Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of lifelone. Cut. I'm Laura,
Speaker 1: I'm Britney.
Speaker 2: Why are you whispering?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm having a hard day and I'm trying to get
Speaker 2: myself in the room.
Speaker 1: I love that you're having a hard day.
Speaker 2: Let me just check the time, ten o'clock, ten am,
Speaker 2: ten am. What can we do to fix this predicament?
Speaker 1: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Speaker 1: Actually that's a lie. I woke up in the middle
Speaker 1: of my bed, flanked by two children. One who has
Speaker 1: a very specific way of sleeping. She wanted her douna
Speaker 1: rolled up into a sausage that she could use it
Speaker 1: as a pillow and would only sleep with a specific blanket,
Speaker 1: but it had to be tucked in under her neck
Speaker 1: and her toes had to also have it tucked in
Speaker 1: under her and the other one just wanted to sleep
Speaker 1: and fathom what you're talking. The other one wanted to
Speaker 1: sleep on top of me. So I have had terrible
Speaker 1: nights sleep.
Speaker 3: I love that I don't need to ask who is
Speaker 3: who I was the one who wanted the specific pillows.
Speaker 1: With sausage mate. That kid, I know, I talk about
Speaker 1: her almost every day, but she is just a wild
Speaker 1: bit of gear. She's a unicorn and every day she
Speaker 1: changes like there's no consistency at all.
Speaker 2: Got to keep you on your toes always. It doesn't
Speaker 2: help that. Then I got you a coffee and they
Speaker 2: gave you the wrong coffee. They gave you skim milk,
Speaker 2: and you never drink skim milk. So we couldn't even
Speaker 2: bring you back to ground zero with the coffee.
Speaker 1: And my fortune cookie that I got this morning said
Speaker 1: that I was going to receive some energy, and I've
Speaker 1: received one night.
Speaker 2: I really froth this. We got fortune cookies because I'm
Speaker 2: big on this kind of stuff. Fortune cookies on I do.
Speaker 2: I love it. I love this stuff. I love like
Speaker 2: going to fortune tellers. I love psychics. I love fortune cookies.
Speaker 1: Pretty's vibe and unsubscribed this week fortune cookies.
Speaker 2: So hang on, this is the funniest part. Let's all
Speaker 2: just say what we got.
Speaker 1: You got energy is coming your way and brace it
Speaker 1: when it comes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank God, waiting with.
Speaker 1: Dated breath energy.
Speaker 2: I'm waiting for your energy. Keisha.
Speaker 4: Mine was something like happiness will always follow you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she was very felt pretty.
Speaker 4: Much compliment a fortune much true?
Speaker 1: You are like you are like sunshine personified nothing you said.
Speaker 1: I was in such a bad mood and Keish got
Speaker 1: into the car and I was like, so happy and
Speaker 1: I'm so angry.
Speaker 2: Everything brings Kisha down. You're not even like the cheating boyfriend.
Speaker 2: She's like, there was probably something going on in his
Speaker 2: life and we'll work it up.
Speaker 1: She was so nice.
Speaker 2: I wish I was that nice, and I got big
Speaker 2: decisions need to be made soon, which I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: that is a big thing as well. I believe in that.
Speaker 2: But then Keisha doesn't get how it works. Grace out
Speaker 2: radio producer didn't like what hers was. So Keisha's like,
Speaker 2: you can have mine.
Speaker 1: I was like, you can't just swap your fortune cookie,
Speaker 1: like I told you.
Speaker 4: Maybe that's how the happiness follows.
Speaker 1: Me the nicest person. Yeah, she's just giving it away. Well,
Speaker 1: looks something I wanted to share with you guys. You
Speaker 1: might remember on last week's Ask gun Cut, I made
Speaker 1: an admission. I admitted that I was very old when
Speaker 1: I realized that chickens have sex. Okay, I just thought
Speaker 1: I never thought that they had coitus. I thought that
Speaker 1: a maze a rooster just fertilized the egg when it
Speaker 1: was outside of the chicken. I don't know why I
Speaker 1: thought that. I don't know how I thought that that happened.
Speaker 1: Maybe I hadn't actually given it a lot of thought,
Speaker 1: but it is something that I discovered when I was
Speaker 1: about twenty five, that chickens do. In fact, mate, I
Speaker 1: am quite concerned about what is happening inside of your brain,
Speaker 1: because not long before that, you also were shocked that
Speaker 1: spiders had to have sex to have babies, like both
Speaker 1: of you were.
Speaker 2: I'm a bit confused if anyone ever had the sex
Speaker 2: chat with you and you understand how things procreate.
Speaker 1: I think maybe it's just because the eggs are not
Speaker 1: inside the body, So I just assumed that maybe they
Speaker 1: didn't have to what maybe because the eggs come outside,
Speaker 1: they just sprayed something on them. I don't know. Skip school,
Speaker 1: okay did.
Speaker 2: You skip club? By all?
Speaker 3: It can do immaculate conception, can't like see, don't see
Speaker 3: horses fertilize outside.
Speaker 2: They carry it as some they carry the eggs on
Speaker 2: the outside. They carry it on the outside.
Speaker 4: Okay, Now there isn't a macon a nat Giopoka.
Speaker 1: There has to be there has to be some sort
Speaker 1: of animal that lays the eggs and then the male
Speaker 1: animal just comes along and sprays them like it would
Speaker 1: like a fertilized like Scott's grass feeder, like they just
Speaker 1: pH and it's done. Well, Look, I'm not the only
Speaker 1: person who believes this, and an.
Speaker 2: Image of something like shooting ejaculation, of like fertilizing everything,
Speaker 2: just shuning.
Speaker 1: It out the message that I just received because you
Speaker 1: think I'm an idiot, And I would like to just
Speaker 1: say thank you so much to so many of you
Speaker 1: who message to say that you also question this and
Speaker 1: that this was also something you didn't know. I received
Speaker 1: a message from a woman named doctor Nadia.
Speaker 2: Do you think that we should name and shame her
Speaker 2: on the I don't know if you should. Yes, she
Speaker 2: wrote it to you personally, that's okaracter a.
Speaker 4: Lot in the life Uncut DMS.
Speaker 1: If we don't put a name in Nadia, we love you,
Speaker 1: Nadia said so, just listening to Monday's ask gun Cut.
Speaker 1: And I was today years old when I realized that
Speaker 1: chickens need to mate. I thought the same thing, that
Speaker 1: a male just fertilized the egg after it's laid. If
Speaker 1: it makes you feel any better, I'm thirty six years old.
Speaker 1: I'm a dentist who just got a PhD in oral cancer.
Speaker 1: So she's a genius and she didn't even know that
Speaker 1: chickens fuck.
Speaker 2: There were an alarming number of messages that came through
Speaker 2: that were similar to that, an alarming number of people
Speaker 2: which and I never called you an idiot, I laughed.
Speaker 2: I didn't call you an idiot, but there's an alarming
Speaker 2: number of people that thought that this is how it happened,
Speaker 2: which was really surprising to me.
Speaker 1: You may not have said idiot, but you have said
Speaker 1: several times I'm confused and concerned about what's going on
Speaker 1: in your brain, which might correct, which might infer the former.
Speaker 2: Take from that, what you will?
Speaker 1: I do want to ask, I asked on the last episode,
Speaker 1: But I think it's I think with something we have
Speaker 1: to unpack. I want to know what is the thing
Speaker 1: that you found out was not true or you just
Speaker 1: believed it to be the way that it was, and
Speaker 1: then you found out at like a ridiculously old age.
Speaker 1: Another one for me is that I can't tell you
Speaker 1: how old I was, but like, I just remember the
Speaker 1: day that I had this revelation. I thought that all
Speaker 1: planets were all at an equi distance, like stars, moons, planets,
Speaker 1: everything was all at an equi distance from the Earth
Speaker 1: like that there was no depth to space. They were
Speaker 1: just all like almost like like stuck to her.
Speaker 2: But I don't think that's that shocking.
Speaker 1: You a piece of contact out in the sky.
Speaker 2: When you think about growing up and you get like
Speaker 2: posters of planets and stuff, That's how it's sort of presented.
Speaker 2: It's almost presented as like there's Earth and then there's
Speaker 2: the planets. And if you don't go into depth about
Speaker 2: the planet system, which I'm sure you didn't as a child,
Speaker 2: that's what it would look like.
Speaker 1: You know, I actually think I did, and I just
Speaker 1: really didn't process that part of the learning.
Speaker 2: You went to Catholic schools.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Hey, I have a question for you guys.
Speaker 3: Did you know that you can pick which voice you
Speaker 3: have on Syria and you can pick from different accents
Speaker 3: and genders.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, I found out very recently that you actually can choose.
