Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on Cameragle Land. Before we get into the episode,
Speaker 2: we want to remind you all to go stop, drop
Speaker 2: whatever you're doing and go to the Australian Podcast Awards link.
Speaker 2: We're going to put it in the show notes and
Speaker 2: vote for Life on Cut in this year's Listener's Choice Award.
Speaker 1: It's so easy. Click the link that's in our bioshow notes,
Speaker 1: type in Life on Cut for the podcast. Then you
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Speaker 1: So it's two steps. Life on Cut for vote if
Speaker 1: the Listener's Choice, go to your email and press yes,
Speaker 1: that was actually me. They're voted.
Speaker 3: That is it right there.
Speaker 2: But it would mean so much to us if you've
Speaker 2: ever listened to the podcast. If you love Life on Cut,
Speaker 2: we adore you as a community and we would so
Speaker 2: love feu to castro votes.
Speaker 4: Have you noticed how oil Love, Britt Sneeze are today
Speaker 4: buck and lubricated.
Speaker 2: Look at those c I actually was so offended last on.
Speaker 3: Yes, I did, thank you. I'm glowing. Thanks. I put
Speaker 3: a tan on.
Speaker 1: And then this morning I woke up and as I
Speaker 1: was Ben and I have our morning FaceTime chat, and
Speaker 1: as I was leaving, he was like, you look great, babe,
Speaker 1: have a great day. And I was like thank He
Speaker 1: was like, don't forget to moisturize those knees.
Speaker 3: And so you went back inside luke your knees up
Speaker 3: and then left. I'm glad I.
Speaker 1: Should ask here's my knee moisturize that I have on me.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I brought it to work because I
Speaker 1: was so self conscious.
Speaker 3: What I take from this is that I make you
Speaker 3: a better person. You should thank me.
Speaker 1: No, you kick me while I'm down, because.
Speaker 3: He's fantastic knean improvements that you have though.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode
Speaker 4: of life.
Speaker 1: I'm cut, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and I have very
Speaker 1: moisturized knees.
Speaker 4: Well done, Thank you, well done. I didn't realize that
Speaker 4: it caused you so much upset I did.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you equally noticed how moist my knees are,
Speaker 1: like you noticed how dry they were the other day.
Speaker 2: Everyone, welcome back to another ask on can't where we answer?
Speaker 2: You're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions. And I
Speaker 2: have a question for you guys, both of you. Have
Speaker 2: you ever in later in life discovered that you have
Speaker 2: an allergy to something?
Speaker 3: And if so, how Yes I have?
Speaker 4: But my story is going to be so zero point
Speaker 4: zero zero one percent.
Speaker 3: I realized that I had an allergy.
Speaker 1: To rats, as in like men, no, I wish.
Speaker 4: I'm allergic to them all I wish no, because you
Speaker 4: can develop allergies. You can develop like sensitivity, certain things
Speaker 4: like after prolonged exposure. And back in my past.
Speaker 1: Life, which was over a decade ago.
Speaker 4: I worked in a research lab and I ended up
Speaker 4: developing an allergy.
Speaker 3: To the rats.
Speaker 4: And it was really bad because you're already gowned up
Speaker 4: and stuff like you already covered.
Speaker 2: But I just think that that's like revenge the rats though,
Speaker 2: because you're there trying to stick things in them and
Speaker 2: doing experiments on them, and they're like, you know, how,
Speaker 2: we're going to really fuck her up sinus problems.
Speaker 4: Fair, but they did get cocaine every day.
Speaker 1: When Samuel Loose summerrat them.
Speaker 3: It was a trade off.
Speaker 1: I have developed two allergies later in life, I was
Speaker 1: one of those kids that went through. I didn't have
Speaker 1: anything wrong with me, Like I didn't need the braces,
Speaker 1: I didn't have sinus problems, I didn't have I just perfect.
Speaker 3: But I just scooted through.
Speaker 1: I'd say this because my sister got the short end
Speaker 1: of the stick, right, Like she got everything. She had
Speaker 1: flat feet, she needed athotic, she needed bracest, she needed hearing.
Speaker 3: Eight she lost her hearing.
Speaker 1: So like she got everything, and I didn't ever have
Speaker 1: an allergy or anything any great.
Speaker 4: His nickname at school was ski jump Nose because she
Speaker 4: has such a perfect ski jump nose, which I wish.
Speaker 3: Was a joke, but actually it's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that wasn't a compliment. There were ski jump
Speaker 1: noses weren't in when I was seven.
Speaker 4: Laura Rhinoplastiah, that's what everyone goes for, do you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to sound like a winker, but I'm
Speaker 1: it's a flex I do like my I think it's
Speaker 1: a great little nose. And now I know that it
Speaker 1: is apparently a desirable nose. And I say that because
Speaker 1: when people call me ski jump nose, Laura, it was offensive.
Speaker 3: They were bullying me.
Speaker 1: They were like, oh, I could word to jump down
Speaker 1: your nose, and I'm like whatever, But people send me
Speaker 1: messages now I'm not kidding, saying that their screenshot my
Speaker 1: nose to take it to get as the reference to
Speaker 1: get a nose job.
Speaker 3: So I'm so flattered. I'm like, I'm like, people want
Speaker 3: my nose. That's incredible. And I always sound like a wenkup,
Speaker 3: but I just what it is.
Speaker 4: Anyway, go off, queen, I thank you, ski jump right
Speaker 4: off that.
Speaker 1: No, but I have super bad hay fever most of
Speaker 1: the year now, which I've never had in my life.
Speaker 3: This happened like the.
Speaker 1: Last two years. And I don't want to go into
Speaker 1: this allergy too much because I have a feeling it's
Speaker 1: your allergy. But this year I'm allergic to garlic. I
Speaker 1: cannot eat garlic. Guys.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 4: So I went to the pub the other night with
Speaker 4: the kids and Matt and my favorite food in the
Speaker 4: entire world is a pub chili prawn past Oh.
Speaker 3: I fucking love it.
Speaker 2: So the kids are running around, I ordered myself my
Speaker 2: chilipron pasta. I was walking around like watching the kids
Speaker 2: and eating it at the same time.
Speaker 3: Delicious.
Speaker 4: Halfway through.
Speaker 2: I was like, God, it's really got a bit of
Speaker 2: garlic to it, doesn't it. And I was like, hmm,
Speaker 2: it's very garlicy. Anyway, we're there were some other friends
Speaker 2: and I got about three quarters away through this pasta,
Speaker 2: and then I started talking to a girl who I
Speaker 2: know not that well, mind you, and she was like, Wow,
Speaker 2: that pasta must have a lot of garlic in it.
Speaker 2: I stunk so bad that it was coming out of
Speaker 2: my armpits.
Speaker 3: I was to try and to have sex with me
Speaker 3: that night, and he was like, Laura, you smell like garbage.
Speaker 2: The garlic perforated everything. And I'm talking everything all my
Speaker 2: whole body alergy.
Speaker 3: My poos for two days smelt like garlic.
Speaker 4: My farts smelt like garlic, My underarms smelt like garlic.
Speaker 3: My mouth smelt like garlic.
Speaker 1: I also don't know how to break this to you.
Speaker 1: You just smelt because because you don't consume a food, dude,
Speaker 1: And it comes out your pause thirty seconds later like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: This happens with me in asparagus and twenty percent of
Speaker 4: people have the same enzyme deficiency and it makes your
Speaker 4: peace smell like asparagus.
Speaker 3: So you have it for garlic.
Speaker 2: Yes, so it's very similar. It's an enzyme reaction, but
Speaker 2: it is an intolerance. So I I went deep on
Speaker 2: the research and I have a friend who works in allergence,
Speaker 2: and I was like, dude, something's not right, like intigestion problems,
Speaker 2: like it really went off.
Speaker 3: I also went off sis and it was fucked up.
Speaker 4: And then I had this revelation where I was like,
Speaker 4: because I wasn't drinking, I was like, back in the day,
Speaker 4: i'd go to the pub, I'd have my chili prom
Speaker 4: pasta several glasses of wine and be fucked up. And
Speaker 4: now I go out with my children, I have a
Speaker 4: prom past and it's the garlic cultures.
