Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Card. I'm producer Keisha and I hope that you
Speaker 1: are having such an unreal summer you've been able to
Speaker 1: kick the feed up, take some time off.
Speaker 2: Perhaps you're listening from the other hemisphere, so it might
Speaker 2: be winter for you.
Speaker 1: Britain Laura are taking some very well deserved time off
Speaker 1: over the summer, and so usually over the summer break
Speaker 1: we bring you what we call some walk down memory lanes,
Speaker 1: so they're flashback episodes to some of our favorite times
Speaker 1: in the past.
Speaker 2: But for this year, we thought, hang on a second.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I think they'd lack a lot
Speaker 1: more is some brand new content, some fresh content that
Speaker 1: they have never heard before.
Speaker 2: So back in October.
Speaker 1: We did seven incredible live shows all across the country.
Speaker 1: We had some of the most amazing people join us
Speaker 1: on stage, and that's what we are going to be
Speaker 1: dropping some of the interviews, some of the conversations that
Speaker 1: Britain Laura have with these guests at some of the
Speaker 1: live shows in their own little standalone episodes, and so
Speaker 1: today's is the very first. It is a conversation that
Speaker 1: we had with someone who you might be familiar with
Speaker 1: because she joined the podcast initially back in February of
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two.
Speaker 2: It is the incredible Eliti pullin Now.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to listen to that episode, I will
Speaker 1: link it in the show notes so that you can
Speaker 1: go back and have a refresh. Because when Eldi first
Speaker 1: joined the podcast, her daughter Minni was a newborn baby.
Speaker 1: She was so small and so delicate and so tiny,
Speaker 1: and at the live show it was actually kind of
Speaker 1: coincidentally Minni's second birthday. Now, Mini was brought into the
Speaker 1: world in a very unusual way. It was through a
Speaker 1: process called sperm retrieval, and that was because Eldi's beautiful partner,
Speaker 1: Chumpy passed away in July of twenty twenty. So this
Speaker 1: conversation is a bit of a catch up between Laura
Speaker 1: Britt and Eldi of where life has taken Elidi since
Speaker 1: they first spoke to her on the podcast. In this episode,
Speaker 1: they talk about it taking a village to raise a child,
Speaker 1: how grief evolves and can take different shapes, how trauma
Speaker 1: dumping can pull you backwards. Elidie really shared a lot
Speaker 1: of what her social presence has meant, you know, in
Speaker 1: the healing of other people, but also in how it
Speaker 1: can kind of hinder her own healings. They also speak
Speaker 1: about how Chumpy is in Minnie's life and the story
Speaker 1: that they tell Minnie about her dad and about all
Speaker 1: of the other people that are involved in bringing her up,
Speaker 1: and whether dating could be on the cards again for Elitie. So,
Speaker 1: I hope you really love this conversation from the live
Speaker 1: show between Britt Laura and Elerdie Pullan.
Speaker 3: Guys, we're up to our last guest of the evening.
Speaker 3: And she's a very very special person, a very special
Speaker 3: friend of the podcast. We've had her on before a
Speaker 3: couple of years ago. She is homegrown, she's a local
Speaker 3: here on the Gold Coast, and three years ago she
Speaker 3: lost her partner, Chumpy, and it was a story that
Speaker 3: really stops you in your tracks. And I know when
Speaker 3: we heard it, I just can't cannot imagine what that
Speaker 3: would be like. She is one of the hosts of
Speaker 3: the amazing podcast Darling Shine. She hosts that with Chloe Fisher,
Speaker 3: who's here as well. Who so please give a huge,
Speaker 3: huge welcome.
Speaker 2: Litie pull It.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you look okay, I'm gonna Rea you want me.
Speaker 3: You're gonna sit on my lap.
Speaker 4: Wow. I mean, the most uncomfortable dress ever. So alloy,
Speaker 4: I'm like, what were we thinking? We're like, oh, how
Speaker 4: do we see it? Wow, there's so many people scary.
Speaker 2: Welcome, Welcome to talcome to the podcast.
Speaker 3: We're going to kick off with an accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 5: Oh okay, okay, okay. So I was thinking about this before.
Speaker 5: I'm going to stick with the pooh scene.
Speaker 2: Yep, great, right, we do love it?
Speaker 5: Okay, So oh, I've got I don't really remember this story.
Speaker 5: I was like sixteen, Me and my friend were out
Speaker 5: one night. She was trying to hook up with a guy.
Speaker 5: I was like, I'm a great wingman, but I don't
Speaker 5: know about this guy.
