Speaker 1: You've actually lost it.
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: And this is our very special Thursday episode. It is
Speaker 2: our down and dirty episode. It is our quickie and
Speaker 2: that's where we answer your deep, duck and burning questions.
Speaker 1: Laura's had a wine. I'm a born again drinker. Guys.
Speaker 2: It doesn't take much to hit the signs, but when
Speaker 2: it does, oh, your mama's feeling fruity.
Speaker 1: Guys. If you are new to the podcast, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 1: If you're new to the podcast, I'm sorry. My name
Speaker 1: is Laura.
Speaker 2: Anyway, on this episode, what we do is we answer
Speaker 2: your questions that come in. We have chosen I think three,
Speaker 2: maybe we've chosen four. I honestly can't remember, but we've
Speaker 2: chosen a couple of questions. We're going to give you
Speaker 2: out enthusiastic, very unqualified, but extremely heartfelt advice for each
Speaker 2: and every question that's asked.
Speaker 1: Before we do, I have a few little life updates
Speaker 1: for you, guys.
Speaker 2: Give it to me, britt Where are you at in
Speaker 2: your life?
Speaker 1: Okay, just quickly.
Speaker 2: Number one having a lot of phone sex because her
Speaker 2: boyfriend is very far away.
Speaker 1: My phone sex like these days well, I can't tear anything. No,
Speaker 1: I have some life updates. Look number one. A few
Speaker 1: weeks ago, I told you guys about how I turned
Speaker 1: up to that event really huffed and puffed and burst
Speaker 1: into the room and the event wasn't on.
Speaker 2: Do you remember, Yes, you went to a yoga event
Speaker 2: and you were a whole.
Speaker 1: Week Anyway, this is a life update. I when today
Speaker 1: and it was right, it was on, So that was
Speaker 1: great for me. Next update, I want to shout out
Speaker 1: to you guys because I got a bunch of you
Speaker 1: comment on a whole multitude of my Instagram post today
Speaker 1: saying if Jordan's not going to comment on your posts,
Speaker 1: I will. You're a babe. Love you love this first
Speaker 1: trap like, and I was like, you know what, this
Speaker 1: is what the community is about. You guys are responding
Speaker 1: to my first traps to my boyfriend because he didn't respond,
Speaker 1: and I want to thank you for that.
Speaker 2: So for anyone who doesn't know what Britney's talking about.
Speaker 2: On the last episode, we were commenting about how Britt
Speaker 2: had put up a first trap and Jordan her boy
Speaker 2: for the boyfriend, not for anyone else who is overseas.
Speaker 1: At the moment. Completely ignored it, and so we.
Speaker 2: Really love that our community of life Uncutters is there
Speaker 2: to just support us down. And I also have another
Speaker 2: thing to say. On Tuesday's episode, I made mention that
Speaker 2: no one had invited me to their wedding, and I
Speaker 2: now have two wedding invitations sitting in my guys, I'm
Speaker 2: really grateful thanks for that.
Speaker 1: I also got a bunch of new wedding. It's a competition.
Speaker 1: Shut up. Oh no, I'm just maybe we can go
Speaker 1: to get a.
Speaker 2: Bunch of new But how many did you get?
Speaker 1: Brittany how meand you get two? I got three? I'm
Speaker 1: joke anyway. On that note, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1: So I got one more thing I want to tell you.
Speaker 1: I just think you're going to be really thrilled about this.
Speaker 1: It's an update on Gwyneth Pultrow.
Speaker 2: I do like Gwyneth. I really love steamed clam Gwyneth.
Speaker 1: Bouldrow, and I just have to have a laugh. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you guys have read about this or
Speaker 1: you've seen it, because there are so many piss takes
Speaker 1: going around from it. Gwyneth did an interview one or
Speaker 1: two days ago basically, and she was talking about her
Speaker 1: hardest times throughout the pandemic and what it drove her
Speaker 1: to do the lengths she went to to stay sane. No.
Speaker 2: I do remember actually when the pandemic started and we
Speaker 2: all were in lockdown at the very beginning, and one
Speaker 2: of the most infuriating quotes I had read was actually
Speaker 2: from Gwyneth Paltrow and she was like, use this time,
Speaker 2: get a new hobby, write a book, exercise, be a
Speaker 2: better version of yourself. And I was like, Hey, I'm
Speaker 2: stuck inside with the toddler trying to survive. Could you
Speaker 2: please take your fifteen bedroom fucking mansion away and just go, like,
Speaker 2: just go away, just disappear into the atmosphere.
Speaker 1: It's a touchy subject for Laura, but what I was.
Speaker 2: Living in a tiny two bedroom apartment with a toddler
Speaker 2: and a fiance who sometimes gets on my nerves.
Speaker 1: But I love it very very much. Chang, take a
Speaker 1: moment to spare a thought for Gwyneth. Please, I want
Speaker 1: to tell you what she's been through.
Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, you know I'm a wine deep guy.
Speaker 1: I'm going to drink GWe Gwyneth came out and said
Speaker 1: the pandemic got so tough that she had to start
Speaker 1: drinking two drinks a night. Quote, I mean, who drinks
Speaker 1: multiple drinks seven nights a week? Like it's not healthy
Speaker 1: and that's crazy. I mean I was like, okay, whoa,
Speaker 1: that's me every night. Okay. First, Secondly, she said things
Speaker 1: got so bad that she had to quote start eating bread,
Speaker 1: specifically making pasta in eating bread. Things got so bad,
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen that she had to start eating carbs
Speaker 1: in the pandemic. And I was like, you are Wow,
Speaker 1: You're so out of touch that it wasn't even gluten
Speaker 1: free bread. She ate straight up carb filled, gluten filled bread.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine your life spiraling so out of control
Speaker 2: that you have a bowl of pasta?
Speaker 1: I have got you a breakfast. I'm saying. Anyway, enough
Speaker 1: about Gwyneth. Let's get in for the episode. So Laura,
Speaker 1: can you please hit me with the first question?
