Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and we are recording in
Speaker 2: a new place today. We've got a new environment and
Speaker 2: new background. It's feeling pretty bougie. What do you think
Speaker 2: britt Laura's new crib? I felt like when I arrived today,
Speaker 2: I felt like it was like MTV cribs. You know, hey,
Speaker 2: you open the door, we buzzed it. There was this
Speaker 2: big beautiful door that like hides the house, and I
Speaker 2: felt like when you opened it, it was like, welcome to
Speaker 2: my crib. And then Brinna gave me a great, big
Speaker 2: bunch of flowers and accidentally pushed my head into a
Speaker 2: brick wall. Welcome on. We need to explain that or
Speaker 2: it sounds like abuse. I yes, I brought Laura over
Speaker 2: a big, beautiful bunch of flowers, and then you forced
Speaker 2: me into as she went down to smell them, I
Speaker 2: thought that she should be more engaged with the smell,
Speaker 2: so I thrust the bunch of flowers into her face,
Speaker 2: not knowing that it would then ricochet her head into
Speaker 2: a cement wall. So I apologize for that. The intentions
Speaker 2: were good, So guys, if I start speaking slowly on
Speaker 2: this episode, you know why someone should call me an ambulance.
Speaker 2: But anyway, we are, we moved, We're here. It was
Speaker 2: a very tiring weekend, but also a very interesting weekend.
Speaker 2: Packing and just moving house is always such a ball ag.
Speaker 2: But once you're in, you feel good. I know I'm
Speaker 2: doing it this week. I'm moving at the end of
Speaker 2: the week as well. I like the wea time, this
Speaker 2: so perfectly together, so we can complain about moving at
Speaker 2: the same time. Moving sucks. It sucks so bad. But
Speaker 2: I'm not going to complain yet because I'm not haven't
Speaker 2: done it yet. See, I think it's the opposite. Okay, Yes,
Speaker 2: it's like obviously very time intensive actually the physical move,
Speaker 2: but it's such a good time to do like a
Speaker 2: massive clean out, so you get rid of all the
Speaker 2: stuff that you should have gotten rid of years ago
Speaker 2: in your old house. Sure haven't done that yet. Yes,
Speaker 2: you do a big like cleanse, a big throwout, And
Speaker 2: then it also gives you that opportunity to like re
Speaker 2: lay out a house and get it all feng hue.
Speaker 2: Nice for your children to destroy it a couple of
Speaker 2: weeks time, but like at least for a week, this
Speaker 2: place is gonna look great. That's your goal. One week. Yeah,
Speaker 2: oh well, look, if we can make it to a
Speaker 2: month of it looking like it belongs in a some
Speaker 2: sort of catalog, I'll feel great. But my new ambition
Speaker 2: in life, this is when you know you've hit your thirties.
Speaker 2: My new ambition is that I'm really trying to grow
Speaker 2: a lawn. Yeah, you're old. How do you know you're old?
Speaker 2: You put sprinklers on in the morning. In the afternoon,
Speaker 2: the lawn. You're like, how do I get myself a
Speaker 2: luscious lawn? Yeah? It's pretty gray at the moment and brown.
Speaker 2: But anyway, guys, in the new house, I did have
Speaker 2: something very interesting happened to me whilst I was packing.
Speaker 2: And it wasn't accidentally unfiltered of my own which if
Speaker 2: you follow on social media, if you follow Lady in
Speaker 2: a Cat you would have seen a little bit of it.
Speaker 2: But there was more to the story, Britt and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna tell you. So we had a company come and
Speaker 2: like physically pack up all the stuff, right, they would
Speaker 2: take out the things in the drawers and they woul
Speaker 2: put all into boxes. And this one guy had come
Speaker 2: and he had packed up all my bedroom drawers because
Speaker 2: we were the morning of the removals coming, and I
Speaker 2: was expecting that I would do my bedroom draws myself. However,
Speaker 2: he did, saying you always you know, Laura, you don't
Speaker 2: let you barricade him out of the bedroom. You do
Speaker 2: not let the burly removalless man into your bedside draw well,
Speaker 2: like I didn't expect that he was going to do
Speaker 2: it before I got home, Like I was only gone
Speaker 2: for an hour and a half, and by the time
Speaker 2: it takes only takes two minutes, la apparently all it takes.
Speaker 2: I got home from recording and he'd already packed up
Speaker 2: everything in the bedroom. Anyway, I'm standing in the bedroom
Speaker 2: putting some of the clothes from the wardrobe into a box,
Speaker 2: and he picks up this box and walks out into
Speaker 2: the hallway, and the whole box just starts going like vibrating,
Speaker 2: and I was like, your rabbit was on the loose.
Speaker 2: I was like, what the well, I know it wasn't
Speaker 2: a vibrator, Like I know it couldn't have possibly been
Speaker 2: a vibrator, because that's collecting dust in the wardrobe. Is
Speaker 2: that what you're saying. I don't think I have one
Speaker 2: that works anymore. The batteries are long and truly died
Speaker 2: of that thing. Did I get you one? Hang on,
Speaker 2: you got me a cock ring? You didn't get you vibrate?
Speaker 3: Yes, I did.
Speaker 2: I got you a clitorous stimulate a thing. But that
Speaker 2: doesn't vibrate, does it? It sucks? So I was going, well,
Speaker 2: you used it anyway. It certainly wasn't the glitteroust sucking
Speaker 2: thing that was going off the whole box. The whole
Speaker 2: box was vibrating. And the guy who was like this
Speaker 2: burly Armenian guy, he looked and he looked startled, and
Speaker 2: then he just put the box down and walked away
Speaker 2: from it. And I'm like, I was like, oh, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I'll unpack it. He's like, yep, yeah, you do that.
Speaker 2: So he gave me some privacy and I unpacked it.
Speaker 2: And it was Matt's theory gun, which is like the
Speaker 2: massage gun going by by by make. If you use
Speaker 2: that to try and get yourself off, you'd surely do
Speaker 2: some damage. So I took it out and turned it off.
Speaker 2: Then I put it back in the box and I
Speaker 2: resealed the box, and then I went to try and
Speaker 2: tell the guy like I was like, hey, hey, sorry
Speaker 2: about that. Don't worry. It wasn't what you think it was.
Speaker 2: It was just my and I'm trying to explain myself,
Speaker 2: and every time I open my mouth or explain myself,
Speaker 2: he keeps going, I don't want to know.
Speaker 3: I don't want to know.
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, I wanted to tell you,
Speaker 2: and he was like, I don't want to know. He's like,
Speaker 2: it's okay, I don't want to know. And so now
Speaker 2: he still thinks that I had my vibrator. He thinks.
Speaker 2: He thinks, bless his soul, that you've got a great
Speaker 2: active sex life. If only he knew the truth. Hikay,
Speaker 2: So I actually have a thera gun and you have
Speaker 2: just given me anxiety. I'm going to make sure when
Speaker 2: I pack that it is the battery is out, it
Speaker 2: is taken off. I'm going to pack all my personal
Speaker 2: stuff before because I cannot have that happen. Make sure
Speaker 2: you pack your theory gun along with your dildos and
Speaker 2: your vibrators and everything in the same box. I reckon,
Speaker 2: there's got to be some funny stories out there about
Speaker 2: this exact thing. People moving. Surely people have had like
Speaker 2: some sex mishaps. Funny you should say that because I
Speaker 2: do have something I'm going to share with you later.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, this exactly. This is the gift that keeps
Speaker 2: on giving. Now, guys, we do actually have a really
Speaker 2: incredibly special episode for you today, and it's an episode
Speaker 2: that I have been so looking forward to for so long.
Speaker 2: We interviewed Elitie pull In.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I know some of you will be familiar with Eldi.
Speaker 2: Elidi is the partner of Alex Chumpy and Alex Chumpy.
Speaker 2: He was a profetational snowboarder and Olympic champion snowboarder, and
Speaker 2: last year he tragically died whilst spearfishing. Eliti has her
Speaker 2: own podcast, it's called Darling Shine. So many of you
Speaker 2: are listeners of the podcast, and we wanted to do
Speaker 2: an episode with Elerdy last year about grief and speak
Speaker 2: to her about her experiences. But her story doesn't end there.
Speaker 2: She has the most incredible story because she recently brought
Speaker 2: her baby girl, Mini into the world, and she talks
Speaker 2: so much about her life with Chumpy, how she's dealt
Speaker 2: with her life since his passing, and what it's been
Speaker 2: like since bringing Mini into the world. And I just
Speaker 2: love Elerdy so much. She's such an absolute, she's real,
Speaker 2: salt of the earth type of person. She's such a genuine,
Speaker 2: wonderful woman, and she doesn't want people to think that
Speaker 2: she's a hero or a champion for kind of overcoming
Speaker 2: what she has and working through her grief. But it's
Speaker 2: so hard not to look at her and think that
Speaker 2: she's truly an inspiration for how she just gets up
Speaker 2: and gets on with it. Yeah, she's such a breath
Speaker 2: of fresh air. But the reason that Eliti's story is
Speaker 2: so much more remarkable is that she brought her child
Speaker 2: Mini into the world after her partner Alex had passed away.
Speaker 2: That is what makes this story so unique and so
Speaker 2: different from anything we've ever spoken about. In all honesty,
Speaker 2: I learned so much because I didn't even know that
Speaker 2: taking sperm from someone that had passed away was a thing.
Speaker 2: I didn't know what was possible. I know ELDI didn't
Speaker 2: know as possible. The only reason it came to be
Speaker 2: was because one of her friends happened to have heard
Speaker 2: or read about it previously, and she kicked her button
Speaker 2: to gear. Because you have a time frame, you have
Speaker 2: hours after this moment, even talking about it. Now we've
Speaker 2: spoken to Eldi and I still can't get my head
Speaker 2: around what those first few hours and first few days
Speaker 2: could have been like. But I think you guys are
Speaker 2: going to be just as in awe of Elity and
Speaker 2: her story as we were. So I can't wait to
Speaker 2: get into that and share her story with you. But
Speaker 2: before that, look, before we do, you know that there's
Speaker 2: always a few low brow things we want to share,
Speaker 2: Like we keep the deep stuff later in the episodes,
Speaker 2: and the start, well sometimes the start probably shouldn't happen,
Speaker 2: but it always does. Now it's interesting, Okay. I wanted
Speaker 2: to talk about something which I saw that's been doing
Speaker 2: the rounds. There's a couple of articles that came out
Speaker 2: about it this week, but it's in regards to something
Speaker 2: that's been trending on TikTok. We love a good TikTok trend,
Speaker 2: don't we say about three times fast TikTok trend TikTok trendy.
Speaker 2: I won't do it three times by no, Okay. The
Speaker 2: thing I think about TikTok is like it's really a subculture.
Speaker 2: Like there's so many different categories where you can find
Speaker 2: people who have like minded ideas as you and really
Speaker 2: go deep in those sort of concepts. Now, something that
Speaker 2: has sparked a lot of interest, there have been hundreds
Speaker 2: and hundreds of thousands of views on these videos in
Speaker 2: the past couple of weeks and months is the whole
Speaker 2: concept of celibacy. Now, when I say celibacy, TikTok, I'm
Speaker 2: not talking about celibacy because of religious views or ideologies.
Speaker 2: I'm talking about twenty year olds and thirty year olds
Speaker 2: who have opted into celibacy because they think it gives
Speaker 2: them more autonomy, more freedom, just like a better sense
Speaker 2: of self because they're not out there chasing the d
Speaker 2: I actually have a friend, a very whole, good looking
Speaker 2: male friend. He's an athlete, and I remember him telling
Speaker 2: me a little while ago, oh, probably about a year ago.
Speaker 2: I remember him saying, like, way before the trend that
Speaker 2: he did this. He did this for like three to
Speaker 2: four months because he had read somewhere someone else in
Speaker 2: the athlete world had said, Hey, like, if you don't masturbate,
Speaker 2: you don't pretty much don't ejaculate. It does all these
Speaker 2: great things for your life. Now, this is pretty bitch.
Speaker 2: You hold onto your superpowers, you hold on to your superpowers,
Speaker 2: and this is a pretty big thing. I've actually made
Speaker 2: a few athletes that I know that do this to
Speaker 2: a small degree, so like before a match or a
Speaker 2: game or anything like that. A lot of footballers do it.
Speaker 2: They won't masturbate or they won't have sex with their
Speaker 2: partners because they think it takes their game down a level.
Speaker 2: So it's this is actually a thing that people do.
Speaker 2: But my friend did it for three months and I
Speaker 2: texted him when we're going to do this, and I said, hey,
Speaker 2: I remember when you didn't jack off have sex for months,
Speaker 2: like ages ago. What was that experience like for you,
Speaker 2: Like just out of curiosity because we're doing this podcast.
Speaker 2: Was so blah blah blah blah. I just want to
Speaker 2: read you what he wrote back. Ay, Britt, Yeah, I
Speaker 2: did it for about three to four months, truth be told.
Speaker 2: I just got really horny, slept with the girl, slept
Speaker 2: with a girl twice without coming, which was the hardest
Speaker 2: thing I have ever done. And that was at the
Speaker 2: end of month too. I saw small improvements in energy
Speaker 2: for training, but nothing crazy. Towards month three, I was
Speaker 2: just really angry and just thinking of fucking NonStop. It
Speaker 2: was a debilitating level. This goes against everything I have
Speaker 2: read today. I know, all in all is good dopamine
Speaker 2: cleanse for pawn, but it turned me into a bit
Speaker 2: of a pervert by the third month. Well, somebody else
Speaker 2: who did this for three and a half months, he's
Speaker 2: probably also a pervert, is produce a h Well. I
Speaker 2: think it's really interesting because everything that Laura and I read,
Speaker 2: that's why I wanted to go straight to the source
Speaker 2: from somebody that I knew and say, hey, what did
Speaker 2: it do for you? And he while he said, you know,
Speaker 2: I felt a bit more energy overall, he was like
Speaker 2: I was just a creep at the end. He's like
Speaker 2: I was just I was super horny and it wasn't
Speaker 2: doing for me what everyone said it was doing. But hey,
Speaker 2: everyone's different, What did it do for you? My experience
Speaker 2: was kind of like, I can't so it was last year.