Speaker 3: So I've gone through and I've picked one with a
Speaker 3: nice because you know how I love an Irish and
Speaker 3: a British accent. I've picked Oh god, yeah, I've picked
Speaker 3: a man with an Irish accent to be my Siri guy.
Speaker 3: At the same time that I learned that you can
Speaker 3: change the Siri voice, I was actually scrolling on Instagram
Speaker 3: and I came across these video by a guy named
Speaker 3: Devin Braithwait.
Speaker 2: And he had made this video to.
Speaker 3: Reply to a comment that he had received on a
Speaker 3: previous video, and the comment said, petition to make this
Speaker 3: man my Alexa and GPS voice. And I just wanted
Speaker 3: to bring it to you guys today and get your
Speaker 3: immediate reactions. I want to know how you feel about
Speaker 3: it and whether you would like to make this your
Speaker 3: GPS voice.
Speaker 5: Can't he gorgeous, I'm going to need you to take
Speaker 5: a left of the next set of line. Here, gorgeous,
Speaker 5: the speed limit has just been induced to sixty. It's
Speaker 5: be a good girl and slow down for Mey, gorgeous,
Speaker 5: you've been at back girl. You messed your exit. I'm
Speaker 5: going to need you to make a U turn at
Speaker 5: the next safest.
Speaker 2: Opportunity through slow You've missed a.
Speaker 5: Two hundred meters. You're going to take a ride down
Speaker 5: Wilson Avenue. Hey, gorgeous, you are doing such a great job.
Speaker 5: There are reports of a speed camera ahead, so just
Speaker 5: be careful, drive safe. Hey, gorgeous, you ever reached your destination?
Speaker 5: Thank you for writing with me.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I would one hundred percent have that, but
Speaker 2: I would also one hundred percent miss my destination.
Speaker 4: I deliberately just so that he could tell you that
Speaker 4: you were a bad girl.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, just so he's like, turn around, turn around, Yeah,
Speaker 2: just like that turn.
Speaker 1: Around, going around around, around about.
Speaker 4: I've just stuck on the round.
Speaker 2: I don't know whether I.
Speaker 1: Found that arousing or just funny. But then then again,
Speaker 1: I also just find dirty talk funny. Usually I end
Speaker 1: up laughing. That tries and I'm like, what does that say?
Speaker 1: We're not gonna get to that.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, I'm still on the roundabout. That's hot. That was hot?
Speaker 1: That was hot?
Speaker 2: Is that a real option? I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean the guy's Instagram, he's got quite a lot
Speaker 3: of followers. His name is Devin Braithwait, tell anyone who's interested.
Speaker 3: I will link it in the show notes. Maybe it
Speaker 3: will be your vibe for the week.
Speaker 2: Can I get a visual? Yeah, he's hot? Oh do
Speaker 2: you know? Sometimes you never know? Oh, it's hot. He's hot.
Speaker 2: He's hot, have allaws?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, Okay, he's very good looking.
Speaker 4: Let's get into our vibes of the week. Laura, what
Speaker 4: are you vibing?
Speaker 1: I'm recommending a Netflix movie that I watched over the weekend.
Speaker 1: It's on the recommended list at the moment, so you
Speaker 1: might have seen it, but I hadn't really thought anything
Speaker 1: about it, and then as I clicked on it and
Speaker 1: I got halfway through it, I was like, this movie
Speaker 1: is amazing. So if you have some free time this weekend,
Speaker 1: watch this. It is called The Six Triple Eight. It's
Speaker 1: only just been released, and it's a movie that is
Speaker 1: about World War Two and it's about the all black
Speaker 1: female battalions, so the Women's Corp that came out of
Speaker 1: the United States, the very first black women's corp to
Speaker 1: be deployed overseas to fight in the war. The story
Speaker 1: around this is absolutely remarkable and it follows one main
Speaker 1: character lead. It talks about the mission that they were
Speaker 1: designated within the war, and the mission itself is something
Speaker 1: that they felt was very beneath them, and it was
Speaker 1: to be able to redistribute the male. So during World
Speaker 1: War Two, the male had been completely congested, and so
Speaker 1: no soldiers were receiving letters from loved ones, and no
Speaker 1: loved ones back home were receiving letters from soldiers. So
Speaker 1: people going like years without knowing that their sons or
Speaker 1: their husbands were alive or dead or anything.
Speaker 2: No communications would just lead you to think the.
Speaker 1: Worst horrific, right, But also in that think about the
Speaker 1: morale for the soldiers who were never hearing from their family.
Speaker 1: So there was this real mismatch in like the morale
Speaker 1: being so low but them feeling as though it was
Speaker 1: an insurmountable task to be able to deliver these millions
Speaker 1: of letters. Now, there was a battalion of black American
Speaker 1: women who were training in order to fight in the war,
Speaker 1: but because of racism and the time, it was felt
Speaker 1: that they were not going to be able to be successful,
Speaker 1: and they were never deployed even though they were training.
Speaker 1: And this was the mission that they were tasked with,
Speaker 1: and the reason why they were tasked with it is
Speaker 1: because it was seemingly impossible for them to complete. I
Speaker 1: don't want to give it away, and I know that
Speaker 1: talking about male during the war probably doesn't sound particularly exciting,
Speaker 1: but it was just the most fascinating watch and there's
Speaker 1: a really beautiful storyline that plays throughout it as well.
Speaker 1: That's very heartbreaking, but it really kind of like gives
Speaker 1: that emotional and personal connection to the story. And I
Speaker 1: absolutely loved it. Like big recommendation Netflix, The six Triple Eight.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna watch it again this weekend with my mother
Speaker 1: in law. So it is based on a real story.
Speaker 1: It's based on a real story. It's based on real
Speaker 1: women who were part of this battalion. They're also still
Speaker 1: alive a lot of them, and so at the very end,
Speaker 1: I think it's really cool that you've watched the story
Speaker 1: about these women and then it tells you where they
Speaker 1: are and what happened to them in their lives. You
Speaker 1: see photos of them now with like Michelle Obama and
Speaker 1: getting their recognition and the accolades that they never received
Speaker 1: during the war but have received now as old women.
Speaker 3: That's a recommendation, Absolutely fantastic.
Speaker 2: That's a good vibe. Thank you well. My vibe this
Speaker 2: week is something that I've been talking to the girls
Speaker 2: about a lot, and I have been begging them to
Speaker 2: get on board, and I am going to make them
Speaker 2: listen so that we can fully discuss this on the podcast,
Speaker 2: like for me, this is what I want to talk
Speaker 2: about for an entire episode. Bear with me. It's called
Speaker 2: The Telepathy Tapes, and it is a podcast series. Now
Speaker 2: it's not like a little left field podcast series. It
Speaker 2: has been the number one podcast series in the world,
Speaker 2: knocked Joe Rogan off the list for a little while.
Speaker 2: It's all everyone is sort of talking about. You might
Speaker 2: have seen it if like me, you would have seen
Speaker 2: it advertised to you on podcast, you know when it's
Speaker 2: like this is number one trending. But I went past
Speaker 2: it a lot because I didn't even look at what
Speaker 2: it was. I was like whatever, And then somebody recommended
Speaker 2: it to me and they said I'd enjoy it, so
Speaker 2: I listened and was absolutely hooked. Now it is about telepathy,
Speaker 2: and it is about exploring communication in non speaking autistic children.
Speaker 2: So it's specifically looking. It's an investative journalist and a neuroscientist,
Speaker 2: and there's a couple of other doctors that run these
Speaker 2: tests on autistic children that are non verbal, kids that
Speaker 2: have never been able to communicate, kids that have been
Speaker 2: pushed to the side in the schooling system because people
Speaker 2: think they can't speak, people think they're not intelligent because
Speaker 2: they can't speak. And it's all of these parents that
Speaker 2: have come forward from all around the world, So this
Speaker 2: is not one or two Like I've got goosebumps now,
Speaker 2: I just needed all this theme. These parents are coming
Speaker 2: forward saying my child can read my mind. I know
Speaker 2: I sound crazy, but this is happening. I can prove it.
Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, once one person spoke up,
Speaker 2: all these families have said the same thing. Now there's
Speaker 2: video footage of this. So they explore whether these kids
Speaker 2: can actually communicate via the mind with their parents, and
Speaker 2: it really makes you question everything you think you have
Speaker 2: ever known. And I have a science degree. I really
Speaker 2: need to front this because I know I sound crazy,
Speaker 2: but there is proof that they are doing it and
Speaker 2: you cannot challenge it. Like they have these independent testers
Speaker 2: that are coming in that are holding cards up to
Speaker 2: the parents behind the kids' backs. The kids are in
Speaker 2: separate rooms, and because the kids are nonverbal, they have
Speaker 2: machines that help them type, so they can touch on
Speaker 2: the buttons and it comes up and it says it
Speaker 2: out loud straight away. The parent will be shown a
Speaker 2: random word, a random number. Sometimes it's a six digit
Speaker 2: number from another room and immediately the parent thinks that
Speaker 2: the child starts to type it and it is always
Speaker 2: correct and you cannot explain it. You can't explain it.
