WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - Bad aunties, nipple play, temptation and he's a cheat

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<v Speaker 1>You've actually lost it.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.

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<v Speaker 2>And this is our very special Thursday episode. It is

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<v Speaker 2>our down and dirty episode. It is our quickie and

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<v Speaker 2>that's where we answer your deep, duck and burning questions.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura's had a wine. I'm a born again drinker. Guys.

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<v Speaker 2>It doesn't take much to hit the signs, but when

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<v Speaker 2>it does, oh, your mama's feeling fruity.

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<v Speaker 1>Guys. If you are new to the podcast, I'm Brittany.

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<v Speaker 1>If you're new to the podcast, I'm sorry. My name

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<v Speaker 1>is Laura.

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<v Speaker 2>Anyway, on this episode, what we do is we answer

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<v Speaker 2>your questions that come in. We have chosen I think three,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe we've chosen four. I honestly can't remember, but we've

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<v Speaker 2>chosen a couple of questions. We're going to give you

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<v Speaker 2>out enthusiastic, very unqualified, but extremely heartfelt advice for each

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<v Speaker 2>and every question that's asked.

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<v Speaker 1>Before we do, I have a few little life updates

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<v Speaker 1>for you, guys.

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<v Speaker 2>Give it to me, britt Where are you at in

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<v Speaker 2>your life?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, just quickly.

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<v Speaker 2>Number one having a lot of phone sex because her

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<v Speaker 2>boyfriend is very far away.

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<v Speaker 1>My phone sex like these days well, I can't tear anything. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I have some life updates. Look number one. A few

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<v Speaker 1>weeks ago, I told you guys about how I turned

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<v Speaker 1>up to that event really huffed and puffed and burst

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<v Speaker 1>into the room and the event wasn't on.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you remember, Yes, you went to a yoga event

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<v Speaker 2>and you were a whole.

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<v Speaker 1>Week Anyway, this is a life update. I when today

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<v Speaker 1>and it was right, it was on, So that was

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<v Speaker 1>great for me. Next update, I want to shout out

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<v Speaker 1>to you guys because I got a bunch of you

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<v Speaker 1>comment on a whole multitude of my Instagram post today

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<v Speaker 1>saying if Jordan's not going to comment on your posts,

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<v Speaker 1>I will. You're a babe. Love you love this first

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<v Speaker 1>trap like, and I was like, you know what, this

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<v Speaker 1>is what the community is about. You guys are responding

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<v Speaker 1>to my first traps to my boyfriend because he didn't respond,

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<v Speaker 1>and I want to thank you for that.

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<v Speaker 2>So for anyone who doesn't know what Britney's talking about.

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<v Speaker 2>On the last episode, we were commenting about how Britt

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<v Speaker 2>had put up a first trap and Jordan her boy

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<v Speaker 2>for the boyfriend, not for anyone else who is overseas.

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<v Speaker 1>At the moment. Completely ignored it, and so we.

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<v Speaker 2>Really love that our community of life Uncutters is there

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<v Speaker 2>to just support us down. And I also have another

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<v Speaker 2>thing to say. On Tuesday's episode, I made mention that

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<v Speaker 2>no one had invited me to their wedding, and I

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<v Speaker 2>now have two wedding invitations sitting in my guys, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>really grateful thanks for that.

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<v Speaker 1>I also got a bunch of new wedding. It's a competition.

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<v Speaker 1>Shut up. Oh no, I'm just maybe we can go

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<v Speaker 1>to get a.

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<v Speaker 2>Bunch of new But how many did you get?

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<v Speaker 1>Brittany how meand you get two? I got three? I'm

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<v Speaker 1>joke anyway. On that note, let's get into the questions.

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<v Speaker 1>So I got one more thing I want to tell you.

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<v Speaker 1>I just think you're going to be really thrilled about this.

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<v Speaker 1>It's an update on Gwyneth Pultrow.

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<v Speaker 2>I do like Gwyneth. I really love steamed clam Gwyneth.

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<v Speaker 1>Bouldrow, and I just have to have a laugh. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know if you guys have read about this or

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<v Speaker 1>you've seen it, because there are so many piss takes

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<v Speaker 1>going around from it. Gwyneth did an interview one or

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<v Speaker 1>two days ago basically, and she was talking about her

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<v Speaker 1>hardest times throughout the pandemic and what it drove her

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<v Speaker 1>to do the lengths she went to to stay sane. No.

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<v Speaker 2>I do remember actually when the pandemic started and we

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<v Speaker 2>all were in lockdown at the very beginning, and one

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<v Speaker 2>of the most infuriating quotes I had read was actually

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<v Speaker 2>from Gwyneth Paltrow and she was like, use this time,

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<v Speaker 2>get a new hobby, write a book, exercise, be a

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<v Speaker 2>better version of yourself. And I was like, Hey, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>stuck inside with the toddler trying to survive. Could you

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<v Speaker 2>please take your fifteen bedroom fucking mansion away and just go, like,

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<v Speaker 2>just go away, just disappear into the atmosphere.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a touchy subject for Laura, but what I was.

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<v Speaker 2>Living in a tiny two bedroom apartment with a toddler

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<v Speaker 2>and a fiance who sometimes gets on my nerves.

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<v Speaker 1>But I love it very very much. Chang, take a

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<v Speaker 1>moment to spare a thought for Gwyneth. Please, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to tell you what she's been through.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, sorry, you know I'm a wine deep guy.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to drink GWe Gwyneth came out and said

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<v Speaker 1>the pandemic got so tough that she had to start

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<v Speaker 1>drinking two drinks a night. Quote, I mean, who drinks

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<v Speaker 1>multiple drinks seven nights a week? Like it's not healthy

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<v Speaker 1>and that's crazy. I mean I was like, okay, whoa,

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<v Speaker 1>that's me every night. Okay. First, Secondly, she said things

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<v Speaker 1>got so bad that she had to quote start eating bread,

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<v Speaker 1>specifically making pasta in eating bread. Things got so bad,

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<v Speaker 1>ladies and gentlemen that she had to start eating carbs

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<v Speaker 1>in the pandemic. And I was like, you are Wow,

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<v Speaker 1>You're so out of touch that it wasn't even gluten

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<v Speaker 1>free bread. She ate straight up carb filled, gluten filled bread.

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<v Speaker 2>Could you imagine your life spiraling so out of control

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<v Speaker 2>that you have a bowl of pasta?

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<v Speaker 1>I have got you a breakfast. I'm saying. Anyway, enough

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<v Speaker 1>about Gwyneth. Let's get in for the episode. So Laura,

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<v Speaker 1>can you please hit me with the first question?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I certainly can.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Number one off the bat is one that I have

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of feelings about, and it's also something that

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<v Speaker 2>I think I've experienced in my own life throughout my parents' divorce.

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<v Speaker 2>When I was nineteen I'm now twenty five, I fell

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<v Speaker 2>out with my dad's sister who is my auntie due

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<v Speaker 2>to horrible things she said about my mum and the

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<v Speaker 2>accusations that she made up during the court process. So

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<v Speaker 2>I'm assuming from what she's written that the accusations that

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<v Speaker 2>her auntie made up about her mum were completely fabricated.

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<v Speaker 2>And then she's gone on to say we have only

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<v Speaker 2>spoken here and there since the relationship has broken down

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<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent. I've since bought a house, I've fallen pregnant,

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<v Speaker 2>and I've had a baby, and I've never heard from

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<v Speaker 2>her once, not a congratulations in regards to the birth

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<v Speaker 2>of my child or my wedding. Now, my dilemma is this,

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<v Speaker 2>my dad is really wanting me to try to mend

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<v Speaker 2>this relationship. She has just now, with my child being

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<v Speaker 2>three months old, given my dad a present for my

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<v Speaker 2>baby boy. Really torn, Is it totally okay for me

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<v Speaker 2>to not have this relationship with her, to not acknowledge

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<v Speaker 2>the gift. I don't feel like I'm missing out on

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<v Speaker 2>anything in my life from not having a relationship with her,

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<v Speaker 2>But it's my dad who is constantly pushing for me

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<v Speaker 2>to amend the relationship. I feel like I'm in a

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<v Speaker 2>bit of a moral dilemma with this please help.

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<v Speaker 1>So the question is does she mend the relationship for

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<v Speaker 1>her dad or does she just continue with a broken relationship. Look,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna be the first person to say, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think that being blood related to somebody means you have

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<v Speaker 1>to have a really healthy, loving, friendly relationship with them.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think just because someone is blood related that

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<v Speaker 1>that means it's a pass and a ticket to do

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<v Speaker 1>the wrong thing and say the wrong thing and that

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<v Speaker 1>be okay. I think in this situation, it doesn't sound

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<v Speaker 1>like the auntie has made any steps or any initiative

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<v Speaker 1>of her own to come and mend this relationship with you.

