WEBVTT - My 12 month TTC Journey🤰🏻 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.640 I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the 0:00:02.720 --> 0:00:06.279 land on which this episode is being recorded, the Combomb 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:11.080 Merry people. They've been having conversations and telling stories on 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.280 this land for thousands of years, and we show our 0:00:14.320 --> 0:00:19.240 gratitude and respect for their contribution to our environment and culture. 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:31.480 This is Rise and Conquer, the podcast where we strive 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:37.480 to become the highest version of ourselves through curious conversations, 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:43.080 healthy mindsets, laughter, connection, and a deep desire to evolve. 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:50.800 I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson. Join me as we explore parenthood, business, manifestation, 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:54.800 and so much more. It's positive, it's practical, and it's 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:58.320 about putting you in the driver's seat of your own life. 0:00:58.720 --> 0:00:59.840 Are you ready? 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.680 Hello, my loves, and welcome back to the podcast. It 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:09.280 is your host Georgie Stevenson, and today we have a 0:01:09.520 --> 0:01:15.920 very vulnerable episode where I am opening up and chatting 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:21.200 to you guys about me and Tim's second trying to 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:25.959 Conceive IVF journey. So I am going to do two 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:30.360 podcasts and I'm going to do this podcast that's all 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:34.800 about like the trying to conceive the infertility, and then 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:38.840 I am going to do another podcast that is answering 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:42.480 your questions that will be more focused on the pregnancy. 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:46.040 So if you're listening to that and that one, the 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:49.080 second one isn't out yet, that one will be coming out, 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:52.240 And that's more kind of like answering questions at this 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:56.480 moment in time, twenty weeks pregnant, Whereas what you're about 0:01:56.560 --> 0:02:02.200 to hear is literally live audio from our year long 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:05.560 trying to conceive journey. And I think it's really important 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:08.800 to open up and talk about this because when you 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:12.240 are trying to conceive, especially if you haven't told anyone 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:16.560 about it, it can feel very isolating, and especially if 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:19.800 you have friends and family around you who are getting 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:25.320 pregnant so easily, it can really be such a heavy 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:30.120 time emotionally. But it's also so normal, Like I've had 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:36.320 more than half of my girlfriends have experienced some form 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:39.720 of infertility, so it's so normal, but I think we 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:42.519 don't talk about it enough. So I just wanted to 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:46.760 open up the conversation and you'll hear in these clips 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:50.280 I'm going to go through. I started in January twenty 0:02:50.400 --> 0:02:53.840 twenty four, and I just wanted to document myself and 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:58.080 my mental health because in our first trying to conceive journey. 0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:02.360 I honestly struggled so much and it wasn't good, and 0:03:02.400 --> 0:03:06.640 I really wanted this journey to be different. Look, it 0:03:06.800 --> 0:03:09.960 still was tricky, and I say about to get into it. 0:03:10.320 --> 0:03:12.359 We did end up having to do IVF, and we 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:15.880 had lots of issues with IVF, but look, I am 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:20.280 currently twenty weeks pregnant, so it all worked out, so 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:23.399 let's get straight into it. Also, this audio is from 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:26.720 a YouTube video, so I do have a YouTube video 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:30.880 if you prefer to watch this instead of listen, and 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:33.480 we will link it in the show notes. Yeah, I 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:35.080 really want you to hear the kind of like the 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:38.400 live documentation of it, because you can kind of feel 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:40.200 it in the energy. You can hear it in my 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:43.560 voice how I'm going. And I just want to normalize infertility. 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:46.640 I want to normalize, you know, trying to conceive journeys. 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:56.560 So let's get into it. My Loves January twenty twenty four, 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:03.320 twelve months before we found out pregnant. So Tim and 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:06.960 I are trying to type a baby. I thought I 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:12.480 would like record my thoughts, feelings, emotions, all the things 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:14.400 as we go on the journey. 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:17.360 Last time, it took us. 