Speaker 2: Yes, I certainly can.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Number one off the bat is one that I have
Speaker 2: a lot of feelings about, and it's also something that
Speaker 2: I think I've experienced in my own life throughout my parents' divorce.
Speaker 2: When I was nineteen I'm now twenty five, I fell
Speaker 2: out with my dad's sister who is my auntie due
Speaker 2: to horrible things she said about my mum and the
Speaker 2: accusations that she made up during the court process. So
Speaker 2: I'm assuming from what she's written that the accusations that
Speaker 2: her auntie made up about her mum were completely fabricated.
Speaker 2: And then she's gone on to say we have only
Speaker 2: spoken here and there since the relationship has broken down
Speaker 2: one hundred percent. I've since bought a house, I've fallen pregnant,
Speaker 2: and I've had a baby, and I've never heard from
Speaker 2: her once, not a congratulations in regards to the birth
Speaker 2: of my child or my wedding. Now, my dilemma is this,
Speaker 2: my dad is really wanting me to try to mend
Speaker 2: this relationship. She has just now, with my child being
Speaker 2: three months old, given my dad a present for my
Speaker 2: baby boy. Really torn, Is it totally okay for me
Speaker 2: to not have this relationship with her, to not acknowledge
Speaker 2: the gift. I don't feel like I'm missing out on
Speaker 2: anything in my life from not having a relationship with her,
Speaker 2: But it's my dad who is constantly pushing for me
Speaker 2: to amend the relationship. I feel like I'm in a
Speaker 2: bit of a moral dilemma with this please help.
Speaker 1: So the question is does she mend the relationship for
Speaker 1: her dad or does she just continue with a broken relationship. Look,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be the first person to say, I don't
Speaker 1: think that being blood related to somebody means you have
Speaker 1: to have a really healthy, loving, friendly relationship with them.
Speaker 1: I don't think just because someone is blood related that
Speaker 1: that means it's a pass and a ticket to do
Speaker 1: the wrong thing and say the wrong thing and that
Speaker 1: be okay. I think in this situation, it doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like the auntie has made any steps or any initiative
Speaker 1: of her own to come and mend this relationship with you.
Speaker 1: It sounds like, you know, three months has gone past
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh, I sort of probably want to
Speaker 1: know what babies like, has probably got nothing to do
Speaker 1: with you, So she's reached out to you through your
Speaker 1: father her brother, and I just think that straightaway it's
Speaker 1: a bit of a red flag for me, because I
Speaker 1: think if you really have a problem, or you really
Speaker 1: want to make amends, you should be speaking directly to
Speaker 1: the person you have the problem with. I don't think
Speaker 1: you should be playing Chinese whispers and going through circles
Speaker 1: to different family members so I think she should have
Speaker 1: come to approach you. Long story short for me, if
Speaker 1: you get nothing from the relationship, if she has done
Speaker 1: nothing to contribute to your life in the last however
Speaker 1: many months, if she was the cause of something quite
Speaker 1: detrimental to you throughout your parents' divorce and made you
Speaker 1: feel really horrible and feel really low and put you
Speaker 1: in a bad position. I don't think you have to
Speaker 1: do anything. I don't think you have to go and
Speaker 1: fix this relationship if you absolutely don't want to, but
Speaker 1: you probably do need to explain that to your dad
Speaker 1: and have a conversation and open conversation with your father
Speaker 1: because it is going to be important to him. He
Speaker 1: probably wants you to fix it because it is his sister.
Speaker 1: He loves her, you're his daughter, he loves you, he
Speaker 1: wants a happy family. So you need to make that
Speaker 1: very clear to your father before you make any ration decisions. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I completely agree with you, Brett, But I also think,
Speaker 2: and what I want to add to this is like,
Speaker 2: families are incredibly complex, and I think issues that happen
Speaker 2: during divorce are incredibly complex as well. And there are
Speaker 2: lots of different parts of this. The most important part
Speaker 2: of this is that you don't have to have a
Speaker 2: relationship with anyone that you don't want to have a
Speaker 2: relationship with, whether that's your friend or whether that's your
Speaker 2: family member. But you can decide, and you can kind
Speaker 2: of get to a point in your adult life where
Speaker 2: you go, Okay, maybe I don't get anything out of
Speaker 2: this relationship, but it means a lot to the other person.
Speaker 2: And if it doesn't affect your mental health, if it
Speaker 2: doesn't affect your well being, then maybe you do put
Speaker 2: in some effort. But I'll get into that a little
Speaker 2: bit further down the track. The one thing I want
Speaker 2: to bring up first is you mentioned in the question
Speaker 2: that your auntie had said some really defamatory things about
Speaker 2: your mum and some accusations that weren't true. The one
Speaker 2: thing that I think that you should consider is if
Speaker 2: your auntie had said some defamatory accusations are about your mum,
Speaker 2: is could those accusations and could those defamatory comments have
Speaker 2: come from your dad originally, And could it be a
Speaker 2: case where maybe in the heat of the moment, in
Speaker 2: the hurt and the frustration of divorce, your dad has
Speaker 2: said some really negative things about your mum and your
Speaker 2: Annie has repeated that wanting to protect your dad, which
Speaker 2: is what you would do as a sibling to try
Speaker 2: and you know, really support and protect the person that
Speaker 2: you love in a very very hard and difficult situation.
Speaker 2: Maybe you aren't aware of the full spectrum of the
Speaker 2: conversation that's happened between your dad and your Annie and
Speaker 2: your mom and everything that's happened here. And I'm not
Speaker 2: saying that your mum has done anything wrong. I think
Speaker 2: that she is the innocent victim probably in this entire situation.
Speaker 2: But the thing that you need to kind of strip
Speaker 2: back is sit down with your dad. Have a conversation
Speaker 2: with your dad. Why is he so hell bent on
Speaker 2: restoring the relationship, Why does he want that to be renewed,
Speaker 2: and why does he want you to be this happy,
Speaker 2: loving family if it doesn't make any difference to you,
Speaker 2: and I think you need to sort of voice to him.
