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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, it's okay for the rhythm and the routine to

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Speaker 2: be all out of black now and then it happens,

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Speaker 2: but don't let it happen two days in a row.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and Dad.

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Speaker 2: Well, lockdowns continue around so very much of the country

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Speaker 2: at the moment, which means that a Monday morning isn't

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Speaker 2: quite what it used to be for about half of

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Speaker 2: Australia and in other parts of the world as well.

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Speaker 3: We are justin and Kylie Coulson.

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Speaker 2: I've got a PhD in psychology and I'm the founder

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Speaker 2: of Happy Families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 4: And I think I should have a PhD in family life.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you do it well.

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Speaker 2: In fact, that's kind of where we're going today as

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Speaker 2: we do our best to offer.

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Speaker 3: A little bit of guidance and help.

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Speaker 2: We've had a number of people so context a couple

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Speaker 2: of months ago or maybe a month ago, we sought

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Speaker 2: feedback about the podcast. We put out a survey, we

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Speaker 2: asked people to fill it in. We were really delighted

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Speaker 2: with the large number of responses we got and we

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Speaker 2: had a number of people who said, just what do

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Speaker 2: you do? Like, what do your days look like? What's

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Speaker 2: your routine? That was kind of a question. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm paraphrasing, but that was the question, right.

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Speaker 4: Yes, So we decided that we might give you a

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Speaker 4: little sneak peek into what a day in the life

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Speaker 4: of Justin and Kylie Coilson looks like, I don't know

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Speaker 4: if it's going to be enthralling, but.

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Speaker 2: Well, we'll give This reminds me of that there was

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Speaker 2: this guy who was, I don't know, some big time

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Speaker 2: professional magician, speaker, du va laky thing, and he he

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Speaker 2: wanted people to sign up to his newsletter online and

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Speaker 2: it was like, if you sign up to my newsletter,

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Speaker 2: I'll show you what's in my travel bag.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, are you serious?

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Speaker 2: This guy wants me to sign up to his newsletter

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Speaker 2: so I can see how he packs his bag when

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Speaker 2: he goes away on a trip.

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Speaker 3: Like, come on, and if he's.

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Speaker 4: A magician, that might be interesting.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, But here's the thing.

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Speaker 2: I signed up because I thought it was so stupid

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Speaker 2: that I just had to see that if there was

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Speaker 2: something interesting about the way he packed his bag. There

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Speaker 2: were no magic tricks. He didn't put any of his

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Speaker 2: magic stuff in the bag that he was showing is.

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Speaker 2: It was literally the way he rolls up his clothes

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Speaker 2: and the way he puts his I was like, I'm unsubscribing.

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Speaker 3: I just I was, I was done.

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Speaker 4: I hope people don't share our daily or.

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Speaker 2: If I done, well, hopefully you're already happy Family's listener anyway,

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Speaker 2: And so this hasn't been something that you signed up

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Speaker 2: for expecting magic, because there's no magic here. Look, there's

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Speaker 2: probably a couple of caveats around what we're about to share.

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Speaker 2: First off, we know that your life and our life

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Speaker 2: are different. In fact, that's the case with everybody, right,

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Speaker 2: Nobody lives quite the same life. We've got different children,

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Speaker 2: different needs, different work requirements, different schedules, different metabolisms, and

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Speaker 2: different circadian rhythms. Like, we don't all work the same way.

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Speaker 2: So what if we share It's kind of not going

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Speaker 2: to be that relevant to you, but it might be

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Speaker 2: a little bit interesting for you to look under the hood,

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Speaker 2: look at the suitcase.

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Speaker 3: Let's find out what's the other real I guess caveat

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Speaker 3: around what we're about to share.

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Speaker 4: Well, I think it's that there's the ideal and then there's.

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Speaker 3: The real ideal versus real.

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Speaker 2: So you saying we're going to put our best foot

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Speaker 2: forward to make it look like we've got it all together,

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Speaker 2: and we follow this routine like clockwork.

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Speaker 4: Well, what I'm going to suggest is that there have

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Speaker 4: been plenty of times where we have followed this routine

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Speaker 4: perfectly right. But there are a whole heap of times

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Speaker 4: where real life kicks in and it's not feasible, it more.

