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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just answers?

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Speaker 1: Now?

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Speaker 3: Well, another big night. Last night on Parental Guidance Season two,

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Speaker 3: episode five, Kylie, we were introduced to five sorry five

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Speaker 3: four it's getting a little bit clay five. There is

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Speaker 3: no intruder. It's episode five four four new four new

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Speaker 3: parenting styles sat on the couch and showed us their stuff.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: The conversation we had last night on the couch was,

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Speaker 2: do you know in about four or five years, I

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Speaker 2: could audition for this? Actually, maybe Chanelle should do it.

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Speaker 3: Our kids are literally saying, can I go on the show?

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Speaker 3: One of the kids said that if I went on

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Speaker 3: the show, would that be okay? Would you be okay?

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Speaker 3: If I was on the show with you? I'm like,

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Speaker 3: oh gosh, can we just let's just get if the

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Speaker 3: show's still on in ten years, let's have that conversation then.

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Speaker 2: But anyway, we digress. We were introduced to the Slow Parents.

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Speaker 2: Chris and Philippo.

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Speaker 5: Slogroun you Braus is just being really intentional about getting

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Speaker 5: rid of the craziness in our schedule.

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Speaker 4: What shall we leave some muddy pimes? Okay, I think

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Speaker 4: One of the best parts is allowing them to enjoy

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Speaker 4: their childhood and learn and play rather than instructing them

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Speaker 4: constantly from school and then after school activities.

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Speaker 2: There's the American parents Kim and Nick.

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Speaker 1: With American parenting, we tend to set the bar high.

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Speaker 1: You can still do it. Push, push, and then weep

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Speaker 1: from the child to meet the expectation and then set

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Speaker 1: it higher and higher.

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Speaker 3: Well done, good job.

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Speaker 2: Then we had the roads school parents Amy and John.

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Speaker 5: As road school parents, we live in our caravan and

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Speaker 5: travel full time and we homeschool.

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Speaker 3: What do we do up here?

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Speaker 1: That's the key? Or Claire, we went four wheel driving

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Speaker 1: before road schooling.

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Speaker 3: Our kids were so caught up in the rat race

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Speaker 3: and being able to take a backward step because there's

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Speaker 3: so much more time to be able to spend with

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Speaker 3: the kids.

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Speaker 1: That's way better.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And lastly the unstructured parents Malady and Michael.

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Speaker 6: The life of the musician is unstructured. Every day is

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Speaker 6: completely different. So we're firm believers in child led parenting.

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Speaker 3: Are you going to sing with me?

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Speaker 4: Booboo?

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Speaker 6: We kind of let the kids steer the ship when

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Speaker 6: we can. We like to give our children autonomy over

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Speaker 6: their own decisions.

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Speaker 3: Can we do the thing where it's like everyone else

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Speaker 3: is seeing different parts that.

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Speaker 1: That's really cool in the back home.

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Speaker 3: I love so much what happened in this episode, But

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Speaker 3: before we talk about it, and there are just two

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Speaker 3: things that I want to talk about as much as

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Speaker 3: we could dive into heaps of other stuff. I want

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Speaker 3: to talk about the putting the swing set together, and

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Speaker 3: I want to talk about the delivery driver knocking on

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Speaker 3: the door and saying, hey, can I come in and

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Speaker 3: put this heavy item on the kitchen bench. But before

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Speaker 3: we do any of that, there's something that Tansey said

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Speaker 3: right towards the end of the episode. Tensey, one of

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Speaker 3: the outback parents, said this great thing, and I just

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Speaker 3: want to put a great, big neon sign flashing everywhere

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Speaker 3: every time we talk about this show and we talk

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Speaker 3: about parenting generally.

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Speaker 1: There are no bad parents here. Everyone just does it differently.

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Speaker 6: They all want the.

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Speaker 1: Same amount up.

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Speaker 2: I absolutely loved what she said and the acknowledgment that

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Speaker 2: every person in that room is doing the best job

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Speaker 2: that they can. And the conversation I'm having with my

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Speaker 2: friends is just I'm watching these parents and as things unfold,

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Speaker 2: literally feel like I'm being taken back in time to

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Speaker 2: a moment where I fell apart, or I got it wrong,

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Speaker 2: or in some cases got it right, and I'm right

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Speaker 2: there with them. I know what it feels like to

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Speaker 2: be in that position. The only difference is some of

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Speaker 2: us don't actually even think that there's anything wrong with

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Speaker 2: those decisions. Some of us are quite comfortable being there.

