WEBVTT - Ask Uncut - The Great Drink Bottle Deception Debate 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.560 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.600 past and present. 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:11.440 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:24.080 recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:25.800 back to another episode of Life I Cut. 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:29.400 I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is Thursday Ask. 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:32.520 I'm part our down and dirty question therapy session where 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:35.280 you're writing your questions we do our best to answer them. 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:39.080 Yes, it is. Laura is okay. I'm just gonna Laura 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:39.920 wasn't gonna say anything. 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:41.199 I'm just gonna say it. 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:45.839 Laura is beside herself with exhaustion because I feel like 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:48.120 beside myself makes it sound like I've been here on 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:50.360 the ground, like I've come in crying. 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:52.519 No, beside yourself with exhaustion. 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:57.640 Cola Lolla Derby is awake like a party animal all night. 0:00:57.680 --> 0:00:58.760 It's a new thing she's doing. 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:01.520 She's free or good home. Anybody looking to adopt a 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:04.120 small child? You please, we get some money for it. Yeah, 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:06.000 she's I mean, she's pretty top shelf. She's a bit 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.000 broken because she doesn't sleep, but apart from that, like 0:01:08.000 --> 0:01:10.199 she's pretty good, little bit used, but in good shape. 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:13.320 What is it? Is she teething? Is she night terrors? 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:15.480 Is it growing pains because she's too so is that 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:16.640 like a growing time? 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:18.560 I think she's just trying to ruin my life? Isn't 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:19.319 that what kids do? 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:20.759 Actually? Probably exactly? 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.000 Yeah, Like you have children, And then I think about 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:24.560 how I was to my mum, and I'm pretty sure 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:26.440 I purposely tried to ruin her life, and I think 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:29.080 it's just isn't well, not purposely, but like you know, 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.920 by accident, I tried to ruin her life by just existing. 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:35.200 Do you think it's standard for girls and mums? Do 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:38.080 you think it's a standard right of passage to go 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:40.920 through this Like I say hate, but I don't mean it, 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:44.640 Like every mother and daughter has this I hate you 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:48.320 moment where you're almost so similar and that's why you're fired. 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:49.280 But do you think that's normal? 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:51.720 Do you think there's any daughter out there and mother 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:54.520 they just had this like amazing a plus relationship your 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:55.200 entire life. 0:01:55.280 --> 0:01:58.840 I think it's called puberty, Like hormones make you angry, right, 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:01.440 I'm sure that there are parents, and I'm sure there 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:04.320 are mother daughter relationships out there who have just sailed 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:06.400 the test of time and have never had any hiccups, 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:09.320 or their moms are their best friends. My mom and 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:12.200 I are so close now, like we're way closer now 0:02:12.240 --> 0:02:14.679 as friends, But I wouldn't have said that we were 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:17.000 friends growing up, like she was my mom growing up, 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:18.840 even though she was a single mom. Even though you know, 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.760 she was a pretty relaxed single mom, she was pretty 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:23.280 parentee about other things. 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:26.440 So I feel like parentee, you know, parentee. 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:30.280 I think that sometimes single moms have the like there's 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:32.360 this thought that they always want to be a friend 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:34.720 and that they're not, you know, they're really lax with rules. 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:36.519 And she was really laxed with some rules. 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:38.959 But she had very like high expectations, I guess, and 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:42.240 there was always like a standard, and that kind of 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:44.920 meant that, you know, we weren't like we were best friends. 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:48.320 I never understood because my parents weren't like that either. 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.320 I never understood the whole like I'm best friends with 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:53.239 my mom, I'm best friends with my daughter thing, because 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:57.400 I mean, every therapist and psychologist will tell you will 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:00.560 tell a parent you're not their friends like you are 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:02.480 their parent. Of course you want them to come to 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:04.560 you and like be loving with you. But everyone's like, 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:07.000 don't try to be best friends with your children. 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:07.960 Try to parent them. 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:10.440 And obviously when you're adults, of course you're gott to 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:13.120 be friends. But I was, moh, my god, we were 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:14.519 not best friends, me and my mom. 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:16.000 Let me tell you this. 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:19.720 Lola and I are not best friends right now. No, 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:20.560 I don't know. 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:23.200 She's just going through she's going through a hard time too, 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:26.320 is a challenging time in life, and she's decided that 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:27.160 sleep sucks. 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:30.360 And she got a little Boyfie in preschool. Maybe she's a. 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:32.400 Raphael or Leonardo, I can't remember. 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.040 He's got an Italian. There's a Raphael and Leonardo that 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:37.480 she's fine. In between, there's a Netflix show in this. 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:41.200 Let's sell this menially, Okay. 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:42.960 Something I wanted to talk to you about. 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.040 I came across this thing on TikTok and I want 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:49.400 to know your thoughts on the validity of this and 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:53.320 anybody out there who is experiencing Maybe you think that 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:55.520 your partner's cheating on you. If you do think that, 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:59.000 then I'm really I'm really sorry because that fucking sucks. 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:02.080 But if you think maybe your partner's cheating on you. 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:04.320 There is this new TikTok trend. Okay, I'm gonna describe 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:07.680 to you. Okay, so you have to get a used 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:10.000 drink bottle. Right, So, like, go to an op shop, 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:10.840 go and buy. 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:13.480 A drink Can you talk? 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:15.920 You can you just not go give a drink bottle 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:16.599 from the shop. 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:18.920 Now, it's gonna be like a used one. It's gonna 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:20.640 be like an old drink bottle, like one that's like 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:23.360 obviously you know, being used by someone else. 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:25.000 Okay, hear me out. 0:04:25.240 --> 0:04:27.360 I'm alreay gonna say no, this isn't valid. So go 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:28.960 and get a used drink bottle. 0:04:29.279 --> 0:04:31.760 And then when you're in the car with your partner, 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:33.960 just say to them, oh, hey, I found you a 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.560 drink bottle and pass them they used drink bottle that's 0:04:37.600 --> 0:04:40.000 like on the floor of the passenger seat of their car. 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:42.880 It's friends from nineteen sixty three. 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:45.080 Also do op shops sell us drink bottle. 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:47.360 Don't think so this is why I'll think so funny. 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:50.600 Okay, Okay, so you hand them a drink bottle, hand 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:52.919 them drink bottle, and if they're cheating on you and 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:55.040 they've had someone else in the car, you know that 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:57.080 they shouldn't have that they're trying to hide from you. 0:04:57.600 --> 0:04:59.520 They will be like, oh, thank you, and they'll try 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:01.640 and down play the fact that you've found this drink bottle. 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:04.560 They'll be like, oh, pretend it's there to cover that. Yeah, 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:06.440 oh thanks, and then, like you know, it'll be a 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:08.799 non thing. They won't be like, oh, who's drink bottle 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:11.080 is that? But if they're not cheating on you and 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:13.360 they don't know the drink bottle, they don't recognize the 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:15.760 drink bottle, and they don't have any reason for that 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:17.680 to be in their car, they would be like, well. 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:18.640 Who's fucking drink bottle is that? 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:19.080 It's not mine? 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:21.000 What's that doing in here? This is ridiculous. Just put 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:27.280 a GPS tracker on the car. Let's get straight to 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:27.640 the top. 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:30.760 I feel like that's illegal. I'm sure the peraps around 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:32.919 Cydny do it actually, But yeah, I think GPS tracking 0:05:32.920 --> 0:05:33.680 your partner. 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:35.760 Is very fucking elital it is. I wonder how many 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:38.560 people are breaking up over this drink bottle. This is 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:39.960 not a sure fire away. 