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Speaker 1: It's their Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: wants answers.

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Speaker 1: Now, Oh my goodness. One month, one month until Christmas Day.

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Speaker 1: The clock is ticking, The countdown is on. Kids are

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Speaker 1: starting to get that itchy. I don't want to be

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Speaker 1: at school anymore. It's getting hot. Things happening and everywhere

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Speaker 1: you go from a shop's point of view, the signs

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Speaker 1: are up, the decorations are out, Christmas countdown is on. Kylie,

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Speaker 1: you on at the top of the podcast today you

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Speaker 1: wanted to kick things off. There's something on your mind.

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Speaker 2: Well, you said that this is the most wonderful time

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Speaker 2: of the year. But I have a feeling that there

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Speaker 2: are going to be mums across the country. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to say across the world, right that wake up on

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Speaker 2: Christmas Day and feel a little bit discouraged and a

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Speaker 2: little bit despondent.

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Speaker 1: It's this because the kids haven't made them breakfast in bed.

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Speaker 1: This is where this is going. You're getting in a

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Speaker 1: month earlier and saying kids make brecky.

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Speaker 2: Kids can definitely step up, but this is not actually

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Speaker 2: about the kids. I think that partners, husbands, dads.

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Speaker 1: This is a dad bash this.

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Speaker 2: No, it's not say that.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, sounded like that's where you're going.

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Speaker 2: I came across an article the other day and it

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Speaker 2: really resonated with me, and I felt like this was

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Speaker 2: something we needed to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Well, sorry, now I'm feeling targeted. We need to talk

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Speaker 1: about this. We need to decided that the podcast is

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Speaker 1: the right place to have this conversation with me.

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Speaker 2: Great, the title is not enough men are buying the

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Speaker 2: women in their lives Christmas present.

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Speaker 1: Oh now I'm feeling a hang on a second, No,

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Speaker 1: I'm not feeling targeted. I okay, here's how it's been

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Speaker 1: in our home.

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Speaker 2: I feel a justification coming on.

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Speaker 1: When we first got married, I was extremely good. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what happened in the middle there, but a

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Speaker 1: few years ago I looked under the tree and saw

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Speaker 1: that all of the presents had been wrapped by you.

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Speaker 1: And then I realized that all the presents had been

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Speaker 1: purchased by you. I mean I hadn't bought anything I

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Speaker 1: and so maybe it was Christmas Eve and I went

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Speaker 1: down to the shops and I just I pulled out

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Speaker 1: the credit card and I thought, I'm spending. I'm just

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Speaker 1: and I bought everyone stuff, So there was genuinely there was.

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Speaker 1: There was the Christmas presence that I was surprised to

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Speaker 1: see everybody open that were from you and I, And

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Speaker 1: then there were the Christmas presents that I bought everybody,

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Speaker 1: and I spoiled you as well. So I'm not quite

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Speaker 1: sure where this is coming from, because I've been doing

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Speaker 1: this for the last few years. I've been extraordin good.

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Speaker 1: How long have we been married, I've been doing this

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Speaker 1: for a long time and I've been very, very good.

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Speaker 1: I've been and I'm feeling targeted. Is this Is this

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Speaker 1: a hint for me? Or is this more of a

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Speaker 1: general This is a public service announcement.

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Speaker 2: This is a public service As a handful of years ago,

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Speaker 2: I did have a dummy spit because I have spent

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Speaker 2: the majority of our time together as a family organizing

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Speaker 2: all of the contents that go into Christmas stockings.

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Speaker 1: I have a hypothesis. I have a hypothesis. Maybe I'm

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Speaker 1: not like most men, but I don't care about gifts.

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Speaker 1: I'm not interested in gifts.

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Speaker 2: I think that you would be the same as as

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Speaker 2: a lot.

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Speaker 1: So because gifts, because gifts aren't important to me. I'm

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Speaker 1: kind of the mindset that they mustn't be important to

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Speaker 1: anybody else either.

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Speaker 2: Okay, let me ask you this question. When you wake

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Speaker 2: up on Christmas morning, do you not feel the magic

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Speaker 2: in the room as the kids open their presence?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, I mean it's great fun, it's great. But

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Speaker 1: I'm not interested in opening any myself.

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Speaker 2: I understand that. But you recognize and see the joy

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Speaker 2: and the magic that's created from a thoughtful gift.

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Speaker 1: Which is why for the last several years I have

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Speaker 1: been going and blowing the budget on Christmas, like literally

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Speaker 1: you have, and then.

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Speaker 2: I've had to pick up the pieces with the budget

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Speaker 2: at the other end.

