Speaker 1: If this is storing me bus, you're dead. Hi, guys,
Speaker 1: and well here back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: My name is Laura, my name is Brittany, and I
Speaker 1: know what you're about to do to me. I can
Speaker 1: see the look in your eye. You're about to throw
Speaker 1: me under the bus in some capacity. I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to work out which way. I think it's got to
Speaker 1: do with the Daily Mail headline. You guys know that
Speaker 1: we love the Daily Mail here and usually, okay, usually
Speaker 1: it's me. Usually I am the butt of the articles,
Speaker 1: the literal butt, so many puns intended, like they always
Speaker 1: seem to want to talk about my butt. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: because I say things like pinky and the stinky on
Speaker 1: this podcast one hundred percent wide. They don't just make
Speaker 1: it up. No, that's exactly the problem. The problem is
Speaker 1: that they do make it up. They take things entirely
Speaker 1: out of context and create brand new articles about it
Speaker 1: which have nothing to do with what we originally spoke about. However,
Speaker 1: this one has everything to do with what Britney spoke about.
Speaker 1: This is the headline from today's news. Talk about too
Speaker 1: much information TMI. Brittany Hockley thought tennis pro boyfriend Jordan
Speaker 1: Thompson would just be a summer shag, as he complains
Speaker 1: about her stinky butt in a very candid chat. Fucky,
Speaker 1: fuck you, deadly mate, how stinky is your butt? I mean,
Speaker 1: I have been in this house when it's been a
Speaker 1: bit stinky. We're not gonna talk about it, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna talk about what just happened in my bathroom. Laura Burn,
Speaker 1: you know that you're really close friends with someone when
Speaker 1: it's okay to just go to their house and do
Speaker 1: a poop. You destroyed my toilet, like you just destroyed
Speaker 1: it and I had to close the doors I could
Speaker 1: sanction off. Okay, the headline is so cooked, so cooked.
Speaker 1: First of all, okay, the first half, let's break this down,
Speaker 1: the fairlouse. Let's do a nuance dissection of Britney's stinky
Speaker 1: butt article. The first half.
Speaker 2: Brittany thought Jordan Thompson was gonna be a summer shagure
Speaker 2: so much truth to that. I did not think that
Speaker 2: it'd be a relationship seven year difference athlete that lives overseas.
Speaker 2: I was like, cool, he's young, he's cute, he's hot,
Speaker 2: he's here for this summer.
Speaker 1: Let's see how that goes Hot boy summer, hot girl summer,
Speaker 1: hot vaxed waxed girl summer. There is nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: that part of the article.
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with me wanting to have some summer loving,
Speaker 2: because every girl deserves a good summer fling.
Speaker 1: The part that I have a very big problem with
Speaker 1: is them saying in the headline that can you quote
Speaker 1: me again? What was it? Jordan has a problem with
Speaker 1: Britney's stinky butt. H to literal headline is as he
Speaker 1: complains about her stinky butt in very candid chat.
Speaker 2: Okay, Jordan has never complained about my stinky butt. Daily
Speaker 2: Mail take this line. I do not have a stinky butt.
Speaker 2: I shower multiple times a day. Where this is all
Speaker 2: coming from is Jordan joined the podcast for a bonus episode.
Speaker 2: It was myself and Jordan. We answered all of your questions.
Speaker 2: It was last week. If you haven't listened, to go
Speaker 2: back and have a listen. It's a really great chat.
Speaker 1: It's a nice little insight into their relationship. And obviously,
Speaker 1: like you guys, hear so much from me and Matt,
Speaker 1: you know all about deep, dark and dirty secrets. There
Speaker 1: aren't really many dirty secrets dark, but this was like
Speaker 1: a nice little It was just a nice little chat
Speaker 1: with Britt and with Jordan to get to know and
Speaker 1: understand a bit more about their relationship and also the
Speaker 1: dynamics as to how it works, how they met. Part
Speaker 1: of that was what are your nicknames for each other? Now?
Speaker 2: I actually do not know why. Jordan explained it on
Speaker 2: the podcast. I don't even remember it.
Speaker 1: But we just started to call each other stinky for
Speaker 1: no reason, not because we smell, just because we thought
Speaker 1: it was cute.
Speaker 2: This is how we say it to each other because
Speaker 2: we call it all day. He'll text me all day, Hey, stinky,
Speaker 2: how are you? That's it, and I'll say, hey, stink dog,
Speaker 2: Hey stinky.
Speaker 1: We just it's just what we do. And then it
Speaker 1: started and then and then it eventuated to stinky butt.
Speaker 1: Because he calls me everything.
Speaker 2: He calls me cutie butt, sexy butt, weirdy butt, nerdy butt.
Speaker 1: Everything he says, he just puts a butt on the end.
Speaker 1: It's just what he does. So stinky turned into stinky butt.
Speaker 2: I do not have a stinky butt. He did not
Speaker 2: name me this because I had a stinky butt. But
Speaker 2: the Daily Mail, Holy, it is the most twisted, fucked
Speaker 2: up penline. I have seen from them so bloody well done.
Speaker 1: What I like about these your pet names is like
Speaker 1: it could be that you're a stinky butt, as in
Speaker 1: like stinky bottom, or it could be like stinky butt,
Speaker 1: nerdy butt, like there's something else coming question, like if
Speaker 1: maybe you're not stinky, but is it it's two teas,
Speaker 1: it's be double tea okay. But also on this everybody
Speaker 1: has weird pet names, Like I'd love to know from
Speaker 1: you guys, from the listeners, what are them of the
Speaker 1: weirdest if your friends or your family knew the stuff
Speaker 1: that you call each other behind closed doors, what would
Speaker 1: it be? I call Matt honeybee. It was vomit in
Speaker 1: my mouth. I would rather be called stinky butt than
Speaker 1: honey bee. Honey bee. God, they're losers. Okay. Anyway, onto
Speaker 1: some very exciting news. But we're coming in hot and
Speaker 1: on a high today. The reason why we are probably
Speaker 1: sounding a little bit manic is because we have just
Speaker 1: come back from doing Kyle and Jackie O this morning.
Speaker 1: We got to sit in on their radio show to
Speaker 1: announce some really exciting news. Guys, we have our very
Speaker 1: own radio show on KSFM on a Saturday it is insane. Well,
Speaker 1: we don't have it yet, like it's starting next year
Speaker 1: dotted line. They have contracted us. They cannot revoke it now,
Speaker 1: so it's too late for them to go back on it.
Speaker 1: They probably listened to our recording this morning. There are
Speaker 1: a few f bombs that I accidentally dropped. Lucky. There's
Speaker 1: a live beeper. Britt swore live on breakfast radio, not once,
Speaker 1: but twice, and I managed to say anal sex on
Speaker 1: live breakfast radio in the first four minutes. And I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure after that all went down, the people who
Speaker 1: signed us for this radio show were like, what have
Speaker 1: we done? The big boss messages they're like, hey, that
Speaker 1: was really cute. We'll work on some things. O. No,
Speaker 1: but guys, it's so exciting. So this is actually this
Speaker 1: is a national radio show, so we're going to be
Speaker 1: doing I mean, for those of you who've been listening
Speaker 1: for a little while, we did do a trial almost
Speaker 1: a year ago. Now, it was really late at night.
Speaker 1: They put us on like the midnight shift because they
Speaker 1: were like, these girls cannot be trying just to be
Speaker 1: sure we didn't drop any bombs live on a breakfast show.
Speaker 1: But it turns out that yeah, so it all came
Speaker 1: into fruition. We are starting in January and it will
Speaker 1: be every Saturday morning, a national radio show, so even
Speaker 1: if you were in some far remote corners of Australia,
Speaker 1: you'll still be able to hopefully jump in your car
Speaker 1: or pull out the old radio. I don't know, how
Speaker 1: do people listen to the radio these days? Extreme you idiots.
Speaker 1: You can listen to it on the internet wherever you are.
Speaker 1: If you have internet, we can come to you live
Speaker 1: on a Saturday, except in Western Australia, but everywhere else.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, sorry, sorry to our Perth guys. They didn't
Speaker 1: want us in Perth.
Speaker 2: But we also it is very signing producer Keisha is
Speaker 2: coming on board. She'll be producing the show as well.
Speaker 2: So it's like our whole little life Uncut team is
Speaker 2: just picking up and going to do radio. But fear not,
Speaker 2: we are still doing the podcast. We're still having the Tuesdays,
Speaker 2: we're still having the Thursdays, we're still doing the bonus episodes.
Speaker 2: Nothing is changing in that sense. But all that's going
Speaker 2: to happen is we're adding in another aspect to this
Speaker 2: radio show and.
Speaker 1: We're just so fucking excited. But anyway, that is coming
Speaker 1: in January, and thank you.
Speaker 2: There's so much love and support coming from you guys, LARNI,
Speaker 2: so thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I guess we should probably tell you about what this
Speaker 1: episode is about. A few weeks ago, you might remember
Speaker 1: that we did part one of Attraction, and when we
Speaker 1: got into dissecting the conversation around attraction, why are we
Speaker 1: attracted to certain people over others? How do we build
Speaker 1: and form connections of attraction? We realized that this was
Speaker 1: actually such a huge area of conversation. There were so
Speaker 1: many parts to attraction and how it works that we
Speaker 1: decided we would have to break it up over two
Speaker 1: separate episodes. So the first episode we touched on things like,
Speaker 1: you know, can you sleep with someone who you are
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to but have no emotional or romantic connections.
Speaker 1: But on this episode, we're going to get into what
Speaker 1: are the different types of attraction and then we're going
Speaker 1: to talk a little bit about gender and how gender
Speaker 1: can impact different types of attraction. So different types of
Speaker 1: sexualities that can impact attraction, things like sapio sexuality, demi sexuality,
Speaker 1: pan sexuality, some of the different types to maybe not
Speaker 1: as commonly spoken about now. One thing that I freaking
Speaker 1: love about this episode is we actually have a listener
Speaker 1: who's come onto this episod So. Their name is Billy.
Speaker 1: Billy is non binary and they also identify as being asexual,
Speaker 1: and it was so incredibly interesting to have somebody from
Speaker 1: our own community to discuss what asexuality is and how
Speaker 1: it impacts their life and also their relationships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Billy is a Day one listener as well, which
Speaker 2: we absolutely love. But I learned so much just in
Speaker 2: that chat alone, and I'm really excited for you guys
Speaker 2: to hear that later on in the episode. But before
Speaker 2: we get into that, Laura Taylor Swift, she's taken ten
Speaker 2: years to get over her three month relationship with Jake Jillenhall.
Speaker 1: Have you been looking at this kafuffle now? Before I
Speaker 1: like disclaimer, I love Taylor Swift. I wanted to be
Speaker 1: my Bessie.
Speaker 2: I don't have a bad way to say about it,
Speaker 2: but I think this whole thing is insane.