Speaker 2: These are the things that have heard me. These are
Speaker 2: the things that my auntie has done that has really
Speaker 2: really driven a wedge between us, And this is what
Speaker 2: I would need from her in order to be able
Speaker 2: to reconcile the relationship. I need her to come to
Speaker 2: the party and apologize for these things and acknowledge that
Speaker 2: she's done these things that hurt me. Because with that
Speaker 2: and maybe with that acknowledgment, you guys will be able
Speaker 2: to repair the relationship.
Speaker 1: But there could be something more.
Speaker 2: At play that you're not aware of or that you
Speaker 2: haven't been able to fully see the full picture, because
Speaker 2: we do put our parents up on pedestals as well,
Speaker 2: and we do think that they are kind of infallible.
Speaker 1: What I would like to add to that is just
Speaker 1: one other thing that I want you to consider, because look,
Speaker 1: there is this whole idea that we do want to
Speaker 1: get one family, and for sure we do. If there
Speaker 1: is any way that you can get to a point
Speaker 1: with your auntie that you can be in the same
Speaker 1: room with her and it's okay, you don't want to
Speaker 1: tear strips off each other, you can be really amicable
Speaker 1: and have some sort of relatively healthy relationship. I think
Speaker 1: that's in because I'm trying to like picture my family here.
Speaker 1: I have a huge family, like with all these relatives,
Speaker 1: and I'm very lucky that we all love each other,
Speaker 1: but we do big family gatherings, so like Christmas is
Speaker 1: a big gathering always, and as everyone's in the same
Speaker 1: house for three days. If your family is like that,
Speaker 1: and there's gonna be a lot of social situations and
Speaker 1: family situations where you're in the same place and there's
Speaker 1: a lot of people around, I think would be really
Speaker 1: nice for you to be at a point where maybe
Speaker 1: you don't have to go and have a wine out
Speaker 1: the back and talk for hours, but it'll be nice
Speaker 1: to not have any tension. And because your family are
Speaker 1: gonna feel your tension, they're going to know you don't
Speaker 1: like each other, and it's just going to be like
Speaker 1: a snowball effect on the rest of your family. So
Speaker 1: that is just something to keep in mind. If you
Speaker 1: can get to a place where you're like, look, I
Speaker 1: don't love what you did, but maybe you can speak
Speaker 1: your money, maybe you can say why did you say
Speaker 1: these things and get to the bottom of it, like
Speaker 1: Laura said. But if you can get to a place
Speaker 1: where you're like, you and I never gonna be best friends,
Speaker 1: but I also love you because you're my honey. You've
Speaker 1: been there for a lot for me as well. But
Speaker 1: you know we'll catch up twice a year, if so,
Speaker 1: in Christmas, and that's it. So there's always that to
Speaker 1: keep in the back of your mind, but that's very
Speaker 1: dependent on your family dynamic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the last thing that I want
Speaker 2: to add to this is, like, like I said, families
Speaker 2: are super complex and that there are so many different
Speaker 2: great areas around how you should navigate relationships with your family.
Speaker 2: I think we give a lot of allowance and we
Speaker 2: do have a lot of leeway for the behavior of
Speaker 2: our family members. Like I am sure, britt, Like, the
Speaker 2: shit that you would put up with from your brothers
Speaker 2: or your sisters is very different to the stuff that
Speaker 2: you would put up with from your friends.
Speaker 1: If you knew my brothers. Oh my god, I'm need
Speaker 1: a medal.
Speaker 2: But that's just it, right, Like, we are so much
Speaker 2: more accepting of bad behavior from family members than what
Speaker 2: we are the people who we choose to be friends
Speaker 2: with and the people who we choose to have in
Speaker 2: our lives. But there does come a point where, at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, the most important thing when
Speaker 2: you get to a certain age is protecting yourself your
Speaker 2: now nucleus family, which is the family that you have
Speaker 2: with your husband and with your child and if she
Speaker 2: is actually someone who you do think is a genuinely
Speaker 2: toxic person, and having a relationship with her, it's gonna
Speaker 2: have strain on your mental health, it's gonna have strain
Speaker 2: on your well being. That it's not fucking worth it.
Speaker 2: And you don't owe it to anyone, not even just
Speaker 2: because they're a family member, to accept or tolerate that
Speaker 2: poor behavior. And if you get nothing from the relationship
Speaker 2: at all, and you don't feel any guilt or you
Speaker 2: don't feel like there's any reason why you need to
Speaker 2: maintain that relationship, don't just do it for your dad,
Speaker 2: because you're going to end up resenting that as well.
Speaker 1: All Right, That's totally enough on that one.
Speaker 2: That's a big one because I feel like I can
Speaker 2: relate to it massively. I feel like I've had those
Speaker 2: experiences with my extended family that was a very diplomatic.
Speaker 1: Way, so broad ill love that, all right. Question two.
Speaker 1: Question two, ladies, I have a bit of a pickle
Speaker 1: for you. About a year ago, my ex and I
Speaker 1: broke up as we just wanted different things. I was
Speaker 1: looking to settle down and he was still wanting to
Speaker 1: party hard. Well, the same thing happened to one of
Speaker 1: my best friends, but switched around. Her boyfriend wanted to
Speaker 1: start talking babies and buying houses and settling down, whereas
Speaker 1: she was the one that wasn't ready to settle and
Speaker 1: she wanted to keep traveling, et cetera. Fast forward to now,
Speaker 1: her ex boyfriend has recently been messaged me on Instagram.
Speaker 1: And I was friends with him too, so it wasn't
Speaker 1: that weird and I was replying. However, now I'm starting
Speaker 1: to notice that I get really excited when I see
Speaker 1: his name pop up on my phone, and I'm really
Speaker 1: disappointed if I find out it wasn't him that messaged.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking this is turning into something. Am I awful? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Am I an awful person for talking like this to
Speaker 1: one of my friend's exes. I can't help but think
Speaker 1: we're both wanting the same things from a relationship. We
Speaker 1: want to go the same way. We get along, like
Speaker 1: a house on fire. We have so much in common.
