Speaker 1: Laura and come on hello everyone.
Speaker 2: Hey guys, Swifty is coming to town this weekend.
Speaker 3: You made it something like the Christmas song and Swift
Speaker 3: has come and that's not.
Speaker 4: How the Christmas So no one calls Swift mate, it's Taylor.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but we're one day closer.
Speaker 2: Swift is exciting sowt okay, we're all going to a separately,
Speaker 2: but she's starting in Melbourne. We're obviously going to the
Speaker 2: Sydney show.
Speaker 3: I'm thinking her boyfriend, Travis Kelsey, if he's just won
Speaker 3: the super Bowl, he's off, he's on holiday.
Speaker 1: I reckon he's going to turn up to every single show.
Speaker 1: I reckon he's coming on tour. You get bored, like
Speaker 1: going to every single one. Do you think that'd a
Speaker 1: come a point where you're like, oh, sit this one out,
Speaker 1: just get some takeaway.
Speaker 4: Taylor Swift, you'd be so into it. There's so many songs.
Speaker 2: You got a private jet and you've seen a new country,
Speaker 2: and she's got the power to do whatever you want.
Speaker 3: I don't think he's going to get bored.
Speaker 4: That was not a private jet. It's not like he's
Speaker 4: got to get on a you know, Cafe Pacific flight
Speaker 4: and economy and get his way to Sitdney.
Speaker 3: He's not a private jet, he's having parties on his jet.
Speaker 3: He's getting a tailor sweet concert. You'd be O, my god.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine if that was your partner, Just how
Speaker 2: proud you would be watching her perform to like one
Speaker 2: hundred thousand people screaming like.
Speaker 3: I don't think that feeling would ever get old.
Speaker 4: Imagine sending your partner a text and knowing that that's
Speaker 4: the person on stage, like you know that their phone's backstage,
Speaker 4: like sending them a little a little text, being like
Speaker 4: like what you did there? Yeah, Yeah, your arse looks good.
Speaker 1: You know. I mean it's very cute, isn't it. I've
Speaker 1: got my outfit, finally. I feel like I'm getting that
Speaker 1: a little bit closer and a little bit more excited.
Speaker 4: Laura is teasing this like she's going to turn up
Speaker 4: looking like she's probably gone to double Lane and got
Speaker 4: a nice little, excuse me turtleneck.
Speaker 3: I've gone to war to get a turtleneck. How do
Speaker 3: you think I am?
Speaker 1: Shut up, bitch, get out of here.
Speaker 4: I'm sure you look beautiful. Thank you, Sure you will.
Speaker 3: Thank you in my like yeah, rolled in glitterately.
Speaker 4: No you're hot. You are hot. Everyone who goes to
Speaker 4: Taylor is just hot. And listen if you don't have to, oh.
Speaker 1: Really that's what that's part of my up yet escal
Speaker 1: on my knees though, well sorry, just like a long.
Speaker 4: Piece of rope. Hey, if you want to get to
Speaker 4: Tailor Swift, if you don't have them yet, here at
Speaker 4: the pickup, we are giving you your chance at an
Speaker 4: entire row for you and all your friends to win
Speaker 4: your shot. In the next fifteen minutes. We're your home
Speaker 4: of Taylor Swift.
Speaker 3: Very excited, absolutely excited.
Speaker 4: Now speaking of nipple tassels, it is Valentine's Day, so
Speaker 4: Happy Valentine's Day, Happy v Day to the world. It
Speaker 4: has been released officially by Vodaphone. They can go through
Speaker 4: your phone, so they know better than anyone else the
Speaker 4: sexy texting habits of Australia.
Speaker 3: I reckon they do go through it. How else will
Speaker 3: they know.
Speaker 4: They have to?
Speaker 2: They don't legalities, but someone's hacked your phone for sure.
Speaker 1: Now one's sitting here with my tinful hat on and
Speaker 1: my nipple tassels and I'm ready to go home.
Speaker 3: Let's get started.
Speaker 4: Great mentally to pick up surprisingly all right, those stats.