Speaker 4: So I'm gonna go home.
Speaker 5: With like you guys and obviously like, yes, it's not
Speaker 5: like a threesome situation. I'm gonna I'm gonna sleep over
Speaker 5: here and you guys have fun over there. And then
Speaker 5: in the morning she had to pooh really badly and
Speaker 5: like clogged the toilet up.
Speaker 4: She must use heaps of.
Speaker 5: Toilet paper, and she was like, oh fuck, like get
Speaker 5: in here, and I was like, what's going on?
Speaker 4: But this is classic heirl, Like she does this shit.
Speaker 5: I'm like, bro, you know not to use that much
Speaker 5: toilet paper, like you fuck. She does this to lots
Speaker 5: of toilets and she's like no, seriously, like we're gonna
Speaker 5: have to pick it up and chuck it out the window.
Speaker 5: I'm like, like, she's done this before. And it was
Speaker 5: like quite a high ware in a unit, quite high.
Speaker 5: I was like, you're gonna hit someone like this is
Speaker 5: kind of you could.
Speaker 2: Knock them out.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So she.
Speaker 5: Got the bag that was in the bin, put the
Speaker 5: poop in the bag, and then we put the poo
Speaker 5: in my hand But.
Speaker 2: You are a good friend, just like.
Speaker 5: Awkwardly like lingering around like his laundry with like a
Speaker 5: pool in my handbag carrying my friend's fucking pooh.
Speaker 4: And then he comes and.
Speaker 5: He's like, oh, yeah, oh, the toilet's like not working
Speaker 5: or something, because she must have left heaps of toilet
Speaker 5: paper still. And they were like oh, just like smelling
Speaker 5: this pool. And then I'm like we have to go.
Speaker 5: It was just so awkward. I was thinking the whole
Speaker 5: time home. I'm like, I just reckon, we should have
Speaker 5: chucked it out of the window.
Speaker 2: How did you know what was in your bag? Pooing out.
Speaker 5: It was I pick up my dog's pool all the time,
Speaker 5: and I cleaned my kids pool all the time, and
Speaker 5: I put her dirty nappies in my bags and shit
Speaker 5: like now, I don't even think when you're a.
Speaker 2: Mum, You're like, it's fine, there's a shit in my bag.
Speaker 2: It's okay.
Speaker 5: My friends poo, Like we're both sixteen, and I'm like,
Speaker 5: I don't need.
Speaker 4: To carry you poo.
Speaker 6: She owes she was solid, not in solid poo, but
Speaker 6: like she owes you a solid she owes me mone. Hey, yeah,
Speaker 6: can you for anyone who doesn't know your you're talking
Speaker 6: with stuff.
Speaker 2: Sorry I didn't should cut them off.
Speaker 7: Okay, for anyone who doesn't know your story, which I
Speaker 7: know most people here have heard parts of it or
Speaker 7: most of it, can you give us a little bit
Speaker 7: of an overview of what happened and how you came
Speaker 7: to have your beautiful little girl.
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, so weird story. I can't even believe it's
Speaker 5: still true. Like yeah, just every.
Speaker 4: Day I'm like, what the fuck?
Speaker 5: So my partner and me we were together for like
Speaker 5: eight yeah, like eight and a bit years. We're trying
Speaker 5: for a baby. We just got like our new house,
Speaker 5: dream house, got a dog, all that jazz like frothing
Speaker 5: to have a kid, like good way to fall pregnant.
Speaker 5: And then one day he went out spearfishing and didn't
Speaker 5: come home. Essentially, he just passed out under the ocean
Speaker 5: and he died. He had a shallow water blackout, which
Speaker 5: is like when you hold your breath for too long
Speaker 5: and you just like, I don't know, I liked. I
Speaker 5: think he just went to sleep under the water and yeah,
Speaker 5: so he just like walked out the door that.
Speaker 4: Day and never came home.
Speaker 5: Anyway, My really amazing friend Laura, who's actually in the
Speaker 5: crowd here somewhere tonight, but like I'm gonna freak out
Speaker 5: if I see their faces, I'll get really nervous.
Speaker 4: But she came up, Yes, Laura, where are you?
Speaker 5: And actually we also met at her party too, so
Speaker 5: I feel like she just plays the most pivotal role
Speaker 5: in my life.
Speaker 4: We bit where was I up to?
Speaker 2: Laura?
Speaker 5: She came up with like a light bulb moment. She
Speaker 5: was like, I know you can do this thing called
Speaker 5: sperm retrieval. I know someone that did it or something.