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:22.840 Over twelve months we had a miscarriage. 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:27.120 It was so much heartache and so challenging. 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:30.920 It was so hard, and I'm so determined for this 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:35.960 experience to be different from my mindset to be different, 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:38.400 so I'm going to document it. 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:41.000 So this is the very first month. The way we're 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:44.920 going about it right now, I've always tracked my cycle 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:49.960 and we're just having a lot of fun, keeping things 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:51.560 super spicy. 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:53.200 Things are going to be different this time. 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:57.720 Previously it was very like I'm ovulating, let's have sex as. 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:01.200 Much just weak that, and it just did not make 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:02.120 for a great experience. 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:04.560 You think it sounds fun until you've been doing it 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:05.719 for twelve months. 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:09.160 And so for example, this month, something that's difference is 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:14.240 like sitting in this energy of like unbothered, undas I 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:17.320 know what I've won, I'm clear on what I want. 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:20.640 I know my body is meant to create. I know 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:23.880 the little beautiful soul is there and it's going to 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:25.040 come in, and that. 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:25.480 Is the vibe. 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:29.080 And I get to enjoy this journey and I have 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.400 this beautiful connection with my husband and this beautiful time 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:35.000 with Ivy, and that is what's going to be different 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.240 about this time around. And I'm sure there's going to 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:42.720 be emotions and highs and lows, but that's okay. The 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:46.040 end of January twenty twenty four, so I caught up 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:51.320 with my bestie and she's pregnant, and I really sat 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.880 in the feeling of festival, so happy for her because 0:05:54.960 --> 0:05:57.560 previously she had to go through IVF and it was 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.920 natural and it was months two, So happy for her. 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:05.320 But I really sat on the energy of, like, if 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:09.920 she can do it naturally, so can I. And previously 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:13.680 when we're trying to conceive things like that, you know, 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:15.000 could have triggered me. 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:17.120 But I am really sitting the. 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:19.280 Energy of like, if she can do it, I can 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:25.720 do it too, and like how magical. February twenty twenty four. 0:06:25.839 --> 0:06:32.000 Just got my parent feelings kind of neutral, not too worried. 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:36.480 I just did some journaling this morning where I did 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:42.239 the affirmations that my body is healed. My thyroid is healed, 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:42.680 so I. 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:46.520 Have issues with that, and my body is the perfect 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:50.920 vessel for a baby to come through, and it is 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:53.120 coming through in present tense. 0:06:54.520 --> 0:07:01.560 March twenty twenty four, Month two obviously disappointed, sad, but 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:08.719 also I keep getting a vision of them, can see 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:09.600 their face. 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:13.520 I can see the curls, I can see the personality. 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:16.160 It just is like filling me up, and I'm like, 0:07:16.440 --> 0:07:17.680 I know it's close. 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.280 I know they're there. So it's like I don't have 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:23.120 to worry. They're they're they're coming. I just get to 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.120 trust and enjoy this process. It actually gets to be 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:28.920 so beautiful. 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:32.160 It doesn't have to be hard, it doesn't have to 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:34.480 be difficult. 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:38.440 The end of March twenty twenty four, gonna lie feeling 0:07:38.480 --> 0:07:43.080 a little bit of sadness, like doubt, like is this 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:43.560 then to be? 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:48.680 Especially because everyone around me is getting pregnant like everyone 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:52.280 and like very quickly, which I love and. 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:55.160 Adore, and it's so like expanding for me. But I've 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:58.480 been doing like a spirit baby meditation. She's being really beautiful. 