Speaker 4: Next Happy v dates the pick up thanks to Kevis
Speaker 4: Squarehouse head on in today Great savings every day. So
Speaker 4: it is Valentine's Day, So votaphone is done. Is they
Speaker 4: have released the sexting habits of Australians, So naughty texts
Speaker 4: that people send, couples send and situationships and whatever not.
Speaker 4: So they're calling it the red Hot Love Index, which
Speaker 4: looks at yeah, the sexy texts that are sent out.
Speaker 4: These are some interesting stats for your Britain, Laura. On
Speaker 4: Valentine's Day last year, more than thirteen point eight million
Speaker 4: calls were made and over fifty eight million texts were sent.
Speaker 4: That's a fourteen percent increase texting.
Speaker 5: Ye're on?
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean that a lot of them might be you know,
Speaker 1: like loving text you be my Valentine.
Speaker 3: They don't have to all be sexting babe, Can you
Speaker 3: bring some milk home?
Speaker 4: Surely one in five Australians, mostly men. These are some
Speaker 4: interesting stats. We're planning on sending a risk a text
Speaker 4: on Feb fourteen. I don't know how they got.
Speaker 3: That, no, do you know what they almost did?
Speaker 1: This must have been an anonymous survey though, because I
Speaker 1: saw the same one that you're talking about, Mitch. And
Speaker 1: there was one thing on there which really stood out
Speaker 1: to me, and it was like one fifth of men
Speaker 1: were planning on texting as many as seven women. So
Speaker 1: if you get a text this Valentine's Day from a guy,
Speaker 1: I think he's probably text six other women at the
Speaker 1: same time.
Speaker 2: But lore eighty three percent of women were also planning
Speaker 2: on sexting three people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, look, you got to keep your options open.
Speaker 4: The best part of numbers game, Baby, they got stats
Speaker 4: from each state. So the Northern Territory is the state
Speaker 4: most likely to send a naughty text, followed by act Tasmania,
Speaker 4: then New South Wales and South Australia, which just shocks
Speaker 4: me completely.
Speaker 3: This is ridiculous. How do they know who was thinking
Speaker 3: about sending it?
Speaker 2: Also, the idea, I don't know if I love it
Speaker 2: or hate it, the idea of people sending bulk sexts
Speaker 2: out like to seven people at a time, as long
Speaker 2: as I guess it's a copy and paste of the content,
Speaker 2: but not the Katie.
Speaker 4: That's why you use baby, so dous do you guys
Speaker 4: send naughty texts? Britt because your partner lives overseas I'm.
Speaker 2: In a long distance relationship. Ben lives in Scotland, so yes,
Speaker 2: one hundred percent. We have to live our life through
Speaker 2: via a phone, via FaceTime, so we've had some interesting moments,
Speaker 2: for sure.
Speaker 3: I like to think I'm pretty good at it.
Speaker 4: With the time difference, though, you'd be aroused, you'd send
Speaker 4: him a photo and then you'd have to wait six
Speaker 4: hours for him to wake up.
Speaker 3: It's a real move killer. It definitely doesn't set the tone.
Speaker 3: It's always like getting into it and you're like, sorrow,
Speaker 3: baby fell asleep eight hours later. I never mind up
Speaker 3: at work now.
Speaker 4: Of course.
Speaker 3: That's really hard.
Speaker 4: Laura, you're Maddy.
Speaker 1: Do you know I've seen your phone? I know you do.
Speaker 1: I know that this is like part of your normal.
Speaker 4: Like I'm in a relationship with a twenty one year old,
Speaker 4: so that's all I do. I've never actually met the
Speaker 4: mess the only way you can just purely sex. I
Speaker 4: don't even know his name.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is just the case when
Speaker 1: you're in like a long long term relationship like Matt
Speaker 1: and I've been together for seven and a half years
Speaker 1: now and we've got two kids, and I think at
Speaker 1: the start we used to be quite good at it.
Speaker 1: But now it's been it's been so long since I've
Speaker 1: sent him a naughty text, and I now it's to
Speaker 1: the point where if I was to send him a
Speaker 1: naughty text, it would be awkward. Laura would be so
Speaker 1: she has I have no I will back her.
Speaker 3: She doesn't. I have not none, none.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think that there's a remotely sexy thing about show.
