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Speaker 1: Oh boy, I am in so much trouble today. But

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Speaker 1: this is the podcast that I have been wanting to

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Speaker 1: do for a couple of years, and we keep putting

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Speaker 1: it off, finding reasons not to do it. Today is

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Speaker 1: the day you are going to discover what I think

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Speaker 1: are the very best parenting books ever written. Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting Solutions every day on

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Speaker 1: Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are justin and Kylie Coulson.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure how you think you're going to get

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Speaker 2: through this list, but there's like ten books on your

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Speaker 2: bedside there.

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Speaker 1: I saw my desk. We're not recording this in bed.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you said bedside we said. I said

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Speaker 1: to Kylie, we're going to do my favorite pairenting books

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Speaker 1: ever today. That's the plan. And Kylie said, okay, how

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Speaker 1: many are you going to do? And I said, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm tossing up between like we've only got sort of

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Speaker 1: ten or twelve men for the podon I reckon three

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Speaker 1: or four, maybe five. Kyle said, all right, go get

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Speaker 1: them off the bookshelf so that you've got them so

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Speaker 1: that we can look at them while you're talking. About it.

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Speaker 1: I walked in, I looked at the bookshelf. I brought

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Speaker 1: in more than three or four or five. I've brought

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Speaker 1: in nine. We're going to talk about him, but I

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Speaker 1: promise they will change your life. I have a good friend.

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Speaker 1: His name's Tim. He was telling me that some visitors

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Speaker 1: came to his home one time and we're looking at

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Speaker 1: his bookshelf. They looked at him in surprise and said,

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Speaker 1: why do you have so many parenting books on your shelf?

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Speaker 1: You and Marianna great parents.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they're great parents because I read all those books.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of the point that he was trying to make.

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Speaker 1: They were like, you don't need the books because you're

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Speaker 1: a great parent. The books that I'm going to share

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Speaker 1: with you today are the best parenting books that I

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Speaker 1: can recommend. Now, I need to start by saying I

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Speaker 1: will not be recommending my own books. I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: other people's books. It's just too self serving, it's too

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Speaker 1: self congratulatory.

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Speaker 2: And I have read any of them.

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Speaker 1: That's because I'm sleeping with the parenting book. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much. I had a feeling you're going to go there.

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Speaker 1: I do want to mention, though my book the Parenting Revolution.

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Speaker 1: The reason I'm recommending it or suggesting it at the

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Speaker 1: outset before I get into my top ten books, and

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Speaker 1: I am going to share ten of them, is because

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Speaker 1: the world's most reference, the world's most cited living psychology professor,

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Speaker 1: Professor Richard Ryan from the University of Rochester, and that

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Speaker 1: man recommends my parenting book to people when they ask

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Speaker 1: him for an accessible parenting book that really gets to

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Speaker 1: the core of what great parenting is about. So it's

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Speaker 1: a pretty hefty endorsement. He's told me that he'll endorse

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Speaker 1: my next book about boys when it comes out because

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Speaker 1: he really appreciates what I'm saying. I'm just putting it

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Speaker 1: out there, the Parenting Revolution. If you haven't downloaded it

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Speaker 1: or grabbed hold of it yet, it will make a

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Speaker 1: difference in your life. I know it. But Kylie, let's

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Speaker 1: hit this. Let's go.

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Speaker 2: So I'm just letting you know.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to keep you to time. Okay, it's like

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Speaker 1: one per book, we have one minute, Okay, but I

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Speaker 1: want to make sure that we really emphasize the goodness

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Speaker 1: of these books. First book I'm starting with. By the way,

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Speaker 1: these are not in any particular order. Well, they kind

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Speaker 1: of are, but not quite. First book that I'm starting

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Speaker 1: with is called Between Parent and Child. Oh, I did

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Speaker 1: read that one, so my friend and mentor. In fact,

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Speaker 1: the reason that I know the man is because of

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Speaker 1: this book. My friend and mentor, Professor H. Wallace Goddard,

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Speaker 1: teamed up with the widow of the original author of

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Speaker 1: the book. Her name was Alice Garnott. His name was

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Speaker 1: heim Ginnott. The book is called Between Parent and Child.

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Speaker 1: It is a pioneering guide to emotionally intelligent parenting. It's

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Speaker 1: a little bit dated. Some of the examples feel a

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Speaker 1: bit old, but the principles are timeless. And while the

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Speaker 1: dialogue feels a little bit clunky, the things that you

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Speaker 1: will learn from this book. If there was only one

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Speaker 1: parenting book that I could recommend outside of my own,

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Speaker 1: it would be this one. I believe that it is

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Speaker 1: probably the best parenting book ever written. Between Parent and

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Speaker 1: Child by doctor heim Ginnott. That's h Ai m G

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Speaker 1: I no double T. We'll link to all of these

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Speaker 1: in the show notes.

