Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome
Speaker 2: back to another episode of Life I Cut.
Speaker 1: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is Thursday Ask.
Speaker 1: I'm part our down and dirty question therapy session where
Speaker 1: you're writing your questions we do our best to answer them.
Speaker 3: Yes, it is. Laura is okay. I'm just gonna Laura
Speaker 3: wasn't gonna say anything.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna say it.
Speaker 1: Laura is beside herself with exhaustion because I feel like
Speaker 1: beside myself makes it sound like I've been here on
Speaker 1: the ground, like I've come in crying.
Speaker 3: No, beside yourself with exhaustion.
Speaker 1: Cola Lolla Derby is awake like a party animal all night.
Speaker 3: It's a new thing she's doing.
Speaker 2: She's free or good home. Anybody looking to adopt a
Speaker 2: small child? You please, we get some money for it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: she's I mean, she's pretty top shelf. She's a bit
Speaker 2: broken because she doesn't sleep, but apart from that, like
Speaker 2: she's pretty good, little bit used, but in good shape.
Speaker 3: What is it? Is she teething? Is she night terrors?
Speaker 1: Is it growing pains because she's too so is that
Speaker 1: like a growing time?
Speaker 4: I think she's just trying to ruin my life? Isn't
Speaker 4: that what kids do?
Speaker 3: Actually? Probably exactly?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like you have children, And then I think about
Speaker 2: how I was to my mum, and I'm pretty sure
Speaker 2: I purposely tried to ruin her life, and I think
Speaker 2: it's just isn't well, not purposely, but like you know,
Speaker 2: by accident, I tried to ruin her life by just existing.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's standard for girls and mums? Do
Speaker 1: you think it's a standard right of passage to go
Speaker 1: through this Like I say hate, but I don't mean it,
Speaker 1: Like every mother and daughter has this I hate you
Speaker 1: moment where you're almost so similar and that's why you're fired.
Speaker 3: But do you think that's normal?
Speaker 1: Do you think there's any daughter out there and mother
Speaker 1: they just had this like amazing a plus relationship your
Speaker 1: entire life.
Speaker 2: I think it's called puberty, Like hormones make you angry, right,
Speaker 2: I'm sure that there are parents, and I'm sure there
Speaker 2: are mother daughter relationships out there who have just sailed
Speaker 2: the test of time and have never had any hiccups,
Speaker 2: or their moms are their best friends. My mom and
Speaker 2: I are so close now, like we're way closer now
Speaker 2: as friends, But I wouldn't have said that we were
Speaker 2: friends growing up, like she was my mom growing up,
Speaker 2: even though she was a single mom. Even though you know,
Speaker 2: she was a pretty relaxed single mom, she was pretty
Speaker 2: parentee about other things.
Speaker 3: So I feel like parentee, you know, parentee.
Speaker 2: I think that sometimes single moms have the like there's
Speaker 2: this thought that they always want to be a friend
Speaker 2: and that they're not, you know, they're really lax with rules.
Speaker 4: And she was really laxed with some rules.
Speaker 2: But she had very like high expectations, I guess, and
Speaker 2: there was always like a standard, and that kind of
Speaker 2: meant that, you know, we weren't like we were best friends.
Speaker 1: I never understood because my parents weren't like that either.
Speaker 1: I never understood the whole like I'm best friends with
Speaker 1: my mom, I'm best friends with my daughter thing, because
Speaker 1: I mean, every therapist and psychologist will tell you will
Speaker 1: tell a parent you're not their friends like you are
Speaker 1: their parent. Of course you want them to come to
Speaker 1: you and like be loving with you. But everyone's like,
Speaker 1: don't try to be best friends with your children.
Speaker 3: Try to parent them.
Speaker 1: And obviously when you're adults, of course you're gott to
Speaker 1: be friends. But I was, moh, my god, we were
Speaker 1: not best friends, me and my mom.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you this.
Speaker 4: Lola and I are not best friends right now. No,
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: She's just going through she's going through a hard time too,
Speaker 2: is a challenging time in life, and she's decided that
Speaker 2: sleep sucks.
Speaker 3: And she got a little Boyfie in preschool. Maybe she's a.
Speaker 4: Raphael or Leonardo, I can't remember.
Speaker 3: He's got an Italian. There's a Raphael and Leonardo that
Speaker 3: she's fine. In between, there's a Netflix show in this.
Speaker 4: Let's sell this menially, Okay.
Speaker 3: Something I wanted to talk to you about.
Speaker 2: I came across this thing on TikTok and I want
Speaker 2: to know your thoughts on the validity of this and
Speaker 2: anybody out there who is experiencing Maybe you think that
Speaker 2: your partner's cheating on you. If you do think that,
Speaker 2: then I'm really I'm really sorry because that fucking sucks.
Speaker 2: But if you think maybe your partner's cheating on you.
Speaker 2: There is this new TikTok trend. Okay, I'm gonna describe
Speaker 2: to you. Okay, so you have to get a used
Speaker 2: drink bottle. Right, So, like, go to an op shop,
Speaker 2: go and buy.
Speaker 4: A drink Can you talk?
Speaker 3: You can you just not go give a drink bottle
Speaker 3: from the shop.
Speaker 4: Now, it's gonna be like a used one. It's gonna
Speaker 4: be like an old drink bottle, like one that's like
Speaker 4: obviously you know, being used by someone else.
Speaker 3: Okay, hear me out.
Speaker 1: I'm alreay gonna say no, this isn't valid. So go
Speaker 1: and get a used drink bottle.
Speaker 2: And then when you're in the car with your partner,
Speaker 2: just say to them, oh, hey, I found you a
Speaker 2: drink bottle and pass them they used drink bottle that's
Speaker 2: like on the floor of the passenger seat of their car.
Speaker 3: It's friends from nineteen sixty three.
Speaker 4: Also do op shops sell us drink bottle.
Speaker 3: Don't think so this is why I'll think so funny.
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, so you hand them a drink bottle, hand
Speaker 2: them drink bottle, and if they're cheating on you and
Speaker 2: they've had someone else in the car, you know that
Speaker 2: they shouldn't have that they're trying to hide from you.
Speaker 2: They will be like, oh, thank you, and they'll try
Speaker 2: and down play the fact that you've found this drink bottle.
Speaker 2: They'll be like, oh, pretend it's there to cover that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: oh thanks, and then, like you know, it'll be a
Speaker 2: non thing. They won't be like, oh, who's drink bottle
Speaker 2: is that? But if they're not cheating on you and
Speaker 2: they don't know the drink bottle, they don't recognize the
Speaker 2: drink bottle, and they don't have any reason for that
Speaker 2: to be in their car, they would be like, well.
Speaker 3: Who's fucking drink bottle is that?
Speaker 4: It's not mine?
Speaker 3: What's that doing in here? This is ridiculous. Just put
Speaker 3: a GPS tracker on the car. Let's get straight to
Speaker 3: the top.
Speaker 4: I feel like that's illegal. I'm sure the peraps around
Speaker 4: Cydny do it actually, But yeah, I think GPS tracking
Speaker 4: your partner.
Speaker 1: Is very fucking elital it is. I wonder how many
Speaker 1: people are breaking up over this drink bottle. This is
Speaker 1: not a sure fire away.
Speaker 4: No, apparently it's not.
Speaker 3: It's not science. They haven't had a PhD study on it.
Speaker 3: There's not a thesis. Some guy just did it with
Speaker 3: his drink bottle.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but apparently he was like a CIA agent, so
Speaker 4: he's coming out with.
Speaker 3: Laura's been found a rabbit hole. He's not a CIA agent.
Speaker 3: And I bet you, I bet you it didn't even work.
Speaker 1: I bet you this guy who did it didn't even
Speaker 1: find out or confirm if his partner sheet.
Speaker 3: I think he's just done to TikTok.
Speaker 1: It's gone viral and now op shops are selling out
Speaker 1: of drink bottles like rats.
Speaker 4: To be fair, I wouldn't be getting my drink bottles
Speaker 4: from not shop.
Speaker 1: If you handed Mat a drink bottle in the car,
Speaker 1: You're in the car, you handed Matter drink bile and said, baby,
Speaker 1: forgot this, and he's like thanks, putting his bag.
Speaker 3: You'd be like, it's over. I knew it is that
Speaker 3: what you're telling me.
Speaker 4: I think Matt would say, is my drink bottle?
