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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Every now and again, our kids ask

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Speaker 1: us questions that we aren't quite ready for, and we

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Speaker 1: certainly have not got an answer well practiced, well rehearsed

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Speaker 1: and ready to go. And today it's a tricky question

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Speaker 1: about a six year old who asked her dad, Jason,

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Speaker 1: exactly one of those kinds of questions. Daddy, I might

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Speaker 1: only be six, but I'd like to know where babies

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Speaker 1: come from. Well, not exactly those words, but pretty much yet,

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Speaker 1: how do you, I mean, there's age appropriate, developmentally appropriate

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Speaker 1: ways of having these conversations, but what do you say

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Speaker 1: when you're six year old's asking big questions about ppropriation

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Speaker 1: and intimacy. We answer that with today's tricky question. Next

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Speaker 1: on The Happy Family's podcast, Hello, welcome to the Happy

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Speaker 1: Families podcast, where you get real parenting solutions every single day.

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Speaker 1: We are Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining us. Today we have a question from Jason,

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Speaker 1: who has gone to Happy families dot com. You clicked

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Speaker 1: on the record button with our super simple system where

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Speaker 1: you literally just push the button and start talking. Here

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Speaker 1: is what Jason asked.

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Speaker 2: I justin loved the podcast. My name is Jason, father

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Speaker 2: to a six year old girl. She loves pretend looking

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Speaker 2: after baby dolls and the other day asked me how

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Speaker 2: do babies get into mum's tummies? Appreciate your help. Thanks.

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Speaker 3: Have you noticed we're getting more and more dads asking

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Speaker 3: us these tricky questions?

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Speaker 1: Isn't it great?

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 1: I love the dads are involved with their kids and

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Speaker 1: having these discussions. It's fantastic.

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Speaker 3: And I also chuckle just a little bit that a

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Speaker 3: conversation like this with two adults is not particularly tricky, right,

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Speaker 3: but a conversation with a six year old has a

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Speaker 3: squirming in our seat, so funny.

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Speaker 1: I also love that a little girl is not afraid

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Speaker 1: to ask a dad a simple question like that, like

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Speaker 1: happy to go with the mum? Happy to go with dad?

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Speaker 1: The question has been asked. So handful of things that

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Speaker 1: we need to highlight here. The first thing is that

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Speaker 1: from about the age of eight, Michelle Mitchell, who I've

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Speaker 1: become a really big fan of over the over the years,

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Speaker 1: Michelle Mitchell has a series of books about this topic.

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Speaker 1: And I mean they're possibly suitable from the age of

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Speaker 1: six or seven, but really the designed for eight and up.

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Speaker 1: One of them is called Where do Babies Come From?

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Speaker 1: And Other Questions eight to twelve year olds ask. It

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Speaker 1: is a wise and helpful book, So, Jason, I think

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Speaker 1: that your six year olds probably a touch too young

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Speaker 1: for that, so we're going to give you some ideas,

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Speaker 1: some hints about what to talk about before then. But

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Speaker 1: Where do Babies Come From? By Michelle Mitchell is one

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Speaker 1: that you really want to get your hands on and

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Speaker 1: get ready to start sharing in about a year, eighteen months,

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Speaker 1: maybe two years at the most. I think you'll find

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Speaker 1: them really really helpful. She's also got two others, A

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Speaker 1: Girl's Guide to Puberty and A Guy's Guide to Puberty.

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Speaker 1: And our Emily, who is now eleven, has been reading

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Speaker 1: these for the last couple of years and she's pretty

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Speaker 1: well conversing with everything and just gets it and there's

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Speaker 1: no shock, there's no shame, there's no scare. It's just

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Speaker 1: really simple, Kylie. I mean, they've been on our bedside

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Speaker 1: table and on her bedside for ages and we just

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Speaker 1: get to have a chat now and then. I've found

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Speaker 1: them really really compelling and really really useful.

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Speaker 3: So I would actually be starting with the Puberty conversation

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Speaker 3: with my six year old as opposed to going straight

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Speaker 3: to the ins and outs of how babies are made.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe that you said that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe that I said that about you saying that,

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Speaker 1: you know what, though, I mean the direct question was

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Speaker 1: how does baby get inside bummy's tummy? And so having

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Speaker 1: a conversation about puberty maybe earlier. Ultimately, I think at

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Speaker 1: the age of six, we're realistically a fraction ahead of development,

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Speaker 1: and we don't really need to get too into the details,

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Speaker 1: into the nitty gritty of procreation and intimacy.

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Speaker 3: And while a six year old's asking those questions, she's

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Speaker 3: going to be happy, for the most part, with some

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Speaker 3: really simple answers. Yeah, but I think the thing that

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Speaker 3: I would love to emphasize is, just like you said

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Speaker 3: at this point is as a six year old, she's

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Speaker 3: actually gone to dad with this question, like she's not

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Speaker 3: she's number one, she's curious, but number two, she's not

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable with asking Mum or Dad.