Speaker 1: I am a full closet swifty. I'm swifty, not even closet.
Speaker 1: I'll come out and say it. I'm here, I'm a diehard.
Speaker 1: I've seen her three times in concert. I'm proper with
Speaker 1: you all right, Brittany, just trying to one up here.
Speaker 1: My sister and I we love it so much so
Speaker 1: I think if you guys haven't seen, there's been a
Speaker 1: lot of conversation and in spiraling around the internet and
Speaker 1: the media in regards to Taylor Swift re releasing her album,
Speaker 1: her album from what was a decade ago, named Red.
Speaker 1: It was released on the twenty second of October in
Speaker 1: twenty twelve. And this is the album that was so
Speaker 1: fundamental in I think so many of our twenties, Like
Speaker 1: in my twenties, this was like the album, the cornerstone
Speaker 1: breakup album of my twenties. It was the album that
Speaker 1: had the song like We're never getting back together in it,
Speaker 1: and I think, like for most of us, I'm sure
Speaker 1: there's a good majority of people listening to this who
Speaker 1: danced around their bedroom after a bad breakup to that song.
Speaker 1: I know I certainly did. But then there's also the
Speaker 1: song that's kind of been thrown into the limelight and
Speaker 1: the conversation around Jake Gillenhall is in regards to the
Speaker 1: song all too well, basically the rundown on why Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift is re recording her albums is because a former
Speaker 1: label of hers, so the Big Machine, which was the
Speaker 1: label that had signed her, refused to give her rights
Speaker 1: to her Masters, which she had signed away and without
Speaker 1: her permission, they had on sold her songs, which means
Speaker 1: that she doesn't have agency over the music that she created.
Speaker 1: And to be able to try and regain some of
Speaker 1: that control and regain some of that ownership, she decided
Speaker 1: to completely re release her albums, release them with extra songs,
Speaker 1: unheard content, and one of the big releases was last week.
Speaker 1: The original album only had nine songs on it. The
Speaker 1: new album track has sixteen songs, and it also has
Speaker 1: a ten minute version of the song all Too Well.
Speaker 1: Now All Too Well is the song that everyone thinks
Speaker 1: is about Jake Gillenhall. The controversy here.
Speaker 2: Comes from the fact that this ten minute release, this
Speaker 2: new release that she's done now all Too Well comes
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 1: It's a short film. She's put together a short film.
Speaker 1: It's very good. I watch it again this morning, Kape.
Speaker 1: I loved it, like I was really into it.
Speaker 2: The problem comes with she's added in some extra since
Speaker 2: she's added in some extra dialogue into this ten minute song,
Speaker 2: and she's added in. I guess it's a story and
Speaker 2: it's obviously without her saying it, it's obviously her portraying
Speaker 2: the situation as she saw it. Now Jake Gillenhall, I
Speaker 2: don't know if anyone's checked in on Jake, but he's been.
Speaker 2: He's been absolutely. I went onto his Instagram. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've got to look at his comment section.
Speaker 2: He hasn't posted anything. So you know how people go
Speaker 2: back to, like the last photo that you've posted. It's insanity.
Speaker 1: There are so many people saying, like, you've got one
Speaker 1: week left to return her scarf. Can't believe he's told
Speaker 1: her scarf one week until you're gonna be taken down.
Speaker 2: Like he's been absolutely trolled in the media. What I
Speaker 2: find interesting. So I'm just gonna add a different dynamic
Speaker 2: here and a different view. So I have some people
Speaker 2: in my life that are very, very big Swifties and
Speaker 2: they've gone deep.
Speaker 1: Now there are these, you know, like the deep web,
Speaker 1: but it's usually like the dark swift view where it's
Speaker 1: like to sell firearms illegally. There is a deep web
Speaker 1: that is dedicated to Swifties. There is like these deep
Speaker 1: deep forums that are purely Taylor Swift fans. There is
Speaker 1: a lot of talk about these people and they everything
Speaker 1: that they say ends up coming true. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: there's sleuths in the Bachelor Forum. It's like that bit
Speaker 1: on steroids.
Speaker 2: And there's a lot of people that are saying this
Speaker 2: whole thing with Jake from the very beginning, that his
Speaker 2: team isn't on it.
Speaker 1: It's a PR stunt. They know all about it. There
Speaker 1: is no way she would have least these lyrics and
Speaker 1: a whole short film dedicated to him without him knowing
Speaker 1: about it. Now they're coming out of the woodwork saying
Speaker 1: apparently this song was written and recorded three months before
Speaker 1: they actually even met, ten years ago. Then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, all they've only even photographed three times together
Speaker 1: in the three months they were dating. One of the
Speaker 1: times Taylor Swift threw a scarf at one of the
Speaker 1: paps and that's where it all went down. And Taylor
Speaker 1: Swifts has come out before in the past saying, you know,
Speaker 1: like I let the media know the story that I
Speaker 1: want them to know. So there's all this talk that
Speaker 1: maybe such Jake's in on this. When did you become
Speaker 1: a conspiracy theorist? I'm a Taylor Swift conspiracy Did you
Speaker 1: spiral down the conspira like? I like that you came
Speaker 1: with no quotes, you came with no articles that had
Speaker 1: ever said this. You're just like I heard it once
Speaker 1: from a very very reliable source.
Speaker 2: Because also we all know, well, I just don't see
Speaker 2: how else she would do it and she would get
Speaker 2: away with because she knows what's going to happen to him.
Speaker 2: If she does it, he would have to be okay
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 1: And I believe that who knows, No one is ever
Speaker 1: going to know what really went down between Taylor and.
Speaker 2: Jake, but the whole world is absolutely living for it.
Speaker 2: But I don't know how Jake is going to come
Speaker 2: out the other side of this.
Speaker 1: Her army is strong. Well, that's why I don't like.
Speaker 1: I mean, look here for the conspiracy theories. I don't
Speaker 1: think that that is true. I think that there's always
Speaker 1: going to be another side to the story where people
Speaker 1: are trying to put two and two together. But one
Speaker 1: Taylor switch has never come out and specifically said that
Speaker 1: this song is about Jake Jillenhall. However, a lot of
Speaker 1: the actions and at the time alluded to this relationship.
Speaker 1: That she had, and it was kind of well known
Speaker 1: in media that back in twenty eleven she had a
Speaker 1: three month relationship with Jake Jillenhall. So I think the
Speaker 1: big thing for me is I read this quote and
Speaker 1: I really felt for her. So when she was asked
Speaker 1: whether the experience of re releasing read because like some
Speaker 1: people are like, well, move on, get over it, She's
Speaker 1: not re releasing this music because she's still hung up
Speaker 1: on Jake Jillenhall. Like the girl has moved on. She's
Speaker 1: in a very good place now. She's re releasing the
Speaker 1: music to have ownership over her creations. That's the whole
Speaker 1: purpose behind the It just so happens that everyone's like,
Speaker 1: oh god, I remember and the Pitchforks come back out.
Speaker 1: But she's written, I was honestly in a really sad
Speaker 1: place because I had actually gone through the stuff that
Speaker 1: I had sung about. But this time, I've got sunglasses on,
Speaker 1: a mehido in hand. It's chill time. It's really nice
Speaker 1: to be able to put this album out and not
Speaker 1: be sad and not be taking breaks in between interviews
Speaker 1: to cry. So for me, I think what she was
Speaker 1: writing about was a reflection of what she was going through.
Speaker 1: Whether or not that was specifically Jake Gillenholl will never know,
Speaker 1: and it is important to not absolutely no one has
Speaker 1: ever come out and confirmed that the song is even
Speaker 1: about Jake. It's just like what the world has taken.
Speaker 2: But I went on Jake's Instagram this morning for a
Speaker 2: quick little sleuth to see what was happening. His average
Speaker 2: comments in his last photos from last month a two thousand,
Speaker 2: two thousand, five hundred his last post since Taylor Swift
Speaker 2: has released this ten minute video forty three thousand, forty
Speaker 2: three thousand so far, and that seemed like what not
Speaker 2: even forty eight hours?
Speaker 1: So the world is going bonkers? Do you know what?
Speaker 1: I think? This is so interesting? So the world is
Speaker 1: quite divided as well. The conversations I've seen online is
Speaker 1: like fifty percent of people are like, I am here
Speaker 1: for this, I'm here for the takedown of Jake Jillenhall.
Speaker 1: The other fifty percent are like, hey, guys, this is
Speaker 1: actually really online bullying now, Like you're bullying someone for
Speaker 1: something that they may or may not have done based
Speaker 1: on your speculation from ten years ago, a relationship that
Speaker 1: was It's also one sided. It's one person's perspective of
Speaker 1: what that relationship was, and it's a relationship that was
Speaker 1: over a decade ago, So does the punishment fit the crime.
Speaker 1: But the big thing about this, and what I think
Speaker 1: is so interesting, is like I actually think Jake Jillenhall
Speaker 1: has become the scapegoat for how we all felt. I
Speaker 1: remember listening to that song back in my twenties and
Speaker 1: like it really moved me because I had been through
Speaker 1: my own bad shit. I had been through my own
Speaker 1: heartbreak and so when you have someone who you can go, oh,
Speaker 1: you did that to her, she felt the way I felt.
Speaker 1: So Jake Gillenhall ends up becoming the target for our
Speaker 1: collective pain, like our collective suffering that we all experience
Speaker 1: now twenties, which was a weird and confusing time. It's
Speaker 1: like that person now has a face again, and it's
Speaker 1: unfortunately for Jake, it's Jake Gillenhall.
Speaker 2: I actually, again, on a serious note, it's easy for
Speaker 2: us to have a laugh about the whole thing, but
Speaker 2: that's absolutely true.
Speaker 1: I actually really feel I loved Taylor, but I really
Speaker 1: feel for Jake right.
Speaker 2: Now because regardless of if this song was him or not,
Speaker 2: the fact that we know like Our facts in this
Speaker 2: situation are that ten years ago two people in the
Speaker 2: public eye dated for three months and it didn't work out.
Speaker 2: Why is the world still up in arms that ten
Speaker 2: years ago a relationship didn't work out because that is dating. Now,
Speaker 2: we don't know specifics what went down in that. And again, Laurie,
Speaker 2: you said it's very one sided. We haven't heard from Jake.
Speaker 2: I highly doubt we will. Maybe we'll get one statement eventually,
Speaker 2: like a one line statement, but I think he's probably
Speaker 2: just gonna ride this out.
Speaker 1: But that's pretty insane that we are now.