Speaker 3: This is a dream a year old? How did I
Speaker 3: get here? Like it's garlic, that's all Gali? Has anyone
Speaker 3: seen that kid? There is a hilarious reel.
Speaker 4: This little boy, he must be like two years old,
Speaker 4: and he keeps saying.
Speaker 3: Gali gomic and the mom.
Speaker 2: The mom's like, what do you want? And he wanted,
Speaker 2: you know, minced garlic out of a jar. You know what,
Speaker 2: We'll just put it in here, Garla. This is what
Speaker 2: you want to eat, Garlaic you want garlic garlac.
Speaker 3: Do you want turkey?
Speaker 1: You wan't garlic?
Speaker 3: Can I put it in a ball?
Speaker 1: Glic? I think our Instagram feeds it very different, algorith
Speaker 1: quite unique. No. If I eat garlic now, I have
Speaker 1: been a garlic fiend my entire life. Cannot get enough
Speaker 1: of it. Put it in everything, cereal garlic wee picks
Speaker 1: nekay exaggeration.
Speaker 3: But I eat it a lot.
Speaker 1: Now I can't eat it. If I eat it, it's
Speaker 1: like an IBS trigger. I am like I've swallowed a watermelon.
Speaker 1: Like my belly is huge, hard, and I.
Speaker 3: Thought, like, our boss, what your own pit smell like?
Speaker 1: They're not too bad, but it's the it's what's coming
Speaker 1: out of me seasoned. Yeah, oh my god. Like now
Speaker 1: Ben will not put in any food. He's like, you
Speaker 1: cannot be trusted. Yeah, So that's like the earthquake.
Speaker 4: Is it the type of thing like bo where you
Speaker 4: can't really smell your own.
Speaker 3: No, No, it's not like that. I wish it was.
Speaker 2: I could smell everything. It was so offensive, even to myself.
Speaker 2: I was trying to get away from myself. But it's
Speaker 2: a real shame because usually.
Speaker 1: Away for myself that's hard to do.
Speaker 2: Usually it's Matt who instigates like the adult time in
Speaker 2: our house, Like he's the one, he's always up for it,
Speaker 2: and unfortunately I was the one that was up for it,
Speaker 2: and he was like, I would rather go and sit
Speaker 2: in the bathroom and masturbate than have sex with you.
Speaker 3: Right now, He's like, you stink so bad.
Speaker 1: No, it's a low point where they're like, it's a
Speaker 1: no from me.
Speaker 4: That was two days straight, two nights ruled out. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 4: that's I just want to give you guys that update.
Speaker 4: No more Garlly for Laura Garli.
Speaker 3: What are you gonna do with the chili pasta? We
Speaker 3: can do that. You're in a new era. It's really upsetting.
Speaker 4: It's like one of the small joys of my life
Speaker 4: that has been taken away from me.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's a specific species of garlic.
Speaker 4: Maybe you could try like garlic powder. You could try
Speaker 4: the minxed one. Don't give up yet. It's like people
Speaker 4: who just accept gluten allergies and lactose allergies. I'm like,
Speaker 4: that's the best things in life unless try other things first,
Speaker 4: unless you're a Celiac, and then I really highly highly
Speaker 4: recommend that you don't take Keisha's advice and you share yourself.
Speaker 2: Definitely avoid gluten because you could die from that. So yeah,
Speaker 2: if you are shitting yourself, you stop eating.
Speaker 3: Laura would happily shit. I would should.
Speaker 4: It's the stand it's how it affects everyone else. If
Speaker 4: it was only affecting me, I'd be okay.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Well, before we get into vised and unsubscribes, Keisha, you
Speaker 2: also had an update the other week. We were talking
Speaker 2: about something that you stole from Bunnings if you missed it.
Speaker 3: An alleged store.
Speaker 4: I stole it from a hardware store that will not.
Speaker 3: Be named Bunnings.
Speaker 4: And also mit atand basically, you know how you go
Speaker 4: into a store and you get a sample pot of paint,
Speaker 4: turns out you're supposed to pay for that sample pot
Speaker 4: of paint.
Speaker 2: And Keisha, that was like a real revelation to her
Speaker 2: and she has stolen many sample pots of paints over
Speaker 2: the years.
Speaker 3: Turns out I'm not the only one.
Speaker 4: Because firstly, we got I specifically to my own Instagram,
Speaker 4: got about one hundred messages from people being like, so
Speaker 4: today was the day that I learned that also I
Speaker 4: am a thief.
Speaker 3: I should also be doing communities.
Speaker 1: Ever there were so many.
Speaker 3: So so, so many.
Speaker 4: But the funniest thing was after I posted this, we
Speaker 4: asked everyone, like, what's something that you've accidentally been doing
Speaker 4: that's illegal? And the amount of people that have been
Speaker 4: stealing barbecue gas bottles is out of.
Speaker 1: Role, which is so funny because there was this one
Speaker 1: go in particular that so Laura's looking at a shock.
Speaker 3: But the gas bottles is something called swap and go.
Speaker 1: So when you've when you've got a gas bottle and
Speaker 1: it's empty, you go in and you swap it out,
Speaker 1: so you leave yours, get the new one, which you
Speaker 1: pay for, and then you leave. But people people thought
Speaker 1: you just swapped it and went.
Speaker 3: In the name. They need to change the name that's
Speaker 3: on them.
Speaker 4: Swap and go is very misleading. But someone also wrote
Speaker 4: to us and said that this is actually the opposite.
Speaker 2: This is someone being super generous. They tried to pay
Speaker 2: for the air that they put in their tire.
Speaker 4: They went to the petro station put air in their
Speaker 4: tire and then went inside to pay for it.
Speaker 1: Revelation, that's not that funny. You pay for air overseas,
Speaker 1: that's such a I just did this big Scottish road trip.
Speaker 1: You have to pay for air in your tie.
Speaker 3: Are they getting it.
Speaker 4: From an oxygen tank or are they just getting it
Speaker 4: from the air and they're charging people to funnel it
Speaker 4: into their tires.
Speaker 1: It's literally the same, and there's lots of other countries
Speaker 1: that do it. But it's the same setup as you
Speaker 1: would hear.
Speaker 3: When you go and pull up.
Speaker 1: I actually think there are some places in Australia that
Speaker 1: you pay for air too, but it's the same setup
Speaker 1: where you just put the cord thing into your tires.
Speaker 2: And then have you seen The law Axe? The Law
Speaker 2: Axe is a kid's movie. It's all a kid's book. Brilliant,
Speaker 2: brilliant movie. If anyone's free this weekend five an unsubscribed
Speaker 2: The law Axe is a scene in there where the
Speaker 2: guy who runs the town starts charging for air.
Speaker 4: He's bottling air. That's what this reminds me of. It's
Speaker 4: like a dystopian universe. But no, I've never once paid
Speaker 4: for air. Turns out, I've never paid for example, Potter paint. However,
Speaker 4: I have paid for my swap and go barbecue gas bottle. Guys,
Speaker 4: let's get in to our vibes and unsubscribes. Britney, what
Speaker 4: is your Vibe for the week or unsubscribed.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing that moisturized my knee this morning.
Speaker 3: People sit back.
Speaker 1: This is a little tiny tub from summer Fridays that
Speaker 1: I've recently discovered. What it is is actually a jet
Speaker 1: lag mask. So for anyone that's flying, I mean they
Speaker 1: say jet lag, but it's for a plane, right, Like
Speaker 1: you know how you get so dehydrated on a plane.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone else is like me, but
Speaker 1: I was for a long time that person that would
Speaker 1: take like the big scary white face mask on and
Speaker 1: I was sitting my seat next to all these people
Speaker 1: planted on my face and keep it on for an
Speaker 1: hour or two.
Speaker 2: So fine, I have nothing against that. When I see
Speaker 2: your checky has done that, I'm like, she was prepared.
Speaker 2: That's excellent.