Speaker 2: Look, you just get it and put He would also
Speaker 2: be like, what the fuck are you doing, because like
Speaker 2: there's I don't know. Yeah, well, I mean it would
Speaker 2: be weird for us to just be in the car
Speaker 2: and for me to pick up a drink bottle and
Speaker 2: go Hey, Matt, here's your drink bottle.
Speaker 4: You didn't ask for. Why would I be passing it
Speaker 4: to him?
Speaker 3: But I reckon, that's ninetyercent of the population.
Speaker 1: I don't know if the whole idea of you bringing
Speaker 1: this was for me to debunk or not, but I'm like,
Speaker 1: if there was a fail buzzer like on the Mast Singer,
Speaker 1: I would be around doing that.
Speaker 2: So it's had ten million views and ten million breakups.
Speaker 2: Ten million people have broken up because of this poor information.
Speaker 2: But it made me ask the question, and it's one
Speaker 2: that we haven't done yet on the podcast.
Speaker 3: You're a CIA agent.
Speaker 1: He's got to out himself on tip talk and be like, guys,
Speaker 1: don't turn anyone and the CIA agent and this is
Speaker 1: how I get through relationship cheating, Like how.
Speaker 4: Many people he's broken up with because he thinks that
Speaker 4: they're cheating?
Speaker 1: So she.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: So it led me to this thought though he can't
Speaker 4: shut up.
Speaker 3: This is real tickling me today.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: So the thought is, well, the question is we haven't
Speaker 2: asked this question before, and I think we could get
Speaker 2: some good answers. What is the weirdest way that you
Speaker 2: figured out that your partner was cheating on you.
Speaker 1: Oh, because we had like Shakira recently how she figured
Speaker 1: out her partner was cheating because of the jam in
Speaker 1: the fridge.
Speaker 2: Yes, and okay, I was telling him about this thing
Speaker 2: last night, and he reminded me of another story. So
Speaker 2: there was a guy who was cheating on his and
Speaker 2: he said he was going away to like a work
Speaker 2: conference or something, and in the middle of the night,
Speaker 2: so his Apple watch was linked to the iPad, and
Speaker 2: she looked at his health stats for some reason, and
Speaker 2: his heart on him just making.
Speaker 4: Sure his vitals are good.
Speaker 2: So his heart rate kept spiking in the middle of
Speaker 2: the fucking night on this work trip. And she was like, well,
Speaker 2: he's not going for a run at midnight is he?
Speaker 2: Turns out he was, you know it was horizontal running,
Speaker 2: doing the horizontal dense of love.
Speaker 1: Well, there was another way. I didn't know this is
Speaker 1: a thing. So I felt like I was about to
Speaker 1: put it out there.
Speaker 3: If you guys are cheating, be careful. I was about
Speaker 3: to be careful for you find out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like linking your iPad to your phone messages.
Speaker 2: That's a rookie era, everyone's you know. I mean, I
Speaker 2: shouldn't say everyone that. But like I know a lot
Speaker 2: of people have experienced that. I'm so technically challenged. I
Speaker 2: would one hundred percent get caught cheating in like ten minutes.
Speaker 2: But I didn't know this was a thing.
Speaker 3: Someone got caught cheating.
Speaker 1: A woman caught her boyfriend cheating because Alexa, you know,
Speaker 1: the little machine in your house, like Alexa play Sally
Speaker 1: got trouble that.
Speaker 3: That's not a song. I could not Alexa.
Speaker 4: I like the radio show, and you couldn't think of
Speaker 4: what I couldn't put song Alexa.
Speaker 3: I can't think of Alexa. Pay justin baber baby Great.
Speaker 3: I'm glad.
Speaker 1: But what happens is this girl somehow stumbled across that Alexa.
Speaker 3: You can print out a whole.
Speaker 1: Instruction sheet of what you have said to Alexa, word
Speaker 1: for word, so it will tell you what you've asked
Speaker 1: for on time stamps it and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: And so I don't know why she decided to do this.
Speaker 3: She stumbled across it.
Speaker 1: And there were loads of conversations that we had between
Speaker 1: two people that were asking Alexa to do things around
Speaker 1: the house. Because you can ask Alexa to do other stuff.
Speaker 1: It's not just play music.
Speaker 4: So because do the washing up, Alexi put Lolla tosleep.
Speaker 4: Why does Alexa do nothing?
Speaker 1: You go, Alexa put it asleep, and I go, Alexa,
Speaker 1: do me from what watch difference?
Speaker 4: One of us is in a long distance relationship and
Speaker 4: you'll win nothing if you can guess who that is.
Speaker 1: But apparently Alexa does that. It does print outs of
Speaker 1: everything you've ever said.
Speaker 4: How did you know it wasn't her partner who was
Speaker 4: just doing that?
Speaker 1: Well, this is the way I understood it, she says.
Speaker 1: When you say, hey, Alexa, if you're having a conversation
Speaker 1: of sorts, it will pick it up because it's lit
Speaker 1: up and said Alexa.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it doesn't give you like the tone or
Speaker 2: was it just that the hey Alexa? And then it
Speaker 2: was asking to play like it was like you know
Speaker 2: Taylor Swift Marley story. Yeah, like is that the thing?
Speaker 5: She? Like?
Speaker 4: My husband would never listen to that.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: But if there are other really weird, interesting ways you've
Speaker 1: found out your partner's cheating, or maybe they found out
Speaker 1: you were cheating, let us not.
Speaker 2: Like we don't all laugh at you, we will, you know,
Speaker 2: it's good to when once you're over the trauma, it's
Speaker 2: good to laugh about these things.
Speaker 3: It's healing.
Speaker 2: There's been research studies, it's been done on how good
Speaker 2: it is to laugh.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean yeah, I laugh at mine my psycho
Speaker 1: relationship all the time. Okay, to speaking of trauma, this
Speaker 1: isn't funny, but we're speaking boat over trauma in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty one.
Speaker 4: What a segue.
Speaker 1: I woke up every night last night. Now this is
Speaker 1: every night, every hour last night as well.
Speaker 3: Now, let me just this. I love how we compare
Speaker 3: ourselves to each other.
Speaker 4: We can just get onto what you were going to
Speaker 4: talk about.
Speaker 3: I'm just to talk about it for a second. Delilah.
Speaker 1: My child is getting d sex tomorrow and I'm really
Speaker 1: anxious about it going in for the operation. I think
Speaker 1: it's like a child, you know, when they're going in
Speaker 1: for surgery the next day.
Speaker 4: That's how I feel. I would be anxious about that too, though,
Speaker 4: Yeah I am.
Speaker 3: Now, I'm just like, what's something goes wrong? I know
Speaker 3: it's an.
Speaker 1: Operation they do all the time, like literally hundreds of times.
Speaker 4: Is it like a hysterectomy?
Speaker 3: Yes? Yes, And I say that because producer Keisha's nodding. Yes.
Speaker 1: I actually don't know what they do, believe it or not?
Speaker 1: How to d SX them. But I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was like a little tie or they take it
Speaker 1: all out. But she's got to be a cone head
Speaker 1: for a while. Four or five days paid medication. So
Speaker 1: I was, yeah, I was really anxious about dropping my
Speaker 1: child at the operation tomorrow.
Speaker 4: No, I totally relate to. That would be very stressful
Speaker 4: and I'm sorry, She'll be fine.
Speaker 3: That's not what I was going to say. I want
Speaker 3: to talk about Lady Gaga. Now, in twenty twenty one,
Speaker 3: a lot of you might.
Speaker 1: Remember Lady Gaga. There was this big saga around Gaga.
Speaker 1: I had to it was a big saga around Gaga.
Speaker 1: Her dog walker, Ryan Fisher, was walking her two beloved
Speaker 1: poochers one day down the street in La and he
Speaker 1: got shot, critically shot. He didn't die, he survived, but
Speaker 1: it was it was really bad. And he was shot
Speaker 1: because someone wanted to steal the dogs. Yep, yep, so
Speaker 1: the person shot him. I don't know if it was
Speaker 1: intent to kill or not, but luckily he didn't, but
Speaker 1: they stole the dogs.
Speaker 3: Gone.
Speaker 1: Now, Lady Gaga put lots of statements out saying, anyone
Speaker 1: find my dog, and she put a reward out that
Speaker 1: went up to five hundred thousand US dollars, which conversion
Speaker 1: is probably seven fifty eight. Oh no, probably more nine.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of money in Australian dollars. And part
Speaker 1: of her statement when she put out the reward was,
Speaker 1: you know, I will give this money, no questions asked
Speaker 1: for the return of my dog. Now, fast forward, Lady
Speaker 1: Gaga is being sued by the person that returned the dogs,
Speaker 1: which when you read that headline, you're like, you said
Speaker 1: that you would give someone five hundred thousand dollars if
Speaker 1: they retain your dog, and they returned your dog.