Speaker 1: Can I see where it goes? Or a friend's exes
Speaker 1: just simply plane off limits. I've never been in this
Speaker 1: situation before. Ufed, Actually, I wrote uft.
Speaker 2: Oh man, you have some massive decisions to make. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and I think that the biggest decision that you have
Speaker 2: to make is you've got to draw enlighten sand and
Speaker 2: figure out what's more important to you. Is the potential
Speaker 2: of this relationship more important to you than your friend,
Speaker 2: because I'm going to guarantee that, even though their relationship
Speaker 2: has ended, if you were to pursue something with him,
Speaker 2: it would cause a humongous wedge between you and your friend.
Speaker 1: And I know that.
Speaker 2: I feel like you're gonna jump in and be like,
Speaker 2: he could be your soul mate.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: But what I'm gonna say is, and this is what
Speaker 2: I preach on all of the episodes, is we have
Speaker 2: multiple partners in this life, and you are not. Your feelings,
Speaker 2: feelings can grow, they can manifest. You can create feelings
Speaker 2: for someone if you have never felt that spark before
Speaker 2: for him, just because you want the same things in life.
Speaker 2: There is a fucking lot of people out there who
Speaker 2: want to get married and have kids and settle down.
Speaker 2: He doesn't have to be your penguin just because he
Speaker 2: is the most available option right now, because I feel
Speaker 2: like this option is going to be very complicated. It's
Speaker 2: going to come with a lot of heartache. And even
Speaker 2: if Brent wants to tell you that he is your soulmate,
Speaker 2: be wary because he might not be.
Speaker 1: I'm coming in hot with a few opinions. All right,
Speaker 1: brace yourself everyone. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Speaker 2: No, I'm also it does. The heart does want what
Speaker 2: the heart wants. But I do think we have more
Speaker 2: control over the heart than what we think we do.
Speaker 1: Oh we or I disagree. The heart takes over the
Speaker 1: brain at all costs, always.
Speaker 2: Totally, but we don't always have to listen to it,
Speaker 2: and we shouldn't always listen to it because the heart
Speaker 2: doesn't always want what's best for us. The heart is impulsive,
Speaker 2: it's passionate, It is driven by things that aren't necessarily
Speaker 2: always rational and good for our well being. And I
Speaker 2: think if you always allow yourself to be heart driven,
Speaker 2: which I know is important in a lot of situations,
Speaker 2: but relationships that are entirely heart driven can often be
Speaker 2: very toxic and can often be damaging to other relationships.
Speaker 2: You have to go into all relationships with your heart
Speaker 2: and your head.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can completely relate. My heart wants pasta carbonara
Speaker 1: every night. Do I go and have it?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Tonight I had a piece of salmon and all I
Speaker 1: wanted was my bacon pasta. What I think is when
Speaker 1: I say the heart ones what the heart wants. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying I feel for you because I've been in
Speaker 1: positions where I have wanted something so badly in my
Speaker 1: heart and I'm talking about a person and a relationship
Speaker 1: and it was so wrong for me. Every part of me.
Speaker 1: My brain was like, run the other way. What are
Speaker 1: you doing? Swim out to see do anything but be
Speaker 1: with this personop, stop and roll. But you don't. You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: i't just test the waters. I'll just send the sneaking message.
Speaker 2: I just double tap that one. I'll save that whatever,
Speaker 2: because it makes you feel good. It's like dope, you
Speaker 2: get a dopamine here. You're like, oh, yeah, it's really
Speaker 2: the life science.
Speaker 1: I will say a few things we don't know, and
Speaker 1: I do think this matters tremendously. Is this your best
Speaker 1: friend of twenty five years or is this a friend
Speaker 1: that you run in the same circles and you sort
Speaker 1: of know each other, Because that is a huge difference.
Speaker 1: If this is your best friend of forever, like the
Speaker 1: dumbest thing you'll ever do is try a relationship with
Speaker 1: this person. If this is like an acquaintance that runs
Speaker 1: in your friend's circle, they weren't together for that long,
Speaker 1: it wasn't that serious. That's a whole nother matter. So
Speaker 1: only you guys listening, if you're in this situation, or
Speaker 1: if you've ever been in this situation, you're the only
Speaker 1: person that's gonna know how long they were together, how
Speaker 1: serious they were, and how close to your relationship is
Speaker 1: with her. One hundred percent what Laura said is right.
Speaker 1: Even if it was in the same friendship circle, it's
Speaker 1: not gonna end well for you in that person. Doesn't
Speaker 1: matter your level of friendship, there will always be a
Speaker 1: part that's like, I can't believe that girl when undated
Speaker 1: my ex, Like, I just can't believe she did it.
Speaker 1: And then she's gonna talk about you, whether you want
Speaker 1: it or not. She's gonna tell your other friends. People
Speaker 1: are gonna get their judge underpants on, because that's what
Speaker 1: people do. But I know people that have been in
Speaker 1: this situation. It was very questionable at the time, but
Speaker 1: they went on to have three kids and be married
Speaker 1: for ten years. They think that their soulmates and that
Speaker 1: is why they did it because they were so so sure.
Speaker 1: So you need to be very very sure that this
Speaker 1: could not just be something cute and fun and great
Speaker 1: sex you need to be sure that this could be
Speaker 1: something forever, and you are saying that, You're like, we
Speaker 1: want the same things. We want to settle down and
Speaker 1: have kids. If you think this guy is your penguin,
Speaker 1: I would double I would test it out, but I
Speaker 1: wouldn't I would. You have to really, really, really thoroughly
Speaker 1: consider this because whether or not you like it, it's
Speaker 1: going to change your life in more ways than one.
Speaker 2: I agree with Britt to like seventy five percent capacity.
Speaker 2: I think I'm not gonna run out there and say
Speaker 2: you need to dabble, because I think dabbling ends up.
Speaker 2: You can't just dabble. You always end up too deep.
Speaker 1: You dabble too deep with a dick, just like just
Speaker 1: message him and have a chat. No, but she's already
Speaker 1: doing that.
Speaker 2: Everybody always dabbles too deep until you get yourself into
Speaker 2: a bit of hot water.
