WEBVTT - Finding yourself again with Emily East * Motherhood series E2 * 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:03.640 I'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners on which this 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:08.160 episode is being recorded, the combo marry people. We pay 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:12.360 our respects to elders past, present and emerging and extend 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:16.520 that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:24.279 Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, and this is the 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:31.960 Rise and Conquer Podcast. This is the podcast where we 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:35.800 ch have mindset, self development and becoming your higher self 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:39.000 mix soon with a lot of laughs, plus behind the 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:42.280 scenes of my life running two businesses and being among 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:45.440 Think of us as the perfect combo of brunch with 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:49.040 your besties mixed with self development. No matter where you 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:52.040 are in your journey, we're here to help you be curious, 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:57.880 pull yourself out and embrace radical self awareness. If you're 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.280 ready to get into the driver's seat of your own 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:03.600 life and stop letting life past you by, then you're 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:13.760 in the right place. Hello and welcome back to the 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:17.120 R and C Potty. Today we have the second episode 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:20.720 of our Motherhood series in celebration of our brand new 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:25.760 course Rebirth, Doing Motherhood on your Own Terms, And today 0:01:26.000 --> 0:01:29.720 we have the author of Like a Mother, Emily East, 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:34.840 joining us for such an incredible episode. So I actually 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:37.800 read Emily's book a while back and she sent it 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:42.320 to the rn C HQ, and it was so beautiful. 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:45.720 It's such a beautiful reflection of you know, postpartum and 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:49.600 being a mum. In this episode, we really dive into 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:53.440 how difficult it can be to step into this new 0:01:53.600 --> 0:01:56.720 version of yourself when you're becoming a mum. We also 0:01:56.840 --> 0:02:01.880 chat about the importance of mastering delayed gratifydestion, getting triggered 0:02:01.880 --> 0:02:06.120 by emotions that our children show, and shifting from the 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:09.440 doing mode to the being mode. Honestly, this was just 0:02:09.600 --> 0:02:16.040 such an incredible chat. I just resonate with everything Emily says, 0:02:16.200 --> 0:02:19.480 and you can tell she has like been in the 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:24.720 trenches like so much, just real life experience, and she 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:27.360 is just she's going for it, and it's so incredible 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:30.440 to see, you know, like a mom, you know, showing 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:33.200 up and she's doing the things and she's following her purpose. 0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:35.760 So I think you guys are just going to absolutely 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:39.440 love this episode. And also we'll put all the links 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.040 in the show notes so you can grab her book. 0:02:42.320 --> 0:02:45.079 But before we get into the episode, a tea A 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:52.000 weekly recommendation, please, My weekly recommendation is a bit left field. 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:55.200 It's just to try something you haven't done before and 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:57.720 get really out of your comfort zone, but don't put 0:02:57.720 --> 0:02:58.760 pressure on yourself to. 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:02.200 Be good at it. It's just so fun sometimes. I 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:04.080 mentioned this in the last episode, but I did an 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:06.680 aer yoga class and I was probably the worst person 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:09.440 in the room. But I didn't let it get to me, 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:11.680 and I didn't put pressure on myself to be the best. 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:14.160 I just went somewhere, tried something new and got to 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:15.079 enjoy it. 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:16.600 Was it fun at the end? 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:19.919 Yes, it was very painful, and I now realize I've 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:20.400 got a lot. 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:22.560 Of work to do on my course strength. Have you 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:24.560 done one since and will you be doing more? 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:27.960 I do want to do more. I haven't done one 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:28.800 since just yet. 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:29.919 Should I come? 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:31.720 Yes, let's go together. 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.440 It's a lot of fun. I do love that for you, 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.640 and I love I've really been seeing you get out 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:40.160 of your comfort zone. So that's incredible. What's your recommendation. 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:45.760 My recommendation would be to go on a holiday, guy, 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:46.640 and I'll go. 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:50.600 No. 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:54.240 I just got back from a holiday guys, and it 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:56.600 was so incredible. I'll talk more about it in a 0:03:56.640 --> 0:04:00.720 weekly update on the Friday's eb But I just needed it. 