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Speaker 1: Welcome to Behind the Scenes podcast. Will we answer your

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Speaker 1: questions if you've got one, hit us up, although I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure. I think there has been a bit of

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Speaker 1: a backlog. Apologies if we haven't got to your questions

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Speaker 1: just yet. I think there's just a delay in the

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Speaker 1: transcribing because they do get physically written down and then

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Speaker 1: putting this little treasure chest.

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Speaker 2: I like the chest.

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Speaker 1: I like the chest as well, but you know, the

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Speaker 1: chest is none of as good as the treasure, as

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Speaker 1: the great saying goes, and currently it's it's relatively treasureless,

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Speaker 1: and that's lacking treasure. A digital teams only as good

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Speaker 1: as it's digital content maker.

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Speaker 2: And the one person on the digital team here, I'm

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Speaker 2: very busy, but if you would like me to grab

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Speaker 2: one of the questions, I can run it in for you.

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Speaker 1: Well, you just get writing out there, mate, one step

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Speaker 1: at a time. I reckon one foot in front of

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Speaker 1: the other.

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Speaker 3: We've got to write them down first, so you read

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Speaker 3: and write and.

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Speaker 1: Then we'll think about putting it in the box. Alight woods,

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to help you.

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Speaker 3: What are we dealing with today?

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Speaker 2: You need a hand? So this is part two of ipepe.

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Speaker 2: I hope she hits you. I think I've deserved.

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Speaker 4: I think after the recording, I think I think that's

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Speaker 4: he's not allowed. I just maybe just like a flat tire,

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Speaker 4: just hoping she walks behind you gives you a flat

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Speaker 4: tire because you deserve that.

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Speaker 3: Actually might slash my tires.

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Speaker 1: My bike is okayv You do a wonderful job. We

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Speaker 1: are just running. There's only one question in the box.

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Speaker 1: I can only I'm only just dealing with what's in

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Speaker 1: front of me.

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Speaker 4: Now that we're in part two, we're in part two.

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Speaker 3: We're in part two.

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Speaker 4: We're in part two of a question that we received

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Speaker 4: yesterday is what is your least favorite emotion to feel?

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Speaker 4: So ah, cards on the table. I am, I feel,

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Speaker 4: I do feel. I'm not a robot, but I I

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Speaker 4: find feelings very confusing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, which I'm sure lot of people do.

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Speaker 4: You Just you feel something something's going on, and it

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Speaker 4: might be like painful, or like it's a it's a

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Speaker 4: sensation in your body, or it's like something's off. And

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Speaker 4: it takes me actually a fair bit of time to

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Speaker 4: be like I actually what is what?

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Speaker 3: Actually is that?

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Speaker 1: I find this really really interesting because Sam is exactly

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Speaker 1: the same as you. I know, you two are pretty

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Speaker 1: much carbon copies of each other.

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Speaker 2: But very strange.

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Speaker 1: It is very very strange, but you sheesus the same thing.

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Speaker 1: If I have an argument with her or something, I

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Speaker 1: can tell she's upset off and I'm like, what's going

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Speaker 1: on And she's like, it's taken us a long time

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Speaker 1: for her to just go I don't know yet. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I did meet it because for me, it's like reading

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Speaker 1: a book and I'm like, that's what that is.

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Speaker 3: Bang.

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Speaker 1: But for her, it's taken me a long time for

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Speaker 1: her to I'm like, because I used to just think

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Speaker 1: it was a delaying tactic because she knew I was

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Speaker 1: coming from. She's like, I'm like, just totally a feeling

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Speaker 1: and she you know now I'm like, well, no, hang on,

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Speaker 1: you actually have no idea.

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Speaker 4: Well, she's got the whole English, the Dutch to English thing.

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Speaker 4: I don't even have that, but I like the way

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Speaker 4: it feels for me is like there's no words. I

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Speaker 4: don't have any words to explain what's happening right now.

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Speaker 4: But there's a thing that's going on in me. Do

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Speaker 4: you figure out what that is?

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Speaker 1: Do you get the words as the like as you

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Speaker 1: give the emotion like space, time and space.

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Speaker 3: Do the words sort of arrive?

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I do get there, but I need to,

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Speaker 4: like I really need to like walk away and just

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Speaker 4: like figure it out. So often, like I'll just write

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Speaker 4: it down. I'll start writing, and then eventually it'll be.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh, I think that's what was going on.