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Speaker 2: Possible, or yeah, it may not have been yesterday that

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Speaker 2: we got this right. Before we talk about the daily

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Speaker 2: routine that makes us better parents, I think we should

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Speaker 2: just talk about a handful of principles because our routine

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Speaker 2: isn't going to be perfect for everybody. Let's talk about

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Speaker 2: a couple of principles that have guided the way we've

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Speaker 2: put our routines together. Because we are really intentional about

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Speaker 2: what we do here. So let's just dive into a

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Speaker 2: couple of these principles. I think, first of all, something

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Speaker 2: that we have both been really reflective on, really intentional about,

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Speaker 2: is identifying our priorities.

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Speaker 4: Yes, Stephen Covey talks about this idea of big rocks,

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Speaker 4: what are your big rocks? What are the most important

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Speaker 4: things if you don't do anything else today? What things

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Speaker 4: need to be done.

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Speaker 2: So when Stephen Covey talks about his big rocks, there's

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Speaker 2: this fantastic YouTube clip where he gets somebody up on

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Speaker 2: stage and asks them to put a whole lot of

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Speaker 2: rocks into a jar, some really big ones and some

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Speaker 2: teeny tiny ones, and the teeny tiny ones and the

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Speaker 2: big ones.

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Speaker 3: They can't all fit in one jar together.

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Speaker 2: And it's fascinating the way that it works.

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Speaker 5: All these little small things they tend to fill a

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Speaker 5: lie and they're just little by little they just accumulated.

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Speaker 5: You're a jar is to get all those large rocks

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Speaker 5: in the jar. Try to get him in there. You

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Speaker 5: can take a whole different approach. You have a totally

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Speaker 5: fresh bore.

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Speaker 4: Well, then I'd rather put this on the bottom and then.

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Speaker 5: You got all the important things and first.

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Speaker 6: Okay, that's great.

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Speaker 3: So Stephen Covey is this management guru.

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Speaker 2: He unfortunately passed away a couple of years ago, but

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Speaker 2: he wrote the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. So

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Speaker 2: in life, the big rocks are things like.

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Speaker 4: Cooking dinner, doing the laundry.

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Speaker 2: I mean, they're important, but they're not big rocks. They

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Speaker 2: need to happen.

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Speaker 3: They're part of the functioning of daily life.

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Speaker 4: But clearly you're not a mum.

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Speaker 3: No, no, laundry is not.

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Speaker 4: Do you know what happens when I don't do the

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Speaker 4: laundry each day?

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Speaker 3: Okay, so they are big rocks, but.

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Speaker 4: You know what also happens if I don't cook dinner.

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Speaker 2: But there are also big rocks like connecting with one

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Speaker 2: another and listening to a child who's having a hard time,

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Speaker 2: and exercise and having your devotional or spiritual or meditative time.

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Speaker 3: Those are the big rocks.

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Speaker 2: And because of things like ironing and cooking and getting

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Speaker 2: the kids out the door and all those sorts of things,

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Speaker 2: those things often overtake the stuff that I think really

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Speaker 2: at the core of who we try to be, who

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Speaker 2: we want to be. So principal number one, make sure

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Speaker 2: that you identify your priorities, figure out what your big

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Speaker 2: rocks are, and figure out how you can get those

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Speaker 2: into the jar before all the little rocks go in.

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Speaker 4: Well, what I loved about the analogy that he did

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Speaker 4: he actually got someone to put a whole heap of

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Speaker 4: big rocks in and a whole hYP of small rocks in,

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Speaker 4: but the reality was that they couldn't fit in together.

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Speaker 4: But what he was actually able to show was that

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Speaker 4: if you get the big rocks in first and then

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Speaker 4: pour the small rocks in, the small rocks actually fill

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Speaker 4: in the gaps between where all of the big rocks were.

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Speaker 3: It's masterful, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: All Right, We've got a couple more principles, and then

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Speaker 2: we go to do the big revealed, show you what's

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Speaker 2: under the hood, those principles and schedules, the routines that

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Speaker 2: make us better parents.

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Speaker 3: Right after break, it's.

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Speaker 1: The Happy Famili's podcast.

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Speaker 6: Our Screens Create Tension at Home, Tweens, Teams and Screens

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Speaker 6: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.

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Speaker 6: Bye Today at happyfamilies dot com dot au slash shop, it's.

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Speaker 4: The Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time poor

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Speaker 4: parent who just wants answers now, and today we're sharing

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Speaker 4: some principles around how we can make our daily routine.

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Speaker 2: Make us better people, make us Yeah, actually they have

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Speaker 2: a daily routine like just that that would be good.

