1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,160 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the. 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,119 Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,200 Speaker 1: Now, okay, I have two words for you, missus Happy Families. 4 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: Two words, and I would like your reaction to them. 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: This unscripted. I have no idea what you're going to 6 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,440 Speaker 1: say when I say these two words. Are you ready? 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,079 Speaker 2: Uh huh? 8 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored. 9 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:41,199 Speaker 2: You know every parent will have heard those words more 10 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 2: times than they want. But it's so funny. Literally, just 11 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 2: the other day, Emily came to me and said, Mom, 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,520 Speaker 2: can I watch the TV? And we have to hide 13 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 2: the remote or else The TV is on twenty four 14 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 2: to seven, and so I didn't actually answer her. I 15 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 2: closed the door to my bedroom so I can go 16 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:05,000 Speaker 2: and collect it. And when I returned, literally thirty seconds later, 17 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 2: instead of her being there frustrated, she'd actually picked up 18 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,040 Speaker 2: a book and she was sitting there reading. And had 19 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 2: I have been just a second smarter, a second faster, 20 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 2: I actually wouldn't have given her the remote. She didn't 21 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 2: need it. Yeah, but just like us, our kids go 22 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,559 Speaker 2: for the quick fix, so when they're bored, there isn't 23 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 2: in their mind, there isn't a quick fix, and they 24 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 2: want they want instant gratification. But if we can just 25 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 2: extend them a little bit, more times than not, they 26 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 2: find something that is so much more gratifying to actually 27 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,680 Speaker 2: participate in than what they're asking for or what they're 28 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 2: suggesting they can't have if we just give them the 29 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 2: time to work it out. 30 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 1: So I've got a couple of things to say about that. 31 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: The first thing is I've found when the kids come 32 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: to me and say that on board and I start 33 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: to give them a list of things that they could do, 34 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: you know what I wouldn't do that, that's right. I'm like, well, 35 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: hang on, you're telling me that you're bored, and I've 36 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: just given you six options, six alternatives, six things that 37 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: you could do, and you don't do any of them, 38 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,960 Speaker 1: so you're obviously not that bored. Like it drives me 39 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: up the wall. But what they're really saying is I'm 40 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,919 Speaker 1: bored and I know what I want. I want. I 41 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 1: don't know the TV, the TV, I want games, I 42 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: want whatever it might be. And when we don't give 43 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: them that thing that they want, it's. 44 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 2: Just like I'm hungry. That nothing healthy is is what 45 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:26,080 Speaker 2: they want. They just want the sugary drink. 46 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,519 Speaker 1: Yeah, good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm agree. We'll go 47 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,920 Speaker 1: and have a piece of fruit, go and have a carrot. 48 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: And they're like, I'm like, well, you're not hungry, So 49 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,600 Speaker 1: funny you say that. The other thought that I had 50 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 1: was that, And I want to kind of be gentle 51 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,839 Speaker 1: with what I say here. It's not our job as 52 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: parents to solve our children's boredom problems. 53 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 2: Well, if we continue to do that, then they find 54 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 2: themselves in a position where they don't actually know how 55 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 2: to self regulate, how to self soothe, how to work 56 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 2: things out for themselves. 57 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: How to solve their boredom problems. Yeah, that's exactly right. 58 00:02:59,200 --> 00:02:59,359 Speaker 2: Now. 59 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: I want to be with this though, because every now 60 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: and again we actually do have some responsibility in terms 61 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,040 Speaker 1: of what they're doing. Like, it's important we give them 62 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: an environment where there are options, where they have some 63 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: capacity to choose activities that are enriching. Otherwise they will 64 00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 1: just sit in front of the TV. So they do 65 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,239 Speaker 1: they own a bicycle? Is it safe for them to 66 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 1: ride down the street or go to the park. Do 67 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,360 Speaker 1: we have toys and games and books? Do we have 68 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 1: a puppy? Do we have a backyard, a trampoline, a 69 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 1: swing set? Like, what do we have that will facilitate 70 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,840 Speaker 1: some kind of play? Do they have neighbors or cousins 71 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,560 Speaker 1: or somebody that they can play with. I think that 72 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 1: as parents, we do have. While it's up to the 73 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,119 Speaker 1: kids to ultimately work out what they're going to do, 74 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 1: we've got to make sure that they're not in an 75 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 1: impoverished environment where there's nothing to do except stare at 76 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: a screen. 77 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 2: So my best friend growing up, she lived behind me, 78 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 2: and there was no fence between our houses, so we 79 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 2: could just walk between our properties and what was so 80 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 2: much fun. I lived on a flat block, but she 81 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 2: lived below me, so when it was wet, it would 82 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 2: get very mossy and we'd end up sliding down the 83 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,119 Speaker 2: hill to get to each other's to see each other, 84 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 2: and it was just so there was so much more 85 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 2: to do at her house. It felt her house was 86 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:21,040 Speaker 2: set up to have fun and her parents had actually that. 87 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 2: The dining table was just a small dining table in 88 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,479 Speaker 2: a very small room, But next to the dining table 89 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,159 Speaker 2: was this cupboard. It was completely full of art supplies 90 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 2: and so most afternoons, after score, I would go down 91 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,719 Speaker 2: to Sarah's house and we would sit at the dining 92 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 2: table had windows that looked out onto the street, and 93 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 2: we would just create. It was no thought that we 94 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 2: could be bored because the cupboard was there and we 95 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 2: had access to all the sticky tape we could want, 96 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 2: the staples, the cardboard, the recycling materials, colored paper, create 97 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,039 Speaker 2: paper pom poms. It was just all there and it 98 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 2: was one of my favorite memories are with my best 99 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 2: friend at her kitchen table. 