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Speaker 1: But that's a whole nother story. I really am in it.

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Speaker 2: I've been thinking about it in the early days. It

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Speaker 2: didn't actually bother me. We only obviously our family grew

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Speaker 2: one child at a time.

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Speaker 1: And we were impoverished as well, like we had we

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Speaker 1: had such little money for such a long time, and I.

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Speaker 2: Worked out a really good way to fill the stocking

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Speaker 2: up very easily. Yes, one large which mango filled the toe,

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Speaker 2: and a bottle of ginger beer, which was a really

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Speaker 2: big treat for our kids at that stage of our marriage.

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Speaker 1: Them normally no filled up the leg yeah.

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Speaker 2: Of it. So they got a few extra little treats

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Speaker 2: and maybe a squirty yogurt or something so that they

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Speaker 2: had something nutritious in.

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Speaker 1: Them for practice. Because we would try to stay in

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Speaker 1: bed on Christmas morning, the kids would pull out their

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Speaker 1: mango and the ginger beer and the yo breakfast.

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Speaker 2: So in the early days it didn't really matter.

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Speaker 1: That was the tradition.

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Speaker 2: But as the kids have gotten older, obviously teenagers, we're

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Speaker 2: talking makeup, skin care, hair products. Sometimes those stockings cost

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Speaker 2: more than the actual gifts that they get because you

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Speaker 2: can actually fit a lot of that stuff when you're

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Speaker 2: talking about makeup and skincare.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, in the stocking.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, to fill it to overflowing.

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Speaker 1: And what's also happened is as we've become a little

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Speaker 1: bit healthier as a family, that could have said not

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Speaker 1: that interested in ginger beer anymore. And so the mango

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Speaker 1: still fills the toe of the stocking, but got to

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Speaker 1: fill the whole stocking with all the other stuff. And

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Speaker 1: it's expensive, And because.

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Speaker 2: It is expensive, my stocking hasn't had very much in

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Speaker 2: it because it's an afterthought. For me, It's like, what

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Speaker 2: can I pull out of the cupboard that I haven't

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Speaker 2: used yet to stick in this stock.

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Speaker 1: And now I know why this podcast is happening, because

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Speaker 1: even when I go on by gifts, it's just occurred

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Speaker 1: to me, as you've said this, I don't think i've

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Speaker 1: ever in twenty we're up to twenty six, twenty seven

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Speaker 1: years of marriage. Now, I don't think I've ever put

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Speaker 1: anything in your stocking in that many years. I bought

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Speaker 1: you really nice gifts, but you have a stocking on

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Speaker 1: Christmas Day every year, and I watch you open and

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Speaker 1: I think, oh, look at you spoiling yourself. Look at

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Speaker 1: all these nice things that you've bought for you. But

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Speaker 1: you're suggesting I'm getting kick in the pants, aren't I've

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Speaker 1: never put anything in yet.

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Speaker 2: Well, this wasn't actually about you and I, but I'm

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Speaker 2: grateful that there's some thought going on here for you.

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Speaker 1: Do you know the other thing, though, as a dad

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Speaker 1: not interested in gifts for me full stop in a story,

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Speaker 1: just don't care. My ideal gift is fun and laughter

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Speaker 1: and hugs and tickles and playing in the pool or

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Speaker 1: playing at the beach or playing in the park, and

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Speaker 1: good food. And my ideal is a letter from the

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Speaker 1: kids saying hey, Dad, here's what I loved about this

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Speaker 1: year with you. Here are my highlights from the year

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Speaker 1: with you, or even better, a little mini Colson symposium

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Speaker 1: where the kids tell me these are the things that

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Speaker 1: I love you.

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Speaker 2: Don't have to wait to you on your death before

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Speaker 2: that happens.

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Speaker 1: That's desperate for a symposium. I've been asking for it

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Speaker 1: for about five years.

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Speaker 2: So here's the thing. I don't think mums out there

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Speaker 2: in general are expecting lavish gifts for the most part.

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Speaker 2: That's not what we're saying.

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Speaker 1: No, But I think what you are saying is it'd

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Speaker 1: be nice if we didn't have to buy our own gifts.

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Speaker 1: It'd be nice to be thought of.

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Speaker 2: We just want to be thought of. And I would

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Speaker 2: hands down, absolutely full, head over heels for you all

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Speaker 2: over again if I got a beautiful letter that just

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Speaker 2: told me all the reasons why you still love me.

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Speaker 1: Making a note right now to Kylie.

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Speaker 2: But again, you're not a stuff's person, so don't do stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, that's not how you share your love

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Speaker 2: with me.