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Speaker 4: But it's like it's like I don't allow myself to

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Speaker 4: like accept that that's what's going on. It's like it

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Speaker 4: feels like there's a bit of a war going on

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Speaker 4: inside my body where it's like you know the start

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Speaker 4: of those war scenes in films where you get the

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Speaker 4: two sides running into each other. Just take Gladiator. First

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Speaker 4: scene in Gladiator two armies running each other. That's what

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Speaker 4: it feels like internally, I.

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Speaker 3: Think, yeah, you have that like heat or friction or just.

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Speaker 2: It's just like there's a battle going on and I'm like, ah,

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Speaker 2: what do you guys? Who side are you want? And

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Speaker 2: what's happening in there?

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Speaker 4: And then I just walk away and just figure it out.

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Speaker 4: So everyone's everyone said, bright everyone, sit down, hey, sit down,

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Speaker 4: sit down, listen up right, What's what are you finting?

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Speaker 2: What's your issue? Why are you making my stomach hurt

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Speaker 2: while you're making my heart feel tight? Yeah? What's that

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Speaker 2: all about?

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Speaker 1: So? Do you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Sorry?

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Speaker 4: You go to I want to I want to know

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Speaker 4: if like when you like, do you know if I said, like,

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Speaker 4: what what is anger to you?

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Speaker 2: And stuff like or like what is joy?

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Speaker 3: Or what is like?

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Speaker 2: Can you so okay? Those for what they feel like

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Speaker 2: for you?

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Speaker 4: Positive ones? I actually I can. I engage them very

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Speaker 4: quickly and very easily. If I feel joy or happy,

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Speaker 4: it like it lifts my entire body off the ground.

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Speaker 2: Okay, And I know that instantly.

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Speaker 4: It's more the ones that it's like, I think it's

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Speaker 4: probably the emotions that I'm ashamed of having mm and

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Speaker 4: if they would put them in a negative category, and

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Speaker 4: I think that's for battle.

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Speaker 1: And that's probably what's blocking you from understanding them, is

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Speaker 1: this sense of shame.

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Speaker 4: I think so and not again subconscious this is all

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Speaker 4: without me thinking that. It's like, I think there's a

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Speaker 4: part of me which it's just like, don't feel that,

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Speaker 4: don't feel that, don't feel that. And then it's like

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Speaker 4: it's in there and that's when you feel it physically.

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Speaker 2: And I think that's the confusion for me. I'm like whoa,

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Speaker 2: what the something's happening in me?

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Speaker 1: So subconsciously you're you're suppressing what's happening, and then as

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Speaker 1: a result that would probably create more tension as well.

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Speaker 4: Yes, and it blocks the connection to my language where

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Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I don't even I can't.

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Speaker 1: I can't think about what this is yet because it's

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Speaker 1: so intense. Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's the that's the really point. I don't.

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Speaker 4: I don't feel it with positive like emotions that I feel.

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Speaker 4: I'm happy to share, like the positive ones. I feel

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Speaker 4: that I know exactly what that feeling feels like, and

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Speaker 4: I love that. But anyway, so do you sorry one

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Speaker 4: more question do you have, like a.

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Speaker 1: Is it cathartic when you finally sit the armies down

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Speaker 1: and you know, find out who their liege is.

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Speaker 4: I think, oh, yeah, cathartic is very strong. I think

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Speaker 4: it's like it's like very crystallizing. Yeah, it's a it's

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Speaker 4: a it's just a real like oh that's a oh right,

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Speaker 4: that is. I think maybe I just didn't know what

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Speaker 4: cathasis was and I was trying to answer the question

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Speaker 4: without saying what does that mean? Well, yeah, yes it is,

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Speaker 4: and then I often and then you want to more

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Speaker 4: often than not with my partner, I want to report

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Speaker 4: back referring so you know how it's got real weird

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Speaker 4: really suddenly, and I like just that nothing really came

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Speaker 4: of what happened there, and you were probably really confused.

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Speaker 2: I was confused too, but I think this is what happened.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the same as seminar.

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Speaker 2: And then it's like ah and it's funny, like.

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Speaker 3: There are always great conversations as well, oh the best.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So so with that in mind, I actually, you should

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Speaker 4: go to our sponsors bloody oaths. We should bluddy, I

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Speaker 4: should and here they are bloody outstanding. I mean they

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Speaker 4: are I'm just gonna say this. They are the best

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Speaker 4: at what they do. So with that in mind that

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Speaker 4: I just struggle to attach things, attach words to emotions,

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Speaker 4: and that's that's pretty much it.