Speaker 5: I'm like, what the fuck does that even mean? But yeah,
Speaker 5: let's do that thing, you know, so weird. We're in
Speaker 5: such state of shock. We didn't even know what was
Speaker 5: going on. We were literally floating. Me and his family
Speaker 5: were just like what what is the world, Like, We've
Speaker 5: just found out that jumps passed away?
Speaker 4: You know, like what is life?
Speaker 3: How long after is this? Are we talking hours?
Speaker 5: Or yeah so lately or yeah, like thirty five or
Speaker 5: six hours or something like that.
Speaker 4: I think it can last up to a.
Speaker 5: Few days, but like legally you have to get it
Speaker 5: in a certain amount of time, so there's like a
Speaker 5: procedure that they do and they harvest the sperm and
Speaker 5: then yeah, I guess on down the track, if you
Speaker 5: want to use it to have a baby, you can
Speaker 5: so with like his parents consent and all that, I
Speaker 5: had a little.
Speaker 4: Bubby and yeah she's too today. Actually weird.
Speaker 3: Happy birthday, Minni, if you're out there, Happy birthday Mini Moo.
Speaker 7: When we first interviewed you on the podcast, Minnie was
Speaker 7: a newborn baby. She was so tiny, she was so tiny.
Speaker 2: She was in there.
Speaker 7: We were doing it in Brits in her lunge room.
Speaker 7: Minnie was being held by producer Key Sha and you
Speaker 7: were a brand new mum and you were navigating what
Speaker 7: that is but on your own. And the thing that
Speaker 7: I think has been so beautiful about watching from Afar
Speaker 7: and watching your parenting experience is that it hasn't been
Speaker 7: on its own because you've had and built such an
Speaker 7: incredible community around you. Can you tell us a little
Speaker 7: bit about what that village has been like and how
Speaker 7: even though you're a single mum, you've been doing it
Speaker 7: with all of your closest people.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like that phrase it takes a village has just
Speaker 5: never been more profound, like or just like been more
Speaker 5: real to me. Like literally, I have the most amazing
Speaker 5: people around me. And I kind of knew that I
Speaker 5: would because Trump and I have really close friends and
Speaker 5: just just like family like friends.
Speaker 4: But I don't think I realized how crazy it would
Speaker 4: be bringing up a child alone.
Speaker 5: And I like power to amazing women that go through it,
Speaker 5: you know, with the sperm donor and have kids like
Speaker 5: on their own, just you know, And I obviously I
Speaker 5: did that. I made that choice to go and do that,
Speaker 5: but I felt like I'll have epic support, but I
Speaker 5: underestimated like just how epic. So I've got like my
Speaker 5: best friend Chloe that I do the podcast with like
Speaker 5: you just said, and her amazing partner Fisher, who literally
Speaker 5: are woo. Some Fisher fans clothes here too, and they
Speaker 5: are like, literally, I like my poor kids definitely confused,
Speaker 5: Like she actually calls them both mom and dad as well.
Speaker 5: She like me, just has so many parents. Like all
Speaker 5: my friends literally act like her mum dad.
Speaker 4: It's so cute, and.
Speaker 5: My brother's superhands on and my mom's amazing, Like it's
Speaker 5: brought everyone sew together and like my yeah, like just yeah,
Speaker 5: my mum was so down and depressed and like Minni's
Speaker 5: just made her smile again and it's so cute.
Speaker 7: Was there ever a time, just going back to the
Speaker 7: sperm retrieval, was there ever a moment because when you say,
Speaker 7: it happened so quickly and you have to make these
Speaker 7: decisions in life that are almost instantaneous. Was there ever
Speaker 7: a moment where you thought maybe I won't do that.
Speaker 2: Were you wrestling with it at all?
Speaker 7: Or when you found out that was an opportunity, were
Speaker 7: you like, I'm fucking doing this.
Speaker 5: So the sperm retrieval like question when when we were
Speaker 5: like you know, when we just foun out he passed,
Speaker 5: that was like a no brain.
Speaker 4: We were like that sounds.
Speaker 5: So weird, but like okay, like all right, like our
Speaker 5: brains would just so vacant.
Speaker 4: But I don't even know if you asked that. Actually.
