1 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: As you probably know, I have a book coming out 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,160 Speaker 1: about raising boys in the next couple of months. Sometime 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: in June. HarperCollins and ABC Books are going to be 4 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: releasing Boys, building strong young men from the inside out. 5 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: The conversation around masculinity is continually challenging. It keeps everybody 6 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:26,280 Speaker 1: on their toes and people have strong opinions about what 7 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: it is to be a man and how we should 8 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 1: be raising our boys. So this has been a real challenge. 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: Over the next couple of months. On the podcast, I'm 10 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,840 Speaker 1: looking forward to showcasing and highlighting people in this country 11 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,519 Speaker 1: who are doing a great job working with boys and 12 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:44,519 Speaker 1: young men to help to create the conditions for the 13 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 1: boys to do the inner work, to develop character, to 14 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: become the best versions of themselves that they can, and 15 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: to understand what it is to be a healthy man. 16 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: Today on the podcast, Andre Cassen, the headmaster of Brisbane 17 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: Boys College, talk about his deep seated passion for developing 18 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: young men who have a strong sense of self and 19 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: are committed to affecting positive change in the world. If 20 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: you're raising a young man, Today's episode is one you 21 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: don't want to miss. Andre Cassen. Next stay with US. Hello, 22 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast, where you get real 23 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 1: parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded 24 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 1: parenting podcast. My name's Doffs. Justin Colson, the author of 25 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: I've Forgotten how Many Books? Ten eleven twelve books about 26 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,760 Speaker 1: raising happy Families, the host of Chanlen Lynds hit TV 27 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: show Parental Guidance, Dad to six of my own children, 28 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:43,560 Speaker 1: and today I'm delighted to share the podcast with Andre Cassen. 29 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: Andrea is the headmaster of the independent day school and 30 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: boarding school, Brisbane Boys College, locally known as BBC. Andre 31 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: has worked globally with young men and for more than 32 00:01:56,280 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 1: three decades has held senior positions in education here in 33 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: Australia and in Asia, where he's developed a leadership phiosophy 34 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 1: granted in the belief that education should forge character as 35 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: much as it shapes intellect. There's an idea that I 36 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 1: don't hear enough. Once upon a time, it was a 37 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: staple of what education was supposed to be a couple 38 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: of centuries ago. Since twenty twenty two, he's served as 39 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 1: the tenth head of Brisbane Boys College to a diverse 40 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: student body about fourteen hundred young men at the school 41 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 1: from prep to year twelve, and it has an excellent, 42 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: excellent reputation in a GPS environment focused on raising and 43 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 1: developing well rounded, social, engaged members of the community. It's 44 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: a long intro, Andre, but I think that with the 45 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,920 Speaker 1: work that you've done both here in Australia and across 46 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: the region, that it needs to be said. Thanks for 47 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: joining me and having this conversation about raising boys today. 48 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 2: Of course, and thank you so much for the opportunity 49 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,960 Speaker 2: to have this discussion, which I think is a very 50 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,680 Speaker 2: important one about how we can create good men that 51 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 2: are going to carry our country in our world forward, 52 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 2: no matter what the challenges that might lay head. So 53 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 2: I'm delighted to have this chance to Andre. 54 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 1: A little while ago, as I was putting the fourteenth 55 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:09,359 Speaker 1: set of finishing touches on my Boy's book, I rewrote 56 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: the paragraph around what toxic masculinity is and why I 57 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:17,760 Speaker 1: really generally refuse to discuss it or engage with the concept. However, 58 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: it just keeps on coming up. When you look at 59 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: these fourteen hundred young men that are working their way 60 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 1: through BBC, what do you do? How do you reposition 61 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 1: this narrative around toxic masculinity and shift it towards something 62 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 1: more positive and healthy. What's your approach on this, Well. 63 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 2: Look, I think it's something that we have an immense 64 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 2: responsibility being a prominent boys score here in Brisbane, we 65 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 2: have a responsibility to create good men, as we call 66 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 2: it here at BBC, gentlemen of honor that are going 67 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 2: to embrace all the wonderful things it comes about being 68 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 2: a man and being a boy. But to make sure 69 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,680 Speaker 2: we do that in an appropriate way that we support 70 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 2: not only the young men in our care but the 71 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 2: broader society. So what we try and do is that 72 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 2: we firstly we try and be intentional and what we 73 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 2: do we've engaged with a specific curriculum called the Keeping 74 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 2: Safe Child Protection Curriculum that works from prep all the 75 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 2: way through the year twelve, and it engages our young 76 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 2: men in conversations about issues like consent, about their changing 77 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 2: bodies and how that they can prepare for relationships beyond school. 