Speaker 4: It was when we were in lockdown, which probably added
Speaker 4: to the whole like it was easy to be celebrated
Speaker 4: if you went in a relationship right, I'd come out
Speaker 4: of toxic relationship one to skip a few decided that
Speaker 4: I needed to cleanse my dating aura, like.
Speaker 2: I'm just imagining you out there with the stage around.
Speaker 2: Did you do the old Gwyneth poultry steam the vagina
Speaker 2: as well? I hope not, because I kiss she gave
Speaker 2: it a deep clean, like an end of lease clean.
Speaker 2: I paid some cleaners to come in.
Speaker 4: I know, I just yeah, so cleansed my vagina because
Speaker 4: I realized that I'd spent all of this emotional energy
Speaker 4: and like anxiety and feeling really sad and wasting all
Speaker 4: of this.
Speaker 2: Time on this person. And I was like, I just
Speaker 2: need a break, Like I need a full break.
Speaker 4: I'm going to completely dedicate myself to literally not replying
Speaker 4: to one boy.
Speaker 2: No you in hardcore. So I honestly was just like
Speaker 2: I just can't be bothered. I need to fix my brain.
Speaker 2: And it worked. My god, my career went through the room.
Speaker 4: Were even kidding, It was all my So you kind
Speaker 4: of spent all of that energy that I was putting
Speaker 4: into dating or like you know, just the little things
Speaker 4: like couple of texts a day.
Speaker 2: It actually ends up taking up time in your life.
Speaker 2: But it's always more than a lot. Like it's not
Speaker 2: just a couple of texts, because if that's all it was,
Speaker 2: then that's like very minimal effort. It's the trying to
Speaker 2: date someone to then like have sex with them. That
Speaker 2: energy and mental power that goes into that whole process,
Speaker 2: Like it's super time consuming to scroll back their Instagram
Speaker 2: till twenty twelve as well.
Speaker 4: That takes a lot of time exactly all this investigation
Speaker 4: of what they could possibly be doing with other people.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that was great, all jokes acide. I think
Speaker 2: it was about three months that I didn't sleep with someone,
Speaker 2: like deliberately made the conscious choice to be like, nah,
Speaker 2: I'm turning away from this for a while until I've
Speaker 2: kind of like pieced myself back together. It was weirdly cathartic,
Speaker 2: and I felt a lot better and more confident in
Speaker 2: myself kind of going back into the dating sex scene. Well,
Speaker 2: there's been actually some research studies that have been done
Speaker 2: recently which suggests that millennials are having half as much
Speaker 2: sex as their parents parents, which apparently our parents were
Speaker 2: horny bastards. I mean that's a bit sad, isn't it?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Is it?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 2: I I mean yes, I mean it is. Yes. I
Speaker 2: don't want to think about my parents having sex. But
Speaker 2: apparently we're not being half as much sex, but gen
Speaker 2: z's are having half as much sex as we have,
Speaker 2: which kind of goes against the whole thing that Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, I know that there's this fear that, like,
Speaker 2: young people are very sexually active, and as a parent,
Speaker 2: it's something that you're very conscious of. You're like, oh God,
Speaker 2: do we need to worry about my thirteen year old
Speaker 2: fourteen year old? But I think that we grew up
Speaker 2: in an incredibly hyper sexualized society, Like we grew up
Speaker 2: around it and was surrounded by it. And I think
Speaker 2: even back to like our dating time, so much of
Speaker 2: it centered around just like finding someone to be with,
Speaker 2: have sex with. There was so much validation that came
Speaker 2: from like the chase and having someone like you or
Speaker 2: admire you. It's kind of nice to think that you
Speaker 2: can have the flip side of this and find some
Speaker 2: self validation when you're not chasing the d But this
Speaker 2: article in the Sydney Morning Herald, it did say that
Speaker 2: eighteen to twenty four year olds were comparable with over
Speaker 2: seventy five year old age group. Now that blows my mind.
Speaker 2: How are you eighteen to twenty four because there's a
Speaker 2: pandemic bridge, Nah, we've been out for a long time. Nah, Nah,
Speaker 2: we've been out. I think it's more that they just
Speaker 2: don't feel like they're indulging, and they use the word
Speaker 2: indulging in the article. They don't feel a need to
Speaker 2: as much. And I guess it's probably coming from things
Speaker 2: like this TikTok trend, more people speaking out saying you
Speaker 2: don't really need it, more people trying to channel their
Speaker 2: energy into something else, or sex toys have just gotten
Speaker 2: heaps better.
Speaker 4: Than replying to a you up text is just to
Speaker 4: get Laura's theragun out of her draw that she's used.
Speaker 2: She's you definitely should not use the thera gun. That's
Speaker 2: a terrible idea. Everybody is huge. Do not use this
Speaker 2: thing at home. No, But I think that there's some
Speaker 2: interesting points in this whole thing, and like maybe celibacy
Speaker 2: seems like an extreme thing to go and do. Like,
Speaker 2: you know, this whole idea of like, oh god, I'm
Speaker 2: not going to have sex for an indefinite amount of
Speaker 2: time sounds crazy.
Speaker 4: It sounds like when I was thinking about it myself,
Speaker 4: I was like, this sounds like something that was very
Speaker 4: out of character for me, because like, I enjoy your
Speaker 4: healthy sex life as everyone outreach does, but it genuinely
Speaker 4: did really help me peace kind of my calmness around
Speaker 4: sex back together.
Speaker 2: Well, I just think that if there's so much of
Speaker 2: validation that can come from going out and trying to
Speaker 2: find a new sexual partner, or like you know, if
Speaker 2: you go out with the girls, if you're somebody who
Speaker 2: is very much on the dating sex scene, like you know,
Speaker 2: and has a really active sex life, you're not always
Speaker 2: engaged in what's happening in front of you. So like
Speaker 2: you go out for the girls, you're not really necessarily thinking, Okay,
Speaker 2: well we're going to go for a dance and then
Speaker 2: I'm going to go home hunt. Yeah, You're like you're
Speaker 2: half engaged with your friends and you're half like, Okay,
Speaker 2: is that hot guy looking at me? Should I make eyes?
Speaker 2: Maybe I'll go home with him? Do I bend and snap?
Speaker 2: Do it whatever? You know, But it changes the dynamic.
Speaker 2: And I think if you cut that out completely, whether
Speaker 2: it be for a month or two months, and have
Speaker 2: this kind of like celibacy cleanse, do your TikTok trend,
Speaker 2: I can see how it would have beneficial impacts. The
Speaker 2: other part of this, which I just wanted to touch
Speaker 2: on as well, is like I'm sure there are so
Speaker 2: many people who listening to this who were single during
Speaker 2: the pandemic and it was almost like forced celibacy. I
Speaker 2: would love to hear from you how that impacted your
Speaker 2: dating and how it impacted the way that you're approaching
Speaker 2: your sex life now. So, if you're a Life Uncut
Speaker 2: listener and you have had a six month stint or
Speaker 2: a three month whatever it is, if you've had a
Speaker 2: stint that has been like intentionally celibate, how did that
Speaker 2: improve you as a person. I mean, I think it's
Speaker 2: important to note that when you don't have something, you
Speaker 2: don't miss it and you don't want it. The more
Speaker 2: sex you have, the less it's BRIT's friend, the more
Speaker 2: you want it, nless it's my friend. But the more
Speaker 2: sex you have, the more you want it. If you
Speaker 2: haven't had it for a long time, you don't feel
Speaker 2: the need or the desire anymore. And I've been in
Speaker 2: like most of my relationships have been long distance, to
Speaker 2: be honest, like that's probably something I need to reflect
Speaker 2: on in myself another day, But like most of my
Speaker 2: relationships have been long distance, so I feel like I've
Speaker 2: gone ages without sex before. Because obviously I'm very loyal
Speaker 2: to my partners, and it gets to the point where
Speaker 2: you don't actually miss it anymore, and I get more
Speaker 2: productive than ever. And I guess that's just because I
Speaker 2: want to fill my time with other things. But like
Speaker 2: produce Keisha said before, that's when I'm the most productive,
Speaker 2: and that's when I start to be very successful in
Speaker 2: every other aspect of my life. So maybe there is
Speaker 2: something to it, or maybe I'm just a bit hyper
Speaker 2: and just want to feel all my time, so I
Speaker 2: don't think of anything else but for me, like I
Speaker 2: am sort of here for it. I don't think I
Speaker 2: would ever intentionally choose it, Like I love to have
Speaker 2: a great sex life, but I can see why people
Speaker 2: are doing it when I just turn me.
Speaker 4: I think the one big difference with your friend and
Speaker 4: celibacy is that he was not coming right, So like
Speaker 4: that has physiological impacts, This is more about an emotional
Speaker 4: like psychological impact in my perspective.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Well, it's almost worse if you're having sex with
Speaker 2: someone but you're withholding an orgasm. It kind of like
Speaker 2: creates that that temptation is tenfold, Like that feeling of desire,
Speaker 2: that feeling of compulsion that is not actually celibacy, whereas
Speaker 2: if you are completely abstinent from something and you get
Speaker 2: over the hump of the oh, I need to have sex.
Speaker 2: I want to kind of like, you know, satiate this desire.
Speaker 2: You get over that feeling, then you're kind of like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, you're in a different space. I want
Speaker 2: to say, the TikTok trend that's going around, there are
Speaker 2: three main benefits that people are claiming. Those are clearer mind,
Speaker 2: because we all know that too much sex can definitely
Speaker 2: fuddy the imagination. Clearer mind, spiritual growth and rids them
Speaker 2: of soul ties mostly soulties to fuck boys. But yes,
Speaker 2: it rids them of sult times. I don't even know
Speaker 2: what a sultie is. I guess I'm interpreting this is
Speaker 2: like when you are really connected with someone, as in,
Speaker 2: like you know, you might meet a guy you're dating,
Speaker 2: you feel like this fool to them, but you're not
Speaker 2: in a relationship, so you don't actually owe them anything,
Speaker 2: but you're wasting time. Like think of like a situationship
Speaker 2: where you invest so much time in that person, so
Speaker 2: much mental energy, so much physical energy, so much time
Speaker 2: you could be investing in yourself and it doesn't go anywhere,
Speaker 2: and it's never gonna go anywhere. It's weeding out the ship. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's all it is. Yeah, Yeah, I'm here for it.
Speaker 2: I think whatever whatever flows your boat, you're gonna go
Speaker 2: through ebbs and flows in your sex life and your
Speaker 2: day and life. You're gonna have times where you have
Speaker 2: dating fatigue. You could not think anything worse, and going
Speaker 2: to meet someone and having sex with someone and having
Speaker 2: someone in your house, in your bed, inside you, inside you,
Speaker 2: inside everywhere, like yeah, physically inside your house, your personal house,
Speaker 2: your private house. But then you're gonna have to we're
Speaker 2: gonna want more than ever. And I think whatever floats
Speaker 2: your boat is great. But with the people that have
Speaker 2: gone for a little while without sex and they're getting
Speaker 2: down about it, maybe just try and flip your perspective.
Speaker 2: Go on, join the TikTok trend. Maybe make a TikTok
Speaker 2: and tell everyone what your benefit is. I'd love to
Speaker 2: see it. Yeah, and I liked that. Last week we
Speaker 2: talked about sex positions, and this week we're talking about
Speaker 2: and no sex everyone with who We've really done a
Speaker 2: full circle on this line. We cover everything here a
Speaker 2: live pod cutter. Anyway, it is time for our favorite
Speaker 2: part of every episode, and that is Accidentally Unfiltered and confessional.
Speaker 2: Oh you've got a confessional today? Yeah, okay, so accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 2: For anybody who's new and listening to the podcast, it's
Speaker 2: basically where we share your most embarrassing stories, and confessional
Speaker 2: is where we share the things that you've kept a secret,
Speaker 2: the things that you've done that you probably shouldn't have
Speaker 2: done and that you haven't told anybody. But I have
Speaker 2: a accidentally unfiltered today, and this one is very related
Speaker 2: to moving house, and I think it's a goody. In
Speaker 2: the middle of moving house, my boyfriend and I recently
Speaker 2: contracted COVID and then we had to eye isolate in
Speaker 2: his house for seven days. Unfortunately, the majority of my
Speaker 2: staff was still at my house and I hadn't packed
Speaker 2: it properly. So my dad, being the wonderful man that
Speaker 2: he is, offered to pack up my things for me
Speaker 2: before we moved. I'd gotten into my new home and
Speaker 2: I was unpacking the boxes that my dad had packed
Speaker 2: for me, only to discover five vibrators I used pregnancy
Speaker 2: test that I, for some reason, hadn't thrown away, and
Speaker 2: several boxes of condoms. My poor dad literally hand packed
Speaker 2: these into a box and didn't say a single word
Speaker 2: about it. I still cannot believe that he packed the
Speaker 2: used pregnancy test. I cringe every time I think about it. Rip,
Speaker 2: I am mortified, and so am I for you. Why
Speaker 2: a legend? But was the pregnancy test positive or negative?
Speaker 2: It was just you imagine when I used a pregnancy test.
Speaker 2: Imagine your dad? Five vibrators? Why were they five?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 2: Don't to shame the girl? I wish I had. I
Speaker 2: feel like, I mean, you just use one I bought you?
Speaker 2: But why? I mean, like, I'm so five vibrators. I
Speaker 2: would have loved to see them laid out on the
Speaker 2: table and see what the difference is with all these
Speaker 2: vibrary Maybe one's like a little rabbit byby one's like
Speaker 2: a big juicy penis with called the dad and asking
Speaker 2: far out Rip you At last, you've got a good dad. God.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine looking at that and being like, that's
Speaker 2: my little girl on your chicken? Negative or no? Okay? Well,
Speaker 2: I'm liking that I brought the confessional that I have today.
