WEBVTT - Mother’s & MIL’s - Hotline with Coopa 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.120 I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:06.560 land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboo 0:00:06.680 --> 0:00:10.520 Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:14.280 and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:22.639 Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:30.200 and this is the Rise and Concer podcast. This is 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:33.760 the podcast where which have mindset self development and becoming 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:37.120 your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs, 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:40.320 plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:43.800 and being among Think of us as the perfect combo 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:47.440 of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No 0:00:47.520 --> 0:00:49.839 matter where you are in your journey, We're here to 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:53.800 help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:58.440 self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:01.320 seat of your own life and stop letting life pass 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:10.040 you by, then you're in the right place. Hi, everybody, 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:14.240 welcome back to the potty Today. We actually have Cooper 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:17.520 joining us for a hotline episode and he's chatting all 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:21.760 about how to navigate finances when your parents have a 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.759 scarcity mindset. I feel like ninety percent of us can 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:28.920 relate to that question, so I'm so glad he answered that, 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:33.480 and then our second question was all about setting boundaries 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:37.000 within laws, and again, I feel like this is a 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:41.440 question where a lot of people can relate. So honestly, guys, 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:46.160 this episode is so valuable. Cooper has been on our 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:49.720 huge you know self growth journey over the last couple 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:52.920 of years, and he has some really great tools for 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:55.560 you guys and insights, So I hope you love that. 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:58.840 But before we get into the episode, I just wanted 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:02.600 to remind you, guys, our life happens for me. Journals 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:05.800 were restocked last week, and I just want to say 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.360 a big thank you for all of the love on 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:12.400 this restock. Honestly, we got so many more journals because 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:14.360 we didn't want to run out again. 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:15.760 And we. 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:22.000 Yes, we were, you know we because I just I 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:25.040 know how valuable this tool is. So it is crazy. 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.480 We are already halfway sold out our stock and it 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:32.080 takes us months and months to get a restock of this. 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:34.359 Hence why it's taken us so long for this restock. 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:35.520 So I just. 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:38.119 Wanted to give you a gentle nudge and say, if 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:41.359 you want this journal, especially coming into the new year 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:45.400 and the end of the year. If you have some intentions, 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:49.000 some goals, this journal is literally going to be your 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:53.640 best friend, because as we know, it's you know, manifesting 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:58.160 is a beautiful practice, but if you're not consistently doing it, 0:02:58.160 --> 0:02:58.560 it's not. 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:00.920 Going to work exactly. And I actually read somewhere that 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:03.560 spring is one of the best times to like spiritually 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:07.040 start something because it's new beginnings. Yes, so it'd be 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:08.400 great to start it in September. 0:03:08.960 --> 0:03:12.560 I love spring because I even was thinking this morning 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:15.080 and pilates of like seeing that it was like lighter 0:03:15.160 --> 0:03:18.680 earlier and just feeling this like, dare I say spring 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:25.040 my step and it was, Yeah, it's just a great time. 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:28.000 So if you are feeling like, you know, you want 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:32.400 to shed some shit which is all basically what you 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:35.800 do in journaling, and really focus on new intentions, it's 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:38.080 such a beautiful time to do it. And I just 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:39.800 don't want you guys to miss out if it is 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.800 something for you. And also kind of you know, speaking 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:47.400 of being consistent with manifesting, we also did bring out 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:51.560 our Manifesting with Momentum master class. This is going to 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:55.320 be a ninety minute live master class with me, so 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:57.880 it is going to be live where you can interact. 