Speaker 4: What would you text Matt? Tell him?
Speaker 1: Tell us can you pick the kids up this afternoon?
Speaker 1: Because that's what gets to go. Hey, honey, can you
Speaker 1: please get a kid? Real honey, can you please make
Speaker 1: sure that you take the green bin out?
Speaker 4: Try some of your dirty talk? Now I know I
Speaker 4: have no do I can buy the music again. Just
Speaker 4: give us some of your dirty talk, cleasure. I'm Matt,
Speaker 4: your beautiful partner you met on the TV.
Speaker 3: Felt more uncomfortable in this show in my entire What
Speaker 3: if we not? What if I've got telling Laura what
Speaker 3: to say and see how she can do it, I'd
Speaker 3: be like, Hey, I can't.
Speaker 1: Okay, Hey honey, maybe tonight.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, maybe tonight. Maybe tonight, Like it's not
Speaker 4: a definite, I will sleep with you. It's fifty fifty.
Speaker 3: I don't want to commit in cases I don't feel
Speaker 3: like I might get done, change my mind. Okay, hold
Speaker 3: on what you have a bad night and then it's
Speaker 3: not happening.
Speaker 4: Just relax, The kids will be fine.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we do put Coco melon on downstairs and we
Speaker 1: run upstairs for a quickie, but there's no talk about it.
Speaker 3: It just happens.
Speaker 4: Let's write some messages. Why don't you text Matt now
Speaker 4: by the end of the show, we'll get his reply
Speaker 4: and see what he said.
Speaker 3: I have nothing to text you. Okay, we will do
Speaker 3: it because Mitch and I are both producer grace.
Speaker 4: Can we say what we want to say on air
Speaker 4: or do we have to just text it because we
Speaker 4: don't want to get it upset because it's pretty vulgar.
Speaker 2: No, we can just do something really top line. It
Speaker 2: just gets that just plants the thought, plants the seed.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, You're going to do the dirty talk for me,
Speaker 1: and then I'm going to send this.
Speaker 3: To my husband.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, okay, ready, terrible idea.
Speaker 3: I think you should start with music Queans.
Speaker 5: Hey, baby, I've just been feeling really tight today. My
Speaker 5: shoulders are so tight and I feel really tense. I
Speaker 5: feel really tense and I've just seemed to be thinking
Speaker 5: about you all day.
Speaker 3: It's just crazy.
Speaker 4: And then you say, when I get home, if only
Speaker 4: there was a big burly man to pick me up
Speaker 4: and relieve me of some of that stress. What time
Speaker 4: do you finish? Well send it. We're going to go
Speaker 4: to some songs and when we come back, Australia's heart
Speaker 4: throw Mattie J will have reply. Is that the most
Speaker 4: action he's had in how long have you been married? D? Okay,
Speaker 4: we will get bringing that update seriously. Well, hey, your
Speaker 4: chance at the Taylor Swift tickets happening in literal minutes.
Speaker 4: We'll go to some traffic, then your chance here at
Speaker 4: the pick up.
Speaker 3: Okay, if you guys just missed it.
Speaker 1: We were talking about how Votera phones brought out this like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what you call it. It's like
Speaker 1: a sexty, what Australians are doing on Valentine Index, the
Speaker 1: Red Hot Lover Report, And off the back of that,
Speaker 1: I was saying that over the last seven and a
Speaker 1: half years of being in a relationship with my husband Matt,
Speaker 1: I have lost the art and the skill of sending
Speaker 1: sexy text messages we just don't do it. And now
Speaker 1: it's gone to a point where it feels very, very
Speaker 1: awkward for me and Britta Mitch both made me send
Speaker 1: my husband to text Laura.
Speaker 4: We felt so bad for you. It was dreadful which
Speaker 4: I had this.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to get home and see you tonight.
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about you all day as soon as
Speaker 1: the kids are in bed. It's been a big day,
Speaker 1: so much tension. Just need someone to pick me up
Speaker 1: and relieve me. I've been feeling so tight that not
Speaker 1: even dirty. This is the beiges of dirty talks.
