Speaker 1: I'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners on which this
Speaker 1: episode is being recorded, the combo marry people. We pay
Speaker 1: our respects to elders past, present and emerging and extend
Speaker 1: that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.
Speaker 1: Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, and this is the
Speaker 1: Rise and Conquer Podcast. This is the podcast where we
Speaker 1: ch have mindset, self development and becoming your higher self
Speaker 1: mix soon with a lot of laughs, plus behind the
Speaker 1: scenes of my life running two businesses and being among
Speaker 1: Think of us as the perfect combo of brunch with
Speaker 1: your besties mixed with self development. No matter where you
Speaker 1: are in your journey, we're here to help you be curious,
Speaker 1: pull yourself out and embrace radical self awareness. If you're
Speaker 1: ready to get into the driver's seat of your own
Speaker 1: life and stop letting life past you by, then you're
Speaker 1: in the right place. Hello and welcome back to the
Speaker 1: R and C Potty. Today we have the second episode
Speaker 1: of our Motherhood series in celebration of our brand new
Speaker 1: course Rebirth, Doing Motherhood on your Own Terms, And today
Speaker 1: we have the author of Like a Mother, Emily East,
Speaker 1: joining us for such an incredible episode. So I actually
Speaker 1: read Emily's book a while back and she sent it
Speaker 1: to the rn C HQ, and it was so beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's such a beautiful reflection of you know, postpartum and
Speaker 1: being a mum. In this episode, we really dive into
Speaker 1: how difficult it can be to step into this new
Speaker 1: version of yourself when you're becoming a mum. We also
Speaker 1: chat about the importance of mastering delayed gratifydestion, getting triggered
Speaker 1: by emotions that our children show, and shifting from the
Speaker 1: doing mode to the being mode. Honestly, this was just
Speaker 1: such an incredible chat. I just resonate with everything Emily says,
Speaker 1: and you can tell she has like been in the
Speaker 1: trenches like so much, just real life experience, and she
Speaker 1: is just she's going for it, and it's so incredible
Speaker 1: to see, you know, like a mom, you know, showing
Speaker 1: up and she's doing the things and she's following her purpose.
Speaker 1: So I think you guys are just going to absolutely
Speaker 1: love this episode. And also we'll put all the links
Speaker 1: in the show notes so you can grab her book.
Speaker 1: But before we get into the episode, a tea A
Speaker 1: weekly recommendation, please, My weekly recommendation is a bit left field.
Speaker 1: It's just to try something you haven't done before and
Speaker 1: get really out of your comfort zone, but don't put
Speaker 1: pressure on yourself to.
Speaker 2: Be good at it. It's just so fun sometimes. I
Speaker 2: mentioned this in the last episode, but I did an
Speaker 2: aer yoga class and I was probably the worst person
Speaker 2: in the room. But I didn't let it get to me,
Speaker 2: and I didn't put pressure on myself to be the best.
Speaker 2: I just went somewhere, tried something new and got to
Speaker 2: enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Was it fun at the end?
Speaker 2: Yes, it was very painful, and I now realize I've
Speaker 2: got a lot.
Speaker 1: Of work to do on my course strength. Have you
Speaker 1: done one since and will you be doing more?
Speaker 2: I do want to do more. I haven't done one
Speaker 2: since just yet.
Speaker 1: Should I come?
Speaker 2: Yes, let's go together.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of fun. I do love that for you,
Speaker 1: and I love I've really been seeing you get out
Speaker 1: of your comfort zone. So that's incredible. What's your recommendation.
Speaker 1: My recommendation would be to go on a holiday, guy,
Speaker 1: and I'll go.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I just got back from a holiday guys, and it
Speaker 1: was so incredible. I'll talk more about it in a
Speaker 1: weekly update on the Friday's eb But I just needed it.
Speaker 1: I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything going on
Speaker 1: at work and I have, you know, been taking on
Speaker 1: a whole lot of responsibilities lately, and I love that,
Speaker 1: but it also meant like I was my nervous system
Speaker 1: was feeling overwhelmed. And I also just absolutely loved that
Speaker 1: me and Tim took it just us, because I think
Speaker 1: when you become a parent, you often think that your
Speaker 1: life is like not over. But I remember when I
Speaker 1: first had IV, I even thought, oh my god, well
Speaker 1: me and Tim are never gonna get time together, and
Speaker 1: like we're never gonna travel because it's so difficult with
Speaker 1: a baby, and we're never gonna, I guess, have that
Speaker 1: romance again. And you really fall into this trap of, oh,
Speaker 1: that's not for me. I have a child, and even
Speaker 1: though you know it's difficult because you have to find
Speaker 1: someone took after them, or you've got to travel with them,
Speaker 1: and it's obviously more difficult. It's definitely a challenge, but
Speaker 1: your perspective around it is everything. And I just fucking
Speaker 1: love that me and Tim were on this trip and
Speaker 1: there was no guilt around it. There was like, we
Speaker 1: absolutely deserve this. And when me and Tim are filling
Speaker 1: up our own buckets and our relationship buckets. IVY benefits
Speaker 1: from that like one hundred and ten percent. And that
Speaker 1: has been one of the coolest shifts that I have
Speaker 1: done in regards to doing identity work around what it
Speaker 1: means for me to be a mum. And that's what
Speaker 1: the whole new course of rebirth is about, is to
Speaker 1: do motherhood on your own terms. And I really really
Speaker 1: want to clarify, like if you're someone where you're like
Speaker 1: motherhood or on my own terms doesn't mean holidays away
Speaker 1: from my child, amazing, That's incredible, and that's what motherhood
Speaker 1: means for you. But it's like it's really getting to
Speaker 1: this point where you don't see any limitations and you
Speaker 1: don't see any Oh, well, I have to do this
Speaker 1: because that's just what moms do. Yeah, Or I have
Speaker 1: to you know, be this person in my relationship which
Speaker 1: I don't even want to be, because that's what I
Speaker 1: have to be. And you can really bring it back
Speaker 1: to like what do I want? What do why I
Speaker 1: want to be in regards to being a leader for
Speaker 1: my family, and it was just really it's really incredible
Speaker 1: because obviously, you know we're currently running rebirth and doing
Speaker 1: all the promo for it for me and Tim to
Speaker 1: actually be like living it of like role models for
Speaker 1: Ivy and role models for what we want our relationship
Speaker 1: to be, was even so incredible, and we had so
Speaker 1: many conversations about it, and it was it was just
Speaker 1: really beautiful because it was like celebrating our five year
Speaker 1: wedding anniversary. And yeah, it was bliss.
Speaker 3: I love that the lor emerge.
Speaker 4: All right, let's get into this episode.
Speaker 1: To the Rise and Conquer Podcasts.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1: I am so excited for this episode. I'm so excited
Speaker 1: to share your work with a Rising Conquer community. I
Speaker 1: would love for you to just tell them a little
Speaker 1: bit about who you are, what you do, and what
Speaker 1: your journey has looked like up until now.
Speaker 3: Of course, well before I became a mum, my professional
Speaker 3: career was really built around using my mind to live
Speaker 3: and be well and then share that with others. So
Speaker 3: I studied biology and psychology at university and then went
Speaker 3: to teach in secondary schools those topics, and then it
Speaker 3: went it really more found my role into well being
Speaker 3: and supporting sixteen year old's well being at school and
Speaker 3: working closely with their parents. And that was all around
Speaker 3: using my knowledge of positive psychology, how to use the brain,
Speaker 3: how to train the brain. I had such a deep
Speaker 3: understanding of how the brain worked that if someone felt
Speaker 3: uncomfortable or they were having a hard time, I could
Speaker 3: use their intellect and I could use what I knew
Speaker 3: about the brain to help them to feel well. It
Speaker 3: was all about mindset for me, and that then really
Speaker 3: morphed into the corporate space. So I was working with
Speaker 3: really big banks and big universities working with their employees
Speaker 3: again to how to manage their energy, how to be resilient.
Speaker 3: And again it was all through mindset and intellect work
Speaker 3: and really positive psychology stuff, and everything was going well.
Speaker 3: So if it was working for me to that point,
Speaker 3: and if anything, any emotions came up that felt uncomfortable,
Speaker 3: you know, put a positive affirmation over it, do some
Speaker 3: meditation to sort of push it aside or to swap
Speaker 3: it with something else, and on you go. So I
Speaker 3: was a very positive you know, put lipstick on, pig
Speaker 3: silver lining on every single thing. So that was sort
Speaker 3: of my vibe. And then I became a mom. I
Speaker 3: had my first son, and and I felt like my
Speaker 3: whole world just crumbled around me. I felt like the
Speaker 3: way that I saw myself had changed, the way that
Speaker 3: I wanted other people to see myself had changed. The
Speaker 3: things that I thought were me that came that made
Speaker 3: me so. I was, you know, playing competitive sports I have,
Speaker 3: I was teaching hot yoga, I would have a cocktail
Speaker 3: with my girlfriends on the weekend, and all of a
Speaker 3: sudden that was sort of taken away from me, and
Speaker 3: it was like, but that's who I thought. I was like,
Speaker 3: so who am I now? And what is actually happening?