Speaker 3: The person that's suing her for.
Speaker 1: The money is one of the thiefs. So someone stole
Speaker 1: her dog and then one of their like loose accomplices
Speaker 1: saw the reward money for five hundred thousand dollars, so
Speaker 1: they brought the dog back.
Speaker 4: Did they find the person who did the shooting?
Speaker 3: They've got them all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're in prison. And so one of them is
Speaker 2: in prison. But is she getting sued from prison? Like
Speaker 2: she's just.
Speaker 1: Saying, like, you lied, it was deceit, deceive me, you
Speaker 1: said if you got your dogs back. And because Lady
Speaker 1: Carga in quotations said, no questions asked, which I don't
Speaker 1: know how this is going to go because on a
Speaker 1: technicality she said that. She said, that's not like whoever's
Speaker 1: going to give it back, I'm going to give you
Speaker 1: the money.
Speaker 2: Do you know what this makes me think? Only in America?
Speaker 2: One hundred Only in America with this shit for.
Speaker 1: While she's suing because she said there's been mental anguish
Speaker 1: and pain and.
Speaker 4: Suffering for her for the person who stole the dogs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't know what pretty stressful beef.
Speaker 1: This is the sort of thing that I feel like
Speaker 1: they might win because this is happeny, This is all
Speaker 1: playing out now. This is literally like a couple of
Speaker 1: hours ago that there was an update saying it's going
Speaker 1: to court.
Speaker 4: I do you know, I don't think they'll win. I've
Speaker 4: got two reasons.
Speaker 2: Also, who's the fucking lawyer who's like, oh, that's a
Speaker 2: good case, I'll take that one. Maybe it's because they
Speaker 2: just want the celebrity kudos that goes with fighting this case.
Speaker 2: The reason why I think that it's impossible for them
Speaker 2: to win one is because it sets a precedent everyone's
Speaker 2: going to be out shooting people and stealing dogs. And
Speaker 2: two is because it's surely it's not legally binding. If
Speaker 2: you say I'm going to give a reward for X
Speaker 2: amount of money, that's not a legal contract. That's not
Speaker 2: a yes, it's a statement. But like I mean, I
Speaker 2: could say free speech, say whatever you want in America,
Speaker 2: you don't get held accountable for it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I'm very I'm very interested that
Speaker 1: he has plays out. Also, I just want to correct
Speaker 1: something I did say two dogs. It was three dogs,
Speaker 1: very important infection.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, I just feel like that's you know,
Speaker 4: five hundred thousand and three dogs. Like you know, it
Speaker 4: makes difference.
Speaker 3: So I'm going let's per dog.
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep my eye on this and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna update you next week because I need to see
Speaker 1: what happens.
Speaker 3: I need to see who's going to see who I
Speaker 3: can't wait on the edge of my seat.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, before we get.
Speaker 2: Into answering all your deep, dark and burning questions, I
Speaker 2: have a recommendation this week because I am an organized bitch.
Speaker 4: Now that is my life.
Speaker 2: I am someone who particularly struggles with doing their tax
Speaker 2: because anything that's non critical doesn't get done.
Speaker 3: So unless tax is pretty critical.
Speaker 2: You can go to prison, but it only becomes critical
Speaker 2: once you've passed the deadline date of it, right what
Speaker 2: tax evasion.
Speaker 4: You knows?
Speaker 2: What I mean is is that, for example, if I
Speaker 2: get a bill or a fine, or I need to
Speaker 2: renew my license, or I've got to do my tax
Speaker 2: like whatever it is, unless it's at the JEW date
Speaker 2: or like a week past the JEW date, sometimes a
Speaker 2: little bit further pass.
Speaker 3: Unless my license is being suspended.
Speaker 2: Unless I am going to prison, it doesn't get done
Speaker 2: because I only do things when they've moved up into
Speaker 2: critical status. Yea an alarms, which I know like freaks
Speaker 2: a lot of people out. People who are organized like
Speaker 2: can't live like this, But I also live like that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, I've got so many other things
Speaker 2: to do in my day to day that until that
Speaker 2: thing that's not a necessity right now moves into critical,
Speaker 2: it doesn't get done.
Speaker 1: Oh, my notification has to have that big red stamp
Speaker 1: across it that says like final notice to get collected coming.
Speaker 2: I have to be at that stage. And you're like, fine,
Speaker 2: I'll do it now, don't yell let me anyway. So
Speaker 2: I found a new app. I've been using it. I'm
Speaker 2: really trying this year to get on top of my
Speaker 2: tax It's called dext. The thing I struggle with is
Speaker 2: I always lose receipts, So when you run your own businesses,
Speaker 2: that's a fucking nightmare because I need them. Don't listen
Speaker 2: to brit brick reckons. You can do everything from bank statements,
Speaker 2: but you're supposed to have your actual receipts if you're
Speaker 2: ever ordered. So Dex is an app where you can
Speaker 2: just take a photo of a receipt as you use it,
Speaker 2: so you know whatever, go.
Speaker 4: Have a lovely lunch meeting, take a photo that receipt.
Speaker 2: It uploads into dext, reads all the information on it,
Speaker 2: and it puts it into your zero and your Excel
Speaker 2: spreadsheets and everything else. So it automates all the work
Speaker 2: for you and it can allocate what expense it is,
Speaker 2: so like where it belongs, honestly, for me, for someone
Speaker 2: who is the most unorganized person in the world.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's great, and this is this is not sponsored.
Speaker 4: I just think it's fucking awesome. Maybe we could have
Speaker 4: got a sponsor. Yeah, dadds some four foot paydex. If
Speaker 4: you're out there, please can you sponsor our podcast.
Speaker 3: Did you want? Do you pay for it or is
Speaker 3: it free?
Speaker 4: No? It is not free.
Speaker 2: It's actually quite expensive. But this I guess you can
Speaker 2: claim it. But you can claim it, so it's a
Speaker 2: receipt in itself. I feel like this is probably more
Speaker 2: suited to people who are business owners or sole traders.
Speaker 2: But if you are somebody who has to constantly keep
Speaker 2: on top of keeping receipts so that you can do
Speaker 2: your tax or whatever, it's like four hundred dollars a year.
Speaker 2: It's not cheap. It's expensive. When you break that down,
Speaker 2: what's that? What's four hundred dollars away twine? I imagine
Speaker 2: that is done my strong put I'm kind of put
Speaker 2: it in. It's thirty three dollars a month.
Speaker 3: If you're a.
Speaker 2: Business owner, that is not a bad amount of money
Speaker 2: to spend to topic, to stay on top of literally
Speaker 2: all of your expense organization. It's fucking great.
Speaker 3: Okay, So you have the Vibe.
Speaker 1: I have the unsubscribe, So this week I'm unsubscribing from
Speaker 1: widgets All widgets everyday widget can be a lot of things,
Speaker 1: but a phone widget, now, I think this is only
Speaker 1: on iPhones. I'm talking about iPhones, So if you're a
Speaker 1: weirdo that has like a Samsung or something.
Speaker 2: Sorry to everybody who listens to this podcast and has
Speaker 2: a SAM sign.
Speaker 4: I always say it to my dad.
Speaker 3: I'm like, same sung Dad. I don't know because now
Speaker 3: we can't air drop and do other stuff.
Speaker 2: Anyway, you always know when you have an iPhone, you
Speaker 2: always know who doesn't because then you start trying and
Speaker 2: send them like a group message, and there's goes individually
Speaker 2: and you're like, ah, cash, it happened.
Speaker 4: To me yesterday, can you in drop me out? They're like, oh,
Speaker 4: I don't have a Samsung. I'm no fucking email It
Speaker 4: then gets just message it no.
Speaker 1: So on an iPhone, they have something called a photo widget,
Speaker 1: which is you can say yes, put it on your
Speaker 1: phone or not, like you can take it off, which
Speaker 1: is why I want to take it off. In the
Speaker 1: top corner of your home screen and lock screen. It
Speaker 1: will just basically go through your photo album and it'll
Speaker 1: put every minute, a couple of minutes, it'll just bring
Speaker 1: up another photo. Most of the time, this is super
Speaker 1: cute because it's like if you've got photos in your
Speaker 1: photo album on your phone.
