1
00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:06,360
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:13,440
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers me ow. We

3
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,600
Speaker 1: look forward to Friday's on the podcast perhaps more than

4
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,440
Speaker 1: any other day. Well, we like all the days, but

5
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,400
Speaker 1: Friday is a particularly special day because we get to

6
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,640
Speaker 1: play around with this thing called I'll Do Better Tomorrow.

7
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:25,319
Speaker 1: If you're new to the podcast and haven't heard, a

8
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,600
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, we came across a kid's book.

9
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,600
Speaker 1: It was called I'll Do Better Tomorrow. And in this book,

10
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,080
Speaker 1: we've got a mum who just, oh, my goodness, the

11
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,320
Speaker 1: mum guilt. That's what you'd call it, isn't it just

12
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,200
Speaker 1: the mum guilt? Gosh, I want to do this better.

13
00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,159
Speaker 1: In fact, I'm feeling a bit like that, just so

14
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,080
Speaker 1: much going on, I just kind of want to lay

15
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,199
Speaker 1: down on the couch and go ah. We've got a

16
00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:51,760
Speaker 1: kiddo who's moved into her very first house. We've got

17
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,880
Speaker 1: another child who's about to come back from eighteen months

18
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,240
Speaker 1: away in England. We've got kids that don't want to

19
00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:00,120
Speaker 1: give up bedrooms, and a million other things happening. A

20
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,240
Speaker 1: child who's refusing to go to swimming lessons, another child

21
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,160
Speaker 1: who's picked up a guitar and decided that that's the

22
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,800
Speaker 1: instrument that she loves. After one lesson, we'll see how

23
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,080
Speaker 1: long that lasts. And there's a million other things going on,

24
00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:12,839
Speaker 1: and it's a child.

25
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,080
Speaker 2: Who won't go to bed because she just got a

26
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:14,720
Speaker 2: new drum kit.

27
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,360
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, there's that one as well, trying to

28
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,720
Speaker 1: get his kids. So just we didn't even have sticks.

29
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,120
Speaker 1: We bought an electric drum kit on sale on Facebook, marketplace,

30
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,480
Speaker 1: pick it up second or third hand or something, and

31
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,000
Speaker 1: they didn't give us any drumsticks. So it's nine point

32
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,520
Speaker 1: thirty at night. I'm like, go to bed, and we

33
00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,680
Speaker 1: can't hear the drums.

34
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,399
Speaker 2: Oh, I can hear the pitter pad, but.

35
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,880
Speaker 1: You can hear the just on the electric dum kit.

36
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,560
Speaker 1: You can just hear the soft, soft tapping away. And

37
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,440
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, go to bed, and she's like, no,

38
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to anyway. I'll do better tomorrow. As

39
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:48,240
Speaker 1: where we reflect on the chaos and the absolute nuts

40
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,240
Speaker 1: nature of what we try to do in our families

41
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,920
Speaker 1: and make it better. Hey, before we do it, before

42
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,240
Speaker 1: we do it. Every now and again, we like to

43
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,120
Speaker 1: share news, and sometimes it's your news, not our news,

44
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,720
Speaker 1: got a couple of emails that need to be acknowledged.

45
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,240
Speaker 1: I just I got an email from someone I didn't

46
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,200
Speaker 1: take note of their name, and I'm feeling so guilty

47
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,920
Speaker 1: about it. You should, I know, I should take note

48
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,040
Speaker 1: of their name or I should feel guilty. Oh, thank you, Hi,

49
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,400
Speaker 1: Justin and Kylie. I loved listening to your recent podcast

50
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,200
Speaker 1: Number Oney twenty six. Oh this was a couple of

51
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,560
Speaker 1: weeks ago. I was also supposed to read it out

52
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,200
Speaker 1: last week and the week before, but I keep forgetting

53
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,519
Speaker 1: so much going on. This mom says. My husband and

54
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,320
Speaker 1: I have six children, five girls and one boy. In

55
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,280
Speaker 1: addition to helpful words and actions, what brings our connection

56
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:36,720
Speaker 1: close with our children is scheduled special nights and special breakfasts.

57
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,919
Speaker 1: Every month on the number of our kids' birthday, I

58
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,120
Speaker 1: let them stay up and do an activity with me alone,

59
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,840
Speaker 1: baking or looking through baby photos, playing games, et cetera.