Speaker 1: And that's where the dabbling leads to just so many puns.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to hold myself back.
Speaker 2: But okay, my first thing of this is really sit
Speaker 2: down and genuinely ask yourself is this just desire driven? Like?
Speaker 1: Is this just impulsive?
Speaker 2: Is it desire? Are you a bit lonely and you've
Speaker 2: been in a relationship for so long that you're so
Speaker 2: used to being with someone that you've found someone who
Speaker 2: wants the same things as you. They tick the boxes,
Speaker 2: so maybe it should be them. I think, have a
Speaker 2: really fucking honest conversation with yourself. And I say this
Speaker 2: only because I feel like this is something that I
Speaker 2: would have done in a part life. If I was
Speaker 2: alone and I had no other romantic interests and someone
Speaker 2: was paying me attention who wanted the same things as me,
Speaker 2: I would try and make a triangle fit in a cube.
Speaker 2: So if you actually genuinely think like Britt says, that
Speaker 2: he could be your penguin, then look, maybe sometimes there's
Speaker 2: other relationships that you have in life, like some friendships
Speaker 2: that you can sacrifice. But if you are honestly like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, this is hot water, stay away from
Speaker 2: the drama. Ain't nobody got time for that shit in
Speaker 2: their life? Well, yeah, I keep your life simple and
Speaker 2: care free and just go on Tinder and have sex
Speaker 2: with other men who are not with a friend with
Speaker 2: a connum, who are not your friend's ex boyfriends.
Speaker 1: No, But if it's just because you're like, we want
Speaker 1: the same things, he wants to settle. I want to settle.
Speaker 1: He wants kids. I want kids. That's not enough. Reason.
Speaker 1: There are a billion people in the world that want
Speaker 1: to settle and have kids too. If that's it, if
Speaker 1: you have this deep, burning, soul crushing connection, for sure,
Speaker 1: for sure consider it. But if it's just like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I think that we want to both live
Speaker 1: in Byron Bay and have kids, then it's just not enough.
Speaker 1: Like it's not enough to ruin all the potential friendships,
Speaker 1: your relationship with him, your relationship with your best friend,
Speaker 1: the relationship with your ex, the relationship between this new
Speaker 1: guy and your ex, because obviously you're all friends. It's
Speaker 1: just that was a lot of connections. It's just not
Speaker 1: worth it.
Speaker 2: But trust me, and I think this from the way
Speaker 2: that the question was worded. If this was a full,
Speaker 2: fully blown soul connection, the question would have been worded differently.
Speaker 2: The fact that it was worded in a way where
Speaker 2: you were like, we want the same things, We're on
Speaker 2: the same page. It could be something great makes me
Speaker 2: think he's not it, because you would know the desire
Speaker 2: to be with that person would be so overwhelming that
Speaker 2: you would be like, you know what I have to
Speaker 2: go with this. But right now you're playing into something
Speaker 2: that seems unnecessary and I'm gonna say you're playing with fire.
Speaker 2: It seems super dangerous. Don't bring this drama into your life.
Speaker 2: There is somebody else out there who is better suited,
Speaker 2: who doesn't mean that you're going to have to sacrifice
Speaker 2: a friendship.
Speaker 1: That's my advice. Okay, I've got another question that's directly
Speaker 1: I mean, just for you. Really, I can't answer this one.
Speaker 1: It's pretty funny. I feel I can answer it, but
Speaker 1: not from experience.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's gonna have something to do with childbirth, isn't it. Yes,
Speaker 2: Okay a loll.
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm asking this. But nipple play whilst breastfeeding?
Speaker 1: Is this a possibility or not? Because it's my favorite
Speaker 1: part of sex And it's only to cross my mind
Speaker 1: the other day that when breastfeeding it may become typicult,
Speaker 1: you know, it might shoot out everywhere. Does it still work?
Speaker 1: Do you have to modify things? Or should I prepare
Speaker 1: myself to miss it? If I have a kid one day,
Speaker 1: I mean, I love the fact that she doesn't even
Speaker 1: have kids, or she's not pregnant. She's like if I
Speaker 1: have a kid one day. Oh, she's not even pregnant.
Speaker 1: She goes, If I have a kid one day, do
Speaker 1: I have to miss nipple play? WHOA, this is really
Speaker 1: a big thing for you. This is really interesting to me.
Speaker 2: Okay, I kind of want to put a call out
Speaker 2: to other new mums who are still breastfeeding. I used
Speaker 2: to enjoy nipple play, sure, like I used to enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I think that you enjoy it.
Speaker 2: The full spectrum, the full ensemble of whatever sex entails.
Speaker 2: Like it's enjoyable since having kids, and especially now that
Speaker 2: I'm exclusively breastfeeding. No, I absolutely hate even trying to
Speaker 2: touch my boobs anyway, nipple a surrounding the my saggy
Speaker 2: boobs and everything. No, Okay, I'll explain this, and I
Speaker 2: think that other moms who listen to this will be
Speaker 2: able to understand. There is this feeling of being touched
Speaker 2: out and there is this feeling of having a body
Speaker 2: part that no longer feels like it's yours.
Speaker 1: And maybe not everyone is.
Speaker 2: Going to experience this feeling, But like my boobs used
Speaker 2: to feel like a sensual part of me. Though I
Speaker 2: used to feel like I had autonomy over I used
Speaker 2: to feel like I was, it felt like they were
Speaker 2: an you know, boobs were like a sexual organ.
Speaker 1: Boobs were sexy, and now they're a feeding tool.
Speaker 2: I feel like boobs before you have kids are definitely
Speaker 2: part of like what is sexy and what you know
Speaker 2: gets you off. But for me, since having Lola, they
Speaker 2: became having Mary even, they became a huge no go
Speaker 2: zone because they are oversensitized. It fundamentally feels like their
Speaker 2: purpose has changed. And Matt touching them, I hate anyone
Speaker 2: touching them.
Speaker 1: They don't really know well.