Speaker 2: Attacking and online bullying somebody because ten years ago they
Speaker 2: had a three month relationship that didn't work out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I just wanted to share with you one
Speaker 1: other thing. This was the Instagram caption that Taylor's Swift
Speaker 1: put up when she re released All Too Well. She said,
Speaker 1: just a friendly reminder that I would never have thought
Speaker 1: it was possible to go back and to remake my
Speaker 1: previous work uncovering lost art and forgotten gems along the
Speaker 1: way if you hadn't emboldened me. Red is about to
Speaker 1: be mine again, but it has always been ours. Tonight
Speaker 1: we begin again read My version is out now, I mean,
Speaker 1: she's so good with words, I just got goosebumps. But
Speaker 1: that's the true essence of this. The reason why people
Speaker 1: are so angry is because of that whole It comes
Speaker 1: back to that whole feeling of like we all identify
Speaker 1: with that heartbreak. We all have been there with all experience.
Speaker 1: Maybe we haven't all had an aged gap relationship where
Speaker 1: that's kind of been the determining factor of the breakdown,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure a lot of us have. I'm sure
Speaker 1: a lot of us have dated guys who have been
Speaker 1: older then it hasn't worked out. We felt insignificant, we
Speaker 1: felt stupid, we felt unloved, And then you listen to
Speaker 1: these albums and you listen to these songs and you're like,
Speaker 1: somebody else, a celebrity, somebody who I idolize, has felt
Speaker 1: the same way that I do. And there's a little
Speaker 1: bit of solace and savior in.
Speaker 2: That somebody that looks like they have everything you could
Speaker 2: possibly want in the whole world still has those feelings.
Speaker 1: And that's why the world loves Taylor Swift because she's relatable.
Speaker 2: She literally sings, speaks acts from the heart, and the
Speaker 2: world relates to that because there's not a lot of
Speaker 2: people that are in the public eye like herself, that
Speaker 2: are so raw, so it's done her.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: I love Taylor, I love Jake, and I'm very interested
Speaker 2: to see how this turns out.
Speaker 1: Well, I just feel sorry for John Mayer because I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure that his head is on the next chopping block.
Speaker 1: I forgot about him so bad. All right, let's get
Speaker 1: into our favorite part of every episode. You know, it's
Speaker 1: all our favorite parts, but this one is really it's
Speaker 1: been going for a while now, accidentally unfiltered. I like
Speaker 1: that you jumped in there. You're just waiting to see
Speaker 1: how long I was gonna hold out. Yeah, there's a
Speaker 1: static pause. You know, we don't do radio silence here, Laura, Well,
Speaker 1: I find cut. Do you have a confessional or an
Speaker 1: accidentally unfiltered What are you sharing?
Speaker 2: I've got an accent unfiltered, and it's super innocent and cute.
Speaker 2: But it really tickled me.
Speaker 1: Okay, I have an act me who I am? It
Speaker 1: tickled me? Good? Okay, I have one that has absolutely
Speaker 1: nothing to do with poo to everybody's surprise. How they
Speaker 1: both have nothing to do with poop. Well, let's just
Speaker 1: talk about it now. For a little while, just to
Speaker 1: make sure that every episode we managed to talk about poop.
Speaker 1: This is not so much funny as what it is.
Speaker 1: If I just want you to I want you to
Speaker 1: put yourself in this person's shoes, to fully understand and
Speaker 1: feel it in the dark corners of your heart. How
Speaker 1: embarrassing this is? Ohr Okay? This one was more an
Speaker 1: embarrassing moment than what it was and accidentally unfiltered. That
Speaker 1: happened during my high school years. I spent the night
Speaker 1: at a friend's house, and the next morning she left
Speaker 1: early to go to work for a few hours, so
Speaker 1: I was there on my own at her parents' house.
Speaker 1: Her parents were also home. I went for a shower,
Speaker 1: and I forgot that I had my tampon in but
Speaker 1: I wanted to take it out so I could feel
Speaker 1: super clean. So I take out my tampon I put
Speaker 1: on the floor of the shower. I finish washing, and
Speaker 1: I get out. A few hours later, I realized I
Speaker 1: had left the tampon on the shower floor. I went
Speaker 1: back into the bathroom to put it in the bin,
Speaker 1: and to my horror, my friend's mom had cleaned up
Speaker 1: the bathroom and the used tampon was gone. This was
Speaker 1: never spoken about with my friend or her mum, But
Speaker 1: I can just imagine how disgusted her mother was with me,
Speaker 1: thinking that I am a feral child who leaves tampons
Speaker 1: in the shower. Okay, so maybe it's the worst.
Speaker 2: And we've had a few of these coming before with
Speaker 2: people that have accidentally left them places. Maybe for this
Speaker 2: girl's sanity, there is a small chance that the mother
Speaker 2: thought it was actually her own daughter, not the daughter's friend.
Speaker 1: The daughter was already gone though the daughter was out, Okay,
Speaker 1: she was home by herself in her friend's house. Okay,
Speaker 1: it was you with a tampon in the shower. Could
Speaker 1: you imagine how grotty like I'm just trying to put
Speaker 1: myself in this position. Could you imagine how disgusting you
Speaker 1: would think your daughter's friend is. You'd be like, what
Speaker 1: it is wrong with me?
Speaker 2: Why do you take a tampon out of the shower?
Speaker 2: Have you ever done that? Because I have not.
Speaker 1: I haven't, but I can understand if you're wanting to
Speaker 1: feel super clean, maybe you would take a tampon out.
Speaker 1: What to get up in there? Maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1: Do you want to up in sandiovige. Oh no, no
Speaker 1: one does. It's weird. This is just strange shirt. What
Speaker 1: I should have known if you didn't bring poop story,
Speaker 1: you were bringing a tampon story that I once lived
Speaker 1: with housemates and I remember going to the toilet and
Speaker 1: she had left a rolled up pad next to the toilet,
Speaker 1: and I was like, come on, like, actually, it wasn't
Speaker 1: even rolled up next to the toilet. It was rolled
Speaker 1: up and stuck onto the vanity on the side of
Speaker 1: the toilet, like as in like if you sit down
Speaker 1: on the toilet. The sink was next to the toilet,
Speaker 1: and she had stuck it to the side actual sticky
Speaker 1: part of the passenger, so he wasn't rolled up. The
Speaker 1: pad was open for the world to see. It was
Speaker 1: rolled up but stuck, but stuck to the site. I
Speaker 1: asked the same question we had that accidentally vun filtered,
Speaker 1: coming about the poor girl that wanted to show off
Speaker 1: to her in laws. She just renovated her house and
Speaker 1: she wanted to show it off. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you remember, Laura. So the in laws came over, She's like,
Speaker 1: come look at my new house. She was doing the tour.
Speaker 1: They were walking through and they were like ooh an
Speaker 1: Irene in every room and she's like, we got into
Speaker 1: the bathroom. I was like going to the main bathroom.
Speaker 1: They went in really quickly and they came out really quickly.
Speaker 1: They didn't make any comments that in the bathroom. She's
Speaker 1: just like, very bloody. She's like, why did anyone comment
Speaker 1: in my bathroom? And she once they left, they're like,
Speaker 1: we've got to go. Once they left, she went in
Speaker 1: and she saw that she had like left her used
Speaker 1: Tampa aside. She was like, well, that's probably why they
Speaker 1: made no comments about my renovation. I love the renovation,
Speaker 1: but the daycore you probably could have used an interior designer.
Speaker 1: You can work on the accessories. Oh my god, so gross.
Speaker 1: Hey I have a question for you, which is totally unrelated.
Speaker 1: Would you ever shave your face? Do you I have
Speaker 1: a hairy face? Did this suck? Here? Is there something
Speaker 1: you want to tell me? This is a question that
Speaker 1: came up on the Facebook group, and I was shocked
Speaker 1: to see how many replies there were in this question.
Speaker 2: I literally don't have one hair on my face, and
Speaker 2: I'm very lucky. I've never had to be that person
Speaker 2: that has to like wax a mustache or anything like that. Like,
Speaker 2: I don't have a lot of hair on my whole body.
Speaker 1: Look at that. You can't even see him on my arms.
Speaker 1: I'm not a hairy person. I have some good Italian
Speaker 1: jeans running through my blood, and I have hairy arms
Speaker 1: and a hairy face. So yes, you shave your lips. No,
Speaker 1: I don't. I bleach my lip. But I was reading
Speaker 1: this thread and I was like, God, maybe it's not
Speaker 1: a bad idea. And then I found out that Lee Campbell,
Speaker 1: who's the beauty editor from Mama Mia, she shaves her face,
Speaker 1: and I was like, if it's good enough for Lee Campbell,
Speaker 1: maybe I'll start shaving my face. Wouldn't it make it
Speaker 1: grow back prickly, like when you shave your legs or
Speaker 1: your under arms. I'm not sold on this beauty hack.
Speaker 1: No one run out and do this yet, Please do
Speaker 1: your own research. Disclaimer. So I think it grows. I
Speaker 1: think that the misconception around this is that it grows
Speaker 1: back thicker once you shave your hair. It doesn't actually
Speaker 1: grow back thick. It grows back feeling coarse because instead
Speaker 1: of the hair follicle being tapered, it's cut off, so
Speaker 1: it'll grow back spiky, but it won't grow back thicker where.
Speaker 1: And I know this because I've definitely shaved my arms,
Speaker 1: but I have never shaved my face.
Speaker 2: I just really want to make sure that disclaims out
Speaker 2: there not to run out and shave your face anyway.
Speaker 1: Guys, you're all beautiful as you are. If you do
Speaker 1: shave your face, please let me know how it goes.
Speaker 1: I might join you. Okay, I'm going to bring in Accidentally,
Speaker 1: I'm filtered. I'm not shaving my face ever for any
Speaker 1: experiment or for any other reason. But what about your back?
Speaker 1: I literially don't have a hair on my body. It
Speaker 1: must be nice being prettany ugly. It must be nice.
Speaker 1: It must be nice.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have an accidentally filtered that's so cute, innocent guys.
Speaker 2: Yesterday I had one of the most cringe worthy moments
Speaker 2: of my life. I left the gym sweating like visible
Speaker 2: balls of sweat all over my face, all over my
Speaker 2: body everywhere. For context, I'm currently thirty nine weeks very pregnant.
Speaker 2: I decided to make a quick visit to the local
Speaker 2: bakery as they have just started making donuts and I
Speaker 2: am here for it. Let me tell you that hashtag
Speaker 2: preg life. As I walk in, I see my high
Speaker 2: school boyfriend. We were each other's first I'm talking first
Speaker 2: of everything. We haven't seen each other in almost ten years.
Speaker 1: It's awkward. I look like a hot, gross mess. I'm puffy,
Speaker 1: I'm swollen. We have a friendly hello. How's everything going?
Speaker 1: He keeps saying, I just can't believe there's a baby
Speaker 1: in there. Yeah, mate, me either. As I'm looking at
Speaker 1: the donuts, the girl that he is with says to me, so,
Speaker 1: do you know what you're having? I said, hmm, I'm
Speaker 1: not actually sure yet. Have you guys tried the new
Speaker 1: donuts here? Can really recommend them? As I turned back around,
Speaker 1: I see the awkward look on her face as I
Speaker 1: realized she meant, what sex and baby are you have?