60
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,359
Speaker 1: All the kids want their special time. They're very respectful

61
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,040
Speaker 1: to allow the one on one time for their siblings.

62
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,800
Speaker 1: Special night that was following up number one zero two

63
00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,080
Speaker 1: six episode one zero two six, where we talked about

64
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,680
Speaker 1: making time for your kids and just a really nice email.

65
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,800
Speaker 1: People are doing this stuff and it's working.

66
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,480
Speaker 2: I really like that idea.

67
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,480
Speaker 1: Where are we going to fit that in the idea?

68
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,160
Speaker 2: No. I love how they've actually worked it out. You know,

69
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,920
Speaker 2: in the past, we've done things like that and it

70
00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,360
Speaker 2: becomes our saturdays, whereas they've kind of go, Okay, my

71
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,000
Speaker 2: daughter is born on the sixth, so each sixth of

72
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,600
Speaker 2: the month, I'm going to spend time with it.

73
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:17,240
Speaker 1: I love it.

74
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's kind of like a birthday anniversary or type thing.

75
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,480
Speaker 1: I love the framing of that. This one came through

76
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,280
Speaker 1: from Valentina Novak. I did take note of Valentine this name.

77
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry to our first one who wrote. I

78
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,960
Speaker 1: feel even worse now because I know, Valentina, you are

79
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,680
Speaker 1: not just healing our children, but healing all parents and

80
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,560
Speaker 1: validating their instincts to be kind of their offspring. You're

81
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,320
Speaker 1: also educating the society at large, a huge gift of humanity.

82
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,680
Speaker 1: For so long, society told parents to quote unquote discipline

83
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,600
Speaker 1: their kids if the child merely acted how biology intended.

84
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,440
Speaker 1: It resulted in generations upon generations growing up with mental

85
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,760
Speaker 1: health issues and broken hearts. It's such a gift of

86
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,360
Speaker 1: humanity to have experts such as yourself, dismantling myths about

87
00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:00,880
Speaker 1: childhood behaviors and normalizing what is biologically normal, as well

88
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:04,280
Speaker 1: as equipping parents with strategies to nurture their children into

89
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:08,280
Speaker 1: adulthood so they become kind, confident, and self actualized individuals

90
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:12,040
Speaker 1: who can make great contributions to society. Your expertise in

91
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,080
Speaker 1: valuable as a mum to two beautiful and very kind children.

92
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 1: I thank you. What a nice email.

93
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:18,760
Speaker 2: Oh thank you, Valentina.

94
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't get enough of those. Yeah, I think

95
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:25,840
Speaker 1: we deserve more. I'm begging. I mean, I'm really fishing here.

96
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,359
Speaker 1: In all seriousness, if you haven't done this yet and

97
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,920
Speaker 1: you listen to the podcast, can you jump onto Apple

98
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:35,800
Speaker 1: Podcasts or Spotify wherever you listen and leave one of

99
00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:37,760
Speaker 1: those what do they call them? Oh, that's right, a

100
00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,560
Speaker 1: rating and a review. Let us know what you think,

101
00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:43,320
Speaker 1: preferably a five star rating and review. They're the ones

102
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,960
Speaker 1: that we love, We love, but we would just we

103
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,159
Speaker 1: would love to hear from you and love to get them.

104
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,760
Speaker 1: Speaking of, we did just receive one a couple of

105
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,960
Speaker 1: weeks ago that we haven't read out. Nice and quick

106
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,839
Speaker 1: one comes from someone who just said I'm still a mum.

107
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,800
Speaker 1: As a mum to four kids six to twelve and

108
00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:01,120
Speaker 1: a primary school teacher working full time, I find the

109
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:05,200
Speaker 1: podcast entertaining, insightful and educational. I'm definitely time poor and

110
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,360
Speaker 1: love that I can squeeze in some episodes while completing

111
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,640
Speaker 1: some kilometers on the treadmill. Thanks for the episodes, Okay,

112
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,320
Speaker 1: thank you for the five star review. Apple Podcasts or

113
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,920
Speaker 1: Spotify wherever you're getting your pods, we would love love

114
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,800
Speaker 1: to hear from you. Let's get onto it. I'll do

115
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:19,120
Speaker 1: better tomorrow your first.