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.600 I am going to be answering your questions, actually going 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:04.040 to be asking you guys for specific things so I 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:07.600 can teach on them. So it's going to be so potent. 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.840 You know, if you've ever tried to jump in my DMS, 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:14.280 you know I don't coach on my DMS or anything 0:04:14.400 --> 0:04:16.760 like that. So if you did want that sort of 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:19.800 like you know, contact and direction, this is going to 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.840 be such a great place to ask your questions and 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:27.680 really get feedback. But basically, this masterclass is for anyone 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:32.360 who does struggle to implement manifesting twenty four to seven. 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:36.440 Because we're all manifesting twenty four to seven. But if 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:39.080 you are someone who you kind of feel like you 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:42.599 keep pulling off the bandwagon, like you can see some results, 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:48.320 but you can't consistently see yourself implementing your manifestation practice. 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:53.680 Basically I backtracked how I've been so consistent in my 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:58.080 manifestation practice, and then how you guys can really use it. 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:02.560 So it's compounding because I think a lot of people think, oh, 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:07.719 a quantum leap is like this magical thing that happens. No, 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:11.880 I truly believe quantum leaps just come from a compounding effect, 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.760 and how you get a compounding effect is consistency. So 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.200 it feels very logical in my mind, but it just 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:21.039 creates very magical results. And that's what I'm teaching in 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:24.240 this masterclass. So if you are kind of you consider 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:27.360 yourself like an expert manifesto, I guarantee you still going 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:29.480 to get so much out of this. But also if 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:33.440 you're kind of new to manifesting and you really want, 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:37.600 like I want my lifestyle to be manifesting, then this 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:40.440 is the mask class for you, and we will leave 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:41.880 all the links in the show notes. 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:42.960 I'm so excited. 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:44.120 Recommendation sit here. 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:48.480 My recommendation is the Inspired Unemployed s TV show You 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:55.640 Can't take Mine. I've watched it before you It's so funny. Guys. 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:59.960 If you're after something and just just pure happiness, silly laughed, 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:01.440 get on it. 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:03.479 You know what's really funny to me and Tim are 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:07.520 having this conversation. He has this weird thing where he like, 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:10.560 he can't watch it because he feels so awkward. 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:12.279 It's like secondhand embarrassment. 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:16.080 Yeah, and no joke. He goes, I can't watch this 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:19.480 tonight because last night I had a really bad sleep 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.000 after watching it because he was like, he just like 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:24.680 felt so awkward, and I think it gave him like 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:28.400 anxiety or something because Tim has had like social anxiety 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:28.960 in the past. 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:30.440 Oh okay, yeah. 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:33.120 So like that was just something I thought was really interesting. 0:06:33.680 --> 0:06:36.680 But one hundred percent, I'm actually gonna just peeback and 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:40.240 say I double this and it's the funniest thing. I 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:44.359 haven't watched TV or anything like that in so long. 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:47.440 They've done well, so well, I'm obsessed with those boys, 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:52.000 and it's just like, yeah, it was the best. Highly recommend. 0:06:53.160 --> 0:07:01.200 Let's get into the episode. 0:07:02.480 --> 0:07:04.320 Hello, hey Gooper, we're back. 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:08.960 We've got a fun hotline for everyone today. So the 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:12.960 question we had written in I'm in a good paying job. However, 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:16.120 I struggled to save and attract as much money as 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:19.040 I would like. I've started doing a lot of work 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.800 around my money mindset over the last few months and 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:25.400 finally had my AHA moment. My partner is in a 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:27.880 job which allows him to own over five hundred k 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:31.120 a year. He has big goals to be financially abundant, 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:35.360 have a dream home on the beach, nice car, expensive holidays, boats, etc. 