Speaker 2: I mean when Brittany does it better, like no, they
Speaker 2: feel they don't feel sexy anymore. And I don't think
Speaker 2: that that's going to be the normal for everyone, But
Speaker 2: I do know for a lot of women who have
Speaker 2: had children and who are breastfeeding, a lot of my
Speaker 2: friends we've had the same conversations. But anytime that Matt
Speaker 2: tries to touch me in like a romantic way, as
Speaker 2: in like because he's aroused, I can't. I cannot stand it,
Speaker 2: and it's an instant turn off for me. So look,
Speaker 2: I mean, if you're not pregnant, and this is just
Speaker 2: something that you're forecasting for the future, your taste might change.
Speaker 2: You might find something else that gets you off. But
Speaker 2: there is this thing which a lot of women who
Speaker 2: are breastfeeding describe, and it's this feeling of being touched out.
Speaker 2: So when you have another human that's completely attached to you,
Speaker 2: that's constantly touching you, that constantly needs something from you,
Speaker 2: you feel exasperated by somebody else's touch and when your
Speaker 2: partner tries to be romantic with you, you are exhausted
Speaker 2: by it. And I had this really badly with Marley.
Speaker 2: And we actually had a sex ologist on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Her name was Juliet Allen, and she called it this
Speaker 2: thing being touched out, and it's this idea that like,
Speaker 2: no matter how much you love someone and no matter
Speaker 2: how much you want to be romantic with them, just
Speaker 2: having any other human touch you when you have been
Speaker 2: sucked dry, literally from a baby all day, you just
Speaker 2: can't stand the feeling of somebody else touching you. And
Speaker 2: it doesn't matter if you love them or not. And
Speaker 2: I experienced it really really badly with Matt, especially with
Speaker 2: my first baby, especially with Marley, because I was not
Speaker 2: used to constantly having something touching my skin. And that's
Speaker 2: a very real thing that mothers experience with their first
Speaker 2: and second and third of however many children you would have.
Speaker 1: Then there's me who goes and pays for massages the
Speaker 1: last ten years just so someone would touch me, like
Speaker 1: just she's like, where are you saw, I'm like nowhere,
Speaker 1: Just touch me generally, love, just hold me. No. But
Speaker 1: that's really that is really interesting and that makes so
Speaker 1: much sense, of course, but I would like to think
Speaker 1: and again put the call, because you're not at that
Speaker 1: point yet. I would like to think that once the
Speaker 1: kids are a little bit older and you're not breastfeeding,
Speaker 1: you're back to feeling your normal self, that you will
Speaker 1: then enjoy it again. That maybe it's very time sensitive
Speaker 1: and very situational.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent, Like as soon as you stop breastfeeding,
Speaker 2: your boobs go back to being normal, Like it's not
Speaker 2: like your boot It's not like your boobs stay this oversensitized.
Speaker 2: It's not like your booths stay in this oversensitized situation.
Speaker 2: Like once you stop breastfeeding, everything goes back to normal.
Speaker 2: But when you are breastfeeding and like your sole focus
Speaker 2: is keeping a little human alive, there is this feeling like, okay,
Speaker 2: the purpose of boobs has changed, Like my breasts are
Speaker 2: not here for your play. They are here to feed
Speaker 2: this small child. And I'm sure there's going to be
Speaker 2: somebody out there who's got kids who breastfeeds and they
Speaker 2: feel completely different about their body. But for me, there
Speaker 2: was a very clear distinction that was drawn in the
Speaker 2: sand when I had children.
Speaker 1: But let's actually get a bit more like literally get
Speaker 1: technical with this, because she's saying, can you physically do
Speaker 1: it when you're breastfeeding or is the milk gonna come out?
Speaker 2: The milk will come out, like okay, So for example
Speaker 2: here it is this is gonna like weird out people
Speaker 2: who have not had kids or not.
Speaker 1: It's nothing that we say any more. Laura could weed
Speaker 1: out any of our listeners, but we have done that.
Speaker 2: So I'm at the twelve week mark with Lola and
Speaker 2: I only exclusively breastfeed her. I haven't brought myself to
Speaker 2: the point where I'm pumping. I'm still it's just baby taboob,
Speaker 2: that's it, because I don't really like pumping. I actually
Speaker 2: hate it. I feel like a bit of a cow.
Speaker 2: And I tried it with Marley and it wasn't for me.
Speaker 2: So I was like, cool, I'm going to try and
Speaker 2: just breastfeed Lola exclusively for as long as possible, and
Speaker 2: then I'll put her onto formula. So every single night
Speaker 2: I have to sleep with a towel because I leak
Speaker 2: breast milk onto the bed. And that's what's gonna happen
Speaker 2: when you have sex. So it'll be like one boob
Speaker 2: just gets to capacity, and then as soon as it's
Speaker 2: a capacity and you're supposed to feed a child, if
Speaker 2: you're asleep, your boob just goes. I'm like a little
Speaker 2: wei in the bed and it just lets go and
Speaker 2: they go.
Speaker 1: I didn't actually know that. I didn't know it was
Speaker 1: just gonna come out and ye sell you oh yeah.
Speaker 2: Just dribbles out, or like when the baby latches on
Speaker 2: one side, you'll just spray out of the other side.
Speaker 2: And that's like it's called letdown, like you want to
Speaker 2: catch that shit because it's gold.
Speaker 1: Well there you go. So you're answering.
Speaker 2: It was like nothing could shock me, and then she's like,
Speaker 2: fucking stop.
Speaker 1: It actually doesn't shock me. But it's a good contraception
Speaker 1: for Meny okay, do we want another question? Or are
Speaker 1: we gonna wrap it up at three? Do you want
Speaker 1: I'm not hit even it I don't know if you want.
Speaker 1: I'm playing a roll, all right, I've got one more. Honestly,
Speaker 1: give the girl one wine and she's unstoppable.
Speaker 2: It's been a while, guys, it really does hit the sides. Okay,
Speaker 2: I've got one more. My brother and I have somewhat
Speaker 2: mutual friends because he's not that much younger than me.