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Speaker 2: That's a bit of a journey.

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Speaker 4: I had to go to a to answer the question

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Speaker 4: of what was my least favorite emotion to feel? I

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Speaker 4: went to one of those emotion wheels, which is something

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Speaker 4: that I'm trying to encourage with rem.

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Speaker 3: What is an emotion wheel?

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Speaker 2: So it's just like it's just it's a colorful wheel.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and they kind of like categorize as like red

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Speaker 4: and blue and a.

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Speaker 2: Light okay, and you kind of like it.

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Speaker 4: Really it can help me to figure out what am

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Speaker 4: I feeling.

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Speaker 3: You have an emotion wheel that you use.

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Speaker 4: Hoffman, it's a it's yeah, that's done. It's great. It's

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Speaker 4: really good. It's great.

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Speaker 3: Let me talk about one hundred.

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Speaker 1: It's an app on your phone to search it online.

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Speaker 2: What do you This isn't technically in wheel form, but

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Speaker 2: this is the Hoffman Hoffman and Albert Hoffman. I don't

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Speaker 2: know if it's Albert. So that's a that's a feelings wheel,

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Speaker 2: feelings we Hoffman wheel. Oh that's on Amazon. You can

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Speaker 2: buy it.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, sounds like why would you buy emotion? Got

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Speaker 3: it for free on your phone?

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Speaker 1: Baby emotions color that Hofmanffman see that it's enormous.

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Speaker 2: So, but it like starts with like so in the

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Speaker 2: middle basic ones.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, in the middle of the primary colors in the middle,

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Speaker 1: and it goes sad, mad, scared, joyful, powerful, peaceful.

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Speaker 3: So can I.

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Speaker 1: Guess without looking so sad, it's going to be blue?

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Speaker 1: No ship, you're kidding?

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Speaker 2: Peaceful's blue?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: I've recently found it.

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Speaker 4: I'm very colorblind though, like I'm I'm I'm really figuring

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Speaker 4: that out. You're colorblind to bad games?

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Speaker 3: Sad, yellow? No, what's sad? Green? Pink, pink?

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Speaker 2: Like like a.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry Hoffman, I think Halfman better not be because his

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Speaker 1: reputations blighted.

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Speaker 2: Forever of sad pink, Mad is red?

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Speaker 3: Well, obviously that's what I'm saying. I mean, that's a

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Speaker 3: free hit.

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Speaker 4: Scared orange's to be there as well.

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Speaker 2: But anyway, what colors to one side?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: No, tell me there's another one?

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Speaker 3: Is that Hoffman's wheel?

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Speaker 2: Because you think, what do you think powerful is?

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean I'm going to say, like a say purple,

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Speaker 1: I would say like a shade of red?

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Speaker 2: Green? No, No, one's green with power.

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Speaker 3: We discussed this last time. You're green with envy, you're sick.

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Speaker 2: That's true, that's true.

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Speaker 4: I think that'd come under mad, Yeah, under so okay,

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Speaker 4: So again this is you can just google this.

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Speaker 2: That'll make much more sense if you can see it.

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Speaker 4: But basically it starts with really basic emotions and then

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Speaker 4: once you figure out that you're I think I'm in

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Speaker 4: the mad category, then you go further out.

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Speaker 3: Hang on, hang on, hang on.

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Speaker 1: So you so you've got the thing and you don't

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Speaker 1: know what you don't know what the word is. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then you get out Hoffman's wheel.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. The first step there, which is like what.

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Speaker 3: You have to get a sense of what color it

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Speaker 3: might be.

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Speaker 4: So you go like, I think I'm angry, but what

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Speaker 4: like what so you think that you're so I think

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Speaker 4: it's angry.

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Speaker 1: I thought the step you would do is you'd try

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Speaker 1: and feel the color which associated with how you're feeling.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I don't do that because a lot of

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Speaker 1: people would A lot of people would be able to

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Speaker 1: do that, like a lot of people can describe their

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Speaker 1: emotions in color. Yeah, this is a lovely bit for

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Speaker 1: our children and the art Galloy. This is it. I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying, this is a beautiful segment. This is great

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Speaker 1: chat boy colors and emotions and wheels and totally.