116
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:26,320
Speaker 2: I've been thinking about my very overscheduled week. It's been nuts,

117
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:30,880
Speaker 2: been nuts, and one of the highlights was painting beside

118
00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,480
Speaker 2: our daughter and her husband after they got the keys

119
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:40,200
Speaker 2: to their new home recently. And as I was thinking

120
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,920
Speaker 2: about that and just thinking about this process, what I

121
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:48,120
Speaker 2: have loved as we have grown this child into this

122
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:53,320
Speaker 2: beautiful human being, is that we have set this example

123
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:58,360
Speaker 2: of what service looks like and have had a willingness

124
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,320
Speaker 2: to help others when we have the capacity to. And

125
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:06,600
Speaker 2: as a result, we have now cultivated this beautiful reciprocal

126
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,320
Speaker 2: relationship of service. And so while I was away recently,

127
00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:13,920
Speaker 2: Channell stepped in and kind of played mum for her

128
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:15,920
Speaker 2: little sister because I couldn't be there.

129
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,800
Speaker 1: She really helped out, especially when I had to do

130
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:18,360
Speaker 1: some travel.

131
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:22,600
Speaker 2: She was amazing and watching her grow as a mother

132
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,200
Speaker 2: as a result. She actually shared with me the other day.

133
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,479
Speaker 2: She was out at a cafe with a friend and

134
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,800
Speaker 2: her little baby, Indy. She's eleven months now, and she'd

135
00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:34,479
Speaker 2: crawled away and Chanelle kind of let her go for

136
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,400
Speaker 2: a little bit and she was watching her and then

137
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:40,080
Speaker 2: finally realized, you know, she wasn't coming back, so she

138
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,520
Speaker 2: went up, kind of grabbed her by the pants and

139
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,479
Speaker 2: kind of poisted her up and kind of carried her

140
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,839
Speaker 2: back in that crawl, you know, like she's a shopping

141
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,279
Speaker 2: bag kind of thing, and put her down next to

142
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,400
Speaker 2: where they were sitting. Perfect And one of the other

143
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,520
Speaker 2: moms looked up and she was like, that's clearly not

144
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,760
Speaker 2: your first child, and she I was like, actually it is.

145
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,279
Speaker 2: She was like, I would never have done that with

146
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,520
Speaker 2: my first child. She said, I'm on my fourth, and yeah,

147
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,000
Speaker 2: he gets that all the time. She says, like, holy smoke.

148
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,200
Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, I'm one of six. I've had lots

149
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,080
Speaker 2: of practice. This isn't new to me. But I just

150
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:17,200
Speaker 2: I love watching her grow and become this beautiful mum.

151
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,200
Speaker 2: And to be able to have those experiences where we

152
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,800
Speaker 2: can reciprocate in our capacity to help one another, I know.

153
00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,880
Speaker 1: Where this is going is so joyful. Yep.

154
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:28,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

155
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,920
Speaker 1: And the reciprocation where I mean, we've done lots for them,

156
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,520
Speaker 1: but the major reciprocationnem just recently.

157
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,600
Speaker 2: Was we painted their house.

158
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,760
Speaker 1: It's so funny days of painting. It was so funny

159
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,640
Speaker 1: and I loved watching.

160
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,720
Speaker 2: Them the joy on their faces as they got paint

161
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,720
Speaker 2: everywhere and you know, made a mess of it, but

162
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:49,040
Speaker 2: it's theirs and they're so excited about it, and it

163
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,280
Speaker 2: was just a really joyful experience to share together.

164
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:55,080
Speaker 1: They've worked so hard and without relying on the bank

165
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,160
Speaker 1: of mum and Dad, they've been able to buy a

166
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,640
Speaker 1: place in their mid twenties. Like we just we're so

167
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,400
Speaker 1: excited for them, so proud of them. And this is

168
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,760
Speaker 1: the thing about resilience, right, This is the thing about life.

169
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:08,400
Speaker 1: When you do hard things, you feel awesome about you.

170
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,640
Speaker 1: And we've supported them and helped them how a we can.

171
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,520
Speaker 1: But they're the ones that have done the hard yards.