Speaker 3: Usually it's something you want to see. It could be
Speaker 3: the beach, could be your friends night out, your kids.
Speaker 1: A lot of mine are Delilah. But I have one
Speaker 1: hundred thousand photos on my phone, but now it means
Speaker 1: all these old photos. I woke up this morning and
Speaker 1: there was a photo I hate to say it of
Speaker 1: like myself and Jordan from years ago on the phone,
Speaker 1: and I have to unsubscribe the whole thing because I
Speaker 1: don't know how to get those certain photos off the
Speaker 1: phone without going back through one hundred thousand.
Speaker 3: Photos to delete it. There are memories that are people
Speaker 3: going to have on their phone that they don't want
Speaker 3: to be reminded of.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe iPhone just needs to be smarter. It's almost
Speaker 2: like now Facebook's quite good. Now it knows when you've
Speaker 2: broken up with someone so like you because you.
Speaker 3: Say, not complicated anymore, just broke it up.
Speaker 2: But if you if doesn't serve you that person very often,
Speaker 2: So like, for example, if you were friends with someone
Speaker 2: clearly you were dating them, and then you've unfriended them,
Speaker 2: it doesn't you go, hey, here's.
Speaker 4: A suggested friend for you. It's your ex boyfriend.
Speaker 3: How wild is.
Speaker 1: It that we used to well, I mean I think
Speaker 1: we used people probably still do it. But we were
Speaker 1: living in a world where you openly if you had
Speaker 1: a fight with your partner, You're like, oh, show you.
Speaker 3: You logged onto Facebook and you're like, it's complicated.
Speaker 1: You let everyone know by your Facebook status update that
Speaker 1: you were like happy to argue with your partner.
Speaker 3: Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 3: Yeh see that's the widget. Look. Producer Keisha's pulled up her.
Speaker 1: Phone now with a you've screened aw that from yesterday
Speaker 1: on her widget is a photo of her and like
Speaker 1: someone that she would rather forget that's popped up and
Speaker 1: it's like one of her I know because I know
Speaker 1: you as like one of your fondest memories.
Speaker 3: I remember you've told me.
Speaker 1: So this is a shit. The iPhone needs to work out.
Speaker 1: You need to be They have face recognition. You can
Speaker 1: search faces, you know you can. I can type in
Speaker 1: Laura and will search my phone for your face. So
Speaker 1: you should be able to update your widget with a
Speaker 1: face if it's that clever.
Speaker 4: And say I don't want to see this, and it
Speaker 4: can filter through and not show you that that's what.
Speaker 1: Wow, Oh my god, I think I just thought of something.
Speaker 1: Maybe if they hear this.
Speaker 3: Trademark anyway, let's get into that question.
Speaker 4: Question number one, heyy hey, that was Jim. That's Jim
Speaker 4: Carrey the mask?
Speaker 3: Is it hit mare?
Speaker 4: It's been a long time. I love Jim Carrey.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: I slept with my coworker about four years ago. We
Speaker 2: continued to remain friends, however, and also work colleagues ever since. Recently,
Speaker 2: he got a girlfriend, which I have met a couple
Speaker 2: of times in group settings. We instantly clicked fast forward.
Speaker 2: We now go for drinks and we text on a
Speaker 2: regular basis. She is in love with my friend slash colleague,
Speaker 2: asking me about his past partners, etc. My question is
Speaker 2: do I tell her that I slept with her boyfriend
Speaker 2: many years ago as we are now close friends, or
Speaker 2: is it too late and I have ruined everything.
Speaker 1: This is tricky because normally I would say if two
Speaker 1: people were friends, if two women were friends and one
Speaker 1: of them started to see somebody, I would say, yes,
Speaker 1: if you'd slept with that person, you'd tell them right.
Speaker 1: So like if produce a Keisha came to me and
Speaker 1: said I've started seeing this guy and I had hooked
Speaker 1: up with him, I would say, oh, FYI, however, many
Speaker 1: years ago I hooked I would say that because for
Speaker 1: me in a friendship that stuff will come out one.
Speaker 2: Day, especially like you've got to say it early on.
Speaker 2: You can't like wait for them to be weeks deep
Speaker 2: your boyfriend ha hah, totally yeah at the wedding.
Speaker 4: Wedding.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, dear Keisha, I'm so happy for you, and
Speaker 2: I hope that he's better in bed than he was
Speaker 2: when he fucked me.
Speaker 1: Oh no, Like, I know you're gonna have a happy
Speaker 1: laugh because he banged me real good.
Speaker 3: This is why it's tricky.
Speaker 1: But now you've become friends by default with this girl
Speaker 1: after she was already seeing him, So it's like backwards
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 3: She is in love with him and you're getting really close.
Speaker 1: So there's a big part of me that's like, you
Speaker 1: probably need to get it out in the open, but
Speaker 1: I think maybe it needs to come from him. If
Speaker 1: you're going to form a really good friendship with her,
Speaker 1: it will come out at some point. If not, it's
Speaker 1: going to eat you because one day, if they're completely
Speaker 1: in love and they're together down the track, you have
Speaker 1: held on to a secret, whether it's one year, three years,
Speaker 1: five years, and it comes out, she's going to be like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck. How could you have been my friend
Speaker 1: for this long and not told me that you slept
Speaker 1: with my partner? Will it?
Speaker 3: Yes, Laura, it does, and we are apps fucking louly. Okay.
Speaker 2: I have slightly different views to you, Ruth, only because
Speaker 2: I think, like, you're not really friends with this girl yet.
Speaker 3: Right? You said they've formed a very good connection.
Speaker 2: Yes, she's met her several times, she said, through her
Speaker 2: work colleague slash friend.
Speaker 3: But they're not like besties. They're not like yeah yeah, but.
Speaker 2: Well if they do become besties, then she's the one
Speaker 2: pursuing that friendship, right, Like you have an option, you
Speaker 2: don't have to be besties with your friend's girlfriend, because
Speaker 2: it sounds like it that they're friends, but they're more
Speaker 2: work colleagues. Right, doesn't sound like she's best friends with
Speaker 2: the guy that she works with.
Speaker 4: No, it sounds like she boned him four years ago.
Speaker 2: They remain friends, like you know, friendly at work and
Speaker 2: work colleagues, and now he's got a girlfriend. I think
Speaker 2: maybe suggests to him, like I do agree with you
Speaker 2: suggest to him, Hey, this has come up.
Speaker 4: What do you want to do here?
Speaker 2: Because I feel uncomfortable and I don't want to be
Speaker 2: the one to tell her. But I do think that
Speaker 2: it kind of puts you in an awkward position. And
Speaker 2: I don't think that you need to be bringing up
Speaker 2: something from four years ago, Like did it mean anything
Speaker 2: to you?
Speaker 4: Do you have any feelings for the guy? Do you care?
Speaker 4: Do you think about it? Will you really be holding
Speaker 4: onto this.
Speaker 3: Big dark secret?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because now she's lying. She directly asked her about
Speaker 1: his past. She's asked, what's his past? Tell me about him?
Speaker 1: Knowing she's sitting there going, oh my god, I've got
Speaker 1: to answer. But his past knowing I fucked him, she's not,
Speaker 1: and she's not telling him. So now she's lying fit
Speaker 1: to a new friend who she said she wants to
Speaker 1: form a relig like she said, we're pretty close, we
Speaker 1: really like each other, we've hit it off her words.
Speaker 2: I feel like put yourself into that position though, like
Speaker 2: if it was someone from your work, because in let's
Speaker 2: say it's someone from upstairs in like the radio team,
Speaker 2: who you've become friends with and their very new partner,
Speaker 2: very new, asked you about their past.
Speaker 3: I think you'll playing this down. They're in love.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just don't think.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Maybe I have a different feeling towards it.
Speaker 2: I don't think a one sexual relationship, like as in
Speaker 2: we had sex once four years ago. I just think
Speaker 2: by telling her it kind of makes it feel like
Speaker 2: it's a way bigger deal than what it is. And
Speaker 2: I think like depending on how close you see your
Speaker 2: friendship being with this person. If you do think you're
Speaker 2: gonna be best friends and you're gonna, you know, that's
Speaker 2: what you want. You want to like really hang out
Speaker 2: all the time, and you're going to be having this
Speaker 2: really close friendship, then maybe it's a different story. But
Speaker 2: if you're going to be just you know, acquaintances or
Speaker 2: like friendly with each other even though you hit it off,
Speaker 2: but you're not going to be like, you know, deeply
Speaker 2: entrench in each other's lives.