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Speaker 2: Raising an emotionally Intelligent Child.

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Speaker 1: This one on your listen. This one is by John Gotman.

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Speaker 1: He is widely recognized as the world's foremost expert on relationships.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so he does like the seven.

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Speaker 1: Seven Steps to Transform your Marriage that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1: And his marriage books are incredible, by the way, if

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Speaker 1: you're struggling in for Henchmen or something, yeah, yeah, the

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Speaker 1: four what is it, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: the guy is incredible. This book is really accessible and

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Speaker 1: it this was like the forerunner of all of the

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Speaker 1: future emotional intelligence boom that happened through the sort of

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Speaker 1: early to mid two thousands through the twenty tens. It's

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Speaker 1: beautifully written and it gets to the heart of parenting

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Speaker 1: John Gotman raising an emotionally intelligent child. It is without question,

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Speaker 1: one of the very, very best parenting books that you'll

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Speaker 1: ever come across, and I just can't recommend it enough.

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Speaker 2: The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Demore.

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Speaker 1: Doctor Lisa de Moore on the podcast. We've had her

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Speaker 1: on the podcast, I've done some Instagram lives with her.

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Speaker 1: For me as somebody who is, as you said, the

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Speaker 1: Walking Talking parenting book, I actually don't read a lot

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Speaker 1: of parenting books. I usually pick them up, read thirty

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Speaker 1: forty to fifty pages and just think I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to get anything out of this one, I know more,

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Speaker 1: I would explain it differently or whatever. And I'm not

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Speaker 1: saying that in a prideful way. It's just like, if

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Speaker 1: I'm going to spend my time in a book, I

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Speaker 1: want to be learning from it. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: either have what I know rehashed sometimes worse, I want

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Speaker 1: to learn. Doctor Lisa de Moore is one of the

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Speaker 1: only people on the planet who is positioned as a

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Speaker 1: parenting expert that I don't want to miss what she

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Speaker 1: has to say. She is so wise, she is so compassionate.

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Speaker 1: I think that she's absolutely inspired in the way that

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Speaker 1: she writes.

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Speaker 2: So if you're not a huge read, would you pick

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Speaker 2: it up?

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's amazingly accessible interesting factoids. Doctor Lisa de Moore

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Speaker 1: was one of the key experts that guided the development

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Speaker 1: of Inside Out to the Disney Pixar movie.

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Speaker 2: So it's such a good movie.

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Speaker 1: If you watch that and think that they've really nailed

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Speaker 1: what's going on emotionally for both parents and children, it's

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Speaker 1: because of her input. She's beyond world class. She's I

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Speaker 1: would say at Brene Brown level, Like, there's not much

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Speaker 1: further that you can go in that public speaking Let's

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Speaker 1: talk about helping people understand what's going on in their lives.

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Speaker 1: She's at that level. I think that she is as

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Speaker 1: good as I. Still don't agree with everything she says,

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Speaker 1: by the way, because I come from a different philosophical

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Speaker 1: and academic background, but we agree on way more than

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Speaker 1: we disagree, and she's just outstanding. So those are the

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Speaker 1: first three that i'd recommend. Hey, we've got to take

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Speaker 1: a break. We're taking too long on this. I'm so

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Speaker 1: it was the intro. We spent so long on the intro.

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Speaker 1: After the break, we'll get through as many more as

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Speaker 1: we can, as quickly as we can. Okay, we are

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Speaker 1: talking about the very best parenting books that I could

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Speaker 1: possibly recommend if you want to upskill yourself in parenting.

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Speaker 1: We've only done three of the ten that I reckon.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to get through. Let's do the next one.

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Speaker 2: Act Natural by Jennifer I'm gonna say Trey.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Jennifer Trey wrote this book. It's the subtitle is

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Speaker 1: a cultural History of Misadventures in parenting. This book was

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Speaker 1: so brilliant. It's essentially I'd call it a narrative historical

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Speaker 1: look at all the mistakes and all the trends and

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Speaker 1: all the cultural baggage that goes along with why we

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Speaker 1: parent the way that we do. So it goes back

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Speaker 1: a couple of thousand years and what people were saying

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Speaker 1: about parenting then, and it traces all of the awful

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Speaker 1: It's actually a brutal and terrible book in some ways,

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Speaker 1: but it's also incredible. And she writes with this, Really,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how I'd say it. She's got so

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Speaker 1: much attitude when she writes, she's really a reverence. She's

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Speaker 1: just it's not mockery. She's way too smart for that.

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Speaker 1: But it's a really acerbic wit. It's funny the whole

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Speaker 1: way through as she traces the absolute mess that we've

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Speaker 1: made of parenting over the centuries. I loved this book.