78 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 2: It's developmentally appropriate, so it might be a conversation about 79 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: my private parts in prep all the way through to 80 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 2: a conversation about what is consent and what does that 81 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 2: look like in our rapidly changing world. The second thing 82 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 2: we really try and work on is to make sure 83 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:50,599 Speaker 2: we've got good people surrounding our boys. We've got amazing 84 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,919 Speaker 2: staff that are here to be passionate to support and 85 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 2: actors role models. Young men need role models that are 86 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 2: going to support them in their journey. That old adage, 87 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,760 Speaker 2: if we can't see, we can't be it, and that's 88 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 2: so important the older students. Modeling those behavior with our 89 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 2: youngest students absolutely crucial, and of course engaging with our parents. 90 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 3: I caught the Holy trinity. 91 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,279 Speaker 2: When our parents and our schools work together with the 92 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,800 Speaker 2: young men at the top, we. 93 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:16,839 Speaker 3: Achieve so much more. 94 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 2: We're a big growing school here at BBC, and it's 95 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 2: all about pulling that or in that synchronous position in 96 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 2: the same direction. 97 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,239 Speaker 3: We're going to achieve so much for that young. 98 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,280 Speaker 1: Man, Andrea, I'd love to frame the next question politely, 99 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,840 Speaker 1: but when I talk to parents, they never say it politely. 100 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 1: They're frustrated, especially the way that and recognizing that the 101 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: media may be responsible at least in part for the narrative, 102 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 1: but they are frustrated with the continual stories that show 103 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,839 Speaker 1: up in the media about badly behaved boys in private 104 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,240 Speaker 1: schools specifically, we hear about it usually around year twelve 105 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 1: markup day. But you've got stories that have been hanging 106 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: around for years, like the Saint Kevin's Boys in two 107 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: rac with the awful chant on the tram, and some 108 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 1: of the things have been over the last few years. 109 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,159 Speaker 1: We just hear these stories again and again and again. 110 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,359 Speaker 1: How to respond to this challenge. I know that these 111 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 1: issues arise in every school, and certainly the media loves 112 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: the narrative of the elite schools. But surely when schools 113 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,039 Speaker 1: like yours are implementing such great programs, when they have 114 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 1: so many resources, surely the expectation should be higher. And 115 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: we keep on finding ourselves in these awful holes, these 116 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 1: quagmires of abhorrent behavior. 117 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 2: Doctor Gilson, You've hit the point there. We have the 118 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 2: resources and the responsibility to be better. We talk about 119 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,920 Speaker 2: that a lot with our boys, about being better. But 120 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:46,720 Speaker 2: you can't think for one moment that we're not going 121 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 2: to slip up. That is a reality of the human condition. 122 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 2: What we need to do is to create an environment 123 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 2: where our boys understand what are the right decisions, to 124 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 2: have the courage to make those correct, correct choices when 125 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:08,840 Speaker 2: they are put in those difficult peer group situations, and then, unfortunately, 126 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 2: if things do go wrong, what do we do to 127 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 2: bring the behavior back to what we want? And look, 128 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 2: I'm not going to sit here for one moment and 129 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 2: say that we're perfect here at BBC. We're certainly not, 130 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 2: and we've had our challenges. 131 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 3: In the past. 132 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 2: But what we will always try and do is be 133 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 2: the best at getting better. And that works so much 134 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 2: better when you are clear and explicit in what you're 135 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 2: trying to achieve as a school. And as I mentioned before, 136 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 2: if we bring our parents along in that journey, because 137 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 2: the raising of a young man can never just be 138 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 2: what happens at home, nor can it just be what 139 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 2: happens in the school. If we're working together, we are 140 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 2: able to succeed so much more. I'd be curious, I 141 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 2: mean mean, is that what you find in your work. 142 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: The more parents are engaged in their children's lives, the 143 00:07:55,600 --> 00:08:00,160 Speaker 1: more that those children are likely to internal life the 144 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: values that we're trying to trying to instill. The major 145 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: thing that I really try to push is that there's 146 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,960 Speaker 1: an internalization or an integration or an endorsement. Endorsement would 147 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: be the word that I've really focused on a lot 148 