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:42.760 No, apparently it's not. 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.520 It's not science. They haven't had a PhD study on it. 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:47.520 There's not a thesis. Some guy just did it with 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:48.320 his drink bottle. 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:51.200 Yeah, but apparently he was like a CIA agent, so 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:52.160 he's coming out with. 0:05:55.160 --> 0:06:00.520 Laura's been found a rabbit hole. He's not a CIA agent. 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:03.080 And I bet you, I bet you it didn't even work. 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:05.000 I bet you this guy who did it didn't even 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:07.000 find out or confirm if his partner sheet. 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:08.400 I think he's just done to TikTok. 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.040 It's gone viral and now op shops are selling out 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:12.120 of drink bottles like rats. 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:15.239 To be fair, I wouldn't be getting my drink bottles 0:06:15.240 --> 0:06:15.839 from not shop. 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:18.400 If you handed Mat a drink bottle in the car, 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:21.080 You're in the car, you handed Matter drink bile and said, baby, 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:22.719 forgot this, and he's like thanks, putting his bag. 0:06:22.880 --> 0:06:27.400 You'd be like, it's over. I knew it is that 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:28.360 what you're telling me. 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:31.400 I think Matt would say, is my drink bottle? 0:06:32.560 --> 0:06:34.719 Look, you just get it and put He would also 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:36.159 be like, what the fuck are you doing, because like 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.600 there's I don't know. Yeah, well, I mean it would 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:39.960 be weird for us to just be in the car 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:41.359 and for me to pick up a drink bottle and 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:43.239 go Hey, Matt, here's your drink bottle. 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.360 You didn't ask for. Why would I be passing it 0:06:46.440 --> 0:06:46.720 to him? 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:48.520 But I reckon, that's ninetyercent of the population. 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:51.159 I don't know if the whole idea of you bringing 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:53.240 this was for me to debunk or not, but I'm like, 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.400 if there was a fail buzzer like on the Mast Singer, 0:06:55.480 --> 0:06:57.040 I would be around doing that. 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:01.279 So it's had ten million views and ten million breakups. 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.120 Ten million people have broken up because of this poor information. 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:06.880 But it made me ask the question, and it's one 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:09.160 that we haven't done yet on the podcast. 0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:10.560 You're a CIA agent. 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:13.040 He's got to out himself on tip talk and be like, guys, 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:15.720 don't turn anyone and the CIA agent and this is 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:19.240 how I get through relationship cheating, Like how. 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:21.200 Many people he's broken up with because he thinks that 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:23.560 they're cheating? 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:25.760 So she. 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:28.040 Okay. 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:31.560 So it led me to this thought though he can't 0:07:32.000 --> 0:07:32.680 shut up. 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:36.119 This is real tickling me today. 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:36.520 Okay. 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:38.960 So the thought is, well, the question is we haven't 0:07:38.960 --> 0:07:40.520 asked this question before, and I think we could get 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:45.480 some good answers. What is the weirdest way that you 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:47.400 figured out that your partner was cheating on you. 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.280 Oh, because we had like Shakira recently how she figured 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:52.320 out her partner was cheating because of the jam in 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:52.880 the fridge. 0:07:53.000 --> 0:07:55.120 Yes, and okay, I was telling him about this thing 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.960 last night, and he reminded me of another story. So 0:07:58.000 --> 0:08:00.400 there was a guy who was cheating on his and 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:01.960 he said he was going away to like a work 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.240 conference or something, and in the middle of the night, 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:07.080 so his Apple watch was linked to the iPad, and 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.600 she looked at his health stats for some reason, and 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:12.640 his heart on him just making. 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:13.480 Sure his vitals are good. 0:08:14.720 --> 0:08:17.640 So his heart rate kept spiking in the middle of 0:08:17.680 --> 0:08:19.800 the fucking night on this work trip. And she was like, well, 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:21.520 he's not going for a run at midnight is he? 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:24.239 Turns out he was, you know it was horizontal running, 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.000 doing the horizontal dense of love. 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:29.160 Well, there was another way. I didn't know this is 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:31.120 a thing. So I felt like I was about to 0:08:31.160 --> 0:08:31.840 put it out there. 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.520 If you guys are cheating, be careful. I was about 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:36.720 to be careful for you find out. 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:39.880 Yeah, I like linking your iPad to your phone messages. 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:42.079 That's a rookie era, everyone's you know. I mean, I 0:08:42.080 --> 0:08:44.440 shouldn't say everyone that. But like I know a lot 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.080 of people have experienced that. I'm so technically challenged. I 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.840 would one hundred percent get caught cheating in like ten minutes. 0:08:50.240 --> 0:08:51.920 But I didn't know this was a thing. 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:53.320 Someone got caught cheating. 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:56.640 A woman caught her boyfriend cheating because Alexa, you know, 0:08:56.679 --> 0:09:00.920 the little machine in your house, like Alexa play Sally 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:01.959 got trouble that. 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:04.360 That's not a song. I could not Alexa. 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:06.600 I like the radio show, and you couldn't think of 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:08.800 what I couldn't put song Alexa. 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:16.160 I can't think of Alexa. Pay justin baber baby Great. 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:17.200 I'm glad. 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:22.679 But what happens is this girl somehow stumbled across that Alexa. 0:09:22.920 --> 0:09:25.680 You can print out a whole. 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:29.280 Instruction sheet of what you have said to Alexa, word 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:31.760 for word, so it will tell you what you've asked 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:33.600 for on time stamps it and stuff like that. 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:36.120 And so I don't know why she decided to do this. 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:37.200 She stumbled across it. 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:41.559 And there were loads of conversations that we had between 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:44.160 two people that were asking Alexa to do things around 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.000 the house. Because you can ask Alexa to do other stuff. 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:46.960 It's not just play music. 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:53.840 So because do the washing up, Alexi put Lolla tosleep. 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:55.800 Why does Alexa do nothing? 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.400 You go, Alexa put it asleep, and I go, Alexa, 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:00.960 do me from what watch difference? 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:03.640 One of us is in a long distance relationship and 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:05.760 you'll win nothing if you can guess who that is. 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:08.079 But apparently Alexa does that. It does print outs of 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:09.839 everything you've ever said. 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:12.400 How did you know it wasn't her partner who was 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:13.040 just doing that? 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.439 Well, this is the way I understood it, she says. 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:18.640 When you say, hey, Alexa, if you're having a conversation 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.120 of sorts, it will pick it up because it's lit 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:22.000 up and said Alexa. 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:25.680 Yeah, but it doesn't give you like the tone or 0:10:26.000 --> 0:10:27.920 was it just that the hey Alexa? And then it 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:29.959 was asking to play like it was like you know 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:32.800 Taylor Swift Marley story. Yeah, like is that the thing? 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:33.200 She? Like? 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:34.760 My husband would never listen to that. 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:35.080 Yeah. 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.839 But if there are other really weird, interesting ways you've 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.040 found out your partner's cheating, or maybe they found out 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:41.440 you were cheating, let us not. 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:44.880 Like we don't all laugh at you, we will, you know, 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:46.960 it's good to when once you're over the trauma, it's 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:48.199 good to laugh about these things. 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:48.720 It's healing. 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:51.520 There's been research studies, it's been done on how good 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:52.200 it is to laugh. 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:54.600 Okay, I mean yeah, I laugh at mine my psycho 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:57.880 relationship all the time. Okay, to speaking of trauma, this 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:01.319 isn't funny, but we're speaking boat over trauma in twenty 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:01.760 twenty one. 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:02.360 What a segue. 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:07.440 I woke up every night last night. Now this is 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:09.839 every night, every hour last night as well. 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.040 Now, let me just this. I love how we compare 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:12.880 ourselves to each other. 