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:01.360 I've been like walking in with the soul and I 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:07.760 just like I can feel them. I'm just like trusting this. 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:10.960 I've been like really connecting with the soul and they 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:13.720 need to come in at the perfect time. Like Ivy 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:16.880 felt like chaotic, she was like a well wind, She's 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:19.920 a sage. It makes sense, and this baby feels really 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:23.160 grounded and like really like I'm gonna come in at 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:25.800 the perfect time. I'm gonna be like the glue for family, 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:29.200 and I'm just trusting they know where to come in. 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:33.079 They know this season, they feel so like wise, and 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:36.840 I'm just really trusting and being present and having fun 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.560 and enjoying myself and it feels good. 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:41.520 It feels good. 0:08:42.040 --> 0:08:52.280 April twenty twenty four, Let's just see. 0:08:52.640 --> 0:08:57.480 I don't think I am not to break me. 0:08:58.320 --> 0:08:59.920 I just wanted to check because I'm about to go. 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:05.280 And it's been a hot minute since I upticked. 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:08.640 You guys, we kind of just like I wanted to 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:09.920 chill for a couple of months. 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:11.560 I'm whispering because I just. 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:14.959 I just wanted to chill for a couple of months. 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:18.560 And we went to Europe and it was amazing, and 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:22.760 it has felt really good to just surrender and lean back. 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:26.440 I'm really proud of myself for how I'm showing come 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:27.120 during this time. 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:32.679 July twenty twenty four, it's literally my thirtieth birthday in 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:36.559 like two days on Saturday, and I'm just so excited 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:39.520 to be thirty and like call in this like new era, 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:41.640 this like softness, being a. 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:45.440 Mom to two babies, maybe even three, and just like 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:52.280 such a new way of doing things surrendered, detached is flow. 0:09:53.200 --> 0:09:54.600 I know it's all on its way. 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:57.199 I just get to wait and I get to enjoy. 0:09:57.040 --> 0:09:57.959 When I'm waiting for it. 0:09:58.240 --> 0:10:04.240 At the end of July four just did another meditation 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:12.000 connecting to baby and saying how disappointed and upset I 0:10:12.200 --> 0:10:19.000 was that they didn't come through this month, but also 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:20.959 how grateful. 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:22.960 I am and how excited I am, and how I 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.240 know it's all gonna happen in the perfect timing, and 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:30.840 also that it's okay, come through in the perfect timing, 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:34.760 and I'm trusting and I'm surrendering, and I can be disappointed, will. 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:38.520 Also being so grateful for what's to come. 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:42.079 And then I also tapped into like my higher self 0:10:42.480 --> 0:10:45.400 when I'm about forty, I do this like timeline thing. 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:50.600 And the wisdom that came through was stay in the frequency, 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.280 stay in the vibe. You know what you want, Stay 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:59.400 in the frequency, and it's all coming to you, and surrender, 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:02.920 not trying to control, and it's going to happen in 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:04.600 the perfect timing, and it's got to be better than 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:09.480 you could have imagined. August twenty twenty four, It is 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:13.440 safe for me to be a mother of two. It 0:11:13.520 --> 0:11:15.920 is safe for me to be a mother of two. 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:22.160 I welcome in my second baby August twenty twenty four, 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:28.199 So it has been about eight months of trying and 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:30.960 me and Tim made the decision. We're like, let's just 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.640 go get the tests the things you have to do, 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:37.480 the scans and whatnot. And so we went and saw 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:40.280 the doctor that we used last time to do aUI 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:41.320 because he was really good. 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:43.880 We did aUI got ivied the first. 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:47.360 Time, and I UI is this like the basically the 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:50.520 same chances as getting pregnant as like doing it naturally. 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:55.920 You just think turkey baseduff. So he scanned my. 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:58.880 Ovaries and for the day that I'm supposed to be 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:03.760 on my period, he said, my ovaries are showing polycystic. 