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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just on answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, there's no problem with nakedness in a family so

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Speaker 2: long as there's a nothing sexual about it, and b

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Speaker 2: no one's complaining about it or feeling uncomfortable about it.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson, the founder of Happy

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Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. Before we start today's Valentine's

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Speaker 2: Day special edition podcast, some very big news tomorrow on

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Speaker 2: the podcast. Can't say any more on that right now,

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Speaker 2: but big news on the podcast, and I'm just going

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Speaker 2: to drop that hint. Leave it right there. We're not

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Speaker 2: going to talk about it anymore except see.

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Speaker 3: It doctor teaser.

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Speaker 2: Big news tomorrow on the podcast. Make sure that you

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Speaker 2: check it out. Hello Kylie, my wife, mum to our

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Speaker 2: six kids, and the woman that I should be with

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Speaker 2: today on Valentine's Day. But unfortunately this is the world's

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Speaker 2: longest relocation experience. I'm still in Brisbane and you're still

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Speaker 2: joining on the podcast by our FaceTime from the coast

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Speaker 2: where we are still in the process of moving our family.

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Speaker 3: I'm feeling pretty hard done by being on my own today.

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Speaker 2: You know, I don't worry. Something's coming to you a

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Speaker 2: little bit later at your Airbnb on the coast, just

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Speaker 2: a little Valentine's something.

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Speaker 3: Is that right?

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Speaker 2: Because well, you know what, we've got to celebrate the

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Speaker 2: ones that we love in our lives, and if we don't,

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Speaker 2: then things can go stale. This is a little something

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Speaker 2: for you, just to kick off Valentine's Day. Now.

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Speaker 1: It's for the we.

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Speaker 2: This is a song that I've danced with you in

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Speaker 2: the kitchen to how many times, like hundreds of times,

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Speaker 2: and sang it to you. I kroon, don't I? I

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Speaker 2: just crooned gently like nat kinkock do. All right? So

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Speaker 2: happy Valentine's Day, honey, and happy Valentine's Say to everybody

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Speaker 2: who has a love in their life. Oh, by the way,

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Speaker 2: last week we did Better Together. It was a webinar

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Speaker 2: for couples to make your relationship stronger, better, happier. It

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Speaker 2: went so well. There were so many important things we

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Speaker 2: talked about. It's available now a Happy Family store, or

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Speaker 2: if you're a Happy Family's member, it's available in your membership.

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Speaker 2: It's included in what you already pay Kylie. Anything you

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Speaker 2: want to mention about Valentine's Day before we move on

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Speaker 2: to our big topic of the day.

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Speaker 3: Well, Wendy Harmer actually put a post up way back

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Speaker 3: in December. Feels like way back because it feels that

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Speaker 3: long ago. And she shared this. She said, tonight, my

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Speaker 3: husband will write a small love note to me. They

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Speaker 3: always begin I love you more than dot dot dot.

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Speaker 3: It will be there on the kitchen bench with a

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Speaker 3: packed breakfast as I leave before dawn. He has done

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Speaker 3: this five days a week, forty four weeks a year

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Speaker 3: for the seventeen years I've done morning radio. Seriously, that

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Speaker 3: guy that kind of needs a medal. That's amazing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's making the rest of us look pretty shabby.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I thought I did a good job, But

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Speaker 2: forty four weeks a year, seventeen years, I love you

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Speaker 2: more than did?

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Speaker 3: You come up with something new every day.

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Speaker 2: You know what, if Wendy is half the wife that

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Speaker 2: you are to me, I don't think it'd be hard

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Speaker 2: at all.

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Speaker 3: Ah, I'll let you have that.

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Speaker 2: How am I doing? Am I doing? Okay?

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Speaker 3: I'm waiting for my poem.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, okay, there's room for improvement, I know. So look,

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Speaker 2: one other thing that we should mention just quickly about

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Speaker 2: Valentine's Day. We've got a tradition. You started it after

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Speaker 2: we had our i think our six papy to let

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Speaker 2: the kids know that we love them, even though there's

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of them. Why don't you share that

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Speaker 2: just briefly.

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Speaker 3: The pink lunchbox was born seven years ago and hands

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Speaker 3: down is our children's favorite lunch of the year.

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Speaker 2: It's a favorite tradition now, isn't it like the kids

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Speaker 2: love Valentine's Day because of the pink lunchbox.