Speaker 2: But he wrote, supposed to be just set the tone lightly,
Speaker 2: you going hard?
Speaker 3: Call lord? Yeah, baby, I was setting the tone and he.
Speaker 1: Wrote back bit gassy, question Mark, And I said, no,
Speaker 1: I'm being serious.
Speaker 3: And he's really confused by this, and he.
Speaker 1: Wrote, sorry, you want me to physically pick you up,
Speaker 1: question Mark and carry you up the stairs?
Speaker 3: You say, well, loser, this meaning when I've got to
Speaker 3: break it down for your buddy. Okay, Well no, that's
Speaker 3: what do I run next? What's the next?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 4: Yes, but yes, but the stairs isn't what I'm worried about.
Speaker 4: The bed. The bed is the destination.
Speaker 3: Make sure you pick your close up after because I'm
Speaker 3: clean friend watching.
Speaker 4: It's almost like watching your friend who's just turned they got.
Speaker 3: Their first again. I feel worried about you.
Speaker 4: I'm nervous, but not in like the sex talk kind
Speaker 4: of hot way, like in what is happening? What's he said?
Speaker 3: You want a bit of sexy time?
Speaker 4: Eh? Yes, that's good, he said, are you going to
Speaker 4: service me?
Speaker 2: Lady?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 4: All right? That's oh God, the true Maddie Jay coming out?
Speaker 3: Is he gonna die when?
Speaker 1: There is nothing romantic about this soundser Are you going
Speaker 1: to service me?
Speaker 4: You want to check?
Speaker 3: I get your oils checked.
Speaker 4: Baby.
Speaker 1: There is nothing about this carry on that is sexy,
Speaker 1: and maybe that's why I gave up the sexy talk
Speaker 1: in the first place.
Speaker 4: Should we call him Brittain, No, No, let's call Maddie Ja.
Speaker 4: Just continue it. Just you need to just continue. I
Speaker 4: don't have a Laura. This is a challenge that Britta
Speaker 4: and I have given. You. Just have to say texting
Speaker 4: what I felt it so deeply in my bones. I
Speaker 4: needed to hear your voice. Just try it.
Speaker 3: Just please don't let me do that. No, I actually can't.
Speaker 3: You can you can?
Speaker 4: So you have to I'm turning out mics soft Britt, Hello, Hello, Gooday.
Speaker 1: I just you know you sent that message, and well,
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about us, that's all what you thinking.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about all the things I want to
Speaker 1: do to you later.
Speaker 6: Oh, like propagate me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, take all my clothes off and yours.
Speaker 3: I can't tell if you're crying or laughing. I'm overcome
Speaker 3: with emotion.
Speaker 6: That's wrong.
Speaker 1: Look, I think we should practice for our third baby.
Speaker 3: Just practice. I mean, let's not get too carried away.
Speaker 6: What part do we need to practice?
Speaker 3: The horizontal dance of love part? Okay, we can.
Speaker 6: We can practice for timy home.
Speaker 1: I'll be home at six o'clock. And then we get
Speaker 1: the kids into bed, Get them into bed.
Speaker 3: You know. We can put some music on. We can
Speaker 3: undress each other. What kind of music would you want?
Speaker 3: Maybe something like this?
Speaker 1: Slowly, and then we can set the candles. You know,
Speaker 1: we can just be slow with each take our time.
Speaker 1: It's Valentine's Day, after all.
Speaker 6: I do like to rush, don't.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you the best five minutes of
Speaker 1: your life.
Speaker 3: I actually can't keep doing this.
Speaker 1: I'm so welcome you to the pick up.
Speaker 4: Sorry, we challenged Laura to dirty talk you.
Speaker 3: I cannot. I can't dirty talk. He knows that he's
Speaker 3: my husband.
Speaker 6: We're both pretty bad it dirty talking. But just to confirm,
Speaker 6: are we gonna do? I still get my special treats.
Speaker 1: Look, you can get a special treat but please never
Speaker 1: make me do that again.
Speaker 4: I've never felt more visceral, enclas. I feel so bad
Speaker 4: for your relation.
Speaker 3: That was terrible.