Speaker 1: I just think it's so kids like this is almost
Speaker 1: too innocent for me to laugh at. I need like
Speaker 1: something more sortid. I just thought it was Imagine how
Speaker 1: embarrassing it is you already feel discussing in front of
Speaker 1: like the first love of your life. Then they say
Speaker 1: what are you having? You start to cruddle off your
Speaker 1: order really entered the tea donut with the milk shaking that.
Speaker 1: I just thought it was like that moment of embarrassment
Speaker 1: where she's like, sure, the icing on the cake, the
Speaker 1: icing on the donut, mate, we're here for it. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I thought it was time we had an other one
Speaker 1: and we see it from the sea one intent. We're
Speaker 1: going to have an innocent accent, un filtered. That's it.
Speaker 2: So we'll see you getting twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: So, as you mentioned at the beginning of the pod,
Speaker 1: this is part two of a little attraction series that
Speaker 1: we did. Part one we released a couple of weeks back. Now, look,
Speaker 1: attraction as a concept is something that I think most
Speaker 1: of us don't spend a lot of time things about,
Speaker 1: like we're either attracted to people or we're not. But
Speaker 1: sometimes it's nice to sit back and kind of dissect
Speaker 1: what it is that makes you attracted to someone. It's
Speaker 1: also a really important thing to do if you find
Speaker 1: that you're attracted to people who are maybe not that
Speaker 1: good for you, or you're having failed relationships, or maybe
Speaker 1: you're just in a bit of a rut in your
Speaker 1: own relationship right now, it can kind of allow you
Speaker 1: to have a bit more of an awareness around where
Speaker 1: your attraction lies and why you are committing to someone
Speaker 1: or the person that you're with. Now, there are a
Speaker 1: few different types of attraction. We're going to unpack all
Speaker 1: of those. We're then also going to get into a
Speaker 1: few different types of how people relate to or find
Speaker 1: attraction within their own sexualities and gender preferences and all that.
Speaker 1: So let's just like kick it off with like the
Speaker 1: number one type of attraction that everyone seems to talk about,
Speaker 1: and that I think for a lot of the literature,
Speaker 1: a lot of the psychology around attraction seems to hold
Speaker 1: up as the most important thing in a relationship, and
Speaker 1: that is sexual attraction. Yeah, and I just want to
Speaker 1: add one thing. I want to add one thing before
Speaker 1: we jump into it properly. But attraction can be a
Speaker 1: very confusing thing. Attraction. You can ask yourself, and I
Speaker 1: want you to think about it. How many times have
Speaker 1: you looked at someone and said, Wow, like I wish
Speaker 1: I was more attracted to them. Why aren't I they're
Speaker 1: perfect on paper? Oh? We've all done that.
Speaker 2: We have absolutely a look at someone been like they
Speaker 2: are bloody perfect for me?
Speaker 1: Like, why don't I want to rip their clothes off?
Speaker 1: And we usually end up friend zoning they'll be like,
Speaker 1: oh God, I really just want to like love him,
Speaker 1: but I don't. And the same thing with when you
Speaker 1: want to rip someone's clothes off, but you're like, there's
Speaker 1: such a dickhead, Like there are so many red flags here,
Speaker 1: but I want to climb you like a pole.
Speaker 2: A tree, like a flag pole, like a red flag pole.
Speaker 2: But there are so many types of attraction. There are
Speaker 2: so many reasons that we can be confused about this.
Speaker 2: A lot of things don't make sense, but let's get
Speaker 2: into it. Like Laura said, number one, the first thing
Speaker 2: you think about when you talk about attraction is sexual attraction.
Speaker 2: And that is when you want to rip someone's clothes off.
Speaker 2: That is when you can look at someone on the
Speaker 2: street and say, I want to sleep with you, I
Speaker 2: want to do everything to you, I want you to
Speaker 2: be all over me. It's when you might have somebody
Speaker 2: in your life. They could be a friend or someone
Speaker 2: else that you know is not good for you. Exactly
Speaker 2: like I just said, but the sexual attraction and the
Speaker 2: chemistry is there even though all the other aspects that
Speaker 2: you are looking for in a relationship are not there.
Speaker 1: So the one thing I want to say is like
Speaker 1: when I say this has been kind of heroed is
Speaker 1: the most important thing. It's definitely not. And I don't
Speaker 1: want anyone to think that we're saying that sex is
Speaker 1: the be all and end all of a relationship. And
Speaker 1: we have Billy who's coming on the podcast to talk
Speaker 1: about asexuality and how they navigate their relationship when they
Speaker 1: are asexual because it's something that they don't experience. Is
Speaker 1: sexual attraction is not something that they have ever really
Speaker 1: experienced in their life. But the thing about sexual attraction
Speaker 1: is that we do kind of when it comes to
Speaker 1: these romantic relationships, when it comes to like navigating especially
Speaker 1: new relationships, we do focus so much on is the
Speaker 1: sex good and are you sexually compatible? And of course
Speaker 1: there needs to be compatibility in this instance, but if
Speaker 1: there isn't compatibility, then obviously communication is next most important thing.
Speaker 1: The other thing here is is the reason why we're
Speaker 1: breaking down these different types of attraction is because attraction,
Speaker 1: it can exist in silos. You can experience one type
Speaker 1: of attraction towards one person, you can experience multiple types
Speaker 1: of attraction towards one person. And so that's what I
Speaker 1: mean by like understanding where, how and why you're attracted
Speaker 1: to someone can also help you better navigate is this
Speaker 1: actually someone I want to be in a relationship with
Speaker 1: or is this someone who's just for a summer fling.
Speaker 1: It kind of allows you to unpack and make better
Speaker 1: decisions around your relationships. Brit how important for you do
Speaker 1: you think or where in this conversation would you prioritize
Speaker 1: or place sexual attraction.
Speaker 2: It's a funny thing because I think what is happening
Speaker 2: in the world in the last few years with COVID,
Speaker 2: I think it's changed a lot of people's opinions on
Speaker 2: what's important to them. It's definitely changed the way I
Speaker 2: look at things. But for example, sexual attraction has always
Speaker 2: been a really important factor to me. I have always
Speaker 2: wanted to have that attraction. But I feel like when
Speaker 2: you are initially dating, or you're dating online for example,
Speaker 2: which the world has been doing, all you have at
Speaker 2: the start is attraction.
Speaker 1: You are literally.
Speaker 2: Swiping right or left to somebody purely based on aesthetics.
Speaker 2: It's very superficial. There's nothing else to know about them
Speaker 2: at that point. So of course sexual attraction plays a
Speaker 2: role for me. It is very important. I want to
Speaker 2: be attracted to them. I want to have sex with them.
Speaker 2: I want to have those feelings. For me as an individual,
Speaker 2: it's very important.
Speaker 1: It has slightly changed for me and for many other
Speaker 1: people that I've been in contact with, purely the antithesis
Speaker 1: of what I just said because of COVID. Whilst we
Speaker 1: are swiping yes and right to people for esthetics or
Speaker 1: sexual attraction in the beginning, we're now forced to spend
Speaker 1: more time actually getting to know their personality, the emotional
Speaker 1: side to them. We get to know depth, we get
Speaker 1: to know what they're about, what they want in life.
Speaker 1: So I feel like relationships are shifting in the.
Speaker 2: Importance of what we're looking for. People are now getting
Speaker 2: to know people on another level. That's just the world
Speaker 2: we live in. But for me, all things aside, I
Speaker 2: want to have that sexual poll Have I dated people
Speaker 2: in the past that I have had that sexual attraction
Speaker 2: to at the start? Yes, one hundred percent. I've spoken
Speaker 2: about it. Before I moved. It was my flatmate. I
Speaker 2: moved in with somebody overseas. He was Italian. We lived
Speaker 2: together as friends and flatmates for months, and I had
Speaker 2: no attraction to him at all sexually. After I knew
Speaker 2: him for months and I knew how much of a
Speaker 2: beautiful person he was. He was funny, he made me laugh,
Speaker 2: he cared for me, he was affectionate. All of a sudden,
Speaker 2: that sexual attraction grew. So I think that that's a
Speaker 2: really important thing to note too, about how much priorities
Speaker 2: can shift and change once you get to know other
Speaker 2: parts of a person.
Speaker 1: I think also one of the things about like sexual attraction,
Speaker 1: Like you just said, your sexual attraction grew, I also
Speaker 1: think it's important to note that like sexual attraction can wane,
Speaker 1: so like over time, you could be completely aesthetically attracted
Speaker 1: to your partner, You could be emotionally and attracted to
Speaker 1: your partner. You could be romantically attracted to your partner.
Speaker 1: Sorry for the spoiler, but there are the other types
Speaker 1: of attraction. But you could be all of those. But
Speaker 1: you know, in twenty years time, after seeing your partner
Speaker 1: every day of that you're not sexually attracted to them anymore,
Speaker 1: And maybe that'll come back. Maybe you need to have
Speaker 1: some more intimacy, maybe you need to be able to
Speaker 1: spend more time together or reform those connections and bonds.
Speaker 1: But for me, I think sexual attraction is one of
Speaker 1: the biggest ones that can ebb and flow. It's not
Speaker 1: a static and it's very much influenced by how busy
Speaker 1: you are, how stressed you are, where your relationship's at,
Speaker 1: how long you've been together for and what time, and
Speaker 1: also emotional connections you're carving out in your day to day.
Speaker 2: Do you feel like it's changed for you at all
Speaker 2: with Matt over the last four or five years.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I am very very sexually attracted to Matt. I always
Speaker 1: have been, but like sexual attraction as the most important
Speaker 1: form of attraction has definitely waned for me, Like my
Speaker 1: romantic attraction to Matt and my emotional attraction to Matt.
Speaker 1: That's what galvanizes our relationship. Like emotional attraction and romantic
Speaker 1: attraction now have superseded the sexual attraction. And it's not
Speaker 1: that that doesn't exist. It's one hundred percent still there,
Speaker 1: very tired, but it's still there. But for me, we
Speaker 1: have formed such an important bond in other areas and
Speaker 1: that's what's taken our relationship from being a relationship that
Speaker 1: is kind of built on this like desire to being
Speaker 1: a relationship that's built on a real foundation that I
Speaker 1: think makes it incredibly hard to rock. You need everything
Speaker 1: else for the longevity of a relationship totally, and like
Speaker 1: you can be sexually attracted to someone and not act
Speaker 1: on any of those impulses. Like I'm sure Matt sees
Speaker 1: hot chicks and is sexually attracted to them, Does it
Speaker 1: mean that he would ever go and do something. No,
Speaker 1: because we have these other core attractions in a foundation
Speaker 1: to our relationship. The antithesis of this, like the big
Speaker 1: conversation to have around sexual attraction, is we can talk
Speaker 1: about this all day, but what about people who are asexual,
Speaker 1: who are completely left out of this conversation, who don't
Speaker 1: experience sexual attraction. We wanted to speak to somebody who
Speaker 1: doesn't have sex as a major part of their relationship
Speaker 1: and what does that look like then as a romantic relationship.