Speaker 5: But then later on when we I literally didn't think,
Speaker 5: like I was so numb. I literally it took me
Speaker 5: months to even form a tear. I didn't even know
Speaker 5: what was going on. Like I cry now more than ever,
Speaker 5: but back then, I was just like, well, like, you know,
Speaker 5: everyone else around me was crying, and I was like, cool,
Speaker 5: you're literally carrying me and you're crying for me. I
Speaker 5: felt nothing. It was actually an awful feeling because I
Speaker 5: was just like this shell and I wasn't thinking about
Speaker 5: a baby at all. It actually really wasn't in my head.
Speaker 5: It happened like overnight. I reckon like five or six
Speaker 5: months later, I was like I kind of just woke
Speaker 5: up feeling super strong and like I was like, I've
Speaker 5: got to explore this. I've got to book an appointment
Speaker 5: at least hear from the doctor and see what the
Speaker 5: possibilities are and how like vible the sperm is and
Speaker 5: if this is like if this thing could really work,
Speaker 5: like I actually don't think I thought it was real,
Speaker 5: or that it would actually could actually work.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: I was like, fuck, I better try it out. If
Speaker 5: it happens, it happens like that's meant to be.
Speaker 3: And it happened god pretty quickly.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So then I started the IVF process and the first
Speaker 5: round didn't work. In the second round, I got minimum.
Speaker 5: So I'm so lucky because obviously.
Speaker 3: Whoo, something you just said I think was really interesting
Speaker 3: to me. But I think it's going to intrigue a
Speaker 3: lot of people, and it's the idea around grief and
Speaker 3: what grief should look like. Because you said for six
Speaker 3: months you didn't even cry, you just got on with life.
Speaker 3: Why do you think that that was a subconscious or
Speaker 3: a conscious thought or just a protection mechanism that you
Speaker 3: were like, if I cry and grief, it's real, and
Speaker 3: it's easier just to pretend, not pretend like it didn't happen,
Speaker 3: because obviously you can't do that, but just to motor
Speaker 3: on with life and then all of a sudden it
Speaker 3: just hits you like a snowball.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I think I was so nervous.
Speaker 5: I was like, why am I not feeling anything? Like
Speaker 5: it's about to hit me like a bus, and I
Speaker 5: feel like I seriously might die, like I'm so nervous
Speaker 5: for when this wave of grief happens. And thank god,
Speaker 5: it just started coming in like slowly, like like little
Speaker 5: waves of it would just come. Thank god, it wasn't
Speaker 5: like a bus. But it was the weirdest thing because
Speaker 5: I won't I wanted to cry because it feels good
Speaker 5: to cry right like you're letting it out. I just
Speaker 5: feels so good. But like, so yeah, i'd be out
Speaker 5: with I just kept so busy. I was just like
Speaker 5: I'm quite a realistic, practical person, so I'd be like, cool, well,
Speaker 5: I still need to walk my dog every day, I
Speaker 5: still need to get my coffee, I still need to eat,
Speaker 5: I still need to do shit. Like I just kept
Speaker 5: going and I just stayed so busy, which yeah, is
Speaker 5: kind of weird, but I think that was my coping mechanism.
Speaker 4: But then I'd be with like my.
Speaker 5: Friends and I'd catch myself laughing and I'd feel so
Speaker 5: guilty and I'd be like, that's like, it's like, how
Speaker 5: can I be smiling. He's like literally like not breathing
Speaker 5: right now, like he's like you know, and I'm fucking
Speaker 5: laughing and.
Speaker 3: It's we'll do the interview from over here now.
Speaker 4: No, no, sweet, Wow, I didn't know I was gonna cry.
Speaker 5: It's been an emotional day, I think because she's like
Speaker 5: to today and all that nice sweet but so.
Speaker 2: That's that great.
Speaker 4: Away.
Speaker 2: We just felt a little baby wave.
Speaker 4: Nah.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I think I think you just feel there's
Speaker 5: like so many times you feel guilty. So laughing was
Speaker 5: scary and then I just I laugh all the time.
Speaker 5: Now if I can don't stop laughing, it's like annoying.
Speaker 3: Go one of those No, it's great, like be hey,
Speaker 3: I mean I was about to say, how do you
Speaker 3: feel like your grief has changed over the three y
Speaker 3: period from then to now? But obviously, like you just
Speaker 3: saw now, you don't even expect it, so it still
Speaker 3: hits you in these unexpected moments.
Speaker 5: Yeah, one hundred percent hits me probably more now that
Speaker 5: than ever like it did before.
Speaker 4: I think maybe like I'm.
