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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the time,

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Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers Now.

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Speaker 2: Well, the COVID Lockdown's drag on for New South Wales, Victoria,

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Speaker 2: the Act, New Zealand and if you're in one of

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Speaker 2: those areas, this is the week of COVID podcasts for you.

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Speaker 2: We're doing everything that we can to help get through

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Speaker 2: the challenges. Oh, by the way, if you're not in

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Speaker 2: a lockdown, we really hope that what we're sharing is

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Speaker 2: still useful. We think that it will be because it's

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Speaker 2: about well being, it's about getting through the really hard stuff.

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Speaker 2: Ahead of Mental Health Awareness Month next month, we're kind

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Speaker 2: of getting in early, jumping the gun because frankly, with

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Speaker 2: Victoria going through its ten bajilliant lockdown and Sydney and

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Speaker 2: it's eleventy seventh week of lockdown, it's it's just a

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Speaker 2: tough old time.

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Speaker 1: My name I was about to say I you told

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Speaker 1: everyone who you are.

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Speaker 2: I'm justin you are I'm KYI And we're the parents

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Speaker 2: of six daughters aged grade one through to moved out

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Speaker 2: and married.

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Speaker 3: And this is Happy Family's post cast today.

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Speaker 1: We thought we'd go to the frontline of family life

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Speaker 1: during COVID lockdowns. We've been talking about this a lot

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Speaker 1: lately and we thought that we'd get your ideas on

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Speaker 1: what's been the most challenging, how you've worked through it,

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Speaker 1: and we're really interested to find what the single biggest

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Speaker 1: challenge as a parent has been over the last few

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Speaker 1: years as we've dealt with the pandemic.

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Speaker 4: The single biggest challenge has been motivating my daughter to

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Speaker 4: do her school work. She's in grade one, so for her,

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Speaker 4: she has nothing to rely on. It's just her mum

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Speaker 4: forcing her to do work when she's one room away

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Speaker 4: from Earlo Toys.

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Speaker 5: I have a twenty year old daughter and she has

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Speaker 5: some mental health issues and addiction issues, and it's been

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Speaker 5: super intense to be a parent of someone in that

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Speaker 5: category during COVID, where the intensity of mental health is

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Speaker 5: increased and the ability to actually get proper help has

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Speaker 5: decrea And so that's been a really big mental strain

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Speaker 5: for me as a parent and for my twenty year

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Speaker 5: old daughter who struggles, and that's hard. Mental health is

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Speaker 5: hard for everybody, but if you already have pre existing

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Speaker 5: mental health issues coupled with addiction, it's been quite excruciating

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Speaker 5: to be honest, and that's been really difficult.

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Speaker 6: The biggest challenge has just been managing my own health,

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Speaker 6: my own mental and physical health, and just making sure

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Speaker 6: that I'm fit for my family. And my wife would

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Speaker 6: say the same thing. You know, we're much more aware

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Speaker 6: of what's going on around us and the implications of

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Speaker 6: COVID than our kids, so you know, we just want

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Speaker 6: to be able to deal with the reality but also

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Speaker 6: bring hope to our kids. And that's a bit of

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Speaker 6: a juggle. That's a hard one.

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Speaker 7: Kids look to their parents to kind of go, oh, well,

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Speaker 7: even when things when they don't understand things, they look

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Speaker 7: to mom and dad and go, oh, mum and dad

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Speaker 7: understand And at the moment, as parents, like we don't

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Speaker 7: understand what's going on, we don't have any control of

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Speaker 7: what's going on either, So we're literally all learning this

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Speaker 7: together day by day, trying.

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Speaker 8: To deal with the increased levels of uncertainty almost of

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Speaker 8: trying to manage expectations and keep on reminding them, hey,

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Speaker 8: you know what, everything's going to be okay. When you

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Speaker 8: don't really know what the end of the tunnel looks like, well.

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Speaker 9: It is very hard to get time to work on

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Speaker 9: your marriage and your relationship and have that time with

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Speaker 9: each child that they may need, you know, when they're

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Speaker 9: going through a rough patch.

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Speaker 10: One of the biggest challenges is just feeling like every

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Speaker 10: part of life that sometimes has different elements to it

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Speaker 10: now is all just smashed together in one big spot

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Speaker 10: and there feels no rhyme or reason or way to

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Speaker 10: separate one from the other.