172
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,680
Speaker 1: They're the ones that have done it can I make

173
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,560
Speaker 1: this about me for a sec because I do like

174
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,720
Speaker 1: to do that every now and again. I was holding

175
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,600
Speaker 1: a paintbrush. I was painting. I painted for an entire Saturday,

176
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,200
Speaker 1: and everyone, everybody who walked into the house, and it

177
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,680
Speaker 1: was a bit of a revolving door that day. As

178
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,000
Speaker 1: people were coming to say congratulations and just sticky be

179
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,560
Speaker 1: can see what was going on. Every single person that

180
00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:36,520
Speaker 1: walked and said, well, Justin's painting. I thought he just

181
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,960
Speaker 1: stood in front of people and told them stories about

182
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:40,680
Speaker 1: raising kids.

183
00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:43,319
Speaker 2: Well they look at your hands, honey, they're pretty so

184
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,200
Speaker 2: Justin's painting.

185
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:45,960
Speaker 1: And I did a really good job.

186
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:48,959
Speaker 2: It was got the inside of the covering.

187
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,839
Speaker 1: I got insulted. Someone said, oh yeah, they give the

188
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,760
Speaker 1: tot of the comes to people when they don't trust

189
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:57,520
Speaker 1: their painting, right, And I did such a good job.

190
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,600
Speaker 2: You did such a good job that went had sent

191
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,439
Speaker 2: a video of an update to one of his mates.

192
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,199
Speaker 2: I thought he must have given him a dialogue. There

193
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:06,600
Speaker 2: was nothing.

194
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:08,800
Speaker 1: It's literally the videos just to walk through of the house.

195
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,920
Speaker 2: Walk through of the house, and the first thing his

196
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,679
Speaker 2: mate said, look at those covers.

197
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,439
Speaker 1: I got skills. I got skills. Anyway, the take home

198
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,120
Speaker 1: message here.

199
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:25,559
Speaker 2: Is cultivating a relationship based on service is so rewarding

200
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,600
Speaker 2: because the conversations you get to have as you work

201
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:33,000
Speaker 2: side by side are so organic and real.

202
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,840
Speaker 1: There's another takeout message that you haven't mentioned, and it's

203
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,440
Speaker 1: a hopeful one for any parent who is raising a

204
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,840
Speaker 1: toddler or a teenager or a teenager and thinking, I'm

205
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,360
Speaker 1: not sure if I like this kid right now? So

206
00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:50,240
Speaker 1: hard it gets awesome. It gets awesome if you cultivate

207
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,840
Speaker 1: that relationship, if you continue to be patient and compassionate

208
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,319
Speaker 1: and charitable, and continue to have a service orientation towards

209
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,080
Speaker 1: your kids. Yes, you've got to have boundaries and limits.

210
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,040
Speaker 1: Yes you've got to have some tough talks. This is

211
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,439
Speaker 1: not about rolling over and being permissive and letting them

212
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,160
Speaker 1: have whatever they want.

213
00:10:04,559 --> 00:10:06,520
Speaker 2: And it's also not about doing everything for them.

214
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:10,640
Speaker 1: Of course, absolutely absolutely critical that we don't do that.

215
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,839
Speaker 1: But it's also what it's really about is saying, even

216
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,600
Speaker 1: when things are hard, and even when we act like

217
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,480
Speaker 1: we don't like each other very much, you need to

218
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:19,080
Speaker 1: know I love you no matter what. I'm here for

219
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,120
Speaker 1: you no matter what. And now that we've got our

220
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,640
Speaker 1: realist thought to being in her mid twenties and buying

221
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:28,520
Speaker 1: a house. This relationship is it's pure delight. There is

222
00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,640
Speaker 1: so much hope and so much goodness for any parent

223
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,319
Speaker 1: who's thinking, I don't know if I can keep doing it,

224
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,760
Speaker 1: keep doing it, keep doing it.

225
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,920
Speaker 2: As a seventeen year old, I didn't think we'd ever

226
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,120
Speaker 2: talk again. Like there is challenge in all relationships, but

227
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:48,559
Speaker 2: just the hopeful message is keep going okay, because over

228
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,559
Speaker 2: time you'll reap the benefits.

229
00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:56,560
Speaker 1: Love it. It's my turn.

230
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,599
Speaker 2: So I'm kind of going to put you in the

231
00:10:58,640 --> 00:10:59,320
Speaker 2: hot seat.