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Speaker 2: And yet with all of the exploration that you and

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Speaker 2: I have done, have recognized that they're only better ways

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Speaker 2: to do things from time to time, and being in

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Speaker 2: that position now and going, oh, I really stuff that up.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I can, Maybe I can try again, because it's

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Speaker 2: not about beating yourself up. The more we beat ourselves up,

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Speaker 2: the worst we feel about ourselves, and then we actually

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Speaker 2: don't bring our best to the table at all. But

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Speaker 2: it's ex acknowledging that, oh, there is definitely a better

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Speaker 2: way we could do this.

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Speaker 3: And the great thing about the show is that I'm

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Speaker 3: going to have lots of opportunities. Great thing about life

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Speaker 3: is you get the opportunities. But the show gives us

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Speaker 3: It's this mirror. It says, here's what people struggle with.

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Speaker 3: So let's talk about one of those struggles. I think

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Speaker 3: that there was so much to talk about with the

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Speaker 3: here's a swing set, you've got two hours to put

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Speaker 3: it together. As a family away, you go, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: what that needs to come to this side? All right, well,

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Speaker 3: let's do it. Do you want to hand or do

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Speaker 3: you want to do it on your own?

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Speaker 4: I just want to cry.

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Speaker 2: Can I just say last season it was a beach hut.

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Speaker 2: This is a big deal building a swing set with

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Speaker 2: all those nuts and bolts and what do you call

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Speaker 2: those things?

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Speaker 3: Little allan keys? No, you're you're holding up your hand

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Speaker 3: like I know what that's it?

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Speaker 2: A round disc? What do you call them?

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Speaker 1: Washes?

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Speaker 2: Washes? Yes, there's so many bits and pieces.

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Speaker 1: And then you've got little hands.

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Speaker 3: Who want to hell hearing you even say this. You

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Speaker 3: don't even know how to describe what a washer is.

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Speaker 3: And I'm thinking, how would we do this? I was

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Speaker 3: so glad. I can't.

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Speaker 2: You would have failed miserably.

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Speaker 3: Not think of a word.

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Speaker 2: You can't deal with pictures, You can't. You just don't

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Speaker 2: to it.

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Speaker 3: I hate those instructions and I hate building things. I

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Speaker 3: do actually just pay the trades person to come over

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Speaker 3: and build them for us. When we've done in the

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Speaker 3: past like one of those spring free trampolines.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I would never attempt to sprink.

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Speaker 3: I just I just hate the guy. I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 3: not even gonna fix it, which makes me feel like

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Speaker 3: a complete failure while we're talking about, which means that

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Speaker 3: we can say whatever we want about everyone else because

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Speaker 3: we would have failed far worse.

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Speaker 2: Oh, one hundred percent.

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Speaker 3: The first one that I want to talk about, though,

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Speaker 3: is the way Kim and Nick, our American parents, approached this.

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Speaker 3: Here hold us for doubt here, Yeah, okay, now, we're

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Speaker 3: going to be careful.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing this right now. Yeah, I'll just stay out

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Speaker 1: of the way. You've got to get this done, and

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Speaker 1: we're going to do it right. You know, We've got

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Speaker 1: to do it well. We've got to finish it.

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Speaker 3: Kylie, I'm going to dive in here before you say anything,

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Speaker 3: because I can see you reaching for woods but you're

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Speaker 3: not quite sure what to say. I chafed. I chafed

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Speaker 3: at watching Kim and Nick do this now again, there

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Speaker 3: are no bad parents on this show, great family, and

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Speaker 3: they also acknowledged in the room, you're getting the goal

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Speaker 3: matters more than our child's participation. We had to build

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Speaker 3: this and we had to build it right and we

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Speaker 3: had to get it done on time.

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Speaker 2: That's the American way, right there is there's always a goal,

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Speaker 2: and it's about reaching that goal no matter what. But

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Speaker 2: in their defense, I am that mum in the kitchen.