Speaker 2: It is crazy. And then finally, when these kids are
Speaker 2: given the chance to speak, they know multiple languages. Their
Speaker 2: parents don't know how they know it, what they are consuming,
Speaker 2: they see different spirits and stuff and the way that
Speaker 2: they're talking. You need to listen to believe it. What
Speaker 2: I love the most is it's really challenging your expectations
Speaker 2: of what you think is possible in this world and
Speaker 2: what we think we know purely because we've never given
Speaker 2: them a chance. And it just made me open my
Speaker 2: eyes and look at that world in a completely different way.
Speaker 2: And this is what I said to Keisha that you know,
Speaker 2: Keisha's also has a science degree, and I said said
Speaker 2: same thing to my sister. I said, you don't have
Speaker 2: to believe it to appreciate it and to start thinking.
Speaker 2: It's really thought provoking. So I really would love everyone
Speaker 2: to listen. I want this to be going off in
Speaker 2: the discussion group. I want to be doing a podcast
Speaker 2: on it because it's so fast.
Speaker 3: I think that whole mentality around you know, what is
Speaker 3: scientific or proven. It's an interesting one to dive into
Speaker 3: because I actually come from a medical science background where
Speaker 3: I worked in a research lab for a year and
Speaker 3: a half, and you know, we're kind of trained to
Speaker 3: be like, if the evidence is there, the evidence is there.
Speaker 3: But I also want to be open minded enough to go, well,
Speaker 3: maybe we just haven't measured it yet, maybe we don't
Speaker 3: have the ability to test it fairly, or you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like gravity existed before Newton discovered it,
Speaker 3: is my.
Speaker 2: Point, And that's the point they make in this. They say, I.
Speaker 3: Never want to be like there's no evidence of that,
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. What you're saying is rubbish, because the
Speaker 3: truth is is that I don't know whether something will
Speaker 3: come out in the future, and like I would initially
Speaker 3: when you told me about this, I was like, I
Speaker 3: don't know if telepathy is really my vibe.
Speaker 4: That's just not what I'm going to be interested.
Speaker 1: I think it was because the way the brit prefacer
Speaker 1: originally was like I'm really into telepathy, now really into telepathy,
Speaker 1: and I was like, what does that even mean? No
Speaker 1: context about like what the actual podcast was about. So
Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't listened to it yet, and I
Speaker 1: feel like it's not necessarily something that I would normally
Speaker 1: gravitate to, but you've spoken about it so highly that
Speaker 1: I absolute would give it a listen.
Speaker 2: I think you really really enjoy it. And they are
Speaker 2: making it because of the success. They're turning it into
Speaker 2: a documentary, so they asked so that it will be
Speaker 2: very visual because when you're listening to it, it's.
Speaker 1: Hard to believe.
Speaker 2: But they actually have videos that they've put on YouTube
Speaker 2: of their experiments to back it, and now they're like,
Speaker 2: you know what, let's go hard, Let's do a doco.
Speaker 2: It's going to be amazing. So Telepathy Tapes literally anywhere
Speaker 2: you can get your podcast is one of the biggest
Speaker 2: pods in the world.
Speaker 3: My vibe seems like highly processed sugar in comparison to
Speaker 3: both of yours, but is for anyone who just wants
Speaker 3: a bit of a really easy but fun TV show
Speaker 3: to consume. It is actually on ten Play, so it's free,
Speaker 3: and it is the US version of Traitors season three.
Speaker 3: So do you guys know about this show, The Traders, Yes,
Speaker 3: we have an Aussie version.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's kind of a mix between reality TV with like
Speaker 3: a psychological competition. So the way that the whole thing
Speaker 3: works is that they get twenty people, they send them
Speaker 3: to castle in the Scottish Highlands and they are designated
Speaker 3: as to whether they are a traitor or a faithful
Speaker 3: and there's a lot more faithful than what there are traders.
Speaker 3: The whole concept is that the faithfuls are kind of
Speaker 3: supposed to sniff out and discover who the traders are.
Speaker 4: So in each episode, the traders will.
Speaker 3: Kill someone and then also everyone will sit around in
Speaker 3: a boardroom and they will discuss and they will openly
Speaker 3: vote in front of each other for who.
Speaker 1: In Australia though did Yeah, it was like a real oh.
Speaker 2: They brought it back a few years later and it
Speaker 2: flopped again.
Speaker 3: Interesting, it's massive in the UK, but this version, and
Speaker 3: I think the reason that it's kind of got me
Speaker 3: into a different level because I have seen the UK
Speaker 3: version where there's just like normies.
Speaker 4: This version had.
Speaker 3: Me hooked because the host is Alan Cumming, you know,
Speaker 3: the Scottish actor and producer. He's in like Spike Kids, Burlesque,
Speaker 3: The Good Wife. You would know him if you saw him,
Speaker 3: is that type. He hosts it. But then some of
Speaker 3: the cast are people like you know vander pump Rules,
Speaker 3: Tom Sandevil, the guy who was in the cheating scandal.
Speaker 3: They've got Durinda Medley from Real Housewives of New York.
Speaker 3: They've got Kroshelle from Selling Sunset G Flip's wife. And
Speaker 3: there's like Survivor players, there's Big Brother players, So they're
Speaker 3: people who are actually known.
Speaker 4: If you're into reality.
Speaker 2: TV, it's like you're still a version.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, which I think just gives you a bit
Speaker 3: of an extra layer of like, I know what that
Speaker 3: person's like. For example, Boston rob is one of the
Speaker 3: most well known Survivor players from the American series. He
Speaker 3: was on like five seasons of Survivor. He is known
Speaker 3: to be so cunning, and so when he gets entered
Speaker 3: into the house, people already know enough about him to
Speaker 3: be like, Oh, I'm suspicious of you from the get go,
Speaker 3: because that's who you are.
Speaker 4: You're really manipulative. It's very, very fun.
Speaker 3: The only thing that I am annoyed about is that
Speaker 3: they only release one episode a week and it's on
Speaker 3: like a Friday, Arbo for us, and so I have
Speaker 3: to wait entire week for another episode.
Speaker 4: I am currently.
Speaker 3: Obsessed with it, And yeah, I just can't wait till Friday.
Speaker 3: So if you just want a bit of a fun
Speaker 3: escapism kind of TV show, really fun one to watch
Speaker 3: with your partner as well while you're having dinner or
Speaker 3: something cute.
Speaker 4: It's the US version of Traders.
Speaker 1: It is on tenplay for free. All right, Well let's
Speaker 1: get into the questions.
Speaker 2: Okay, So question number one. I was with my ex
Speaker 2: for almost three years when we had a baby. The
Speaker 2: baby was one and things in our relationship went downhill.
Speaker 2: We called it off due to my partner needing some space.
Speaker 2: Three weeks after breaking up, we had a chat that
Speaker 2: we were going to start to see each other again,
Speaker 2: and no one else like they're going to try and
Speaker 2: work it out. I have now found a used condom
Speaker 2: in the bin, but we don't use condoms. Some background,
Speaker 2: he did get asked to be a sperm donor by
Speaker 2: a friend, so he has said that he has masturbated
Speaker 2: into the condom to save it. Am I wrong in
Speaker 2: not believing why the condom was used? Personally? I don't
Speaker 2: think anyone that's going to be a sperm donor is
Speaker 2: masturbating to a condom put it in the bin, and
Speaker 2: that's where they're saving the condom.
Speaker 1: But also wouldn't you just masturbate into a jar, like
Speaker 1: if they're coming to pick up the sperm, Because when
Speaker 1: you think about it as a sperm donor if you're
Speaker 1: going to do like the turkey basting situation, it has
Speaker 1: to be done in real time, like you've got a
Speaker 1: very short period of time to get the sperm into you.
Speaker 1: The sperm has to be kept warm. There's quite a
Speaker 1: few rules around it in order to keep the sperm viable.
Speaker 1: So I would have thought best case scenario would have
Speaker 1: been that he would have whoever it is that is
Speaker 1: going to use the sperm, would be there in another room,
Speaker 1: would get it from him and be able to like
Speaker 1: you know, turkey base themselves straight away. Or alternatively, he
Speaker 1: would be putting it in a jar. So if you're
Speaker 1: putting it in a jar, then wouldn't you just masturbate
Speaker 1: into the jar so that you're not cross contaminating it
Speaker 1: by doing it into a No? I think that, I
Speaker 1: think condom.