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<v Speaker 1>It sounds like, you know, three months has gone past

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<v Speaker 1>and she's like, oh, I sort of probably want to

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<v Speaker 1>know what babies like, has probably got nothing to do

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<v Speaker 1>with you, So she's reached out to you through your

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<v Speaker 1>father her brother, and I just think that straightaway it's

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<v Speaker 1>a bit of a red flag for me, because I

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<v Speaker 1>think if you really have a problem, or you really

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<v Speaker 1>want to make amends, you should be speaking directly to

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<v Speaker 1>the person you have the problem with. I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>you should be playing Chinese whispers and going through circles

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<v Speaker 1>to different family members so I think she should have

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<v Speaker 1>come to approach you. Long story short for me, if

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<v Speaker 1>you get nothing from the relationship, if she has done

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<v Speaker 1>nothing to contribute to your life in the last however

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<v Speaker 1>many months, if she was the cause of something quite

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<v Speaker 1>detrimental to you throughout your parents' divorce and made you

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<v Speaker 1>feel really horrible and feel really low and put you

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<v Speaker 1>in a bad position. I don't think you have to

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<v Speaker 1>do anything. I don't think you have to go and

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<v Speaker 1>fix this relationship if you absolutely don't want to, but

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<v Speaker 1>you probably do need to explain that to your dad

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<v Speaker 1>and have a conversation and open conversation with your father

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<v Speaker 1>because it is going to be important to him. He

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<v Speaker 1>probably wants you to fix it because it is his sister.

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<v Speaker 1>He loves her, you're his daughter, he loves you, he

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<v Speaker 1>wants a happy family. So you need to make that

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<v Speaker 1>very clear to your father before you make any ration decisions. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I completely agree with you, Brett, But I also think,

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<v Speaker 2>and what I want to add to this is like,

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<v Speaker 2>families are incredibly complex, and I think issues that happen

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<v Speaker 2>during divorce are incredibly complex as well. And there are

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<v Speaker 2>lots of different parts of this. The most important part

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<v Speaker 2>of this is that you don't have to have a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with anyone that you don't want to have a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with, whether that's your friend or whether that's your

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<v Speaker 2>family member. But you can decide, and you can kind

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<v Speaker 2>of get to a point in your adult life where

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<v Speaker 2>you go, Okay, maybe I don't get anything out of

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<v Speaker 2>this relationship, but it means a lot to the other person.

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<v Speaker 2>And if it doesn't affect your mental health, if it

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't affect your well being, then maybe you do put

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<v Speaker 2>in some effort. But I'll get into that a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit further down the track. The one thing I want

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<v Speaker 2>to bring up first is you mentioned in the question

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<v Speaker 2>that your auntie had said some really defamatory things about

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<v Speaker 2>your mum and some accusations that weren't true. The one

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<v Speaker 2>thing that I think that you should consider is if

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<v Speaker 2>your auntie had said some defamatory accusations are about your mum,

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<v Speaker 2>is could those accusations and could those defamatory comments have

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<v Speaker 2>come from your dad originally, And could it be a

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<v Speaker 2>case where maybe in the heat of the moment, in

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<v Speaker 2>the hurt and the frustration of divorce, your dad has

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<v Speaker 2>said some really negative things about your mum and your

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<v Speaker 2>Annie has repeated that wanting to protect your dad, which

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<v Speaker 2>is what you would do as a sibling to try

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, really support and protect the person that

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<v Speaker 2>you love in a very very hard and difficult situation.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe you aren't aware of the full spectrum of the

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<v Speaker 2>conversation that's happened between your dad and your Annie and

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<v Speaker 2>your mom and everything that's happened here. And I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>saying that your mum has done anything wrong. I think

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<v Speaker 2>that she is the innocent victim probably in this entire situation.

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<v Speaker 2>But the thing that you need to kind of strip

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<v Speaker 2>back is sit down with your dad. Have a conversation

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<v Speaker 2>with your dad. Why is he so hell bent on

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<v Speaker 2>restoring the relationship, Why does he want that to be renewed,

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<v Speaker 2>and why does he want you to be this happy,

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<v Speaker 2>loving family if it doesn't make any difference to you,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think you need to sort of voice to him.

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<v Speaker 2>These are the things that have heard me. These are

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<v Speaker 2>the things that my auntie has done that has really

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<v Speaker 2>really driven a wedge between us, And this is what

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<v Speaker 2>I would need from her in order to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to reconcile the relationship. I need her to come to

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<v Speaker 2>the party and apologize for these things and acknowledge that

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<v Speaker 2>she's done these things that hurt me. Because with that

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<v Speaker 2>and maybe with that acknowledgment, you guys will be able

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<v Speaker 2>to repair the relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>But there could be something more.

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<v Speaker 2>At play that you're not aware of or that you

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<v Speaker 2>haven't been able to fully see the full picture, because

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<v Speaker 2>we do put our parents up on pedestals as well,

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<v Speaker 2>and we do think that they are kind of infallible.

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<v Speaker 1>What I would like to add to that is just

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<v Speaker 1>one other thing that I want you to consider, because look,

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<v Speaker 1>there is this whole idea that we do want to

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<v Speaker 1>get one family, and for sure we do. If there

0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:48.079
<v Speaker 1>is any way that you can get to a point

0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:50.360
<v Speaker 1>with your auntie that you can be in the same

0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:53.440
<v Speaker 1>room with her and it's okay, you don't want to

0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:56.040
<v Speaker 1>tear strips off each other, you can be really amicable

0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:59.560
<v Speaker 1>and have some sort of relatively healthy relationship. I think

0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:02.800
<v Speaker 1>that's in because I'm trying to like picture my family here.

0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.200
<v Speaker 1>I have a huge family, like with all these relatives,

0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:06.880
<v Speaker 1>and I'm very lucky that we all love each other,

0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.839
<v Speaker 1>but we do big family gatherings, so like Christmas is

0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.200
<v Speaker 1>a big gathering always, and as everyone's in the same

0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:15.880
<v Speaker 1>house for three days. If your family is like that,

0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:18.200
<v Speaker 1>and there's gonna be a lot of social situations and

0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:21.280
<v Speaker 1>family situations where you're in the same place and there's

0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:23.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people around, I think would be really

0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:25.200
<v Speaker 1>nice for you to be at a point where maybe

0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:26.760
<v Speaker 1>you don't have to go and have a wine out

0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:28.679
<v Speaker 1>the back and talk for hours, but it'll be nice

0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:31.400
<v Speaker 1>to not have any tension. And because your family are

0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:33.120
<v Speaker 1>gonna feel your tension, they're going to know you don't

0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:34.960
<v Speaker 1>like each other, and it's just going to be like

0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:37.080
<v Speaker 1>a snowball effect on the rest of your family. So

0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:38.640
<v Speaker 1>that is just something to keep in mind. If you

0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:40.440
<v Speaker 1>can get to a place where you're like, look, I

0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:42.280
<v Speaker 1>don't love what you did, but maybe you can speak

0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:43.840
<v Speaker 1>your money, maybe you can say why did you say

0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:45.320
<v Speaker 1>these things and get to the bottom of it, like

0:11:45.360 --> 0:11:47.440
<v Speaker 1>Laura said. But if you can get to a place

0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:49.440
<v Speaker 1>where you're like, you and I never gonna be best friends,

0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:51.160
<v Speaker 1>but I also love you because you're my honey. You've

0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:52.400
<v Speaker 1>been there for a lot for me as well. But

0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:54.240
<v Speaker 1>you know we'll catch up twice a year, if so,

0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:56.480
<v Speaker 1>in Christmas, and that's it. So there's always that to

0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:58.080
<v Speaker 1>keep in the back of your mind, but that's very

0:11:58.120 --> 0:11:59.959
<v Speaker 1>dependent on your family dynamic.

0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:01.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I think the last thing that I want

0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:04.079
<v Speaker 2>to add to this is, like, like I said, families

0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:06.520
<v Speaker 2>are super complex and that there are so many different

0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:10.360
<v Speaker 2>great areas around how you should navigate relationships with your family.

0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:12.360
<v Speaker 2>I think we give a lot of allowance and we

0:12:12.400 --> 0:12:14.400
<v Speaker 2>do have a lot of leeway for the behavior of

0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.080
<v Speaker 2>our family members. Like I am sure, britt, Like, the

0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:18.920
<v Speaker 2>shit that you would put up with from your brothers

0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:20.920
<v Speaker 2>or your sisters is very different to the stuff that

0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:22.360
<v Speaker 2>you would put up with from your friends.

0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:25.560
<v Speaker 1>If you knew my brothers. Oh my god, I'm need

0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:25.960
<v Speaker 1>a medal.

0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:27.920
<v Speaker 2>But that's just it, right, Like, we are so much

0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.640
<v Speaker 2>more accepting of bad behavior from family members than what

0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:33.040
<v Speaker 2>we are the people who we choose to be friends

0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:34.480
<v Speaker 2>with and the people who we choose to have in

0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:37.040
<v Speaker 2>our lives. But there does come a point where, at

0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:39.320
<v Speaker 2>the end of the day, the most important thing when

0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:42.520
<v Speaker 2>you get to a certain age is protecting yourself your

0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:45.160
<v Speaker 2>now nucleus family, which is the family that you have

0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:47.480
<v Speaker 2>with your husband and with your child and if she

0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:50.600
<v Speaker 2>is actually someone who you do think is a genuinely

0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:53.720
<v Speaker 2>toxic person, and having a relationship with her, it's gonna

0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:55.680
<v Speaker 2>have strain on your mental health, it's gonna have strain

0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.200
<v Speaker 2>on your well being. That it's not fucking worth it.