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:06.160 They're polycystic ovaries. 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:12.120 So he said it is highly unlikely that I would 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.359 have a spontaneous pregnancy. 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:15.720 Weird language. 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:21.320 He said, my lining is very thin and my ovaries 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.320 are polycystic, so they have like heaps of follicles but 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.800 not a dominant. So he said, probably over you know, 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:31.880 the last whatever months, you probably even though I'm getting 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:36.240 symptoms of ovulating, I'm probably not even releasing an egg 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:39.600 or if I am, the lining probably wouldn't be thick 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:41.079 enough to like catch. 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:44.720 It interesting. 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:50.000 Look, and it's kind of the exact same things last time, 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:53.040 so I wasn't not expecting yet. 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:56.360 But yeah, so that's the update. So I think we're 0:12:56.400 --> 0:13:00.440 just gonna go straight into EUI because why not. Why 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:05.360 keep waiting? And it feels really good. I feel really excited. 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.920 So I just got a whole bunch of blood tests. 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.720 See how we go. Yeah, I don't know, I feel like, 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:16.120 feel really good. I feel really excited. It feels good 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:22.080 because I'm like, it makes sense. I'm not going quizy. 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:24.160 I'm not going to Lulu at. 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:30.760 The end of August twenty twenty four jokes. So we 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:36.720 got some test results back and tim sperm is not at. 0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:40.360 A great point, and so basically. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:44.640 The doctor's like, with my ovary's and tim sperm quality, 0:13:45.520 --> 0:13:48.120 IUY would not be possible. 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:52.800 And we have to go straight to IVF. There's nothing 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.440 wrong with IVF. I have a lot of friends and 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:58.800 family who have done it again, all the work I 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:01.199 teach the how. It's not my responsibility. 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:06.079 The end goal of the vision is beautiful, healthy baby. 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:08.800 So I don't know, We're just gonna have We'll think 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:10.679 of that see how it sits. 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:12.560 I go from there. 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:25.960 September twenty twenty four, period is fifteen days late, not pregnant, 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:27.960 don't know what the fuck's going on. 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.920 Usually so regular, lots of fun. 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:37.760 Going to get acupunta because you know what, whatever whatever. 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:40.840 At the end of September twenty twenty four, I'm feeling 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:46.000 really frustrated because as soon as I got the Piers diagnosis. 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:49.960 Previous to that, my cycle was always on point. 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:54.200 I thought I was always ovulating mid cycle, and then 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:57.520 now it's like my brain knows, for example, this cycle 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:01.160 has been thirty eight days and that has like never 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:03.800 happened to me. So I'm feeling like a bit frustrated 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:06.960 because I'm like, has my cycle actually you know what 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:09.880 I mean? Like, have I cyched myself out with the 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:15.320 diagnosis and now my cycle's like playing up, But she's 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:22.800 still doing her spirit baby visualizations, doing my affirmations. Trusting 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:27.560 I've told the universe what I want, healthy baby, and 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:30.120 obviously if it's not happening this month, it's because that 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:34.440 wouldn't be the outcome. So I'm absolutely trusting everything is 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:37.480 going to plan, falling a place in the perfect timing 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:39.400 that is my lesson. 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:41.720 That is all I have to do. I don't have 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:42.680 to worry about the how. 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:45.480 So that is the vibe I just like I have 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:48.400 to remind myself of course I have human moments, but 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:52.440 also that's what we're here for. September twenty twenty four, 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:58.560 my period is twenty days late. Definitely not pregnant, but 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.800 ignore that. But this is the new vibe moving forward. 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:06.240 I've had the epiphanies, I've worked. 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:06.640 Through my shit. 