Speaker 2: His best mate has a beautiful girlfriend. She's a fucking
Speaker 2: awesome human being, and he's been cheating on her. He's
Speaker 2: cheated on her a few times recently, even though they've
Speaker 2: just moved in together. I know of two occasions just
Speaker 2: over a month ago, and I'm not sure if I
Speaker 2: should tell her if and when I see her again,
Speaker 2: which might not be for a little while. But do
Speaker 2: you think I should tell her? I don't think it's
Speaker 2: any of my business, but if I was in her shoes,
Speaker 2: I would be mortified if this was happening to me,
Speaker 2: and I wouldn't even give a fuck if the postman
Speaker 2: told me.
Speaker 1: I would just want to know.
Speaker 2: Also, if I did say anything to her, everyone including
Speaker 2: my brother, who I rent share with, would hate my guts.
Speaker 1: Is it worth it? Am I being selfish? Help?
Speaker 2: This is such a big one.
Speaker 1: And I think so many people have been in this situation.
Speaker 1: I straightaway will just relate this back to myself, because
Speaker 1: that's all you can do. I obviously was in this
Speaker 1: situation to an extent where I was with this sociopath
Speaker 1: for a few years. He had a double arm. He
Speaker 1: was with someone else for six years while he was
Speaker 1: with me for two years. And I found out about
Speaker 1: her and she didn't know about me.
Speaker 2: Wait, guys, if you haven't listened to that episode, it's
Speaker 2: episode number three from our first season, I feel like
Speaker 2: you need contact to this if you're new to the podcast.
Speaker 1: So yeah, long, stay short. He had two girlfriends.
Speaker 2: Brit dated a guy who literally was engaged to somebody
Speaker 2: else for a very long time. It's a big episode,
Speaker 2: go listen to it.
Speaker 1: But I was the one that found out and she
Speaker 1: didn't know, and I was like, you know what, stuff
Speaker 1: for this, she deserves to know. I'm going to just
Speaker 1: tell her. So I did tell her. I will never
Speaker 1: forget her saying thank you so much, like you didn't
Speaker 1: have to do this. You could have just walked away
Speaker 1: and brushed your hands of it. But she was. She
Speaker 1: was then armed with information that she could make her
Speaker 1: own decision whether she went to him and spoke to
Speaker 1: him about it and they sorted it out, or whether
Speaker 1: she walked away from him, which she absolutely did with
Speaker 1: his credit card. Love that where you know, like, that's
Speaker 1: at least she was armed with all information. And I
Speaker 1: know that it's easy. Like there's a big part of
Speaker 1: me that thinks that if I was in a bliss
Speaker 1: for what I thought was a bliss for relationship, there's
Speaker 1: a big part of me that would love to say, like,
Speaker 1: ignorance is bliss, don't tell me, don't burst my bubble,
Speaker 1: don't ruin it for me. But that's probably forty nine percent.
Speaker 1: There's fifty one percent that's one hundred percent. Arm me
Speaker 1: with that information and let me be able to do
Speaker 1: what I want with it. You're in a tricky situation
Speaker 1: because your brother's involved. There's there's three or four people
Speaker 1: involved in this. I'm gonna have to say, speak to
Speaker 1: your brother first. I think that could be an option
Speaker 1: and be like you either need to tell him to
Speaker 1: pull his head in or I'm going to tell her
Speaker 1: and maybe just see where it goes. But how do
Speaker 1: you feel if you've seen him doing the dirty behind
Speaker 1: her back and he's just moved in with her. You
Speaker 1: would want to know. I know I would want to know.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the end of the world. Your
Speaker 1: brother's not gonna hate you forever. If you go and
Speaker 1: tell a girl that his partner's cheating on him. It's
Speaker 1: not like you're dubbing your brother in either. So I
Speaker 1: think it's like, morally, are you gonna be okay with it?
Speaker 1: That's what it's going to come down to you. Are
Speaker 1: you gonna be okay with it? Are you going to
Speaker 1: be okay with the repercussions? Only you know what these
Speaker 1: people are like, only you know what their reactions are
Speaker 1: going to be like. But if it were me in
Speaker 1: that situation, I would want you to come and tell me.
Speaker 2: Yes, I one hundred percent agree with everything you just said.
Speaker 2: If it was me in that situation, I would want
Speaker 2: to know. However, does that mean that you are the
Speaker 2: one that has to do that hardlifting and if that's
Speaker 2: going to have a huge impact on your life, do
Speaker 2: you need to be the one to bring that news
Speaker 2: to the table. No, it is anyone else going to exactly,
Speaker 2: But you need to sit down and look at your
Speaker 2: own situation and have a think about how this is
Speaker 2: going to impact your life and whether or not it
Speaker 2: is worth it, whether or not morally. And I know
Speaker 2: that this is a shit thing to say, because I
Speaker 2: think that there are going to be some people out
Speaker 2: there who are like, no girl code.
Speaker 1: You have to tell her.
Speaker 2: She has a right to know, and she absolutely has
Speaker 2: a right to know. I don't for one second like
Speaker 2: I'm not for one second defending this guy's behavior. I'm
Speaker 2: not for one second thinking that she shouldn't be told.
Speaker 2: But what I am saying is is it worth your lifestyle?
Speaker 2: Is it worth your current living situation? Is it worth
Speaker 2: your friends turning against you? I think just consider your
Speaker 2: own personal situation first, because you don't want to put
Speaker 2: yourself into a situation where you're being ostracized by your
Speaker 2: friendship group, where your brother is getting upset with you.
Speaker 2: And I know that you can have these conversations with
Speaker 2: him and obviously bring him around, but I think, like
Speaker 2: brit said, have those conversations first, because you need to
Speaker 2: protect yourself and your own mental health is extremely important
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: I was in this situation last year. I actually blocked
Speaker 1: it from my memory until right now. I was so traumatizing.