0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:00.719
<v Speaker 2>And you don't owe it to anyone, not even just

0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:04.120
<v Speaker 2>because they're a family member, to accept or tolerate that

0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:07.119
<v Speaker 2>poor behavior. And if you get nothing from the relationship

0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:10.520
<v Speaker 2>at all, and you don't feel any guilt or you

0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:12.840
<v Speaker 2>don't feel like there's any reason why you need to

0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:15.920
<v Speaker 2>maintain that relationship, don't just do it for your dad,

0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:17.800
<v Speaker 2>because you're going to end up resenting that as well.

0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:19.400
<v Speaker 1>All Right, That's totally enough on that one.

0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:22.719
<v Speaker 2>That's a big one because I feel like I can

0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:24.480
<v Speaker 2>relate to it massively. I feel like I've had those

0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:29.720
<v Speaker 2>experiences with my extended family that was a very diplomatic.

0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.760
<v Speaker 1>Way, so broad ill love that, all right. Question two.

0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.720
<v Speaker 1>Question two, ladies, I have a bit of a pickle

0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:37.560
<v Speaker 1>for you. About a year ago, my ex and I

0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:39.960
<v Speaker 1>broke up as we just wanted different things. I was

0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.040
<v Speaker 1>looking to settle down and he was still wanting to

0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.839
<v Speaker 1>party hard. Well, the same thing happened to one of

0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:48.120
<v Speaker 1>my best friends, but switched around. Her boyfriend wanted to

0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:51.360
<v Speaker 1>start talking babies and buying houses and settling down, whereas

0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:53.720
<v Speaker 1>she was the one that wasn't ready to settle and

0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:57.240
<v Speaker 1>she wanted to keep traveling, et cetera. Fast forward to now,

0:13:57.600 --> 0:14:00.920
<v Speaker 1>her ex boyfriend has recently been messaged me on Instagram.

0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.160
<v Speaker 1>And I was friends with him too, so it wasn't

0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:06.560
<v Speaker 1>that weird and I was replying. However, now I'm starting

0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:08.560
<v Speaker 1>to notice that I get really excited when I see

0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:10.400
<v Speaker 1>his name pop up on my phone, and I'm really

0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.120
<v Speaker 1>disappointed if I find out it wasn't him that messaged.

0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:17.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking this is turning into something. Am I awful? Yeah?

0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.360
<v Speaker 1>Am I an awful person for talking like this to

0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:23.280
<v Speaker 1>one of my friend's exes. I can't help but think

0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:26.880
<v Speaker 1>we're both wanting the same things from a relationship. We

0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:29.040
<v Speaker 1>want to go the same way. We get along, like

0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:30.920
<v Speaker 1>a house on fire. We have so much in common.

0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:35.080
<v Speaker 1>Can I see where it goes? Or a friend's exes

0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:38.560
<v Speaker 1>just simply plane off limits. I've never been in this

0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:42.080
<v Speaker 1>situation before. Ufed, Actually, I wrote uft.

0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:46.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh man, you have some massive decisions to make. Yeah,

0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:48.600
<v Speaker 2>and I think that the biggest decision that you have

0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:50.880
<v Speaker 2>to make is you've got to draw enlighten sand and

0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:54.200
<v Speaker 2>figure out what's more important to you. Is the potential

0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:56.520
<v Speaker 2>of this relationship more important to you than your friend,

0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:59.880
<v Speaker 2>because I'm going to guarantee that, even though their relationship

0:14:59.880 --> 0:15:03.120
<v Speaker 2>has ended, if you were to pursue something with him,

0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.800
<v Speaker 2>it would cause a humongous wedge between you and your friend.

0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:08.080
<v Speaker 1>And I know that.

0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:09.960
<v Speaker 2>I feel like you're gonna jump in and be like,

0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:11.120
<v Speaker 2>he could be your soul mate.

0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:12.240
<v Speaker 1>I know.

0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:14.560
<v Speaker 2>But what I'm gonna say is, and this is what

0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:18.560
<v Speaker 2>I preach on all of the episodes, is we have

0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:22.640
<v Speaker 2>multiple partners in this life, and you are not. Your feelings,

0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:27.320
<v Speaker 2>feelings can grow, they can manifest. You can create feelings

0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.440
<v Speaker 2>for someone if you have never felt that spark before

0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.680
<v Speaker 2>for him, just because you want the same things in life.

0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:35.800
<v Speaker 2>There is a fucking lot of people out there who

0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.880
<v Speaker 2>want to get married and have kids and settle down.

0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:41.040
<v Speaker 2>He doesn't have to be your penguin just because he

0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.720
<v Speaker 2>is the most available option right now, because I feel

0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.840
<v Speaker 2>like this option is going to be very complicated. It's

0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:49.240
<v Speaker 2>going to come with a lot of heartache. And even

0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:52.440
<v Speaker 2>if Brent wants to tell you that he is your soulmate,

0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:55.200
<v Speaker 2>be wary because he might not be.

0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm coming in hot with a few opinions. All right,

0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:02.360
<v Speaker 1>brace yourself everyone. The heart wants what the heart wants.

0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:06.000
<v Speaker 2>No, I'm also it does. The heart does want what

0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.440
<v Speaker 2>the heart wants. But I do think we have more

0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:10.360
<v Speaker 2>control over the heart than what we think we do.

0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.560
<v Speaker 1>Oh we or I disagree. The heart takes over the

0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:15.800
<v Speaker 1>brain at all costs, always.

0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:17.400
<v Speaker 2>Totally, but we don't always have to listen to it,

0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:19.320
<v Speaker 2>and we shouldn't always listen to it because the heart

0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:22.880
<v Speaker 2>doesn't always want what's best for us. The heart is impulsive,

0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:26.280
<v Speaker 2>it's passionate, It is driven by things that aren't necessarily

0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:29.280
<v Speaker 2>always rational and good for our well being. And I

0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.880
<v Speaker 2>think if you always allow yourself to be heart driven,

0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:34.040
<v Speaker 2>which I know is important in a lot of situations,

0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:37.520
<v Speaker 2>but relationships that are entirely heart driven can often be

0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.520
<v Speaker 2>very toxic and can often be damaging to other relationships.

0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:43.040
<v Speaker 2>You have to go into all relationships with your heart

0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:43.600
<v Speaker 2>and your head.

0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:47.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I can completely relate. My heart wants pasta carbonara

0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:49.560
<v Speaker 1>every night. Do I go and have it?

0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:50.000
<v Speaker 2>No?

0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:51.880
<v Speaker 1>Tonight I had a piece of salmon and all I

0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.320
<v Speaker 1>wanted was my bacon pasta. What I think is when

0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.280
<v Speaker 1>I say the heart ones what the heart wants. I'm

0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.440
<v Speaker 1>just saying I feel for you because I've been in

0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:01.960
<v Speaker 1>positions where I have wanted something so badly in my

0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.720
<v Speaker 1>heart and I'm talking about a person and a relationship

0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.560
<v Speaker 1>and it was so wrong for me. Every part of me.

0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:09.600
<v Speaker 1>My brain was like, run the other way. What are

0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.119
<v Speaker 1>you doing? Swim out to see do anything but be

0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.719
<v Speaker 1>with this personop, stop and roll. But you don't. You're like, oh,

0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:17.080
<v Speaker 1>i't just test the waters. I'll just send the sneaking message.

0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:19.399
<v Speaker 2>I just double tap that one. I'll save that whatever,

0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:21.600
<v Speaker 2>because it makes you feel good. It's like dope, you

0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:23.840
<v Speaker 2>get a dopamine here. You're like, oh, yeah, it's really

0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:24.960
<v Speaker 2>the life science.

0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:27.240
<v Speaker 1>I will say a few things we don't know, and

0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:31.159
<v Speaker 1>I do think this matters tremendously. Is this your best

0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:33.919
<v Speaker 1>friend of twenty five years or is this a friend

0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.080
<v Speaker 1>that you run in the same circles and you sort

0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:37.840
<v Speaker 1>of know each other, Because that is a huge difference.

0:17:38.000 --> 0:17:40.359
<v Speaker 1>If this is your best friend of forever, like the

0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:43.000
<v Speaker 1>dumbest thing you'll ever do is try a relationship with

0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.440
<v Speaker 1>this person. If this is like an acquaintance that runs

0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:47.560
<v Speaker 1>in your friend's circle, they weren't together for that long,

0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:49.720
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't that serious. That's a whole nother matter. So

0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:52.080
<v Speaker 1>only you guys listening, if you're in this situation, or

0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:54.760
<v Speaker 1>if you've ever been in this situation, you're the only

0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.560
<v Speaker 1>person that's gonna know how long they were together, how

0:17:57.560 --> 0:17:59.720
<v Speaker 1>serious they were, and how close to your relationship is

0:17:59.760 --> 0:18:03.800
<v Speaker 1>with her. One hundred percent what Laura said is right.

0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:08.400
<v Speaker 1>Even if it was in the same friendship circle, it's

0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:10.680
<v Speaker 1>not gonna end well for you in that person. Doesn't

0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:12.840
<v Speaker 1>matter your level of friendship, there will always be a

0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:16.120
<v Speaker 1>part that's like, I can't believe that girl when undated

0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:18.399
<v Speaker 1>my ex, Like, I just can't believe she did it.