Speaker 5: Over the whole newborn phase which kept me super busy,
Speaker 5: Like she's two now she's a real person. I'm kind
Speaker 5: of like back to normal just everything, and like I
Speaker 5: feel so grounded and like, I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 5: I don't know how to explain it.
Speaker 4: But it's like the dust is settled and shit, and.
Speaker 5: Like obviously everyone else's life goes on, which is like
Speaker 5: normal and and mine obviously has, but yet it's like weird.
Speaker 5: I just like find myself so much more grafy now,
Speaker 5: and you like, the main thing people tell you when
Speaker 5: you go through this shit is like it takes time,
Speaker 5: Like you'll be sweet in like two years and shit
Speaker 5: like that. And I'm like, fuck, it's been three years,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, I'm sweet, but sometimes I'm not sweet.
Speaker 5: And I definitely thought I don't know, so like I
Speaker 5: thought it'd be way more sweet than I am. I
Speaker 5: actually get so emotional, but it's normal. We'll just be
Speaker 5: emotional forever. It's kind of it's good to let.
Speaker 2: It out in front of the nine hundred people. Do
Speaker 2: you think do you feel like we have to go
Speaker 2: over there? I feel like we're on top of that.
Speaker 2: I actually get closer.
Speaker 7: I think anyone who's I mean, any mums men knows how.
Speaker 4: Much having color blocking.
Speaker 2: Sorry, we're like a pack of skittles. We are skittles.
Speaker 4: Sorry.
Speaker 7: So I feel like anyone who has children experiences this
Speaker 7: like identity shift, and they experience such a change because
Speaker 7: I mean, becoming a mum is it's such a huge
Speaker 7: transformation that you go through. But when you're going through
Speaker 7: that alongside grief, I can only imagine how that changes
Speaker 7: you in unexpected ways as well. What has been do
Speaker 7: you find the biggest impact that having Minnia has had
Speaker 7: for you?
Speaker 5: I think just keeping me so present and so busy,
Speaker 5: like I think lot, Like I have so many people
Speaker 5: that are like, you do too much, slow down, Like
Speaker 5: it's not normal how much you do, Like you need
Speaker 5: to fucking stop and be sad and fall into a
Speaker 5: heap and like that will be therapy for you and shit,
Speaker 5: And I sometimes feel guilty that I haven't really done that.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I don't know. I always say I grieve
Speaker 4: on the go and I just stay busy.
Speaker 5: I mean, Mini keeps me busy, like you can't just
Speaker 5: chill when you have a too well yeah, when you
Speaker 5: have a kid, but but no, I think just like
Speaker 5: keeping me present and I don't know, just like I
Speaker 5: honestly barely remember being a kid, Like you know.
Speaker 4: When people like I remember my first memory, I was
Speaker 4: like till.
Speaker 5: I remember, like you know, I'm like what, I don't
Speaker 5: remember anything before I was like fucking ten I sweat
Speaker 5: like dead said, I don't remember anything, like in general,
Speaker 5: but like I really don't have any memories. So I
Speaker 5: love that I'm kind of like experiencing her childhood and
Speaker 5: like I feel like I can remember bits from mine Weirdly, again,
Speaker 5: it's like deja Vou's happening or something, or Yeah, it's
Speaker 5: just cute seeing the world through her eyes. You know
Speaker 5: how you share your beautiful podcast Darling Shine with Chloe,
Speaker 5: and the two of you have created something so incredibly
Speaker 5: special and it's something that we, I mean, we feel
Speaker 5: so proud of being a part of this podcasting world
Speaker 5: where we get to share stories and connect with all
Speaker 5: of you. And that's exactly what you have created with
Speaker 5: Darling Shine and your community, and you've connected through your
Speaker 5: own unique stories and both of them have been centered
Speaker 5: in their own unique way around grief. How do you
Speaker 5: deal with when you are experiencing your own grief, when
Speaker 5: you're going through your own big things that everybody wants
Speaker 5: to then share what they've experienced, because I feel like
Speaker 5: when you've got a big community like that, someone's connected
Speaker 5: with you because you've experienced it, and then they go, well,
Speaker 5: I want to share with you my story, So all
Speaker 5: day long, it's almost like this trauma dumping that happens.
Speaker 2: Is that not hard for you?
Speaker 7: Do you not have moments where you're like, I'm dealing
Speaker 7: with my own shit and I don't have time for
Speaker 7: yours right now?
Speaker 4: Yes, one hundred percent. Okay.