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 1: lately an endorsement of values. So it's one thing for 149 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: us to stand up at the lectern and preach and 150 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: pound it and say this is the expectation, this is 151 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 1: what you need to be doing. But when we can 152 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: sit with these young men and engage with them and 153 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 1: they can internalize the ideas that they can discuss them 154 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: and buy into them, I've just found that makes such 155 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,200 Speaker 1: a difference. And so I work with teachers and with 156 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 1: parents on doing that. And I agree with you that 157 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,319 Speaker 1: three pronged approach where you've got parents and teachers working 158 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: with not doing too and young men they sort of 159 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: they come along with the current three legs on a stool. 160 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 1: It just seems to make a difference. But creating that 161 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:57,559 Speaker 1: endorsement is a real challenge. You are speaking with principles 162 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: across the education sector, talking with principles at the biggest 163 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: private schools and the most well resourced schools in the country. 164 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,079 Speaker 1: But no doubt you also have the opportunity to engage 165 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: with principles and school leaders in every context. What are 166 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,680 Speaker 1: they telling you in terms of the challenges that they're 167 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: faced with when it comes to young men in a 168 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: school context. 169 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:27,679 Speaker 2: Look, I think the challenges are a threefold. There is 170 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 2: the pervasive and often very negative aspect of the social 171 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: media and the messages that have been shared out there. 172 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,000 Speaker 2: You know, I can jump a line and give you 173 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 2: whatever opinion on whatever I like, And unfortunately some of 174 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 2: the people that are promoted quite highly on social media 175 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 2: are getting the attention. The more controversial you are, the 176 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 2: more interesting you get. So that's the big challenge people 177 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 2: are talking about. Secondly, the challenge I think is to 178 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 2: how we best engage with our parents. Just last week 179 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 2: we had a session with fathers and our secondary boys 180 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 2: and we started with a session at Sartin. I love 181 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 2: what you said about values. The values have to be 182 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 2: the bedrock. It cannot be platitudes that you stand up 183 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,559 Speaker 2: at the pulpit and bash the polpet. 184 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 3: It cannot be. 185 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 2: The boys very very quickly will work out whether you're 186 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 2: not being authentic. I almost said a more creative way 187 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,680 Speaker 2: of describing that there, but they'll know you're not being authentic. 188 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 2: You need to live those values and that needs to 189 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 2: be in everything you do. So that started the session. 190 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 2: But then the boys went down to our middle school 191 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 2: area and the sessions were led by our senior boys. 192 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 2: They acted as moderately a year eleven boys. 193 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 1: That's powerful, right, because you've got these you've got these 194 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: young men who are actually being models to the even 195 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,680 Speaker 1: younger men. Absolutely, and that creates the internalization because they're 196 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:02,599 Speaker 1: the one that are doing the teaching. That's to me, 197 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: that's the what's the words, that's the rainbows and unicorn solution, 198 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,440 Speaker 1: that's the party pop is going off in my brain 199 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 1: right now, because once the boys start doing the teaching, 200 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 1: there's just a different level of internalization. 201 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 2: And look, we know that boys interact differently, whether they 202 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 2: say boys interact side by side. 203 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 3: One of the best conversations I have with my son, he. 204 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 2: Was a swimmer before he left off to university this year, 205 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 2: and on the way to swimming training, when he sat 206 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 2: next to me, we would have the most deep conversations. 207 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 2: And so after that evening, when dads are driving home 208 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,319 Speaker 2: with their sons, well, what about Jackson? 209 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 3: What about the way he led? 210 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 2: And our parents are able to see this is where 211 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 2: we're going with the previous education. So that's the other 212 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 2: thing that I know, our other principle talking about how 213 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 2: do we best engage with our families to get them 214 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 2: involved and align with our values that we're trying to spouse. 