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:14.480 We can just get onto what you were going to 0:11:14.520 --> 0:11:15.320 talk about. 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:18.400 I'm just to talk about it for a second. Delilah. 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:22.600 My child is getting d sex tomorrow and I'm really 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:25.319 anxious about it going in for the operation. I think 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:26.679 it's like a child, you know, when they're going in 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:27.719 for surgery the next day. 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.319 That's how I feel. I would be anxious about that too, though, 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:30.880 Yeah I am. 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.480 Now, I'm just like, what's something goes wrong? I know 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:33.839 it's an. 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:38.000 Operation they do all the time, like literally hundreds of times. 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:39.960 Is it like a hysterectomy? 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:44.360 Yes? Yes, And I say that because producer Keisha's nodding. Yes. 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:46.600 I actually don't know what they do, believe it or not? 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:48.000 How to d SX them. But I don't know if 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:49.720 it was like a little tie or they take it 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:51.840 all out. But she's got to be a cone head 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:55.200 for a while. Four or five days paid medication. So 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:57.160 I was, yeah, I was really anxious about dropping my 0:11:57.200 --> 0:11:58.440 child at the operation tomorrow. 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:00.920 No, I totally relate to. That would be very stressful 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:01.920 and I'm sorry, She'll be fine. 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:03.400 That's not what I was going to say. I want 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:05.840 to talk about Lady Gaga. Now, in twenty twenty one, 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:06.840 a lot of you might. 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:11.480 Remember Lady Gaga. There was this big saga around Gaga. 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.080 I had to it was a big saga around Gaga. 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:17.720 Her dog walker, Ryan Fisher, was walking her two beloved 0:12:17.760 --> 0:12:21.080 poochers one day down the street in La and he 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:24.920 got shot, critically shot. He didn't die, he survived, but 0:12:24.960 --> 0:12:27.480 it was it was really bad. And he was shot 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:30.680 because someone wanted to steal the dogs. Yep, yep, so 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.240 the person shot him. I don't know if it was 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:35.719 intent to kill or not, but luckily he didn't, but 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:36.600 they stole the dogs. 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:37.160 Gone. 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:42.280 Now, Lady Gaga put lots of statements out saying, anyone 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.280 find my dog, and she put a reward out that 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.480 went up to five hundred thousand US dollars, which conversion 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:51.400 is probably seven fifty eight. Oh no, probably more nine. 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:55.200 It's a lot of money in Australian dollars. And part 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:58.040 of her statement when she put out the reward was, 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:01.600 you know, I will give this money, no questions asked 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:05.160 for the return of my dog. Now, fast forward, Lady 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:09.160 Gaga is being sued by the person that returned the dogs, 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.920 which when you read that headline, you're like, you said 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:13.960 that you would give someone five hundred thousand dollars if 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:15.320 they retain your dog, and they returned your dog. 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:17.680 The person that's suing her for. 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:22.320 The money is one of the thiefs. So someone stole 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.000 her dog and then one of their like loose accomplices 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:27.680 saw the reward money for five hundred thousand dollars, so 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:29.200 they brought the dog back. 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:31.360 Did they find the person who did the shooting? 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:32.360 They've got them all. 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:34.400 Yeah, they're in prison. And so one of them is 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:36.400 in prison. But is she getting sued from prison? Like 0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:37.320 she's just. 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:39.679 Saying, like, you lied, it was deceit, deceive me, you 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:41.920 said if you got your dogs back. And because Lady 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:47.000 Carga in quotations said, no questions asked, which I don't 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:48.320 know how this is going to go because on a 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:52.040 technicality she said that. She said, that's not like whoever's 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:53.280 going to give it back, I'm going to give you 0:13:53.360 --> 0:13:53.680 the money. 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:56.280 Do you know what this makes me think? Only in America? 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:59.959 One hundred Only in America with this shit for. 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.239 While she's suing because she said there's been mental anguish 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:03.959 and pain and. 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:06.120 Suffering for her for the person who stole the dogs. 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:06.960 Yeah, I don't know. 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:09.960 I don't know what pretty stressful beef. 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.240 This is the sort of thing that I feel like 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:16.319 they might win because this is happeny, This is all 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:18.320 playing out now. This is literally like a couple of 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.280 hours ago that there was an update saying it's going 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:21.760 to court. 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:23.160 I do you know, I don't think they'll win. I've 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:23.800 got two reasons. 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:26.160 Also, who's the fucking lawyer who's like, oh, that's a 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:28.480 good case, I'll take that one. Maybe it's because they 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:30.920 just want the celebrity kudos that goes with fighting this case. 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.120 The reason why I think that it's impossible for them 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:35.520 to win one is because it sets a precedent everyone's 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:38.000 going to be out shooting people and stealing dogs. And 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:41.480 two is because it's surely it's not legally binding. If 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:43.040 you say I'm going to give a reward for X 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.000 amount of money, that's not a legal contract. That's not 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:47.640 a yes, it's a statement. But like I mean, I 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.040 could say free speech, say whatever you want in America, 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:51.520 you don't get held accountable for it. 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.720 I don't know, but I'm very I'm very interested that 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:56.840 he has plays out. Also, I just want to correct 0:14:56.840 --> 0:15:00.480 something I did say two dogs. It was three dogs, 0:15:00.840 --> 0:15:01.600 very important infection. 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:03.280 Well, I mean, I just feel like that's you know, 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:05.040 five hundred thousand and three dogs. Like you know, it 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:05.640 makes difference. 0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:06.920 So I'm going let's per dog. 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:08.720 I'm going to keep my eye on this and I'm 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:10.400 gonna update you next week because I need to see 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:10.760 what happens. 0:15:10.800 --> 0:15:12.240 I need to see who's going to see who I 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:14.280 can't wait on the edge of my seat. 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:17.760 Okay, Well, before we get. 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:19.880 Into answering all your deep, dark and burning questions, I 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:23.120 have a recommendation this week because I am an organized bitch. 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:24.280 Now that is my life. 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.760 I am someone who particularly struggles with doing their tax 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:31.360 because anything that's non critical doesn't get done. 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:33.920 So unless tax is pretty critical. 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:36.320 You can go to prison, but it only becomes critical 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:38.440 once you've passed the deadline date of it, right what 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:39.560 tax evasion. 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:43.120 You knows? 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:45.760 What I mean is is that, for example, if I 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:48.760 get a bill or a fine, or I need to 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:51.960 renew my license, or I've got to do my tax 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.200 like whatever it is, unless it's at the JEW date 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:57.360 or like a week past the JEW date, sometimes a 0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:58.320 little bit further pass. 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.000 Unless my license is being suspended. 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.280 Unless I am going to prison, it doesn't get done 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.800 because I only do things when they've moved up into 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:08.200 critical status. Yea an alarms, which I know like freaks 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:09.840 a lot of people out. People who are organized like 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:12.000 can't live like this, But I also live like that. 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:13.880 I'm like, you know, I've got so many other things 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.120 to do in my day to day that until that 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:19.120 thing that's not a necessity right now moves into critical, 0:16:19.160 --> 0:16:19.840 it doesn't get done. 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:22.520 Oh, my notification has to have that big red stamp 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:25.400 across it that says like final notice to get collected coming. 