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:38.440 We have been together for five years, and it took 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:40.960 me a long time to come around to all of this, 0:07:41.080 --> 0:07:44.160 as I always saw these people as greedy. I grew 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:46.520 up being told that rich people were bad people and 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:49.560 that you should live a humble life. My mom struggled 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:52.200 financially when me and my brother were growing up and 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:54.640 has only just started being able to save in the 0:07:54.720 --> 0:07:57.680 last five to ten years. My mom has had to 0:07:57.760 --> 0:08:00.600 bail my brother out a few times and always complains 0:08:00.640 --> 0:08:03.280 to me about it. With this in mind, I would 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.000 think she would be happy that I will be in 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:07.880 a good position financially where I will never need to 0:08:07.920 --> 0:08:10.880 ask her for help. When I show her houses that 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:13.679 my partner and I are looking at, she makes comments 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:16.640 about it being too expensive and too luxurious for our 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:20.320 first house. She continues to send me links to houses 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:22.920 which are cheap and nasty and in areas that I've 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:25.240 said over and over I don't want to live in. 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.239 My partner recently bought a new car for one hundred 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:30.120 and fifty K, and I've had to lie to my 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:33.000 mum about it as I feel ashamed and didn't want 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:36.200 her judgment. I feel like she is what is holding 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:38.400 me back, as I feel she will be ashamed of 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:40.760 me and my partner in the future when we are 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:45.079 financially well off. Side note, she just got her inheritance 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:49.319 from my granddad of one million dollars. However, buys everything 0:08:49.360 --> 0:08:53.160 from secondhand shops and lives in such a scarcity mindset 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:56.120 because she grew up and raised us when she was broke. 0:08:56.840 --> 0:09:00.800 Any advice would be great. It's such a loaded question. Yeah, 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:03.560 by the way, guys, I picked Cooper because he is 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:05.560 our expert on abundance. 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:08.040 Thanks to Dear. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:13.559 First of all, I like to for myself, and this 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:20.600 is what's helped for myself, is to have a look 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:25.839 at what control you have. So I like to write 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:30.000 down what are the things I can't control or just 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:33.280 and what what are the things I can control? So 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:35.920 in this scenario, would be good to write down those 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:39.920 things and have a look, Like you can't control someone. 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:43.640 You can't control how her mum is going to be 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:48.000 and how she's gonna react and her feelings, Like you 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:53.760 can't control that. The only thing she can control is herself. Yeah, 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:58.240 and then her actions. So after she's written down what 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:02.160 she can control, focus on those things and then action 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:08.840 them things and and yeah, I wouldn't feel guilty for 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:13.760 making more money because she's earned it. Even if her 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:17.800 partner has earned it, she has earned it just as 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:20.480 much as him because they're a team. 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.120 And I had. 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:26.280 To learn this the hard way too my relationship because 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:30.280 and I carried that on with Ash and she just 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:32.560 took it on board. And she would always ask me 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:37.439 before spending money because I was always made the money 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:40.000 and she was at home with the kids. But being 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:44.840 a mum is a lot harder. So she has earned 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:50.040 more than what I have earned. So until you can 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:52.920 because there might be a bit around that, like she 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.199 might have a bit of guilt of not making the 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:59.240 money as well, so there might be a bit of 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:05.160 a real lifezation of no, you have earned this money. Yeah, 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:08.760 So that's another thing she can control, Like that's something 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:13.480 internal and and she has to believe she is rich 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:18.000 because it does kind of sound that she doesn't. 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:18.880 Believe that just yet. 0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:22.280 And she's still holding on this thing with her with 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:27.439 her mum because if she didn't, then it wouldn't be. 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.040 A truer guilt wouldn't be there. 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:29.800 It wouldn't be there. 