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Speaker 2: So Principal number one, make sure that you identify your priorities.

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Speaker 2: Principal number two, You've got to consider your roles, right,

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Speaker 2: So I can't just sit down and put together my

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Speaker 2: perfect daily routine so that I can be awesome for

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Speaker 2: everybody if it doesn't take you into account your needs.

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Speaker 4: That's where the quarterly getaway comes into play, right.

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Speaker 3: So we've talked about this before.

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Speaker 2: We'll link to it in the show notes for the

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Speaker 2: podcast episode where we've talked about the different things that

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Speaker 2: we do to make sure that we can be on

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Speaker 2: our game all the time.

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Speaker 4: And so we'll come together once a quarter and we'll

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Speaker 4: have each put together our ideal routine. If it needs

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Speaker 4: you have a.

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Speaker 3: Refresher, which is most of the time.

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Speaker 4: Yes, and then we get to kind of talk about it.

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Speaker 4: And more times than not, there's a judgments that have

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Speaker 4: to be made because you want to go in one

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Speaker 4: direction at six o'clock, but I'm going in one direction

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Speaker 4: at six o'clock and we can't both be going in

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Speaker 4: a different direction. So how do we kind of navigate

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Speaker 4: this so that we both get what we need and

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Speaker 4: what we want. But it really is about being flexible,

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Speaker 4: and it.

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Speaker 2: Comes down to the age of your kids, Like you've

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Speaker 2: got to consider the kids' needs and your partner's needs.

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Speaker 2: So when our children were younger, we could not do

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Speaker 2: what we can do now because our youngest is seven

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Speaker 2: and there are bigger kids at home who can look

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Speaker 2: after her, and we've got a lot more flexibility in

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Speaker 2: terms of the way we build our routine than we

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Speaker 2: once did. So, and can I just make a confession here.

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Speaker 2: We've recently had a really important and very challenging conversation

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Speaker 2: because I've been cramming my routine so full that it's

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Speaker 2: come at tremendous cost to you and to our relationship

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Speaker 2: and our opportunities for connection. That has meant that I've

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Speaker 2: had to find other ways to adjust the routines so

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Speaker 2: that it can be fair to you. It's not even

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Speaker 2: about so that I can satisfy your needs. It's actually

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Speaker 2: about being fair to you. Because if I'm getting to

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Speaker 2: do what I want to do all the time for

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Speaker 2: my routine but you don't and we don't get the

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Speaker 2: connection and those other things that matter, then my priorities

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Speaker 2: can't be at your expense.

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Speaker 3: We've got to make sure that it works for both

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Speaker 3: of us.

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Speaker 4: Good point, honey, Principal number three, give it to me.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm in trouble. Okay, really really simple one.

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Speaker 2: We've got to make sure that when we're putting this

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Speaker 2: together and we're being intentional about it and thinking about

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Speaker 2: these principles, that we're doing the important stuff, not the

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Speaker 2: urgent stuff. Kind of goes back to that big rocks idea,

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Speaker 2: but it's worth just looking at it from a different,

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Speaker 2: a different perspective. Exercise is important, but it's not urgent,

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Speaker 2: and that's why it doesn't fit into so many people's

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Speaker 2: routines because gosh, we've all got so much to do.

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Speaker 2: There's so much sand and water filling it up. And

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Speaker 2: sometimes it's not even sand and water. Sometimes we've got

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Speaker 2: so many big rocks that all require being in that jar,

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Speaker 2: and some big rocks are bigger than others. But work

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Speaker 2: out what is important, even if it is not urgent,

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Speaker 2: and get that in.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's a really good point, the reality

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Speaker 4: around the fact that often we do have more big

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Speaker 4: rocks than we can possibly do, and there's times and

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Speaker 4: seasons and so recognizing and understanding that, you know, as

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Speaker 4: a young mum with like three little ones at home

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Speaker 4: and your husband leaves for work at seven o'clock in

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Speaker 4: the morning, you're not going to get your exercise in.

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Speaker 4: Maybe I don't know, but it really is about acknowledging. Okay,

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Speaker 4: well right now I can't do this, but there are

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Speaker 4: other big rocks that need my attention now.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, okay. Two last principles. Principal number four, Your

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Speaker 2: morning begins the night before. This is a big one,

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Speaker 2: and we're not that.

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Speaker 3: Good at it, but we talk about it all the

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Speaker 3: time and we know that it's true.