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:27.440 I have to be at that stage. And you're like, fine, 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:30.200 I'll do it now, don't yell let me anyway. So 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.000 I found a new app. I've been using it. I'm 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:33.960 really trying this year to get on top of my 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:36.800 tax It's called dext. The thing I struggle with is 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:40.000 I always lose receipts, So when you run your own businesses, 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:42.920 that's a fucking nightmare because I need them. Don't listen 0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:45.040 to brit brick reckons. You can do everything from bank statements, 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.600 but you're supposed to have your actual receipts if you're 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:51.000 ever ordered. So Dex is an app where you can 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:54.160 just take a photo of a receipt as you use it, 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:55.920 so you know whatever, go. 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:58.480 Have a lovely lunch meeting, take a photo that receipt. 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:02.000 It uploads into dext, reads all the information on it, 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.760 and it puts it into your zero and your Excel 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:07.800 spreadsheets and everything else. So it automates all the work 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:10.399 for you and it can allocate what expense it is, 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:13.160 so like where it belongs, honestly, for me, for someone 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:16.119 who is the most unorganized person in the world. 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:18.280 Yeah, it's great, and this is this is not sponsored. 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:20.080 I just think it's fucking awesome. Maybe we could have 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:22.199 got a sponsor. Yeah, dadds some four foot paydex. If 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:23.880 you're out there, please can you sponsor our podcast. 0:17:24.000 --> 0:17:25.520 Did you want? Do you pay for it or is 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:25.920 it free? 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:26.760 No? It is not free. 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:29.480 It's actually quite expensive. But this I guess you can 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:31.359 claim it. But you can claim it, so it's a 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:33.880 receipt in itself. I feel like this is probably more 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:36.400 suited to people who are business owners or sole traders. 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:38.959 But if you are somebody who has to constantly keep 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:41.720 on top of keeping receipts so that you can do 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:44.160 your tax or whatever, it's like four hundred dollars a year. 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.760 It's not cheap. It's expensive. When you break that down, 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.240 what's that? What's four hundred dollars away twine? I imagine 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:51.400 that is done my strong put I'm kind of put 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:54.480 it in. It's thirty three dollars a month. 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:55.000 If you're a. 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:57.560 Business owner, that is not a bad amount of money 0:17:57.640 --> 0:18:00.560 to spend to topic, to stay on top of literally 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:03.200 all of your expense organization. It's fucking great. 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:04.919 Okay, So you have the Vibe. 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:09.160 I have the unsubscribe, So this week I'm unsubscribing from 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:13.520 widgets All widgets everyday widget can be a lot of things, 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:15.880 but a phone widget, now, I think this is only 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:18.240 on iPhones. I'm talking about iPhones, So if you're a 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:20.600 weirdo that has like a Samsung or something. 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:22.639 Sorry to everybody who listens to this podcast and has 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:23.280 a SAM sign. 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:24.280 I always say it to my dad. 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:28.359 I'm like, same sung Dad. I don't know because now 0:18:28.359 --> 0:18:30.119 we can't air drop and do other stuff. 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:31.920 Anyway, you always know when you have an iPhone, you 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:33.639 always know who doesn't because then you start trying and 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:36.200 send them like a group message, and there's goes individually 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:37.919 and you're like, ah, cash, it happened. 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:39.600 To me yesterday, can you in drop me out? They're like, oh, 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:42.359 I don't have a Samsung. I'm no fucking email It 0:18:42.400 --> 0:18:45.240 then gets just message it no. 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.520 So on an iPhone, they have something called a photo widget, 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:50.840 which is you can say yes, put it on your 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:52.640 phone or not, like you can take it off, which 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:54.760 is why I want to take it off. In the 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:58.600 top corner of your home screen and lock screen. It 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:01.440 will just basically go through your photo album and it'll 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:04.120 put every minute, a couple of minutes, it'll just bring 0:19:04.200 --> 0:19:06.680 up another photo. Most of the time, this is super 0:19:06.680 --> 0:19:08.600 cute because it's like if you've got photos in your 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:10.440 photo album on your phone. 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:13.040 Usually it's something you want to see. It could be 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:15.639 the beach, could be your friends night out, your kids. 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:18.919 A lot of mine are Delilah. But I have one 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:22.280 hundred thousand photos on my phone, but now it means 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:24.919 all these old photos. I woke up this morning and 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:26.920 there was a photo I hate to say it of 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:30.720 like myself and Jordan from years ago on the phone, 0:19:31.040 --> 0:19:33.080 and I have to unsubscribe the whole thing because I 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.600 don't know how to get those certain photos off the 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:37.360 phone without going back through one hundred thousand. 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:39.800 Photos to delete it. There are memories that are people 0:19:39.800 --> 0:19:41.560 going to have on their phone that they don't want 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:42.479 to be reminded of. 0:19:42.840 --> 0:19:45.600 Well, maybe iPhone just needs to be smarter. It's almost 0:19:45.640 --> 0:19:48.280 like now Facebook's quite good. Now it knows when you've 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.480 broken up with someone so like you because you. 0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:52.679 Say, not complicated anymore, just broke it up. 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:55.160 But if you if doesn't serve you that person very often, 0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:56.919 So like, for example, if you were friends with someone 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:59.280 clearly you were dating them, and then you've unfriended them, 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:01.240 it doesn't you go, hey, here's. 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:03.600 A suggested friend for you. It's your ex boyfriend. 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:04.760 How wild is. 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:07.200 It that we used to well, I mean I think 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:08.919 we used people probably still do it. But we were 0:20:08.960 --> 0:20:11.800 living in a world where you openly if you had 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:13.760 a fight with your partner, You're like, oh, show you. 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:16.120 You logged onto Facebook and you're like, it's complicated. 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:19.639 You let everyone know by your Facebook status update that 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:21.440 you were like happy to argue with your partner. 0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:22.640 Isn't that crazy? 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:22.880 Now? 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:27.400 Yeh see that's the widget. Look. Producer Keisha's pulled up her. 0:20:27.280 --> 0:20:29.680 Phone now with a you've screened aw that from yesterday 0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:31.679 on her widget is a photo of her and like 0:20:31.760 --> 0:20:34.199 someone that she would rather forget that's popped up and 0:20:34.200 --> 0:20:35.960 it's like one of her I know because I know 0:20:36.040 --> 0:20:37.680 you as like one of your fondest memories. 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:38.960 I remember you've told me. 0:20:39.000 --> 0:20:41.440 So this is a shit. The iPhone needs to work out. 0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:43.920 You need to be They have face recognition. You can 0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:46.119 search faces, you know you can. I can type in 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:49.239 Laura and will search my phone for your face. So 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:51.800 you should be able to update your widget with a 0:20:51.840 --> 0:20:53.720 face if it's that clever. 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:55.520 And say I don't want to see this, and it 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:57.399 can filter through and not show you that that's what. 0:20:57.440 --> 0:20:59.200 Wow, Oh my god, I think I just thought of something. 0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:00.800 Maybe if they hear this. 0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:08.240 Trademark anyway, let's get into that question. 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:17.200 Question number one, heyy hey, that was Jim. That's Jim 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:17.960 Carrey the mask? 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:19.920 Is it hit mare? 0:21:20.240 --> 0:21:22.240 It's been a long time. I love Jim Carrey. 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:22.520 Okay. 0:21:22.720 --> 0:21:26.000 I slept with my coworker about four years ago. We 0:21:26.040 --> 0:21:30.600 continued to remain friends, however, and also work colleagues ever since. Recently, 0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:32.280 he got a girlfriend, which I have met a couple 0:21:32.320 --> 0:21:35.720 of times in group settings. We instantly clicked fast forward. 0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:37.399 We now go for drinks and we text on a 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:41.720 regular basis. She is in love with my friend slash colleague, 0:21:41.960 --> 0:21:45.119 asking me about his past partners, etc. My question is 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:47.520 do I tell her that I slept with her boyfriend 0:21:47.560 --> 0:21:50.280 many years ago as we are now close friends, or 0:21:50.359 --> 0:21:52.560 is it too late and I have ruined everything. 0:21:53.080 --> 0:21:58.000 This is tricky because normally I would say if two 0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:00.840 people were friends, if two women were friends and one 0:22:00.920 --> 0:22:04.080 of them started to see somebody, I would say, yes, 0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:06.200 if you'd slept with that person, you'd tell them right. 