Speaker 3: And I tried soorry hard to squeeze my new self
Speaker 3: into my old life using those mindset tools that I
Speaker 3: had built my career off, so mindset, brain, intellect. And
Speaker 3: then I had a gorgeous little surprise. I became pregnant
Speaker 3: again with number two, and that was just five months postpartum,
Speaker 3: so he was a beautiful little surprise. But up until then,
Speaker 3: I had been to feel like I was experiencing. Before
Speaker 3: I got pregnant again, I was experiencing these emotions that
Speaker 3: I'd never felt before. When I became a new mum,
Speaker 3: I felt greater levels of sadness, I felt greater levels
Speaker 3: of depression, of loneliness, and I thought I can't. I
Speaker 3: felt really alone, like am I the only one going
Speaker 3: through this massive change? I feel like my life has
Speaker 3: literally just crumbled, and so for it. So what I
Speaker 3: thought to get back onto it. I thought, it's okay.
Speaker 3: Soon soon I'll stop breastfeeding. Soon my son won't need
Speaker 3: me as much anymore. And to live my life again,
Speaker 3: I'll just pick where I lift off and or carry
Speaker 3: on like nothing's changed. I'll go back to work, I'll
Speaker 3: add mum on my to do list, and I'll be
Speaker 3: okay again. Once I get my life back, I'll be
Speaker 3: okay again. And I sort of have this vision of
Speaker 3: like this beautiful, this statue of me and my life
Speaker 3: and how I saw myself and it just shattered. But
Speaker 3: I spent so much time trying to piece it back
Speaker 3: together and put it back together, and that's what I
Speaker 3: thought I needed to do. And then when I became
Speaker 3: pregnant for the second time, was like, well, farket's just
Speaker 3: all going to smash again. And that was the moment
Speaker 3: that I really thought, I really surrendered to it, and
Speaker 3: I thought, you know what, I get an opportunity now
Speaker 3: to build a new statue and create a new life
Speaker 3: and create a new self because I'm going to be
Speaker 3: a mum for a really long time and it's sort
Speaker 3: of like I'm gonna like forever. This is a lifelong thing.
Speaker 3: Why am I trying to fight it? Why am I
Speaker 3: trying to squeeze back into my old life? It's time
Speaker 3: to like that girl has gone, She's not here anymore.
Speaker 3: I've experienced things that have changed me. I've felt deeper love,
Speaker 3: I've felt deeper fear. I've done things I never thought
Speaker 3: that I could do. And I'm a different person. And
Speaker 3: so the moment that I surrendered to that, the moment
Speaker 3: that I stopped trying to squeeze back into those things
Speaker 3: that I thought made up who I was, was the
Speaker 3: moment that I almost set myself free. And during that time,
Speaker 3: like I got a one on one coach. I worked
Speaker 3: intensively with a coach I did, you know, nervous system healing.
Speaker 3: I became a sematic therapist. I did a Central Semantics
Speaker 3: course where I did things around sexual expression and femininity,
Speaker 3: and then I learned how to facilitate that with other
Speaker 3: women and you know, trauma based healing and breastwork, and
Speaker 3: I really dove in and committed to my own healing
Speaker 3: and journey and I wrote about it, and I wrote
Speaker 3: about my experience, and that is my book with Like
Speaker 3: a Mother. So yeah, I think you can really see
Speaker 3: my journey where you know, the first part of it
Speaker 3: is about the mind and is about the brain and intellect,
Speaker 3: which I think is so important and particularly as mothers,
Speaker 3: to understand a little bit about our little babies human
Speaker 3: brains and where they're at with development. I think that's
Speaker 3: really healthy and really helpful. And then I go deeper
Speaker 3: into into inner wisdom and to intuition and to instinct
Speaker 3: and I tap into in my journey, in my own healing,
Speaker 3: I tapped into that deeper side of me. And it
Speaker 3: was more so about I learned that my children's well
Speaker 3: being really blied on how could stand up for myself
Speaker 3: and how in touch I was with my intuition and
Speaker 3: my instincts and to danding my knowing when other people
Speaker 3: were telling me, telling me I was doing something wrong
Speaker 3: because I know what's best for my kids. And and
Speaker 3: it really fed and it really grew my confidence as
Speaker 3: a mum. And you know, I went from going from
Speaker 3: all mindset to both I need my I need all
Speaker 3: my wisdom, and there's so much wisdom and intellect that
Speaker 3: resides in my body that I was missing, that I
Speaker 3: was really missing out on. So I feel like I
Speaker 3: come from a more holistic approach now when it comes
Speaker 3: to that. But that's the journey and that's my book.
Speaker 3: So now what I do. I'm at home with my
Speaker 3: babies most of the time. I have my Oh my god,
Speaker 3: my oldest has just turned four, and my second is
Speaker 3: about to turn three, and I'm currently pregnant with number three.
Speaker 3: I'm sixteen weeks pregnant. So I'm wearing my favorite dreams
Speaker 3: at the moment that I dare say will be the
Speaker 3: last time I wear them. And I run an online
Speaker 3: community called Soule Nation where we run full moon and
Speaker 3: New Moon rituals with other mums who just committed to
Speaker 3: using the shifts and the lessons that we learned from
Speaker 3: motherhood to really create that statue and decide who, who
Speaker 3: and I want to create and what life do I
Speaker 3: want to lead Because I also think that nothing, there's
Speaker 3: no nothing that really can that can compare to motherhood
Speaker 3: when it comes to personal development, because it demands that
Speaker 3: we show up for ourselves and our children. So that's me, George.
Speaker 1: That's it's so incredible to hear talk about it, because
Speaker 1: obviously you know, I've read the book, so I feel
Speaker 1: like I know so much about your life. But it's
Speaker 1: so incredible to you talk about it. And it's so
Speaker 1: interesting because I resonate so much much with what you're
Speaker 1: saying in regards to becoming a mom and it being
Speaker 1: this like the most transformative, the most like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: my life will never be the same, and really struggling
Speaker 1: at the start of trying to fit back into your
Speaker 1: old self or trying to go back to your old self.
Speaker 1: And I truly believe, like personally that's what really for
Speaker 1: lack of a better world, fucked me up for a
Speaker 1: year postpartum, because it's like that person is gone, She's
Speaker 1: not there anymore, and when you're trying to get back
Speaker 1: to her to just this constant disappointment, and it's just
Speaker 1: not healthy to try and go backwards, when if you
Speaker 1: think about life, we're going forward and we're moving forward
Speaker 1: and if you can really learn how to and this
Speaker 1: is like I think you probably resonate with. I used
Speaker 1: to be the biggest control freak, and so I think
Speaker 1: that's why I struggled so much, because you're trying to
Speaker 1: control the most uncontrollable, you know, little human and how
Speaker 1: life is supposed to be. And I think there's something
Speaker 1: so beautiful in having that full reckoning I guess of
Speaker 1: being like, oh wow, I'm not going backwards, I'm going forward,
Speaker 1: and I actually get to decide what this journey is
Speaker 1: like because before that I was like, it's it's almost
Speaker 1: like I lost autonomy, I lost the I get to decide,
Speaker 1: which is so interesting because before I came in mom
Speaker 1: like I'm a manifestation coach, like that's that's who I am.
Speaker 1: And it's like, because I was experienced something I had
Speaker 1: never experienced, I forgot that I actually had so much
Speaker 1: choice in how a shop and so much choice in
Speaker 1: regards to how it could be. But again, it's you
Speaker 1: don't have those tools, so it gets to be this beautiful,
Speaker 1: beautiful journey. So that's yeah, it's incredible.
Speaker 3: Thank you. And I think we I think sometimes the
Speaker 3: message might get a little bit lost in we can
Speaker 3: feel both, Like I can feel both. I can feel
Speaker 3: both grateful for the life that I'm living now and
Speaker 3: at the same time feel real grief and sadness over
Speaker 3: the life that I'm losing. Like, we don't have to
Speaker 3: feel one or the other, but I think I certainly
Speaker 3: got stuck in the trap of if I'm feeling sadness
Speaker 3: for not being who for the life that I used
Speaker 3: to live, it means I'm not grateful for the life
Speaker 3: that I have, and that's just not the case. We
Speaker 3: can be both, we can feel into both at the
Speaker 3: same time.
Speaker 1: I think so many mothers would experience that too, where
Speaker 1: you then feel guilty for feeling both feelings because you're
Speaker 1: you know, you see social media where it's like the
Speaker 1: newborn bubble and all those sorts of things, and if
Speaker 1: you're experiencing both, and I truly believe we all do,
Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, I'm a bad mum. I'm
Speaker 1: a bad person. And then you go through, you know,
Speaker 1: the shame spiral, and it's it's not good for anyone.