Speaker 1: So we did a call out to you guys. Normally,
Speaker 1: when we do a call out on life on cart
Speaker 1: we receive one hundreds I'm gonna say hundreds, if not
Speaker 1: thousands of applies. Now, when we did the call out
Speaker 1: to try and find someone who identifies as being asexual,
Speaker 1: we had about five messages and Billy was somebody who
Speaker 1: got in touch and the way that they spoke about
Speaker 1: their experience and how they show up in their relationships
Speaker 1: was so interesting for us and we are really really
Speaker 1: excited to have them on the podcast today. So we're
Speaker 1: just going to get into that chat with Billy to
Speaker 1: unpack asexuality and what that looks like to them. Billy
Speaker 1: is an og life on cut Listener. They also identify
Speaker 1: as non binary and asexual, So for us, we really
Speaker 1: wanted to have someone who had lived experience of being
Speaker 1: asexual to explain what that looks like. Billy, we are
Speaker 1: so stoked to have you here. Can you please explain
Speaker 1: in your own words what is and what does it
Speaker 1: mean to be asexual?
Speaker 3: Yes, so asexuality is effectively just a lack of sexual attraction.
Speaker 3: So it's nothing to do with other attraction. You know,
Speaker 3: you can also be a romantic, which is a lack
Speaker 3: of romantic attraction, but asexual is just identifying as having
Speaker 3: a lack of actual attraction to other people.
Speaker 2: And is that something that you have always had? Is
Speaker 2: that something that you didn't figure out until puberty? Is
Speaker 2: that something that you had for a little while and
Speaker 2: then you were like, actually, I'm doing this because I
Speaker 2: feel like I should not, because I want to, like,
Speaker 2: what did that look like for you?
Speaker 3: For me, I was really interested in sex and everything
Speaker 3: when I was in my early teens, before I had
Speaker 3: lost my virginity. But once I lost my virginity, I
Speaker 3: sort of just didn't see what the fuss was about.
Speaker 3: And it wasn't like, you know, because when you lose
Speaker 3: your virginity, it's always going to be pretty bad sex,
Speaker 3: but like, no, I just sort of didn't see what
Speaker 3: the fuss was about. And I didn't get it to
Speaker 3: the extent that my peers seemed to really desire sex.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, I sort of thought everyone
Speaker 3: else might have just been playing it up a bit,
Speaker 3: because you know, we're horny teenagers and et cetera. And
Speaker 3: you know, I just wouldn't see someone and instantly think like,
Speaker 3: oh wow, I would really love to have sex with them,
Speaker 3: or like you know, develop feelings for someone and be like,
Speaker 3: oh wow, I'd love to have sex with them. It
Speaker 3: just wasn't a thought that crossed my mind, and I
Speaker 3: thought that everyone else might have been more talking about,
Speaker 3: you know, I really like the way that person looks,
Speaker 3: and that's why they were saying it. I actually also
Speaker 3: assumed I was bisexual for a long time, because there
Speaker 3: was just no difference for me in my attraction to
Speaker 3: men and my attraction to women. But that's now I realized,
Speaker 3: because the desire was never really there at all in
Speaker 3: terms of sexual attraction. But the moment of realization for
Speaker 3: me was really trying casual sex when I was in UNI,
Speaker 3: trying to have like casual sex with people and realizing that,
Speaker 3: you know, my friends would talk about how, oh, I
Speaker 3: don't necessarily like the person, but the sex is good,
Speaker 3: so it's fine, And that was just so foreign to
Speaker 3: me because that's not what sex was at all in
Speaker 3: my mind. And then I learned about a sexuality. I
Speaker 3: was actually writing a UNI assignment and had to go
Speaker 3: through you know, the whole LGBTQIA plus spectrum, and I
Speaker 3: came across the definition of a sexuality and it just
Speaker 3: sort of clicked that, like, that was me, and I
Speaker 3: looked into the whole spectrum of aseness and realized that
Speaker 3: that was exactly where I fit. And it resonated with
Speaker 3: me that, yeah, that's how I identify.
Speaker 1: When you say that you felt like your friends might
Speaker 1: have been playing it up a bit, do you kind
Speaker 1: of mean how people would be like, oh god, I
Speaker 1: really want to bone that person or like, oh, like
Speaker 1: I find them so sexy, Like this kind of conversation
Speaker 1: that's really around the sexual attraction. When you heard your
Speaker 1: friends speaking about it, you're a bit like, what am
Speaker 1: I talking about? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't even so much that I was like
Speaker 3: what are they talking about? Because I would look at
Speaker 3: a person and see, like I still very much experience
Speaker 3: aesthetic attraction where I look at someone and I'm like,
Speaker 3: that's a good looking person. Like I look at my
Speaker 3: partner every day and say, damn, that is one fine
Speaker 3: looking human being. But I just never got the I
Speaker 3: want to jump into bed with them. Oh I'd love
Speaker 3: to fuck them, like I'd love to have sex with them.
Speaker 3: It just wasn't something that ever resonated with me. It
Speaker 3: was more, yeah, that's a really great looking person. I
Speaker 3: wonder if they'd like to have a conversation. I wonder
Speaker 3: if they'd like to dance with me on the dance floor.
Speaker 1: Like.
Speaker 3: It wasn't ever I want to go home and jump
Speaker 3: into bed with them. And I thought that my friends,
Speaker 3: before I realized what a sexuality was and what sexual
Speaker 3: attraction really was, I thought that my friends might have
Speaker 3: been having that same thought but expressing it as damn
Speaker 3: I want to fuck them, or damn I want to
Speaker 3: have sex with them. Well, for me, that just wasn't
Speaker 3: the case.
Speaker 2: And I think it's important to note that, and I'll
Speaker 2: ask you about this, but being asexual doesn't mean that
Speaker 2: you lack the other aspects of attraction, because there are
Speaker 2: other aspects of attraction, like emotional attraction, esthetic attraction, romantic attraction,
Speaker 2: and all of the others. Absolutely, yeah, there's the whole spectrum.
Speaker 2: Some people don't experience any of those attractions. Some people
Speaker 2: experience one or two. Do you experience all the other ones?
Speaker 2: Do you have the romantic attraction and the aesthetic like
Speaker 2: you like the look of them, things like that?
Speaker 3: God, yes, yeah, I am a hopeless romantic during the club. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 3: I one hundred percent experience romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, emotional attraction.
Speaker 3: My partner and I've been together for nearly four years now,
Speaker 3: and we were best friends who fell in love. And
Speaker 3: for me, that was just like the best thing that
Speaker 3: could have ever happened to me because it was that
Speaker 3: perfect romantic fairy tale, and he was so understanding and
Speaker 3: accepting that I have all of those other attractions, and
Speaker 3: I just don't feel the need for sex, Like I
Speaker 3: don't feel the need that sex is a part of
Speaker 3: my relationships. And I am still very sex positive. I
Speaker 3: still do have sex, it's not something that is really
Speaker 3: on my radar in terms of attraction.
Speaker 1: I think this is so interesting because so often we
Speaker 1: speak about how important sex is in a relationship, and
Speaker 1: I think that that's it's such a big overarching conversation
Speaker 1: when it comes to relationships, and I feel like if
Speaker 1: you're somebody who sits within, you know, identifying as asexual,
Speaker 1: you kind of get left out of that narrative a
Speaker 1: little bit. You're constantly being told how important it is,
Speaker 1: but on the flip side, you're like, well, it's just
Speaker 1: not that important to me. So then how does that
Speaker 1: fit my romantic relationships? For you? What impact has been
Speaker 1: asexual had on your romantic relationships? Is it something that's
Speaker 1: been challenging to navigate or is there a lot of
Speaker 1: compromise around sex.
Speaker 3: There's definitely a lot of compromise. What I would definitely
Speaker 3: say is in the past, before I was more comfortable
Speaker 3: with my identity and my sexuality, I wouldn't have mentioned
Speaker 3: it to a partner. My partner now who I've been
Speaker 3: with for a long time. Is the only partner that
Speaker 3: I've ever been open with about this, because in the past,
Speaker 3: I would just have sex because that's what my partner
Speaker 3: wanted and that was okay, but it wasn't being true
Speaker 3: to myself. And now that I'm in a relationship where
Speaker 3: I'm really open about it, I am comfortable having sex.
Speaker 3: I am comfortable with that, and a lot of asexual
Speaker 3: people aren't. But I'm comfortable doing it. But for me,
Speaker 3: it's about seeing my partner happy. It's something that I
Speaker 3: do because I love to see my partner happy and fulfilled.
Speaker 3: It's not for myself because I actually desire sex. There
Speaker 3: has to be a lot of open and honest communication,
Speaker 3: I think for it to work well. And obviously my
Speaker 3: past relationships haven't lasted, and that would have been a
Speaker 3: very big factor in why, because I was open and
Speaker 3: honest with my partner about what I wanted and what
Speaker 3: I felt. And now that I have a partner who
Speaker 3: I can be open and honest with about this stuff
Speaker 3: and I feel really comfortable talking to about this, we're
Speaker 3: able to find a balance. He's not asexual, he's heterosexual,
Speaker 3: somewhere along that sort of sphere, and he does enjoy sex,
Speaker 3: and he does have sexual attraction to me and probably
Speaker 3: to other people, not that he acts on it, because
Speaker 3: we're in a committed, monogamous relationship. So for that sex
Speaker 3: is just a part of our relationship. That's for him.
Speaker 3: And it blurs that line around sort of what sex
Speaker 3: is because generally it's for mutual benefit, and it is
Speaker 3: still for mutual benefit, like I still get pleasure out
Speaker 3: of sex because it's an inherently pleasurable experience, but it's
Speaker 3: just not something that I desire, So it's for him
Speaker 3: to be happy and fulfilled.
Speaker 1: And when we.
Speaker 2: Say that sex is you know how Laura said before
Speaker 2: that we say sex is so important in a relationship,
Speaker 2: that is we want to be very clear that is
Speaker 2: very subjective to the individual and the individual relationship. Sex
Speaker 2: is important in a relationship if sex is important to
Speaker 2: the two people in a relationship. And we don't mean
Speaker 2: sex is important that you have to have sex. We
Speaker 2: mean sex is important that you guys be on the
Speaker 2: same wavelength. That's what we want to reiterate in this conversation.