Speaker 5: So when Chump first died, I was that person that
Speaker 5: would reach out to widows and like, I'd say, you
Speaker 5: know this, we don't in the state and her partner
Speaker 5: states and her partner died, and like she kind of
Speaker 5: had to do it all in the public eye. And
Speaker 5: I felt like that too, and I was like really
Speaker 5: like onto her, messaging.
Speaker 4: Her, and I was like, she's not giving me much,
Speaker 4: Like what a bitch, And.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was like I'm dying here and she's just
Speaker 5: brushing me. But then other widows would be amazing and
Speaker 5: we'd like form amazing such type relationships, and I don't
Speaker 5: know what I would do without those widows. I hate
Speaker 5: that word, like I hate it, but at the start,
Speaker 5: I used it a lot.
Speaker 4: So that's why I'm remembering it.
Speaker 5: But now I get that because I get so many
Speaker 5: messages every day and like just people come up in
Speaker 5: the streets and they tell me these horror stories and yeah,
Speaker 5: well especially the messages.
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, I just can't reply to all of you.
Speaker 4: I hate that, or I can't.
Speaker 5: I can't, Like I almost feel worse if I reply
Speaker 5: and acknowledge what you said and not delve into it
Speaker 5: with you and like be your friend that you need
Speaker 5: right now and like fully form this relationship where we're
Speaker 5: gonna chat every night, because like you're gonna bring me
Speaker 5: the fuck back to square one.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna feel weird and numb again and have to
Speaker 4: relive all that shit.
Speaker 5: And I don't know, I'm just like I had this
Speaker 5: dream that I would start, like I don't know, this thing,
Speaker 5: this platform where I could just group all of them
Speaker 5: together so they could all find their little friends within
Speaker 5: each other, and like I would be free.
Speaker 2: How do you protect yourself sets me free? How do
Speaker 2: you protect them so bad?
Speaker 5: I know?
Speaker 2: If that was so deep then but then you're like.
Speaker 7: Bye, yeah, this is like it's like trauma where they
Speaker 7: made people up. No, but it's true because like, and
Speaker 7: I say this from from my personal experience in terms
Speaker 7: of like we've spoken about miscarriage on the podcast a lot.
Speaker 7: It's nothing in comparison, but when every day people are
Speaker 7: sharing their story, there comes a point where you're like,
Speaker 7: I care, but I can't care about this right now
Speaker 7: with you because.
Speaker 2: I don't have the emotional cup left.
Speaker 7: And I guess when your community it is so beautiful
Speaker 7: and what you guys have created is so incredibly special,
Speaker 7: but I wonder where and how.
Speaker 2: You set those boundaries with people.
Speaker 7: And I guess the fact that now you have that
Speaker 7: network where you can say go and do that between
Speaker 7: yourselves and we can share our stories. But this is
Speaker 7: where that sort of barrier sits is so important for
Speaker 7: your own self preservation as.
Speaker 4: Well, one hundred percent.
Speaker 5: And we were just actually having this story just back
Speaker 5: there with them about how it is when like as
Speaker 5: you do share so much and people think you're friends,
Speaker 5: so they come up to you and.
Speaker 4: They're like ell, and I'm like who, Like where have
Speaker 4: we seen each other again?
Speaker 5: Like you just forget like because they think your friends,
Speaker 5: and then they've got this story to tell you, and
Speaker 5: I'm like, shit, I'm just still trying to remember how
Speaker 5: we've met, and like you want to give them like everything,
Speaker 5: and I don't know, It's it's really hard. It's a
Speaker 5: weird situation. What do you tell I don't mean to sound.
Speaker 2: Like situation no no, but it totally is.
Speaker 3: But what do you tell Minnie? So she's two today,
Speaker 3: I feel like that's an age where they're starting to
Speaker 3: understand a lot more than people probably give them credit for.
Speaker 3: But from the outside, we see Fisher and Chloe like
Speaker 3: your two of your closest friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Fish, we see them.
Speaker 3: We see Fisher almost step in like a dad figure.
Speaker 3: And if you were watching his Instagram, it just seems
Speaker 3: like Chloe and Fisher they are a step in mum
Speaker 3: and a step in Dad. But then I saw a
Speaker 3: beautiful video just a few nights ago of you and
Speaker 3: Chloe encouraging Minnie to kiss a picture of Chumpy good
Speaker 3: night and say goodbye to good night to Dad. And
Speaker 3: it was the cutest, sweetest thing, most wholesome thing I've
Speaker 3: ever seen. But how do you explain these relationships to her?
Speaker 4: I think she's confused for sure.