Speaker 1: I would actually love to touch on this. I want
Speaker 1: to go straight into because I loved the part in
Speaker 1: your book where you spoke about too much happiness and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna read I just so that RNC listeners can hear,
Speaker 1: and it went like, even though I focused on positive psychology,
Speaker 1: in my studies. It took me some time to learn this.
Speaker 1: After I graduated, the popularity of movies like The Secret,
Speaker 1: The Heel documentary, and the work of Lewis Hay only
Speaker 1: plunged me deeper into the shadow side of positive psychology.
Speaker 1: I was terrified of thinking a negative thought, Scared that
Speaker 1: if I allowed these parts of me in, I would
Speaker 1: manifest a life I didn't want, or create an illness
Speaker 1: that would knock my cotton socks right off, not in
Speaker 1: a good way. I felt something was wrong with me
Speaker 1: if I wasn't feeling good all the time. I became
Speaker 1: so obsessed with the pursuit of happiness that I would
Speaker 1: be overly grateful for a cup of coffee. I lacked
Speaker 1: the confidence to send it back if it was gold.
Speaker 1: I was obsessed with this passage because coming from a
Speaker 1: similar background where it's like I first got into manifesting
Speaker 1: with this secret and those sorts of things where it's
Speaker 1: like your thoughts are your reality. So it's like you
Speaker 1: think one bad thing. And it's really interesting because we've
Speaker 1: actually been having this conversation in the RNC community lately,
Speaker 1: literally just a couple of podcasts ago. It was like,
Speaker 1: do bad thoughts create a bad life and really debunking that.
Speaker 1: And I loved that you touched on this in your book,
Speaker 1: and I would love for you to kind of share
Speaker 1: a bit more because I just I think it's such
Speaker 1: a beautiful journey, because I feel like a lot of people,
Speaker 1: you get into self development and it's so much positive psychology,
Speaker 1: and it's it is amazing, it's incredible, credible, and it's
Speaker 1: life changing. But then I truly do feel like there's
Speaker 1: then the next step of you know, going into the
Speaker 1: shadow side and really exploring that. So I'd love for
Speaker 1: you to express how you went through that.
Speaker 3: Of course, well, yeah, just the experience of diving into it,
Speaker 3: and yeah, your thoughts are your reality. I was so
Speaker 3: scared to think of anything negative or to feel and
Speaker 3: allow myself to lean into anything uncomfortable or negative, because
Speaker 3: I thought that that's something wrong and I can fix it.
Speaker 3: I can use a positive affirmation like it's a band
Speaker 3: aid and just whack it on over top and do
Speaker 3: it that way. But I think when positive psychology and
Speaker 3: things like manifesting get rolled out into mainstream, I think
Speaker 3: they simplify it, We water it down, and we put
Speaker 3: a pretty little bow on it so that everyone can
Speaker 3: understand it. And that was sort of a little bit
Speaker 3: of me and I didn't realize the full scale of
Speaker 3: positive psychology. So Martin Seligman was the founder of this
Speaker 3: term positive psychology. But in his book he actually says
Speaker 3: that he despises the word happiness. And one of his
Speaker 3: book is called authentic Happiness, and he said it's only
Speaker 3: called happiness because he publishers said it would tell more.
Speaker 3: But that was something that I missed. He was like,
Speaker 3: it's not living a life of meaning and living a
Speaker 3: life for fulfillment doesn't mean you're happy all of the time.
Speaker 3: And motherhood really woke me up to that because I
Speaker 3: didn't have that luxury. It does not motherhood does not
Speaker 3: provide me with the luxury of pushing down my uncomfortable emotions,
Speaker 3: because it forces me to face them. I experienced the
Speaker 3: broadest range of emotions on the daily. My kids pushed
Speaker 3: me to the absolute extreme that I didn't have that
Speaker 3: luxury anymore that I had to really learn to face
Speaker 3: my shit, and it sort of all came up to
Speaker 3: the surface, and so I had to learn to deal
Speaker 3: with it. I had to learn to manage it and
Speaker 3: sit with it. And be okay with it and sort
Speaker 3: of move on in that way and be a little
Speaker 3: bit more compassionate to myself and understand that this is
Speaker 3: a human experience and I'm going to feel a range
Speaker 3: of things and that's just what life is and that's
Speaker 3: what we're here for.
Speaker 1: It's so true, isn't it. And even something I pointed
Speaker 1: out when we answered this question a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: was like you sitting there thinking, oh my gosh, I'm
Speaker 1: in a low vibe. How dare I be in a
Speaker 1: low vibe? That is a low vibe in itself, So
Speaker 1: it's like, do you want to be constantly feeling guilt
Speaker 1: and shame for not experiencing certain feelings which are truly
Speaker 1: the full, like you said, the full level of being human,
Speaker 1: Like you're not just here to be a happy mother
Speaker 1: twenty four to seven. You get to feel the emotions,
Speaker 1: you get to express yourself, and you get to go
Speaker 1: on those journeys. Because also something I speak about is
Speaker 1: like when you're not feeling good, you know, quote unquote
Speaker 1: good or happy, those are the moments that are most
Speaker 1: transformative to me because it's it's bringing a mirror to
Speaker 1: something I want to work on or something I get
Speaker 1: to work through, or it's bringing a mirror to what
Speaker 1: my boundaries are, what my standards are. And it's like,
Speaker 1: if we never had those moments of telling you those movements,
Speaker 1: of feeling those feelings, we wouldn't know who we are,
Speaker 1: We wouldn't know what we want, we wouldn't know, you know,
Speaker 1: what we what's our purpose in life? If that makes sense.
Speaker 1: So I truly resonate with so much, like it's not
Speaker 1: all rainbows and butterflies. But it's like I even say, like,
Speaker 1: you know, this is probably simplifying it a bit, but
Speaker 1: it's like, how boring. Imagine just being happy all the time,
Speaker 1: having no challenges, and it's like there would be nothing
Speaker 1: to talk about.
Speaker 3: So oh, I totally agree. I would all No, I
Speaker 3: totally agree.
Speaker 1: I know. And it's like once we can like almost
Speaker 1: hack that and be like, oh no, this is actually
Speaker 1: great that I'm not feeling, you know, happy all the
Speaker 1: time because I get to really explore this and this, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be this mask of I have
Speaker 1: to be happy all the time, because that's it's not
Speaker 1: serving anyone.
Speaker 3: When you were sort of talking and saying that, I
Speaker 3: was thinking about putting my kids to bed, and I
Speaker 3: have to read this stupid budding book a million times
Speaker 3: and they love it and they frof over it, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, this does not make me happy, but it
Speaker 3: gives me meaning because I'm reading to my kids and
Speaker 3: that's important to me. And there's a big difference between
Speaker 3: them being happy and you know, finding meaning and purpose.
Speaker 1: I love that so much, and I think also, I
Speaker 1: I think also it's like I love the part in
Speaker 1: your book when you explain you know that exact thing
Speaker 1: of your identity changes when you're a mum, and if
Speaker 1: you are so attached to the specific things rather than
Speaker 1: you know your purpose and leaning into that like the
Speaker 1: big you know, halt when you become a mother, it's
Speaker 1: like this big you know instance of like you said,
Speaker 1: the statue crumbling. And I would love for you to
Speaker 1: kind of touch on how we can not identify so
Speaker 1: much like I'm at this, I'm at that, and more
Speaker 1: identify with our purpose and what that transition looked.
Speaker 3: Like for you. I think one of the biggest things
Speaker 3: that made the transition into motherhood so hard for me
Speaker 3: because I clung so tightly on who I thought I
Speaker 3: was and how I wanted other people to see me,
Speaker 3: and I thought that, you know, my career and what
Speaker 3: I did in my spare time and the type of
Speaker 3: friends that I have, I thought that was who made
Speaker 3: me me. But it wasn't. That was just what I did.
Speaker 3: That wasn't who the core, who I am at the core.
Speaker 3: So the moment that I let that go, and I
Speaker 3: think really holding on to the way that we see
Speaker 3: ourselves really restricts our growth because it doesn't allow us
Speaker 3: to evolve. It just keeps its stuck in that place
Speaker 3: where we want to be and where we think we
Speaker 3: need to be. And the moment that I let that go,
Speaker 3: the moment that I let go of who I thought
Speaker 3: I was and who I thought made me me, gave
Speaker 3: me opportunities to find out who that really was, to
Speaker 3: really create that and go about it in a completely
Speaker 3: different way, and to sort of live on your purpose.