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Speaker 11: Trying to find hope for my kids, trying to find

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Speaker 11: an end to the lockdowns, trying to find an end

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Speaker 11: to their isolation from their friends, and how we move

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Speaker 11: through it and how we get to the end of

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Speaker 11: it and how we get back to the way we

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Speaker 11: were before this all started.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I love hearing these responses.

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Speaker 2: Parents on the WhatsApp group have said time has been

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Speaker 2: the biggest challenge that was from one person another person.

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Speaker 3: Really kind of gets to my heart with this one.

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Speaker 2: The lack of and cancelation of family holidays because they

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Speaker 2: provide that much needed being present together period of time

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Speaker 2: to connect, which is ironically practically impossible at home given

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Speaker 2: the restrictions that we're facing. Isn't it funny we want

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Speaker 2: time for connection and we rely on the holiday and

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Speaker 2: then getting away from the business because even though we're

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Speaker 2: in lockdown situation. So many families are saying, yeah, but

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Speaker 2: this is not quality time. It's so hard to make

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Speaker 2: that quality time and get that right. And more answers

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Speaker 2: that came through just very quickly. Somebody said, biggest challenge

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Speaker 2: for me is making sure that the kids get an education.

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Speaker 2: In fact, that was a really really popular response. Another

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Speaker 2: parents said the same thing home schooling two children simultaneously

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Speaker 2: during lockdowns. Five year old needs constant supervision to get

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Speaker 2: the school work done. At the same time, need to

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Speaker 2: continually motivate my nine year old to stay focused to.

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Speaker 3: Complete their work. Plus you've got all the usual stuff

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Speaker 3: to keep the family taken along, very little downtime for yourself.

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Speaker 1: How difficult has it been to see the impact on

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Speaker 1: socialization with your children.

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Speaker 5: My boys do a lot of gaming, and it's interactive gaming,

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Speaker 5: and so they're doing that with all of their friends.

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Speaker 5: And then my thirteen year old daughter is very social

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Speaker 5: and thirteen year old girls are chatting on all of

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Speaker 5: the platforms of social media and they're doing a lot

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Speaker 5: of face time, a lot of zoom calls, meets and

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Speaker 5: things like that. Socialization is up, But in my original problem,

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Speaker 5: it's all on screen time.

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Speaker 7: You're worried that if they do socialize with their friends,

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Speaker 7: are they going to be at the risk of getting

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Speaker 7: COVID you know, fluck for our kids who are at school,

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Speaker 7: because we're both essential workers. It's a concern for me,

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Speaker 7: you know, some days to think what I don't know

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Speaker 7: who they're mixing with, to know are they safe.

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Speaker 10: One of the hardest things is watching kids experience life

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Speaker 10: in a way that maybe as a kid, you'd hope

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Speaker 10: they not experience.

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Speaker 9: It's actually really difficult. It's pretty heartbreaking to see when

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Speaker 9: you know a party they've been invited to has been canceled,

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Speaker 9: or the numerous school camps that they've missed out on.

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Speaker 9: Socialization such an important part of development. It is just

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Speaker 9: heartbreaking and really hard to see kids struggling with the

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Speaker 9: fact that they're not allowed to do the things that

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Speaker 9: you know naturally, you know, we're born to be social,

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Speaker 9: We're born to you know, be interactive with others. So

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Speaker 9: it really is heartbreaking.

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Speaker 6: As a parent. It's so hard to see that they

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Speaker 6: are not getting the opportunities to play sport, or to

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Speaker 6: go into a classroom with their friends, or go to

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Speaker 6: kids birthday parties. You know, that's a big their childhood

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Speaker 6: that's so different to the one that I had.

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Speaker 11: This is their world now. It's been their world for

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Speaker 11: the last two years. My teenagers especially have really great

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Speaker 11: days where they're up and about and laughing and interacting

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Speaker 11: and having conversations with me, and there are days at

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Speaker 11: a time where they go dark. All I know is

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Speaker 11: that my kids are really a lot more resilient than

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Speaker 11: I gave them credit for, and I think in general

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Speaker 11: they're doing probably a much better job than some adults.

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Speaker 9: That I know.