Speaker 2: No. I think doing into the condom would be the
Speaker 2: best thing anyway, I don't know the science. I think
Speaker 2: that's probably less contamination than a jar because it's sterile
Speaker 2: and cleaning. You just opened it so the inside of
Speaker 2: the condom will just be sperm. I don't That's not
Speaker 2: the bit that shocks me. He's put it in the bin.
Speaker 2: You put something in the bin when you throw it away.
Speaker 2: You put something in the bin when you don't want
Speaker 2: it anymore. That's what a bin is. You were trying
Speaker 2: to save sperm for a donation, You're not putting the
Speaker 2: condom in the bin. Yeah. To me, this is screaming
Speaker 2: that he has probably most likely slept with someone else
Speaker 2: and put the condom in the bin. And I don't
Speaker 2: want to say that to hurt anyone's feelings, But if
Speaker 2: my partner had told me that the condom was in
Speaker 2: the bin with sperm in it because he was going
Speaker 2: to be a sperm.
Speaker 1: I'd call it bullshit.
Speaker 2: Like I'm sorry, I'm like bullshit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all of the red flags are there, right, Like,
Speaker 1: all the red flags are right there. But it's also
Speaker 1: not definitive proof. He could have masturbated into a condom
Speaker 1: because he didn't want to get junk anywhere, like you know,
Speaker 1: he could like there are other reasons.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he said it was for the sperm donation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that just seems like such a fucking weird excuse,
Speaker 1: doesn't it. I guess, like other questions, you might not
Speaker 1: know it might be a bit dry, like like it's
Speaker 1: not dry, it's in the condom. No, because because like
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of a situation where it would
Speaker 1: be feasible and smart to put the sperm into the condom,
Speaker 1: And the reason for that is because it needs to
Speaker 1: be put into a turkey baster, So a condom is
Speaker 1: not a very easy way to then put a turkey
Speaker 1: based into a flaccid condom and suck the liquid out.
Speaker 1: You would be smarter to do it straight into a
Speaker 1: sterile jar like you would put urine samples in at
Speaker 1: the doctor's, Like that's what someone who's trying to do
Speaker 1: this properly would do, and then you would turkey based
Speaker 1: out of the jar and insert it into yourself. For me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, it just is screaming too many red flags
Speaker 1: to believe that what he's saying is true. I don't
Speaker 1: want to say definitively like absolutely he's cheating on you,
Speaker 1: because we could be wrong and then that would suck.
Speaker 1: But my only other thing is is it's impossible for
Speaker 1: us to know exactly However, if your intuition is telling
Speaker 1: you that something is really fucking wrong. You're probably right,
Speaker 1: like you just probably are. And if you guys have
Speaker 1: been through a lot of other issues in the past,
Speaker 1: you'd opened up your relationship, you've now closed your relationship
Speaker 1: again and there's been uncertainty around things and you're still
Speaker 1: feeling like this, then I would say there may be
Speaker 1: a chance that, like, he's just not the most trustworthy person.
Speaker 2: You could also, I mean, if you know the couple
Speaker 2: that he was going to be donating for, Like I
Speaker 2: don't know if you know them or not, chances are
Speaker 2: you do. If you were with him and you've got
Speaker 2: a baby with him, and that's a couple close enough
Speaker 2: to him to have asked ask them, hey, you could
Speaker 2: just ask them. You could just say, hey, did it work?
Speaker 2: And I'd be like, I did what work? You could
Speaker 2: suss it out that way. But you're so right, Laura.
Speaker 2: Your intuition is everything, and you probably do know deep down,
Speaker 2: But you have to also think. I don't want to
Speaker 2: say he's cheating on you either, definitively, but I'm gonna
Speaker 2: say this is what I think when someone is caught
Speaker 2: in an act like that and you have sprung it
Speaker 2: on them. Hey, I found the condom in the bin.
Speaker 2: What's what's going on? They say, the first crazy thing
Speaker 2: that has come to their head to get out of
Speaker 2: a situation. That's what I think he's done. I think
Speaker 2: he's been like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm doing that
Speaker 2: sperm donation thing. Like it's in the bin. That's for me.
Speaker 2: If it was tied up in a knot in a
Speaker 2: safe place on the bench or like something obvious, or
Speaker 2: in the fridge or wherever, that's what I mean. If
Speaker 2: it was somewhere that was like very obvious, that was
Speaker 2: what he was doing. Because I used condom goes in
Speaker 2: the bin, So if you had it in a safe
Speaker 2: jar on the bench, that's more believable. And you're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: my sperm's in a jar on the bench because I'm
Speaker 2: sperm donation because it's going to use condom in the bin.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sorry. The only reason why I was like unsure about that, though,
Speaker 1: is because if the person, so like from a technical perspective,
Speaker 1: if the person he's donating sperm to was physically in
Speaker 1: the house and he's done it into a condom, he
Speaker 1: would hand her the condom and she would then have
Speaker 1: to insert it into herself, so it wouldn't be a
Speaker 1: tied up condom, it would be a used condom. But
Speaker 1: the red flag I'm having is not about it being
Speaker 1: tied up. It's not about it being in the bin.
Speaker 1: It's the fact that had it been used for artificial insemination,
Speaker 1: there would have been a turkey baster, there would have
Speaker 1: been a syringe, there would have been other things in
Speaker 1: that bin that would have shown you because no one's
Speaker 1: getting a condom that's got sperm in it and just
Speaker 1: flipping inside out and shoving it up the vagina with
Speaker 1: a finger, do you know what I mean? Like that
Speaker 1: is such an inefficient way of trying to inseminate yourself.
Speaker 1: So for me, that's the red flags, not the fact
Speaker 1: that it's in the bin.
Speaker 2: There's actually another red flag we haven't even touched on.
Speaker 2: Oh God, has he just created a baby without talking
Speaker 2: to you about it? How did we not even think
Speaker 2: of that? If he has said, yeah, I just gave
Speaker 2: my sperm to somebody else, he's the father of your child,
Speaker 2: and you're back together, that is also the discussion. So
Speaker 2: I'm calling bullshit on it. No one is going out
Speaker 2: in a relationship donating their sperm to other people without
Speaker 2: having a conversation. Yeah, so I agree.
Speaker 1: I completely agree. Look, things are not looking good is
Speaker 1: what we might conclude with this one. I do just
Speaker 1: come back to that, if your intuition's telling you something's wrong,
Speaker 1: it's probably wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And also I'm sorry because that sucks. I realize
Speaker 2: that we're just nutting something out. Well he nutted it out, elp.
Speaker 2: I realize that we're just nutting it out and having
Speaker 2: the discussion. But you know, you are listening to this
Speaker 2: and this is your relationship and you definitely need to
Speaker 2: have a conversation. I'm sorry that you found that because
Speaker 2: there is that moment too. You know, when you know
Speaker 2: in a relationship and you have that moment, Usually we
Speaker 2: all ignore it. We've all done it, you know, the
Speaker 2: moment you've seen the evidence, you've seen something, and it
Speaker 2: makes you feel sick because you're like, I know what
Speaker 2: this means. But then usually we try and put it
Speaker 2: to the side and talk ourselves out of it because
Speaker 2: we want to believe. You want to believe that that's
Speaker 2: what he's done. You want to believe your relationship is fine,
Speaker 2: and then not doing the dirty And.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean and when someone's lying straight to your face,
Speaker 1: and you love them. You want to believe that, so
Speaker 1: you make allowances for your brain to kind of reconcile
Speaker 1: the thing that they're telling you.
Speaker 2: I think I'm almoys would be more angry that my
Speaker 2: partner went and tried to father another child without telling
Speaker 2: me than if he had cheated on me once.
Speaker 1: Like, you gotta be angry about both, to be honest,
Speaker 1: of course, But that's a huge thing, bringing another child
Speaker 1: into the world without a discussion. Well, it's not his child,
Speaker 1: it's just a sperdination.
Speaker 2: Well we don't know that, don't Yeah, we don't know
Speaker 2: what their involvement is or what he's agreed to. My
Speaker 2: point is, if you are doing that without at least
Speaker 2: a discussion, then that's a pretty big thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, agree, all right. Question number two, fast moving relationships
Speaker 1: and theft.
Speaker 2: This is all kind of combo.
Speaker 1: This is a really long one. It's a very long question.
Speaker 1: It's worth it strap on in everybody. I've been seeing
Speaker 1: a guy for about six months. One of those romances
Speaker 1: that just moves quite fast and feels so perfect, feels
Speaker 1: red flag. I have not hadship, I have not had
Speaker 1: many adult relationships I've never felt this loved and if
Speaker 1: you know, you know, so it's all full steam ahead
Speaker 1: for me. We've had a few comments from friends and
Speaker 1: family about the speed that we are moving, but that's
Speaker 1: probably expected. We're currently applying for houses so that we
Speaker 1: can live together. He has kids from past relationship that
Speaker 1: he has a lot of the time. I love these kids,
Speaker 1: so it's no problem for me that they're here and
Speaker 1: that I can be that role in their life. I
Speaker 1: am so excited to get a place together and start
Speaker 1: our life together. My question is I have just found
Speaker 1: out that he has some well legal proceedings coming up
Speaker 1: this year. He used someone else's bank details to purchase
Speaker 1: items for himself, so effectively, he is being done for
Speaker 1: stealing and fraud. But he stands by that he was
Speaker 1: told that he could spend the money on himself, even
Speaker 1: though he thought it seemed a bit odd at the time.