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Speaker 4: We're not that good at it. Well, no, we're down

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Speaker 4: here doing a webinar, and I.

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Speaker 3: Think this is part of the reason.

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Speaker 2: Right because of what COVID has done to our lives,

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Speaker 2: I'm not able to be part of the process, which

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Speaker 2: means that you're trying to put all the kids to bed,

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Speaker 2: deal with the tidy up all that stuff, and I'm

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Speaker 2: down here telling other people how to make their families happier.

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Speaker 3: I mean, the irony is just profound.

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Speaker 2: Gosh, maybe we're showing people too much under the hood

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Speaker 2: right now, we've opened up the suitcase big time. But

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Speaker 2: what we do know, and what we've experienced so many times,

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Speaker 2: is that when we nail this, the kids know the

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Speaker 2: next morning all the stuff that they need to do

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Speaker 2: and it's all ready to go, their uniforms, their bags,

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Speaker 2: their lunch boxes, the blah blah blah blah blah piece

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Speaker 2: of cake morning bins the night before. And it's the

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Speaker 2: same if you want to exercise in the morning or

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Speaker 2: whatever it is that you need to do for your

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Speaker 2: morning routine and get to.

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Speaker 3: Bed early enough. I can't say it enough. You've got

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Speaker 3: to go, oh, because.

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Speaker 2: Otherwise I'm going to shout because I feel so passionately

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Speaker 2: about it. Last principle, don't fail twice.

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Speaker 4: That's a really important one. So I missed the gym

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Speaker 4: last Monday, uh huh, But I managed to push myself

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Speaker 4: out the door on Tuesday because I just knew I

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Speaker 4: couldn't do it two days in a row.

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Speaker 3: And that's the thing.

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Speaker 2: It's okay for the rhythm and the routine to be

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Speaker 2: all out of whack now and then it happens, but

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Speaker 2: don't let it happen two days in a row. That's

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Speaker 2: where the real discipline comes in. That's where the commitment

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Speaker 2: comes in. And if you can make sure that you

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Speaker 2: just acknowledge, all right, I had a really lousy day.

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Speaker 2: It's a cheap day on my diet. It's a day

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Speaker 2: off the gym. It's a whatever kind of sit in

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Speaker 2: front of the TV and watch Netflix.

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Speaker 3: And cry day.

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Speaker 2: But tomorrow you've got to get back into it. So

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Speaker 2: there are five principles. Identify your priorities. Consider how what

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Speaker 2: you're wanting to do affects other people. Do what's important,

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Speaker 2: not urgent, Take that long view morning begins to night before,

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Speaker 2: and don't fail twice. So with that, today, let's open

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Speaker 2: up the suitcase, so to speak, on our morning. Not

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Speaker 2: to stay morning routines, but the routines that we follow

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Speaker 2: to make ourselves the best parents we possibly can. And

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Speaker 2: do you want to go first throughout me too?

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Speaker 4: So I get up at five point thirty YEP. I

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Speaker 4: find that my day starts like a hundred times better

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Speaker 4: if I get up early. And because I've been doing

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Speaker 4: it for so long now, I usually am awake before

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Speaker 4: the alarm goes off. My body knows to wake up.

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Speaker 4: And I love to just have an hour of devotional time.

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Speaker 4: So I say my prayers, I write in my journal,

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Speaker 4: I start my day with gratitude, have affirmations that I've

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Speaker 4: created for myself, and I just have some time to

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Speaker 4: really immerse myself in things that light me up. And

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Speaker 4: give me direction. Once I've done that, I get up

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Speaker 4: and the first thing I do is I make my

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Speaker 4: bed and I set the bedroom straight for the day.

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Speaker 4: That has been transformational. I can't tell you how amazing

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Speaker 4: that feels, because no matter what ourse happens outside of

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Speaker 4: my bedroom, I know that at any point in the day,

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Speaker 4: if I need to just have a break, I can

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Speaker 4: come into my beautiful space that's just mine and take

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Speaker 4: a deep breath. Then I get dressed, I get outside,

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Speaker 4: I help the kids with breakfast and getting their lunches ready.

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Speaker 4: We have a morning meeting together with them, and then

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Speaker 4: I do a quick blitz of the house, so I'll

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Speaker 4: hang a load of washing, blitz the house quickly, make

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Speaker 4: sure all the rooms are neat and tidy, and then

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Speaker 4: raise the kids off to school.