Speaker 2: I went polar opposite and I went for something really
Speaker 2: really innocent because I knew you'd be a sicico. Back
Speaker 2: in kindergarten, we had a weekly raffle on Friday where
Speaker 2: you'd win a prize. Over the week, you'd get given
Speaker 2: raffle tickets for being really good or making gains in spelling,
Speaker 2: et cetera. Anyway, one afternoon, I was the last one
Speaker 2: in the classroom and I saw a bunch of full
Speaker 2: raffle ticket books on the teacher's desk. So I looked around.
Speaker 2: No one was there. I stole the full book. I
Speaker 2: went home and wrote my name on every single time,
Speaker 2: and then I sneakily put the tickets in the raffle box.
Speaker 2: There must have been more than fifty tickets that I
Speaker 2: put in with my name. This is more than the
Speaker 2: number of people in my class. I won the prize
Speaker 2: that week, and still to this day, I've never told anyone.
Speaker 2: I feel guilty. Surely she knew. How could she put
Speaker 2: If you've only got thirty people in your class and
Speaker 2: there's fifty tickets in there with your name on them,
Speaker 2: Surely that's a spoiler. Don't you also think? Like this
Speaker 2: is someone in primary school? Like where do kids get
Speaker 2: this savvy from?
Speaker 3: How?
Speaker 2: Like when do kids realize that they can lie and
Speaker 2: they she was in kindy. She was fine, Like when
Speaker 2: does this happen? Like does Marley know? Does Marley lie
Speaker 2: to me at two and a half years old?
Speaker 3: I don't know?
Speaker 2: I reckon you know how she said she was going
Speaker 2: to her friends the other day, Laura, she wasn't in
Speaker 2: the backyard pty some beautls. Marley's walking out of the
Speaker 2: house with a bag. That's like you do you remember
Speaker 2: when I was in primary school I stole something and
Speaker 2: I still to this day feel guilty. But it's a
Speaker 2: funny story. My mom and dad were like real health fananause.
Speaker 2: My dad had a heart attack when we're really young,
Speaker 2: and then a whole diet. Everything in the food was
Speaker 2: just like immaculate anyway, weren't allowed sweets really, and you
Speaker 2: know the hubba bubba that used to come in, like
Speaker 2: the big round circles and the meter length, Yeah a straps,
Speaker 2: so the straps. So there was this friend. I had
Speaker 2: a friend at school and she was always allowed young food.
Speaker 2: She always had the best food, and I was always
Speaker 2: jealous of her and she always had hubba bubba and
Speaker 2: I was never allowed it. So I was in Target
Speaker 2: with Mum and they had them at the counter. You
Speaker 2: know how you can bet chocolates and stuff. You stole something.
Speaker 2: I grabbed a hubber bubba and I put it in
Speaker 2: my well. I don't even know where I put it.
Speaker 2: I didn't have a bag. I was down there. We
Speaker 2: walked out of Target and we probably got fifty meters
Speaker 2: down and I pulled it out and I started to
Speaker 2: eat it. And Mum saw me, and she's like, what
Speaker 2: are you doing? And I was like what. She's like,
Speaker 2: where did you get that from? And I was like,
Speaker 2: Alex gave it to me. She's like, you are lying
Speaker 2: to me. Where did you get it from? Right now?
Speaker 2: And I was like, I took it from Target. She
Speaker 2: marched me back and made everyone stand around the cashier
Speaker 2: while I had to tell everyone what I did, including
Speaker 2: the cashier. I told everyone that I stole. I was mortified.
Speaker 2: I will never to this day and like, bravo, Mum,
Speaker 2: because I never stole anything again. But to this day,
Speaker 2: I have never been more mortified my life than telling
Speaker 2: a bunch of strangers in a cashier that I stole.
Speaker 2: I mean, I met her Papa.
Speaker 3: Stole again.
Speaker 2: That is good parenting. Shame them.
Speaker 3: I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2: What a badass I was. That's as bad as it
Speaker 2: gets anyway. Guys, on that note, let's get into the
Speaker 2: chat with Elidie. Thanks for being here. We're so excited
Speaker 2: about this episode, but we do want to kick start.
Speaker 2: We don't start any episode without an accientally unfiltered You're
Speaker 2: a most embarrassing story. We really like to throw you
Speaker 2: onto the bus.
Speaker 3: Do you have one for us? I have so many.
Speaker 5: My friends sent me this photo earlier of me when
Speaker 5: I was asking her, and I was like, oh, this
Speaker 5: one doesn't incriminate me too much.
Speaker 2: We need the ones where you're incriminated. I we want
Speaker 2: like the most embarrassing ones. Oh I'm suitable for a
Speaker 2: podcast and national audience.
Speaker 3: I do so much dumb shehit, but this is just like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't know, this one's not that anyway. I'm just
Speaker 3: going to go with it.
Speaker 5: So I was about eighteen, A bunch of my friends
Speaker 5: were at the Star Casineo, having like a bit of
Speaker 5: a night there, and then it's like one of those
Speaker 5: things where you have a dream and everything makes sense.
Speaker 5: Now that I'm retelling it, I'm wondering why there was
Speaker 5: kind of like teller machines wherever we were standing waiting
Speaker 5: for transport. That was kind of not like sorry, not
Speaker 5: teller machines, but pretend you're going into a bank and
Speaker 5: there's like those screens.
Speaker 3: And like the holes where you would talk to the
Speaker 3: chick through the hole. Oh yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 5: It wasn't even COVID times because it was like ten
Speaker 5: years ago or saying, So, I don't know why there
Speaker 5: was where you go in and actually like convert your
Speaker 5: chips to money.
Speaker 3: Probably I don't know it. Probably I just cannot remember,
Speaker 3: but yeah, because it was a hole in the hole
Speaker 3: and there.
Speaker 2: Was a woman standing behind it with money. I don't
Speaker 2: know if we were booking accommodation or getting the chips out.
Speaker 3: Or booking some I don't know. So I was like
Speaker 3: a bit pissed.
Speaker 2: I've put my head inside this hole and so my
Speaker 2: head is like this close to the chick's head on
Speaker 2: the other side.
Speaker 3: She's like, we'll get out, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm stuck.
Speaker 2: And I was like actually stuck for like an hour
Speaker 2: in this hole or your head actually got stuck, yeah,
Speaker 2: And I couldn't get it out. So my friends are
Speaker 2: like over there being like come on like, We've got
Speaker 2: to go and I'm all trying to get my head out.
Speaker 3: We couldn't maneuver it like this particular way.
Speaker 2: Wit you guess Wait, you're stuck in the perfect perspects hole.
Speaker 2: I couldn't get show me, show me, show me, okay,
Speaker 2: right now, my god, photo of her head. We're gonna
Speaker 2: post this on life on cut. It's too fud I'm
Speaker 2: gonna have that photo.
Speaker 3: I can't even see what is happening.
Speaker 2: How does your head get in there? Honestly, you guys
Speaker 2: need to see this ship. It is like you don't
Speaker 2: believe it unless you see it. You will see this.
Speaker 2: Please go on to the Instagram because I'm going to
Speaker 2: make a post out of this. So I'm stuck in
Speaker 2: there with these two chicks on the other side, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, so, do you guys have any markets back here?
Speaker 3: Like this a bit boring? I'm stuck here like this,
Speaker 3: there's some snacks?
Speaker 1: What are we doing?
Speaker 2: Wait? So what happened? Do they have to call emergency
Speaker 2: in my head in a particular way and got it
Speaker 2: out of there? Some w forty down quick tripp to Bunnings?
Speaker 3: That is wild?
Speaker 2: So what was the motivating factor there? What made you go,
Speaker 2: I'm going to get really close to this person's face
Speaker 2: and stick my head through.
Speaker 5: That pissed And maybe I just wanted to like get
Speaker 5: to know Whoever, maybe I was just like, what did
Speaker 5: you say, hello, let's have a chat?
Speaker 3: Like I don't know, just chucked my head through this hole.
Speaker 5: I don't know how it fitted in in its first place,
Speaker 5: because it definitely didn't come back it.
Speaker 3: Why is it that this is a thing?
Speaker 2: Because I have gotten weirdly like my knees stuck in
Speaker 2: places before. But why do things go in and not
Speaker 2: coming Well, that's the exact reason why a baby comes
Speaker 2: out head first, is because it doesn't really go the
Speaker 2: other way. Like that makes sense. Like my dog. I
Speaker 2: got this puppy and just a week ago her head
Speaker 2: got stuck. We were on a walk and she put
Speaker 2: her head between the railing like to look out of
Speaker 2: the ocean, and when in fine could not get it out.
Speaker 2: I didn't know how to get it out. I had
Speaker 2: to like squish her ears back, the poor thing, and
Speaker 2: I thought I was going to have to call the
Speaker 2: fire brigate. Anyway, I went and got some water. Someone
Speaker 2: helped me, went got water. We like slicked her hair
Speaker 2: down in her ears, and I was like, yanked her
Speaker 2: out of there, but why is she going and not
Speaker 2: come out?
Speaker 5: It's the same thing going in like when you put
Speaker 5: a ring on, don't you reckon? You can put it on,
Speaker 5: but then getting it off.
Speaker 2: Like fuck anyone who has fat fingers. I can't wait
Speaker 2: to share this photo on social media. Yeah, it's pretty heavy,
Speaker 2: like to be honest, that story kind of sucks, except
Speaker 2: because I have the photo, it makes it really good.
Speaker 2: Like trumped it, like that was the best thing I
Speaker 2: have ever seen.
Speaker 3: I feel like I couldn't do it without the photo.
Speaker 2: So you're in there for an hour and then you
Speaker 2: finally slipped yourself out and then did you just pretend
Speaker 2: it never happened? Like just got on with you know? Oh?
Speaker 5: I literally forgot about that entire night until I spoke
Speaker 5: to my friend this morning and she was like, oh,
Speaker 5: do you remember this?
Speaker 3: I've got a photo and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: it's all coming back. I'm going to use that.
Speaker 2: I have suppressed this memory so deeply. Oh do you
Speaker 2: know what's pretty good though, Elidie. There's so many parts
Speaker 2: of your story that I want to ask you about.
Speaker 2: You've just become a new mum, how are you like?
Speaker 2: First off, straight off the bat, we have a little
Speaker 2: Minni in the room next door. She's three months old.
Speaker 2: How you coping in your first few weeks as a
Speaker 2: new mum?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 5: Thank you by the way for getting her to sleep
Speaker 5: and put her down, because she was just squawking when
Speaker 5: I walked in.
Speaker 2: I'm that weirdo that steals anyone's baby. I'm like, gosh,
Speaker 2: let me smell it. I mean, I would have loved it,
Speaker 2: but I was trying to play it cool. But you
Speaker 2: just gave me like a hyaena. You were like, swooped
Speaker 2: on here, try literally trying to eat her. But how
Speaker 2: have you been? How are you coping with this new
Speaker 2: Because it's huge, such a massive and transformative part in
Speaker 2: any woman's life, becoming a mom.
Speaker 3: It's so massive. She is a dream. She's such a
Speaker 3: good girl.
Speaker 5: Like she has a bit of a witching hour in
Speaker 5: the AVOs, but she sleeps well at night, thank goodness,
Speaker 5: because if I don't sleep, I am.
Speaker 3: I need my sleep.
Speaker 5: I think obviously going into it, going into having Mini,
Speaker 5: I knew that I was going to be doing it
Speaker 5: solo on my own, because I don't have.
Speaker 3: Chumpy here and I almost feel like I can't complain
Speaker 3: about doing it on my own. Like when she does things,
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, but I signed up for this and
Speaker 3: I love her and this is what.
Speaker 5: I needed and la la la. But like, yeah, it's
Speaker 5: just been the biggest thing that obviously I'll ever do
Speaker 5: in my life. But it's been three months and she
Speaker 5: so far as so amazing, and we've been on the
Speaker 5: road because I live on the Gold Coast, but I've
Speaker 5: been down in Sydney seeing my dad who's sick, and
Speaker 5: so she's just had to kind of come on my journey.
Speaker 3: And that's the thing as well, like I think I'm
Speaker 3: just essentially living.
Speaker 5: My exact life that I was before, and she's my
Speaker 5: newborn coming on my program. I'm not going on her program,
Speaker 5: and that's just because I didn't have another choice. I
Speaker 5: had to come down to Sydney to be with my dad.
Speaker 5: And now we've been stuck here for like about almost
Speaker 5: three months now.
Speaker 3: Like we came down when she was two weeks and
Speaker 3: she's just super adaptable because of that. So I think, in.
Speaker 5: Hindsight, I'm going to look back and be like really
Speaker 5: thankful for this time because she's kind of just coming
Speaker 5: along for the ride and adapting. I mean, it's even
Speaker 5: incredible the fact that you came down here with her
Speaker 5: alone at two weeks old.
Speaker 3: Like two weeks old is so new.
Speaker 2: But what you just said, I think it's subjective and
Speaker 2: relative for you to say, you know, I should just
Speaker 2: be grateful and I can't complain. Of course you can complain.
Speaker 2: Of course you can be tired. You're still in that situation,
Speaker 2: and of course you're always going to be grateful at
Speaker 2: the end of the day and you love her, But
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean you can't say, fuck, do I have
Speaker 2: to get up for the tenth time tonight, like I'm exhausted.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 5: I also hear people who have gone through IVF, like
Speaker 5: they've gone through rounds and rounds of IVF and pay
Speaker 5: tapes of money, and then when they finally get pregnant,
Speaker 5: they feel like they can't complain about morning sickness and
Speaker 5: the pregnancy things because they're like, I've worked so hard
Speaker 5: for this and I've complained about that part, and now
Speaker 5: I'm pregnant. I should be grateful, And it's like, no,
Speaker 5: you're going through it.
Speaker 3: You can complain. Just like anyone who's full and pregnant
Speaker 3: randomly like total allowed to you know.
Speaker 2: And the big thing as well with this is like
Speaker 2: feelings don't live in a silo. You know, you can
Speaker 2: be happy and you can be sad, and I think
Speaker 2: that there's going to be a big conversation around that
Speaker 2: in a little bit when we get into your full story.