Speaker 1: Wait for this he would be plead and guilty, as
Speaker 1: his lawyer advised him that this was the best outcome
Speaker 1: for him. I'm so conflicted, as I have never felt
Speaker 1: this loved by someone and felt like I was really
Speaker 1: finally getting my fairy tale ending after watching everyone else
Speaker 1: get theirs. Is it a bad idea to stand by
Speaker 1: someone and support them while he goes through this knowing
Speaker 1: that he has stolen from someone else. I can't even
Speaker 1: fathom having to try and find someone else at this point,
Speaker 1: as I really just want kids on my own in
Speaker 1: the next few years, and it took me ten years
Speaker 1: to find this person. Now, there are some other details
Speaker 1: surrounding this that we can't share. We've been asked not
Speaker 1: to share by the person who has provided the information.
Speaker 1: But I do think that a little bit of context
Speaker 1: is important so that we can unpack it. It's not
Speaker 1: a small sum of money. It's over ten thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: And the person that this money was stolen from it
Speaker 1: was taking advantage of someone who is very vulnerable, put
Speaker 1: it that way. So there are two bits of information
Speaker 1: I think are important.
Speaker 2: The added information it does take it to another level,
Speaker 2: but for me, it's not the bill and end all,
Speaker 2: it doesn't change it that much for me. At the
Speaker 2: end of the day, I would be very concerned if
Speaker 2: I was six months into a relationship with someone that
Speaker 2: sounds like it might be a bit love Bomby you
Speaker 2: said it was like very full on and moving really fast.
Speaker 2: If six months in, when we're talking about moving in together,
Speaker 2: I found out that he was going to court from
Speaker 2: stealing from someone using that money on himself, like taking
Speaker 2: their bank details. And I want to say this lightly
Speaker 2: because we don't know the rest of it, but this
Speaker 2: is a red flag that I don't think i'd be
Speaker 2: committing to six months in. We all know guilty. A
Speaker 2: lot can happen in six months, and you can fall
Speaker 2: head over heels, but you have to be very careful
Speaker 2: because in this situation, you have said you really want
Speaker 2: to be loved, and you feel the love and you
Speaker 2: just want that relationship. You have to be careful that
Speaker 2: you are not mixing this up and trying to make
Speaker 2: him ten times better in your mind because you want
Speaker 2: the situation to work out. You really need to take
Speaker 2: a step back and look at this from an outside perspective,
Speaker 2: at what he has done and what you think he's
Speaker 2: capable of. I hate to say this, but you really
Speaker 2: don't know someone after six months. I will be the
Speaker 2: first person to say you don't say it, I'll say it.
Speaker 1: I don't know him, No.
Speaker 2: But you can be so in love with someone, but
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean you know them. You know I was
Speaker 2: with someone for two years, I was getting married to you,
Speaker 2: and then I found out he had a double life.
Speaker 1: I think the thing that is important to keep contact
Speaker 1: on with this is that you need to keep your
Speaker 1: wits about you, because when I say you don't know
Speaker 1: someone at six months, you can know someone at six months.
Speaker 1: If someone is being honest with you, if they're telling
Speaker 1: you exactly who they are, if they're being transparent, if
Speaker 1: they are all of the things that you want in
Speaker 1: a partner, they are that, but they're being it because
Speaker 1: it's actually authentic to them, then yeah, six months you
Speaker 1: do know someone. But six months is not enough time
Speaker 1: to know whether you're in a relationship with someone who
Speaker 1: is lying to you, especially when love bombing can be
Speaker 1: involved and your judgment can be clouded and they seem
Speaker 1: so amazing, because it could be a case I'm not
Speaker 1: saying it absolutely is, but it could be a case
Speaker 1: that they are presenting the best version of themselves to you,
Speaker 1: and it's very easy for someone to keep that facade
Speaker 1: up for six months. Well yeah, The thing is, though,
Speaker 1: is that he's almost not kept the facade up for
Speaker 1: six months. He's kept it up until this very very
Speaker 1: massive flaw was revealed. You've only just recently found this out.
Speaker 1: He could have shared this with you at any point
Speaker 1: over the last six months if he was going to
Speaker 1: be transparent with you and honest, but obviously that would
Speaker 1: have impacted the way that you felt about him. So
Speaker 1: he chose to keep things a secret until a point
Speaker 1: where he couldn't possibly keep it secret anymore and he
Speaker 1: had to share it. So if I was in this relationship,
Speaker 1: and I know it's easier to be said than done
Speaker 1: when you feel as though you're totally in love with someone,
Speaker 1: but I would be slowing it down. And if your
Speaker 1: friends and your family are raising the alarm about a relationship,
Speaker 1: it is something to listen to because they know you
Speaker 1: and they probably can see things that you can't see.
Speaker 1: So I would say, are not saying break up with him,
Speaker 1: but just fucking wind it back. You do need to
Speaker 1: be moving in with him. You don't need to be
Speaker 1: totally entwined in his life after six months. Just slow
Speaker 1: things down a little bit and let him get through
Speaker 1: this court proceeding and everything else, and maybe that tiny
Speaker 1: bit of distance will allow you to have clearer judgment
Speaker 1: and decide whether or not he is the person who's
Speaker 1: saying is or whether actually he is a person who
Speaker 1: can take advantage of someone to steal from them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's absolutely no rush. He's six months deep. There's
Speaker 2: no rush to be moving in together. You can continue
Speaker 2: to date slowly if you want to continue to date
Speaker 2: at all. You do only know somebody from what they
Speaker 2: allow you to know, Like they keep from you what
Speaker 2: they want, and they show you the parts that they
Speaker 2: want to show you. And that's what he's done. When
Speaker 2: I really peel this back, for me, I just think
Speaker 2: the foundations or one of the strongholds of a relationship
Speaker 2: is having the same morals. This person's morals do not
Speaker 2: align with mine, and I don't think that I could
Speaker 2: stay in a relationship. It's not like you've been with
Speaker 2: him for five years and you're like, shit, you did
Speaker 2: that three years ago, Like, you know, we need to
Speaker 2: work through this. This is six months that he has
Speaker 2: kept from you. It has come out that he has
Speaker 2: stolen from someone vulnerable. I don't know. For me, that
Speaker 2: is a really big red flag for his morals don't
Speaker 2: align with mine. Morals for me is a very big
Speaker 2: part of forming a relationship. And what you think is okay, totally.
Speaker 1: And also just because someone is nice and loving to
Speaker 1: you and they give you the best version of themselves.
Speaker 1: If they're the type of person who can take advantage
Speaker 1: of someone who is super vulnerable and take from them
Speaker 1: and steal from them, I think that says a hell
Speaker 1: of a lot about their character. You can't discard the
Speaker 1: way that someone treats someone else because they take all
Speaker 1: the other boxes, like I think that that is something
Speaker 1: that's very dangerous, and you may find that when he's
Speaker 1: not as in love with you anymore, he treats you
Speaker 1: in a way where he takes advantage of you because
Speaker 1: he clearly doesn't have a very honest or I guess,
Speaker 1: like genuine moral compass like he You know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I worry about this situation from the information that you've
Speaker 1: given us. When you say like it's been advised to
Speaker 1: him to plead guilty, it must be very very clear
Speaker 1: cut that he is guilty, and that's why he's been
Speaker 1: advised to plead guilty. And secondly, when he says that
Speaker 1: he admitted that, yeah, it did seem strange that this
Speaker 1: person was giving me the money. If it seemed strange,
Speaker 1: then surely you would investigate it, like is he an idiot?
Speaker 1: Is he someone who you speak to and you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's actually like he's super gullible and he's a
Speaker 1: little bit dumb, and that's why he would have fallen
Speaker 1: for that? Or did he once again, like, is it
Speaker 1: pretty clear cut that he must have taken advantage of
Speaker 1: a situation that clearly seemed wrong from the get go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard to answer because I'm a big fan
Speaker 2: of saying people can make mistakes, but in this specific situation,
Speaker 2: whilst I believe he can make a mistake, this was
Speaker 2: a really shitty mistake that I think says a lot.
Speaker 2: And I don't think you're deep enough in it yet
Speaker 2: to have to stay in it. That's my thing. You're
Speaker 2: six months, you're feeling it out, you really want the love.