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:33.520 So she's still, yeah, holding onto this, So it's to 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:36.760 let it go. And yeah, maybe some steps is to 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:40.679 have that conversation with her mom, say in set a 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.440 boundary and say hey mom. And when you have a 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:47.600 conversation with anyone, the first thing is to give the 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:51.880 other person a safe space. So from there, yeah, have 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:56.400 a safe space, say whatever we talk about, it's okay, like, oh, 0:11:56.559 --> 0:12:00.560 there won't be any judgments. And to have that say space, 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:05.200 it's communication and just making them feel safe. And then 0:12:05.280 --> 0:12:07.920 from there you just put up your boundaries and say, look, 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:12.520 I've earned this money, I've worked really hard, my husband 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:16.520 has worked really hard, or partner, and this is what 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:18.640 we want to do and this is where I'm going. 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.400 If you don't want to do that, then that's fine. 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:26.000 And then with her just wanting to still buy cheap 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:28.360 things and that sort of thing, that's all good, like 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:31.360 that's her life. Yeah, you can't change people. 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:34.560 And it's kind of almost like if she's getting upset 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:38.000 about her mum commenting on her spending habits, should she 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:40.400 be really getting upset and wanting to comment on her 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:41.680 mum's spending habits. 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:46.160 Yeah, if something if you're getting triggered something like that, 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:50.240 it's usually because you hate that in yourself. So it's 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:53.480 not really the other person's issue. Yeah, because if it 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:55.640 wasn't an issue, you'd just be like, yeah, it's all good. 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:57.120 Yeah, she can do what she wants. 0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:00.920 Yeah, but if she gets triggered so thing sparks up, 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:06.360 then it's something inside yourself. Whenever there's an issue, it's 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:12.320 always you, and it is so annoying, trust me, because 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:15.880 you're like, no, it's his fault, it's her fault, it's 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:21.680 their fault, it's your fault. So whenever you get in 0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:25.400 a bad situation, yeah, just take a step back. I 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:30.080 like to when I get a bad feeling in my body. Yeah, 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:34.360 I like to take a step back mentally or physically, 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:40.280 take three deep breaths through your belly and bring your 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:44.719 nervous system back to being as relaxed as you can. 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:45.240 Yeah. 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:47.960 Then have a look at what's going on, and you'll 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.200 be it'll be way more clear. Like when you get 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:54.560 hot headed or you start crying, yeah, fight or flight, Yeah, 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:56.840 that's when you have to just take a step back 0:13:57.400 --> 0:13:58.560 and realize what's going on. 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:03.679 Wow, and what why do you think she's lied to 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:07.480 her mum about how much the car costs? Is that guilt? 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:08.400 Yeah? 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:12.800 Yeah, it's guilty, But guilt's there for a reason, like 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:16.080 it's doing its job. So don't feel like the guilt 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:19.360 is bad. It's there for a good reason. It's just 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:21.880 to listen to it and allow it and let it 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.200 come in, but then process it and not let it 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:28.920 get those deep feelings towards it and say thanks, thanks 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:31.600 for that guilt. Brain, I'm going to take this action now. 0:14:32.400 --> 0:14:36.760 And you're the director, You're you're the controller of your mind. 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:41.600 So when we feel guilty, is that always a signpost 0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:44.280 that we're doing something we're not supposed to do, or 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:46.680 is it more a signpost that there's something to work. 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:47.760 Through both both? 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.440 Yeah, definitely both, but yeah, it's there for a reason. 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:54.680 So yeah, but yeah, soon from this comment, just write 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:58.600 those things down and have the conversation with your mum. 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:02.880 Communication key, like when you don't know something, ask Like 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:06.440 I always find this lately a lot of people like 0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:10.480 I don't know why he or she is thinking that, 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.280 and I'm like, go and ask him. Yeah, then you'll 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:18.800 find out, Like just use communication, but to actually go 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.440 and communicate, it's such a big thing for everyone. 