Speaker 2: I need to get we need to get better at
Speaker 2: our storytelling.
Speaker 5: I mean, like I have books where I'm like, you know,
Speaker 5: we have Dad in the sky, and I tell her
Speaker 5: every morning like who's in the sky, and she's kind
Speaker 5: of she's she'll be.
Speaker 4: Like Daddy in the sky, but like.
Speaker 5: She calls everyone dad. She calls heaps of people dad.
Speaker 5: She call like she calls me dad. She calls Choe dad.
Speaker 5: She's confused.
Speaker 4: She's definitely a bit confused.
Speaker 5: But what we Yeah, so I keep the narrative always
Speaker 5: like Chumpy is not here. He loves you, he's looking
Speaker 5: after you, he's in the sky, like he's always around.
Speaker 4: Kind of think, oh, he's in the ocean and blah
Speaker 4: blah blah.
Speaker 5: So we yeah, I try and I try and keep
Speaker 5: I try and keep it more Chumpy focused because I
Speaker 5: never want to take the opportunity for her to maybe
Speaker 5: call someone dad, and like my brother's name is Dave,
Speaker 5: and I sometimes think, oh, maybe that's cute because she
Speaker 5: could like I don't know, if he's picking her up
Speaker 5: from school. It's like, I don't know. I just think
Speaker 5: Dave and Dad are kind of similar and like maybe
Speaker 5: they're kids. Won't tease her if she has like someone
Speaker 5: that's starting deek picking her up or something or something
Speaker 5: weird like that, Yeah, but then I don't know, like nah,
Speaker 5: that was yeah, something something like do you know what
Speaker 5: I mean?
Speaker 2: Like if other kids are like dad and she's like Dan,
Speaker 2: you know, a bit of that. Ellen, we spoke about
Speaker 2: this life. I'm so weird. No, you are fucking amazing.
Speaker 7: We spoke about this backstage and you mentioned that you're
Speaker 7: at this weird place in your life now where all
Speaker 7: your friends are saying like you should date, you should
Speaker 7: get on hinge, you should like they're trying to set
Speaker 7: you up with people. Where are you at in terms
Speaker 7: of your life, and like, could you see yourself dating again?
Speaker 2: Have you shut that door for yourself?
Speaker 7: Because normally, I guess when you think of someone who's
Speaker 7: been and I know you said you hate the word widowed,
Speaker 7: but like when you are someone who has lost their
Speaker 7: partner so young, it's you think, like, surely they're going
Speaker 7: to meet someone again in one day. Can you see
Speaker 7: that for yourself.
Speaker 5: My friends in the crowd are so stoked that you
Speaker 5: asked that, because they just they asked us to ask him.
Speaker 4: Every day they.
Speaker 5: Stitched me up and just try and put me on
Speaker 5: like dating apps and things like that. I'm not that
Speaker 5: I'm I'm not a dating app girl. I don't like
Speaker 5: I reckon They're epic And I've cost so many friends
Speaker 5: that have have like you know, their marriages and stuff
Speaker 5: from at but I don't know.
Speaker 4: I just want to like meet someone at Wooli's or yeah,
Speaker 4: I can see I will date. I don't know if I'm.
Speaker 3: Like you literally just skyped my boyfriend Ben and she goes,
Speaker 3: do you have any friends?
Speaker 4: No, Chloe said that. I did not say that.
Speaker 2: Also, he's overseas. I was like, fuck that.
Speaker 4: I don't need any difficulty.
Speaker 2: Very little commitment though, So it's fine.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's actually really good.
Speaker 5: Well that's the problem because my friends are like, you
Speaker 5: should start dating or like dating apps and blah blah blah.
Speaker 5: I feel so busy. I don't want to have anyone,
Speaker 5: like I'm not I'm not keen to have anyone.
Speaker 4: I'm scared of Like I don't know, I don't want.
Speaker 5: To I don't want to lead anyone or not think
Speaker 5: that I don't want anyone in my life.
Speaker 4: I'm so sweet.
Speaker 5: I want Minni and May like I'm I'm going to
Speaker 5: have fun and all that shit, but like I don't
Speaker 5: want like anyone.
Speaker 4: I don't No one's moving in. No one's moving in.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like there's a level of guilt attached
Speaker 3: to that at all, Like you feel like it's not
Speaker 3: it's not fair to move.
Speaker 4: On, not anymore. I think at the start, I was.