0:22:06.240 --> 0:22:07.840 So like if produce a Keisha came to me and 0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:10.520 said I've started seeing this guy and I had hooked 0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:13.679 up with him, I would say, oh, FYI, however, many 0:22:13.760 --> 0:22:15.840 years ago I hooked I would say that because for 0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:19.040 me in a friendship that stuff will come out one. 0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:21.119 Day, especially like you've got to say it early on. 0:22:21.200 --> 0:22:23.760 You can't like wait for them to be weeks deep 0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:27.880 your boyfriend ha hah, totally yeah at the wedding. 0:22:28.200 --> 0:22:28.480 Wedding. 0:22:29.000 --> 0:22:31.399 Yeah, So, dear Keisha, I'm so happy for you, and 0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:32.840 I hope that he's better in bed than he was 0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:33.560 when he fucked me. 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:35.120 Oh no, Like, I know you're gonna have a happy 0:22:35.160 --> 0:22:36.640 laugh because he banged me real good. 0:22:37.200 --> 0:22:38.080 This is why it's tricky. 0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:41.960 But now you've become friends by default with this girl 0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:44.679 after she was already seeing him, So it's like backwards 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:44.919 for me. 0:22:45.720 --> 0:22:47.800 She is in love with him and you're getting really close. 0:22:47.840 --> 0:22:49.720 So there's a big part of me that's like, you 0:22:49.880 --> 0:22:51.879 probably need to get it out in the open, but 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:54.440 I think maybe it needs to come from him. If 0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:56.280 you're going to form a really good friendship with her, 0:22:56.800 --> 0:22:59.480 it will come out at some point. If not, it's 0:22:59.480 --> 0:23:02.000 going to eat you because one day, if they're completely 0:23:02.040 --> 0:23:05.000 in love and they're together down the track, you have 0:23:05.080 --> 0:23:07.520 held on to a secret, whether it's one year, three years, 0:23:07.560 --> 0:23:09.399 five years, and it comes out, she's going to be like, 0:23:09.440 --> 0:23:11.240 what the fuck. How could you have been my friend 0:23:11.280 --> 0:23:12.879 for this long and not told me that you slept 0:23:13.080 --> 0:23:14.879 with my partner? Will it? 0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:19.399 Yes, Laura, it does, and we are apps fucking louly. Okay. 0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:24.080 I have slightly different views to you, Ruth, only because 0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:27.520 I think, like, you're not really friends with this girl yet. 0:23:27.720 --> 0:23:29.680 Right? You said they've formed a very good connection. 0:23:29.880 --> 0:23:32.440 Yes, she's met her several times, she said, through her 0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:34.000 work colleague slash friend. 0:23:34.320 --> 0:23:36.920 But they're not like besties. They're not like yeah yeah, but. 0:23:39.080 --> 0:23:41.360 Well if they do become besties, then she's the one 0:23:41.400 --> 0:23:43.399 pursuing that friendship, right, Like you have an option, you 0:23:43.400 --> 0:23:46.520 don't have to be besties with your friend's girlfriend, because 0:23:46.520 --> 0:23:48.080 it sounds like it that they're friends, but they're more 0:23:48.080 --> 0:23:50.720 work colleagues. Right, doesn't sound like she's best friends with 0:23:50.720 --> 0:23:51.760 the guy that she works with. 0:23:51.920 --> 0:23:53.640 No, it sounds like she boned him four years ago. 0:23:53.720 --> 0:23:56.119 They remain friends, like you know, friendly at work and 0:23:56.200 --> 0:23:59.400 work colleagues, and now he's got a girlfriend. I think 0:23:59.640 --> 0:24:01.959 maybe suggests to him, like I do agree with you 0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:03.960 suggest to him, Hey, this has come up. 0:24:04.240 --> 0:24:05.280 What do you want to do here? 0:24:05.320 --> 0:24:07.320 Because I feel uncomfortable and I don't want to be 0:24:07.320 --> 0:24:09.720 the one to tell her. But I do think that 0:24:09.800 --> 0:24:11.520 it kind of puts you in an awkward position. And 0:24:11.560 --> 0:24:14.000 I don't think that you need to be bringing up 0:24:14.040 --> 0:24:16.040 something from four years ago, Like did it mean anything 0:24:16.040 --> 0:24:16.320 to you? 0:24:16.400 --> 0:24:18.200 Do you have any feelings for the guy? Do you care? 0:24:18.280 --> 0:24:20.040 Do you think about it? Will you really be holding 0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:20.440 onto this. 0:24:20.400 --> 0:24:21.400 Big dark secret? 0:24:21.440 --> 0:24:21.560 Well? 0:24:21.640 --> 0:24:24.960 Yeah, because now she's lying. She directly asked her about 0:24:25.040 --> 0:24:28.440 his past. She's asked, what's his past? Tell me about him? 0:24:28.840 --> 0:24:31.439 Knowing she's sitting there going, oh my god, I've got 0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:34.880 to answer. But his past knowing I fucked him, she's not, 0:24:35.160 --> 0:24:37.800 and she's not telling him. So now she's lying fit 0:24:37.840 --> 0:24:39.560 to a new friend who she said she wants to 0:24:39.600 --> 0:24:41.719 form a relig like she said, we're pretty close, we 0:24:41.760 --> 0:24:44.000 really like each other, we've hit it off her words. 0:24:44.160 --> 0:24:46.679 I feel like put yourself into that position though, like 0:24:46.720 --> 0:24:49.000 if it was someone from your work, because in let's 0:24:49.000 --> 0:24:51.960 say it's someone from upstairs in like the radio team, 0:24:52.040 --> 0:24:55.760 who you've become friends with and their very new partner, 0:24:56.400 --> 0:24:59.000 very new, asked you about their past. 0:24:59.560 --> 0:25:01.680 I think you'll playing this down. They're in love. 0:25:02.600 --> 0:25:03.560 Yeah, I just don't think. 0:25:03.640 --> 0:25:04.000 I don't know. 0:25:04.119 --> 0:25:05.680 Maybe I have a different feeling towards it. 0:25:05.720 --> 0:25:08.639 I don't think a one sexual relationship, like as in 0:25:08.680 --> 0:25:11.119 we had sex once four years ago. I just think 0:25:11.240 --> 0:25:13.119 by telling her it kind of makes it feel like 0:25:13.160 --> 0:25:14.879 it's a way bigger deal than what it is. And 0:25:14.920 --> 0:25:17.679 I think like depending on how close you see your 0:25:17.680 --> 0:25:20.159 friendship being with this person. If you do think you're 0:25:20.160 --> 0:25:21.880 gonna be best friends and you're gonna, you know, that's 0:25:21.920 --> 0:25:23.560 what you want. You want to like really hang out 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:25.560 all the time, and you're going to be having this 0:25:25.680 --> 0:25:28.320 really close friendship, then maybe it's a different story. But 0:25:28.359 --> 0:25:31.199 if you're going to be just you know, acquaintances or 0:25:31.240 --> 0:25:33.440 like friendly with each other even though you hit it off, 0:25:33.840 --> 0:25:36.160 but you're not going to be like, you know, deeply 0:25:36.359 --> 0:25:37.440 entrench in each other's lives. 0:25:37.480 --> 0:25:39.720 I just don't think it's necessary. I think at the 0:25:39.800 --> 0:25:40.040 end of the. 0:25:40.080 --> 0:25:43.600 Day, it's very tricky. I can't lie in a friendship 0:25:43.640 --> 0:25:46.000 like that personally. If you think it can never bother 0:25:46.080 --> 0:25:47.680 you and it will never come up and it will 0:25:47.680 --> 0:25:49.680 do more damage than good. If you think it will 0:25:49.760 --> 0:25:53.080 hurt her feelings more than it will help, then don't 0:25:53.080 --> 0:25:54.679 do it. But what I think you should do is 0:25:55.040 --> 0:25:57.760 just go to the boyfriend your friend, your work colleague, 0:25:58.119 --> 0:25:59.679 and be like, hey, I really like Sarah. We've been 0:25:59.680 --> 0:26:01.680 coming from and she's asked me directly about your past. 0:26:01.880 --> 0:26:03.040 What do you want to do it? You're ever going 0:26:03.080 --> 0:26:04.680 to bring it up with her? Are you going to 0:26:04.720 --> 0:26:07.160 tell her? And what if he says no? Because if 0:26:07.200 --> 0:26:10.000 you decide not to tell her now and you haven't 0:26:10.000 --> 0:26:12.199 spoken to the boyfriend and then she asked him directly 0:26:12.200 --> 0:26:13.879 about his past, have you ever hooked up with anyone 0:26:13.880 --> 0:26:17.080 at work? And he's like, oh, yeah, once you know whatever. 0:26:17.080 --> 0:26:20.040 Her name is Sally from down the road. I hooked 0:26:20.080 --> 0:26:23.080 up with Sally four years ago. She's gonna be shattered 0:26:23.119 --> 0:26:25.280 that you lied. So you both need to say, look, 0:26:25.600 --> 0:26:27.439 is this worth putting all on the table? Are we 0:26:27.520 --> 0:26:29.240 just gonna make it like yes, we did it once 0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:29.760 four years ago. 0:26:29.800 --> 0:26:30.480 It meant nothing. 0:26:30.960 --> 0:26:32.280 We're not friends or do you think it's going to 0:26:32.320 --> 0:26:34.320 make it too awkward between you? But it's going to 0:26:34.560 --> 0:26:37.679 end badly if you don't talk to the boyfriend and 0:26:37.760 --> 0:26:39.960 know where you both at it. I'm just telling you 0:26:40.119 --> 0:26:41.560 it is not going to end well. 0:26:41.600 --> 0:26:42.400 I agree with you. 0:26:42.400 --> 0:26:44.040 You need to get on the same page either you 0:26:44.080 --> 0:26:45.800 get on the same page with keeping it a secret 0:26:45.880 --> 0:26:47.560 or in the book, or you get on the same 0:26:47.560 --> 0:26:50.000 page with telling her. But I don't think that it's 0:26:50.080 --> 0:26:52.040 your place to go and tell her. I think like 0:26:52.119 --> 0:26:54.480 it's his place, or it's his decision. I just think 0:26:54.640 --> 0:26:58.119 like it's unnecessarily going to create drama if you go 0:26:58.240 --> 0:27:00.640 out of your way to tell someone that you had 0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:03.160 sex with the guy that they've started dating four years ago. 0:27:03.200 --> 0:27:03.520 I don't know. 0:27:03.560 --> 0:27:06.120 I just I think that sometimes we think we want 0:27:06.160 --> 0:27:09.119 all the information, but sometimes having that information can actually 0:27:09.119 --> 0:27:10.280 just make us feel crazy. 0:27:10.520 --> 0:27:11.480 What's that going to do to her? 0:27:11.520 --> 0:27:14.200 She then gonna feel insecure every time you guys hang 0:27:14.240 --> 0:27:16.199 out or have a friendship, is it gonna make her 0:27:16.440 --> 0:27:18.600 question the level of what that friendship is. 0:27:18.880 --> 0:27:20.520 And I think it's a big thing for. 0:27:20.520 --> 0:27:22.480 The person, Like for the person writing in the question, 0:27:23.119 --> 0:27:24.920 is the friendship completely platonic? 0:27:24.960 --> 0:27:25.280 Now? 0:27:25.320 --> 0:27:27.560 Was it a one night thing? And then four years 0:27:27.600 --> 0:27:30.160 on you you have absolutely no interest? Like the thought 0:27:30.200 --> 0:27:32.159 of that is just like repulsive to you, because you 0:27:32.160 --> 0:27:33.360 know your friend zoned him so hard. 0:27:33.400 --> 0:27:34.000 He's like a brother. 0:27:34.400 --> 0:27:36.080 Because I think sex can be a huge deal and 0:27:36.080 --> 0:27:38.640 it can truly mean nothing, but it certainly won't mean 0:27:38.680 --> 0:27:40.080 nothing to the new girlfriend. 0:27:40.400 --> 0:27:42.200 Yeah, and you're in between a rock and a hard place. 0:27:42.320 --> 0:27:44.159 That's not a it's not a good place to be, 0:27:44.400 --> 0:27:45.639 and there's no really good outcome. 0:27:45.680 --> 0:27:47.439 I wont like, okay, produce a Keisha. What would you 0:27:47.480 --> 0:27:49.879 do in this instance? Since Britt and I can't fully 0:27:49.880 --> 0:27:51.280 get on the same page, what do you think of this? 0:27:51.359 --> 0:27:51.600 Isn't it? 0:27:51.600 --> 0:27:53.879 We're calling a third party? I actually have been in 0:27:53.920 --> 0:27:57.640 this exact scenario me. No, we have all looked up 0:27:57.760 --> 0:27:59.560 that that's nice. 0:28:00.160 --> 0:28:02.000 Up you idiot with hooking up with the same person. 0:28:02.800 --> 0:28:04.879 Have you guys ever had sex with the same person? 0:28:05.160 --> 0:28:07.800 No, I don't know if I could. I feel like 0:28:07.960 --> 0:28:09.400 I don't want to be compared to you. 0:28:09.480 --> 0:28:11.520 And I also had Oh I don't want to be 0:28:11.560 --> 0:28:14.280 compared to you. I had a drought last year as well, 0:28:14.359 --> 0:28:17.000 so I was off the cards, off the books. No, 0:28:17.119 --> 0:28:18.960 there was a few people in and out, in and 0:28:19.000 --> 0:28:22.760 out literally yeah, maybe two, but no, those two didn't crossover. 0:28:22.880 --> 0:28:24.320 Okay, right, So in my. 0:28:24.320 --> 0:28:27.960 Particular situation where this literally did take place, it was 0:28:28.000 --> 0:28:30.359 in this situation where I thought, look, there is a 0:28:30.560 --> 0:28:33.199 really pretty high chance that this will eventually come out. 0:28:33.240 --> 0:28:35.159 Because we weren't the only people who knew about the 0:28:35.160 --> 0:28:36.159 fact that we had hooked up. 0:28:36.280 --> 0:28:36.480 Yeah. 0:28:36.560 --> 0:28:39.200 Right, So if other people know, especially if you work 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:41.440 together and other people in your workplace, No, there's a 0:28:41.480 --> 0:28:44.080 good chance that, like, come a Christmas party, everyone has 0:28:44.120 --> 0:28:46.200 a couple of drinks and something is said, and all 0:28:46.200 --> 0:28:48.440 of a sudden, it's the time like that. 0:28:48.840 --> 0:28:49.680 Yeah, So I. 0:28:50.000 --> 0:28:54.280 Said, hey, look, it's totally up to you, but I 0:28:54.360 --> 0:28:56.960 personally would prefer that it comes from you. 0:28:57.080 --> 0:28:58.480 I don't think it's my responsibility. 