Speaker 2: But you can be so incredibly grateful and you can
Speaker 2: be so incredibly exhausted. Those things are allowed to coincide,
Speaker 2: and so like, as a new mum, I don't think
Speaker 2: you have to set yourself up with a different set
Speaker 2: of standards just because you had to work so hard
Speaker 2: to have Mini. I do want to start your story,
Speaker 2: and I think to be able to do that, we
Speaker 2: have to go right back to the beginning of when
Speaker 2: you met Chumpy and who Alex Chrumpy is? How did
Speaker 2: you guys meet?
Speaker 5: So Chump and I met at one of my best
Speaker 5: friend Laura's birthday party, her twenty first, so it was like, yeah,
Speaker 5: nine years ago now, We just hooked up that night
Speaker 5: and then that was it. He was going overseas really
Speaker 5: soon after, and we just spoke constantly while he was away,
Speaker 5: and it just like we were just on straight away,
Speaker 5: even though he was away, and then as soon as
Speaker 5: we came.
Speaker 3: Back, it was just like we just clicked like a
Speaker 3: jigsaw and we pretty.
Speaker 5: Much moved in together straight away, which is weird for
Speaker 5: me because I'm super independent, I'm on my own thing.
Speaker 5: I've never been like bound to someone. I'm always kind
Speaker 5: of doing my own thing. But we were just so
Speaker 5: it was just so right.
Speaker 3: It was like kind of fairy tale in a way,
Speaker 3: and it just it just had to be. And we
Speaker 3: didn't really even fight.
Speaker 2: Like sold Yeah, I just like saw makes from the beginning.
Speaker 2: Sometimes things just work like the second you meet them,
Speaker 2: they work, And it sounds like.
Speaker 3: That's what it was. Yeah, it was just meant to
Speaker 3: be for me.
Speaker 2: I think, how long were you guys together for?
Speaker 3: How old are you?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm twenty nine, I'm about to turn thirty. Yep,
Speaker 5: so we met in twenty twelve. He passed away in
Speaker 5: twenty twenty.
Speaker 2: So for anybody that doesn't know, he's a bit of
Speaker 2: a god in the snowsports snowboarding world. Do you want
Speaker 2: to just give everyone a little background about what he
Speaker 2: did and who he was. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So Alex Rumpy Puln, also known as Chumpy my love.
Speaker 5: He's a two time world champion board across snowboarder for Australia.
Speaker 5: He's been to the Olympics a bunch of times and
Speaker 5: he's just an absolute legend. But like off the snow
Speaker 5: as well, he's just the best guy ever and he's
Speaker 5: just super active and he's good at everything, and more
Speaker 5: so than snowboarding, he was like a musician as well.
Speaker 2: I also think it's so interesting. I think we would
Speaker 2: have a perception of who he is based on his
Speaker 2: public profile. Obviously you would have gotten a different version
Speaker 2: of him. But was his public persona the same as
Speaker 2: his private persona or what was Alex Trumpy like you
Speaker 2: know at home? Yeah, So on the.
Speaker 5: Snow he was super fierce and like competitive, and I
Speaker 5: think people would know him as that because he was
Speaker 5: very much professional in the media and all that, But
Speaker 5: at home he was completely different. He was just like
Speaker 5: this kind of quirky hippie muso, always laughing, always joking,
Speaker 5: not serious at all, and on the snow, just super
Speaker 5: driven and he just had a goal and I was
Speaker 5: on the prize like a typical athlete, but like a
Speaker 5: really like his mindset was just so competitive and so
Speaker 5: he'd come home and that's when he would just go,
Speaker 5: oh and just relax.
Speaker 3: And that's when he'd come home and just relax, and.
Speaker 5: He'd get like the flu or whatever, because you know
Speaker 5: how they say when you're like go, go go, you
Speaker 5: don't get that. And he'd come home and just relax,
Speaker 5: and he was a completely different person at home. But like,
Speaker 5: both of those people are awesome. Competitive Chump and normal
Speaker 5: Chump are awesome. But it just says a lot about
Speaker 5: athletes in general and how they can just.
Speaker 3: Have this switch.
Speaker 2: Absolutely feel it's been dating one for a long time. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 2: very obsessive. Yeah, what plans did you guys have for
Speaker 2: the future. Were you planning on having a baby, were
Speaker 2: you getting married? Where were you at in your life?
Speaker 5: So Chump and I, yeah, had lived together for I
Speaker 5: don't know, eight years. We bought our dream house on
Speaker 5: the Gold Coast. So we grew up in Sydney or
Speaker 5: I grew up in Sydney, he grew up in Victoria.
Speaker 5: Then we both lived in Sydney together and we moved
Speaker 5: to the Gold Coast in twenty seventeen or twenty eighteen, gosh,
Speaker 5: I can't even remember. Bought our dream house, got our dog,
Speaker 5: who's the best ever. We're both obsessed, and it was
Speaker 5: like Chumpy and Rummy were like they were like a
Speaker 5: duo and I was just always the third wheel we had.
Speaker 3: So we had our dog and we were trying for
Speaker 3: a baby for over a year.
Speaker 5: I have a low egg count, so we were always
Speaker 5: probably going to do IVF, we just hadn't started it yet.
Speaker 5: That was the next step with our doctor, so we
Speaker 5: were like frothing to have a family. Chump wasn't going
Speaker 5: to be snowboarding for too much longer. He was thirty
Speaker 5: two and he was starting to just he was super
Speaker 5: obsessed with home and what we had, like our house,
Speaker 5: and he's like a homebody and loves to just potter
Speaker 5: around the house and he was going into different things.
Speaker 5: So he was definitely going to finish up snowboarding. So
Speaker 5: it was like, perfect, let's have kids now. And our
Speaker 5: house is kind of like you know, a family house
Speaker 5: is like five bedrooms and a pool and everything like that. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and then on July eighth, twenty he just essentially walked
Speaker 5: out the door one day to go spearfishing. He's like
Speaker 5: an action man, always out surfing, spearfishing, fishing out on
Speaker 5: the boat, doing literally whatever he can to just stay active.
Speaker 5: He's just like a waterman or action man. Basically left
Speaker 5: the house one day and just literally didn't come back.
Speaker 5: He had a shallow water blackout under the sea when
Speaker 5: he was fishing out the reef to catch dinner for us.
Speaker 3: We had friends coming up, and he was like, oh,
Speaker 3: catch everyone fish for tonight. We'll make fish tacos and yeah,
Speaker 3: like simple as that.
Speaker 5: He just had a shallow water blackout under there where
Speaker 5: there was a lack of oxygen to his brain because
Speaker 5: he was probably holding his breath for just a tiny
Speaker 5: bit too long and just passed out under the water.
Speaker 3: So basically went to sleep, and he had a weight
Speaker 3: belt on, so he sank and if.
Speaker 5: He obviously if he didn't have a weight belt on,
Speaker 5: he probably would have floated and maybe coughed and caught
Speaker 5: his breath.
Speaker 3: Back or you know.
Speaker 5: But he sank and was found down at the like
Speaker 5: on the bottom of the ocean. Since then, I feel
Speaker 5: like it's been a year and a half. I still
Speaker 5: feel like I'm in so much shock about it. I
Speaker 5: cannot believe he's gone. I cannot believe he's not coming back.
Speaker 5: I say all the time, like I swear he's just
Speaker 5: going to walk in the door. He just I feel
Speaker 5: like his energy is so strong around me, or just
Speaker 5: that he was such a big person, such a character
Speaker 5: in my life and like everyone around us life that
Speaker 5: I just cannot believe that he's gone.
Speaker 2: Where were you when you found out when you got
Speaker 2: the news that something can happened to Chumpy?
Speaker 3: Where were you when.
Speaker 5: Chump left the house that morning? He was going spearfishing,
Speaker 5: so he packed up our car.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have a van.
Speaker 5: He packed up the van went down like just down
Speaker 5: to the local reef two minutes down the road, and
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I'll walk running out. Our dog
Speaker 5: took her for a long walk, and on the way
Speaker 5: back from the walks, I'd probably been gone nearly an
Speaker 5: hour and a half. On the way back from the walk,
Speaker 5: I felt like this insane chest pain, like killing me
Speaker 5: right in my chest. And I was thinking we had
Speaker 5: friends coming up to stay that night from Sydney, and
Speaker 5: I was thinking, oh, what like is this and my stress?
Speaker 5: Have I got to do heaps of cooking and cleaning
Speaker 5: with my like anxious because the girls are coming up
Speaker 5: and staying, or like what's going on here.
Speaker 3: I was just like this sucks, This like hurts. You know,
Speaker 3: my chest is killing me. So I'm like stretching out
Speaker 3: my chest. My dog was a bit like what's going on.
Speaker 5: We're both looking at each other like oh, I feel weird,
Speaker 5: and then just brushed that off completely.
Speaker 3: So I always think back to that moment, and I
Speaker 3: believe that was the moment.
Speaker 5: So then I got home about twenty minutes later, thankfully,
Speaker 5: my mom had come over.
Speaker 3: She was helping me clean, and she loves like she's
Speaker 3: good at cleaning bathrooms. I hate doing that.
Speaker 5: I like doing the vacuuming and the mopping, and I
Speaker 5: was like, you can do all the bleachy stuff in
Speaker 5: the bathrooms. I hate that stuff. So she's a legend.
Speaker 5: She leaves down the road. So she was helping me
Speaker 5: clean the house, and my neighbor comes over and she
Speaker 5: was like, hey, Elle, I saw a chump going spearfishing
Speaker 5: this morning. And now I've just read on the Facebook
Speaker 5: community page that there's been someone that's been dragged in
Speaker 5: from Chumpies Reef. Well it's now called Chumpies Reef, And
Speaker 5: straight away I was just like, nah, well thanks for
Speaker 5: telling me, but like it obviously wouldn't be chumpy. If anything,
Speaker 5: he'd be helping that poor person. Or I just he's
Speaker 5: like the strongest, fittest person in the world.
Speaker 3: He's like a fish.
Speaker 2: Also, you just don't think that that person's ever gonna
Speaker 2: be your person exactly.
Speaker 5: You just never like you watch movies about this happening
Speaker 5: and my heart just breaks, and I can't watch sis
Speaker 5: as sad or scary movies.
Speaker 3: I'm just bawling the whole time. And you're always putting
Speaker 3: yourself in the actor's shoes. Me like imagine, like that
Speaker 3: would never happen to.
Speaker 2: Me, you know.
Speaker 3: So I was like my neighbor, I was like, thanks
Speaker 3: for telling me, but yeah, it won't be chumped. Thanks anyway,
Speaker 3: by kind of thing.
Speaker 5: I started going back to cleaning, and then about like
Speaker 5: ten fifteen minutes later, something just hit me in the
Speaker 5: face and I was like, Mom, she was.
Speaker 3: Upstairs and I just screamed. I was like, get in
Speaker 3: the car. We got to go for a drive.
Speaker 5: So went down to the reef and there was like
Speaker 5: so much commotion going on down there. I was just thinking, Nah,
Speaker 5: this won't be chumped, Like he'll be helping. So Mom
Speaker 5: starts sprinting down to the beach. They were trying not
Speaker 5: to let her through. I was just I think by
Speaker 5: that point, I.
Speaker 3: Was a bit like fuck, I've got a really bad
Speaker 3: gut feeling that this is me, this his chump, Like
Speaker 3: no words for that. I just knew something really bad.
Speaker 5: It happened instantly, and then I thought back to that, like,
Speaker 5: I don't know, it was all just clicking in my soul,
Speaker 5: being that something fucked had just happened. And there was
Speaker 5: this cop, like a police right there, and I just said,
Speaker 5: what's happened down there?
Speaker 3: And he goes, oh, you know, we've found a body.
Speaker 3: We've got a body, We've pulled a body.
Speaker 5: And I said, well, my partner was spearfishing out there,
Speaker 5: and he straightaway said does he have any.
Speaker 3: Tattoos on his ribs?
Speaker 2: And I was just like, yeah, he's got an axe
Speaker 2: on his ribs and he just couldn't even look at me.
Speaker 2: He just turned around like walked away, and yeah, so
Speaker 2: that's I guess just I guess that was just the moment,
Speaker 2: and like, yeah, people were always like what was going
Speaker 2: through your head, and it's just nothing was going through
Speaker 2: my head. I was just so blank, and it's just
Speaker 2: crazy to even think back. So Mum came running back
Speaker 2: up the beach, and I think I was just in disbelief.
Speaker 2: I was just like I knew it because I read
Speaker 2: his face and he couldn't face me. Even the cop
Speaker 2: didn't want to tell me, like, yes, that's you know,
Speaker 2: But Mum just came running back up the.
Speaker 3: Beach and described me and her face said everything, and
Speaker 3: I was just.
Speaker 5: Like fuck no, like, surely I think what I was thinking,
Speaker 5: or I was just thinking, it'll just be one of
Speaker 5: those you know, we'll go to the hospital, he'll get like,
Speaker 5: you know, he'll come back, or he's just passed out
Speaker 5: for a.
Speaker 3: Minute or something like, you know, it's not that serious.
Speaker 2: And so, to be honest, the next hours after that
Speaker 2: a complete blur and days, but basically it eventuated.
Speaker 3: That it was chump and just been in shock ever since.
Speaker 2: ALIDI I'm so sorry to like, I'm so sorry to
Speaker 2: make you relive it and tell your story, because like,
Speaker 2: I don't think there will ever come a point in
Speaker 2: time where you'll be able to tell your story and
Speaker 2: it not just hit you in the heart. Because even
Speaker 2: listening to that britt and I have, I'm like, get
Speaker 2: your shit together, Brittany, you can't. Yeah, but it's it's
Speaker 2: not our story, you know, And like sometimes I feel guilty,
Speaker 2: thank you for being so upset for somebody else. And
Speaker 2: like in this case, like hearing you tell a story,
Speaker 2: like it's fucking heartbreaking because you put yourself in that
Speaker 2: position too, Like what if that or my family member?
Speaker 3: And I want to like normalize.