Speaker 3: Yes I did it.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with it. But now you can do
Speaker 1: it without having the big white scary face masking on.
Speaker 1: So this is literally just a cream that's really thick
Speaker 1: like a mask, but when you put it on, doesn't
Speaker 1: look like it is. It just looks like you've got
Speaker 1: a really moisturized face. And I used it for the
Speaker 1: first time my recent trip to Romania. And I absolutely
Speaker 1: loved it. It was very hydrating, very moisturizing. I just
Speaker 1: sporadically put it on, like topped it up through the
Speaker 1: plane because I was flying for like thirty hours.
Speaker 3: It's also excellent if you have carpet burn on your knees.
Speaker 1: Great for carpet burn on your knees. It's called Summer Fridays.
Speaker 1: It's in like this bluey little tube and it is
Speaker 1: the jet lag mask. So that is my recommendation this
Speaker 1: week for anyone that might be flying, but you don't
Speaker 1: have to do long haul flights. It's even if you've
Speaker 1: got like an hour or two. It's like that that
Speaker 1: aircorn in a plane sucks you dry.
Speaker 4: Keisha my vibe for this week. It's an episode of
Speaker 4: The Human Lab with Esther Perel. Now Esther Perel, she's
Speaker 4: been on lifel on Cut before. She is a world
Speaker 4: redowance psychotherapist. She's probably the guru of relationships and sex
Speaker 4: right she's the bee's knees. And I did find it
Speaker 4: quite hilarious and kind of ironic that Huboman did an
Speaker 4: episode with her on relationships, because allegedly he had six going.
Speaker 3: At the one time.
Speaker 4: I'm not sure if you's those articles back in like
Speaker 4: I think it was like June July, there was a
Speaker 4: whole thing about human.
Speaker 1: However, this episode I really enjoyed that.
Speaker 4: It was kind of a mix between studies about relationships
Speaker 4: and science and neuroplasticity or synaptic plasticity and how that
Speaker 4: kind of changes brain connections and why that impacts our
Speaker 4: relationships as we age.
Speaker 2: To be fair, Hubanman sounds like the perfect person to
Speaker 2: talk about relationships. He had so many of them on
Speaker 2: the goal at once. But that's why it's so ballsy.
Speaker 1: Fancy fancy having like cheating with six different people and allegedly, No,
Speaker 1: it's not allegedly. I mean they've all come out and
Speaker 1: said the same thing. They've got proof. I don't think
Speaker 1: it's allegedly. I think it's just he did it. I
Speaker 1: don't think we have to He can't see us now.
Speaker 1: He did it. He put his dick too many places.
Speaker 1: But fancy having the balls to do that and then
Speaker 1: go on get like a world leading relationship specialist on
Speaker 1: unless he's talking about infidelity, like why do people cheat?
Speaker 3: That would do.
Speaker 4: Speak about infidelity in this episode? Yeah, So it's over
Speaker 4: two hours, so it is a long one. It's not
Speaker 4: going to be for everyone because Hubanman, I mean, his
Speaker 4: way of delivering content is a little bit robotic. He
Speaker 4: like he's a lecturer. You know, he's an academic and dry.
Speaker 4: You've got to kind of be into that if you're
Speaker 4: into his content. But yeah, Esther, if this this is,
Speaker 4: I mean, I've listened to a lot of Esther Perel.
Speaker 4: I think we all have. We've all consumed a lot
Speaker 4: of her things, her books, her podcasts. This in particular,
Speaker 4: I just felt like she she shone. I feel as
Speaker 4: though she just shared so much knowledge and she had
Speaker 4: that perfect balance of well, this is what the studies
Speaker 4: teach us about relationships, and this is what people have
Speaker 4: experienced in therapy. She's been a therapist for gosh, it
Speaker 4: must be like over forty years now. So yeah, I
Speaker 4: really recommend it. It is on YouTube or anywhere you
Speaker 4: get your podcasts. It is called Humanman lab Esther Perel
Speaker 4: How to Find, Build and Maintain Healthy Romantic Relationship.
Speaker 3: I love everything Esther Pearrel. So I'm into that.
Speaker 1: Well let's link that, but let's also link the episode
Speaker 1: that we did with Esther Perel. We did a wonderful
Speaker 1: episode with her like that was such a for me.
Speaker 1: It was a bit of like a highlight being a
Speaker 1: relationships based pod. To sit down and talk to her
Speaker 1: was really cool. So we'll link that one as well.
Speaker 2: I have a Netflix recommendation and at this Court Into
Speaker 2: the Fire you might have seen it. It is a
Speaker 2: documentary that is currently trending, but I honestly want to
Speaker 2: say it is one of the best documentaries I have
Speaker 2: ever seen. It is truly fantastic, fantastic but also devastatingly sad.
Speaker 2: But the way in which the narrative of the documentary
Speaker 2: is constructed is so well thought out. The storytelling is brilliant,
Speaker 2: and the story itself is just like it's.
Speaker 3: Unbelievable that this could possibly happen.
Speaker 2: So to give you sort of like structurally, it's two episodes,
Speaker 2: very easy to watch in one evening, which I did,
Speaker 2: And the story is about a fourteen year old girl
Speaker 2: who goes missing and what happens. And I won't tell
Speaker 2: you the full you know, I don't want to give
Speaker 2: too much away, but basically, she was adopted out when
Speaker 2: she was a newborn baby nine months old, sorry so
Speaker 2: not newborn, but nine months old. Her mother was very
Speaker 2: very young biological mother was super young, and that's why
Speaker 2: she adopted her out. Now, her biological mother found out
Speaker 2: when her daughter should have been twenty four that she
Speaker 2: had been missing for a decade, and obviously her biological mother, Kathy,
Speaker 2: she really felt compelled to find out where the hell
Speaker 2: did her daughter go. And so this is a documentary
Speaker 2: all around her and how she describes it, going into
Speaker 2: the fire to find her daughter and to find out
Speaker 2: what happened to her. And the documentary does have a resolution.
Speaker 2: I hate documentaries where it's unsolved, especially in this instance
Speaker 2: because it surround such a young girl. You do find
Speaker 2: out what's happened. There is closure in it, but it
Speaker 2: is horrifying and fascinating, and it's just brilliantly, brilliantly put together.
Speaker 2: Everyone should go watch it Into the Fire on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3: Let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1: Question number one. Recently, I found texts on my boyfriend
Speaker 1: of five year's phone that appeared to be organizing to
Speaker 1: have sex with a sex worker, as well as messaging
Speaker 1: other girls to meet him out while he was working
Speaker 1: in another country. I don't know if this ever eventuated,
Speaker 1: but the messages were there, stepping it up. We don't
Speaker 1: see each other. Mascha's ie work in Australia and he
Speaker 1: works overseas for a lot of the year. He has
Speaker 1: a much higher sex drive than me and long distance
Speaker 1: slash not much. Sex doesn't bother me, but it really
Speaker 1: bothers him. I haven't told my boyfriend I know this yet,
Speaker 1: and I haven't told any friends or family. I know
Speaker 1: as soon as I tell anyone, they will hate him
Speaker 1: and tell me the things that I would tell anyone
Speaker 1: else to break up with him. The problem is I'm
Speaker 1: thirty next year, I want to have a baby in
Speaker 1: the next two years, and I had my life pretty
Speaker 1: much sorted with him on paper. He has his faults,
Speaker 1: but he is my best friend. What's that. The thing
Speaker 1: is he makes an enormous amount of money and I don't.
Speaker 1: In our future, I know my children will be looked
Speaker 1: after and they won't have to struggle. I know I
Speaker 1: won't have to struggle financially. That is, I come from
Speaker 1: a family who doesn't have a lot of money, and
Speaker 1: being with my boyfriend means I know I can take
Speaker 1: care of them better than if I would just single
Speaker 1: on my own. Right now, I don't know whether to
Speaker 1: confront my boyfriend, because I know as soon as I
Speaker 1: say this out loud, I can't take it back and
Speaker 1: it will mean that I have to break up with him,
Speaker 1: as cheating is not something I want relationship. Is it
Speaker 1: morally wrong to just look the other way because of
Speaker 1: the benefits this relationship brings me my family and my
Speaker 1: future family. I know this seems like a super obvious answer,
Speaker 1: but I know how hard life can be. Being with
Speaker 1: him means my life will in some ways be easier
Speaker 1: with him in it, or if this will always be
Speaker 1: the back of my mind and ruin my happiness even
Speaker 1: with the security it brings, help me. Please, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm old, have nothing to show for myself, and
Speaker 1: I'm scared I'll never be a mother if we break up.