215 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: Ther Parent engagement is an ongoing chat challenge in schools 216 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,600 Speaker 1: around the country. It's something that Principles asked me about 217 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 1: more than almost anything at all. Parents, if you're listening 218 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 1: to this and wondering what you can do for your children, 219 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 1: please be engaged and show up when the school's doing stuff, 220 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: because it is actually they help you. Andre you are 221 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,800 Speaker 1: doing better than me. With the swimming conversations. My parents 222 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: used to wake up at four point thirty to drive 223 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: me to swimming lessons so that I could be in 224 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: the pool at five am. And I was in a 225 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,079 Speaker 1: squad and was a pretty good swim when I was 226 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: a kid. And I can tell you right now that 227 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 1: I did not open my mouth and say a word 228 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 1: to my parents. We sat in silence and drove to 229 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: those swimming lessons with nothing but seething resentment under my 230 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 1: skin because I was awake at that hour, so I 231 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 1: had to go swimming my joy I wasn't choosing to 232 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: do it. After the break, I want to ask you, 233 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: how do you define healthy masculinity. I've been thinking about 234 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 1: this deeply for the last three years as I've been 235 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 1: writing this book about raising boys, and I've come up 236 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:57,199 Speaker 1: with a definition that I think is productive and useful 237 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:01,440 Speaker 1: and relevant. It's something that boys and their parents can 238 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 1: hold on to. But I'd love to know how you 239 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 1: define healthy masculinity. I just want to ask you if 240 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 1: we wanted our children to engage more in education, particularly 241 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,240 Speaker 1: our boys, given that the data shows that boys are 242 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: checking out when it comes to academics vastly, at vastly 243 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 1: higher rates than our girls. Really want to get your 244 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: opinion on how we can help boys to engage with 245 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:26,679 Speaker 1: academic content and make more out of their lives educationally. 246 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:36,559 Speaker 1: That and more coming up on the podcast We're Back. 247 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. My name's doctor Justin Colson. 248 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: I'm with Andre Cassen, who is the principal of Brisbane 249 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: Boys College. Andrea. As I struggled to get my head 250 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: around the idea of writing a book about raising boys, 251 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 1: I knew that the first thing that I had to 252 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 1: do was come up with a workable definition of healthy 253 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 1: masculinity to counter the constant conversation around where we began 254 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 1: this discussion today, toxic masculinity. What do you teach when 255 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 1: it comes to helping boys to understand what it is 256 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,000 Speaker 1: to be a healthy man. 257 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 2: Look, and that's a great question, and please doctors, and 258 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,240 Speaker 2: you are far more the expert than me, so I'm 259 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 2: just giving you my experience through my journey in education. 260 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 2: For us at BBC, in order to raise good men, 261 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 2: I've mentioned before and we've shared before, it needs to 262 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 2: be based on very very clear values and principles and 263 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 2: these are non negotiable. We need to make sure that 264 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,640 Speaker 2: we are respectful. We call it honor here at BBC. 265 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,239 Speaker 2: We need to make sure that and boys love their connections, 266 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 2: whatever their values is. 267 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:41,040 Speaker 3: Community. 268 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 2: We have BBC Boys called Brotherhood, but we're trying to 269 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 2: be more inclusive of our entire community. We want our 270 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 2: boys to aspire, and this is one of the things 271 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 2: with young men. They want to try new things and 272 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 2: be more than they thought possible, to look above the 273 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,920 Speaker 2: parapet and see what might be possible. We want to 274 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 2: celebrate achievement. I think the idea of everyone gets surprised 275 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 2: and it's okay to say, actually, you're really good at that. 276 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,120 Speaker 2: But what we say at BBC that there's more than 277 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 2: one way to thrive. So you might be academic, let's 278 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 2: celebrate that. You might be brilliant playing the bagpipes and 279 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 2: playing at the military tattoo, then let's celebrate that. And 280 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 2: so that to me, which is really important. And the 281 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 2: last aspect is and I spoke about before, not knowledge. 282 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 3: It's wisdom. 283 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,560 Speaker 2: It's how do we use what we know to be 284 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 2: able to apply that to success. So if we work 285 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:44,240 Speaker 2: on those values, then we create young men that are 286 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 2: happy to embrace who they are and have the courage 287 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,760 Speaker 2: to call out behaviors that are counter to what they believe. 288 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 3: And I think that's so important. 289 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 2: We're very happy to tell you whether I'm a tragic 290 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 2: westc Egal supporter, and I'll still argue Black and Blue 291 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 2: why that's a great football team. But then the more 292 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 2: important conversations, do I have the courage to have those 293 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 2: difficult conversation? And that's what we want to create in 294 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 2: BBC Boys. And the last piece is we want to 295 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 2: create men that are looking to make a difference for good, 296 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 2: to find those opportunities where they can insert themselves and 297 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 2: make the world a better place. And our college has 298 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 2: been around for one hundred and twenty four years. 