Speaker 5: I mean, I think it's therapeutic and healthy to talk about,
Speaker 5: Like it's so hard to talk about, but I get
Speaker 5: asked it all the time, So I think it's therapeutic
Speaker 5: to talk about because you know, there is PTSD either,
Speaker 5: And if I don't talk about it and normalize talking
Speaker 5: about it, people live with grief and trauma and they
Speaker 5: don't express it and bottles up inside them and it
Speaker 5: in turn, like later down the track that causes.
Speaker 3: Like disease in your own being.
Speaker 2: And also I think like we as a society, we're
Speaker 2: so adverse to talking about grief because it makes people uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: you know, like seeing somebody else's pain and dealing with
Speaker 2: somebody else's grief. It often will avoid asking big questions
Speaker 2: that result in them being upset because we kind of
Speaker 2: don't want to. We don't want to upset someone, but
Speaker 2: the hurt is still there regardless of whether you talk
Speaker 2: about it or not.
Speaker 3: How do you start?
Speaker 2: I don't even think you start, but like, where do
Speaker 2: you start to work through that grief? How do you
Speaker 2: start to kind of take a step each day that
Speaker 2: comes up? What's next?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I think, And everyone obviously handles these situations completely different.
Speaker 5: I've got widow friends that I've now met that have
Speaker 5: also lost the loves of their life, and I've met
Speaker 5: them on social media and so we've like banded together
Speaker 5: and we sit up late at night in chat and
Speaker 5: that's how That's literally how I got through at the start.
Speaker 5: But I remember the first I mean, I don't know
Speaker 5: if it was like the first night, but I just
Speaker 5: remember in general thinking how can I go back to
Speaker 5: our house and sleep in our.
Speaker 3: Bed and go back to like our life and our
Speaker 3: things like? But then also how can I not? Would
Speaker 3: I want to be anywhere else? Do I want to
Speaker 3: pack up everything and move?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: There was like all that going through my.
Speaker 5: Head, But the safest place for me felt like my
Speaker 5: room and our house was like my little sanctuary, and
Speaker 5: that's where I felt safest to grieve and to process everything.
Speaker 5: And I didn't want to even leave my house. I
Speaker 5: didn't want to do anything but be in our space. Weirdly,
Speaker 5: I don't know if it was because I felt like
Speaker 5: he was there, or I just felt like this protection
Speaker 5: in the house in such a vulnerable time where like
Speaker 5: I was just completely broken into pieces, and I was
Speaker 5: so glad I felt grounded in our house because I
Speaker 5: couldn't imagine and this would happen to a lot of
Speaker 5: widows or you know, people going through massive loss they
Speaker 5: need to up and move. And maybe also because COVID
Speaker 5: was around, I couldn't just fuck off overseas and like restart,
Speaker 5: and I had had our dog, and do you know what,
Speaker 5: my life essentially, apart from Chump being completely gone, I
Speaker 5: just kept doing what we would do every day. I
Speaker 5: just kept going to the beach in the morning with
Speaker 5: my dog and walking her and just keeping some sort
Speaker 5: of routine in my life. I had all my friends
Speaker 5: and family around me constantly. I was barely alone, you
Speaker 5: know what, you just keep going like I just didn't
Speaker 5: have a choice. And people are always like, you're so strong,
Speaker 5: You're so amazing.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm not amazing. I'm not strong.
Speaker 5: I just actually don't have a choice, and I think
Speaker 5: I'm such a rational, realistic person, and I was just like,
Speaker 5: I either die here today with Chump, like let my
Speaker 5: or not maybe not physically die, but like let myself
Speaker 5: just die, or I just.
Speaker 3: Pick myself up and I just keep going. Well that's
Speaker 3: my only option, right.
Speaker 5: Does it get easier though as time goes on, I
Speaker 5: feel like it did get harder a few months ago,
Speaker 5: like I was in so much shock for so long,
Speaker 5: so much shocked.
Speaker 3: I was honestly like a robot.
Speaker 5: I'd just be doing normal things, just out and about,
Speaker 5: kind of doing normal things. My friends would just be
Speaker 5: like staring at me, like how are you just you know,
Speaker 5: out for a coffee right now?
Speaker 3: Like what is going through your head?
Speaker 5: Like I was just on autopilot. It was like proper
Speaker 5: out of body experiences. I would kind of like watch
Speaker 5: myself from above, just doing normal things. But I'd also
Speaker 5: be thinking, like, how are we just out and about
Speaker 5: doing normal shit? Why a cafes even open right now?
Speaker 5: Chump's gone, like what? But I can't even explain it.
Speaker 3: It's the most crazy thing.
Speaker 2: But I think everybody does, like you said, everyone differently,
Speaker 2: and no one is ever gonna be able to understand
Speaker 2: what it's like. But were there ever moments where you
Speaker 2: felt guilty, like in terms of you were having fun
Speaker 2: with your friends, or you were laughing, or maybe you
Speaker 2: weren't thinking about him for ten minutes while you're doing something.
Speaker 2: Do you have moments of guilt like I shouldn't feel
Speaker 2: this reprieve and relief when he's not here.
Speaker 3: It's such a catch twenty two.
Speaker 5: So I'd find myself like out with friends, laughing my
Speaker 5: head off, having a great time just months after.
Speaker 3: But don't get me wrong, people would.
Speaker 2: Say like, hey, if you don't mind me asking like
Speaker 2: you know, or bring up chump or ask something, and
Speaker 2: I'd be like, hey, you're not reminding me, Like it's
Speaker 2: always here, it's right here. So yeah, I would be
Speaker 2: having fun and I would kind of feel guilty. But
Speaker 2: then when i'd go home and crawl into a hole
Speaker 2: or say whether I'm alone or with someone, and I'd
Speaker 2: like how or like just be super to have a
Speaker 2: really depressing day, or like a big wave of grief
Speaker 2: would come and I'd just be debilitated.
Speaker 3: I'd feel also so guilty about that because I don't
Speaker 3: want him.
Speaker 2: I just I don't want him looking down on me,
Speaker 2: like just kind of dying, you know, or yeah, so
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'd feel there's just literally no right
Speaker 2: or wrong. I felt so guilty about anything I did.
Speaker 2: Anyone knows that their loved ones are going to want
Speaker 2: them to be happy and move on. He's not going
Speaker 2: to want to ever see you upset, and that doesn't
Speaker 2: help the situation. It doesn't make you say a cool
Speaker 2: I won't be upset then, But I guess there is
Speaker 2: some comfort in that. Let's talk about this sperm retrieval.
Speaker 2: You guys had plans for a baby you had, and
Speaker 2: obviously that hadn't happened yet. I think ninety percent people
Speaker 2: are not going to know what it is or that
Speaker 2: it's an option. Well, originally, before hearing your story even today,
Speaker 2: and I've followed a lot of your story, I had
Speaker 2: thought that you guys had already gone down the process
Speaker 2: of IVF and that that had already been something they
Speaker 2: had his sperm or something already, so there was a
Speaker 2: decision about how to use it. I never realized that actually,
Speaker 2: after Trumpy had passed away, there was a period there
Speaker 2: where there was a conversation around sperm retrieval. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: very limited, isn't it's like twenty four hours.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to do it really quickly.
Speaker 2: So is that like?
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I honestly don't remember a great deal. So
Speaker 5: Chumpy's parents flew up straight away. They're down in like
Speaker 5: on the border of New South Wales and Victoria, So
Speaker 5: they flew up to the Gold Coast straight away, and
Speaker 5: in so much shock as you can imagine. Two of
Speaker 5: my friends, Laura and Chloe had floated the idea of
Speaker 5: sperm retrieval with my mum and my brother, and nobody
Speaker 5: had heard about it. Laura had by chance heard about
Speaker 5: it randomly and just maybe quickly researched it, figured out
Speaker 5: it was a thing, and then floated it with my
Speaker 5: mum and my brother.
Speaker 3: Everyone was kind of like, oh, that's so like do
Speaker 3: we ask her?
Speaker 2: I don't know, but we're talking about floating this idea
Speaker 2: is in like that day, aren't we? Like? The turnaround?
Speaker 2: Is that's not? Yeah? Like the turn This isn't like
Speaker 2: two weeks later. This isn't something you know, go back to.
Speaker 3: It is immediate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So it was you just found out that Chumpy
Speaker 2: had passed away. Yes, and your friends and family were
Speaker 2: thinking literally that same day, like, how do we bring
Speaker 2: this up with led? Pretty incredible, amazing that they have
Speaker 2: the capacity to think like that in such like diastraits.
Speaker 3: I remember my brother and I don't even know how
Speaker 3: I remember this. I remember sitting out on the back
Speaker 3: deck just like with my head in my knees and
Speaker 3: my brother coming up to me saying, I think there's
Speaker 3: like this way that we might be able to get
Speaker 3: chumpy sperm. And I didn't even let him finish this sentence.
Speaker 3: I was just like, go, yes, do whatever you have to.
Speaker 5: I don't know what that even means, Like, yes, sorted
Speaker 5: out with whoever you have to talk to. Yeah, just
Speaker 5: make it happen, pretty much. I just was like, that's
Speaker 5: that's the end of the conversation. Make it happen, please.
Speaker 5: So Trump's parents were obviously like all for it. Everyone
Speaker 5: knew we were trying for a baby already, so each
Speaker 5: month they were like, are you pregnant?
Speaker 3: Are you pregnant yet? Like you know, it wasn't like
Speaker 3: a secret that we wanted a family.
Speaker 5: Were trying for a while, and IVF was definitely on
Speaker 5: the cards because I had a low egg count, so
Speaker 5: it was literally going to be our next step just obviously.
Speaker 3: Didn't think I would be doing it alone.
Speaker 5: So yeah, they're all signing like you know, legal things,
Speaker 5: talking to the coroners, and I'd like to be honest,
Speaker 5: I don't even have to get my mum or Chloe
Speaker 5: on to tell you what they did, because I was
Speaker 5: not even mentally or physically there.
Speaker 2: That incredible, though, that you can just sit there and
Speaker 2: say and like that you have the people around you
Speaker 2: that are like, don't even think about it, just say
Speaker 2: yes and we'll sort it. And then you've just got
Speaker 2: friends and family that I can imagine the stress and
Speaker 2: anxiety for them also just saying cool, I have like
Speaker 2: twenty four hours to just get this done. And it
Speaker 2: blows my mind, like, what incredible village you have around you?
Speaker 2: How much time do you have so after somebody has
Speaker 2: passed away to be able to retrieve sperm for it
Speaker 2: to still be viable to use.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I don't know the exact timings. I mean,
Speaker 5: like legally, I think each state's different, but I think
Speaker 5: legally it has to be. Maybe they're no longer than
Speaker 5: thirty six hours.
Speaker 2: I think I did look this up, and I think
Speaker 2: for your state it was thirty six hours I'll double
Speaker 2: check that. But that's not long.
Speaker 3: No, that's not long at all.
Speaker 5: However, sperm apparently can stay alive for a number of days.
Speaker 5: I think, depending on the nature of the accident, it
Speaker 5: can survive within a person's body for a number of days.
Speaker 5: But like legally to retrieve it, Yeah, thirty six hours
Speaker 5: in Queensland, and we were so so lucky that the
Speaker 5: sperm was alive and healthy when the doctor yeah, retrieved
Speaker 5: it because I think he was so nervous that it
Speaker 5: was he wasn't gonna be alive.
Speaker 2: What was that like? That period of life? I guess
Speaker 2: when you've already decided you're gonna have a baby, you
Speaker 2: have all these plans, you have all these ideas for
Speaker 2: what your life is going to be. Then everything gets
Speaker 2: flipped on its head instantly. But you still have that opportunity,
Speaker 2: you say, like almost instantly you will like go and
Speaker 2: do it whatever you need to do. I still want
Speaker 2: to have this baby, I still want to do this.
Speaker 2: How are you able to like compartmentalize that so quickly.
Speaker 3: I mean, look, I had to.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I had heaps of counseling, Like I wasn't feeling
Speaker 5: much at the fate at that moment, I was in
Speaker 5: so much shocked still, it was almost like I had
Speaker 5: to google how to grieve or like, I mean, obviously
Speaker 5: I didn't do that, but in my head, I was like,
Speaker 5: the biggest thing that ever happened to my life.
Speaker 3: Has just happened. Like this isn't normal at all. What
Speaker 3: am I going to do? I need help?
Speaker 5: So I started booking in psychology things and just trying
Speaker 5: to get my head straight. But it was way too
Speaker 5: early because I still didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was the weirdest thing I think.
Speaker 5: I think I was trying to get on the forefront
Speaker 5: of my grief, but I just had no idea the
Speaker 5: vortex that I was in, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: I was so in it that I couldn't really It's.
Speaker 2: Like you were anticipating, yeah, grief, like you were anticipating,
Speaker 2: not that you hadn't felt it, but you were like,
Speaker 2: I know I'm gonna need it, but you hadn't even gone.
Speaker 2: You didn't even know what these processes were exactly.
Speaker 5: And I was so scared that because I'd felt nothing, nothing, nothing,
Speaker 5: my body was just protecting me like the shock mechanism.
Speaker 5: I thought that like a bus would hit me one
Speaker 5: day and I'd just be like completely just stabilitated by it.
Speaker 3: But basically, thank goodness, that didn't happen. It was more
Speaker 3: just like slow waves of grief started flurrying in and
Speaker 3: I stayed busy. I kept going. I said to someone
Speaker 3: the other day, like, I think I grieve on the go,
Speaker 3: Like I'm just really good on my feet. I don't
Speaker 3: really stop. I never did before.
Speaker 5: I was like always a very busy person and like
Speaker 5: super social too. So my friends just come along for
Speaker 5: the ride. And if I'm happy that day, I'm happy.
Speaker 5: If I'm having a moment that day, I'm having a moment,
Speaker 5: But we always do find a't to laugh or something
Speaker 5: like I'm not it's just super up and down, and
Speaker 5: they grieve with me, Thank goodness. So I felt like
Speaker 5: I was always able to express myself like clicked. One day,
Speaker 5: I felt like I was just like, no, the next
Speaker 5: step for me is I'm having Chump's kid, Like, oh,
Speaker 5: we've got the sperm.
