Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: One Cut.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and.
Speaker 3: This sick is our Thursday episode.
Speaker 1: This is our dark and dirty and sexy, saucy little episode.
Speaker 3: But we answer your deep, dark and burning questions.
Speaker 2: And now, look, we have been keeping it pretty dirty lately,
Speaker 2: so I think we're going to keep this one a
Speaker 2: little bit more above board. I think we've been taking
Speaker 2: our intro too seriously because the last few weeks have
Speaker 2: been pretty questionable.
Speaker 3: I can't even.
Speaker 1: Remember the questions that we answered last week, to be honest, neither,
Speaker 1: but I just know our vibe. Also, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: like apologize right now if anyone can hear what sounds
Speaker 1: like a pterodactyl going, yeah, it's not Matt, it's actually Lola.
Speaker 1: She's don't worry, she's being supervised by Matt. She's just
Speaker 1: outside the door screaming. At the moment, she's figured out
Speaker 1: how to crawl and she's trying to get in here
Speaker 1: and get on the podcast.
Speaker 3: But that is.
Speaker 2: Lockdown life, isn't it. You can't even apologize for that now,
Speaker 2: because literally, you haven't left your house in three months.
Speaker 2: You live with two kids in a two bedroom house.
Speaker 3: Can we call it lockdown life?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: I mean? It feels like the never ending saga. It's
Speaker 3: just his life. I kin't of even mad at her.
Speaker 1: I'm currently hidden in her bedroom recording She's just trying
Speaker 1: to get into where her toys are.
Speaker 2: Hang on, is it Lola or Marley crying?
Speaker 3: It's Lola.
Speaker 1: H Who knows who's counting anymore. Someone's out there with
Speaker 1: them and that's all that matters. I wanted to kick
Speaker 1: out today with an article.
Speaker 2: That we have had a very good chuckle over and
Speaker 2: I don't know if we should be laughing, but hey,
Speaker 2: everyone else is. It seems to be trending. It is
Speaker 2: about the term soaking. Now, I had never heard of
Speaker 2: soaking in sex before ever? Had you?
Speaker 1: I had never heard about it, but I'm very, very
Speaker 1: glad that this has come into my life.
Speaker 2: So if you guys haven't heard of soaking. Essentially, if
Speaker 2: you don't know much about Mormon, Mormons don't have sex
Speaker 2: before marriage. They're also not supposed to engage in sexual
Speaker 2: or overt passionate kissing or touching or anything of that nature.
Speaker 2: They're supposed to save themselves for marriage.
Speaker 3: But isn't it that.
Speaker 1: Mormons aren't allowed to engage in like really sexual kissing
Speaker 1: or like passionate displays of affection because of the potential
Speaker 1: of it leading into more and therefore turning into the sex,
Speaker 1: and we're trying to avoid that from happening.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure if that's the exact reason, if it's
Speaker 2: so it doesn't lead to sex, or if it's just
Speaker 2: that these things are sacred and supposed to be for
Speaker 2: your partner. But I know that oral sex, masturbation, passionate kissing,
Speaker 2: and erotic touching are all very strictly banned unless you're married,
Speaker 2: So that is definitely all of those things are a
Speaker 2: no go. You are not allowed to do that.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: The reason why we're talking about this is it is trending.
Speaker 2: It is all over TikTok because a bunch of teenagers
Speaker 2: have finally outed what soaking is, because apparently it's been
Speaker 2: around for a long time, but it's a bit hush hush,
Speaker 2: especially in the Mormon world. A lot of people do it,
Speaker 2: but no one wants to put their hand up and say, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm a soaker, but what what it is? It's their
Speaker 2: way around not being able to have sex. So they've
Speaker 2: come up with this thing where the penis goes into
Speaker 2: the vagina.
Speaker 1: So the man puts you laying in bed. You can't
Speaker 1: you're just laying down on your back. The man puts
Speaker 1: his penis.
Speaker 2: In the vagina and then nothing freeze frame. You have
Speaker 2: to you play that game statue, so you have to.
Speaker 2: It's also called it has other names. It's called parking,
Speaker 2: but you essentially just have to put the dick in
Speaker 2: the vagina and not move.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I am sorry, but this this has so many questions
Speaker 2: for me. A. I don't know if my sex education
Speaker 2: was wrong, but I'm pretty sure a penis in the
Speaker 2: vagina is sex. Like that is breaking a barrier. The
Speaker 2: barrier is called the hymen. That is two physical bodies touching.
Speaker 2: To me, that sex. And I don't see how you're
Speaker 2: allowed to soak or park if you're not allowed to
Speaker 2: passionately kiss like what is I don't know if they're
Speaker 2: reasoning is accurate.
Speaker 3: There's okay, there's a few things here I want to unpack. Firstly,
Speaker 3: thanks for the sex education, Brittany.
Speaker 1: It's very accurate and also okay, there are so many
Speaker 1: different things that constitute what make up sex. Like it
Speaker 1: doesn't even just have to be the penis in the
Speaker 1: We don't even need to tell you, guys.
Speaker 3: You guys know what sexy is. I'm sure you're all.
Speaker 1: Listening to this thinking that this is just as fucking
Speaker 1: weird as we are. But like, imagine, imagine if a
Speaker 1: guy put his penis inside you and then was like
Speaker 1: hold the fuck stell like just don't move, like, no wiggling,
Speaker 1: no nothing, just two people in missionary position, laying on
Speaker 1: top of each other still for three minutes or two
Speaker 1: minutes or however long they can withstand it, and then
Speaker 1: that's it.
Speaker 3: Withdraw What do you get out of it?
Speaker 2: Well, I guess, I mean, I guess there's a feeling
Speaker 2: of closeness because you feel like that special connection because
Speaker 2: we know, we know on dolphins release when we have sex,
Speaker 2: when we had that intimacy with someone, which is why
Speaker 2: it's so hard to maintain a strictly friends with benefits
Speaker 2: relationship where women especially are like, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: get feelings. I'm not going to catch feelings the second
Speaker 2: you have sex like bam, let's spoon and get married
Speaker 2: like it is what it is. But I think that this,
Speaker 2: I think there's a feeling of closeness and connection and
Speaker 2: like they're taking the next step without doing the wrong
Speaker 2: thing in the eyes of you know, they're religion.