Speaker 2: I guess I question that I'm just interested in with
Speaker 2: when you said in the past you've had sex for
Speaker 2: the sake of having sex, and that's because your partner
Speaker 2: wanted it and you weren't comfortable to tell them you're
Speaker 2: a sexual and that you didn't want it. Obviously, it's
Speaker 2: still consensual because you've consented, but for you, was there
Speaker 2: a level of resentment there when you were doing that?
Speaker 2: We're like, this is fucked, because like, I wish I
Speaker 2: could just be more open and I don't want to
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 1: Did it turn you off at all? Or like, has
Speaker 1: it changed? I guess now that you're in a relationship
Speaker 1: where you're super open and comfortable, has the experience changed
Speaker 1: at all? Or does it still sit the same way
Speaker 1: with you where you're like, I could still never do
Speaker 1: this again.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's it's a difficult question because a lot
Speaker 3: of the time, in the conversation around consent, it's a
Speaker 3: very black and white line. You either want sex, so
Speaker 3: you have sex, or you don't want sex and therefore
Speaker 3: you should not have sex. Asexuality does sort of blur
Speaker 3: that line, and I've had friends sort of jump down
Speaker 3: my throat when I've tried to have this discussion with
Speaker 3: them and say, well, if you don't want sex, you
Speaker 3: know then you're not consenting. That's wrong. You shouldn't be
Speaker 3: having sex. And it's not that I don't want sex.
Speaker 3: If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't and
Speaker 3: my partner would have to be okay with that. And
Speaker 3: in all my previous relationships, I've felt comfortable in that,
Speaker 3: because if I didn't want sex, I wouldn't have sex.
Speaker 3: It's just that I haven't been able to be open
Speaker 3: and honest about what sex means to me. So in
Speaker 3: those past relationships, I never felt resentment. It's just more
Speaker 3: that I would sort of have to fake this desire
Speaker 3: with my partner. Like you know. Now in my relationship,
Speaker 3: I can say to my partner, Hey, if I've just
Speaker 3: completely forgotten about sex for like three weeks, and you're like, hmm,
Speaker 3: I'd kind of like to have sex, remind me. But
Speaker 3: like in previous relationships, if I was just oblivious to
Speaker 3: the fact that my partner might have wanted some physical intimacy,
Speaker 3: I would feel really bad. I'd feel really guilty because
Speaker 3: I should have been experiencing that too. I should have
Speaker 3: been experiencing that desire that my partner didn't know that
Speaker 3: I wasn't. My partner just thought Oh, well, they're clearly
Speaker 3: not attracted to me anymore. And yeah, that sort of
Speaker 3: it does blur that line. But at the same time,
Speaker 3: it's really important for me that if I didn't want
Speaker 3: to be having sex, I wouldn't be having sex.
Speaker 2: And that's why I asked you, because consent for us,
Speaker 2: it's a very big thing here. I mean, we push
Speaker 2: it in every episode. But the reason I wanted to
Speaker 2: ask you is because for us, this is uncharted territory.
Speaker 2: When I was doing a lot of reading up about it,
Speaker 2: there were a lot of comments and forums that I
Speaker 2: read having this conversation that you just said about how
Speaker 2: it's very difficult for people on asexual spectrum because there
Speaker 2: is a line like you just described. So I just
Speaker 2: wanted to get it from you someone that's living that situation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like in any situation that I've ever
Speaker 3: been sexually active, the reason that I'm in it is
Speaker 3: because I love pleasuring another person, not because I personally
Speaker 3: desire it to be played in that way. For me,
Speaker 3: the equivalent is like cuddling on the couch or like
Speaker 3: holding hands while we're out and about. Like I don't
Speaker 3: desire past that, but I still actively engage in it
Speaker 3: because my partner wants it and I want to make
Speaker 3: my partner happy. And it does sort of blow that
Speaker 3: line because in a quote unquote normal relationship, not that
Speaker 3: there is any definition of a normal relationship, but a
Speaker 3: normal relationship, that wouldn't be okay to just have sex
Speaker 3: because your partner wants it. But in my situation, that's
Speaker 3: very different in every asexual relationship, if there's something where
Speaker 3: your partner wants it and you want to give your
Speaker 3: partner that pleasure, it's completely okay.
Speaker 1: This question, I mean, this might be unique to you
Speaker 1: and to your circumstances, but do you think that being
Speaker 1: asexual has enabled you to be better at communicating? Because
Speaker 1: I feel like without communicating this very nuanced aspect of
Speaker 1: your attraction, it would be very easy for your partner
Speaker 1: to feel like you don't love them or you're not
Speaker 1: attracted to them, because we've been conditioned by society that,
Speaker 1: you know, wanting to have sex is a way that
Speaker 1: we show our partners appreciation, love and adoration. Do you
Speaker 1: feel like this has been something that's helped to kind
Speaker 1: of shift your ability to communicate.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think communication has to be a big
Speaker 3: part of any relationship obviously, and like, I'm very lucky
Speaker 3: that I found a partner who's extremely open minded and
Speaker 3: who can sort of we're very sexually compatible when sex
Speaker 3: is on the table. It's not that we need to
Speaker 3: communicate it all the time because he understands from when
Speaker 3: I've had a proper conversation with him about my sexuality
Speaker 3: early in our relationship. That's just the dynamic that we have.
Speaker 3: And he knows that just because I'm not sexually attracted
Speaker 3: to him, it doesn't mean that I don't love him
Speaker 3: to goddamn pieces, Like I don't wake up in the
Speaker 3: morning and be like, damn, that is the man that
Speaker 3: I have chosen to spend my life with. Like he
Speaker 3: knows that I still because we have open communication and
Speaker 3: we have romantic attraction, emotional attraction, every other kind of
Speaker 3: attraction is there, and the other way him to me
Speaker 3: there is sexual attraction. And I don't think that we
Speaker 3: would function if there wasn't sexual attraction there because that's
Speaker 3: a part of who he is, but it's just not
Speaker 3: a part of who I am. And it's really important
Speaker 3: to have a partner that understands that. And I think
Speaker 3: in a lot of past relationships. My partner would not
Speaker 3: have understood that, and that's why those relationships wouldn't have worked.
Speaker 1: Is there something that you wish people knew more about
Speaker 1: asexuality or if you can teach them something right now,
Speaker 1: because this is your platform. Any misconceptions or anything that
Speaker 1: you've come across from maybe friends or family, things that
Speaker 1: they've not understood or they want to know more, anything
Speaker 1: that you want to share now, and no pressure, no pressure.
Speaker 3: But is there anything that you would like to say?
Speaker 1: Yes? How about your destigmatizing the world right now? But
Speaker 1: it's got to be right now. I'll just write this second.
Speaker 3: No, there is one big thing that I always I'm
Speaker 3: chronically ill as well, and something that I have constantly
Speaker 3: faced is people treating this part of my identity like
Speaker 3: a symptom or something that needs to be fixed. If
Speaker 3: I talk to anyone about it that doesn't understand the
Speaker 3: integral idea of asexuality. If I talk to anyone about
Speaker 3: it like that, it always comes back to, well, there
Speaker 3: must be something wrong, like if you don't desire sex,
Speaker 3: there must be something wrong. But low libido, sure, that
Speaker 3: can be a symptom of something. This is entirely separate
Speaker 3: from having a low libido. This is nothing to do
Speaker 3: with my biology. This is nothing to do with me
Speaker 3: being unwell. There is nothing wrong with me. It is
Speaker 3: just something that's a part of who I am, and
Speaker 3: it's not something that needs to be fixed. Because for
Speaker 3: a long time I thought it was something that needed
Speaker 3: to be fixed. I thought there was something wrong with me.
Speaker 3: And now that I'm comfortable in my identity and i'm able,
Speaker 3: I'm going to get emotional talking about this. Now that
Speaker 3: I'm comfortable in my identity and I'm able to express that,
Speaker 3: it's really important for me that people understand that there's
Speaker 3: not something wrong with me. There's not something missing, There's
Speaker 3: not something that i'm I should solve, a problem that
Speaker 3: I should solve. It's a part of who I am
Speaker 3: and it's a part of my identity, and I want
Speaker 3: people to understand that rather than jumping to well, is
Speaker 3: it your birth control? Is it the medication that you're on?
Speaker 3: Is it something that needs to be fixed? Do you
Speaker 3: need to go to therapy for this? Like, no, it's
Speaker 3: something I needed to go to therapy to be comfortable
Speaker 3: with this, not to fix it.
Speaker 1: I love you to say that there's absolutely nothing wrong
Speaker 1: with you, it's also important to note that for people
Speaker 1: that are trying to figure this out, like you just said, Billie,
Speaker 1: there are things like low libido that that could be
Speaker 1: something that could be stemming from something else, or you
Speaker 1: might just be asexual. Either one is totally fine, and
Speaker 1: that's something that you need to figure out on your
Speaker 1: own or with help, but not from people coming into
Speaker 1: your face saying there's something wrong with you. Go figure
Speaker 1: that out. So could not agree more. Also, Billy, like
Speaker 1: I mentioned, you know, when we did the call out
Speaker 1: for this, like we do normally get so many people
Speaker 1: who are going to throw their hands up to have
Speaker 1: conversations about all weird and wonderful things on this podcast,
Speaker 1: which we love. And I just am so grateful that
Speaker 1: you have come on to share your story, to share
Speaker 1: how you identify how you experience attraction, because I know
Speaker 1: that there will be other people listening to this who
Speaker 1: feel exactly the same way as you do, but don't
Speaker 1: have a word for it, don't have anyone to identify,
Speaker 1: and maybe also in this period of their life where
Speaker 1: they're like, what the fuck is wrong with me? And
Speaker 1: I think like having somebody had these conversations is incredibly
Speaker 1: powerful and that's the whole reason why we want to
Speaker 1: do them on this platform.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, and I'm so glad that you guys are
Speaker 3: talking about this. I don't know if you know this,
Speaker 3: but about I think two or three weeks ago, there
Speaker 3: was actually an Asexuality Awareness Week and it's part of
Speaker 3: the LGBTQI plus community and it's something that people don't
Speaker 3: talk about. So they had a whole week of awareness
Speaker 3: when it was you know, Bisexuality Visibility Day, Transvisibility Day.
Speaker 3: I saw hundreds of posts. I saw hundreds of people
Speaker 3: putting things out there and saying, hey, it's okay to
Speaker 3: be this way. I did not see anyone other than
Speaker 3: myself and one of my friends who are told about it,
Speaker 3: that knew that it was Asexuality Awareness Week. And it's
Speaker 3: just because it's not talked about, because people brush it
Speaker 3: off as being something wrong and it's not. You're allowed
Speaker 3: to feel that way.
Speaker 1: Billy, thank you so much for coming on and being
Speaker 1: a part of the podcast, and thank you for being
Speaker 1: a listener from day one.
Speaker 3: Oh no worries anytime. Girls.
Speaker 1: So the second type of attraction is romantic attraction. Now,
Speaker 1: Billy just touched on that, and it was so interesting.