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Speaker 1: But I could write a letter or a card and

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Speaker 1: stick it in the stocking with all the stuff that

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Speaker 1: you've bought.

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Speaker 2: Yourself with a great big foucher to my days or

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Speaker 2: even a holiday. I could do a holiday right. So

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Speaker 2: what I'm saying is it doesn't have to be stuff.

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Speaker 2: I think that in general, we just want to know

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Speaker 2: that we're thought of, that we're not last minute, that

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Speaker 2: we haven't just been picked up from the local IgA

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Speaker 2: on Christmas Eve because we haven't got anything, or an

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Speaker 2: excuse the next morning we didn't get time.

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Speaker 1: Is the half price chocolate, Tobla wrote from Aisle four

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Speaker 1: him Woolies, Happy Christmas.

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Speaker 2: But the reason this actually came to the forefront was

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Speaker 2: an article I was reading a teenager's revelation about Christmas

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Speaker 2: has revealed a depressing trend that only affects women during

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Speaker 2: the festive season, and that the post literally said, I

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Speaker 2: just learned it that my mother fills her own stocking

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Speaker 2: on Christmas Eve. I didn't believe that like Santa did

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Speaker 2: it or whatever people came up with, but I did

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Speaker 2: believe in my father. For the longest time, I thought

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Speaker 2: my dad could care enough to do that simple thing

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Speaker 2: for her. But he can't. She does it all on

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Speaker 2: her own. His post has gone viral and the messages

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Speaker 2: that are coming up is just the acknowledgment I've been

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Speaker 2: married for twenty six years. My husband's never brought me

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Speaker 2: a present.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, that's not me, Okay, I'm talking about it.

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Speaker 1: Sounds of how I'm feeling targeted again. So this is

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Speaker 1: a kick in the pants, but a kind hearted reminder

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Speaker 1: every dad, you've got one month, go and buy some

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Speaker 1: stuff for the stocking and be involved in the gift

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Speaker 1: giving so that you're not as surprised as the kids

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Speaker 1: when you discover what everyone's getting for Christmas. That's what

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Speaker 1: I'm really hearing. Yeah at the baseball Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Another post said that while their mum was always in

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Speaker 2: charge of filling everyone else's stockings in her family, hers

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Speaker 2: was always and I think for me again, like I said,

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Speaker 2: this isn't it's not about It's not about the stuff.

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Speaker 2: But I remember in the early days, I absolutely loved

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Speaker 2: doing all that Christmas entailed. It wasn't until our children

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Speaker 2: started earning their own money and I started watching them

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Speaker 2: spend that money on everyone else but me. And again,

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Speaker 2: it's not about the stuff. It was the fact that

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Speaker 2: I was literally not even thought.

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Speaker 1: Of, not on the list. All their friends are getting

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Speaker 1: a whole lot of stuff there. Yeah, so we need

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Speaker 1: to play this podcast for our kids when this is

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Speaker 1: an important one for them, because kids do tend to

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Speaker 1: overlook and take for granted their parents. Mind you, that

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Speaker 1: is the nature of our relationship, isn't it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: kids will never be able to repay us, and we

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Speaker 1: don't ask them to, but it is nice to be

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Speaker 1: thought of, especially one days like your birthday, on Mother's Day.

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Speaker 1: A letter, just a letter. Yeah, I'm going to argue

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Speaker 1: that there are three other things that make a little

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Speaker 1: bit tricky, especially at this time of the year, and

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Speaker 1: especially after what we've been through over the last couple

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Speaker 1: of years. I think money, money, and budgets, and I'm

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Speaker 1: so glad that you've high lot of things like the latter.

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Speaker 1: I'm just going to put another thing, like my idea

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Speaker 1: of a symposium for me. I would love to sit

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Speaker 1: in the living room and just hear the kids stand

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Speaker 1: up and give it two minute presentation. They can use PowerPoint,

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Speaker 1: plug into the TV, the laptop or whatever, and say

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Speaker 1: here's the stuff that I learned this year, or here's

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Speaker 1: what I absorbed as being part of this family, Here's

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Speaker 1: how I've grown this year. To me, that's just a

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Speaker 1: marvelous gift to see the kids grow and share. That

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Speaker 1: another thing that is a bit of a challenge. Increasingly,

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Speaker 1: at least I'm seeing this in my extended family. There's

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Speaker 1: a willingness to give gifts back, like literally this willingness

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Speaker 1: to say, yeah, no, I don't really want that. Do

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Speaker 1: you want to just take it home with you again?

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Speaker 1: I don't even want to take it back to my house.