Speaker 4: It's the only time you two have ever made love
Speaker 4: when those two kids were made No, thank you, Maddy
Speaker 4: j We feel sorry for you.
Speaker 1: Mate. I'm like in the mood now, wait where are
Speaker 1: you going going?
Speaker 3: Wait? Just Mitch and get you in the mood as well.
Speaker 3: All three of us here we are, Hey, honey, Mitchell
Speaker 3: sextu later? Was that laughter or crying?
Speaker 4: I think something else? Or we've heard about Laura's v day?
Speaker 2: Oh, I just think that Valentine's Day. It doesn't always
Speaker 2: go to plan. And I've had a bit of a
Speaker 2: disaster one last year that reminded me.
Speaker 3: For all those other people out there, I want to
Speaker 3: tell you about it.
Speaker 2: If you also have a disaster, you're not alone and
Speaker 2: we want to hear about it.
Speaker 3: Thirty one oh six five. If you've had a disaster
Speaker 3: Valentine's Day, please call.
Speaker 4: Up and let us know. All right, that's next on
Speaker 4: the pickup.
Speaker 2: It is Valentine's Day, and we do love love, and
Speaker 2: we love hearing all the love stories. But there's a
Speaker 2: bunch of people out there that don't want to hear that.
Speaker 2: There's a bunch of people out there that are not
Speaker 2: loved up that want to hear Valentine's Day Gone wrong thirteen, Yeah,
Speaker 2: thirty one, oh sixty five. If you have a story
Speaker 2: about a Valentine's Day present that was horrific or Valentine's
Speaker 2: Day gone wrong, let me know. Last year, for me,
Speaker 2: I was in a very new relationship with my partner Ben.
Speaker 2: We probably only like six weeks deep, and he lives
Speaker 2: over in Scotland, so we're long distance and it's new right,
Speaker 2: honeymoon phase, obsessive phase, you know, like want to do
Speaker 2: the best impression.
Speaker 3: So Valentine's Day comes.
Speaker 2: Last year, it's the day before it's Valentine's Day Eve,
Speaker 2: and I'm driving to work in the car with my
Speaker 2: friend and we're talking to Bed on the phone and
Speaker 2: we're just having a fun conversation.
Speaker 3: I'm like, Ben, have you ever gotten like a bad
Speaker 3: Valentine and stay present. And he's like, not really, I
Speaker 3: don't really get a present, have you? And I said, oh,
Speaker 3: not a bad one, I said, but there are those
Speaker 3: presents that just give you the ick, you know, those
Speaker 3: presents that you're like, why do they exist? Why do
Speaker 3: people send them? I don't get it. He's like, what
Speaker 3: do you mean? It's like Teddy Bears, dumb? Why do
Speaker 3: people send adults teddy Bears? They're juvenile, they're for children.
Speaker 3: No adults put in a collection of Teddy Bears on
Speaker 3: their bed, right, Laura.
Speaker 1: I mean some people like Teddy Bears, but they're not
Speaker 1: for me. Okay, I feel like it's any The problem
Speaker 1: is it's any traditional Valentine's Day gift, like as in
Speaker 1: and I'm talking like the real stock standard stuff like
Speaker 1: the little weird Teddy Bears you get from service stations.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, I'm like teddy bears, dumb. Uh. Flowers
Speaker 3: in a box dumb? Who sends a fly?
Speaker 2: And I don't mean flowers like roses that are put
Speaker 2: in a box to have protection. I'm talking about these
Speaker 2: little flowers that come in a box that's like five
Speaker 2: centimes high, and the flowers just stuck in.
Speaker 4: That's full of water because you can't try out.
Speaker 3: It's very practical, not really cute flowers belong in a
Speaker 3: beautiful vase.
Speaker 2: So I just don't think those little, short, stubby flowers
Speaker 2: in a box.
Speaker 3: I don't bube them.
Speaker 4: So you were on a ranch in the car and
Speaker 4: then the.
Speaker 2: Topp I was and I was like, look, because I
Speaker 2: love flowers. I do love them, but I'm like roses.
Speaker 2: They still triggered me a little bit. And I was
Speaker 2: on the Bachelor. I got dumped, you know, first person
Speaker 2: to not get picked ever, Yeah, the history of ever trigger.