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:03.720 I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything going on 0:04:04.760 --> 0:04:06.960 at work and I have, you know, been taking on 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:10.680 a whole lot of responsibilities lately, and I love that, 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.600 but it also meant like I was my nervous system 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:17.960 was feeling overwhelmed. And I also just absolutely loved that 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:21.840 me and Tim took it just us, because I think 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:24.960 when you become a parent, you often think that your 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:29.320 life is like not over. But I remember when I 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.440 first had IV, I even thought, oh my god, well 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:33.200 me and Tim are never gonna get time together, and 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:35.600 like we're never gonna travel because it's so difficult with 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:38.680 a baby, and we're never gonna, I guess, have that 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:43.760 romance again. And you really fall into this trap of, oh, 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:47.400 that's not for me. I have a child, and even 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:50.479 though you know it's difficult because you have to find 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:52.440 someone took after them, or you've got to travel with them, 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:56.159 and it's obviously more difficult. It's definitely a challenge, but 0:04:56.320 --> 0:05:00.479 your perspective around it is everything. And I just fucking 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:02.280 love that me and Tim were on this trip and 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:05.800 there was no guilt around it. There was like, we 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:09.159 absolutely deserve this. And when me and Tim are filling 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:13.560 up our own buckets and our relationship buckets. IVY benefits 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:16.600 from that like one hundred and ten percent. And that 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:18.839 has been one of the coolest shifts that I have 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:22.479 done in regards to doing identity work around what it 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:26.599 means for me to be a mum. And that's what 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:30.800 the whole new course of rebirth is about, is to 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.719 do motherhood on your own terms. And I really really 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:37.520 want to clarify, like if you're someone where you're like 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:41.280 motherhood or on my own terms doesn't mean holidays away 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:45.599 from my child, amazing, That's incredible, and that's what motherhood 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:48.120 means for you. But it's like it's really getting to 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:51.120 this point where you don't see any limitations and you 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:54.400 don't see any Oh, well, I have to do this 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:58.039 because that's just what moms do. Yeah, Or I have 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:01.640 to you know, be this person in my relationship which 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:03.479 I don't even want to be, because that's what I 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:05.920 have to be. And you can really bring it back 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.479 to like what do I want? What do why I 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.360 want to be in regards to being a leader for 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:13.799 my family, and it was just really it's really incredible 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:17.280 because obviously, you know we're currently running rebirth and doing 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:19.560 all the promo for it for me and Tim to 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:22.599 actually be like living it of like role models for 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:25.440 Ivy and role models for what we want our relationship 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:28.320 to be, was even so incredible, and we had so 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.839 many conversations about it, and it was it was just 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:33.120 really beautiful because it was like celebrating our five year 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:36.200 wedding anniversary. And yeah, it was bliss. 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:37.920 I love that the lor emerge. 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:54.840 All right, let's get into this episode. 0:06:57.080 --> 0:06:59.160 To the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:01.680 Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:05.880 I am so excited for this episode. I'm so excited 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:09.200 to share your work with a Rising Conquer community. I 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:11.239 would love for you to just tell them a little 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:14.200 bit about who you are, what you do, and what 0:07:14.240 --> 0:07:16.160 your journey has looked like up until now. 