Speaker 4: I just don't think it's necessary. I think at the
Speaker 4: end of the.
Speaker 1: Day, it's very tricky. I can't lie in a friendship
Speaker 1: like that personally. If you think it can never bother
Speaker 1: you and it will never come up and it will
Speaker 1: do more damage than good. If you think it will
Speaker 1: hurt her feelings more than it will help, then don't
Speaker 1: do it. But what I think you should do is
Speaker 1: just go to the boyfriend your friend, your work colleague,
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, I really like Sarah. We've been
Speaker 1: coming from and she's asked me directly about your past.
Speaker 1: What do you want to do it? You're ever going
Speaker 1: to bring it up with her? Are you going to
Speaker 1: tell her? And what if he says no? Because if
Speaker 1: you decide not to tell her now and you haven't
Speaker 1: spoken to the boyfriend and then she asked him directly
Speaker 1: about his past, have you ever hooked up with anyone
Speaker 1: at work? And he's like, oh, yeah, once you know whatever.
Speaker 1: Her name is Sally from down the road. I hooked
Speaker 1: up with Sally four years ago. She's gonna be shattered
Speaker 1: that you lied. So you both need to say, look,
Speaker 1: is this worth putting all on the table? Are we
Speaker 1: just gonna make it like yes, we did it once
Speaker 1: four years ago.
Speaker 3: It meant nothing.
Speaker 1: We're not friends or do you think it's going to
Speaker 1: make it too awkward between you? But it's going to
Speaker 1: end badly if you don't talk to the boyfriend and
Speaker 1: know where you both at it. I'm just telling you
Speaker 1: it is not going to end well.
Speaker 3: I agree with you.
Speaker 2: You need to get on the same page either you
Speaker 2: get on the same page with keeping it a secret
Speaker 2: or in the book, or you get on the same
Speaker 2: page with telling her. But I don't think that it's
Speaker 2: your place to go and tell her. I think like
Speaker 2: it's his place, or it's his decision. I just think
Speaker 2: like it's unnecessarily going to create drama if you go
Speaker 2: out of your way to tell someone that you had
Speaker 2: sex with the guy that they've started dating four years ago.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just I think that sometimes we think we want
Speaker 2: all the information, but sometimes having that information can actually
Speaker 2: just make us feel crazy.
Speaker 4: What's that going to do to her?
Speaker 2: She then gonna feel insecure every time you guys hang
Speaker 2: out or have a friendship, is it gonna make her
Speaker 2: question the level of what that friendship is.
Speaker 4: And I think it's a big thing for.
Speaker 2: The person, Like for the person writing in the question,
Speaker 2: is the friendship completely platonic?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: Was it a one night thing? And then four years
Speaker 2: on you you have absolutely no interest? Like the thought
Speaker 2: of that is just like repulsive to you, because you
Speaker 2: know your friend zoned him so hard.
Speaker 4: He's like a brother.
Speaker 2: Because I think sex can be a huge deal and
Speaker 2: it can truly mean nothing, but it certainly won't mean
Speaker 2: nothing to the new girlfriend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're in between a rock and a hard place.
Speaker 1: That's not a it's not a good place to be,
Speaker 1: and there's no really good outcome.
Speaker 2: I wont like, okay, produce a Keisha. What would you
Speaker 2: do in this instance? Since Britt and I can't fully
Speaker 2: get on the same page, what do you think of this?
Speaker 3: Isn't it?
Speaker 5: We're calling a third party? I actually have been in
Speaker 5: this exact scenario me. No, we have all looked up
Speaker 5: that that's nice.
Speaker 3: Up you idiot with hooking up with the same person.
Speaker 4: Have you guys ever had sex with the same person?
Speaker 3: No, I don't know if I could. I feel like
Speaker 3: I don't want to be compared to you.
Speaker 1: And I also had Oh I don't want to be
Speaker 1: compared to you. I had a drought last year as well,
Speaker 1: so I was off the cards, off the books. No,
Speaker 1: there was a few people in and out, in and
Speaker 1: out literally yeah, maybe two, but no, those two didn't crossover.
Speaker 4: Okay, right, So in my.
Speaker 5: Particular situation where this literally did take place, it was
Speaker 5: in this situation where I thought, look, there is a
Speaker 5: really pretty high chance that this will eventually come out.
Speaker 5: Because we weren't the only people who knew about the
Speaker 5: fact that we had hooked up.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Right, So if other people know, especially if you work
Speaker 5: together and other people in your workplace, No, there's a
Speaker 5: good chance that, like, come a Christmas party, everyone has
Speaker 5: a couple of drinks and something is said, and all
Speaker 5: of a sudden, it's the time like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I.
Speaker 5: Said, hey, look, it's totally up to you, but I
Speaker 5: personally would prefer that it comes from you.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's my responsibility.
Speaker 5: But I also don't want to be on the receiving
Speaker 5: end of it if she finds out down the track
Speaker 5: and then all of a sudden, we've kind of got
Speaker 5: to justify stuff, you know.
Speaker 2: Okay, And how was it received when he finally said it,
Speaker 2: Are you guys still close friends? Are we all hanging
Speaker 2: out together being besties? Look, she wasn't stoked, But I didn't.
Speaker 4: Then affect the friendship and change everything.
Speaker 5: I don't think it affected my friendships. I don't know
Speaker 5: whether it affected like the way that she was comfortable
Speaker 5: with the two of us being friends.
Speaker 3: She handled it pretty well. And I also, I think the.
Speaker 5: Time in between makes a big difference, Like I think it,
Speaker 5: Like she said, if it's been four years, that's a
Speaker 5: long time.
Speaker 3: It's not like you're saying, hey.
Speaker 5: By the way, the person that I was sleeping with
Speaker 5: before we got together is the chick.
Speaker 4: That you become, whereas in ken Keisha's situation, it was
Speaker 4: two weeks, so I can understand why she's a bit
Speaker 4: more pissed.
Speaker 1: Put it this way, I wouldn't be stoked if this
Speaker 1: was me. If I found out my new boyfriend had
Speaker 1: slept with my friend and his work colleague and they
Speaker 1: still see each other and no one told me, I
Speaker 1: would be like, you're a bunch of dickheads, Like, why
Speaker 1: wouldn't you just tell me this? So I knew I
Speaker 1: would feel like the joke was on me.
Speaker 3: A little bit.
Speaker 1: Everyone pulled the wool over my eyes. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's cool. I think something like this, it's better out
Speaker 1: on the table. And then if that means you're not
Speaker 1: going to be best friends with this girl, that's okay,
Speaker 1: you're not besties with her yet anyway. I totally feel like,
Speaker 1: but it's better in a relationship for them anyway to
Speaker 1: know the truth, especially if you're all going to be
Speaker 1: associating with each other.
Speaker 3: And that's when I put myself in that situation. Good point, Brett. Thanks,
Speaker 3: I got one more thing to add.
Speaker 5: I think it actually depends on whether other people know
Speaker 5: that you hooked up or not.
Speaker 3: It's a work office.
Speaker 4: They all know, keep it a deep, dark, dirty secret.
Speaker 5: I think if it's just the two of you that know,
Speaker 5: I'd be leaning towards don't tell me.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I'd be keeping it. Well, we know you're
Speaker 1: the honest one. Here's the three of us here.
Speaker 4: But that's what I mean by like, if it's not
Speaker 4: a big deal, if no one knows about it, like I.
Speaker 1: Just they know it's a work office, gossip is placed.
Speaker 1: Like think of the gossip in a work offers.
Speaker 3: All right, question number two?
Speaker 1: We all have a baby name ideas. Listen in our
Speaker 1: notes up right?
Speaker 4: Correct? I do?
Speaker 3: Did you?
Speaker 1: You're right?
Speaker 3: Your maybe listen names down as you think of that.
Speaker 4: I wrote them down in high school. I haven't written
Speaker 4: down since.
Speaker 3: I kind of just I would love to see what
Speaker 3: you'res for in high school, like like all of.
Speaker 4: Mine were very Byron Bay hippie assualted the earth.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what it even is?
Speaker 4: Not even sult with the earth whatever, just hippie.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, my ex and I had chosen baby names
Speaker 1: that we both really liked. Fast forward, I am now
Speaker 1: with a new partner and we've just at a stage
Speaker 1: where we talked through baby name ideas and I'll add
Speaker 1: the ones we like to my notes app The other day,
Speaker 1: is this just something you do.