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Speaker 3: Well, even when our daughters finished high school and went

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Speaker 3: off to work, they wanted to know if they were

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Speaker 3: still going to get their pink lunchbox?

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Speaker 2: Am I eligible? Now that I'm an adult?

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Speaker 3: How did you go to this morning with Abi?

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Speaker 2: I didn't do it, didn't even think about it. Thanks

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Speaker 2: for the little gilt trip there. I've got my bags

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Speaker 2: packed and I'm gee whiz. So the pink lunchbox, it's

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Speaker 2: just strawberry cupcakes and raspberries and fruit. Look everything red

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Speaker 2: and pink.

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Speaker 3: Right, anything red pink? And I extend it to purple

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Speaker 3: just to kind of give them, you know, grapes and

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Speaker 3: things like that. But there'll always be a little, you know,

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Speaker 3: a little treat in there. And this year I actually

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Speaker 3: found some super duper cute little love heart red glasses

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Speaker 3: for Emily.

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Speaker 2: That's so great, so great. And the kids, because of

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Speaker 2: the tradition, they know it only happens once a year,

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Speaker 2: but this is the lunch that they look forward to

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Speaker 2: more than any other. It's just a great thing to do.

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Speaker 2: Maybe there's some parents who are hearing about that and

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Speaker 2: thinking a bit late this year, but maybe we can

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Speaker 2: do something pink this afternoon for Valentine's you know, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't even have to be pick it's just it's something

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Speaker 2: special for Valentine's date.

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Speaker 3: I did forget to mention the most important part of

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Speaker 3: the lunch box is the love note.

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Speaker 2: Ah.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and the kids collect and keep them and they're

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Speaker 3: in a little safe box. But it's it's the favorite

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Speaker 3: part of their day.

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Speaker 1: Yep.

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Speaker 2: And now that I've now that I've had a chance

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Speaker 2: to think about everything that you do, what I'm going

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Speaker 2: to do for Abbi, our nineteen year old who's here

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Speaker 2: in Brisbane living with me at the moment while we

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Speaker 2: do this relocation. What I'm going to do for her

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Speaker 2: is I'm going to organize a Valentine Evening something or

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Speaker 2: other for her, including a love note and a whole

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Speaker 2: lot of pink stuff, just so that the tradition can continue.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, Kylie for making me now have more work

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Speaker 2: to do. It's great though. I'm so glad. It's a

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Speaker 2: really great idea, and I deserve the I deserved the

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Speaker 2: kick in the pants. Now our topic for today. We're

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Speaker 2: just going to introduce the topic now before we take

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Speaker 2: a quick break and talk about the ins and outs

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Speaker 2: the intricacies of this issue. Late last year, there was

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Speaker 2: a note in the paper that caught my attention. Chrissy Teagan,

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Speaker 2: the very famous supermodel wife of legendary singer John legend.

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Speaker 2: The two of them have they've got a couple of kids,

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Speaker 2: a five year old girl, Luna, a three year old son, Miles,

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Speaker 2: and Chrissy Teagan took a snap which she posted to

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Speaker 2: Instagram because that's what we do. It's twenty twenty two

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Speaker 2: with herself in the bath with her two kids, five

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Speaker 2: year old girl, three year old boy. They're obviously all

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Speaker 2: in the nutty, but there's bubbles covering them, so it

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Speaker 2: was Instagram safe, and it set off a firestorm on

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Speaker 2: social media, as you can imagine, because that's what social

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Speaker 2: media does. But so many people are really getting upset

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Speaker 2: some aspects of your life you should keep to yourself.

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Speaker 2: Not appropriate in front of your son, said somebody, and

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Speaker 2: a whole lot of things like that. So Kylie, after

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Speaker 2: the break, we're going to talk about naked in front

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Speaker 2: of the kids. When is too much? Too much? When

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Speaker 2: is it perfectly fine? Is there any research around this?

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Speaker 2: And how do we navigate this with our children? It's

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Speaker 2: the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts

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Speaker 4: of Disciplined as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 4: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy

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Speaker 4: families dot com, dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers. Now, let's talk naked

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Speaker 3: in front of the kids? When is it okay?

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Speaker 1: So?

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Speaker 2: I was thinking about this in relation to our family

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Speaker 2: and what we actually doing. Practice is different to the

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Speaker 2: answer that I'm going to give you.