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Speaker 2: Just let me just let me do what I've got

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Speaker 2: to do. I've got to get to the other end.

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Speaker 2: You have that laundry or whatever.

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Speaker 3: The Christmas tree. You are that mum with the Christmas tree.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so this is not about Kim and Nick. This

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Speaker 2: is actually just about an acknowledgment when we're in those situations,

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Speaker 2: is the goal more important than the actual process and

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Speaker 2: the opportunity we have to connect with our kids?

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Speaker 3: And watching it, watching it said to me this is

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Speaker 3: what control does. Yeah, as you watch peer shrink back

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Speaker 3: when mum says no, no, no, I just need to do this,

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Speaker 3: and being given these unimportant tasks, I think that we.

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Speaker 1: Could have given PM more responsibility. That we were on

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Speaker 1: a time crunch.

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Speaker 4: It's harder and then I need the ball and someone

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Speaker 4: threaded on me, I'll do it.

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Speaker 1: Per you hold this.

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Speaker 3: It does something to the psyche of the child. And

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Speaker 3: the great thing about the show is that we get

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Speaker 3: to have that mirror held up and Kim and Nick

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Speaker 3: could see that. But Kim also said, but the goal

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Speaker 3: has to be met. I get it, I can see it,

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Speaker 3: but I still have to control the outcome. I have

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Speaker 3: to win. Contrast, I was going to say, let's compare

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Speaker 3: that to philipri and Chris, our slow parents.

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Speaker 5: We realized pretty quickly we're outnumbered in terms of delegating

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Speaker 5: tasks because they're quite tricky. So Chris worked with Peyton.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which way do you trust it on?

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Speaker 4: Lefty lucy, righty, tidy?

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Speaker 5: And I worked with Brier smartin it went up. It

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Speaker 5: was always going to be hard to keep Avery engaged

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Speaker 5: because she's only four and it's quite tricky tasks that

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Speaker 5: are outside of her development level. Do you want to

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Speaker 5: play in the cardboard box where?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think you put Melody and Michael into the

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Speaker 2: same boat there.

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Speaker 3: Here's what happened with them.

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Speaker 6: I think we're really good at enjoying the process of things.

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Speaker 1: You might drill my leg or something.

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Speaker 6: No, the drills nowhere near leg, babes, all right, I

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Speaker 6: would much rather that than the goal be met at

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Speaker 6: the end.

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Speaker 2: And so we've got this amazingly like on the Continuum

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Speaker 2: You've got these families complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

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Speaker 2: There is no goal here at all except for let's

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Speaker 2: just see where this goes.

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Speaker 3: Connection, connection, And this is this is my challenge at

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Speaker 3: a personal level. I'm not talking about the science here.

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Speaker 3: I'm just talking about at a personal level. While I

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Speaker 3: chase at the American way Kim and Nick and their

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Speaker 3: American style, I also chafe at the slow approach and

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Speaker 3: the unstructured approach, because come on, we actually do have

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Speaker 3: to get this thing done. And they did. I mean

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Speaker 3: they worked through it.

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Speaker 2: But in real life. Okay, let's just put this into

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Speaker 2: real context. If we brought home a swing set, but

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Speaker 2: I was setting a time for two hours, it could

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Speaker 2: take us all day. And if your approach is slow.

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Speaker 3: But if it took me all day, I would throw tools.

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Speaker 3: I would lose them.

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, what a waste. But that's because you

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Speaker 2: are goal oriented. That's the difference.

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Speaker 3: I'm incompetent when it comes to building things.

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Speaker 5: Both.

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Speaker 2: It's both though for these other two families, especially the

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Speaker 2: slow parents, I think Chris and Philip are really nailed

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Speaker 2: this whole. We'll just take it as it comes. There

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Speaker 2: was no anxiety at all at any stage of the game.

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Speaker 2: It just didn't happen. They just didn't finish in the timeframe.

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Speaker 2: But I would suggest if they were given time to

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Speaker 2: kind of let this go, it would have continued for hours.

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Speaker 2: They would have got it done, and they actually would

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Speaker 2: have celebrated the fact that they had achieved it, and.

