural path, whoever 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:19.480 you go to. But that's often the challenge that we're 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:22.879 in as well, because Okay, we're like, oh, well, my 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:25.560 parents are not feeling well. You know, I'm dealing with that. 0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:28.879 It's stressful at work. I've got a teenager. I feel 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:32.240 that great. I'm putting on this weight. It's stress and 0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:35.000 we go this way and we carry it and we 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:37.359 carry it until a wha sort of well now I'm 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:40.960 really hot, now I can't sleep. When we need to 0:19:41.040 --> 0:19:44.600 know those symptoms early enough to be able to go 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:47.480 and seek help early, so we're already on top of 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:49.560 it or at the very least know about it even 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:54.119 before we even have our first perimenopausal symptoms. So we 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:59.880 go into perimenopause healthier, knowing more about the information, knowing 0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:02.480 what we're looking at, what we need to do for 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:05.680 our bodies in order to prepare ourselves in some ways 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:08.919 for what the changes are ahead. And I don't I 0:20:08.920 --> 0:20:11.080 think so many women I know I did. I had 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:15.240 no clue. I went into perimenopause very unfit and unhealthy, 0:20:15.320 --> 0:20:18.119 and you know, made everything twenty times worse. 0:20:18.240 --> 0:20:20.560 Yes, I think we're all in that same boat. And 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:23.119 knowledge is power, isn't it. Yeah, you know, which is 0:20:23.640 --> 0:20:26.400 why we need to open the conversation and help one 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:29.360 another as a sisterhood. Mental health is a big thing. 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:32.879 And anxiety. I know one of my girlfriends is really 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:38.080 grappling with anxiety and normally a really confident, vivacious woman, 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:40.320 and it's just crippled her some days. She has some 0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:46.159 really bad days. Anxiety is so common, isn't it? In menopause. 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:49.359 That was for me the hardest symptom of all was 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.440 my mental health and way. 0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:54.960 I'm sorry that took me where I just was absolutely 0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:58.720 at a loss and days of not wanting to interact 0:20:58.760 --> 0:21:03.879 with anyone to get out of bed, felt like, you know, 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:05.640 my kids and my. 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:07.960 Husband would be better off if they if I wasn't 0:21:08.000 --> 0:21:12.440 around anymore, like things that I've never ever, ever had 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:17.040 had experienced in my life. And it was it was 0:21:17.560 --> 0:21:21.320 also in the flip side, it was that was one 0:21:21.320 --> 0:21:24.720 of the biggest wake up calls to go, you need help. 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:27.640 You've actually got to really do something about this. You've 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:30.800 never had thoughts like this, So what do you need 0:21:30.880 --> 0:21:34.000 to do now for yourself to get yourself through this, 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:38.760 get yourself out of this and feel better. And that's 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:43.480 where I you can honestly say, I've been grateful for 0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:47.840 menopause because it's put me on this road of self 0:21:47.880 --> 0:21:50.560 care and self love I have never been on in 0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:54.720 my entire life. So that's where it's really been a 0:21:54.760 --> 0:21:57.160 big shift and a big change for me, which I'm 0:21:57.200 --> 0:21:57.840 grateful for. 0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:02.040 On the broader sort of term of of treatments and 0:22:02.119 --> 0:22:05.600 helped to get you through that through metopause. What did 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:09.280 you do? Was it accupuncture or was it patches? 0:22:10.160 --> 0:22:14.840 Yeah? Look, I because I had always first and foremost 0:22:15.000 --> 0:22:18.920 my for my whole life, I've always on the naturopathic 0:22:19.000 --> 0:22:23.480 way and the therapy way. So Cam and I started 0:22:23.480 --> 0:22:26.760 doing couple therapy again just to sort of talk about 0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:28.760 what was happening in the marriage. But that was our 0:22:29.040 --> 0:22:33.120 first thing that really helped. I also had one on 0:22:33.119 --> 0:22:36.159 one therapy, so that was sort of helping my mental 0:22:36.200 --> 0:22:40.359 health a lot. And I went and saw I actually 0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:43.000 did go through two doctors. I saw a GP who 0:22:43.040 --> 0:22:46.480 was a hormone specialist, and I saw my naturopath. And 0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:51.960 she's someone who had known me for quite a few years, 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:57.080 so she immediately had me on hormone balances. There's stuff 0:22:57.080 --> 0:23:01.400 in mental health that's naturopathic as well, but I do antidepressants, 0:23:01.440 --> 0:23:03.520 but she had me on this natural pathic stuff that 0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:08.120 was really impactful and really helped. She was working with 0:23:08.240 --> 0:23:11.439 my dream or system that was absolutely shot TOHP, so 0:23:11.640 --> 0:23:15.959 she was helping impact that. And then I just started 0:23:15.960 --> 0:23:18.919