Speaker 3: I feel like purpose can feel really heavy, and it
Speaker 3: feels like, oh, I've got to have a purpose if
Speaker 3: I want to live a really good life, Like what
Speaker 3: the fuck's my purpose? I don't know, do I need
Speaker 3: a mission statement or something, or like, how do I
Speaker 3: even know what my purpose is? But I truly truly
Speaker 3: believe that our purpose is us. My purpose is me,
Speaker 3: Your purpose is you. It's to live your best life
Speaker 3: and to come here and express what you're meant to
Speaker 3: express and what you're meant to do, whatever that looks like,
Speaker 3: and to actually sort of put that into something tangible
Speaker 3: that we can do. There's this exercise that I love
Speaker 3: to do in discovering your purpose emotions. So if you
Speaker 3: were to sit down in a quiet space for a
Speaker 3: moment and think about, you know, a really significant memory
Speaker 3: perhaps between when you were born and when you're five
Speaker 3: or seven, and then think of another memory from when
Speaker 3: you seven to you know, a teenager, and then from
Speaker 3: there to the rest of your life. So you're thinking
Speaker 3: of really significant memories that stand out to you in
Speaker 3: your life that have meant something to you. So, for example,
Speaker 3: for me, one of my memories that really stands out
Speaker 3: for me is when I was really little. Is I
Speaker 3: was ten. It was my tenth birthday. I ran in
Speaker 3: to see my granddad and I was like, Granddad, I'm
Speaker 3: ten today, it's my birthday. And he was like, oh,
Speaker 3: your double figures today, and I'm like, what does that mean? Granddad?
Speaker 3: And he sat me on his knee and he told
Speaker 3: me what double figures meant, And in that moment, I
Speaker 3: wrote down all of my emotions that I felt. In
Speaker 3: that moment, I felt special, I felt really important, I
Speaker 3: felt like I was the center of attention, but in
Speaker 3: a good way. I felt really loved. And then like
Speaker 3: another memory that really stands out to me is when
Speaker 3: my first son was born after labor, like again, I
Speaker 3: did something that I thought I couldn't do, like at
Speaker 3: the end of laby, like mo, fuck this, I'm out,
Speaker 3: I can't feeld it anymore, but you do. And so
Speaker 3: once I did, it was like again, I felt really
Speaker 3: important and I felt really special. And so you can
Speaker 3: see that with these memories that really stand out in
Speaker 3: my life, the emotions that I felt in each of
Speaker 3: those moments they cross over. There's some there's some themes here.
Speaker 3: So when so that is what I like to refer
Speaker 3: to as a purpose emotion. So those emotions stand out
Speaker 3: to me over the over my lifespan for a reason,
Speaker 3: Like those feelings really light me up. So whenever i'm
Speaker 3: you know, working, or I'm like expressing myself in new
Speaker 3: relationships or whatever, when I feel those emotions, things that
Speaker 3: make me feel those purpose emotions. That's what I meant
Speaker 3: to be doing, So that's me. Those emotions are me,
Speaker 3: and they help me following those emotions, being in tune
Speaker 3: with when I feel them. They help me live a
Speaker 3: life that's aligned to me, that's true to me. And
Speaker 3: I think that is how you can live a life
Speaker 3: of purpose, because I think your purpose is you and
Speaker 3: being the best you and living the best life that
Speaker 3: you that you possibly can. I think that's what we're
Speaker 3: here for.
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful. I love the idea of locking into
Speaker 1: the emotion, not necessarily it being like a thing, so
Speaker 1: that that's really really cool. I would love for you
Speaker 1: to chat about doing verse being because again this is
Speaker 1: one of my favorite, you know chapters in the book
Speaker 1: where you wrote about how surrender is the new hustle,
Speaker 1: which I loved, and how hard it is to actually
Speaker 1: let go and surrender because it can often be seen
Speaker 1: as like a weakness, And I would love your tips
Speaker 1: on stepping out of the doing mindset and more into
Speaker 1: the being so we can surrender, specifically around being a mother, because,
Speaker 1: like I said previously, like I'm a bit of the
Speaker 1: control freak, and surrender to me previously has felt like
Speaker 1: a weakness and has felt like something I don't.
Speaker 2: Want to do.
Speaker 1: And then as I have had Ivy, I've realized how
Speaker 1: much I do have to surrender. And you know, she
Speaker 1: teaches me every single day, and I think it has
Speaker 1: been such a beautiful evolution for me. But I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people like they don't really understand what
Speaker 1: the difference is and why it is so important.
Speaker 3: You're right, it is seen as a weakness to sort
Speaker 3: of let go of control, But in my experience, when
Speaker 3: I'm sure yours as well, it's nearly the strongest and
Speaker 3: most courageous thing anyone can do is to let go
Speaker 3: of that control. Because you let you just sort of
Speaker 3: throw your hands up and you're left into the unknown.
Speaker 3: And the unknown is scary. But I'd like to say
Speaker 3: that I learned this lesson quite easily Georgie, but I
Speaker 3: definitely did not. When I had my first two kids
Speaker 3: under two, I was fully in the doing mode. It
Speaker 3: was go, go go. It was hustle, hussle, it was washing,
Speaker 3: it was feeding kids, it was supermarket, it was all
Speaker 3: of the mum things, to the point where I didn't
Speaker 3: value myself at all. It was all about my kids.
Speaker 3: It was all about what I did for them. It
Speaker 3: was you know, the games that we played, the places
Speaker 3: that I took them to play, the play dates. It
Speaker 3: was all about what I did for them, to a
Speaker 3: point where I completely burnt I completely burnt out. And
Speaker 3: I say it and I tell this story in my book,
Speaker 3: but I was extremely underweight, I was extremely unhappy, and
Speaker 3: I thought what made me a good mum was what
Speaker 3: I did for my kids. And it only got to
Speaker 3: a point where I couldn't go on any longer doing
Speaker 3: what I was doing. I was going to end up,
Speaker 3: you know, in a hospital bed. So I had to
Speaker 3: make some changes. And after some after I was sort
Speaker 3: of scared from a bit of a healthcare it was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: things are going to really need to change. I'm going
Speaker 3: to start to I need to start to prioritize myself.
Speaker 3: And I really made that shift of not from what
Speaker 3: it's not as important. It is important what I'm doing
Speaker 3: for my kids, but it's really important of who I am.
Speaker 3: And if I think about the energy that I'm bringing
Speaker 3: when I'm with my kids in doing mode, it's hustle,
Speaker 3: it's go. It often causes me stress and my kids
Speaker 3: pick up more about the energy than what I do
Speaker 3: for them. And then I thought about, like, what am
Speaker 3: I actually really showing my kids. I'm showing them that
Speaker 3: to love someone, it's more about what you do for them,
Speaker 3: not about who you are, And that just didn't sit
Speaker 3: right with me. So I started to use dinner time
Speaker 3: as such a fun time in it in a house
Speaker 3: with toddlers, isn't it. I started to use dinner time
Speaker 3: as my sign post. So previously, in doing mode, dinner
Speaker 3: time would look like this. Okay, so it gets to
Speaker 3: the afternoon. You've been starving your kids for the last
Speaker 3: three hours in hope that they eat something for dinner.
Speaker 3: So they're grumpy, they're climbing the walls. You're trying to
Speaker 3: think of something to make for dinner. You're making it.
Speaker 3: You've got kids screaming at your ankles. You're trying to
Speaker 3: put something on the TV to get them to sit
Speaker 3: still for five seconds, and it's just stressful and you
Speaker 3: finally might sit down to eat. I'm not eating this,
Speaker 3: you know. They're throwing it at the wall, they kick
Speaker 3: it on the ground, and it's such a beautiful time.
Speaker 3: And I think of my husband coming home at that moment,
Speaker 3: and he would literally just be like oof. You'd feel
Speaker 3: the energy. It would be like you could cut it
Speaker 3: with the knife. It is. It is stressful, it is manic,
Speaker 3: it is not fun. And the kids really feed off
Speaker 3: that vibe, that is the energy that they feel. So
Speaker 3: it wouldn't even matter if I served up organic you know,
Speaker 3: veggies and the most beautiful meal, because what has that
Speaker 3: cost me? It's cost me my energy to create that.
Speaker 3: So that became my signpost to go, okay, I'm heavily
Speaker 3: in doing mode. My signpost and my point of where
Speaker 3: I really want to switch into being mode. So I
Speaker 3: started to think, who am I being in this situation?
Speaker 3: What energy am I bringing to the table when it
Speaker 3: comes to dinner time. Now, I put music on, I
Speaker 3: pull myself a green strenk or a phizzy. I have
Speaker 3: a soda water in a fancy glass, and we dance,
Speaker 3: and I, you know, make dinner. And we still might
Speaker 3: sit down and they still throw their dinner on the floor,
Speaker 3: but I feel a lot more at peace with it,
Speaker 3: and they're feeding off my energy, and it's more about
Speaker 3: what person I am in that moment. And I have
Speaker 3: beautiful memories of my grandma in the kitchen singing and cooking,
Speaker 3: and I still carry that feeling. I still carry that
Speaker 3: love and that feeling with me now, and I hope
Speaker 3: that that's what I'm bringing to my children, is that
Speaker 3: fun energy, that loving energy, that light energy, and me
Speaker 3: being happy because I think me being happy is being
Speaker 3: is them being happy rather than stressed and burnt out.