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Speaker 2: A little in your bank pocket.

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Speaker 3: This guy was genuine grew less.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I think I mean across the board

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Speaker 2: the colors that people go for anyway, So sorry you

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Speaker 2: I don't need I don't go color for I don't,

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Speaker 2: I don't. You don't what color am I feeling? I

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Speaker 2: can go to.

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Speaker 4: Once I've got separation from it, I then just had

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Speaker 4: to investigate and like, okay, let's really what is this? Okay,

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Speaker 4: I go, I think I'm feeling angry, but that doesn't

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Speaker 4: make any sense. Why am I feeling anger.

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Speaker 2: On this wheel? So so I go mad?

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Speaker 1: Okay, and that's one of the one that's one of

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Speaker 1: the closest ones to the center.

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Speaker 2: They take one step out, yes, and then I go,

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Speaker 2: am I hurt and my hostile? Am I angry? Am

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Speaker 2: I selfish? And I hate that critical?

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Speaker 1: So the colors don't mean anything to you really, not really,

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Speaker 1: because we've found out that you're colorblind.

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Speaker 2: But well that just doesn't work for it. But that's

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Speaker 2: not going to help me.

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Speaker 1: That's fine, But the words, yes, yes, See what I

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Speaker 1: find interesting is I reckon If you had I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if there's going to be a sound wheel,

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Speaker 1: if that's available as well, but like that I would

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Speaker 1: find way more useful.

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Speaker 2: I mean a sound wheel.

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Speaker 1: Well, like if you had if the wheel had sound

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Speaker 1: effects which you could click on which would best convey

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Speaker 1: your emotion, and then that then had a word underneath

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Speaker 1: it that would be red hot because we could weep

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Speaker 1: because the sound wheel for me, that's like you create

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Speaker 1: that music. I know exactly what I'm feeling when I

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Speaker 1: hear certain types of music, music, therapy, art, therapy, anyway,

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Speaker 1: carry on.

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Speaker 3: So you're in the second.

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Speaker 2: You go mad, and then you go so I go hurt. Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think I was. I was hurt.

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Speaker 4: And then I go further out one more and then

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Speaker 4: how do you feel after that? Distant, sarcastic, frustrated, jealous, irritated, skeptical,

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Speaker 4: And I go, yes, all of a sudden became very irritable.

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Speaker 4: So I'm currently fearing feeling irritated, and then I need

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Speaker 4: to go like, okay, so what what happened that it

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Speaker 4: made me feel irritated? And often it's like, oh my god.

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Speaker 4: I think she mentioned she had a passing comment about

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Speaker 4: what pants I was wearing this weekend, and all I've

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Speaker 4: done is gone. She has an issue with the way that.

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Speaker 2: I look, Yeah, and that that that's made me mad.

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Speaker 3: Do you ever go to one step further than that?

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Speaker 2: What's that? Why? I started?

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Speaker 3: Well, no, no know why her commenting on how you look

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Speaker 3: makes you irritated? Undred is that? Has that? Does that happen? Actually?

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Speaker 3: Does that flow?

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Speaker 2: And that's that's where that that is where that's.

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Speaker 1: The magic that takes you right back to whatever it

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Speaker 1: was as a kid or whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: School day where the whole school laughed and we were

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Speaker 2: having bad pants on.

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Speaker 3: Okay, great, is that it was that natural thing? No?

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Speaker 4: Okay, but but that might be Yeah, you're able to

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Speaker 4: do that. And then and then the best thing is

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Speaker 4: I can explain to mim that every time you comment

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Speaker 4: on my pants, there was this moment that happened in

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Speaker 4: year three. Yeah, I'm going to be really sensitive about

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Speaker 4: comments about my pants.

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Speaker 3: Great, and then that totally.

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Speaker 1: Because if you if you're met with raw combative emotion

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Speaker 1: on another person your instant, you know, you could just

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Speaker 1: go straight into combat mode yourself. Told, if they can

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Speaker 1: explain to you where that comes from, yeah, but it

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Speaker 1: takes a what totally changes how you approach that thing

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Speaker 1: for them.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, the hardest is when there's a when there's

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Speaker 4: as I'm true the experience when there's heat both ways

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Speaker 4: and then someone's trying to walk away as well.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's what I'm saying with Sam. I'm like you

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Speaker 3: just yeah, stand and fight me.