Speaker 1: This just so fully threw me back into like my
Speaker 1: teenage years, and I feel like everyone's going to relate
Speaker 1: to this when you're want to hear what you're gonna
Speaker 1: say teenage laure is so awkward, and I feel so
Speaker 1: awkward for her talking about this that when you like
Speaker 1: very first kind of got into figuring out sex. You're dating,
Speaker 1: like you're a super horny teenager in your early twenties and.
Speaker 3: You're hooking up with a guy.
Speaker 1: You're not actually having sex, but like maybe they still
Speaker 1: have their underwear on, or you have your underwear on,
Speaker 1: and you're it's like you're pretty much having sex, but
Speaker 1: you're wearing underwear. Like there might be in by like
Speaker 1: three centimeters, but you're wearing underwear, so.
Speaker 2: It's fine, really hard they're in Vice three and four.
Speaker 3: Am I alone here?
Speaker 1: Or did we all do this like just dry humping
Speaker 1: to the point where you're like pretty much just having
Speaker 1: sex but it's not sex. Well, yeah, that's when you're
Speaker 1: young and you're not ready to take the next moved,
Speaker 1: but you're like, this feels good.
Speaker 3: But that makes me.
Speaker 2: That literally makes me and I feel like there's not
Speaker 2: gonna be anyone listening to this that didn't experience that.
Speaker 1: See, not alone, Laura, except as a mom to two girls.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel so uncomfortable, Like I just wow,
Speaker 1: we did it.
Speaker 3: We all did it, guys.
Speaker 1: I can kind of understand why this terminology has come up.
Speaker 1: I can understand why they're pushing the boundaries as far
Speaker 1: as they possibly can, especially when this is happening in
Speaker 1: like Mormon universities, and like we all know what it's
Speaker 1: like to go to UNI, to live on campus, to
Speaker 1: run around and be crazy and in our wild youths.
Speaker 1: That there is more to the story.
Speaker 2: Well, there are some other quotes before we get into
Speaker 2: the next part of the story, because the next part
Speaker 2: of the story is like what I find the fucking
Speaker 2: funniest Like this, it's so beyond anything I could imagine
Speaker 2: was real life. But there are some quotes for us
Speaker 2: from some soakers, like some first class socus.
Speaker 3: Some hardcore soakers, some hardcore soakers.
Speaker 2: The first time we soaked, we were on the floor
Speaker 2: of my living room and she just asked me to
Speaker 2: put it in, but not to move it around. I
Speaker 2: guess she wanted to push her virginity as far as
Speaker 2: her sensibilities would allow. Now this just shows me that
Speaker 2: teenagers of all motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: There is another quote from this article which I want
Speaker 1: to read out to you guys, And it was there
Speaker 1: was always squirming on both of our parts, but never
Speaker 1: any real thrusting. And I guess swirming maybe technically moving,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't like the preacher was there refing the event.
Speaker 3: I was inside her. It felt good and sometimes we
Speaker 3: would kind of.
Speaker 1: Grind involuntarily, though it was torturous for both them. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but you had sex, but it was going
Speaker 1: as far as we could justify before breaking the rules.
Speaker 3: This is wild.
Speaker 1: The thing that makes this so much crazier is the
Speaker 1: fact that Mormon sex is getting airtime purely because of TikTok,
Speaker 1: and TikTok is of sharing tactics used to get around
Speaker 1: what the chastity rules are, so to teach other Mormons
Speaker 1: what they can and can't do and how they can
Speaker 1: be intimate without being overly intimate.
Speaker 3: Now there's more to this, Brittany, if.
Speaker 2: You'd like to share it, with them, it gets so
Speaker 2: much more wild. This is probably my favorite part because
Speaker 2: I love their creativity. Now because they're not allowed to
Speaker 2: have sex, they're allowed to thrust. They have come up
Speaker 2: with a term or an activity call jump pumping. Now,
Speaker 2: jump upping is where you have to have a very
Speaker 2: trusty friend or relative or whoever you're going to use.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's a sister, maybe it's best friend, maybe it's
Speaker 2: someone that's in your dorm with you. But this is
Speaker 2: where you call your friend when you want to soak
Speaker 2: with your partner. So you want to have this intimacy
Speaker 2: with your partner, but you want to have that little
Speaker 2: bit more, so you get your friend to come over.
Speaker 2: You're laying on the bed like the couple is laying
Speaker 2: on the bed soaking, and then the friend or the
Speaker 2: dedicated jump umper stands on the mattress like a foot
Speaker 2: away and jumps really erratically so that your body starts
Speaker 2: to move and get friction as you're soaking, and that
Speaker 2: way you get the feeling. But you're not in the
Speaker 2: wrong because you're not making you do it. You're not thrusty,
Speaker 2: and it's the friction from the person jumping on the
Speaker 2: bed and I am sorry, but this has just absolutely
Speaker 2: made my day. There's videos, so this has gotten like
Speaker 2: thirty three million hashtags on TikTok. This is why it's
Speaker 2: viral because a girl put a video of herself up
Speaker 2: doing it to her friend. She's on the bed jump
Speaker 2: and you can see it on TikTok, the coupler under
Speaker 2: the covers, soaking, and she said, this is what I
Speaker 2: have to do. My friend called me and said it's
Speaker 2: time to soak, It's time to jump home.
Speaker 3: I'm like, who gets.
Speaker 2: The metal here? Surely the friend like she has taken
Speaker 2: one for the team.
Speaker 1: You have to like, I mean, one, you've got a
Speaker 1: friend in the room with you whilst you're pretty much
Speaker 1: having sex. But because they obviously so fundamentally believe that
Speaker 1: they're not having sex, that it's okay to have a
Speaker 1: friend in the room at the same time.
Speaker 3: Just so fucking crazy. Laura.