0:28:58.480 --> 0:28:59.959 But I also don't want to be on the receiving 0:29:00.080 --> 0:29:01.560 end of it if she finds out down the track 0:29:01.560 --> 0:29:03.040 and then all of a sudden, we've kind of got 0:29:03.080 --> 0:29:05.160 to justify stuff, you know. 0:29:05.240 --> 0:29:07.720 Okay, And how was it received when he finally said it, 0:29:07.760 --> 0:29:09.920 Are you guys still close friends? Are we all hanging 0:29:09.960 --> 0:29:13.800 out together being besties? Look, she wasn't stoked, But I didn't. 0:29:13.560 --> 0:29:15.400 Then affect the friendship and change everything. 0:29:15.760 --> 0:29:18.560 I don't think it affected my friendships. I don't know 0:29:18.600 --> 0:29:21.760 whether it affected like the way that she was comfortable 0:29:21.800 --> 0:29:24.040 with the two of us being friends. 0:29:24.640 --> 0:29:26.760 She handled it pretty well. And I also, I think the. 0:29:26.760 --> 0:29:29.080 Time in between makes a big difference, Like I think it, 0:29:29.160 --> 0:29:31.160 Like she said, if it's been four years, that's a 0:29:31.160 --> 0:29:31.520 long time. 0:29:31.560 --> 0:29:32.680 It's not like you're saying, hey. 0:29:32.680 --> 0:29:34.680 By the way, the person that I was sleeping with 0:29:34.760 --> 0:29:37.200 before we got together is the chick. 0:29:37.080 --> 0:29:39.760 That you become, whereas in ken Keisha's situation, it was 0:29:39.800 --> 0:29:41.360 two weeks, so I can understand why she's a bit 0:29:41.360 --> 0:29:41.720 more pissed. 0:29:41.800 --> 0:29:43.800 Put it this way, I wouldn't be stoked if this 0:29:43.920 --> 0:29:46.239 was me. If I found out my new boyfriend had 0:29:46.240 --> 0:29:48.560 slept with my friend and his work colleague and they 0:29:48.560 --> 0:29:50.640 still see each other and no one told me, I 0:29:50.680 --> 0:29:52.479 would be like, you're a bunch of dickheads, Like, why 0:29:52.520 --> 0:29:54.160 wouldn't you just tell me this? So I knew I 0:29:54.200 --> 0:29:56.520 would feel like the joke was on me. 0:29:56.520 --> 0:29:57.000 A little bit. 0:29:57.080 --> 0:29:59.480 Everyone pulled the wool over my eyes. I don't think 0:29:59.520 --> 0:30:01.840 it's cool. I think something like this, it's better out 0:30:01.840 --> 0:30:03.680 on the table. And then if that means you're not 0:30:03.680 --> 0:30:05.720 going to be best friends with this girl, that's okay, 0:30:05.800 --> 0:30:08.440 you're not besties with her yet anyway. I totally feel like, 0:30:09.080 --> 0:30:11.720 but it's better in a relationship for them anyway to 0:30:11.760 --> 0:30:13.720 know the truth, especially if you're all going to be 0:30:13.760 --> 0:30:14.800 associating with each other. 0:30:14.840 --> 0:30:18.240 And that's when I put myself in that situation. Good point, Brett. Thanks, 0:30:18.360 --> 0:30:19.520 I got one more thing to add. 0:30:20.240 --> 0:30:22.760 I think it actually depends on whether other people know 0:30:22.800 --> 0:30:23.600 that you hooked up or not. 0:30:23.840 --> 0:30:24.640 It's a work office. 0:30:24.680 --> 0:30:26.720 They all know, keep it a deep, dark, dirty secret. 0:30:26.800 --> 0:30:28.239 I think if it's just the two of you that know, 0:30:28.800 --> 0:30:31.000 I'd be leaning towards don't tell me. 0:30:31.080 --> 0:30:32.840 Yes, yeah, I'd be keeping it. Well, we know you're 0:30:32.880 --> 0:30:34.320 the honest one. Here's the three of us here. 0:30:34.360 --> 0:30:36.040 But that's what I mean by like, if it's not 0:30:36.080 --> 0:30:38.320 a big deal, if no one knows about it, like I. 0:30:38.360 --> 0:30:41.920 Just they know it's a work office, gossip is placed. 0:30:42.000 --> 0:30:43.920 Like think of the gossip in a work offers. 0:30:44.080 --> 0:30:45.720 All right, question number two? 0:30:46.320 --> 0:30:48.880 We all have a baby name ideas. Listen in our 0:30:48.920 --> 0:30:49.640 notes up right? 0:30:50.040 --> 0:30:50.720 Correct? I do? 0:30:50.880 --> 0:30:51.760 Did you? 0:30:51.760 --> 0:30:52.080 You're right? 0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:53.800 Your maybe listen names down as you think of that. 0:30:53.960 --> 0:30:55.840 I wrote them down in high school. I haven't written 0:30:56.000 --> 0:30:56.560 down since. 0:30:56.600 --> 0:30:58.040 I kind of just I would love to see what 0:30:58.080 --> 0:31:00.560 you'res for in high school, like like all of. 0:31:00.480 --> 0:31:04.000 Mine were very Byron Bay hippie assualted the earth. 0:31:04.080 --> 0:31:05.280 Yeah, what it even is? 0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:07.120 Not even sult with the earth whatever, just hippie. 0:31:07.160 --> 0:31:10.000 Okay, Well, my ex and I had chosen baby names 0:31:10.040 --> 0:31:12.840 that we both really liked. Fast forward, I am now 0:31:12.960 --> 0:31:14.880 with a new partner and we've just at a stage 0:31:14.920 --> 0:31:17.280 where we talked through baby name ideas and I'll add 0:31:17.320 --> 0:31:20.600 the ones we like to my notes app The other day, 0:31:21.440 --> 0:31:22.360 is this just something you do. 0:31:22.320 --> 0:31:26.040 With every boy, like you really trying? Or is it 0:31:26.120 --> 0:31:27.760 just that you've just brought up, Hey, if we ever 0:31:27.800 --> 0:31:30.320 have a baby, a hypothetical baby one day, Yes, we 0:31:30.400 --> 0:31:30.719 call it. 0:31:30.760 --> 0:31:32.240 Yes. When you get to that stage, you know that 0:31:32.320 --> 0:31:33.920 love stage where you're like, I think they're the one, 0:31:33.920 --> 0:31:35.640 and you love to talk about your future, I'm already 0:31:35.640 --> 0:31:36.200 doing it with Ben. 0:31:36.320 --> 0:31:39.440 I have you never ever spoken about baby names with 0:31:39.480 --> 0:31:42.320 a boyfriend, except for Matt, because that's someone who I 0:31:42.400 --> 0:31:45.080 actually procreated with. I've never just had a boyfriend where 0:31:45.080 --> 0:31:46.360 I've been let let's do baby names. 0:31:46.440 --> 0:31:50.440 I have once Anyway, the other day, my partner randomly 0:31:50.480 --> 0:31:53.240 said he likes a name, which is the same name 0:31:53.480 --> 0:31:56.280 my ex and I had chosen for a boy if 0:31:56.320 --> 0:31:57.200 we had one. 0:31:57.480 --> 0:31:59.160 I love the name, but I. 0:31:59.120 --> 0:32:01.160 Obviously never brought up because it was a name I'd 0:32:01.240 --> 0:32:04.680 chosen with a different person. Is it weird to name 0:32:04.760 --> 0:32:07.280 our kids a name that I was going to call 0:32:07.320 --> 0:32:11.320 a baby with my ex, a name technically chosen by 0:32:11.640 --> 0:32:16.480 the ex. Yes, but my partner has no idea about that. Yes, 0:32:16.600 --> 0:32:19.200 I secretly loved that my partner likes the same name. 0:32:19.280 --> 0:32:20.000 Though, Is it weird? 0:32:20.080 --> 0:32:21.600 Can we call him the same name I was gonna 0:32:21.600 --> 0:32:22.640 call it with my ex boyfriend. 0:32:22.680 --> 0:32:24.720 You can call a kid whatever you want. You can 0:32:24.760 --> 0:32:27.040 call a kid peanut if you want to. But does 0:32:27.080 --> 0:32:28.600 it just mean that every time you look at that kid, 0:32:28.640 --> 0:32:30.200 you're going to think about how, once upon a time 0:32:30.240 --> 0:32:32.400 you were going to name that kid the same thing 0:32:32.440 --> 0:32:34.120 that you're ex with. I don't know if you think 0:32:34.120 --> 0:32:35.840 that the name is going to remind you of your 0:32:35.880 --> 0:32:38.560 ex in any capacity, I would say, call your kid 0:32:38.600 --> 0:32:39.120 another name. 0:32:39.120 --> 0:32:41.160 There are hundreds of names out there, thousands of millions. 0:32:41.480 --> 0:32:42.440 I think the same thing. 0:32:42.920 --> 0:32:44.440 I did that with my ex, Like I said, and 0:32:44.480 --> 0:32:46.520 I had names that I really really liked, but there 0:32:46.520 --> 0:32:48.320 were names that he also really RELI liked, and he's 0:32:48.360 --> 0:32:52.800 such I just hate him so much, like. 0:32:52.760 --> 0:32:54.320 You don't want to give him the satisfaction. 0:32:54.480 --> 0:32:58.080 But whether I wanted to or not, I would think 0:32:58.160 --> 0:33:00.480 about him at some stage if I had to say 0:33:00.480 --> 0:33:03.080 that name a hundred times a day to a child 0:33:03.120 --> 0:33:05.120 which you're going to do. You're going to be repeating 0:33:05.120 --> 0:33:07.160 that name for the rest of your life all day, 0:33:07.480 --> 0:33:10.800 all night, screaming it, yelling it, saying it affectionately, all 0:33:10.840 --> 0:33:13.800 the emotions. If you're going to just think about your ex, 0:33:14.440 --> 0:33:16.720 I would say don't do it. I'd say pick another name. 0:33:16.800 --> 0:33:18.920 Even if you love it. There has to be another name. 0:33:18.800 --> 0:33:21.520 You love out there when you have this hypothetical baby 0:33:21.560 --> 0:33:24.840 that's not conceived it. But when it's when you have 0:33:24.920 --> 0:33:26.600 this baby and you name it the name that you've 0:33:26.600 --> 0:33:29.480 spoken about with your ex, do you think that he's 0:33:29.520 --> 0:33:31.520 going to then be thinking that you're still hung up 0:33:31.560 --> 0:33:32.920 on him, or that there's some sort of like do 0:33:32.920 --> 0:33:33.200 you reckon? 0:33:33.240 --> 0:33:34.880 That's going to be a little ego pash for him. 0:33:34.920 --> 0:33:36.880 But when he searches for her on Facebook, yeah, like 0:33:36.920 --> 0:33:37.320 he's going. 0:33:37.240 --> 0:33:38.719 To know that you've had a kid. Like we all 0:33:38.760 --> 0:33:40.400 look at our exes every so often. Do you think 0:33:40.400 --> 0:33:42.440 he's going to be like, Oh, she's just like taken 0:33:42.480 --> 0:33:44.680 our life and duplicated it with someone else. Do you 0:33:45.000 --> 0:33:47.080 give him satisfaction? That's what I mean, Like, don't give 0:33:47.120 --> 0:33:48.440 someone that satisfaction at all. 0:33:48.560 --> 0:33:51.000 I don't know. Maybe people are different in terms of like. 0:33:51.000 --> 0:33:53.520 I know that some people get very very attached to names, 0:33:53.560 --> 0:33:55.760 but I think the reason why you're attached to that 0:33:55.880 --> 0:33:58.040 name and the reason why you like it so much 0:33:58.280 --> 0:33:59.880 is deeply entrenched in your ex. 0:34:00.000 --> 0:34:01.080 I would just get a different name. 0:34:01.320 --> 0:34:03.400 And I might even say to my now partner, if 0:34:03.400 --> 0:34:06.400 you ever, you know, guys get pregnant together, I would say, look, 0:34:06.440 --> 0:34:09.200 I love the name, but weirdly, this is a name that, 0:34:09.239 --> 0:34:12.120 like my ex absolutely loved and it just feels like 0:34:12.200 --> 0:34:14.640 there's some sort of, you know, weird reminder there that 0:34:14.680 --> 0:34:16.200 I don't want to have with my child. 0:34:16.440 --> 0:34:20.960 I don't like personally any emotion connection, So I don't 0:34:21.000 --> 0:34:23.719 even like if I started to date someone new and 0:34:23.760 --> 0:34:25.799 he wore the same after shave as an ex, that 0:34:25.920 --> 0:34:27.839 smell and you got that, I would be buying him 0:34:27.840 --> 0:34:29.279 you after show, and I would be honest, I'm back, 0:34:29.280 --> 0:34:32.239 you cannot wear that for you. Yeah, I don't want 0:34:32.280 --> 0:34:34.440 any reminder of something like that in my past. And 0:34:34.960 --> 0:34:36.959 I mean a smell is very specific because that does 0:34:37.000 --> 0:34:39.480 bring up a lot of emotions. Can make your horny, 0:34:39.560 --> 0:34:42.480 can train you off, can do anything the power of smell. Honestly, 0:34:42.480 --> 0:34:44.040 if you had COVID and lost your sense of smell. 0:34:44.080 --> 0:34:47.000 I'm sorry for you, but I think in this stage, 0:34:47.440 --> 0:34:51.000 in the words of Elsa from whatever that show is. 0:34:51.200 --> 0:34:53.600 Let it go, let it go it is, let it go, 0:34:53.800 --> 0:34:56.120 let it go, let it go. Move on. 0:34:56.440 --> 0:35:01.480 Okay, Okay, Question number three Laura really hitting the hard 0:35:01.560 --> 0:35:04.879 hitting questions today, aren't we ok My partner and I 0:35:04.920 --> 0:35:06.600 have been together for a few years and have been 0:35:06.640 --> 0:35:08.719 talking about our future for a while now. I have 0:35:08.760 --> 0:35:10.600 told him i'd like to get engaged in the next 0:35:10.680 --> 0:35:13.280 year or two, and we've been looking at rings together. 0:35:13.640 --> 0:35:15.759 The other day, when I was setting up Netflix on 0:35:15.800 --> 0:35:18.360 his phone, it opened to Safari and I saw a 0:35:18.440 --> 0:35:22.160 tab with the order confirmation from a jeweler we had 0:35:22.200 --> 0:35:22.839 been looking at. 0:35:22.960 --> 0:35:26.880 Oh no, it's most definitely a ring, as I also 0:35:26.960 --> 0:35:30.080 saw the price tag. Although it's not a complete surprise, 0:35:30.160 --> 0:35:32.319 I knew immediately I wasn't meant to see it and 0:35:32.440 --> 0:35:35.399 have been pretending that I didn't. Should I tell him 0:35:35.400 --> 0:35:37.920 that I've seen it or just let him continue planning. 0:35:38.239 --> 0:35:40.080 We have a trip coming up on my birthday, so 0:35:40.120 --> 0:35:43.200 I'm definitely suspicious now, but I also don't want to 0:35:43.239 --> 0:35:44.560 feel like I've ruined the surprise. 0:35:45.280 --> 0:35:45.560 Girl. 0:35:45.960 --> 0:35:47.759 No, don't tell him. 0:35:47.960 --> 0:35:49.479 Take that shit to that I should not. 0:35:49.400 --> 0:35:50.880 Even come into your brain. 