Speaker 2: I will say, you will find love again, Like there
Speaker 2: is more love out there in the world. This isn't
Speaker 2: the only person that's going to make you feel this
Speaker 2: way ever. Really think carefully, step back, don't move in
Speaker 2: with him yet, slow down the relationship. Maybe have some
Speaker 2: conversations with your friends and family about why they're concerned,
Speaker 2: because they may be seeing things or not that's my
Speaker 2: advice from this situation, but tread very carefully.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that one more makes me feel not good. I know,
Speaker 1: I feel like it has all the red flags for
Speaker 1: a very bad relationship. So do I okay? All right?
Speaker 1: Next to question, my husband and I eloped overseas. We
Speaker 1: made the decision to keep it a surprise and tell
Speaker 1: everyone at the time, with individual messages to our immediate
Speaker 1: families and social media informing all other families and friends.
Speaker 1: Everyone so far has been extremely happy for us and
Speaker 1: shared that excitement, mainly my husband's family. My parents, however,
Speaker 1: have not contacted me since we told them over two
Speaker 1: weeks ago, absolute radio silence. I preempted this reaction from
Speaker 1: my mum, seeing as my mother in law was actually
Speaker 1: on holiday with us and was able to be at
Speaker 1: the elopement. Oh that's got to.
Speaker 2: Hurt, oh her.
Speaker 1: I knew that this would upset her. However, I still
Speaker 1: hope she could put aside her personal hurt to still
Speaker 1: be happy for us. I am angry at my parents
Speaker 1: for their lack of interest in such a pivotal point
Speaker 1: in my life, and am adamant that I am not
Speaker 1: the one who needs to reach out at this time.
Speaker 1: Am I right to leave the ball in their court
Speaker 1: to reach out. Every day that goes by seriously affects
Speaker 1: how our relationship looks in the future. Please note, my
Speaker 1: mum is often a selfish person who is always the victim.
Speaker 1: My dad hurts more though, as he appears to have
Speaker 1: sided with my mum in not messaging me personally either.
Speaker 2: I hate to say this, but I borderline, well not borderline,
Speaker 2: I am. I'm sort of on your mom and dad's side.
Speaker 2: I completely understand what they're saying. You said you're angry
Speaker 2: from their lack of interest in your wedding. I don't
Speaker 2: think that's it. I don't think they have a lack
Speaker 2: of interest. I think they're angry because they probably had
Speaker 2: an interest. Not only were they not included, but his
Speaker 2: family was included. Like his family was there. That really
Speaker 2: has to sting. I'm not saying that they're handling it
Speaker 2: the right way. I don't think there's a right way
Speaker 2: in this situation. I do think you have to have
Speaker 2: a bit of understanding for maybe how hurt they.
Speaker 1: Are by it. I read this and that just made
Speaker 1: me feel really, really sad. I think, look, I know
Speaker 1: that you're saying that you don't feel like you need
Speaker 1: to reach out to your mum and that you're angry
Speaker 1: and you're hurt by their lack of interest. The one
Speaker 1: thing I want to say about this is that I
Speaker 1: think if you were planning on excluding your mum and
Speaker 1: including your mother in law, there should have been a
Speaker 1: preemptive conversation. And I think it's very, very challenging after
Speaker 1: the fact to turn around and say, all, my mum's
Speaker 1: often selfish and my mum's often this person. It's like
Speaker 1: that was a communication and a conversation that could have
Speaker 1: happened prior, where you could have talked to your mum
Speaker 1: and had an open discussion, because as far as she's aware,
Speaker 1: she doesn't know that you feel that way about her,
Speaker 1: or you know, you haven't given us that information, so
Speaker 1: she doesn't know that you think those things of her,
Speaker 1: and so her experience of this is that you rejected her.
Speaker 1: You did not want your mom there, You wanted your
Speaker 1: mother in law there, and you care about your relationship
Speaker 1: with your partner's mum more than you care about the
Speaker 1: relationship with your own mum. And it would be nice
Speaker 1: if your mom could be so she could be so selfless. Yes, selfless,
Speaker 1: and she could be so above it all to be like,
Speaker 1: do you know what, sweetheart, it doesn't matter whatever you
Speaker 1: wanted on that day, even if that is your happiness
Speaker 1: without me, I get it. That would be so nice.
Speaker 1: I think about how maybe I would react as a
Speaker 1: mom if Molly turned around and said that she got
Speaker 1: married and she didn't want me there, but she had
Speaker 1: her partner's mom there. I would feel devastated. And you
Speaker 1: feel devastated because you, as a parent, you give your
Speaker 1: whole life to your kids. You do you make so
Speaker 1: many sacrifices for their happiness and to support them and
Speaker 1: to be a part of their lives and to love them.
Speaker 1: And you might not do it perfect, like you might
Speaker 1: not be an amazing parent, and you might make mistakes,
Speaker 1: but you also need to be given the opportunity to
Speaker 1: know that you've made mistakes and to try and rectify
Speaker 1: those things. So if you, as the adult child, are
Speaker 1: not having those conversations with your parents, but yet you're
Speaker 1: punishing them, it's really really fucking unfair. And I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry if you listened to this and you thought that
Speaker 1: maybe we would side with you, But I think that
Speaker 1: a really honest and open situation has to be had
Speaker 1: with your mum, where you both sit down and talk
Speaker 1: about the ways that you're feeling and the reason why
Speaker 1: you made the decision that you made, because you're not
Speaker 1: going to get to a place of repair.
Speaker 2: I also don't think your dad is siding with your mom.
Speaker 2: I think he's probably just as upset. From their perspective,
Speaker 2: you made an active choice. You made an active choice
Speaker 2: to exclude you to go on a holiday and get
Speaker 2: married with one set of parents and not even worn
Speaker 2: the other set of parents that it was happening. I
Speaker 2: can't see a world in where I think that that
Speaker 2: wouldn't end up the way it's ended up. And I'm
Speaker 2: sure your parents are happy for you that you know
Speaker 2: their daughter got married, but they're very, very hurt because
Speaker 2: that is a very it's not even a there's probably
Speaker 2: a level of embarrassment too, like, oh, we won't you
Speaker 2: don't even think enough of us or value us enough
Speaker 2: to even let us know what's happening. Like we were
Speaker 2: left in the dark while they were at your wedding,
Speaker 2: Like we didn't even know you're getting married. They're watching
Speaker 2: you get married, they're in the wedding photos. They have
Speaker 2: that memory, it's a pretty big statement to have made.
Speaker 2: I do think you need to reach out to your
Speaker 2: parents even though you're hurt. You can tell them that
Speaker 2: you're hurt by their response, but I do think you
Speaker 2: need to take a step back and understand just how
Speaker 2: hurt they're feeling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I also have a question. You wrote, we made
Speaker 1: the decision to keep it a surprise and tell everyone
Speaker 1: at the same time, with individual messages to our immediate
Speaker 1: family and social media informing all other family and friends.
Speaker 1: So when you say you did it at the same time,
Speaker 1: was it like Instagram posts and personal messages all at
Speaker 1: the same time. As a parent, my question is is like,
Speaker 1: how fractured is your relationship with your mum and dad?
Speaker 1: Did they know that it was fractured? Is it an
Speaker 1: unrepairable relationship? Because the way you're behaving that to me
Speaker 1: speaks volumes that you're saying to your parents you're not
Speaker 1: as important to me for xyz reasons. But if they
Speaker 1: don't know that, then this is going to come as
Speaker 1: a huge shock. And I do think that there is
Speaker 1: a responsibility that we have as adults to have conversations
Speaker 1: with our parents when something has been hurtful or something
Speaker 1: has made us feel a certain way, and that might
Speaker 1: be prolonged years of a dysfunctional relationship. But we need
Speaker 1: to be also a participants in resolving that relationship with
Speaker 1: our parents if we want to. But if we don't
Speaker 1: want to, you then can't be mad at how your
Speaker 1: parents react to the decisions you make.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my only thing that I'm kind of I'm trying
Speaker 3: to not read between the lines too much, but I
Speaker 3: just don't want us to make assumptions because we don't
Speaker 3: know why this person didn't want her parents at her wedding.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: And you've said the one line that I am just
Speaker 3: reading over is like, please note my mum is often
Speaker 3: a selfish person who is always the victim. Was that
Speaker 3: why you didn't want her at your wedding?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 3: Sometimes I think for a lot of our parents' generation,
Speaker 3: they struggle a lot with self reflection of where they
Speaker 3: could be in the wrong in the dynamics of their
Speaker 3: children's relationships. And I could be projecting a little bit here,
Speaker 3: but it just makes me question, like, does your parent
Speaker 3: have a complete lack of awareness? And why is the
Speaker 3: responsibility on this girl to make her parents aware of
Speaker 3: why she has a fractured relationship with them is my
Speaker 3: only question. And I know that that's like a little
Speaker 3: bit deep, but I just want to give her the
Speaker 3: benefit of the doubt of like, there could be a
Speaker 3: really good reason for why she didn't want her parents
Speaker 3: at the wedding and they're kind of kicking off about it,
Speaker 3: and she's like, oh, great, now I've got to.