Speaker 2: If you've got a call from me one day and
Speaker 2: I was like, sos, I'm soaking, I need to hear
Speaker 2: a sat to jump hump, I would do it.
Speaker 3: I would jump on the bed next to you in
Speaker 3: short it.
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely friends too.
Speaker 1: I would jump on that bed as hard and as
Speaker 1: vigorously as you needed to make sure that you were
Speaker 1: having a good time.
Speaker 3: That's what I would do. But also who has the
Speaker 3: self control?
Speaker 1: Like, surely if there's such horny like twenty year olds
Speaker 1: or nineteen year olds, however old these people are. Surely
Speaker 1: if the guy is inserting himself and then somebody is
Speaker 1: jumping on the bed next to them, I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: that there's a few accidents. I'm gonna say he probably
Speaker 1: gets a bit excited and might let it off the
Speaker 1: looser prematurely, someone might think, and then what happens, Well.
Speaker 2: I don't think they're allowed to because you know, they're
Speaker 2: not allowed to masturbate. So you just have to have
Speaker 2: the best self control of anyone that ever has walked
Speaker 2: the earth.
Speaker 3: I couldn't know. It just sounds.
Speaker 1: It sounds torturous. It sounds absolutely like hell on Earth,
Speaker 1: literal hell on Earth.
Speaker 3: Horrible.
Speaker 1: I feel sorry for one that this has come under
Speaker 1: such a microscope now because now anytime a horny moremon
Speaker 1: is going into a dorm room to soak.
Speaker 3: They're gonna be like, is this the wrong thing? Isn't this?
Speaker 1: Does the world think that I'm having sex right now?
Speaker 1: So maybe we've just cock blocked a whole entire group
Speaker 1: of Mormons who were just living their best lives. Well,
Speaker 1: there's a will, there's a way, Laura.
Speaker 3: Okay, guys.
Speaker 1: On that note, let's get into the questions for today's episode. Britt,
Speaker 1: you can kick it off and hit me with question
Speaker 1: number number one.
Speaker 3: Hit me with question number one.
Speaker 2: All right, question number one. And whilst we're on the
Speaker 2: topic of his sex, I'm going to read you a
Speaker 2: sex one. But I promise after this it gets better.
Speaker 2: This was just a really easy segue for me. Guys.
Speaker 2: I love your work. I've had a few dates with
Speaker 2: this really great guy. I like him a lot, and
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure he likes me a lot too. He's
Speaker 2: good looking, he's nice, the chemistry is great, that sex
Speaker 2: is great, even the talk is great. And let's be real,
Speaker 2: it is not often you find all of this in
Speaker 2: one person. However, last night he started talking about his kinks.
Speaker 2: The unusual thing is he likes in the bedroom. He
Speaker 2: told me he'd ease me into it and started talking
Speaker 2: about how it really turns him on when a girl squirts.
Speaker 2: I thought, okay, that's not too weird. He then went
Speaker 2: on to tell me he would enjoy it if she
Speaker 2: were to then urinate on him. He even went as
Speaker 2: far as to say that when I really needed to
Speaker 2: pee during four play, that he found it super hot.
Speaker 2: I'm really confused. Is this too weird? Am I just
Speaker 2: naiven vanilla or even judgmental? It scares me that this
Speaker 2: is not even the full extent of it. Do I
Speaker 2: try to open up my mind to these uncomfortable, uncharted
Speaker 2: things or should I just cut him loose now while
Speaker 2: it's still relatively early days?
Speaker 3: Help?
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not getting weed on. I am not
Speaker 2: getting weed on, but that's just me.
Speaker 1: I did say at the beginning of this that we
Speaker 1: had not so dirty dark and you know, saucy questions
Speaker 1: for you, and I forgot what I questioned.
Speaker 2: I told you I was Look.
Speaker 3: Have you ever had a guy ask you to wee
Speaker 3: on him?
Speaker 2: Never? And I would not let a guy we on me.
Speaker 2: I've had someone we on me in the shower as
Speaker 2: like a joke.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, No, I've definitely had a guy we on
Speaker 3: me in the.
Speaker 2: Shower as I was like, get the fuck out. No
Speaker 2: one comes into my home and wheeze on me. Yes,
Speaker 2: I have.
Speaker 1: Also, why do guys think that's funny? Like there's a
Speaker 1: whole conversation and how disrespectful that is.
Speaker 2: I mean, but you're in istera. In Urin's defense, it's.
Speaker 1: Also an opt in situation though, like you if you're
Speaker 1: gonna get kissed on in any version, even if it's
Speaker 1: in the shower, and your boyfriend thinks it's funny, Like,
Speaker 1: you've got to make sure that you guys are in
Speaker 1: a relationship where that is actually something that you also
Speaker 1: find funny, like if you if that is, like, that's
Speaker 1: so disrespectful, if you guys are not on the same page,
Speaker 1: mind you. I had an ex boyfriend do it to me.
Speaker 1: He was like, hey, babe, can you pick up the soap?
Speaker 1: And as I picked up the soap, he pissed on
Speaker 1: my head and I was so that is it's too much.
Speaker 1: I was so angry, too far, so disrespectful. I was
Speaker 1: so angry, and I mean, surprisingly we're not together anymore.
Speaker 1: We didn't see e'd eye on a lot of things.
Speaker 1: You saw a urine to eye ill like got you
Speaker 1: when you bend over right and the face I had
Speaker 1: a guy asked me to pee on him. This is
Speaker 1: totally gonna end up in the Daily Mail. Sure it
Speaker 1: is and I said no because I couldn't get my
Speaker 1: head around how you do it and don't ruin your mattress,
Speaker 1: Like would you lay sheets down? Do you lay a
Speaker 1: top holding down? Like how do you do it? What
Speaker 1: if you have like a goose down cover? Like you
Speaker 1: can't just pee on your bed. So there's a lot
Speaker 1: to this.