0:35:51.080 --> 0:35:53.040 All you do now is practice your shock face in 0:35:53.040 --> 0:35:55.680 the mirror. If you tell ye, put your acting cap on. 0:35:55.800 --> 0:35:59.400 If you tell him he ain't proposing, he'll still propose 0:35:59.480 --> 0:36:01.799 that it was just as fun. Nuh, he'll postpone it 0:36:01.800 --> 0:36:03.520 because he'll be like, I'll show you I'm going to. 0:36:03.520 --> 0:36:05.760 Do and at least expect it in twenty two years. 0:36:07.000 --> 0:36:07.800 I can guarantee you. 0:36:08.160 --> 0:36:11.799 I have so many friends, actually they're all engaged now, 0:36:11.840 --> 0:36:15.640 but so many friends that I think even Sherry did it, 0:36:15.719 --> 0:36:18.799 my sister Sherry. They're talking their relationships about when are 0:36:18.800 --> 0:36:20.479 you going to propose? When are we getting married? When's 0:36:20.480 --> 0:36:24.120 it going to happen? And without knowing the partners were 0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:27.840 planning on proposing, but every time the woman the girl 0:36:27.880 --> 0:36:29.680 brought it up, the guy put it back in their 0:36:29.680 --> 0:36:30.960 head because they're like, well, I want it to be 0:36:31.000 --> 0:36:33.000 a surprised and now she's asking, she's going to expect it. 0:36:33.000 --> 0:36:34.880 She's going to think I did it because she asked ya. 0:36:35.239 --> 0:36:36.480 That's the way they think. 0:36:36.840 --> 0:36:38.840 So every single time, because they all told that, you 0:36:38.840 --> 0:36:40.560 know I know this because all the guys said it, 0:36:40.760 --> 0:36:42.120 like you're your own worst enemy. 0:36:42.200 --> 0:36:45.520 Every time you ask me, I'm putting it back, so stop. 0:36:45.680 --> 0:36:46.560 It's one of those things. 0:36:46.560 --> 0:36:49.279 So I think if you said to him, hey, yo, 0:36:49.400 --> 0:36:51.960 I saw the ring, saw the confirmation, like, can't wait 0:36:52.000 --> 0:36:52.160 for you. 0:36:52.160 --> 0:36:53.279 To do it, He's not gonna do it. 0:36:53.360 --> 0:36:55.040 He knows you expected, he knows you're gonna expect it 0:36:55.080 --> 0:36:57.240 on the holiday that you're planning at your birthday. 0:36:57.560 --> 0:36:59.919 If you want to get engaged, take this to the grave. 0:37:00.880 --> 0:37:02.480 I also think, like the fact that you guys have 0:37:02.560 --> 0:37:05.000 gone to shops and looked at rings, like, it's not 0:37:05.120 --> 0:37:07.279 actually that big of surprise. It's not like when he 0:37:07.320 --> 0:37:09.640 finally does it, you're gonna be like, I didn't know. 0:37:10.200 --> 0:37:11.359 You know he's gonna do it. 0:37:11.400 --> 0:37:13.760 You've literally been to the shops and looked at rings 0:37:13.800 --> 0:37:16.600 together as a couple. It's just the when that's the shock. 0:37:16.680 --> 0:37:18.440 You know, it's the which holiday is he going to 0:37:18.520 --> 0:37:21.600 do it on? So I think just give him that. 0:37:21.960 --> 0:37:24.120 I think you pretend like you're shocked. Maybe you can 0:37:24.120 --> 0:37:26.000 tell him afterwards if you want to, like if you 0:37:26.040 --> 0:37:27.640 really want to, but I think at the time and 0:37:27.800 --> 0:37:29.440 pre emptying it, there's no need to tell him that 0:37:29.440 --> 0:37:29.960 you've seen it. 0:37:30.000 --> 0:37:31.600 Also, definitely no need to tell him you've seen the 0:37:31.640 --> 0:37:32.040 price tag. 0:37:32.080 --> 0:37:35.120 It's also disappointing when you're wanting to surprise someone with 0:37:35.239 --> 0:37:39.160 something and they find out the surprise before it happens. 0:37:39.239 --> 0:37:44.080 Even just the little things birthday presents, surprise party, sexy lingerie, 0:37:44.360 --> 0:37:48.239 whatever it is, there's a sense of disappointment where you're like, well, cool, 0:37:48.239 --> 0:37:50.560 I couldn't even pull that off. It's all ruined. He'll 0:37:50.600 --> 0:37:54.000 feel pretty shitty if he knows that you've seen literally 0:37:54.080 --> 0:37:58.040 the price tag, the ring where it was from when 0:37:58.080 --> 0:38:00.279 he bought it, Like, there's nothing left for him to 0:38:00.280 --> 0:38:00.920 surprise you with. 0:38:01.040 --> 0:38:03.200 So I almost ruined my own engagement. 0:38:03.360 --> 0:38:05.319 I told you before how Matt had a photovolt in 0:38:05.360 --> 0:38:08.280 his phone, and in that photovolt he'd been keeping photos 0:38:08.280 --> 0:38:10.160 of the diamonds, so he was choosing between and like 0:38:10.200 --> 0:38:11.160 the design and stuff. 0:38:11.560 --> 0:38:14.359 But stupidly he downloaded a photovolt app. 0:38:14.400 --> 0:38:16.000 So I was like, why have you got photos of 0:38:16.040 --> 0:38:17.399 your ex girlfriend in a phone room? 0:38:18.400 --> 0:38:20.400 He was like, I don't you accused me? 0:38:20.400 --> 0:38:22.120 And I was like, don't show me, and he was like, 0:38:22.239 --> 0:38:24.120 why are you being so crazy? I was very pregnant 0:38:24.120 --> 0:38:25.440 at the time, and I also didn't think was his 0:38:25.480 --> 0:38:27.040 ex girlfriend. I'm just you know, I was like. 0:38:27.000 --> 0:38:29.279 What have you got? Like, who else has a photovolt app? 0:38:29.480 --> 0:38:31.319 I want to keeping it in there? What purpose would 0:38:31.320 --> 0:38:33.120 a man need a photovolt app? And I was getting 0:38:33.200 --> 0:38:34.719 really angry at him about it, and we were at 0:38:34.760 --> 0:38:37.120 his sister's house and his sister pulled me aside and 0:38:37.160 --> 0:38:39.560 she was like, he's doing something nice for you and 0:38:39.600 --> 0:38:42.359 you're going to fucking ruin it. And I was like, oh, 0:38:43.400 --> 0:38:43.840 they could be. 0:38:44.160 --> 0:38:46.960 Yeah, anyway, sometimes guys aren't being assholes, they're just being great, 0:38:47.000 --> 0:38:49.200 and we've been conditioned to think that they're all awful. 0:38:49.440 --> 0:38:51.120 Okay, I have one more question, and I think. 0:38:50.960 --> 0:38:52.839 We can wrap that one up. Just don't tell him, 0:38:52.880 --> 0:38:55.200 Just take it to the grave. Sometimes it's better to lie. 0:38:55.480 --> 0:38:57.719 This is a question I'm going to summarize because I 0:38:57.800 --> 0:38:59.480 read it when I came in and that I cannot, 0:38:59.480 --> 0:39:01.640 for the life of me, find it. So if this 0:39:02.040 --> 0:39:03.759 relates to you in any sort of way, it could 0:39:03.760 --> 0:39:04.120 be your question. 0:39:04.200 --> 0:39:04.680 It could not be. 0:39:04.719 --> 0:39:06.799 If she's added some mayo, She's sorry. 0:39:06.640 --> 0:39:07.400 Yes, totally. 0:39:07.520 --> 0:39:07.800 Okay. 0:39:08.040 --> 0:39:10.919 So started dating this guy a couple of weeks ago. 0:39:11.000 --> 0:39:14.000 We've been seeing each other for three weeks. However, we've 0:39:14.000 --> 0:39:16.520 been seeing each other multiple times a week, so three 0:39:16.600 --> 0:39:20.040 or four times a week for three weeks, okay recently, 0:39:20.280 --> 0:39:22.160 and the last time we saw each other, I told 0:39:22.280 --> 0:39:24.799 him about how I really struggle with anxiety, and also 0:39:24.840 --> 0:39:27.680 told him some stuff about my past, like my family 0:39:27.800 --> 0:39:30.839 and just you know, complicated relationships with my parents. He's 0:39:30.840 --> 0:39:34.720 done a full like emotional retraction. He's kind of instead 0:39:34.719 --> 0:39:38.400 of the dates, like maintaining that consistency, he's really pulled 0:39:38.440 --> 0:39:38.919 back now. 0:39:39.040 --> 0:39:41.680 Since she expressed herself. 0:39:41.640 --> 0:39:43.680 And she shared all this stuff about her, since she 0:39:43.760 --> 0:39:47.240 shared her vulnerabilities, talked about her anxieties. But the question 0:39:47.480 --> 0:39:50.640 was how soon is too soon to share that side 0:39:50.640 --> 0:39:52.520 of your life? How soon is it too soon to 0:39:52.600 --> 0:39:56.680 share things like anxiety, potentially things like mental health, things 0:39:56.719 --> 0:40:01.320 like a challenging childhood or a challenge relationship with your parents. 0:40:01.719 --> 0:40:04.520 At what point in a relationship is it okay to 0:40:04.560 --> 0:40:04.960 share that. 0:40:05.440 --> 0:40:07.319 It's a hard one because it's sort of like how 0:40:07.360 --> 0:40:11.919 long's a piece of string? This situation. I think there's 0:40:11.960 --> 0:40:12.959 two sides to the coin. 0:40:13.680 --> 0:40:16.200 I think, first of all, it depends on I don't 0:40:16.200 --> 0:40:17.799 want to say how old you are, bit it is 0:40:17.960 --> 0:40:19.040 your age as a couple. 0:40:19.120 --> 0:40:20.400 The both of you, And I say. 0:40:20.200 --> 0:40:23.240 That because of emotional maturity, how much people have lived 0:40:23.280 --> 0:40:26.120 life experienced those sort of things. So I think that's 0:40:26.200 --> 0:40:30.680 dependent and the person and how you're developing. Are you exclusive, 0:40:30.680 --> 0:40:33.080 are you seeing other people? What's the connection like? What's 0:40:33.120 --> 0:40:35.880 it been like up until then? Was it like just nothing, nothing, 0:40:35.920 --> 0:40:38.400 nothing fun, casual dates and then boom, you put a 0:40:38.400 --> 0:40:42.120 lot of childhood traumas on him, really deep stuff or 0:40:42.120 --> 0:40:44.600 did you just say you have anxiety about really superficial things. 0:40:44.680 --> 0:40:46.959 There are so many layers. At the end of the day, 0:40:47.480 --> 0:40:52.000 you shouldn't ever feel like you can't express yourself or 0:40:52.040 --> 0:40:54.600 be you with somebody that you are intimate with. And 0:40:54.640 --> 0:40:57.080 I think for the right person, it will be accepted 0:40:57.160 --> 0:40:58.759 and they're not going to pull back and they'll be 0:40:58.800 --> 0:40:59.120 there for you. 0:40:59.160 --> 0:40:59.960 They'll say the right thing. 0:41:00.080 --> 0:41:01.839 They might not say the right things, but they'll want 0:41:01.880 --> 0:41:03.799 to they'll want to try, they'll want to help you 0:41:03.840 --> 0:41:05.520 through it, and they'll want to move forward. They'll ask 0:41:05.560 --> 0:41:07.120 you questions, what do you need? Do you want to 0:41:07.120 --> 0:41:09.160 talk about it? That kind of a thing. If they're 0:41:09.160 --> 0:41:10.840 the right person, if you've just been someone for a 0:41:10.840 --> 0:41:14.360 few weeks, and then you really unload your deepest, darkest 0:41:14.400 --> 0:41:16.680 secrets on it. There is a chance they might not 0:41:16.760 --> 0:41:18.520 be ready yet. There they might be like this is 0:41:18.560 --> 0:41:19.040 too much. 0:41:19.200 --> 0:41:21.040 There are one hundred percent and more. 0:41:20.960 --> 0:41:22.640 Than I bug them for, And all that means is 0:41:23.160 --> 0:41:25.240 it's not the right time, it's not the right person. 0:41:25.440 --> 0:41:28.279 Maybe it's okay for this person to have pulled back 0:41:28.320 --> 0:41:30.439 if he doesn't feel like he is ready to take 0:41:30.480 --> 0:41:32.480 that on, because it can be a lot to take 0:41:32.520 --> 0:41:35.439 on a partner's pass and a partner's issues. I don't 0:41:35.440 --> 0:41:37.279 know if issues are the right word, but like you. 0:41:37.280 --> 0:41:40.440 Know, anybody like baggage, I guess yes, it can be 0:41:40.719 --> 0:41:42.320 a lot for everybody involved. 0:41:42.400 --> 0:41:43.719 Some people aren't ready for it. 0:41:43.840 --> 0:41:45.600 I have a few feelings about this because I was 0:41:45.640 --> 0:41:46.879 like when I first read it, I was. 0:41:46.840 --> 0:41:49.360 Like, when is the time to unleash You're crazy on 0:41:49.480 --> 0:41:51.720 somewhere and that's not to you lock them down. Yeah, okay, 0:41:52.040 --> 0:41:52.680 So I. 0:41:52.640 --> 0:41:55.240 Think everything that you said I absolutely agree with, Britt. 0:41:55.280 --> 0:41:57.000 But I also think there's another way to look at this, 0:41:57.160 --> 0:41:59.960 and that is why do you want to tell someone's 0:42:00.160 --> 0:42:02.680 early on? Like, what is the motivator for wanting to 0:42:02.680 --> 0:42:05.759 tell them? Is it because you feel so connected to 0:42:05.800 --> 0:42:08.080 them that you want to open up about yourself more. 0:42:08.560 --> 0:42:11.000 Is it because you want to show your vulnerabilities because 0:42:11.000 --> 0:42:13.160 you think it's a way to deeply connect. Is it 0:42:13.200 --> 0:42:15.319 because you feel like you have to tell someone that 0:42:15.360 --> 0:42:17.440 you're dating because they have a right to know to 0:42:17.480 --> 0:42:20.680 therefore make a decision to date you, Like, what is 0:42:20.880 --> 0:42:22.920 the motivator for wanting to tell. 0:42:22.760 --> 0:42:24.640 Someone all about you? 0:42:24.920 --> 0:42:28.200 And like the things that may be challenging and you 0:42:28.239 --> 0:42:30.279 find challenging about your life or about how you show 0:42:30.360 --> 0:42:32.320 up in the world so early on in the piece, 0:42:32.719 --> 0:42:34.680 because like I kind of think of it from the 0:42:34.719 --> 0:42:38.040 other perspective of like myself, I have some pretty challenging 0:42:38.080 --> 0:42:41.440 childhood stuff and I don't tell people that stuff until 0:42:41.480 --> 0:42:43.479 I feel really safe in their company and I feel 0:42:43.520 --> 0:42:46.440 like they deserve to know. And when I say deserve 0:42:46.520 --> 0:42:49.640 to know, it's like, this is my private story and 0:42:49.800 --> 0:42:52.480 only people who are in my inner circle deserve to 0:42:52.520 --> 0:42:55.319 know that about me, and they have a not the right, 0:42:55.400 --> 0:42:58.080 but like the privilege of knowing that part of my life, 0:42:58.120 --> 0:42:59.239 if that makes sense, and. 0:42:59.160 --> 0:43:01.920 It's a trust thing, trust them, yeah, with that information. 