Speaker 1: Deal with this.
Speaker 2: I agree with that, Keish. I do agree that we
Speaker 2: don't know the situation, and maybe she didn't want them
Speaker 2: there for a valid reason, But then those two things
Speaker 2: don't align. If your relationship is so fractured that you
Speaker 2: don't want them at your wedding, why does it matter
Speaker 2: so much that they haven't spoken to you in two
Speaker 2: weeks about it? And why does it matter so much
Speaker 2: that they're not happy for you? If the relationship's fractured
Speaker 2: enough that you don't have to involve them, that's my question.
Speaker 2: And to not even have had that initial combination, I.
Speaker 3: Think maybe she could have been in a situation where
Speaker 3: it was a lose lose, like if she could have
Speaker 3: told them and invited them, she might not have actually
Speaker 3: wanted them to be there for her special day. But
Speaker 3: then she's got to deal with the consequences as well.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think it's a really tricky one.
Speaker 1: I agree with everything you said Keisha as well, but
Speaker 1: I think you know, I knew this would upset her. However,
Speaker 1: I still hope that she could put aside her personal
Speaker 1: hurt to be happy for us. I kind of think
Speaker 1: you went in there knowing what the response was going
Speaker 1: to be, Like, you set this situation up, and it's
Speaker 1: like you almost set yourself up for the disappointment because
Speaker 1: you expected your parents to behave in a way that's
Speaker 1: not congruent with how they've always behaved. But the thing is,
Speaker 1: and I do come back to this, if you want
Speaker 1: to change your relationship with your parents, you have to
Speaker 1: try right, Like, you cannot expect that your parents are
Speaker 1: going to reach Nirvana one day, realize all the things
Speaker 1: that they did wrong when you were growing up and
Speaker 1: apologize and say I just have been thinking about it.
Speaker 1: Maybe I wasn't the best parent. It's never going to
Speaker 1: fucking happen. And the only way that happens is if
Speaker 1: you have a conversation with them and you say, hey, mamma,
Speaker 1: know you tried really hard with these things. But these
Speaker 1: are reasons why sometimes I find it hard to communicate
Speaker 1: with you. And the thing is, your mom's either going
Speaker 1: to show up and she's going to care about the
Speaker 1: relationship which she has with you and take some accountability
Speaker 1: because the relationship is more important than her pride or
Speaker 1: her feelings, or she's not. But that's going to give
Speaker 1: you a really clear indication as to who she is.
Speaker 1: Expecting that your mom is going to behave differently without
Speaker 1: giving her the tools or the explanation is setting her
Speaker 1: up to fail, I think. And that's what's happened in
Speaker 1: this situation. You knew she would be hurt, and she was, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so hard, and now I feel like I'm raining down.
Speaker 1: Maybe I also come to this with my own sort
Speaker 1: of like skin in the game. You know, my mom
Speaker 1: and I we have great, great relationship and we've you know,
Speaker 1: we've had big conversations throughout my adult life around the
Speaker 1: things that I felt resentful for when I was younger.
Speaker 1: My mom was way more receptive than I expected her
Speaker 1: to be. She surprised me, and I think that's sometimes
Speaker 1: that is a really nice outcome. It's not always the
Speaker 1: outcome that we have as as you know kids of
Speaker 1: our parents, but it can be the outcome, and I
Speaker 1: think it's worth uncomfortable conversations for.
Speaker 2: Yeah. My wrap of this is we don't know the situation,
Speaker 2: but you do give them a little bit of grace.
Speaker 2: I would do the reaching out and say, hey, do
Speaker 2: you want to do you want to chat? I understand
Speaker 2: this isn't going the way that we all had a hope,
Speaker 2: but I know.
Speaker 1: You mum, let's have a conversation about it.
Speaker 2: Yes, good advice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. I know that that's a shitty
Speaker 1: one and I'm sorry if I rained down hard on you.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's the mum and me. I'm like, it might
Speaker 1: be to your wedding mom.
Speaker 2: Like my mom's upset that I haven't even shown in
Speaker 2: my wedding dress. Like she's like, show me your dress.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I haven't said it you for the same thing.
Speaker 2: I was like, not, mum, if you couldn't make it
Speaker 2: down to see it, you can see it all the day.
Speaker 2: I'm such a mole, all right, Last question question number four.
Speaker 2: My mother in law plays a minimal role in our
Speaker 2: daughter's life, but recently we have asked her to mind
Speaker 2: our little one for one hour each week. When my
Speaker 2: mother in law comes over, she's always calling me a
Speaker 2: mean mom mum ye to my daughter like she's referring
Speaker 2: to her as like, oh, that's your mean mum that
Speaker 2: goets so bad, so bad. For example, we were heading
Speaker 2: off for a big swim in the river, the furthest
Speaker 2: I would have ever swam, and I have made myself
Speaker 2: some food which was different to my daughter's dinner, as
Speaker 2: I have a lot of allergies. Of course, my daughter
Speaker 2: wanted to have some of mine, but I was trying
Speaker 2: to encourage her to just eat her own food. In
Speaker 2: steps the mother in law, who consistently calls me a
Speaker 2: mean mum over and over again for not allowing my
Speaker 2: daughter to eat my dinner.
Speaker 1: A daughter is.
Speaker 2: Eighteen months and will probably begin to understand the animosity
Speaker 2: here soon. I always play nice and laugh it off.
Speaker 2: She never does this when my husband is around, so
Speaker 2: when I tell him about it, as much as he
Speaker 2: believes me, it does make it tricky to bring up.
Speaker 2: I have started saying things like, hey, that's not very
Speaker 2: fair or kind, but she just continues any further suggestions.
Speaker 2: My family lives four hours away, so I do really
Speaker 2: need the one hour break, so I can go and
Speaker 2: hang out with my husband and do some exercise.
Speaker 1: And just have some space.
Speaker 2: Our second baby is on the way, so I can't
Speaker 2: afford to damage the relationship too much. It sounds horrible.
Speaker 1: She sounds like like you always hear about like stepmother.
Speaker 2: No, it sounds like you know when sometimes mother in
Speaker 2: laws can get jealous of their son, Like you know
Speaker 2: how there's that weird relationship. They get jealous like you're
Speaker 2: the other woman.
Speaker 3: It's like Freudian or something like that.
Speaker 2: It's like that in penis.
Speaker 1: Penis said the Freudian penis, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't think that's the technical term.
Speaker 2: That's funny.
Speaker 1: It's definitely got to do that. Freudian penis was a
Speaker 1: bit too penises, he wore. He absolutely had a fucking
Speaker 1: mummy fetish. That guy Like, yeah, I think you've probably
Speaker 1: been a little bit too soft on They're like, hey,
Speaker 1: that's not very nice. We don't say these things. I
Speaker 1: do think you need to have a slightly more direct
Speaker 1: conversation with her. She's dissing you, yeah, and she It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be confrontational, it doesn't have to be unkind.
Speaker 1: But I do think the next time it happens. Just
Speaker 1: be like, hey, whatever her name is, it actually makes
Speaker 1: me really upset when you call me a mean mom.
Speaker 1: I know you're joking, and I know you don't mean it,
Speaker 1: but could you stop saying that? It hurts my feelings
Speaker 1: and I'm doing the best I can as a mum.
Speaker 1: That's all you have to say. And if she continues
Speaker 1: it after that, then you know that this is something
Speaker 1: that's super pointed. She might have no concept that she's
Speaker 1: even doing it.
Speaker 2: Oh, she knows she's doing it.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 2: I also would love to give it the benefit of
Speaker 2: the doubt. I always like to do that she knows
Speaker 2: she's doing it, especially when you've brought it up and
Speaker 2: she doesn't say she's joking, and she doubles down and
Speaker 2: continues to say it. I understand you need to balance
Speaker 2: this relationship because you need her and there's another baby coming,
Speaker 2: so you definitely are going to need some help because
Speaker 2: your family's not around. But also you do have to
Speaker 2: get on top of it now because your children. I
Speaker 2: don't need to tell you this, but they're vacuums. This
Speaker 2: is what they're learning. If they're learning right now. The
Speaker 2: first thing she's going to start saying is like, my
Speaker 2: mum is mean, and there's like this subliminal message that's
Speaker 2: put in. She's going to start to side with the grandma.
Speaker 1: The grandma doesn't spend enough time with them to actually
Speaker 1: be influential, you know, an.