299 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 3: We've built. 300 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 2: Anything that I've done is because I've stood on the 301 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 2: shoulders of giants. This has been happening for a long 302 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,400 Speaker 2: time at BBC and I'm immensely proud of that heritage. 303 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:38,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. Really inspired by a couple of those things. Specifically, 304 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:43,680 Speaker 1: the concept of community and brotherhood is something that is 305 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,200 Speaker 1: I think lacking for too many of our young men, 306 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: and hence the wellbeing challenges. But the one that I 307 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: really want to zero win on actually as two that 308 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 1: I want to zero in on here. The first is 309 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,640 Speaker 1: this idea of aspiration and achievement. I was having a 310 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 1: conversation in regional New South Wales. It's some year nine 311 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:05,679 Speaker 1: and ten students just around about a month ago, really 312 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 1: really challenged community, really difficult area to be growing up. 313 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: The kids have disengaged, they've checked out. The teachers have 314 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,680 Speaker 1: as well in the particular school that I was in, 315 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 1: and it was a really really tough spot to be. 316 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: As we talked, I asked them how they feel when 317 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 1: they spend the day playing Fortnite or Roadblocks or Minecraft, 318 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,400 Speaker 1: or when they've scrolled TikTok for two hours, and they 319 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:33,679 Speaker 1: all said lousy. I don't feel very good. And I said, well, 320 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 1: why is that? And as we bounce the ideas around 321 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,239 Speaker 1: a little bit. What the students eventually got to was, 322 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,960 Speaker 1: I'm not doing anything that is really worthy of my 323 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 1: time and my life, and therefore, if I'm not going 324 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 1: to do something that's worthy of my time in my life, 325 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 1: I'm not going to feel like I'm worthy because i 326 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: haven't done something like. The discipline that's required to get 327 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,360 Speaker 1: hard things done is the everything that creates the self 328 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 1: respect that we need so that we can feel like 329 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,359 Speaker 1: we've achieved. And as we discussed that, there was just 330 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,159 Speaker 1: this I watched them sit up taller and straighter as 331 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 1: they realized, Oh, you're doing hard things. Aspiring to do 332 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: something that is uncomfortable is going to make me feel 333 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 1: like I'm doing something that's worthy and worthwhile, and then 334 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 1: I will feel worthy and respectable. It was just a 335 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:25,600 Speaker 1: really lovely moment to see these students who don't really 336 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,480 Speaker 1: want to typically do those things, go no, this is worthwhile. 337 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: The other thing that you've highlighted is this idea of 338 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: helping them to make a difference for good that aligns 339 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,880 Speaker 1: really closely with the definition of masculinity that I've put 340 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 1: into my book Boys. I've defined a healthy man as 341 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:48,320 Speaker 1: one who helps those around him feel safer and stronger, 342 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:53,639 Speaker 1: not just feel, but be safer and stronger. This ability. 343 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 1: I had a conversation with a woman, probably about forty 344 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,359 Speaker 1: two years old. She'd been divorced for five or six years. 345 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,199 Speaker 1: We were colleagues, We knew each other reasonably well. This 346 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,840 Speaker 1: was just a couple of years ago, and it wasn't 347 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,320 Speaker 1: inappropriate for me to ask a personal question. So I 348 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,679 Speaker 1: said to her, are you dating again? Are you looking around? 349 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 1: Do you plan on finding somebody else's missed ride out 350 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 1: there for you? And she said no, I have no 351 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,359 Speaker 1: interest in trying to find a guy. I don't think 352 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: that there is any man out there who is going 353 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,679 Speaker 1: to show up in my orbit, who is going to 354 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,479 Speaker 1: be a bonus in my life. This idea of being 355 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 1: a bonus has really struck with me. She basically said, 356 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:39,360 Speaker 1: if I were to repartner and remarry whoever I end 357 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,919 Speaker 1: up with, I'm going to be giving more to this 358 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 1: relationship than they are. Not that it's transactional, but I'll 359 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,439 Speaker 1: be the one who is doing everything. That's just what 360 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: my experience with men has been. They're takers, they're not givers. 361 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 1: They're not a bonus. There's no surplus value here, which 362 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,359 Speaker 1: is a riff on Richard Reeves in his Book of 363 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 1: Boys and Men, and I'd just thought, what a difference 364 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 1: it would be, what a difference it would make in 365 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 1: the world if we could raise our young men with 366 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,760 Speaker 1: just this. It's so easy, it's so easy to remember. 