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Speaker 1: I've seen a couple of people's gifts get rejected in

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Speaker 1: that way. That's I would call that kind of Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's just my family, but maybe that's a bit harsh.

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Speaker 1: And the last one that I'm going to mention is

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Speaker 1: on top of the cost of living in the fact

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Speaker 1: that you could get it wrong and feel rejected. It's

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Speaker 1: just that sense of overwhelm, like there is so much materialism,

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Speaker 1: there is so much going on. I found it interesting

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Speaker 1: that Wolworths said, I know we're not going to do

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Speaker 1: Australia they paraphernalia anymore because it's bad for the environment,

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Speaker 1: but they're happy to do it for Halloween. I feel

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Speaker 1: like there's just misplaced priorities there. But regardless, there is

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Speaker 1: a lot of paraphernalia. There is a lot of junk,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of wastage that goes on there, and

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Speaker 1: I know the lot of people are trying to be

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Speaker 1: much better with that sort of stuff, So probably worth

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Speaker 1: just highlighting that. I'm an ambassador for the giving machines.

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Speaker 1: They've got them in Circular Key, and they've got them

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Speaker 1: in a bunch of places in Brisbane and Sydney. I

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Speaker 1: think they've got them in Melbourne as well. I can't

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Speaker 1: quite remember. These giving machines where you can donate, and

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Speaker 1: all the money that you donate through these giving machines

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Speaker 1: goes to Australian charities.

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Speaker 2: So it's like a vending machine and you just pick. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you're like a six exactly, and a six gives a

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Speaker 2: goat to a family.

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Speaker 1: In well no, no, no, because it's all Australian, so

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Speaker 1: there's no goats. It's all literally Australian charities, and people

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Speaker 1: in Australian charities aren't handing out goats. But it's school supplies,

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Speaker 1: or it's supporting underprivileged families or in digit as families,

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Speaker 1: or it's supporting domestic violence survivors or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: I think that's pretty cool stuff as well. You stick

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Speaker 1: that in a card and say hey, I know that

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Speaker 1: things are a bit tight and you don't really love stuff.

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Speaker 1: But as I was thinking about how much I love

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Speaker 1: you and how much I know that you love to

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Speaker 1: make a difference in the world, I thought this would

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Speaker 1: be something that I could put some money towards and

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Speaker 1: you could feel good knowing that I thought of you

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Speaker 1: as I did it. I don't know if that works

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Speaker 1: or not for some people, but to me that works.

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Speaker 1: That's a nice idea as well. So they're the giving machines.

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Speaker 1: You can just google giving machines, and I think it's

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Speaker 1: like the world Like the World with a giving machine

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Speaker 1: is the name of the campaign.

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Speaker 2: I think another thing, if we're going to talk about

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Speaker 2: this and the whole idea of giving, I think that

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Speaker 2: mums across the world would love it if their significant

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Speaker 2: other sat down with them and said, how are we

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Speaker 2: going to work Christmas this year? The conversations you and

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Speaker 2: I have as we sit down and we talk about

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Speaker 2: each of the kids and their specific needs and wants,

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Speaker 2: it makes such a difference to me when you share

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Speaker 2: the cognitive load of making those decisions. That's a really

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Speaker 2: important thing. And I think that as you go through

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Speaker 2: that process, you might even suggest at that point that

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Speaker 2: you're wondering what's on your partner's wish.

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Speaker 1: List, like it might help. Yeah, it works works very

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Speaker 1: well for me. So the take home message dad's get

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Speaker 1: your butt into gear. Make sure that there's something that

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Speaker 1: you're sticking into someone's stocking. It will make people feel

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Speaker 1: better if they know that they've been thought of. That's

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Speaker 1: the whole idea of Christmas is it fouts you.

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Speaker 2: To their favorite shop. It takes zero effort on your part.

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Speaker 2: But I can tell you right now that your wife

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Speaker 2: wakes up on Christmas Day and says that she can

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Speaker 2: go to Lorna Jane and buy whatever out that she wants,

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Speaker 2: I'd be pretty happy.

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Speaker 1: She's just putting out their hashtag, notsponts, but I will

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Speaker 1: take that as a clue that that might be what

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Speaker 1: you want. We really hope that there's been some ideas

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Speaker 1: here that are going to help you to have a

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Speaker 1: merrier Christmas. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed that you're able to

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Speaker 1: find a couple of bucks or find a couple of

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Speaker 1: hours to write out some important things and make a

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Speaker 1: difference Christmas. The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin

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Speaker 1: roll On from Bridge Media. If you'd like more info

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Speaker 1: about making your family happier, you'll find it at happy

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Speaker 1: families dot com dot au