100 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: I'm so glad they shared that that's beautiful. I'm going 101 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 1: to add as well, I think that younger kids do 102 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,120 Speaker 1: need more assistance than older kids. Like I said before, 103 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,040 Speaker 1: it's not our job to solve our kids brought and problems. 104 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: But the younger child, the more supervision that they do need, 105 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 1: and the more the more we do have a level 106 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 1: of responsibility to assist them when they're saying, I'm stark 107 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: on board, I've got nothing to do. 108 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 2: So one of the best things that I learned through 109 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 2: my childcare training was not having everything out at once. 110 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 2: You know, so you'll have a selection of toys, but 111 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,520 Speaker 2: rotate them, put some away so that when they come 112 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 2: out they're fresh because they haven't seen them for a month. 113 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 2: You know, Emily loves Lego, but she goes through phases 114 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 2: with it. So when she's had enough of it and 115 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,719 Speaker 2: we're not seeing her play with it, I actually just 116 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 2: put it away and then it will come out three 117 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 2: four months later and it's like she's never seen Wiko before. 118 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 2: There's a renewed energy around it. So with your younger kids, 119 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 2: you know, a great way to kind of help with 120 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,600 Speaker 2: that process is just put two or three different activities 121 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,360 Speaker 2: out for them that they can choose to play with 122 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 2: that you're not dictating what they play with, but they're 123 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 2: available to them. If things are put away in boxes 124 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 2: and you know behind closed doors, kids don't see them. 125 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 1: Yeah that's right. They don't open it up and say, oh, 126 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 1: let me explore all the way back here. 127 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,359 Speaker 2: But just like you and I, if you open up 128 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 2: a cupboard and there's so much in there, there's almost 129 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 2: a sense of overwhelming you don't know what to choose. 130 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,799 Speaker 2: So for our younger kids, giving them a few options 131 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,480 Speaker 2: that are available and out is going to be a 132 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 2: huge winner. 133 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: So I'm going to share two other ideas that are 134 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 1: important I think for this conversation. Then we need to 135 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,239 Speaker 1: wrap it up The first is that there's a belief 136 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: that's often promoted on Instagram and the mummy blogs and 137 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 1: that sort of thing that we should let our kids 138 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,280 Speaker 1: be bored. It's good for them. If they're bored, they'll 139 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 1: become creative. You see. 140 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 2: I don't agree with that. 141 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: No, Well, the research doesn't support it either. There's limited, 142 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,720 Speaker 1: if any, research that really supports that idea. It's kind 143 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: of become this popsych myth that's exploded and everyone's like, oh, yeah, 144 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: let the kids be bored. What happens when the kids 145 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 1: are bored? 146 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 2: I think what they're actually trying to say is let 147 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 2: your children have autonomy and the choices they make, but 148 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 2: to actually revel in their bordness, that. 149 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: Bored We can have boredness if you want. 150 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 2: Is where we end with the flower all over the kitchen, yeah, 151 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 2: you sare? Or lipstick all over the walls. 152 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. It's great if the kids have got some unstructured 153 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: time in the appropriate environment, in an enriching environment. But 154 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,119 Speaker 1: what data actually shows is that boredom, especially when boredom 155 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: is long lasting and continual, it's associated with depression, it's 156 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: associated with anxieties, it's associated with It's true that the 157 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: kids might become creative, but they've become creative in a 158 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: whole lot of ways that you don't want them to 159 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,760 Speaker 1: become creative. They actually or in. 160 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 2: Some ways, I feel like they become lifeless. 161 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exactly right, because life feels hopeless. 162 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, so there's no light in their day because nothing, 163 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 2: there's nothing to be excited about. There's nothing that actually 164 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 2: creates a sense of curiosity. 165 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 1: Exactly exactly. So boredom is generally not actually good for kids, 166 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 1: unless it's a facilitated kind of boredom. That I mean, 167 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 1: when the kids come to us and they say I'm bored, 168 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: we'll say, well, how can we help you with that? 169 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: That's really I think the best response, how can we 170 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: help you with that? Or what option can you think of? 171 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: But the last thing that I want to highlight is 172 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: if the kids are bored, it's amazing how good it 173 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: feels to get involved. It's amazing how good it feels 174 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,319 Speaker 1: to say, you know what, let me stop what I'm 175 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 1: doing and let's hang out. Let's do that thing. What 176 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: would you like to do together? You feel good, they 177 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,199 Speaker 1: feel good, everyone feels connected. It's just really really great. 178 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 2: Well, I've actually never thought about it and literally until 179 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:46,560 Speaker 2: you said that. But when our kids come to us 180 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,199 Speaker 2: and say they're bored, is that maybe not a bit 181 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 2: for connection? 182 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,720 Speaker 1: Yeah it could be. Yeah, I like that. I'd not 183 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: a thought of it either. I'm saying it without even 184 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: realizing that I'm saying it. So we hope that if 185 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 1: the school holidays as they move ever so slowly and 186 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 1: warmly towards an end, creating a bit of I'm bored, 187 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: hopefully a few of the things we've talked about today 188 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 1: will be helpful for you. Tomorrow, we're going to have 189 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 1: a conversation about routine. Why well, if you're in Queensland, 190 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,439 Speaker 1: the school holidays are officially finished for Queenslanders next week. 191 00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: I guess it depends on whether you've got your kids 192 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,679 Speaker 1: in a public or a private school as to what 193 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: day they head back, and there's only one week to 194 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 1: go for the Act New South Wales, Victoria, South Australia, WA, 195 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: THENT and Tazzy. So we're going to talk routines tomorrow 196 00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 1: on the podcast. We'll see you then. It's The Happy 197 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,559 Speaker 1: Family's podcast summer series.