367 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:09,119 Speaker 1: Can you help the people around you to feel and 368 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,800 Speaker 1: be safer and stronger? And that feels like that aligns 369 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 1: really neatly with the values that you're describing. Safe and strong, 370 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: difference for good, having the wisdom to know how to 371 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: act in different situations, achieving, aspiring, honor, powerful values that 372 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 1: grow great men. 373 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,200 Speaker 3: Well, thank you. And what I love is that. 374 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:35,520 Speaker 2: These values were derived from our community. 375 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,639 Speaker 3: They weren't top down. 376 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 2: We work with our students, we work with our parents, 377 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:44,879 Speaker 2: we work with our old boys, work their stuff, obviously, 378 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 2: and what does it mean to be a good man 379 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 2: in a BBC context? I love your definition to feel safer? 380 00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 2: I just I think that's Rellian. I'll give you the 381 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,360 Speaker 2: the I'll quote give the quote to you, but I'm 382 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,160 Speaker 2: going to use that absolutely brilliant. 383 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,160 Speaker 3: I do hope that our young men, when they are. 384 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:10,880 Speaker 2: Out in society, are make people feel safer, are making 385 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,600 Speaker 2: people feel better and Hopefully your friends will find someone 386 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 2: like that, because it's sad to hear that they feel 387 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,200 Speaker 2: that they're not going to get something from their relationship 388 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,200 Speaker 2: that is disappointing. 389 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 3: Hopefully the BBC boy that won't be the case. Yeah. 390 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,679 Speaker 1: Absolutely, It's astonishing how many women have told and girls 391 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: have told me that as they've found out that I'm 392 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: writing a book about boys. It's not a one off. Unfortunately, 393 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:37,240 Speaker 1: it seems to be an increasing attitude towards young men 394 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,639 Speaker 1: and adult men in our community. Our time is a 395 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 1: little bit done. I've really enjoyed the chat. Andre. I 396 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 1: feel like you and I could probably sit and talk 397 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,760 Speaker 1: for several hours about what it is to raise great boys. 398 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: Let me ask you one last question. Your a dad, yourself, 399 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 1: you've got two two teenagers. Yes, if there was one 400 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,959 Speaker 1: piece of advice that you would leave parents who are 401 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:04,240 Speaker 1: raising adolescent boys right now or tween boys right now, 402 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,360 Speaker 1: and they just want to raise great kids, the kids 403 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,439 Speaker 1: that are only going to show up in the paper 404 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 1: for excellence, for achievement, for outstanding conduct and doing something wonderful, 405 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,879 Speaker 1: what would you say to them if they were really 406 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: really focused on helping those young men to be the 407 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 1: best versions of themselves that they could be. 408 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:27,760 Speaker 3: I think, and I spent a lot of time ruminating 409 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:28,040 Speaker 3: on this. 410 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 2: It is maintaining that opportunity for conversations with your sons. 411 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,399 Speaker 3: You need to live and truly live. 412 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,080 Speaker 2: In everything you do the values that you think are important. 413 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,440 Speaker 2: But your son, no matter what they are struggling with. 414 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 2: It might be a maths problem, it might be non 415 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:55,440 Speaker 2: selection in a rugby team, it might be a relationship 416 00:22:55,480 --> 00:23:00,159 Speaker 2: with a girl, or it might be something deeper about sexuality. 417 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,200 Speaker 3: And choices that they're making. 418 00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,520 Speaker 2: You need to create that environment where no matter what 419 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:10,639 Speaker 2: their issue is, they can engage with you and feel comfortable. 420 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 2: And more often than not, it's on this way of swimming, 421 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 2: training or watching the West Coast Eagles get beaten again 422 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,479 Speaker 2: that those conversations will happen. And I just think that 423 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 2: is the greatest gift that we can give as parents 424 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 2: to our boys. 425 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, the power of connection. That's phenomenal anddre It's been 426 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,679 Speaker 1: a treat to talk to you. Thanks for sharing your 427 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 1: ideas about masculinity about raising great boys. Goodluck this year 428 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,399 Speaker 1: with the Eagles. I don't like your chances, but no 429 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: wish you well anyway. And what a treat to have 430 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 1: you on the podcast today. 431 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 2: Thank you, Doc calls has been an absolute pleasure. I 432 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 2: wish you well and good luck with your book. 433 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,199 Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Roland from 434 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,879 Speaker 1: Bridge MEDIAMM Hammonds provides our additional support. For more info 435 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,639 Speaker 1: about things we've talked about, check the show notes and 436 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,000 Speaker 1: everything that Andre has said about those values will be 437 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 1: there for you and if you'd like to join the 438 00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,120 Speaker 1: wait list for the Boy's Book, which will be added 439 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: in just a couple of months now, visit Happy Families 440 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:10,600 Speaker 1: dot com dot au m HMM