Speaker 3: So that's just a real like, don't get me wrong,
Speaker 3: there are times when we need to switch into that
Speaker 3: doing mode, Like I know you've tried to put it
Speaker 3: other in a car seat. There are times where we
Speaker 3: need to be into doing. But quite often, and particularly
Speaker 3: in our culture, it's glorified that doing and it's like,
Speaker 3: you know, oh, how's your day. Busy, busy, busy, And
Speaker 3: it's almost like you get an award for being the
Speaker 3: busiest person and for doing the most. So it's really
Speaker 3: hard because we really attach our self worth with our
Speaker 3: productivity and how much we get done. And again it's
Speaker 3: hard to let that go. But the moment that you do,
Speaker 3: you're like, oh, you just feel your shoulders soften, and
Speaker 3: the kids are different and you're different, and it's just yeah.
Speaker 3: So for anyone listening who's sort of really interested in
Speaker 3: switching between those I would say, choose a moment where
Speaker 3: you feel like you're in doing mode the most, and
Speaker 3: use that as a signpost to really ask yourself, what
Speaker 3: energy am I bringing right now? Who am I being
Speaker 3: in this moment, and do you know, make a shift
Speaker 3: in that way.
Speaker 1: I love that so much, and that has been a
Speaker 1: huge learning curve for me, especially with going back to
Speaker 1: work and being in the office all day and being
Speaker 1: in that energy, which I you know, think is necessary
Speaker 1: like you said at times, and then being very intentional
Speaker 1: about before I get home, before I walk in the door.
Speaker 1: You know, I sit in my car, I have some breaths,
Speaker 1: I play my favorite playlist on the way home, and
Speaker 1: I literally shift my energy because I know Ivy's going
Speaker 1: to feel the difference. And it's funny because I even
Speaker 1: have evidence of that of Yo, this this this one day,
Speaker 1: I was, I was having a stressful day. I had
Speaker 1: some you know, issues with whatever is happening at work,
Speaker 1: and I wasn't intentionable how I came home. I think
Speaker 1: I was, you know, cooling my podcast manager on the
Speaker 1: way home and blah blah blah. And I got in
Speaker 1: the door and I remember Ivy like, and there's such
Speaker 1: such energetic like beings when they're little, and I remember,
Speaker 1: you know, going to pick her up and her not
Speaker 1: wanting to go to me in crime, and I remember
Speaker 1: having that moment where I was like, you're so right
Speaker 1: because my energy is like so off right now. And obviously,
Speaker 1: you know, my life looks a bit different because I'm
Speaker 1: not at home with Ivy all the time. But being
Speaker 1: very intentionable about how am I actually being in the
Speaker 1: moment and is it worth me yelling at Tim for
Speaker 1: I don't know, not doing something I asked or this
Speaker 1: and that, or is it more intentional about me being
Speaker 1: in an energy that Ivy can be like, oh wow,
Speaker 1: I love spending time with Mama, you know, and they
Speaker 1: they feel that, and I think once you can hack
Speaker 1: that and understand that, like you said, it also brings
Speaker 1: so much pressure off you and you're like, oh, I
Speaker 1: don't have to be perfect, I don't have to have
Speaker 1: everything done because they're just more worried about, you know,
Speaker 1: me being here with them. And so that's why I've
Speaker 1: been so intentional that having that transition time and being
Speaker 1: like Okay, now I'm mum Georgie and I can go
Speaker 1: in and I am you know, not gonna look at
Speaker 1: the washing. I'm not gonna go straight into the being
Speaker 1: because I've just done that all day. So I love
Speaker 1: that you touch on that something also I want to
Speaker 1: chat about, and I've been a bit obsessed with this
Speaker 1: topic right now, and it's delayed gratification. So I love
Speaker 1: that where you spoke about how true change is like
Speaker 1: hidden in our small habits and how important it is
Speaker 1: for us to master delayed gratification. Are you able to
Speaker 1: share some tips on this and how it's kind of
Speaker 1: really related to things a bit more as being a.
Speaker 3: Mother absolutely delayed gratification, that is, let's just say that
Speaker 3: that is hard, Like see they had slow internet, like excruciating,
Speaker 3: And we live in a world where we push buttons
Speaker 3: get what we want. We can buy things before we
Speaker 3: have the money we have after pay. Like we're in
Speaker 3: a world that feeds off and functions off our ability
Speaker 3: to not be able to wait. And I think that's
Speaker 3: really helpful to know, so that we keep consuming, we
Speaker 3: keep buying, we keep spending our money. It really feeds
Speaker 3: off making us feel that way. So I think having
Speaker 3: an awareness around that it's really hard. But in my book,
Speaker 3: I sort of talk about the one percent is And
Speaker 3: what I mean by that is when we want to
Speaker 3: make a change, or we want to make shifts, or
Speaker 3: we're going through some change, quite often we feel like
Speaker 3: we need to go all in or make really big
Speaker 3: grand gestures to get anywhere, and we want it right now.
Speaker 3: So we want to see results now. We've got to
Speaker 3: do something big to get something results right away, And
Speaker 3: in my experience, particularly with motherhood, that's just not the
Speaker 3: way that we can create sustainable change. So the one
Speaker 3: percentas are those little tiny things that you don't eve
Speaker 3: and know that you're doing them, and they're so easy
Speaker 3: to not do, but they're also so easy to do
Speaker 3: as well. So you know, I use an example in
Speaker 3: the book about going to the gym, Like if you
Speaker 3: wanted to get fit, you wanted to change, you know,
Speaker 3: the way that you were caring for your body. You
Speaker 3: don't go to the gym one day for nine hours.
Speaker 3: You go consistently for twenty minutes, an hour, thirty minutes
Speaker 3: over a time, and then you know, while a you're
Speaker 3: you sort of you can make changes that way. So
Speaker 3: when I'm talking about how I've related it to sort
Speaker 3: of motherhood, I think about what really stands out is
Speaker 3: my relationship with my husband, like through motherhood. It is
Speaker 3: not very glamorous motherhood and parenthood is it. So it
Speaker 3: can be hard to sort of keep any romance or
Speaker 3: spark alive. So if I want to sort of make
Speaker 3: changes on I feel closer to my husband, what I've
Speaker 3: did really early on in my in my journey was
Speaker 3: I'd plan a date night. I'd plan a date night.
Speaker 3: It would be tricky to find someone, you know, to
Speaker 3: come and have two kids who can put them to bed,
Speaker 3: because they're paining the ass to put to bed sometimes
Speaker 3: I was still breastfeeding. I would it would be sort
Speaker 3: of like this big ordeal to organize, and you'd finally
Speaker 3: get it organized. You know, it might be in a
Speaker 3: week or two weeks, and by the time that you
Speaker 3: actually get to date night, I've built up these expectations
Speaker 3: of how I want this night to go in my head,
Speaker 3: like I know what conversations I want to have. I
Speaker 3: know that I want to feel like totally in love
Speaker 3: with my husband again. I want to have really deep
Speaker 3: and many feel conversations that I built up this night
Speaker 3: so big in my head that the reality of it
Speaker 3: was these expectations are you know, ridiculous and they're not
Speaker 3: very realistic. So then after date night, I end up
Speaker 3: more disappointed than I am connected to my husband, and
Speaker 3: it just feels like, well, a big waste of time,
Speaker 3: and I'm back on, you know, three steps backwards. But
Speaker 3: when it comes to the one percent, I've learned, like,
Speaker 3: for example, if I want to feel closer to my husband,
Speaker 3: a one percent, an example might be getting up off
Speaker 3: wherever I am and greeting him with a kiss as
Speaker 3: soon as he gets home, like instead of here's a baby,
Speaker 3: see you later, Hey babe, kiss, how are you going? Like?
Speaker 3: That is a one percent, But because they're so easy
Speaker 3: to do, they're so easy not to do, because we
Speaker 3: don't get any instant results or any instant feedback that
Speaker 3: this is working. So you know, I could not I
Speaker 3: could miss a day of greeting my husband when he
Speaker 3: gets home, and I think, oh, it doesn't matter, it's
Speaker 3: it's fine. But that's a decision and that will COMPI
Speaker 3: compound over time, and I'll feel more distant. So I
Speaker 3: talk about my obsession with butter in the book George,
Speaker 3: where I took about how much other butter? Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I also because my husband rang me yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Also have an obsession with butter, so I resonate.