Speaker 2: So I'm going on and on about this to the band.
Speaker 2: I'm like flowers in a box Teddy bears roses. He's quiet,
Speaker 2: he's quite quiet, and he's like, okay.
Speaker 3: Think nothing of it. Valentine's Day comes the next day
Speaker 3: and I get a delivery of literally flowers in a
Speaker 3: box of roses in the shape of a giant Teddy Bear.
Speaker 3: I meet a high everything. I said to Ban and
Speaker 3: I felt I've never felt worse. And I called him
Speaker 3: and I said, oh my god, thank you so much.
Speaker 3: He's like, no, you don't, I know you hate it.
Speaker 3: And I said no, no, no, no, it's actually beautiful.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna put it in my lunge room,
Speaker 3: so I had it there. Okay, I mean I witnessed
Speaker 3: this first hand. It was hideous, but also I think
Speaker 3: it's a satire.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, look, it's you don't want to criticize because like,
Speaker 1: it's so nice to get something, but if you get
Speaker 1: something that you're like, oh, I'm probably gonna throw it
Speaker 1: on a couple of weeks.
Speaker 3: Well what do you do with it? I reckon this
Speaker 3: was satire.
Speaker 1: I think he knew and he was like a giant
Speaker 1: sized novelty Teddy Bear Flowers.
Speaker 4: He's not in the country, so you can just dump
Speaker 4: it because he lives overseas.
Speaker 3: Okay, right, that's what I thought.
Speaker 2: So I had it up for a week because Laura
Speaker 2: came over and she's like, what is that.
Speaker 3: I'm like, that monstrous.
Speaker 1: It took out the whole middle of her dining table,
Speaker 1: like it was so over the top, But.
Speaker 4: That's beautiful to grand gesture.
Speaker 2: It was a very grand It was beautiful gesture. Yes,
Speaker 2: and I loved the gesture. I don't want anyone to
Speaker 2: think I'm ungrateful.
Speaker 4: But I left it.
Speaker 2: I left it for a week. Then I threw it out.
Speaker 2: Then Ben calls me one day and he's like, show
Speaker 2: me how the flowers are going, And I said, oh baby,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3: I literally just threw him out today, probably in the bed.
Speaker 4: You said they died.
Speaker 3: I said they died. I had to take it out.
Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, but but they said that they
Speaker 2: were preserved and they last after three months. That's why
Speaker 2: I got them for you, so you could have them
Speaker 2: long term.
Speaker 4: They were the ever last day were there ever last
Speaker 4: chemically treated roses?
Speaker 2: I've said that, so I just burnt the whole thing
Speaker 2: through it out and he's like, he's like, you hated it?
Speaker 4: You hold on. People are calling Natalie. I'm thirteen one
Speaker 4: and six five. Did this happen to you? Did you
Speaker 4: have a V day go wrong?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 6: The day went terribly wrong. My husband I said that
Speaker 6: I needed a new washing machine, so he gets one
Speaker 6: delivered on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3: That's not kid, I love that.
Speaker 6: No, Sane, I guess you have to stay home because
Speaker 6: I'm getting the washing machine delivered, getting up and delivered
Speaker 6: with small washing machines.
Speaker 3: Oh so you even had to stay home?
Speaker 1: Nothing last ye nothing says that weekend weekend you go,
Speaker 1: are you guys still married?
Speaker 6: Now? I love him?
Speaker 4: Happy V Day Australia, no matter what you're doing, maybe
Speaker 4: a single and actually I actually hate that. Like V
Speaker 4: Days sometimes can get you down, you know.
Speaker 3: That's why one of people's worst moments. It's like there
Speaker 3: are people at home that are like, stop being lovey dovey.
Speaker 3: Don't want to hear it if.
Speaker 1: You see Yeah, won't there be people who were like,
Speaker 1: I'll take anything. Think about all the people who've got
Speaker 1: nothing for Valentine's Days.
Speaker 3: They'll be people that hate me right now.
Speaker 1: They're like, you've got a massive thing of flowers in
Speaker 1: the shape of a Teddy Bear. I would have taken
Speaker 1: a washing machine.