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Speaker 4: My daughter is very much a little homebody, and we

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Speaker 4: do a lot of zooms with family members, so she

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Speaker 4: hasn't particularly struggled too much. She is such a social butterfly,

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Speaker 4: but because she's young again, she isn't at that age

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Speaker 4: where that pea socialization is everything, say, for example, for teenagers.

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Speaker 4: So for a seven year old, she's been okay, and

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Speaker 4: she's actually coped with that.

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Speaker 1: It really has had such a profound impact on our children.

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Speaker 2: And I think this is why the research evidence that

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Speaker 2: we've talked about all week is so important here. The

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Speaker 2: data say clearly that the more prolonged the lockdown and

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Speaker 2: the more restrictive the guidelines of the government, not the guidelines.

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Speaker 2: The laws around this lockdown are the bigger the impact

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Speaker 2: on connectedness on the WhatsApp group.

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Speaker 3: This is what some parents said.

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Speaker 2: It's been one of the hardest things I've seen my

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Speaker 2: three young children go through.

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Speaker 3: It's just so tough.

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Speaker 2: Another parent said, social aggression. They're still at school, but

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Speaker 2: they're not with their friends, They're not with the usual teacher.

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Speaker 2: There's no sport and training sessions, no social picnics, no playdates.

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Speaker 2: Teamwork is a bit of a thing for them in

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Speaker 2: KINDI is there so egocentric at that age, and I'm

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Speaker 2: seeing more me me me at home than i did before.

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Speaker 2: They were learning about working together with soccer and their

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Speaker 2: kindy class.

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Speaker 3: Interesting, just how hard the social stuff is, right.

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Speaker 1: Every parent just really wants their children to do well.

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Speaker 3: This is hard.

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Speaker 2: Those social relationships right at the heart of well being.

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Speaker 1: Have you found ways to compensate for the lack of

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Speaker 1: in person connections that children are missing from school and

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Speaker 1: a normal daily life.

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Speaker 4: My daughter's school does an online lesson every morning at nine,

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Speaker 4: which goes for quite a while, so she sees all

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Speaker 4: of her classmates on screen. That's why she's enjoyed it

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Speaker 4: and she's been okay with that.

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Speaker 11: I guess you do your best to encourage them to

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Speaker 11: keep up that contact with their friends online. You do

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Speaker 11: your best to get them up in the morning and

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Speaker 11: excited about online learning. You do your best to create

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Speaker 11: zoom calls with other family members, but it's not easy.

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Speaker 5: They really have great interactions, it's just completely on screen time.

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Speaker 5: I think the worst thing for my kids at the

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Speaker 5: age is that they are is actually exercise and outdoor life,

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Speaker 5: but socialization has been supplemented with the online platforms.

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Speaker 9: We're also very blissed to be a part of a

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Speaker 9: really nice little community in our street where the kids

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Speaker 9: will get to play this scooters or bikes or even

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Speaker 9: a bit of volleyball outside the front yard. I feel like,

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Speaker 9: you know, we can't deprive them of everything, and so

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Speaker 9: having that little bubble with neighbors almost like family, a

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Speaker 9: little bit of connection with kids of similar age, has

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Speaker 9: made a difference for our family.

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Speaker 10: I think it's just been finding creative ways to still

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Speaker 10: create that connection and leveraging the digital world that we have.

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Speaker 10: So whether it be watching a movie online together and

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Speaker 10: streaming it over Zoom, or watching it, you know, through

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Speaker 10: like a Disney Watch party or something like that together

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Speaker 10: house party apps and playing games and video chats with

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Speaker 10: friends and family members and neighbors, and it's just trying

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Speaker 10: to find ways to leverage digital assets that gosh, if

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Speaker 10: this pandemic could hit five years ago or ten years ago,

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Speaker 10: we just never could have done.

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Speaker 2: I think that most of the response is a really

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Speaker 2: along the same line. In the WhatsApp group, We've got

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Speaker 2: the same kind of answers there as well. People are

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Speaker 2: pretty much saying, doing whatever we can to get the

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Speaker 2: kids onto technology or having some physical time out and

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Speaker 2: about with their friends, so long as it's keeping with

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Speaker 2: the rules and the laws. That seems to be what

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Speaker 2: most people are saying.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, and today we've gone to

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Speaker 1: the frontline of family life. We're asking you how you

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Speaker 1: are surviving COVID.