0:43:02.040 --> 0:43:03.960 And so for me, I think it wasn't until Matt 0:43:03.960 --> 0:43:06.160 and I, you know, certainly didn't tell him on The Bachelor. 0:43:06.200 --> 0:43:08.359 It wasn't until we've been dating for months until I 0:43:08.400 --> 0:43:10.360 wanted to peel back a little bit more over layer, 0:43:10.840 --> 0:43:13.080 And that was a process. It's not a sit down 0:43:13.080 --> 0:43:16.239 on one you know, dinner or drinks and just unleash 0:43:16.360 --> 0:43:18.120 all the things that you think that someone needs to 0:43:18.160 --> 0:43:20.160 know about you. It's it's a process. It's a process 0:43:20.160 --> 0:43:22.719 of building trust. It's a process of you give a 0:43:22.719 --> 0:43:25.359 little bit, they give a little bit. When we open 0:43:25.440 --> 0:43:28.560 up our vulnerabilities to someone, it often encourages them to 0:43:28.600 --> 0:43:31.120 open up their vulnerabilities and they would say something. So 0:43:31.160 --> 0:43:33.640 I think it is also something you can kind of 0:43:33.719 --> 0:43:36.759 navigate in the conversation. Are you given, given giving and 0:43:36.800 --> 0:43:38.920 they're not saying anything, and how are they receiving it 0:43:38.960 --> 0:43:41.319 in that moment? Are they talking about their vulnerabilities and 0:43:41.320 --> 0:43:43.759 the things that they struggle with and is there a 0:43:43.880 --> 0:43:45.840 mutual give and take to that conversation. 0:43:46.400 --> 0:43:48.440 But I think sometimes we think we owe it. 0:43:48.400 --> 0:43:50.840 To someone to talk about the stuff we struggle with, like, 0:43:50.880 --> 0:43:53.239 oh god, I should probably warn them. And you don't 0:43:53.280 --> 0:43:54.960 need to warn anyone, you know, you don't need to 0:43:55.000 --> 0:43:57.000 tell anyone about that stuff until you get to a 0:43:57.000 --> 0:44:00.120 point of real comfort and trust. But I would say 0:44:00.160 --> 0:44:03.680 that three weeks to me is probably too early because 0:44:03.719 --> 0:44:05.560 I don't think even if you have spent a lot 0:44:05.560 --> 0:44:07.640 of time with someone, I think that that's still the 0:44:07.640 --> 0:44:09.240 fun part of the getting to know someone. 0:44:09.320 --> 0:44:11.680 It's like that's when you're showing them all the good parts. 0:44:11.680 --> 0:44:13.719 You're like, hey, look at how look at our care 0:44:13.760 --> 0:44:15.520 free and fun I am, and you know, look at 0:44:15.640 --> 0:44:18.439 what we can have together. I think you're almost still 0:44:18.480 --> 0:44:21.080 on like resume best behavior. You're still in that three 0:44:21.080 --> 0:44:23.160 month contract period where you're like, look at how. 0:44:23.040 --> 0:44:24.040 Good I am at work? 0:44:24.360 --> 0:44:28.640 Probation totally, you're in probation and they haven't committed to 0:44:28.719 --> 0:44:31.680 being exclusive with you. They haven't really like committed to 0:44:31.680 --> 0:44:35.200 the relationship yet, And so I would almost think sometimes 0:44:35.280 --> 0:44:37.439 you can tell too much, Like some people go into 0:44:37.680 --> 0:44:40.480 new dating situations or relationships and they talk about the 0:44:40.719 --> 0:44:43.000 X all the time, and it can turn someone off. 0:44:43.200 --> 0:44:45.560 Even though you might be the perfect match for someone, 0:44:45.840 --> 0:44:48.080 it can turn someone off purely because they get an 0:44:48.080 --> 0:44:51.560 impression of you that it's too hard, which may not 0:44:51.640 --> 0:44:54.680 be you. You've just unleashed the worst part. Why would you 0:44:54.760 --> 0:44:57.279 unleash all the challenging things instead of building up all 0:44:57.320 --> 0:44:58.440 the awesome things first. 0:44:58.800 --> 0:45:01.279 Yeah. I think also you can do it in a 0:45:01.320 --> 0:45:04.439 way that maybe you don't go too hard, too deep, 0:45:04.480 --> 0:45:06.040 too soon, but you can sprinkle it. 0:45:06.080 --> 0:45:08.000 You can bread crumb your trauma. 0:45:08.160 --> 0:45:11.040 So here's a bit of my anxiety totally. So I 0:45:11.080 --> 0:45:13.680 know when I met Ben, I said surface level. I 0:45:13.719 --> 0:45:14.400 was really honest. 0:45:14.480 --> 0:45:16.960 I said, just I really like you, by FYI, I 0:45:16.960 --> 0:45:17.800 have commitment issues. 0:45:17.800 --> 0:45:18.120 Straight up. 0:45:18.160 --> 0:45:20.480 I'm gonna tell you, like, I have commitment issues. I 0:45:20.520 --> 0:45:24.279 will probably try to run soon, but maybe don't let me. 0:45:24.360 --> 0:45:25.080 That's what I was saying. 0:45:25.080 --> 0:45:26.399 He was like what I was like, I'm just gonna 0:45:26.400 --> 0:45:27.839 tell you what I do because I know what I do. 0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:29.480 But I didn't tell him why. 0:45:29.719 --> 0:45:31.400 And I think you use that a bit like for 0:45:31.440 --> 0:45:34.040 a guy. He's like, oh, challenge accepted totally. 0:45:34.080 --> 0:45:37.360 It was really just really mean. It was like reversed psychology. 0:45:36.920 --> 0:45:40.160 Anything that's just like the most the most perfect typic. 0:45:40.400 --> 0:45:42.560 You were like already fucking like setting up camp in 0:45:42.600 --> 0:45:43.480 his life, and you're. 0:45:43.320 --> 0:45:47.759 Like galloping, can't catch me if you can not even 0:45:47.920 --> 0:45:50.520 you were like fully cementing yourself in his life, and 0:45:50.560 --> 0:45:52.520 you're like, hey, I'm probably gonna like try and run 0:45:52.560 --> 0:45:54.040 away soon and he's like, I won't let you, and 0:45:54.080 --> 0:45:55.440 you're like, cool, it's. 0:45:55.280 --> 0:45:58.399 Just tricking you. But it's a level of sound. It's 0:45:58.440 --> 0:46:01.000 so funny. It worked by the way everyone it's so 0:46:01.000 --> 0:46:01.480 funny to me. 0:46:01.520 --> 0:46:03.880 And it's a level of self awareness that I have 0:46:04.160 --> 0:46:06.200 developed that I know I do it now. I used 0:46:06.239 --> 0:46:07.560 to do it to everybody, and I didn't know I 0:46:07.560 --> 0:46:08.920 did it until everyone pointed out. 0:46:08.960 --> 0:46:10.719 And now I know I do it. I also know 0:46:10.800 --> 0:46:12.840 why I do it. But he didn't need to know that. 0:46:13.440 --> 0:46:15.640 I wanted him to know that. I, yeah, I might 0:46:15.680 --> 0:46:18.000 have commitment issues for a while. I definitely want to 0:46:18.000 --> 0:46:20.080 see where this goes. I don't want to rush it. 0:46:20.480 --> 0:46:22.600 We didn't go deeper than that. He said the same thing. 0:46:22.640 --> 0:46:24.239 He said, you know, I've been through some stuff too. 0:46:24.280 --> 0:46:26.600 It's cool, I get it. Let's just chill and that 0:46:26.680 --> 0:46:29.600 way you both know there's more to someone, because there 0:46:29.640 --> 0:46:31.200 is no one out in the world that doesn't have 0:46:32.040 --> 0:46:33.759 something that they're going to want to talk about, something 0:46:33.800 --> 0:46:36.919 they've been through or overcome. Everyone has, especially like it's 0:46:36.960 --> 0:46:38.680 that is life, it's human nature. 0:46:38.800 --> 0:46:39.680 I mean, I've known. 0:46:39.480 --> 0:46:43.000 Matt for six years, and I mean even a little 0:46:43.000 --> 0:46:45.520 bit longer than that now, and like even last year 0:46:45.520 --> 0:46:47.279 there were things about his life that he told me 0:46:47.320 --> 0:46:50.160 and I was like, wow, I you know, partly because 0:46:50.160 --> 0:46:52.200 it hadn't come up, partly because you know, it's not 0:46:52.239 --> 0:46:54.520 something he thinks about all the time, but like ready, yeah, 0:46:54.880 --> 0:46:56.040 and he told me and I was like, wow, I 0:46:56.040 --> 0:46:58.440 feel closer to you knowing that. But it took him 0:46:58.480 --> 0:47:01.400 five years to tell me. And that's it's okay. You 0:47:01.440 --> 0:47:03.880 don't have to get every bad thing out on the 0:47:03.920 --> 0:47:07.080 table to then know if you're suited to someone. 0:47:07.239 --> 0:47:10.480 Some people do, and it is psychologically backed that we 0:47:10.520 --> 0:47:13.480 do bond as humans by sharing vulnerabilities. And what we 0:47:13.520 --> 0:47:16.759 do in relationships is one person shares and then they 0:47:16.760 --> 0:47:19.279 sit back and they wait for the person to reciprocate. 0:47:19.760 --> 0:47:22.439 This is a normal expectation, but it doesn't always happen 0:47:22.640 --> 0:47:25.000 because sometimes people aren't ready. So this is what's happened 0:47:25.040 --> 0:47:28.600 for you. You have unloaded wanting to have a connection and 0:47:28.640 --> 0:47:31.320 be vulnerable, and it hasn't been reciprocated for whatever reason. 0:47:31.520 --> 0:47:33.800 You don't know what that reason is. Maybe it's triggered 0:47:33.800 --> 0:47:35.680 something for him, maybe it's too much. There are so 0:47:36.000 --> 0:47:38.719 many reasons. What I would do is just try to 0:47:38.760 --> 0:47:40.920 go back to normal with him. Just try and keep 0:47:41.000 --> 0:47:42.600 dating like you're doing it. Sounded like you guys are 0:47:42.640 --> 0:47:44.480 having a lot of fun. I don't think make a 0:47:44.520 --> 0:47:46.759 big deal about it, but just see how you go, 0:47:46.880 --> 0:47:48.880 and then you will know when the right time is. 0:47:48.920 --> 0:47:51.359 You'll know when you're close and you're feeling that if 0:47:51.400 --> 0:47:55.600 you do have this overwhelming desire to talk about whatever 0:47:55.640 --> 0:47:57.799 it is you're talking about, then it doesn't have to 0:47:57.840 --> 0:47:58.399 be with him. 0:47:58.440 --> 0:47:59.120 You can go and. 0:47:59.080 --> 0:48:01.280 Speak to a professional, or you to speak to a friend, 0:48:01.280 --> 0:48:03.360 because you should be speaking about it when you want to. 0:48:03.400 --> 0:48:03.840 You should. 0:48:04.160 --> 0:48:07.800 It might just be a case of wrong time, wrong person, 0:48:07.880 --> 0:48:08.640 wrong situation. 0:48:09.000 --> 0:48:10.200 Yeah, I totally agree. 0:48:10.239 --> 0:48:12.360 I think if you do have these real strong urges 0:48:12.360 --> 0:48:14.080 to talk about stuff that's going on in your life 0:48:14.160 --> 0:48:17.640 or has gone in your life, a very new dating 0:48:17.719 --> 0:48:21.000 partner is not the person to do it with just yet. 0:48:21.160 --> 0:48:23.560 I think wait until you have that trust, you have 0:48:23.719 --> 0:48:26.040 that bit of longevity. You know that they're committed, you 0:48:26.120 --> 0:48:27.920 know that they're in, You know that they want to 0:48:27.960 --> 0:48:29.600 be with you, and it's because they've given you that 0:48:29.640 --> 0:48:31.120 indication throughout other ways. 0:48:31.440 --> 0:48:33.440 That's not to say that that's hard and full proof. 0:48:33.480 --> 0:48:36.359 You know there are definitely people who their relationship has 0:48:36.400 --> 0:48:39.200 blossomed because they have had these really deep and intimate 0:48:39.200 --> 0:48:41.760 conversations very early on. I know that that is the case, 0:48:42.080 --> 0:48:45.319 but I think if you are somebody who continuously overshares 0:48:45.480 --> 0:48:47.600 and you find that people are pulling back from you, 0:48:48.040 --> 0:48:50.279 then that's an indication that you're giving too much too 0:48:50.320 --> 0:48:51.320 soon and it's too. 0:48:51.160 --> 0:48:52.319 Hard for that other person. 0:48:52.320 --> 0:48:55.279 It's always like that other person feels like it's going 0:48:55.320 --> 0:48:56.359 to be too much work. 0:48:56.400 --> 0:48:57.319 You've scared them off a bit. 0:48:57.360 --> 0:48:59.759 So I think just be conscious about how other people 0:48:59.800 --> 0:49:01.960 are receiving the information you're giving them as well. 0:49:02.120 --> 0:49:05.239 Yeah, and this is going to sound bad, but there 0:49:05.280 --> 0:49:07.239 are people and I've been that person before when I've 0:49:07.280 --> 0:49:10.040 dated someone for two weeks and then've unloaded on me, 0:49:10.160 --> 0:49:10.840 where I've been. 0:49:10.719 --> 0:49:12.760 Like, whoa too hard basket? 0:49:12.920 --> 0:49:15.360 Literally it sounds awful, but it's like, I don't actually 0:49:15.400 --> 0:49:17.440 know you that well, just not even going to enter it. 0:49:17.440 --> 0:49:17.920 It's too much. 0:49:17.960 --> 0:49:20.040 You've got stuff you need to work out. Let's regroup 0:49:20.120 --> 0:49:21.959 when you've worked it out. And that is I think 0:49:22.000 --> 0:49:25.200 probably more people than not would have that reaction two 0:49:25.320 --> 0:49:27.960 or three weeks into dating, is what I would assume. 0:49:28.120 --> 0:49:30.560 Yeah, I absolutely agree. Well, I feel like that's it. 0:49:30.600 --> 0:49:32.320 I feel like we've covered a lot of ground. I 0:49:32.360 --> 0:49:33.560 feel like it's a bit of a therapy for me. 0:49:33.600 --> 0:49:35.800 Then, yeah, how are you feeling great? 0:49:38.040 --> 0:49:40.520 If you have any questions to ask on Cut, slide 0:49:40.520 --> 0:49:43.200 into the DMS at Life on Cut Podcasts on Instagram. 0:49:43.440 --> 0:49:45.680 You can also follow us on TikTok because that's been 0:49:45.760 --> 0:49:48.359 really firing lately. We are living fun with it. I know, 0:49:48.360 --> 0:49:50.000 who would have thought that we'd become the TikTok and 0:49:50.040 --> 0:49:52.759 talkers that we are. Do you talk yet on your own? Nah, 0:49:52.880 --> 0:49:54.840 don't have any time. It's Life on Cut Podcasts for 0:49:54.880 --> 0:49:56.680 that as well. And you can join the discussion group, 0:49:56.680 --> 0:49:58.520 which is Life on Cut Discussion Group. That is where 0:49:58.520 --> 0:50:00.560 all the juice and stuff goes down and you know 0:50:00.680 --> 0:50:01.040 the drill. 0:50:01.239 --> 0:50:03.160 Sorry mum, Do tell you dog, Tell your friends, and 0:50:03.200 --> 0:50:05.520 share the love because we love love