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:21.880 Of course, well before I became a mum, my professional 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:27.680 career was really built around using my mind to live 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:30.240 and be well and then share that with others. So 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:34.920 I studied biology and psychology at university and then went 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:38.960 to teach in secondary schools those topics, and then it 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:42.480 went it really more found my role into well being 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:47.200 and supporting sixteen year old's well being at school and 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.520 working closely with their parents. And that was all around 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:53.920 using my knowledge of positive psychology, how to use the brain, 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:56.560 how to train the brain. I had such a deep 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:59.960 understanding of how the brain worked that if someone felt 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.280 uncomfortable or they were having a hard time, I could 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.240 use their intellect and I could use what I knew 0:08:06.280 --> 0:08:08.080 about the brain to help them to feel well. It 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:11.080 was all about mindset for me, and that then really 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:14.520 morphed into the corporate space. So I was working with 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:18.760 really big banks and big universities working with their employees 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:22.680 again to how to manage their energy, how to be resilient. 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:26.280 And again it was all through mindset and intellect work 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:30.160 and really positive psychology stuff, and everything was going well. 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:32.720 So if it was working for me to that point, 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:36.239 and if anything, any emotions came up that felt uncomfortable, 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:39.840 you know, put a positive affirmation over it, do some 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:42.960 meditation to sort of push it aside or to swap 0:08:43.000 --> 0:08:45.640 it with something else, and on you go. So I 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:49.319 was a very positive you know, put lipstick on, pig 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:53.040 silver lining on every single thing. So that was sort 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:57.360 of my vibe. And then I became a mom. I 0:08:57.400 --> 0:09:01.800 had my first son, and and I felt like my 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:06.840 whole world just crumbled around me. I felt like the 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:09.280 way that I saw myself had changed, the way that 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:12.560 I wanted other people to see myself had changed. The 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:17.280 things that I thought were me that came that made 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:20.760 me so. I was, you know, playing competitive sports I have, 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.280 I was teaching hot yoga, I would have a cocktail 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:26.559 with my girlfriends on the weekend, and all of a 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:28.880 sudden that was sort of taken away from me, and 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:31.320 it was like, but that's who I thought. I was like, 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.440 so who am I now? And what is actually happening? 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:38.720 And I tried soorry hard to squeeze my new self 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:42.679 into my old life using those mindset tools that I 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:46.920 had built my career off, so mindset, brain, intellect. And 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:50.840 then I had a gorgeous little surprise. I became pregnant 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:55.359 again with number two, and that was just five months postpartum, 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:59.040 so he was a beautiful little surprise. But up until then, 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:02.800 I had been to feel like I was experiencing. Before 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:05.439 I got pregnant again, I was experiencing these emotions that 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:07.600 I'd never felt before. When I became a new mum, 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:11.400 I felt greater levels of sadness, I felt greater levels 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:15.000 of depression, of loneliness, and I thought I can't. I 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.560 felt really alone, like am I the only one going 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:21.160 through this massive change? I feel like my life has 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:24.480 literally just crumbled, and so for it. So what I 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:27.880 thought to get back onto it. I thought, it's okay. 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:31.640 Soon soon I'll stop breastfeeding. Soon my son won't need 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:34.800 me as much anymore. And to live my life again, 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:37.120 I'll just pick where I lift off and or carry 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:39.800 on like nothing's changed. I'll go back to work, I'll 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.680 add mum on my to do list, and I'll be 0:10:42.760 --> 0:10:45.120 okay again. Once I get my life back, I'll be 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:47.240 okay again. And I sort of have this vision of 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:50.000 like this beautiful, this statue of me and my life 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.880 and how I saw myself and it just shattered. But 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:56.000 I spent so much time trying to piece it back 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:58.400 together and put it back together, and that's what I 0:10:58.440 --> 0:11:01.200 thought I needed to do. And then when I became 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:04.480 pregnant for the second time, was like, well, farket's just 0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:07.920 all going to smash again. And that was the moment 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:11.679 that I really thought, I really surrendered to it, and 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:15.040 I thought, you know what, I get an opportunity now 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:18.880 to build a new statue and create a new life 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.960 and create a new self because I'm going to be 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:24.280 a mum for a really long time and it's sort 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:27.760 of like I'm gonna like forever. This is a lifelong thing. 