Speaker 1: Now such a sad question.
Speaker 2: I know how and what I want to say, And
Speaker 2: the problem is is that it does emulate what your
Speaker 2: friends are going to say to you and the things
Speaker 2: that you would say to yourself if you spoke it
Speaker 2: out loud. And I want to tread carefully because you
Speaker 2: know you've said The reason why you don't want to
Speaker 2: tell your friends is because you know that they're going
Speaker 2: to tell you that you should not be in this relationship,
Speaker 2: and it is what I want to tell you as well,
Speaker 2: because I just don't think that the benefits of financial
Speaker 2: secure in a relationship outweigh the necessity of trust, respect,
Speaker 2: and fidelity if that's what's important to you. There are
Speaker 2: people in the world who can be in relationships that
Speaker 2: are open relationships where they know they know that their
Speaker 2: partners are doing X, Y Z, and they're okay with that.
Speaker 2: But this is a very different situation. You are not
Speaker 2: okay with it. You have said that you know what
Speaker 2: will mean that you need to break up with him,
Speaker 2: as cheating is not something that.
Speaker 3: You want in your relationship.
Speaker 2: The reality is is that whether you confront him about
Speaker 2: this or not, this type of behavior will continue to happen.
Speaker 2: And the only way that you can have a conversation
Speaker 2: about it that doesn't necessarily have to end in cheating,
Speaker 2: but at least brings everything to the surface and gives
Speaker 2: you and him the opportunity to work through it, is
Speaker 2: to tell him that you.
Speaker 1: Know there are so many parts to this that I
Speaker 1: want to break down.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Same.
Speaker 1: The first part is I want to validate your feelings
Speaker 1: of your financial insecurity and your issues around that because
Speaker 1: that is a really huge issue. The cost of living
Speaker 1: is so expensive and it's really hard to make ends meet.
Speaker 1: And on top of that, if you want to have
Speaker 1: kids and you're not with a partner and you want
Speaker 1: to do that on your own, that's another expense. At
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you cannot deny that it's
Speaker 1: more expensive to be single. When you get into a relationship,
Speaker 1: everything the stresses and the pressures and your financial stresses,
Speaker 1: everything harves right. All of a sudden, you're paying renting
Speaker 1: a house on your own, someone moves in, you harve it,
Speaker 1: You have the groceries, you have the bills. If you're
Speaker 1: struggling a little bit, you have someone to rely on.
Speaker 1: Like it is, definitely has a comfort in a security.
Speaker 1: What you need to decide is what you want more, because,
Speaker 1: like Laura said, if you're okay with having that family
Speaker 1: life and kids and financial security, know when your partners
Speaker 1: off doing that, that's totally fine. As long as you
Speaker 1: are happy with that relationship. There's no right or wrong.
Speaker 1: But you've said you're not and you've said you feel old.
Speaker 1: You said you're old, and you're worried it's not going
Speaker 1: to happen to you. I want to stop you in
Speaker 1: your tracks right there. You are not even thirty yet,
Speaker 1: you are twenty nine years old. Yeah, and I don't
Speaker 1: want to keep bringing this back to me, but I
Speaker 1: just want people to realize that it is not old
Speaker 1: and age is literally a number. Of course that is
Speaker 1: not accurate when we're talking about your biological clock. But
Speaker 1: I only met my partner at thirty five, I only
Speaker 1: froze my first eggs at thirty three.
Speaker 3: I met Matt at thirty one, and you're.
Speaker 1: Twenty nine, and I know I remember feeling. You always
Speaker 1: feel at that age like you are older and time
Speaker 1: is running out, but you're not. And it really distresses
Speaker 1: me that you think you need to settle down with
Speaker 1: someone that has this these morals that don't align with
Speaker 1: yours because you think you're running out of time, because
Speaker 1: you're absolutely not. There is so much time. Laura and
Speaker 1: I went on The Bachelor at thirty years old, like
Speaker 1: we started that chapter of our life older than you
Speaker 1: are now.
Speaker 2: I think, look, there's, like we said, there's so many
Speaker 2: parts of this and firstly the cheating part. Obviously we
Speaker 2: need to go deep on that, but I think that
Speaker 2: more so than going deep on that, there's a self
Speaker 2: esteem part to this. You are allowing your boundaries that
Speaker 2: you have in place to erode. And what happens when
Speaker 2: you don't stick to your boundaries, your boundary being that
Speaker 2: the two of you agree to fidelity in your relationship.
Speaker 2: You go, Okay, I'm going to turn a blind eye
Speaker 2: to this because I'm so scared that he's going to
Speaker 2: leave me, because I don't think I can get better
Speaker 2: than him, because I think he is the best person
Speaker 2: I'm ever going to date. Then the next time that
Speaker 2: he does something that is against what your boundaries are,
Speaker 2: it's a little bit worse. But you're already there. You
Speaker 2: already forgave one thing. So your boundaries continue to erode.
Speaker 2: And what we know is is that as your boundaries erode,
Speaker 2: so does your self esteem, and so does what you
Speaker 2: think you are valued at and what you can give
Speaker 2: it a relationship and what you can receive back. And
Speaker 2: as that happens, you will continuously put yourself second, third, fourth,
Speaker 2: fifth down the priority list. My fear for you here
Speaker 2: is is the imbalance in this relationship that you are
Speaker 2: creating allowances simply because he has a lot more money
Speaker 2: than what you do. And I guess for me, like
Speaker 2: you said, Britt, is a huge conversation for yourself as
Speaker 2: to whether you can be okay with it. You have
Speaker 2: said you're not okay, and I think most people wouldn't be.
Speaker 2: There may be some people who are able to turn
Speaker 2: a blind eye and physically be okay, but I would
Speaker 2: say that that relationship's probably not based on love. It's
Speaker 2: based on a financial beneficial situation, and that's not what
Speaker 2: your relationship is. You're not with him for his money,
Speaker 2: and if you are with him for his money, then
Speaker 2: that's a totally different relationship. So I think a conversation
Speaker 2: has to be had. I don't think you should be
Speaker 2: turning blind eyes to massive, massive fractures and to things
Speaker 2: that people do that really compromise the trust and respect
Speaker 2: that you have for each other.
Speaker 1: There'll be people that don't agree with this, but I
Speaker 1: truly believe not all cheating is equal. There are so
Speaker 1: many different categories of cheating. This kind of cheating. This
Speaker 1: isn't the kind of cheating where it's like I found
Speaker 1: out my partner made a mistake. He went out, he
Speaker 1: was on a bux, he got drunk. He's sorry. He's
Speaker 1: never done before this year. Also isn't just premeditated like
Speaker 1: he's having it with one per He's booking sex workers,
Speaker 1: he is organizing sex and hookups with other random people. Like,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of premeditation here and a lot of commitment,
Speaker 1: and he's also going as far as to pay for it.
Speaker 1: I think that's different to slipping up one night and
Speaker 1: being really apologetic about it. So you're also still in
Speaker 1: your early days. You haven't had your kids and settled
Speaker 1: down long term yet. So if this is what he
Speaker 1: is setting up for your future, and this is the
Speaker 1: foundation he's saying, like I'm already okay with this, it
Speaker 1: won't get better. It will get worse when you are
Speaker 1: together for ten fifteen years, when you have kids and kids.