Speaker 3: My husband rang me and he's like, oh, you've got
Speaker 3: a supermarket today, baby, and I'm like, oh, I wasn't
Speaker 3: going to. And he's like, well we're out of butter,
Speaker 3: and he's like, you won't cope tomorrow morning if we
Speaker 3: don't have any, and I was like, oh, yeah, no,
Speaker 3: I'll make job. I'll make time to go to see Muggs.
Speaker 3: But when it comes to like making change, like say
Speaker 3: I want to cut back on my butter, do I
Speaker 3: really I don't think I really want to. But let's
Speaker 3: just say, for the sake of this conversation, I want
Speaker 3: to cut back off my butter, going cold turkey or
Speaker 3: making a big change. And can I just say that
Speaker 3: it's just been Easter and we've just had hot gotspuns,
Speaker 3: so you can't not get around the butter. But let's
Speaker 3: just say, for the sake of it, I want to
Speaker 3: give up and want to make changes with my relationship,
Speaker 3: with my disgusting relationship with butter. Asking me to do
Speaker 3: it all at once, like cold turkey. No, I'm not
Speaker 3: even interested in doing that, but I could try, and
Speaker 3: it might last a week maybe two if my willpower
Speaker 3: stays really strong and we don't go through Easter time.
Speaker 3: But if you ask me to just put one percent back,
Speaker 3: even I can do that, Like I can put one
Speaker 3: percent of the butter back, and it might probably a
Speaker 3: normal person probably wouldn't be able to tell it. It
Speaker 3: would feel like I'm not making any difference. But I
Speaker 3: tell you what, if I put one percent back every
Speaker 3: single day in a year, I'm three hundred and sixty
Speaker 3: five times better than I was. And that's just math. Like,
Speaker 3: think about what about compound interest, Like it's going to
Speaker 3: build and build, and the better I get, the better
Speaker 3: the better gets. So that's sort of how I sort
Speaker 3: of talk about the one percent and how the small
Speaker 3: things really are the big things even when they don't
Speaker 3: they don't feel like it or we don't notice it,
Speaker 3: but they're easy to do and they're super easy not
Speaker 3: to do, so that's sometimes how we really miss them.
Speaker 1: I love this conversation and it's funny because I was
Speaker 1: even thinking about this something that me and Timothy have
Speaker 1: started doing. Prior to IVY. We used to have this
Speaker 1: tradition and it was Sunday beach coffee where we were
Speaker 1: you know, five hundred meters from the beach, or we
Speaker 1: either walk or drive and we'd get a coffee and
Speaker 1: we'd sit in this exact same spot. It was like
Speaker 1: in house in front of a house that we absolutely loved,
Speaker 1: and we would spend hours on the beach on our
Speaker 1: Sunday morning discussing, having deep conversations, and it was such
Speaker 1: it was like, you know, it was very sacred. We
Speaker 1: would both never plan anything on a Sunday morning. It
Speaker 1: was like our thing. And then since having Ivy, that obviously,
Speaker 1: you know, dropped away because it's really hard to get
Speaker 1: a baby to the beach and try and have a
Speaker 1: deep conversation when they're feeding or crying and all the things.
Speaker 1: So that dropped away, and I remember kind of, you know, thinking, oh,
Speaker 1: that was something really special in our relationship. But it's like,
Speaker 1: I just don't see how that kind of happens. And
Speaker 1: so what we have been doing recently is when I
Speaker 1: wake up on a Sunday, we naturally just awake earlier,
Speaker 1: so it's usually like an hour before Ivy gets up,
Speaker 1: and I straight away don't go on my phone, don't
Speaker 1: do anything like that. I straight away get up, I
Speaker 1: make me and Tim a coffee, and then I go
Speaker 1: upstairs open the blinds. We are, you know, so grateful
Speaker 1: to have water views, and we look at the ocean
Speaker 1: together and we have that conversation. Now, sometimes Ivy wakes
Speaker 1: up ten minutes later and so we've had ten minutes.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we might get half an hour. And I did
Speaker 1: notice my brain kind of going, oh, is this even
Speaker 1: worth it? I won't even bother, But I was like, no,
Speaker 1: that that actually matters, That ten minutes matters, that intention
Speaker 1: of us, you know, creating that space together matters. And
Speaker 1: then how beautiful now that you know Ivy then Joys
Speaker 1: joins us for a little bit, and then she gets
Speaker 1: a bit crazy and we have to go downstairs. But
Speaker 1: it's about realizing, yeah, those small moments actually matter, and
Speaker 1: even I think, especially in motherhood, even though it's not
Speaker 1: going to look like you could previously with making changes,
Speaker 1: because previously, for example, if you wanted to get on
Speaker 1: a health kick, well you could go out Sunday, you
Speaker 1: could meal prep, you could plan your workouts for the week,
Speaker 1: and you could do a big change in a small
Speaker 1: amount of time and feel very accomplished. But those sorts
Speaker 1: of things when you're a mother, like they're usually just
Speaker 1: not as available to you. I don't like to, you know,
Speaker 1: use limiting articulation around it, but it's kind of just
Speaker 1: what the truth is. So I love that you brought
Speaker 1: this to the table because even those small, small changes
Speaker 1: is going to make a big difference, especially over time.
Speaker 1: But if you straight away discredit them because they're small,
Speaker 1: you're doing you and your family such disservice.
Speaker 3: That's such a beautiful Sunday you know routine that you've
Speaker 3: got going on. That's so nice. Thank you. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: love that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's and that's the thing is like sometimes it's
Speaker 1: you know, can be a bit chaotic and it's not
Speaker 1: exactly what I wanted, but again sometimes it's really beautiful,
Speaker 1: and I think that's that's the point.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: To finish off, I would love to talk to you
Speaker 1: about out our emotions of our children, because you know,
Speaker 1: Ivy's a toddler now and she's thrown the tantrums. She's
Speaker 1: got big emotions and she's figuring it all out. And
Speaker 1: it's quite lucky because I have been doing some like
Speaker 1: aware parenting courses and you know, really digging into what
Speaker 1: she's mirroring that's triggering me and I loved how you
Speaker 1: touched on this in the book, And I remember a
Speaker 1: part when you were talking about when Zepha was about
Speaker 1: two and a half years old, and you know, he's
Speaker 1: expressing a wide variety of emotions, and it was very
Speaker 1: triggering to you because you express that you suppressed your
Speaker 1: emotions and I was the exact same, you know, just
Speaker 1: in the environment that I was brought up in. So
Speaker 1: I'd love for you to touch on how we can
Speaker 1: kind of navigate these moments and why it's so important
Speaker 1: for us to actually like lean into our children children
Speaker 1: expressing their emotions.
Speaker 3: First of all, sending love and patience to you, because
Speaker 3: it's not an easy time.
Speaker 1: Toddler's very fun.
Speaker 3: They're a new you know, They're just a whole different ballgame,
Speaker 3: aren't they. And I always approach this question with the
Speaker 3: viewpoint of the mother and coming back to the mum,
Speaker 3: because I think what it is really saying is that
Speaker 3: our children having these emotions, but it's what it triggers
Speaker 3: in us that's the hard part. So if my son
Speaker 3: is screaming and he is having a hard time, is
Speaker 3: really angry quite often, the hard part is how I
Speaker 3: feel in that moment, how I'm feeling when he's like that,
Speaker 3: and I just want him to stop because I want
Speaker 3: the feelings within me to stop. So I think you're right.
Speaker 3: Kids are like this mirror that really shine back on us.
Speaker 3: And what a beautiful you know, aren't they? Don't they
Speaker 3: just give us this, you know, such eliquent opportunity to
Speaker 3: work on ourselves and really expose our shadows. And it
Speaker 3: is it's parts of myself that I hit in the
Speaker 3: shadows for a really long time that I didn't want
Speaker 3: to admit that I had these parts of myself, so
Speaker 3: I didn't want to know it. And so to have
Speaker 3: someone say, hey, I'm evoking this emotion in you, it's
Speaker 3: time that you better start dealing with it and get
Speaker 3: it out of the cupboard. It's really hard, and particularly
Speaker 3: the most you know, anger, I feel like I've been
Speaker 3: such I've had lots of lovely opportunities, thank you to
Speaker 3: my children, to get in touch with my anger and
Speaker 3: build a healthier relationship with it, because for a long
Speaker 3: time I didn't have any relationship with it. I didn't
Speaker 3: want to admit that I did get angry. I didn't
Speaker 3: want to ever feel angry because anger is, you know,
Speaker 3: it's bad and oh it makes you bad mum if
Speaker 3: you get angry. But I've learned sort of over time
Speaker 3: how to manage my kids' big emotions, and it's not
Speaker 3: really so much to do with them, it's to do
Speaker 3: with how I'm feeling in that moment. And as we
Speaker 3: sort of had the conversation just before, is kids feel
Speaker 3: our energy and they breed off our vibe. So I
Speaker 3: quickly learned that my goal wasn't to stay calm, it
Speaker 3: was to stay present. So if i'm you know, my
Speaker 3: son's having some really big emotions, I want to be
Speaker 3: there with him to help him navigate that and help
Speaker 3: to support it. But the hardest part is by navigating
Speaker 3: my own emotions during that time. So if i feel
Speaker 3: like I'm about to lose my shit because he's screaming,
Speaker 3: my ears are starting to bleacause I can't get him
Speaker 3: to stop, or my they're all they're fighting. They always fight,
Speaker 3: as literally WrestleMania over here, all this all the time.