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:29.800 Why am I trying to fight it? Why am I 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:33.480 trying to squeeze back into my old life? It's time 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:36.800 to like that girl has gone, She's not here anymore. 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:41.040 I've experienced things that have changed me. I've felt deeper love, 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:44.679 I've felt deeper fear. I've done things I never thought 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:47.200 that I could do. And I'm a different person. And 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:50.160 so the moment that I surrendered to that, the moment 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:54.439 that I stopped trying to squeeze back into those things 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.920 that I thought made up who I was, was the 0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:01.760 moment that I almost set myself free. And during that time, 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:03.760 like I got a one on one coach. I worked 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:08.160 intensively with a coach I did, you know, nervous system healing. 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:11.440 I became a sematic therapist. I did a Central Semantics 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:16.160 course where I did things around sexual expression and femininity, 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:19.400 and then I learned how to facilitate that with other 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:23.280 women and you know, trauma based healing and breastwork, and 0:12:24.000 --> 0:12:27.559 I really dove in and committed to my own healing 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:31.199 and journey and I wrote about it, and I wrote 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.800 about my experience, and that is my book with Like 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:36.000 a Mother. So yeah, I think you can really see 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:39.160 my journey where you know, the first part of it 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:41.720 is about the mind and is about the brain and intellect, 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:44.560 which I think is so important and particularly as mothers, 0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:48.240 to understand a little bit about our little babies human 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:50.400 brains and where they're at with development. I think that's 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:53.520 really healthy and really helpful. And then I go deeper 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:59.280 into into inner wisdom and to intuition and to instinct 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.560 and I tap into in my journey, in my own healing, 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:05.839 I tapped into that deeper side of me. And it 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:09.760 was more so about I learned that my children's well 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:14.120 being really blied on how could stand up for myself 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.360 and how in touch I was with my intuition and 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:19.319 my instincts and to danding my knowing when other people 0:13:19.360 --> 0:13:21.960 were telling me, telling me I was doing something wrong 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:24.760 because I know what's best for my kids. And and 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.760 it really fed and it really grew my confidence as 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:30.959 a mum. And you know, I went from going from 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:36.240 all mindset to both I need my I need all 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:39.600 my wisdom, and there's so much wisdom and intellect that 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:42.000 resides in my body that I was missing, that I 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:44.640 was really missing out on. So I feel like I 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:47.640 come from a more holistic approach now when it comes 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:50.439 to that. But that's the journey and that's my book. 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:53.280 So now what I do. I'm at home with my 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:56.320 babies most of the time. I have my Oh my god, 0:13:56.360 --> 0:14:00.360 my oldest has just turned four, and my second is 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:05.120 about to turn three, and I'm currently pregnant with number three. 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:08.160 I'm sixteen weeks pregnant. So I'm wearing my favorite dreams 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:10.400 at the moment that I dare say will be the 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.480 last time I wear them. And I run an online 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:16.559 community called Soule Nation where we run full moon and 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:19.560 New Moon rituals with other mums who just committed to 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:23.680 using the shifts and the lessons that we learned from 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:27.720 motherhood to really create that statue and decide who, who 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:29.960 and I want to create and what life do I 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:33.160 want to lead Because I also think that nothing, there's 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:36.640 no nothing that really can that can compare to motherhood 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:39.600 when it comes to personal development, because it demands that 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:43.800 we show up for ourselves and our children. So that's me, George. 