Speaker 1: I don't have kids, as we all know, but I
Speaker 1: know that kids are not the band aid. Kids are
Speaker 1: not going to fix a problem. Kids going to add
Speaker 1: so much more stress and pressure. Chances are it could
Speaker 1: very well drive him further away if he's not already
Speaker 1: connected to you in that way. I think the best
Speaker 1: thing for you to do here, and it's really fucking hard,
Speaker 1: is to accept that this is the person that is
Speaker 1: in front of you. Yeah, you can have that conversation
Speaker 1: and see how he deals with it. You know he's
Speaker 1: doing it. I don't think you will be able to
Speaker 1: live with that long term. Even if you say you're
Speaker 1: okay with it now, it will wear you down.
Speaker 2: It's so look, I mean, I second guess even the
Speaker 2: way that we've answered this question, because I think if
Speaker 2: you took away the financial aspects, I know how we
Speaker 2: would answer it. I know the response we would have,
Speaker 2: and it would be a lot more cutting, and it
Speaker 2: would be a lot more pointed. I think the reason
Speaker 2: why we're trying to be so gentle is because it's
Speaker 2: obviously something that's so hard for you, and you are
Speaker 2: literally saying, I will put myself second. I will put
Speaker 2: myself second if this relationship will continue to financially benefit
Speaker 2: me in some way. I don't think for your own
Speaker 2: sense of self that you can continue in this relationship,
Speaker 2: regardless of the fact that he is your best friend,
Speaker 2: regardless of the fact that financially you're going to have
Speaker 2: to you know, figure out. But the reality is is
Speaker 2: that sometimes life takes big pivots and things are not
Speaker 2: the path that we thought it was going to be
Speaker 2: for us. And the reality is is that sometimes it's
Speaker 2: better you will meet someone else. You will be in
Speaker 2: a new relationship. You'll be with someone where there's not
Speaker 2: an imbalance of power, where there's not an inequality, where
Speaker 2: you're not staying with them simply because they financially have
Speaker 2: money and they're cheating on you. Like, think about that.
Speaker 2: That is so fucked that you're like, I'm going to
Speaker 2: stay in this relationship. It's okay that he cheats on
Speaker 2: me because he takes care of me financially. I also
Speaker 2: want to say, I think it is a very bad
Speaker 2: idea to not speak to any of your family and
Speaker 2: friends about this, because family and friends, as much as
Speaker 2: sometimes they might be a little bit brutal, they're also
Speaker 2: very very good at holding up a mirror to the
Speaker 2: values that we want in our life and to the
Speaker 2: things that we want. So do not isolate yourself from
Speaker 2: your family and friends for fear of the things that
Speaker 2: they will say. Talk to the people who you trust.
Speaker 2: Talk to the people who know him and who know you,
Speaker 2: because they are the people who will give you the
Speaker 2: most honest feedback. And I think that with that feedback,
Speaker 2: it will give you the confidence to figure out, Okay,
Speaker 2: what are my next steps?
Speaker 1: Reason I'm being gentle about it, and I am being
Speaker 1: gentle about it. Do I think you should stay in
Speaker 1: that relationship? No, But I'm being gentle because I understand
Speaker 1: this isn't just a Hey, my boyfriend's cheating. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be alone, which should I stay? That's different.
Speaker 1: But you are not only putting yourself first, but your
Speaker 1: whole concern is around your extended family. So obviously he's
Speaker 1: making enough that you are helping them. So I understand
Speaker 1: you thinking walking away isn't just you. You think walking
Speaker 1: away could affect your parents in a way, or your siblings,
Speaker 1: or whoever it is that you are helping financially. That
Speaker 1: is unfortunately a lot of extra stress that you are
Speaker 1: taking on yourself. And I know a lot of people
Speaker 1: do take that stress on so I totally get it.
Speaker 1: But you will meet somebody else, and you will create
Speaker 1: another life with somebody, and you will be able to
Speaker 1: have kids with somebody. I don't want to say you
Speaker 1: will be able to, but the opportunity is going to
Speaker 1: be there. A lot of us get stuck in, you know,
Speaker 1: we speak about it all the time, the sunk cost
Speaker 1: fallacy of we've put five years in and I'm already thirty,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to waste the last five years.
Speaker 1: I don't want to start again having to meet somebody.
Speaker 1: And that is all also a dangerous place to be
Speaker 1: because you're not wasting that time. And I really want
Speaker 1: everyone to get their head around this. It took me
Speaker 1: a long time to get my head around it. You're
Speaker 1: not wasting that five years if you leave and start again.
Speaker 1: You've had an amazing five years with somebody. He was
Speaker 1: your best friend, You've created memories together, You've learnt from him,
Speaker 1: you know what you do and don't want. One of
Speaker 1: those things that you now know you don't want is
Speaker 1: a partner that cheats on you. You want somebody that
Speaker 1: is committed to you. You will find.
Speaker 2: That, but you may also not leave this relationship. Having
Speaker 2: a conversation with him about it and telling him you
Speaker 2: know and holding a mirror up to his behavior doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that you are taking the very first step and
Speaker 2: being like, fuck off, I'm out of here. Like it
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that you're leaving right away, but it means
Speaker 2: that there are consequences for his actions, and that he
Speaker 2: knows you know, and so maybe who knows, Maybe that
Speaker 2: might kick him into gear. It rarely does, but it
Speaker 2: might like she's not going to leave straight away, like
Speaker 2: she just isn't. I would guarantee that if you spoke
Speaker 2: to your family and said I am in a relationship
Speaker 2: with a man who cheats on me because it financially
Speaker 2: benefits all of us.
Speaker 3: Your mum, your dad, your.
Speaker 2: Siblings, whoever is financially benefiting from this situation.
Speaker 3: Would be horrified. Well, we don't know that. I think
Speaker 3: they would be.
Speaker 2: I think you can say we don't know that, but
Speaker 2: I think there would be very few parents who would
Speaker 2: encourage someone to stay in a relationship of infidelity because
Speaker 2: they felt the pressures too financially.
Speaker 3: I don't know I would.
Speaker 1: I mean my advice would differ. I wouldn't be telling
Speaker 1: my family right now because that's just too much external
Speaker 1: pressure everyone, every single person in your life that you tell,
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you will say, get the fuck out
Speaker 1: of there. And that's probably not what you need right now,
Speaker 1: because you already know that. I think you need to
Speaker 1: go in a bit more gently and get there on
Speaker 1: your own. Everyone. There's no one that you were going
Speaker 1: to tell that it's going to be like, oh, what
Speaker 1: a catch, Like stay you know, so it's real, but
Speaker 1: I wouldn't you do need to talk to someone. Definitely,
Speaker 1: don't isolate yourself, but personally, you know, the second you
Speaker 1: tell all your friends and family that that's all, they're
Speaker 1: going to be talking about why you still with him?
Speaker 1: Have you had the conversation, Yeah, when you're leaving fuck
Speaker 1: him off. He doesn't deserve you.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm not convinced you need that pressure right now. But
Speaker 1: whether you speak to somebody that is an acquaintance, like friendly,
Speaker 1: but not like that's who I used to download on,
Speaker 1: not my closest people. Maybe it's a therapist, like, maybe
Speaker 1: it's professional help. But you shouldn't be keeping this to yourself.
Speaker 1: And I love that you've told us. We feel so
Speaker 1: grateful for that, but we're not there with you in
Speaker 1: the day to day I think.
Speaker 2: I mean, I would love to know, Bri, like, what
Speaker 2: are your opinions on relationships that are based purely on
Speaker 2: financial gain? In terms of like, I'm going to be
Speaker 2: in this relationship with this person. I love them, but
Speaker 2: I'm going to turn a blind eye to behaviors that
Speaker 2: absolutely are so compromising to what I want in my life.
Speaker 2: But I financially benefit from this, So I'm going to stay.
Speaker 1: It's not for me, but I have nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: it if it suits that couple, Like I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: yuck anyone's yum. If there's a relationship that's happy to
Speaker 1: make compromises, they still live happily together.
Speaker 2: I mean, it makes you think there's loads of really unattractive,
Speaker 2: very very very wealthy men.
Speaker 3: Who get fucking hot as models, and it makes you question.
Speaker 1: It's not their personality.
Speaker 4: Would she date him if he was poor? Probably not,
Speaker 4: But that's what I mean.