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Speaker 3: Are you admitting to not practicing what you're about to.

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Speaker 2: Prea Well, I'm happy to practice it. It's just that

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Speaker 2: it's not what we do. The way our house is

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Speaker 2: set up, the way we're able to. I mean, we've

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Speaker 2: got an on suite, we've got to walk in wardrobe.

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Speaker 2: The kids don't need to ever see me naked. We've

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Speaker 2: got six daughters, right, and they just don't need to

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Speaker 2: see me make naked. They and they really don't. And

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Speaker 2: if they walk into the bathroom while I'm there, we

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Speaker 2: don't make a big deal about it. But I'm like, hey, guys,

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Speaker 2: a bit of privacy. And then I'll turn around so

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Speaker 2: they don't see anything except my bum and they walk

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Speaker 2: back up and say sorry, Dad. And that's kind of

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Speaker 2: about it. But I was thinking in the break. When

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Speaker 2: I was a kid, I remember jumping in the spa bath.

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Speaker 2: We had a big spa bath in the family home

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Speaker 2: that was big enough for most of the family to

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Speaker 2: climb into, and so Mum and Dad would run the

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Speaker 2: spa bath and fill it with bubbles and turn on

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Speaker 2: the jets and they jump in in the nutty and

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Speaker 2: we'd all jump in up until probably maybe the age

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Speaker 2: of I think I stopped doing it around about the

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Speaker 2: age of twelve or thirteen. I was pretty uncomfortable with

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Speaker 2: it by then, but the whole family would all get

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Speaker 2: in the bath together and there was no there was

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Speaker 2: nothing sexual about it. We just were all having a great,

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Speaker 2: big spa bath because it was novel and it was cool.

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Speaker 3: I actually cannot visualize that.

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Speaker 2: You don't want to, I can't. No, please don't.

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Speaker 3: It's funny because I grew up in a house of

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Speaker 3: all girls by my dad, and we obviously have all girls,

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Speaker 3: and so it just feels natural and normal for us

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Speaker 3: to kind of see each other because we're all girls.

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Speaker 3: We all shared the same part. I don't know whether

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Speaker 3: that would be the case if we had sons as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that also makes it a little bit different

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Speaker 2: and a little bit a little bit difficult for us

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Speaker 2: to make a whole lot of comments. But from a

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Speaker 2: parenting expert point of view and from a young children

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Speaker 2: and a sexuality and anatomy perspective, I just want to

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Speaker 2: say this really upfront, really clearly, there's no problem with

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Speaker 2: nakedness in a family so long as there's a nothing

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Speaker 2: sexual about it, and be no one's complaining about it

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Speaker 2: or feeling uncomfortable about it, Like if everyone's happen to

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Speaker 2: jump in the bath together, No big deal. It's not

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Speaker 2: going to cause any kind of emotional or psychological crisis.

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Speaker 2: There's not going to be any any problems at all,

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Speaker 2: so long as everybody feels comfortable. And to me, that's

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Speaker 2: kind of the really short simple answer here. Naked in

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Speaker 2: front of the kids, Yeah, so long as everyone's cool

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Speaker 2: about it, and so long as it's not sexual, and

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Speaker 2: as long as when someone says, actually, I'm big enough

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Speaker 2: now to wear clothes or I'd rather not see you

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Speaker 2: in the nud anymore, you on to that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that that's probably the key there. It's

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Speaker 3: clear communication, so everybody has a choice. And number two,

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Speaker 3: that you respect the boundaries that your children set. Most

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Speaker 3: kids get to a certain age where they kind of go,

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Speaker 3: you know what, it's not cool anymore. This is not okay.

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Speaker 3: I want my own space, and I really do not

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Speaker 3: want to see you in the.

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Speaker 2: Nud I'm just thinking when you said it's not cool anymore,

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Speaker 2: I'm wondering if there was ever a time where the

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Speaker 2: kids be like, oh, we're all naked. Cool. But but

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Speaker 2: I know what you mean when it comes to kids

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Speaker 2: understanding their sexual body parts as well, Like they don't

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Speaker 2: really even know much about the differences or anything until

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Speaker 2: they're around about three. They don't start identifying themselves as

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Speaker 2: one gender or another until they're around about three, maybe

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Speaker 2: even four, depending on the development of the child and

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Speaker 2: what they've been exposed to and what conversations you're having.