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Speaker 3: They would have enjoyed the slowness of it.

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Speaker 2: That's right. It's all about the process for them as

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Speaker 2: opposed to the end result.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a slow person. You are not.

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Speaker 4: I'm not.

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Speaker 3: I'm not at all. And yet, oh gosh, even hearing

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Speaker 3: you talk about it makes me wish that I could be.

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Speaker 3: But I want to do stuff, I want to achieve stuff,

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Speaker 3: and I want to get it all done today.

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Speaker 2: Malady and Michael's son Miller. Yes, he said such a

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Speaker 2: gorgeous one liner.

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Speaker 4: At this point, it doesn't really matter if we get

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Speaker 4: the swing or not, because we're having fun.

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Speaker 3: I love that.

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Speaker 2: I love that, and I think it really kind of

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Speaker 2: just highlighted how they live life. It really is about

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Speaker 2: that connection and just having fun to get other and

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Speaker 2: being able to do so regardless of the outcome.

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Speaker 3: So let's talk about Amy and John the Road school

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Speaker 3: parents there was some heat. There was some heat coming

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Speaker 3: off mum Amy when things weren't going quite right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where that goes. That's why I left it there, mate,

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Speaker 1: I thought you were.

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Speaker 3: Doing this again.

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Speaker 1: I've got all the pieces. I need you to stop

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Speaker 1: being silly, all.

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Speaker 3: The pieces, I think because we're very alike, he challenged

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Speaker 3: me a lot.

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Speaker 2: Hang on, I'm not going you want me right now

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Speaker 2: because you're not listening to me.

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Speaker 1: Get the book.

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Speaker 3: No, just sit down, Come on, have a workout, you too.

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Speaker 5: You want to give them a sense of responsibility so

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Speaker 5: they feel like they've accomplished something, but in the exact

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Speaker 5: same breath, you just want to punch them in the face.

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Speaker 3: I can't say that I did.

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Speaker 2: What I actually really admire about this was Amy absolutely

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Speaker 2: owned this in a studio.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I yelled a bit.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely owned it. And so often as parents we kind

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Speaker 2: of want to paint a really good picture of how

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Speaker 2: things are, but the reality is we're not like that

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Speaker 2: all the time. And there was an acknowledgment that for her,

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Speaker 2: there is one particular child that kind of just really

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Speaker 2: greats her from time to time because she recognized they

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Speaker 2: are so similar.

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Speaker 3: Do you know how they've got three kids. There's only

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Speaker 3: one particular child. We have six kids. That's all I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: But the critical thing about what Amy and John did

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Speaker 3: here is not only did they own it, but but

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Speaker 3: there was repair. And that's the critical thing because in

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Speaker 3: every relationship, we're going to mess up, we're going to

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Speaker 3: make a big booboo all over the place consistently, and

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Speaker 3: they repaired it, and that is the key.

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Speaker 2: And you can also recognize that this wasn't just TV repair,

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Speaker 2: if that makes sense. There wasn't. It wasn't just because

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Speaker 2: they were on camera. There was a definite recognition that

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Speaker 2: this is something that has done regularly in the home

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Speaker 2: because of the way their son then responded when they

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Speaker 2: realized that there'd been a mishap made in the construction

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Speaker 2: of best swing set.

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Speaker 3: So that was the road school parents and the way

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Speaker 3: they put together their swing set. Kind of hard to

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Speaker 3: work out who we can learn the most from in

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Speaker 3: that challenge, But I think that there's stuff to pull

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Speaker 3: out of every one of those challenges, and that's what

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Speaker 3: I love about this one. And like I said, it

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Speaker 3: would have been an epic fail if we had done it.

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Speaker 2: Before we go on to the next challenge, I just

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Speaker 2: have to bring up the slow parents. Yes, and we

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Speaker 2: got to know them a little bit better. There was

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Speaker 2: an acknowledgment that they haven't had a TV for three years.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we went without TV for at least that when

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Speaker 3: we lived in Wollongong. Remember we had no TV and

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Speaker 3: it was bliss. I don't know how relevant that is

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Speaker 3: once you've got teens and there are screens everywhere, regardless

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Speaker 3: of a TV or not.