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Speaker 2: That's an action packed morning, and I'm sure that there's

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Speaker 2: a bajillion parents around the world right now who was

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Speaker 2: certainly around Astraia, who are going, gosh, that's much more

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Speaker 2: intent than I'm willing to do. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: get up at five thirty, but it kind of also

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Speaker 2: feels peaceful and nice because you're getting to spend that

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Speaker 2: time focused on your values. My mornings are a little

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Speaker 2: bit different, but these help me to be a better

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Speaker 2: dad and a better husband, and I feel better within

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Speaker 2: myself when I do it. So my day starts at

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Speaker 2: four thirty, which I know you love when my alarm

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Speaker 2: goes off every morning at four thirty.

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Speaker 4: I did want to say it, but that's kind of

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Speaker 4: the reason why I'm up before the alarm goos off.

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Speaker 2: You're up at five thirty because you're actually up at

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Speaker 2: four thirty and barely sleeping. I'm on my bike. I'm

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Speaker 2: home and ready for the day by seven. From seven o'clock,

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Speaker 2: we have that family time that you mentioned. We have

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Speaker 2: our devotional so I'm supposed to go for about fifteen minutes,

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Speaker 2: but usually, I mean, we have really great family conversations.

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Speaker 2: We talk about what we value, we talk about the

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Speaker 2: stuff that matters to us in our family, and it

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Speaker 2: usually stretches out until about seven thirty, and I'm just

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Speaker 2: with you and the kids organizing the morning the best

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Speaker 2: that we can tell about eight.

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Speaker 3: You go to the gym at nine, but I go

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Speaker 3: to the gym.

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Speaker 2: At eight, so I actually shoot off there, leave you

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Speaker 2: to do the last stuff with the kids and get

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Speaker 2: them off to school. I'm at the gym, and that

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Speaker 2: way I can be back and in the office and

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Speaker 2: working my bum off by nine o'clock and just getting

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Speaker 2: those big rocks taken care of.

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Speaker 3: That really really works for me.

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Speaker 4: I guess that's where we differ. You come downstairs to

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Speaker 4: work your bum off. I've already worked my bum off.

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Speaker 4: I've done it all, and I have over the last

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Speaker 4: few years, I've been really really conscious to slow things down.

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Speaker 4: So I know that my morning routine seems crazy, but

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Speaker 4: it's kind of like going for a run, and when

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Speaker 4: I see a hill, I just want to pound up

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Speaker 4: that hill as fast as I can so I can

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Speaker 4: get it all done and get it over and done with.

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Speaker 4: Do you know how painful it is when you've got

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Speaker 4: to run up a hill and you can't do it

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Speaker 4: very far?

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Speaker 3: So it gives you some margin for the rest of

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Speaker 3: the day.

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Speaker 4: It does. It does, and I feel like it just

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Speaker 4: gives me the headspace to do things that I enjoy

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Speaker 4: doing as opposed to feeling like my whole day is

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Speaker 4: taken up with all of the mundane.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've found other ways to get like the

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Speaker 2: spiritual sustenance that I want, So I listen to podcasts

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Speaker 2: while I'm at the gym, or while I'm riding my bike,

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Speaker 2: or when I'm in the car, those kinds of things.

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Speaker 2: So I'm still getting the things that matter most, and

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Speaker 2: I've found ways to integrate that into the other things

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Speaker 2: that matter to me as well. Oh one more thing, sleep, Gollie.

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Speaker 2: If we don't get enough sleep, we can't be good parents.

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Speaker 2: We end up lousy parents. And I could talk about

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Speaker 2: this all day well, just.

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Speaker 4: Like our routines, and we don't want to cram too much,

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Speaker 4: and so I think you should need to wrap it up.

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Speaker 2: We hope that this has been a helpful podcast for

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Speaker 2: you as you consider how you can intentionally develop your

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Speaker 2: own routines so that you can be a better pair

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Speaker 2: of yourself. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin

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Speaker 2: Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer,

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Speaker 2: and we appreciate the great work that those guys do.

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Speaker 3: For us all the time to make the podcast land

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Speaker 3: in your feeds every single day.

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Speaker 2: If you'd like more information about how to get premium

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Speaker 2: content to make your family happier, we would love for

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Speaker 2: you to check out our exclusive and wonderful Happy Families memberships.

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Speaker 2: They're available at happy families dot com, dot a