Speaker 2: I think that's sort of like on the same sort
Speaker 2: of tracking when we were talking about what Lubo would
Speaker 2: use the other day, for example in the intro, and
Speaker 2: one of them was egg white. So in the middle
Speaker 2: of the moment, you're like, hang on a second, I
Speaker 2: just have to go on and prepare the egg whites
Speaker 2: to use. It really kills the moment.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's the same thing, Laura, if you
Speaker 1: have to get up and get a top hole on
Speaker 1: to put on your bed before you urinate on your partner,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's a real buzzkiller. This is not
Speaker 1: King shaming though, if anybody, if anybody does this, I'm
Speaker 1: asking these questions out of pure logistics, like, if that's
Speaker 1: something that you guys are into your end play, I
Speaker 1: would love to know how you go about doing it,
Speaker 1: just so that we can give some really informative information
Speaker 1: the next time we speak about it. But and I
Speaker 1: think the same thing for or kings, whatever floats your boat,
Speaker 1: and whatever you're comfortable with, so long as you're both
Speaker 1: comfortable with it, go for gold like that's super important.
Speaker 1: The fact that you're not sure and you're a little
Speaker 1: bit new to this area, I think, explore it. And
Speaker 1: I'm not saying do anything that sits outside of what
Speaker 1: you're comfortable with, but I think have him tell you
Speaker 1: what his kinks are. Have those conversations, and then see
Speaker 1: where you sit the spectrum of how uncomfortable it makes
Speaker 1: you feel and what you are okay with, And I
Speaker 1: probably think it's better to know more, Like you know
Speaker 1: when he says he's easing you into it, I think
Speaker 1: it's probably better for him to be pretty transparent, in
Speaker 1: straight up about what it is that he likes or
Speaker 1: doesn't like, what it is that he can live with
Speaker 1: and can't live without, because then it allows you to
Speaker 1: go cool. I am comfortable with this, but I'm completely
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with doing XYZ. And maybe your feelings towards that
Speaker 1: might change over time as you become more intimate and
Speaker 1: as you push your own boundaries. But also it might
Speaker 1: not and that's totally okay. And he needs to know
Speaker 1: what your boundaries are now so that way he doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like it's okay to push them or to try
Speaker 1: and coerce you into doing something that you're not comfortable with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and unfortunately, sexual compatibility is a large part of a relationship.
Speaker 1: It is important if you guys aren't on the same
Speaker 1: wavelength with things that you want, things that you like,
Speaker 1: things that you want to try. If you don't gel
Speaker 1: in the bedroom and you just don't have that ease
Speaker 1: and comfortability, it is something that can cause riffs in relationships,
Speaker 1: especially if and it sounds like this could be the
Speaker 1: case with you guys, you're on one extreme to the other.
Speaker 1: I think what Laura said is completely accurate. I would
Speaker 1: sit down and just say, let's talk about your kinks.
Speaker 1: What are they because there is absolutely nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: having kings as long as people are on the same wavelength.
Speaker 2: Talk about what they are. Maybe he can write down
Speaker 2: a list, Maybe you can explore what they are together,
Speaker 2: so maybe you can look them up on the internet.
Speaker 2: Maybe you can talk about them. Maybe you can do
Speaker 2: a little bit of research to see where you feel
Speaker 2: comfortable if there's something that you're willing to try on
Speaker 2: that spectrum, after you've talked about it, then you can
Speaker 2: definitely go down that path once you've tried and you've
Speaker 2: had the chat. I don't think until you've done this
Speaker 2: you're actually able to say, yes, I want to be
Speaker 2: with you, No, I don't want to be with you.
Speaker 2: I don't think he can just cut him off because
Speaker 2: he said I sort of like these things in the bedroom.
Speaker 2: You need to know a little bit more. You need
Speaker 2: to find out more. Just have an adult conversation, and
Speaker 2: if you're willing to try it, go for it. But
Speaker 2: one hundred percent, if anything you are uncomfortable with, don't
Speaker 2: have to try anything. And maybe this relationship isn't for you.
Speaker 2: You're just not gonna know until you sit down and
Speaker 2: have that conversation.
Speaker 1: I also think it's important maybe he's tried something in
Speaker 1: the past, but I also think it's important to have
Speaker 1: a conversation around frequency. And I mean this because I
Speaker 1: think that some people may have tried something once or
Speaker 1: twice or they want to try it in the future,
Speaker 1: and then they're saying, hey, like I've got this fantasy
Speaker 1: or I've got this fetish or I have this kink
Speaker 1: that I like, but it's the non essential, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, they're probably or there is
Speaker 1: still the opportunity to have a great relationship, even if
Speaker 1: that's something that you're saying no to. So the guy
Speaker 1: that I was dating who asked me to pee on
Speaker 1: him and I said no because it was something that
Speaker 1: I wasn't comfortable with. It wasn't a make or break
Speaker 1: for him. He wasn't like, well, if you're never going
Speaker 1: to pee on me, I can't be on a relationship
Speaker 1: with you. Our relationship didn't work out for the many
Speaker 1: other reasons, but interestingly it did have to do with
Speaker 1: sexual compatibility.
Speaker 3: He wanted to be.
Speaker 1: In a polyamorous relationship and I wasn't comfortable with that,
Speaker 1: so his sexual exploration was far more vast than so
Speaker 1: for me. It wasn't compatible. However, there are definitely other
Speaker 1: people that I've dated who have wanted to try things
Speaker 1: that I haven't felt comfortable with, but it's been a
Speaker 1: neither here or there, And I think that that's also
Speaker 1: an important part of this find out sort of how
Speaker 1: essential are these kinks to him having a fulfilling sexual
Speaker 1: relationship with you? And if there's something that he would
Speaker 1: like to try, but he's not going to run away
Speaker 1: from the relationship if he never gets to try them
Speaker 1: with you, and he's not going to go and look
Speaker 1: for that satisfaction elsewhere, then I think you guys can
Speaker 1: still have a.
Speaker 3: Really awesome relationship.
Speaker 1: And I think it's so great that he's been really
Speaker 1: open about this from the very very beginning.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was just about to say the same thing.