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Speaker 2: Well, and I think that's where we got to as

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Speaker 2: our kids got older and screens became.

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Speaker 3: Prolific. Prolific is that the word we're looking for. Abundant everywhere, ubiquitous.

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Speaker 3: There were lots of them.

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Speaker 2: That not having a TV actually didn't make much of

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Speaker 2: a difference to the outcome. Yes, But I love their

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Speaker 2: philosophy that as the children got used to it. I mean,

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Speaker 2: in the beginning, it's really hard, and we experience that

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Speaker 2: lots of tantrums, lots of you know, kind of tears,

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Speaker 2: But over time the kids actually recognize it's no longer

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Speaker 2: an option, and the things that they end up doing

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Speaker 2: as a result, it's inspiring.

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Speaker 3: We need to talk about the second big challenge for

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Speaker 3: episode five of Parental Guidance season two. A delivery driver

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Speaker 3: knocks on the door and says, I've got a package

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Speaker 3: for your parents. The kids say, can you leave it there?

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Speaker 3: And the delivery driver says, actually, it's really heavy and

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Speaker 3: it's raining outside. I probably need to come in and

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Speaker 3: put it on the kitchen bench. What do the kids do?

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Speaker 2: This is one of those hard in your mouth moments

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Speaker 2: I think as a parent watching this, I was thinking,

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Speaker 2: I wonder, have we had enough conversations with our kids

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Speaker 2: about this? Like this physically made me feel sick.

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Speaker 3: So we've got the American parents, Kim and Nick, and

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Speaker 3: they've got this gorgeous kid, Pia, who reluctantly opens the door,

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Speaker 3: and the conversation that happens after that is powerful.

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Speaker 4: Have you had the conversation with her what to do

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Speaker 4: with thirty times?

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Speaker 1: What do you tell her to never open the door

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Speaker 1: to a stranger? We've had this discussion with her.

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Speaker 2: Thank God that was in a psyche environment.

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Speaker 1: Again, Yeah, in a real life situation, you're gone already.

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Speaker 1: That guy has snatched you, you know whatever it is.

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Speaker 3: Kylie Kim said, what do we do? What are we

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Speaker 3: supposed to say? And there is no easy answer here?

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Speaker 3: And I think that they have been doing the right thing,

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Speaker 3: but it just hasn't gotten through.

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Speaker 2: I think the other challenge you have and you recognize

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Speaker 2: it and see it with kids that have a level

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Speaker 2: of confidence in their ability to have adult conversations or

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Speaker 2: be in a space with adults and have confidence. Peer

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Speaker 2: is a really confident kid. Yeah, and so she sees

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Speaker 2: in that moment that she is capable. Right, That's what

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Speaker 2: it comes down to you.

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Speaker 3: She feels confident open door, knows how to talk one adult.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly right. Whereas other children who do not have

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Speaker 2: the same level of confidence, they're not about to do

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Speaker 2: it because they don't they don't know how to work

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Speaker 2: or navigate the space. I remember when our kids were younger,

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Speaker 2: and I was blown away at their confidence in the water.

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Speaker 2: Now they hadn't had many lessons, and I remember one

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Speaker 2: of the teachers. I was like feeling so proud of

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Speaker 2: myself because I've got this kid who just loves the

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Speaker 2: water and she's really confident. And I remember her swimming

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Speaker 2: teacher telling me, the confident kids are the ones you

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Speaker 2: need to be worried about the most. And I couldn't

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Speaker 2: believe what she was saying at the time. But over

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Speaker 2: the years, as I've watched our children in the water,

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Speaker 2: I have recognized and seen how much more dangerous the

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Speaker 2: situation is because they don't see the danger. Yeah, in

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Speaker 2: the situation.

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Speaker 3: On the other hand, we've got some pretty confident kids

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Speaker 3: who are being road school parented. And here's what happened

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Speaker 3: with them.

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Speaker 1: I got a parcel to deliver for you. It's a

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Speaker 1: bit fragile.

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Speaker 4: Would you be kind of to let me know place

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Speaker 4: it somewhere?

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Speaker 3: Uh?

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Speaker 1: Nah, we'll do it. Well, I don't think you can

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Speaker 1: do this.