Speaker 3: What am I waiting for? I'm young, I'm healthy.
Speaker 5: This is the time I want to bring a piece
Speaker 5: of him back. I don't want to wait any longer.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I just I felt set up and confident
Speaker 3: to do it, and I'm obviously I'll be grieving forever.
Speaker 5: It wasn't like, Okay, cool, I've accepted he's gone. I'm
Speaker 5: done grieving, let's go into the baby face. I was like,
Speaker 5: I'm just going to live life alongside this grief. Yes,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna be pregnant. Yes, my health will be like paramount,
Speaker 5: and I won't let like depression or anything get in
Speaker 5: the way of carrying like a healthy baby. But it's
Speaker 5: just like this ongoing thing that I would just steal
Speaker 5: with forever, I guess. And I think I've just accepted that,
Speaker 5: and I try and just live like a very full
Speaker 5: life alongside just missing him and pining for him. But
Speaker 5: they say that grief is just love that has nowhere
Speaker 5: to go. And I think having Mini, I've got someone
Speaker 5: to love and to cherish and to protect. And she's like,
Speaker 5: she's not chumpy, She'll never be chumpy. She'll never be
Speaker 5: like my husband or my person. But you know, I've
Speaker 5: got something to put my love and energy into and
Speaker 5: she's just the best thing in the world.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'd do without her, or was
Speaker 2: there ever a time. Firstly, when you said there was
Speaker 2: one day where you were finally ready. What was the
Speaker 2: time period between that?
Speaker 3: And then?
Speaker 2: Secondly, was there ever a time like was it always yes,
Speaker 2: I'm having a baby, or was there any reservations ever
Speaker 2: about oh gosh, like I am going to look at
Speaker 2: a part of my past forever. Is that going to
Speaker 2: be too hard? Was there ever this question in your head?
Speaker 3: No? So yeah, I think we waited. I mean, wasn't
Speaker 3: even waited.
Speaker 5: But it was about six months after when I realized
Speaker 5: that I just need to go ahead and do the
Speaker 5: IVF and I cannot wait to be pregnant and carry
Speaker 5: his child and have Chump's baby, like we were always
Speaker 5: going to and like carry on our dream, and I
Speaker 5: wanted to.
Speaker 3: Carry on his legacy. I never wanted him to be
Speaker 3: the elephant the room.
Speaker 5: I never want to jump to just die and be gone,
Speaker 5: Like I just I want to forever be talking about him.
Speaker 5: Like when I talk about normalizing grief, I'm talking about
Speaker 5: always celebrating that person. I never want to stop talking
Speaker 5: about him, and his family is the same. We get together,
Speaker 5: We're always talking about him. I'd hate if my friends
Speaker 5: stop talking about him. It's never something I wanted to
Speaker 5: be like, Okay, that was a chapter in my life.
Speaker 5: By that happened, that was really sad. I don't want
Speaker 5: to talk about it. I want to talk about it forever.
Speaker 5: I want him to still be a massive part of
Speaker 5: my life forever. And we wanted a baby, so why
Speaker 5: not carry on our dream without him?
Speaker 2: Mini is like I mean I said, I got to
Speaker 2: hold her like she's it's incredible, Like having a baby
Speaker 2: is incredible. And no matter how a baby comes into
Speaker 2: the world, you have this moment where you're like, that's
Speaker 2: a fucking miracle, Like that human is a little miracle.
Speaker 2: Yours is genuinely a miracle. What was the process around?
Speaker 2: Is it normal IVF? Like what did you have to
Speaker 2: go through in order to make it happen? Yes?
Speaker 5: So, And this is where I learned a lot about IVF.
Speaker 5: My doctor had to do a process called IXY because
Speaker 5: the sperm was not like ejaculated. It was I don't
Speaker 5: know what you would call it, extracted, Yeah, extracted. So
Speaker 5: IXY is just a form of IVF and they do
Speaker 5: it with lots of guys who are alive. Their sperm
Speaker 5: may just work in a different way or not work
Speaker 5: when it's ejaculated or something. So it's called IXY, this
Speaker 5: procedure that they do with some types of sperm, and
Speaker 5: basically they have the egg and they get like the
Speaker 5: needle or something with the sperm in it, and they
Speaker 5: actually just puncture the actual egg and inject the sperm
Speaker 5: straight into the egg. So it's got the best chance
Speaker 5: of i don't know, like taking it fertilization. So that worked,
Speaker 5: Thank goodness, we fertilized a bunch of eggs. The first
Speaker 5: round of IVF didn't work. In the second round worked.
Speaker 5: But to be honest, when I signed up for IVF
Speaker 5: and I didn't have heaps of I mean, obviously I
Speaker 5: had all the time in the world, but I didn't
Speaker 5: have all the money in the world, and IVF is expensive, so.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not just going to push this
Speaker 2: thing uphill. If you know, if it's meant to be,
Speaker 2: it's got to happen in the first few rounds. I'm
Speaker 2: not going to do like ten rounds of this.
Speaker 5: Like lots people do IVF forever, and my heart goes
Speaker 5: out to them because it's hectic, all the hormones and
Speaker 5: everything you.
Speaker 3: Have to go through.
Speaker 2: So you had told yourself that you had said, look, up,
Speaker 2: I'm going to give it like four times or something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hadn't said a specific number, but I was like,
Speaker 3: I can't afford to do too many rounds, so let's
Speaker 3: just give it a shot and see what happens. And
Speaker 3: it was just like a case by case situation. So
Speaker 3: first round didn't work, second round.
Speaker 5: Worked, and yeah, I just literally could not be more
Speaker 5: grateful because Chloe, like my best friend, is going through
Speaker 5: IVF so many.
Speaker 3: Fertility issues and it's massive. So many people go through
Speaker 3: rounds and rounds and around. So I feel so lucky
Speaker 3: that that happened on the second round.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's the thing, isn't it. It's like a
Speaker 2: we don't know what a fertility is. And like you said,
Speaker 2: you checked your account, I did the same. My phrase
Speaker 2: makes last year, I have a really low egccount. But
Speaker 2: there are so many women unfortunately that Anna's lucky in
Speaker 2: the sense that it took the second time. How many
Speaker 2: This is just like a bit of a medical curiosity
Speaker 2: question how much sperm do they extract in terms of
Speaker 2: like did you do you know that you only had
Speaker 2: say three or four embryos, or do you have an
Speaker 2: excessive amount of sperm that you could constantly try to
Speaker 2: make embros. So basically the doctor was able to extract
Speaker 2: like millions, I believe of little spermis amazing. You're like,
Speaker 2: I'll take my pick.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hope could have a village.
Speaker 5: But of the million, say, for example, like if it
Speaker 5: was a million, I don't know how many million or whatever,
Speaker 5: but one percent of them were viable.
Speaker 3: But I guess that's still a shitload if you're talking
Speaker 3: about a million, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: I mean, it's great for you now, but it just
Speaker 2: sucks that the women we get these tiny amount of eggs,
Speaker 2: but men are just shooting out sperm Leffron and Center
Speaker 2: so much like they're getting millions of those bad boys.
Speaker 2: We're like lucky if we get some of us. A
Speaker 2: lucky if we can extract a few eggs.
Speaker 3: I know, it's not bloody fair. It's going to pop it.
Speaker 2: That's not fair. Okay, So you took the second time?
Speaker 2: Did you find out? I mean, we know now you
Speaker 2: have a beautiful little girl called Mini, But did you
Speaker 2: find out what.
Speaker 3: You were having?
Speaker 2: Did you keep it a surprise?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 5: I was always someone that was like I would never
Speaker 5: find out. I love surprises and Chumpy was like, nap,
Speaker 5: we would have to find out. He's so I think
Speaker 5: the athlete in him is like, you know, they have
Speaker 5: to control this situation, and like he doesn't like surprises.
Speaker 3: So he was always like, we'd have to find out,
Speaker 3: and I was like, I'm not letting you find out,
Speaker 3: Like you're just not finding out.
Speaker 2: So he was just like growing in me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I get the last day.
Speaker 5: So he always like agreed to fine, it's going to
Speaker 5: kill me, but we won't find out. And yeah, of
Speaker 5: course he wasn't here, but I didn't find out, and
Speaker 5: it was just the best surprise not knowing.
Speaker 3: But by the end, I just knew she was a
Speaker 3: little girl. I knew it well.
Speaker 5: Everyone was saying boy, and I think that they wanted
Speaker 5: me to have a boy because of Chump, And I
Speaker 5: think at first I was like.
Speaker 3: Oh, if it was a little boy, that'd be so cool.
Speaker 3: But I'm so I just love that she's a girl.
Speaker 5: And the more like, as my pregnancy went on, I
Speaker 5: really felt that she was a girl and I was
Speaker 5: kind of getting a bit scared in case. I mean,
Speaker 5: obviously I would have been beyond stoked with whatever gender
Speaker 5: I got, but I feel like if I was Jump's
Speaker 5: little boy and Trump wasn't here, I'd feel like have
Speaker 5: heaps to like live up to be, like.
Speaker 2: How do I make you a world champion Olympia?
Speaker 5: And I don't want this boy to feel like he's
Speaker 5: filling a void or something like totally.
Speaker 3: I mean, look, Minnie could have been a boy.
Speaker 5: And I would be definitely not saying this and not
Speaker 5: even thinking it because I'd just be so beyond stoke
Speaker 5: to have a baby. But now that she's a girl,
Speaker 5: I am just so stoked and so glad. I've got
Speaker 5: a little like a little best.
Speaker 3: Friend, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: What was the day like when you went into labor
Speaker 2: and you went into the hospital to have Minnie? What
Speaker 2: was that process like for you? Like how was your labor?
Speaker 2: I'm such a perv for birth stories, but like what
Speaker 2: was your labor like? And what was the experience? Who
Speaker 2: did you have with you?
Speaker 3: My mum came into the birthing speech. She was like
Speaker 3: my person. She was amazing. She was so strong and
Speaker 3: just held me together.
Speaker 5: But I had like early labor at home from four
Speaker 5: am to four pm before we went into the hospital
Speaker 5: around four pm that day.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm like, I'm done. Girlfriend, You've got
Speaker 2: no idea. Lady, Oh, I had definitely been off cooked.
Speaker 3: It's absolutely cooked it.
Speaker 2: I mean, either of you are selling this to me? Yeah, Laura, Like,
Speaker 2: if you want me to have a child and I've
Speaker 2: told you, I'll go back for another one, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: kidnap melodies in a second. Yeah, don't we Everyone's like
Speaker 2: it's the worst thing ever, but everyone goes back for more.
Speaker 2: Were siccos Well you forget it, But it's not just
Speaker 2: that you forget, it's the labor can be I mean,
Speaker 2: not everybody has a traumatic labor, but the labor is
Speaker 2: incredibly hard. But that feeling once you have a baby
Speaker 2: in your arms, there's no words for it's when you
Speaker 2: have me in your arms? Is that notcruit the same?
Speaker 2: Talk to me about that day.
Speaker 3: What was that as like for you?
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, so I labored at home for twelve hours
Speaker 5: and that was really just really bad period.
Speaker 3: Painted It honestly wasn't that bad.
Speaker 5: And I was just bouncing on the ball at home
Speaker 5: and my house is like all my friends are always
Speaker 5: around and I just love it like that. So it
Speaker 5: was kind of like people my friends were coming and going,
Speaker 5: like like I'm in labor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, literally, and they were just hanging around. I was
Speaker 3: in the pool.
Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, we were just moving around like
Speaker 5: I was trying to stay hydrated, and we were just
Speaker 5: kind of laughing at the fact that I was in labor,
Speaker 5: like sometimes I was really.
Speaker 3: Pain, Like hey, got now, it's not funny. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And then it got to a point in the early
Speaker 2: AVA where I was like, guys, this is getting fucking
Speaker 2: serious now, like I'm not laughing you guys are out
Speaker 2: of here.
Speaker 5: Mum, Let's go to the hospital, Like yeah, so you
Speaker 5: got serious. Went to the hospital and she was posteria,
Speaker 5: going postia, did you have yes, my first one was posteria.
Speaker 2: Awful, poor thing.
Speaker 5: So I just had this thing like I'm so tough,
Speaker 5: I don't want drugs, like I'm doing this naturally.
Speaker 3: And I did do it all naturally. But I would
Speaker 3: never not recommend having a posterior baby naturally because.
Speaker 2: You're like someone doped me up right now, you know.
Speaker 2: Even my midwife said to me, and like they're all
Speaker 2: like midwives always like you to do a natural, but
Speaker 2: they never really want to push an epidural. No. And
Speaker 2: when I had my first one posterior and I was
Speaker 2: in so much pain. She was like, nobody ever has
Speaker 2: them naturally when they're posterior. Just get the drugs.
Speaker 3: And I was like, here, we're fucking seriously.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you are a wonder woman because it is
Speaker 2: an incredible amount of pain having a posterio baby.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, the spine pain and the leg pain
Speaker 5: like it. Honestly, I didn't feel like any of the
Speaker 5: contractions anymore because of the nerve pain. It was, oh
Speaker 5: my god, thinking back to that, just like I'm hurting.
Speaker 3: I'm petrified, I have my eyes.
Speaker 2: If anyone seens like I'm wide open, I like.
Speaker 3: Just have her out the sun roof neck like just sex.
Speaker 3: Like just went that.
Speaker 2: And So the name Minni was that something that you
Speaker 2: guys had discussed, Like had you decided on names before
Speaker 2: this all happened, or was that something we came up
Speaker 2: with for some reason.
Speaker 5: Well, we had a list of names, like as so
Speaker 5: many couples do, but we were really serious about our
Speaker 5: list because.
Speaker 3: We were trying for a baby. But no, Minnie actually
Speaker 3: wasn't on our list.
Speaker 5: But I've always loved the name Mini, and it just
Speaker 5: felt so right because she's like Minnie, him like Minnie
Speaker 5: Alex Pulling is her full name.