0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:20.239
<v Speaker 1>And then she's gonna talk about you, whether you want

0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:22.120
<v Speaker 1>it or not. She's gonna tell your other friends. People

0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.439
<v Speaker 1>are gonna get their judge underpants on, because that's what

0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:28.439
<v Speaker 1>people do. But I know people that have been in

0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:31.760
<v Speaker 1>this situation. It was very questionable at the time, but

0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:33.680
<v Speaker 1>they went on to have three kids and be married

0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:35.639
<v Speaker 1>for ten years. They think that their soulmates and that

0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:38.800
<v Speaker 1>is why they did it because they were so so sure.

0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:43.280
<v Speaker 1>So you need to be very very sure that this

0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:45.480
<v Speaker 1>could not just be something cute and fun and great

0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:47.199
<v Speaker 1>sex you need to be sure that this could be

0:18:47.280 --> 0:18:49.639
<v Speaker 1>something forever, and you are saying that, You're like, we

0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:51.000
<v Speaker 1>want the same things. We want to settle down and

0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:55.000
<v Speaker 1>have kids. If you think this guy is your penguin,

0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:58.480
<v Speaker 1>I would double I would test it out, but I

0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:01.560
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't I would. You have to really, really, really thoroughly

0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:04.880
<v Speaker 1>consider this because whether or not you like it, it's

0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:06.960
<v Speaker 1>going to change your life in more ways than one.

0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:10.879
<v Speaker 2>I agree with Britt to like seventy five percent capacity.

0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:13.520
<v Speaker 2>I think I'm not gonna run out there and say

0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:16.200
<v Speaker 2>you need to dabble, because I think dabbling ends up.

0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:18.760
<v Speaker 2>You can't just dabble. You always end up too deep.

0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:21.080
<v Speaker 1>You dabble too deep with a dick, just like just

0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.200
<v Speaker 1>message him and have a chat. No, but she's already

0:19:23.200 --> 0:19:23.560
<v Speaker 1>doing that.

0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:26.520
<v Speaker 2>Everybody always dabbles too deep until you get yourself into

0:19:26.520 --> 0:19:27.280
<v Speaker 2>a bit of hot water.

0:19:27.320 --> 0:19:29.359
<v Speaker 1>And that's where the dabbling leads to just so many puns.

0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:30.679
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to hold myself back.

0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:34.120
<v Speaker 2>But okay, my first thing of this is really sit

0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:39.000
<v Speaker 2>down and genuinely ask yourself is this just desire driven? Like?

0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:40.440
<v Speaker 1>Is this just impulsive?

0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:43.520
<v Speaker 2>Is it desire? Are you a bit lonely and you've

0:19:43.560 --> 0:19:45.840
<v Speaker 2>been in a relationship for so long that you're so

0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:48.760
<v Speaker 2>used to being with someone that you've found someone who

0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.280
<v Speaker 2>wants the same things as you. They tick the boxes,

0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:53.639
<v Speaker 2>so maybe it should be them. I think, have a

0:19:53.720 --> 0:19:56.679
<v Speaker 2>really fucking honest conversation with yourself. And I say this

0:19:56.720 --> 0:19:58.919
<v Speaker 2>only because I feel like this is something that I

0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:01.439
<v Speaker 2>would have done in a part life. If I was

0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:04.960
<v Speaker 2>alone and I had no other romantic interests and someone

0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:07.439
<v Speaker 2>was paying me attention who wanted the same things as me,

0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:09.800
<v Speaker 2>I would try and make a triangle fit in a cube.

0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:13.240
<v Speaker 2>So if you actually genuinely think like Britt says, that

0:20:13.280 --> 0:20:16.680
<v Speaker 2>he could be your penguin, then look, maybe sometimes there's

0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:19.160
<v Speaker 2>other relationships that you have in life, like some friendships

0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:21.919
<v Speaker 2>that you can sacrifice. But if you are honestly like,

0:20:22.040 --> 0:20:25.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't know, this is hot water, stay away from

0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:27.280
<v Speaker 2>the drama. Ain't nobody got time for that shit in

0:20:27.320 --> 0:20:29.360
<v Speaker 2>their life? Well, yeah, I keep your life simple and

0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:31.800
<v Speaker 2>care free and just go on Tinder and have sex

0:20:31.840 --> 0:20:34.840
<v Speaker 2>with other men who are not with a friend with

0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:37.280
<v Speaker 2>a connum, who are not your friend's ex boyfriends.

0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:40.280
<v Speaker 1>No, But if it's just because you're like, we want

0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:42.840
<v Speaker 1>the same things, he wants to settle. I want to settle.

0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:44.520
<v Speaker 1>He wants kids. I want kids. That's not enough. Reason.

0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:45.879
<v Speaker 1>There are a billion people in the world that want

0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:47.720
<v Speaker 1>to settle and have kids too. If that's it, if

0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:52.359
<v Speaker 1>you have this deep, burning, soul crushing connection, for sure,

0:20:53.240 --> 0:20:55.800
<v Speaker 1>for sure consider it. But if it's just like, oh

0:20:55.800 --> 0:20:57.080
<v Speaker 1>my god, I think that we want to both live

0:20:57.080 --> 0:20:59.040
<v Speaker 1>in Byron Bay and have kids, then it's just not enough.

0:20:59.080 --> 0:21:01.600
<v Speaker 1>Like it's not enough to ruin all the potential friendships,

0:21:01.600 --> 0:21:03.480
<v Speaker 1>your relationship with him, your relationship with your best friend,

0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:06.440
<v Speaker 1>the relationship with your ex, the relationship between this new

0:21:06.480 --> 0:21:09.080
<v Speaker 1>guy and your ex, because obviously you're all friends. It's

0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:11.159
<v Speaker 1>just that was a lot of connections. It's just not

0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:11.600
<v Speaker 1>worth it.

0:21:11.640 --> 0:21:14.200
<v Speaker 2>But trust me, and I think this from the way

0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:17.240
<v Speaker 2>that the question was worded. If this was a full,

0:21:17.560 --> 0:21:21.640
<v Speaker 2>fully blown soul connection, the question would have been worded differently.

0:21:22.040 --> 0:21:23.760
<v Speaker 2>The fact that it was worded in a way where

0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:25.800
<v Speaker 2>you were like, we want the same things, We're on

0:21:25.840 --> 0:21:29.040
<v Speaker 2>the same page. It could be something great makes me

0:21:29.160 --> 0:21:33.440
<v Speaker 2>think he's not it, because you would know the desire

0:21:33.520 --> 0:21:35.919
<v Speaker 2>to be with that person would be so overwhelming that

0:21:35.960 --> 0:21:38.159
<v Speaker 2>you would be like, you know what I have to

0:21:38.200 --> 0:21:40.639
<v Speaker 2>go with this. But right now you're playing into something

0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:44.320
<v Speaker 2>that seems unnecessary and I'm gonna say you're playing with fire.

0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:47.600
<v Speaker 2>It seems super dangerous. Don't bring this drama into your life.

0:21:47.760 --> 0:21:49.959
<v Speaker 2>There is somebody else out there who is better suited,

0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:52.159
<v Speaker 2>who doesn't mean that you're going to have to sacrifice

0:21:52.160 --> 0:21:52.760
<v Speaker 2>a friendship.

0:21:52.800 --> 0:21:55.480
<v Speaker 1>That's my advice. Okay, I've got another question that's directly

0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:58.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean, just for you. Really, I can't answer this one.

0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:01.040
<v Speaker 1>It's pretty funny. I feel I can answer it, but

0:22:01.080 --> 0:22:01.960
<v Speaker 1>not from experience.

0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:05.879
<v Speaker 2>Okay, it's gonna have something to do with childbirth, isn't it. Yes,

0:22:06.080 --> 0:22:06.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay a loll.

0:22:07.040 --> 0:22:11.120
<v Speaker 1>I can't believe I'm asking this. But nipple play whilst breastfeeding?

0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:14.560
<v Speaker 1>Is this a possibility or not? Because it's my favorite

0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:16.640
<v Speaker 1>part of sex And it's only to cross my mind

0:22:16.680 --> 0:22:19.200
<v Speaker 1>the other day that when breastfeeding it may become typicult,

0:22:19.240 --> 0:22:21.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, it might shoot out everywhere. Does it still work?

0:22:22.200 --> 0:22:24.800
<v Speaker 1>Do you have to modify things? Or should I prepare

0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:27.000
<v Speaker 1>myself to miss it? If I have a kid one day,

0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:28.479
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I love the fact that she doesn't even

0:22:28.520 --> 0:22:30.119
<v Speaker 1>have kids, or she's not pregnant. She's like if I

0:22:30.160 --> 0:22:32.360
<v Speaker 1>have a kid one day. Oh, she's not even pregnant.

0:22:32.440 --> 0:22:34.840
<v Speaker 1>She goes, If I have a kid one day, do

0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:37.360
<v Speaker 1>I have to miss nipple play? WHOA, this is really

0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:39.720
<v Speaker 1>a big thing for you. This is really interesting to me.

0:22:39.800 --> 0:22:41.680
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I kind of want to put a call out

0:22:41.720 --> 0:22:45.800
<v Speaker 2>to other new mums who are still breastfeeding. I used

0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:48.560
<v Speaker 2>to enjoy nipple play, sure, like I used to enjoy it.