Speaker 2: He hats off to him for being fully transparent very
Speaker 2: early on. Obviously it is something that's important to him,
Speaker 2: or he wouldn't have brought it up. So I think
Speaker 2: that you can do the same. You can be just
Speaker 2: as honors back. And that's I mean, we always say
Speaker 2: it every episode the Seciita a relationship communication, but let
Speaker 2: us know we love it. I actually really mean this.
Speaker 2: I love it when you guys follow up and tell
Speaker 2: us how conversation, when, or how something ends, because we
Speaker 2: really love to see how it pans out.
Speaker 3: And the last thing I.
Speaker 1: Just want to add to this as well, is and
Speaker 1: I think it's really important to be reminded of this.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we can push our boundaries to places we don't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with just because we really really like someone,
Speaker 1: and I want to, like, really reiterate in this that
Speaker 1: if there's something that you don't feel comfortable with, no
Speaker 1: matter how much you like someone, don't do it. It's
Speaker 1: not worth it. It's not worth pushing your boundaries to
Speaker 1: a place that makes you uncomfortable just to make somebody
Speaker 1: else happy. And somebody who's truly worth your time and
Speaker 1: your investment, they would never want you to push your
Speaker 1: boundaries to a place that makes you feel uncomfortable. So
Speaker 1: if you're in a new relationship and you want to
Speaker 1: please that other person, I get it. I think we've
Speaker 1: all been in that situation before where we've wanted to
Speaker 1: please them, But don't deny the way you feel about something,
Speaker 1: and don't push yourself to a point that makes you
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable, because it is absolutely never worth it, and
Speaker 1: they are not your penguin.
Speaker 3: All right, Question number two, This is.
Speaker 2: Really interesting, so I'm really excited to get your take
Speaker 2: on it. I've been with my partner for a little
Speaker 2: over a year and everything is great. I'm in my thirties.
Speaker 2: Just for context, we want the same things and I
Speaker 2: can see us ending up together. I think he could
Speaker 2: be my penguin. We have spoken about getting married. He
Speaker 2: currently lives an hour away and we spend every weekend
Speaker 2: together and I really love our time together. Everything is great.
Speaker 2: But he has asked me to move in with him,
Speaker 2: and I'm tossing up whether I want to. The thing is,
Speaker 2: I love my independence and I love having my own space. Ideally,
Speaker 2: I think I would like to have a separate place
Speaker 2: to my partner forever. But is this really weird? Is
Speaker 2: it okay that I feel this way? Is it okay
Speaker 2: that I want to be with someone and also live
Speaker 2: this separate life. How do I even bring this up
Speaker 2: with him? Don't know?
Speaker 1: Okay, I think it is weird based on traditional monogamy
Speaker 1: and how we have been sold that we should live
Speaker 1: our lives right. If you're going to subscribe to the
Speaker 1: traditional way of living, then yeah, it's an alternate way.
Speaker 3: Is it weird?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: I actually like so.
Speaker 1: For example, my mum who was married and divorced, she
Speaker 1: got remarried about fifteen years ago.
Speaker 3: Now to my stepdad. He is the freaking best.
Speaker 1: They both own separate houses, and for the best part
Speaker 1: of their relationship, even though they're married, they lived in
Speaker 1: separate houses. All of his stuff was in his house.
Speaker 1: All of her stuff was in her house, And I
Speaker 1: think it just was because they both came from being divorces,
Speaker 1: being older, and like having their very set lives, having
Speaker 1: their own children from separate marriages, and it worked for them.
Speaker 1: But I think had you asked me this question when
Speaker 1: I was in my twenties, or when I was, you know, fifteen,
Speaker 1: sixteen seventeen, how I'd been brought up, I would have
Speaker 1: thought that is fucking crazy. You have to live with
Speaker 1: your partner. It's so dysfunctional if you don't that. The
Speaker 1: older that I've gotten and the more that I have
Speaker 1: experienced and seen how other people live alternate relationships, the
Speaker 1: more that I'm like, actually.
Speaker 3: Do you know what doesn't sound so bad after all?
Speaker 3: Actually could be really great.
Speaker 1: Look, you wanted to be close by you, maybe want
Speaker 1: to be on the same street or something. But if
Speaker 1: it works for the two of you, it works. Just
Speaker 1: because other people think something's weird doesn't mean it's weird.
Speaker 2: I couldn't agree more. I used to think, and I
Speaker 2: probably there might be a little part of me that
Speaker 2: still thinks that I used to think that I would
Speaker 2: be like that. I got to the point where I
Speaker 2: just and I love my own space. Obviously, I've been
Speaker 2: living on my own for so long and I genuinely
Speaker 2: love my own time. I was like, if I ever
Speaker 2: meet someone, I wonder if we can live like semi
Speaker 2: separate lives. Maybe that's why I'm dating Jordan, because he's
Speaker 2: a way for like eleven months of a year. But
Speaker 2: I really loved the idea of like having your own
Speaker 2: space and being able to do your own things so
Speaker 2: you can come back together and still talk and have
Speaker 2: these I don't know, I guess this level of independence.
Speaker 2: I know a couple that Laura are the same thing.
Speaker 2: They've been married, they're in their sixties, they've been married well,
Speaker 2: I think since they are about early twenties. And they
Speaker 2: live in the same street but in separate houses. And
Speaker 2: I always have This isn't a new thing. They've got
Speaker 2: kids and everything, and it's just what works for them.