Speaker 2: Hour a week, Like, no, that's enough.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think my look, I feel kind
Speaker 1: of two ways about it. Partly, I'm like, I know
Speaker 1: that you need her, and I know that it creates
Speaker 1: relief for you having her to like help out for
Speaker 1: that one hour a week. But if she keeps that up,
Speaker 1: I would be thinking, all right, well, if that's what
Speaker 1: she's saying in front of you, what is she saying
Speaker 1: when you're not there? Because if you're gone for that hour,
Speaker 1: that is unsupervised time with someone who is speaking really
Speaker 1: negatively about you. Can you pay for a babysitter for
Speaker 1: an hour? Is that a possibility? Is there anything else
Speaker 1: that you can exhaust? I know that that costs money.
Speaker 1: I know it may not be as convenient, but I
Speaker 1: do think a conversation has to be had, and if
Speaker 1: nothing changes, then a different solution needs to be met,
Speaker 1: because you can't have someone who completely compromises your parenting,
Speaker 1: questions your parenting, and puts you down in front of
Speaker 1: your kids, just simply because you need like that one
Speaker 1: hour break a week, Like there has to be a
Speaker 1: different solution there, I think. And it's all right, not
Speaker 1: even not right.
Speaker 2: But if it's a one off, like you don't give
Speaker 2: your child an ice cream and she's like, oh, mommy's
Speaker 2: being mean, come here. But when it's like constant every
Speaker 2: decision or every bit of discipline that you were doing
Speaker 2: on your daughter, yeah, and then the default is to say, oh,
Speaker 2: she's mean because she's disciplining you, but like presenting herself
Speaker 2: as like the warm grandma, the safe place, like there
Speaker 2: is a separation and a divide. It seems like we're
Speaker 2: being dramatic, but that kind of stuff develops over time,
Speaker 2: but it also becomes more evident. The thing is, you've
Speaker 2: noticed that she has a change of behavior when she's
Speaker 2: around your husband verse when it's just the two of
Speaker 2: you on your own, And I think that that's very telling.
Speaker 2: So if you have noticed that and it's something that
Speaker 2: you really do see her behavior shift, I honestly think, uh,
Speaker 2: not confrontational, don't accuse her of it, just the next
Speaker 2: time she does say it and you catch it instead
Speaker 2: of being like, oh, that's not nice, don't talk to
Speaker 2: her in a way that you would talk to your daughter,
Speaker 2: you know, like you don't need to play into that
Speaker 2: kind of language. I genuinely think she will respond well
Speaker 2: to that, and if she doesn't, then she's a psychopath
Speaker 2: analysis like, no one can respond badly to that unless
Speaker 2: they're like have some sort of personality disorder, yeah, or
Speaker 2: even dialogue like, I'm worried she's going to start believing you,
Speaker 2: Like that's a way of saying, hey, I know you're joking.
Speaker 2: And I was to throw away comment, but she's at
Speaker 2: the age now where she's learning a lot, and I'm
Speaker 2: worried that she's going to believe you, and I don't
Speaker 2: want her to associate me with being a mean.
Speaker 1: Mum or even even like on that brit Not so
Speaker 1: much that she's going to believe you, But you are
Speaker 1: making it okay for her to say it because you're
Speaker 1: saying it so then, and you're calling me names and
Speaker 1: we don't call people names, right like, you're making it
Speaker 1: okay for when she has more, you know, vocabulary, and
Speaker 1: she has more words her reaction to me when I
Speaker 1: say no to her, is she's going to say you're
Speaker 1: a mean mum. That's what she's going to say back
Speaker 1: to you, because they powrot everything. So yeah, I absolutely
Speaker 1: would be getting on top of that, and that has
Speaker 1: to change.
Speaker 2: So the husband things that the alarm for me, it's
Speaker 2: like when she's not doing it in front of the husband,
Speaker 2: that's also a choice, which means it's not just throw
Speaker 2: joke comments. And has she ever said that to your
Speaker 2: husband when he has disciplined her. Has she ever said like, oh,
Speaker 2: daddy's so mean? Because probably not.
Speaker 1: That weird daddy? Hey, do you know what I would
Speaker 1: love to talk about one day? We can talk about it,
Speaker 1: not now because we don't have time. But is it
Speaker 1: weird to get into the habit of calling your partner daddy?
Speaker 1: So like daddy because you're referring to them as dad
Speaker 1: for the kids, but then they just become daddy or
Speaker 1: you become mummy. No, lots of people do that, but
Speaker 1: it becomes very unsexual, right, and so then it's like
Speaker 1: you're no longer calling them by their name.
Speaker 2: Do you use daddy sexually? No?
Speaker 1: It's not about so that. Okay, it's actually a good
Speaker 1: unpack and it might be something we do in a
Speaker 1: different episode. It's a really interesting sex ologists podcast. I'll
Speaker 1: find it and i'll give you guys a details for
Speaker 1: it around how the lack of desire grows from how
Speaker 1: you refer to your partner in like a childlike way.
Speaker 1: So you're no longer speaking to them in a way
Speaker 1: that you would speak to them as your husband or spouse.
Speaker 2: Because you're sexual.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're speaking to them as though they are also
Speaker 1: the daddy of your chime. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It's like creates this real separation in desire. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I was listening to it recently and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't think i've called Matt and Matt in like
Speaker 1: two years. I only call him daddy in a non
Speaker 1: sexy way.
Speaker 2: But did you ever That's that's a genuine question because
Speaker 2: it's not for me. Did you are you a daddy person?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: Of course I didn't call him daddy, but I called
Speaker 1: him Matt. And at least Matt makes him a man,
Speaker 1: and daddy makes him a daddy, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like his like his daddy and going downs daddy. It's
Speaker 1: just acutifies him I'm.
Speaker 3: Looking at this conversation if the answer is still to
Speaker 3: not use sexualized language in front of the children, because
Speaker 3: that's fucking weird and we're going back into Freud territory.
Speaker 2: No, I'm saying, I'm genuinely saying when you're saying, you
Speaker 2: call him daddy, so it's not sexual anymore, I'm saying,
Speaker 2: was it ever sexual for you? Was that a term
Speaker 2: that you was daddy? A term that you guys use,
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. Wasn't it something you use that
Speaker 2: it's changed the meaning.
Speaker 1: I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. I don't mean
Speaker 1: that the term daddy is the term that is sexualized.
Speaker 1: What you're doing is if I always referred to you
Speaker 1: as mummy, I'm no longer calling you brit I am
Speaker 1: like infantizing you as like mummy, And so it builds
Speaker 1: this lack of desire in you because you're no longer
Speaker 1: referring to your partner as the person that they are,
Speaker 1: as the identity that they are, the human that they are.
Speaker 1: They are only the role of mummy or daddy, right,
Speaker 1: And there's nothing sexy about being a mummy or a daddy,
Speaker 1: is what I'm saying right, my children.
Speaker 4: Well, and also yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2: I get yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's a very interesting unpack. And I listened to
Speaker 1: this podcast on it and I was like, yeah, like
Speaker 1: fucking ding ding ding, Like you really do slip into
Speaker 1: these roles in parenting where you're no longer seeing each
Speaker 1: other as like your desirable partner, You're just seeing them
Speaker 1: as like the dad of your kids or the mom
Speaker 1: of your kids.
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
Speaker 3: We have a sexologist, you guys have got a chat
Speaker 3: with her coming up quite soon. Maybe we can ask her.
Speaker 1: We can have daddy chat, call me daddy, daddy play
Speaker 1: all right. Well that's it from us, guys. If you
Speaker 1: loved it the episode, go leave a review, subscribe, and
Speaker 1: also watch us on YouTube tube because we're there every week.
Speaker 1: And also, lastly, but very importantly, please go and vote
Speaker 1: for Matt and the I'm a Celebrity Jungle because people
Speaker 1: are getting eliminated left right and send her now. We've
Speaker 1: got to save his arts.
Speaker 2: He's not going nowhere.
Speaker 1: He did so well. He literally ate an asshole, which
Speaker 1: I've been joking about, but he got his asshole.
Speaker 2: We manifested that.
Speaker 1: Last week.
Speaker 2: We manifested the asshole not only the eating challenge, but
Speaker 2: like the butt.
Speaker 1: I've been manifesting the anus since, like the Get Go.
Speaker 2: And You Will for the TV show, Well, I do
Speaker 2: love it when Maddie's ass If you back up into
Speaker 2: himp shit, that's trying to put a subliminal message in
Speaker 2: just bending over in the kitchen.
Speaker 3: You write the headlines yourself, you are only.
Speaker 1: Laura Burns says she does love it when her husband
Speaker 1: eats us mine preferably.
Speaker 4: Anyway, that's different mask guys.
Speaker 2: You know the drill tea mumtayd dat te don Tee,
Speaker 2: Friends and shad A love because we love love