1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson. 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: We are Lukin Susie and this is the podcast for 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: time poor parents who just want answers. Now. 4 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,120 Speaker 2: I've become increasingly where We've recently had a family holiday, 5 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,959 Speaker 2: and I've become increasingly aware of how seldom we actually 6 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 2: have really quality all family together time, and it's it's 7 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 2: made me think that maybe we need to talk about 8 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 2: this with our parenting expert. We might need to kick 9 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,639 Speaker 2: up the butt, or we might just need to get 10 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 2: our head around how do we manage quality time together 11 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 2: because it's limited. I'm so aware of how limited it is. 12 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,599 Speaker 1: I guess the other side of the question is are 13 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: you over emphasizing, like how important is some of this time? 14 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: Is there too much pressure in your head about these 15 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: little moments and how much does it matter? 16 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Coulson, you have all the answers when it 17 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 2: comes to getting our head around quality in the family home. 18 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 3: Might be all the answers. 19 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,440 Speaker 1: Answers what the good news is, because even if you don't, 20 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: you say it with confidence and it sounds like you do. 21 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,119 Speaker 2: What can you tell us about the importance of this time? 22 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 2: Because I feel really aware of the fact that it's limited. 23 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 3: Well it is. 24 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 4: If you do the maths, from the time that your 25 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 4: child is born until the time your child turns eighteen, 26 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:20,960 Speaker 4: there's fifty two saturdays in a year, eighteen years until 27 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 4: they're you know, an adult. 28 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 3: And they're gone. 29 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,320 Speaker 4: You know, you're not going to be able to tie 30 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:25,759 Speaker 4: them down on Saturdays anymore. 31 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 3: Nine hundred and thirty six saturdays is all you've got. 32 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 1: And even then, let's just look at a Saturday, because 33 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: you take away, Saturdays don't really mean much until they're 34 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: at school and like as in because every day is. 35 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 4: Oh no, you can make saturdays. Saturdays are even better 36 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:41,839 Speaker 4: before school. 37 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: Really well yeah, because to a kid who doesn't go 38 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 1: to school, then how is Saturday different from Wednesday? 39 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 4: Well, yeah, I understand that point. Yeah, although a lot 40 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 4: of kids are in some form of care. You know 41 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 4: how our society is so busy and we're so reliant 42 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 4: on economic drivers to you know, mum and dad have 43 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 4: both got to be working with both parents both care 44 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 4: give us lots of single parents who don't have that 45 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 4: flexibility anyway, So children are in care. But nine hundred 46 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 4: and thirty six Saturdays, I think that we've got to 47 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,919 Speaker 4: bear in mind that a lot of the time the 48 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 4: kids are going to be involved in some sort of 49 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 4: Saturday sports, so there goes part of your Saturday. 50 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 3: And then of course once they turn. 51 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 4: Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, they go and get a job, so 52 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 4: there goes those Saturdays. 53 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 1: And other kids' birthday parties are over like potentially three 54 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 1: or four in one Saturday, right, And. 55 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:29,960 Speaker 3: I am saying Saturday. 56 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,640 Speaker 4: Of course, we've got weekends, so we've got nine hundred 57 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 4: and thirty six weekends. But you know, weekends are complicated, 58 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 4: I guess is what I'm saying. This is what we've 59 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 4: done in our family to. 60 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 3: Deal with it. We feel the same way you do, Susie. 61 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 4: Kylie and I have sort of thought we want our 62 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 4: children to have a childhood that is memorable. We want 63 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:55,040 Speaker 4: them to have experiences that are going to build memories 64 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 4: and build a resilience foundation for them. And when you 65 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 4: think about it, like when you think about your favorite 66 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 4: times with your family, how often do you say, oh, 67 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,080 Speaker 4: that that Saturday morning where we all sat in the 68 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,960 Speaker 4: lounge room and played candy Crush and you know, stand 69 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 4: at our phones and watched YouTube, that was the best. 70 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 4: We need to do more of those Saturdays. I mean, 71 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 4: nobody ever says that, but people talk about I remember 72 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 4: that time where we actually got ourselves out of bed. 73 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 4: We everyone complained about it, but we got ourselves out 74 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 