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Speaker 1: If you have a look at all the Doggie had pages.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't put it down. I think I read it

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Speaker 1: in about two days. I just absolutely absorbed it. It

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Speaker 1: was brilliant. It's called Act Natural, a Cultural History of

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Speaker 1: Misadventures in Parenting, and I loved it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so this one I'm going to try and remember

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Speaker 2: Michaeleen do Klep. Yeah, that's right, Hunt Gather parent.

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Speaker 1: This book got routinely panned online. The reviews people are scathing.

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Speaker 1: I learned so much from it. It's essentially this NPR

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Speaker 1: USA journalist goes into three different cultures. She visits a

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Speaker 1: Mayan village in the Yucatan Peninsula, she visits Inuit families

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Speaker 1: above the Arctic Circle, and some Hadzabi tribes in Tanzania

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Speaker 1: and essentially looks at the way they're parenting and compares

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Speaker 1: it to what we do in our western cultures.

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Speaker 2: So why is everyone up at arms about it?

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Speaker 1: Because some of it's really patronizing, and because she's a

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Speaker 1: journalist that has a two year old, and so she's

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Speaker 1: kind of positioning herself as this anthropology slash parenting expert.

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Speaker 1: And she kind of gets a few things wrong, and

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Speaker 1: in the book I got frustrated with her quite a

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Speaker 1: few times. But it's an absolutely delightful read, and she

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Speaker 1: gets more right than she gets wrong. It's consistent with

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Speaker 1: some of the very best science. Her writing is so compelling,

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Speaker 1: and I just loved it. I genuinely loved Hunt Gather

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Speaker 1: Parent by Mike len Dukleff. Thought it was brilliant.

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Speaker 2: All right. I think we're running out of times you're

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Speaker 2: going to do this super super quick. But anyone who's

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Speaker 2: it's been listening for a long time knows that Alfie

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Speaker 2: Cone is literally, hands down one of your favorite authors.

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Speaker 2: You've got two books in front of me here, The

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Speaker 2: Myth of the Spoiled Child and Unconditional Parenting.

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Speaker 1: I was going to bring a couple more of his

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Speaker 1: in as well, but I knew that you'd get mad

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Speaker 1: at me. Alfie Cone is one of the central reasons

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Speaker 1: that I do what I do. I was struggling as

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Speaker 1: a dad. I was struggling as a father. I had

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Speaker 1: a radio career. I had no idea what I was doing.

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Speaker 1: I picked up his book, Punished by Rewards because it

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Speaker 1: was referenced in a book that I was reading about leadership.

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Speaker 1: When I read it, it completely changed my life, our life,

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Speaker 1: and the lives of millions of people around the world.

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Speaker 1: Because as a result of Punished by Rewards, I went

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Speaker 1: back to school and studied psychology and now do what

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Speaker 1: I do. It was literally that book that made that happen.

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Speaker 1: So I really.

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Speaker 2: Struggle to read his words, like I really struggle reading.

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Speaker 1: He writes big words. Sometimes he's not particularly accessible.

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Speaker 2: But I love listening to him.

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Speaker 1: And we've had him on the podcast a couple of times.

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Speaker 2: He is so compelling you actually hear him, like he's

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Speaker 2: so animated, and just like, is so passionate about this.

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Speaker 1: But he speaks so vividly. Yeah, so great. So I

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Speaker 1: wanted to talk about Punished by Rewards, but I've actually

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Speaker 1: selected two others. I think that they're better. The myth

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Speaker 1: of the Spoilt Child just challenges conventional wisdom about children

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Speaker 1: and parenting generally. It's such a great book.

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Speaker 2: Well, I would suggest that most parents at some point

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Speaker 2: have been told if you hold your baby too much,

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Speaker 2: or you cuddle them too much, you're going to spoil

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Speaker 2: them and they're going to grow up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and he argues against all of that and says, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: We're supposed to be our children's champions. The other book

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Speaker 1: that I've picked is what I think might be I

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Speaker 1: mentioned before that Between Parent Child is probably the best

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Speaker 1: parenting book ever written Unconditional Parenting. Unconditional Parenting would be

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Speaker 1: in my top three. I might go so far as

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Speaker 1: to say it's the second best book on parenting that

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Speaker 1: I've ever read. Love Unconditional Parenting, Well, we have two left, No,

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Speaker 1: we don't. I couldn't fit them all in. I couldn't

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Speaker 1: carry them all into the office. There's a couple more

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Speaker 1: that I have to mention as well, but let's do

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Speaker 1: these two and then I'll do a couple of honorable mission.

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Speaker 1: You are not you are not help myself.

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Speaker 2: Second last one, The Secrets of Happy Families.