Speaker 3: It can be like, oh my god, just stop, like
Speaker 3: just stop, like I've learned to. I've had to learn
Speaker 3: because if I'm having a hard time as a mum,
Speaker 3: it's not like I can go all right, I've had enough,
Speaker 3: I'm going to a yoga class. I'm getting in the car,
Speaker 3: see you later, because they need me there, like I'm
Speaker 3: mummy in that moment. So I've had to learn strategies
Speaker 3: in real time to navigate that, And for me, it's
Speaker 3: been like I asked myself three question. Number one, what
Speaker 3: sensations do I feel in my body right now? Quite
Speaker 3: often my jaw is clenched, my fists are clean, like
Speaker 3: I'm clenching my fists, I feel uneasy in my stomach,
Speaker 3: and quite often just noticing dropping out of my mind
Speaker 3: and into my body helps me to stay present in
Speaker 3: that moment. The second question I ask is what do
Speaker 3: I know about this part of myself? Like is this
Speaker 3: a familiar feeling? Have I felt this before? Is this
Speaker 3: perhaps a childhood wound that that I'm sort of working on?
Speaker 3: And then number three is what does this part of
Speaker 3: me need right now? And quite often she just needs
Speaker 3: to feel seen or heard, Like you know, I'm cleaning
Speaker 3: up the sauce that's been dropped on my couch for
Speaker 3: the fourth time, and no one's watching, and no one's
Speaker 3: seeing how hard I'm working, And quite often I just
Speaker 3: need someone to say I see you and I feel you,
Speaker 3: and so so many times I just put my hands
Speaker 3: on my chest and I say, what do I need? Like,
Speaker 3: what do I need right now? And if I can
Speaker 3: give it to myself, I will, and then I can
Speaker 3: sort of I'll navigate my kids' emotions in that time.
Speaker 3: But sometimes it's not always like that, Like I certainly
Speaker 3: have had a conflict with I want to stay with
Speaker 3: my children while they're having this hard time because I
Speaker 3: want to show them that I love them unconditionally. I
Speaker 3: love them when they're happy, I love them when they behave,
Speaker 3: and I also love them when they're the devil. I
Speaker 3: want to show them that I want to show them
Speaker 3: how to navigate these emotions healthy. I want to be
Speaker 3: there with you. But also like I've had a metal
Speaker 3: car throw it at my head and sometimes it's not
Speaker 3: safe for me to hang around so I can say
Speaker 3: to my son, you know you're hurting, mummy, I'm going
Speaker 3: to give you some space. And when that comes back
Speaker 3: to you when you're four year old comes up to
Speaker 3: you and says we had a hard time before, didn't we, mum,
Speaker 3: Or I'm sorry for hitting you, mum, Like it just
Speaker 3: feels so good, and it makes those hard times really
Speaker 3: worth it when you stick it out and become really
Speaker 3: in touch with what triggers you. But I also do
Speaker 3: feel like if I if I said to you, George,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna give you a million dollars if you make
Speaker 3: a halfway shot basketball, Like if you stand in the
Speaker 3: middle of the court and you make a basketball shot,
Speaker 3: I'll give you a million dollars and we'll do it
Speaker 3: in a month. We'll do that shot in the month.
Speaker 3: I'll give you a chance. If I asked you when
Speaker 3: would you start practicing, like, what would you say now?
Speaker 3: You would say right now.
Speaker 1: I'd say.
Speaker 3: So. The point that I make there is you know
Speaker 3: you don't you have to do work on yourself and
Speaker 3: do these practices not in the moment that you need them.
Speaker 3: So things for me like cold therapy, breastwork have been
Speaker 3: really helpful, nervous system flexibility training, that stuff has been
Speaker 3: really helpful in the spaces between when I actually need
Speaker 3: them because they broaden my capacity to hold my emotions
Speaker 3: and my stress. But what they also do is they
Speaker 3: help me move from I'm stressed out, I want to
Speaker 3: yell and quickly back into connection and regulation. But over
Speaker 3: time I've just been. I've also learned that it's not
Speaker 3: about you know, how calm I, how calm I stay at,
Speaker 3: how present I am in those emotions, and how self
Speaker 3: compassionate I am. Because I lose, I lose my shit.
Speaker 3: I tell you like, I can yell and I can throw.
Speaker 3: I've known to throwing poor old Wags, the dog, the
Speaker 3: teddy at the wall when I've gotten really angry. But
Speaker 3: I used to. I used to feel I used to
Speaker 3: beat myself up for that. Boy, did I beat myself
Speaker 3: up for that. I'm a horrible mum, not only for
Speaker 3: getting angry, but for also letting my children see me
Speaker 3: get so mad. But my kids are incredible. I'm proud
Speaker 3: that they have seen me get angry, and I've proud
Speaker 3: that they've seen me manage that in a healthy, conscious way.
Speaker 3: And there's a difference between losing control my anger and
Speaker 3: expressing my anger consciously. So if I let my kids
Speaker 3: see me like, oh, I'm just so angry, like I
Speaker 3: just need to get this out of my body, like,
Speaker 3: I'm proud that they can see me do that and
Speaker 3: to come back into regulation. Because when my son gets angry,
Speaker 3: i'd like him to express it in a healthy way,
Speaker 3: and he's seen it and he's witnessed me do it
Speaker 3: in a really safe way. So and I also like
Speaker 3: the fact that my kids know I've got another level,
Speaker 3: like Mummy can turn it on when she needs to.
Speaker 3: So if I need protecting or if I need I
Speaker 3: need the beast, Mum's got it in her. Like if
Speaker 3: I'm calm and serene all the time, I'd like them
Speaker 3: to know that, you know, if push comes to shove,
Speaker 3: Mum's got my back. He's I've seen it, I've seen
Speaker 3: what she can do, and if I play my cards right,
Speaker 3: she might be on my team. So I like that
Speaker 3: about it too. And for so long I would just
Speaker 3: beat myself up for feeling angry and forgetting like that,
Speaker 3: but I don't anymore. I sort of hold space for that,
Speaker 3: and I'm proud of the way that my kids have
Speaker 3: responded to that in a way that they're sort of
Speaker 3: starting to mimic that as well. But we did have
Speaker 3: a lightning McQueen metal car throne at the TV the
Speaker 3: other day the other week before we had to get
Speaker 3: a baby, so you know, I'm certainly not all right.
Speaker 3: We claimed it our insurance. We've got a better TV
Speaker 3: in the end. But you know, I'm not up, certainly
Speaker 3: not perfect, but I'm you know, it's not about for me,
Speaker 3: It's not about being perfect. It's about how much self
Speaker 3: compassion I can hold for myself and have my kids
Speaker 3: do the same and witness me making mistakes and then
Speaker 3: saying sorry if I need to, and even saying sorry
Speaker 3: to my kids, because quite often it's a you know,
Speaker 3: it's a power thing. Mummy is more important than me.
Speaker 3: She's bigger, she's you know, Whereas when I come down
Speaker 3: to my kids level, I look them in the eye
Speaker 3: and I say, I'm sorry for yelling at you, mate,
Speaker 3: And then that comes back to me to have my
Speaker 3: three year old come up and say sorry for hitting you,
Speaker 3: Like that's pretty that's pretty powerful, and then it sort
Speaker 3: of like makes it all worth it.
Speaker 1: It's funny. When you were talking about it, I was
Speaker 1: really reflecting on an interesting thing that me and Tim
Speaker 1: are navigating, or have navigated, was personally. I grew up
Speaker 1: in a family where my parents would never show any
Speaker 1: arguments or disagreements between them. They would always be like
Speaker 1: very unified, and then you'd kind of hear them yelling
Speaker 1: in the bedroom kind of thing. Like not, you would
Speaker 1: never see it. You kind of know what happens, but
Speaker 1: you'd never see it. And then Tim's parents are kind
Speaker 1: of a little bit opposite where there was arguing in
Speaker 1: front of you and they don't hold back sort of thing.
Speaker 1: And what I found was, you know, I personally didn't
Speaker 1: know how to navigate disagreements with Tim because I was like,
Speaker 1: I'd never seen it, if that makes sense. So I
Speaker 1: was like, is this normal for me to be feel
Speaker 1: this angry? How do I then talk to him? And
Speaker 1: Tim was kind of the same, but on the board
Speaker 1: spectrum of you know, let's really yell at each other
Speaker 1: and it's fine in two minutes, because that's what was
Speaker 1: reflected to him. So it's also realizing if your child
Speaker 1: never sees you get angry, if you're just calm, collected
Speaker 1: and darling, it's okay and blah blah blah, they're never
Speaker 1: going to be like, oh, so mom never expresses anger.