4: of bed and we went to that nearby mountain and 75 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,839 Speaker 4: we climbed to the top of it, and we took 76 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 4: some drinks and some stuff, but we forgot to take 77 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 4: this and we got rained on and there was you know, and. 78 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 3: Everyone remembers that one forever true. 79 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 4: And we have these memories that you know, it's actually 80 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 4: going up and doing stuff that creates it. So to 81 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 4: get back to your initial question, I think that we've 82 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 4: got to be really intentional about how we spend our time. 83 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 4: I think in our society generally, too many of us 84 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 4: were so busy that when we don't have to be busy, 85 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 4: we stop all intention and we just park it in 86 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 4: front of the couch and we watch something stupid like 87 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,839 Speaker 4: master Chief on my Kitchen Rules or one of those 88 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 4: you know, wife the Bachelory, let's swap spouses or partners 89 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 4: or whatever, and we just get into this ridiculous situation 90 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 4: where we don't think at all. We just go vegetative, 91 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 4: and our children miss out and we miss out our 92 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 4: families miss out. 93 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 3: So as a family, we've decided to super Saturdays. 94 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 4: We've been doing it for a few years now, and 95 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,719 Speaker 4: every Saturday morning. 96 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 3: Not everybody can attend. 97 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 4: I need to make it clear sometimes because we've got 98 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 4: six kids across three decades, so it's really hard to 99 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,160 Speaker 4: get six children to always be available. But we get 100 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,040 Speaker 4: the whole family together and we say this Saturday, we're 101 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 4: going to go and do this, and early in the 102 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,919 Speaker 4: morning we all wake up and we head out and 103 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,600 Speaker 4: we do that thing for at least two or three 104 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 4: or four hours. Sometimes it's the whole day, sometimes it's 105 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,920 Speaker 4: half the day, sometimes it's a few hours. We make 106 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 4: sure it's low cost or no cost, and we build memories, 107 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 4: we take photos, and we we rejuvenate. 108 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 3: Our family love that. 109 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: So the Super Saturday thing, I can get my head 110 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: around it. I love it how much though. The difference 111 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,599 Speaker 1: between recreating a new thing all the time versus say, 112 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:07,119 Speaker 1: for example, you know, going to the footy to follow 113 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,480 Speaker 1: a team with it and it's the same sort of thing, 114 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:12,600 Speaker 1: but you make a commitment to the kids, Like how 115 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 1: important is it for it to be different versus consistent? 116 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,360 Speaker 4: Oh, I think that you just let your family do 117 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 4: what the family feels inclined to do. I was talking 118 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,599 Speaker 4: to my dad about his favorite memories from growing up 119 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 4: when he was a kid, and he actually said precisely 120 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 4: what you just identified. He said, I remember every weekend 121 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 4: my family would follow our favorite football team from one 122 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 4: ground to another and we'd watch them play. We loved 123 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:38,679 Speaker 4: home games, obviously, but we went everywhere across. 124 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 3: They were in Sydney. 125 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,679 Speaker 4: He was a follower of the Western Suburbs Magpies rugby 126 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 4: league team and they went all over Sydney watching the 127 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,480 Speaker 4: team every weekend through the cold months. 128 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 3: That was their family routine. That's what they did in 129 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 3: the weekend. 130 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 4: And he said some of the best memories just going 131 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 4: to the footy with my parents or going fishing with 132 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 4: my dad. 133 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,800 Speaker 3: So there was not a lot of variety in what 134 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:58,480 Speaker 3: they did, and. 135 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,599 Speaker 4: It was low cost. You can't go to the footy 136 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,840 Speaker 4: forlow cost anymore. I read an article in the paper 137 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 4: recently that said that to go and watch a game 138 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 4: of AFL in Melbourne now costs eighty seven bucks a pop. 139 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: That's if you buy the food from the venue, not 140 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 1: a cheap bad that's just one hot dog. 141 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 4: And I don't know if that's what all the tickets cost. 142 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 4: But but you know, you could do low costs and 143 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 4: no costing. I'll give you a couple of examples. The 144 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 4: very first Super Saturday that we did, we packed the 145 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 4: kids into the car and we went to we were 146 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 4: in the Illawarra around Woollongong and there's this climb called 147 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 4: Sublime Point. So we parked at the bottom. We saw 148 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 4: the sign that said no children aloud. 