Speaker 4: With every boy, like you really trying? Or is it
Speaker 4: just that you've just brought up, Hey, if we ever
Speaker 4: have a baby, a hypothetical baby one day, Yes, we
Speaker 4: call it.
Speaker 1: Yes. When you get to that stage, you know that
Speaker 1: love stage where you're like, I think they're the one,
Speaker 1: and you love to talk about your future, I'm already
Speaker 1: doing it with Ben.
Speaker 2: I have you never ever spoken about baby names with
Speaker 2: a boyfriend, except for Matt, because that's someone who I
Speaker 2: actually procreated with. I've never just had a boyfriend where
Speaker 2: I've been let let's do baby names.
Speaker 1: I have once Anyway, the other day, my partner randomly
Speaker 1: said he likes a name, which is the same name
Speaker 1: my ex and I had chosen for a boy if
Speaker 1: we had one.
Speaker 3: I love the name, but I.
Speaker 1: Obviously never brought up because it was a name I'd
Speaker 1: chosen with a different person. Is it weird to name
Speaker 1: our kids a name that I was going to call
Speaker 1: a baby with my ex, a name technically chosen by
Speaker 1: the ex. Yes, but my partner has no idea about that. Yes,
Speaker 1: I secretly loved that my partner likes the same name.
Speaker 4: Though, Is it weird?
Speaker 3: Can we call him the same name I was gonna
Speaker 3: call it with my ex boyfriend.
Speaker 2: You can call a kid whatever you want. You can
Speaker 2: call a kid peanut if you want to. But does
Speaker 2: it just mean that every time you look at that kid,
Speaker 2: you're going to think about how, once upon a time
Speaker 2: you were going to name that kid the same thing
Speaker 2: that you're ex with. I don't know if you think
Speaker 2: that the name is going to remind you of your
Speaker 2: ex in any capacity, I would say, call your kid
Speaker 2: another name.
Speaker 4: There are hundreds of names out there, thousands of millions.
Speaker 3: I think the same thing.
Speaker 1: I did that with my ex, Like I said, and
Speaker 1: I had names that I really really liked, but there
Speaker 1: were names that he also really RELI liked, and he's
Speaker 1: such I just hate him so much, like.
Speaker 4: You don't want to give him the satisfaction.
Speaker 1: But whether I wanted to or not, I would think
Speaker 1: about him at some stage if I had to say
Speaker 1: that name a hundred times a day to a child
Speaker 1: which you're going to do. You're going to be repeating
Speaker 1: that name for the rest of your life all day,
Speaker 1: all night, screaming it, yelling it, saying it affectionately, all
Speaker 1: the emotions. If you're going to just think about your ex,
Speaker 1: I would say don't do it. I'd say pick another name.
Speaker 1: Even if you love it. There has to be another name.
Speaker 2: You love out there when you have this hypothetical baby
Speaker 2: that's not conceived it. But when it's when you have
Speaker 2: this baby and you name it the name that you've
Speaker 2: spoken about with your ex, do you think that he's
Speaker 2: going to then be thinking that you're still hung up
Speaker 2: on him, or that there's some sort of like do
Speaker 2: you reckon?
Speaker 4: That's going to be a little ego pash for him.
Speaker 4: But when he searches for her on Facebook, yeah, like
Speaker 4: he's going.
Speaker 2: To know that you've had a kid. Like we all
Speaker 2: look at our exes every so often. Do you think
Speaker 2: he's going to be like, Oh, she's just like taken
Speaker 2: our life and duplicated it with someone else. Do you
Speaker 2: give him satisfaction? That's what I mean, Like, don't give
Speaker 2: someone that satisfaction at all.
Speaker 4: I don't know. Maybe people are different in terms of like.
Speaker 2: I know that some people get very very attached to names,
Speaker 2: but I think the reason why you're attached to that
Speaker 2: name and the reason why you like it so much
Speaker 2: is deeply entrenched in your ex.
Speaker 4: I would just get a different name.
Speaker 2: And I might even say to my now partner, if
Speaker 2: you ever, you know, guys get pregnant together, I would say, look,
Speaker 2: I love the name, but weirdly, this is a name that,
Speaker 2: like my ex absolutely loved and it just feels like
Speaker 2: there's some sort of, you know, weird reminder there that
Speaker 2: I don't want to have with my child.
Speaker 1: I don't like personally any emotion connection, So I don't
Speaker 1: even like if I started to date someone new and
Speaker 1: he wore the same after shave as an ex, that
Speaker 1: smell and you got that, I would be buying him
Speaker 1: you after show, and I would be honest, I'm back,
Speaker 1: you cannot wear that for you. Yeah, I don't want
Speaker 1: any reminder of something like that in my past. And
Speaker 1: I mean a smell is very specific because that does
Speaker 1: bring up a lot of emotions. Can make your horny,
Speaker 1: can train you off, can do anything the power of smell. Honestly,
Speaker 1: if you had COVID and lost your sense of smell.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for you, but I think in this stage,
Speaker 1: in the words of Elsa from whatever that show is.
Speaker 3: Let it go, let it go it is, let it go,
Speaker 3: let it go, let it go. Move on.
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, Question number three Laura really hitting the hard
Speaker 4: hitting questions today, aren't we ok My partner and I
Speaker 4: have been together for a few years and have been
Speaker 4: talking about our future for a while now. I have
Speaker 4: told him i'd like to get engaged in the next
Speaker 4: year or two, and we've been looking at rings together.
Speaker 4: The other day, when I was setting up Netflix on
Speaker 4: his phone, it opened to Safari and I saw a
Speaker 4: tab with the order confirmation from a jeweler we had
Speaker 4: been looking at.
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's most definitely a ring, as I also
Speaker 2: saw the price tag. Although it's not a complete surprise,
Speaker 2: I knew immediately I wasn't meant to see it and
Speaker 2: have been pretending that I didn't. Should I tell him
Speaker 2: that I've seen it or just let him continue planning.
Speaker 2: We have a trip coming up on my birthday, so
Speaker 2: I'm definitely suspicious now, but I also don't want to
Speaker 2: feel like I've ruined the surprise.
Speaker 1: Girl.
Speaker 3: No, don't tell him.
Speaker 4: Take that shit to that I should not.
Speaker 3: Even come into your brain.
Speaker 2: All you do now is practice your shock face in
Speaker 2: the mirror. If you tell ye, put your acting cap on.
Speaker 1: If you tell him he ain't proposing, he'll still propose
Speaker 1: that it was just as fun. Nuh, he'll postpone it
Speaker 1: because he'll be like, I'll show you I'm going to.
Speaker 3: Do and at least expect it in twenty two years.
Speaker 3: I can guarantee you.
Speaker 1: I have so many friends, actually they're all engaged now,
Speaker 1: but so many friends that I think even Sherry did it,
Speaker 1: my sister Sherry. They're talking their relationships about when are
Speaker 1: you going to propose? When are we getting married? When's
Speaker 1: it going to happen? And without knowing the partners were
Speaker 1: planning on proposing, but every time the woman the girl
Speaker 1: brought it up, the guy put it back in their
Speaker 1: head because they're like, well, I want it to be
Speaker 1: a surprised and now she's asking, she's going to expect it.
Speaker 3: She's going to think I did it because she asked ya.
Speaker 3: That's the way they think.
Speaker 1: So every single time, because they all told that, you
Speaker 1: know I know this because all the guys said it,
Speaker 1: like you're your own worst enemy.
Speaker 3: Every time you ask me, I'm putting it back, so stop.
Speaker 3: It's one of those things.
Speaker 4: So I think if you said to him, hey, yo,
Speaker 4: I saw the ring, saw the confirmation, like, can't wait
Speaker 4: for you.
Speaker 3: To do it, He's not gonna do it.
Speaker 1: He knows you expected, he knows you're gonna expect it
Speaker 1: on the holiday that you're planning at your birthday.
Speaker 3: If you want to get engaged, take this to the grave.
Speaker 2: I also think, like the fact that you guys have
Speaker 2: gone to shops and looked at rings, like, it's not
Speaker 2: actually that big of surprise. It's not like when he
Speaker 2: finally does it, you're gonna be like, I didn't know.
Speaker 4: You know he's gonna do it.
Speaker 2: You've literally been to the shops and looked at rings
Speaker 2: together as a couple. It's just the when that's the shock.
Speaker 2: You know, it's the which holiday is he going to
Speaker 2: do it on? So I think just give him that.