0:22:48.560 --> 0:22:49.720
<v Speaker 1>I think that you enjoy it.

0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:53.680
<v Speaker 2>The full spectrum, the full ensemble of whatever sex entails.

0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:57.040
<v Speaker 2>Like it's enjoyable since having kids, and especially now that

0:22:57.040 --> 0:23:01.239
<v Speaker 2>I'm exclusively breastfeeding. No, I absolutely hate even trying to

0:23:01.240 --> 0:23:07.240
<v Speaker 2>touch my boobs anyway, nipple a surrounding the my saggy

0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:11.439
<v Speaker 2>boobs and everything. No, Okay, I'll explain this, and I

0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:13.080
<v Speaker 2>think that other moms who listen to this will be

0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:16.840
<v Speaker 2>able to understand. There is this feeling of being touched

0:23:16.840 --> 0:23:18.960
<v Speaker 2>out and there is this feeling of having a body

0:23:18.960 --> 0:23:21.760
<v Speaker 2>part that no longer feels like it's yours.

0:23:21.880 --> 0:23:23.320
<v Speaker 1>And maybe not everyone is.

0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:26.800
<v Speaker 2>Going to experience this feeling, But like my boobs used

0:23:26.840 --> 0:23:29.159
<v Speaker 2>to feel like a sensual part of me. Though I

0:23:29.240 --> 0:23:31.359
<v Speaker 2>used to feel like I had autonomy over I used

0:23:31.400 --> 0:23:33.879
<v Speaker 2>to feel like I was, it felt like they were

0:23:33.880 --> 0:23:36.879
<v Speaker 2>an you know, boobs were like a sexual organ.

0:23:36.920 --> 0:23:39.359
<v Speaker 1>Boobs were sexy, and now they're a feeding tool.

0:23:39.560 --> 0:23:42.360
<v Speaker 2>I feel like boobs before you have kids are definitely

0:23:42.440 --> 0:23:44.919
<v Speaker 2>part of like what is sexy and what you know

0:23:45.000 --> 0:23:48.200
<v Speaker 2>gets you off. But for me, since having Lola, they

0:23:48.280 --> 0:23:52.639
<v Speaker 2>became having Mary even, they became a huge no go

0:23:52.840 --> 0:23:57.240
<v Speaker 2>zone because they are oversensitized. It fundamentally feels like their

0:23:57.240 --> 0:24:01.920
<v Speaker 2>purpose has changed. And Matt touching them, I hate anyone

0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:02.520
<v Speaker 2>touching them.

0:24:02.760 --> 0:24:07.320
<v Speaker 1>They don't really know well.

0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:08.840
<v Speaker 2>I mean when Brittany does it better, like no, they

0:24:08.840 --> 0:24:11.240
<v Speaker 2>feel they don't feel sexy anymore. And I don't think

0:24:11.240 --> 0:24:13.119
<v Speaker 2>that that's going to be the normal for everyone, But

0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:14.800
<v Speaker 2>I do know for a lot of women who have

0:24:14.880 --> 0:24:17.399
<v Speaker 2>had children and who are breastfeeding, a lot of my

0:24:17.440 --> 0:24:21.040
<v Speaker 2>friends we've had the same conversations. But anytime that Matt

0:24:21.119 --> 0:24:24.200
<v Speaker 2>tries to touch me in like a romantic way, as

0:24:24.240 --> 0:24:28.280
<v Speaker 2>in like because he's aroused, I can't. I cannot stand it,

0:24:28.320 --> 0:24:30.600
<v Speaker 2>and it's an instant turn off for me. So look,

0:24:30.640 --> 0:24:32.439
<v Speaker 2>I mean, if you're not pregnant, and this is just

0:24:32.440 --> 0:24:35.720
<v Speaker 2>something that you're forecasting for the future, your taste might change.

0:24:35.960 --> 0:24:38.359
<v Speaker 2>You might find something else that gets you off. But

0:24:38.400 --> 0:24:41.320
<v Speaker 2>there is this thing which a lot of women who

0:24:41.359 --> 0:24:44.480
<v Speaker 2>are breastfeeding describe, and it's this feeling of being touched out.

0:24:44.600 --> 0:24:47.840
<v Speaker 2>So when you have another human that's completely attached to you,

0:24:47.920 --> 0:24:51.159
<v Speaker 2>that's constantly touching you, that constantly needs something from you,

0:24:51.160 --> 0:24:55.160
<v Speaker 2>you feel exasperated by somebody else's touch and when your

0:24:55.160 --> 0:24:59.199
<v Speaker 2>partner tries to be romantic with you, you are exhausted

0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:01.639
<v Speaker 2>by it. And I had this really badly with Marley.

0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:04.480
<v Speaker 2>And we actually had a sex ologist on the podcast.

0:25:04.960 --> 0:25:07.600
<v Speaker 2>Her name was Juliet Allen, and she called it this

0:25:07.600 --> 0:25:10.679
<v Speaker 2>thing being touched out, and it's this idea that like,

0:25:11.160 --> 0:25:13.359
<v Speaker 2>no matter how much you love someone and no matter

0:25:13.440 --> 0:25:15.919
<v Speaker 2>how much you want to be romantic with them, just

0:25:16.080 --> 0:25:19.280
<v Speaker 2>having any other human touch you when you have been

0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:23.600
<v Speaker 2>sucked dry, literally from a baby all day, you just

0:25:23.680 --> 0:25:26.080
<v Speaker 2>can't stand the feeling of somebody else touching you. And

0:25:26.119 --> 0:25:28.000
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't matter if you love them or not. And

0:25:28.040 --> 0:25:30.439
<v Speaker 2>I experienced it really really badly with Matt, especially with

0:25:30.480 --> 0:25:32.800
<v Speaker 2>my first baby, especially with Marley, because I was not

0:25:32.960 --> 0:25:37.040
<v Speaker 2>used to constantly having something touching my skin. And that's

0:25:37.080 --> 0:25:40.560
<v Speaker 2>a very real thing that mothers experience with their first

0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:42.719
<v Speaker 2>and second and third of however many children you would have.

0:25:42.800 --> 0:25:44.600
<v Speaker 1>Then there's me who goes and pays for massages the

0:25:44.680 --> 0:25:48.000
<v Speaker 1>last ten years just so someone would touch me, like

0:25:48.119 --> 0:25:49.960
<v Speaker 1>just she's like, where are you saw, I'm like nowhere,

0:25:50.040 --> 0:25:53.679
<v Speaker 1>Just touch me generally, love, just hold me. No. But

0:25:53.720 --> 0:25:55.840
<v Speaker 1>that's really that is really interesting and that makes so

0:25:56.000 --> 0:25:58.600
<v Speaker 1>much sense, of course, but I would like to think

0:25:58.680 --> 0:26:01.240
<v Speaker 1>and again put the call, because you're not at that

0:26:01.280 --> 0:26:03.879
<v Speaker 1>point yet. I would like to think that once the

0:26:03.960 --> 0:26:05.919
<v Speaker 1>kids are a little bit older and you're not breastfeeding,

0:26:05.960 --> 0:26:07.800
<v Speaker 1>you're back to feeling your normal self, that you will

0:26:07.840 --> 0:26:11.040
<v Speaker 1>then enjoy it again. That maybe it's very time sensitive

0:26:11.080 --> 0:26:12.840
<v Speaker 1>and very situational.

0:26:12.200 --> 0:26:14.360
<v Speaker 2>One hundred percent, Like as soon as you stop breastfeeding,

0:26:14.359 --> 0:26:16.439
<v Speaker 2>your boobs go back to being normal, Like it's not

0:26:16.480 --> 0:26:19.440
<v Speaker 2>like your boot It's not like your boobs stay this oversensitized.

0:26:19.800 --> 0:26:22.200
<v Speaker 2>It's not like your booths stay in this oversensitized situation.

0:26:22.359 --> 0:26:25.000
<v Speaker 2>Like once you stop breastfeeding, everything goes back to normal.

0:26:25.040 --> 0:26:27.879
<v Speaker 2>But when you are breastfeeding and like your sole focus

0:26:27.960 --> 0:26:31.560
<v Speaker 2>is keeping a little human alive, there is this feeling like, okay,

0:26:31.560 --> 0:26:35.160
<v Speaker 2>the purpose of boobs has changed, Like my breasts are

0:26:35.160 --> 0:26:38.200
<v Speaker 2>not here for your play. They are here to feed

0:26:38.200 --> 0:26:40.200
<v Speaker 2>this small child. And I'm sure there's going to be

0:26:40.240 --> 0:26:42.800
<v Speaker 2>somebody out there who's got kids who breastfeeds and they

0:26:42.800 --> 0:26:45.440
<v Speaker 2>feel completely different about their body. But for me, there

0:26:45.520 --> 0:26:48.080
<v Speaker 2>was a very clear distinction that was drawn in the

0:26:48.200 --> 0:26:49.760
<v Speaker 2>sand when I had children.

0:26:50.200 --> 0:26:54.920
<v Speaker 1>But let's actually get a bit more like literally get

0:26:55.040 --> 0:26:57.760
<v Speaker 1>technical with this, because she's saying, can you physically do

0:26:57.800 --> 0:26:59.760
<v Speaker 1>it when you're breastfeeding or is the milk gonna come out?