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Speaker 1: This is just a child like curiosity, and you.

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Speaker 3: Want her to stay this way for as long as

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Speaker 3: she can. So the way you respond to her will

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Speaker 3: determine whether or not she brings her next tricky question

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Speaker 3: to you or not?

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Speaker 1: So I want to pick up on the first thing

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Speaker 1: you said. There's more to say about the second thing

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Speaker 1: you've just said about the way we respond. But when

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Speaker 1: kids come to us with tricky questions as parents, we

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Speaker 1: kind of there's a little bit of anxiety, and we

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Speaker 1: want to release the anxiety in the pressure by telling

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Speaker 1: them everything. And also we want to be helpful, so

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Speaker 1: we kind of want to tell them everything. Our impulse

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Speaker 1: as parents is to tell like kids everything. And to

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Speaker 1: the metaphor that I use is when somebody asks for

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Speaker 1: a drink, do you give them a glass of watery?

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Speaker 1: Do you turn on the fire hose? And with these

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Speaker 1: conversations around intimacy and procreation and these private parts of

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Speaker 1: our body, I think we really do want to tread

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Speaker 1: care and make sure that we're being developmentally appropriate for

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Speaker 1: our kids. So answer questions to the degree that your

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Speaker 1: child is curious, but don't go any further. Give them

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Speaker 1: that glass of water, don't turn on the hose. If

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Speaker 1: they've got more questions, they'll ask those questions and then

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Speaker 1: you can it's just drop by drop by drop. You

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Speaker 1: don't want to you don't want to give them the

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Speaker 1: entire Encyclopedia of intimacy on the first conversation at the

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Speaker 1: age of six. This is something that they'll grow into

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Speaker 1: over time, and usually a short, brief answer, particularly at

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Speaker 1: this young age, will be enough to satisfy their curiosity.

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Speaker 3: But I also think it's really fair to suggest if

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Speaker 3: your child asks you a really curly question, that delaying

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Speaker 3: it for a short period of time is completely appropriate.

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Speaker 3: That's a great question, and I think that that's one

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Speaker 3: that Mummy and I should both talk to you about.

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Speaker 3: That gives you a little bit of time between stimulus

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Speaker 3: and response for you to come up with an answer

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Speaker 3: that you feel comfortable with together, and it takes the

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Speaker 3: pressure of having to answer it in the moment. So

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Speaker 3: you're not shrugging her off. You're not telling her that

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Speaker 3: you know this is not important. You're saying this is

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Speaker 3: so important. I actually want to have a conversation with

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Speaker 3: Mummy about this as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: One of my favorite conversations that I love to share

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Speaker 1: on the pod is that time when one of our

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Speaker 1: kids asked, I think she was fourteen or thirteen at

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Speaker 1: the time, Dad WA's an STI and we were in

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Speaker 1: the caf two minutes I could have given her a

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Speaker 1: quick answer, but I thought, no, this one is serious

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Speaker 1: enough that we probably should have a proper chat about it.

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Speaker 1: And so I said, let's talk about it on Sundays

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Speaker 1: as a family, because we have our tricky talks with

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Speaker 1: our kids on a Sunday. And that conversation I thought

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Speaker 1: would go for about five to seven minutes. I really

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Speaker 1: didn't think the kids would care or want to talk

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Speaker 1: about it, and forty five minutes later we were still going.

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Speaker 1: But it was developmentally appropriate. We had the right children

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Speaker 1: in the room for the conversation and they were really

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Speaker 1: curious about it, and it ended up being a really enjoyable, fulfilling,

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Speaker 1: meaningful discussion. So I think, whether you're kicking it down

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Speaker 1: the road by an hour or TiO two, or whether

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Speaker 1: you're pushing it a month or two down the track,

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Speaker 1: once you've said to your child, oh, that's a really

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Speaker 1: important question, let's talk about it with mummy later, you

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Speaker 1: can do that in a month or even in six months.

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Speaker 1: Like children, just because they're asking a question, sometimes, honestly,

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Speaker 1: sometimes they will forget. And with a six year old

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Speaker 1: on a question like this, I think something short and brief,

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Speaker 1: something calm and relaxed is enough After break, Kylie, a

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Speaker 1: little bit more about how we can start to share

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Speaker 1: some more detailed responses to children who really are curious,

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Speaker 1: who don't want to let it go, and who you're

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Speaker 1: trying to keep off the Internet because you just know

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Speaker 1: that's not where they're going to get their best answers.

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Speaker 1: Stay with us on the Happy Families Podcast. This is

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Speaker 1: the Happy Families podcast where you get real parenting solutions

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Speaker 1: every single day. If you're enjoying the pod, please like, share, follow,

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Speaker 1: and leave a five star rating and review so other

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Speaker 1: people can find out about the pods to make their

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Speaker 1: families happier. Kylie. From my point of view, this is

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Speaker 1: a conversation pretty simply where we just want to give

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Speaker 1: minimal information and as kids get older, like what you

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Speaker 1: tell them at six is a little bit different to

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Speaker 1: what you tell them at eight, which is a bit

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Speaker 1: different to what you're tell them at ten, which is

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Speaker 1: definitely different to what they're hearing at fifteen. And then

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Speaker 1: with us, I mean, we've got kids in their twenties now,

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Speaker 1: and the conversations we're having with them are very, very

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Speaker 1: different to the conversations that we'd have with our eleven

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Speaker 1: year old.