Speaker 2: I think you pretend like you're shocked. Maybe you can
Speaker 2: tell him afterwards if you want to, like if you
Speaker 2: really want to, but I think at the time and
Speaker 2: pre emptying it, there's no need to tell him that
Speaker 2: you've seen it.
Speaker 4: Also, definitely no need to tell him you've seen the
Speaker 4: price tag.
Speaker 1: It's also disappointing when you're wanting to surprise someone with
Speaker 1: something and they find out the surprise before it happens.
Speaker 1: Even just the little things birthday presents, surprise party, sexy lingerie,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, there's a sense of disappointment where you're like, well, cool,
Speaker 1: I couldn't even pull that off. It's all ruined. He'll
Speaker 1: feel pretty shitty if he knows that you've seen literally
Speaker 1: the price tag, the ring where it was from when
Speaker 1: he bought it, Like, there's nothing left for him to
Speaker 1: surprise you with.
Speaker 4: So I almost ruined my own engagement.
Speaker 2: I told you before how Matt had a photovolt in
Speaker 2: his phone, and in that photovolt he'd been keeping photos
Speaker 2: of the diamonds, so he was choosing between and like
Speaker 2: the design and stuff.
Speaker 4: But stupidly he downloaded a photovolt app.
Speaker 2: So I was like, why have you got photos of
Speaker 2: your ex girlfriend in a phone room?
Speaker 4: He was like, I don't you accused me?
Speaker 2: And I was like, don't show me, and he was like,
Speaker 2: why are you being so crazy? I was very pregnant
Speaker 2: at the time, and I also didn't think was his
Speaker 2: ex girlfriend. I'm just you know, I was like.
Speaker 4: What have you got? Like, who else has a photovolt app?
Speaker 4: I want to keeping it in there? What purpose would
Speaker 4: a man need a photovolt app? And I was getting
Speaker 4: really angry at him about it, and we were at
Speaker 4: his sister's house and his sister pulled me aside and
Speaker 4: she was like, he's doing something nice for you and
Speaker 4: you're going to fucking ruin it. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: they could be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway, sometimes guys aren't being assholes, they're just being great,
Speaker 2: and we've been conditioned to think that they're all awful.
Speaker 3: Okay, I have one more question, and I think.
Speaker 4: We can wrap that one up. Just don't tell him,
Speaker 4: Just take it to the grave. Sometimes it's better to lie.
Speaker 2: This is a question I'm going to summarize because I
Speaker 2: read it when I came in and that I cannot,
Speaker 2: for the life of me, find it. So if this
Speaker 2: relates to you in any sort of way, it could
Speaker 2: be your question.
Speaker 4: It could not be.
Speaker 3: If she's added some mayo, She's sorry.
Speaker 4: Yes, totally.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: So started dating this guy a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 2: We've been seeing each other for three weeks. However, we've
Speaker 2: been seeing each other multiple times a week, so three
Speaker 2: or four times a week for three weeks, okay recently,
Speaker 2: and the last time we saw each other, I told
Speaker 2: him about how I really struggle with anxiety, and also
Speaker 2: told him some stuff about my past, like my family
Speaker 2: and just you know, complicated relationships with my parents. He's
Speaker 2: done a full like emotional retraction. He's kind of instead
Speaker 2: of the dates, like maintaining that consistency, he's really pulled
Speaker 2: back now.
Speaker 3: Since she expressed herself.
Speaker 2: And she shared all this stuff about her, since she
Speaker 2: shared her vulnerabilities, talked about her anxieties. But the question
Speaker 2: was how soon is too soon to share that side
Speaker 2: of your life? How soon is it too soon to
Speaker 2: share things like anxiety, potentially things like mental health, things
Speaker 2: like a challenging childhood or a challenge relationship with your parents.
Speaker 2: At what point in a relationship is it okay to
Speaker 2: share that.
Speaker 3: It's a hard one because it's sort of like how
Speaker 3: long's a piece of string? This situation. I think there's
Speaker 3: two sides to the coin.
Speaker 1: I think, first of all, it depends on I don't
Speaker 1: want to say how old you are, bit it is
Speaker 1: your age as a couple.
Speaker 3: The both of you, And I say.
Speaker 1: That because of emotional maturity, how much people have lived
Speaker 1: life experienced those sort of things. So I think that's
Speaker 1: dependent and the person and how you're developing. Are you exclusive,
Speaker 1: are you seeing other people? What's the connection like? What's
Speaker 1: it been like up until then? Was it like just nothing, nothing,
Speaker 1: nothing fun, casual dates and then boom, you put a
Speaker 1: lot of childhood traumas on him, really deep stuff or
Speaker 1: did you just say you have anxiety about really superficial things.
Speaker 1: There are so many layers. At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you shouldn't ever feel like you can't express yourself or
Speaker 1: be you with somebody that you are intimate with. And
Speaker 1: I think for the right person, it will be accepted
Speaker 1: and they're not going to pull back and they'll be
Speaker 1: there for you.
Speaker 3: They'll say the right thing.
Speaker 1: They might not say the right things, but they'll want
Speaker 1: to they'll want to try, they'll want to help you
Speaker 1: through it, and they'll want to move forward. They'll ask
Speaker 1: you questions, what do you need? Do you want to
Speaker 1: talk about it? That kind of a thing. If they're
Speaker 1: the right person, if you've just been someone for a
Speaker 1: few weeks, and then you really unload your deepest, darkest
Speaker 1: secrets on it. There is a chance they might not
Speaker 1: be ready yet. There they might be like this is
Speaker 1: too much.
Speaker 3: There are one hundred percent and more.
Speaker 1: Than I bug them for, And all that means is
Speaker 1: it's not the right time, it's not the right person.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's okay for this person to have pulled back
Speaker 1: if he doesn't feel like he is ready to take
Speaker 1: that on, because it can be a lot to take
Speaker 1: on a partner's pass and a partner's issues. I don't
Speaker 1: know if issues are the right word, but like you.
Speaker 4: Know, anybody like baggage, I guess yes, it can be
Speaker 4: a lot for everybody involved.
Speaker 3: Some people aren't ready for it.
Speaker 2: I have a few feelings about this because I was
Speaker 2: like when I first read it, I was.
Speaker 4: Like, when is the time to unleash You're crazy on
Speaker 4: somewhere and that's not to you lock them down. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 4: So I.
Speaker 2: Think everything that you said I absolutely agree with, Britt.
Speaker 2: But I also think there's another way to look at this,
Speaker 2: and that is why do you want to tell someone's
Speaker 2: early on? Like, what is the motivator for wanting to
Speaker 2: tell them? Is it because you feel so connected to
Speaker 2: them that you want to open up about yourself more.
Speaker 2: Is it because you want to show your vulnerabilities because
Speaker 2: you think it's a way to deeply connect. Is it
Speaker 2: because you feel like you have to tell someone that
Speaker 2: you're dating because they have a right to know to
Speaker 2: therefore make a decision to date you, Like, what is
Speaker 2: the motivator for wanting to tell.
Speaker 4: Someone all about you?
Speaker 2: And like the things that may be challenging and you
Speaker 2: find challenging about your life or about how you show
Speaker 2: up in the world so early on in the piece,
Speaker 2: because like I kind of think of it from the
Speaker 2: other perspective of like myself, I have some pretty challenging
Speaker 2: childhood stuff and I don't tell people that stuff until
Speaker 2: I feel really safe in their company and I feel
Speaker 2: like they deserve to know. And when I say deserve
Speaker 2: to know, it's like, this is my private story and
Speaker 2: only people who are in my inner circle deserve to
Speaker 2: know that about me, and they have a not the right,
Speaker 2: but like the privilege of knowing that part of my life,
Speaker 2: if that makes sense, and.
Speaker 3: It's a trust thing, trust them, yeah, with that information.
Speaker 2: And so for me, I think it wasn't until Matt
Speaker 2: and I, you know, certainly didn't tell him on The Bachelor.
Speaker 2: It wasn't until we've been dating for months until I
Speaker 2: wanted to peel back a little bit more over layer,
Speaker 2: And that was a process. It's not a sit down
Speaker 2: on one you know, dinner or drinks and just unleash
Speaker 2: all the things that you think that someone needs to
Speaker 2: know about you. It's it's a process. It's a process
Speaker 2: of building trust. It's a process of you give a
Speaker 2: little bit, they give a little bit. When we open
Speaker 2: up our vulnerabilities to someone, it often encourages them to
Speaker 2: open up their vulnerabilities and they would say something. So
Speaker 2: I think it is also something you can kind of
Speaker 2: navigate in the conversation. Are you given, given giving and
Speaker 2: they're not saying anything, and how are they receiving it
Speaker 2: in that moment? Are they talking about their vulnerabilities and
Speaker 2: the things that they struggle with and is there a
Speaker 2: mutual give and take to that conversation.