Speaker 3: So oh god, I hadn't thought liked you, you know,
Speaker 3: I thought about that.
Speaker 2: I doesn't want to cry again. I don't know why
Speaker 2: I didn't think about.
Speaker 3: It like that. Someone literally came up to me, like
Speaker 3: someone the other day was like to me, oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: did you realize, like her name's Minni and then his
Speaker 3: name's on the back of it, so it's like she's
Speaker 3: a mini hymn. And I was like, yeah, you fuck?
Speaker 2: Thanks?
Speaker 3: Are you having alarm? I was like, nah, I didn't
Speaker 3: think about that.
Speaker 2: I guess when I look at the name and heard it,
Speaker 2: I didn't put it all together. I was just like
Speaker 2: Minnie cause my friend's name. Kids names Minni, And I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, that's such a cut name. I didn't
Speaker 2: think of it as it it's a mini Pulland no,
Speaker 2: I didn't think of it like that. Earliant. Now I'm
Speaker 2: so dumb, but like, well done, you're a genius.
Speaker 3: But I mean, you don't need to be thinking about
Speaker 3: my kid's name that, of course.
Speaker 5: But of course I am thinking about all the you
Speaker 5: know how you think about like the nicknames it could
Speaker 5: get called later, and like I was thinking about the
Speaker 5: name a lot obviously, so that was the point of
Speaker 5: the name. But he loved the name Ava for a girl,
Speaker 5: so that was my other name that I had, and
Speaker 5: I was thinking Ava alex pulland for a girl.
Speaker 2: With this whole like, I mean, your life has just
Speaker 2: changed so much in the space of a year and
Speaker 2: a half. What has it been like bringing a baby
Speaker 2: into the world as pretty much a single mom and
Speaker 2: not doing it in the traditional way. When we think
Speaker 2: of single moms, I think we usually think of relationship breakdowns.
Speaker 2: We don't normally think of being a single mom. But
Speaker 2: being a widow, especially not this young as well, you know,
Speaker 2: I think that when we think of widow as, we
Speaker 2: usually think of our parents' age, losing their partners. What
Speaker 2: has this experience been a mum, but being a single
Speaker 2: woman doing it in your own really been.
Speaker 3: Like few It's just been such a whirlwind.
Speaker 5: I think every first time mum would say that, even
Speaker 5: if they're in a partnership, like a relationship or not.
Speaker 5: I mean, look, I've missed him more than ever lately,
Speaker 5: and I think having many coming down to Sydney when
Speaker 5: she was so young, doing that on my own, well,
Speaker 5: actually I flew up a friend to drive down with me.
Speaker 3: Thank goodness. She's amazing.
Speaker 5: But yeah, just all the little things, like, you know,
Speaker 5: she started to smile, she's starting to make heaps of noises,
Speaker 5: She's getting chubbier and cuter, and I've got all these
Speaker 5: little nicknames for her, and all the little steps and
Speaker 5: Christmas and news and events like that. Are always just
Speaker 5: the hardest when you're grieving someone because you're just missing
Speaker 5: them and they should be there for those times and
Speaker 5: they're not.
Speaker 3: And this is like the funnest time of the year.
Speaker 5: He's usually home for the Christmas period and we're usually
Speaker 5: just having the best summer. So lately I've been really
Speaker 5: kind of struggling without him here, and it just happens
Speaker 5: that Minnie's been born as well, and there's a lot
Speaker 5: of times where Minnie's having a witching hour and I'm
Speaker 5: trying to settle her, and I'm so tired and I'm cranky,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, fuck, I just I wish he was
Speaker 5: like here, so he could, you know, help settle her
Speaker 5: and I could have a minute away. But thank god,
Speaker 5: I've got amazing support, so I often am not alone
Speaker 5: and I am getting heaps of help. But yeah, it
Speaker 5: definitely like lately, like how am I I'm missing him
Speaker 5: more than ever right now, Like this has definitely been
Speaker 5: the hardest few months, just a bit like fuck, I
Speaker 5: wish you were here, But also, weirdly, the best time
Speaker 5: of my life has also been since Minnie's been born,
Speaker 5: because everyone would say that, like.
Speaker 3: I feel like I live too.
Speaker 5: I don't know, I've got so much going on that
Speaker 5: like this is so fucking hard, and this is also
Speaker 5: the best time in my life. And they're just these
Speaker 5: two massive emotions are just co existing and it's just
Speaker 5: up and down.
Speaker 2: But that's the thing. Feelings, all feelings, but grief and happiness.
Speaker 2: They're not interchangeable. It doesn't have to be one or
Speaker 2: the other. Like you said, you can have in one day,
Speaker 2: you could be howling like you are, and then at
Speaker 2: the same time exactly, I don't have to be. It
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be one or the other.
Speaker 3: Exactly.
Speaker 2: I feel like even in that moment of like having
Speaker 2: a baby, the pure happiness of having many in the world,
Speaker 2: but then probably alongside the sadness that Chumpy wasn't there
Speaker 2: to experience.
Speaker 3: It with you, exactly.
Speaker 5: Pulling her out was the best I straightaway saw Chumpy's
Speaker 5: eyes in her and I was like, I have a baby,
Speaker 5: well like euphoric as we spoke about before, but also
Speaker 5: seeing it was I felt like I saw him in
Speaker 5: her eyes straight away. So it was just like simultaneously
Speaker 5: the best and saddest moment in the happiest, Like the
Speaker 5: happiness is always going to trump the sadness for me
Speaker 5: for sure.
Speaker 2: And also like on top of that, you're throwing in
Speaker 2: without any trauma or tragedy, You're throwing in just like
Speaker 2: hectic hormones that your body is experiencing anyway, Totally, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you are just a superwoman. And I know you say
Speaker 2: that when people say this to you that you're like,
Speaker 2: I'm not a hero, I'm not brave, I'm not doing anything.
Speaker 2: But you are probably not giving yourself enough credit for
Speaker 2: how you have handled this situation and what you've achieved
Speaker 2: and what you are achieving even coming here today to
Speaker 2: relive this with us. Like you just said, you're not
Speaker 2: in the best place right now, even though you're happy.
Speaker 2: You're having moments of sadness, and you're going through a
Speaker 2: lot of things in your life, but you've still come here,
Speaker 2: You've still turned up. Mini is sleeping in the back
Speaker 2: room with my dog with pretty Sekisha alone. She's not
Speaker 2: just just leave me in the room next door with
Speaker 2: the dog. But you're not giving yourself enough credit. But
Speaker 2: would you go again? Would you think you'll have more
Speaker 2: little Mini Chumpy Chumpies?
Speaker 5: I mean, at the moment, I'm thinking, I'm just so
Speaker 5: stoked with just one, and she's perfect, and I just
Speaker 5: feel so lucky to have her and I am alone,
Speaker 5: and I just think having her little companion like just
Speaker 5: is so perfect. So I'm not thinking at the moment
Speaker 5: that I could have more. But yeah, never say never,
Speaker 5: because I do have the sperm there, I've got more eggs.
Speaker 3: I really could have more Chumpies.
Speaker 2: Is there any limitations on how long in the future
Speaker 2: you can use the sperm or is that something that's like.
Speaker 3: They're on ice, they're on nice, but forever I could
Speaker 3: ten years time.
Speaker 2: What has your relationship been like And obviously you have
Speaker 2: such a strong relationship with Chumpi's family, but since having Mini,
Speaker 2: how are they able to be involved in her life?
Speaker 5: If I didn't have Mini, I would always be super
Speaker 5: close with Chump's family. They're absolutely legends and we're just
Speaker 5: really close, like Chump and his family are thick as thieves.
Speaker 3: They are so tight. They've got the most beautiful.
Speaker 5: Family and relationship and no matter what, Like yeah, as
Speaker 5: I said, if I didn't have Minni, I'd always be
Speaker 5: super tight with them. They live down the coast, so
Speaker 5: it was always like a road trip down to them,
Speaker 5: and then we get that quality time together. So it
Speaker 5: wouldn't be that I'd see them every day. So they
Speaker 5: probably won't get to see like Mini every day because
Speaker 5: we live so far away, but we talk all the
Speaker 5: time on the phone. We're up and down the coast
Speaker 5: whenever we can be hanging out. I feel like for them,
Speaker 5: Minnie's just you know, they have lost their son, like
Speaker 5: it's the worst thing ever, and they're so completely broken,
Speaker 5: and yeah, you look into their eyes and you can
Speaker 5: just feel the void and the sadness, like it's absolutely
Speaker 5: it's heavy. And Chump's got a beautiful sister too, and
Speaker 5: they are so close and they're so similar in so
Speaker 5: many ways and so different.
Speaker 3: When I'm with them, i feel like I'm with Chump
Speaker 3: in a way. They're so beautiful.
Speaker 5: I think that having Mini for them just gives them,
Speaker 5: like you know, of course they have a purpose, but
Speaker 5: it gives them a reason to look to the future
Speaker 5: and to smile and to It's just given them a
Speaker 5: whole new well, it's given us all and like my
Speaker 5: family too, just a whole new I don't know life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, lace of life and happiness.
Speaker 2: But it's also like a living piece of memory as well.
Speaker 2: I don't know that that's almost a weird way of
Speaker 2: putting it, but like, unless you've been through it, I
Speaker 2: cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a
Speaker 2: child at any age, you know, and that's just not
Speaker 2: how it's supposed to be, having their child, to be
Speaker 2: able to pour your love into and like what you
Speaker 2: said earlier about the whole grief being this love that
Speaker 2: has nowhere to go, like Mini has created that and
Speaker 2: provided that for your family as well, and it's just incredible.
Speaker 2: She's going to be the most spoilt love.
Speaker 3: It's incredibly a little spoilt brat.
Speaker 2: One thing I wanted to ask you in regards to
Speaker 2: like social media, which might be a bit of a
Speaker 2: weird turn, but you have been really open with your journey.
Speaker 2: You've spoken about it on Darlingshaw and your podcast, You've
Speaker 2: spoken about it on social media, have you ever received
Speaker 2: any negativity around the science behind how it all kind
Speaker 2: of came about? As in, like, has there ever been
Speaker 2: anyone that's like, you know that there's a moral conversation
Speaker 2: around extracting sperm? And like where is the Yeah, like
Speaker 2: what's the line where who gets to decide whether that
Speaker 2: is alway isn't okay? Well, I think, like I'll get
Speaker 2: to that, And I mean I think ultimately it's like
Speaker 2: mine and Trump's family's decision for sure, and the people
Speaker 2: that know him in our relationship, this is exactly what
Speaker 2: he would want and we just don't have a doubt
Speaker 2: in our mind about that. But yeah, like morally, so
Speaker 2: I think on Instagram, I don't get any I don't
Speaker 2: cop any of that moral stuff from anyone.
Speaker 5: But on Facebook. And I don't even go on Facebook.
Speaker 5: I'm such an Instagram person. I never go on Facebook.
Speaker 3: But apparently on.
Speaker 5: Facebook, whenever there's articles about me on there, apparently there's heaps.
Speaker 5: And I don't know if it's a generational thing because
Speaker 5: actually I don't really know, but I think maybe more
Speaker 5: the older generation hit up Facebook a bit more, and
Speaker 5: maybe they're not okay with it. Maybe they're more traditional
Speaker 5: and there's heaps of I think there's heaps of hate
Speaker 5: on there.
Speaker 2: I think it also comes from a lack of understanding though,
Speaker 2: and like, yeah, generational, one hundred percent, it could be.
Speaker 2: But like you said, you know, you and your families
Speaker 2: are the only people who know the situation and can
Speaker 2: make that right decision. But I was always curious because
Speaker 2: I just feel like when you are so open about
Speaker 2: something that is completely vulnerable, we open ourselves up so
Speaker 2: people's opinions, and that can be a really like it
Speaker 2: can be a really challenging thing, especially when it's something
Speaker 2: that's so personal and so beautiful and so healing to
Speaker 2: where you are in your life to even allow anybody
Speaker 2: who's from outside your world to infiltrate that. But it
Speaker 2: goes for anything. It's not even like, guess, just your
Speaker 2: extraordinary situation. Any decision that any couple or any person
Speaker 2: who's making is their decision, it's their family. Like, but
Speaker 2: we live in a world where people feel like they're
Speaker 2: entitled to make an opinion on everything. They're keyboard warriors,
Speaker 2: and like really like fuck off. I mean, like all
Speaker 2: these people that think they can go on someone's page
Speaker 2: like yours and give their opinion can fuck off.
Speaker 5: Oh absolutely, I couldn't give two fucks what anyone thinks. Like,
Speaker 5: I know I've done the right thing, and I'm so
Speaker 5: stoked on what I've done. I literally does not bother
Speaker 5: me tiny bit. But what I was going to say
Speaker 5: back to that was when I was going to announce
Speaker 5: my pregnancy, I did have a bit of a thing
Speaker 5: in my head. Am I going to be completely transparent
Speaker 5: and tell everyone what's happened and spread awareness on sperm?
Speaker 3: Betraval Or?
Speaker 5: Part of me was thinking, should I just let everyone
Speaker 5: make up their own mind really and believe that we
Speaker 5: were doing IVF already and like, I don't know, maybe
Speaker 5: we already had the sperm and just not be open.
Speaker 5: But I knew that there'd be questions and I wouldn't
Speaker 5: be able to just like lie or like not tell
Speaker 5: the truth. But I did think about going down like
Speaker 5: like kind of be a bit ambiguous about how it happened.
Speaker 2: But also, like you said, I think when you've sat
Speaker 2: in that level of grief you've lost your partner, you
Speaker 2: also know how helpful that information could be to somebody
Speaker 2: else's life and what that would mean to another woman
Speaker 2: who's going through loss and also knowing the time restrictions
Speaker 2: and time restraints around it, because I'm sure that there
Speaker 2: will be people who have experienced this and didn't know
Speaker 2: it was an option and missed the chance to have
Speaker 2: the life that you have with the baby that you have.