0:27:00.400 --> 0:27:02.480
<v Speaker 2>The milk will come out, like okay, So for example

0:27:02.640 --> 0:27:05.119
<v Speaker 2>here it is this is gonna like weird out people

0:27:05.119 --> 0:27:06.320
<v Speaker 2>who have not had kids or not.

0:27:06.960 --> 0:27:09.879
<v Speaker 1>It's nothing that we say any more. Laura could weed

0:27:09.920 --> 0:27:12.040
<v Speaker 1>out any of our listeners, but we have done that.

0:27:12.119 --> 0:27:14.680
<v Speaker 2>So I'm at the twelve week mark with Lola and

0:27:14.880 --> 0:27:18.000
<v Speaker 2>I only exclusively breastfeed her. I haven't brought myself to

0:27:18.040 --> 0:27:22.200
<v Speaker 2>the point where I'm pumping. I'm still it's just baby taboob,

0:27:22.320 --> 0:27:24.600
<v Speaker 2>that's it, because I don't really like pumping. I actually

0:27:24.600 --> 0:27:26.000
<v Speaker 2>hate it. I feel like a bit of a cow.

0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:27.760
<v Speaker 2>And I tried it with Marley and it wasn't for me.

0:27:27.800 --> 0:27:29.159
<v Speaker 2>So I was like, cool, I'm going to try and

0:27:29.240 --> 0:27:32.960
<v Speaker 2>just breastfeed Lola exclusively for as long as possible, and

0:27:33.000 --> 0:27:36.560
<v Speaker 2>then I'll put her onto formula. So every single night

0:27:36.640 --> 0:27:39.440
<v Speaker 2>I have to sleep with a towel because I leak

0:27:39.520 --> 0:27:42.440
<v Speaker 2>breast milk onto the bed. And that's what's gonna happen

0:27:42.440 --> 0:27:44.960
<v Speaker 2>when you have sex. So it'll be like one boob

0:27:45.080 --> 0:27:48.320
<v Speaker 2>just gets to capacity, and then as soon as it's

0:27:48.320 --> 0:27:50.240
<v Speaker 2>a capacity and you're supposed to feed a child, if

0:27:50.280 --> 0:27:53.520
<v Speaker 2>you're asleep, your boob just goes. I'm like a little

0:27:53.520 --> 0:27:55.600
<v Speaker 2>wei in the bed and it just lets go and

0:27:55.640 --> 0:27:56.200
<v Speaker 2>they go.

0:27:56.240 --> 0:27:57.520
<v Speaker 1>I didn't actually know that. I didn't know it was

0:27:57.520 --> 0:27:59.119
<v Speaker 1>just gonna come out and ye sell you oh yeah.

0:27:59.000 --> 0:28:01.560
<v Speaker 2>Just dribbles out, or like when the baby latches on

0:28:01.560 --> 0:28:03.880
<v Speaker 2>one side, you'll just spray out of the other side.

0:28:04.320 --> 0:28:06.199
<v Speaker 2>And that's like it's called letdown, like you want to

0:28:06.200 --> 0:28:07.560
<v Speaker 2>catch that shit because it's gold.

0:28:08.080 --> 0:28:09.520
<v Speaker 1>Well there you go. So you're answering.

0:28:12.280 --> 0:28:14.359
<v Speaker 2>It was like nothing could shock me, and then she's like,

0:28:14.560 --> 0:28:15.439
<v Speaker 2>fucking stop.

0:28:15.560 --> 0:28:17.720
<v Speaker 1>It actually doesn't shock me. But it's a good contraception

0:28:17.800 --> 0:28:22.520
<v Speaker 1>for Meny okay, do we want another question? Or are

0:28:22.560 --> 0:28:24.399
<v Speaker 1>we gonna wrap it up at three? Do you want

0:28:24.440 --> 0:28:25.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm not hit even it I don't know if you want.

0:28:25.560 --> 0:28:27.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm playing a roll, all right, I've got one more. Honestly,

0:28:27.880 --> 0:28:29.840
<v Speaker 1>give the girl one wine and she's unstoppable.

0:28:30.040 --> 0:28:32.879
<v Speaker 2>It's been a while, guys, it really does hit the sides. Okay,

0:28:32.920 --> 0:28:35.399
<v Speaker 2>I've got one more. My brother and I have somewhat

0:28:35.440 --> 0:28:37.560
<v Speaker 2>mutual friends because he's not that much younger than me.

0:28:37.960 --> 0:28:40.760
<v Speaker 2>His best mate has a beautiful girlfriend. She's a fucking

0:28:40.800 --> 0:28:43.920
<v Speaker 2>awesome human being, and he's been cheating on her. He's

0:28:43.960 --> 0:28:46.480
<v Speaker 2>cheated on her a few times recently, even though they've

0:28:46.520 --> 0:28:49.840
<v Speaker 2>just moved in together. I know of two occasions just

0:28:49.920 --> 0:28:52.120
<v Speaker 2>over a month ago, and I'm not sure if I

0:28:52.120 --> 0:28:55.160
<v Speaker 2>should tell her if and when I see her again,

0:28:55.520 --> 0:28:57.719
<v Speaker 2>which might not be for a little while. But do

0:28:57.760 --> 0:28:59.960
<v Speaker 2>you think I should tell her? I don't think it's

0:29:00.080 --> 0:29:02.760
<v Speaker 2>any of my business, but if I was in her shoes,

0:29:02.840 --> 0:29:05.120
<v Speaker 2>I would be mortified if this was happening to me,

0:29:05.240 --> 0:29:07.280
<v Speaker 2>and I wouldn't even give a fuck if the postman

0:29:07.360 --> 0:29:07.680
<v Speaker 2>told me.

0:29:08.280 --> 0:29:09.280
<v Speaker 1>I would just want to know.

0:29:09.840 --> 0:29:13.840
<v Speaker 2>Also, if I did say anything to her, everyone including

0:29:13.880 --> 0:29:17.160
<v Speaker 2>my brother, who I rent share with, would hate my guts.

0:29:17.560 --> 0:29:20.480
<v Speaker 1>Is it worth it? Am I being selfish? Help?

0:29:20.880 --> 0:29:22.760
<v Speaker 2>This is such a big one.

0:29:22.760 --> 0:29:25.360
<v Speaker 1>And I think so many people have been in this situation.

0:29:25.680 --> 0:29:28.600
<v Speaker 1>I straightaway will just relate this back to myself, because

0:29:28.600 --> 0:29:31.960
<v Speaker 1>that's all you can do. I obviously was in this

0:29:32.040 --> 0:29:35.360
<v Speaker 1>situation to an extent where I was with this sociopath

0:29:35.400 --> 0:29:37.200
<v Speaker 1>for a few years. He had a double arm. He

0:29:37.240 --> 0:29:40.000
<v Speaker 1>was with someone else for six years while he was

0:29:40.000 --> 0:29:42.080
<v Speaker 1>with me for two years. And I found out about

0:29:42.120 --> 0:29:43.720
<v Speaker 1>her and she didn't know about me.

0:29:44.120 --> 0:29:46.400
<v Speaker 2>Wait, guys, if you haven't listened to that episode, it's

0:29:46.440 --> 0:29:49.160
<v Speaker 2>episode number three from our first season, I feel like

0:29:49.240 --> 0:29:51.560
<v Speaker 2>you need contact to this if you're new to the podcast.

0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:53.480
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, long, stay short. He had two girlfriends.

0:29:53.520 --> 0:29:56.040
<v Speaker 2>Brit dated a guy who literally was engaged to somebody

0:29:56.040 --> 0:29:59.000
<v Speaker 2>else for a very long time. It's a big episode,

0:29:59.040 --> 0:29:59.719
<v Speaker 2>go listen to it.

0:30:00.080 --> 0:30:01.960
<v Speaker 1>But I was the one that found out and she

0:30:02.000 --> 0:30:04.320
<v Speaker 1>didn't know, and I was like, you know what, stuff

0:30:04.320 --> 0:30:06.520
<v Speaker 1>for this, she deserves to know. I'm going to just

0:30:06.560 --> 0:30:08.680
<v Speaker 1>tell her. So I did tell her. I will never

0:30:08.680 --> 0:30:10.960
<v Speaker 1>forget her saying thank you so much, like you didn't

0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:12.640
<v Speaker 1>have to do this. You could have just walked away

0:30:12.760 --> 0:30:16.360
<v Speaker 1>and brushed your hands of it. But she was. She

0:30:16.400 --> 0:30:18.600
<v Speaker 1>was then armed with information that she could make her

0:30:18.600 --> 0:30:20.600
<v Speaker 1>own decision whether she went to him and spoke to

0:30:20.680 --> 0:30:23.280
<v Speaker 1>him about it and they sorted it out, or whether

0:30:23.280 --> 0:30:25.680
<v Speaker 1>she walked away from him, which she absolutely did with

0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:29.400
<v Speaker 1>his credit card. Love that where you know, like, that's

0:30:29.480 --> 0:30:31.480
<v Speaker 1>at least she was armed with all information. And I

0:30:31.560 --> 0:30:34.640
<v Speaker 1>know that it's easy. Like there's a big part of

0:30:34.640 --> 0:30:36.360
<v Speaker 1>me that thinks that if I was in a bliss

0:30:36.360 --> 0:30:39.040
<v Speaker 1>for what I thought was a bliss for relationship, there's

0:30:39.040 --> 0:30:40.880
<v Speaker 1>a big part of me that would love to say, like,

0:30:40.960 --> 0:30:43.760
<v Speaker 1>ignorance is bliss, don't tell me, don't burst my bubble,

0:30:43.840 --> 0:30:47.520
<v Speaker 1>don't ruin it for me. But that's probably forty nine percent.