Speaker 4: But I think sometimes we think we owe it.
Speaker 2: To someone to talk about the stuff we struggle with, like,
Speaker 2: oh god, I should probably warn them. And you don't
Speaker 2: need to warn anyone, you know, you don't need to
Speaker 2: tell anyone about that stuff until you get to a
Speaker 2: point of real comfort and trust. But I would say
Speaker 2: that three weeks to me is probably too early because
Speaker 2: I don't think even if you have spent a lot
Speaker 2: of time with someone, I think that that's still the
Speaker 2: fun part of the getting to know someone.
Speaker 4: It's like that's when you're showing them all the good parts.
Speaker 2: You're like, hey, look at how look at our care
Speaker 2: free and fun I am, and you know, look at
Speaker 2: what we can have together. I think you're almost still
Speaker 2: on like resume best behavior. You're still in that three
Speaker 2: month contract period where you're like, look at how.
Speaker 4: Good I am at work?
Speaker 2: Probation totally, you're in probation and they haven't committed to
Speaker 2: being exclusive with you. They haven't really like committed to
Speaker 2: the relationship yet, And so I would almost think sometimes
Speaker 2: you can tell too much, Like some people go into
Speaker 2: new dating situations or relationships and they talk about the
Speaker 2: X all the time, and it can turn someone off.
Speaker 2: Even though you might be the perfect match for someone,
Speaker 2: it can turn someone off purely because they get an
Speaker 2: impression of you that it's too hard, which may not
Speaker 2: be you. You've just unleashed the worst part. Why would you
Speaker 2: unleash all the challenging things instead of building up all
Speaker 2: the awesome things first.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think also you can do it in a
Speaker 1: way that maybe you don't go too hard, too deep,
Speaker 1: too soon, but you can sprinkle it.
Speaker 3: You can bread crumb your trauma.
Speaker 1: So here's a bit of my anxiety totally. So I
Speaker 1: know when I met Ben, I said surface level. I
Speaker 1: was really honest.
Speaker 3: I said, just I really like you, by FYI, I
Speaker 3: have commitment issues.
Speaker 4: Straight up.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you, like, I have commitment issues. I
Speaker 1: will probably try to run soon, but maybe don't let me.
Speaker 1: That's what I was saying.
Speaker 3: He was like what I was like, I'm just gonna
Speaker 3: tell you what I do because I know what I do.
Speaker 3: But I didn't tell him why.
Speaker 4: And I think you use that a bit like for
Speaker 4: a guy. He's like, oh, challenge accepted totally.
Speaker 3: It was really just really mean. It was like reversed psychology.
Speaker 4: Anything that's just like the most the most perfect typic.
Speaker 4: You were like already fucking like setting up camp in
Speaker 4: his life, and you're.
Speaker 6: Like galloping, can't catch me if you can not even
Speaker 6: you were like fully cementing yourself in his life, and
Speaker 6: you're like, hey, I'm probably gonna like try and run
Speaker 6: away soon and he's like, I won't let you, and
Speaker 6: you're like, cool, it's.
Speaker 3: Just tricking you. But it's a level of sound. It's
Speaker 3: so funny. It worked by the way everyone it's so
Speaker 3: funny to me.
Speaker 4: And it's a level of self awareness that I have
Speaker 4: developed that I know I do it now. I used
Speaker 4: to do it to everybody, and I didn't know I
Speaker 4: did it until everyone pointed out.
Speaker 1: And now I know I do it. I also know
Speaker 1: why I do it. But he didn't need to know that.
Speaker 1: I wanted him to know that. I, yeah, I might
Speaker 1: have commitment issues for a while. I definitely want to
Speaker 1: see where this goes. I don't want to rush it.
Speaker 1: We didn't go deeper than that. He said the same thing.
Speaker 1: He said, you know, I've been through some stuff too.
Speaker 1: It's cool, I get it. Let's just chill and that
Speaker 1: way you both know there's more to someone, because there
Speaker 1: is no one out in the world that doesn't have
Speaker 1: something that they're going to want to talk about, something
Speaker 1: they've been through or overcome. Everyone has, especially like it's
Speaker 1: that is life, it's human nature.
Speaker 4: I mean, I've known.
Speaker 2: Matt for six years, and I mean even a little
Speaker 2: bit longer than that now, and like even last year
Speaker 2: there were things about his life that he told me
Speaker 2: and I was like, wow, I you know, partly because
Speaker 2: it hadn't come up, partly because you know, it's not
Speaker 2: something he thinks about all the time, but like ready, yeah,
Speaker 2: and he told me and I was like, wow, I
Speaker 2: feel closer to you knowing that. But it took him
Speaker 2: five years to tell me. And that's it's okay. You
Speaker 2: don't have to get every bad thing out on the
Speaker 2: table to then know if you're suited to someone.
Speaker 1: Some people do, and it is psychologically backed that we
Speaker 1: do bond as humans by sharing vulnerabilities. And what we
Speaker 1: do in relationships is one person shares and then they
Speaker 1: sit back and they wait for the person to reciprocate.
Speaker 1: This is a normal expectation, but it doesn't always happen
Speaker 1: because sometimes people aren't ready. So this is what's happened
Speaker 1: for you. You have unloaded wanting to have a connection and
Speaker 1: be vulnerable, and it hasn't been reciprocated for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: You don't know what that reason is. Maybe it's triggered
Speaker 1: something for him, maybe it's too much. There are so
Speaker 1: many reasons. What I would do is just try to
Speaker 1: go back to normal with him. Just try and keep
Speaker 1: dating like you're doing it. Sounded like you guys are
Speaker 1: having a lot of fun. I don't think make a
Speaker 1: big deal about it, but just see how you go,
Speaker 1: and then you will know when the right time is.
Speaker 1: You'll know when you're close and you're feeling that if
Speaker 1: you do have this overwhelming desire to talk about whatever
Speaker 1: it is you're talking about, then it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be with him.
Speaker 3: You can go and.
Speaker 1: Speak to a professional, or you to speak to a friend,
Speaker 1: because you should be speaking about it when you want to.
Speaker 3: You should.
Speaker 1: It might just be a case of wrong time, wrong person,
Speaker 1: wrong situation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I totally agree.
Speaker 2: I think if you do have these real strong urges
Speaker 2: to talk about stuff that's going on in your life
Speaker 2: or has gone in your life, a very new dating
Speaker 2: partner is not the person to do it with just yet.
Speaker 2: I think wait until you have that trust, you have
Speaker 2: that bit of longevity. You know that they're committed, you
Speaker 2: know that they're in, You know that they want to
Speaker 2: be with you, and it's because they've given you that
Speaker 2: indication throughout other ways.
Speaker 4: That's not to say that that's hard and full proof.
Speaker 2: You know there are definitely people who their relationship has
Speaker 2: blossomed because they have had these really deep and intimate
Speaker 2: conversations very early on. I know that that is the case,
Speaker 2: but I think if you are somebody who continuously overshares
Speaker 2: and you find that people are pulling back from you,
Speaker 2: then that's an indication that you're giving too much too
Speaker 2: soon and it's too.
Speaker 4: Hard for that other person.
Speaker 2: It's always like that other person feels like it's going
Speaker 2: to be too much work.
Speaker 4: You've scared them off a bit.
Speaker 2: So I think just be conscious about how other people
Speaker 2: are receiving the information you're giving them as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this is going to sound bad, but there
Speaker 1: are people and I've been that person before when I've
Speaker 1: dated someone for two weeks and then've unloaded on me,
Speaker 1: where I've been.
Speaker 3: Like, whoa too hard basket?
Speaker 1: Literally it sounds awful, but it's like, I don't actually
Speaker 1: know you that well, just not even going to enter it.
Speaker 3: It's too much.
Speaker 1: You've got stuff you need to work out. Let's regroup
Speaker 1: when you've worked it out. And that is I think
Speaker 1: probably more people than not would have that reaction two
Speaker 1: or three weeks into dating, is what I would assume.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I absolutely agree. Well, I feel like that's it.
Speaker 3: I feel like we've covered a lot of ground. I
Speaker 3: feel like it's a bit of a therapy for me.
Speaker 4: Then, yeah, how are you feeling great?
Speaker 2: If you have any questions to ask on Cut, slide
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