Speaker 1: So if I have anger and I express it, I'm wrong.
Speaker 1: And that's also not the vibe. And I think it's
Speaker 1: also you know, for me and Tim, it's about finding
Speaker 1: how do we have these discussions and disagreements in a
Speaker 1: very healthy way. And I think that's a big thing
Speaker 1: that I want to work on with i'v in her
Speaker 1: emotions and also making sure I'm not hiding myself or
Speaker 1: I'm not watering myself down, because then that's just going
Speaker 1: to model to her of she she should do the.
Speaker 3: Same one hundred and how you know, I think it's
Speaker 3: okay if your kids see you fight, as long as
Speaker 3: they see you reconcile. And it's okay if they see
Speaker 3: you get angry as long as they show you if
Speaker 3: you show them how to make amends or how to
Speaker 3: express anger where you don't hurt anyone. We're currently learning
Speaker 3: how to throw pillows instead of you know, metal cars.
Speaker 3: So you know, it's like I can't like think about
Speaker 3: it as like a rather band. It's stretched back so tight.
Speaker 3: And then I'm like, no, don't let it go. You
Speaker 3: have to stay like that. I want him to let
Speaker 3: it go. I need to let it go, but I
Speaker 3: need to do it in a way that's sort of healthy.
Speaker 3: So I'm walking around hitting pillows saying that when I'm angry,
Speaker 3: so that when he gets angry, that's something that he
Speaker 3: knows he can do where you know, so you know
Speaker 3: it's okay. One hundred percent. I agree, as long as
Speaker 3: they see that they full loop exactly, loop exactly. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so true, so true, Emily. I'd like to ask you
Speaker 3: two last questions.
Speaker 1: So the first one is and I would very much
Speaker 1: describe you as a mom doing motherhood on her own terms.
Speaker 1: And I would love for you to share with the
Speaker 1: audience what is your favorite part of being, you know,
Speaker 1: a mom and doing your life on your own terms.
Speaker 3: I love that, Thank you, It's a big compliment. I
Speaker 3: like it. I think making my own rules, I love that.
Speaker 3: And I and my motto lately and from a community
Speaker 3: has been using lessons from motherhood or from mom life
Speaker 3: to create our life, and manifesting is a big part
Speaker 3: of that, George, with you know, actually deciding now what
Speaker 3: life we want to create, because I don't think I've
Speaker 3: ever had apart from motherhood. Motherhood has made me so
Speaker 3: clear on what I want. It's made me so clear
Speaker 3: on what's important to me. Never have I been clear
Speaker 3: about the legacy that I want to leave. So if
Speaker 3: I am learning these lessons in motherhood, it's because I'm
Speaker 3: meant to learn them and I'm create my life from them.
Speaker 3: And like we said before, like if when we experience these,
Speaker 3: you know, uncomfortable emotions, it really exposues to us what's
Speaker 3: important to us. And so that's living life on my terms,
Speaker 3: is creating my life. And I used to think I
Speaker 3: couldn't do it with kids. I used to think, I'll
Speaker 3: live my life and i'll be I'll have my career
Speaker 3: and then I'll have my kids. But it's both. I
Speaker 3: can have both. I can be a mom and a
Speaker 3: fucking boss. I can be a mom because I am
Speaker 3: and because I'm a mom. That's why I'm a boss.
Speaker 3: Because I'm a mom. That's why I'd be able to
Speaker 3: create the life that I have. And early on in
Speaker 3: my maiden self thought that I couldn't have both. I
Speaker 3: had to have one or the other. Had to be
Speaker 3: a mom or or I couldn't have kids. I had
Speaker 3: and I could live my own life. But that is
Speaker 3: not my experience. I'm living the life I want to
Speaker 3: live because I have my children and because of the
Speaker 3: lessons that they've taught me and because of the right
Speaker 3: of passage that they've made me go through to be
Speaker 3: who I am today.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's incredible. It's so like, it's so
Speaker 1: correct too. It's our silly little minds creating the illusion
Speaker 1: that we can't have at all, and we're not. We're
Speaker 1: not doing it here, especially on this podcast. So I
Speaker 1: appreciate that. And the very last question, what is the
Speaker 1: best piece of advice you've ever been given?
Speaker 3: Good one? So this I have this thought of when
Speaker 3: I first found out that I was pregnant with Knox,
Speaker 3: my second child, I was only I was only five
Speaker 3: months postpartum, and I was freaking the fuck out, if
Speaker 3: I'm honest, and I was getting my nails done. I
Speaker 3: was because I was like, oh my god, motherhood is
Speaker 3: so fucking hard. I'm not having another one until Zephyr's
Speaker 3: in school, in high school, and then I'll have another one,
Speaker 3: like that was the plan. And then to be pregnant
Speaker 3: at five months it was like I could not imagine.
Speaker 3: It took a lot, it took a lot of navigating,
Speaker 3: and then it came with the guilty of oh my god.
Speaker 3: My first reaction wasn't happy as anyway, q Q the
Speaker 3: guilt trip and I was in the nail salon and
Speaker 3: I was sitting next to this really gorgeous old lady.
Speaker 3: So you know those older ladies at the nail salon,
Speaker 3: where they they have their weekly appointment. Everyone knows their
Speaker 3: name and they have just fabulous nails and fabulous hair.
Speaker 3: We just got chatting and she said to me, if
Speaker 3: you're busy with one, you might as well be busy
Speaker 3: with two. And ever since she said that, I was like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, right, I'm busy with one, I might
Speaker 3: as well be busy with two. And that just helped
Speaker 3: me process everything. So that's something that stands out to
Speaker 3: me for sure.
Speaker 1: I love that so much. That's actually like me and
Speaker 1: him laugh all the time because before we got pregnant
Speaker 1: with Ivy, we had a long trying to conceive journey,
Speaker 1: and we actually remember ourselves being like we'd love to
Speaker 1: have twins, and then like we had Ivy, we by god,
Speaker 1: like we grow Yeah, like we were like, let's do
Speaker 1: it and you but it's so true because we you know,
Speaker 1: we are probably gonna have two kids. So it's like
Speaker 1: we're like, let's just smash it out. And that's so true,
Speaker 1: Like you just you smacked it out.
Speaker 3: Yes, on identical between George, there's a little bit of
Speaker 3: an insight scoop. There's two of me.
Speaker 1: I know I did get that tripped out when I
Speaker 1: was on your socials. I was like, what's happening right now?
Speaker 3: But that was like one of the first things when
Speaker 3: we were pregnant. Now we're like, holy fuck, go get
Speaker 3: a scam. There's not doing there is there Like no thanks, that's.
Speaker 1: Just incredible and honestly, congratulations with your third pregnancy. That
Speaker 1: that's amazing you you are Seriously you're super bumpered.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you, Emily.
Speaker 1: This has just been the most beautiful chat. I appreciate
Speaker 1: so much. I will chuck all the links for your
Speaker 1: beautiful book Like a Mother in the show notes and
Speaker 1: your socials so everyone can go and find you. But
Speaker 1: do you want to just let the RNC community know
Speaker 1: where you are?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, amazing, thank you. I've had such a
Speaker 3: fun time. And I said this to you before we
Speaker 3: pressed for record. I was like, I know, I haven't really
Speaker 3: spoken to you in real like actual time, but I
Speaker 3: feel like I just know you and I feel like
Speaker 3: they're friends already because of, you know, getting to know
Speaker 3: each other on socials and being in each other's community.
Speaker 3: So yeah, you can get in side my sole Nation membership.
Speaker 3: You can just go to Emilyeast dot com dot au
Speaker 3: if that's exciting for you, and then yeah, just the
Speaker 3: best ways to probably reach out on my socials as well.
Speaker 3: But I always love hearing from from readers and from
Speaker 3: and from people, so you know, hit me.
Speaker 1: Up amazing and ah, it has been such a pleasure,
Speaker 1: and we look we're best friends, so I feel the
Speaker 1: exact same way. Thank you so much, Emily, Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to another episode of
Speaker 1: the Rise and Conquer podcast. If you enjoyed it and
Speaker 1: want more, come connect with us on Instagram at Risinconquer
Speaker 1: dot podcast and join us Facebook discussion group, a Rise
Speaker 1: and Conquer podcast community. We're an independent podcast and we
Speaker 1: have a small team, so we do appreciate your time
Speaker 1: and support. If you have a spare moment, a follow
Speaker 1: or subscribe on whatever platform you listen to would be
Speaker 1: so amazing. And look, if you're feeling extra kind, a
Speaker 1: review on Apple Podcasts would be great.