Speaker 1: Finances play so much more of a role in relationships
Speaker 1: than we either a wanna admit and want to be
Speaker 1: truthful about, which is why she's told us and not
Speaker 1: her friends, because we're not gonna judge her and we're
Speaker 1: not in her day to day life. We're in her face.
Speaker 1: But finances are a huge thing. You cannot deny that,
Speaker 1: even if it's not your most important thing there is.
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you there's not one person listening right
Speaker 1: now that hasn't thought about money today.
Speaker 2: Even if you've got money, there are so many things
Speaker 2: that this is not a guaranteed for. And the other
Speaker 2: thing that it's not guaranteed. For is, if you have
Speaker 2: a baby with this guy, if you start a family
Speaker 2: with somebody who is consciously cheating on you, what's that
Speaker 2: life going to look like when that kid's three or
Speaker 2: four or five. Are you gonna continue to turn a
Speaker 2: blind eye to this for the rest of your life
Speaker 2: You're okay with that? Or are you're gonna raise children
Speaker 2: in an environment where their parents have such a disdain
Speaker 2: for each other because one of them's cheating all the time.
Speaker 1: But there's also the fact of, like, you know, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to be good doing constant SDI check how
Speaker 1: frequently is he with them? Like, you've got to look
Speaker 1: after your sexual health, and you've got to be hyper
Speaker 1: aware if he wants to come home and have unprotected
Speaker 1: sex with you, you have to have the conversation. You don't
Speaker 1: have to break up with him. We're not saying that, well,
Speaker 1: we are saying you have that convo and then you.
Speaker 3: Decide question number two.
Speaker 2: I've recently got engaged and we have already started talking
Speaker 2: about when and where as these are the biggest questions
Speaker 2: we have to answer. We would like to have it
Speaker 2: maybe this time next year to allow people into state
Speaker 2: and internationally to sort their lives out and come, Brittany,
Speaker 2: did you write this question in?
Speaker 3: Now? The big question is where?
Speaker 2: My family is all East of Australia. Literally, this is
Speaker 2: you and we live in Western Australia.
Speaker 3: That's not you.
Speaker 2: My fiance's immediate family is here in Western Australia as well.
Speaker 2: Our friends are in WA. I have family that are
Speaker 2: elderly and wouldn't be able to travel. However, we have
Speaker 2: both brought up the subject with my fiance's parents and
Speaker 2: mother in law and it didn't have a very good reaction,
Speaker 2: which I knew would happen. How do I say that
Speaker 2: I don't know how long my elderly family met will
Speaker 2: be with us, and I want them at my wedding
Speaker 2: as they mean so much to me. How do I
Speaker 2: approach this topic and not seeing like I'm being a
Speaker 2: bridezilla making us have our wedding east or do we
Speaker 2: just elope and have two parties, one in the East
Speaker 2: and one in the West.
Speaker 1: So is she saying that most of the family are
Speaker 1: on one side, but the oldies or on the other,
Speaker 1: so she wants the majority to travel for them?
Speaker 3: Is that what she's saying?
Speaker 2: What she's saying is is that her whole family is
Speaker 2: on the East. Yeah, his whole family is in Wa
Speaker 2: and they live in Wa, and they've also got a
Speaker 2: big friendship group that's in Wa.
Speaker 1: So it makes slightly more sense to having Wa. But
Speaker 1: she wants it East.
Speaker 2: But she wants it east because it would mean that
Speaker 2: her grandparents absolutely couldn't be there for if it was
Speaker 2: in Wa, just have it in the East.
Speaker 1: I think you can just have it in the East,
Speaker 1: so your wedding it Also, picking the location doesn't make
Speaker 1: you a bridezilla.
Speaker 3: It'd be different.
Speaker 1: I would say you're a bride dealer if you're like,
Speaker 1: none of my family can afford to travel, they're all dying,
Speaker 1: so I'm going to Italy.
Speaker 3: That's different.
Speaker 1: But Slash, that's a bit more like I would be like.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the d it's only the
Speaker 1: other side of Australia, and it sounds like there's almost
Speaker 1: equal amounts of people that would have to travel either way.
Speaker 1: So you're just suiting the people that are really important
Speaker 1: to you. At the end of the day. The people
Speaker 1: that are important to you obviously include your grandparents. You
Speaker 1: want them there. If they are not there, you will
Speaker 1: regret that for the rest of your life totally.
Speaker 2: And let me say this, it is wild the amount
Speaker 2: of people that will come to your wedding who you
Speaker 2: in ten years, fifteen years, twenty years, will will lose
Speaker 2: touch with. Like it's actually wild, funnily enough, like our
Speaker 2: wedding video, I mean, like, like, who is that awkward?
Speaker 2: But like it's got Mitch and Hayden in it. So
Speaker 2: Mitch being our co host on the pickup, Hayden's his
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend. Haven't seen Hayden since they.
Speaker 1: Broke up, never saw him before, literally.
Speaker 3: Never saw him before.
Speaker 2: So now I've got someone who I'm never going to
Speaker 2: see again in my wedding video. Also, the other person
Speaker 2: in my wedding video is Matt Sex girlfriend, who I
Speaker 2: never see. So I've got two people in my wedding
Speaker 2: video who I have not seen since my wedding. The
Speaker 2: thing I want to reiterate about this Rea, why I'm
Speaker 2: bringing this up is simply because it is more important
Speaker 2: to have someone like your grandparents, who you are not
Speaker 2: going to see much, who you don't.
Speaker 3: Get to see very often.
Speaker 2: I would do anything to have had my grandfather at
Speaker 2: my wedding, to have him walk me down the Aisle.
Speaker 2: I would give anything for him to be there. It's
Speaker 2: not a Bridezilla review to make that decision. And also,
Speaker 2: if your mother in law father in law are going
Speaker 2: to react badly to it, just get your fiance to say, hey, Mom,
Speaker 2: you know Sarah, it's really important to her that grandparents
Speaker 2: are there. They can't travel because they're a bit old,
Speaker 2: and so we're going to have it in the East.
Speaker 1: You just made me realize that, Like.
Speaker 4: At my wedding, Nana Hockley, No, at my wedding, I'm
Speaker 4: not going to know anyone, and Ben's not gonna know anyone.
Speaker 1: We don't know each other's families.
Speaker 3: I'm like, who are all these people? And he's gonna
Speaker 3: be like, who are you?
Speaker 1: Like, we're going to be a lot of us, like
Speaker 1: extended friends and families. We've never met his best friend,
Speaker 1: his groomsman, I quote unquote no, because we FaceTime. I
Speaker 1: don't know him.
Speaker 2: Your wedding would be the best wedding to wedding crash
Speaker 2: because you'd have no fucking idea if the person was.
Speaker 1: Supposed to be there or not.
Speaker 3: Guys, it's in.
Speaker 2: Come crash the wedding. Brittany's going to be like, that's
Speaker 2: probably Ben's cousin.
Speaker 3: She got no, it had a big camera.
Speaker 1: No. But one thing that I can relate to is
Speaker 1: and I am grappling with it a little bit at
Speaker 1: the moment because it's like new news to me. But
Speaker 1: my I only have one grandparent left, my Nana. And
Speaker 1: if you're a listener, you'll know that. A couple of
Speaker 1: weeks ago, I went to Port mcquarie, to my hometown,
Speaker 1: and out of nowhere, she pulled all the rings off
Speaker 1: her hand and she goes take these because in case
Speaker 1: I die. And I was like, well, Nana, like, you're
Speaker 1: not going to die down.
Speaker 3: But then you.
Speaker 1: Know she was going to come to the wedding overseas.
Speaker 1: And I sometimes forget how old she is because she's
Speaker 1: she has an age to me, you know, she's still
Speaker 1: the same Nana as twenty years ago. But at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, she's in a late eighties and
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, she's like, I don't think
Speaker 1: I'm going to be able to calm makes me really sad.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to cry, And I'm like, of course
Speaker 1: you can come, and she's like, no, I don't think
Speaker 1: I can. Like I'm old I can travel that far.