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:48.360 That's it's so incredible to hear talk about it, because 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:51.280 obviously you know, I've read the book, so I feel 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:53.840 like I know so much about your life. But it's 0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:56.320 so incredible to you talk about it. And it's so 0:14:56.480 --> 0:15:01.200 interesting because I resonate so much much with what you're 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:05.840 saying in regards to becoming a mom and it being 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:10.560 this like the most transformative, the most like, oh my god, 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:13.840 my life will never be the same, and really struggling 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:18.240 at the start of trying to fit back into your 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:21.320 old self or trying to go back to your old self. 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:25.480 And I truly believe, like personally that's what really for 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:29.480 lack of a better world, fucked me up for a 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:35.080 year postpartum, because it's like that person is gone, She's 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:37.000 not there anymore, and when you're trying to get back 0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:41.040 to her to just this constant disappointment, and it's just 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.760 not healthy to try and go backwards, when if you 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:47.360 think about life, we're going forward and we're moving forward 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:50.880 and if you can really learn how to and this 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:54.880 is like I think you probably resonate with. I used 0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:57.400 to be the biggest control freak, and so I think 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:01.120 that's why I struggled so much, because you're trying to 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:06.080 control the most uncontrollable, you know, little human and how 0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:09.760 life is supposed to be. And I think there's something 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:15.160 so beautiful in having that full reckoning I guess of 0:16:15.240 --> 0:16:19.760 being like, oh wow, I'm not going backwards, I'm going forward, 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:23.520 and I actually get to decide what this journey is 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:28.200 like because before that I was like, it's it's almost 0:16:28.200 --> 0:16:32.000 like I lost autonomy, I lost the I get to decide, 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.560 which is so interesting because before I came in mom 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:38.720 like I'm a manifestation coach, like that's that's who I am. 0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:42.480 And it's like, because I was experienced something I had 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.760 never experienced, I forgot that I actually had so much 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:48.560 choice in how a shop and so much choice in 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.160 regards to how it could be. But again, it's you 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:54.640 don't have those tools, so it gets to be this beautiful, 0:16:54.680 --> 0:16:58.040 beautiful journey. So that's yeah, it's incredible. 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:01.360 Thank you. And I think we I think sometimes the 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:03.360 message might get a little bit lost in we can 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:07.119 feel both, Like I can feel both. I can feel 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.840 both grateful for the life that I'm living now and 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:14.040 at the same time feel real grief and sadness over 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:16.280 the life that I'm losing. Like, we don't have to 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:19.320 feel one or the other, but I think I certainly 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:22.560 got stuck in the trap of if I'm feeling sadness 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:24.960 for not being who for the life that I used 0:17:25.000 --> 0:17:27.000 to live, it means I'm not grateful for the life 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.119 that I have, and that's just not the case. We 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:31.399 can be both, we can feel into both at the 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:31.960 same time. 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:35.840 I think so many mothers would experience that too, where 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:40.399 you then feel guilty for feeling both feelings because you're 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:42.840 you know, you see social media where it's like the 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:45.880 newborn bubble and all those sorts of things, and if 0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.480 you're experiencing both, and I truly believe we all do, 0:17:49.359 --> 0:17:52.320 you're like, oh my god, I'm a bad mum. I'm 0:17:52.359 --> 0:17:55.639 a bad person. And then you go through, you know, 0:17:55.720 --> 0:18:00.000 the shame spiral, and it's it's not good for anyone. 0:18:00.320 --> 0:18:02.080 I would actually love to touch on this. I want 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:05.240 to go straight into because I loved the part in 0:18:05.280 --> 0:18:09.000 your book where you spoke about too much happiness and 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:12.280 I'm gonna read I just so that RNC listeners can hear, 0:18:12.880 --> 0:18:17.840 and it went like, even though I focused on positive psychology, 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:20.359 in my studies. It took me some time to learn this. 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:24.240 After I graduated, the popularity of movies like The Secret, 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:26.920 The Heel documentary, and the work of Lewis Hay only 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:30.240 plunged me deeper into the shadow side of positive psychology. 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:34.720 I was terrified of thinking a negative thought, Scared that 0:18:34.760 --> 0:18:37.720 if I allowed these parts of me in, I would 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:40.680 manifest a life I didn't want, or create an illness 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:43.760 that would knock my cotton socks right off, not in 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.280 a good way. I felt something was wrong with me 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:49.159 if I wasn't feeling good all the time. I became 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:52.200 so obsessed with the pursuit of happiness that I would 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:54.919 be overly grateful for a cup of coffee. I lacked 0:18:54.960 --> 0:18:57.399 the confidence to send it back if it was gold. 