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Speaker 2: We ask parents what does a lockdown routine look like

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Speaker 2: in your house. Here's what they said.

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Speaker 4: We wake up. I work from home a lot of

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Speaker 4: the time, so I'm at home working. She wakes up.

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Speaker 4: I get her ready for her online classes. She does

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Speaker 4: her first online class, then she has some BRECKI and

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Speaker 4: she has a little bit of TV or playtime while

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Speaker 4: I finish off my work, I work very early hours,

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Speaker 4: so this actually works for us. I do most of

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Speaker 4: my work when she's actually asleep. In the mornings, she

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Speaker 4: has some time with me to work through the rest

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Speaker 4: of her curriculum, which is pretty heavy for a seven

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Speaker 4: year old. In fact, it take us a few hours.

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Speaker 4: We break for lunch, and then the rest of the

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Speaker 4: day is just free time.

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Speaker 8: I think a lockdown routine looks somewhat similar to normal life,

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Speaker 8: just because each of us as parents are essential workers.

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Speaker 8: So the kids still get sent off to school every

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Speaker 8: single day. So it's still in the morning, it's doing

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Speaker 8: the lunches, getting the school uniforms on, getting everyone up

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Speaker 8: and out the door. Then there are at school during

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Speaker 8: the day. It's only really after school and in the

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Speaker 8: evening that I really feel like things start to look

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Speaker 8: a little bit different because they're not necessarily out and

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Speaker 8: about with their friends or their cousins, and we're not

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Speaker 8: getting ready to head out somewhere and do those kind

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Speaker 8: of things. No after school activities, Yeah, all of the

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Speaker 8: after school extracurricular sports and activities, that's all gone, that's

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Speaker 8: all canceled, So it's just hanging around at home, and

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Speaker 8: I think we feel it more on the weekends too.

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Speaker 11: Well.

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Speaker 5: I'm a divorced mom, single mum, so my children. I

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Speaker 5: think one advantage, if there can never be an advantage

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Speaker 5: of divorce, is variety. So my children go one week

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Speaker 5: with me and then one week with their dad and stepmom,

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Speaker 5: So they have two houses that they're going between on

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Speaker 5: a week's rotation. So I think that's a lockdown routine

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Speaker 5: brings some variety that maybe families in one household don't have.

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Speaker 11: In a nutshell, lockdown routine looks like waking up, working

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Speaker 11: early for myself, finishing work, getting the kids up, getting

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Speaker 11: them online, getting them doing school consistently. Some days are

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Speaker 11: better than others, and then at the end of the day,

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Speaker 11: just wanting to girl up into a ball, have a

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Speaker 11: wine and sleep forever.

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Speaker 2: Research tells us so clearly that routine is so important

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Speaker 2: for children have a sense of stability, a sense of security,

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Speaker 2: a sense of predictability about life. And some families are

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Speaker 2: just nailing this, and other families it's so so difficult

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Speaker 2: with different aged children and so many commitments and parents

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Speaker 2: having to juggle work responsibilities.

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Speaker 3: It's such a tough one.

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Speaker 2: On the WhatsApp group, we had some parents say no,

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Speaker 2: they have not adapted to it at all. They're struggling

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Speaker 2: every single day, and I just I hear that and

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Speaker 2: I think, ouch. Another parents said they haven't. They just haven't.

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Speaker 2: They're in this constant wait till they can go to

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Speaker 2: their friends houses, till they can play sport, they can

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Speaker 2: go to swimming or nippers or playdates at the park,

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Speaker 2: or have some time away from each other. And then

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Speaker 2: they've just said this waiting, waiting, waiting for their friends

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Speaker 2: to come back to school. And six year olds are

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Speaker 2: not great at waiting.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's heartbreaking, but it really is.

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Speaker 2: They're really hard to get to school at the moment.

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Speaker 2: A millionailments each morning, one more extra. One gets super

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Speaker 2: defied and badly behave sometimes aggressive punched his brother this morning,

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Speaker 2: which isn't normal. Every emotion massively heightened reminds me of

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Speaker 2: when those bozos and the Big Brother House would say,

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Speaker 2: you know, everything's just so amplified in here.

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Speaker 3: Love that response.

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Speaker 1: You know, our seven year old has started using a

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Speaker 1: word that I think just encapsulates everything that we're experiencing

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Speaker 1: right now. I'm sick of them being so overprotective of me.