Speaker 1: And you know, she had a fall and broke all
Speaker 1: these bones not that long ago, and she's like, I'm
Speaker 1: in pain a lot of time. And then I just
Speaker 1: think I have to accept now that she can't come.
Speaker 1: And there's a part of me that was like, do
Speaker 1: I cancel my old wedding, like but I can't. But
Speaker 1: I think I'll have to have a little mini one here.
Speaker 1: But I feel what you feel when you say that,
Speaker 1: like they're important to you. So I think you make
Speaker 1: that decision absolutely, and your fiance should one hundred percent understand.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2: I don't think that this is not the benchmark of
Speaker 2: what makes people bridezillas, that's for sure. And it's not
Speaker 2: like you're having people have destination weddings, like we said
Speaker 2: BRIT's gone to BALI like you have this destination.
Speaker 3: Am I.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's in Italy. Maybe I've been trying to throw
Speaker 1: you off the scent.
Speaker 4: But I think you know, Western Australia to Sydney, Like, yeah,
Speaker 4: it's a bit of a ball leg, but it's not
Speaker 4: that bad.
Speaker 2: It's not nice holiday, it's not Europe. People will come,
Speaker 2: don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: And also it's a good way to read people out
Speaker 1: and keep your numbers down because maybe they won't and
Speaker 1: that's fine.
Speaker 3: Maybe your mother in law will decide it's too far.
Speaker 3: Sounds a good option, dude. Weddings are hard.
Speaker 1: Fuck it Elope, alope with you non.
Speaker 3: Heard in these? Okay?
Speaker 2: Question number three? Now, this one was in the Facebook group.
Speaker 2: If you're not a member, La Funker discussion group is
Speaker 2: where all the fun ship goes down. This was in
Speaker 2: the discussion group and it was really popping off, and
Speaker 2: people asked if we could talk about it on the podcast,
Speaker 2: so we.
Speaker 3: Uh, pop off. It was pumping off.
Speaker 2: I'm in a tough it's also do with cheating, so
Speaker 2: there's you know, it's a flavor of the month. Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: it's just something that so many people go through, right
Speaker 2: flavor of life. I'm in a tough situation to need
Speaker 2: some advice. I overheard my partner talking about a night
Speaker 2: out where one of his co workers cheated on his partner,
Speaker 2: who is home with their six month old baby.
Speaker 1: Dickhead.
Speaker 2: I feel awful for the woman and want to tell her,
Speaker 2: but I don't know her partner or her very well,
Speaker 2: and my partner would be furious if he knew I
Speaker 2: was eavesdropping. On top of that, if I say something,
Speaker 2: it could put my partner in difficult positions. Since the
Speaker 2: cheatah is connected to management, I can't shake the few
Speaker 2: feeling that I need to do something, but I'm worried
Speaker 2: about the consequences for everyone involved.
Speaker 3: What should I do? We did get some additional information
Speaker 3: on this.
Speaker 4: So the woman's partner who was having the conversation, he
Speaker 4: works in five FO and he was very disturbed about
Speaker 4: this news when he heard that the coworker said he was cheating.
Speaker 1: Yes, so he wasn't like high five and now I
Speaker 1: good on your bro, Like, get that bussy?
Speaker 3: Sorry? Is I how guys talk?
Speaker 1: That's how I picture them talking, John, because I hate
Speaker 1: you talk. Do you call your friends? In my head,
Speaker 1: that's men. I also pictured her up against the wall
Speaker 1: with a glass like eavesdropping, like trying to hear information.
Speaker 1: This is tough, but not tough. Every part of me
Speaker 1: is like, yes, like girl's code, girl's code teller. But
Speaker 1: the truth of it is, I probably wouldn't. You don't
Speaker 1: know them. I know it sucks you don't know them,
Speaker 1: And it could directly if it's your partner's boss, it
Speaker 1: could directly affect his work. Like, it's a pretty big thing.
Speaker 1: It'll be different if it was one of your best
Speaker 1: friends or a close friend, but if you literally don't
Speaker 1: know either of them, you overheard one half of a conversation,
Speaker 1: not the other half. It's a pretty big thing to
Speaker 1: go and explode someone's life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, And look, even if you did choose
Speaker 2: to say something, you are not the one doing the exploding.
Speaker 2: But some people may feel differently to this, But I
Speaker 2: do not believe that it is our job to hold
Speaker 2: up the moral compass for other peoples in their lives,
Speaker 2: in their relationships, especially people who we do not know.
Speaker 2: If it's someone who you are very close with, if
Speaker 2: it's someone who it directly affects you and you feel
Speaker 2: as though you cannot live with yourself, that's a different situation.
Speaker 2: But I think in this instance, it is going to
Speaker 2: bring so much drama into your life. And even though
Speaker 2: the best thing and the right thing might be to
Speaker 2: give the woman the information, the problem is is because
Speaker 2: you don't know her, you also aren't there to do
Speaker 2: the aftercare. You're not there to ensure that she's okay.
Speaker 2: So you're dropping an absolute bomb in their life with
Speaker 2: the information that you've found out, but you're not able
Speaker 2: to actually be there to see the damage or to
Speaker 2: tend to what that does for that person. We don't
Speaker 2: know what state she's in, we don't know anything about her.
Speaker 2: I just don't think I would be inviting this sort
Speaker 2: of drama, toxicity, the way in which it's going to
Speaker 2: affect your relationship with your husband, the way in which
Speaker 2: it could affect him at work, into my life. I
Speaker 2: think that the risk for you far outweigh your responsibility
Speaker 2: in this situation.
Speaker 1: I would not be able to not talk to my
Speaker 1: partner about it.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you have to talk to her.
Speaker 1: I would be like, Sozzy, I overheard him say he
Speaker 1: was under the bed at the time of the conversation
Speaker 1: I heard about the pussat No, I would have to
Speaker 1: say that I could not keep it to myself and
Speaker 1: go about my day. And I think if he's your partner,
Speaker 1: he's not going to kick off that you accidentally overheard
Speaker 1: a conversation unless it was in a really private place
Speaker 1: where you had to like sneak there, Like if it's
Speaker 1: in the men's change room at the gym, like, don't
Speaker 1: own up to that shit.
Speaker 3: Keep take that.
Speaker 1: To the grape, I'd ask him about it, because you
Speaker 1: do only have one side of the story. He might
Speaker 1: have hung up the phone call and been on the
Speaker 1: phone to someone else you don't even know, Like there
Speaker 1: are so many variables here. You haven't seen any proof.
Speaker 1: You've heard one side, and you don't know them, so
Speaker 1: curiosity would get me and I would want to know more.
Speaker 2: The other thing is is look, I mean, I know
Speaker 2: it comes with all good intention, but actually play this
Speaker 2: out in your head. Right If I received a message
Speaker 2: from someone who I have never heard from in my
Speaker 2: entire effing life and they said, hey, my husband works
Speaker 2: with your partner. I overheard him saying that he cheated
Speaker 2: on you, like hope you're okay or whatever it is.
Speaker 2: And then I sat down with Matt and I said, hey, Matt,
Speaker 2: I've received this message from some person who I don't know,
Speaker 2: and they've accused you of cheating on me. And then
Speaker 2: Matt turns around and says, Laura, I would never I
Speaker 2: have no idea what they're talking about.
Speaker 3: She's crazy. Why is she trying to ruin our relationship?
Speaker 1: I love you.
Speaker 3: I would of course believe my husband.
Speaker 1: Because I have That puts a red flag in my brain.
Speaker 3: It would put a red flag in my brain. But
Speaker 3: I would question Mark one hundred percent. But it wouldn't
Speaker 3: be an enough for me to leave him. It wouldn't
Speaker 3: be enough. All it would do would be.
Speaker 4: It would create so much distress, but actually not enough
Speaker 4: distress for me to actually leave my husband, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean. So it's like you're not there to
Speaker 4: give enough of the information or enough of the aftercare
Speaker 4: that I actually just think it's super damaging without having
Speaker 4: like a good resolution to the problem and without actually
Speaker 4: allowing that person to have all the bits of information
Speaker 4: that they need. I don't know, I just think it
Speaker 4: causes way more problems that it needs to.