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:03.639 I was obsessed with this passage because coming from a 0:19:03.680 --> 0:19:06.879 similar background where it's like I first got into manifesting 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:10.040 with this secret and those sorts of things where it's 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:12.520 like your thoughts are your reality. So it's like you 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.840 think one bad thing. And it's really interesting because we've 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:19.320 actually been having this conversation in the RNC community lately, 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:21.800 literally just a couple of podcasts ago. It was like, 0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:25.800 do bad thoughts create a bad life and really debunking that. 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:28.320 And I loved that you touched on this in your book, 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:29.800 and I would love for you to kind of share 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:31.720 a bit more because I just I think it's such 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:34.000 a beautiful journey, because I feel like a lot of people, 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:38.560 you get into self development and it's so much positive psychology, 0:19:38.640 --> 0:19:41.920 and it's it is amazing, it's incredible, credible, and it's 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:44.720 life changing. But then I truly do feel like there's 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:47.960 then the next step of you know, going into the 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:51.119 shadow side and really exploring that. So I'd love for 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:54.240 you to express how you went through that. 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:57.879 Of course, well, yeah, just the experience of diving into it, 0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:00.520 and yeah, your thoughts are your reality. I was so 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:04.720 scared to think of anything negative or to feel and 0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:08.480 allow myself to lean into anything uncomfortable or negative, because 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:12.639 I thought that that's something wrong and I can fix it. 0:20:12.680 --> 0:20:15.840 I can use a positive affirmation like it's a band 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:18.240 aid and just whack it on over top and do 0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:21.359 it that way. But I think when positive psychology and 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:25.960 things like manifesting get rolled out into mainstream, I think 0:20:26.240 --> 0:20:28.320 they simplify it, We water it down, and we put 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:30.240 a pretty little bow on it so that everyone can 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:32.320 understand it. And that was sort of a little bit 0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:36.080 of me and I didn't realize the full scale of 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:40.440 positive psychology. So Martin Seligman was the founder of this 0:20:40.560 --> 0:20:44.840 term positive psychology. But in his book he actually says 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:48.040 that he despises the word happiness. And one of his 0:20:48.119 --> 0:20:51.080 book is called authentic Happiness, and he said it's only 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:54.040 called happiness because he publishers said it would tell more. 0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:56.399 But that was something that I missed. He was like, 0:20:56.560 --> 0:20:59.800 it's not living a life of meaning and living a 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:03.240 life for fulfillment doesn't mean you're happy all of the time. 0:21:03.760 --> 0:21:06.760 And motherhood really woke me up to that because I 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:10.439 didn't have that luxury. It does not motherhood does not 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:15.320 provide me with the luxury of pushing down my uncomfortable emotions, 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:19.520 because it forces me to face them. I experienced the 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:22.919 broadest range of emotions on the daily. My kids pushed 0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:27.040 me to the absolute extreme that I didn't have that 0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:31.040 luxury anymore that I had to really learn to face 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:33.840 my shit, and it sort of all came up to 0:21:33.880 --> 0:21:36.840 the surface, and so I had to learn to deal 0:21:36.840 --> 0:21:38.600 with it. I had to learn to manage it and 0:21:39.240 --> 0:21:41.440 sit with it. And be okay with it and sort 0:21:41.440 --> 0:21:43.720 of move on in that way and be a little 0:21:43.720 --> 0:21:47.040 bit more compassionate to myself and understand that this is 0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:49.639 a human experience and I'm going to feel a range 0:21:49.680 --> 0:21:52.640 of things and that's just what life is and that's 0:21:52.680 --> 0:21:53.440 what we're here for. 0:21:54.920 --> 0:21:57.840 It's so true, isn't it. And even something I pointed 0:21:57.840 --> 0:21:59.920 out when we answered this question a couple of weeks ago, 0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:04.080 was like you sitting there thinking, oh my gosh, I'm 0:22:04.119 --> 0:22:05.919 in a low vibe. How dare I be in a 0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:09.320 low vibe? That is a low vibe in itself, So 0:22:09.440 --> 0:22:13.199 it's like, do you want to be constantly feeling guilt 0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:18.120 and shame for not experiencing certain feelings which are truly 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:22.119 the full, like you said, the full level of being human, 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:26.000 Like you're not just here to be a happy mother 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:29.640 twenty four to seven. You get to feel the emotions, 0:22:29.680 --> 0:22:31.879