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Speaker 3: It's just like being controlled that's what's really going on here.

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Speaker 1: Unbelievable. Yeah, but it does. It feels like we're being

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Speaker 1: bubble wrapped.

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Speaker 3: Okay, what are you interested in.

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Speaker 1: I'm really interested to know how you keep a positive

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Speaker 1: outlook and how you're projecting that to the rest of

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Speaker 1: the family.

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Speaker 9: It is about trying to stay positive, trying to look

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Speaker 9: at the good and how well the kids are going,

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Speaker 9: you know, telling them that you're proud of them, and

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Speaker 9: you know, finding the positives in their behaviors and attitudes

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Speaker 9: and instead of you know, looking to the negatives and

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Speaker 9: the downsides of things.

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Speaker 4: I am naturally a really positive person, so I am

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Speaker 4: lucky in that way. My daughter is a really cheery,

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Speaker 4: happy little girl. So we're doing really well. I'm a

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Speaker 4: single mum family, and when she's with me, we just

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Speaker 4: make sure we have a lot of fun, lots of laughs,

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Speaker 4: and we just make sure that we've got each other's backs,

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Speaker 4: and I buy her lots of little treats. At the

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Speaker 4: end of the week, she can have a special treat,

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Speaker 4: she can have Chocky's. You know, like at the moment,

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Speaker 4: we're just doing what we've got to do to survive.

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Speaker 11: As a dad, I try my very best to keep

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Speaker 11: up the conversation with my teenage kids, especially maybe once

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Speaker 11: a week I will try and catch them at some

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Speaker 11: point in the day and just get them to open

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Speaker 11: up about where they're at, how they're feeling about lockdown,

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Speaker 11: how they're feeling about their friends, how they're feeling about

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Speaker 11: their online learning. And the most positive thing I can

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Speaker 11: do is to relate to them as a dad, saying that,

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Speaker 11: you know what, if you feel like you're doing it tough,

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Speaker 11: don't worry. Dad's doing it tough sometimes. But also dad's

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Speaker 11: having great days as well. If the weather's great, if

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Speaker 11: you can get out for a walk, if you can

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Speaker 11: eat your favorite food, or what's your favorite show online,

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Speaker 11: and these are little things you can do to keep

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Speaker 11: yourself positive about the day by day stuff.

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Speaker 5: Creating a really fun, spontaneous life outside of the regular

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Speaker 5: remote learning and school timetable is what we're doing to

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Speaker 5: maintain a positive outlook. Fun to me and laughter is everything,

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Speaker 5: and that's what we're doing well.

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Speaker 6: I think one of the big things for us is

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Speaker 6: just being intentional about being thankful and listening and sharing

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Speaker 6: the things that we're thankful for. We've been really disciplined,

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Speaker 6: I guess in having our weekly family meetings and making

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Speaker 6: sure that we start that meeting with the things that

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Speaker 6: we are really grateful for, and that tends to put

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Speaker 6: things in perspective for us adults as the parents, but

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Speaker 6: then that filters down to the kids. You know, nothing's

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Speaker 6: off limits, and we just want to be able to

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Speaker 6: have the conversations with the kids in a way that

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Speaker 6: gives some peace and helps them to know that this

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Speaker 6: thing will end.

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Speaker 1: I think one of the trickiest things as a parent

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Speaker 1: living in this situation right now is being able to

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Speaker 1: find a positive when you're managing all of the other

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Speaker 1: emotions in the home.

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Speaker 2: Can I give my favorite hint here, Yeah, psychological distance

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Speaker 2: create space where you kind of where you think to

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Speaker 2: yourself in ten years time, when we look back on this,

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Speaker 2: what do I want my kids.

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Speaker 3: Memories to be? To me?

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Speaker 2: That's the best way to keep a positive out look,

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Speaker 2: because we want our kids to look back on this

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Speaker 2: lockdown thing and instead of saying, oh, that was the

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Speaker 2: worst period of my life, we want them to look

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Speaker 2: back and say, I just remember how much family time

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Speaker 2: we got, or I just remember how we used to

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Speaker 2: do puzzles or reading every night. I mean, our kids

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Speaker 2: are hopefully going to say, I remember that Dad didn't

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Speaker 2: travel for two years because until COVID hit, I was

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Speaker 2: traveling one hundred and twenty nights a year so I

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Speaker 2: could give talks around the country and I don't travel anymore.