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Speaker 3: So essentially, you're actually starting to lay a foundation of

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Speaker 3: what it looks like to have a tricky to answer

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Speaker 3: tricky questions in a calm and peaceful environment.

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Speaker 1: That satisfies the curiosity for now, according to your child's

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Speaker 1: developmental capacity and trajectory.

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Speaker 3: So the first thing I think is really important to

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Speaker 3: acknowledge is that she doesn't need the whole truth. She

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Speaker 3: needs the truth. I think it's important that we don't

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Speaker 3: lie to or we don't talk about storks and you know, kind.

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Speaker 1: Of words and bees, whatever else you.

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Speaker 3: Know, kind of comes to our mind metaphors and things.

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Speaker 3: We need to tell her the truth. We need to

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Speaker 3: tell it actual facts. But she doesn't need to know

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Speaker 3: all of it, right, She just needs to know enough

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Speaker 3: to curb a curiosity for now.

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Speaker 1: So here's what can I say? What I'm thinking? Or

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Speaker 1: do you want to jump in with? So what I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking is use the appropriate terms, But with a six

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Speaker 1: year old, I'd probably say inside every mummy is something

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Speaker 1: called a uterus. You've got one inside you, but it's

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Speaker 1: just not grown up yet, and there are little things

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Speaker 1: called eggs inside that uterus. They're so small, these eggs

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Speaker 1: that you can't even see them, and one day, when

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Speaker 1: you become a mummy, those eggs can sometimes if the

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Speaker 1: conditions are right, they can turn into babies. So the

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Speaker 1: babies actually happen inside you, And isn't that incredible? And

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Speaker 1: maybe they were curious, maybe they won't and you can

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Speaker 1: just you can literally just kick it down the road.

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Speaker 1: Then you could say, well, you asked how that happens,

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Speaker 1: and that's how it happens. That's all the information they need.

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Speaker 1: And you can literally just say that. And as you

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Speaker 1: get a bit older, I can explain more about that

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Speaker 1: to you and just let it go.

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Speaker 3: And I think that that's the most important thing. It's

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Speaker 3: suggesting you've given her a little bit of information, and

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Speaker 3: I would suggest that that's probably going to be enough

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Speaker 3: for her now. But if it's not, you can say,

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Speaker 3: this is actually quite a complex question that you've asked,

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Speaker 3: and Mummy and Daddy feel like you just need to

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Speaker 3: be a little bit older before we have that conversation.

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Speaker 3: Do you think we could come back and talk about

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Speaker 3: this in a few months time, or we want to

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Speaker 3: have this conversation when you're eight or whatever it is,

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Speaker 3: whatever your timeline is that you feel more comfortable with

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Speaker 3: more times than I don't think we've ever had a

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Speaker 3: child push back and go no.

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Speaker 1: No, I asked you, and I know now that's right everything.

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Speaker 3: But they'll also come to you and say you told

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Speaker 3: me that you were going to talk to me about this,

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Speaker 3: and I'm mate, now I want to know. And so

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Speaker 3: I just think it's really important you honor whatever it

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Speaker 3: is that you decide is the appropriate time frame. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Something else that's just popped in my head as well,

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Speaker 1: is you really want to emphasize these conversations and conversations

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Speaker 1: that mummies and daddy's have with their children. These aren't

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Speaker 1: the sorts of things that you talk about in the playground.

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Speaker 1: You really want to do your best to keep them focused.

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Speaker 3: On I'm so glad you came and talked to me

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Speaker 3: about this. You've got any other questions.

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Speaker 1: Come and talk to me, don't talk to other people.

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Speaker 1: I'm the person to talk to me. Yeah, well, Jason,

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Speaker 1: we really hope that that's been a helpful discussion and

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Speaker 1: helps you to navigate this one with your six year old.

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Speaker 1: If you've got a tricky question, please get in touch

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Speaker 1: with us. You can submit your questions via voice notes,

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Speaker 1: email them to podcasts at Happy families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 1: That's podcasts with an S at happy families dot com

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Speaker 1: dot you, or you can pretty much ask us anything

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Speaker 1: via the super simple system at happy families dot com

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Speaker 1: dot au. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin

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Speaker 1: Ruland from Bridge Media. Mimhammonds provides research, admin and a

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Speaker 1: whole lot of other support and if you would like

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Speaker 1: to find more resources to make your family happier, check

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Speaker 1: out those books by Michelle Mitchell. You can find them

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Speaker 1: by googling her name or going to her website and

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Speaker 1: visit happyfamilies dot com dot you