Speaker 1: To get it from somebody first hand that is actually
Speaker 1: going through it can and can explain it a lot
Speaker 1: better than us just reading it off a paper or
Speaker 1: watching a ted talk on it. But romantic attraction is
Speaker 1: different to sexual attraction because you don't want to have
Speaker 1: that physical sexuality with your partner, but you still want
Speaker 1: to be very connected to them romantically. You still want
Speaker 1: to have more than a friendship. And it's very important
Speaker 1: to reiterate that it is different from a friendship. You
Speaker 1: want to have the closeness, you want to have the
Speaker 1: physical touch and affection, you want to have the emotional contact,
Speaker 1: you want to be able to spoon and cuddle. You
Speaker 1: just don't want to have that sexual connection. And I
Speaker 1: think the really important take home from this type of
Speaker 1: attraction is that this is very different to a friendship.
Speaker 1: You might have a friend who you like to cuddle
Speaker 1: on the couch and like, you know, they make you
Speaker 1: feel good and you can kind of like have that closeness,
Speaker 1: but that's not what romantic attraction is. Romantic attraction is
Speaker 1: if you take the sex out of it, think of
Speaker 1: a long term couple who maybe for whatever reason, are
Speaker 1: not having sex anymore, but they still deeply love each
Speaker 1: other and are deeply connected, or as Billy described it,
Speaker 1: you know, wanting to be in a committed relationship with
Speaker 1: someone but not having sexual desire. It's basically all the
Speaker 1: other parts of being romantically invested in a partner, but
Speaker 1: removing the desire part of the attraction. Okay, the next
Speaker 1: one that we want to talk about is a sthet attraction.
Speaker 1: And I think for me personally, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know if this has changed over time or if,
Speaker 1: like my sexual desire is a bit of sleep at
Speaker 1: the moment. But I can look at other people so
Speaker 1: as in like you know, other women, other men, and
Speaker 1: I can go, holy crap, that is a beautiful person.
Speaker 1: Like if I see a guy who ten years ago
Speaker 1: or five years ago I would have dated, I no
Speaker 1: longer feel sexually attracted to them. I don't get that
Speaker 1: feeling anymore. But I can look at someone and go,
Speaker 1: I'm aesthetically attracted to them. Like I can see a
Speaker 1: hot guy and I'll be like, yep, me in a
Speaker 1: past life, I absolutely would have been sexually attracted to you,
Speaker 1: but now I can just appreciate their aesthetics. Aesthetic attraction
Speaker 1: is exactly what it sounds like. It's purely being attracted
Speaker 1: to someone based off the way they look. It means
Speaker 1: that somebody who prioritizes aesthetic attraction, they don't care if
Speaker 1: they have a deep connection. They don't care if they're
Speaker 1: sexually attracted. All they care about is how hot that
Speaker 1: person is to them. And obviously hot is subjective. It
Speaker 1: may not be what everybody else sees is attractive, but
Speaker 1: it's definitely just comes down to the way someone looks.
Speaker 1: It's like, think of it when you're a bit shallow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is totally, But think of it when you're walking
Speaker 1: down the street and you're like, Wow, that's a nice car.
Speaker 2: You don't want to go rub up against it. You're like,
Speaker 2: that's a nice car, and you keep walking. You recognize
Speaker 2: something that is attractive to you, and that's it. So
Speaker 2: I could be walking down the street exactly like you, Laura.
Speaker 2: I one hundred percent can recognize somebody beautiful. But I
Speaker 2: do it with females too. I probably do it with
Speaker 2: females more. I will look at a female on the
Speaker 2: street and I'll be like, holy smokes, she is stunning,
Speaker 2: she is beautiful. I don't want to be touched by her.
Speaker 2: I don't want touch her, I don't want to jump
Speaker 2: her bones. It's purely recognition or something I think is
Speaker 2: aesthetically beautiful to me, subjective, and then I get on
Speaker 2: with my day, don't think about it again.
Speaker 1: So I'm curious about this because obviously, like all of
Speaker 1: these types of attractions live on a spectrum, right, Like,
Speaker 1: there will be some people who you are hugely aesthetically
Speaker 1: attracted to, there will be some people who you're hugely
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to, and then there'll be some people that
Speaker 1: you aren't at all, And everybody lies on some sort
Speaker 1: of spectrum towards that. So I guess the whole idea
Speaker 1: around aesthetic attraction is like how important is that to you?
Speaker 1: Can you be sexually attracted to someone who you're not
Speaker 1: actually physically attracted to? Can you be emotionally attracted to
Speaker 1: someone who you're not physically attracted to? And then this
Speaker 1: kind of links into the whole attraction conversation that we
Speaker 1: had on the very first episode of this where we said, like,
Speaker 1: you know, can you have sex with someone who you
Speaker 1: are not physically attracted to? Yes? Does that physical aesthetic
Speaker 1: attraction grow over time? And we did a really good
Speaker 1: deep dive on that in the first app So we're
Speaker 1: not going to get into that now, but I think
Speaker 1: like it's important to know that when we say that
Speaker 1: there are these different four types of attraction, none of
Speaker 1: them are better than others, none of them are right
Speaker 1: or wrong. It's just that we all show up into
Speaker 1: this world very differently, and we all attach ourselves to
Speaker 1: our partners and fall in love based on very different attributes.
Speaker 1: And the things that I prioritize that make me attracted
Speaker 1: to someone will be very different to the things that
Speaker 1: Britt is attracted to or that you were attracted to.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of like where this all stems from.
Speaker 2: Except when we both dated the same person accidentally, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Attraction was the same. Then I feel like that was
Speaker 1: just aesthetic attraction for both of us, like a wet
Speaker 1: cardboard boy. He was so fucking hot and so boring. Anyway, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get into number four. Number four is emotional attraction.
Speaker 1: I think that this is something that is important to
Speaker 1: a lot of people. Emotional attraction. It is when you
Speaker 1: have a strong and comfortable base with someone where you
Speaker 1: feel safe in sharing who you are, you share similar ideologies,
Speaker 1: you can talk about your belief systems. You can talk
Speaker 1: about your values and your morals. That's where emotional connection
Speaker 1: and emotional attraction comes from.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and appreciating somebody's personality or their morals or something
Speaker 2: else about them that is not just esthetics. Doesn't mean
Speaker 2: you have to have the romantic feelings as well. So
Speaker 2: like you just said, Laura, where you said, I'm interested
Speaker 2: in knowing, like, can you have one without the other? Absolutely,
Speaker 2: you can have all of these if you're lucky enough
Speaker 2: to have all four of these attractions, bing go. But
Speaker 2: it's pretty rare that your partner will tick every single box.
Speaker 2: You could have one of them, you could have two
Speaker 2: of them, you can have three, you can have a
Speaker 2: whole different mix. Now, Rachel Perlstein, she's a license psychotherapist.
Speaker 2: She says, whether it's because of their sense of humor,
Speaker 2: shared interests, or just the way they make you feel
Speaker 2: validated and heard, this emotional attraction really reflects this sometimes
Speaker 2: instatability to relate on a different level and connect to
Speaker 2: feel understood and cared about.
Speaker 1: Now, I cannot tell you.
Speaker 2: I mean, if you know, if you are lucky enough
Speaker 2: to be in that relationship. But there is nothing that
Speaker 2: makes you feel better than feeling seen and heard in
Speaker 2: a relationship Above all else, feeling like you have that
Speaker 2: connection that someone says to you, I get you, I'm
Speaker 2: here for you, I'm listening, I understand you.
Speaker 1: That is so powerful in building a connection, a romantic connection. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's feeling understood, isn't it. I also think that this
Speaker 1: whole idea of emotional attraction really lends itself to soulmate ideology.
Speaker 1: Like if you're someone who's a big believer in having
Speaker 1: multiple soulmates or one soulmate, whatever it is that you believe,
Speaker 1: if you feel a soulmate connection with someone, it's because
Speaker 1: you have extremely high emotional attraction and connection to that person,
Speaker 1: because that's when you feel understood. And I think feeling
Speaker 1: understood in a relationship, like you said, is one of
Speaker 1: the most important things. Yeah, and it's important to note
Speaker 1: that for some people, but not.
Speaker 2: Everyone, experiencing sexual attraction doesn't happen without emotional attraction. Some
Speaker 2: people just will not be able to have that sexual
Speaker 2: attraction if there's no other connection there. Some people can
Speaker 2: go and have the sexual attraction without anything else there.
Speaker 1: That is so fine.
Speaker 2: There is no right or wrong, but there is definitely
Speaker 2: a whole realm of people that need to feel that connection.
Speaker 2: They need to feel seen and heard before they can
Speaker 2: have a sexual relationship.
Speaker 1: There is also another subset to this as well. Once again,
Speaker 1: people sit on a spectrum to this, but it's this
Speaker 1: idea of intellectual attraction. You know, you might be incredibly
Speaker 1: intellectually attracted to someone because their opinions and their political
Speaker 1: views and how they see the world. Their philosophies really
Speaker 1: challenge your perspective and make you feel smart. Basically, it
Speaker 1: make you feel like you are a better person by
Speaker 1: being around them. When we were doing our research into this,
Speaker 1: intellectual attraction can sometimes be separated out as like a
Speaker 1: fifth form of attraction, but it really does kind of
Speaker 1: interconnect into this whole emotional attraction. Well, that is literally
Speaker 1: the perfect segue, Laura, because I want to talk about
Speaker 1: the different types of seexualities that can impact attraction. Alongside
Speaker 1: the traditional orientations of homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality. We're going to
Speaker 1: look at a few of those and how they relate
Speaker 1: to emotional and physical attraction. But in regards to what
Speaker 1: you were just saying, let's start with attraction to intelligence
Speaker 1: because that's what you were just talking about. It has
Speaker 1: a name, it is sapio sexual or sapio sexuality, and
Speaker 1: that is literally, when you have an attraction to intelligence,
Speaker 1: you one hundred percenty to be with someone that is
Speaker 1: on an intellectual level. For you to have any other
Speaker 1: sort of relationship, there is a big difference with just
Speaker 1: wanting to be with somebody smart. So one of us saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm attracted to intelligence. We're all attracted to a level
Speaker 1: of intelligence. What differentiates us from a sapio sexual is
Speaker 1: that they cannot have an attraction to somebody that isn't
Speaker 1: on the intellectual level. Yeah. Absolutely, I think that that's
Speaker 1: like the big defining factor. And like we'll get into
Speaker 1: that in regards to like when we talk about like
Speaker 1: we did with Billy asexuality, when we talk about demisexuality.