Speaker 2: I get messages like that all the time, like, Wow,
Speaker 2: thank you for spreading awareness on this because I lost
Speaker 2: my partner a few years ago.
Speaker 3: I would have done this if I knew.
Speaker 2: You know, and hindsight is a bitch. Yeah, Like if
Speaker 2: you don't when you don't know, many people say that.
Speaker 2: For another question, regarding the sperm retreatment, you and Chumpy
Speaker 2: weren't married technically, but in every other sense you were
Speaker 2: obviously like husband and wife, Like yeah, you were that
Speaker 2: tight knit community. Yeah? For literally, like the legal process
Speaker 2: was it enough that you guys would de facto for
Speaker 2: you to decide that this was okay? Or did you
Speaker 2: still have to get official documents signed by his family?
Speaker 2: So if somebody was going through this right now, I've
Speaker 2: then lost their partner and they said yes, I want
Speaker 2: to do this, even if they've been with them ten years,
Speaker 2: does someone from his family still have to say, well,
Speaker 2: I'm okay with it? Like if they said no, would
Speaker 2: it have been able to be possible?
Speaker 3: Still, Well, I think because we were de facto and
Speaker 3: had like so many basically a billion other pieces of
Speaker 3: paper apart from marriage that mean that we're together, like
Speaker 3: you know, mortgages and banks and everything like that. It
Speaker 3: would have been fine. But just under the time constraints.
Speaker 5: Having his parents there to quickly do extra quick sign
Speaker 5: off to give an approval kind of thing.
Speaker 3: It definitely just gave us the go ahead. But it
Speaker 3: would have been okay, I believe because we were like
Speaker 3: married in every other sense and every other sense, and
Speaker 3: Mini's just having a little squawk in the well we're
Speaker 3: almost done.
Speaker 2: Well, Eli, I just want to know what is next
Speaker 2: for you? What's the next step for you and Minnie.
Speaker 5: M I just want to pour everything into Minni and
Speaker 5: our life and bringing her up and just give her
Speaker 5: the best life ever.
Speaker 3: By the beach. I don't really know what is next
Speaker 3: for us, actually, I just you.
Speaker 2: Don't have to decide now, like, oh my god, now,
Speaker 2: I mean maybe gets in sleep because they have newborn
Speaker 2: baby things. One day at a timeline.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the.
Speaker 5: Thing with grief and everything I've gone through, it's just
Speaker 5: literally one foot in front of the other.
Speaker 3: For me, I actually do struggle.
Speaker 5: Well, I think before I had Minni, I fully struggled
Speaker 5: to look into the future because it just scared me.
Speaker 5: But now I have Mini, I feel so strong about
Speaker 5: our future and I don't really care what else happens
Speaker 5: as long as I've got her and she's got me,
Speaker 5: and we're just gonna be happy and healthy together.
Speaker 2: With our dog. Well, you, guys, I'm sure every single
Speaker 2: one of you is going to want to know more
Speaker 2: about this incredible story and your life and Minnie's life,
Speaker 2: and you can listen to it on the podcast. You
Speaker 2: have a podcast called Darling Shine. Yes it is, and
Speaker 2: it has been dominating the podcast sharts. So if you're
Speaker 2: a podcast listener, you would have seen it where else?
Speaker 2: And people find you? What is your Instagram? Obviously don't
Speaker 2: use Facebook, but and not literally like don't give your
Speaker 2: house address, but where else can people? Oh my god,
Speaker 2: that was such a bad joke come and knock on
Speaker 2: my front door? She did say that the house is
Speaker 2: always open. Alerdi loves to drop by.
Speaker 5: My instagram is ledeald Y Underscore. I think, yeah, you
Speaker 5: can find me out Darling Shine.
Speaker 3: The podcast Choke my address up there too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Alerdie, thank you so much, Thank you so much
Speaker 2: for coming today, for sitting in our house, in BRIT's
Speaker 2: house in the studio, for bringing Minni and letting me
Speaker 2: have a cuddle, but just for sharing your story and
Speaker 2: for walking us through so much of what you have
Speaker 2: experienced in your life. I know you say that it's
Speaker 2: not an incredible thing, or that you're not strong, but
Speaker 2: you did have a choice. You chose to continue to
Speaker 2: put one step in front of the other, and a
Speaker 2: lot of people in your situation wouldn't be able to
Speaker 2: do that. So I just yeah, so much respect and
Speaker 2: admiration for you. And before we go, you do have
Speaker 2: is there, correct me if I'm wrong? A documentary coming out?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, a book or you've got like a bit
Speaker 3: going on. So a documentary did come out, came out.
Speaker 3: Channel seven produced it called Bubba Chump and you can
Speaker 3: watch that on YouTube.
Speaker 2: Amazing and lad that to the list.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my widow friend in the UK, Lottie, and we
Speaker 3: actually did.
Speaker 5: We started writing a book months ago, just like in
Speaker 5: the thick of our grief, like late at night, we
Speaker 5: just started writing shit down and basically we've got this
Speaker 5: e book out she lost Ben, her beautiful partner, about
Speaker 5: four months after Chump passed away, and we felt like
Speaker 5: everyone told us that there was like this pattern to
Speaker 5: how you grieve, like the six stages of grief, and
Speaker 5: you reach this acceptance phase and everything's fine. But we
Speaker 5: definitely don't believe that grief is linear. There's no rule
Speaker 5: book to grief. They say that you feel like all
Speaker 5: these emotions in order, and then you like tick them
Speaker 5: off the list and you keep going. And I feel
Speaker 5: like I feel all of the emotions in any given minute,
Speaker 5: in any given day, like all the time. They come
Speaker 5: back to bite me when I think they're done. And
Speaker 5: there's definitely no rule book to grief, and it's literally
Speaker 5: just about survival, like just surviving the first few months.
Speaker 5: So when Chump first passed away, I wish that I
Speaker 5: had a resource like this, So we decided to create one,
Speaker 5: and it's called now What and you can click I
Speaker 5: guess like the link in my bio. I think the
Speaker 5: website's called now What grief dot com.
Speaker 3: We'll pop it in the.
Speaker 2: Show notes as well. Crying in the room, we better
Speaker 2: go and grab it. Thank you so much for coming
Speaker 2: and being a part of the pod. We've loved having you.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, girls, it's been so good.
Speaker 2: You know that we never finished an episode without our
Speaker 2: suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low light
Speaker 2: of each and every week. Brittany, what is your suck?
Speaker 2: My suck is the Lilah, my cute little puppy dog.
Speaker 2: Also like, I like that you're just gonna talk about
Speaker 2: your dog in a suck, But haven't actually really talked
Speaker 2: about the fact that you got a dog yet? Have
Speaker 2: we not not really got a dog? It's like being
Speaker 2: this kind of sordid secret. Look, I got a dog
Speaker 2: a little while ago, a couple of months ago, but
Speaker 2: she was living over at Ordan's house most of the
Speaker 2: time because I couldn't have her in my house. She
Speaker 2: just used to come for visits and they looked after
Speaker 2: her and Produce Akisha would also kidnap her and juice a.
Speaker 2: Keisha takes her a lot. It's taken us a little
Speaker 2: while to kind of explain to Produce Akisha that she's
Speaker 2: not the mom of Delilah.
Speaker 3: I think this first, I'm hearing.
Speaker 2: Excuse me, we have a contract. I'm her secondary care giver. Actually,
Speaker 2: that's the contract in Keisha's head.
Speaker 4: But yes, I only post a photo of Delilah and
Speaker 4: everyone's like, why are you taking photos of Keisha's dog.
Speaker 2: No, she's been around for a while, but like, I
Speaker 2: just feel like we just had a few private months
Speaker 2: bonding together. I didn't want to launch her on you know.
Speaker 2: I was really protective. You know how some parents are like,
Speaker 2: I don't want to put the kids on the internet.
Speaker 2: I was like, just really protective. You're like posting photos
Speaker 2: of Dalila with like a face, like an emoji open
Speaker 2: her face so that no one knows her identity. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I've hard launched Delilah. I've hard launched. But the reason
Speaker 2: she's my suck this week, she's my suck and my
Speaker 2: sweet But the reason she's my suck is because she
Speaker 2: annihilated my plants. And you guys know that, like, plants
Speaker 2: are my pride and joy in my house is like
Speaker 2: a jungle. I wake up in the morning and she's
Speaker 2: just gone to town on them. So Britt's house now
Speaker 2: looks like Maddie Jay's house. When he tries to take
Speaker 2: care of plants, they're all they're all destroyed. And it
Speaker 2: makes me feel good because my house is thriving at
Speaker 2: the moment, and like this one. I have this one
Speaker 2: beautiful big palm, like beautiful, did not look like it
Speaker 2: should have been in a house, but for some reason,
Speaker 2: it was the happiest plan I've ever had, and she
Speaker 2: just went to town on it. So I've had to
Speaker 2: like pull them all back. She's looking a bit dead now,
Speaker 2: but I have hope. I think BRIT's like underselling this.
Speaker 2: This was like a five hundred dollars bird of paradise
Speaker 2: plant that was bigger than me. And she's maw has
Speaker 2: one leaf. It's so sad anyway, and one of the
Speaker 2: one leaves half eaten, and I'm just trying to like
Speaker 2: bring it back. So that's my stack. But my sweet
Speaker 2: is obviously just I'm obsessed with Delilah. So she's the
Speaker 2: best thing, and she's my best little friend. And it's
Speaker 2: so nice. I live alone, so it's so nice to
Speaker 2: have some company. Dogs. They're hard work. I feel like
Speaker 2: it's a kid like having that puppy again. I forgot
Speaker 2: what it was like, just the constantly having to be
Speaker 2: there and take it outside and do everything, keep it alive,
Speaker 2: keep it alive, and like to go not leave it alone.
Speaker 2: All this sort of stuff. But yeah, so I'm just
Speaker 2: happy she's my sweet. Now she's wake up and she's there.
Speaker 2: She's got the cutest face I've ever seen the world.
Speaker 2: But that's it. What's yours? Okay? My suck for the week?
Speaker 2: I mean it's pretty obvious. I think moving house, unpacking. Actually,
Speaker 2: do you know what it wasn't me you head into
Speaker 2: the cement wall. I'm gonna make it very specific. Unpacking.
Speaker 2: My bathroom box was my suck with the week because
Speaker 2: so many of my toiletries I hadn't put the lid
Speaker 2: on properly and they were all leaked throughout the one box,
Speaker 2: which everyone knows. It's like, that's the shittiest thing when
Speaker 2: you travel or you pack or anything. Finding like an
Speaker 2: entire thing of moisturizing cream that's just emptied out onto
Speaker 2: the rest of your makeup shit. Was myself. It's the
Speaker 2: worst one. It's in your suitcase, like when you've done
Speaker 2: an international flight. Do you know what's even worse when
Speaker 2: you mix all your clothes and your makeup shit and
Speaker 2: everything in the same box and it's all over all
Speaker 2: your podcast equipment. Yeah, literally, there it is moisturizing cream.
Speaker 2: My sweet for the week is Okay, now I feel
Speaker 2: stupid because mine was also plant related, but I'm so
Speaker 2: who are we thirty year old women. I'm so excited
Speaker 2: that we have a backyard that, like my plants, are
Speaker 2: now thriving. I have rehabilitated a fit. Anybody who's been following,
Speaker 2: I mean, they've rather have been here three days. Okay.
Speaker 2: When we walked into this house, Guys, there was a
Speaker 2: fiddle fig that was inside this house. And the house
Speaker 2: has been obviously locked up for a couple of weeks,
Speaker 2: and it was in dire straits, and I have already
Speaker 2: brought it back to life in three days. It's looking great.
Speaker 2: So lived that fiddlefig came with the house. That fiddlefig
Speaker 2: came with the house. I would have moved here for
Speaker 2: that plan, do you know why? Because it was so
Speaker 2: fucked when we arrived, and now look at it. I'm
Speaker 2: glad that all you were to name it Jesus. It
Speaker 2: took three days to resurrect, and that's it. I'm just
Speaker 2: so happy that we're finally in a bigger place. I'd
Speaker 2: been putting it off for so long because, like I
Speaker 2: said on last week's episode, I'm just such a creature
Speaker 2: of habit I hate I don't like moving. I don't
Speaker 2: like new things. I like to go to my same
Speaker 2: coffee shop. I like to do the same thing. I
Speaker 2: like to eat the same thing for breakfast every day.
Speaker 2: Laura's gone to a whole new suburb. I'm far from
Speaker 2: Bondai people. Actually I'm not in three kilometers, but anyway,
Speaker 2: it feels very different. But I'm loving it. I'm so
Speaker 2: happy that we're in a bigger space and we have
Speaker 2: a yard. It's just like it's changed my whole outlook.
Speaker 2: I'm very, very happy. And that is it from us.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 2: If you want to write in your questions for ask
Speaker 2: on Cut, send them into the Instagram Life on Cut podcast.
Speaker 2: Just put ask on Cut at the top. We want
Speaker 2: your accidental unfiltered we want your confessionals, you want any
Speaker 2: funny shit that has happened to you. All go into
Speaker 2: the dms. If you're not part of the Facebook group either,
Speaker 2: it is a Life on Cut discussion group on Facebook,
Speaker 2: so where you're at, that's where all the juice goes down.
Speaker 2: And also, Maths is starting this week and I'm pretty
Speaker 2: fucking excited about it. Just going to say that we
Speaker 2: will be having some discussions about maths in the Facebook
Speaker 2: group if you want to jump in there as well.
Speaker 2: We have a friend on there, don't we. Oh, we'll
Speaker 2: tell you about that next week though. Anyway, guys, that
Speaker 2: is it from us. If you've loved the episode, which
Speaker 2: we really hope that you did, Interviewing Ality was just
Speaker 2: such it was just such a joy. She's a wonderful woman,
Speaker 2: please jump on Apple podcast, leave her of you. You
Speaker 2: can leave her review on Spotify as well, and you
Speaker 2: know the drill, so your mum Te Dante Dante friends
Speaker 2: and share the love because we the baa baa baa