0:30:47.560 --> 0:30:50.240
<v Speaker 1>There's fifty one percent that's one hundred percent. Arm me

0:30:50.320 --> 0:30:51.840
<v Speaker 1>with that information and let me be able to do

0:30:51.840 --> 0:30:53.920
<v Speaker 1>what I want with it. You're in a tricky situation

0:30:54.040 --> 0:30:57.320
<v Speaker 1>because your brother's involved. There's there's three or four people

0:30:57.320 --> 0:31:00.920
<v Speaker 1>involved in this. I'm gonna have to say, speak to

0:31:00.960 --> 0:31:03.240
<v Speaker 1>your brother first. I think that could be an option

0:31:03.320 --> 0:31:05.040
<v Speaker 1>and be like you either need to tell him to

0:31:05.080 --> 0:31:08.840
<v Speaker 1>pull his head in or I'm going to tell her

0:31:08.880 --> 0:31:12.440
<v Speaker 1>and maybe just see where it goes. But how do

0:31:12.480 --> 0:31:15.560
<v Speaker 1>you feel if you've seen him doing the dirty behind

0:31:15.600 --> 0:31:17.720
<v Speaker 1>her back and he's just moved in with her. You

0:31:17.760 --> 0:31:19.600
<v Speaker 1>would want to know. I know I would want to know.

0:31:19.640 --> 0:31:21.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't think it's the end of the world. Your

0:31:21.040 --> 0:31:23.280
<v Speaker 1>brother's not gonna hate you forever. If you go and

0:31:23.320 --> 0:31:26.360
<v Speaker 1>tell a girl that his partner's cheating on him. It's

0:31:26.400 --> 0:31:28.840
<v Speaker 1>not like you're dubbing your brother in either. So I

0:31:28.840 --> 0:31:30.840
<v Speaker 1>think it's like, morally, are you gonna be okay with it?

0:31:30.880 --> 0:31:31.920
<v Speaker 1>That's what it's going to come down to you. Are

0:31:31.920 --> 0:31:33.040
<v Speaker 1>you gonna be okay with it? Are you going to

0:31:33.080 --> 0:31:35.120
<v Speaker 1>be okay with the repercussions? Only you know what these

0:31:35.160 --> 0:31:37.880
<v Speaker 1>people are like, only you know what their reactions are

0:31:37.880 --> 0:31:40.280
<v Speaker 1>going to be like. But if it were me in

0:31:40.320 --> 0:31:42.360
<v Speaker 1>that situation, I would want you to come and tell me.

0:31:42.400 --> 0:31:46.040
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I one hundred percent agree with everything you just said.

0:31:46.080 --> 0:31:48.120
<v Speaker 2>If it was me in that situation, I would want

0:31:48.200 --> 0:31:50.920
<v Speaker 2>to know. However, does that mean that you are the

0:31:50.960 --> 0:31:53.440
<v Speaker 2>one that has to do that hardlifting and if that's

0:31:53.480 --> 0:31:55.240
<v Speaker 2>going to have a huge impact on your life, do

0:31:55.320 --> 0:31:57.680
<v Speaker 2>you need to be the one to bring that news

0:31:57.720 --> 0:32:01.200
<v Speaker 2>to the table. No, it is anyone else going to exactly,

0:32:01.440 --> 0:32:03.880
<v Speaker 2>But you need to sit down and look at your

0:32:03.880 --> 0:32:06.200
<v Speaker 2>own situation and have a think about how this is

0:32:06.200 --> 0:32:09.160
<v Speaker 2>going to impact your life and whether or not it

0:32:09.320 --> 0:32:11.800
<v Speaker 2>is worth it, whether or not morally. And I know

0:32:11.840 --> 0:32:13.400
<v Speaker 2>that this is a shit thing to say, because I

0:32:13.400 --> 0:32:14.680
<v Speaker 2>think that there are going to be some people out

0:32:14.720 --> 0:32:16.280
<v Speaker 2>there who are like, no girl code.

0:32:16.280 --> 0:32:17.120
<v Speaker 1>You have to tell her.

0:32:17.200 --> 0:32:20.040
<v Speaker 2>She has a right to know, and she absolutely has

0:32:20.080 --> 0:32:22.600
<v Speaker 2>a right to know. I don't for one second like

0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:25.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm not for one second defending this guy's behavior. I'm

0:32:25.280 --> 0:32:28.240
<v Speaker 2>not for one second thinking that she shouldn't be told.

0:32:28.640 --> 0:32:33.480
<v Speaker 2>But what I am saying is is it worth your lifestyle?

0:32:33.600 --> 0:32:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Is it worth your current living situation? Is it worth

0:32:36.320 --> 0:32:39.840
<v Speaker 2>your friends turning against you? I think just consider your

0:32:39.920 --> 0:32:42.719
<v Speaker 2>own personal situation first, because you don't want to put

0:32:42.760 --> 0:32:45.959
<v Speaker 2>yourself into a situation where you're being ostracized by your

0:32:46.000 --> 0:32:49.280
<v Speaker 2>friendship group, where your brother is getting upset with you.

0:32:49.320 --> 0:32:51.120
<v Speaker 2>And I know that you can have these conversations with

0:32:51.200 --> 0:32:53.640
<v Speaker 2>him and obviously bring him around, but I think, like

0:32:53.640 --> 0:32:57.440
<v Speaker 2>brit said, have those conversations first, because you need to

0:32:57.440 --> 0:33:00.000
<v Speaker 2>protect yourself and your own mental health is extremely important

0:33:00.240 --> 0:33:00.640
<v Speaker 2>as well.

0:33:00.760 --> 0:33:03.200
<v Speaker 1>I was in this situation last year. I actually blocked

0:33:03.200 --> 0:33:05.960
<v Speaker 1>it from my memory until right now. I was so traumatizing.

0:33:06.400 --> 0:33:08.640
<v Speaker 1>I was the one that sort of brought to the

0:33:08.680 --> 0:33:11.240
<v Speaker 1>attention that there was somebody in our group whose partner

0:33:11.280 --> 0:33:13.920
<v Speaker 1>was cheating and had been cheating. They were a long

0:33:14.040 --> 0:33:17.120
<v Speaker 1>term couple, they were living together. I didn't even witness

0:33:17.160 --> 0:33:20.360
<v Speaker 1>it myself, but a very reliable source had said to me,

0:33:21.000 --> 0:33:22.800
<v Speaker 1>you know that this is happening. That's been happening for

0:33:22.840 --> 0:33:24.960
<v Speaker 1>every year. And I was like, oh, and I'm not

0:33:25.040 --> 0:33:27.760
<v Speaker 1>close with this girl, but I'm very close with her

0:33:27.880 --> 0:33:30.080
<v Speaker 1>friend and I've been in groups with her. And I

0:33:30.320 --> 0:33:34.200
<v Speaker 1>weighed this up for so long, to the point that

0:33:34.280 --> 0:33:36.280
<v Speaker 1>I went and met with the friends, not the girl

0:33:36.280 --> 0:33:38.200
<v Speaker 1>that was being cheated on. I met with my friends

0:33:38.600 --> 0:33:42.000
<v Speaker 1>and I posed it as a lifeline cut question. I

0:33:42.040 --> 0:33:43.800
<v Speaker 1>sat there and I said, hey, can I read you

0:33:43.840 --> 0:33:45.200
<v Speaker 1>guys a question that came in because I don't know

0:33:45.240 --> 0:33:46.800
<v Speaker 1>what to do about it. And I pretended and I

0:33:46.840 --> 0:33:49.600
<v Speaker 1>asked them because it was their friend, and I was like,

0:33:49.960 --> 0:33:53.040
<v Speaker 1>would you tell these girls that their friends being cheated on?

0:33:53.760 --> 0:33:55.640
<v Speaker 1>And they both and in my mind I was like,

0:33:55.680 --> 0:33:57.719
<v Speaker 1>if they say yes, I will tell them. If they

0:33:57.720 --> 0:34:01.240
<v Speaker 1>say no, I will just forget it. They both said absolutely,

0:34:01.240 --> 0:34:02.840
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, Okay, that was a mad up question.

0:34:02.920 --> 0:34:06.440
<v Speaker 1>It's me it's this person, this is happening, and what

0:34:06.600 --> 0:34:11.720
<v Speaker 1>ensued from that was so much drama. I can't even explain.

0:34:11.880 --> 0:34:14.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad because they broke up. She's happily with

0:34:14.239 --> 0:34:16.839
<v Speaker 1>someone else now. He was not nice to her at all.