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.640 There was actually quite a few like things work I 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:13.120 had to do, which I can share at another time. 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:17.640 Basically like blocks, Like the work that I teach is 0:16:17.680 --> 0:16:23.160 like manifesting, and when you can't get to something, it 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:26.680 is a block of like okay, so why do you 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:27.720 think you can't get there? 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:34.000 And for me, it was a lot to do with I'm. 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:38.280 Not healthy enough, you know, all the stuff of my thyroid. 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:43.960 Am I going to be able to have enough time 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:47.840 for the next baby and continue to work. 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.960 On my businesses? Honestly a lot of the same shit. 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:53.760 I had with IVY and I didn't even realize, but 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:55.440 I had to like work through that. So I've been 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.000 doing that the last couple of weeks and just being 0:16:58.000 --> 0:16:59.479 like really. 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:02.360 Honest with my like if I was giving a. 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:06.600 Baby right now, what would my nervous system do, Like 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:08.119 why would I freak out? 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:13.159 What would be like the very first thoughts and working 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:13.520 through that. 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:16.199 So I've been doing that behind the scenes and I 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:18.120 can definitely share more of that work if you guys 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:18.560 want me to. 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:20.359 But the next. 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:23.800 Stage of this is like I'm going to be sitting 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:25.840 in a new. 0:17:25.760 --> 0:17:29.720 State of de Lulu again. This is work I teach. 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:34.200 Where basically I'm going to be telling my subconscious brain 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:38.280 at any point I can that I am pregnant, that 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:42.440 my body can hold a pregnancy, that I am attracting 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:47.919 that sperm, that I have the most perfect uterus, that 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:52.600 I cannot wait to have this baby, that my work 0:17:53.000 --> 0:17:58.000 is perfect to have another baby, that like all the circumstances, 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.520 I'm like, it's perfect to have a baby, and just 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:06.560 like absolutely like sitting in like I am pregnant, Like 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.320 I'm currently pregnant right now, Like I am pregnant, and 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:14.080 it's perfect. My body is perfect, the baby is perfect. 0:18:14.560 --> 0:18:16.840 The sperm just got up there and it got into 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:19.960 the egg and it was perfect and it worked so 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:25.679 well because I have a perfect body for pro creating. 0:18:26.359 --> 0:18:28.720 That's what my body was meant to do, and that's 0:18:28.720 --> 0:18:32.600 what it did. It did, not what it's going to do. 0:18:32.720 --> 0:18:36.800 It did anyway. So I'm gonna sit in this state of. 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:40.240 Delulu for the next couple of weeks. I am doing a. 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:44.560 Meditation every morning and every night, and just like, yeah. 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:45.840 Sitting a new state of Delulu. 0:18:45.960 --> 0:18:49.040 So the only thing with the state of Delulu again, 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:52.280 there can't be any of those like blocks they spoke 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:53.000 about previously. 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:55.800 So you need to work through that first because otherwise, 0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:56.160 if you. 0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:59.000 Say I am pregnant, but then you've still got this 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:01.080 block of like, oh but it's going to fuck up 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:04.639 my career, your subconscious is not actually gonna believe it. 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:09.159 So you have to do those block before. But this is, yeah, 0:19:09.240 --> 0:19:10.920 I don't know. I feel different. 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:15.800 And also I'm like no, like baby, baby's so close, 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:19.840 baby's here, Like I'm breagnant, Like this is I've jumped 0:19:19.840 --> 0:19:23.080 onto the new timeline like it's happening and not like 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:25.560 let's see how it goes like it's happening. 0:19:25.960 --> 0:19:28.800 It's done. It's done. 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:34.480 October twenty twenty four, so we're going straight to IVF 0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:39.280 And I got my bods this morning. I got my medication, 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:46.639 but I feel so emotional because. 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:50.200 I just feel like a bit of. 0:19:50.160 --> 0:19:52.719 A pity party moment. 