Speaker 2: They both like their own space. They just go between
Speaker 2: you other's house for dinners and family stuff, but they
Speaker 2: go home to their own house to sleep, and it's
Speaker 2: not it doesn't even have to be every day that
Speaker 2: they see each other. And I used to think that
Speaker 2: it was really strange because in the scope of relationships
Speaker 2: it is. It's definitely not something that is common. It's
Speaker 2: not something you come across all the time. But I
Speaker 2: think if you started to speak about it more openly,
Speaker 2: and I'm sure we'll get messages sent into us because
Speaker 2: every time we speak about something like this, we do
Speaker 2: and it's very eye opening. I reckon there'll be more
Speaker 2: people that have this semi independent, semi separate life with
Speaker 2: their partners. If it's what you want, you just have
Speaker 2: to bring it up with him, Like if you know
Speaker 2: that that's what you want, I mean, you have to
Speaker 2: give the guy an answer. He's literally sent to you
Speaker 2: where you move in with me. You can't just be like, ah,
Speaker 2: I'll get back to you in two years. I would
Speaker 2: just have the conversation and say, yeah, look I have
Speaker 2: some reservations. I love being with you, I love spending
Speaker 2: time with you. I think that you could be it
Speaker 2: for me. I'm just so used to being on my
Speaker 2: own and I'm not sure how I'm going to go
Speaker 2: transitioning into this full time living arrangement. Maybe it could
Speaker 2: be that you start doing like a fifty to fifty,
Speaker 2: maybe still have your own places, but you just spend
Speaker 2: half the time together and half not he might be
Speaker 2: on board with that, you don't know, but also there
Speaker 2: could be a chance where he wants something more and
Speaker 2: he wants this living, complete relationship, but you're not going
Speaker 2: to know until you have the conversation. And I think
Speaker 2: you just need to say to him, I think just
Speaker 2: be one hundred percent honest.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine not having to share your wardrobe with someone,
Speaker 1: or not having to share your bathroom, or like not
Speaker 1: having someone breathing their morning breath on you. No, I
Speaker 1: don't mean that I fucking love living with Matt. But
Speaker 1: I think the thing that you're going to struggle with
Speaker 1: this is that because it is non traditional, there will
Speaker 1: be majority of people I would say who once they're
Speaker 1: in a long term relationship. And when I say majority,
Speaker 1: I mean like statistically majority.
Speaker 3: I don't mean that there's a right and wrong in this, but.
Speaker 1: I think majority of people do want to have that,
Speaker 1: you know, closeness. They want to live with their partner.
Speaker 1: I think that that's a pretty standard want that most
Speaker 1: people have, and so I think you may have challenges
Speaker 1: explaining this to your partner and for them to not
Speaker 1: feel rejected and feel like there's.
Speaker 3: Something wrong with them.
Speaker 1: And I really think The most important part of this
Speaker 1: would be explaining that it doesn't matter who the person is,
Speaker 1: it's that you are not at a point in your
Speaker 1: life where you're ready to give up your independence and
Speaker 1: you're not sure what that looks like in the future.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should just move in yet if
Speaker 1: you're not ready to. I really think that that's something
Speaker 1: that you have to want to do, because moving in
Speaker 1: with someone can either make a relationship so freaking awesome,
Speaker 1: it can be the best thing that happens to you, guys,
Speaker 1: and really galvanize you as a couple. But if you
Speaker 1: don't really want to live with the person, or if
Speaker 1: the house is too small, or if there is things
Speaker 1: about them and the way that they live currently that
Speaker 1: irritate you and you spend too much time in their company,
Speaker 1: then I really think that moving in together can be
Speaker 1: the beginning of the end for some people, and it
Speaker 1: puts too much stress on the relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it definitely, like, as much as I joke about,
Speaker 2: it definitely changed for me. I always thought I didn't
Speaker 2: want it, and since spending the last few months in
Speaker 2: Jordan's pocket, I can't wait till the day comes that
Speaker 2: we live together. And I didn't think I'd ever have
Speaker 2: that feeling. So you don't know what's going to happen.
Speaker 2: I know you've said you've been within long term already.
Speaker 2: I think it's already been a year. But just I think,
Speaker 2: just have a conversation with him. There's no rush, there's
Speaker 2: no right or wrong. Enjoy your life and don't feel
Speaker 2: the stress in this. Don't feel the pressure to be like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, this is the biggest decision ever. It
Speaker 2: really doesn't have to be, and it's only as big
Speaker 2: a decision as you make it.
Speaker 3: But Britt, do you think.
Speaker 1: With this do you think, with this sort of question
Speaker 1: that it's so age dependent as well? Like, do you
Speaker 1: think it's because and I'm talking like from your experience
Speaker 1: as well, that because you're in your thirties and because
Speaker 1: you know, once you've been single for a period of time,
Speaker 1: you've lived on your own, you know how you like things.
Speaker 1: Do you think that you then become so conditioned and
Speaker 1: comfortable in your own space and doing what you want
Speaker 1: when you want to that it's an even bigger sacrifice
Speaker 1: to then pivot and then move in with someone and
Speaker 1: have to compromise on everything one.
Speaker 2: Hundred percent is so much harder the older you get.
Speaker 2: I think it's it's different too when you're younger, not
Speaker 2: to say you're not just as excited when you're older,
Speaker 2: but you don't have the same stresses. I think there's
Speaker 2: this young love naivity when you're you know, in your
Speaker 2: early twenties. When you're older, you've got like so many stresses.
Speaker 2: You're always stop, you're always working so hard, You're always
Speaker 2: like and like, the last thing you want to do
Speaker 2: is come home to an environment that you don't actually
Speaker 2: feel comfortable and you want to be so I think
Speaker 2: we just think of things a bit more carefully. Also,
Speaker 2: I think there's a level of financial independence that comes
Speaker 2: with growing up as well. When you're in your early twenties,
Speaker 2: it makes sense to move in when you partner straight away,
Speaker 2: or you might be a university for so funding wise,
Speaker 2: it just makes sense. When you're older and you've got
Speaker 2: your own financial.
Speaker 1: Independence, you're like, oh, I don't know if I want
Speaker 1: you to share my space For Jordan and I, I
Speaker 1: think it's going to be harder for Jordan. Now Jordan
Speaker 1: is like an OCD neat freak and he can't stand
Speaker 1: me like I have shit, Like I am not messy,
Speaker 1: but it gives him anxiety. Like if you guys follow
Speaker 1: my Instagram stories, you see that he's vacuuming all the time,
Speaker 1: and like, I'm always putting up how much he's cleaning.
Speaker 1: He's the domestic goddess in our relationship, it's not me.