0:34:17.680 --> 0:34:19.920
<v Speaker 1>So a year down the track, I feel great that

0:34:19.960 --> 0:34:22.200
<v Speaker 1>I did it. She's happy and everything is happening in

0:34:22.239 --> 0:34:23.719
<v Speaker 1>her career, in her life, and she's in a really

0:34:23.760 --> 0:34:28.359
<v Speaker 1>good place. But there was like, oh, eight months of

0:34:28.400 --> 0:34:31.759
<v Speaker 1>emails being bombarded of dms of text please tell me this?

0:34:31.920 --> 0:34:33.879
<v Speaker 1>Who said this? Why did you say this? He would

0:34:33.920 --> 0:34:35.440
<v Speaker 1>never have done this, and I was like, WHOA, what

0:34:35.480 --> 0:34:37.800
<v Speaker 1>the hell have I just done? I should have mined

0:34:37.800 --> 0:34:39.920
<v Speaker 1>my own business totally. And that's the problem.

0:34:40.000 --> 0:34:42.680
<v Speaker 2>The problem is is that you will end up becoming

0:34:43.000 --> 0:34:45.640
<v Speaker 2>the mouthpiece for this relationship and you will have to

0:34:46.040 --> 0:34:48.680
<v Speaker 2>give evidence. It'll be his word against your word, and

0:34:48.719 --> 0:34:50.399
<v Speaker 2>there is going to be a lot of drama that's

0:34:50.440 --> 0:34:52.799
<v Speaker 2>going to come your way. And I think if you

0:34:53.000 --> 0:34:57.200
<v Speaker 2>morally cannot live without saying this and without really going

0:34:57.200 --> 0:34:58.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, like, this chick is awesome and she doesn't

0:34:59.000 --> 0:35:01.359
<v Speaker 2>deserve this. And I don't really care what the fallout is.

0:35:01.719 --> 0:35:04.279
<v Speaker 2>I just think be hyper aware of how severe the

0:35:04.320 --> 0:35:07.920
<v Speaker 2>fallout could be. And I think, in an ideal world,

0:35:08.360 --> 0:35:10.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to say to you, absolutely, one hundred percent,

0:35:10.840 --> 0:35:13.279
<v Speaker 2>tell her the fucking sisterhood is way more important, Like

0:35:13.360 --> 0:35:15.040
<v Speaker 2>I would want to know, and I would want my

0:35:15.080 --> 0:35:16.880
<v Speaker 2>friends or my friends of friends to look out for

0:35:16.920 --> 0:35:19.840
<v Speaker 2>me and tell me that is the thing you should do.

0:35:20.360 --> 0:35:22.840
<v Speaker 2>That is an ideal world. But we all know we

0:35:22.880 --> 0:35:24.560
<v Speaker 2>don't live in an ideal world, and we all know

0:35:24.680 --> 0:35:28.239
<v Speaker 2>that decisions we make are way more complex. Really consider

0:35:28.520 --> 0:35:31.080
<v Speaker 2>what could be the fallout and how you will manage

0:35:31.080 --> 0:35:33.640
<v Speaker 2>the fallout before you go ahead and do something like that.

0:35:33.760 --> 0:35:35.440
<v Speaker 1>The only other thing that I would say that you

0:35:35.480 --> 0:35:37.480
<v Speaker 1>could do if you're in this predicament where you're like,

0:35:37.480 --> 0:35:39.000
<v Speaker 1>I do have to tell her, but I'm also worried

0:35:39.000 --> 0:35:42.279
<v Speaker 1>about the fallout. And this is not fool proof. But

0:35:42.360 --> 0:35:44.560
<v Speaker 1>you can go and speak to her and say, look,

0:35:44.800 --> 0:35:47.120
<v Speaker 1>I felt I have weighed this up for a long time,

0:35:47.239 --> 0:35:49.000
<v Speaker 1>and I think it's wrong not to tell you, So

0:35:49.120 --> 0:35:52.120
<v Speaker 1>I want to tell you. Tell her and then say,

0:35:53.040 --> 0:35:54.560
<v Speaker 1>but I'm going to ask you from the bottom of

0:35:54.640 --> 0:35:57.400
<v Speaker 1>my heart that you don't bring me into this. Please

0:35:57.440 --> 0:35:59.120
<v Speaker 1>don't say that it was me who told you, But

0:35:59.239 --> 0:36:01.920
<v Speaker 1>maybe you can just sit and have the conversation with him. Oh,

0:36:02.000 --> 0:36:04.680
<v Speaker 1>she one hundred percent, But it'll and I mean, you

0:36:04.760 --> 0:36:06.480
<v Speaker 1>take a very big chance of it end up being

0:36:06.560 --> 0:36:08.239
<v Speaker 1>him being like you either tell me how you know

0:36:08.400 --> 0:36:10.239
<v Speaker 1>or you know, or it's not gonna happen and she'll say,

0:36:10.280 --> 0:36:12.880
<v Speaker 1>what was Sally? You know? So that's a risk. But

0:36:13.360 --> 0:36:15.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm just saying, if you absolutely can't live with yourself

0:36:15.600 --> 0:36:17.399
<v Speaker 1>and look them in the eye every time you see them,

0:36:17.400 --> 0:36:20.839
<v Speaker 1>then that's an option. But this one's I mean, fuck,

0:36:20.920 --> 0:36:22.759
<v Speaker 1>it's so true. I don't envy you at all.

0:36:22.960 --> 0:36:24.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and this one is, like, it's not a black

0:36:24.880 --> 0:36:27.560
<v Speaker 2>and white question. I think lots of people have been

0:36:27.560 --> 0:36:30.000
<v Speaker 2>in the situation where they've found out that someone that

0:36:30.040 --> 0:36:32.920
<v Speaker 2>they know has cheated on their partner, and usually it

0:36:33.040 --> 0:36:35.759
<v Speaker 2>comes down to a proximity thing, right, It comes down

0:36:35.800 --> 0:36:37.960
<v Speaker 2>to how well you know that partner, whether or not

0:36:38.360 --> 0:36:41.560
<v Speaker 2>you take the risk and you jeopardize any friendships and

0:36:41.600 --> 0:36:44.640
<v Speaker 2>you tell them, like, I think this is so common.

0:36:45.200 --> 0:36:48.200
<v Speaker 2>It's just that it's not so common that people jeopardize

0:36:48.239 --> 0:36:52.359
<v Speaker 2>their friendships in order to have those conversations. So think

0:36:52.400 --> 0:36:55.600
<v Speaker 2>about it, consider your options, sit down with your brother,

0:36:55.840 --> 0:36:58.279
<v Speaker 2>explain to him how you're feeling and what you want

0:36:58.320 --> 0:37:00.799
<v Speaker 2>to say, and then I think you know from there

0:37:00.840 --> 0:37:03.319
<v Speaker 2>you can make a decision. But it isn't black and white.

0:37:03.360 --> 0:37:05.000
<v Speaker 2>There will be some drama that this will bring into

0:37:05.040 --> 0:37:06.880
<v Speaker 2>your life. But morally, if you feel like that, you

0:37:07.000 --> 0:37:09.799
<v Speaker 2>need to tell her. Fucking tell her because people don't

0:37:09.800 --> 0:37:10.680
<v Speaker 2>deserve to be cheated on.

0:37:10.760 --> 0:37:13.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to put a pole up tomorrow. That's great.

0:37:13.640 --> 0:37:16.520
<v Speaker 2>Yes, okay, you know what, screw everything we just said.

0:37:16.560 --> 0:37:18.280
<v Speaker 2>We're going to put a poll on Instagram or whatever

0:37:18.280 --> 0:37:19.680
<v Speaker 2>the pole says is what you should do.

0:37:19.840 --> 0:37:21.200
<v Speaker 1>No, but we will put a pole up. I want

0:37:21.200 --> 0:37:23.520
<v Speaker 1>to know if you've ever had to tell your friends

0:37:23.600 --> 0:37:25.920
<v Speaker 1>that their partner's cheating on them, and then I want

0:37:25.920 --> 0:37:27.439
<v Speaker 1>to know if there was a fall out. But guys,

0:37:27.480 --> 0:37:29.440
<v Speaker 1>that is it. We did four today and that episode

0:37:29.480 --> 0:37:31.440
<v Speaker 1>went longer than usual, but we hope we helped you

0:37:31.480 --> 0:37:35.920
<v Speaker 1>in some way. Please keep those questions coming into life, Uncut, podcast, Instagram,

0:37:36.000 --> 0:37:38.080
<v Speaker 1>in the dms. Just make sure you put the head

0:37:38.080 --> 0:37:41.880
<v Speaker 1>in ask Uncut. Also keep any funny stories rolling in

0:37:41.920 --> 0:37:44.200
<v Speaker 1>and you're accidentally unpilpossed too, because you know.

0:37:44.160 --> 0:37:44.920
<v Speaker 2>We've froth that.

0:37:45.440 --> 0:37:47.440
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, all for the love, thank you for the support.

0:37:47.440 --> 0:37:49.640
<v Speaker 1>We're going to see you back next Tuesday. Remember to

0:37:49.640 --> 0:37:51.120
<v Speaker 1>tell your mom, to your dad, tell you dog, tell

0:37:51.120 --> 0:37:54.680
<v Speaker 1>your friends, and share the love because we all love

0:38:01.560 --> 0:38:02.000
<v Speaker 2>Kaa