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Speaker 2: But it's around about there that they start to think

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Speaker 2: about it. But there is literally no shame in their body.

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Speaker 2: There's no concern about nudity with kids until typically and

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Speaker 2: some kids are different, but typically at least the age

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Speaker 2: of six or seven, and for many it'll be even

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Speaker 2: older than that, depending on what's going on in the family.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting that you highlight that justin because I think

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Speaker 3: that so often our children feel body shame based on

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Speaker 3: the way we respond to our nakedness. And one of

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Speaker 3: the things that I have obviously been quite confronted by

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Speaker 3: but also grateful for because it's given me opens to

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Speaker 3: having conversations with each of our girls at different times,

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Speaker 3: is when they recognize that my body isn't like the

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Speaker 3: pitches in the magazine, and they see that things are

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Speaker 3: not quite where they should be, and they're a little

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Speaker 3: bit saggy or stretched, and we've been able to talk

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Speaker 3: about the miracle of life that my body has housed,

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Speaker 3: and how that has been just such a blessing in

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Speaker 3: my life and something that I just cherish and I

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Speaker 3: wouldn't change that to have the body that the magazines

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Speaker 3: show or depict as being normal and beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because it's actually not normal for most humans,

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Speaker 2: especially mums who've had babies, to look like those people

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Speaker 2: in those magazines and on the Internet. There's something else

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Speaker 2: that I think is worth mentioning, just briefly, Kylie. And

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Speaker 2: that's just the cultural aspect of this conversation. So we

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Speaker 2: live in an advanced, prosperous Western society and we are

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Speaker 2: dealing with centuries of conditioning around how we're supposed to

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Speaker 2: view our body these and how we're supposed to respond

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Speaker 2: to nakedness and nudity. If we were having this conversation

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Speaker 2: in any number of other countries around the world, whether

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Speaker 2: it's the Scandinavian countries or Asian countries, even somewhere like

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Speaker 2: New Zealand that's fairly similar in a lot of ways

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Speaker 2: to Australia or even the United States, the conversation will

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Speaker 2: be a little bit different. There's some that are more conservative,

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Speaker 2: some that are more liberal when it comes to this

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Speaker 2: sort of stuff, and I just think we make a

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Speaker 2: really big deal about this in far too many cases

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Speaker 2: when it doesn't need to have a big deal made

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Speaker 2: about it. Our bodies are normal, healthy and natural. And

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Speaker 2: if the kids have exposure to our bodies again in

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Speaker 2: a non sexualized way because we're in the shower and

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Speaker 2: they've walked into the bathroom while we're there, I don't

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Speaker 2: think that's something that we need to be making a

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Speaker 2: big deal about. Conversations about body safety, consent, and privacy

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Speaker 2: are important, and then kids should be able to make

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Speaker 2: up their own minds and we need to work with that.

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Speaker 3: So let me sum up today's conversation. I think the

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Speaker 3: most important things that we've discussed it would be clear communication.

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Speaker 3: Everybody has a choice, respect boundaries, and our kids are

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Speaker 3: going to be okay if they see us nude.

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Speaker 2: So let it all hang out happy Valentine's say, Oh

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Speaker 2: that's not what you said. Oh I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Hey, I'm waiting for my love note that says

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Speaker 3: I love you more. We've got at least at least

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Speaker 3: seventeen years ahead of us. You can catch up.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I don't do breakfast radio and neither do you,

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Speaker 2: but maybe you can have one each day when you

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Speaker 2: come in to record the podcast with me. What do

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Speaker 2: you think? Maybe okay, I'll work on that. We would

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Speaker 2: love to know what you think. Naked in front of

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Speaker 2: the kids. Jump onto our Facebook page right now, our

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Speaker 2: social media I think is going to be a little

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Speaker 2: bit busy today. Naked in front of the kids. Just

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Speaker 2: jump onto doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook or

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Speaker 2: on Instagram and let us know what you think about

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Speaker 2: the conversation we've just had. The Happy Families podcast, as always,

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Speaker 2: is produced by the fabulous Justin rule On from Bridge Media.

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Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. We just love what

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Speaker 2: Craig does and if you like more ifo about making

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Speaker 2: your family happier, you can find it all happy families

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Speaker 2: dot com dot I you add a quick note tomorrow

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Speaker 2: big announcement on the podcast see that, Oh my, how rude?

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Speaker 1: How'd you see dive on the toilet