Speaker 1: So I think that it's going to come with this
Speaker 1: challenge just for sure, and that's going to be the
Speaker 1: same as you as well. But it also comes down
Speaker 1: to not just like the differences in cleaning, it's also
Speaker 1: that feeling of like which I think we've all had it,
Speaker 1: where you come home from a busy day of work
Speaker 1: and you want to just check out and not speak
Speaker 1: to anybody. And then when you move in with someone,
Speaker 1: there is always somebody and you can't just come home,
Speaker 1: walk into your bedroom, turn like your favorite TV show
Speaker 1: on and just not speak to anyone. You have to
Speaker 1: go through the niceties.
Speaker 3: Like you have to.
Speaker 1: You've got to be nice to them, and then you're like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to you. I just want
Speaker 1: to go and be like ignore everybody, And you really
Speaker 1: can't do that once you have kids.
Speaker 2: So this just happened the other day and Jordan and
Speaker 2: I had like we never have a fight or argument,
Speaker 2: but I was just being a sook. I had just
Speaker 2: been at home working all day on my own, and
Speaker 2: he had gone to training, he was playing, he was
Speaker 2: doing all this stuff. So he's around people all day,
Speaker 2: he's exerting high energy. I was doing nothing. I was
Speaker 2: just on my computer. He came home, sat in the
Speaker 2: lounge and then I was like this needy little puppy.
Speaker 2: So I'm all over him. I'm jumping all over him,
Speaker 2: I'm kissing him, I'm like wanting to play, I'm tickling him.
Speaker 2: And he goes and it wasn't even bad. He just said,
Speaker 2: would you just give me a second? That's what he said,
Speaker 2: and that was it. I was like, I'll give you
Speaker 2: a fucking circond. I got so offended and so upset.
Speaker 2: I was like beside myself and I was like.
Speaker 3: Yea even want to be with me?
Speaker 2: And he's like, what are you talking about.
Speaker 3: He's like, I just want what.
Speaker 2: Sickond on the lounge because I was all over in
Speaker 2: my garage. And that's like a prime example of what
Speaker 2: you just said, Lauris like, there are times where it's
Speaker 2: one hundred percent you need and want your own space.
Speaker 2: And you have to be comfortable with who you're living
Speaker 2: with any environment, And on top of that, you have
Speaker 2: to be really open with your communication for each other
Speaker 2: and not end up like Jordan and I in that moment.
Speaker 3: And this is the person who we take live at
Speaker 3: uts from everybody. I was a needy I think I
Speaker 3: have my period. Oh man, I know how you feel, babe.
Speaker 1: Okay, well, let's get to question number three. I feel
Speaker 1: like we answered that one. Recently, my ex got in
Speaker 1: touch with me and said he would like to hear
Speaker 1: from me. Unsure if it means catch up in person
Speaker 1: or just have a conversation of a text. We broke
Speaker 1: up two years ago. Since then, I've had some situationships
Speaker 1: and almost relationships. I don't have any feelings for this guy.
Speaker 1: The breakout was civil, but it really hurt and I
Speaker 1: learned a hell of a lot because it happened in
Speaker 1: two parts. He had broken up once before and then
Speaker 1: got back together that idea and I know that anyway,
Speaker 1: I do care about this guy, and I'm genuinely interested
Speaker 1: in hearing how he is, and a part of me
Speaker 1: would really like to catch up too, But just as friends,
Speaker 1: I don't see us maintaining a friendship from this catch up.
Speaker 1: Either I just want to know what's going on in
Speaker 1: his life. Moreover, I've just started seeing this really awesome
Speaker 1: guy who I see a future with, and I really
Speaker 1: want to explore this. We have been seeing each other
Speaker 1: for almost two months now, and he is perfect. I
Speaker 1: guess they have two questions. Should I catch up with
Speaker 1: my ex? And if I do, should I tell this
Speaker 1: new guy i'm seeing him?
Speaker 3: This is a really easy question to answer.
Speaker 2: No, do not catch up with you. I'm straight up
Speaker 2: saying I again put yourself in your current partner's shoes.
Speaker 2: I think you've literally said I really think there's a
Speaker 2: future with this guy. So if you really think there's
Speaker 2: a future, why would you want to go back and
Speaker 2: revisit the past. Why would you want to go back
Speaker 2: and revisit something that he's already done, something that's already
Speaker 2: over When you know you're in a good place right now,
Speaker 2: there's no reason that you can't catch up with him.
Speaker 2: If you said I'm really interested in knowing how he is,
Speaker 2: you can do that by a message like you're already
Speaker 2: talking to him. He's asked you to catch up. Just
Speaker 2: say how are things I hope they're really well. I
Speaker 2: think you should also be honest when he asks how
Speaker 2: you are and say, hey, i'm seeing this guy. This
Speaker 2: new guy is really great. But I think you're really
Speaker 2: asking for trouble and playing with fire by going back
Speaker 2: and seeing your ex in person to catch up. When
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship with someone you, if you do
Speaker 2: decide to do it, yes, one hundred percent, you need
Speaker 2: to tell your partner like, I don't think you should
Speaker 2: do it, but if you do, you have to be
Speaker 2: honest and tell him. But imagine if he said to
Speaker 2: you or didn't say to you, when you found out
Speaker 2: I'm going to catch up with my ex girlfriend. Hope
Speaker 2: that's cool, You'd be like, well, why, like, why are
Speaker 2: you doing that? If we're in this really good place.
Speaker 2: I just think nothing good is going to come from
Speaker 2: this situation.
Speaker 1: Nothing good is coming from this situation. Okay, But we've
Speaker 1: all done it, right, so many of us. I've done it.
Speaker 1: I've lived the lesson. I'm here to tell you it's
Speaker 1: a fucking bad idea. Also, there is a saying and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it wrong, but I'm just like, because
Speaker 1: I always do.
Speaker 3: Where there was once a flame, the embers still burn.
Speaker 3: Is that it Britt, there's.
Speaker 1: Something about okay, fuck, I've never.
Speaker 3: Who are you guy?