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Speaker 1: This is by a guy called Bruce Feeler. He's a

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Speaker 1: New York Times best selling author. I love what Bruce writes.

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Speaker 1: He's just compelling. He's basically written a new playbook for families.

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Speaker 1: He talks about Warren Buffet's Guide Decending an allowance, how

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Speaker 1: to have difficult conversations, the Green Berets Rules for family reunions.

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Speaker 1: There are lessons from the sex Mum. He basically interviews

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Speaker 1: a whole lot of people who do a whole lot

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Speaker 1: of things in their families differently to what we used

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Speaker 1: to seeing and says this is how you create a

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Speaker 1: happy family. I loved that. It was compelling, it was fun,

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Speaker 1: it was interesting, it was provocative. Couldn't get enough of it.

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Speaker 2: Lucky Last, do you hear me?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Last? It's the last book we're talking about today. It's

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Speaker 2: called The Teenage Brain. It's a Neuroscientist Survival Guide to

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Speaker 2: Raising Adolescents and Young Adults Francis Jensen.

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Speaker 1: Before I talk about Francis Jensen's The Teenage Brain, I

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Speaker 1: have to give a huge mention to The Anxious Generation

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Speaker 1: by Jonathan Hate, which came out last year. You and

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Speaker 1: I've also got to talk about Favor and Maslish and

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Speaker 1: their incredible book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen

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Speaker 1: and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I read that one.

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Speaker 1: It's brilliant. It's probably my top five as well. I

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Speaker 1: got a couple of extras in there. Did you like

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Speaker 1: how I did that? This is the last one, The

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Speaker 1: Teenage Brain Francis Jensen. So, Francis Jensen is probably one

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Speaker 1: of the world's leading neurologists. She's at the University of Pennsylvania.

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Speaker 1: She knows brains better than pretty much anyone on the planet.

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Speaker 1: And this is a book about what's going on in

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Speaker 1: your teenage's brain. It's fascinating, it's well written, it's quite compelling,

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Speaker 1: and it's an important book for people who want to

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Speaker 1: understand neurology, neuropsychology, neuropsychiatry. It's just it's accessible though, like

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Speaker 1: you can really read it and get into it, and

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Speaker 1: I recommend it if you're raising bigger kids. That is extensive. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't bring in things like the Whole Brain Child.

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Speaker 1: Can let me finish? Are you? We need to wrap

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Speaker 1: it up there. All of those books will be in

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Speaker 1: the show notes. I pity poor old men who has

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Speaker 1: to write all of that out for us. We will

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Speaker 1: link to those books in case you want to grab

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Speaker 1: some for your bookshelf. Like I said at the start

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Speaker 1: of the pod, they will make you a better parent.

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Speaker 1: Anything else from you, give me one. What's your favorite

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Speaker 1: parenting book?

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm going in a totally different train of thought here,

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Speaker 2: but my absolute, hands down favorite parenting book of all

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Speaker 2: time drum wrong, Yeah, is I'll Do Better Tomorrow buy

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Speaker 2: Maureen Adam Mac.

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Speaker 1: Technically it's called I'll Do Better Tomorrow. I promise it is.

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Speaker 1: And I can't believe I didn't think of it speechless.

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Speaker 1: It's such a beautiful book. It makes me cry every

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Speaker 1: time I read it. Oh my goodness. And it's a

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Speaker 1: kid's book. It's a kid's book. You can read it

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Speaker 1: every night and cry every.

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Speaker 2: Night from cover to cover.

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Speaker 1: And my second oh oh, you're going to go with

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Speaker 1: another one, right, so you give me a hard time.

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Speaker 1: We're out of time, and now you're what's your second one?

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Speaker 2: My second is guess how much I love you? Oh,

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Speaker 2: Sam McBratney, Oh my gosh, you're good. When I think

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Speaker 2: about the kind of parent that I aspire to, those

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Speaker 2: two books, hands down have had the most influence in my.

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Speaker 1: Life, and you know what, they'll probably teach you to

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Speaker 1: be a better parent than all of the prius I've

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Speaker 1: just gone through. Oh gosh, that's so good. I'm so

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Speaker 1: glad you said that. I hope you've really enjoyed today's

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Speaker 1: podcast a bit longer than it should have been. Oh gosh,

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Speaker 1: but we really really care about you and your family

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Speaker 1: and helping your family be happier, and we reckon. These

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Speaker 1: are the resources that will help you to get there.

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Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Roulett from

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Speaker 1: Bridge Media. If you'd like more info about making your

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Speaker 1: family happier, look at those books, have a look at

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Speaker 1: the show notes, grab a couple of them and read them. Otherwise,

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Speaker 1: we've got a whole bunch of resources for you at

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Speaker 1: Happy families dot com, dot a