232
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,880
Speaker 1: When you say of you're saying you're in the hot seat,

233
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,440
Speaker 1: You're in the hot seat. I don't like where this

234
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,040
Speaker 1: is going. I wanted to talk about my grandfather's funeral

235
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,920
Speaker 1: and you don't want to talk about that.

236
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:11,640
Speaker 2: Well, if you really want to talk about that, you can.

237
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:12,720
Speaker 1: Where do you want to put us?

238
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,880
Speaker 2: I wanted to talk and kind of dissect our games

239
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:16,559
Speaker 2: night the other day.

240
00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:21,640
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh okay, So before you do this, I

241
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,800
Speaker 1: just need to emphasize that just because I've written a

242
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,280
Speaker 1: lot of parenting books and do this podcast, it doesn't

243
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:31,320
Speaker 1: mean that I get everything right and my intentions were good. Okay, okay,

244
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,160
Speaker 1: all right, okay, so who's just o'd do better tomorrow?

245
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,880
Speaker 1: Is is this mine or is this yours?

246
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,240
Speaker 2: Well, hopefully you'll get some learning out of it.

247
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:42,000
Speaker 1: I've had the learning, but let's make it public because

248
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,840
Speaker 1: you've gone there. No, it looks and if we've got time,

249
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,360
Speaker 1: I need to talk. I need to soften it.

250
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,720
Speaker 2: In absolutely transparency. It could have just as likely been

251
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,000
Speaker 2: me in that situation.

252
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:56,360
Speaker 1: No, no, no, this was me. Okay, what would you

253
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,560
Speaker 1: like to talk about for my old do better tomorrow?

254
00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:01,040
Speaker 1: And our games night? On whatever night it was the

255
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:01,360
Speaker 1: other night.

256
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,000
Speaker 2: So the other night we had a pretty quiet night.

257
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:07,319
Speaker 1: It's the only night that we've ever had a quiet night.

258
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,400
Speaker 2: Almost unheard of in our house. And we were all home,

259
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,400
Speaker 2: and we had all finished dinner, and it wasn't bedtime.

260
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,920
Speaker 1: It was about seven thirty maybe seven forty. We usually

261
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,960
Speaker 1: work towards an eight o'clock. Let's start shifting everyone off

262
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,439
Speaker 1: to their bedrooms and calling it a night. I've done

263
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,600
Speaker 1: the dishes with the kids, a little mini all in,

264
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:30,160
Speaker 1: everyone's done their part, and then I say, what about

265
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:34,920
Speaker 1: if we play a game? Now? Background here Number one.

266
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,920
Speaker 1: I love to do all sorts of things with the kids.

267
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,840
Speaker 1: I love to be outside I love to be active.

268
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,440
Speaker 1: I love to do rough and tumble. I love to

269
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,640
Speaker 1: throw balls, I love to play sports. I love to

270
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,040
Speaker 1: read books. I love to do lots and lots and

271
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,800
Speaker 1: lots of things with my kids. But the one thing

272
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:53,240
Speaker 1: that I hate doing, I hate doing is playing games,

273
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,800
Speaker 1: especially card games.

274
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,600
Speaker 2: I just have to interject here, who has brought the

275
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,000
Speaker 2: majority of the game in our games go.

276
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,800
Speaker 1: I recognize the value of it. I just don't like

277
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,000
Speaker 1: doing it. And you do a great job and you

278
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:10,080
Speaker 1: enjoy it. But I thought, I thought, let's just have

279
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,000
Speaker 1: a let's just play a quick card game, maybe maybe

280
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,360
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes, twenty minutes, get us through to eight o'clock,

281
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,000
Speaker 1: and we'll call it a night. This is a this

282
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,720
Speaker 1: is me being a good dad. This is me doing

283
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,480
Speaker 1: I'm taking a bullet for the team. I'm doing something

284
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,120
Speaker 1: that everyone else likes to do, even though I don't

285
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,320
Speaker 1: like to do it. And you go and pick a

286
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,160
Speaker 1: game that I hate. Number one, I didn't know you

287
00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,920
Speaker 1: hate it, well, you do after the other night. And

288
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,679
Speaker 1: number two, it's a game that you can't get through

289
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,040
Speaker 1: in less than an hour an hour, But I didn't

290
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,840
Speaker 1: know that. I knew that I hated the game. Because

291
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:39,600
Speaker 1: it goes so long.