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Speaker 2: I want them to look back and say, this was

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Speaker 2: the time when our family really came together. And I

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Speaker 2: think every family will have something that's unique to them

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Speaker 2: that will allow them to be able to say, Okay,

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Speaker 2: this is how we keep the positive outlook, this is

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Speaker 2: how we focus on this because these are hard times,

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Speaker 2: but they're special times.

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Speaker 3: I love talking to people and saying, what's.

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Speaker 2: The best thing that happened to you in the last year,

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Speaker 2: what's the worst thing that happened to you in the

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Speaker 2: last year, And quite often they'll be the same. And

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Speaker 2: I think the COVID is one of the worst things

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Speaker 2: that could have happened to us, and yet if we

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Speaker 2: have the right mindset, it could be one of the

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Speaker 2: best things that have happened to us.

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Speaker 1: For other families and parents who are going through this

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Speaker 1: incredibly challenging time in lockdown, what is your message to them?

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Speaker 4: I would say to them that they are incredible, They

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Speaker 4: are warriors. We've never been trained for this. We have

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Speaker 4: never been prepared for this, and we've never ever had

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Speaker 4: to deal with this before, and we are doing it.

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Speaker 4: Day by day. We're doing it and that shows how

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Speaker 4: incredibly resilient we are. And I know that through adversity

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Speaker 4: that's when character grows. So I feel like, as tough

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Speaker 4: as this is, all come out of it better, stronger, kinder,

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Speaker 4: more compassionate people, including our children.

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Speaker 5: Change it up, do something different. Keep the boundaries that

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Speaker 5: have to stay, you know, remote learning, clean up your room,

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Speaker 5: you know some of those things that are good disciplines,

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Speaker 5: but throw away the boundaries you have no rhyme or

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Speaker 5: reason for, and have some fun in spontaneous moments.

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Speaker 11: The biggest message I would send to families that are

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Speaker 11: going through this incredibly challenging time during lockdown is to

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Speaker 11: not compare yourself to anyone on social media, to anyone

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Speaker 11: that tells you that they are flying during lockdown.

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Speaker 3: It's great.

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Speaker 11: If people are flying during lockdown, that's great, But if

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Speaker 11: you're not, the last thing you want to do is

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Speaker 11: go online and see how perfect everybody else's life is.

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Speaker 11: The tip is that no one's having a perfect life

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Speaker 11: during lockdown, and if you're struggling, and if you feel

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Speaker 11: like you're failing as a parent, if you feel like

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Speaker 11: you're not up to.

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Speaker 3: Scratch, it's okay. You do it the best that you

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Speaker 3: can do.

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Speaker 9: You don't have to be perfect, you just have to

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Speaker 9: be good enough. But you know, as attuned to them

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Speaker 9: as you can be. Yeah, focus on the positives, find

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Speaker 9: something in your day you can be thankful for, and

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Speaker 9: make the most of the family time you can have

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Speaker 9: with them.

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Speaker 1: There's some really awesome ideas there. And if you can

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Speaker 1: find a way to make an adventure out of this

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Speaker 1: crazy life experience that we find ourselves in, your kids

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Speaker 1: are going to have some amazing memories.

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Speaker 2: Well, we really hope that you've found this podcast helpful

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Speaker 2: if you're going through lockdown situations or even.

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Speaker 3: If your family's just in a little bit of an

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Speaker 3: upheaval at the moment.

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Speaker 2: Some really nice ideas, some words of wisdom, and hopefully

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Speaker 2: some wonderfully encouraging thoughts and ideas for you. The Happy

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Speaker 2: Families podcast is produced so expertly by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media Jr. We appreciate the enormous amount of work

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Speaker 2: that you do to make the podcast sound great.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and Craig, as always,

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Speaker 2: we thank you for your ideas and the long, long

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00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 2: conversations that we have as we try to refine how

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00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 2: to make this podcast sound great for those.

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Speaker 3: Time poor parents who just want answers Now.

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Speaker 2: If you would like more answers, more premium content, more

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Speaker 2: opportunities to make your family happier, we recommend that you

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Speaker 2: take a look at happy families dot com dot you,

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Speaker 2: but especially have a look at the Happy Families memberships,

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