Speaker 2: What was that?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: So what it means is like you might think that
Speaker 1: you're over him. You may think that it's totally cool,
Speaker 1: and you just a curious you want to know what
Speaker 1: he has to say, and then you see him, and
Speaker 1: then those feelings come back a little bit because, like,
Speaker 1: you know, you once had this deep connection and maybe
Speaker 1: it was it was a bit of turmoil, maybe it
Speaker 1: didn't end in a way that gave you full sense
Speaker 1: of closure. I think that we can be very curious
Speaker 1: about our exes, and maybe there's a little bit of
Speaker 1: ego that's trapped in there as well. We once had
Speaker 1: this really strong connection and relationship with this person. Now
Speaker 1: we are no longer a part of their life at all,
Speaker 1: and so there's almost like this little sense of like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to just I want to know what's going
Speaker 1: on in their life, even if you don't want to
Speaker 1: be with them, just wanting to have a bit of
Speaker 1: a voyeuristic insight. I understand it because I think it's
Speaker 1: a natural thing. But I also think it's really dangerous
Speaker 1: and I think sometimes we need to unpack why do
Speaker 1: we want to know about them? Like? Why are we
Speaker 1: looking at their photos on Instagram if we don't even
Speaker 1: care about them?
Speaker 3: You know, if if you don't actually.
Speaker 1: Have any deep feelings or like feelings that you want
Speaker 1: to rekindle the relationship, why do you feel like you
Speaker 1: want to know what's going on in their life? And
Speaker 1: where does that want come from? Is it curiosity? Is
Speaker 1: it ego?
Speaker 3: What is it? Unpacked that a little bit for yourself.
Speaker 1: But I think it's such a dangerous thing. I think
Speaker 1: you're only opening up a fucking whoop ass can of
Speaker 1: worms by doing this. Why invite the potential of drama
Speaker 1: or the potential of a situation that could go wrong
Speaker 1: into your life when things are just cruisy and easy
Speaker 1: and good. Now, Yeah, don't dance with the devil.
Speaker 2: I also think, I do think that you can stay
Speaker 2: friends with your ex or have some sort of a
Speaker 2: great amicable relationationship with your ex. But I think you
Speaker 2: have to pick when and how and what that looks like.
Speaker 2: You can maintain that friendship, for sure, but maybe it's
Speaker 2: occasionally you send a catch up text or I hope
Speaker 2: you're well, And also your current partner knows about it.
Speaker 2: I don't think it involves catching up either behind your
Speaker 2: partner's back, or even if you tell him. I just
Speaker 2: think I mean, hats off to your partner. If he says,
Speaker 2: go nut to go have fun like that, that's big
Speaker 2: on his behalf. But I can't see it. Even if
Speaker 2: he does say that, it's going to set something off
Speaker 2: in his mind. He's going to start to wonder why
Speaker 2: you want to catch up with your ex. When you
Speaker 2: are catching up with your ex, he's gonna say it's
Speaker 2: something going on. Does she have some sort of feelings
Speaker 2: for him? Again, I just think it's not fair on
Speaker 2: your current relationship, So I would if it was me,
Speaker 2: I would ask how your ex is catch up via
Speaker 2: the text the conversation that you've got going now, but
Speaker 2: then say, I don't think it's fair to catch up
Speaker 2: with you in person, because I don't think it's fair
Speaker 2: to Bradley or whoever your boyfriend's name.
Speaker 1: Don't you think there's like a sinister part in this?
Speaker 1: And I don't mean sinister and like that you're doing
Speaker 1: the person who's written the sinner is doing the wrong
Speaker 1: thing at all. I mean sinister is in when your
Speaker 1: ex gets in touch with you and says I have
Speaker 1: to see you to tell you something after two years,
Speaker 1: Like what could you possibly need to tell me after
Speaker 1: two years? What that you're still in love with me?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: What are you going to tell me that you're pregnant?
Speaker 1: Like what is there that's such a big thing and
Speaker 1: a big piece of news that you can't just text me.
Speaker 1: So it makes me think what's motivating him is not
Speaker 1: a friendship, because a friendship would just be a text
Speaker 1: message being like, hey, how are you? You know, I
Speaker 1: was thinking of this really funny thing that happened and
Speaker 1: it reminded me of you, and I just wanted to
Speaker 1: reach out and wish you well and you know, I
Speaker 1: hope that life is great and take care. That's kind
Speaker 1: of that's where a friendship would be born from. But
Speaker 1: somebody reaching out after two years and going I really
Speaker 1: need to see you to me screens that they are
Speaker 1: trying to hook their claws back in or there's more
Speaker 1: going on there. Have you not been in that situation,
Speaker 1: brit where someone's just popped out of the absolute fucking
Speaker 1: blue and been like, hey, I'm back, I'm back to
Speaker 1: mess your life up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's always like I haven't been on a
Speaker 2: stop thinking about you, or no one's compared to you,
Speaker 2: or I mean that's why I dream people say no,
Speaker 2: it's never. It's never just like hey, hey, a you
Speaker 2: going or blood Texas. So I don't know, do it
Speaker 2: at your own risk. Know that you're probably playing with
Speaker 2: fire and it's probably going to spontaneously combust. But that, Laura,
Speaker 2: I reckon, that's it from us today. I reckon, that's
Speaker 2: a rap, a good old salad rap. That was a
Speaker 2: terrible That was a Brittany. That was a brittanyism. I
Speaker 2: think I've said a few times. Actually it's definitely a brittanyism.
Speaker 3: It's a salad rap. Guys. Anyway, guys, that is it
Speaker 3: from us.
Speaker 1: And if you have any questions for us for next
Speaker 1: week's Ask Uncut, slide on into our DMS at Life
Speaker 1: pun Cut podcast. Also, if you have any topics that
Speaker 1: you want us to cover on a Tuesday, you can
Speaker 1: also slide in and give us your recommendations. We've had
Speaker 1: a couple of good ones this week, which we're gonna
Speaker 1: look at unpacking over the next couple of weeks too.
Speaker 2: And you know the drill tell you ma'm ta dad
Speaker 2: tell you doc to your friends with shandle love because
Speaker 2: we love love. The bury A, the babani Adapatan by
Speaker 2: Na