292
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:44,080
Speaker 2: Well is your time without children? And when they asked

293
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,479
Speaker 2: me what game we were playing.

294
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,640
Speaker 1: I said five crowns, five crowns.

295
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,559
Speaker 2: And they said great, that's awesome.

296
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,160
Speaker 1: And I said my suggestion, whatever, let's do it. So

297
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,360
Speaker 1: I said, the reason you hate this game because it

298
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,079
Speaker 1: takes an hour?

299
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,240
Speaker 2: No, because you.

300
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:04,560
Speaker 1: Never pick up a while I never winning that.

301
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,439
Speaker 2: And the whole time you happen to sit in your

302
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,080
Speaker 2: chair and grumble.

303
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,920
Speaker 1: And it got worse as the night got later because

304
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,480
Speaker 1: I was tired. I've just started exercising again, and so

305
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,079
Speaker 1: I get to about eight fifteen and I'm I'm comported.

306
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,199
Speaker 1: I need to go to bed so I can get

307
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,440
Speaker 1: up and exercise the next day. And that makes our

308
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,480
Speaker 1: family really happy too. And what was.

309
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:23,640
Speaker 2: Funny, I actually think there was a little bit of

310
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,960
Speaker 2: compensation going on, because the grumpier you got, the more

311
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,360
Speaker 2: energetic and hyped up our children got.

312
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,760
Speaker 1: Until I finally looked at it and said, you are

313
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,720
Speaker 1: all a lot.

314
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:40,480
Speaker 2: So our happy families Family games night, and did it.

315
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,160
Speaker 1: A little bit of because we were still playing the game.

316
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 1: We're still playing the game at nine pm. Let's have

317
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,040
Speaker 1: a quick game before bed has turned into let's stay

318
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,160
Speaker 1: up to midnight playing games. I'm losing the game. I

319
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,840
Speaker 1: didn't just lose, I mean I got absolutely decimated. Every

320
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,560
Speaker 1: single person beat me. I came. I didn't just come

321
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,840
Speaker 1: dead last though point scoring game. I tripled the number

322
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 1: of points in the next closest person. This is keep

323
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,040
Speaker 1: the points as low as you can. My points were

324
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,520
Speaker 1: through the roof. I was cranky and in the end,

325
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:13,360
Speaker 1: in the end, I kind of ruined the night. Everyone everyone.

326
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:17,120
Speaker 1: Everyone went to bed with me, growling and cranky and

327
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,120
Speaker 1: miserable and saying, go to bed, and this is stupid,

328
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,160
Speaker 1: and I've had enough and we don't even say stupid

329
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 1: in our house, right, I.

330
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:27,920
Speaker 2: Was just stupid, idiot, jeez. So I'm laughing with you,

331
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:28,760
Speaker 2: I promise.

332
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what they'll do better tomorrow.

333
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,960
Speaker 1: Is here, don't play games if you don't like playing games.

334
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,920
Speaker 2: No, I wanted to dissect it a little bit, because

335
00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,680
Speaker 2: I did say at the beginning this could have just

336
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,000
Speaker 2: as easily been me, and I do have vivid memories

337
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,960
Speaker 2: of times where I have been in exactly the same

338
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,040
Speaker 2: space as you, not because I don't like games, but

339
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,920
Speaker 2: what was actually going on for you internally? You said

340
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,640
Speaker 2: that number one, you wanted to be a good dad.

341
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 2: I want to be a good dad, and you wanted

342
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,720
Speaker 2: to spend time with the kids one hundred pc. But

343
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,160
Speaker 2: what was your expectation of that night?

344
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:01,520
Speaker 1: And this is the critical thing, expectation versus experience. My

345
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,760
Speaker 1: expectation was that we would sit down, play a fun

346
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,280
Speaker 1: game for fifteen minutes. I would win, and then everyone

347
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:10,440
Speaker 1: would go to bed, and you were.

348
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,040
Speaker 2: Looking forward to us being able to spend some time

349
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,520
Speaker 2: together once the kids went to bed.

350
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:14,920
Speaker 1: I did expect that you and I were going to

351
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,520
Speaker 1: get to spend some time together before we closed our

352
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:24,560
Speaker 1: eyes and fell asleep. I just add funny, and.