Speaker 5: Like, oh my god, no way, Like I thought, what
Speaker 5: the fuck, Like life's gone. Like I'm like I could
Speaker 5: never you know, be with someone properly, or like like
Speaker 5: in a relationship, or like marry anyone, or you.
Speaker 4: Know, be like heaps with someone.
Speaker 5: But now I'm like life is so short, Like I
Speaker 5: just want to have fun. I want to be with
Speaker 5: really cool people and just do whatever comes my way,
Speaker 5: like I will. Un I know I'll be with someone again,
Speaker 5: like in a relationship with someone again. I know that
Speaker 5: Mini will have a father figure, like you know that
Speaker 5: we all live together in all that jazz again. But
Speaker 5: I just don't want to I don't want that seriousness
Speaker 5: anytime soon.
Speaker 4: I don't feel that for me anytime soon. I may
Speaker 4: be in a year or two.
Speaker 2: And that's pretty soon.
Speaker 4: No, maybe in like three years, maybe.
Speaker 3: In twenty four years. Do you think that you would
Speaker 3: because we asked you this early on, which was a
Speaker 3: really bad question actually because you'd had a two month old,
Speaker 3: but we do you think that you would have another
Speaker 3: child with chumpy sperm so that your kids are a
Speaker 3: blood siblings.
Speaker 5: I love how as soon as someone gives birth people like,
Speaker 5: so it's like, fuck, am I China.
Speaker 4: Have a break.
Speaker 5: I think I will not have another chumpy baby.
Speaker 4: I think I'll have it.
Speaker 5: I think I will have another baby one day, hopefully,
Speaker 5: but not like, yeah, not with him someone else. I do.
Speaker 4: I do.
Speaker 5: I do have chumpy sperms that I could use. But
Speaker 5: I think I've got my little chumpy miracle. She's epic.
Speaker 5: She looks like him.
Speaker 2: She's just she does looking perfect, exactly like him.
Speaker 7: Every time we see it instrem story, I'm like, it's him,
Speaker 7: that's to his face.
Speaker 5: And I just I think, yeah, I just got my
Speaker 5: little miracle with her, and any other baby that I
Speaker 5: have is just like going to be, you know, a
Speaker 5: way of life.
Speaker 4: And if it happens with someone else, that happens kind
Speaker 4: of thing.
Speaker 2: That's that, lady.
Speaker 7: The last thing I will really want to ask you
Speaker 7: is we I think sometimes in life we focus so
Speaker 7: much on our romantic relationships, like that seems to be
Speaker 7: the relationships that we hold up as the most important ones.
Speaker 7: And I think from the outset, looking at your life,
Speaker 7: it's your female friendships that have been so fundamental for
Speaker 7: you throughout this period, especially your friendships with Chloe what
Speaker 7: does that meant for you? And now, in terms of
Speaker 7: how you prioritize the idea of having a romantic partner verse,
Speaker 7: where your friendships stand and what they mean to you,
Speaker 7: what does that look like?
Speaker 5: Mate, friends are one hundred percent come first. They can
Speaker 5: get the fuck in line. Like my friends are everything
Speaker 5: that my family I do. Like, that's why I don't
Speaker 5: think I want or need anyone right now, because they're epic.
Speaker 4: I got them, They're my sisters.
Speaker 3: You are beyond incredible. Thank you so much for sharing
Speaker 3: your story. And it's one of those things that like,
Speaker 3: we feel horrible making you come and speak about it,
Speaker 3: but I think it helps so many people to hear
Speaker 3: you talk about grief and how that's changed and the
Speaker 3: process because it is a really unusual situation. I've never
Speaker 3: ever come across anyone that has been in that situation.
Speaker 3: And I don't envy you, but you're fucking incredible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, your resilience is incredible.
Speaker 4: I don't think that.
Speaker 5: I think you don't know what you're capable of until
Speaker 5: shit happens to you and then you weirdly have to
Speaker 5: get through crazy things. And you guys would do the
Speaker 5: exact same thing, and you guys are amazing and thank
Speaker 5: you for having.
Speaker 2: Me any poem.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I absolutely loved that conversation with Elkol and she's such
Speaker 1: a weapon. I think she's just such a laugh. She's
Speaker 1: one of those people that just has so much energy.
Speaker 4: She brings that to the room.
Speaker 1: Coming up next week, we are going to have another
Speaker 1: conversation from another one of our Lives shows for you
Speaker 1: to enjoy.
Speaker 2: But in the meantime, you know the drill. Tell your mum,
Speaker 2: tell your dad, tell your dog, to your friends, and
Speaker 2: share the love because we love love