Speaker 1: I was the one that sort of brought to the
Speaker 1: attention that there was somebody in our group whose partner
Speaker 1: was cheating and had been cheating. They were a long
Speaker 1: term couple, they were living together. I didn't even witness
Speaker 1: it myself, but a very reliable source had said to me,
Speaker 1: you know that this is happening. That's been happening for
Speaker 1: every year. And I was like, oh, and I'm not
Speaker 1: close with this girl, but I'm very close with her
Speaker 1: friend and I've been in groups with her. And I
Speaker 1: weighed this up for so long, to the point that
Speaker 1: I went and met with the friends, not the girl
Speaker 1: that was being cheated on. I met with my friends
Speaker 1: and I posed it as a lifeline cut question. I
Speaker 1: sat there and I said, hey, can I read you
Speaker 1: guys a question that came in because I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do about it. And I pretended and I
Speaker 1: asked them because it was their friend, and I was like,
Speaker 1: would you tell these girls that their friends being cheated on?
Speaker 1: And they both and in my mind I was like,
Speaker 1: if they say yes, I will tell them. If they
Speaker 1: say no, I will just forget it. They both said absolutely,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, that was a mad up question.
Speaker 1: It's me it's this person, this is happening, and what
Speaker 1: ensued from that was so much drama. I can't even explain.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad because they broke up. She's happily with
Speaker 1: someone else now. He was not nice to her at all.
Speaker 1: So a year down the track, I feel great that
Speaker 1: I did it. She's happy and everything is happening in
Speaker 1: her career, in her life, and she's in a really
Speaker 1: good place. But there was like, oh, eight months of
Speaker 1: emails being bombarded of dms of text please tell me this?
Speaker 1: Who said this? Why did you say this? He would
Speaker 1: never have done this, and I was like, WHOA, what
Speaker 1: the hell have I just done? I should have mined
Speaker 1: my own business totally. And that's the problem.
Speaker 2: The problem is is that you will end up becoming
Speaker 2: the mouthpiece for this relationship and you will have to
Speaker 2: give evidence. It'll be his word against your word, and
Speaker 2: there is going to be a lot of drama that's
Speaker 2: going to come your way. And I think if you
Speaker 2: morally cannot live without saying this and without really going
Speaker 2: you know, like, this chick is awesome and she doesn't
Speaker 2: deserve this. And I don't really care what the fallout is.
Speaker 2: I just think be hyper aware of how severe the
Speaker 2: fallout could be. And I think, in an ideal world,
Speaker 2: I'm going to say to you, absolutely, one hundred percent,
Speaker 2: tell her the fucking sisterhood is way more important, Like
Speaker 2: I would want to know, and I would want my
Speaker 2: friends or my friends of friends to look out for
Speaker 2: me and tell me that is the thing you should do.
Speaker 2: That is an ideal world. But we all know we
Speaker 2: don't live in an ideal world, and we all know
Speaker 2: that decisions we make are way more complex. Really consider
Speaker 2: what could be the fallout and how you will manage
Speaker 2: the fallout before you go ahead and do something like that.
Speaker 1: The only other thing that I would say that you
Speaker 1: could do if you're in this predicament where you're like,
Speaker 1: I do have to tell her, but I'm also worried
Speaker 1: about the fallout. And this is not fool proof. But
Speaker 1: you can go and speak to her and say, look,
Speaker 1: I felt I have weighed this up for a long time,
Speaker 1: and I think it's wrong not to tell you, So
Speaker 1: I want to tell you. Tell her and then say,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to ask you from the bottom of
Speaker 1: my heart that you don't bring me into this. Please
Speaker 1: don't say that it was me who told you, But
Speaker 1: maybe you can just sit and have the conversation with him. Oh,
Speaker 1: she one hundred percent, But it'll and I mean, you
Speaker 1: take a very big chance of it end up being
Speaker 1: him being like you either tell me how you know
Speaker 1: or you know, or it's not gonna happen and she'll say,
Speaker 1: what was Sally? You know? So that's a risk. But
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, if you absolutely can't live with yourself
Speaker 1: and look them in the eye every time you see them,
Speaker 1: then that's an option. But this one's I mean, fuck,
Speaker 1: it's so true. I don't envy you at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and this one is, like, it's not a black
Speaker 2: and white question. I think lots of people have been
Speaker 2: in the situation where they've found out that someone that
Speaker 2: they know has cheated on their partner, and usually it
Speaker 2: comes down to a proximity thing, right, It comes down
Speaker 2: to how well you know that partner, whether or not
Speaker 2: you take the risk and you jeopardize any friendships and
Speaker 2: you tell them, like, I think this is so common.
Speaker 2: It's just that it's not so common that people jeopardize
Speaker 2: their friendships in order to have those conversations. So think
Speaker 2: about it, consider your options, sit down with your brother,
Speaker 2: explain to him how you're feeling and what you want
Speaker 2: to say, and then I think you know from there
Speaker 2: you can make a decision. But it isn't black and white.
Speaker 2: There will be some drama that this will bring into
Speaker 2: your life. But morally, if you feel like that, you
Speaker 2: need to tell her. Fucking tell her because people don't
Speaker 2: deserve to be cheated on.
Speaker 1: I'm going to put a pole up tomorrow. That's great.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, you know what, screw everything we just said.
Speaker 2: We're going to put a poll on Instagram or whatever
Speaker 2: the pole says is what you should do.
Speaker 1: No, but we will put a pole up. I want
Speaker 1: to know if you've ever had to tell your friends
Speaker 1: that their partner's cheating on them, and then I want
Speaker 1: to know if there was a fall out. But guys,
Speaker 1: that is it. We did four today and that episode
Speaker 1: went longer than usual, but we hope we helped you
Speaker 1: in some way. Please keep those questions coming into life, Uncut, podcast, Instagram,
Speaker 1: in the dms. Just make sure you put the head
Speaker 1: in ask Uncut. Also keep any funny stories rolling in
Speaker 1: and you're accidentally unpilpossed too, because you know.
Speaker 2: We've froth that.
Speaker 1: Thank you, all for the love, thank you for the support.
Speaker 1: We're going to see you back next Tuesday. Remember to
Speaker 1: tell your mom, to your dad, tell you dog, tell
Speaker 1: your friends, and share the love because we all love
Speaker 2: Kaa