353
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:28,680
Speaker 2: Here's the challenge. More times than not, when we have

354
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:34,360
Speaker 2: a meltdown as an adult, it comes down to unmet expectations. Right.

355
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,800
Speaker 1: So I was tired, I wanted to have a quick game.

356
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,800
Speaker 1: I want to spend time with you. I really wanted

357
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,200
Speaker 1: to get some sleep, and I wanted to be asleep

358
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,880
Speaker 1: by sort of nine o'clock and we're still playing five

359
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,920
Speaker 1: prounds that I'm losing at nine o'clock.

360
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,560
Speaker 2: Are you a bit of a loser?

361
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 1: No, I'm not a slaw loser. I'm not a slaw

362
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 1: loser either except when I'm losing. Okay, So the take

363
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 1: home message because we need to wrap this up too long,

364
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,040
Speaker 1: and now I'm thoroughly disappointed in myself all over again.

365
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,960
Speaker 2: Oh you want me to do the takeo message. I'll

366
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,040
Speaker 2: do better tomorrow.

367
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:14,080
Speaker 1: I thought that it was okay. The take home message

368
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:19,719
Speaker 1: is don't play games you can't win. The take home

369
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,520
Speaker 1: message is don't play games if you don't like playing

370
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 1: games like stay in your wheelhouse, don't try to make

371
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,359
Speaker 1: other people happy. No, I don't know what is the

372
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,399
Speaker 1: take home message. This is your story. I'm making this up.

373
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 1: I need some help here, Gosh. I might be a

374
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,240
Speaker 1: parenting expert, but sometimes sometimes we all have blind spots.

375
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,840
Speaker 1: Help me out here. You're looking at me like you

376
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:40,480
Speaker 1: don't have one.

377
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 2: I actually think it's fair. If playing games actually frustrates

378
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 2: the heck out of you, then it's not the best

379
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,359
Speaker 2: way for you to spend time with the kids.

380
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 1: We should have done some rough and tumble on the

381
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:51,760
Speaker 1: living room floor.

382
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 2: You could have done that.

383
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,439
Speaker 1: No, we couldn't because the dog pood on the floor

384
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,080
Speaker 1: and then one of the kids tried to clean it up,

385
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 1: and the carpet now has so much water and that

386
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,480
Speaker 1: you can't lay on it for another three weeks and

387
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,440
Speaker 1: so it's all dried out.

388
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,960
Speaker 2: You don't need to tell everybody every this.

389
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,159
Speaker 1: Has just been our week. Folks. Hey, I don't know

390
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,879
Speaker 1: if this is a helpful take home message or not.

391
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,720
Speaker 1: I don't know if that story was useful, you know

392
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,360
Speaker 1: what the take home message. Even the guy that writes

393
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,639
Speaker 1: the books and does the podcast and has the TV

394
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:20,160
Speaker 1: show sometimes gets it really, really really wrong and makes

395
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,679
Speaker 1: everyone cranky and they go to bed wishing that they

396
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 1: hadn't played games with dad.

397
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,800
Speaker 2: For me, the take home message is that when we

398
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,600
Speaker 2: have unmat expectations, it's really hard to kind of claw back.

399
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:35,680
Speaker 2: And so when we go into experiences, especially with our kid,

400
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,920
Speaker 2: it's about being where your feet are, not worrying about

401
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 2: what's going to happen in half an hour, not worrying

402
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,400
Speaker 2: about what's going to happen an hour, but just being

403
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:47,200
Speaker 2: with them. And if they're enjoying themselves, then obviously you're

404
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 2: doing something right.

405
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 1: You say that, but didn't get that time with you.

406
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,200
Speaker 1: We both went to bed cranky one of those nights. Jeez,

407
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,160
Speaker 1: we've gone way over time. We hope that you've stayed

408
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,800
Speaker 1: with us. We hope that the Happy Families Podcast is

409
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,480
Speaker 1: I don't know, helping you do better Tomorrow and we

410
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,280
Speaker 1: will be back on Monday with an Olympic and Olympic

411
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,160
Speaker 1: Gold Medal podcast. We're going to talk to you about

412
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 1: how you can raise Olympic level kids. Can't wait. The

413
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,000
Speaker 1: Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media.

414
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,880
Speaker 1: Have a great weekend and we look forward to being

415
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:22,480
Speaker 1: with you again on Monday on the Happy Families Podcast.