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:23.360 And so I get it. 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:27.360 I get why they can't, but that would fix everything. 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:31.440 And do you have maybe two tips for listeners who 0:15:31.520 --> 0:15:34.200 want to start communicating better but get a bit nervous too. 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:37.800 Yeah, so write it down. 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:40.920 I write stuff down too, Like I feel like my 0:15:41.080 --> 0:15:44.560 communication skills are really good, but I still write stuff 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:49.160 down and sit down with someone, with your partner or 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:53.800 whoever you feel safe with, and write down. Yeah, I've 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:56.480 done it, Like towards a real estate agent I had. 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:58.800 I didn't want to call him up, so I wrote 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:00.920 down what I would talk to him about and what 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:06.640 he would talk to me, my intentions and but and 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:09.960 then when I go to have that conversation. The keys 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:14.560 to have that safe space. But be true, be true 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:21.280 to your word, and and it'll be really frightening. But 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:24.560 everyone knows when you face a fear, and when you 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:27.880 face something, it's always good on the other side. Like 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:31.600 you always get this nice warm feeling after that. Yeah, 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.560 like I can't believe I did that. 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:34.600 I feel so good. 0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:38.160 And you always say, oh, I should have done it sooner. Yeah, 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:45.000 every time. So yeah, just whatever process feels comfortable. That's 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.640 what I like to do. Write stuff down, and I'm 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:51.160 just a bit more visual, But you just tackle it 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:55.080 head on. That's still a good approach because something bad 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.640 might happen in that conversation. You might say something bad, 0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.480 but whenever there's something. 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.680 Bad, something good. 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.520 Yeah, So that's what I would do. 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:12.040 We're just taking a quick break in today's podcast to 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:15.800 let you know about our brand new course, Find your Voice, 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:19.320 our complete step by step guide on how to start 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:23.520 and scale your very own podcasts. If you're one of 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:27.280 our biz career or marketing goals, or you're just someone 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:30.520 looking to scale your personal brand and you're thinking of 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:34.359 starting a podcast, then you will love this course. We 0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:37.760 give you our personal tips and tricks from our five 0:17:37.840 --> 0:17:41.520 years of experience in the podcasting industry, and we do 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:44.720 not hold back. We take you through all the tech 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:48.000 and equipment, but also go through how you can monetize 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:52.320 your podcast, plan for episodes, and everything in between. Check 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:54.679 out the link in the show notes for more information. 0:17:55.119 --> 0:18:00.600 Now let's get back into the episode. 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:04.080 Okay, our next question. This person's written in and she says, 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:08.359 I am constantly triggered by my mother in law every 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:12.200 time I hear her name or voice. Even writing this email, 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:15.520 I feel a massive tightening in my chest and will 0:18:15.520 --> 0:18:19.240 now feel anxious for hours. I know from listening to 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:22.560 similar episodes that this actually has everything to do with 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:25.520 me in my issues and something I need to work through. 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:28.520 I just have no idea where to start, so I'd 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:31.840 love some brutally honest advice, please. Some things that have 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:34.399 made me triggered are when I see her name on 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:38.720 my phone or hearing it in conversation. Anytime she sees me. 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:41.919 It always leads to tearing her son down to my 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:45.400 face and me feeling completely useless because I couldn't find 0:18:45.400 --> 0:18:48.640 my voice to stand up for him. Hearing her complain 0:18:48.760 --> 0:18:50.719 to her son that she never gets to see her 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:54.159 grandson yet she lives thirty minutes away and is constantly 0:18:54.240 --> 0:18:57.000 in town. If I didn't talk to her again, it 0:18:57.040 --> 0:18:59.199 would be a massive weight off my shoulders. But I 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:00.880 also know that it's not fixing the. 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:02.119 Issue, all right. 