149 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,200 Speaker 3: Because it's too dangerous for the kids. And the kids 150 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 3: were like, we're doing it. Well, let's go. 151 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 5: So we went up there and there was leeches and 152 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,479 Speaker 5: it was pouring with rain, and we had to go 153 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 5: up these crazy ladders and inclines and we got to 154 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:47,479 Speaker 5: the top so that we can enjoy these beautiful views 155 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,679 Speaker 5: across the Illaharra and visibility was about five. 156 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 4: Meters and we got to the bottom and got back. 157 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 3: In the car. 158 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 4: We're all dripping wet and there was blood spots on 159 00:06:58,839 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 4: people's legs from the leech and we said, oh, kids, 160 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:02,480 Speaker 4: how is that? 161 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 3: And they were like, that. 162 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: Was awesome, the best I ever had. 163 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:07,359 Speaker 3: That's great. 164 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 4: And you know, sometimes we just go to the beach 165 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 4: and we go to the same beach and we play 166 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 4: in those rock pools and we do that same thing. 167 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 3: And other times we go to. 168 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,120 Speaker 4: The park and we just throw the frisbee around, or 169 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 4: we go for that bike ride that we've done a 170 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 4: hundred times. But the point is we do Super Saturday, 171 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 4: and a couple of times a month we try and 172 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 4: find something a. 173 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 3: Bit different and we do that and the kids relish it. 174 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 4: They just look forward to it and we build memories 175 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 4: and relationships with our families. 176 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 3: Doesn't have to be Saturday, it's just got to be Super. 177 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: Yeah. 178 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 2: I love that. 179 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: I'm sure there's lots of different benefits that you can 180 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: probably create a list on them. But what do you 181 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: think is the most important benefit that the kids know 182 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: that you are prioritizing them above anything else. Or is 183 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: it the experience and the memory specific or what is 184 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: it that makes this idea and these sorts of memories 185 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: so important. 186 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 4: There's a handful of things. The first thing I would 187 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 4: say is this old. It's almost trite, it's almost easy. 188 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 4: This quote that says to a child love is spelled 189 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 4: t im, and I think more than anything, that's what 190 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 4: it does. It says we love you, we care about you, 191 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 4: we're investing in you. Matter number one, But there's a 192 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 4: handful of other things as well, you know, And it's 193 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 4: great to be outside. Nature is fuel for the soul, 194 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 4: right and how much better is it to go for 195 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 4: a high cup of local hill, or go play in 196 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 4: the local lake or at the local beach, or go 197 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 4: for a bike ride, then sit there and stare at 198 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 4: a TV and say, oh, that was really nice. 199 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,239 Speaker 3: Family one. I'm not bagging. 200 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 5: You know. 201 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 4: It's sometimes nice to sit down with a pizza and 202 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 4: a movie on a Friday night and just watch a 203 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,680 Speaker 4: fun movie together. That's great too, but you don't want 204 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 4: that to make up the bulk of your family time. 205 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 4: We live in we live in communities where so many 206 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 4: of us now you know, we live on our four 207 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 4: hundred square meter block or our five hundred square meter block. 208 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 4: There's nowhere for the kids to go and nothing for 209 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,960 Speaker 4: the kids to do unless we become intentional and proactive 210 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 4: about it. And so it gets the kids outside and 211 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,200 Speaker 4: against them moving. We get to have these shared experiences 212 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 4: which build memories, which strengthen relationships, and like I said, 213 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 4: for me, it all goes back to this idea that 214 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,360 Speaker 4: the kids know that they matter. 215 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 2: Beautiful. I love everything about that Super Saturday's Luke You 216 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 2: with Me Yes beautiful, that was happening. It's happening for 217 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 2: the hold stock to Justin Coilson, Thanks so much for 218 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,959 Speaker 2: your time pleasure. For more info in all of Justin's books, podcasts, 219 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 2: and programs, you can jump online to Happy Families dot 220 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 2: com dot au to find out how to have Justin 221 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 2: speak at your school, or you can come along to 222 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 2: your organization as well. Go to Justin Coulson dot com