Speaker 1: I agree. It also like puts some questions in my
Speaker 1: head about how many times we do get questions And
Speaker 1: this is just a curiosity thing, like Laura and produce
Speaker 1: a key show. I don't know. You guys can chime
Speaker 1: in on this. Are there things that happen that you
Speaker 1: feel like you can't talk or ask your partner? Because
Speaker 1: sometimes when I get these questions, it really takes me
Speaker 1: by surprise because there's nothing that I wouldn't feel like
Speaker 1: I could talk to or ask Ben.
Speaker 2: I think everyone's relationship's very different. I think there's lots
Speaker 2: of people who have more privacy within their relationships or
Speaker 2: more ambiguity around things like finances or friendship groups. I
Speaker 2: think that there's no rules and every relationship is pretty different.
Speaker 1: No, of course, but I'm just asking what you how
Speaker 1: you guy, like if this was you and you had
Speaker 1: accidentally overheard this conversation. I know, we joke about the
Speaker 1: men's locker room and stuff. It's obviously just you've walked
Speaker 1: past the door or something. But would you feel like
Speaker 1: you could approach them about this and say, look, I
Speaker 1: am sorry, but I overheard.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, absolutely I would too.
Speaker 4: But I think that we get different variations of this,
Speaker 4: and it's usually where the person who needs to go
Speaker 4: to their partner and talk about something has done something wrong,
Speaker 4: you know, even if it's like one percent. In comparison,
Speaker 4: it's like when people go through their partner's phone and
Speaker 4: they find out that they've been cheating on them, and
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, but I feel bad about going through
Speaker 4: their phone, you know, because technically that's wrong too, totally.
Speaker 4: So I think it depends on how wrong the thing
Speaker 4: that you did is versus what you found out.
Speaker 2: And also we don't know how when you say is droppers,
Speaker 2: she might have gone through his phone, do you know,
Speaker 2: I mean, like it could.
Speaker 1: Have been computer like joint iPad whatever. It was like
Speaker 1: a forty five minute conversation, So you can't be like
Speaker 1: I just walked past in her She could have recorded it,
Speaker 1: and she's got to do it like a podcast. She's
Speaker 1: got like a cup of tea at the door. She's
Speaker 1: like really sitting there settling in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I get the feeling that it probably
Speaker 2: was some situation where she's seen messages or something, do
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like, I don't know, because
Speaker 2: if it was just overheard in passing.
Speaker 1: Like no, I think she ever heard it.
Speaker 2: But the eavesdropping part is just so weird, Like how
Speaker 2: were you eavesdropping?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 2: Like did your partner have often have conversations with colleagues
Speaker 2: that you're not allowed to hear, Like.
Speaker 3: That's weird in and of itself.
Speaker 4: No, maybe he was just on the phone and he
Speaker 4: had it on speaker or something.
Speaker 1: But then that's not eavesdropping if someone is if you lurk,
Speaker 1: if you stop intentionally just to intentionally stop and listen,
Speaker 1: like if he was on the duney and he was
Speaker 1: taking a call and then you stopped, You walked past
Speaker 1: and you heard, so you fucked her. I would stop too,
Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, tell me more.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But you would also just say, hey, I was
Speaker 4: walking past and I heard that. That's not eavesdropping. That is, like,
Speaker 4: you know, there is more intent here that we don't
Speaker 4: have the backstory for. Is what I'm saying, eavesdropping and
Speaker 4: just accidentally hearing something like how were you eavesdropping?
Speaker 2: And I agree with what Keisha said. It depends on
Speaker 2: what you've done wrong as to whether you feel comfortable
Speaker 2: or not explaining that that's how you came across that information.
Speaker 3: Yes, so my advice is maybe lie about that.
Speaker 1: Gaslight him, maybe turned down the volume on how you
Speaker 1: found out and.
Speaker 4: However you did. If you did actually just hear it
Speaker 4: by walking past, you're pretty in the clear to just
Speaker 4: bring it up. If you found out through other means,
Speaker 4: maybe you'll have to be a little more creative with
Speaker 4: how you go about bringing it up.
Speaker 2: But even so, I don't know if you need to
Speaker 2: bring it up. I don't know if you need to.
Speaker 3: I want to know. For me, I want to know.
Speaker 1: I want to know the story. I want to not
Speaker 1: one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: I am pretty for the gossip. IDI.
Speaker 4: I think in this situation, I would want to know
Speaker 4: because I would want to get my partner's take on it.
Speaker 4: You know, she already said that he was kind of
Speaker 4: disturbed by the information. So exactly like you said at
Speaker 4: the start, if I found out that this had happened
Speaker 4: and I overheard a conversation, I would want to talk
Speaker 4: to my partner about it and be like, hey, do
Speaker 4: you feel the same about, you know, cheating when you
Speaker 4: have a six month or baby at home?
Speaker 3: Like we need to get clear on where your values are.
Speaker 1: I've had this conversation with Ben. I had actually think
Speaker 1: I had overheard it too, but it wasn't like I
Speaker 1: was in the same room right and I had overheard
Speaker 1: that somebody that he knew's friend, basically a teammate a
Speaker 1: couple of years ago, had cheated, and I wanted more
Speaker 1: information because I wanted to know what he thought about that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, do all your teammates do that? Do all
Speaker 1: your friends do that? Have you ever done that? How
Speaker 1: do you feel about that? Do you think it's okay
Speaker 1: that they do that? And he was absolutely gave me
Speaker 1: the answer that I wanted, and it wasn't an answer
Speaker 1: I wanted, it was the truth. He's like, fuck, no,
Speaker 1: it's terrible. I would like, He's like, I don't encourage it.
Speaker 1: If anyone ever talks about it in a locker room
Speaker 1: or a training or whatever. He's like, I don't even contribute.
Speaker 1: But you know, cheating is out there. It happens. But
Speaker 1: that's why I would want to be having the conversation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think in her particular situation, because he
Speaker 4: does do FIFO, Like, I just feel like there's this
Speaker 4: thing about FIFO where what happens on site stays on site.
Speaker 4: You know, there's a real like bros culture around FIFO workers,
Speaker 4: and I know a lot of them myself, and I'm
Speaker 4: not saying that they're all like that, but I would even.
Speaker 2: I want to be careful with that because there's a
Speaker 2: lot of people who listen to this podcast who have
Speaker 2: husbands or partners who are Fifaux workers and whose partners
Speaker 2: are fucking great and so like, I don't like the
Speaker 2: idea that people can be branded just in the same
Speaker 2: way there's loads of professional sports athletes, there's lots of celebrities, Like.
Speaker 4: I just want to be careful because I don't want to.
Speaker 4: I've just kind of realized it. The way I said
Speaker 4: that could be really hurtful to people who either have
Speaker 4: partners or are themselves Fifoux workers. I'm not implying that
Speaker 4: you're all the same. What I mean by that is
Speaker 4: that when you spend time in those environments, you're spending
Speaker 4: like twelve to fourteen hour shifts with these people. You're
Speaker 4: spending a lot of time around them, and I, as
Speaker 4: a partner, would want to know what the culture of
Speaker 4: those environments was like. That's why I would want to
Speaker 4: have a conversation about it, not because I would be
Speaker 4: accusing my partner of being exactly the same as this
Speaker 4: person who's cheated on their part.
Speaker 1: And it's obviously obviously jobs where you work away not
Speaker 1: just five fox, but your periods away, doctors, pilots, whatever,
Speaker 1: like people that work overseas in business, It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Present you with opportunities to cheat doesn't make you a cheater,
Speaker 1: Like you have more of an opportunity to cheat if
Speaker 1: you're in London for four weeks than you are if
Speaker 1: you are living at home in a nine to five.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you're a cheater, just as many people
Speaker 1: cheat that are married and live with your partner, Like,
Speaker 1: we do want to one hundred percent say that.
Speaker 3: Well, look, that is it from USK guys.
Speaker 2: If you have a question for ask on Cuts, slide
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