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:05.920 Yeah, the answer is definitely not to block her out. 0:19:06.520 --> 0:19:11.120 And she is definitely correct that there's something inside of 0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:16.640 her what she hates that's actually inside of her mother 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:21.840 in law. But that's a whole different thing to wine. 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:25.880 So where she needs to try to get to is 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:29.520 to love her mother in law for those things that 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:36.040 she actually hates about it. And when those triggers come in, 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:39.440 like I said before, take a step back, do your 0:19:39.480 --> 0:19:43.240 three breaths through your belly, like put your hand on 0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:48.360 your belly, do three breaths, and then exhale it slowly 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:53.760 and then and say thank you, thank you for that trigger, 0:19:54.119 --> 0:19:57.679 thank you for letting me know that those things annoy 0:19:57.760 --> 0:20:05.040 the shit out of me and have gratitude towards those things. 0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:11.159 And this is another case of writing down a conversation 0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:14.160 that she needs to have with her mother in law, 0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:20.960 set some boundaries because they're getting stood on, and if 0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:24.359 that's a really big thing to have that communication and 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:30.560 stand up for herself in that way, which that's very 0:20:30.560 --> 0:20:33.960 similar to my wife. So like the bigger thing is 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:37.520 to go and talk to someone about it, like more 0:20:37.760 --> 0:20:42.880 like a trauma specialist therapist. But the first things, yeah, 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:47.600 to set those boundaries and just communicate with her and say, look, 0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:50.399 I don't like these things. I don't like when you 0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:54.920 talk like this, And it's going to be really hard 0:20:54.960 --> 0:20:59.359 to do that like that, it'd be so hard, yeah, but. 0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:02.920 That would help her massively. 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:06.760 And do you feel like the because obviously one of 0:21:06.760 --> 0:21:09.359 the dot points was that the mother in law complains 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:14.359 about not seeing the grandson and also talks down on 0:21:14.480 --> 0:21:17.960 her son, which is obviously this person's partner or husband. 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:21.320 Do you think that would be the main sort of 0:21:21.359 --> 0:21:24.320 source of the trigger? And then this like extra reaction 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:26.840 of every time she sees her name or thinks about 0:21:26.840 --> 0:21:29.960 her she feels anxious for hours after comes from not 0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:32.959 having dealt with the previous triggers. Or do you think 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:34.000 it's a whole other thing. 0:21:34.440 --> 0:21:37.120 It's a stabbing the dark leg without her here, Yeah, 0:21:37.200 --> 0:21:39.280 and me asking her a lot of questions and what's 0:21:39.359 --> 0:21:39.800 going on. 0:21:40.320 --> 0:21:41.879 Yeah, there's definitely. 0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:46.359 Triggers where it has come up in her life previously, 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:51.120 and it's just but yeah, triggers are very they're very 0:21:51.160 --> 0:21:56.200 difficult because they show up in these sorts of situations 0:21:56.280 --> 0:22:03.080 where they're not really to do with that actual person. Yeah, 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:08.720 that person. So it's usually internal and something from a 0:22:08.800 --> 0:22:12.439 completely different scenario, maybe when they were a kid or 0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:17.600 some other trigger. So it's a loaded question. 0:22:18.880 --> 0:22:22.760 How would yeah, how would you? Obviously we can't ask 0:22:22.800 --> 0:22:25.600 other questions. What sort of thing should she ask herself 0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:27.600 to maybe try to get to the bottom of it. 0:22:28.119 --> 0:22:30.760 I always like to say, why why are you getting 0:22:30.760 --> 0:22:35.040 these triggers? Yeah, and dive in onto that. Whenever anyone 0:22:35.160 --> 0:22:39.760 says anything about something being triggered in their life. I 0:22:39.920 --> 0:22:42.359 just always go to why why do you do that? 0:22:43.200 --> 0:22:46.919 And answer that question, and there's usually another why question 0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:50.240 in that question, and you dive deeper and you think, 0:22:50.480 --> 0:22:52.520 why do I do that? What feeling am I going 0:22:52.600 --> 0:22:55.800 to get? What feeling do I get? And then why 0:22:55.840 --> 0:22:56.840 do I get that feeling? 0:22:57.119 --> 0:22:57.359 Yeah? 0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:01.520 Keep saying why and yeah, you get deeper and deeper 0:23:01.520 --> 0:23:04.720 and deeper. And she could journal her about that and 0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:10.840 go deeper, but it's hard to find what the actual 0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:15.520 triggers are without a professional. Yeah, they're just Yeah, it's 0:23:15.560 --> 0:23:18.399 a bit difficult. But on a conscious level, you just 0:23:18.840 --> 0:23:23.159 communication set in the boundaries like that's that's just the 0:23:23.320 --> 0:23:24.960 go to and. 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:28.920 Yeah, yeah, that's just all I would say. 0:23:29.080 --> 0:23:32.280 And another thing, I feel like i've from reading that 0:23:32.480 --> 0:23:35.160 she's really given her power away to her mother in law, 0:23:35.720 --> 0:23:37.880 like the fact that she wrote this email and then 0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:41.399 said that she'd feel anxious for hours after she's given 0:23:41.440 --> 0:23:43.960 that power away. She could make the decision like I'm 0:23:43.960 --> 0:23:46.159