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Speaker 4: No, but yeah, but also like if you're around exactly

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Speaker 4: because of the.

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Speaker 2: Emotion there, You're you're you're.

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Speaker 4: Dealing with emotions as well, and it's like, you know,

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Speaker 4: you're both both people in an emotional fight are not

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Speaker 4: being rational. Yeah, and then it's hard and then even

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Speaker 4: like sometimes I'm like, I'm not walking away, I'm figuring

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Speaker 4: this out now, but I'm just blind. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 4: know what I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think I learned that lesson the hard way,

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Speaker 1: And I don't know if mims the same. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think you're exactly the same as this. Not surprisingly, very weirdly,

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Speaker 1: if I push sim in that moment, if I do,

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Speaker 1: they're like, yeah, you stand and fight me, centurion. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it probably only happened.

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Speaker 3: Five times, I reckon in the nine years that we've

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Speaker 3: been together.

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Speaker 1: If I push her over the brink, like in that moment,

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Speaker 1: I experience a level of heat from her that I've

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Speaker 1: that I don't like saying because it's very overwhelming. It

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Speaker 1: totally overwhelms her and she goes she goes to like

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Speaker 1: level eleven. Yeah, but yeah, I don't even have that

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Speaker 1: in my wheelhouse. Like I considered a level ten pretty comfortably.

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Speaker 3: If I need to. Yeah, but like she got she

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Speaker 3: eclipses me, and then I'm just like, whoa, I went

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Speaker 3: that was bad?

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Speaker 1: Will? Yeah.

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Speaker 4: It feels a little bit like if you you've seen

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Speaker 4: Stranger Things, yep, you know, and you know those scenes

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Speaker 4: where Eleven just gets pushed a little bit too far eleven.

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Speaker 2: And then like she blows up power plants she has

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Speaker 2: a noseblade.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and then does that happen to you as well?

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Speaker 1: Or do you just like, do you ever get to

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Speaker 1: that point where you do turnover and then you're like,

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Speaker 1: whoa too far?

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Speaker 3: Ah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, very very rarely yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: And it's just but it's just it's just you just

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Speaker 2: like what happens.

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Speaker 3: That's such a weird It is like the it's like Eleven.

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Speaker 3: It actually it's totally It's involuntary, isn't it? Because you

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Speaker 3: just it's your last line of defense. You know.

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Speaker 1: That's the beautiful thing about anger is that, like anger is,

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Speaker 1: it is your last line of defense. It'll always be

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Speaker 1: there for you. It's this thing that you don't like

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Speaker 1: getting in touch with, but it white. One of my

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Speaker 1: favorite poets says, anger is the most beautiful, but your

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Speaker 1: most beautiful protector. It is your last soldier on the

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Speaker 1: hill that will always be like, nah, barger off.

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Speaker 3: But I'm too far.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I shut down.

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Speaker 1: Though I know his point is that you can often

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Speaker 1: be like quite angry at yourself for being like that.

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Speaker 1: Oh's try and look at it as like somebody else

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Speaker 1: pushed you to a place that you didn't want to be.

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Speaker 1: It was really beautiful that you had to defend yourself

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Speaker 1: to go and look after yourself.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's true. That's true.

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Speaker 1: That's how I try, And that's how I had to

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Speaker 1: sort of reframe those moments with sim because you know, yeah,

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Speaker 1: she'd really lift off and make me feel like shit,

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Speaker 1: and then I'd be like.

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Speaker 2: Which, but would she even just like shut down? I

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Speaker 2: think I'm more.

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Speaker 1: Actually fully totally cooks her, totally cooks her when that happens,

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Speaker 1: and it's overly like four or five times, and every

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Speaker 1: time I'm like, oh, no, that was bad.

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Speaker 3: I should have loture you put that down a long

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Speaker 3: time ago. But really, I'm glad you mentioned That's a

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Speaker 3: really good thing to.

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Speaker 1: Mention, because I only there be loads of people who

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Speaker 1: for one of a bit of a term emotionally dyslexic.

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Speaker 2: Get the wheel. And then I'm glad.

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Speaker 1: That you showed me it was on your phone because

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Speaker 1: I kind of just pictured you, like in a park

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Speaker 1: with like a twister wheel.

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Speaker 4: Not feeling that twist again, Happy, Nope, twist again, See

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Speaker 4: you next time.