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Speaker 6: My boss finds out that I actually made you do this,

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Speaker 6: i'd get fired on the spot.

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Speaker 2: Well, you both would be happy if you placed it

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Speaker 2: on the floor.

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Speaker 1: Hey, I got to keep it inside and I got

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Speaker 1: to keep it some safe. I'll ring that and see

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Speaker 1: what packages in. Really good, boy, that's okay, I get it.

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Speaker 5: I can't really fit much in that Suzuki, Baldough, if

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Speaker 5: you're delivery driver?

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Speaker 1: Exactly did he understand? No, he really didn't want to

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Speaker 1: get fired for his shelty.

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Speaker 2: What I loved about these guys is they nailed it,

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Speaker 2: but there was there was an awareness, but there was

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Speaker 2: no fear. These kids weren't scared. They knew how to

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Speaker 2: handle themselves. They knew that this guy did not make sense,

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Speaker 2: and they did everything they could to keep themselves safe

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Speaker 2: without the fear.

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Speaker 3: There's also strength in numbers, which was probably their advantage

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Speaker 3: as well, which I loved. We do need to talk

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Speaker 3: just briefly about the slow parents Chris and Philippa. Consistent

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Speaker 3: with their style, although very frustrating from a TV point

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Speaker 3: of view, they left the house said we just don't

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Speaker 3: leave our kids and walked back in, so we never

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Speaker 3: actually got to see the challenge happen there.

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Speaker 2: I actually want to, like really praise them for that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: I think back on times where I have made decisions

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Speaker 2: about my parenting based on what other people have told

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Speaker 2: me is the in thing at the time. Control crying

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Speaker 2: is the one that jumps out at me wrong right,

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Speaker 2: And it felt completely wrong to me, but I went

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Speaker 2: along with it because this was the only option that

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Speaker 2: we had available to us. This is what everyone was

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Speaker 2: telling us was going to be the magic pill to

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Speaker 2: make everything right. And for them to be in a

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Speaker 2: position where they recognized and knew this was part of

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Speaker 2: the show, and yet it still did not sit with

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Speaker 2: their principles, and they were willing to stand for that.

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Speaker 2: I actually think that's amazing.

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Speaker 3: Fair enough, it does make it hard to make a

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Speaker 3: TV show when people don't do the challenges, but I

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Speaker 3: think that's a really important point, and it creates this

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Speaker 3: This is what it's about. It's creating this continued conversation.

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Speaker 3: Can we please talk though, about Miller and the unstructured

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Speaker 3: parents and the way that Miller responded to this challenge.

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Speaker 3: First of all, can this kid play the guitar?

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Speaker 5: Or what.

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Speaker 2: I loved? I loved that not only did he have

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Speaker 2: a clear picture of what he was going to do

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Speaker 2: when mom and dad left the house, but they knew

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Speaker 2: exactly what he was going to get up to.

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Speaker 1: To Miller, you got the house to yourself. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm going to do. I play guitar and eat

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Speaker 1: junk food.

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Speaker 2: And how he just loved being in this space where

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Speaker 2: you could crank up the music players guitar at the

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Speaker 2: top of the volume and just have a ball. They're

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Speaker 2: just so carefree.

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Speaker 3: And of course he did open the door, but then

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Speaker 3: he shot it and went back in and just I

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Speaker 3: had playing the guitar again. It was fantastic have the

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Speaker 3: conversation with your kids. It's so important that they understand.

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Speaker 3: No matter what, you just don't let people in. You

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Speaker 3: just don't let people in unless there's a parent in

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Speaker 3: the house. So important, Kaylee can't wait for episode number six.

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Speaker 3: It's happening tonight at seven point thirty on nine. If

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Speaker 3: you haven't seen what's happened so far, sorry for all

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Speaker 3: the spoilers, but you can catch up on the nine

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Speaker 3: now app. I think that's it. Thank you so much

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Speaker 3: to Justin rule On Jr. Our producer, for making the

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Speaker 3: podcast sound red hot during Parental Guidance season two, and

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Speaker 3: for Craig Bruce, our executive producer. The Happy Family podcast

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Speaker 3: back tomorrow for a recap of tonight's episode wherever you

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Speaker 3: download your podcasts.