Speaker 1: These terms are coined for people who sit on the
Speaker 1: extreme end of the spectrum, which is attraction. You know,
Speaker 1: for somebody who can only have a sexual or romantic
Speaker 1: relationship with someone because they find them intelligent. That is
Speaker 1: somebody who may be more inclined to identify as being
Speaker 1: sapio sexual. For somebody who is sapio sexual, all of
Speaker 1: those other types of attraction I eat, sexual, romantic, and
Speaker 1: esthetic grow and develop purely because they had that intellectual
Speaker 1: connection and that intellectual attraction. So that's what I think
Speaker 1: is like the thing that separates and sets them apart.
Speaker 1: The next one that we wanted to unpack is something
Speaker 1: that maybe some of you heard of it, maybe you haven't.
Speaker 1: It's called demi sexual. So demisexual is somebody who experiences
Speaker 1: sexual attraction only when they feel a true emotional bond
Speaker 1: with another person. And this is what I guess what
Speaker 1: we were just kind of touched on a little bit
Speaker 1: with the last part as well, this idea of feeling
Speaker 1: that real soulmate connection. Someone who's demisexual would probably be
Speaker 1: opposed to having one night stance. They're probably not going
Speaker 1: to be someone who's out there being like, oh, I
Speaker 1: want to jump that person's bones, because for them, and
Speaker 1: for somebody who truly identivies as being demisexual, they need
Speaker 1: to develop a really strong emotional bond to be able
Speaker 1: to have the other facets of attraction to grow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and this is.
Speaker 2: Really interesting to look at because there are a lot
Speaker 2: of us who won't develop that strong emotional bond until
Speaker 2: we've had the physicality. So I don't know about you,
Speaker 2: but think of how much closer for me, I feel
Speaker 2: closer to somebody once I've had a physical relationship with them.
Speaker 2: That's how it comes for me. Like, you know, is
Speaker 2: it the chicken or the egg? That's the question for me.
Speaker 2: Once I start to have some physicality with somebody, I
Speaker 2: definitely feel a bond, where for a demisexual, they can't
Speaker 2: have the physical relationship until they've got the bond.
Speaker 1: It's so actually when you say that, I'm like, oh no, well,
Speaker 1: Matt and I we never had sex before we were
Speaker 1: like fully committed to each other because obviously, like on
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, we weren't able to but the attraction was
Speaker 1: still there, the sexual attraction still existed. And what demisexual
Speaker 1: means is that there is zero sexual attraction until the
Speaker 1: emotional bond is formed. So maybe like the perfect situation
Speaker 1: for this would be falling in love with a friend,
Speaker 1: you know, falling in love with somebody who you've already
Speaker 1: managed to build that connection with and build the history
Speaker 1: and the stories, and then that's where the love grows from.
Speaker 2: The last one we wanted to touch on is pan sexual.
Speaker 2: Now we did have someone amazing lined up that we
Speaker 2: were going to speak to all about pan sexuality what
Speaker 2: that looks like for them, but unfortunately they were ill
Speaker 2: and had to cancel at the very last minute, so
Speaker 2: we weren't able to have them on the podcast. But
Speaker 2: pan sexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people, anyone,
Speaker 2: regardless of their sex or gender.
Speaker 1: It's across the board. You are attracted to somebody because
Speaker 1: you're attracted to them. It's gender blind. Gender is completely
Speaker 1: irrelevant to pan sexuality. Pen Sexuality is based on the
Speaker 1: essence of that person, not on their genitalia or who
Speaker 1: they identify as. That's completely irrelevant from those that we've
Speaker 1: spoken to who are pan sexual. The one identifying factor
Speaker 1: for this as well is that esthetic attraction isn't necessarily
Speaker 1: something that sits in the highest forms of priority when
Speaker 1: it comes to attraction, because gender and sex are not
Speaker 1: determining factors. And why we wanted to unpack these types
Speaker 1: of attractions and how they interconnect to different types of
Speaker 1: sexualities is because things like pan sexuality, demisexuality, sapo sexuality, asexuality,
Speaker 1: a romantic all of the above, they get very little
Speaker 1: airtime in this conversation and when we say LGBTQI plus,
Speaker 1: this is the plus. And I think what really struck
Speaker 1: us when we had this conversation with Billy is that
Speaker 1: there are so many people who don't feel visibility, and
Speaker 1: when there's a lack of visibility, there's this feeling of like, well,
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? I don't kind of fit into
Speaker 1: any category. Not that fitting into a category is the
Speaker 1: most important thing, but I think sometimes having an awareness
Speaker 1: around the fact that we all view attractions, that we
Speaker 1: all can like form relationships and prioritize different things is
Speaker 1: really important. And then on top of that, it doesn't
Speaker 1: invalidate the relationship, and it's important for us to be
Speaker 1: accepting of the full spectrum of how people show up
Speaker 1: in their relationships.
Speaker 2: I learned so much from my conversation with Billy. I
Speaker 2: learned so much from our research, and I really really
Speaker 2: hope that you guys took something from this episode today
Speaker 2: and you can relate it back to your own situation,
Speaker 2: your own relationships, maybe how you look at other people,
Speaker 2: maybe how you see other people, and maybe how you
Speaker 2: look at your past relationships.
Speaker 1: Honestly, this was just like opening a can of worms
Speaker 1: for me. And on top of that, as well, like
Speaker 1: this idea of looking into other people's relationships but without judgment.
Speaker 1: You know, what's important to us isn't necessarily important to
Speaker 1: other people. They think the last thing for me. And
Speaker 1: what I learned about this whole attraction conversation is that
Speaker 1: sometimes it's important to dissect why you're attracted to someone,
Speaker 1: to also dissect whether they are a good life partner
Speaker 1: and a good choice because they're probably not. A sman.
Speaker 1: Mountain was definitely not a good choice. I mean, he
Speaker 1: was for a fun time, but he wasn't even good
Speaker 1: for a fun time, That's right. I hope you enjoyed
Speaker 1: the episode, but you know we don't finish without our
Speaker 1: suck and our sweet our highlight now lowlight the best
Speaker 1: and the worst thing to happen to us this week, Laura,
Speaker 1: do you want to kick it off with your suck?
Speaker 1: You haven't thought about it. I haven't thought about it.
Speaker 1: What was my suck?
Speaker 3: Fuck?
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, you know my suck was suck. Was sitting
Speaker 1: in a four hour traffic jam coming back from Jirowa
Speaker 1: last week. And I know I complained about it on
Speaker 1: batchun Cup, but I'm gonna complain again. I love that
Speaker 1: so much. It was so bad with two kids in
Speaker 1: the car screaming. Honestly, we got to Mount Oosley. If
Speaker 1: you're from Wollongong, you know what that is. Nutt Ousley
Speaker 1: is like the one road out of Woollongong to get
Speaker 1: to Sydney. You can then drive to Bulair Pass if
Speaker 1: you want to. I'm gonna give you guys a bit
Speaker 1: of a geography lesson. Anyway, it was bumper to bumper
Speaker 1: from Woollongong all the way to the top of Blair Pass,
Speaker 1: and by the end of it, I was like, really
Speaker 1: reconsidering my life choices around wanting to have a sad child.
Speaker 2: You were like, maybe I should have just camped in
Speaker 2: my lounge room as opposed to driving ten hours away
Speaker 2: for a three hour away weekend.
Speaker 1: It was honestly, like, I know, like every time you
Speaker 1: go traveling with children, you think you've got great ambitions
Speaker 1: around creating memories, but really it's just very stressful, that's all.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm realizing. It's got this recurrent theme that
Speaker 1: traveling with children is stressful. What's your sweet, my sweetest radio.
Speaker 2: I mean, it totally stole my sweet We can have
Speaker 2: the same I know, we definitely have the same week
Speaker 2: this week.
Speaker 1: And also I have been so loving you guys have
Speaker 1: been sending me screenshots or both of us screenshots of
Speaker 1: everyone who's been voting for the People's Choice or listen
Speaker 1: to Choice Awards for the Australian Podcast. So if you
Speaker 1: haven't voted yet for the Australian Podcast Awards for Life
Speaker 1: on cart this is like your friendly reminder, please go
Speaker 1: and do it. But honestly, every single person who has
Speaker 1: sent me a screenshot told me that they're voted. I
Speaker 1: am so so grateful. I here my suck o. No,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm also grateful, but I didn't want to
Speaker 1: reiterate what you just said. My suck is one hundred
Speaker 1: percent the Daily Mail saying that my butt jeans.
Speaker 2: Saying that Jordan was disgusted by my sinki Bartleg Okay,
Speaker 2: the hat's off to you, Daily Mail. You really outdid
Speaker 2: yourself on how does it.
Speaker 1: Feel to be on the other side of the bad article?
Speaker 1: Because usually you laugh at me or you're like, oh
Speaker 1: that sucks my bad articles.
Speaker 2: Look, I do get the bad articles, but I don't
Speaker 2: get them to the level you have. I've probably had
Speaker 2: one that's up there.
Speaker 1: I reckon, This takes a cake. This is worse than
Speaker 1: your pinky and the sinky. This is one hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty thousand, frank combining. They've taken like one time in
Speaker 1: Peter my sentence, put it to another, moved it around,
Speaker 1: did a shimmy, and then they've got this headline and like,
Speaker 1: fuck you you are forgetting. You were forgetting the article
Speaker 1: that came out, which was Laura's weird sex confession, how
Speaker 1: I talked about my boyfriend pissing on me, which didn't happen.
Speaker 1: Everyone I talked about something that happened that was non consensual,
Speaker 1: and Daily Mail made it sound like, yeah, that was bad,
Speaker 1: I wanted it, which is wrong on so many levels
Speaker 1: that we're not even going to get into it because
Speaker 1: that's an episode in itself, unpacking how women are portrayed
Speaker 1: in the media. Yes, because I also said a lot
Speaker 1: of other cute nicknames. But they didn't take that and
Speaker 1: put that in the headline. They didn't say Jordan calls
Speaker 1: Britney CUTI butt. They didn't take that. They just didn't
Speaker 1: just didn't keep it. So what my suite for the
Speaker 1: week is obviously.
Speaker 2: The radio again, like we are just we cannot tell
Speaker 2: you how schuffs we are to be able to take
Speaker 2: this to another platform. And don't worry, we are still
Speaker 2: bringing you the Tuesday and Thursday episodes. We're even going
Speaker 2: to slot in the radio segment into our pod past library,
Speaker 2: so you will get those episodes too if you want to.
Speaker 1: Listen or if you miss them on the radio. But
Speaker 1: also we'd like you to listen to the radio live
Speaker 1: so that we have good ratings, because like that's important.
Speaker 1: We really need good ratings in the first six months team,
Speaker 1: So if everyone can tune in, even if you don't,
Speaker 1: just have it on your computer streaming in the background. Anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: that is it from me and stinky butt over here,
Speaker 1: and well I keep thinking of stinky pay next week.
Speaker 1: If you haven't left a review on Apple Podcast, jump on,
Speaker 1: Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your sister, your brother,
Speaker 1: and everyone in your life and share a love because
Speaker 1: we love al