0:19:54.440 --> 0:19:59.359 I am also my apperiens sence, but you know, just 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:02.680 like the thoughts like I thought this time was gonna 0:20:02.720 --> 0:20:08.720 be different, like why does it have to be such 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:13.119 a process, And so you see other people who just 0:20:13.119 --> 0:20:20.639 like instantly get pregnant, and you're just like, but also. 0:20:21.440 --> 0:20:21.760 I know. 0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:24.240 I just on the phone to. 0:20:24.280 --> 0:20:28.080 Tim having a good crime to him and he's like, 0:20:28.680 --> 0:20:32.320 bab if this is our, if this is the thing 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:35.160 in life that we need to struggle with, it's okay. 0:20:35.320 --> 0:20:36.320 We can do it together. 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:39.920 There's solutions, like it's gonna be okay. 0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:43.479 And I'm no, He's so good at making me realize that, 0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:48.240 and it's like, again, we all have shit we deal. 0:20:48.080 --> 0:20:53.280 With in life. This is ours and it's okay. And 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:56.040 I like, you guys know, like I am. 0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:59.240 Throughout this whole journey, I have been trying to be 0:20:59.560 --> 0:21:02.600 so positive, but also I am human and I have 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:06.760 human emotions or I'm just like I don't know, I 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:09.240 just have like weird feelings, and I'm like, is this 0:21:09.320 --> 0:21:10.240 the right thing to do? 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:11.120 Should we just. 0:21:11.119 --> 0:21:14.399 Like wait longer? I just I feel a bit like 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:16.879 conflicted about it. 0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:19.520 I think I also feel like quite overwhelmed because it's 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:24.919 literally like this cycle, it could all happen, and it's like, 0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:31.120 I don't know, I just feeling all the feels about it. 0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:35.399 But I'm gonna go do my visualization. I've been doing 0:21:35.480 --> 0:21:41.119 my visualization like hypnosis thing I read myself every morning 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:44.479 and night and it just puts me in like the 0:21:44.480 --> 0:21:45.119 best vibe. 0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:46.800 So I'm gonna go do that. 0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:50.600 The end of October twenty twenty four. So in the 0:21:50.640 --> 0:21:53.119 next couple of days, we are doing our egg retrieval, 0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:56.240 which is very exciting. We did have some issues with 0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:58.119 my bloods all. 0:21:58.280 --> 0:21:58.880 It looks like. 0:21:58.880 --> 0:22:03.119 I was going to ovulate naturally, so he had to 0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:07.040 do some extra injections. But I got my results back 0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:09.560 from my doctor and he said it looks good for 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:13.600 egg retrieval, so we're very excited. I'm definitely feeling like 0:22:13.880 --> 0:22:20.639 just a bit bloated, but I keep affirming these you know, 0:22:21.200 --> 0:22:24.439 I'll do whatever I need to do for baby, always 0:22:24.440 --> 0:22:28.919 happy to do it. And this is like me being 0:22:29.480 --> 0:22:32.800 this is us being one step closer to baby. So 0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:37.160 feeling really good, feeling really positive, putting all the positive 0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:40.639 vibes out there, and no baby's. 0:22:40.320 --> 0:22:41.359 Coming so soon. 0:22:42.359 --> 0:22:48.439 November twenty twenty four, No, not pregnant, even though I 0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:54.240 feel so bloaded. So we basically got too many eggs. 0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:58.960 I had twenty four eggs, twenty were able to be 0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:04.879 like actually used, and then thirteen have been fertilized. So 0:23:04.880 --> 0:23:08.719 we have thirteen little babies, thirteen little Tim and Georgy's. 0:23:09.280 --> 0:23:12.840 But because there was so many eggs, their wonder might 0:23:12.880 --> 0:23:17.040 be hyper stimulated, so we can't do a fresh transfer. 0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:19.400 They're going to get frozen and we're going to try 0:23:19.720 --> 0:23:23.560 next month. So like super disappointing. 0:23:23.640 --> 0:23:25.720 I also feel you can see the bruiser. 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:33.040 I also feel like quite sick, just so bloated and 0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:39.440 like a bit constipated and just like not great. But luckily, 0:23:39.560 --> 0:23:41.680 because we have so many little babies, I won't ever 0:23:41.800 --> 0:23:46.320 have to do those injections or that procedure probably again, 0:23:46.760 --> 0:23:47.639 like I would hope. 0:23:48.320 --> 0:23:53.240 So yeah, now we're just waiting for my period, waiting 0:23:53.240 --> 0:23:53.960 another month. 0:23:54.160 --> 0:23:58.320 Tim's response was, of course, we have to wait another month, 0:23:58.480 --> 0:24:00.960 like of course, but we're not doing that. 0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:02.520 We're not in victim mentality. 0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:08.480 So anyway, really exciting you're gonna have at the end 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:14.000 of November twenty twenty four. Today was supposed to be 0:24:14.160 --> 0:24:20.080 our embryo transfer, and twenty minutes before I was supposed 0:24:20.119 --> 0:24:21.800 to be at the doctors, my doctor called and said, 0:24:21.880 --> 0:24:24.640 come to his office, not like the vitilia office. And 0:24:27.240 --> 0:24:29.919 basically he said, you know, there's a ten percent chance 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:32.640 that you thow out the embryo and it doesn't survive. 0:24:33.440 --> 0:24:36.760 It does happen. And he said, we thought out like 0:24:36.840 --> 0:24:40.000 the first one and it didn't survive. So we thought 0:24:40.040 --> 0:24:43.119 out a second one and it didn't survive. And then 0:24:43.200 --> 0:24:45.800